#nothing will ever be more upsetting to me than them not getting a proper reunion

[x0x016]

Reflection #2 FINAL

 

Department of Ethnics Studies, California State University Stanislaus

Ethnics Studies 4000 Section 001

Professor Christina Acosta

May 26, 2022

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

             

To begin with, my mind isn't embodied for the right term of what is a family dynamic. I know briefly what my parents went through. I cherish the sacrifice of both my parents to have migrated to the United States even if that meant leaving behind everything they ever had. In Enrique’s Journey, it navigated me to think about why my parents left their country. Of course, they had a minimal hope for economic opportunities that someday I would appreciate their hard dedication to sustain the family altogether. They began their lives all from scratch and raised us. As of today, I am proud to be born as an American citizen for several reasons my parents wish they had, instead my father had it more like a prison pipeline life. So, their dreams are passed down to me so that someday I can appreciate them. Some parents do commit the mistake to think it’s alright to buy your happiness. Just like my parents, I let go of my past experiences.

I may have not seen what I came along during my childhood times when there has been the deficit moment that I am going through right now. We could not agree with the decisions we make or how to embrace our emotions with the proper words. I tend to forget the positive side of what my parents offer me such as a decent quality lifestyle, having more advantages to earn a degree, and becoming a true scholar for my Latinx community. Let alone, I suffered as an adult, staring at those four walls I felt my family’s absence and perhaps it’s nothing compared to the strong goodbye that the author Enrique had for his mother after several years she was gone

(Nazario, 2007). His mother sending him money quite wasn’t enough (Nazario, 2007). I missed so many other opportunities just to repay my family’s cultural traditions that shaped me into who I am. If I could go back and give advice to my teenage self, I would have come strongly to reveal my sexual preferences. At the age of sixteen, I knew I was mostly fixated on my first female crush. With females, I felt secure and every once in a while, get those butterflies in my stomach.

This course resonated with me throughout the semester due to listening to the special guest speakers. Most importantly, I learned to come forward as valuating my individual self more than my physical appearance. The volume of their voices helped me realize each family’s dynamic relationships are different. We have a deep complexion to portray beauty in the media, and I wonder sometimes if I caused any embarrassment by making my own life changes and becoming a mother of a beautiful child. After a while, I felt an ounce of guilt, and I was seen a counselor to cope with the postpartum depression that took over me. My mother didn’t want to mentor me nor wanted me to stay at her house until I fully recovered after giving birth. On top of that, I married a woman who then everyone neglected us to be part of many family reunions.

By the time we found out I was pregnant in steppingstones, I knew my instincts kept telling me that I would upset someone, my mother. They all had some wrong perception that I might have cheated on my wife, been mentally tortured, or raped in order to receive a gift given to me from God to raise a child. In reality, they were not well informed like most same-sex couples can make a family by going through artificial insemination without involving any male mate. Because I always wanted to be a mom. I am within the age limit and to me, it was necessary. I just did not want to leave one day without knowing how the process feels to carry a baby inside my womb. Now, through a week of class lecture, an article that was discussed in,

Decolonial P’urhepecha Maternalista Feminist Motherwork and Pedagogy, Gloria Spears-Rico made me understand that women should have a say to do with their bodies and she also experience an analogous situation that my wife and I have led alone in a hospital (Spears-Rico, 2019). We were inexperienced parents without anyone teaching us the ropes. I lived in fear of having a higher risk of dying while giving birth mostly because of my weight (Spears-Rico,

2019). We taught ourselves how to bathe and feed a very delicate baby at maximum during the pandemic. One of the quotes that inspire me is “A mother is not someone who gives birth to a child. A mother is someone who is there for the child -day after day. A mother wipes away the child's tears. A mother teaches and guides the child." And I say this to many mothers out there who cannot have a child in their own wombs. I guess, it is highly expected from my religion, however, I am personally disbelief that only heterosexuals are the main platform to create a family. Therefore, I felt excluded for thinking differently enough to cause shame, especially to my mother.

Being a lesbian was probably less burden to finally confess to my family at first. Then, they had come a long way accepting not just me but also my wife. Then giving her the news, her voice breaks over the phone. And it is not so much the fact that my mother flew back again to

Mexico that has me resentful, is more from the lack of attention she still has for her grandchild.

She hasn’t demonstrated the sympathy that most mothers do to see them grow, therefore, I envy those that do get helped. Finally, I was resilient about these issues because if I had stayed quiet, they might not read any of those signals. I thought once my mother took care of my grandparents, she would request her days off from work for me, instead, she bails out from herself to meet my basic needs. I developed body aches and couldn’t put myself to rest well neither did my wife. We both took turns to meet with our daughter’s cues. Perhaps, in Enrique’s

Journey, Enrique’s mother would have wished to see his son if she were only 15 to 20 minutes away. Mine lives here in California, we are so close, but our differences are what makes all of us distant.

Last week, during a class lecture I liked how I watched Nikki Sanchez’s TedTalk speech on Decolonization, is for everyone. She was so tuned in the way she said, “we are never going to go back and erase that past it has already been done…” I wish to remind my relatives that discrimination exists in all shapes and will continue to do so. I know who I am and where I come from. I am a proud first-generation Mexican American, a woman of color, a lesbian, an educator, and a mother. To disfigure my body was also something that I’m proud of. Underneath it all, my ancestors may not be in favor of the choices I made in my life. I opted out of my catholic beliefs because I perceive the world differently. We’re supposed to be united, yet again we all unleashed our old tradition one way or the other. But my Mexican roots is something I carry in me with so much pride. I know my parents struggled to get here even though we are distant from each other. I will have in mind what was once our country, and we should be treated as we are? We brought memories together where I will always be thankful to my grandparents for being a part of me.

That I won’t ever abandon also, I don’t want to abandon my new interfaith that allows me to love who I choose to be with. Now, everyone seems liberal-minded. In my institution, offers a safe home for LGBTQ+. Your sexual orientation is classified by how you want to be identified in your application. I denied identifying myself as a lesbian again I believe that the university may take away my privileges for professional growth. Even so, it shouldn’t be a requirement to enforce anyone. I do hope to still make a difference in the community.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Reference 

Spears-Rico, G. (2019). Decolonial P’urhépecha Maternalista Feminist Motherwork and Pedagogy. In The Chicana Motherwork Anthology (pp. 243–262). University of Arizona Press.

Nazario, S. (2007). Enrique’s journey: The story of a boy’s dangerous odyssey to reunite with his mother. Random House.

Talks, T. [TEDxTalks]. (2019, March 12). Decolonization is for everyone | Nikki Sanchez | TEDxSFU. Youtube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QP9x1NnCWNY

[dilfjack]

not me overthinking Turn Left again but

Rose wasn't a dream or a ghost or the 'bad wolf' or anything, she was there with Donna in that alternate universe. In the Turn Left universe, Gwen and Ianto die saving the world and Jack is captured for obvious reasons.

Does this mean Rose knows?? Did she know??? What she did to him??? Please bbc I just want answers

#nothing will ever be more upsetting to me than them not getting a proper reunion #he spent all those years waiting!! #she spent so long working on the dimension cannon!! #they deserved to have at least one conversation!! #torchwood #doctor who #captain jack harkness #rose tyler #i just love them both and want them to be happy

[multi-fandom-imagines-stuff]

could you do one where the reader was natasha and yelena’s “sibling” when they lived in ohio, and reader was taken by the red room with them, and then when reader was a teenager, they managed to escape, leaving natasha and yelena behind, thinking reader was dead. after they take down the red room, they find the reader and have a sibling's reunion? and could you keep it gender-neutral please?

Castle on the Hill

Pairings: Natasha Romanoff/sibling!reader, Yelena Belova/sibling!reader

Description: The reader was Natasha and Yelena's "sibling" when they were undercover in Ohio, and gets taken into the Red Room with them. After escaping as a teenager, the reader stays alone, leaving everyone to believe they are dead until one day, they recieve a call from a familiar voice.

Warning: mentions of the Red Room and the torture they caused, i think that's pretty much it

Word count: 2,002

A/N: i had so much fun writing this omg it seriously made me want to cry! i hope you enjoy it!!

✩❀✩❀✩

“Tasha, stop!” I cried, giggling slightly as my sister and her friend chased me through the fields that were located a few blocks away from home.

The fields were my favorite place to play. My older sister Natasha, who was three years older than me, always liked to come to the fields with her friends. A few months ago, I had turned six and mom told me that I was old enough to go play in the fields with Tasha. My younger sister Yelena was only four, so she was still too young to play with us. But that was okay, I still liked to play with her in our backyard. We even had a playground. Tasha had taught me how to do the monkey bars without getting scared, and I passed the skill on to Lena.

Today, I was playing tag with Tasha and her friend. Of course, with them being nine and me only being six, they were a lot faster than me. Being faster than me meant that no matter how fast I ran, they would always catch up to me. Nat reached her hand out and shoved me lightly in the back. However, I wasn’t expecting it, and it caught me off guard, making me stumble a bit. My foot caught on a rock and I went tumbling forward, rolling down a small hill. The smell of grass overcame me as I continued to fall, hearing a sickening crack followed by a blinding pain in my leg. Finally, I came to a stop as I reached the bottom of the hill. I looked down at my leg. It was bent at a weird angle, and the pain was almost unbearable as I started to wail.

“Y/n!” Tasha screamed as she ran down the hill after me. “Are you okay?”

“No,” I cried, grabbing her and burying my head in her shoulder. “My leg really hurts.”

“Okay, hold on, we’re gonna get you home to mom, okay? She’ll know how to make it better,” Tasha reassured me.

I nodded feebly as she helped me up, sitting me in the basket of her friend’s bike before riding back home to get help.

——

My eyes shot open, tearing me from my dream. It was rare that I dreamt about my childhood. I had very few memories from that time, and the one I had just dreamt about was one of the most vivid. I broke my leg that day, and it took two months to heal. I remember Yelena being upset because it meant I couldn’t play outside with her for a while. As much as I didn’t like to recall that time in my life, I couldn’t help but smile at the memory.

Amongst my other memories from my childhood, there were things like my first crush—a kid in my kindergarten class—when I was five, the friends that I had made and had to leave behind, and family dinners every night. But what I remembered more than anything else were the fields we always used to play in. In the distance of those fields, there was a huge mansion made from stone, and Natasha and I always used to imagine it was a castle. Whenever the sun was setting, the orange sky made it look like there was a dragon in the castle blowing fire into the air.

Suddenly, I was pulled from my memories by the sound of my phone ringing. I looked at it sketchily. I never gave my phone number out to anybody, so the odds of getting an actual phone call were extremely rare. Against my better judgment, I picked up my phone and answered the call.

“Who are you and how did you get this number?” I asked, trying my best to sound intimidating.

“Y/n?” A voice came through from the other end.

The voice almost sounded familiar, like I had heard it before, but I couldn’t place it.

“I’m not going to ask again,” I said, my fist balling up at my side. “I am not the kind of person you want to piss off.”

“Oh my god, Yelena, it’s them,” the voice spoke, but it sounded far off like the speaker had brought the phone away from their mouth.

Did she just say Yelena?

“Tasha?” I questioned, my voice cracking ever so slightly as realization set in.

“Yeah, it’s me,” She whispered reassuringly. “It’s me.”

I fell speechless, the phone almost dropping from my hand as I moved to wipe away the tears that were already beginning to roll down my face.

Natasha, Yelena, and I were all brought into the Red Room at the same time. Natasha was eleven, I was eight, and poor little Yelena was only six. What we went through was something that no child—or grown adult for that matter—should ever have to go through. I was there for ten years. Ten years of being held prisoner, of being tortured, of being forced to kill.

I was sixteen when I graduated the Red Room. I thought it meant things were over, that I could run as far away as I could and never look back, but I was wrong. The Red Room continued to control me for two years after that, until one day I faked my own death and got out. It killed me inside to know that Lena and Tasha thought I was dead, but I knew I had no future if I stayed. My only regret was that I couldn’t save everyone else.

I distanced myself from the world, afraid of what I had become, what I had done, and what I was capable of. I escaped eleven years ago, and I’ve been alone ever since.

“Y/n, are you there?” Natasha’s voice came through the phone again, drawing me back to reality.

“How did you find me? I’m supposed to be dead.”

“I know a guy,” She responded, and I could practically hear her smirking.

Right. She’s friends with the Stark guy who owns practically the best technology on earth.

“Listen, there’s a lot we need to tell you about, and I think a reunion is in order,” Natasha explained. “We have your location and we’ll be there in an hour. Be ready.”

With that, Natasha ended the call, leaving me alone in silence. Half of my brain told me this wasn’t happening. That wasn’t really Natasha on the phone, it was just some cruel way for the Red Room to find me. But the other half of my brain believed that everything that just happened was real. As much as I wanted to err on the side of caution, the thought of seeing my sisters again made me the happiest I’ve felt since I was a child.

I glanced down at my phone to check the time. Ten minutes had passed since the phone call, giving me about fifty minutes to pack up my things and get ready.

Packing wasn’t hard. I lived a very minimalistic lifestyle, mainly due to the fact that I didn’t have a proper job, and I was always ready to run at a moment’s notice if I ever caught wind of the Red Room near me.

I finished packing and proceeded to pace the floor until the hour was up and I heard a knock at my door. Deciding that I could never be too cautious, I grabbed my handgun and checked that it was loaded before pointing it at the ground and approaching the door.

“Who’s there?” I called.

“It’s us. It’s Natasha and Yelena,” A voice with a thick Russian accent called back.

Yelena.

“Prove it,” I said again, still keeping my guard up. “Tell me something that only you two would know.”

There was a moment of silence before someone spoke up. This time, it was Nat.

“When we were little, you would spend almost every summer night catching fireflies because I told you they could grant wishes. When you found out they couldn’t, you were so mad, you didn’t talk to me for a week.”

I smiled slightly at the memory. Turning the gun’s safety on, I tucked it into my waistband and opened the door, staring face-to-face with my sisters for the first time in over two decades. Almost immediately, the two of them embraced me in a tight hug, and I never wanted to let go.

“So, what did you need to tell me?” I asked once we all pulled away from the hug.

“We’ll tell you in the car. We have to get going though, we have a long journey ahead of us,” Nat told me.

“Where are we going?” I questioned.

“Home.”

——

Natasha and Yelena explained everything to me. About how they teamed up, about how they killed Dreykov, and about how the Red Room was finally gone.

“So, the other widows, are they safe?” I questioned, processing everything they had just told me.

“Yes,” Yelena answered from the passenger seat, turning around to face me in the back. “There is no one controlling them anymore, and we are currently working toward undoing all of the mind control the Red Room created.”

“I can’t believe you guys took down the Red Room without me!” I exclaimed, crossing my arms. “I would’ve loved to help.”

“Y/n, we thought you were dead!” Nat tried to reason, but I wouldn’t listen.

I wasn’t seriously angry with her, and she knew that. Teasing each other was something we did all the time as kids.

“You can’t be mad at us,” Yelena raised her hands in mock defense. “We literally just saved so many lives.”

I continued to cross my arms, ignoring them both.

“C’mon, y/n, talk to us,” Nat glanced back at me through her mirror as she drove.

Still, I said nothing. I was extremely stubborn as a child, and I guess somethings never change.

“I’ve got an idea,” Lena whispered to Nat.

“February made me shiver,” Yelena started singing. “With every paper I’d deliver. Bad news on the doorstep, I couldn’t take one more step.”

“I can’t remember if I cried when I read about his widowed bride,” Nat joined in. “But something touched me deep inside. The day the music died.”

The two of them went quiet and I knew they were expecting me to sing the next part. Yelena looked back at me, and eventually, I caved.

“So bye-bye, Miss American Pie,” I sang slowly, a smile creeping onto my face. “Drove my Chevy to the levee, but the levee was dry. And them good ol’ boys were drinking whiskey and rye, singin’ ‘this’ll be the day that I die. This’ll be the day that I die…’”

Suddenly, all three of us were singing as loud as we could.

“Did you write the book of love, and do you have faith in god above? If the bible tells you so. Now, do you believe in rock ‘n’ roll? Can music save your mortal soul? And can you teach me how to dance real slow?”

I burst out laughing with glee, causing Yelena and Nat to follow suit. We laughed for what seemed like an eternity, until we were all red in the face and gasping for air.

Trying to catch my breath, I looked out the window just in time to see us speed past a sign that read:

Welcome to Ohio

I continued to stare out the window as I watched the fields fly by. The sun was just beginning to set, and out in the distance, I could see the “castle” that we always used to admire.

Suddenly, I thought back to when we were kids. I was filled with all the memories we made in Ohio, as a family. Even though I knew it was all fake, it was real in my head. Melina and Alexei were my parents, and Tasha and Lena were my sisters. Ohio was my home, and nothing anyone said or did could take that away from me.

