#now my head hurts

[bigger-picture-darwinism]

i’ll think i’m fine with the whole parents getting divorced thing and then i’ll start uncontrollably sobbing when parents in media are affectionate towards each other

#the mom is a zombie and had to be chained in the basement so she wouldn’t kill people #and her husband still went down there to spend the night with her so they wouldn’t be apart #and then the daughter came down and slept on the mattress in between them #now my head hurts

[roguexpogue]

I'm going be on in a couple hours to get to drafts.

#ooc #had to work on calling a few drs about my insurance #now my head hurts

[sweetbottletops]

Maybe that butler can magically cure Aoi of her golf disease? Someone?

This is depressing. The music is way too peppy for this plotline.

It's bad enough she just found out who her real dad is and that he has fatal golf disease. But now he passed it on to her? It was one thing when it was just a career ending thing, but now they're making it out like she's going to die super young too?

WTF, show. She's skipping all those cakes for an early death? They're really throwing that cake gag out there now? The tone is all over the place.

#birdie wing #now my head hurts

[awkward-fallen-angel]

I just hit my head on my wall 😐

#i went to adjust as im laying down wide away and the wall was just kinda there #now my head hurts #and im still wide awake #heather speaks #void talk #non fandom

[cleradinel]

literally spent the day playing sims medieval (came out like 12 years ago) so i could make the party in a dnd like setting

#so much fun tho #byler was being very cute in my game i'll have you know thay #now my head hurts

[dark-twist-fairytales]

Hell yeah, I got both Twili's AND Feral's character sheet up!

#uni-linked-verse #i am unnaturally proud of nyself for this #now my head hurts #whoops

[fapper]

I definitely had a mentally ill moment today

#now my head hurts

[sparklijam]

Oh no are you sick?!

Yep…I was the only one that didn’t get sick from my family.

I’m always in my room, so I thought I’d be in the clear.

Apparently now =^=

#now my head hurts

[02mila]

another day of feeling every feeling known to mankind

#and it's soo tiring #i cried i felt anger i felt anxious #then i was ashamed #and many more emotions aldo happened #now my head hurts

[trafficpan-ic]

Should have seen that coming

#stupid manifesting #now my head hurts #me thinking i can do anything is stupid #I mean i can but in a long term period time and Not in few days lol #will survive tho #actually autistic #actually autism #autistic #asd #autistic things

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[m1shapanda]

why am i suddenly s anxious help

#it happened for litr no reason hello??? #now my head hurts #misha.rambles

[ipostmysimpingstuffanonymously]

They both lost their team and their teacher....

#in my head yuji is the only one who understands #both of them deserve a hug #idk what it is about younger people taking care of adults that hurts so much #shoko deserves to have a breakdown moment lets be honest the shit she went through #jokes on me i know exactly how shoko feels and how you just dont want to move #not only her team but also her underclassmates #and now that megs is gone #omg #and nanami who meant alot to both of them #and gojo #im just making it worse for myself #pathetic #shoko ieiri #yuji itadori #jjk #236 #jujutsu kaisen #found family between these two #i need fanfictions.... #itadori yuuji #yuuji #shoko #IPMSSA_Panels #IPMSSA_canon!Fixit #IPMSSA_FoundFamily!Fanart

[nopanamaman]

i knew you first, i knew you best

#ok brainrot over #my head hurts now #myart #higurashi #higurashi no naku koro ni #mion sonozaki #shion sonozaki

[obsob]

there he is......the man of the house

#mine #ough hello not posted in a while!! #im busy doin portfolio stuff so . not much cat drawinign going on THO i will. hopefully do one tomorrow hehe #i was gna get stickers for my next shop update but its hurting me head so. gna order new prints hopefully!! this week and then #do stickers n postcards next time. i am so low on stock sihfdkggwe #need 2 buy envelopes also....my least favourite thing 2 spend money on #what hve i been up to ....i made a blanket!! maybe i will post picture. it was gna b a cardigan i started it like last year #n then i went 2 sew it together n was like. this pattern is insane also this wool is too thick so. blanky :) #its very good. good lap blanket!! #what else what else....been re reading lotr. im reading it on ebook i lov ebook sm. i love printed books but i jus absolutely cannot #read them. dyslexia gang rise up !!!! #im reading it so much quicker tho n also actually remembering it ....would die for gimli #also started rewatching cr2 >:) i dont . actually like th new campaign so KSDFKJDN rewatch it is #even tho i dont like molly. not that thats gna b an issue for long sifubshbhebwj #im so seepy...so cold.....gna rest now probably n play skyrim hehe #cat drawings tomorrow >:) #okay bye

[ssssosababyyyyy]

i have a migraine and im 100% certain it’s bc im not within 2ft of my bf rn.

#literally the second my family came home i got a headache and its been two days #i didnt even feel sick when i was leaving atl. #now my head hurts