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#oh hell nah spongebob
dilfl0v3rss · 10 months
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Gonna drop this here before I completely disconnect from the outside world.
What aboutttt bestie Sasha introducing you and drugDealer!Ony at a party, only to find out y’all already know each other very, very well.
me and you like this fr🤞🏽 we share a brain. you are me and i am you. i love you twin😩 we gon use shy!reader for this one bc regular reader would’ve been made it known that he was her man😭
“girl let’s goooo. you wont die if you just lived a little.” your roommate sasha sighed as she watched you look yourself over for the third time. “i don’t know sash. it’s a little short for me” fingers toying with the fabric of the short skirt as you looked at your unrecognizable reflection.
you weren’t really the type to wear this kind of stuff. going for a calmer, more covered up look rather than the cute skimpy outfits sasha would wear. but since this was your first party your roomate insisted you borrow some of her clothes. “girl you look sexy as fuck. if i wasn’t with connie i’d definitely hit that.”
sasha light tapped your ass before turning on her heals and leaving your room. “i’ll be in the car bitch. don’t take all night in here staring at yourself.” you sighed before picking up your purse and following her. as soon as the two of you walked in the door the smell of weed and alcohol hit you, making your scrunch up your face as you fanned your hands in the air to clear the smoke.
“no need to be doing allat girl. i’m getting you high tonight anyways.” sasha giggled as she watched your eyes widen. the two of you walked deeper into the party, eventually stopping in the kitchen for some drinks. you settled for a small cup of casamigos while sasha grabbed a couple shots of fireball.
you didn’t get the chance to take a sip of your drink before sasha began pulling you towards the backyard. “we gotta go cop some weed before we start.” you gave her a puzzled look. “connie’s not here so where you gon get it from?” your question was immediately answered when the two of you stopped in front of a man leaning on the wall.
he was tall, about 6’3 wearing his sweatpants sagging a little under his briefs. his black tee fit snug, stretching a little as his arms flexed while he was lighting the blunt in his mouth. “ony ony onyyyy.” sasha yelled as she gave the guy a side hug. “yoo sash. what you need?”
ony gave you a calm glance, eyeing you as he took a long hit from the blunt. sasha took his expression as confusion, explaining the situation to prevent any confusion. “oh!! ony this is my best friend and roommate y/nnn!!” she turned towards you, laying her hand on your shoulder to give ony an introduction as well. “y/n this is onyankopon. connie’s bestest friend and my backup plug.”
ony chuckled as he held his heart. “damn that’s all i am?” sasha sighed loudly before correcting herself. “and he’s my friend” his large hand outstretched, waiting for you to shake it. your hand slowly connected with his, looking away shyly as his deep voice rang through your ears. “nice t’meet you sweetheart. what y’all ladies lookin for tonight.”
sasha opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off by the sound of her phone ringing. “hello?….the fuck you mean?….ughhh okay….okayyy i hear you damn.” you and ony looked at her in confusion. “uhhh we gotta go. connie stupid ass left his gun in my trunk and he needs it now.” sasha rolled her eyes as she put the fireballs on the nearby chair.
you honestly didn’t wanna go to connie’s, knowing damn well the two of them was gon end up arguing then fucking mad loud upstairs while you sat on the couch watching spongebob. ony could tell you didn’t want to go by looking at your face offering to take you home instead. “i can take her. if you okay wit that” sasha immediately shook her head. “hell nah she don’t know you like that. ian gon do that to my girl.”
ony shook his head as he watched you stand there with your hands behind your back, swaying from side to side as you quietly watched the two of them go back and forth. “sash i know how y’all be getting and i know she don’t feel like sitting in the living room while you get your back blown out by my brother.” a giggle flew out of your lips as sasha gasped in shock. “oh my goddd y’all be hearing usss??”
the two of you nodded your head before sasha looked away in embarrassment. “you okay wit going wit this bum?” brown eyes looking him up and down before a small smile crept on your lips. “i don’t mind as long as you don’t drive fast.” ony’s lips twitched into a smirk. gold grills peeking at you before he replied. “i’ll drive at whatever pace you want.”
“oohhhh my godddd faster daddyyy.” you moaned as ony pounded into you. hand lying flat on your back as you drooled all over his seats. strings of your arousal kept the two of you connected as you started fucking yourself back onto his dick. “that’s right mama throw that shit back. you know how i like it.” your ass clapped repeatedly on his stomach as you moaned his name.
“love your lil outfit princess. look so sexy wit this skimpy shit on.” ony’s hand gripped the skirt that was bunched up around your hips. tugging on it to fuck you onto him harder. he took his other hand and landed two rough slaps to your ass. “ooouuu mhm.” your ass poked out more are you prayed for more of the delicious contact. “you like that mama? like when daddy spanks you?”
“ y-yea. w-want daddy t’be rough wit me.” ony smiled at your change in behavior. just thirty minutes ago you were quiet as a mouse, barely able to look him in the eye. but now here you were, getting your back blown out in the back of ony’s black srt, begging him to fuck you like a slut.
you and ony have been doing this thing for awhile now where you’d act like the two of you weren’t well acquainted in public just to fuck each other like you’re married in private. since he was a very well known guy and you didn’t talk to many people you came up with the idea to leave your little situation a secret.
trying to avoid the drama that came with having a fine ass drug dealer for a boyfriend. it’s been going well in your eyes, but ever since ony saw you all dressed up for this party he knew that tonight he’d have make you fold. wanting your sexy ass all to himself everyday and not just days you were alone and horny.
“i want you t’be my girl” he moaned as he stilled his hips. watching you continue to throw it back on him at a slow pace. his words made you look back at him, hips never faltering as you looked for a hint of untruthfulness in his eyes. “b-but people might-”
“ion give a fuck about how people gon feel. i only want one girl and it’s you.” a moan slipped from your lips as ony began thrusting into you again. light brown palms pushing your back down again before slamming into you repeatedly. “auugghh onyyy.” your hand reached back and gripped his wrist, holding it tightly as you tried to endure the harsh strokes he fed you.
“be mine y/n. that way you can be daddy’s girl every night instead of the nights you home alone.” your pussy fluttered at his words. you loved when he talked like this. “c-can i think ab-about it daddy?” ony leaned down to kiss on your neck. “take your time mama. m’stayin wit you tonight anyways.”
ony ended up crashing at your place that night. chest full of tattoos facing the ceiling as he slept on his back. his black durag that he always left in your dresser fitting snug on his head. while you admired your new boyfriend you were interrupted by the vibration of your phone. “hello?” you whispered. “hey girl m’stayin over at connie’s. you get home safe?hope he didn’t drive too fast.” you giggled as you glanced at ony’s sleeping figure, brows furrowed and lips parted as he slept peacefully in your bed.
“i got here fine. he drove really well-” the feeling of ony’s large hand pulling your back to his chest made you gasp before he spoke lowly in your ear. “why you so far away mama? when you stay at my crib you usually like to sleep on my chest.” his sleepy voice rang through the speaker, making sasha gasp. “oh. my. go-”
“see you tomorrow girl byeeee.” you hung up, putting your phone on silent to hush the millions of texts sasha was going to send soon. you turned towards ony before lightly pushing him in his back so you could sleep comfortably on his chest. “goodnight princess.” he grumbled before falling back asleep. you smiled, cuddling your face deeper into his inked chest. “goodnight papa.”
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royalphantompain · 11 months
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Sorry that I am obsessed with Spongebob memes, especially since my favorite pnes are old, like Spunch Bop (Oh hell nah they all up on Spunch bob shit), Sandwiches at a ludicrous price, and the classic Spongebob sad face.
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redoqs · 2 years
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what happens if Alcina takes off her hat and she has some friar tuck looking haircut?
Some maidens would bust out laughing. You’ve seen the SpongeBob movie where they went to shell city and king Neptune took off his crown and everyone said “BALD! BALD!” Yeah, that’s about to be the majority of the castle and every single person that participated in that will end up dead within the hour. The girls want to laugh but they can’t because they all lack hair on the upper left side of their head, smh whole family getting fucked up. But Alcina did that shit to herself willingly? Oh no baby no, that ain’t gon work. But Alcina cant even lie, that shit was shining bright like a diamond and that’s on Rihanna. And now she wanna wear that hat because she made a mistake nah go ahead and wear that bullshit loud a proud, she wanted it. I’d be funny if she was just balding like that. It’s ironic because the reason she’s bald up there is because of that damn hat she always wearing smh she don’t let her hair breathe worth shit I kept telling her to take it off but nope, even wearing that junk to bed and poking me in the eye with the bill.
