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totowlff · 1 year

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chapter twenty-eight — what won’t you do for love

➝ the moment of truth has arrived for elisabeth and niki.

➝ word count: 4,4k

➝ warnings: none

➝ author notes: the most awaited chapter for you is here. i hope you are as excited as i am to find out what happens from now on.

AUGUST, 2016

Sitting inside the black Mercedes C-Class parked in her parents’ building Alsergrund, Elisabeth had been staring at the silver star emblem embedded in her steering wheel for more than five minutes already. She was sitting in complete silence. She took a deep breath and tried to push back the lump in her throat, and the tears that kept coming to her eyes.

It was as if, every time she touched the car handle to open the door, some memory of the last 48 hours of her life came to mind, like a punch to the gut. She had no idea where it was coming from.

After Toto accidentally posted photos of the two of them, there was no longer any point in running away. It was real, official, and out to the public. The mystery had been solved. Elisabeth Lauda was the newest conquest of the investor, entrepreneur, and notorious playboy Toto Wolff. That’s the way it was phrased on the cover of OE24, one of Austria’s main gossip tabloids. The words were printed along with an image of the two of them together from the IWC gala a few months ago.

Even worse than seeing her own face splashed over the cover of a magazine in a market near Stephensplatz, was the way people around her reacted when reading it. A mother and daughter in the next checkout lane had been reading the magazine while they were in line. Their expressions of disbelief when they saw the glamorous woman on the cover in a black dress and red lipstick was the same as the one in the pages of the magazine — bent over a dock tie in a black bikini, handing a shaved ice to a thirteen year old girl in a park, the woman standing next to them with her hair pulled back in a messy bun and oversized sweatshirt — it was all terrifying, to say the least. But even worse than that were the comments they made out loud, when Elisabeth was sure they couldn’t see her eavesdropping.

— How is such a successful man with this stupid little girl? — the woman said, showing the magazine to her daughter. The girl nodded and laughed.

When she returned to the penthouse, Elisabeth set the bags down on top of the kitchen island and leaned back against the stone countertop, taking a deep breath. It was as if she'd gone back to VIS, reliving the hell her classmates had put her through. Only this time on an even bigger scale.

— Liesl? — Toto said, standing in the kitchen doorway.

— Yes — she replied, opening one of the bags and taking out their groceries. Her eyes were full of tears.

— Is everything okay?

Elisabeth took a deep breath, not daring to look back. She didn't want Toto to see her crying.

— Yes — she said softly, the tightness in her throat strangling her voice.

— Did something happen at the market?

The memory of the girl's laughter made a tear fall down her cheek. Elisabeth swiped her hand across her face, wiping it away.

— No, nothing happened.

She heard footsteps behind her, and suddenly, a pair of hands landed on her waist, making Elisabeth spin on her axis, causing her to meet Toto's dark eyes. Her bottom lip began to tremble, and a few seconds later, she collapsed in his arms, tears wetting the gray T-shirt he was wearing.

It was all too much for her.

The sound of something vibrating brought Elisabeth back to reality. She looked around for her phone, finding it in the console to her right. The screen had turned on, with Toto's name in big letters, along with a picture she'd discreetly taken of him one night as he read something by the fireplace. She smiled as she answered the call.

— Hey, darling.

— Hi, Liesl. Have you talked to your father?

— Well… No. Not yet.

— But you left the house an hour ago.

She pursed her lips. She couldn't even use the traffic as an excuse, after all, it wasn't even close to rush hour.

— I've been driving around their neighborhood for a bit — she said quietly — Now I’m parked in front of their building. I’ve been here for about ten minutes.

— But, why?

— Trying to build up the courage, Toto. I have no idea what to expect from this conversation.

Toto sighed on the other end of the line.

— Elisabeth, you know you've put this conversation off too long.

— I know…

— And, you know that no matter what he says, I'll be on your side, right?

— You will?

Toto laughed.

— Of course, Liesl. Always — he replied, making a smile spread across her face — Now take a deep breath and go. I trust you, my love.

Feeling a little more confident, Elisabeth said goodbye to Toto and ended the call. She put her phone in her bag and took a deep breath as she got out of the car, walking toward the entrance of her parents’ building. She said hello to Timo, the building’s doorman, and got into the elevator. Her hand tightened on the strap of her purse as she reached out and pressed the button to take her to the penthouse.

