#nvm i talked myself out of it

[dying-suffering-french-stalkers]

now that i finally have dates and somewhat more official permission from my work to try and visit my brother in japan, my face is melting off raiders of the lost ark-style as i look at the prices

#jesus h. geronimo christ #on the one hand: it would be cool to go now while my brother is still living there and he knows all the cool places #on the OTHER hand: the dates are now VERY close which is making the prices so much worse #so do i just commit to being truly unholy amounts for what will hopefully be a cool trip after All That #or do i just say “fuck it” and hope that my brother and i can go together in the future with different arrangements? #μέν the “fuck it nvm let's try again later” option is looking more and more tempting/practical #δέ am i going to kick myself forever for putting off something i've wanted to do for years #i can certainly plan more around my desires in a future trip but. grrrrrrrr #i finally talked myself into this and now everything is conspiring to make me talk myself back out #personal #yes i said the same thing like 3 different ways here dwbi. processing via tunglr tags. #*PAYING not being. sigh

[cdmodule]

How did you discover the objectum community? Also, what are your favorite objects?

I've been attracted to objects Basically my whole life, but I found out that there's a label for it (objectophilia) much later on when I was in my Denial phase... which was most of my teens LOL. I assumed It was just a weird thing I did as a child

I eventually saw a few object show mutuals in 2021 post about being objectum, which made me go huh cool... that's not me tho. Until I eventually crushed on another object again (my stethoscope <3) and realised Yeah No that wasn't just a weird phase. I just love objects

My favorite objects (both groups and spcecific faves) are video game consoles/handhelds (nintendo ds lite), musical instruments (electric guitar) and medical appliances (stethoscopes <33). I literally have a bunch of pins and and accessories related to steths they drive me crazy. Ack

#answered #thank you for asking <3 #i dont rly consider myself part of any community actively but #i do occasionally post n casually talk abt it #cuz its just part of my attraction #if ppl think thats weird then uhhhh Sucks To Be You #i wanted to be more private abt it but this is tumblr i dont think anyone gives a fuck #then again ive seen ppl here get harrassed and called out over being objecto so nvm

[paul-simon-juggling]

Press Photo from One Trick Pony (1980)

Deleted scene where Jonah (Paul Simon) tells his son Matty (Michael Pearlman) a bedtime story.

#Give me the scene #Tell me the goddamn bedtime story paul #look at what we could have had #we could have had soft bois bedtime scene #where is this scene im going to literally go to the warner bros vaults myself and look for it #but paul said no id rather fill the run time with playing ace in the hole like four fucking times #and ✨️driving✨️ #how are the viewers going to know that we're On The Road™️ unless we show it every four minutea #the other night while 🍃relaxed🍃 I accidentally wrote a 2000 word review of this film in one night #things that would kill paul simon #me making a video of me reading that review #art sneaking into his hospital room in 2035 and unplugging his life support #nvm who will speak at whose funeral #who will unplug whose life support #me if paul or somebody doesnt release the one trick pony blu ray #anyway i wanna know what the story was about #i wonder if the original script is out there somewhere? #i need to know for science #him talking with his hands #also i know these are both the same image but its important to me and i need to look at it twice at the same time #once again matty and jonah 💞 #paul simon #michael pearlman #one trick pony #one trick pony 1980 #simon and garfunkel #jonah levin

[lanayrutower]

hm. something slightly uncomfortable about totk's hyrule origin story huh.