But I’m a real one through thick hair to thinning hair and trust we gon invest in some Bosley and get that scalp back permanently. If not we can always go with wigs if she wants. Hell, I’ll collect all the hair I shed from my wash day and glue it to her scalp…maybe not LMFAO but hey that’s my woman and imma stick beside her beautiful bald self🥰🥰🥰
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suiciderape · 7 months
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hahaha what the fuck is going on? here from daddy... keeho gangsta bitch get a life x4 hahaha uh oh! what the fuck is this? fun! hell nah he just raped me he didnt do it for fun those are skateboarders and i will do it in real life 𝔫𝖔𝔳𝖊𝔩 𝔯𝖔𝔪𝖊𝔬 anyone thats south korean can be in my manga i called i guess shes not korean? im not either ok! phew-racist slut! she called me nigga keeho hahaha im saying something stfu ur supposed to post these pictures bitch! nah keeho writes this shit! haha fuck u whore its lesarafim for once and for all ur going to kill me right? bc i believe my body has a right to smoke meth if im a kpop idol and i dont want that to happen to u so go call spongebob! fuck off no! i want it to be longer so i can read with u and cry about my half sister aniyah not being my real sister! desarae... what ok u got home? yes dude princeton was jock hell no! right now that is not tiaja mcbride? yeonjuns wife? i went to school with her tiaja? its me desarae were lesarafim nvm ok so did u get schizoaffective? hell nah hes gonna murder u yes i did ok 808s hearbreak we go sleepy dying we all have awkward right? awkward ok so do u need am english dictioniary tha hell 808s heartbreak fuck u bitch im going to school! hahaha nah i dont like tumblr why? its too goddess ur the demom ok did he get gay? no... 𝖘𝔨𝖆𝔱𝖊𝔭𝖆𝔯𝖐 𝖉𝔢𝖆𝔱𝖍𝔰 nah i wouldnt even cry ok so am i here or not? it was real stfu ok so gbc can handle it hahaha im trying to calm u down 𝔭1𝔥𝖆𝔯𝖒𝔬𝖓𝔶 𝔢𝖛𝔬𝖑𝔲𝖙𝔦𝖔𝔫 tomorrow is another day and she will rise
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Chewing bugs or roaches nah I'm not about that :joy: but really I just got a song about the sponge out of the water " out to the water out of water out of water out of water out of water out of water out of water out of water out of water out of water out of water pulling up to the ocean near us saw that sponge and star fish and crab I thought I thought it was SpongeBob SquarePants show but it was the water movie out of water chewing on them old bugs got roaches in a bucket chew ya food boy pop stars pot roast pot heads crackheads drug dealers smoking choking getting high drunk trying to be homies gangsters rappers rapping sickos raping kids going missing everyday seems like we still haven't found Madeleine McCann or Inga gehricke or timmothy pitzen or Ben Needham or Lisa Irwin or Sabrina aisenberg but nah don't give up just keep on praying waking up that dream from being a nightmares hugging kissing bouncing dancing shaking kids screaming oooooo these kids seeing too much for their parents close their eyes cover their mouths let people pray walk around the streets buttnaked hell nah pull up at the club that's a lot pulling up at the church found our right song turn the tables on the corner children of the corn bread chicken thanksgiving feast Christmas gifts where these ladies at oh at the club girl stay all night go like SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants"
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Chewing bugs or roaches nah I'm not about that 😂 but really I just got a song about the sponge out of the water " out to the water out of water out of water out of water out of water out of water out of water out of water out of water out of water out of water pulling up to the ocean near us saw that sponge and star fish and crab I thought I thought it was SpongeBob SquarePants show but it was the water movie out of water chewing on them old bugs got roaches in a bucket chew ya food boy pop stars pot roast pot heads crackheads drug dealers smoking choking getting high drunk trying to be homies gangsters rappers rapping sickos raping kids going missing everyday seems like we still haven't found Madeleine McCann or Inga gehricke or timmothy pitzen or Ben Needham or Lisa Irwin or Sabrina aisenberg but nah don't give up just keep on praying waking up that dream from being a nightmares hugging kissing bouncing dancing shaking kids screaming oooooo these kids seeing too much for their parents close their eyes cover their mouths let people pray walk around the streets buttnaked hell nah pull up at the club that's a lot pulling up at the church found our right song turn the tables on the corner children of the corn bread chicken thanksgiving feast Christmas gifts where these ladies at oh at the club girl stay all night go like SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants"
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brothertonyvolturi · 2 years
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Chewing bugs or roaches nah I'm not about that 😂 but really I just got a song about the sponge out of the water " out to the water out of water out of water out of water out of water out of water out of water out of water out of water out of water out of water pulling up to the ocean near us saw that sponge and star fish and crab I thought I thought it was SpongeBob SquarePants show but it was the water movie out of water chewing on them old bugs got roaches in a bucket chew ya food boy pop stars pot roast pot heads crackheads drug dealers smoking choking getting high drunk trying to be homies gangsters rappers rapping sickos raping kids going missing everyday seems like we still haven't found Madeleine McCann or Inga gehricke or timmothy pitzen or Ben Needham or Lisa Irwin or Sabrina aisenberg but nah don't give up just keep on praying waking up that dream from being a nightmares hugging kissing bouncing dancing shaking kids screaming oooooo these kids seeing too much for their parents close their eyes cover their mouths let people pray walk around the streets buttnaked hell nah pull up at the club that's a lot pulling up at the church found our right song turn the tables on the corner children of the corn bread chicken thanksgiving feast Christmas gifts where these ladies at oh at the club girl stay all night go like SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants"
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christianpraiseteam · 2 years
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Chewing bugs or roaches nah I'm not about that 😂 but really I just got a song about the sponge out of the water " out to the water out of water out of water out of water out of water out of water out of water out of water out of water out of water out of water pulling up to the ocean near us saw that sponge and star fish and crab I thought I thought it was SpongeBob SquarePants show but it was the water movie out of water chewing on them old bugs got roaches in a bucket chew ya food boy pop stars pot roast pot heads crackheads drug dealers smoking choking getting high drunk trying to be homies gangsters rappers rapping sickos raping kids going missing everyday seems like we still haven't found Madeleine McCann or Inga gehricke or timmothy pitzen or Ben Needham or Lisa Irwin or Sabrina aisenberg but nah don't give up just keep on praying waking up that dream from being a nightmares hugging kissing bouncing dancing shaking kids screaming oooooo these kids seeing too much for their parents close their eyes cover their mouths let people pray walk around the streets buttnaked hell nah pull up at the club that's a lot pulling up at the church found our right song turn the tables on the corner children of the corn bread chicken thanksgiving feast Christmas gifts where these ladies at oh at the club girl stay all night go like SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants"
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artissilypso · 3 years
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Rating Bootleg plushies I found on Shoppee (part 1)
First is just variations of spongebob
Spunch bop
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(3/10) oh hell nah tey truned spunckelbogh into markable plusies
eyes look a bit off I hate it so much.
I know that that smile is a signature spongebob design but damn why does it look like he's planning something not good.
Spunkpob
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(5/10) just a little guy
I think the printed on features are not as good as the ones with R E A L features
Come on man I want to grab my spongebob plush by the nose and use it as a warhammer
SpounfgBosud
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(2/10) The only good thing about this is you can put shit it its mouth
good storage unit 👍
SpundBonk
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(6/10) can be used as a weapon
SpinkleBodge
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(3/10) theyre besties
i hate them
(continue on the reblogs)
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unstuckmusturd · 3 years
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Invincible Drabble: AU
- Meeting a Favorite
+ Beach day (1)
Leslie came home after long school, skipping on the pavement, avoiding any cracks and lines like the lullaby she was singing. Until she jumped too high and was about to land on those, so to avoid it, she accepted her fate, bracing herself for the pain of falling and concrete. Then out of nowhere, hands reached out and grabbed her before she could eat the ground.
"Woah there, kid. Watch your steps. Don't think that concrete doesn't hurt like in cartoons." A voice with a heavy Russian accent spoke out from behind her. Leslie opened her eyes and saw that she was really close to the ground, inches away. She looked at the hands holding her, the hands were covered in red like... Red Rush's costume!
Leslie gawked and felt herself lifted up into the air. Then she was face to face with her favorite super hero, Red Rush. She went into a frenzy in her head, screaming internally with excitement. She felt like she was gonna explode.