As she stepped out of the elevator and walked to the apartment door, she felt her throat tighten and her hands go cold. “There's no turning back, Elisabeth”, she thought, pressing the bell. A few seconds later, she heard footsteps and the doorknob turn. However, it was not her father who appeared, but two curious black noses.

— Hello, my boys — Elisabeth said, reaching down to pet Shivas and Felix, who were barking happily, jumping around her, sniffing her coat, and trying to lick her face. Then, she realized there was a pair of familiar brown loafers on the ground in front of her.

— Shivas, Felix, sit — Niki ordered the dogs, his voice cold and abrupt. The pair of retrievers, one of them a yellow golden and the other a black flat-coated, backed up, sitting next to Niki. However, their eyes remained glued to Elisabeth as stood up from where she’d been crouched on the ground — Hello, Elisabeth.

— Good afternoon, dad — she said softly. She looked into his eyes for the first time, blue, so similar, and yet, so different from hers. She was a bit startled by the coldness in them.

— Come in — he said, standing aside for his daughter to enter. Elisabeth took off her high-heeled shoes and walked past him, walking slowly into the living room, listening to her father close the door behind her. She heard the click of the dogs’ nails as they happily followed after her.

Niki and Marlene's living room was decorated in light, neutral shades with touches of vibrant red and orange. The layout of the room was centered around the fireplace in the center of the room, with the furniture facing it. On the fireplace mantle, there was a shelf with framed photos featuring the entire family.

Among the pictures from her childhood with her brothers in Ibiza, and of Lenny holding his newborn brother, there was a photo that she thought looked a bit out of place on that shelf. It was a photo she didn't remember seeing the last time she'd visited her parents.

It was from the 2014 Constructors' Championship celebration at the Russian Grand Prix. In it, Elisabeth was standing between Niki and Toto, holding the Constructor’s Cup in her hands, completely soaked with champagne. All three of them had wide, genuine smiles on their faces. It was the same photo that Toto had framed and sitting on a shelf in the motorhome office. Every time she set foot in the office, she always glanced at it and felt the heaviness of her guilt building inside of her chest.

— Are you okay, Elisabeth? — Niki asked, standing behind her.

— Yes, I’m fine — she turned away, a shy smile on her lips — What about you, dad?

— I’m fine — he replied seriously as he sat down in one of the armchairs in the living room, with Felix settling at his feet. The dog heaved a long sigh. Niki pointed to the sofa — Sit down.

Elisabeth walked around the coffee table and settled into the spot he had pointed to. Shivas settled just beside her right leg, resting his head in her lap. She placed her bag between her left thigh and the arm of the sofa, and used her free hand to stroke the dog’s head.

Silence in the room stretched for a few seconds, the only sound that could be heard was the tick of a clock.

— Where is my mother? — Elisabeth said in an effort to break the tension, looking at her father.

— Went to see her grandchildren — Niki said, his expression serious — But I don’t think that you came all this way to see your mother, did you?

Elisabeth pressed her lips together.

— No — she said, her voice thin.

More silence, more of the clock’s ticking. Her heart pounded heavily in her chest, her hands icy.

— You have something to tell me, right? — her father said, reaching down with his right hand to pet Felix behind the ears.

She'd spent so many nights lying on Toto's chest, listening to his heartbeat and imagining what it would be like to tell Niki about her relationship. Elisabeth had thought of hundreds of approaches, dozens of ways to break the news, thousands of possible reactions he could have when he heard her say that the man she loved was just his friend.

— Well, I... No, we... Actually, I'm the one who wants to talk, since he's not here, but we...

— Who are you talking about? Who is the other person in this ‘we’?

Elisabeth blinked.

— Toto.

— Oh, I understand.

— Do you? — her heart filled with something akin to hope.

— Well, I understand that you and Toto want to tell me something.

— Yes, we do.

— And why isn't he here?

— I thought it would be better if I came alone.

— You did?

— Well, we did… The point is, I want to tell you something that I’ve been keeping with me, well, that we’ve been keeping…

— You mean hiding, Elisabeth? — he asked, his voice cold.