#request #mcu oneshot #yelena belova #yelena belova one shot #natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff oneshot #mcu x reader #black widow #black widow spoilers #mcu

[arknights-imagines]

GOD that mostima post had me FEELING things. I'm glad I'm not the only one who appreciates mostima a lot wahhh ; v ; i was wondering if maybe you could do a mostima/doctor after their established relationship when one of them has got injured or smth? :o I feel like with her belief that she can't hold warmth having to provide it in a dire situation would be an interesting challenge for mostima, and likewise being on the receiving end of it in a situation like that too for her!!

(It's good to be back!!! 😭🥳)

Aaaa tysm anon! 😭🥺 I'm glad you like my stuff on Mostima haha 👉👈 tbh she's grown a lot on me since I've started this blog!! 💕 She's very underappreciated 🥺 Anywho, thanks for the request and I hope I did Mostima justice here~ 🌸

--------------------

Easing Worry

Imagine format; no fixed perspective!

Contains: Mostima, reader as the Doctor, gender neutral Doctor/no gender mentioned, established relationship, a few background characters, very brief mentions of an explosions and injuries, fluff with the tiniest bit of angst, Mostima having to deal with her emotions 👉👈

Word count: just over 2k!

--------------------

“Mostima, come in! Mostima!!”

Static was all that came in reply despite the amount of times you called out into the communications link. Frustrated, you sighed sharply and watched the blink of the Caster’s tracker on the map of the ruins displayed on the screen before yourself, Amiya and Texas.

Mostima had been dispatched on an Operation to some old city ruins in Kazedel for a Mission; Unfortunately, you couldn’t accompany the Squad she was sent out with, and thanks to her lone wolf nature the Caster strayed from the other Operators who were with her. She must’ve run into trouble soon after, because when you had tried advising her to return to her Squad members through the comms-link, all that came in reply was a commotion and then silence.

“...That’s not good.” Texas’ tone wasn't very telling, but her furrowed brows and tight jaw read unease. From beside you, Amiya spoke up, “Doctor, what would you like to do?”

Mostima’s tracker was still active, which meant she must’ve been alive - still, the pit of worry in your stomach didn't fade in the slightest. When you didn't reply, Amiya decided to take the lead, “We should wait a little while longer. Maybe Ms. Mostima will get back to us…”

You had your rapt attention on the screen before you, and so when no protest from you came, everyone did as Amiya said. Even after some time passed, the tracker didn't move and nothing came through the communications link.

From her spot at another console nearby, Closure huffed loudly, “...our drones can't find her.” When you turned to look at her, she went on, “Doctor, Mostima is definitely alive down there but… we can't see her from up here, and I have no idea what happened.”

Your stomach dropped to the floor and you fell silent; within seconds the worry began eating at your insides, soon creating a suffocating tension around your heart. The thought of something happening to Mostima made you feel ill - more ill than any sickness had ever made you feel.

Amiya spoke in your place again, “P-Perhaps we should send someone. I’ll call one of our other Operators and we can create a plan-” “No, I’ll go.” Everyone's heads snapped to you right away, their faces filled with consternation and slight surprise. As was expected, Amiya shook her head right away, “Doctor, it isn't safe down there-” Though difficult, you shook your head and replied as calmly as you can manage; if it wasn't safe for you, then Mostima was in grave danger and needed to be extracted right away.

Amiya seemed conflicted - however, everyone was well aware of how much Mostima meant to you, and how much you meant to her. Your relationship was common knowledge around Rhodes Island by that point. And so, though she was worried for your safety, the Chimera nodded and stepped in front of the map displayed on the screen to take your place, “Alright, got it. I trust you, Doctor - bring Ms. Mostima back safe and sound!”

Not wishing to waste any time, you began heading straight towards the door of the aircraft; your heart pounded almost deafeningly in your ears as you outfitted yourself with proper protective care and a parachute. Closure opened the aircraft door, and you stepped close to the edge with one thought in your mind;

‘Please be okay, Mostima.’

…

The expanse of ruined land was silent; the heavy scent of sulfur and ash was carried in the air, and the dust from the building collapse was only just settling. Convinced that they had successfully killed any threat, the Reunion soldiers took their leave - the aircraft that was hovering over them couldn't mean good news on their end.

Unable to move, Mostima groaned quietly - she had only just regained consciousness, what happened? She didn't quite remember right then. Some sort of heavy weight is putting pressure on her whole body, especially her legs and chest. As she attempted to open her eyes, pain spread throughout her skull like a flood and forced her to screw them shut again. Somewhat paralyzed under whatever was holding her down, the Caster stayed lying on the ground, taking in shallow breaths.

When her ears began to stop ringing, the sound of footsteps followed by a voice calling her name caused Mostima to snap back into reality once more. ‘....Doctor?’; That was right, she was on an Operation you assigned her to, but something had gone wrong along the way. Had you come looking for her?

Finally, she found her strength; it wasn't much, however. Wincing as she moved her body, the Caster lifted her arms and began forcing up the rubble that was pinning her form down as best she could. Your voice tore through the air again - “Mostima!” - and your quickened footsteps neared her. You assisted her in lifting the remnants of the exploded building off her body, insisting that she tried to move as little as possible as you removed the rest of the rubble from her body.

Moaning a little in pain, Mostima shakily shifted her body until she was sat with her back against one of the pieces of debris you had helped lift off her. With the adrenaline now gone, pain began filling her body in so many places that even breathing began to sting; and yet, when you had given your attention to her, her usual soft smile played on the Caster’s lips.

You knelt beside her right away, hands hovering over her form, “Mostima, are you okay?” Grinning still, she managed a nod, “Doctor, hello to you too…” Though she tried, she was unable to bite back the pained wince she made as she lifted her arm to wave at you. Your eyebrows knitted together and your face twisted in a frown - and yet Mostima was smiling at you still.

“What happened?” Your hand had come to cup her cheek, but she shook her head before her fingers could rest on her skin; no matter how much time you two spent together, it seemed her instinct was still to reject any affection you wished to give her. Avoiding your gaze, she began to explain, “During the Operation, the Squad got ambushed. Hm, our guys were actually doing well, we had almost taken care of all of them.” A small sigh bridged her sentences, “But just as things were wrapping up, I saw a few of the Reunion trying to make an escape. I figured that was no good, so I went after them...haha, I guess I walked right into their trap, because the next thing I knew I was under all that rubble.”

While she had been talking, your hands were pressing and running over parts of her body checking for injuries; something seemed to be impeding your thoughts, however, because though you were supposed to be scanning for wounds, your eyes were staring at the ground. Were you upset?

Hoping to lighten the mood, Mostima spoke once again, This time a strained laugh left her, “Ahaha...sorry, I still really don’t get this whole ‘teamwork’ thing.” Immediately, you shook your head, “No… don’t worry, I’m not mad.” She lifted a bow at you.

Your eyes finally looked up from the ground and you reached into the bag you were carrying, unearthing bandages and a clean cloth. The Caster fell quiet as she allowed you to cover the scrapes and cuts on her arms - your touch was so gentle, you touched her as if she was made of precious glass. You took the cloth in your hand then lifted it to her face; this time, however, Mostima didn't shake you off or pull away. Instead, she met your gaze - and what she saw caused her heart to ache.

Your face was riven with worry, only some relief was on your features - probably due to the fact that she was still alive. Mostima’s calm grin faltered, “Doctor….” In all honesty, seeing you so worried over her caused the Caster more pain than any of her injuries did; this wasn't her intention, she didn't mean to panic you to the point that you came down to look for her.

She wasn't used to this, you were both acutely aware of that. Mostima worked alone, Mostima dealt with things alone; before you, every person she held dear was someone she also ended up pushing away. Close bonds - she didn't need them, the Caster told herself, there was no need for them in her line of work. And so she was never raring to work with others, and people she had relationships with barely ever saw her anymore.

But with you, her usual method of pushing away until the other person gave up didn't work. And soon, thanks to your persistence, warmth began blooming in her heart - and she was helpless to stop it.

Unfortunately, Mostima was just as helpless when it came to expressing all the warmth she held for you in her heart. You caused emotions she contended with, and so her first instinct was to pull away or push you back; and that usually just left both of you feeling hurt. The Caster didn't believe in her capacity to encompass love or warmth - but you did.

Finally, Mostima found her voice once more, “Doctor...angel.” She corrected herself, instead using the nickname you rarely ever heard from her. It was mushy, cheesy - and yet butterflies filled your stomach every time she used it. Once she was sure she had your attention, the Caster spoke, trying her absolute best and allowing all of her words to come from her heart, “I’m sorry, I know I must’ve scared you really bad. I didn't mean...to worry you.”

Your face softened at her words; placing the cloth down, your hand found its way to hers. When she interlaced her fingers with your own, you smiled gently. Relieved to see you more at ease, Mostima squeezed your hand as best she could considering her loss of strength before continuing, “Unfortunately - in case you haven't noticed - I’m terrible at this. Haha…you’re really unlucky to have fallen in love with someone like me. I push people away, I push everyone away.” Her smile had gone, and now her face was filled with serious, genuine sincerity. “But I don’t want you to go away, you’re the first person in a long time who I’ve wanted to stay with. And I know I’m not good at showing it…”

Gathering some of her strength, the Caster shut her eyes as she lifted your hand to her lips and placed a gentle kiss on your fingers. “But my dear Doctor, my sweet angel - I care so much about you. Actually, scratch that... I love you, I love you so much.” And she trailed off, relaxing with her lips on your hand and losing herself in the moment for just a second or two.

It felt indescribably warm to just shut her eyes and pretend it was just you and her in the entirety of Terra. While it was hard to take down all her walls, it was so much better than deflecting your affections and was worth it for the way her heart grew in her chest as she allowed herself and you to be compassionate towards one another.

When your hand moved to cup her cheek, Mostima leaned into your touch rather than pulling away. When her eyes fluttered open, her gaze fell upon your effusive smile; “I love you too, Mostima. I promise I’m not going anywhere, no matter what.” Your words prompted her to chime with a light laugh, “Hehe, I guess there’s no getting rid of you, huh~?” You shook your head in reply - when your grin widened, she couldn't help but mirror the expression.

Facial features softening and becoming sincere, she left another kiss on the inside of your palm, “I’ve never had anyone like you...Sorry if I’m not always cooperative. Thanks for looking after me, Doctor.” A warm, passionate grin came to your face as you replied, “Always, Mostima.”

The area that surrounded the two of you was in a ruinous state, that same heavy scent still hung in the air and injuries were still littered all over Mostima’s body. And yet; upon seeing your smile, her body filled with a heartened feeling.

#🥺🥺 mostima appreciation #arknights #arknights imagines #arknights mostima #arknights x reader #mostima arknights #arknights imagine #arknights fanfic #arknights fanfics #arknights writing #imagine #imagines #writing #mostima

[chaolie]

Funtober Day 15 - Runaway AU

Okay, this is one more prompt from @fundyfiles' Funtober that made me THINK. As in, a lot. And another one I'm very proud of, wish I had time to write for, and will hopefully write one day. But since the explanation for all this is pretty long, it's under the cut!

So, in this AU, as you can guess, Fundy runs away. Or rather, decides to never come back after going away "for a little bit" after doomsday. He walks for weeks and finally settles down, makes, a little house semi-hidden in a hill, and stays there. And it's surprisingly nice! Sure, it's a bit lonely, and most of his belongings do nothing but remind him of the past, but at least it's cozy and quiet!

With time, he heals of course. The old things he originally pushed into a chest and wanted to forget are now hanging on his wall, he picks up potion-making again... He also starts to build little traps around his new home, mostly to protect him from mobs because no one in their right mind would ever go this far from the mainland. He also starts to write a diary of sorts to keep track of the time he spent there.

He gets weird nightmares a couple of times, and if he's to trust the strange notes he keeps finding in them, they're meant to be prophetic. He just thinks they're upsetting, and there's not much he can predict about his new life anyway, he has nothing major going on and it doesn't look like that's about to change. They happen rarely enough to just make him ignore them most of the time. The only things he remembers from the more frequent ones are small explosions and strange lights, which could just be a callback to what he went through already rather than something new. He decides to believe that.

One evening, a good couple of months after he moved, things change finally change. There's a couple of traps he knows for a fact are an overkill and he needs to fix/tune them, but he's very short on redstone, so he just goes to one of the nearby caves to get it. He leaves no warnings around them, because it's not like zombies and skeletons can read signs, right? When he's already returning and it's getting dark outside, he hears the sound of one of those very traps going off.

He runs over to check what he caught, assuming there's anything left of it at that point. That particular trap was meant to use TNT, so he has low hopes for any items surviving the explosion, but he does find something. Someone. That someone is Eret, who he hadn't seen in literal months, and who just barely survived the trap and isn't moving. Fundy briefly panics, because while he never really planned a reunion with any of the people he used to know, this is certainly not how it should've gone anyway- But he does collect himself and realize that he's technically the only one who could help them now.

He moves them to his house and does his best to tend to their wounds, but they're not waking up, so he leaves them to rest and starts brewing up some health potions to help them. While he does, he also takes the moment to write about what happened in his current book and tries to figure out how to explain himself when they finally feel good enough to start asking questions. He did kind of leave without mentioning that he wouldn't return, and without a proper goodbye, so... it would be quite the conversation to have.

A day or two passes before Eret wakes up, enough time for Fundy to either fix or deactivate all the other faulty traps and to fix their crown, which got damaged in the explosion. And just enough for him to start worrying that he accidentally killed someone he used to care for so much before leaving, and admittedly still cares a lot. So when he hears them finally wake up, he couldn't be more relieved. That relief fades slightly when Eret comes to their senses enough to start asking questions, but hey, having to explain everything is still better than having their blood on his hands.

It is, as presumed, a long and confusing conversation, but Fundy gets his point across and learns what Eret is doing so far out as well. They explain that they picked up traveling a while back and try to go out further each time they leave, and they admit that while they hoped to somehow run into Fundy one day, this is not how they imagined it would go either. Once all that is cleared up, the conversation doesn't feel as heavy, and the fox hybrid offers a spare room to Eret so they can fully recover before leaving.

Once the day all the injuries are gone comes, Fundy strongly refuses to go back with Eret. Sure, from what he heard from them things are a bit more peaceful (or rather, safer), Dream is in prison and all that... but he likes his little house much more than he likes the possibility of a new war breaking out hanging over his head. Eret respects his decision, but the two end up planning to make an ice-boat road in the nether in case Fundy ever decides to visit.

Sure, once Eret finally leaves, Fundy's alone again. And sure, the silence feels strangely sadder now. But at least sometime soon, he could try to visit? It does make him a bit more hopeful as he writes that down in his diary and sets out for another mining session.

===

And now, let me ramble about the art itself!! As you probably guessed, it's set when Fundy starts to make potions not long after Eret fell into one of his traps. I do like the amount of things I managed to add, though!

Most obviously, we have the Shclatt sword, an heirloom this version of Fundy didn't want to look at for a short while, but hated the idea of throwing it out even more. Now, it hangs on his wall proudly, and he sometimes still uses it to make sure it doesn't get rusty. Next to it, not a canon item, but a golden hoe he kept since his Dreamon Hunters times.

Then, on the shelf, from left to right, he has a jar of spider eyes labeled as dangerous, but Fundy still probably eats them every once in a while. Then, an invisibility potion for emergencies, it's always good to have one on hand. Right next to it, a little box/bowl of berries, possibly his favorite food. And lastly, quite a few books, some of which are possibly filled diaries, while some could be on potion brewing and things alike. One thing's for sure, he finds use for all of them.

On the table, we have a brewing stand in the process of making some instant health potions. I really like how it turned out! Eret's crown is also there, it was broken into a few pieces in the explosion, but Fundy's working on fixing it of course. The way he does it is very much inspired by that thing with fixing broken dishes with gold, except it's already golden, so it's harder to see.

Aand... that's it I think! I am really hoping to actually write this one someday, so I'll tag this as runaway AU so I can find it later. Thanks for reading all this and I hope you liked this idea as much as I did!

#funtober2021 #fundy #c!fundy #eret #c!eret #<- they're the one in the 2nd room; there's context under the cut #my art #Super super happy with this one btw #runaway au #I'm pretty sure every single one of the prompts with 'au' in them made me think a lot and want to write. this is so cool /gen

[jingabitch]

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell ch.4

SUMMARY: when you were ten, taehyung adopted you and gave you a home. now that you’re eighteen, the sudden change in your scent perplexes and confounds him.

PAIRING: wolf hybrid!tae x human!reader (all bts members are hybrids)

WARNINGS: talk of ownership (reader is tae’s pet human) | (eventual) daddy long legs syndrome | angst | angst so fucking much angst | mentions of prostitution (but not explicitly described) | reader is in a real bad situation | maybe don’t read if you’re sensitive

WORD COUNT: 10.5k

RATING: explicit

A/N: again, I am a liar because this story is still not complete. nevertheless, i hope you guys enjoy this! 

I don’t do tag lists, so please don’t ask.

Also, shoutout to my wonderful betas @knjkitten and @seoul9711 for going over this for me! yall are the greatest 💕

series index

Spring means spring showers. Usually that’s something Taehyung kind of enjoys, because it means the weather is getting warmer, and who doesn’t love curling up in bed on rainy mornings (or afternoons, or evenings)?

