#now shes here. 8th grade. end of the year. her average an 8 out of 10. and im about to fail 10th. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

poetofthedyingstars · 2 years

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you know what. i kind of suck. when i was in kindergarten, my parents dressed up really well - clothes, they usually just wear for special occasion. i was graduating from kinder and well for a small kid, it's a big thing! i had like a medal - 'second honor' my teacher said. my parents were lil happy that they gave me a fast-food chain treat.

when i entered elementary, well. life was pretty shit. i had a pretty much bad influenced on my first grade at school. and there's this girl who ALWAYS steals my food at recess. and kids stuff. second grade was just dumb. third grade was okay - i finally get to attend Recognition Day again. i was top 9 and had a sticker that says Most Neat and Clean. i remember my Dad kind of mocking me about it. most neat and clean? u that good at cleaning at school, you never do that at the house? Top 9 only? woah, bro. thanks i guess. grade 4? pretty good. i had cool friends. i discovered my first favorite artist - Avril Lavigne. puppy love. i managed to well sneak my self into Recognition Day again. as Top 8, if my memory serves me right. grade 5? downright bad. had to adjust to a new environment because my grandparents went back to our hometown and my parents had work so now we moved houses. friends? barely had one. can i still go outside and have some fun? no, never. stricter than ever. school? so fucking bad that my mom would scold me every weekend. so bad that i cry myself every night thinking that i will never be good enough for my parents - i have to do GOOD. i have to. it was a really rough time trying to adjust and i was just so alone. my mom's way of letting out her own steam had always been talking. but being with her 24/7 now makes it so much harder. she literally badmouths me every fucking day. she notices my hair? god, your hair is the worst. looks? uniform? friends??? everything. 6th grade was okay-ish. i have friends. they're okay. i kind of adjusted. my teachers are kind of no better but that's okay. im passing and im still inside the top 10. that's cool! 6th grade was elementary graduation. fun stuffs. i hated the graduation ceremony the most. it was not fucking awesome but okay. not like i can change it now.

7th grade? oh man. first year of high school and you be thinking "i gotta do better now" and i fucking did. i recited a lot. i studied hard. i was president class - that's a first time. never been inside the school council. i get perfect scores in quizzes and long tests. it was awesome. i even get 42/50 at math now. holy shit. that's never happened before. basically. i peaked. best year of my academic career. i even join quiz bees and win :0 ikr?! that's so cool. i was talented and gifted for a while. and my teachers loved me. god i never experienced that kind of love before? i was competitive and consistent and well. anyways. 7th grade had to end and then next year i got into the Pilot Section. 8th grade? hope it's not that harder. it really wasn't but something changed and i had to adjust with the Smart Kids. some of the kids there have been in the pilot fucking section ever since elementary. tf am i doing here. welp. anyways. i still do what i do best. study. quizzes. recites. i can tell that my performance that year wasn't as great as 7th grade because i have lots of competition. in that class, u have to strive and socialize. god u know i can never beat that one student there she was always at the top and i love her for that!!! she's actually quite deemed as perfect which fits her well. im sure she also have struggles bc ive seen some of them but can't help but to be insecure by her. she's so awesome. and im always her SECOND but our averages are always so close to each other. 2 points difference and i could have been the top 1. whatever. as long as im cool alright. haha. 8th grade was sucky but okay. (i also had toxic relationship ☠️ why i had a relationship? don't ask me. i hate myself for it.)

9th grade to now, 10th grade is online class which i won't bother to tell. it SUCKS and we all know how's it been for all of us.

god. it's just. i have nowhere to fit in??? im not a sad gifted burnt out kid. those labels are for u know the ones who's been achieving stuffs since elementary. was never that kind of kid. not overachiever. am i average and normal? as far as my friends are concerned, NO. definitely not. but i know im fucking tired and school definitely sucks.

i just want to be great at things again. i miss that and i just can't do it with online classes. can't. can't. can't.

so hopefully senior year will be BETTER because if i do not achieve any by those 2 remaining years of high school i better just fucking die.

#personal post #kind of a rant #ace 🧱

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sad-boy-mono · 3 years

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Character and Relationship Backstory and an update from me

Hey y'all! I have an update on where I've been at the end of this post for those of y'all who have been following Highschool Casualties and are wondering where I went, but if you've just stumbled across this I don't want to throw a long and random explination at ya!

Haven’t read the main story yet?

Heres the Tumblr Masterpost and the Ao3 link!

The characters

Damien Haas

16, sophomore in high school. Hardcore musical theater kid from grades 4-8. Loves to sing and shit. Got quite a few bigger roles early on. Things got busy freshman year, so he had to put things on hold.

(Favorite musical is probably falsettos or something idk I'm not a theater kid.)

(That's a lie, I'm just a bad theater kid XP)

Fucking loves superhero movies and shit because haha irony.

Favorite class is Drama, least favorite is math. Because math is hard and temporary but Shakespeare is forever.

Has an irrational fear of doctors, dentists, and needles due to some surgical mishaps that occurred when he was young. Also has a fear of the ocean.

Deals with anxiety and frequent panic attacks.

Shayne Topp

15, sophomore in high school. Really fucking loves football, but not on the team. He wanted to be, but he use to be friends with some of the people on the football team. And they... weren't the best to say the least. They were bad influences and caused Shayne to do bad things. He's no longer friends with them, but still goes to the games with Courtney and Damien to cheer on Courtny's brothers who are on the team.

Favorite class is probably woodworking, least favorite is math. Because math is hard and temporary but birdhouses are forever.

(Though he's actually really good at math, like he has the capability to take honors and do well. It just isn't fun.)

Doesn't know how to ride a bike and can't swim. Deep water freaks him out.

Has a huge fear of hurting other (because haha irony) and always puts his friends before himself.

Courtney Miller

14, freshman in high school. Loves writing and art. Has a lot of sketchbooks, but most of them are half filled. At this point she just collects cool sketchbooks.

Also love film/acting/drama but has a lot of anxiety around performing, so she ends up being on her school's tech crew. She's really good at editing, and has a passion for behind the scenes work around productions.

Favorite musical is Heathers.

Favorite class is her painting and art history class, least favorite is math. Because math is hard and temporary but art is forever.

Struggls a lot with school. Doesn't have many friends outside of Shayne and Damien, even when it comes to her tech crew. Generally on bad terms with "friends" (bullies) from middle school.

Doesn't enjoy the other people in her class. A few of them are former (or current) bullies from middle school.

Relationships

Damien and Shayne

Met in the first grade, became friends in a very first-grader-like manner.

Shayne: Hey I like your pokemon shirt

Damien: Oh thanks, you wanna play with trucks?

Shayne: Yeah sure.

They’ve been best friends ever since.

They had a bit of a falling out from mid 7th through 8th grade because of the guys Shayne hung out with. They were your average middle school douchbags but a lil worse.

Things got sorted the summer following 8th grade.

When they started high school, Shayne’s older brother would pick Damien up and give him a ride to school every morning; even though Damien was in walking distance.

But a month-ish before their freshman year, Shayne’s family ended up moving closer to Damien’s, because a tree fell through Shayne’s house during a terrible storm that hit their town. Even though it hypothetically could've been fixed, the house was old so they took it as a sign to just move.

Shayne is the only person who knows about Damien's anxiety outside of his family, and is who Damien goes to when he's having heighted anxiety or a panic attack.

They also bond over their fear of water strangly often.

Shayne and Courtney

Courtney’s family moved across the street from Shayne’s family when Courtney was in the 7th grade and Shayne was in the 8th. And after the initial family intoductions when the Millers first moved in, Shayne never talked to Courtney. Until about a month later, when he was home alone and Courtney knocked at his door.

After Shayne asked 'what's up?' Courtney asked if they could be friends.

“Do you know how to play smash?” Shayne asked.

Courtney sighed and let out a defeated ‘no’ and began walking away from the door.

“Ok, I’m gonna teach you how to play.”

They would hang out quite a bit until Shayne moved, but they still talked a lot.

Shayne later found out that Courtney would go door to door asking for friends. Shayne was the first and only person who had actually said yes.

Most people mistake them for siblings and when they find out they aren’t related, they assume they’re dating.

Shayne treats Courtney like a little sister and is very protective of her.

Shayne was fucking LIVID when he found out Courtney was being bullied. As much as he wanted to fight them, Courtney talked him down from doing so.

He still did the whole 'don't fuck with Courtney or I will fucking kill you' big brother thing. It did the trick for a while. When you're a very athletic 15 year old, it's easy to intimidate people that are younger than you.

Courtney hasn't told him about... the current bullies though.

Courtney and Damien

Met through Shayne. He made a group chat with the 3 of them that Shayne named “Operation Friendship”. Since Shayne and Damien weren't on speaking terms when Shayne and Courtney became friends they never had a chance to meet.

But they didn’t meet in person until Courtney’s first day of high school, where the 3 of them had their first class together, conveniently...

Anytime they play video games, a conversation along this happens.

"Courtney where did you learn to play this game?"

"...Shayne"

"Explains why you suck"

"HEY!"

(Shayne) "HEY!"

------

Hey! Thank you so much for reading! It's been awhile hasn't it. Yeah, I'm sorry. My life has been all over the place for the past few months and I've been struggling to find the motivation to write. I don't want to specifics because it's not only very personal, but a long story.

But to summerize why I sorta dissapeared, I had a lot of personal issues going on with both school and home and as my mental health was on this steady, but consistent, decline, it was at its very lowest in December. My home issues had reached their peak, and with the end of the quarter coming up after Xmas break and my weeks worth of late work coming back to bite me, I was too stressed to work on anything I found enjoyable without losing motivation immidiently.