She pressed her lips together. The word was much more appropriate.

— Yes, dad.

— And what are you, or rather, were you hiding?

— We're dating — she said, abruptly — Toto and I, I mean. We are a couple.

It felt like everything in the room, even time itself, stopped. It was so quiet that Elisabeth was sure she could hear a needle drop to the floor. Her eyes were hyper-focused on Niki’s face, trying to read his expression, but she couldn’t discern any particular emotion. His gaze was fixed on the floor. Elisabeth started to grow uncomfortable as the seconds crawled by.

But then, Niki, patting the Flat-coated retriever's head affectionately, looked at Elisabeth and smiled.

— I already knew.

She swallowed hard.

— Mathias sent you the photo?

— Yes. And an almost two-minute audio clip saying that he was opposed to your relationship from the start, that you two were two irresponsible people who didn't give any thought to my feelings, and that he would be by my side to support me no matter what decision I made regarding your relationship.

Elisabeth lowered her gaze, looking at Shivas. The dog still had his head in her lap, looking up at her with big brown eyes. He stared at her for a few seconds before he sighed and closed his eyes again.

— Did you say anything to him? — she asked quietly, not able to meet Niki’s eyes.

— Of course. I told him to shut up and mind his own business.

She jerked her head up and looked at Niki, her eyes going wide.

— Dad…

— Did you really think Mathias would have any bearing on my opinion on this matter, Elisabeth?

— I did, actually.

Niki laughed.

— I thought you knew me better, Mauslein.

Seeing him laughing didn't bring the relief she'd hoped for. In fact, it made her even more nervous

— Aren't you upset with me? — Elisabeth asked, quietly.

He answered her question with another question.

— Why would I be?

— Well, you always say Toto is a friend. You've never called anyone else that, as far as I know. And I’m dating someone that is that close to you…

Her father leaned back in his chair, pulling the hand that was stroking Felix's dark fur into his lap.

— Elisabeth, do you remember what I said that night at that dinner?

— Which dinner?

— The first dinner we had after making the Mercedes investment. The one where I introduced you to Toto.

If her father had said anything after her eyes had first met Toto's, Elisabeth couldn't remember. All she could remember that night was the finger-combed hair, deep voice, and the charming smile of the man who'd spent the entirety of the meal talking to Niki. She was completely unable to recall what had been discussed or even what food was served that night, but she could remember exactly how many times Toto scrunched his nose as he smiled.

“Eight times”, Elisabeth thought to herself.

— Well, you said so much…

— I said that I knew you two would get along, because you liked the same boring things.

Hearing that phrase again brought Elisabeth back to that moment. She smiled shyly, trying to ignore the heat rising in her cheeks. She hadn’t expected her father to be as right as he had been.

— When I met Toto, back in 2009 — Niki continued — What struck me most about him, aside from his stupid idea of trying to do a sub-seven-minute lap in a GT car on the Nordschleife, was how much he reminded me of you.

— Me?

— You two are determined, stubborn, smart, and never leave the negotiating table without a deal. You are passionate about what you do, confident, and committed. Plus, you are the only two people I know who like apricot jam.

She smiled at the mention of the jam. She was the only one in the family who liked apricot jam and she always had some in her fridge. However, she knew very few people who shared her enjoyment of the tart and tangy preserves. However, during one of her first mornings in Toto’s penthouse, she opened the fridge in search of milk for her coffee, Elisabeth spotted a jar of it nestled amongst the other condiments inside.

— Thanks for buying me apricot jam, you didn't have to — she smiled, sitting down at the table and popping open the jar. Toto raised an eyebrow as he looked up from that day's edition of Der Standard in his hands.

— I didn't buy it for you.

The answer had taken her by surprise. With a slice of brioche cut in half and a little bit of the jam spread over it, Elisabeth stared at him.

— No? But…

— I like apricot jam — he said — It’s especially good on croissants.

Elisabeth smiled.

— It really is — she replied, offering a slice of the brioche she'd just made to Toto. He took a generous bite, and ended up with his nose smeared with jam. It made Elisabeth burst out laughing as she tried to clean it with her fingers, only to smear more of it on his face. The memory of that morning made her smile.

