#now im just sitting here laughing

[luvring]

crying soo fawking bad over the hq movie being 1hr 24min long Like we're seriously just not going to get any/well done timeskip content. There's over 100 chapters left and we only get two movies R u joking. i feel nauseous. i'm going to start commissioning people to draw timeskip akaashi. Pls Hmu If U Draw And Love Me

#💬nia.rambles #just finished reading another study on marx. And Now. Depresison #sitting here and realizing im not gonna see bkak or msby or brazil or anythign. The devil is laughing at me in my peripheral vision. #1hr24min THAT IS LITERALLY THE SPAN OF ONE CLASS. SHORTER THAN MANY EVEN. #i need to eat. shards of metal. #. Whatever. Who gaf. I have another reading on marx to do. kmhggod

[batfamhyperfixation]

I need more content of Tim's jealousy when other siblings come in and become close to Dick. Like every time someone says Damian is Dick's favorite it hurts my heart a little cause I know how Tim would feel.

It's one thing for a younger sibling to grow up with you, cause like at least then you all have your defined roles and it's like what you know so you aren't stepping on one another's toes, but like it's something completely else to have a sibling who is already grown up come into the family and become siblings with your sibling.

It is just like that longing feeling when you see them together and like they haven't known each other as long yet they seem closer to your sibling than you are, and everyone knows they are the favorite and you are just like how do they get along so well with so little effort.

I need more Tim and Dick content like this. The boy went from being Dick's only sibling still around (aka no competition for being brothers and nothing to compare it to) to being like 1 of 5 of dick's siblings, and I know this also goes in reverse where the newer sibling is jealous of the older two siblings for already having the established bond, but I dont see enough of Tim having bitter envy of how close Damian and Dick are despite not knowing each other as long, like you want angsty relationships DC, show me this instead of just everyone trying to kill Tim, show me silent envy that grows more and more as it slowly decays a sibling relationship instead of like a weird ritual where if you wanna be apart of the family you have to attempt to kill tim

#sometimes i just need angsty tim #not tim getting targeted by siblings or tim getting annoyed at siblings #just Tim who finally became brothers with his idol and hero and formed a relationship with having to watch as it goes from their small #contained group of dick tim Bruce and babs where tim is like the best brother dick has got to everyone especially damian coming in #and tim feeling crowded out and jealous as damian and dick become closer than tim and dick ever were and tim slowly pulls away #and at first dick not even noticing and tim feeling guilty every time a dispute comes up and feeling guilty over how happy he feels when #damian ticks dick off and tim starts throwing himself into other things and flakes/cancels on things he and dick have planned and #finally one time tim and dick are sitting around and tim is like i miss how close we were and dick laughing is like well you're so busy now #and tim is like 'well its not like you need me anyway you have damian and jason and cass and duke and- nevermind' tim cuts himself off #dick is like 'timmy you know im still here for you just like before' and tim is just like 'yeah sure whatever' and heads out and then dick #starts noticing that tim is keeping him at arms length so he keeps trying to connect and he sees how tim keeps getting close with others #but that he refuses to with dick and then the jealousy is both ways and slowly they start to come together again as brothers and things #arent quite the same and probably will never be but they are still brothers and they love each other #but things are complicated when you go from the only sibling to having like 5 siblings and i want that explored more #i want these complex sibling relationships dc. give me this over trying to kill tim. there is more to siblings than the cain instinct. #anyway thats my rant #tim drake #dick grayson #batkids #batfam #bat family #batsiblings

[hella1975]

sometimes i think about the fact my grandparents literally overnight just cut us off and im like. how did u even do that. does it torment you