"Oh it's you, Leslie."
Boom.
On the outside, she sort of just blanked and quietly stared at him. Red Rush didn't seem to mind as he examined her for any scratches. After confirming there was none, he set her down and patted her head gently.
Leslie had a meltdown. Screaming loudly in her head for her lucky day, she already felt her ears heating up.
"What are you doing alone out here, Leslie? Doesn't your dad usually pick you up?" Red Rush squatted down to her height, asking her with a small smile.
"Uh... P-Papa is b-busy right now a-and big brother is.." She stuttered, looking down at the interesting ground. Her voice turning too quiet for Red to hear her.
"Sorry, lez, what was that last part?" Red leaned a little closer to hear this time.
Lez....
Boom
"U-Um I s-said Ma-Mark is busy at school! S-So..." Leslie raised her voice so Red could hear her. But then stopping because she thought she spoke too loud.
Red Rush saw how shy she is, imagining a little tortoise trying to sneak into its shell. Gaahh, Omni-man was so lucky to have such an angel as a daughter. Seeing this, he hoped that if he and Olga had a kid, he wished that they would be like Leslie. Adorable and well behaved.
Deep in blissful thought, he subconsciously rubbed her head while daydreaming how adorable their kids would be, while Leslie was trying hard not to blow steam.
With a stupid blissed face, he picked her up abruptly. "Let's get you home, okay lez?"
My kids would definitely be the cutest. He thought to himself with a smug expression. Leslie was just steaming mess by now.
Red Rush started his engine and ran straight to her house, all the while holding her real close and tight. While normally she would be exploding from the contact, she had no time for that since she couldn't even open her eyes because of how fast he was going.
In a record breaking of 5 second, they arrived at the back door of her house since he didn't want people to know about Omni-man's private life. Red apologized for the speed after seeing her hair became out of control and was a complete mess.
"That was great! Fun!" Leslie forgot her shyness and flew into a hyped frenzy from the adrenaline, laughing out and asking Red Rush to do it again.
Red Rush was pleasantly surprised by her hyped reaction. Usually people just barfed when they hitched a ride. Red laughed, seeing her all happy and no longer shy with him, and ruffled her hair even more.
Red didn't even knock yet when Nolan came to open the door. "Red Rush? Why is Leslie with you?"
Red was about to answer when he was suddenly hit with the most disgusting smell he ever had the misfortune of smelling. He couldn't help backing away because of the odor, face green, nose pinched. Leslie immediately did the same to her nose, turning away from her father and hugging Red even tighter. It was making her tear up.
Maybe it was because the big man was covered in some green goob and slime, and the smell coming from it was the most god awful smell ever. Like dead carcasses left fermented in a closed room for months before being thrown into the sewers several more months. And the problem was that Nolan didn't seem to notice this. Even extending a hand for Leslie, which she, of course, denied, shaking her head, hiding from it.
Nolan, who didn't understand his predicament, thought his daughter didn't want to leave the guardian and tried to grab her. Red Rush was quick and easily moved away from him.
"What are you doing, Red Rush?" Nolan glared, he was getting irritated with how close they were.
"Listen, buddy–" he gagged as soon as he opened his mouth and moving away further.
Now Nolan was confused. What the hell is wrong with him?
Red Rush moved his hand to cover both his nose and mouth before trying to explain the problem. "Buddy, you smell absolutely–" he gagged again, it didn't help, it really didn't help at all.
"I smell?"
"God awful. Like rotting meat–" but soooo much worse.
Nolan heard him and started to try to sniff himself. He didn't smell anything? But he did just came back from fighting that sewage monster.
"Do I smell that bad?"
Both nodded like they were trying to shake off their heads, still moving away from him. "You're gonna need a lot of shampoo to get rid of that." Red Rush finally was able to speak without gagging from a distance of 200 meters.
"I'll take a shower later. Leslie, come inside. Papa will clean up while you do your homework." Nolan ushered her inside, picking out the leftover slime on his body and throwing it away.
"No!!" Leslie shouted, "Papa smells bad and I don't like it!" She pouted, not letting go of Red Rush.
Nolan's face paled by her statement and paused, "... Is it really that bad?"
Again, fast nodding.
Nolan sighed loudly and decided to compromise. "Fine, fine. I'll go clean up." Before going, he left the door opened for them, so they won't have to stand out in the cold.
The two stood out for a moment, contemplating about whether to go in or wait it out, but it was getting chilly. For Josef, this was nothing, but for a little girl like Leslie... Viltrumite or not, it can't be good. Though the house probably stunk like a corpse party left in the sun, it was better in than out.
"Leslie, do you think you can stay in long enough to get used to it?" Josef asked slowly, not to sound forced. He swore he saw black smoke flowing out the door.
"I don't wanna." Leslie persistently refused, as if not wanting to see death.
Josef thought a bit before deciding to just buy cleaning spray, maybe it would be more tolerable. "Okay, Lez, I'm going to run to the store to buy some spray. Wait here. I'll be back under a minute."
Leslie paused before quietly asking, "Can I come with, Mr. Red Rush?" Looking at him with cute puppy eyes.
Josef thought about it, 'Well, she didn't puke the first time and we both had fun, not to mention, I can't just leave her alone. He'll kill me, soo....'
"Errand adventure?"
"YEAH!"
"Let's go, then!!!"
The two had the time of their lives, laughing together while making a super quick supply run. Finally they're back and obtained what they wanted to fight the stench monster in the house. When they were finishing spraying ten bottle throughout the house, it ended up smelling really nice and flowery. Nolan was still in the bathroom, so they did her homework, lightning speed, and watched two episodes of SpongeBob together. Leslie brought them snacks and drinks for the show. Josef did the pirate voice at the opening, absolutely nailing it and the two had the best time with each other, laughing and playing.
Nolan finally came out of his one hour bath, smelling like shampoo. Only then, did Leslie come and gave him a hug, a chance he took and kissed all over her little face.
She laughed with his mustache brush against her skin, "Pa.. papa! S-Stop! It trickles! Hahaha!"
"I'm sorry, honey. Next time, I'll let Immortal and the others handle the gross monsters, so don't avoid me like that, okay?" He held her closer when she hugged him, her short arms was enough to encircle his neck. "Okay, papa. I won't."
"Good girl." He gave her a peck on her forehead. Suddenly, she let out a yawn and slowly drifted off into sleep as his strong arms held her. In contrast, he had her very gently with a soft smile.
Josef watched the two from the couch and waited for Nolan to finish up. It was rare moments like these that reminded him that the big man wasn't all the cold. To his family, he was a completely different man. He was warm, attentive, patient, overprotective and such a worry wart! With the guardians, he tried to be friendly but it came off as awkward and standoffish. But with his kids and wife, it just felt natural to see him so gentle.
Then Nolan made a hand gesture at Josef, telling to wait. The hero gave him an 'ok' sign and watched as he walked up the stairs and tipped toed to her room. When he came back down, Nolan was floating back down to not wake his baby up and sat on the arm chair next to the couch.
"So, Red Rush, what brings you here? Considering you waited and help Leslie with her homework, I assumed it wasn't an emergency?"
"Nah, it wasn't an emergency. I just wanted to tell you something. And didn't I say not to call me by Alias when it's just us? Come on, Nolan. I've said this a millionth time." Josef pretended to pout and leaned back into his chair. Nolan scratched his head sheepishly, "It's sort of a habit when..." And pointed at his red suit.
"Oh crap," instantly, back to his civilian clothes. "My bad."
The two then continued their discussion on the big plan Josef and his wife, Olga, had. They had just rented out a small part of Hawaii for the whole week after he demanded for a paid holiday for the guardians and their family and friends from Cecil after the whole fiasco a few months ago and it was finally approved. Problem was that if the threat was too much for the local hero teams to handle, the guardians and Omni-man had to come back immediately.
At first, Nolan wanted to reject on the invitation, but then he remembered how Debbie was talking about going to a girl's night out with Olga later since they haven't seen each other in awhile and decided, "Okay, we'll go."
"That's the spirit, Nolan! And don't worry, it's a private part of the island. It'll be just us and few other friends. Most are married or in a relationship and the other is a kid for Leslie to be friends with. Nobody else."
"If you say so, Josef."
"It'll be a blast–!" Then his phone started ringing. "Ah gotta run. Olga's calling. She wanted to shop for new swimsuits. Can't wait for that! And remember, we'll meet up on next Monday in this location." He put in the coordinates on Nolan's Alert bracelet, a location appeared on it which Josef saved it for him. "Don't forget it, okay, big guy? All right, see you later, Nolan." And he left as quick as he arrived.