— You should give it a chance, dad. It’s good.

— No, no — Niki said, with a smile — More for you, you know.

Looking at Niki for a few seconds, Elisabeth realized that much of the tension in the air had dissipated. However, there were still a few unanswered questions.

— Does that mean you…

— Knew you were interested in Toto and he was interested in you? Of course. Toto was never discreet with his feelings about you. He was very obvious, the way he looked at you, the way he talked about you. But you couldn’t hide it, either.

— Were we that obvious?

Niki sighed.

— Elisabeth, you've always been an open book to me. I always knew when you were hiding something.

— But I’ve never hid anything from you, dad. Well, not before this…

— Summer of 2002 — Niki cut her off — Remember, Mauslein?

“That summer is hard to forget”, she thought, pursing her lips. The family had gone to Ibiza at the end of August to enjoy the first days of the Spanish summer. However, that season was a little different than their previous trips to the island. Niki had invited Sarah, the ex-wife of James Hunt, as well as her two children, Tom and Freddie, to spend a few weeks at the Lauda family’s home.

Between walks on the beach, some riding and a kiss on a deserted beach, Elisabeth found herself living her first love with Freddie Hunt. It was a pure, simple feeling, driven by Freddie’s charm — he had definitely gotten it from his father. Things culminated in Elisabeth spending her first night with a boy.

After everyone else had gone to bed, Freddie left the guest room he was sharing with his brother and crept down the hall to her room. It was practically a habit of his during that two-week stay, after Mathias showed a bit of jealousy over the attention Freddie paid to his sister during the day.

But that night was different from the others. Elisabeth went to dinner wearing a short linen dress that left her tanned legs showing, and Freddie didn't even have time for Elisabeth to whisper good night before kissing her and leading her to her bed. Of course, that first night was nothing like the nights she spent with Toto. After all, she hadn't even had an orgasm before he came, sweaty and out of breath. However, it had been something special for her, especially given the affection with which he had treated her. It was the first time that Elisabeth had ever felt beautiful and desirable, and not like the ugly duckling.

Their story didn't last long, in the end. Freddie had to return with his mother and brother to England. However, her night with the boy had remained a fond memory for Elisabeth. It was one of the few happy memories she had of her teenage years.

— What about the summer of 2002?

— Remember when we had Sarah and the Hunt boys over in Ibiza? I remember how close you and Freddie were.

— We were practically the same age, dad. It's natural.

— I think it's also natural to see him leave your room in the morning with his hair messed up and his shorts inside out — Niki retorted, with an impish smile. Elisabeth's eyes widened — He made the same face when he saw me in the hallway, his hand still on your doorknob. I remember saying just one thing to him before he headed for the stairs.

— What did you say? — she asked, dreading the answer.

— I asked if he wanted a cup of coffee, or if he'd already had the breakfast of champions.

Elisabeth brought a hand up to her face, shaking her head. Her face burned with embarrassment, even twenty years later.

— You didn't…

— I did — Niki said, laughing — The poor kid couldn't answer me. He just excused himself and ran to his room. He didn't look at me for the rest of the time they were in Ibiza, he said goodbye without even looking me in the eye. I think I traumatized the poor boy.

She laughed, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. She was still a bit embarrassed about it. Elisabeth definitely didn't expect her father to pay so much attention to her. After the laughter had died down and silence settled in the air, she had the courage to look up at Niki again.

— So, did you always know? I mean, about me and Toto…

— Always? No, that’s a strong word. I suspected at first that there was a mutual interest. But then he showed up with that French model… Aurélie, was it? And I could see that you weren’t as close as I thought. But after you left during that Grand Prix weekend in Monaco, he didn’t go a day without asking about you — her father said — That was, until we won the Constructors’ title in 2014. You two were the only ones to not show up for the team dinner. I even thought about stopping by your rooms to check if you were all right, but I suspected that you were busy.

She had no idea what to say to that.

— Then, in Melbourne last year, I realized for sure you were together. I was coming back from having dinner with Lewis and decided to stop by Toto's room. For one thing, he took five minutes to open the door, and answered it wearing a bathrobe that was too small for him. I thought I was going to get a free show for a few minutes. Once I stepped inside, I saw that there was something on the bed, almost hidden under the sheets. It was your phone.