This spring, though, is different. The boys, after hearing Taehyung shamefully confess that he’d kicked you out, assuming that you’d head right over to one of them, had immediately torn into him for being an irresponsible owner. They were especially upset because he hadn’t told them the entire story, ashamed to let them know that he’d started a sexual relationship with his pet human and not ready to talk about the whole imprinting debacle. To them, he’d simply lost his cool over something petty and done something stupid.

Then they’d organized and strategized, planning to comb through Seoul to try and find you. It was a good thing that all of them were predator hybrids, with enhanced abilities to sniff you out. This rain, though… it was making things difficult, washing away your residual scent. It was bad enough that they were trying to track you two weeks after you’d gone missing, but it had been consistently raining this whole time, and that meant it would be next to impossible to track you down using your scent.

Spring showers meant another problem: no one was picnicking if it was raining. Well, it wasn’t like there were many anyway since it was still cold out – the boys assured you that during summer, they came in hordes – but between the tents and rented heaters, there were still people who came out sometimes, just to spend a little time outdoors once in a while. Hybrids were made sturdy, after all, and weren’t as susceptible to the cold as humans.

It was another week before Taehyung got to Hangang Park. A week of combing through every street, back alley and underground pass in the part of Seoul that he’d been assigned. At the very edge of Seoul, Hangang Park was one of the last places that they hadn’t looked and hope that they would find you was running low. You could be anywhere by now, perhaps having begged a ride or train ticket to another city even.

In the week that they’d been out looking for you, you’d been spending a lot of time inside with the boys. Since it was cold, all of you tended to huddle together in a puppy pile that was uncomfortably reminiscent of the big snuggle fests you’d enjoyed in the past with Taehyung and his bandmates. All the free time that all of you had meant that you spent a lot of time engaging in the only fun thing homeless poor people could afford, and you’d more than once thought sardonically that since you weren’t getting much food, it was a good thing you were getting so much protein.

After all that time spent apart, your reunion with Taehyung was almost anticlimactic. You’d squirmed free of Youngbae and Jiyong, who were currently napping, to go use the public restroom. When you were done, you were drying your hands on your shirt while walking out of the little hut that housed the toilets when you saw him. Or at least, someone who looked suspiciously like him from the back. He was wearing one of Taehyung’s favourite shirts, too, a long-sleeved silk button-down that you’d taken to and from the dry cleaners many times before.

For a second, it felt like time had stopped as you stared at the wide expanse of the man’s back. It took you back to a time that really wasn’t that long ago, but seemed like a different lifetime. So much had changed about you, and your life, and the way you lived.

Then the man started turning around and you realized that it was, indeed, Taehyung. Needless to say, you couldn’t leave quickly enough. You didn’t know why he was here, but you definitely didn’t want him seeing how low you’d sunk now. Swearing inwardly, you darted off, back to the tent behind a convenience store that was now your home.

When Taehyung first scented you, he almost thought he was hallucinating. It was just so unlikely to him that you would be here, of all places, when he’d all but lost hope of finding you ever again. It wasn’t until he turned around that he saw, out of the corner of his eye, a figure running away, and realized that it was, indeed, you. Immediately, he gave chase, yelling your name so you’d turn around.

Instead, you just ran faster, practically diving back into the tent where the other boys were and zipping it up tight. Daesung stirred, holding a hand out to you. “What’s up?” he slurred. You took his hand and cuddled close to his side, not sure how to explain things and just hoping that Taehyung would leave. Why was he here, anyway? He should be busy right now with promoting their comeback album; it wasn’t a good time for the band to be picnicking.

“Y/n!” Taehyung was standing right outside the tent now, and you closed your eyes stubbornly, tucking your face into Daesung’s chest. He’d been absently stroking your hair, but when he heard Taehyung, he propped himself up on his elbow.

“It sounds like someone’s looking for you,” he pointed out rather unnecessarily, raising a brow at you. You rolled your eyes at him in response.

“Y/n, please, let’s go home!” Taehyung continued, and you groaned, turning onto your belly and burying your face in your hands.

Jiyong, who was famously grouchy when he woke up, snarled as he unzipped the tent. “Who are you, and what the fuck do you want?!” he growled.

Taehyung blinked, slightly surprised at the hostility. “Uh, is Y/n-ssi here?” In the unexpected situation, his speech became polite.

Seunghyun came up behind Jiyong, frowning. He’d developed something of a soft spot for you – well, as much as was possible, anyway, when all of you were scrounging for survival. “What’s it to you?” he asked rudely.

“Uh, I’d like to speak to her, if possible?”

“I don’t want to talk to you,” you objected. You had no interest in anything he could say to you at this point. Was he here to scream at you again? That seemed like overkill, all things considered, but since there was nothing else you could imagine, it remained the most likely scenario in your mind. You didn’t want him seeing you like this, either. If he was going to hate you, you’d rather he at least remember you the way you’d been as a pet, not as a homeless stray.

“Y/n, please.” The tone of his voice gave you pause – it was weary and sad, and despite your best efforts, you couldn't stop yourself from wanting to comfort him. You'd spent half your life attuned to his every need and it was difficult to turn that off suddenly.

With a reluctant sigh, you pushed past Jiyong and Seunghyun, who were blocking the entrance. "What is it?" you asked. You tried not to make eye contact with Taehyung - he'd always been perceptive, and you didn't want him staring into your soul again, afraid of what he might find there.

“Y/n… please come home,” Taehyung pleaded. With you standing in front of him, he could see properly the toll that the past three weeks had on you. You’d lost a lot of weight and your jawline was sharper than it had ever been, you looked tired and messy, your skin was starting to break out due to lack of proper nutrition and access to skincare products, and you smelled… not that great, which wasn’t a surprise since you’d had about two showers in the last three weeks.

Still, you crossed your arms over your chest stubbornly and looked away. “I don’t want to,” you objected. You could still hear his harsh words ringing in your ears, but more than that, the shame you felt at encouraging your unusual relationship when you should have stopped it was weighing heavily on you, and you didn’t want to go back and face that.

“Y/n-ie, please? I know I was mean and awful, and I’m sorry about that. Please come home,” he tried again, but you refused to even look at him.

“Stop it, leave me alone,” you whispered, hugging yourself protectively.

Finally, his shoulders slumped. He couldn’t handle being the cause of your distress anymore, even if he did think that you would be better off back at home with him. “Okay,” he accepted, his voice quiet and dejected. “I’ll go if that’s what you really want, but you’re welcome to come home any time, okay?”

You nodded stiffly, waiting for him to leave.

When he turned away disappointedly and walked off, you turned back to the boys to find all four of them staring at you. “What?” you asked slightly defensively.

“Who was that, baby?” Youngbae asked.

“Uh, it was my previous owner.”

“And he wanted to take you home?”

“Uh, yeah?” More uncertainly this time, not sure where they were going with this.

“And you said no?” Jiyong butted in incredulously.

You shrank in on yourself at the volume and tone of his voice. “I don’t want to go back with him,” you almost whimpered, your hands bunching up the fabric of your shirt anxiously.

“Baby… why not?” Seunghyun asked.

Your mind stalled. You didn’t want to tell them the real reason, afraid that they would look at you differently or even kick you out of their group. “We… had a fight,” you said rather vaguely instead.

“And you’re still mad at him? Did he do something wrong?”

“Yes, he kicked me out,” you said pointedly. Wasn’t that enough?

“Baby… he clearly feels bad about that if he came to ask you to go home,” Daesung pointed out reasonably.

“That doesn’t change the fact that he kicked me out,” you grumbled petulantly. “What if he does it again? Then I’ll end up right back here.”

“And what if you do?” Seunghyun asked. “Even if he kicks you out again in a week, that’s a week that you get to spend with a roof over your head, and access to food and water.”

You blinked at Seunghyun. Out of all the things he could have said, that wasn’t really what you’d thought he would say, but it made sense somehow. Living on the streets was difficult. You hadn’t had a hot meal in three weeks, and even though the hunger pangs kept the nausea at bay, picking at hybrids’ half-eaten food wasn’t anyone’s idea of a good time.

It must seem so shallow and ridiculous to these boys, who’d been living on the streets all their lives, that there was someone offering you a perfectly good home and you didn’t want it. Why? Because of your feelings? Ultimately, did that matter? You began to doubt yourself and your reasoning, wondering if you were being silly.

Still, your mind wouldn’t stop replaying the memories of Taehyung forcibly kicking you out of his house, and you gnawed on your lip uncertainly. Would it really be okay?

“Sweetie, it seems like there’s something more keeping you from wanting to go back.” Youngbae, ever the astute one, guessed. “Do you want to talk about it?”

You shook your head slowly. It might seem tempting, but you didn’t know how they would react to hearing about your sexual relationship with your hybrid owner. You’d lost enough; you didn’t want to lose your new family too, especially when their protection was all that was keeping you from being out on the streets alone. The memory of the two nights you’d spent wandering around the streets of Seoul, lost and alone, were enough to keep your mouth shut out of caution and fear.

“That’s fair, but is it worth living like this?” he asked, gesturing towards the tent where the five of them had been living practically on top of each other.

“You live like this,” you objected. “We’ve been fine, haven’t we?” you continued, a little more uncertainly now. Were they just too polite to tell you that they were tired of you and wanted you to leave?

All of them exchanged glances, before turning back towards you, serious expressions on their faces. “Y/n… any blind fool can tell that you’re not made for this life,” Seunghyun began. “The rest of us were born on the streets and we know how to handle ourselves.”

“I know how to handle myself,” you protested, your hackles rising. Hadn’t you been doing your part to contribute to the group? Thinking about it too hard made you feel a little unsettled, like you were about to be booted out of another family, so you tilted your chin upwards in defiance.

Daesung stepped in, ever the peacemaker. “You’ve been doing really well, sweetie, but all of us can see how difficult this is for you,” he pointed out.

“What- what do you mean?”

“Well… your soft hands that have clearly never done heavy lifting, your fussiness about food, your general demeanor…” Jiyong started listing things that all of them had noticed over the past couple of weeks, only stopping when Seunghyun nudged him to be quiet.

“The point is… this life is clearly not suitable for you,” Seunghyun explained. “And even if things are bad between you and your owner right now, he’s willing to make an effort, and it seems like going back with him is the best thing for you.”

You bit your lip. “You really think so?”

“I think if you have to eat any more cold ramen noodles you’ll kill yourself,” Jiyong said dryly, and your cheeks heated, remembering the day that all you had to eat was cold, congealed half-eaten instant noodles. You thought you’d covered up your distaste, but apparently not. In your defense, it had been a soup ramen and the noodles had absorbed all the soup and gotten bloated and soggy.

“Okay,” you finally accepted. “I’ll go talk to him.”

Unexpectedly, it was Jiyong that came to hug you goodbye. “If anything goes wrong, you’ll always be welcome here,” he whispered, and you nodded, hugging him back. Even though you were pretty sure it was just because they enjoyed the convenience of having pussy on tap, you were still touched, your eyes starting to sting with tears that you refused to shed. As accepting as they’d been of you, you’d tried your best to avoid appearing weak and needy, and that wasn’t about to change.

It didn’t take long for you to find Taehyung – he was standing right near the entrance of the convenience store, smoking a shame cigarette. It was a habit he’d picked up in the military and quit when he left, but when he was stressed or upset, he still craved it. Right now, he was all of that and more.

You watched from around the side of the small building as he blew smoke out and flicked the end of the cigarette with his thumb, causing the ash to fall into the ashtray on top of the bin. The cigarette smoke was all he could smell, so he didn’t know you were there.

“Taehyung-oppa?” you called hesitantly, taking a few steps forward.

The way he whipped around to look at you was almost comical. “Y/n…?” he breathed, like he could hardly believe it. Hastily, his free hand came up to wipe his cheeks. “What are you doing here?”

You came a little closer, still a little skittish. “You shouldn’t be smoking,” you said instead of answering.

He smiled a little sadly, looking down at the cigarette in his hand. “Well… probably not,” he agreed.

“It’s bad for your health,” you continued walking towards him as you chided him gently.

“It is,” he said, although his voice cracked on the second word. He closed his eyes and pressed his lips together, trying to stifle the sobs. If this was the last time he ever saw you, he didn’t want you to remember him as a sobbing mess. Dragging a deep, painful breath in through his lungs, he swallowed hard to compose himself.

“Taehyung-oppa…” When he next opened his eyes, you were standing right in front of him, in all your ethereal glory. Right now, it didn’t matter that you looked (and smelled) like you’d seen better days. He forced himself to drink in every feature, every bit of your essence and scent. If this was all he had for the rest of his life, it would be enough. When he’d adopted you, he made a promise that he would always take care of you. He’d failed once already, but if all he could do for you for the rest of his life was look out for you from afar, that would be enough.

The powers that be must be smiling down on him, though, because instead of disappearing, you plucked the cigarette from his hand and ground it out against the bin. “Let’s go home,” you said simply.

He didn’t know why or how you’d changed your mind, but he wasn’t about to look a gift horse in the mouth. Nodding mutely, he held out his hand, and miraculously, you placed yours in it, letting him lead you back to his car.

-----------------------------------------------

In the enclosed space of the car, Taehyung could pick apart all the unfamiliar notes of your scent, and it was driving him insane. The sour note of hunger and misery made the wolf in him want to whine and nose at your throat, bathe you and feed you and cuddle you until it all went away. The scent of unfamiliar men blanketing you inspired a very different reaction, though. It made him want to snarl, to tear the men who’d dared touch his mate apart, and make sure their scent was covered by his. He didn’t even want to think about how deep the scent of other men had sunk into you after three weeks. It had been his fault, anyway.

The part of him that was human tamped down ruthlessly on his baser, animalistic instincts, knowing that he couldn’t give in to them when they’d been engineered to manipulate him. Now, these instincts that had been bred into him were preventing him from being a good, responsible owner and that was unacceptable. Being here with you was throwing the conflict between his wolf and human sides into sharp relief, and he was silent as he mulled over it.

You didn’t have anything to say to him either, and your car ride home was quiet. You closed your eyes and leaned your head against the side of the car, and whenever there was a red light, Taehyung would gaze upon your face silently until he had to drive again.

When you finally got home, you followed Taehyung silently up to the apartment, your head bowed. His heart clenched at how broken and sad you looked, and the thought that he was the cause of it made him want to clutch you to his chest and cry. He did none of that, however, merely opening the door and letting you step into the house before him. You hovered uncertainly in the entryway, not even toeing off your shoes, your hands clutching the hem of your shirt in a way he recognized as an anxious habit of yours.

He stepped into the apartment and held his hand out to you. “Come on,” he coaxed, much like the first time he’d brought you home. The parallel didn’t seem like it was lost on you, because the ghost of a smile played across your lips, but this time when you put your hand in his, it was stiff and tense. He didn’t say anything, though, closing his larger hand around yours and drawing you into the apartment. You were still hesitant, though, looking around nervously, and in that moment, if he could have given up his heart to make you feel better, he would have done it without any thought.

“Do you want to go take a shower while I get dinner ready?” he asked quietly, and you nodded after a second, slipping off into your room to grab your clothes, then into the shower. When he heard the shower come on, he texted the boys to let them know he’d found you and they could call off the search. He didn’t add other details, not ready to share or even knowing what he should say to them, really.

With that done, he put his phone down on the counter, ignoring the way it vibrated over and over again, the boys undoubtedly bombarding him with questions. He figured you’d probably want a hot meal, and opened the fridge to see if he could cook anything. Seokjin would definitely be cooking up a storm for you and would load his car up with containers full of food tomorrow, but for tonight, he had to make do. There were a few threadbare ingredients that were left over from the last time you’d gone grocery shopping and he pulled them out hesitantly. It had honestly been too long since he’d cooked – when you were around, you usually took care of it and he’d been living off delivery food while you were gone.

Out of practice, he nevertheless gave it the good old college try, chopping up the onion and meat and attempting to make doenjang jjigae. He knew it was comforting for you, and it was for him too, especially after you’d made it for him during his heat. Unfortunately, when he tried to cook the stew, it turned into a mess somehow, with the onions burning and sticking to the pot, the doenjang starting to smoke, and the meat turning an unappetizing colour. Panicked, he started cursing while trying to scrape the food off the bottom of the pot.

The bathroom door swung open when you heard him, and you came out silently, nudging him aside to see what was happening. Without a word, you turned the stove off and started scraping burnt bits of food off the pan and into the bin. “Sorry,” Taehyung said, hovering awkwardly behind you. He’d never felt lower in his life. Could he do nothing right?

“It’s all right,” you murmured. “I’m not that hungry anyway. I might just turn in.”

His wolf whined in misery at the thought of you actually going to bed hungry, and he might have let a little noise slip, because your gaze snapped up towards him, before looking away. Your shirt was fisted in your hands again, and he forced himself to calm down. The fact that you were now afraid of him filled him with so much despair and hurt. He would genuinely throw himself off a bridge if it would make you smile again, just for a second.

