#now i can never think abt it again <3

[marchsage]

aftermath

#pokespe #pokemon special #gold (pokespe) #silver (pokespe) #crystal (pokespe) #pokemon adventures #you know you'd never be able to tell that i like more dexholders than the johtrio but consider . im love them #my art #nailed crys's look and then flubbed gold's but like. its ok. #this sketch is supposed to like..... give minimal details but if u know the hgss arc then you can probably guess where its supposed to be #<:3 minimal body language from silver is intentional. but again you can probably tell based on the looks from crys and gold :) #OK NOW HGSS SPOILER TALK AFTER THIS if u spoil urself with this warning then i can do Nothing abt that #fuck pry/ce all my homies hate pr/yce #forget giovanni beating him up. silver's ursa/rang would've thrown down with him if it wasnt for lan/ce #i think silver could use a second. his father returns and then is like yaha im gonna still lead team rocket even tho i just got better from #my chronic(?) condition. i also showed up with the dude who took u from me and i didnt body him after arc//eus was done fighting #most of my stuff lately has been traditional stuff but by golly i am doin my best to return to computer stuff too

[thecoolertails]

hey sonic followers here you go

#various sonic drawings from various times #to hold you over while im possessed by the ghost of 10 years past and can only think about marble hornets #oh and the last pic is super sonic + sonic inspired drag fits #id been binge watching dragula and was in a femme fashion mood #my posts #my art #sonic the hedgehog #shadow the hedgehog #tails the fox #surge the tenrec #charmy bee #fan art #digital art #sketch #keen followers may recognize one of these that was originally part of a set of 3 i had to take down because people couldnt be normal abt it #never posting those other ones again bc i learned my lesson and they feel dirty now but i still like that one

[guinevereslancelot]

nooo early spring sunlight, don't get dark i'm still depressed haha

#7pm isnt bad but nooooo #its so cold out i didn't spend as much time outside as i wanted to now its too late #like ik i wasng getting warmer as it was getting later but still #anyway #alas #i will try to wake up early tomorrow tho perhaps #it will be raining but also warm so i can do stuff outside 😌 #spring!!! #my depression is almost cured just give it like another week or two and i'll be fine <3 #tho my scary doctor's appointment is coming up and i have no money :( #my parents will hopefully be able to cover the treatment for me but i have no idea yet what it will cost and i hate to be a burden on them #ugh #trying to enjoy the beauty of slring without thinking abt maybe never seeing it again 🥲

[apatheticlexicographer]

MOTHERFUCK i did not realize how much those antidepressants made me feel physically psychologically and dare i say spiritually like a peat mummy

literally 2 days off them and i've experienced more joy, lucidity, motivation and general good vibes than i did in the whole 2 months i was on them 😭😭

#now granted i did only sleep for 3 hours #but i felt more refreshed and energized today than i ever did when the pills forced me into 8 hours of pseudo-death a night #MY INTERNAL MONOLOGUE IS BACK TO NEVER SHUTTING TF UP #it was practically bones for so long oml #i'm usually annoyingly verbose but i was only able to say like 5 words at a time before i forgot how to end my sentence #yeah i'm prolly gonna lose the rose tinted glasses in a few days when the novelty wears off but for now #it's so nice to feel like myself and not like a lobotomized skinwalker trying to wear my own mannerisms convincingly #(obvsly they help some ppl or they wouldn't be an option to prescribe but GOD they fit my brain chemistry as well as a fork fits an outlet) #<<<<<<I CAN DO THAT AGAIN!!! I MISSED MY STUPID METAPHORS AND MY BAD PUNS AND MY SLIGHTLY OUT OF POCKET JOKES #i was fucking trying but it fundamentally doesn't work if u Try #yoda moment but whatever #yippeee #god did they fucking '''cure''' my ADHD instead of my depression #ok if this is what some ppl's experience of ADHD meds is like then the 'they made me feel like a robot' thing makes a LOT more sense #personally they just make me feel like. yk that one comic abt ADHD with the dog metaphor #yeah amphetamines my beloved let me hold the leash rather than becoming a human dogsled to the whims of my psyche #actually i think i was rather uncharitable to my current dream mask normal pills #i just happened to get mega bitch burnout for 3 months and then spend 2 in the aforementioned peat bog where souls go to die #when not impeded by outside circumstances i think they actually are completely fine #maybe not QUITE as agressively effective as my previous prescription but the ritalin was str8 up harsh #i tried it again for a week and it made my heart beat like it was being powered by a caffienated hamster #but when i used to take it i was already experiencing Real paranoid gerbil anxiety so it just kinda blended in #i only noticed the Severe Health Issue i got bundled as a side effect #and i keep having to remind myself not to go rose-tinted abt how bad it rlly was in retrospect #do i just need to leave a sticky note on my mirror like 'hey dumbass that was NOT a net positive period of ur life' #lexi stfu challenge