Things didn't start getting better for me until some time early in semester 2 of my year. My school was transitioning back into fully in person with covid rates at their lowest in my area and things were finally feeling consistant again, but I was still getting my bearings. School still felt draining, though much less than before, and I didn't have much energy to work on things I was passionate about. I don't think I even made a new document for chapter 6 until mid-ish March.

I'm very nervious about coming back to this story after so long for many reason. First being, although I am feeling better mentally, things feel very off with writing this story. Don't get me wrong, I have a lot of passion to write this story and want to see it to completion, I've just had a fluxuating interest in smosh aswell. I enjoy the channel, just not as much as I use to. And my hyperfixation on Smosh was a big drive for me writing the story. Second being that I have so much writers block around the sixth chapter of this story, and I'm worried that as soon as I try to work on it, that block will make me lose my motivation again and I'll put it off for another 6 months.

This "chapter" (idk what else I'd call this) has probably been fully finished in my drafts for about a month now, and I've been putting off posting it because of those listed anxieties, but I really want to continue writing this story so I hope you enjoyed!

Also sorry if this explination was all over the place, I just got my first covid vaccine today and am feeling kinda bleh.

#smosh #damien haas #courtney miller #shayne topp #my smosh fic #Highschool Casualties

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tedbecca · 4 years

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Tagged by @gild-and-fire who is a beautiful tropical fish (i see your parks reference and offer you another one)

Get to know the writer blogger tag

Name: taylor

Gender: she/her

Star sign: virgo (it’s actually my birthday today so i’m at my peak virgo-ness. that’s how it works right? i know nothing about astrology)

Height: 5'7 (i’ve been saying i’m 5′6 for years but recently found out that’s not true slkfjsdgldfg when did i gain an inch??? idk!)

Hogwarts House: according to that pottermore test i’m an even split between hufflepuff and ravenclaw (but based on the very little information i know about HP, i think i would choose hufflepuff?)

Favorite animal: cats! and giraffes!

Average hours of sleep: 8-9. (i used to only get 6-7 but i love sleep and apparently function much better with 8-9)

Current time: 9:30am

Blankets I sleep with: i love blankets so there’s 4 on my bed right now. my sheet+comforter and then 3 other blankets that i occasionally use (a blanket gifted to me in 8th grade, a taylor swift blanket, and a blanket with my cat’s face on it). one can never have too many blankets!

Cats or Dogs: cats! but i don’t discriminate. i love a good pet

Dream job: personally i dream to live in a small cottage on a lake and not work, but that’s not an option because capitalism so teaching

When I made my blog: uhhh mid 2012? omfg that was 8 years ago... there’s so much hidden in the depths of this account

Followers: just over 1400. though over 1000 are definitely from my bones/castle and ouat days and most are probably abandoned 👻i do have a couple mutuals from my early years and we post about different things now but still follow one another which i think is kinda cool

Why I made this Tumblr: i had a different account (that i abandoned forever ago) before this one, but bones/castle didn’t like ~fit the theme. so i made this one to yell about them and now here we are

Reason for URL: (i wish my answer was as cool/creative as @gild-and-fire‘s) i’m simply in love with elizabeth boland, but that was taken so i added an s to the end of her name.

i’ve only had this url for 4(? time is fake) months. so if you followed me during my 3 years as wyndlls, i was obsessed with wyndolls (wynonna/dolls) from wynonna earp. rip! still devastated!

tagging: i think i was (once again) asleep when this was going around sldkjfsfg so idk who’s been tagged. if you see this i tag you!

#tag meme

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darisu-chan · 6 years

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What baffles me about the whole I//H and R//R debacle is the phrase “He/She knew I/chigo/R/ukia first, therefore they deserve to be together!” Like, people, it doesn’t work that way. And before anybody goes blasting into my inbox about this, let me tell you a story.

When I was young, 8 years or so, I met a boy at my class. I started talking to him because of a mutual friend, then I started sitting with him and his other friends during recess. I developed a crush on him that I kept hidden. Flashforward to the next year, we had some sort of fall out and then we didn’t speak until 6th grade. We were in different classes, but we had to be in the same school event so we started speaking again. Let’s go to 7th grade, and we were closer than ever. In 8th grade, we shared all classes and activities and we were best friends. It was when I fell in love with him. Hard. Other girls were after him, but I knew we had history together. All those years of friendship had to count, right? It shouldn’t have mattered if he liked other girls, because he knew more. Because we played together as children.

Then, he moved and we were separated. He still lives in another country. Years passed and eventually he got a girlfriend. And he’s the sweetest thing with her! He produly says she’s his girlfriend, they go everywhere together, he shares his deepest secrets with her, and they’re planning to get married one day (no, seriously, they even have the date and everything). Meanwhile, I’m single af and no one seems to compare to him. All my relationships have failed and I can’t seem to fall in love anymore. Add that to the fact I’ve loved him for a decade now.

So, if this were a manga, and you were shown this past history of him, who would you think deserves him more, me or his current girlfriend?

To give you more background, when I was a teen I was super shy and sweet and a total clutz. Ask any of my friends from back then. I was bubbly too and weird. Above all, I would’ve sacrificed anything for him.

He met this girl until his twenties. She’s a cheerleader and popular, as opposed to me. I don’t know her, but I’m the one with the tragic backstory™ and whatnot.

If you ship the pairings mentioned above or you’re a sucker for friends to lovers, you would probably say I deserve to be with him. I’ve known him for the past 15 years. At one point, I knew him better than anyone else. We had a very strong bond. I studied the same thing his mother did. He studied the same thing my father did. He gets along with my family. He should be with the one who’s been waiting for so long for him, right?

WRONG

Quantity doesn’t mean quality.

Sure, we’ve known each other for so long, but we don’t talk that much anymore. If I were to go to him and demand him to come back home, and be jealous because he changed me for someone he arguably has just met, like a certain red-head did, I’d sound crazy. I’d be crazy to think he owes me shit. Even if he just met her, who knows, maybe his girlfriend knows him better than I ever had, perhaps they share the same goals and dreams and their persomalities compliment each other. If anything, I’m thankful to her, I’m sure that, because of her influence, he has become the man I always knew he’d be.

And yeah, it’s sad that I don’t have that love story, everyone’s favorite trope, but I’m okay with it. Because to be together, one of us would have to sacrifice their own dreams. I won’t ask him to come back to the little town he escaped from to have an average job and an average life when he can be where he currently is, living his best life. I don’t want to live where he lives, I don’t like that place, if I ever moved, it’d be somewhere else. But, going there wouldn’t help me achieve my dreams.

This is a real life situation. This is how it played out.

Just because you love someone, doesn’t mean they have to love you back. Just because you wait for them, doesn’t mean they will wait for you. It has to be mutual. It has a lot to do with the type of life you want to live.

Why would R/ukia leave R/enji for the man she met a few times to the man she’s known for hundreds of years?

My question is: “did they communicate for 40 years?”

The answer is no.

“Did they have quality time in that time?” Again, no.

“Did they understand each other when they were apart?” Evidence suggests that’s a no.

“Why would I/chigo prefer a girl from another world to the one he’s known for years?” Evidence suggests they didn’t really talk until later on when Bleach started.

“Did they spend quality time together?” Evidence again dictates that not really.

“Did they understand each other?” No. They didn’t. Show me a panel where they truly understood each other.

They didn’t.

That’s why I’m not sold over these couples. The “he/she deserves it!” doesn’t work either. That’s not what love and relationships are about. You could be with someone for many years, and feel more for a person you just met because life’s funny that way.

So don’t come and tell me I don’t understand R/enji and O/ri. I understand them more than you cause I’ve actually lived through a similar situation, and that ending wasn’t great when it comes to couples.

I’d rather die single with no kids than force the man I love to forget his dreams and come live here, with an average life, and be my husband. If he found the person who understands him more than anyone, who loves him just as much as he loves her, then he found what everyone strives to have and I’m happy he did. He’s the best version of himself now.

And nobody come say he’d be happier with me, cause I knew he wouldn’t. And I wouldn’t be happy either.

That’s exactly the type of life these characters would lead where they real.

Let’s be thankful they’re not.

#long post #personal #not even gonna tag it #read it if you want

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fuquafit · 4 years

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Memoirs of a Half Breed

The pecan color skin on mama’s hand gently rubs my back as I release a slight cough. I was a sickly child and had just had my tonsils removed. I was four years old at the time. The coming up August, I would be starting school, which I would soon discover was my favorite place to be. My dad was old; 44 to be exact. He had olive colored skin with dark hair and bushy eyebrows. My mom was beautiful with high cheek bones and a slight gap in her teeth. I never realized that I was biracial, until I started my kindergarten year.

It all started the first day of school when my teachers struggled to pronounce my last name. From that very moment I knew that I was different. My teacher after calling roll proceeded to ask me, “What color are you?” followed by “Where are your parents from?”. It was 1985. I had absolutely no clue what she was asking. My parents never ever discussed race in our home. I went home and I asked my big sister Karen what color we were. “Since daddy’s white, I guess we are white.” she said. I can remember thinking to myself, what about mama?

I never grew up around my dad’s family. We only visited his hometown of Amory, Mississippi at Christmastime. These visits were preceded by a lecture from my dad to never mention African Americans. I was confused. I never considered my dad’s family as racist. We would often watch Michael Jordan and the Bulls with my dad’s Aunt that raised him. I can remember my dad also mentioning how the confederate flag flew in the front lawns of almost every house we passed. It wasn’t until ten years later that I even knew what the flag meant or even stood for.