#eeaao's 'how did you let me go so easily' moment. like i dont let myself even THINK about this too often #bc i immediately beat myself back with the 'if it's hard for you then imagine how hard it is for mum. her PARENTS cut her off' #but like. idk. my nan i couldn't give less of a shit about which is something i always find so interesting #bc even as a child with NO basis for it or any understanding of her behaviour both past and present i still wasn't Comfortable around her #like children are smart actually. i just Knew her vibes were off and i Knew my mum was weird when she was around #like i truly dont think i ever loved my nan even when she was a very frequent part of my life #but my grandad? i ADORED him. id see him multiple times a week and he's the kindest man ive ever met #and hannah what i told you about my mum saying certain people have magnetic auras THAT WAS ABOUT HIM #like i cant actually put into words what it was about him but people just wanted to know him and spend time with him #but he was weak and let my nan walk all over him and when push came to shove he chose her and now ive not spoken to him in 3 years #& i KNOW he loved me. he thought the world of me like it's a bitter unspoken thing between me & my sister that we KNOW i was his favourite #he used to buy me egg butties at agricultural shows when my mum said no and specifically ask for two eggs #he used to sit and eat his soup with me when he came over to do work at the house #he used to play with me. he used to smile all the time. i can so clearly hear the way he'd go ''iya [my name]' with his proper rural accent #or how he'd tell anyone who would listen 'she's tough as old boots that one' #and i could make him laugh like NO ONE else could and he'd light up and go 'give over' and he genuinely enjoyed my company #i KNOW HE DID. and i havent spoken to him in 3 years. he'll be dead soon #and i cant talk to my mum about it bc it's her DAD it is so much worse for her and i cant talk to my sister about it #bc she wasn't close with him like i was and she just shuts the conversation down and those are the only two people #who know my grandad and know what he meant to me so im just here like. he literally stopped speaking to me overnight #i stopped hearing from him i stopped meeting up with him im so so angry with him the love is still there i dont know where to put it now #why couldnt he stay. why did he pick her when she's a loveless void of inhumanity. why werent we enough #hella goes home #my grandparents on my dad's side are also not in the picture funnily enough but idgaf about them. she got that grandparentless swag

[miallurk]

In these days i realized i like art and writing and creating and shopping and taking walks and talking to people and cleaning and helping and studying and doing things but i'm just. too stressed, tired and burned out to do them. How great!

#i am losing my sanity day by day #drowning myself in the nearby lake seems better and better every day #why am i even writing this i have literally no mutuals or even people who'd care about #don't mind me crying myself to sleep haha #ooooh look at this pathetic baby. sitting in their little bed crying stupid tears. i should at least get tissues now while my crying isn't #fuck history fuck school and fuck me i quess #am i gonna start treating this as an actual blog and make a sideblog for reblogs? who knows! certainly not me; stay tuned for the story! #i'm gonna go and just let it all out into a pillow #vent ig #my mom is blasting holiday music in the other room lol #nice to have a whatever the fuck im having while “jingle bells” plays #at least i'm not hearing mariah carey ig #anyway i've probably hadn't been taking care of myself lately it has been worse despite me promoting it to everyone who needs #when i vented last time and it wasn't taken seriously so woop #anyway imma go try to calm myself and back to my notes i go #please gods what did i do to deserve thi s shit. fuck you #i hate it here i really do. i hate when these people talk to me i hate them. i at least can be sorta accquaitances with one but they just. #all stare and laugh? i actually can't. like i'm some fucking clown and laughing stock. just kill me at this point. i have been enduring this #for YEARS and suddenly i'm being a little bitch about it?? what the fuck. why am i so mushy all of a sudden. being shown an ounce of respect #and care made me expect it more? fuck #i'm just setting myself up for failure. i am just a giant loser and failure of a person. #everything seems so fucking hard. and pointless. i am tearing my rotten little heart apart with this. i am once again grieving things #long ago and things i never had. my everything has to be pleasing to an outsider #my value is my suffering. am i breaking enough? is this beautiful to look at #at my self destruction? i hate myself. i treat others so cruelly. i am a horrible fucking person. #my problems are not their burden - i forced it on them. wept like a baby because she left me. and what happened in the end? my paranoia got #to me. i left them. i fucking. i fid the thing i was afraid of being done to me. #this is showing so many issues. #so many things wrong with me. i shouldn't even be alive by this point - i wasn't supposed to survive past 12 #i am being forced to do this every day. someone please just end my fu king suffering

[kaidabakugou]

coffee dates with your mom have you spilling all your dirty secrets without a second thought 😭

