#obviously thatd mean that someone else (maybe not specifically some ONE but something else) turns incredibly unfortunate

[exiledelle]

(this might end up being a long post, sorry about that)

been seeing some posts (mainly on twitter but i dont like to post there) about creating new fangames for the other human souls in undertale, inspired by undertale yellow, and im all for it.

honestly for years ive even thought about trying my hand at something like it, but unfortunately ive never been able to hold motivation long enough to actually learn how, so i dont have the skills to do anything. BUT, i DO have a rough concept:

going to put this after a cut though so people who dont want to read can just move on

OKAY SO. the big town in ruins. thats obviously something. its probably going to be explored by one of the other soul fangames eventually anyway, heck, ts!underswap already goes into it, but in fairness ts!underswap is a whole au, so its technically not the same. but theres a specific thought im having in mind regarding it:

so the cyan souls stuff, the ribbon and toy knife, is found in the ruins. of course this doesnt exactly mean thats as far as they got, maybe they simply left them behind, replaced them with something else, or they were given as a gift for someone who for some reason decided not to hold onto them anymore. but what if it WAS the furthest they got, or at least where they spent most of their time??

also obviously im not suggesting a hilariously short fangame that barely gets into anything. what i am thinking of though, is a story that twists and turns back and forth through the same area. you start in the ruins, and stay in the ruins for the majority of the game, maybe the humans content to just stay with toriel and wait instead of trying to leave and reach asgore immediately. but maybe theres something going on in the alleys of the ruined town that pushes them to explore it, discover sub-areas, possibly entirely new regions that connect to the ruins but are dead ends instead of leading into the greater underground. and the game just ends up with this one kid having a whole metroidvania mystery adventure or something, all still in the same style as undertale.

i dont have any ideas for mechanics, characters, what the story would even be, or what all the different areas could end up being, the most i can picture is maybe something to do with the scarlet tree toriel has, recontextualizing that into something, maybe you get to explore a part of ut yellows dark ruins that clover never sees, or maybe an area inspired by this unused track from undertale yellow thats either a not-underwater coral reef (think something like coral highlands from monster hunter world or that one area i forget the name of from tiny tinas wonderlands), or a region built over a massive lake, maybe its where waterfalls rivers end up (although thatd probably work way better if the story actually led further out from ruins, possibly a final area to parallel hotlands/core)

not sure. again, i dont have the skills to try making this myself, would love if i could and absolutely would try though, would be fun trying to flesh something out. as it stands right now though, thats about all ive got :p just thought itd be fun to try and toss this into the wind, even if nothing ever happens from it

#elle rambles #undertale #undertale yellow #(at least the mention of it) #fangame concept

[ixxixixxi]

fuk

my best friend now is telling me how shes eating kiwi and she may be mildly allergic to it but she likes it anyway and it reminded me of my best friend in 8th grade who i was mildly in love with who would eat oranges but she was def allergic and her mouth would get blotchy and sting and her tongue would get itchy and she’d run around fanning at herself but liked oranges too much to stop and im pretty sure the first time i saw her do that was idk if the first but def one of the most memorable memories i have of her i think because i realized i was def in love with her and wanted to kiss her but sdkjfhshjdfsf obviously my repressed little ass did Not do that bc i just am not sjdhfshdf someone who wants to tell people i like that i like them esp not her but anyway i shdjfhsdf 

i just got rly sad and then it also really does not help that lately ive been wondering like am i also kind of in love with this friend???? i dont know i genuinely dont know??? sometimes im like no theres no way bc its just not the same as jhdfshjd with other people but at the same time the two times im somewhat certain i was in love before didnt feel exactly the same either but this i mean with this friend i ?? am i repressing my own feelings, am i too scared to let myself feel that?? i dont know and if i did feel that would i want to tell her I DEFINITELY DONT know about that either 

and like one of my biggest fears is it turning out that im just lonely and pushed romanticized daydreams onto her bc shes like the only person i talk to and if that was the case i could never tell her that and hurt her somehow or make things weird bc like a few years ago she tolkd me shdjsahds shjdsad hsshdjhshdh yknow........ she felt that ffffff for me but we dhfsjhd i was i  was just i literally at the time wasnt even processing romantic feelings like i was just rejecting them left and right whenever i felt them and not letting myself think abt that stuff at all and i literally was going through a crisis like am i ace?? am i just aromatnic?? but since then i think i settled on the fact that i probably am not aro im def bi in p much all aspects but i have so much anxiety and intimacy issues bc of my garbage father that the idea of someone else liking me makes me want to be sick a little bit.... which is something i still have not let myself think too hard about bc i feel like itll open an entirely new part of my insecure brain that i dont want to face probably...BUT ANYWAY. 