Then Debbie and Mark came in, both looked very tired. "We're home..."
"Welcome back, you two."
Mark fell on the couch and just went limp. Deborah wasn't doing any better and went to hug her husband, cuddling into his chest. "What's wrong, debbie?"
She sighed, "Just a bad day. Glad I'm home now." She buried her face completely into his chest.
Nolan was used to her cuddles and looked back at his son who was very pale. "And what's wrong on your side, Mark?"
Mark was quiet and then murmured in response, "Had four pop quizzes at school, got called to deal with Doc Seismic during Math's, which turned out to be counted as 30% to my overalls, and to top it off, I stepped on dog crap on my way back. So yes, I had a terrible day too." And proceeded to bury his face into the pillow.
Nolan listened to his complaints without any interruption and decided to cheer his pride and joy up. "Well, I guess I'll tell you some good news then. Josef came by awhile ago and told me about a trip he was planning with his wife, and he wanted us to come along."
The two immediately perked up at the news. "Trip?"
"To where, dad?"
"I think it was to Hawaii? They already took care of everything for the week and gave me the location already. It's a small part of the state, just for us."
The two looked at him with wide eyes before bursting out into cheers. "We're going to Hawaii!" They both cheered out loud, jumping high from the news.
"Hey, don't be too loud."
But they both ignored him as they came up with plans for the trip. "I have to go buy new swimsuits for Leslie, she'll be so cute!"
"Can I bring Eve with me on the trip? I was planning to going on a date with her next week. Please dad?"
"Uh, sure son. Just please don't be too loud. Your sister is still napping–"
"Papa?"
A tiny voice popped up from the stairs, and all three of them stopped. There, Leslie stood on the steps, hugging her stuff tiger and let out a yawn. "Mama and big brother are back? What are you talking about?"
"Oh honey, were we too loud? I'm sorry, sweetheart." Debbie picked up her daughter before she told her the news. "But guess what? Papa just got us a trip to Hawaii! Along with the guardians and their family! Isn't that great?"
It was such a joy for the three Graysons, to see their baby went from sleepy to full of joy in a matter of 3 second. "We're going together? Really?"
"Yes, together honey."
"But what about the villains? Wouldn't Papa and big brother have to fight them?"
Nolan patted her head, she always was so meticulous. Definitely got it from him. "Don't worry, honey. It's only when it's an emergency. Cecil already promised us that."
"Yeah! No hero work for the week!" Mark floated high up and snatched his baby sister. "Just of week of fun beach time, sis."
"Yay!" She cheered and hugged Mark tighter.
"But when are we going, Nolan?"
"He said next Monday?"
"But today's already a Saturday! Tomorrow we have to go shopping, Leslie. Mom will get you new clothes for the week." Debbie was more excited about the shopping part, more than anything. She always loved putting her into cute outfits.
"Okay, okay. I know you're all excited, but dinner's first. So what are we having?"
"Pizza!" The two siblings immediately suggested.
"Debbie?"
"Hmmm," she pretended to think about and saw her two kids giving her sad puppy eyes and couldn't help laughing. "Okay we'll get pizza! I'll talk to Olga about tomorrow later."
"Extra cheessseeee!"
"Cheese!"
"Okay, okay, cheese it is." Nolan laughed at how silly they were and called for their pizzas.
He was always surprised by how happy they were about the trip. Literally, they could just fly there, but maybe it was more than that? He watched as Leslie and mark talked about what to do and him suggesting to bring lots of toys to play. And then Debbie was talking excitedly with Olga about tomorrow's plan. Well, whatever makes his family happy, makes him happy too.
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maybe i am biased as a spongebob fan but youtube recommended me a video called something like "spongebob's awful spin offs" and i am just so tired now these days of spongebob hate like i understand that some people genuinely do not like the newer stuff and that is cool but why does the cartoon community still act like modern spongebob is hell on earth and always have to sound so mean? ofc you can criticize it and viacom's decisions but maybe phrase stuff differently than just "awful"
Oh nah I relate to this a lot. It's part of why I tend to stay faaaar away from cartoon reviewers a lot of the time. They love milking controversy and all around negativity. It's always been like that.
I used to watch them at 13 and almost 10 years later, its still the same nonsense.
It's really not worth your energy but I get it. Its irritating and dishonest. They know all the controversy about the spinoffs. They barely have the integrity of admitting they've spread misinformation like a wildfire. Instead of apologizing. They refuse to acknowledge and just fuel the hate train for it for views. It's pathetic. There is a small handful that have beem honest and admitted that they got riled up before all the facts came out but the rest heh. Why would they when they could profit from it?
I completely get not liking something and expressing that. It's completely alright to say you don't like something. I get not fully liking the spinoffs. I think Kamp Koral is boring. I think the patrick show is a bizarre mix of peewee's playhouse and uncle grandpa. The modern show is pretty cartoony and goofy, its incredibly different from what the original show was about. It's not something that would be popular with everyone and that's okay. That's completely fine to discuss and talk about.
My problem is creating such a massive hate train deliberately. Purposely stirring up your audience acting like the new stuff is an unholy abomination and stirring up your fans to cause shit in "the name of old spongebob" or "the name of Stephen Hillenburg". That shit is agitating. Especially when you find x crew member's social media accounts end up littered with death threats and you find that it was caused because a youtube cartoon reviewer pinned the blame the show's current state on that specific crew member. Have you no shame? No dignity?
Heh you can guess I really don't like them. Then again the internet has all around become so toxic over the past few years. I feel far more withdrawn about it.
But it's so absurd to think about how they cause so much drama about literal kids shows and can barely tolerate when something isn't meant for them. They act all high and mighty and act like you're an idiot for not agreeing with them. It reminds me of how much noise they created over the cuphead show being episodic instead of some deep grim dark storyline. Not all kids like long driven shows. There's no harm in it being fun and episodic. I love both. As a kid I didn't really like story driven shows much because it was hard to keep up with episode orders when you're watching it on tv.
But yeah. You get my point. Sometimes I find it exhausting, I'd rather withdrawal than interact with it. It's just making yourself upset dealing with it. Let's just drown out the noise while actually watching spongebob. It's more fun in the end.
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incarnateirony · 2 years
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*rubs eyes* As if the last few days weren't emotionally exhausting enough, the whole Tulsi thing got brought back up to me in DM and actually clarified later in who posted which copies on which instagrams tonight WRT the UFC event. And I kind of wish it hadn't been, because this is another
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Beyond Jared's story, the images related were posted on two timelines: thebigpygmy (the professional mma fighter jared was hanging out with) and suckerpunchent (the premiere marketing & talent handling of mma and ufc).
Suckerpunchent posted The Cursed Image with,
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And Big Pygmy also chimed in,
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But this is also the day that Tulsi got her weird UFC backdrop red carpet moment where she started waxing poetic about Joe Rogan to defend him.
So --
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[sighs tiredly in Gen interview about Jared convincing her to listen to Joe Rogan]
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And UFC is owned by Endeavor, not CBS, so nobody can cry that CBS put a gun to his head to make poor Jared pose for the PR. Endeavor is another form of WME, the talent rep group... but also not Jared's, he's UTC. So no, his agency didn't force him to do it either.
Just kinda. Putting it on file, really.
I'm sure the usual J1ers will attack this post, aggressively miss the point on purpose, compare it to the fact that Jensen's talked to or done some vague business with a trumper at one point instead of living in a fictional bubble where the only people he's breathed in the vicinity of could be democrats, and then try to bang on that religiously as a distraction, acting unable to tell the difference between engaging directly in the image shaping of a well known russian operative putin puppet in the us government being given red carpet treatment to endorse misinformation in the US.
"Well... JENSEN sold that republican voting guy's wine! And there was a taco truck from someone related to someone, before." and they'll pat themselves on the back and be like. "well done. We've convinced ourselves we've successfully torn someone else down publicly in direct response to someone simply documenting the behavior of someone willfully assisting in the image repair of several people DIRECTLY destroying democracy rather than having a different general opinion, one of which is currently accusing Ukraine of [checks notes] daring to exist, so Russia attacking it was its own damn fault."