[daz4i]

i know aging isn't the end of the world and 24 isn't that old and life isn't a race etc etc etc. however,

#i think a big reason i feel so bad abt being this age is ppl told me this is when things start to get better #and i still feel the same way i did as a teenager so. well. is it really 😐 #(being on t probably isn't helping but it's been over 3 years already so... not an excuse i think) #but I'm also physically aging like the reason i barely upload selfies anymore is i see myself getting uglier every day #despite fighting for my life to at least take care of my face and hair...... can't fight the passage of time 😔 #+ ofc. my (younger) friends being way more sorted out than i am on every level #again ik life isn't a race but. it can't help but hurt to know I'm still behind literally everyone i know #and my excuses for that aren't even good. bc other disabled ppl my age are also more sorted out than i am #other depressed ppl other borderlines other autistics etc etc. hell these are also my irl friends 😭 #and it's dumb. bc feeling like i wasted my life isn't really pushing me to change that now. just makes me want to die even more #(bc i mean what's the point. i will never catch up. I'm still at the starting line AND i move so slow it doesn't even count) #(i don't have a single milestone ppl my age have not even finishing high school which is like. the bare minimum) #(and it sucks bc i also know i have potential i KNOW i can do shit in theory i know I'm smart and got skills. but i can't put it to use) #(and now this is turning into less of a thing abt age and just generally me talking abt how i wasted the last 24 years) #this was more of a stressed rant abt how I'm turning ugly and feeling super old but well. it all boils down to self loathing at the end 👍 #vent #negative // #ask to tag #sorry for being so depressing all day oof ik i already said it before but it's been a rough couple of months #(nothing happened my brain just needs to get flushed down the toilet ^_^) #edit: i think. part of my panic about aging. is bc as a kid i was used to being the youngest everywhere #i was the youngest in my class bc i started school a year early. i was the youngest in acting school bc they don't normally accept teenagers #and in addition to that as an adult but before starting t i was always told that i LOOK young too #but now ik i look like I'm in my 20s. and it's killing me that i aged this much in so little #i wonder if shaving my beard will help but i don't wanna get misgendered 😐😐😐 and rn it's the only thing guarding me from that

[mattodore]

just woke up from a dream in which theo and matthias were in baldur's gate nobody move

#river dipping #i actually stayed up playing bg3 all night which is WHY i'm waking up so late like i . did not sleep for long #but anyway. i've never actually had dreams about mattodore before??? like Never. #like they were moving around and talking it was so crazy....... #i've always been so jealous when y'all talk abt having dreams abt your ocs and now that i've had one i just . cannot move #the way theo's voice sounded........................ dies dies dies dies #i think iirc they were being hunted down so they took shelter with this group of randos in this building that was practically falling apart #or something?????? god i can't really remember atp #all i can remember is theo's voice and how matthias looked... which was huge btw. like he Stood Out #lays down on some train tracks #i need to have this happen again #god................. it's actually a little funny how my brain can seemingly only focus on two things at a time LMFAOOOOOOO #let me scroll a bit and then . i am in fact going straight back to playing bg dkjffdjnh #i left off after i found the keygem needed to open the necromancy of thay... which both elias and astarion want #meanwhile wyll is like :| at me AGAIN................. #wyll pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeee just be corrupted by elias already i need your approval to at least get in the double digits </3

[khlur]

every time i talk w my parents i have to remind myself not to get swayed by their doting affectionate act.

#i mean see #becoming older has made me recognize and appreciate them for a lot of what they did #but to say that i am doing anything except lip service to them rn would be an exaggeration #our relationship has improved but i have made it clear that i never intend to live with them ever again #that the honeymoon period will last 2 days max #they'll cry their crocodile tears #and the emotional abuse will restart like it never stopped #that the physical abuse would have continued if i didn't threaten them by throwing chairs and a knife #like....these past few months have given me such fucking WHIPLASH #it almost makes me forget just how dysfunctional our dynamic has been #how i got away relatively well adjusted because i psychologied myself through clinical and counselling psych classes #how they refuse to take the blame absolutely for my brother's issues surfacing now in his adulthood #ever so often something so viscerally twisted will happen on a call or on the group chat which makes me want to hurt myself #and that serves as a wake up call abt how bad shit used to be #and how glad i am to be away from it all #but every few weeks i will be lulled back into thinking that maybe things weren't so bad #i'm also swayed so much by the people around me rn who hesitate so much to talk about anything that isn't small talk #either that or they're people who really love their parents and enjoy spending time with them #and i'm like....respectfully i cannot relate and neither can the bamboo rod that once broke in two bcs of how hard my parents wielded it <3 #and ofc when families come up in conversation everyone acts like it's a normal thing for there to be ups and downs #w so much unsaid and implied about how i'm actually an ungrateful POS who can't appreciate their parents sacrificing so much for me #hehe. no thanks. keep ur judgement to urself