#'hyrule was founded by a benevolent race who were in possession of a GOD-LIKE POWER that they only used to protect the people who were #obviously inferior to them (also these people werent native to the land. just a little note there) and kept them safe provided they #SWORE FEALTY to their new benevolent masters- i mean allies and everyone did except the EVIL GERUDO who found their GOD-LIKE BENEVOLENCE #QUESTIONABLE and REFUSED TO SWEAR FEALTY and also they were so evil that their king's evilness was visible to the eye and turns out it #was because he coveted their GODLIKE POWER for EVIL and not because he wanted to use it to help his people who were suddenly being #pressured into subjugation or anything like that dont worry it was purely Evil Purposes because he turned on his own people right after he #got it 👍' #me SEAn: ..................... huh. interesting. #WHKSHDSKBS it's just a little. you know. it's a little. nvm. #freya talks loz #so it kind of is confirmed that at least at the beginning the other races were sort of below hyrule in a sense. they werent allies as much #as vassal states. i only know zelda's side of the story rn havent reached what's going on with link yet so maybe that gets covered. whether #they're still under hyrule or not in the present i mean #im also listening to a guy recap it rather than go through all the cutscenes and playthroughs myself so it could just be how hes explaining #things but. it is a little weird right. am i the only one who finds it weird. #also plot peeve but why did ganon not just kill zelda when he did sonia. she had a stone too. he could have had two stones. he just laughed #like sir.

[biolums]

its one thing getting jealous. its another thing to be fljealous of someone who wore boot cut jeans unironically..

#fuckkkkkk… throwback to the time him and i both liked my ex and she liked both of us #and me. ME. i said i was comfortable with a poly relationship because i just wanted to date her. i DIDNT EVEN LIKE THE OTHER GUY #and it turned out he was a horrible person and my ex chose the right person so. get fucked #anyways my ex was talking abt him and how he liked her and. i wish i could fucking. like #i wish i could hit my brain with a rolled up newspaper anything something like this happens. #anyways i left my ex on read accidentally and its been like 4 days but i responded to her in the discord server 😘 #i have soooo many issues respondinbfg to people and i used to be fine!! but now i talk to so many people and its great but dear god #i am Not Built For This #i hatr existing. like cant u like read my mind and not talk to me or like. talk to me ONLY WHEN I CAN TALK PLS I HAVE ISSUES #lmaooooo i would never talk to people then. nvm #also im realizing i did just. lie. no one even reads these im just lying to myself here.. loser #i didnt leave her on read accidentally i did it because she sent me a video of her and i dont know ir i can watch it and be Ok #me: u should film ur reaction to newjeans omg and send it to me #me when i get what i asked for: i cant do it #L to me. anyways im going to read lotr now #jace.txt

[bulle-blackhole]

.

#nvm who cares about hiding theres only one person here whod see my vents and potentially message me so whatever #im currently fighting myself on making myself more miserable or feeling better #feeling better means telling taco its date night and hanging out and asking my aunt if she can take me to town to grab tacos and asking a #friend to give me money for tacos #and getting up and dressing up and doing stuff #and making myself more miserable is not doing any of that #not talk to anyone #potentially cut myself if i can #maybe make myself throw up #maybe drink some alcohol #thats more doable. lol #self harm #tw self harm #vent #vent post #tw vent

[curly-cottage-girl]

.

#okay nvm not bed yet #but fr tumblr is great esp now that we’re rejecting cringe culture #bc you know what sometimes going a little manic and feral DOES cure the depression #I’m finally letting myself feel again and not worry about being cringe for having Interests #so y’all have to deal with it… sorry heheh #idk I guess lately I’ve been feeling (or letting myself feel) these bursts of excitement more #that previously spent years of my life repressing because of how I was treated #and actually no! I think these are healthy! #I don’t realize how much of my general existence is low lying depression symptoms until I have a brief time of Madness #also they’re not like #crazy or severe enough to where I think they’re the Mental Illness(s) lmao #to delete later probably #but I want to Talk and I’m finally done with always repressing myself out of fear of rejection #so cringy enthusiasm it is 😌

[humanmorph]

idk what it was about my most recent minor breakdown but im. kind of actually doing shit