Being raised around my mom’s Native American family I identified more with them. My dad never once made any reference to my mom��s race or skin color or even the fact that she was raised dirt poor, 1 out of 8 children, who worked on a farm most of her life raised without a father. My dad made his way to North Carolina by way of the military (Fort Bragg). After his 6 year stint in the military with a short deployment to the Vietnam War, he settled here and landed a job at Converse, the shoe factory. That’s where he met my mom. He was 10 years older than her and he was previously divorced with four other children. My mom somewhat saw my dad as a catch after raising a child as a single parent for the past 7 years. After they were married in 1981, two weeks before I was born, my dad landed a job as a feed grainery working with local farmers.

My father’s childhood is sketchy. All I know is that he was the son of a Louisiana sailor for the United States Navy and his housewife. I never even till this day have laid eyes on either one of them. Apparently, they left my dad on his aunt’s (my grandmother’s sister) doorstep after fighting and alcoholism proved that parenting was not for them.

It was in third grade that I realized that race was an issue. This was confirmed on the day we were made to take the CAT standardized test. Before the test we had to fill out the demographics sheet with our address, birthdate, etc. When it was time to type in our ethnicity, I filled in the bubble for “Native American”. The teacher assistant came by and told me to change it to “White”. I immediately asked “Why?”. I just couldn’t understand. All my cousins were Native Americans. My skin color, dark eyes, dark hair made me identify more with the Natives in my family and the few that were in my school. At that very moment, I felt like I was made to choose one race over the other. I felt like I was forced to choose where my loyalty lied. I asked my teacher assistant if I could circle both and her answer was “No.”.

We lived in a small community down a dead end road. It was mainly my sister and myself at home because my parents worked all the time. In 1996, I was in the 7th grade. That is when I experienced racism for what it was. My classmates unknowingly confirmed this. I went to school in a rural farming community in southeast North Carolina. There were approximately 250 students at my 5th-8th grade middle school. By this time, I knew that I possessed “above average” intelligence (although now I just chalk it up to good work ethic-not being super knowledgeable). I was in the advanced learning class; the only Native American. That wasn’t really surprising though considering that there were only about 20 Native Americans in the entire school dispersed amongst the four grade levels. I was fairly attractive thanks to my long waist-length flowing black hair. At this time, I had become interested in boys. It was in 7th grade that I found my life long best friend Gary Burnette. We were an odd duo; he Black and I whatever I was. He spent most of his time getting into trouble and I was the teacher’s pet. I always knew that he would protect me and he still does til this day.

In 7th grade, it was cool to call your friends and talk on the phone. For some reason I was never attracted to any of the boys at my school. There were little to no Native American boys to choose from and I was not attracted to the White or African American boys. The Whites, however, were attracted to me. I can remember them asking me for my number followed by the instructions for calling. “If my mom answers, do not tell her you are Indian” or “It’s okay if we talk, you are at least half white” are some of the things they would say. I was immediately disgusted and spent the next few years repulsed by White boys. Their way of thinking made me question the motives of all Whites, even my teachers that I held to the highest esteem. Still, my race never came up in my home.

As stated before, I was smart. Because I was, this ostracized me from the Native Americans in my school. I was viewed by them as being “too good” or “better than”. I wasn’t a Native American that participated in pow wows and I knew little to nothing about my Indian culture. This made it hard for me to fit in with Lumbees (my tribe). By the time I reached high school, I had very few friends and I was skeptical of both races that embodied who I was.

The Whites would say things like “Look at my dreamcatcher”, “I wash my hair was that long and thick” or “Wow, you have a pretty complexion and you tan well”. My Native American friends would make comments like “I wish I had good hair like you” , “Where are you from?”, “I don’t know any Indians with that last name!” or “Are you a Lumbee?”. Another issue I had amongst my Native American community was that I was looked upon as “less than” because I didn’t live in the neighboring town of Pembroke that was home to most of the Lumbee Indians in my county. And if you are wondering, yes, there were prejudices amongst the Native Americans.

I married at the young age of 19. My husband was a Native American. Out of this union two of my biggest blessings were conceived, Kobe and Brice. His family accepted me, I really don’t think they even knew I was half White. I was pregnant in high school and due to religious pressure, got married shortly thereafter. Religion is another issue that differs amongst the Whites and Native American communities. In my experience, the Native American churches are more spiritual in their beliefs. Native American churches take faith and God to a more rigid approach to the point of judgmental almost. Native churches tend to focus on sin and who’s doing it. Native churches also tend to have tons of talent like singing and music. They have wonderful singing , freedom to praise and worship, and the churches tend to run off emotion. White churches are quite the opposite and tend to run more like a business. Church functions tend to be more organized, people work together, and more gets accomplished in the White churches. Although they run smoother, they tend to lack emotion. The musical aspect lacks as well and there are rare displays of emotion. There is also a lack of praise and worship.

I did home healthcare for six years. Race was never an issue that affected that job. I later went on to be a substitute teacher at the middle school that I attended as a kid. While working there for seven years, I was able to see so many dynamics in terms of race. I saw how students were racist against each other, faculty were racist against students and each other, and sports was a big racial issue. I was also fortunate enough to coach cheerleading at the school for 5 years. I saw how coaches “pimped out” the Black athletes just to win a trophy and then leave them hanging when that particular sports season was over. I saw how White girls attempted to monopolize cheer tryouts to keep the minorities from trying out. I also saw how minority kids were scoffed at for trying out for baseball unless they were some sort of athletic prodigy.

As for me, my students thrived. I connected with every race of students because kids tend to know where true genuine love and fairness lies. They knew that I loved them and wanted them to be successful in every area. My students also knew when they were treated unfairly by other teachers that they referred to as “racist”. They were right in some instances. My colleagues whom I loved dearly never treated me differently. There was a small population of Native American students at my school however that saw me as someone they could relate to, not even knowing that I was half White. Having the married last name “Jacobs” was instrumental in how not only my students, but everyone else falsely saw me-a Native American woman.

January 31, 2008 is a day that I will never forget. I was there alone with my dad, my rock, my heritage, when he took his last breath. Not having any dealings with my dad’s family in my adult life, I then knew that the White part of me died right along with him. Through my loss, I was able to begin a relationship with my other half brothers and sisters from my dad’s first marriage. We shared that commonality of the “half breed” never fitting in. After all those years , me and my brothers and sisters were able to connect in a way that only some siblings long for.

Today, I am recently divorced and have taken back my dad’s name; a name that used to somewhat embarrass me but today I am most proud of. I still find myself having to explain the origin of my name but I don’t mind at all. I am proud to be a Fuqua. I am proud to be a Lumbee. I am proud to be a Half Breed.

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captainolive23 · 7 years

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Fun Facts about Lawrence, Kansas