[nerosdayinanime]

Come Morning Light (you and i'll be safe and sound) while listening to Safe And Sound(capital cities) is so. Auh

theyre the same but so different to the ghosts they loved and remember. the memories drenched in blood and hurt so much- but now theyre right there side by side again. whole and alive. they dont know what to do about it.

they want the other to be the same kid they trained with, the one from happy memories, promising they'll always be safe and sound by eachother's sides- but that kid is dead. the memories tainted red. it hurts, theyre angry and shut off, dont know how to read eachother like they did- their sense of saftey in the other that was left to rot in death, rediscovered as ruins needed to be rebuilt. they want it so bad it hurts, on top of all the hurt they already refused to let go of

#tomioka giyuu #kny sabito #giyuu #sabito #sabigiyuu #loserboy giyuu posting #fratboy sabito posting #they make me [big wet eyes] #safe and sound(capital cities) always makes me think of hearing it on the radio in the car when i was young #with my memory of it it fits with this fic so well. the happy promises in childhood only remembered through lense of time #remember the memories all you want you can never relive them. only as you experience it now as its grown and changed #very <3 #love this fic #thinking of drawing little bits of it #i just finished giyuu's shopping trip w obanai & mitsuri m gonna go to sleep now tho #also reread petrichor(in which water and mist are one) i lov... i lovee themmn... #both these giyuu learning to let himself love again<3 #wonder how many times ive posted abt these fics ik its at least twice so far #'in a tidal wave of mystey you'll still be standing next to me' #O U U YHH HH #ok slepe. now sleep

[butchvamp]

every job i actually want either requires 3 degrees and 5 billion years of experience or is unpaid volunteer work this shit fucking sucks. trapped in hell oscillating between retail and food service until i kill myself i guess

#i did unpaid work for like 3 yrs before covid where all i did was make a living stipend #and honestly most of those jobs were the best jobs i've ever had #even tho i was flat broke the entire time #at least it was kinda fun #my job now is just Miserable #and its the only kind of job i can get so #i can really only see myself feeling fulfilled doing trail work again #or doing work for some kind of lgbt organization #unfortunately i dont think i'll ever do trail work again since my body is slowly deteriorating lol #and most work for lgbt orgs is volunteer or office work which i Can do like. anyone can send an email #but they require degrees and like years of experience and all the ones i apply to i never ever hear back #i hate my current job so much to the point where i like fantasize abt kms before getting to work every morning lmfao #but i also know getting a new job wont fix the problem #cus the only jobs i can get are all the same and are all horrible #like going from target to another retail chain that is exactly the same or going back to food service #which is even worse. #cool how this is just my life forever. work a bad job you hate until you die! and that's it

[everymlmhybrid]

This is awesome just remembered I get to write the frottage scene soon assuming I actually write more than 4 words this week.

#.txt #long tags sorryyyyy #fellas do you ever offer everything you can to a man in a silent beg for forgiveness and let yourself accept that seemingly the only part o #you he's willing to touch now that he knows what you are is your dick but whatever you'll take what you can get. and it's selfish too but #it's also all you can offer short of turning your life upside down for him which you refuse to do. #fellas.......... do you ever fight against yourself for weeks because you want and need to forgive someone but can't figure out how. #you ever get torn between someone you care about and nearly have forgiven but you keep getting caught on the fact it's such an unforgivable #slight in the first place. so you take all that he offers but you can't bring yourself to forgive him until he's in front of you with his #hair sticking to his forehead and his hand shaking where it's gripping your bicep. #and seeing him be so open and vulnerable when he really shouldn't with you and really never should have AT ALL with you. makes it finally #click & makes it possible to wrap your head around ''I love him. he cares about me. he did one of the worst things possible. I forgive him. #OR WHATEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! don't quote me on ANY OF THIS I'm always fucking around with motivations and wants and #needs and desires to make shit work how I think is best for all I know this is all useless #I hate posting my writing ever even when it's just set-up stuff like <- all that. BUUUUUT also I need a copy of all that for tomorrow to #remember . what I'm thinking abt basically. SOOOOOOOO YOU GUYS GET TO SEE THIS :3 hope u like what goes thru my head constantly while I'm #stocking shelves. sorry for long vague tags and endless talking yet again just need it written down #*that he'll touch is your dick. I have no idea how that typo happened what happened there