#to feel like a real person in the world. #this mostly entails being somewhere else than at home or at work. #most things are off by a month or so. but im planning #2 day big librarian meet-up in may (which is a work thing! but in a wildly different environment so im absolutely counting it) #and im actually pretty excited for it i wrote down the talks / workshops i want to go to. interesting stuff. #3-4 day vacation (my 33 hours overtime <3) by the sea alone #currently trying to figure out where exactly to go and just how much money this will cost me (its out of season at least...) #and then i might go to a thing this saturday. which isnt that far off #so i have less time to psych myself out about going but also less time to prepare. i can see myself bailing so easily #but i would like to. see it through and if i literally puke because im so nervous then so be it #(i need to balance that energy and in the event of me NOT going also not beating myself up over it too much.) #sick of being disappointed in myself. #rosa rambles #im trying to move past the point of being upset at myself/the fact that these are special events to me. its still kind of hard #youd think at some point id get used to the fact that im like. mentally ill and that its majorly affecting my life but. yeah well #actually nvm like 2 weeks ago i was so used to it i was ready to give up on even trying to change anymore.

[iloveyoumorethansoup]

I don’t know what I need to be happy but I do know I absolutely need to move into my own space and I need to spend a lot of time creating spaces for myself both outside in a home and online

#I’m really good at the online one #but I’d like to also be in video format #it’s like. i want to be very very true to myself. no acting allowed. no deciding which version of myself to present #but I also want to be the idealized version of myself #the version of myself that is happy and excited to wake up #someone who greatly enjoys the little things in life and has time for themself #and I know that’s an option. i know it is #and it looks so possible from here in this hole that I know I can’t leave until I move out again knowing how much better it gets #but also. all my problems don’t magically disappear by moving out and I know that too #most of them do tho #last year I didn’t have much time for myself. i spent a lot of time online which I don’t regret in the slightest #i just need to figure out how to balance school time to myself and friends and online #and probably work #update looked at my bank account yeah balancing work too how did I manage to spend 600$ in a month???? #no more going out like twice a week or having the mindset of oh I only spent 60$ today I’m doing good! #I’m all like ooh yeah I have a good job I can totally buy that! and I can. but oh god I gotta limit the treat myself attitude #if I just don’t spent money I could have my money goal saved by the end of summer I think #nvm I severely over estimated my time here #anyways. I’m really bad with time management but dear god do I need to get better at it for a shot at peace in my life #soup talks

[astrxealis]

head hurts a Bit rn but also no regrets

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚ #LAST NIGHT (super early morning) was so FUN #and also LAST NIGHT (last night) #i played songs the first few minutes tbh like. okay nvm i played songs until the speaker ran out of battery (under an hour!) #first song of the year was flow bcs hell yeah. timed perfectly so that it fits w the 'deep dark far away' and AGHHHHHHHHHHHHH #theres this gaming club im in right. for school. and we have a disc server where i lurk a lot and read basically everything #but usually don't reply GAJRHEJDJBFSJ ANYWAYS they called us numbers and integers and even anons in the chat wtf #kinda funny. took me back to when dad jokes to us abt being B1 and B2 (BANANAS IN PAJAMAS YOOOOO) #okay anyways. man i was really worried thisd be the worst (b)day of my life but so far it's been pretty great. man. #i'm not used to receiving gifts or nice words from others to be frank like uhh outside of the usual customary greetings #i am Also not used to others spending money for me. guhdkfbsjfb. considering i also don't even use it for myself or for others #BUT YEAH .... shocker morning and i think i was kinda hyper ngl. was gonna get a minion but i realized you cant do that anymore #so the minion i wanted was aerith :)) so then yk! i made a joke afterwards haha :))) rip #i'm EVIL. anyways love that friend he's really like a big bro and really fun to talk to and tease #interesting to think abt bcs idk if it's the same for him but! he is our only close friend w a twin. and so are we #and dudes not as close w his (older) twin so i think he and i kinda like. get each other. NOT THAT I'M NOT CLOSE W LUNE but yeah ?? #younger twin things! really coincidental tho fr... i even remember being Slightly annoyed by them first meeting. how things change #really glad w this last year tbh bcs i've met a lot of great people and grew more! lots of bad moments too ofc but i super love the good <3 #cheers to this next year being hopefully Great despite all the flaws <3 esp bcs uhm. it's. yeah KDHSKDBSK #being a teen is so PAINFUL ...... but it's part of life and a stage i am ever willing to walk ^___^ #BUT ANYWAYS LAST NIGHT (EARLY MORNING) THAT WAS SO FUN BUT FUNNY LMFAO #actually uh yikes what #okay something happened HELP i am a bit confused w my dad rn #kinda frustrating tho bcs Bro ... it is my Special Day ...... you cld. yk. be chill ant it

