#oh cause youre trash

[neilsracquet]

i want to know what kind of bets the OTHER sports teams in the tower made about the foxes because I just know there would be a lot

#like imagine being any of the other athletes living in the tower with them #when the cars got trashed??? #the constant fighting #you just hear angry german yelling and youre like wow i wonder what happened this time #and then you have a non athlete friend over to the tower like the day aaron punched neil and youre just like #oh dont worry this is normal! #and theyre like NORMAL ??? #no cause like seriously i want some outside perspective on the foxes #thinking about this is so funny to me #i just know it would be hilarious #all for the game #aftg series #the foxhole court #allforthegame #neil josten #andrew minyard #the foxes #aftg memes #aftg thoughts #aftg hc

[eiilleen]

#lucemond thoughts:

modern!au. summer family vacation at the targaryen’s italian seaside villa. three months of living in each other’s pockets and trying not to kill each other. what could go wrong?

the days are hot and the nights are mild. despite that, aemond is still rocking the goth bitch tm look but he at least substitutes the black long sleeves for singlets and tees. it’s fine though. fire is in their blood, which is why he can’t understand his nephew’s choice to compensate for the weather by wearing an oversized tee that swallows his slim frame and the most ridiculously short shorts he’s ever seen in his life.

it was the morning after they had all arrived. breakfast was served in the backyard beneath the olive canopy. their parents are already well fed and sipping on espresso by the time the first of their progeny rise and make it downstairs. aemond is halfway through is breakfast when lucerys graces them with his presence. he stops mid chew as his eyes befall his nephew. the boy dutifully kisses is mother on the cheek and his step-father squeezes his arm affectionately. then with a plate in-hand, he spoons a selection of assorted breakfast delicacies on his plate before taking a seat next to jace. aemond finally remembers to swallow and pretends he wasn’t affected by his bastard nephew’s presence.

it happens again.

for the most part aemond has kept to himself and for the better part ignored the present of his nephew(s). he reads in the garden or in the quiet of the study when he nieces and nephew finds childless means to amuse themselves. halaena convinces him to join them on a trip into town. they each have a bike that they take on the country roads. the sights are picturesque and the breeze a welcomed comfort, aemond will admit that. they stop for gelato, all of them clamouring before the refrigerated glass cabinet to choose their flavours.

somehow he’s walking out into the summer sun with a single serve cup and a small wooden spoon. he chose vanilla and aegon snickered, for what reason, aemond doesn’t know. they meander along the ancient cobble footpath  overlooking sea below, enjoying the sweet delicacy. someone laughs and aemond hates how it piques his interest.

as much as he’s tried, he can’t ignore his nephew forever, but it catches him off guard. lucerys is a vision. his hair vibrant and rich. his freckles are more apparent in the sun, dusting across his nose, and aemond wonders if people realise this fact. melted chocolate dribbles down the cone onto his hand and lucerys pays it no mind as he laughs again, engrossed in conversation with rhaena. he’s wearing those shorts again. aemond doesn’t know why he bothers as the tee-shirt almost conceals them entirely leaving his comically pale legs exposed (not that aemond was one to talk being fair of skin himself).

aegon laughs again, a more robust sound this time that steals aemond’s attention from lucerys. he finds his brother shaking his head and smirking around a spoon in his mouth.

#lol did this just become a 'call me by your name' au?? #also lucerys is a player. he knows what them short shorts do #they tots fuck at the villa when the fam is gone off on an outing. luke pretends to feel unwell #and aemond volunteers to stay back and keep and eye on him cause 'he's a good uncle' lmaooo #lucemond #my trash #oh also the adults dont question it cause they're just happy they're getting along but aegon knows whats going down LOL #lucemond thoughts #lucerys x aemond

[unproduciblesmackdown]

"winston quant billions: like anyone else, an entire universe" or "the good news is it's just that everyone's been terrible to you, the bad news is it's just that everyone's been terrible to you"