#kai.rambles #idk what this phenomena is but it’s apparently common lol #im gonna tmi in the tags like it’s a little face time call bc i’m waiting at the airport for my friend #but i had a little coffee date with my mom yesterday bc we both needed a little break since the family is STILL here and hasn’t left #and we just need this whole thanksgiving thing to be over bc we’re going insane with so many relatives in and out of our homes #so we went to a local coffee shop that just opened and it’s so cute btw and ITS PET FRIENDLY so i saw many doggies there #and can’t wait to take woody when this whole doggy virus going around calms down 😔 #but anyway she saw that i was like fidgeting in my chair and ask wtf was wrong and i told her that i had a pimple on my ass cheek lol #and she was like how did it even get there like you take such good care of your skin?? #and i was like idk it just appeared there 😅 #and she was like - 🤨🤨 after your bday? #and i said like yeahhhh? #at this point i already knew she was onto me lol and we both laughed and she asked what did my bf and i do for my bday #so i told her and now she won’t stop laughing at me #for context - here’s the tmi lol - but my bf used whipped cream on me for my bday and we cuddled for a bit #afterwards with the intention of going to shower but we ended up passing out all sticky 😭 #and i quickly took a full exfoliating shower in the morning when i realized but it was already too late and now i have a pimple on my ass 😭 #and it’s like more towards the inside of the cheek so it fkn hurts everytime i sit down #and i was so paranoid after that instead of putting one boric acid capsule into my pussy i put two just in case #bc i was so scared that i was gonna get and infection of something but it’s been 4 days now #and nothing’s happening so i think i’m good but yeah i told her and now she laughs everytime she sees me or remembers it 😭 #i don’t mind bc it’s her and i trust my mom and tell her everything but i never get into detail about my sex life #so the fact that THISSS is the one thing about it that i tell her it’s hilarious #so yeah and now whoever reads this monstrosity of tags knows too #and if you did read this then come here bc i’m giving you BIG WET KISSES and taking you out on a little picnic date 💓💓 #and we can wear matching outfits and feed eachother desserts🥺

[neolxzr]

i think we should talk abt this specific part of human comedy more

#enstars #valkyrie #cryn rambles #i will never not laugh at it #with the model trio baby scout im just sitting here praying for shu kuro childhood cards #their interactions r my favorite #imagine if he actually sent it #now thats comedy

[burymeinwillow]

-

#IM NOT DONE!!! #When my mom got sick and died- during that period I only watched Bonanza. It was my escapeism. It made me happy watching it- #it made me laugh during a time my life was falling apart around me. I was loosing the person most important to me - #I dont remember much from that time but I do remember how much I watched that silly western and how happy it made me #and that's what it means to me!!! that's why Bonanza is so dear to me!!! and it breaks my heart that I was scared to be more self-indulgent #with it. I was led to believe that I shouldn't like it. That I was strange for liking such an old show. My closest friend made feel weird- #about it. So Bonanza being my fav show was like... my little secret. I felt if I told people I liked it they wouldn't wanna be my friend. #Then Juni became my friend and she just changed all of that. She swooped in and just 'Hey you should be more self-indulgent!'- #and I remember thinking 'Is that okay?' She encouraged me about everything. About drawing... about Bonanza... she made it possible for me t #do things i thought were impossible. Like traveling to the US alone and go to a Bonanza Event?? She changed my life. #Made me realize it's okay to be self-indulgent. Made me realize liking niche and obscure things is NOT wierd. #as you can tell im very passionate about this #Juni came into my life during a very dark time and she changed my life and she changed me #and now im sitting here giggling and drawing this silly stupid cowboy from this silly old western #AND NOW IM REAL ANNOYING ABOUT BONANZA HEHEHE

[astranauticus]

i'm not even done with the new rwd episode but. spoilers ahead

anyway funny thing. i wasn't like, super on board with the professionals when i was first binging through the first 3 seasons and especially once we got to season 3 i tunnel visioned on VR-LA and MR-SN super hard (as is probably extremely obvious from my art) but like. 4.5?? the exchange they had??? the fucking breakup scene???? yeah. yeah i get it now. i have no idea why or what changed but i have now Gotten It at the worst possible timing. what the hell