I mean, to the surprise of nobody who's heard a single thing Tulsi has done for the last 4 years. Bc like. If you opened social media at ALL beyond Rogan's bubble for US politics you'd have been hit by a wall of "proof Tulsi is a putin operative" like diapers pouring out of the walls in spongebob
But I mean, they can't really build him up, they can't answer these things. So it'll become deranged swings at Jensen or Misha about things generally both 1) made up/wildly decontextualized and 2) having absolutely no fucking relevance to the conversation. Like the effort is always "let me try to convince myself you're hypocrites by throwing unrelated, made up, decontextualized garbage at the wall, and just saying you stan trash, so me stanning trash is ok". Like. That's always the core of their method. They just. Like living in trash, and try to tear everything down into their garbage, even when it doesn't belong there.
Hell, one tried to come at me today "well BOBO likes Tulsi." fuck? Did I miss that? Cuz I'd say fuck him too, but that doesn't seem like his politics, I'll search. Hm. Gay man jokes she's hot. Gay man makes joke about her hair streaks. Berens talks about her candidacy being over. "It's not turning up in the search function, can you tell me where? All I'm finding is Rogue jokes and Kamala eating her." crickets. Oh. weird. So that was just. Trying to tear someone down. Did you. Just. Think I wouldn't check and hold him accountable too, if he had suddenly gone insane and broken his political stances he's had since 2003 at least? Shit, man. Nah, that's only yall that do that shit.
Just.
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I'm going to FUCKING sleep.
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drmmyrs · 3 years
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The Way I Loved You (Poppy x MC)
Soo bear with me since I think this might be a long series. This part is mostly just establishing the story so there is little to no fluff yet.
But stiiill, let me know what you guys think and I’d really appreciate feedback/constructive criticism. Hope you enjoy and if not, thanks for reading anyways :)) 
tag list: @whackawriting @samanthadalton @crazzyplays @uselesslesbianfr (ithis is my taglist I thiiink, but if you wanna be added or removed just let me know)  
Pairing: Poppy x MC (Bea)
Word Count: 1650
Warning: Little swearing (at least for this part)
A/N: This is from the part before Poppy and MC were paired for a project
Bea had been at Belvoire for two months now, but she still wasn't used to waking up on a queen-sized canopy bed fitted with luxe sateen sheets in a bedroom which probably cost more than her family's house back at Farmsville. She glanced at the clock–11:30 am. She still had some time to spare before her first class. How people managed to wake up early on this luxurious bed made of clouds, she didn't know.
After a few more minutes of daydreaming, Bea begrudgingly pulled herself out of bed. She was preparing her outfit when the smell of heaven wafted through the bedroom door–bacon and pancakes. Like some kind of puppet on strings, Bea let herself be led by the delicious aroma to the kitchen where Zoey was expertly pouring pancake batter on a pan.
"I didn't know I was roommates with a master chef," Bea jested.
Zoey turned around at Bea's voice, and as she saw her, a smirk crawled up her lips.
"Well, don't you look sexy." Zoey eyed Bea up and down with an amused look on her face.
Bea glanced down at her outfit and saw that she was still in her pajamas. "Whatever Zo, not everyone can rock designer outfits even in bed."
"Hey, I'm not complaining. Besides, Spongebob PJs do have a certain charm."
Bea rolled her eyes while smiling. "So, what are we having for breakfast?"
"I'm pretty sure it's lunch. And aren't you supposed to be in class, like, right about now?"
"Nah, my Tuesday classes aren't until one o'clock."
Zoey stared at Bea. "Babe, it's Wednesday."
Bea's eyes widened at Zoey's words. "No, no, no, Professor Roberta is gonna kill me."
Bea rushed to her room and hastily changed her clothes faster than she thought was possible. She contemplated going to class au naturel, but ultimately decided against it. Bea was not ugly by any means without makeup, but in a sea of extremely contoured cheeks and false eyelashes, having no makeup was basically social suicide, especially since Poppy was in that class. Ugh, great. Of course, I'm late to the only class I have with Poppy.
When Bea thought she was presentable enough, she sprinted out the door but not before grabbing a handful of pancakes and shoving it to her mouth, looking like a chipmunk in the process. The T is gonna have a field day if someone saw me like this. Bea slowed her sprint to a stride as she swallowed the last of the pancakes.
Bea arrived in class forty-five minutes late.
"Look who finally decided to join us," Professor Roberta said in disdain.
"Sorry Professor, won't happen again."
"I'm sure it won't. And since you decided to join us so late, you're gonna have to work with Ms. Min-Sinclair over here for your community service project."
Oh hell no.
Sure enough, Poppy was sitting alone, glaring at her, and Bea could almost swear she could see smoke coming out of her nose.
Bea hesitantly sat down beside Poppy.
"Look Poppy, let's be civil about this and finish this project fast so we–"
"We're not going to do anything, Farmsville. I will ace this project and you will stay out of my damn way."
"Like hell I'm gonna let you take all the credit."
"Is there a problem here?" The professor glowered at Poppy and Bea.
"None professor, we were just calmly discussing the details of the project," Poppy responded with a fake smile.
Bea rolled her eyes. Kiss ass.
Once the professor was out of earshot, Poppy sharply turned to Bea. "Be ready on Friday, we're going to a foster home in Middletown."
"Middletown? But that's like an hour away!"
"I don't see you coming up with better ideas," Poppy hissed.
"I–I–"
"I thought so. Do not be late, Farmsville. I don't want you taking more of my time than you already do," Poppy said with a glare before she grabbed her Chanel purse and strode away.
***
Back at her dorm, Bea was resting her head on her hands on the dining table when Zoey arrived.
Upon seeing Bea, Zoey immediately took a seat beside her and placed her hand comfortingly on her shoulder. "Aww, babe. Was Professor Roberta that mad?"
Bea turned to face Zoey. "No, but it was much, much worse."
Zoey raised her eyebrow.
"I was paired with Satan for our project."
"Poppy?"
Bea nodded. "She even wanted to do the project in Middletown. Middletown. That's like an hour away! I mean surely there has to be another community that needs servicing that doesn't require an hour drive with Poppy."
Zoey pretended to think thoughtfully. "Hmm, maybe she finally found a way to get rid of you permanently?"
"I'm serious, Zo." Bea glared at Zoey.
Zoey laughed. "Okay, okay, sorry. But do bring holy water just in case."
Bea groaned and stood up from the chair before ambling to her bedroom. "I'm going to bed."
Before Bea was able to shut the door, Zoey called out after her. "You'll survive, babe! Give her hell for me."
***
Just a few minutes after Bea got back from her classes, she heard the sound of consecutive horns outside which she immediately knew were from Poppy. No one else is obnoxious enough to disturb an entire dormitory. With a sigh, Bea grabbed her things and trudged outside.
When Bea got outside, Poppy's Range Rover was parked at the curb. Bea walked to the passenger's side and opened the door.
"Be a dear will you and don't touch anything, I don't want your filthy hands staining my car."
Bea rolled her eyes. Hello to you, too.
The first few minutes of the drive were silent except for the light rain that started drizzling on the windshield, that is, until Bea asked Poppy, "why are we going all the way to Middletown anyway? There's probably some–"
"Remember that time when I asked for your opinion?"
Bea just glared at Poppy.
"Me neither. So, shut up, Hughes."
"How about you take a day off from being a bitch, Poppy. Seeing that you've had your whole life being just that," Bea rebuked.
The entire car ride was spent with both girls hurling insults at each other that it was honestly surprising that Poppy didn't kick Bea out of the car in the middle of the road.
After one looong hour, they finally arrived.
"Don't get in my way, Farmsville," Poppy warned as she approached the house and rang the doorbell. After a few moments, a middle-aged woman opened the door.
"Poppy! What a pleasant surprise. Come on in." The woman gestured them inside.
Hang on, how does she know Poppy?
The woman led Bea and Poppy to a couch and asked them if they wanted something to drink, to which both of them politely declined.
"So, Brenda. How is the family?" Poppy was wearing a smile that might actually be... genuine?
Bea stared at Poppy in shock. Not only were they on a first-name basis, but Poppy was actually nice to someone that doesn't involve sucking up.
"They're doing great! Thomas actually just got promoted recently so we're gonna take the kids somewhere nice sometime next week."
"That's amazing, send Thomas my regards."
Okay, what the hell is happening?
After a few more polite conversations, Brenda turned to Bea. "You haven't introduced me to your friend yet." Brenda extended her hand to Bea. "I'm Brenda."
Bea wore her biggest smile as she shook Brenda's hand. "Bea. It's a pleasure to meet you."