(So this is mostly just for people who want their fics to be accurate. I'm not saying you have to use these things in fics but if you want to, here ya go.) Ok so as someone from Lawrence I have trouble reading supernatural high school au fics that take place in Lawrence because of all the inaccuracies. Which is the sucky part of having the main characters from your favorite show be from your home town. Ok so first off if your fic takes place before 1997(1996?) then there was only one high school in town (Lawrence High) but if you're making it take place in modern day then there are 2. The newer one is the one I went to so I'm gonna give you some facts about Free State cuz I don't know shit about Lawrence High. -Free State was designed by a prison designer. -they were going to name it "Quantill High" but if you know anything about Lawrence history you know that Quantrill was a dude from Missouri, who during the civil war came over to Lawrence and burnt the town to the ground and killed a shit ton of people. -when you first walk into free state you see the main common area which is also the lunch room. There's two main doors leading into this area. One is on the side that faces the main road and the other is on the side that faces the student parking lot. The entrance to the office is on the side with the parking lot. -up until my senior year anyone could pretty much walk in the doors any time of day. Then in my junior year there was a remodel and the office got moved so they started locking the doors during the day and if a parent needed to come in or if a student got in late you had to get buzzed in through the office. -one security guard is total dick and will get after anyone for anything. Like wearing hats for example. While wearing a hat was against the dress code, none of the teachers gave a shit. The principal didn't give a shit either. Hell the other security guard really didn't give a shit. But one time it was snowing and it was cold as fuck and I was wearing my hat. The second I walked in the door this guy was yelling at me for wearing a hat. -so the average school day goes from either 0 hour to 6th hour or 1st hour to 7th hour. Most people go 1-7 but one of my friends went 0-6 since she had to be at school super early every day anyway. 0 hour starts at 7 am. 1st hour starts at 8. I wanna say that 6th hour ends at 2:20ish but I could be wrong. 7th hour ends at 3:10. -there are 3 lunch periods taking place throughout 5th hour. 1st lunch was preferred by most people but second lunch was nice to cuz it cut 5th hour in half and made it feel waaayy shorter. -we also had open lunch where we could leave to go to one of the restaurants or stores that surrounded the school. There was taco bell, burger king, McDonald's, starbucks, Jimmy johns, arbys, little ceasars (which tastes like the schools pizza so we avoided going there), dominoes, Chipotle and orange leaf(frozen yogurt place) and there was a Wal-Mart, CVS, a dillons (krogers grocery store), hyvee (another grocery store) and sprouts (organic food grocery store). If you had a car you could probably go other places too but lunch was only 30 minutes long so most people didn't. -wednesday and Thursday are short days. Until my senior year (so last year) Wednesday schedule was 0,1,3,5,7 starting at 7 and ending at 2:30. Thursday was 2,4,6 and was late arrival so school didn't start until 9 and went until 2. That switched my senior year so now Wednesday is the super short day. -they also started holding classes at the new career and college center during my senior year. Basically juniors and seniors can take one 3 hour long class at this place and get college credit. The class I took was forensic science but there was also a nursing class and a robotics class. There were others to but I don't remember them. You could either take the class in the morning or in the afternoon (which is what I did) and it only lasted one semester but if you took the science class that gave you a whole science credit instead of half a credit like a normal science class. -you only needed 3 science and 3 math credits to graduate but it you wanted to go to college you needed 4 of each. You had to have 4 English credits to graduate. -senior consumer math taught you how to do taxes and shit. -as long as you're not an overachiever senior English classes are fucking easy as hell. My first semester class was myth, fantasy, and folklore and we barely had to to any writing and my teacher read to us cuz it was the first class of the day and Mr. Wolak was about to have his first kid so he was practicing his character voices. And the second semester class was a little harder cuz it was mostly writing but Ms. Elliot was super laid back (someone brought pot brownies to her class once and she ate one even tho she knew there was pot in it. Seriously there's a reason she was everyone's favorite teacher) -the dress code was not heavily enforced. The only person who really cared was the security guard I was talking about earlier. -juniors and seniors could be office aids or teacher aids. Becoming a teacher aid was a little harder cuz you had to get a note from the teacher and permission from your counselor but becoming an office aid was pretty easy as long as there was an opening. -you only had to have half a P.E. credit (one semester) to graduate. Most people took more since it was an easy a. -you also had to have half a foreign language credit. So now we're going to get into actual stuff about Lawrence. -LAWRENCE IS NOT A SMALL TOWN. In the 80s and early 90s it kind of was but it's not anymore so if you're writing a fic that takes place in the 80s or 90s then it's fine to write it as a smallish town. But if you're basing it in modern day Lawrence it's not small. The high schools are getting so overcrowded they're thinking of building a third one. -there are 14 elementary schools. 4 middle schools(which were junior high (7-9th grade) until my 8th grade year when it switched to middle school(6-8th) in 2011). There are 2 high schools. There's also a bunch of private schools but idk how many since they're not on the district website. -downtown Lawrence has a bunch of really cool old houses and all 3rd graders in the town get to take a tour of downtown Lawrence and see all the historic spots (like the giant boulder in the park and the oldest cemetery in town) -the sorority and frat houses are in downtown Lawrence. -there's this really creepy mansion between the frat houses that I always thought looked like a castle and I'm pretty sure a dentist lives there or at least did when I was little. -the guy who invented basketball lived here. -a couple years ago they blew up one of the dorm buildings cuz they built a new one and it was this huge thing that anyone who didn't have to work that day went to watch. I still have the video on my laptop. It was awesome. -the one place almost every teenager in town goes to hang out is java break. Its been here since my mom was a kid. They make milkshakes and smoothies and you can add cereal to them. There's a room in the back that's basically the graffiti room. You can draw on any surface you can find in there. There's some really cool art work in there and every once in a while they go in and paint over it. Most people just draw dicks tho. -the last day that the outdoor pool is open every summer they have a dog day where people bring their dogs to go swimming. I've never been since my dog hates water and other dogs but it always looks like fun. -on the 4th of July they have a firework show by the river which is next to downtown. I usually go to the hospital parking lot to watch it. -there's this one homeless dude who lives near the river who has chickens and the cops just sort of leave him alone cuz he's far enough away from any residential areas that he's not bothering anyone. -Lawrence is the most liberal town in Kansas mostly because Its a college town. We are an island of blue in a sea of red. -there are still racist homophobic douchebags here but not nearly as many as you would expect. There are a couple assholes that like to hang confederate flags on their trucks. Unfortunately said douchebags went to my school. They didn't have many friends tho. -the the Campbell's own pretty much everything in town. Every time they start another housing community they named it after one of their kids. From what I've heard most of their kids are pretty nice but I knew one of them and he was a total dick. He was the stereotypical rich white guy. -the other super rich family in town is the Compton's. They own peacocks, zebras and a camel. -both families live in these super huge mansions near free state high school. The Compton's oldest son dropped out of college to become a rapper and from what I heard he sucks at it. -for a long ass time there was only one place in town you could get fried chicken (kfc) but in the past 2 years we've gotten about 10 different fried chicken places. All of them within about a 3 block radius of each other. -for a long time (about 20 years) there was a bridge to no where next to the movie theater because they started building a road but then had to stop cuz they didn't have permission to build through the marshlands. They recently finished it. -the movie theater got remodeled in the last couple of years and it used to be super gross but now it has reclining seats that are super comfortable and it's a lot cleaner than it used to be -south park is downtown and it has a gazebo. -every year the humane society hosts a zombie walk downtown and it starts at south park. Its a really big thing. People decorate their jeeps with zombie parts and fake blood and have "zombie hunter" stickers. People dress up as either zombies or zombie hunters and walk through downtown. Some of the zombie costumes are fucking amazing. And there's always this one guy that goes with his daughter and they run up to random people and scream in their faces. My best friend got her picture in the paper one year cuz her zombie costume was that good. Anyway that's all I can think of for now. If anyone wants a part 2 or has any questions just ask and I'll do my best to help.

#supernatural #supernatural fic #sam winchester #dean winchester #castiel #sorry if the beginning seems confrontational #but I like high school aus and modern aus #it's just hard to read ones that take place in Lawrence cuz in my head I'm constantly trying to correct things #seriously tho if anyone has questions about Lawrence I'll be happy to answer them #my grandma's first car was a '67 chevy #destiel #supernatural au

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mrwineguy-blog · 7 years

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Whether you think you can or you think you can't, either way you're right. — Henry Ford

Hello everyone,

My name is Michael Gallagher and I live in Boynton Beach, FL. I’m 34 years old and have an amazing wife Jennifer, as well as two furry doggies Maci and Rusty. We can refer to them as kiddies! I didn’t grow up in FL but I feel like I’ve spent most of my life here…most of my life being my journey that is. I grew up in Southern IL in a little town called Metropolis. My high school graduation class consisted of 144 students. I hear that’s a good size auditorium class in most parts of the country. Needless to say there isn’t a whole lot going on in my “home away from home.”

On my mom’s side of the family I grew up on our family farm and spent a majority of my early life helping my grandfather and uncle’s with the traditional farming, bush-hogging, throwing bails of hay, even building and constructing grain bins. You name it, I was always available to lend a hand. Now I’m going to tell you, I have a lot of respect for my family and what they have done over the years. My grandfather is a well respected man and has definitely earned a name for himself. My two uncle’s knew right away this was what they wanted to do and worked toward the family business early on. There’s not a weak or selfish bone in any of their body’s and that’s why I love and respect them like I do. I’m saying this because as noble as it may have been, I knew in my heart that I wasn’t meant to become a farmer. I just felt like there was more out there for me and at the time I may or may not have realized it but I did know one thing, I knew one day I was going to make it big, bigger than anyone in my town could have ever imagined!

On my dad’s side of the family my grandfather owned a burial service company. Basically they would prepare burial vaults and upkeep the cemetery from mowing, to any type of maintenance you could think of. My grandfather had about 5 or 6 men that worked for him so as much as I would have helped, there wasn’t a whole lot of room for me to get involved, although I did lend a hand from time to time. My father was actually one of the men who worked for my grandfather. We lived next door to the business so it wasn’t anything to see me running around “the building” during the day when everyone was at work. I was between the ages of 8-14 during this time so if there was mischief to get into, I probably wasn’t hard to find. I’ll never forget one day I knocked over a 5 gallon bucket of motor oil and it pooled out everywhere in one of the work areas. My grandfather found out and told me I wasn’t allowed in the building again until I was 50. He wasn’t serious of course but then again I wonder how much he was joking. Occasionally he would see me running around the property in general and remind me of my ban, as well as tell me that my stepmom Marilyn was calling me, insinuating I should probably run off or go back home. My nickname was Mick growing up so I can’t tell you how many times I heard the words, “Mick, I think Marilyn is calling you!” No matter if he was around the corner or within an earshot he made sure to get the point across every time. I never truly disappointed my grandfather but I always wondered if he knew how much I loved him.

You see, this side of the family wasn’t like my experience with the other side. I always felt like I was working a lot harder to gain recognition for anything I did. My parents divorced when I was 4 and as far back as I can remember my father wasn’t exactly the best role model in the world. He had a bad reputation, especially coming from a small town perspective so from the beginning I had an uphill battle, which I was ok with. For some reason I felt better knowing I had something to prove, something to show everyone that ever wanted to doubt me. Now it’s easy for me to just throw all the “blame” on things such as my father for example, but I can’t sit here and profess to be someone I am, even someone I’m trying to become if all I do is point the finger. My father may have had a bad reputation and he may not have been there for me like I needed growing up, but that doesn’t mean I should be judgmental toward him as a result. He’s my father and I wasn’t perfect growing up either. It was my responsibility to be the best person that I could be regardless if he was present like I needed or not.

I’ll never forget I was really good at basketball growing up. I averaged around 20 points a game, 5-10 boards, a handful of assists and rarely fouled out. I managed myself well in the game and everyone knew how good I was. I always asked my dad to come to my games, which he very rarely did, but one night in particular he actually showed up to one of my home games in the 8th grade. It’s funny because he chose to sit eye level right behind the goal, almost like another challenge for me to succeed being under constant supervision…aside from the fact that I had a game to play. Completely nervous and terrified I knew what I needed to do so I played my heart out. At the end of the game we won and I had 28 points on the night, I wanna say 8 assists as well. I was now set on showing my dad every game how much he had missed out and just how good I truly was. That was the last game my dad ever came to. I look back on this now and even though he never came to another game I still loved him just the same. It would have been easier for me though if he showed a little compassion every once in a while but regardless, it was still my responsibility to love him and appreciate him. I’m sure he didn’t truly want to let me down, so why should I be so quick to cast him away like I probably “should have.”