“No, it’s okay, I’ll call delivery,” he said. He reached out to grab your hand, but thought better of it and snatched it back before making contact.

“Okay,” you agreed, your head still down. “Thank you, Taehyung-oppa.”

“Do you want to go sit down while I call them?” he asked, nodding towards the living room. You nodded and made your way to the couch where you perched on the very edge of the cushion, holding yourself stiffly with your hands in your lap.

Looking over sadly at you, he grabbed his phone and dialed the number for the restaurant that he knew was your favourite, ordering your food and his. He made sure to get additional side dishes, his wolf wanting nothing more than to provide for his mate.

When the food arrived, he busied himself taking it all out of the big basket and setting up the table as you drifted closer hesitantly. Even though he wasn’t looking directly at you, he watched carefully out of the corner of his eye as your lips turned up in a slight smile seeing your favourite black bean noodles, with sweet and sour pork on the side. It wasn’t much – before, you would have clapped your hands with glee and sit down eagerly – but to him, it felt like a victory anyway. Like maybe he could do this, take care of you and win back your affection.

You picked up your chopsticks and dug in, eating with a haste that he’d never seen before. You’d always been a bit of a slow eater, claiming you wanted to savour the food, but now you were wolfing it down like you didn’t know when you’d get to eat again, and it broke his heart all over again that you’d experienced hunger. You were his – his responsibility, his mate – and he’d failed you so miserably. The thought made his stomach flip unpleasantly and he found himself slowing down, losing his appetite at the thought of how much you’d undoubtedly suffered.

When you were done with your noodles – and most of the pork and side dishes – you started casting furtive glances over at his bowl of stew, and he pushed his bowl towards you without you having to ask. It was a striking reversal of the way you’d taken care of him during his pre-heat, and he was just now realizing how much responsibility you’d taken around the house since you came to live with him after his military service ended.

You hadn’t felt so full in weeks, and you sat back with a satisfied sigh when you’d drained Taehyung’s bowl as well. Your stomach hurt from how much you’d eaten, but it was a nice feeling, after the near-constant hunger pangs for the past three weeks. Moving sluggishly, you went to pack the empty bowls back into the bucket, but Taehyung stopped you. “I’ll do it,” he said. “Go get some rest, you look beat.”

Since you were exhausted, you didn’t argue with him, just getting up and heading to your bedroom. Taehyung watched, slightly wounded that you didn’t want to spend the night with him like you used to, but also not wanting to say or do anything to make you feel uncomfortable. “Good night,” he called, regretting it instantly when you leapt into the air at the sound of his voice.

“Good night,” you responded softly, and it was only his enhanced wolf hearing that allowed him to pick it up. Sighing, he finished cleaning up and put the basket back outside the door.

Being back in your bedroom felt almost surreal, after living on that streets and then in that tent. Everything was the same as it was before, when you were so different, it was like you didn’t fit in there anymore. The cute room with the cozy patterned bedspread, the overstuffed, oversized chair and reading nook… it was for another person, someone who didn’t exist anymore.

Still, you tried your best to block the thoughts out of your head as you pulled back the duvet to slide under it, fidgeting to try and get comfortable. Closing your eyes tight, you snuggled into the pillows, falling into the fitful, restless sleep that you’d gotten used to.

-----------------------------------------------------

Taehyung lay in the dark in his room, his eyes wide open. Having you in the next room over instead of in his bed next to him felt wrong, somehow, but even though he wanted nothing more than to slide into bed with you, or better yet, bring you to his room, his uncertainty and guilt kept him where he was.

He must have spent hours just lying there, listening to you toss and turn and whimper in your sleep, each sound twisting the knife. You’d always been such a deep, easy sleeper, knocking right out every night and sleeping peacefully till morning. It was his fault you’d changed, and he tortured himself all night imagining all the horrors you’d been through during the past few weeks.

When sunlight started shining through his curtains, he decided he’d had enough of lying there, and got out of bed. Still in his pajamas, he left his room and walked the small distance to yours to wake you up. Standing over your bed, he watched for a moment as you continued fussing in your sleep, a small frown etched into your features.

It had been a while since he’d done this, but years of waking you up meant that the muscle memory came back to him easy as he leaned over you and patted your side. “Hey… wake up,” he called softly.

You stirred and, clearly only half-awake, slurred, “Okay… you want a handjob?”

“I- what? Y/n…”

Your hand fought its way out of the covers and you held it out, palm up. “Come on…” you yawned.

“Y/n-ie… stop it.” Taehyung’s voice trembled as he saw the way you were holding your hand out, your fingers loosely curled. He put his hand in yours and placed it back onto the bed.

A little more awake now, you blinked the sleep from your eyes and squinted up at him. “Taehyung-oppa? Good morning,” you murmured in your soft, slightly scratchy morning voice. “Do you need breakfast?”

He hesitated. You looked so small and innocent in your bed now that he almost wondered if he’d hallucinated your earlier interaction. You continued looking at him, looking more alert, and he knew you were waiting for an answer.

“No,” he finally said. “Do you want to come to the studio with me today? We can grab some food on the way, and I’m sure the others are excited to see you too.”

You blinked and yawned again, before pushing yourself into a sitting position. “Okay,” you agreed. “Let me just get ready.” Sluggishly, you got out of bed, twisting your back to stretch while Taehyung made himself scarce, going to get dressed. When he was done, you ducked into the bathroom to do your thing, carrying your clothes in with you.

When you emerged, you looked fresh and adorable, in a simple white blouse and blue jeans, and anyone who wasn’t looking too closely or didn’t know you would have thought you were merely another pampered pet human. Taehyung, though, could see the way the clothes hung off you a little too loosely, the sharper edge of your jawline and cheekbones from weight loss, and most of all, could smell the scent of other men on you that even your shower last night hadn’t been able to get off.

“Is there anything you want for breakfast today?” he asked as you put your shoes on. He opened the front door and extended his other arm towards you, intending at first to usher you out with his hand on your lower back like he usually did, but he saw the way you stood a little more stiffly at the anticipation of his hands on you and dropped it awkwardly. He supposed he shouldn’t have been quite so surprised and hurt at your hesitance. If you wanted nothing more to do with him, it was still more than he deserved.

He took you to a little restaurant for porridge that was near the BigHit building, watching carefully as you downed the entire bowl in record-breaking time. Usually you were too busy chatting with him and telling him about your day, or random things you’d seen, or something you’d read in a book, but now you were silent, your head down as you shoveled food into your mouth. In an attempt to break the silence, Taehyung asked, “Did you sleep well?” even though he knew the answer to the question.

It didn’t work, anyway. You just looked up at him, wide-eyed, for a second, before nodding and returning to your food. Sighing in defeat, he lapsed into silence too. If this was the new normal, he couldn’t say he didn’t deserve it. At least you were eating well – it soothed his wolf slightly, to know that his mate was eating well.

When you were finished with your meal – even licking the spoon clean dramatically – he took you to the studio, where the boys, as anticipated, glomped you the moment you set foot in the door. Jimin was basically in tears as he hugged you and wouldn’t let go, even when the others came forth for their turn. Namjoon, however, hovered back, hesitant to greet you. In the heat of the moment, with Taehyung’s turmoil and misery in his face, it had been easy to justify his own role in the entire debacle, but now that he was looking straight at you, and seeing the toll that the past few weeks had taken on your body, the guilt sat uncomfortably in his chest.

Soon enough, you were back in your usual spot – on the couch, squished between Yoongi on one side and Jimin on the other, listening absently as they discussed their album and comeback with the managers and executives. Feeling warm and full from the porridge, your eyelids started to droop, and Yoongi, always alert and aware, gently took the book from your loose grasp and closed it, letting you rest your head on his shoulder.

Taehyung, watching from the adjacent couch, frowned, barely paying attention to what Bang PD was saying. He knew you hadn’t slept well last night, and the more rational side of him was relieved that you were at least getting some rest, even if you didn’t seem that comfortable. If he had his way, you would be lying down on a couch somewhere in a dark room where you could get some proper sleep. His wolf wanted to tear Yoongi to shreds, snarling in jealousy at the older man. It should be his shoulder you were currently drooling all over, your face adorably smushed into the fabric of his shirt.

Reminding himself harshly that you weren’t comfortable around him anymore, and really, whose fault was that, he forced himself to look away, although his jaw remained clenched, an outward sign of his irritation. He’d never been good at keeping his emotions to himself, but he figured he’d better damn well get good at it now, if he was going to keep all his problematic emotions to himself and avoid making you feel even more unsafe around him.

-------------------------------------------------

For almost a month, you and Taehyung danced around each other, trying to stay out of each other’s way. You didn’t want to do anything that might set him off again or remind him of why he’d kicked you out in the first place, and Taehyung was practically bending over backwards to give you the space he thought you needed to heal. As a result, the apartment was very quiet for most of the day, an oppressive silence that hung like a shroud over you.

Since you weren’t talking much to Taehyung, you were always happy to go with him to the studio, where the other boys were more than willing to entertain you. They’d realized quickly that you were a lot jumpier than before, which was understandable, so they tried not to do anything that would give you a fright. For the most part, you were all right with physical contact (other than with Taehyung, which upset him tremendously) but once in a while an innocent brush against you could remind you of the way Big Bang would touch you, and you’d leap into the air to get away from it.

It was Yoongi, who let you sit on the couch in his studio most days, who finally broached the topic after he tried to usher you into the studio with his hand on your back and you almost burst into tears. He sat you down on the couch and squatted in front of you, holding your hands and pleading for you to please tell him what was wrong for about half an hour before you caved and admitted that you might have some trauma from living on the streets. It was another twenty minutes of cajoling before you told him, in the smallest voice possible, that you’d had to use your body to survive.

“You… what?” Yoongi was so shocked by your confession that he lost his balance and fell, sitting ungracefully at your feet. Thinking he was reacting this way out of disgust, you covered your face with your hands and drew your shoulders in.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered, tears stinging at your eyes. This was exactly what you hadn’t wanted; you’d thought you’d been doing well with hiding everything and dealing with it alone. Now that Yoongi knew, the rest of the boys would know that you were filthy, disgusting… you couldn’t stop the sob from tearing out of your chest.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” he soothed, putting his shock and anger aside in the face of your clear distress. He wanted to flip a table, maybe set fire to something, but you were more important right now. His hands fluttered helplessly by your knees, wanting to comfort you but not sure how to. Your adverse reaction to the boys’ touch made so much sense now, and he didn’t want to accidentally trigger you again and upset you further.

In the end, he took your hand and placed it on top of his head, letting you stroke his soft, fluffy leopard ears. The rhythmic motion seemed to soothe you, and you smiled a little past the tears as you scratched the base of them, just like he let you do when you were a child. He didn’t want to force you to speak, but slowly coaxed everything out of you. Once you started talking about your experiences, it was like the words fell out of you, so relieved to finally be able to tell someone after keeping it to yourself for weeks as you tried to pretend like you were the same innocent human you’d been before being cast out.

Eventually, Yoongi managed to get you to fall asleep for a much-needed nap on his couch after you’d cried yourself out. His heart broke as he looked at you lying on the couch on your side, so small and delicate. You looked almost breakable, and the thought of you having to use that precious body to survive because of Taehyung made his fists clench by his side in rage. Turning down the lights so you would be able to rest properly, he left his studio, making sure to close the door quietly to avoid waking you up even though he wanted to slam it in his rage.

Taehyung was sitting in a meeting room with Jungkook and Jimin, and when Yoongi burst through the entrance, all of them looked up. “Suga-hyung, what’s up?” Jimin greeted.

Ignoring him, Yoongi stalked over to Taehyung, yanked him by the shirtfront out of his seat and decked him across the face. Shocked and unprepared for the hit, Taehyung sprawled on the floor, only to prop himself up by the elbow a second later, cradling his jaw with his hand and looking up at Yoongi with wide, hurt eyes.

“Suga-hyung, stop!” Jimin cried as Jungkook all but leapt across the table in the room to restrain the older man. The two bystanders exchanged panicked glances, not sure why Yoongi was suddenly attacking Taehyung. As irritable and snarky as the rapper was, it was almost impossible to get him truly angry, and he was clearly fuming right now.

Furious at the sudden attack, Taehyung surged up off the floor. “What the fuck was that for?!” he roared, pulling back to return Yoongi’s punch with one of his own. Jimin hurried over to pull Taehyung back before the situation descended into a brawl.

“You’re garbage,” Yoongi sneered. “Ask Y/n what it was for.” With that, he pulled himself out of Jungkook’s grasp, glared at Taehyung once more, and left the room, unable to stand being in the same room as him anymore.

“Shit, you’re bleeding,” Jimin fretted over his best friend, taking his chin in his hand and turning his face from one side to the other to see what the damage was. “Let’s get you cleaned up,” he instructed, tugging on Taehyung’s hand so the wolf hybrid had no choice but to trail after Jimin, his ears drooping.

“What do you think that was about?” Jimin asked in the bathroom as he wetted a wad of paper towels in the sink.

Taehyung, leaning against the wall beside the sinks, shrugged, meeting Jimin’s eyes in the mirror. “Hell if I know,” he grumbled, still bitter. “I can’t believe hyung would do something like that,” he sulked.

Starting to dab at the busted lip to clean it up, Jimin ignored Taehyung’s hiss of pain and subsequent whines. “You know hyung isn’t the type to do something like that out of the blue… we can go talk to him later, okay? Find out what’s wrong.”

Taehyung started to protest, but Jimin’s glare and the way he pressed a little harder on the split lip he was tending to made him subside, pouting.

Since Taehyung could be a big baby and Jimin had an obsessive need to take care of everyone around him, it took a while before Taehyung was deemed patched up enough to go talk to Yoongi. As he made his way down the hallway to Yoongi’s studio, he fumed silently about his hyung’s weird behavior.

By the time he got to the door of Yoongi’s studio, he’d worked himself back up into a rage, and pounded on the door loudly to announce his presence. “Hyung, open up!” he yelled.

The racket he was making woke you up abruptly, and you jolted awake, gasping as you shot up into a sitting position. A quick glance over at Yoongi told you that he hadn’t heard Taehyung at all, since he was still working, with his giant expensive noise-cancelling headphones on. Since he was occupied, you went to open the door yourself to let Taehyung in.

Taehyung’s arm was still up, poised to knock, when you opened the door. He stared at you with wide eyes, not having expected you and feeling slightly abashed now that you’d seen his childish tantrum. “Ah, Y/n-ie… I didn’t know you were here,” he greeted, dropping his arm to his side.

You, on the other hand, had a far more dramatic reaction. Seeing his split lip, you gasped in horror, and in your panic, the artificial distance you’d been imposing for the past month slipped away. “Tae-oppa!” you cried, your hands flying to his face. “What happened to you?” With the pads of your fingers, you stroked gently over the reddened skin around the cut, wincing.

Grabbing his wrist, you pulled him over to the couch and sat him down, continuing to fret over him. Taehyung, for his part, sat quietly and let you do what you wanted, just happy to have you near him again. All his anger evaporated as he smiled at you like a fool, ignoring the way it made his lip sting.

Yoongi, who’d turned around in his chair and slipped his headphones down around his neck, frowned at the sight that greeted him. You were kneeling on the couch next to Taehyung, leaning over him while he held your wrist in his hand, stroking gently along the soft skin on your inner wrist.

At the sound of Yoongi clearing his throat, you jumped, tearing your wrist out of Taehyung’s grasp, to look over at the rapper. The interruption was enough to startle you out of your frantic concern for him, and you sat down on the couch, your hands in your lap as you tried to make yourself smaller. “S-sorry,” you said to Taehyung, though it was directed at your hands. What would he think of you now? Getting all up in his personal space, even after he’d made it so clear that he didn’t want to be involved with you like that. You really needed to get a grip if you were going to remain his pet, you thought. No way in hell were you going back to being homeless.

“It’s all right,” Taehyung murmured, responding to you habitually. Now that you weren’t in his personal space anymore, though, his anger started coming back, and he trained his gaze on Yoongi, his jaw flexing with his irritation. Yoongi met his gaze with equal measure, neither of them backing down.

You were so consumed by your own thoughts that you didn’t realise the tension between them, asking Taehyung obliviously, “So what happened to your face, anyway?”

There was a beat of silence, then Yoongi replied smoothly, “He must have walked into a door.” As he said it, he pinned Taehyung with a warning gaze, as if daring him to disagree with his lie.

An awkward moment later, Taehyung agreed. “Yes… I was distracted,” he offered as an excuse.

Watching the way Yoongi looked at you, with a small frown knitting his brow, Taehyung remembered what Yoongi had said earlier, about asking you what the punch was for. He broke eye contact with Yoongi to look over at you instead, although you still refused to look up at him, preferring to focus instead on your lap, where your hands were folded politely.

“Anyway, Y/n-ie… I’m not needed for the rest of the day. Do you want to go home early?” Taehyung figured that whatever it was he was supposed to ask you about, it was probably best to do it in private. He didn’t have his own studio, so his apartment was the best bet.