#one thing you can do now that billions has an overall conclusion: fight it to the death w/your bare hands & anything within reach #go ''anyway.'' look at taylor mason being in there and out here like wrow.... #come get your thee most special little fella on earth created by this series by nonzero layers of happenstance babeyyy #and people will have been terrible to them in general / more than not / perhaps always #meanwhile i'm turnt on album recording amphibian that high note oh my gott #and have been snapping metal in half thinking about orvphil material like hhrrhgh #and in this case have been like ''sure making this coloring Busier and Noisier...'' then been like ''yep'' and continued apace #can't be too much in his cosmos. and also: yolo #winston billions #corned beef #also spent many words for many minutes Just Today going on & on abt [christ the winston material + billions more broadly] in the dms lol #typical sunday....it's truly not Not. the verbosity will simply manifest thusly now and then. s/o to my fellow connoisseur #and now. need nappuccino #oh and also the way the whole universe that is oneself? needs no external acknowledgment abt this; is not deficient or insufficient; etc... #winston deserved to flip tf out & not in a way everyone liked & respected #&/or every day on a simmer just be more of a bitch; cause problems on purpose; etc #meanwhile they just handled his material like ''well you can only ultimately throw him in the trash'' but like welp #he in turn can only be better off removed from [all other characters on this show] lol like team ben / tuk exception maybey.... #he already so Arrogantly has any sense of self worth/confidence. and he needs more. More!

[ravenmoodle]

Why do people feel the need to tell me the things I like are gross?

#rats. pigeons. hairless cats #they are NOT gross you guys are just mean!!!! #theyre just here existing and youre judging them for things they cant control!!! #told a coworker i want a pet pigeon really bad #“gross! pigeons are nasty trash birds!” i didnt ask!!! and what others options do they have!? #oh im sorry. should they go back to their natural habitat??? EUROPE!? We bought them here!!! #explaining how hairless cats have to be washed sometimes cause their skin gets oily #“eww! thats so gross!” LITERALLY YOUR SKIN GETS OILY YOU FUCK. that happens when you have skin!! #>:[ so tired of it. #even if you dont like something why do you have to tell me.. someone who does- why its so gross and i shouldnt like it #ravens squawk

[lyxchen]

I don't like this season

#it has some good moments #but i keep wanting something to happen #like stuff happens but also nothing happens #and everyone is just sad and miserable and hating each other #like last season it was also like that but there were still enough happy moments #now it just feels unbalanced #and i don't like that they fully split apart amerie and malakai #they were so good together #and rowan sucks #like i know he's (spoiler) birdpsycho but he also just sucks in general #and he's so damn boring #we get it #amerie hurt you (or your brother idk) when you were little and never got (in your opinion) proper punishment and now that you're at her #school you wanna make life a living hell for her #i get it now get over it #(i'm still at episode six tho so i could be wrong and also no spoilers please) #also where is sasha's redemption arc????? #i feel like she got even worse #cause she isn't just entitled and selfish now she's also a hypocrite #like season one sasha would have picked that cup up and thrown it in the trash #and she deserved that redemption arc #but instead we get to see how deep spider problems actually are ohh poor baby boy :(( shut the fuck up #why does he get all this characterization and then they won't even let sasha feel one genuine emotion???? #also #WHY IS THERE SO LITTLE QUINNI?????? #and why would darren scream at her and say such mean things to her #i relate to her so much and all her friends just dropped her like that #like the thing happened at the zoo and then darren and amerie had like one line of 'oh where is quinni i miss her' #and they both didn't even bother to ho talk to her or make up #heartbreak high

[selvepnea]

A strange shirt sort of dream?