— How did you know it was mine?

— Do you know anyone else who has a fluorescent turquoise phone case, Elisabeth?

Pursing her lips, she looked down to see Shivas was dozing in her lap, his back moving slightly with his quiet breathing. She never wanted to trade places with a dog more than she did right now: no problems, no worries, just sleeping peacefully and thinking about the next meal.

— You mean that…

— I knew it was you and what you were doing before I even saw the panties under the chair. Actually, that’s why I told him to use protection.

— But…

— Elisabeth, did you really think I would care if I didn't know you were the one having sex with him?

She blinked.

Silence filled the room again.

— Well, the point is that I’ve known for a long time that you were together — Niki spoke again — But there's something I still can't understand, Mauslein. Why didn't you tell me before?

— Dad…

— I always made it clear that you could tell me anything, that I trusted you and that you could trust me.

— I know…

— Did I say something that discouraged you at some point?

— No, dad. It was just the opposite.

— What do you mean by that?

She sighed.

— I spent a lot of time denying myself the chance to feel anything for Toto. I was afraid to feel something, actually. I was afraid of being vulnerable, of the pain that came with it. But my heart was a bit more stubborn than my head. It hurt me much more to resist it than to accept that he felt the same way I did.

— Mauslein…

— And I hesitated. I kept almost telling him how I felt, but I couldn’t ever bring myself to do it. And then, I remembered what you said on that flight to Bahrain after Lenny was born. You told me not to deny myself the chance to be happy. And I found mine in that man.

Niki's lips curved slightly.

— He's sensitive, understanding, intelligent and funny. Toto complements and completes me in a way that no other person ever has. We have the same ambitions, the same dreams, the same goals. I look at him and I see my future. He’s my best friend, my boyfriend, the future father of my children, my partner in crime. I love him, dad. I love him and am willing to fight with him, and fight for him.

As Elisabeth spoke, she felt something hot run down her face. A tear. She ran a hand quickly over her face, lowering her head, trying to hide her emotions. She had never stopped to reflect on the extent of her feelings for Toto. It was a completely different love than she felt for her parents, siblings or nephews. It wasn't something almost natural, but rather, a feeling that had grown inside her chest until it was too big to just be inside her.

— You know how I feel about this, Elisabeth — Niki said, his tone serious. Looking up at her father, she swallowed — I just want to see you happy, my daughter. I want to see you smiling, happy. And I can see that Toto is capable of leaving you just like that.

— You mean that…

— If you need my blessing or any of that bullshit to make you feel at ease, know that you both have had it from minute one. I trust Toto to be by your side, and I trust you for following your heart.

More tears streamed down Elisabeth's face.

They were tears of relief. Tears of happiness.

— I don't think you'll ever learn that you can't cry in front of me, otherwise I'll start crying — Niki muttered, getting up from his chair — Come here, Mauslein.

Lifting herself gently so as not to disturb the still-sleeping Shivas, Elisabeth rose from the sofa and let herself be enfolded in her father's arms, nestling her head in the crook of his neck. Feeling his hand caress the back of her head, she felt like a child again, being comforted by her father after her brothers had excluded her from some play or after some misadventure at school.

That was one of her safe places. It always would be, as long as she lived.

Lifting her head slightly, Elisabeth chuckled as Niki placed a kiss on her forehead, the same way she had when she was little, running the tips of his calloused fingers, which had gripped the hard steering wheels of the cars he’d driven over the years, over his daughter’s cheeks.

— I thought you realized I was happy for you when you looked at the pictures over the fireplace, Mauslein — her father muttered.

She turned to look at the pictures on the mantle and the 2014 title celebration photo seemed to stand out among the sandcastles and toothless smiles. It was the last detail that was missing for her to realize that this was no longer one of the scenarios she had made up in her head.

— You put that picture there…

— Well, we have pictures of Mathias with Claire, we needed one of you and your partner. I found this one very adequate, but we can change it. You probably have taken better ones since then.

— Is that your way of saying he's family?

Niki smiled.

— Yes, Mauslein. Toto is part of our family now. I can’t wait to call him my son-in-law.

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