Poppy cleared her throat. "Actually, we came here for a community service project, and we were hoping that we could throw the kids a small party and maybe at the same time we can do a photography shoot that can be shared to prospective families. Do you think we can do that?"
"Oh, certainly! I'm sure the kids would love that."
"That's great to hear. Where are they anyway?"
"They're actually out there playing with the toys you sent them. Come on, I'll lead you to them." Brenda stood up and walked towards the back door.
Poppy started to follow her but turned around when she noticed Bea was still sitting down.
"If you're just gonna sit there like a half-wit, do us a favor Farmsville, and do it far away from here."
Still in disbelief, Bea stood up and followed Poppy and Brenda to the yard where Poppy was greeted enthusiastically by five kids. She watched as Poppy played with them with such kindness and compassion that she couldn't help but smile as most of her anger towards the blonde was replaced with warmth and some other indescribable feelings. After a few more games where Bea was basically manhandled by Poppy to join, all of them went back inside exhausted. As it was already getting late, Bea and Poppy said their farewells to Brenda and the kids with a promise of returning on Sunday for the party and went back on the road.
Bea had so many questions she wanted to ask Poppy but the look on Poppy's face implied that she probably won't be answering any of those. A few minutes later, there was suddenly a huge downpour of rain that Poppy had to park the car. Bea then received a text from Zoey, and as she read it, a look of dread flashed across her face.
Poppy frowned upon seeing the look on Bea's face. "What is it now?"
"There's a typhoon. We're stuck here."
***
Bea and Poppy managed to find a decent hotel nearby where they decided to stay until the typhoon passed.
"Two rooms, please. And make them as far away as possible," Poppy said to the receptionist while handing him her credit card, giving Bea a glare at the last sentence.
And here I thought we're finally making progress.
"I'm sorry Ms. Min-Sinclair, we only have one more room available for tonight."
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rithmeres · 3 years
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I, personally, would be enthralled to hear of how your cousin rendered you into a partial vampire.
ok this got long so it’s going under a readmore
i LOVED garlic. as a teen i once at a garlic brie that was more garlic than cheese and enjoyed every bite; garlic bread was my delight. i wanted garlic in and on everything. part of this is due to the fact that my mother strongly dislikes garlic and i was a contrarian teenager and an enjoyer of whatever pissed her off -- but also garlic is Just That Good.
at youth group winter camp when i was 11th grade my cousin kenny (who is a few years older than me and is not actually my cousin but actually he is my cousin) was on staff at the time and he ran this game called ‘kenny’s kitchen’ that we could play to win bonus points for our camp team. at any point we could approach him and say ‘what’s cooking in kenny’s kitchen’ and he would pull out this giant canvas sack from the back room and to get the points we had to eat whatever he grabbed from The Sack in its entirety. if you back down or don’t finish within your time limit, you lose points.
my team was in 4th place by day 2 and because i hadn’t seen anything truly nasty come out of The Sack yet (the worst thing to date was a pair of whole key limes that had to be eaten rind and all) i was like whatever i'll do it. dad didn’t raise no quitter. so i say 'kenny what’s cooking' and he’s like 'yoooooooo i know you can handle anything so im gonna get you somethin good'. see kenny KNEW i wasn’t gonna back down and lose points for my team and he was probably tired of hearing wimpy kids ask if they can have something easy. so he pulls out a jar of minced garlic from The Sack. and im like 👁️👄👁️. and he’s like nah you only have to eat a spoonful. and im like oh ok :) this will be easy. and he grabs a spoon and scoops out An Amount and im once again like 👁️👄👁️. there’s probably a quarter cup of garlic stacked on the spoon. more substance than i have ever seen a regular plastic spoon uphold. allow me to illustrate:
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but i ate it all and it wasn’t really that bad, despite the burning in my ear-nose-throat system from the sheer amount of unadulterated allicin. what was really bad was the aftermath. when i walked outside my poor friend daniel, who was at least a couple yards away, turned and looked at me with abject horror and confusion and i was like ‘can you smell it from there?’ and he was like ‘good lord whadda heck….?” the stench is just radiating off me in waves. i walk past a volleyball game in the courtyard on my way to my cabin and people are giving me side eye. i ask my friend if it’s really that bad and he’s like im sorry but ………yeah :|
i brushed my teeth 3 times and mouthwashed and drank a bottle of water and chewed several pieces of gum at once but the smell was unrelenting. my IBS was in its early stage at the time and i could feel my intestines start to revolt against the trauma they’d just been put through. i sat in the back of the mess hall that night for dinner and study. i could not stop burping garlic. there was no escape. it was like that episode of spongebob. that night for reasons unknown one of the girls in my cabin turned the heater way up and i realized that my sweat. smelled. like. garlic. my farts. smelled. like. garlic. my stomach churned and my dreams were bizarre and disturbed in the way that dreams only are when one is feverish and ill, but this was no fever. just garlic.
in the morning i had a cup of tea and felt a lot better but ever since that day i feel sick and sweaty and slightly feverish if i eat more than the barest amount of raw garlic. and it’s a really fickle reaction too, because cooked garlic in normal portions is usually fine, but sometimes it’s not. i can’t chop garlic without gloves bc the smell stains my hands and nothing i do washes it away and i have to sit in garlic hell for three days until it fades on its own. it’s unfortunate. my greatest love, turned against me. even though in my mind i still adore the taste of garlic, the body keeps the score and repeats the same ills of the Garlic Incident if i’m exposed to too much. so yeah thanks kenny lmfao
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Chewing bugs or roaches nah I'm not about that 😂 but really I just got a song about the sponge out of the water " out to the water out of water out of water out of water out of water out of water out of water out of water out of water out of water out of water pulling up to the ocean near us saw that sponge and star fish and crab I thought I thought it was SpongeBob SquarePants show but it was the water movie out of water chewing on them old bugs got roaches in a bucket chew ya food boy pop stars pot roast pot heads crackheads drug dealers smoking choking getting high drunk trying to be homies gangsters rappers rapping sickos raping kids going missing everyday seems like we still haven't found Madeleine McCann or Inga gehricke or timmothy pitzen or Ben Needham or Lisa Irwin or Sabrina aisenberg but nah don't give up just keep on praying waking up that dream from being a nightmares hugging kissing bouncing dancing shaking kids screaming oooooo these kids seeing too much for their parents close their eyes cover their mouths let people pray walk around the streets buttnaked hell nah pull up at the club that's a lot pulling up at the church found our right song turn the tables on the corner children of the corn bread chicken thanksgiving feast Christmas gifts where these ladies at oh at the club girl stay all night go like SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants"
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p-artsypants · 3 years
Text
I’ll Handle This (3)
Ao3 | FF.net
The walk to the Principal's office wasn’t that long, but it felt like it with the dagger’s Adrien was staring at him. 
“I know what you’re going to say—“ 
“You knocked him unconscious.” 
“What was I supposed to do? Let him drag me all the way back to the mansion, making me escape again?” 
“You’re doing this all wrong! Father doesn’t like disobedience! He’s just going to tighten the leash every time you act up! It’s better if you just apologize now and then follow his orders to a T.”
“Listen to yourself, Adrien.” Plagg paused one the hall. “Orders? Disobedience? You make him sound like a prison warden, and not a father! You always followed his rules and it’s gotten you nowhere.” 
“I was better off then than I am now...” 
“Yes, you were.” Plagg admitted. “Not going to lie, this is going to get way worse before it gets better. But I’ve already made my intentions known to him, so he’ll know that I’m not just being rebellious without due cause. I’ll just have to keep pushing until he cracks.” 
“I hate this.” 
“Cheer up kid. Just enjoy the ride. I’ll take care of everything.”
Adrien just groaned as they reached the Principal's office and he dove back into his pocket. 
Plagg knocked. 
“Yes yes, come in.”
Inside, Mr. Damocles only spared Plagg a glance. “Yes, Mr. Agreste, what do you need?”
“I don’t know.” 
“Then can it wait until after school? I’m very busy.”
“Okay.” And he walked back outside.
“You were supposed to tell him about what happened in class, and he was going to punish you!” Adrien chastised. 
“I don’t want to be punished.” Plagg shrugged. 
Adrien just groaned again. “You will be the death of me.” 
“Adrien, don’t be so dramatic.” Plagg impersonated his father. “Emotions are for peasants. We rich people have no need for feelings.”
“Damn, that’s really accurate.” 
“I practice.” 
Adrien floated out of the pocket. “By the way…why didn’t you tell me Marinette was Ladybug?”