#Sel talks #dream journal #I'm pretty sure that's the trash I used #Anyway! #I can't remember the dobby of the dream too well #But for some reason I had 2 bibis (bibii?) But I end up picking both of them up and walking up to the bathroom mirror; like I'm filming a o #Something; saying like “wow! Your mom lets you have 2 bibis??” And I see myself in the mirror (strange!) #And I have a funny little stash growing (along w a weird mullet thing going) #I start thinking something like 'oh its growing in well!' And start to remember my grandma commenting on it? Implying I should shave it? Ca #Shouldn't have mustaches? And then thinking how ridiculous that was cause I really liked how it was looking? Or something? #I didn't really have any strong gender... connotations? To my facial hair? #It's especially strange cause I can't really remember a time where I've seen myself in a dream? #But besides that; I remember using the bathroom a lot. I think I was in some sort of class at one point? I think we were sharing plant #Stories? And I was worried cause I only had a dill plant and I didn't like dill all that much #I also remember putting off planing some herb plants until the end of my dream (right after the fun 2 bibis scene) where I really wanted to #Get that started? But there was strange dream magic that prevented me from starting that. #Anyway! I'm sure the lesson here is I need to get another bibi and I'll finally have such gender

[todayisafridaynight]

definitely not related to anything but how do you think Masato would view who he became in the present? I feel like he'd obv feel vindication for having fixed his fucked up body somewhat and gotten to the level of power he'd desired but at the same time i have to wonder if theres a lil bit of seething at aokis hypocrisy and sliminess (not that he's any better but i don't think he'd have the self awareness to get that oops)

GREAT QUESTION. ASTOUNDING QUESTION EVEN......

theres no doubt that masato wouldnt have any qualms about aoki yk. Succeeding and getting as far as he has

at the same time, i think because it's not him (as in. he's still 'stuck' with the self he has now) there'd be envy. like Yeah Thats Great He Gets That Eventually But Why Not Now kind of deal- and why'd it have to take All Of That to get it anyway ? unfair, he thinks. me thinks (╯▽╰ )

#snap chats #masato's a hypocrite at his core we know he woludn't really be 100% on board even with himself LOL #there might ALSO be case in masato hating just. how much of a worm aoki is LOL #like what aoki does he does majorly because he believes its what people want #he lives for the attention of the public and their approval as it validates him and makes him feel yk. Normal. #Son Your Normal Is Horrible But I Understand (You're Wack As Hell) but anyway #it wasnt as if masato didnt already have the seedlings of his ardent anti-crime ideals or however else you label it as #seeing the No Dumping Trash sign probably made his cope worse. tbh. yk he's super Anti-Crime now as a way to 'correct' that moment #and if not that it just solidified to himself how much of 'trash' 'masato arakawa' is right #but thats for the masato/aoki analysis ill save that for another year <- already wrote it #either way i think knowing how far and obsessive aoki is about everyones approval is like... Oh So You're A Worm LOL #idk. hard to say since i only know if i found out my future self became a politician i would kill him in cold blood LOLOLOL #ANYWAY ILL END IT THERE NOOOOO im normal i promise..... #im gonna go for a walk now before stream lol.... #you should ask me more about masato and aoki and masato /and/ aoki cause :)))))))))))))) //explodes//

[vulpinesaint]

sorry about the spider guts on the wall. i wish they were mine

#I'M SORRY FOR KILLIGN SPIDERS. YOU CAN'T FUCKING LIVE IN MY ROOM THOUGH #i leave daddy longlegs alone cause they're not fucking around with you they'll just chill in the corners. #however that means that the ones that i kill always have like. Fluids and stuff that get splattered 😭 #i'm so good about going for the kill with a shoe now (had to get good at it) (only one who will do it so the kids don't freak out) #my heartrate hardly gets to jackhammer status at all. NOT fucking pleasant though #so sorry to the spider from just now. i know your life wasn't supposed to go like that. #you cannnnn't fucking crawl up my wall like that though oh my fucking god #couldn't get its body into the trash can either so most of it just fell behind my bookshelf... 🤮 #imagine how fucking easy it would be if spiders didn't try to live in the place where i sleep :| #i'm letting an obscene amount of spiders live in my bathroom rn lemme tell you dkfgjhsd. i can count five of them by memory right now #let one live in my shower long enough that i looked up and there were a ton of baby spiders. so. mistake maybe. but. you know what. #there are not a million baby spiders in my shower anymore. so. #valentine notes

