What fear makes you do (Jalim motorbike and leather AU - Part 4/Epilogue)
I know, I said I would work on my fiction but my mind wouldn’t shut up about this story. It wouldn’t let go until I write a happy ending for these two boys and I’m a weak woman. My heart is stronger than my reason...
Of course, I don’t say you should forgive your love one if they cheat and lie. Forgiveness is something your earned with actions and sincerity, not something you forced on the others.
And I think, from what I wrote, that Jason earned it. But you have the right to disagree, I mean... It’s not an exact science.
Summary: Jason must prove his worth to Salim, and it seemed like it is under the worst storm that he will be able to.
Pairing: Jason Kolchek/Salim Othman
Others pairings mentionned: Jason Kolchek/Clarice Strokes, Clarice Strokes/José Gomez, Nick Kay/Rachel King
Words: ~3.1K
Chapters: 4/4 (for real this time)
**
When Salim fell on his bed this night, both sadness and relief danced in his heart. Holding their hands like children, they circled and battled in the man’s body. Confused and scared, they both wanted to get rid of the other but couldn’t let go. Their thoughts mixed like fingers and gave the Iraqi more than one headache.
I want to forgive him. I can’t forgive him. Salim rubbed his temples before he shut down the light.
I don’t love him anymore. Yes, you do, stupid man. A loud sigh escaped his lips as he closed his eyes and tried to sleep. His old bones needed some rest, just like his tired soul; but all he could do was thinking, an intense and exhausting thinking which made him doubted about his own words. Sooner, he gave a chance to Jason to make up for everything he done, however was he strong enough for such a thing? He wasn’t young and naive anymore. As he grew older, Salim knew how bitter he was becoming and he couldn’t keep the other man closed to him, only to torture him with his past mistakes.
He won’t transformed himself to the kind of man who lash the other out and encouraged his guilt every damn day. He’d rather die than turning into such a monster.
I can live without him. No, you can’t. His mouth let out a pitiful whine before Eddie’s words guided him to sleep. “…that’s the only important thing you can do right now; giving a chance to each other.”
۩๑ ๑۩
For one week and three days, Jason and Salim’s path didn’t cross. The club was busy somewhere else, and the Iraqi had struggles of his own. An insistent businessman came every day to buy his library, as he wanted to destroy it and build a stupid thing here. Of course, the man never agreed, nor took the check he put on his counter every time. But after a while, it seemed harder and harder to resist; for the foreigner added numbers day after day. Tempting it became to sign his papers, however his heart couldn’t resign. Amy, his employee, also did her best to scare the man away and to support her boss because she knew how important this library was to him.
Another week passed and the businessman never fled. He waited for Salim every morning, becoming less friendly and more menacing as his eyes filled with anger. Many men and women in the town have bended over him, but the librarian refused to be another victim of his cheap tactics. He kept his composure, always declined his offer with civility but firmness in his voice until the man showed his true colors.
One day, he came shortly after the opening, well dressed and eyes full of arrogance. At first, Salim ignored him, concentrated on his book sorting until the businessman’s threatening voice echoed in the shop. “Tell me, mister Othman, isn’t your son in a biker club?”
The Iraqi’s grip tightened on the book he held. “What my son do is nothing of your concern.”
“Oh it is, indeed…” The other answered with a low and ominous tone. “Since my company bought a lot of shops in here, I am interested with those… motorbike clubs whose actions could harm my business.”
Salim froze as rage started boiling in his guts. The other man leaned closer, until he was near enough to whispered: “I could look away of their activities if you sign the papers and accept the money I give you.”
Before he even noticed, the Iraqi’s fist hit his face. After days of insomnia and harassment, the librarian couldn’t hold himself back. He tried his best, just like Amy, to discourage the businessman but it was too late now. The moment this bastard menaced his son, he was beyond help or forgiveness.
The man fell on the floor, cheek redden by the punch as his eyes widen with incomprehension. Clearly, he never thought someone like Salim could become feral; the biggest mistake he made here. “Get out of my library.” The Iraqi hissed between his teeth. “Get out now.”