[planetsoda]

someone tell me why my mom insists on making me facetime her every god damn weekend when it is very clear that I don’t want to and then says sarcastically “well this was a great conversation” when I’m giving her 2-3 word answers like I do every weekend bc again I clearly don’t want to do this when she stays w me every other weekend already

#nvm it’s bc her needs are more important than mine I figured it out #I NEED my weekends to not talk to anyone after engaging w people all damn week #just bc my sister facetimes her multiple times a week doesn’t mean I should have to #every weekend lately it’s making me more and more furious. like I’ve started ignoring her first call and then working myself up to call her #but keeping the camera angle low so she can’t see my mouth and I don’t have to plaster on a fake smile #anyway #personal post #feel free to ignore lol

[toastsnaffler]

still in suchhhh a funk

#physically restraining myself from being blunt and mean with everyone bc i dont actually want to do that at all im just in a bad place rn #and want to lash out abt it bc i feel v lonely + trapped in my head etc except being a dickhead will just turn it into a vicious cycle #where i alienate ppl even further so im not doing that im trying my best to be nice :) and not express this shit :) at all :) #and it doesnt matter bc no one gives a fuck either way but whatever i care so thats reason enough. #i mean i say that but whenever i talk to ppl im not even rly thinking im just saying words recreationally so maybe i am still being a dick #who fucking knows. who even cares!! ugh. ok workout -> shower -> eat -> sleep and then tmr i need to actually fucking do smth #i still.have a ton of these stupid adhd forms to fill out they need to bw done in the next couple of days but ive been putting them off #bc i do want to know if thats whats been going on my whole life so i can maybe medicate it but also i hate thinking. about it #and i hate!! jobhunting!! even!! more!! i hope the world blows up tomorrow. whatever #.vent #<- SORRY FOR VENTPOSTING I KNOW THIS IS TEMPORARY AND WILL PASS IF YOURE READING THIS ILY ANYWAY BYE #nvm maybe i wont workout i cant be fucking bothered ill just break down. rots for 1 million thousand years instead

[kethabali]

when you’re in a group of 3+ and 2 people decide it’s the perfect time to have a private conversation i fucking hate that shit it makes the third person feel so outcasted or no good reason save that shit for when you’re alone if it’s so fuckjng private

#they will be like ‘umm idk if we should talk ab this rn’ #and proceed to talk about it and even worse somwtimes in coded language #why do y’all enjoy making people feel bad ? #this is the number one deal breaker for me in friends #happened today i came back w my food and i was like what are y’all talking about #ignored first time so i ask again #ignored again #and then finally one of them goes it’s a private conversation #okay u could’ve said the first time i asked and maybe i wouldn’t have found it so rude #2nd of all you invite me to come here and then kick me out of the convo to talk ab smth i’m not invited to #you could’ve waited until the event was over or even stepped outside but nah #y’all just don’t have that experience of being constantly outcasted and it’s shows #i will stop talking to them over this idc #bc why should i be invested when u can’t even bother to consider such a simple thing #we were gonna go to a beach event saturday but nvm #if i wanna go to the beach i’ll go by myself not with disrespectful ass people #some part of me is relieved this friendship has hit a rough spot at least esrly on #met them in july so #i would rather see things i don’t like early and not waste my time #also trauma makes jt hard to trust people in the first place #so i am always lowkey relieved when smth ends and i can go back to my comfort (although lonely) zone #i know i have to keep trying but i’m burned out rn #i need a break #i got so pissed off i put my headphones in and did busy work till they left #idc if they feel bad they should #i should’ve told them right there how rude that was #i’m not good at confrontation or being open about my feelings #if i still had my therapist i would’ve handled that better #but oh well poverty will do that #🧃

[tobythetrashytrash]

mmm kinda feeling like deleting all of my accounts and dropping off the face of the earth again /hj