[spiribia]

ive gushed about it since months ago (darkon’s saga from free to play mmo ‘adventure quest worlds’) but i really cant get enough of how distinct the aesthetics and music and symbolism of the arc are .. i love that its so full of incomprehensible grotesque eldritch entities and for several installations this is what is set up to be the disturbing part, but the real horror as far as the tragic backstory stemmed not from that cosmic horror as you might expect -- the divines given dialogue turn out to actually be pretty sympathetic toward the plight of the leading characters, it seems -- but from mortal human people and their intolerance and their hatred for people who are not like them or are ‘outsiders’ to what they understand...

#talks #like the main guy was formerly the crown prince of this kingdom oblivious to the true nature of the divine power he was inheriting #until the day he like the long line of ascending kings before him climbed up the observatory to meet their god #for the first time and it was this terrifying fleshy being alprecha. and alprecha was like i made a pact with those past kings #tiny particles of my body are in your farmers fields. those little bits of debris cause your unnaturally abundant harvests but when the #people of the kingdom ingest what grows from that soil they also take a little bit of that debris into their own bodies and become #an extension of me and thereby fuel for my greater scheme. #& you the player read this and think oh how horrifying #surely our protagonist will run into some of his misfortune here (you know he'll run into misfortune at some point because this is his #backstory and this is a tragedy) and you know he wants to disband the monarchy and he wants to marry an outsider. and youre like #oh alprecha wont like this surely. but she actually is amenable to discussing it. its the princes brother who barges in having #trashed everything with the help of many of the common people who could not tolerate the changes the prince wanted to make. #because they didnt approve of the outsider. #and that princes guards who are still significant characters in the 'present day' storyline but now warped and distorted and undead #when you first met them. or when i did. i was like this dark magic they dabble in clearly did numbers on them. #but it was actually the PEOPLE of the kingdom that TORE THEM TO PIECES and the 'dark magic' is what saved them

[abluescarfonwaston]

Summary: The team stumbles on some old highlight reels of Wild Tiger back in his 'prime', a decade ago. Highlights specifically of his old signature move "Cat Nap" Where he'd fall asleep seemingly where ever he'd like. On a bench, during an interview, or often in Rock Bison's arms.

But they couldn't hold it against him after he'd explained.

#tiger and bunny #tnb #kotetsu kaburagi #kotetsu x barnaby #although only in a minor way #in the 'i would like to fall asleep to the sound of his snoring what is that gay? shut up' way #i have tried to write something sweet and soft #what's softer than your newborn breaking your eardrums cause you activated 100x power so you could read a label without a light? #antonio coming over with dinner to help out and just ending up on the couch holding kaede for three hours #'oh she's napping really well okay excuse us while we rush to do all the basic household tasks we've neglected' #like showering and sleeping and taking out the trash #yell if you need anything #Bison: ... Guess its you and me against the world kaede

[jimingyue]

Cat Tumblr Dashboard Simulator

🖋️ meowful-musings Follow

🕊️ birdwatching Follow

what's wrong with dry food??? my humans feed me it all the time and i think it's fine

💀 elusivehider-deactivated948204

op wheres the natural feeding option

🌲 outdoorsy Follow

you guys are getting fed?

#im a barn cat so maybe im missing something here #meowtthew don't look

7,192 notes

☀️ pawsitive-affurmations Follow

ITS OKAY TO BE A MOGGIE

ITS OKAY TO BE A MOGGIE

YOU ARE NOT LESS VALID IF YOU ARE NOT A SPECIFIC PEDIGREE!!!!!