He stood his ground, glare dark and menacing until the bastard straightened and turned away with a silent threat burning in his eyes. “You’ll pay for this.” His whole body yelled as he got out, but none of his words scared Salim. He faced far down worst before, or at least… He thought he did.
۩๑ ๑۩
Everything happened so fast. Less than two days after this altercation, Salim was arrested by the police of Charming. The bastard wanted a trial, and had the money and the power to drown the librarian in a blink of an eye. Despite the sheriff deputy’s efforts, he was fucked. Who could have guessed that one punch would get him into so many troubles? I should have seen it coming, Salim thought when Pike, the sheriff deputy, put a compassionate hand on his shoulder. “He said he won’t take you to court if you give up your library… I am sorry.”
After so many days of vain fighting, the Iraqi was tired.
He took the pen Pike gave him and signed the papers, eyes and shoulders low.
I give up.
۩๑ ๑۩
When he put the keys into the keyhole of the front door of his house, Salim heard the distinctive humming of a bike. His heart skipped a beat, as he felt tears growing under his eyes, then someone rushed behind him.
“… Salim?”
Jason. The librarian held a deep sigh into his throat, but he didn’t find the courage to face the other man. He wanted to be hug and love, however the relics of his pride forbidden it. “Why are you here…?” His voice seemed dull as he turned the key. “I thought the club was busy somewhere else.”
“Yes… Yes, we are but I…” The Iraqi heard the biker lowering his head and leaning closer, but never touching him. “Pike gave me a call and I… Are you okay?”
No, I am not. He kept the words buried deep inside him, a soft and sad smile spread on his lips as he finally turned to look at the other man. “I did my best, that’s the most important thing, don’t you think?”
Jason’s eyes filled with frustration and sadness as he raised his hand to grab Salim’s. At the last moment, he backed down and whispered: “I should have been there.”
“You couldn’t have, Jason.” After a moment of silence, Salim leaned closer and caressed the biker’s cheeks as gently as he could. “The club needed you, is that right?”
He felt the younger man’s hand upon his while their eyes met. “Maybe, but this library… It was everythin’ to ya. Apart from Zain, it’s the only thin’ who brin’ ya joy and pride and I… I should have been there to defend it.”
“What do you think you could have done, Jason?” He sighed, tired. “Sometimes there is nothing you can do, nothing… I tried but it wasn’t enough.” And now it is lost. Someone like him must have known well by now, but his determination lightened a spark of hope in his guts, a little something which made him fought for nothing. The library was doomed since this stupid company laid its eyes on it; like many other shops, it was lost before the owners even signed papers. He was just too stubborn to accept it sooner.
His hand fell, abandoned the warmness of Jason’s skin as looked at the sky. The night was raising and him, just like the sun, must kneel and disappear behind the darkness. “I’m sorry, Jason, but I need to rest now.” He cracked a smile, a defeated one, then opened the door.
“Do ya…” The biker abruptly grabbed his hand, eyes full of fear but also compassion. Salim’s eyebrows raised with incomprehension, yet the other didn’t let him express his confusion. He swallowed his spit, then quickly asked: “Do ya want me to stay, Salim?”
The librarian could have said no, he could have sent him away with a bitter answer fueled by his loss and sadness, he could have hurt him like Jason did before, but he didn’t. “Yes… Yes, Jason, I want you to stay.”
He loved the man and wouldn’t like anybody by his side right now.
Jason wore a soft smile before he took him inside, slowly, gently. “Are ya hungry? I can cook something sweet for ya, if ya want…”
By Allah, he loved the man.
And after those two endless weeks, the affair with Clarice seemed so distant. It felt like a nightmare, a nightmare that was coming to an end. So, he nodded, and Jason rushed into the kitchen to cook.
۩๑ ๑۩
They had dinner and watched a silly movie in the couch. Jason stayed close, but never imposed himself on Salim. He mostly talked about Zain and Mels, which brought about the laughter out of the Iraqi’s throat. For three or maybe four hours, he forgot the despair and the sadness which crushed his body.