#oh to just cut myself off from friends who probably don't even like me at this point #and exterminate any trace of me from anywhere I've been and disappear quietly #then again it might just be the depressive episode talking #it probably is in fact that #but ah hhh nothing i can do but wait it out #nvm the possible gender identity crises idk about that just yet

[thedappleddragon]

Autism won today, boys

#thanks for coming to my ted talk #vent #I fucking hate it in here #why do I gotta be like this #or look like this #or sound like this #hate how I Cary myself #why can’t things be easy #nvm vent post cancelled my mom walked out into the backyard and started complaining and talking to me

[dizzybizz]

hai here is a sketch dump with too many fandoms :) sorry about the ungodly amount of men here i have been going through it and by it i mean gay

ok wait i ran out of tags??? it wont let me tag them all😭😭😭 im gonna have to be sparing with them uhh i guess i will have to ramble under the cut then cus i like rambling in my tags but i cant with this one 😭

(ok im back from the ramble: it is way too long.... proceed forward if you want to see some guy just absolutely talk nonsense for entirely too long)

no cus i swear i have tried tagging more stuff than this before and never hit the limit but whatever

hello i really use this like a fkn blog huh

i just wanted to provide some thoughts on the harper and rosé one first bc its important to me 😌 cus i was thinking abt harper and how in my head and heart of hearts she would be the kid who thought you get pregnant from kissing and i dont think she ever really grew out of that belief. <- this ended up spawning the idea of harper being a sex-repulsed ace and i will die on this hill actually. fight me or die, you die either way actually nvm

this is just a buncha blorbos i dont know what to tell you really. sketch pages like these always end up so weird for me bc for some reason my brain always wants the characters in them to interact in some way. whether that be talking or just reacting to what the other is doing... its something i cant stop with, its so stupid and silly and i hate it and i love it. where else would i see kabru slowly losing his mind with how loud phoenix wright is in court????

I THOUGHT I HAD GOTTEN OFF THE RAILS WITH THAT BUT THEN THE NEXT PAGE HAPPENED. and all i could do was laugh and ask "what the fuck am i drawing??? HOW DID WE GET HERE? WHY IS THISTLE HERE WITH LEOPIKA HELP" LIKE that page started with the big leopika and then i was like "man i miss thistle lemme draw him real quick" but the curse struck and now hes being homophobic so </3

i rlly like how the nic(k) page turned out ... i just have a lot of nicks i like drawing idk.. the lil guy is an oc,,, one day his ref sheet will be finished and itll be awesome but not for now, sorry baby, no can do. im weirdly happy with how the hands turned out for all of them tho?? so thats a W

yotasuke, murai, nick (youll never know which one im referring to. .. jkjk its hoult i love the pose there ehehhe), nic and the entire last page r my favs. i like em all but those rlly get me yknow- the olly too ofc but ive already posted him, dont mind him being here, hes part of the set. AND OVER ALL IVE BEEN HAVING SO FUN WITH SHADING BLACK AND JUST LEAVING SPOTS BLANK ITS SO ?`????

WHY IS THIS SO LONG PLS DONT READ ALL THIS THIS IS STRAIGHT UP EMBARRASSING AGHSDFGSDHJSGD im all like "yeah i dont like talking about myself or whatever" but as soon as i get to my process or blorbos or smth the floodgates fucking break open, not even burst man.

also dont mind how i havent even acknowledged pingas twink pokemon counterpart. hes just here for shits and giggles i dont know the guy like at all, i watched a handful of eps of horizons and that was it RIP

#blue period #yotasuke takahashi #yakumo murai #tiger and bunny #kotetsu t. kaburagi #yu yu hakusho #hiei #kurama #drawtectives #harperosé #witch hat atelier #arkco #olruggio #brushbug #trigun #nicholas d. wolfwood #all saints street #nick hoult #bna pinga #dungeon meshi #kabru #ace attorney #phoenix wright #thistle #hunter x hunter #leorio paladiknight #kurapika kurta #leopika #my art #doodle