☀️ pawsitive-affurmations Follow

extra special shout out to cats who have "common" coat colors. grey tabbies and black cats i am rubbing against your head affectionately <3

🪤 m0usetrap01 Follow

as a grey tabby i really needed to hear this :"3

#i feel like i never see positivity posts for moggies even tho we're the most common type of cat....

154,688 notes

🎵 rage-against-the-meowchine Follow

i cant believe there are cats ACTUALLY advocating for kittens to be separated from their mothers before 12 weeks??? kittens still need to learn how to interact with other cats before being placed into their furever home omg you guys know you're advocating for undersocialized and aggressive cats right

❤️ loving-paws284 Follow

um op some of us??? matured early??????? i was separated from my mother at 7 weeks and i turned out fine... interesting how you assume that kittens being separated from their mothers at a younger age will lead to the degeneracy of the next generation...hmm i wonder where i've heard that before...

🐈 fluffy-the-cat Follow

OP got bit too hard during a play-fight as a kitten and it shows XD

🐟 tunafeesh Follow

also op have you ever considered that just because somecat is kind of scared and unable to deal with strange cats or humans, it doesn't mean they don't deserve to be adopted?? you sound like a vet psyop honestly

🎵 rage-against-the-meowchine Follow

oh meow god saying that kittens should be fully weaned before leaving their mother is NOT veterinarian rhetoric and i never said that they deserve to be euthanized!!! my mother literally died when i was 3 weeks old and it seriously messed up my development so stop putting words in my mouth, thanks

anyway friendly reminder that underweaned kittens are prone to illness and often struggle with basic cat behaviors like litterbox usage, and in some nyavinces it's even considered kitten abuse

#discourse #cant believe "kitten abuse is bad" is controversial now

32,456 notes

🍃 naturalliving Follow

BORN TO DIE

WORLD IS A FUCK

猫神 Kill Em All 1989

I am trash cat

410,757,864,530 DEAD BIRDS

#outdoorliving #outdoorcats please interact #outdoorcat friendly

48,971 notes

🎣 salmonpurina Follow

can't believe cats are uncritically reblogging that born to die world is a fuck post. i know it's funny but op is literally an outdoor cat truther

#like cmon now you just have to go to their blog #lulu speaks

34 notes

💀 tabbystripes-deactivated098712

gentle reminder that pushing cups off the table is not cute and can cause a lot of distress in your human!!!! gentle reminder that our teeth and claws can easily hurt them more than they can hurt us!!!!

🐰 evil-tabbystripes Follow

evil reminder that the cup should always be pushed off the table. evil reminder that you should always bite and claw at your human no matter what. you can do whatever you want forever

💀 tabbystripes-deactivated098712

make your own pawst

💀 laser-point-deactivated8574721

umm i know a tomcat who did that and his human ended up putting him down so...

👬🏻 nyasunaruenjoyer Follow

Nyaverage shelter cat behavior

#not nyaruto #re-nyab #pickles shut up

545,460 notes

🌈 nyaoi-warrior Follow

saw two male cats sleeping together on the porch today. homeow behavior imo

💡 discourse-meows Follow

hey um what the fuck??? it's really not okay of you to go assuming other cat's sexualities, especially cats you don't even know???? as a queer cat i'm VERYY uncomfortable. real-ass cats didn't consent to your nyaoi fetish, thanks

🌈 nyaoi-warrior Follow

1. i was making. a joak

2. i'm literally gay???

#literally what's your pawblem

7 notes

🎩 amazingcatshow12 Follow

reblog if you've ever caught the laser pointer

🎩 amazingcatshow12 Follow

i know you fuckers are lying

🍭 gaykittens Follow

this tom hasn't caught the laser pointer

🎩 amazingcatshow12 Follow

shut the heull up

988,653 notes

🐾 b-e-a-n-t-o-e-s Follow

grey toebeans >>>>>>>>> pink toebeans and don't let the haters make you believe otherwise

🐁 ladymouser Follow

op shut the fuck up ALL toebeans are beautiful!!! just bc you're miserable and insecure doesn't mean you can bring others down based on things they can't control

🐾 b-e-a-n-t-o-e-s Follow

oh so the cat-human separationist wants to preach to us

#long post #cat #fake dashboard #unreality #dashboard simulator

[foxgloveinspace]

Currently laying in bed conserving energy.