My mother on the other hand was my primary source of survival. She always tried her hardest and never missed an opportunity to let me know how much she cared for and loved me. Growing up may have been rough and lonely at times but it was absolutely what has molded me into the person I am today. No road is ever perfect in life and I think the ones that are the most bumpy truly define ones character much more than the others.

In my senior year of high school I knew I needed to do something with my life. My grades weren’t anything special, (out of 144 students, I graduated 72 in my class…consider that.) At the time, I didn’t know what I wanted to do but after hearing a Navy recruiter talk to a few of my classmates one day I was convinced I was going to join the Navy. Nine months prior to graduating high school I signed delayed-entry paperwork and readied myself to leave my home town and “Let the journey begin.” This wasn’t a hard decision because like I said, there wasn’t a whole lot going on in my town. I never partied in high school, never experimented with drugs, hardly dated, all I did with my leisure time was spend it with my fellow church friends at our southern baptist church. We were an active youth group and part of a great church family. We went on ski trips, mission trips, bible studies galore, just about everything you could imagine. We were active and that was good because it kept us out of trouble. I really grew a lot within that youth group and I’ll never forget the impact they made on my life!

Joining the Navy in 2001 was where I truly grew up. I was stationed in Jacksonville, FL and started to learn real quick that the world can be a hard and cruel place. This was where I finally knew what it meant to make it, to survive without anyone there to catch me if I fell. The Navy was a time in my life, a decision that I’ll never regret. Even though the Navy gave me the tools I needed to survive and be the man that I’ve become today, I knew it wasn’t what I truly wanted to do to become successful.

In 2008 in Jacksonville, I met my beautiful wife Jennifer on the beach. The weather was perfect and the beach was packed that day. A couple friends and I were throwing a football around when I noticed Jennifer and her sister sitting up toward the entrance to the beach. I told my one friend to get his 2 year old daughter Danica and have her go over to those “girls” and throw the football down at them, just so I could make the move. Well luckily, it all panned out and I’m here today proudly calling that woman my wife! At that time I had an instant goal and I knew I was willing to do whatever I had to do to obtain it.

Jennifer and I would date for approximately 2 and a half years and eventually got engaged for a year and a half before we married. I asked Jen to be my wife at our favorite restaurant Sambuca in Nashville, TN where we lived. Her sister Michelle was in town celebrating her birthday so at dinner I had a very important task at hand. I needed to manage a way to surprise Jen with my proposal as well as surprise Michelle with a birthday dinner, all on the same night and same place, while conspiring with both parties. Fortunately everything worked out flawlessly and by the end of the evening I was up on a stage in front of hundreds of people asking the woman of my dreams to marry me.

Nashville is where I discovered that I had a passion for wine. It wasn’t much at first but it was intriguing to say the least. I didn’t realize it but this passion would end up becoming my calling. It started when I was working at a local bistro restaurant in Franklin, TN. One day in our PDR (Private Dining Room) we were doing training on bottle service, specifically bottle presentation and wine etiquette at the table. I had no idea anyone could even order a bottle of wine at the table, let alone there was some formality to it. Here I was working at this bistro for over a month and I thought, if someone orders wine from me I’ll probably have to crawl in a hole after it’s all said and done. Fortunately I studied hard and often, asked tons of questions and formulated methods to doing the best presentation I could possibly master. Nobody ordered any wine from me around that time which may or may not have been a blessing although there was more money to be made when more money was spent. Along with that came knowing the wines, knowing where they came from, knowing the history of the grapes and the winemakers, knowing what foods to pair what wines with, so on and so forth. I had only scratched the scratch of the surface and didn’t even realize it, but it didn’t matter to me. Wine in general was starting to become very intriguing to me and I wanted to know more!

Eventually Jennifer and I decided to move to South FL and start fresh. We realized we had nothing holding us to TN and were still relatively young, so why stay in TN if we didn’t have to. Fortunately we didn’t have a plan, and I say fortunately because we knew we had a vision and a goal to be something great and when you have dreams and goals, as well as a strong person by your side who is the same way, you can have, be, and do anything you want! Funny thing because Jennifer’s first job once we settled in FL was selling wine. I took my previous restaurant work and focused on picking up where I left off in TN. I received a couple decent jobs but nothing that stuck so I eventually found another job at a much more substantial restaurant. The actual property had a 5 start hotel attached to it and the owners own some of the countries most popular wine labels in the business. I didn’t realize it at the time but I had just upgraded my pretty good job in TN to something much more accomplished. This would mean more knowledge of wine and more opportunities to grow in something I only had a grasp of. When I interviewed for the server position in the restaurant, the manager asked me a few questions about wine, some of which I knew very well. One question I didn’t know the answer to was, “name the 5 grape varietals found in a Bordeaux.” I may have known 3. This alone can squash you of any opportunity in this business because you have to know certain things to be hired. This manager saw something in me and hired me anyway. He knew there was something about me worth keeping.

I would eventually work in this restaurant for 2 and a half years at a very successful rate and during this time, as much as I loved wine, I did not love waiting tables. I appreciated what waiting tables brought to me as far as the knowledge, my regulars and/or connections, money obviously, but I knew I didn’t want to be a server for the rest of my life. I started looking into the medical program and more specifically becoming a Firefighter. It was somewhat relatable to my Navy days with the structure and comradery easily comparable.

In January of 2014 I left my job at the restaurant to focus on my state exam for EMT, as well as focus on enrollment in the Firefighter program. I knew it was important to devote my time to this while I was moving toward a career in the Fire service. Fortunately for me, I didn’t exactly fulfill my plans of becoming a firefighter right away. My grades weren’t sufficient enough for me to continue and as a result, I was dropped from the program about half way through the course. This also happened to me in EMT. All in all I took EMT and Fire both twice which to most people may have looked pretty bad. To me, which is why I’m so fortunate, I was able to find comfort and redemption in it because it reminded me of how hard I knew I had to work towards those goals, goals that I wasn’t about to let anything get in the way of. Persistence truly does pay off!

Jennifer had enough of corporate America and wanted to follow her dreams as an entrepreneur and start her own workout clothing line, Hallow + Plank. One of the reasons for moving to FL was allowing her to eventually do this and be closer to the industry and market that she felt would allow her business to thrive. Now, getting hired in the fire service is hard…very hard. Some people it takes years to get hired and some never even get the chance. Not to mention it’s nice if municipalities are even hiring to begin with. They say for each Firefighter class of students, maybe ¼ of them will get “picked up.” I never let that bother or hinder me and continued to focus on my goal and chief-aim of becoming a Fireman. I not only got hired once as a Firefighter, but I was hired again by another municipality, not to mention I was the first person in my class to get picked up. In fact, my first department hired 8 people from a stack of 2,000+ applicants during my first eligible hiring phase; I was the 7th person selected. The other department was a better fit for me so I took that job within a year of the other.

During all this time I never lost my love for wine. I still found myself spending hours online looking at auction sites, reading articles and books about various wines, purchasing different wines which at times could take up to hours in the store. Before I knew it, an hour had gone by and I didn’t even realize it. I knew most of the wines I was looking at, but it was a matter of picking the right ones at the right time. Never the less, I loved just being in the atmosphere surrounded by everything in general.

Now I’ve come to a point where I realize that following my dreams is more important than ever. My wife’s business is doing well and she’s constantly learning and improving on things everyday. Ultimately our goal is to live in California where Jen will take Hallow + Plank to the next level and I’ll work in the wine industry where I want to be. My whole life has been a journey that more and more is proving itself to me as the days go by.

Now as far as why I’m here. This blog is an opportunity for me to do a couple things: First, I want to learn as much as I can. I know I’m the one writing the blog but there’s so much to learn in this industry about wine, food, friends and family, ambitions, just life in general. I will never suggest that what I think is always correct or that the information I’m presenting is absolute. A lot of the times I think in life we are so quick to offer what we think, that we shut off our ears for the opportunity to actually learn. God gave us 2 ears and one mouth or one hand when writing…so use them proportionally. The next thing I want to do is empower or inspire others to succeed. We can all learn something from each other so it’s always a win-win when multiple people are on board with one particular topic or concept.

Thank you for taking the time to read my story. I look forward to hearing from you and sharing the things that I think we can all benefit from. Wine is a journey that brings people together and I can’t wait to go on this journey with you!

Cheers

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stephenaltrogge-blog · 5 years

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This past weekend, I attended my 50-year High School Reunion.

It was a lot of fun seeing folks I hadn’t seen in decades. I was grateful they put our senior photos on our name tags, because I wouldn’t have recognized a lot of my classmates now. We all look a bit different.

It was especially fun seeing some of my friends I was really close to in high school, especially the members of my first two rock bands, The Blades and The Signets, which eventually became Backtrack (a much better name). We laughed when we remembered some of the gigs we played, like one frat party where the people dancing and drinking would accidentally spill beer on me and I’d get shocked when it hit my hands on my electric guitar.

Amazingly, a couple of the guys remembered the first two songs I ever wrote, “As If I Didn’t Know” and “Time Will Tell.” They could even remember the melodies and the words. First, “As If I Didn’t Know”:

You’re whispering in my ear, What you’re saying makes my insides glow You’re wishing I’d hold you near As if I didn’t know.