#rolling with difficulty #usually i don't tag my rambles but just this once i'm gonna do it i want to share my sadness onto other people #im like too sad to finish rhe rest of the episode but too mad to go to sleep so i'm just sitting here stewing #genuinely i have no idea what made it click for me but like #honestly every part of that conversation hit me like a truck #maxim saying it's rare for adventurers to voluntarily leave that life for 'something greater' - ouch???? #like it's so fuckin targeted dear god but also yeah. yeah he would think that huh #vr-la saying he's here as a friend extending a curtesy and maxim immediately being like 'your flattery is unnecessary' like fuck man #'if you wish to avail of my friendship *or something more* i'm afraid that's no longer possible' there's so many layers of what the fuck #'you of all people asking for change' i honestly laughed cuz that's just a good line but also godfuckin dammit #and like just... all of what VR-LA said before he left. like the way neither of them are willing to make enough of a change to get out of th #this unstoppable force vs immovable object situation they're in #they're so like. perfectly in opposition. and it tickles my brain but also DAMN this conversation is painful #god. i hate this /pos #like YES I GET IT NOW BUT ALSO WHY *NOW* #angry and in pain #i guess to some extent it's also like #i've been in that situation where you and a good friend realise your lives are going in irreconcilably different directions #and you want to keep them in your life but it's just not possible with the way you want to live your life and they want to live theirs #and it HURTS and there's NOTHING you can do about it which makes it HURT SO MUCH MORE #fuck. what the hell #especially when the things they'd need to change would also be GOOD for them like maxim embracing change and accepting risks #and VR-LA learing some self-preservation #but at the same time it's like yeah of course they're gonna push each other away rather than change the way they view their lives #i mean both are painful but one of thems clearly easier than the other #i mean speaking from experience one is in fact clearly easier than the other

[muppetsnoopy]

I can't show you guys cause I don't post my face on here but I just got my grad pictures back and some of them are even okay :)

#u just gotta believe me ok you promise u believe me im not lying ok #the most tragic part is the ones where they had me do some stupid pose came out the best because i was LAUGHING #they were like 'sit on this chair and look back over your shoulder at the camera' and it was sooo goofy dumb #but anyway i got one that can go in the class composite and my parents can decide if they wanna order any others #harrowing process tho #like i dont MIND being photographed and im pretty good at smiling for pictures #but it was like thirty minutes of being moved around like a little doll #'perch here. cross your ankles. not your legs your ankles. ok slide your right foot forward a bit. not that much #ok chin up. tilt your head. tilt it less. now look at me. turn your torso not your head keep that where it was. ok now smileee!' #screams and shrieks #anyway :) seeing myself in the cap and gown for the first time did make it feel Real which was kinda cool #like im almost DONE. five years of my life and soon ill have a fancy piece of paper to show for it #wack. #molly speaks

[queenofbaws]

Okay, so I've been thinking nonstop about Ashley having a crush on one Chris Hackett ever since you joked about it, and I think (hope) that I reached the same plane of existance that you did because I'm obsessed now. Cause while the rest of the hacketteers are confused, you know poor Caleb and Kaylee are downright horrified because 'oh my god, that's our dad what is WRONG with you??????' dhdjskshsks

And, just because I think it just makes things even funnier for me, I also like to think that while og Chris is still completely oblivious to the crush she has on him, he manages to clock the one on Mr H in *seconds*. You know that he would spend the entire summer sulking and wondering wtf chackett has that he doesn't and resenting him even more for it. Which makes the whole being terrified that Mr. H is a vision of his future even more confusing cause apparently Ashley is into that? And what the hell does he have Chris doesn't?

Basically it's the most confusing and insane summer that they've ever had. Ashley with the weirdest and most confusing crushes (to anyone else), and Chris with the weirdest and most confusing identity crisis (to himself). Meanwhile, Josh spends the entire summer face planted onto a picnic table wondering what on earth he did to deserve having these two complete absolute morons are his best friends AHDJDLSNSHD

"This is the weirdest fuckin' thing that's ever happened around here," Kaylee said, and without bothering to check whether anyone else was looking her way, she turned and very pointedly caught her brother's eye before adding, "and I'm countin'...everything."