“Sure,” you agreed immediately. You’d been doing that a lot lately, just going with whatever he wanted or suggested, unless you were protesting that he was spending too much time, money or effort on you. It was so completely different from the carefree girl who loved to go crazy with his credit cards and soaked up his affection that he’d known, and he hated himself again for causing you to withdraw like that. It had taken him so long to earn your trust back when you’d been a child and he adopted you, and now all of that was gone down the drain.

He stood up and you followed, trailing after him out of Yoongi’s studio with a smile and a wave that upset him all over again. He hadn’t had that cute, carefree smile directed at him for so long now, and again, he fucking knew it was his own fault, but that didn’t make it any easier. For now, he had to be satisfied with seeing that smile only when it was directed at other people. At least, he thought bitterly, he’d succeeded in providing a good support network for you.

When you got home, after yet another awkward car ride filled with stilted small talk, Taehyung sat you down on the couch, wanting to talk to you but unsure of how to bring it up. You looked at him inquiringly as he stuttered through several aborted attempts to start the conversation, stopping each time with a frown and a hum.

Finally, he managed to ask, in a tone he hoped was neutral, “Did you and Suga-hyung talk about anything interesting today?”

You visibly stiffened, and he wondered if it was his words or his failure to feign nonchalance. “Why do you ask?” you responded cautiously, and he could see your walls going up.

“Just something Suga-hyung said,” Taehyung waved his hand in the air.

You cursed Yoongi inwardly for selling you out, and so quickly, at that. “Uh, we just talked about some stuff that happened last month,” you said vaguely. Neither of you were necessarily comfortable talking about the time you’d spent on the streets, and you tried to tiptoe around it out of consideration for Taehyung, but he understood what you were trying to say anyway.

“Uh-huh, like what?” he prompted, undeterred.

Your shoulders hunched defensively around your ears. “I don’t want to talk about it,” you muttered, and started to get up to beat a hasty retreat to your room.

Taehyung reached out in a panic and grabbed your hand. “No, please, tell me what you told him,” he pleaded, looking up at you with that sad expression that you’d never been able to resist.

You sighed. “Why do you even want to know?” you asked, slumping back onto the couch in resignation.

Taehyung frowned. “Of course I want to know,” he countered immediately. “Why don’t you want to tell me?” he asked in concern now.

You shrugged. “I don’t like talking about it, and it’ll just upset you,” you explained in a small voice.

“Y/n…” Taehyung’s voice was filled with sadness. “Please, tell me about it.” He scooted slightly closer to you and took your hands in his.

“Taehyung-oppa…”

“I understand if you’re not ready to tell me,” he admitted. It stung to acknowledge the possibility that you were more comfortable talking to Yoongi about this than to Taehyung, when he’d always been your caretaker, the one you’d gone to for everything. “But if you’re willing to tell me, I really do want to know, so we can figure out the best way to help you.”

You swallowed. “All right,” you agreed hesitantly, then lapsed into silence as you thought about how you should explain what had happened. You didn’t want Taehyung to judge you, but then again, Yoongi hadn’t either, so maybe your fears about that had been overblown.

After a little more hemming and hawing as you tried to muster up the courage to talk about it, you finally said, “Do you remember the guys that I was living with?”

Taehyung nodded, slightly confused, but didn’t say anything, simply waiting for you to continue speaking when you were ready.

“Well, uh… they agreed to take me in and all, but it wasn’t for free,” you said, trying to skirt around the topic, hoping he would get it without you having to spell it out in so many words.

Of course, Taehyung just gave you a blank stare, as if waiting for you to finish your thought. You sighed. “They proposed, like, a trade,” you continued, willing him with your mind to just understand what you were trying to say already, damn it.

When his expression didn’t change, you gave up on hoping he would understand your hints. “I only had myself and didn’t have much to offer, so they, uh… theymademeusemybody,” you rushed out the last part of your sentence so softly it was almost like a whisper, but with Taehyung’s sharper hearing, courtesy of his hybrid senses, he picked it up perfectly.

Only, with what he’d heard, he wished he hadn’t. He stared at you imploringly, his ears folded down against his head, his eyes starting to fill with tears. “Wh-what?” His voice wobbled, unable to believe what he’d heard. You avoided his gaze by turning your face away, not wanting to see the expression on his face. You didn’t need his pity.

“Y/n…” Taehyung tightened his grasp on your hands. “I’m so sorry.” The emotion behind the simple words caught you off guard, and you turned back to look at him. He was staring straight at you, his eyes huge and filled with distress (and tears). A sob that he couldn’t quite hold back tore out of his chest and you watched, with some disbelief, as he completely broke down in front of you.

“Taehyung-oppa…” you murmured, trying to extricate one hand from his grasp. Panicked, he held on even tighter, unwilling to let you go and afraid that you would leave if he did. He was so upset it physically hurt all over. As an owner, he was distraught that his thoughtless actions had caused you to suffer like that. His baser instincts, however, prodded him to hunt down the humans who’d forced you into such a position. How dare they make such profane, disgusting, exploitative demands of you, his imprint, his mate?

And yet, wasn’t it all his fault? He was the one who’d kicked you out, so you had no other choice but to accept it. Everything that had happened to you while you were living on the streets had happened because of him, because he was a thoughtless, stupid, irresponsible, owner. It would serve him right if you left, although he couldn’t bear for you to. Clearly, he’d shown that he was an unfit owner.

He was so lost in his self-hatred that he didn’t realize how hard he was squeezing your hands which were folded in his bigger ones until you made a quiet noise of discomfort, flexing your hands in his grasp. Horrified, he let go of them as if scalded, appalled that he was hurting you yet again.

Instead of immediately taking off, however, you reached up to cradle the side of his face, wiping his tears away with your thumb. As much as you’d resented him, you couldn’t see his sadness without wanting to comfort him. It was somewhat strange – you’d always seen him as the rock, the constant in your life. Always there for you, always in your corner. That was gone now. You knew firsthand how he could be, how much you suffered because of him. Yet there were still those memories that, try as you might, you couldn’t stop holding close to your heart. Of being tucked into bed by him, spoilt rotten and cuddled during what had to be the most pampered adolescence possible. Part of you was vindictively pleased that he was so upset, since it was what he deserved, but there was another part that didn’t like seeing him suffer.

When he felt your hand on his face, Taehyung felt like he couldn’t breathe for a moment. It would have made more sense to him if you’d slapped or punched him, but this tender touch, after all you’d been through because of him… he didn’t deserve you. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” he kept repeating like a mantra, as if saying the words could dispel the heavy guilt he felt.

Because you weren’t a saint after all, you couldn’t resist twisting the knife. You knew you should appreciate how apologetic he was now that he knew what had happened, but there was also a spark of irritation within you. Why did he get to cry and make a fuss, when you couldn’t? You were comforting him when all the things he was upset about had happened to you, because of him.

“If you were sorry,” you said quietly, “you wouldn’t have kicked me out to begin with.” There was no malice in your tone, which was quiet and neutral, but it was abundant in your words. This was all his doing, and he shouldn’t get to wail dramatically about it like he was the victim.

Taehyung swallowed. “You’re right,” he acknowledged immediately. “This is all my fault, I’m sorry. Tell me what I can do to make it better for you,” he implored, his wide, tear-filled eyes looking at you earnestly.

“Tell me why you did it.” You never raised your voice, staying unmoved in the face of his clear anguish.

“Okay,” he agreed instantly, almost before the last word left your mouth. “Okay, I’ll tell you, just please… don’t leave.”

You folded your hands neatly in your lap and prepared to listen. To be honest, you’d thought you would be able to predict whatever he was going to say. He was furious about you coercing him into a sexual relationship when he wasn’t in his right frame of mind, he would confess, and after thinking about it, he’d gotten so angry that he acted impulsively. You could almost hear the words inside your head already – they were the same reasons you’d been repeating to yourself, over and over again.

“I was mad,” Taehyung admitted, the words leaving a bad taste in his mouth, “And I acted rashly.” He hadn’t wanted to tell you about the imprint, hoping that he could deal with it by himself so he wouldn’t give you yet another thing to worry and stress over, but you’d asked, and he couldn’t reject your request. Not when he knew how much you’d suffered because of him. You nodded, like you’d expected him to say that.

What he said next, however, took you completely by surprise.

“Namjoon-hyung told me…” he stopped to swallow and gather himself, then started again. “I know you think that during my last heat –” you both flushed, thinking about what had happened then – “that was new, but it wasn’t.”

Your gaze sharpened and focused on him, listening more carefully to what he had to say now. “I’d been struggling since my discharge from the military,” he continued. Damn, this was hard to say. “Namjoon-hyung helped me look into it, and he found…”

He paused to muster some courage, running his hand over the back of his neck awkwardly. “He found what?” you prompted, leaning forward curiously. You hadn’t voluntarily come this close to him for a month, he noted. His wolf preened.

“Uh, he found evidence of… hybrid technology that he believes is the cause. He called it,” he coughed to delay it a little longer, “an imprint. It’s a genetic quirk that was created in predator hybrids to ensure that they could bond with their human owners.”

You blinked. “I’m not your owner,” you said dumbly. It was so much to take in, that bit was the only thing your mind could focus on and grasp.

“I know,” he nodded, “but because we spent so much time together in our adolescence the bond had a chance to form, and after spending two years apart, it kicked in because you’d reached…” He grimaced, not really wanting to say it, and waved his hand at you vaguely instead.

You understood well enough what he was trying to say and blanched. “Gross…” you muttered under your breath, but Taehyung heard it and his shoulders slumped further. Of course you were horrified and disgusted at him – you should be. For the first time, he wondered if you would have been better off on the streets – at least then you wouldn’t have to deal with him and this genetic abnormality. He’d forced you into every difficult situation you’d faced since coming back to him after his military service, and it was only natural that you were appalled by his revelation.

“I’m sorry,” he said again. He was saying that a lot, but no matter how many times he uttered the words, they were never enough to convey the depth of his remorse and sorrow over what he’d done to you. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…” his head fell into your lap as he cried.

You started stroking his head and ears, the habit you’d developed from years of being around him making you move your hand automatically to soothe him as you tried to sort out your thoughts. Hybrid technology… a genetic quirk… that meant humans had been responsible for what Taehyung was going through. You were more educated than most humans, which meant you understood very well the history between humans and hybrids. Humans had created hybrids and enslaved them, treating them as chattel – pets, workhorses, you name it.

And now, you were continuing to be the source of a hybrid’s pain and suffering. Had humans not done enough? Their destructive legacy continued to live on in the bodies of the hybrids they’d created, and while Taehyung had been struggling with it by himself, you’d been living in blissful ignorance, resenting him for what he’d done.

Taehyung cried until the tears wouldn’t come anymore, then he just lay with his head in your lap, the occasional hiccup making him jerk slightly. After a while, you turned your head to look out the window – the sun was setting, you noted.

“Taehyung-oppa…” you called softly, shaking his shoulder gently to wake him up. “You should get to bed.”

He stirred slightly, then tried to go back to sleep, but you pushed him back into a sitting position. “Come on, Tae-oppa,” you said, standing up and tugging on his hand. He followed you as you led him to his room, but wouldn’t let go of your hand once you’d gotten him settled in bed.

“Will you stay with me tonight?” he croaked.

You eyed him dubiously for a second, not sure if it was a good idea, especially in light of what you’d just learned. But with his sad expression, the dejected slump of his shoulders and the way his ears flopped over his head, you couldn’t say no to anything he asked. Especially not with the newfound guilt you were carrying around.

“Okay,” you acquiesced. “Just let me wash up and I’ll come back.”

When you tiptoed back into Taehyung’s room, scrubbed down and in your pajamas, you thought he was asleep from the way he was curled up under the sheets. You quietly pulled back the covers on your side of the bed and got in slowly, trying not to jostle him awake, but it didn’t seem to make a difference, since the moment you were settled into the mattress he squirmed closer to you, wrapping his arms and legs around you and pressing his face into your neck.

With a small sigh, you settled into his hold.

---------------------------------------------

“Y/n… I don’t understand.” Namjoon’s brow was furrowed as he looked up at you, standing in his studio.

“Namjoon-oppa… I know you know about the imprint, and you told Taehyung-oppa about it,” you told him.

“Right… but I don’t know why you’re asking me this.”

“It’s not complicated – I just want to know if there’s a way to break the imprint.”

Namjoon hesitated. It was something he’d been looking into nonstop as well, hoping to find something that would set both you and Taehyung free. It didn’t seem to be possible, though – the genetic bond was not designed to be broken, especially since hybrids had been considered so disposable. If anything went wrong, euthanasia of hybrids had been just as commonly accepted as euthanasia of regular pets.

“There isn’t,” he admitted. “The only cases where a hybrid was able to move on from the imprint…” he gulped, not sure whether he should tell you.

“What is it?” you asked impatiently. “Namjoon-oppa, please. I’m trying to help Taehyung-oppa, just like you are,” you pleaded. “Why won’t you tell me?”

“Stop asking!” Backed into a corner now, he snarled at you, his ears pressed back against his head. “There’s nothing you can do, okay? Just drop it.”

“Namjoon-oppa, please. I don’t know why you’re trying to hide it. I’ll do anything it takes to help Taehyung-oppa break his imprint.”

That got his attention. “Anything?” This was crazy… it was way too much to ask of you.

“Anything,” you confirmed resolutely. He could see your determination in the set of your jaw and the way your gaze met his unwaveringly.

“Fine,” he sighed. “Ah, this is crazy…” he muttered to himself, shaking his head.

“The only recorded cases where a hybrid was able to move on from an imprint… is when the object of the imprint passed away.”

#btswritingcafe #kwritersworldnet #btswritersnet #magicshopnet #bangtanarmynet #btswriterscollective #bangtanhq #kim taehyung #taehyung x reader #hybrid taehyung #bts hybrid #bts hybrid au #bts future au #bts scenarios #bts fic #dont ask dont tell

[wiypt-writes]

Stark Spangled Banner

Ch21: Shards Of A Broken Soul

Summary: Katie is finally reunited with Steve, Tony and the rest of the Avengers, and the extent of her injuries become clear. Can Steve push his own feelings of anger and inadequacy to one side enough to help her focus on getting better?

Pairing: Steve Rogers x OFC Katie Stark

Warnings: Bad language, injuries, mentions of rape. Avoid if these upset you. Smut (NSFW) 18+

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any characters in this series bar Katie Stark and the other OCs. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.

A/N: @angrybirdcr​ you are the best image provider EVER!!!

Chapter 20

Stark Spangled Banner Masterlist // Main Masterlist

Both Tony and Steve were anxious, Bruce could tell. He also noticed the Soldier’s knuckles were angry and bleeding. Standing up, he headed to the back of the jet to check the medical equipment. It was fully stocked as much as could be, and picking up an ice pack and some gauze he headed over to Steve and tapped his shoulder.

“Thanks.” Steve took the gauze and wiping at his split knuckles before applying the ice pack “Be fine in a coupla hours”

“Tony, you wanna switch out?” Bruce asked, “I can fly if you…” “No, I got it, besides…” he said turning his seat and gesturing to the ‘Jarvis is my co-pilot’ sticker that Katie had gotten him a while back as a joke, which was stuck to the control panel “As the sign says, its JARVIS doing it really not me…I’m just supervising.” “So, I hate to ask…” Bruce said.

“Then don’t” Tony looked at him fiercely and Steve sighed.

“None of us want to hear it Tony but…” he took a deep breath “we need to be prepared…did they say how she was hurt or…” Tony ran his hand over his face, stroking his less-groomed than normal goatee “They said she was bruised, quite severely, her left hand is in a bad way…” Steve let out a low growl at that, and his right hand flew to his sweat pants pockets, which he unzipped and ran his hands across the smooth metal and stones. Her rings had been with him ever since they’d been returned by Coulson “…and she’s in and out of consciousness, has a nasty cough, but other than that…” Tony trailed off. “Ok.” Bruce stood up, “I’ll prep what I can to make her comfy until we get her home.”

The 2 hour flight to the airfield seemed to take an eternity, but finally JARVIS announced they were approaching and shortly after they touched down. Steve was out of his seat before the plane had landed, and half jumped off the ramp before it was fully down and Tony wasn’t far behind. Bruce opted to stay behind with the jet and Steve knew it was because the gentle man didn’t want to intrude on what was going to be an emotional reunion. 

The man waiting was a huge guy. Huge. Taller than Steve and equally as wide, but with the figure of a once welt built man that had slightly gone to seed. His eyes were a warm hazel and he gave of a friendly aura.

“Captain Rogers, Mr Stark.” The man greet them on the tarmac of the airfield as the various ATC staff bustled around, heading to the jet where they were greeted by Bruce.

“Sergeant Matkinson?” Tony asked, shaking the large hand extended to him in greeting.

“No, sorry Matkinson is the one who called you. I’m Dave Bellamy, the Duty Inspector.”

He turned as Steve and Tony followed him towards the waiting car. “I gotta admit, this wasn’t what I expected when I came in today.” “Has she said anything about…” Steve began as they approached the car, but the man shook his head.