[toytulini]

splat fans be normal about japanese players challenge

#toy txt post #the shiver salt is mostly funny but some of these ppl be getting. A Little Bit. Racist/Xenophobic about it. like. #yall do need to chill a little #everyone getting heated about it being RIGGED for shiver like. idk i dont Really think so but also i find it a little funny #idk. also like. 'now everyone is going to just all join team shiver tho cos she keeps winning so its rigged and its stupid' #1) do u Really think this streak will go Forever 2) are yall just like. not picking shiver out of spite. like are u never expecting to #choose shivers team even organically? ive been joining whichever team has the option i want to vote for generally #ive chosen fryes and big mans in the past and lost as u do #and I'll prolly choose them again in the future even tho they do like giving frye wet sticks #and ill prolly choose shiver again too #idk #and its like. the difference in rewards is like. 3 snails isnt it? are yall really that pressed about it? #idk to me the only thing it sounds like is they need to find a way to balance the mirror matches but even everyone complaining about that #feels. anecdotal if im honest #but fr like can ppl. chill enough to stop being racist abt it

[nerice]

10/10/20 savior doll

#filed under. the piece that broke my wrist for the first time and i will never finish/fix so i might as well post it by now #ask me how art file cleanup is going im FINDING THINGS #genuinely the art i was most hyped for during goretober and then i could not continue bc it took me out lol #dont think i can ever go that ham on lineart again so. frames it #anyway!!!!!!! #f*mily <3 #keep soulless away from children etc etc but also faye is SO SEXY ABT IT HI #oc central #it feels WEIRD to post super old art hsdjndjfnj #maybe ill redraw it eventually. actually paint it with proper colors or smth bc red hurting sun / blue fire aes <33333333333 of all time <3

[mars-ipan]

i sometimes think that in spite of my mental stuff i have a very good handle on myself and especially my impulsivity and then i look at how i consume media

#marzi speaks #for the past few months i have looked at nothing new. none of the things i love took up a huge space in my mind #earlier this week i decided i was gonna start listening to wtnv again #i also decided i was finally ready to watch qsmp #so i am now doing both. at the same time #my desire to create has come back with a vengeance as well. i do not normally make 2 pieces in a week #and now i’m brainstorming on a 3rd! #my strat has been watch as much qsmp as possible while doodling to maintain attention span #then work on whatever art i want to make and use wtnv as background noise #i have gone from Nothing to Turbo mode #why? i legit think it’s the anxiety. also maybe the adhd i still think i might have #i’ve been busy all summer and thinking abt college bc i move out in like 7 days #so i haven’t had brain capacity for this stuff #now though? with it so close? i’m antsy #i’m restless constantly. i don’t even wanna go to bed i wanna Do Something (nothing to do) #so i’m giving my brain as much to chew on as physically possible so it can not panic about a maior milestone in my life lmao #it’s working! it’s enough for my brain to juggle so i don’t get bored and start Thinking too much #but damn. funny how this little mind works #sometimes i do not feel fully in control lmao. i usually do but sometimes #escapism. my true vice <3. i could never hate you but damn. like damn dude

[pepprs]

i don’t know what the fuck is going on or why its happening to me but every SINGLE day since saturday something has come up related to [data expunged]. and it is genuinely making me crazy. idk if the universe is trying to show me a sign or plunge me into misery but i would like everyone and everything everywhere to shut up about [data expunged] effective immediately because it has made things very uncomfortable very fast and i am NOT having a good time

#i made a mistake of writing about it too and now everything is weird because of it. i just want to bury my head under a pillow and let 3 #weeks go by and hopefully it’ll have been long enough for the coincidences to stop and to be forgotten. but like omggggg why was the one #ig video that got recommended to me about this specific topic in the specific way that upsets me and makes me feel like a burden for things #i can’t control AND makes me feel primal anxiety / rage at being left out (🥴) AND makes me feel defective because ive redacted redacted r #redacted. lollll. and the thing is even if im not aware of it it’s never gonna go away and i have t actually act on it to make it better and #to feel less lonely / defective / left out / whatever. but how do i even do that. i live in a pit of quicksand and would never redacted on p #principle. so im doomed to be like this my whole life i guess bc clearly im never moving out of here and will always be across the hall from #redacted and around people who will always be smarter and more experienced and whatever than me. ughhjhjhhhhghrghhhhhhb mental illnessssss 😍 #delete later #purrs #like i don’t understand how some social things come so easily to people. i am apparently pretty good at faking understanding bc ive gotten #by ok enough but i just don’t understand and everyone else seems to but me. and i was thinking abt this last night as i was faling asleepnwn #and i was too tired to write it down so im doing it now / here i guess: i just KNOW i will be too skittish to redacted. still. at 23. if #something comes my way or if it’s like any of the other ones i will be too skittish and i will shake it off again and i don’t know why. i #ruin friendships when i do that. i need to stop. but i can feel my skittishness when i think about it and i hate that #also for the record this is not abt anyone on here or about anything anyone on here can fix / is directly involved w. sorry