And “Time Will Tell”:

Time will tell before too long Whether we are right or wrong But we’re in love for now Time will tell.

I know, I know, brilliant. Especially for a 15 year old. Amazing they could remember the words and melodies. That’s the power of music.

We didn’t do any dancing at the reunion. Probably a good thing. A number of us would probably have wound up in the ER with dislocated hips or heart attacks. It was fun, just hanging out and talking with each other. And it was great because there didn’t seem to be any cliques or looking down on each other, like we did in high school. It was just a bunch of old people having fun.

One thing that touched me was when I walked past a display of photos titled, “Gone But Not Forgotten” – people from our class who died in the last 50 years. Out of a class of around 350, 42 people have died. I knew a few who had, but was sadly surprised to see a number I didn’t know had passed away. Which made me think, my photo could be there. Why am I alive? And Why has God let me live all these years? And I was especially moved to think that God invaded my life just a few years after high school and changed me forever. And I wish I could tell all my classmates how he changed me. I hope some will read this.

I was raised by loving parents in Tulsa Oklahoma. My Dad and Mom were solid practicing Catholics. My Dad went to 6:00 Mass every day before he went to work for an oil company in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Mom and Dad sent us to St. Mary’s elementary school. I had some really nice nuns for teachers and a couple really terrible ones, like Sister Mary Raineldis, who we called Sister Rain-in-the-Face, who would paddle kids with a dictionary. I was an altar boy, got really good grades in school, and my parents had signed me up to go a Jesuit seminary after 8th grade. I was a pretty good boy, except for some of the pranks I would play on my younger sisters and brother.

But everything changed the night of graduation from 8th Grade. The school always gave away Outstanding Student Awards to the boy and girl with the best grade point average. Out of only 8 boys in the class, I had the best average. I had been told that by teachers. But when it came time for the award, they called the name of my good friend Jim. I was devastated. Didn’t know what happened. Well my Mom found out. Jim’s mother was a teacher in the school, and they gave it to Jim because of her, even though my grades were better. My mother was furious, went to the principal, and a week or two later they gave me a trophy with a different title. But Mom was done with the church and the school.

So when my Dad came home one day and said his company offered him a job in their office in Indiana, PA, my Mom said, “We’re moving!” I didn’t want to. Didn’t want to leave all my friends. Didn’t want to move to a town that couldn’t even come up with its own name but stole it from a state. But Mom was adamant. She wanted nothing more to do with that church or the school that cheated me out of a trophy.

So we moved to Indiana, PA. My parents went to the local priest and told them I had been signed up for the seminary, but his advice was, “I would wait until after high school. I think it would be good for him to meet girls. Then see if he still wants to go to the seminary.”

I never went to the seminary. I continued on as a Catholic, though my drift began not long after that. In high school I started smoking, and lying about it to my parents. As I said earlier, joined a rock band. Never drank in high school until graduation night, when some friends and I sneaked off from a party and had a six pack.

But in college the drinking escalated. And eventually I got into drugs. Did a lot of marijuana, and took LSD a couple times. By the time I graduated I was getting drunk pretty much every night. My parents never said anything about it, though I was still living at home. I’m sure they must have heard me come in late every night, but they never confronted me.

I also had a few different girlfriends in college. That didn’t go so well either. Despite having some physical relations, I was so selfish, I was just never really happy in my relationships, though the girls were really sweet girls. I was just too self-absorbed.

After college, I moved to Philadelphia, where I lived in a cockroach infested basement of an old apartment building while working in a cheesy art gallery. My plan was to become an artist, and get my work into galleries. I took my stuff to a few galleries, and got a couple paintings in one, but I was just too undisciplined to make any real progress. Plus I was still getting drunk every night. I still had a girlfriend, who was a wonderful girl, but I was sinking into my sin and selfishness and misery.

I remember one night scouring my apartment to try to find a penny because I was one cent short of having enough to buy a draft at the local bar. I knew that wasn’t good. But I needed a beer. On top of my other misery, I was till trying to live out my Catholic faith. I knew it was wrong to get drunk. So I would go to confession every week. But I couldn’t change my life. Every night I would say the Act of Contrition asking for forgiveness of sins I drifted off to sleep.

I didn’t know it but God had a plan for me. Before I left for Philadelphia, someone had told me I should get a Bible and try to read a small amount every day. He said, “Just read it and do what it says.” So I had bought a paperback bible called “Good News For Modern Man.” I began reading about Jesus. One day in my misery I actually cried out to God and said, “God, if you will help me I will do anything you want.” And the first thought that came to my mind is that God would tell me to be a missionary to Alaska. I thought, “Well, I guess if God told me to do that he would give me what it takes to do it.”

I didn’t see any changes right away, but God was up to something.

My girlfriend was an airline stewardess, and after visiting me one weekend, she called me and said, “Guess what? I was working this flight and there was a guy wearing a t-shirt with a picture of Jesus on it, so I said to him, “Don’t you think you’re being disrespectful by wearing a t-shirt with a picture of Jesus on it? And he started to tell me all about Jesus.” She was definitely excited about Jesus. “Yeah,” I said, “I know all about Jesus. I go to church every Sunday.” And I ended the conversation.

Not long after that I had to move back home to my parents’ home, 23 years old, broke and discouraged. One weekend, when my girlfriend was visiting she opened the newspaper and said, “Hey! Here’s the guy from the plane! The guy with the Jesus t-shirt. He’s going to be speaking at a retreat center 15 minutes from here. We have to go see him!” “Okay,” I said, with about as much enthusiasm as if she said we should eat sardines.

So the next evening my girlfriend, my parents (who had recently started going to a prayer meeting and were probably saved) and I went to a little country church in a place called Brush Valley. I was greeted at the door by an older man who extended his hand and said, “Praise the Lord, brother!” to which I weakly replied, “Uhhh, yeah, praise the Lord.” When they started singing “This is the day, this is the that the Lord has made, that the Lord has made, we will rejoice, we will rejoice and be glad in it, and be glad in it….” and clapping their hands, I didn’t know if I would be able to take this simple repetitive kind of singing. I was used to prog rock like Yes and Kansas and these were like kindergarten songs.

But when the speaker started, the young man who had worn the Jesus t-shirt, he was unlike anyone I had ever heard. He was excited about the Lord. Jesus was real to him. He was an engaging speaker. There was something different about him.

Afterwards, my girlfriend said, “Hey let’s go up and meet him.” So I reluctantly went with her and my mom and dad. The first thing he said to me was, “Have you ever asked Jesus into your heart?” To which I said, “Well, I guess so, I go to church every Sunday.”

“No,” he said, “Have you ever PERSONALLY asked Jesus into your heart?”

“Well, I guess not,” I said.

“Well why don’t you do that right now?” He said. “I can lead you in a prayer.”

So I did. I asked Jesus into my heart. I didn’t know what I was doing. But I really did want God to help me and change me.

There were no fireworks. No goosebumps. I didn’t feel any different. But I did believe in Jesus. I went home that night and believed that something had happened. Didn’t know what.

But nothing changed immediately. I started going to the prayer meeting my parents attended. But I kept going to the bar every night and getting drunk. No one told me that after I believed in Jesus I should turn from my sins and follow him. No one told me I could be free from the power of sin. So for the next year I was pretty miserable. I’d go to the prayer meeting, then go to the bar. I felt even more guilt than I had before my prayer to receive Jesus.

Then a friend invited me to a Bible study in the basement of a local church. That night the speaker talked about our need to turn from sin. At the end, I stood up with others and committed myself to Jesus to change. Not long after that I read Romans 6, which said:

We know that our old self was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin. For one who has died has been set freeb from sin…. Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, to make you obey its passions. Do not present your members to sin as instruments for unrighteousness, but present yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life, and your members to God as instruments for righteousness. For sin will have no dominion over you, since you are not under law but under grace. (RO 6.6-7,12-14)

I was one with Christ, and no longer a slave of sin! I didn’t have to sin! I didn’t have to obey sin any more. Sin no longer had dominion over me!

John 3:16 says:

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.

And Romans 10:13 says,

“For ‘everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.’”

The good news of Jesus is that he is God, and that he became a man, and lived a sinless life of perfect obedience to his Father. Then he took our sins upon himself, as if he had committed them, and was crucified on a cross and suffered the wrath of God to pay the penalty our sins deserved. Then, after suffering in our place, he died, was buried, then rose from the dead on the third day. Then he appeared to many, then ascended into heaven where he reigns as Lord of Lords. When we believe this good news and call upon him to save us, he forgives our sins and gives us eternal life. We are born again, and joined to Christ.

Then we should begin to follow him as disciples. We should be baptized and turn from sin and begin a life of learning about Jesus and obeying his commands.

Jesus rescued me from my sins. He saved me. I was freshly reminded of his mercies to me at my reunion, especially when I looked at the photos of my classmates who died. I had been with one of them, Gerry, in his last days of battling cancer. He had called upon Jesus to save him, and I had helped baptize him in his bathtub a few short weeks before he died. I know I will see him again someday. I don’t know about the others.

I hope some of my classmates will read this and believe in Jesus. If you are reading this and have never called upon Jesus, I urge you to do that today. Nothing matters more than your eternal salvation. Get a bible and I’d suggest that you start by reading the gospel of John, then read the other gospels, Matthew, Mark and Luke. Then dig into the rest of the New Testament. Try to find a church that believes the good news of Jesus and believes the Bible is the inspired word of God.

If you have any questions, I would be glad to try to answer them. Thanks for reading this!