“Other than asking for you and refusing to go to Hospital she hasn’t said much at all.” he said, stopping to open the driver’s side door. Steve climbed in next to him and Tony settled in the back. “The on duty medic has cleaned her up as best she could, but she got a bit hysterical at one point when she woke up. She calmed down as soon as she realised she was safe. She did mutter something about the leather jacket we found her with and her needing to keep it as it belonged to a friend but other than that she hasn’t said much at all.” Steve frowned and looked at Tony, the pair of them exchanging a puzzled look. “A friend?” Steve turned to the officer who fired up the sirens and pulled off with a screech of tires.

“Yeah.” Bellamy nodded “We figured that whoever broke her out gave it to her, on account of her having nothing else to keep her warm but all we know is that car was taken in Collorado. And someone drove it up here and dumped it with her in the back. Whoever it was, wanted her found and safe.”

No one spoke for a while until Bellamy chipped in again. “We tried to give her some food and a warm drink but she just stared at it, like it was going to poison her or something. She looks a lot better than she did when we found her on account of her being cleaned up but she’s still…” he shrugged “Well, the sooner you can call get her some proper medical attention the better.

"And you didn’t call a doctor?” Tony bit out.

“Of course we did Mr Stark.” Bellamy sighed, his tone a little annoyed “We called an ambulance but when the paramedics arrived she went crazy. And I mean, crazy. In the end we sent them away. Like I say, she let our medic, Sarah, look at her but…” he trailed off and once more the car felt silent.

With the sirens going it didn’t take them long to arrive. Steve walked into the station through the rear entrance with a lump in his throat, which got bigger every time he thought about what state his girl was going to be in. But she was there. In this building. Ignoring the obvious looks that Captain America and Tony Stark attracted in the busy corridors of the small station, he followed the large Inspector to a room and the Inspector nodded, opening the door. 

“She said the light hurt her eyes.” The Inspector said by way of explanation as Steve and Tony stepped into the room. It smelt clean, slightly clinical and was dimly lit. Steve blinked, his vision adjusting to the lower level of lighting and saw Katie was led on the little medical bench. At the sound of voices she raised her head to look at the door.

“Oh Jesus…” Tony muttered, his hand flying to his mouth, turning away clearly unable to look at her battered form any longer than he had to. But Steve remained still, his chest heaving as his eyes focussed on her face as she looked at him, almost as if she couldn’t see him. He swallowed as nothing but utter relief washed over him, drowning out the initial flicker of anger he’d seen at the state she was in. The medic may have cleaned her face but her hair was a tangle of dirt and dried blood. The entire left side of her gaunt face was a mass of bruises, some faded and yellow, some new and angry. There was a raised line of pink to the left side of her mouth where a cut had healed, another large one down the side of her right temple, a deep slash over the bridge of her nose which looked to be on its way to healing and Steve’s eyes then flew to her hand which was bent out of shape so badly. 

As Katie blinked, the two men came into focus. She noticed her brother, his face was utterly broken and then she looked at her soldier, and the first thing she saw was the growth of stubble on his handsome face that was well on its way to being a beard. His eyes, his brilliant ocean blues were dull with pain, worry, fright but there was nothing on his face but relief. 

They were both there, the two most important men in her life, the men that had always made her feel safe and loved, and the emotion crashed over her in a huge surge. Katie felt her face crumple up as she spoke softly “Stevie…” “Oh, Doll.” his voice cracked as he crossed the room, dropping onto the bench besides her and pulling her into his arms. His touch was familiar and comforting, she couldn’t remember how long it has been since he held her. She wound her arms around his waist, her face pushing into his chest as she began to cry.

He held her tight as he pressed his face into her hair. It was dirty but he didn’t care. “Sweetheart, I missed you so much. I’m so sorry we didn’t…we didn’t…” his words trailed off as they were replaced by a choking sob as his tears began to fall whilst he simply sat there, his arms around her. She felt small, much smaller than normal, and as his hands gently rubbed up her back and he gave a horrified swallow as he realised he could feel her spine. He took a shaky breath and loosened his grip ever so slightly and he looked up as Tony crossed the room, wiping the tears from his face as he sat on the other side of the bed and gently sat next to her. She pushed away from Steve slightly to look up at her brother.

“Hey Kiddo.” he croaked out “Place has gone to shit without you.” She let out a little jerk of a laugh as he reached out and tenderly cupped her face.

“Take me home.” she said, the tears pricking into her eyes as she pressed her face once more into Steve’s chest, his warm, familiar, comforting chest.

“Of course doll,” he choked out, looking up at Tony who wiped at his face again. “Of course.”

******

“Hi Bruce…” Katie managed to stutter when Steve carried her onto the jet, Tony doing the thankyous to the officer who had driven them back, handing Tony the leather jacket that Katie had made a huge fuss about not leaving without for some reason, but there was plenty of time to dig into that later.

“Hey Nova.” he smiled softly, as Steve set her down on the medical bench at the back. He kept her right hand in his, gently kissing her knuckles as Bruce took her in. He looked up at Steve who swallowed and nodded, understanding and the Doctor looked at Katie. “I’m just gonna take a look at you, that ok?” Katie had to stop herself from laughing “It aint gonna be pretty” she said, before she started coughing again, scrunching herself up at the pain and Steve’s hand gently dropped to her head as he crouched besides her.

“She’s running a temp.” he looked at Bruce who nodded.

“Probably an infection.” he surmised “Don’t worry sweetie, we’ll get you patched up and back to normal in no time.” he said as he gently hiked up the hoody they’d given her at the station.

“Told you.” she said, clocking the look on his face as he tried, but failed, to hide the gasp of shock and horror. Steve glanced over and his face paled at the mass of bruising on her sides. He could see her ribs, her hips. He knew she’d lost weight but this…

“I dunno when I last ate. Didn’t trust them.” She muttered as she lay back. Steve dropped a kiss to her forehead as Tony joined them.

“Well, on top of the obvious you’re probably a little malnourished.” Bruce sighed, as he leant to listen to her breathing with a stethoscope before letting out a small hum and a nod “Yeah, you have a nasty chest infection…and that hand is gonna need looking at.” “She gonna be ok?” Tony demanded as Bruce moved him out of the way to gather up some supplies. The jet was kitted out for quick missions, nothing like this, but he found what he was looking for.

“She is here.” Katie mumbled and Tony arched an eyebrow.

“Brat.” She let out a small smile and Steve dropped a kiss to her forehead, allowing himself a little chuckle at the fact her sassiness hadn’t been beaten out of her.

Beaten out of her. Jesus.

He straightened up, once more the tears stinging his eyes and looked away, composing himself. 

“Once we’re home I can start you on some IV anti-biotics and glucose.” Bruce said, drawing something into a syringe. “But right now I’m going to give you something for the pain, which should help you sleep too.”

She nodded as Bruce gently rolled up the sleeve on her top, Steve letting out an angry growl at the finger marks there along with the marks on her wrists from restraints, and Bruce pushed the needle into her arm. Once he was done, Bruce readjusted her hoody for her and Tony gently placed a blanket over her, smoothing a hand over her head. 

“I’ll get us in the air.”  he said, and Bruce nodded.

“Sooner we get home the better.”

It wasn’t long before Katie felt her eyes drooping.

“Stevie, I’m so tired.” she mumbled and he leaned over, kissing her head.

“Then sleep.” he said gently, his hand stroking her dirty hair “I’ll be right here.”

And this time, as she drifted off into the darkness, the last thing she saw were those blue eyes, and the last thing she felt was her man’s hand gently caressing her hair in the way that always soothed her.

*****

Katie was still out of it when they arrived back, Steve not once moving from her side the entire flight back and as soon as the jet had landed, they were greeted by the rest of the Avengers plus Sam, Rhodey and Pepper. As Banner wheeled the gurney down the ramp, Steve walking along side it, holding her hand, Thor’s face contorted in rage at the sight of his friend and there was loud clap of thunder which made them all jump. Clint gently patted his back as he swallowed.

“She gonna be ok?” It was Rhodey who spoke first as they wheeled her past, the sight of the little girl who he’d seen grown up looking so badly beaten and frail made him sick as Banner wheeled her past, Steve not even acknowledging the rest of the team as they passed.

“She’s not in a great way but…” Tony sighed as Pepper strolled over to give him a hug, her eyes brimming with tears “Bruce thinks she’ll recover physically, it’s the mental trauma I’m worried about.”

“She’s strong.” Natasha said, wrapping her arms around herself. “A lot stronger than we give her credit for.” Clint gently rubbed at her back as she turned to him, blinking back tears. He pulled her in for a hug which she took, pressing her face into her best friend’s shoulder. 

“Any idea on how she escaped?” Sam asked.

“No.” Tony looked at him “Not that it matters, main thing is she’s here.” he turned to Nat and Clint as the red head stepped back and turned to face him. “Cap was on about someone going back to check out where she was held…you wanna get on it?”

Clint nodded but Nat hesitated slightly. She was unnerved by the emotion she had felt upon seeing Katie and didn’t want to leave her. Sam instantly picked up on it and he turned to Clint. “I’ll come.” “And me.” Thor growled, the vein in his temple twitched slightly.

Clint nodded at the two men and Tony inclined his head to the jet. “JARVIS has the co-ords.”

With that he turned and the arm that wasn’t around Pepper gently draped over Natasha’s shoulder, giving her a quick squeeze before they headed inside, followed by Rhodey.

******

It was a good few hours before Katie came round again. When she did she sat bolt upright, panic flooding her system, a loud scream bubbling from her throat.

“Hey, hey…” she heard a voice and a gentle hand round hers and she took a panicked breath, instantly scrambling away across the bed as she felt it dip besides her. “Sweetheart, it’s ok…” 

That voice. It was Steve. Her soldier.

At that realisation she instantly calmed, as she turned to face him.

“You’re safe, you’re home…” he smiled softly, his hand gently cupping her battered face as she looked at him, swallowing.

“Sorry, I was a little out of it, thought I was still…” she trailed off, looking down at the warm, clean, comfortable sheets and blankets she was wrapped in. “You’ve nothing to apologise for.” Steve sighed, “If anything I’m sorry…sorry we didn’t find you sooner. We tried…” he hung his head slightly “God did we try…” “Stop it, you idiot.” She squeezed his hand “This is not on you. It isn’t on anyone other than Hydra…” “Huh…” Tony spoke as he walked into the room “Not what Cap was saying when he broke Fury’s nose.” “You didn’t?” Katie looked at him as Steve gave a small groan.

“Oh he did.” Tony said, pulling up a chair at side of the bed next to where Steve was sat by Katie, and turning it round so he was perched straddling the seat, his arms crossing over the back as he leant forward “Made a terrific noise.” “Did J record it?” She asked and Steve groaned again.

“Oh you bet he did.” Tony smirked “I’m intending on using it as a warning to everyone about what happens when Spangles loses his shit. Not to mention the amount of punchbags, doors, walls and windows we’ve had to replace or repair…”

“Is this really necessary?” Steve sighed and Katie grinned.

“It’s very necessary.” she said seriously and Steve snorted, shaking his head. “What did you punch Fury for?” Steve ran his hand over his face and scratched his chin, he really did need a shave. “Because he was lying to us again. SHIELD knew that Sceptre had gone missing and if they had warned us then Hydra might not have targeted you specifically.” “You mean they would have taken someone else?” She narrowed her eyes at him. He fell silent.

“I tried.” Tony said softly, I tried to get them to take me, but they…” “Ok, enough.” she said, a little louder and both men looked at her. “This stops, right now, the pair of you. I can’t cope with the display of masculine self-pity.”

“It’s not self-pity…” Tony started, somewhat indignantly and she cut him off.

“I don’t care what you want to call it. But we stop now with the blame, ok? This was no-ones fault, no one but those motherfuckers who took me. And if I hear the word sorry come out of either of your mouths again in relation to this, as soon as I’m well enough to I’m going to kick both your assess…”

At that point Bruce swept back into the room, smiling softly at her. “Can I take it from the threats you’re issuing that you’re feeling a little better?” “A bit” she nodded. “Still, not great but I don’t feel as faint anymore, and my head doesn’t feel as full of cotton wool.” “Your blood sugar levels will be picking up.” Bruce smiled as he nodded to the needle in the crook of her arm which she hadn’t noticed and began to explain to her “I’ve started you on a low dose of glucose and some antibiotics to fight that chest infection, which was my first concern. You’re malnourished but I’m afraid there’s no actual food for a while, couple of days we can look at introducing nutrients orally by liquids.”

Katie looked at Steve and smiled “Know what I need?” He smiled back “Ma’s Chicken soup?” “Damned right.” she grinned “That stuff was magic when I had a cold” “I’ll make you all the soup you want.” he said, gently, his hand running over her forehead. No one stated the obvious, that she had much more than a fucking cold going on.

“And then when I can I’m gonna eat the biggest portion of Mac and Cheese I can manage” she sighed “And a cheeseburger…” “Extra pickle, chilli fries, vanilla milkshake and a slice of apple pie” Steve and Tony recited her order perfectly and she grinned.

“Preferably all from the Diner round the corner.” she said with a decisive nod.

“Well, as soon as Bruce says its ok that’s what you can have” Tony said gently “For now let’s just concentrate on getting you healthy again.” “I hate to beak this up, I really do…” Bruce said, and he did. Seeing them reunited warmed his soul, but he needed to dig into what was going on. “But now you’re awake I need to run some tests, do a few scans. I can’t see any signs of internal bleeding or anything but I want to be 100% what’s going on.”

Katie nodded “Other than my ribs and my hand…” she trailed off and looked down at her left hand which was misshapen but wasn’t as sore as it had been on account of the fact Bruce had expertly bound it to give it some support. “They took my rings…” she said softly, before looking at her right hand this time “They broke my fingers, and took my fucking rings, bastards…” The thought of anyone breaking any bone in her body alighted a fire of anger in Steve’s chest, but he gave a small smile as he shook his head “Coulson found them.” he said, reaching into his pocket. He held them out to her and her eyes started to water.

“I thought I’d lost them…” “Baby they’re not important.” Steve shook his head “Lumps of metal and stone…but you…” he swallowed “Anyway, doesn’t matter, they’re here.”

“Gonna be a while before I can wear it again huh?” she gently ran her hand over the shape of her engagement ring which lay in Steve’s palm before she looked up at Bruce who gave her a sad nod.

“’Fraid so.”

“Not this one.” Steve held up her emerald and she grinned, gleefully holding out her right hand for him to slip it back on her finger before placing a kiss just above it.

“I’ll keep the other one safe, promise.” Steve smiled.

She nodded, and held up her right hand looking at her emerald before she sighed, somewhat happily, and then she frowned.

“Hang on, how did Coulson find them?” she looked at Steve. “They were in the first place you were held.” Tony said “It’s a long story but SHIELD got a tip off about an abandoned base being back in use and they raided it, but they were too late. You’d gone.” “I don’t even remember them moving me.” she sighed, and Bruce shook his head.

“Amnesia is common when you’ve been through some kind of trauma.” he said “Your mind’s way of coping.” Katie lay her head back on the pillow. “Pity I remember everything else they did. Well, mostly…”

Steve shook his head “Don’t think on any of that. You’re safe now, and I’m never letting you out of my sight again.” “Well that’s gonna be awkward when I need the bathroom.” she looked at him and he played along, pausing as if he was pondering something.

“Ok, well maybe I’ll just wait outside and listen to you pee instead.” “Kinky fucker.” she shot back causing him to snort a laugh. Thankfully the scans and tests showed nothing more serious than 6 broken ribs, 3 of which were well on their way to healing, a slight tear in the intercostal muscle between two and a small tear in her spleen which again, Bruce was pleased to see was also repairing.

“You’re normally fit and healthy.” he explained “So your body shouldn’t have an issue repairing itself, granted not as fast as Cap’s but…”

“Well we can’t all be Super Soldiers.” she shrugged.

“What is slightly more concerning is that hand.” Bruce said. “the bones have started to set, and they’re not realigned correctly and I’m worried about long term damage. So I’ve made a call to Helen Cho, the geneticist I told you all about that I met at the Convention a few months back. She’s going to fly in with an old colleague of hers, a Dr Wang Xui Ying…” Katie and Tony both snorted, because Wang, exchanging a gleeful look and Steve rolled his eyes at their blatant childishness, but he wasn’t really bothered. It was good to see.

“Yeah yeah…” Bruce shook his head, a smirk dancing on his face “For obvious reasons he goes by his middle name in the Western world…anyway, he’s a leading Orthopaedic surgeon. I’ve sent him your X-Ray results and he says he can fix it, but it’s going to need an operation. And I don’t want to put you under any form of anaesthetic until you’re stronger.” “How long?” Steve asked and Katie bit back a smile at his demanding nature.