#very much so #I don’t even know what to write here #I’m both…. dreading and not even thinking about later today. #funeral is at one. I just…. ugh. #so many people I don’t know are gonna be there. so many people I don’t wanna see are gonna be there. #the older I get the more that funerals are not ‘for the family’. it’s for one member of the family who isn’t even gonna be there very long #cause she has to take her shitty white trash son back to jail after #that’s right!! there’s gonna be a criminal there. #‘oh but he said this is what happened’ your druggy white trash son who walks all over you?? said he didn’t shoot at someone when there’s #three people against his ‘oh I shit in the air’ fuck you. #she lives in delusion. #this is far enough down that only dedicated people will read it: my abuser is probably gonna be there #I don’t… I don’t wanna see her. I don’t want to be around her. #if she shows up to the house after I’m gonna lose my shit #what if I just spent the entire day listening to sleep token and pretending the world doesn’t exist! #gosh ignore me you guys sorry

[knaveofmogadore]

Hang..

#ran out of tags on the other post but I've got so manynof these #was best friends with a pair of roommates who became so intensely codependent that they both had breakdowns when the other studied abroad #a guy who had siblings regularly terrorized my friend who also had siblings with the corpse of a roachnfor over a year (roommates) #ive known ONE situation where the only chold terrorized an apartment of sibling people. but that's because they were all poc and she was #insanely racist. like so racist that MY little pale jewish ass got weird vibes from her on first contact #learned some good lessons from roommates but none of them are things I'd be able to explain to a kid #except maybe 'if you get the feeling someone's mad at you all the time but won't tell you for some reason just move out' #oh! my friend had a partner who was a terror of a roommate. as in she psychologically terrorized my friend and their roommates #once listened in on a convo that went 'i shouldnt have to warn people I'm walking into an apartment I PAY FOR just because they want a date #oh also @ my niblings sometimes situations are unwinable before you even get there. sometimes people just make up their minds about you #and you just gotta deal with the consequences of that decision. if you're in an unwinnable social situation just hit the bricks #you can't fix something that isn't functionally broken and it puts you in situations where every choice is wrong #living with people who grew up with fucked up sibling relationships created a lot of '0 good dialogue options' situations #cant leave the living room because then they asked for something and got it and that's shameful. can't sit in the living room. they want it. #again i could have been a way better roommate. for a multitude of reasons some under my control some not. but lord in heaven #but having siblings does NOT socialize you to live with other adults i hate that myth every situation I've lived in has proved it wrong #NONE OF US had any clue how to live with people who weren't our relatives #and this will happen to you. you will move out and realize the extent of your habits cause most people's parents just tolerate stuff #or your parents just got used to things that would drive other adults insane and they don't notice the things you do cause they're your kid #(or they might have even taught you those habits/level of cleanliness themselves) #one dude at the boarding house got mad about being asked to have basic responsibility for his room. so he left it covered in trash #and when they went to clean it it was covered in a fine layer of mold on almost every surface. genuine biohazard scene #got hit with 'youre the only person i don't regret letting into my house' from the woman we paid rent to when i moved out #and I'm like gee the bar is in hell 😭