The post What? It’s Been 50 Years Since High School?…Looking Back, And What God Did For Me appeared first on The Blazing Center.

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v3xthar4v3r-blog · 7 years

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Freshman Year: Drugs, Pain, Heartbreak, and Paint

I'll bet my freshman year was a million times crazier than yours. The average high school freshman is first embarking on love, sex, interests, and just finding themselves. I was a very different story. Everyone in the school knew Kat, be it for good reasons or bad. Here is the story of the craziest 9 months of my life I have and probably will ever experience.

Let's start at the beginning. For reference, I'm going into my sophomore year this fall; these events are all fairly recent, no matter how far away they seem in my head. Anyway, I wasn't even supposed to be in 9th grade this year. I'm 14, I was supposed to be in 8th. However, I was always really advanced throughout grade school and I felt like I was just learning the same thing over and over again, so my mom and I agreed that skipping a grade would be the best option for me. She and I walked into the doors at North Little Rock High on September 7th, 2016 and enrolled me as a freshman. Surprisingly enough, they let me in. I came back the next day and got my schedule, a tour, and then was sent off to class.

My first day was fairly painless. I went to every class like I was supposed to, met all my teachers, and got contact information from the few people I talked to that day. It was all really painless for the first month or so. Just the same routine every day, nothing out of the ordinary. No trouble, nothing wrong at all.

Aaaaand then I met.... let's call him Dick for this story. I'm not mean enough to give out real names. He was in my second period class. We'd never really talked, until one day he walked up to me and started a conversation. I was being my normal super sweet self to him of course. Anyways, the conversation gradually turned to drugs. I admitted to him that I'd never even tried weed, despite wanting to ever since I was 8. Suddenly, he pulled out a little nug of weed! In the middle of class! MADMAN!!!

That weekend, we all went to the mall. It was me, Dick, and another girl that he was friends with. When I asked what the plan was for that night, they told me they were gonna get me super fucked up. Of course I was down! I'd dreamed of smoking weed ever since I found out my dad smokes. Low and behold, I found myself sitting on the chick's couch a few hours later with her bubbler in my hand taking my first ever hit. AAH MY THROAT! *commence endless coughing session*

After a few more hits and a few shots, we decided to go to a skate park. I later learned that I laid in an anthill for 2 hours straight. I remember thinking that the ground was so comfortable and that the stars were so pretty! After we left there, we decided to go to a trail that overlooks all of downtown, including the river. (I still have yet to find that trail! I want to go back!) After sitting there for a while, we all decided to go back to... Jenny's house. (Obviously not a real name for privacy) When we got back, we decided to hotbox her closet. Oh god. That was such a bad idea. We all climbed into the closet and spent a good hour just smoking each other out. By the time we got done I wasn't in reality anymore at all. I'll be completely honest , my memory fades out pretty much completely here, but I'll try to recollect as much as I can. I have flashes of just laying on the floor staring at the ceiling, then suddenly I was in the bathroom giving Dick a blowjob. I had no idea how I'd gotten there and I stopped to lay on the bathroom floor, but he got really mad and guilted me into finishing. When I left, Jenny's aunt was screaming at me about how much of a dirty whore I was and telling me that if she ever saw me again she'd beat the shit out of me. This night was what started everything.

The next few weeks were uneventful, aside from a relationship between myself and a boy named Dave beginning and blossoming over that time. I desperately wanted to get high again, but very rarely stumbled across any form of marijuana. That is, until I met... let's call her Cherry. Cherry and I were in band together, but we'd never really talked. To be honest, I don't really remember how we started talking, but we became fast friends. She had a lot of connections, so we used to hang out after school pretty much every day to smoke.

We continued this trend for a few months, both of us gradually caring less and less about school and more and more about drugs. My relationship with Dave gradually fell apart because of my obsession with drugs and lack of care for anything else. By the time he and I broke up, I had no idea what was right and what was wrong. I'd done so many bad things to him. I really regret everything I did. I fucked with his head so much. But, at the time it didn't matter. Nothing mattered as long as I was high out of my mind.

Timestamp: we've gotten to about November. I was talking to another guy shorty after Dave and I broke up. Thing is, I still had really strong feelings for him. To the point that when we saw each other and he was with his new girlfriend, I legitimately tried to gouge her eyes out, and probably would have at least done some damage had it not been for Jacob holding me back. Now, Jacob's name I'm not going to hide. Jacob Sharp is a backstabbing asshole and I'd honestly give anything to see him 6 feet under. Anyway, he and I didn't last long. He always wanted sex, no matter how much I didn't. I just ended up giving in and giving him what he wanted.

Eventually I came to my senses and ended things with Jacob. Dave and I had become really good friends over this time. We'd hang out all the time and paint together. It was actually a really good time in my life. He ended up setting me up with one of his friends, sparking a half-ass relationship that lasted about a month. No further details are really necessary on that.

Back to Cherry! She and I had been really good friends and smoke buddies this whole time. One night, we were both in a band concert. After our portion of the performance, she and I decided to sneak out of the stage and explore the building, since it wasn't the one we had all of our classes in. Eventually, we stumbled across the construction area. Naturally, we scanned everywhere for loot. We managed to pick up a bottle of yellow spray paint and a bottle of black spray paint. And what do you do when you find spray paint and are surrounded by walls? TAG! TAG LIKE THE WIND!!!

Of course, we received the consequence of our actions the next day. The school just couldn't ignore a giant mural in their courtyard with a giant weed leaf on it. I'll never forget the principal coming to my 4th period class to get me personally. From the redness in his cheeks, I knew what this was about. When we reached his office, I was greeted by our school police officer sitting on the far right side of the room and Cherry sitting in the chair next to the one assigned to me. As expected, he informed us why we were there. To make it as painless as possible, we just nodded our heads and listened to our punishment. 10 days of out of school suspension, a $350 dollar bill from the school, and an assignment to the alternative court program our school offers that gives less severe punishments and keeps everything off of your record. Thank god for that program.

Timestamp: December 31st, 2016, almost New Year. I was supposed to be having a party. It was going to be fun! Everything was planned out, we had a bunch to drink and smoke, everything was going to work out! But, of course, the world hates me and everything went wrong. Cherry got sick, Dave (who was dating cherry at the time) was freaking out, everybody was either fighting or passed out, everything was just fucked. Fuck that party.

A few days after the New Years disaster, everything was back to normal. Well, normal from our perspective. Cherry and I had started trying new drugs and smoking all the time, even skipping school. However, this was routine to us. We didn't see anything out of the ordinary.

One day, she and I met in the bathroom after 1st period to pop some adderall before class. That was such a mistake. We ended up having to leave campus because I could barely keep myself from literally punching everybody in the face. That was the day she and I got caught off campus. The school cop, who already knew us from the tagging incident, brought us back to school where we received our punishments. Only this time it was different. That goddamned drug had messed me up. I had a complete breakdown in front of the administrators, to the point where they actually felt bad for me and told me I didn't have to go back to class. Later that day I was admitted to a mental hospital. Nothing new for me, considering I'd been there twice before.

When I was discharged, I returned to school like normal. Everything was going great, until I started hanging out with, uhh, John. John was a horrible influence, but I was okay with it. See, John is your model Juggalo. Running around with a hatchet screaming shit, popping pills, practically inhaling faygo, you know the image. I'd spend weeks at a time at his house. I didn't go to school at all, I popped things that I couldn't even identify, I tagged all the time, everything your model bad kid does. I think my absence count got up to about 23.

Eventually I stopped hanging out with John all the time, although I still was quite frequently. One of the times we were hanging out, we decided to go to my dealer's house for some weed. Now, my dealer is a really suspicious person. He doesn't like strangers. Knowing this, I had him stay outside. Haha. Big mistake. When I got inside, I sat down to wait for him to bring my my product. A chick who was visiting him joined me and pulled out her meth pipe. She looked up at me and told me not to tell anyone. After assuring her I wouldn't talk, she offered me a hit. Of course me, being the idiot I am, took it. I tried meth.

The way back to John's house was a blur. I was superman! It felt like I was barely moving as when I was running full speed. Jesus Christ it was insane. When we got back, I settled down and stared at a tree for 3 hours straight.

The week following was honestly really hard. I was going through a lot of emotional stress because of this one person I was talking to. I really wanted to get my hands on more of those sweet sweet hard drugs.

Eventually, I realized what I was becoming. What I was doing to myself. I tried really hard to straighten myself up. I started going to every class every day, trying to reconnect with everyone I'd fucked over this year, and I even started drawing again. That felt so good. I hadn't actually drawn something in months. I rode out the rest of the school year in peace.

And that's where the story of my freshman year ends. I have no idea how any of this happened, but I know it did. All of these experiences have really opened up my eyes. I'll be honest. I'm still really struggling with staying away from all of my bad habits, but I think I'm doing okay. No doubt this year was one of the most memorable experiences in my life, and I sincerely hope it never repeats itself.

#school #story #myself #writing #my writing #my story #freshman #highschool #drugs

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softspoken23-blog · 7 years

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Softspoken: The first 20 years of my life.

Year 1: Its the one year anniversary of a young lion Walking on his feet after pooping for months and a bunch of crying Momma showering me with love cause she see the potential But little do she know that wasn’t even in my mental

Year 2: very dependent has no interest at all as being independent. A mommas boy who just wanna play with his toys live his life as a youth happiness and joy

Year 3: Year 3 it isn’t munch to explain, im just now learning how to write and spell my name.