“If you’re vitals keep improving then maybe 5 to 7 days.” Bruce said. “We’ll see how things go. They’re going to arrive over the weekend.” “I’ve wanted to meet this Dr Cho for a while, she sounds intriguing.” Tony nodded. “I’ll make sure he guest rooms are prepped.” Katie spent the rest of the day greeting her various visitors and flitting in and out of sleep, which was perfectly normal, so Bruce said. She woke later in the evening to Steve talking in a hushed voice to Clint, Sam and Thor, whilst Natasha, Bruce and Tony listened in, Rhodey who had to get back to work had left a few hours ago after popping in to see how Katie was doing the last time she had been awake.

“No idea.” Clint said as he finished giving Steve a debrief on what they had found, the Captain insisting they did it in the medical room, not wanting to leave Katie for a second if he could help it “Place was littered with bodies. Mostly gun shots, bar Jones, who we found in the cell they kept Nova in.”

“Yeah, he hadn’t been shot.” Sam said and he looked at Steve significantly “His neck was snapped, and when I say snapped, I mean crushed.”

“Good.” Natasha spat, and Steve had to say he was inclined to agree. He hoped the fucker had suffered, his only regret was he wouldn’t get to do it himself. And then the significance of what Sam had said hit him.

“Hang on, you say crushed?” Bruce asked and Clint nodded.

“Never seen anything like it Doc.” he shrugged “It was like someone had put him in a vice”

Sam looked at Steve whose eyes widened as his memory flicked back to the first HYDRA base they’d raided back in DC. 

No, it couldn’t be…

“There was one man.” Thor continued and Steve looked at him “He was in the laboratory area. His death was an execution.” “Bullet, straight between the eyes.” Sam levelled Steve with another look. “It was just like in DC…” he made a gun shape with his fingers and held it at the top of his nose, miming the action.

“Do you think…” Steve started to ask and then a soft voice cut him off

“You know you could just ask me.” Katie spoke as she suddenly realised that no one had asked how she had escaped yet. The group all looked at her, breaking up their huddle to move towards her. Thor, Clint and Sam, who hadn’t seen her since she had woken up all came over to drop kisses onto her cheeks, her head and Clint gently brushed her head with his hand.

“Good to have you back Nova.” He smiled and she looked at him, his face soft with emotion.

“Good to be back.” she said before she sighed “So I suppose you all want to know how I got out?” “It’s been puzzling us a little.” Nat smirked.

She looked at Steve who took a seat back by her bed and then she told him just what he had suspected “It was Bucky.” Steve swallowed, and looked up at Sam.

“How?” Tony frowned, “And I mean I’m beyond glad he did Kiddo but what we he doing there? It makes no sense.”

“Yes it does.” Steve said, looking up “When we were tracking him we found the same thing in DC. Bodies all over the place, windpipes crushed, but one had been shot straight between the eyes. When we found the footage he was one of the men strapping him into the chair before they…” he trailed off, taking a deep breath, it still hurt to talk about it.

“We think Ol’ Frosty was on some kind of revenge rampage.” Sam shrugged “I expect if we run that Doctor we found in La Ronge through the system, we’ll find he was connected to the Winter Soldier programme in some way too.” “And Jones?” Clint asked “Think he might have been too?” Katie gave a snort “No, he was trying to make a run for it and was dragging me with him, but I’d heard the shots and knew whoever it was wasn’t HYDRA. I thought it might have been you guys so I was screaming, Bucky must have heard…he snapped his neck like it was a twig. Then he gave me his jacket and carried me out.” “So that’s why you were making such a fuss about it.” Steve looked at her. She shrugged.

“He saved my life. Figured the least I could do was save his jacket, in case we ever do find him again.”

Steve’s mind was whirring. He wanted to ask her so many more questions, had he said anything to her, had he recognised her, but he knew now that wasn’t important. Instead, he’d save it for later, when she was stronger. And he added it to the huge long list of times Bucky had bailed him out. Only this sat right at the top of things his best friend had done for him. 

Right at the top.   He felt her hand on his and he gave her a small smile, gently reaching over to kiss the top of her head and she smiled, looking around at the assembled crowd in the room.

“You know, they threatened to kill you all unless I told them what they thought I knew. And I laughed.” she said, shaking her head.“I mean, I’d have loved that. Them to meet you lot…”

Thor made a noise that was halfway between a snort and a growl “I would very much like to meet them too. So would my hammer.”

“Told you that you should have let me put an arrow through Ward’s head.” Clint crossed his arms in front of his chest.

“Oh no.” She spat fiercely, and Steve was pleased to see there was a fire in her eyes “If anyone is putting a bullet between that fucker’s eyes it’s me. And I want him to see me when I do it.”

“Someone’s clearly feeling better.” Natasha smirked and Katie winked at her friend.

“Loads, thank God.”  “You’re welcome.” Thor grinned and there were various chuckles around the room. Katie broke into a laugh which hastily descended into a coughing fit. As she took a sip of the water Steve offered her through the straw she glanced around, her eyes shining with humour.

“I love you guys!”

 *******

Steve camped on the couch in the corner of the medical room for the next 2 nights, refusing to leave. He made sure Katie fell asleep in his arms as he curled up behind her whilst the sedative Bruce gave her to help her rest went to work, and she always woke up in his arms, but the pillow and the blanket on the couch were tell-tale signs that he camped there when he was satisfied she was in a dreamless sleep. Steve knew the nightmares were going to come at some point when the sedation was no longer being used, but they’d cross that bridge when they got there. 

He’d finally been forced into going back to their floor for a shower, but first he decided to have a shave. He was glad to see his face looked a lot less tired, he certainly felt a lot less tired, having had the first two decent night’s sleep in weeks over the last 48 hours. Katie had told him all about Bucky, what he had said, how he had recognised her, carried her out and taken her to car, how she had tried to convince him to come back but he had refused, and she didn’t remember anything until waking up at the station in the back of the car. There wasn’t much to go on but Sam had departed at lunchtime the day before to follow up the leads. But as Katie had said, she didn’t think they’d see him for a while. Especially when Nat, who had been doing some digging, confirmed that all the men they had seen on the video strapping Bucky to the chair had been found, bullets between the eyes. With a sigh Steve wiped his face clear before turning on the shower. He was grateful to Bucky, he really was, but he couldn’t shake this horrible, hollow feeling of inadequacy that was balling in the pit of his stomach. He should have been the one rescuing his girl, and he’d failed. That said, as he stepped under the stream of scalding hot water he reminded himself that it didn’t matter. What did matter was the fact she was home, safe, and improving as each hour went by.

Katie could feel that she was improving too, although as she forced the last of the awful green concoction Bruce had given her to drink, she was seriously considering asking for her IV to go back in. The drink or smoothie or whatever it was, was fucking vile, but he’d assured her if she could manage it and her system didn’t reject it, then she could slowly start introducing different liquids into her system, starting with different nutrient packed juices and maybe, some soup. The thought of soup had never excited her as much in her life, but to be fair, Steve’s chicken soup was pretty damned tasty.

What was worse though, was the sheer boredom. At some point, whilst she was asleep, a huge flat screen TV had appeared on the wall, thanks to Tony as he had pointed out when he came to see her, and last night she’d curled up with Steve to watch the Wizard of Oz, but she was already going crazy led in the bed and she was desperate to get clean. She could still feel the dirt, and grime and them on her body. Steve had said he’d help her clean up when Bruce gave her the go ahead but she didn’t want him to. There was bound to be bruises on her thighs and she wasn’t ready for him to know about the fact they’d raped her. Not yet anyway. 

As Natasha was sat with her, popping in as she did a lot during the day, she decided to take her chance whilst Steve was in their apartment.

“Bruce, I need a bath or something!” She whined “it’s been 48 hours… Look, I drank all that disgusting green shit you gave me…and I feel much better…”

Bruce groaned. “Look, I’m not sure…” “My hair and…” Katie sighed leaning back, tears pricking her eyes “please…” “Alright, but someone needs to be with you. The temperature change might cause your blood pressure to drop and you could pass out.” “Rogers can take her.” Nat nodded but Katie shook her head and looked at Nat. 

“Can you?” “Me?” Nat frowned. She nodded and gave her a significant look, one Natasha could read instantly. There was something she wasn’t telling them. And as she looked into her friends eyes she had a horrible feeling she knew what. “Your hair?” She said, locking eyes with the brunette giving her an excuse and Katie nodded. “Alright. Bruce that ok with you? He sighed "fine. But not too hot, and you use the bathroom here on the medical floor.” Katie nodded and Steve chose that moment to walk back into the room.

“Hey handsome” she smiled and he dropped a kiss to her cheek as she pouted “You shaved.” “I told you, Captain America doesn’t have a beard” he chuckled. “You killed it. Murderer” He rolled his eyes. “Brucey says I can have a bath!” She said, almost excitedly “Can you go grab me some stuff? Toiletries, pyjamas, robe, towel?” Steve looked at her, then to Bruce "is that…” Bruce sighed. “It’s ok, yes. But just a short one and try not to get the bandages on that hand wet. They were fresh on this morning.” “Nat’s gonna help me” Katie said, looking at Steve. He frowned for a moment.

“I can do it.” he said, almost sullenly. She reached out with her good hand to squeeze his “It’s my hair. She can sort the tangles and braid it out of the way until I can get it cut…I think some of it might be beyond saving”

Steve looked at her, before he let out a sigh. "Alright. But at least let me help you to and from the bathroom?” She nodded and he looked at Nat who simply gazed back, her face passive.

As Steve gathered her things in their apartment, he tried not to take in personally that she didn’t want his help, he really did. It wasn’t like he knew how to braid her hair but she could always have done that once she was back in bed. He couldn’t shake off the feeling that she was pushing him away because she blamed him in some way. Blamed him for not finding her, for not being the one to help her. He grabbed her favourite pair of pyjamas, not just because they were her favourite, but because they were button up so would be easier for her to get on, and everything else she had asked for and headed back to the lab, and his worries temporarily flew from his mind when she smiled at him and held out her arms.

“Wanna carry me, Soldier?” Laughing he handed the items to Natasha and scooped her up easily into his arms as she pressed a soft kiss to his cheek.

“I love you.” she said softly and he smiled.

“Love you too, so damned much.” He said, deliberately exaggerating his Brooklyn drawl making her giggle, the sound music to his ears.

Natasha didn’t comment on the finger shaped bruising in between her legs and on the outside of her thighs when she helped her undress. Instead she’d handed Katie the wash cloth and soap so she could clean herself as best she could, and helped her reach the areas she couldn’t easily do like anything where she had to raise her arms too high. She’d washed her hair for her with infinite tenderness, telling her that she would get Pepper have a stylist to come and give it a cut soon. As instructed, Katie didn’t stay in the bath too long, the water was filthy so Natasha drained it and took the small shower attachment off the wall and carefully rinsed her off before helping her stand and wrapping her in a robe. Guiding her over to the small changing room off the side she gently sat on the bench in the middle as Nat carefully dried her hair. It was mass of split ends, brittle from the malnutrition and a fair bit of it fell out as Nat gently brushed it, but at least it was clean. "I want you to ask Pepper to call Dr Kellet my ob gyn.” Katie said gently, for the first time raising the issue “Tell her it’s just for a routine check- up after my less than adequate diet or something.”

Nat nodded. “Ok but you really should tell Steve”

“Not yet” Katie swallowed. “I can’t deal with more pity and sympathy. I don’t want anyone knowing. Not until…” she trailed off, tears forming in her eyes as Natasha gently braided her damp hair “Let me get some shred of dignity back please.”

Nat kissed the top of head in a rare display of affection and nodded before grabbing the pyjamas Steve had brought down for her, laughing as she looked at them “Tigger” “I’m a sucker for Disney”

“You wear these to bed? No wonder Rogers can’t keep his hands off you”

“I don’t wear much to bed.” She grinned back, wincing slightly as Natasha gently guided the top over her arms before buttoning it up, thankful to Steve for being so thoughtful to find ones she didn’t need to pull over her head. “Pyjamas serve as lounge wear” After cleaning her teeth she was pleased to report she felt fully human again. Natasha went to find Steve and he returned, smiling at the sight of his girl who looked a whole heap better. The only thing was that now her hair was out of her face, the injuries she’d sustained were far more noticeable but he tried not to dwell on it. Instead, he focussed on the relief in her face at finally getting clean. “Feel better?” He asked, gently grazing his fingers over the side of her neck. She nodded. “So much” she said and then shook her head as he went to pick her up “Let me walk.” "Katie…” he began but she shook her head

“Please.”

He looked at Natasha who took a deep breath “He’s right Katie, Bruce will go mad…”

“Like Hulk out mad or…” Neither of them laughed, instead Steve sighed “Please sweetheart, just…” he trailed off and she rolled her eyes.

“Fine.”

He swept her up, breathing in her once again familiar just showered smell, the vanilla of her shower gel and the oatmeal in her shampoo was like a tonic to his soul and he pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

All in all things seemed positive. That was until the next morning when Tony picked up a message which was meant for Pepper, saying that Dr Kellet would be arriving at Lunch. Unfortunately, her being Pepper’s Ob-Gyn too meant Tony knew who she was. And even more unfortunate was that her brother’s suspicious nature had led him to grilling Bruce about why she was needed, and of course Bruce knew nothing about it. And even worse than that, was that Bruce had asked why she was calling in another doctor without telling him, and it was the absolute worst thing ever, that Steve, with his impeccable timing skills, had walked back into the room at that point, clutching the flask of soup that Bruce had cleared her to eat and asked instantly what on earth another doctor was needed for.

She had tried to explain to them all that she just wanted some goddamned control in all of this, and that frankly calling her Ob Gyn was surely the right thing to do just to be on the safe-side after spending so long being practically starved, but their demeanour and reaction had guilt tripped her big time, even if he didn’t mean to. Bruce was hurt she hadn’t told him she was concerned, Tony was pissed that she hadn’t simply just asked him to call the Ob-Gyn instead of getting Nat to ask Pepper forcing her to go behind his back, and Steve was just upset she hadn’t told him she was worried in general. As they pushed her to the brink she snapped, and the tears flooded out of her, wracking her in hysterical sobs that she had tried and tried to stop and all 3 men had been absolutely devastated.

She slapped Steve hard when he tried to pull her into his arms, screamed at them all to leave her alone and a shocked Steve had called Natasha, his own tears clouding his eyes at the sight of his beautiful, strong girl breaking in front of him. Natasha had swept into the room, ordering them all out and sat on the bed, wrapping her arms round her friend, soothing her as she let everything out. 

But Steve was frightened. Frightened as to why she needed an ob-gyn and frightened as to why she hadn’t told him.

And then he pieced it together. The secrecy, why she’d wanted Natasha to help her clean up…

“Oh God.” His voice was nothing but a choked whispter as the corridor swam around him, his legs giving way. He slumped to the floor, back to the wall, praying he was wrong. “No…please no…”

Natasha stepped out of the room and closed the door behind her and she looked at Steve, he raised his head and she instantly knew he’d figured it out.

“You knew?” He spat, shaking his head “And didn’t tell me? You FUCKING KNEW?”

“Rogers she asked me not to say anything…” “Anything about what?” Tony asked as Bruce gave a small moan, the pieces slotting into place in his head too.

“You should have told me!” Steve roared as he got to his feet, his legs still shaky “That’s…she’s my fiancée…”

“Told him what?” Tony pressed as he looked between the two of them, Steve’s face contorted in rage as he glared at Natasha.  “I know, I told her to tell you but…don’t you think she’s owed this? To have some dignity and some control?”

“For fucks sake…” Tony began but he was cut off as Steve turned to him.

“She was raped, Tony.” Steve’s voice cracked as he spoke that word “Those bastards…” And with that he put his fist straight through the stud wall to his right. “They raped her…”

*****

Steve headed off to take his frustrations out on a punch bag, he felt sick. But knew it was nothing compare to how she must have felt when… he didn’t even want to think about it. But it all added to the fact that he hadn’t kept her safe. He had failed to do the one basic thing a man should be able to do for his woman. Especially when that man is a fucking Super Soldier. But the fact she hadn’t told him was what killed him the most. The tears poured down his face as he continued to pound the bag in front of him wishing he could take all this away from her.

Back in the medical wing, Dr Kellet was as sensitive as always. She softly examined Katie as Natasha stayed with her, and thankfully confirmed there was no lasting damage. She took swabs for tests and when Katie fearfully mentioned that she couldn’t remember her cycle coming in she’d smiled and shaken her head.

“You’re not pregnant.” She assured her, gently. “It’s perfectly normal in stressful circumstances, especially if you’re not in the best health too.”

It was a few hours later when tempers had calmed somewhat before Katie let Tony or Steve in the room. She hadn’t minded Bruce so much, but hearing Tony and Steve off loading at Nat out in the corridor before had pissed her off. The fact that they thought they had the right to know anything was annoying enough, but taking it out on Nat had made her even angrier. As Katie conceded they could come back in, Natasha stood up to leave and Steve shot her a positively filthy look as she left, before he turned back to his girl on the bed, unsure of how to even approach the subject, and slightly surprised to find her shooting daggers at the pair of them. Bruce left to give them some space and as her brother and fiancée both pulled up a chair, she didn’t even wait until they sat down before she spoke.