flirting is so good and fun but its also awful bc it makes me like people and then the thought of them liking me genuinely and not just joking around makes my stomach turn and idk if its in a bad way or good way yknow?? i remember there was also this girl i liked before (ok what the hell i swear i typically like guys more and end up crushing on them more often than girls but all my crisis’ are over girls....why? also idk why im so fixated on which gender i like more often when im still attracted to literally anyone regardless of gender despite gender factoring into how my attraction feels....is this internalized biphobia) who as soon as she proclaimed her love 2 me i was immediately shaken and couldnt talk to her out of fear AND ALSO like she was sort of manipulative and awful sometimes which led to me not liking her but still the fact that as soon as she said she liked me i felt sick and scared and like couldnt speak to her why. why????

anyway what was i saying oh yeah idk THE FRUIT THIGN. it made me sad. it reminded me of when i realized i loved my 8th grade best friend and lately ive already been thinking about if im in love with this best friend or if im just hdfjhsfd i dont know i dont know what the fuck WOULDNT I KNOW FOR SURE THO if i was like wouldnt it be a definite yes or no? so since it not that must mean im not and im just being dhfjsdhf weird right?? am i just feeling extra gay lately and am projecting it on her? do i just want attention??? 

i dont know what the fuck is going on but i care abt this friend way too much to fucking mess with her emotions in any way and like i dhjfhjdf when she talks about this guy she liked i would get jealous sometimes but im not a very jealous person so its not like jshdhjsf intense jealousy but is that bc i dont rly like her and im just jealous of her giving attention and wanting to talk all the time to someone else OR am i jealous bc she liekd him i genuinely DONT KNOW? bc like sometimes i wouldnt be jealous tho except i still would be but hjsdjhsdf i dont know. do you see? i cant even understand my own intentions behind feelings. also like when things were going poorly between them i would get rly upset for her and definitely not happy about them not getting along, not even a little bit and if i liked her wouldnt i be glad shes talking to me instead of him? not rly tho bc 1 i would never want someone i like in any way be it romantic or platonic to be on bad terms with someone they care about, even if it benefits me somehow or makes them hang out with me more, thatd be awful and i get why other people feel that way sometimes but im grateful that i dont, and 2 i dont get jealous that way, the only time i get jealous is if someone is completely changing their attention from me to another person entirely, but if i still have some of their attention and theyre also friends/into/etc someone else its not rly an issue at all for me but is that bc thats just how my jealousy works?? or would it be different if i did love her in that way aND LIKE AM I CONFUSIGN romantic love with platonic love and ?? what the fuck

the thing is with a romantic partner i’d mostly just wanna do platonic things anyway?? and the only time i think of s** is in relation to my kinks which is weird i guess but shdfsjhdf i dont picture anything like that with someone i’d be romantically attracted to...do i? i dont know? ive never thought about it? in all my daydreams/fantasies/etc whoever im involved with s*xually hasnt ever been anyone specific just like a mix of everything im attracted to but isnt that normal? but then again love was definitely not involved in any of those fantasies, oh god. then again thats just ?? stuff in my head its not an indicator of what i’d like or be like in reality right with another person I >SDF?SDF SD?F AAAA what the fuck. 

maybe all of this will become clearer to me when i move the fuck out and am able to be myself and think clearly without worrying about what my idiot parents or brother will say abt anything i express. then again moving out seems like it will be another lifetime away, it doesnt even seem like a possibility right now which makes me want to fckn kneel over and die. AAAAA WHATEVER BYE

what the fucdjksdcsdkjsd i hate being a person with weird undecipherable emotions i wish i was a fucking dog or raccoon or god damn ROCK 

#txt #i am too sober to be analyzing my stupid feelings this mcuh