Plagg halted and leaned against the railing. “How’d you figure that out?”
“Tikki.”
Plagg snorted. “I bet she felt pretty stupid for letting that slip.”
“She said you’re a cheater.” 
He shrugged. “She has the same ability as me. She’s just too much of a goody-goody two shoes. Anyway, I didn’t tell you because I wasn’t supposed to.”
“You’re also not supposed to put cheese in my shoes, but that doesn’t stop you.” 
“That’s different. The whole identity rule was put in place by the Guardians. Master Fu, the guardians before him, and now Marinette. That’s a little more binding.” 
Adrien wilted, knowing he was beaten. 
“But you’re on board with my plan now, right? Flirting with Marinette?”
“Sure, but Tikki said she’s already in love with me.”
“That’s true, but she doesn’t know you’re in love with her. And instead of just confessing, I’m going to slowly convince her that she’s the one you’re in love with.”
“Why do it slowly?”
“Two reasons.” Plagg held up his fingers. “One: I want to leave the mushy gushy confession stuff to you, and B: it’s more fun this way.”
“You’re a piece of work, you know that?”
“Yes. One worthy of the Louvre. I’m glad you’ve finally noticed.” He swiped Adrien out of the air and tucked him into his pocket. “Now, we must get back to class. While I certainly lived the Hundred Years War, you still need to know what’s going to be on the test.” 
Plagg walked back into the classroom, completely unbothered.
Miss Bustier looked surprised to see his return. The Gorilla was propped up against the wall with a washcloth on his forehead. He was still unconscious. “Back already? What did Mr. Damocles have to say about your behavior?”
“He took away one of my good noodle stars.” 
Someone in the back of the room snorted.
Miss Bustier sighed, as if she had been expecting this. “Alright, take your seat, Adrien. I better not hear a peep out of you for the rest of the day.” 
“You got it, teach!” 
At lunch, Plagg turned in his seat and addressed Nino. “Hey, you busy after school?” 
“Uh...Alya and I had a date, but if you’re free I’m sure she wouldn’t mind if I postponed!” 
“It’s a little rude to cancel plans without consulting the person you made them with, don’t you think?” Alya snarked, leaning forward. 
“Oh my apologies, madam.” Plagg bowed. “Dost thou mind if thine beloved joins me on an errand after school?” 
“But Adrien,” interrupted Marinette. “Don’t you have fencing after school?” 
“Hmm, you’re right. I have to keep up appearances.” 
“What?” 
“After fencing then.” 
“Hmm, how about this,” suggested Alya. “What if we come watch your fencing practice, and then we all go together.” 
Plagg blanched. “Eh, I don’t really want to be a third wheel.” 
“You wouldn’t. Marinette’s coming too!” 
“Oh!” He hopped up on his knees, eagerly getting into her space. “Like a double date? That sounds like fun!” 
“Date?!” Stuttered Marinette, “Uh, yeah! Sure!” Then her face pulled into a wince. “That is, if you don’t want to go with Kagami instead...” 
“Nah, this is an errand meant for the OG crew. Wouldn’t want anyone else! So what are we doing for lunch?” 
“You don’t have to go home?” 
“Sure, I have to, but I don’t want to. Let’s see...” he took out his wallet. Inside, there were several credit cards, but only one in Gabriel’s name. 
“I’ll cover lunch, let's hit the most expensive restaurant there is! Daddy’s paying!” 
After lunch, the group walked back to school, with the boys taking the lead while the girls hung back a few steps. 
“Okay, as much as I love new Adrien,” Alya whispered. “There’s definitely something up with him.” 
“Yeah. I noticed the minute I saw him this morning. I’m really worried about him.” 
“Eh, I wouldn’t be worried about him. I’d be worried about everyone else.” 
“What do you mean?” 
“I just mean...he’s gotten a taste of power somewhere, and it’s bound to explode outward. I’m sure that triple digit bill at lunch is not going to go over well with his father. If he’s messing with his dad and with Lila...when is it going to stop?” 
“No. Adrien’s not like that. I think he’s acting out for attention.” 
“You think he’d do that?” 
“I...I don’t know. But I think it’s closer to what’s happening. Adrien is good and kind, he’s not snotty like Chloe. I think this is just honest to goodness rebellion.” 
Plagg turned around and called back to the girls. “Do you think a tattoo would suit me?” Then he grabbed his leg in pain. “Ouch! Cramp!” 
“Definitely rebellion.” 
After school, Nino, Alya, and Marinette took a seat under the shady courtyard stairs so they could work on homework and watch Adrien’s practice at the same time. 
Nino spread out his books and then leaned back on his elbows. 
“You guys noticed how frickin weird Adrien’s been acting today?” 
“Yes!” The girls said unanimously. 
“We were just talking about that at lunch!” Said Alya. “Marinette says it's a rebellion. I say he’s tasting the rich boy power.” 
Nino screwed up his lips. “I think you’re both wrong. I think he’s magically switched bodies with someone...or something...” 
“Dude, what the hell are you talking about?” Alya stared at him, blank-faced. 
“Come on, you can’t seriously rule that out! What if there’s a body swapping Akuma out and about that we don’t know about yet?” 
“You think Adrien’s an Akuma?” 
“Or under the effects of one.” Nino clarified. “Maybe someone out to ruin his reputation...or something more sinister...” 
“If that’s the case, we should grill him. Ask him questions only the real Adrien would know.” 
“Yeah!” Nino stood. “Like that one episode of Spongebob!” 
“We should definitely not take advice from a children’s show.” 
“Or…we should.” 
Adrien emerged from the locker room, foil in hand and dressed in his gear. There was still something off about him. Were his pants on backwards?
“Hey Adrien!” Nino called. 
Like an excited puppy, Adrien trotted over. “Sup homes?”
“What’s your favorite vine?”
He rubbed his chin. “Odd question. But I suppose it’d be a trumpet, or perhaps a Honeysuckle.” 
“Uhh…” Nino raised a brow at him, suspicion rising. 
“Oh, you mean one of your silly little internet videos.” Immediately, Adrien dropped into a fighting stance. “DON’T EFF WITH ME! I’VE GOT THE POWER OF GOD AND ANIME ON MY SIDE! AHHHHHH!” 
“Yep, that’s Adrien.”
While Alya and Nino got to work on their homework, Marinette was constantly distracted by Adrien. Nothing new, of course, but it wasn’t all ‘grace’ and ‘elegance’.
It was ‘sneaky’ and ‘unlawful’.
Whenever Adrien’s partner was turned away, Adrien grabbed the tip of his saber, and bent it, only to release it a second later to snap on his opponent’s rear end. 
“Hey!”
“You had a fly.” 
“Mr. Agreste!” The coach called. “I don’t tolerate unsportsmanlike conduct! One more goof, and you’re out of practice!” 
“Just one more?”
“One more!”
*TWACK*
“Out you go!”
“Thanks!” And Adrien walked right off the mat and over to the locker room. He came out a few minutes later, looking even more disheveled than he was this morning. His hair was a sweaty rat’s nest.
“Now that I’ve been kicked out of fencing, who wants to run some errands!?” 
Alya slammed her book shut. “Me is ready. Me can't read anymore!” 
“Well, me is hungry,” said Nino. “Can we get food first?”
“Snacks it is!” 
But before they could even go anywhere, Kagami appeared, looking rightfully confused. “You’re skipping fencing today?”
“Correction, was kicked out of fencing today!” 
Her eyes widened in horror, before she frowned hard. “That’s not something to joke about Adrien.” 
“I’m not joking, I was goofing around and Coach kicked me out of practice.”
She shook her head. “That’s disappointing, Adrien. I expected better from you.” 
In Plagg’s pocket, Adrien gave a little gasp of pain. Hearing his father’s disappointment was one thing, but hearing that from Kagami was horribly painful. 
But Plagg rolled with it easily. “Kagami, let’s talk.” He turned to his friends. “I’ll be back in a little bit, think about where you want to eat.” Then Plagg led Kagami over to a secluded corner so they could speak privately. 
In the pocket, Adrien prayed that Plagg would be nice to her. 
Once they were a distance away, Kagami crossed her arms and levelled a glare at him. “If you are going to tell me to loosen up, I am. But you know how important fencing is for me. I want you to have friends, but I don’t like you blowing off responsibilities.”
“Kagami,” Plagg folded his hands in front of him. “This is bigger than us.”
Her face paled. “What? What are you saying?”