"Oh come on, don't be such a fuddy-duddy," Emma laughed, giving Kaylee's hair a tousle. Her smile faded when she turned back towards the general store, though, turning into something a little closer to a grimace as she continued, "I'm sure...lots of people have crushed on Mr. H in the past! He's..." She tilted her head to the side, trying to get a better (or at least different angle on him), "...non-threatening."

Emily made a noise at that, her eyes coming distressingly close to rolling all the way back into her skull. "That's definitely a word, I'll give you that."

"Yeah!" agreed Abi, nodding maybe less enthusiastically as she might've, had they been talking about...literally anything else. "And I mean, um...I mean...it makes sense, doesn't it? Because...him and Chris are like..."

"The same person?" Echoing Abi's nod, Sam smiled. It didn't quite come off as friendly as she'd meant for it to be, not when she already sensed Josh plotting. "Yeah. Yeah, they are. Sort of. I get the feeling Mr. H wouldn't lie down and die if he found himself lost in the middle of the woods, though. Or, y'know. A public park. Chris might."

"I think you mean would," said Jess. "Chris would die in the middle of the woods. Pretty sure we all freaking saw the proof of that." She held her hands out and, as she'd known they would, the rest of the Blackwood kids nodded and made sounds of agreement, remembering exactly how miserable he'd been during their ill-fated night on the mountain. "But at least he's not always wearing khaki, blech. Like, the 1950s called, Mr. H. They want their whole deal back."

"No one," Kaylee interrupted amid a full-body shudder, pulling her legs up onto the picnic table bench with the rest of her, "not a single person on Earth has ever liked Dad. Ever."

"Bad news, pipsqueak. Guy's got two kids. That means someone liked him once. Someone liked him a whole l - ow!" Jacob whirled around with an indignant "Dude!" but Matt just shook his head, chopping one of his hands across the air in front of his throat to get him to cut it out. "I'm just saying."

It wasn't often Caleb said much, not around the rest of them anyway, but when he did, it usually packed a hell of a punch. This was no exception. "Nah, Kay's right. This is...I don't know what it is, but nah, no one's ever had a crush on Dad. No one except Ryan, maybe."

Kaitlyn choked on her drink, giving Sierra Mist a whole new meaning as she sprayed Jacob with a mouthful of soda. Dylan wasn't much better off, rocking on his seat as though someone had hauled off and slapped him across the face. He recovered quicker than she did, his usual mask of nonchalance slipping back over his face as he snickered, "Uh huh. Sure. Riiight. Because Mr. H is totally Ryan's type."

The laughter that overtook the table - the perplexed, uncertain, uncomfortable, strained laughter - fell to perfect silence when Ryan opened his mouth.

"I mean..." was all he got out.

The table erupted again, though that time, uh, not in laughter. You'd've thought someone had whipped a dead chipmunk out onto the table, so impassioned were the "Oh God!"s and the "No way!"s and the "Holy shit!"s as arms were flung into the air and people stood from where they'd been sitting and hell just sort of genuinely broke loose.

The only one who didn't seem to react much (if at all) was Josh, who continued to sit with his chin in his hand and a glower on his face. He was getting too old for this shit.

(please don't count, this is definitely JUST) six sentence sat(or)sunday!!!

#love-fireflysong #six sentence weekend #queenie writes supermassive #okay. okay. OKAY. #i know this has been in my inbox for a hot minute lisa and i am so sorry but i need to let you know from the bottom of my heart: #my silence on the matter has been because i've been trying to decide if i have a fullblown oneshot in me re: this or not #and i still have not........come to a consensus so. stay tuned I GUESS? #because from the MOMENT I UTTERED THE WORDS ASHLEY HAS A CRUSH ON CHRIS HACKETT #MY LIFE HAS NOT KNOWN PEACE - meaning i have not been able to stop laughing about it #it feels like a divine power gifted me a universal truth and now i just have to sit here and bear it #like yeah. okay. no it's the most in character thing in the fucking world - if ashley brown was at hackett's quarry she would be #completely smitten with chackett #and i cant just let that idea DIE #so please know im just. constantly. rolling this idea around in my head like a geode in a rock polishing machine #one of these days a gem has to pop out right??? RIGHT???????