[redsray]

i love the idea of the batfam wearing each other's merch cause like. i know they'd be petty about it. usually they'd wear their siblings merch in (kinda) equal rotations, but they'd change it up depending on sibling squabbles or sibling favours. Tim, walking into the kitchen in a Red Hood shirt: Dick: TIM!? Tim: what Dick: it's Tuesday. you always wear Nightwing merch on Tuesdays. Tim: oh. Tim: you stole my last granola bar, last week. Steph, looking for something in Jason's room: JASON WHY DO YOU HAVE EVERYONE'S MERCH BUT MINE?! Jason, peeking into the room: i have your merch. in the trash. Steph: WHY Jason: you hit me with a blue shell in mario kart last game night. i'm never forgiving you. Damian, sporting a full-on Red Robin hoodie: Tim: woah. what brought this on? you usually only exclusively wear Batman or Nightwing merch Damian: you helped me take that splinter out of Alfred's paw yesterday. Richard on the other hand has recently messed up my painting palette. Dick, from the other room: IT WAS AN ACCIDENT! Damian: he'll get over it. Cass, wearing Nightwing merch for the 5th day in a row: Jason: goddamn. what did Dickie do to get in your good graces like this? Cass, smiling: he made me a flower crown Jason: ... that's it? Cass: it was a very nice flower crown. Dick, buying seven Signal shirts: One for everyone. Duke, behind him: Dick, you really don't-- Dick: shhhh, sunshine. everyone will love your new merch. (they all wore exclusively Signal merch for a week straight) Bruce isn't allowed to change up his rotation or not wear someone's merch because he immediately gets accused of playing favourites. He'd rather keep some of his sanity, thank you.

#batfam #batman #cassandra cain #damian wayne #dc comics #dick grayson #duke thomas #jason todd #stephanie brown #tim drake #bruce wore a black bat shirt twice in a row once #cause he mistook it for his own merch #and got flamed by the whole family for playing favourites #he never made the mistake again #they all have mugs with their logos on them btw #source? trust me bro

[medicinemane]

People are too accepting of shit like everything being appified and turned into a device

People are too accepting of yet another shit quality streaming service

People are just too fucking willing to be good little consumer whores with shit and man... I just don't get it, cause I don't think it's a matter of them being stupid or something, but fuck are people willing to buy into really shit systems at the drop of a hat

#it confuses me cause I've got no interest in most of this shit; like full stop #like I watched more on that thing and about one more minute in I'm like nope! never buying this thing even if I brew someday #like... it fucking has some pro settings #like bro? you're fucking telling me that a thing I paid full market value for; you want to charge me to do everything with it? #'oh; it's just higher resolution on the app or some shit' the app is part of the device I bought #as in... I should be buying a fully functional device; you've not put all the function inside my device #therefore anything that the app is capable of is a function of my device #if you limit me in some way on the app; even if it's not for physical use of the device; that's still limiting me and I don't own that devi #and like... uncool with me; that's dog shit; that's just trash; like you can fuck right off if you're doing that after I've paid already #like... I buy something; I own it; no fucking live service models for physical fucking goods #that frankly tells me you kneecapped the product and made an app just to have recurring revenue #and just... there's so much shit where it's like... you people aren't stupid; so why the hell you all so dumb? #why do you just buy in to every god damn thing tossed at you and swallow and slop you're fed #the hell are you standing in lines for fucking cups for? #you're all so fucking lame and pathetic; and this is coming from a fucking waste of flesh #how the fuck can so many people sit through more marvel slop long after they stopped being good? #how can you tolerate not owning a physical device you paid full price for? #or like why the fuck would you ever let them give you a keyless car? you still have to remember the fob so... how does this help? #cause I can tell you how it hurts you in concrete ways #fucking dude talking about how you have to put your fob in a faraday cage and wrap your keys in tinfoil when out in public #and like... he was so fucking right; but that's just a stupid system is my point #how the fuck is the world so dumb and docile? #cause you know who a lot of the people who are like that are? smart people; people I can like and respect #and then they act like dumb fuck morons drooling all over themselves #taken in by shit like the most basic like I can literally go look and find this on sputnik tier propaganda #buying up trash products they don't own to consume yet another fucking bad remake on #why? like I refuse to believe I'm just so much smarter than everyone else #that's a stupid opinion to have and it's also useless even if it ends up being true #and like... I'm not so sure it's anything new; I feel like it's more just new stupid modes of it showing through #like it's just food and circus or however the saying goes