“I’m saying, you and I are leading different lives—“
“You’re breaking up with me?” She sniffed. 
“Ah ah, technically, we were never really dating in the first place.” 
“But—“ 
“I’m going to explain something to you, and I want you to listen and hear it objectively, as much as it will hurt. Don’t take it personally, alright?” 
She nodded sadly. 
“You think you’re in love with me, because you think you should be. I’m the only male friend you have that’s our age, and because of the affection you have for me, you’re assuming that it’s infatuation, when really, it’s just a connection.”
She blinked, frowning, but her eyes weren’t tearing up anymore. 
“I’m in a similar boat to you, where I started to like my first female friend on instinct. It was only until I made other female friends that I realized what I felt for her was really love, and not just the thrill of having a friend that’s a girl.” 
“Then…how do you know I don’t feel the same? I get what you’re saying, but I think I really love you.”
“Do you? Or do you love the idea of me? Do you love the idea of having a male companion that you can bond with?”
“I do like that…”
“Can you imagine it being someone other than me?”
“I don’t know who else it would be…”
“Make up a person. Pretend you’re talking to someone else, getting ice cream with someone else. Do you feel like you could get the same thing you want from me from someone else? Or is it something only I can give? Is it companionship? Or is it my sense of humor, my topics, my interests, my opinions?”
Kagami crossed her arms, now deep in thought.
“Kagami, I don’t want to hurt your feelings. I do care a lot about you, and I really enjoy fencing with you. But…I can’t see myself spending the rest of my life with you. We’re too alike, and yet too different. Our discussions are shallow, and I don’t think you want the same things from life as I do. But I think you want a boyfriend, and I was the closest boy available.” 
Kagami unfolded her arms, and raised her head to look at him levelly. “Yes, I suppose that is an accurate assessment. You do do things that irritate me, like fooling around in serious moments. Every time I brought up the future, you clammed up. I can see you live for the now and not for tomorrow, which is difficult to build a relationship on.” 
Both Plagg and Adrien sighed. She was taking this extremely well, given her track record for akumatizations. 
“I suppose I do need to make more male friends. I think that would be smart to learn more about what I want in a partner. And we can always revisit our relationship in the future, right?”
“Umm, maybe…?”
She frowned again. “Oh, yes, you said earlier that you are in love with someone else. It’s Marinette, isn’t it?”
Plagg grinned. “Pretty obvious, isn’t it?”
“I was in disbelief when you called her a ‘really good friend’. I saw it a mile away, but since neither of you were making a move, I decided to ‘shoot my shot’ as they say.”
Plagg figured that’s how it was, but Adrien was gawking at her from inside the pocket. She knew?? And she didn’t tell him?! 
“I suppose I should have expected this conversation as well. But I appreciate your insight. I think you’re right. I just want a boyfriend.” She shrugged. “I guess it doesn’t have to be you.” 
Plagg sighed again. “Thank you, Kagami.” 
“No, thank you, Adrien. Thank you for breaking this off before I got too invested. You know how much I hate wasting time.” And with that, she walked off. 
Once she was out of earshot, Plagg whistled lowly. “Whoa, burn. Dodged a bullet there, pal.” 
“The time we spent together was not a waste!” Adrien protested. “Anytime spent with friends should be cherished!” 
Plagg cupped him in his hand, rubbing right between the ears. “Hey, come on kid. She didn’t mean it like that. She can be as cool and calm as she wanted, but she’s still hurt. But I swear, it’s better for both of you this way, especially since you’re in love with Marinette.” 
“I know…it just…sucks.” 
“Sure it does. But it won’t forever.” Then he popped him back inside the pocket. “Come on! Let’s meet up with the others! We have some shopping to do!” 
“What are we shopping for, exactly?”
“Tools to use to piss off your old man.” 
“Uh, been there, done that?” 
“Oh no, my teeny tiny friend, we have much left to do. Much left.” 
“Touching me…”
“Touching you…”
“SWEET CAMEMBERT! BAH BAH BAH—“
“Now,” Nino interrupted their little impromptu karaoke down the sidewalk, “my English might not be very good, but I’m pretty sure it’s ‘Sweet Caroline’ not ‘Sweet Camembert.’”  
“Aw,” Plagg waved his hand. “It’s not important what the lyrics are, it’s just important that you feel the song.”
Nino, as a DJ, looked aghast. “Of course it’s important to know the lyrics! Why do you think they’re written that way?”
“Relax, I love making cheese parodies of songs. I’m not going to go to Jagged Stone and argue that my lyrics are better.” 
“Um…since when do you make cheese parodies? And aren’t you like, low key lactose intolerant?”
“Allergies can’t stop the cheese, my friend. Why do you think I take so many bathroom breaks?” 
Adrien pinched him from inside the pocket, but Plagg just swatted him back. Did he not see the opportunity he was just given? A perfect cover for when he had to go fight akumas!
All he had to do was become the weird cheese kid. Such were the sacrifices of being a hero. 
“Oh!” Marinette exclaimed as they walked past a boutique. “That is adorable!” She stared at a dress in the window. 
Plagg’s ears metaphorically perked up and he swooped in to make a move. He laid an arm on her shoulder. “Oh, yes Marinette, that’s extremely cute. I think it would look nice on you! Can I buy it for you?” He gave her a smooth smile. 
Adrien facepalmed in his pocket. 
“What! You want to—for me? No! No…I can certainly make it on my own!” She snapped a picture of the dress. “I think I could find a print I like better too.” 
Plagg was not deterred. “Oh, then perhaps I could buy the fabric for you? It’s not often that I get to buy things for my friends!” 
“Dude, you bought us lunch today.” Said Nino, with some concern. “You okay? Like…you’re not going to start giving away your personal belongings, are you?”
“No, unless I have something you want? A video game perhaps?”
“Stop it. You’re freaking me out.” 
This actually did give Plagg pause. In all his experience of human history, supplementing friendships with presents was the easiest way to manipulate people. What was he doing wrong? Was Adrien not generous enough?
“You know…” Nino scratched the back of his head, “they say when your friends start being super nice and giving stuff away and talking about personal things…it’s a sign of them being suicidal.”
Adrien’s bite was sorely deserved, Plagg decided as he flinched. “No! No no, gods no!” He laughed awkwardly. “I just…decided to be a little more…generous?” 
Marinette laid a hand on his arm. “Adrien, never feel like you have to buy our friendship. We like spending time with you, no matter how we get it.” 
Plagg tightened his jaw. He knew what he had to do, but mushy-ness and feelings were his least favorite thing in the world. 
He took her hand and held it. “Thank you Marinette. I love you, all of you. It’s so important to me that I get to spend time with you too, and I’m happiest when I’m with my friends. I just wanted to show my appreciation.”
Nino sniffled and wiped his eyes. “We love you too man.” 
Slam dunk.
The shopping trip went splendidly. His target was horribly gaudy clothes that would offend his father. He used Marinette as a litmus test. If she gaped in shock, it was perfect. 
Most of his purchases ended up being cheap tourist shirts, ‘Hawaiian’ shirts as they were often referred to. 
After the initial shock of Plagg subjecting them to the eye sores, it started to turn into a game. 
“Look Adrien! This one’s got little  croissants on it!” Marinette said with glee. 
“I love it,” Plagg stated, holding it up to Adrien’s body in the mirror. “But, all of these shirts are still just a little too normal. I think it’ll piss my dad off, but it’s not enough to push him into absolutely indignant.”
Marinette shrugged. “I mean, we are in Paris, the fashion capital of the world.” 
Nino was the one that held up two shirts together. “I mean, you could wear these two at the same time.” One was a sunset orange, and the other was a vibrant Microsoft Blue Screen of death blue. It was painful to look at them next to each other.
Marinette made a loud, gasp, it almost sounded like a honk. “Nino.” 
“What? I thought we were going for gaudy?” 
“We are, we are, you’re a genius!” 
“I mean, of course I am, but what did I do?” 
She took the two shirts and examined the seams. “I might doom myself, but I can separate these shirts and re-sew them. Basically, making two new shirts!” 
Plagg laughed maniacally. “Oh Marinette, my dear, that’s downright diabolical!” 
Marinette blushed, but she smiled proudly. “I can probably do a couple of these shirts, as long as they’re the same style. It might take me a few days—“ 
Plagg hugged her from the side and kissed her cheek loudly and obnoxiously. “That would be amazing! Thank you Marinette!” 
Gauging by the way the girl melted into the floor, Plagg assumed he had scored a few points. 
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