The biker chose a wonderful flick, something funny but touching with made Salim smiled and giggled many times. The men shared jokes and comments on the quality of the movie during the climax, and the librarian’s head fell on the other’s shoulder. Without thinking, Salim relaxed and found some peace of mind.
When the movie ended, he didn’t feel like sleeping. Going up and crawling under the sheets of his bed, too big for him, only awoken fear in him. Jason must have sensed it, because he jumped on the occasion to ask: “Do you want to go on a lil’ ride?”
And Salim jumped on the occasion to answer: “Yes.”
In the middle of the night, they both got out and rode the younger man’s bike like selfish teenagers. Jason made the engine loudly rumbled in the streets, as Salim held him tighter and laughed like a child. The wind blew on their faces, slapped their cheeks and darkened it, but it didn’t matter to them. Their voices echoed in the shadows of a night while they smiled, laughed and joked until the sun came up.
When the day licked the rooftops of Charming with its shinning beams, Jason took the man home. They didn’t talk much, only hugged for a minute or two then the biker vanished in the horizon; but the humming of his bike still danced in Salim’s mind. He collapsed on his couch and fell asleep; tired but heart appeased.
۩๑ ๑۩
As he was on his way to emptied the library, Salim was welcomed by three bikers on his alley. Jason, Eddie, Nicky, Zain and Mels were waiting for him. “You really think the club could let you go through this alone?” The eldest member of Semper Fi asked him and the librarian never found what to answered. He only thanked all of them with a soft gesture of his chin, while Zain swore he would punch the man who made his baba cried. On other circumstances, he could have forbidden his boy to be so sensitive, however the words never crossed his lips. Maybe, his heart was tired or maybe he felt too glad to be surrounded by loving people and couldn’t find the strength of wrecking their efforts.
Whatever it was, Salim didn’t question it and so everyone went to the shop. Hours after hours, other members of the club showed up. First, there was Wilfred, then Merwin and Jed. So many people came to help the Iraqi, it made him wanting to cry. But he stood strong and calm for the couple next days. Bit by bit, the shop emptied itself however the presence of the whole club reduced the pain of Salim’s heart. It wasn’t perfect, yet he never complained.
Even if his library was lost for good, he wasn’t alone. And he knew many people didn’t have that luck.
Jason sticked by his side most of the time, and helped him as much as he could. He brought some comfort in the other heart and mind, chased the clouds and the despair with his smiles and words.
Day after day, Salim relegated his betrayal to the back of his soul. It didn’t matter so much now, because he saw the biker’s will of helping. He felt the compassion and the worry in his eyes. Jason made mistakes before, however he tried his best for the sake of his partner.
Night after night, he invited himself into the Iraqi’s life again. He never kissed him, he never forced him to do anything; he just stayed and did his best.
One morning, Salim awoke on the couch, and despite Jason’s absence he felt it next to him. The biker left his leather jacket with a single note: “Yer gonna be okay, Sal’.”
And for the first time since never-ending weeks, the older man trusted his word and cried with hope.
۩๑ ๑۩
“Do ya trust me, Sal’?”
Jason’s voice echoed in the Iraqi’s mind as he sighed and closed his eyelids with a grimace on his lips. “I think but…”
“Ya only think? That’s rude.” Salim giggled in response, before his grip tightened around the other man’s belly. After two months, the incident with Clarice was buried under the ground. They haven’t properly dated again, but the two spent most of their free time together. It wasn’t easy every day, however none of them complain. Their heart enjoyed each other’s presence even if they were too shy for love confession.
“Where are you taking me?” The older man asked as he nuzzled against the biker’s back. Jason picked him ten minutes ago, and put him on his bike with an incredible gentleness. Salim didn’t know what to expect; it must be something big, he thought as the wind caressed his cheeks.
“Ya’ll see, we’re almost there.” Jason’s mysterious answer twisted Salim’s features into a sulky look, but the man didn’t insist. He already asked too much of his lover these days, and even if his surprise made his heart raced into his chest with anxiety, it was also exciting.