Year 4: In prekay learning the new things of this world. Could you believe at this age i had feelings for a girl. Her name was malayshia and she was the first girl i shared my oreos with cause i wanted a kiss but i was way over my head but i was young so its ok that it was bliss

Year 5: At the age of 5 i was caught by surprised moving to a different neighborhood opened my eyes Rent was too high with a lack of space Momma wanted better but little do she know she moved us to a questionable place

Year 6: Kinegarden was crazy but i had a lot of fun but on my own time. Didnt really enjoy the company of the others. Video games was the life. Copying movie characters was a hobby I was many characters i felt like no one cant stop me

Year 7: Started first grade but wasnt really into education. All i wanted to do was go home and be on my playstation. In my own world i was my own nation. Was very quiet and softspoken but it wasnt a positive to the crowd it was the complete opposite. Trying to put me in special education but my mom wouldn’t stop fighting Its nothing wrong with my baby he just need to work on his handwriting. They wasnt trying to hear it though so they held me back so i wouldn’t move forward. So i had some drive and motivation to push myself forward.

Year 8: Year 8 was crazy thats when the roller coaster begin it was a long ride i was wondering when it was going to end. Repeating 1st grade was hurtful but i stood strong through the pain. But the highlight of the year is when on december 23rd the day i was born i was celebrating with my love ones in chuckee cheese smiles and all get ready for a pic and say cheese. All that joy was great until i returned home and notice things were out of place whats going on whats wrong? Come to find out my house been robbed. Money and items stolen. Heart was swollen. Who would do such things? Why us why us? Mom in tears this really broke my heart. And this was the outline that started to tear my mother and step father apart.

Year 9: Nothing to discuss cause i dont really remember much

Year 10: I was chilling. Spoiled as hell getting any game i want. Started making lies that i was sick so i can stay home and sleep. Im really surprised my mom never peeped. While the cab used to be out there waiting to take me to school. I used to sit on the toilet acting like i was taking a long poop

Year 11: Was in the 5th grade and i had another crush. I was feeling her she was the bomb. But she wasnt interested in me she wanted no parts. She was feeling my bro. It was no chance for me so i knew it was slow. I was blessed enough to graduate and get out of there and move on to middle school and thats when it all begin. But news hit me hard when my mom told me the man with my middle name was my actual father he just never wanted to show me love. Told me he didnt even want me alive i wasnt even supposed to be born. But my mom wasn’t having it. She kept me cause im the only one that came out to be her little man.

Year 12: Started six grade as a 5'11 freshmen but this is when it start when i was close to hitting depression. As my skin darken over the summer i got made fun of so much i would just snap. Making fun of the spots on my arm asking me why i am so black? This gets deep it gets very personal. Problems at home started and my mom over protection started to lead to rebellion. Crushing on girls for no reason cause i was wasting my time. I used to feel like i was a eyesore so why bother why try?

Year 13: In 7th grade i was focused on a new look, looking for the change. The pressure was too strong i was really feeling drain. The harsh bullying i recieved weren’t no joke i was losing my grip i didnt wanna hang on to the rope. So i tried to fit in and try to be down with my so call friends. But that was just the beginning its not even close to the end. I remember when i got a fresh cut for this girl. And my homie try to put me on . But then she gave me that look like something was wrong. So then she brought her friends along and they followed me and it became a roast session. Tried to get away but they were persistent. No where to hide so i had no choice but to listen. My feelings were hurt badly the pain was too deep. When i got home i took off everything and just cried myself to sleep. Insercurites was a demon and it was kicking in at that point i fell like s*** and i would do anything to lighten my skin. Cause i had that mentality that the only way for me to get the girl of my dreams is to go the extreme and not accept who i am as a young man cause my life is full of s*** becoming accepted by society was now my plan

Year 14: Now this year things turned out for the worst. Its like i was under a curse. But i finally got to get a girlfriend but it only lasted a few days. Dated others but i was young and horny so i just wanted to feel they butt and bust a quick nut. Cause i aint never did it before. It was the first time i tried weed but one try made me realize it was more of a want than an actual need. Cause i wanted to fit in i wanted to be down. Peer pressure is a mother f*cker it can turn your whole life around. I got caught up in play fighting than that play fighting turned into a knockout. Next thing you know we all serving super attendent supension we couldnt go to school but i wasnt the one that caused the knockout so idk what the suspension was about. But that suspension bit me in the a** cause i missed too much time i couldnt bounce back my grades i was running out of time. When the promotion and doubt letters came in i was very excited but the teachers and staff looking at me like i was retarted. What are you happy about? Your home boys are the one that is getting promoted and you are the one in doubt. I felt like god never cared for me i never could get blessings. So i spent my whole summer sheding tears and stressing.

Year 15: Repeating the 8th grade was crazy. Plus i was having issues at home. But i found a way to cope with it all. I wanted to do something else i wanted to play basketball. So it kept me focused. I was about 6'3 with long arms and a skinny frame. But i wasnt that good but its ok cause i was learning the game. Wasnt playing this time i started get work done but i would still want to do me and have a lot of fun. Got a girl and we dated for about 5 months. Come to find out she was cheating so i didnt want a girl no more i was done. But i did want to lose my V card that was a must cause all my bros was getting some. And i felt like it was my turn so i finally got some and once i got it i was hooked. Cut school for 3 days for a piece of action i was going through that phase. But i ended up getting caught and i got put on punishment for a while. Closing of the year and i found out i got promoted to high school here i come but i still had a middle school mentality F*** it though wings academy here i come.

Yead 16: Freshmen year of High school got to make the Varsity team. I was still skinny as hell though but a lot of promise in the coaches eye. The limits was off i can go beyond the sky. I joked around and didnt really take my grades serious. My family questioned my commitment they wondered if i was serious. But i came in at the age 15 so if i act a fool for a little while it was all good. Got in trouble though and missed the whole season as a freshmen. And at the end of the year my grades werent that good. So in the summer of 2013 i changed things up and had a plan it was become a better man or forever live in the hood.

Year 17: I was doing me. Thats right i was doing me. I went from a 68 to a 90 average. Started selling snacks in school so i can make some cash. Got a little stronger and started balling harder. But politics on the team was crazy so the coach tried to tell me to ball harder. The problems i had at home didnt really intefere with what i wanted to acoomplish. I didnt want a girl cause i figured spalding was my only girl. I only knew how to set picks and when to flash and when to curl. People realizing the change i made and all i wanted to do was make momma proud she brags a lot now she says im her one and only son out loud. I got to play AAU basketball and travel accross the country. Momma would make sure i went to each trip even if she had little money. The highlight of all those trips was being able to visit las vegas nevada.

Year 18: My junior year had its goods and bads. Still had good grades still was trying to get better at ball. But my hard work didnt prove anything cause my coach was saying nonscense how can i ever let another man ruin my confidence? But in the end i was able to receieve a championship ring. But i was still determined to get playtime and do my thing. So i focused on building myself both mentally and physically but building mentally was more important. I started reading more and more started watching videos that gave me knowledge. Started to become wise catching a girl that was physically and verbally abused by surprised. Put up with her mess so she can get the idea of a man at his best and forget about that lame she was dating and move on to the next. Things didnt go as plan but it was alright though. Cause i will still focus on doing me and achieving my goals. Even though some nights i would go hungry without a meal and months without TV because my mom was doing it all alone she couldnt pay the bill. But she made sure we were good cause her babies come first a lot of people dont know i been through the worst. But i stood strong and i stood tall. Cause i believe god would show me the way. So i kept my hopes high and kept on striving each day.

Year 19: Im a senior that finally got a chance to start for the team. I worked and grind hard. Straight determination but conflicts with coaches led to my team early elimination. Was chilling the whole year though. But still kept my grades good. Just wanted my diploma and enjoy my final days in Wings. Then move on to college and go do my thing. Closing of my senior year it was dope. I got to go to prom and hang with my bros and dance with my date. But in my head it was more then just dancing im such a sad case. Graduation day smiles and good vibes in the aroma got a couple of awards and the main prize my diploma. It was too real was i dreaming while in a coma? Summer time i worked and continue to build myself mentally and phyiscally. Trying to avoid the negatives and stay positive. Never wanna turn around and be the complete opposite. First year of college is approaching. My goal is to stay truetoself and not become to open. Focus on you, school is important.

Year 20: Freshmen year of college has been wild. Reality kicked in i realize i am no longer a child. Staying true to self is difficult when your around so much temptations. When its all said and done i can use a vacation. But i am now a better me better man. About 6'5 and 230 pounds of muscle. So you can try to knock me down but i wont even stumble yet alone fumble. Trying to crack me into pieces im never gonna crumble im ready for war im ready to rumble. I try to carry myself as soft natured a soft spoken man. Kind hearted. But im always a target ,by a crowd but my character is to powerful. My upbrinings is as humble as they come. They dont wanna be with me because they know i dont live the lifestyle of young wild and free im more of young, sincere and more into helping those in need. I wanna give a helping hands to those who reach out their arms to mines and tell them its going to be ok ,everything will be fine. Cause i know what it is like to feel left out i know what it is like to be stress. I know what it feels like to be insecure. I know what it is like to feel ashame you have no one you can adore. I wanna reach my full potential wanna be at my peak. A lot of people avoid me because they know they cant influence me. Im untouchable im unstoppable im a phenominal. This is a true story a humble nigga chronicles. I love the world i want whats best for everyone i want people to see beyond the glamour the temopary peace that involves the delusion of living a lifestyle that is the cover up for your pain. Cause i tried it once and it really didnt ease up my pain. So to sum up these 20 years of my life so far ima end it off like this. The people who i am about to forgive im this way because of you now listen to the heart of a man so merciful.

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