[roimp]

novel about today

#SO. we talked about the big thing that happened in the ep he watched and then texted me about last night #(sorry i feel the need to give proper and full context hence that big line. n e ways.) #yes and then after class us both and a few other classmates we talked timepass like we always do (that was fun 😁🤭) #and then so today the girl who i go home with was also there with us today right #so me the girl and hands guy we three together started walking together #but since this time the girl was also there we all didnt walk a lot just till where me and the girl usually walk for auto #so we were like bye hands guy we are gonna take auto from here #but then the girl was like 'do you want us to drop you' since yk its like a very short distance #and he obviously said yes because ofc its better than walking #SO. in the auto i was sitting in the middle so like on one side HANDS GUY WAS BESIDE ME AJSGSJDH #heeheeheeheheehehe #this is fun #just like its fun. no other elaboration. just that this is fun. #lots of laughing i like laughing #anyways this is today's novel ok byee #gargi is keysmashing #WAIT EDIT EDIT EDIT. HOW DID I FORGET THIS #he said he considers me cool 😁😁 he called me cool 😁 #while we were walking we three were talking about the word slay and he was like i dont like that word #so in a joking way i was like ok now im gonna say it a lot 🤪 #and he was like 'i consider you cool if you do this then i will not' #so ya. I AM COOL. #ok now bye pakka

[orkpup]

want them to beat the shit out of me honestly

#howls #long tags teehee #they pretended to punch my face earlier and ive been thinking about that since #i mentioned that aside from hickeys and being bitten and i rarely ever bruise #and any scars i get fade very quickly #the look on their face was like that was a challenge to them #maybe it is #i joked that i was the perfect victim expecting them to not like that joke #but they thought it was funny and now im sitting here like. please make me victim to you #i wanna Fight them i want them to beat me and i wanna try my hardest to fight back in earnest #and i want them to overpower me and win and make me their victim #i want them to keep track of the things that i mention trigger me and eventually use them against me #i want them to force me into fight or fawn #and they can do all their cute and sweet aftercare things after the fact #but i want to feel scared of them #i want to create a fake safeword to use when i normally would want to safeword but dont want them to stop just yet #and i want them to laugh at me and make me cry and use me until theyre too tired to continue #which i can only imagine would feel like fucking forever for me #the stamina on that mf.. when he picked me up to fuck me better i actually screamed #creating a habit of fucking me fully awake when he sees me waking up.. #and im meant to not get obsessed with him.. ok #also intentional aftercare in name isnt foreign to me but its definitely something to get used to because just something as simple as him- #holding me and telling me i did good after violent sex meant the world to me #crazy

[cosettepontmercys]

being hit with things left and right this is the funniest week of my life

#post: personal #i almost fainted last night! #woke up with the worst migraine of my life this morning! #had a whole grief induced meltdown yesterday! #speak now tv announcement last night ! #whatever is going on between two of my favorites ! it is so funny 2 me ! #i am just sitting here laughing and having a good time #there is so much more that has gone on this week but im just sitting here cackling

[fizzlehead]

GODDDD i just miss being able to watch new episodes of riverdale live and have FUN with them. i remember watching the josie and the pussycats episode in my tiny single dorm room with like 5 of my friends packed onto my twin bed and when archie kissed kevin on the cheek we all ERUPTED in a screaming fit. and then a few weeks later we all did the same thing with the next to normal episode and again like when charles burst into the room singing we stood up and cheered like our sports team had just scored a touchdown or whatever. and even though i didn’t really like s6 very much it STILL had moments like these in the majority of episodes. but now every week i watch it alone in my bed on my laptop and i spend the entire time brain rottingly bored at best and genuinely upset and angry at worst. like what happened i miss riverdale!!!! :(