[augustinewrites]

it’s been…a while since you and satoru have gone on an assignment together.

having two young children at home made it difficult to take off on short notice and be away for days at a time. they needed stability and routine, so the two of you had decided that one person would stay home while the other was working.

for a while, that’d worked fine. but now that megumi and tsumiki were older, self-sufficient teens who loved nothing more than being left alone, satoru had seen this as an opportunity.

you’d still been a little hesitant, but it was a simple surveillance mission. easy, right?

“water. you need to stay hydrated.” you instruct when he gets back into the car. he takes the water bottle you’re holding out, unscrewing the cap and taking a swig.

“gakuganji isn’t even home yet,” he reports with a sigh. you hum, distracted as you check your phone. gojo reaches across your knees to pull open the glovebox, rifling through colourful snack wrappers.

“tsumiki hasn’t texted me back,” you mutter. “should i ask nanami to check in on them?”

“nah, i’m sure they’re just super busy trashing the apartment and racking up charges on the emergency credit card. ah– found it!” he pulls out a black silk sleep mask, slipping it on so it rests on his forehead.

“really?” you ask, unimpressed as he holds a second one out to you. “you’re taking a nap?”

“yeah, it’ll be easier to sneak around when it’s dark, why stay awake till then?”

“is that a good idea?” you ask, though you know there’s really no point in trying to argue with his logic.

“your fault for keeping me awake all night. late night laundry folding is no joke.”

“if you’d put it in the dryer when i’d asked—”

“can’t hear you,” he sing-songs, pulling the mask over his eyes. “you can take a nap too, you know. that old fart couldn’t get past us even while asleep.”

“i’ll pass on the nap. need to wait for tsumiki to text.”

he grumbles something incoherent that you’re sure is meant to be argumentative as he reclines his seat a little and lays back, getting comfortable and quiet.

…for about 45 seconds.

you watch out of the corner of your eye as he pulls the mask up a half inch, just enough for his right eye to observe you.

“what do you want now?” you ask.

then, with casualty akin to asking what you want for lunch, he clears his throat and asks, “do you want to have sex?”

“do i want to have what?” you ask, turning to stare at him incredulously, but your face is hot and for a split second, you’d considered agreeing.

“sex,” he repeats, patting his lap with a shit-eating grin. “we’re going to be here for a while, anyways. these seats recline way back—”

“i am not having sex in this car with you, satoru!”

he groans over-dramatically (as he tends to do). “will you at least cuddle with me then? i’m desperate and touch-starved and hopelessly in love with you!”

you make a note to figure out what cheesy rom com he stole that line from, but lean across the console to trail kisses up his shoulder, his neck. satoru does nothing to protect himself from your overly affectionate onslaught, he’s quick to catch your jaw, pulling you in for a proper kiss.

“wait. no, no, no!” he protests when you pull back, eyes suddenly trained on the house you’re meant to be watching. “you can’t just leave me high and dry—”

“he’s home!” you whisper, pressing a hand over his mouth (though he continues with muffled complaints). “pull the car a little further back before we get out.”

you’ve already summoned your shikigami as satoru maneuvers the car into the dense forestry, about to send them off when your phone vibrates in your lap.

“oh! megumi texted me,” you inform him. “he said…‘already made dinner. tsumiki is out on a date—’”

the car grinds to a halt and abruptly turns, the momentum causing your to slam into the side of the car as it peels out onto the dirt road. you curse loudly as your fiancé, devoid of all his playfulness from earlier, speeds through the forest.

“what the— satoru!”

#principal yaga sighs when the mission report status reads incomplete due to ‘fatherly duties’ #keeping up with the fushigojos #gojo x reader #gojo satoru x reader #jjk x reader #jjk fluff