After a while, he heard the roaring of the bike slowing down until it completely stopped. Keeping his eyes closed became harder and harder, but Jason made sure he didn’t spoil his surprise. “Don’t cheat, ‘kay?”
“I won’t…. But it would be better if you’d hurry yourself…” Salim whined, and the other man gently snickered between his teeth. Soon enough, the member of the motorcycle club rode down then softly grabbed his partner’s hand to guide him. “’Kay… Slowly… Yeah, don’t worry, I won’t let you fall.”
“I hope so.”
Once the Iraqi’s feet touched the ground, Jason walked with him for a minute. Everything was silent around them, however Salim’s recognized the tarmac of Charming streets under his shoes and his eyebrows creased with incomprehension. “Where are we…?”
“Shh, ya’ll have yer answer in no time.”
Salim sighed; he forgot how much he enjoyed the teasing. He obediently followed the other man, then Jason let go of his hands and placed himself at his side. The Iraqi felt the tension in his muscles, while the biker whispered with anxiety: “’Kay… Hm… Urgh… Open yer eyes.”
And so, the older man did.
And so, tears grew under his eyes as his eyes widen with incomprehension then joy. “Is… No… Don’t tell me…” He put his hands on his lips, almost pinched himself just to make sure he wasn’t dreaming; in front of him stood a shop, a shop filled with books, a shop which he recognized the sign. “No… It can’t be…”
The Smart Cat. His library.
Jason smiled at hit their shoulders. “Some banker and a lot of other people owned Jed a debt… So, I thought… Well, since we found this empty but good-looking establishment one month ago, I just thought it could become…”
“My library.” Salim murmured with a low and emotional voice. “How…?”
“Like I said.” The Iraqi’s eyes fell on Jason’s face which redden second after second. “We found this place; it was about to be destroyed but Eddie and I convinced Jed to… Well… We said it could be useful and so… Everyone agreed in the club so…”
The joy which overwhelmed Salim kept his mouth shut, as the biker drowned himself into endless explanations. “’M sorry, Jed agreed to this because I told him it could become another storage for the club and another place to reunite when it’s closed… So, it’s not as good as your old library but I…” He rubbed his neck nervously. “As the club is all I have in life, I know how hard it was for ya to lose yer shop so I… Even if it’s not as good as it was, I thought I could at least give somethin’ to ya…” His eyes lowered while his cheeks turned into red tomatoes. “It ain’t… I mean, I don’t want to buy ya or anythin’ with it. I just wanted to do somethin’ good for ya ‘cause I… I know I fucked up and I...” Jason’s mumbling continued for a while, as he blushed and frenetically gestured at Salim’s side. After a moment, the Iraqi stopped listening his stupid monologue, he only glared at him with a loving gaze and abruptly said: “It is perfect.”
The biker froze then dared to look at him, nervous. “Ya… Really?”
“It is perfect, Jason.”
The man’s body relaxed, despite ears becoming pinker as seconds passed. “I… Well, everyone helped. So… Ya gotta thanks everyone and I…”
“I want to kiss you.”
Jason almost choked on himself, while Salim drew closer, a soft grin spreading on his lips. “I won’t forget about your mistakes, Jason, but I’ll forgive you.”
“Ya sure?”
“I’ll have forgiven you since a long time… And this…” The Iraqi’s looked at the establishment. “This only prove me that I was right to do so…”
Their eyes met, drowned into each other until Jason’s grabbed Salim’s fingers and mixed them with his. “I want to kiss ya too…”
“Let’s go inside, so no one will see us.” But when he tried to lure his partner into the shop, Jason stood his ground and pulled him closer. “Jason?”
“I… I’m sick of hidin’… I’m sick of these childish fears which put me on the wrong path. I’m sick of lettin’ them win every time and I’m… I’m sick of hurtin’ ya so… Salim…” He closed his fingers around Salim’s, face red but eyes determined. “Can I kiss ya here?”
Salim smiled, happier than ever as he whispered softly: “Yes, Jason, you can.”
And so, their lips met under the shinning sun.
THE END
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