#i just feel nothinggggggg anymore it makes me actually want to burst into tears. riverdale nights used to be the most exciting nights of my #week and now i forget it’s even airing until like an hour before it starts. feels fucking bad man #not to keep beating a dead horse about how much i hate this season like I know I’ve made it clear. last night just really really did #something to me man. and it’s because they mentioned stonewall prep and i got SO excited because I was like ok FINALLY they’re gonna give me #a moment thag makes me stand up and yell like I used to be able to do. they’re gonna put bret on my screen and I’m gonna scream and run into #the other room to tell my sister about it and it’s gonna be fun and it’s gonna feel like how I’m used to feeling while watching this show. #but then they were like hey here’s two made up stonewall preppies who you’ve never seen or heard about before and who yoh certainly don’t #care about. that’s what you want right. and i literally think something in my brain snapped. irreparably #so now I’m just sitting here thinking about how the time of my life hen I got to watch my favorite show with my friends every week and jump #up and down and scream and laugh and cheer every 5 minutes is over and im never gonna get to do that again. which is awesome <3 #this is so fucking melodramatic i know im sorry it’s just that I’ve snapped like I said. something happened last night & now im busted #but anyways. how are you guys doing #taylor xoxo

[reinabeestudio]

Been feelin this strong urge to write for Royal Law but the Barrier(tm) between me and the things I want to do is ever so present and it feels like I'm lifting a boulder off myself 👑💭

I feel like something inside me is trying to claw its way out of my body and be able to exist freely, yet my own brain keeps sewing the way out everytime

#yomiel speaks #you ever wanted to create something so much you feel sick??? #ive been like this for a couple days now #if ive not postin here as much thats why. ive been fightin myself over this.... silly feeling of mine #like no i dont wanna draw it i HAVE to write it #idk how to explain the Barrier(tm) words fail me. hmm... #like you wanna do Things but its like theres an invisible barrier keeping you from doin em?? smth keepin you from movin #and you keep telling yourself ''cmon go. go. go. do the thing. we have the time/resources. we just have to do it. cmon PLEASE GO. GO'' #and you keep yellin at urself but on the outside youre just like. sitting or in bed or just doin Nothing besides existin #bro i dont think im makin fuckin sense LAUGHS but its the best way i can describe it

[godsfavoritescientist]

*collapses on the floor and starts having visions (new fic ideas)*

#godsrambles #godsficideas #tags essay #the idea is: in his early portal travel days. ford thinks he has discovered a way to quickly and easily confront and kill bill #it sounds almost too good to be true. but he has to try. #the random alien stranger/s who sold him this 'opportunity' for a high price are like 'ok. setting up the death ray now. brb' #'meanwhile a portal to bills dimension will start opening up. its safe youll be fine.' #so ford is sitting in this tiny storage room place with an alleged portal to the nightmare realm slowly opening up before his eyes. #and bill is on the other side of the so-called 'portal.' he can look right back at ford. fords like 'hmm i hate this actually im going' #turns out the door is locked. fords first thought is 'uh oh they sold me out to bill it was all a trick'. but bill is unable to reach him. #it isnt even a portal. its just a glorified interdimensional video call. they locked the door to give them enough time to run off #before ford realized the scam. so bill laughs at him for a min. and then they have a conversation. ford finally asks 'Why??' #'why would you ruin my life??'. and bill kinda. obliges him just this once. drops his cheerful annoying act just this once. #and answers him plainly and honestly 'I didnt. i didnt try to ruin your life. it never even crossed my mind how your life could be affected #'it was all a means to an end. i wasnt ever out to get you. you never factored in at all beyond your use for making the portal.' #'i never even thought about you when we werent interacting. not even once. you think i had some big evil scheme that youre at the center of #'youre insignificant to me. all that happened was: you fell for a scam.' #'will the guys who locked you in here ever think about you again? theyve probably forgotten your face and name already.' #'im not out to get you. i just want my job finished. the same way those guys just wanted their money.' #the bottom line of the convo being: bill really *doesnt* give a single fuck. and ford never mattered to him. #not even enough for him to *think* about ford every now and then. #fords holding a grudge against a guy who barely even remembers him. #obviously this goes against my interpretation of canon but it would still be fun to write #au where bill Truly doesnt care about ford in any way and isnt even interested by him at all #the inspiration for this was just the concept of: how crushing the realization would be for ford #the horror of realizing exactly how insignificant you are in the eyes of the eldritch being that ruined your life #i am willing to write something that feels ooc for bill when it is for angst purposes lmao #indifferent-eldritch-being bill is such an angsty concept. very fun to explore #an ao3 fic called 'the bolt that busted off the lever' (iirc) has this interpretation of bill and it is great #bill looking *bored* while interacting with ford??? absolutely heartbreaking concept 10/10