“You better apologise to Nat or so help me God Rogers, we’re gonna fall out big time.” She finished and turned to Tony. “You too,”

“She should have told us.” Steve sniffed quietly and Katie shook her head

“No, she shouldn’t because I asked her not to.” she said, “And the way you’re looking at me now is exactly why I didn’t want you to know.” “Looking at you like what?” Tony said.

“Like you feel sorry for me.” 

Steve wiped at his face “So what did…Dr Kellet say?”

“That I’m fine.” she said “no lasting damage, just like the rest of my injuries.” She took his hand and looked at him, then to her brother and spoke clearly to them both. “Now, I’m gonna say this, and it’s the last anyone speaks on the subject. I don’t want pity or sympathy or treating like I’m made of glass. I’m not gonna shatter. Those bastards tried to break me in there and I didn’t let them and I’m not gonna let them now, ok?”

Steve looked at his girl, and the fierce look in her eyes and despite himself he felt a glimmer of pride. Pride at how strong she was but he knew that despite her protestations she was going to be broken inside. That was inevitable. And it suddenly dawned on him that it didn’t fucking matter that he hadn’t been the one to save her, or that he hadn’t been able to stop it. What mattered was that he was there now to help her piece herself together.

He gave her a nod and as her tears started again, he looked at Tony before the scientist stood up and sat on the edge of the bed to wrap her in his arms. He dropped a kiss to her head, before he stood up.

“I’m going to find Natasha.” He sighed, before grimacing. “If I don’t survive, say nice things at my funeral.” Katie let out a chuckle as he tenderly placed a hand on her head and left.

Once he was gone Katie looked at Steve and he swallowed, before she gave him a soft smile and patted the side of her bed. He returned her smile and stood up, kicking off his sneakers.

“I’m sorry I upset you.” He gently sat on the bed, swinging his legs up so he was led besides her.  Katie lay her head on his chest and he gently carded his hand through her hair.

“This isn’t getting you out of apologising to Nat.” She sniffed “And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. It isn’t because I don’t trust you, because I do. With my life. I was scared, I supposed.”

“Scared, what of?”

“That all the sympathy would break me.” She shrugged, a tear escaping her eye. “And that you’d…”

“That I’d what?”

“Look at me differently, like…I dunno, like I was broken or something dirty or..”

“Woah, woah…no.” Steve moved a little, looking down at her, his hands cupping her face. “This was not your fault, okay? Nothing about any of this is your fault. And as for looking at you like that, no way. Fuck, baby I love you, I love you so much. None of this, what they did, nothing is gonna change that. You hear me?” His own tears gently trickled down his face as she gave a little nod, taking a deep breath as he pressed a kiss to her head. “Please don’t worry about that, Doll.”

He wrapped his arms round her, pulling her close as she pressed her face into his chest, gently crying. Steve held her for a while, his heart breaking at how she could possibly thing he’d feel like that towards her, nothing could be further from the truth. Eventually, he felt her shift a little in his arms and she looked up at him.

“Stevie, can you do something for me?”

“Anything, Sweetheart.” “Will you kiss me? I ain’t had one in a while.” Her lips curled up into a small, hopeful smile and Steve let out a soft chuckle and dipped his head, his nose brushing hers slightly.

“Think I can manage that.” His lips met hers in a gentle peck at first before it became slightly deeper, one arm round her shoulders, the other hand cupping her face gently as hers fisted in his shirt, ignoring the dull pain in her left hand. It was soft, gentle, both of them simply enjoying the first kiss they’d shared since the quick goodbye peck six weeks ago.

“I love you.” He pulled away, pressing his forehead to hers. “Tilt e end of the line.” “Good job.” She smiled, as he wiped away the tears that had trickled down her face. “Seeing as I’m marrying you aint I?”

“Yeah, yeah you are.” Steve’s own face broke into a smile as he lay back and she once more rest her head on his chest, settling herself in his warm embrace.

***** December 2014.

Katie and Steve still took their planned trip to Europe. They’d had to rejig their original schedule slightly as Katie had only been given the all clear with her hand on the 5th December to fly, meaning they had to miss the first week of . But they didn’t care, there was plenty of time to go another time. What they did care about was the fact that they got the time to themselves. Once things had settled down at the tower they’d stepped up the search for the Sceptre, jointly deciding that was their priority. But after the events of the last few months all the Avengers had decided to take down time over the holidays, and post a large, raucous thanksgiving, they’d gone their separate ways for the holidays. Thor heading to be with Jayne, Clint and Natasha to Clint’s family (although only Katie and Steve by-proxy knew that) Bruce had gone to Seoul for a few weeks to help Dr Cho with some research and Tony had whisked Pepper off to the Maldives. Each one of them taking the chance to recover in a sense if you will, from what had been the hardest time they’d had to face as a team so far.

Katie’s hand was still a little stiff but with the physio she was getting there, and was on track to make a full recovery. And the best bit was her big fuck off Tiffany Diamond was back where it belonged. Her bruises were well gone, she had put on most of the weight she had lost (she was still a little too slim for Steve’s liking so he made it his job to feed her as much as possible) and today had been no exception. They arrived early on the Wednesday morning into Bruges, and had wasted no time in dumping their bags and heading out to explore. Their day had been full of snow, hand holding, Christmas treats, beer, long kisses stolen in the large square as they were bundled up in coats, hats and scarves. It was just so fucking normal. 

And they’d never been so grateful for normal before.

Eventually, after a huge meal in a beautiful restaurant tucked away by the side of a canal, they’d headed back to the hotel. And they had every intention of just having one last drink from the mini-bar, led on the bed but things had started to get a little heated. It was the first time that either of them had pushed anything further than kissing since the incident they didn’t talk about, but whether it was the change of scenery or just the romance of being in a hotel room in Europe, surrounded by snow, they had no idea but it felt right, and they both just ran with it.

They undressed each other tenderly and Steve laid Kati down on the bed, and just took his time, making sure he worshiped every single inch of her body he could get his hands on. His fingers traced her slowly re-establishing curves, up her hips to her ribs which were no longer protruding, down to her no longer bruised thighs and across her belly, his lips simply brushing her skin just under her collar bone. He was gentle, and to some it would surprise them how a soldier made during a war to fight could be so soft and tender but Katie knew the man underneath it all and she wasn’t surprised in the slightest at how delicate he was being. He was never anything else when it came to her. What did surprise her however, was that whilst his touch was feather light and barely there she could feel it more than she ever had. It sent red hot fire spiking through her belly, and her heart swelled to the point she thought it would burst. She loved him, loved the way he touched her and felt and yet, underneath the fire there came something else. A sharp stab of fear. Fear, not of him, but fear that when it came to it, her body was going to betray her and do something stupid, involuntary, like make her freeze or lash out, or that it would feel different for either or both of them. Steve paused, his right hand gently hovering by her naval where it had been steadily making its way downwards. She was trembling. Shit. He frowned slightly and looked up to see her watching him, her green eyes shining in the soft, dim light of the room. "Sweetheart,” he said, his voice thick in his throat “if this is too much…” “No.” She replied quickly, “it’s not…” “You’re shaking” he said softly, his hand moving up to softly cup her face as his frown deepened. Was she scared of him? The thought of that was enough to destroy him and just as he was about to say something she laid her hand over his and moved her face softly to the side so she could place a kiss to his palm. And when she spoke, he was once again convinced she could read his damned mind. “These hands would never hurt me."  Not could not, but would not. And she wanted him to understand she knew the difference. "I’m not scared of you Steve. I could never be scared of you…” she swallowed “I’m scared of me.”

His brow creased, he was confused. “I don’t understand.” “I don’t know what my body is gonna do, I’m worried I’m going to react differently to how it used and that it’ll feel different…I can’t explain.” His face softened and he looked at her, pressing his forehead to hers he tried to offer her some reassurance. “I love you.” He drew back to press a kiss to the bridge of her nose “And we’ll take it slow, that is if you still want to.” his nose gently brushed hers as he looked at her “If you don’t then that’s fine, I can wait…we can wait.” “No, I do, I don’t wanna wait.” She shook her head, her lips sweeping across his, drawing a moan from him. “I missed this, being close to you, being with you.” He looked at her again before their lips connected in a soft kiss that grew more urgent, but still stayed tender as they both poured their souls into one another. Steve’s hand gently gripped her hip and she let out a soft moan into his mouth making him pull back slightly, and press his forehead to hers. “I got you, Sweetheart.” He said softly, “I got you…” “I know.” She replied, voice barely a whisper. “You always do.”

His hand gently slid down to her folds, and as his fingers gently began to play she let out a soft gasp at his touch, it felt right, so damned right. He was gently, took his time, watching her carefully as she softly writhed at his touch, and when she begged for him, to feel him, he adjusted himself between her legs and slowly pushed into her. Katie sighed in pleasure, and relief too because it felt like it always had done. 

Steve kept his movements slow, not thrusting but rolling, rocking softly into her over and over again, soft moans and whispers filling the room as her hands gripped round his biceps, his weight gently pressed on top of her, both of them needing to feel the other as they reconnected in the most intimate of ways possible. Katie gently moved her hands, dancing over his broad back, tracing between his shoulder blades feeling each twitch and flex in his muscles as he moved, the familiarity of it was so damned comforting. Steve’s large hands cupped her face as he kissed her, their tongues tangling together and even when he broke the kiss to let out a soft groan he kept his lips on hers, feather light in their touch.

“Katie…” Steve panted into her mouth, his hips continuing their gentle, deep roll into her “I’m not sure how much longer… are you close, baby girl?” She didn’t answer with words, instead he felt her tightening around him, her reactions the same as they always had been, and he gave another groan as she let out a soft whimper. Then, he heard it. The most beautiful sound ever to hit his ears, a sound he had heard so many times before but right there in that opulent hotel room in Belgium, the lights of the city bright and bouncing off the snow through the slight crack in the heavy, deep blue curtains, it sounded so much more sweeter, more significant almost than the first time she had said it.

"Stevie…” his name tumbled from her lips in a whisper and he felt the tears sting his eyes as he nudged her nose with his, making her look at him. She gave another soft moan before she tilted her head back and let out a gentle cry as her back arched and she came, her eyes fluttering shut. It was enough to make him tumble, gently rutting up into her he felt himself go and his movements became disjointed until he collapsed forwards, utterly blissed and consumed by her.

They both took a moment before Steve raised his head to look at her, and saw the gentle shine of a tear fall down her cheek. 

“Are you ok?” He asked, wiping at her face with his thumbs. For one horrible moment he was petrified he had hurt her until he realised she was smiling and nodding. But this wasn’t her usual post orgasm grin, this was a pure, unadulterated happy smile. And then Steve understood, they were tears of joy. “Well I’ve never made anyone cry after sex before.” He quipped, his voice thick with emotion and she spluttered a giggle, sniffing a little as his nose bumped hers before his lips gently mopped up the few stray tears that fell from her sparkling emerald eyes. “I just…” she started to talk but stopped. She couldn’t find the words to explain. Explain how that last 20 minutes or so of him lavishing attention on her, right from that first kiss to taking her to the edge of ecstasy and back had fixed that final part of her that was broken. He had taken the last shards of the fragmented, shitty mess that Hydra left and slotted them back into place. "I’m ok.” She finished, unable to word it any better. "I’m ok.” He gently placed his lips on hers and drew her into a long, gentle kiss, his own tears threatening to fall at those 2 simple words. Ok was lame, she hated it, said it was just a “shit phrase and you should never just be ok” but here he knew what it meant for her to be just be ok. Without a word he rolled off her and took her with him, pulling her so she was led straight on top of him, like they would do on the couch, in front of the TV and she gave a laugh. He pulled the covers up over them and she lay her head on his chest, his fingers lightly dancing up her spine “I love you, Sweetheart.” He said as she gave a hum of contentment “More than apple pie?” She asked and he gave a chuckle, he really had missed this. Their playful banter that came before, during and after the act. “Infinitely” “More than mac and cheese?” He hesitated on purpose and she gave a loud scoff and hit him on the chest. He laughed, rubbing at the spot even though she hasn’t hurt him, giving a soft “ow” as she levelled him with a playful glare. “Is it your mac and cheese?” He asked “because we all know it’s the best damned mac and cheese in the world” “Flattery will get you nowhere, Soldier.” she teased and he chuckled again, as she lay her head back down. “But seeing as I’m in a good mood how about when I get back I make us apple pie AND mac and cheese… and then we can have more sex and you can decide which one is better?” “That sounds like the best idea you have ever had Miss Stark…” They lay there in silence and it wasn’t long before he felt her melt into him, her breathing evened out and he gently glanced down and saw her eyes were shut, her lashes fluttering slightly as she slept. He thought about moving her, setting her down beside him but as her chest rose and fell, pressing into him he decided better of it. 

She could move herself when, or if she wanted to.

And if she didn’t, then that was totally fine by him.

**** Chapter 22

**Original Posting**

#stark spangled banner #steve rogers #Katie Stark #steve rogers x ofc #steve rogers x original female character #steve rogers fanfiction #steve rogers fic #captain america #mcu #mcu fanfic #chris evans #chris evans characters

[honorguk]

STRAY KIDS REACTION » you break up with him

.•° ✿ °•. navigation

»•» CHAN

the relationship had it’s highs and lows, yet it was everything that you could ever ask for - chan was loving, gave the best advice, and was always there the second you need him, but none of that has been shown as of late.

for a few months on end now he’s been hanging around late at the studio, overworking himself and coming home, instantly falling into bed; otherwise he’d go out with his friends for a few drinks and come back even later than before, making him more stressed and frustrated when you’d try and talk to him about anything the morning after.

“chan, would you please just listen to me?”

“who are you to think that you’ve got a say about what i do with my life?”

his job was always the priority, which was understandable from one angle, but that meant he neglected everything around him that mattered, and everybody that mattered, too.

finally, after dozens of useless arguments and fights, you’d have made up your mind, and nothing could change it.

“you’re not as ready for a relationship as you thought you were,” would be your last words to the man, who was left shattered on the floor with his heart in his hands after realizing just how much he lost.

»•» MINHO

it was all because of a party, and a stupid lie.

minho asked you if you’d come with him to his high school reunion get together and you cheerfully agreed, not having been out to a party in a while. 

you were having such a fantastic time and getting along with his old friend group when suddenly, a tall, attractive woman would join the group, and you saw minho’s eyes glaze over in discomfort. you squinted your eyes at him a little, something you’d do to non-verbally ask ‘what’s wrong’, but he just shook his head in response.

it wasn’t long after that when she’d start making moves on him, and dragged him out to dance. being the kind man he is, he muttered a hushed apology to you and went over to the dance floor, where he was getting pulled closer and closer until you spotted how the woman’s lips forcefully connected with his.

you were left in shock as your boyfriend pushed her away and rushed over to you, explaining how she was his ex and nobody knew about his new girlfriend - you. no, he didn’t want the kiss, no, he didn’t enjoy it - minho felt guilty as your lip trembled and you both left the reunion.

the next few weeks were strangely rough - every time you looked at minho you kept seeing his ex and comparing yourself. the boy would constantly remind you of how much better you are, and his ex was a complete waste of time, but he soon got tired of reassuring you, and you couldn’t handle the jealousy and guilt.

“i’ll wait for you, for when you’re ready..” minho said finally after spending hours convincing you to stay, but he couldn’t change your mind. he was so in love with you and so desperate to make you see that, but a mental barrier stopped you from enjoying your relationship as much as him, so with a quick kiss and a few more pleading cries from minho you were out the door.

»•» CHANGBIN

sometimes, being nice wasn’t a good thing, and changbin definitely made that clear.

you’d often come to the studio and hang around at the backstage of award shows, and whenever changbin wasn’t around, some other trainees and even idols would try and make their moves on you, you only disregarding their flirting as kindness and proceeding to make conversation.

it got on changbin’s nerves, it really did. he was so fearful of losing you that he became overprotective, and lead to his own downfall.

he’d be more judgy of your friends, more needy when you’re not around, and much more in love than ever before, making his fear so much more prominent.

it wasn’t something you could handle, but you really tried. you tried to distance yourself from the people that had been keeping contact with you solely to flirt, and tried to spend more time with your clingy boyfriend, but this was your life, not anybody else’s.

you were tired.

“changbin, i’m sorry,” was the only thing you could muster out after a fight, before leaving the man stranded, enveloped by his worst fear.

»•» HYUNJIN

right at the start of the relationship it was sailing all-so-smoothly until you had to leave korea to study in an american university. of course, neither of you were confident about you long distance relationship skills, but you were willing to try.

hyunjin did his best to be the most amazing boyfriend ever, he really did, but the physical distance between the two of you made the emotional distance appear as well. 

god, both of you tried so hard. he loved you, undoubtedly, and you loved him too, just not enough to be with him, and that’s what hurt the most.

when you had no choice but to phone him and tell him that you’re both done, he bought the first ticket over to your state and got to your place as fast as he could, only to be let down by an unanswered door and a cold break up.

»•» HAN

you had a life before jisung, which was obvious, but oftentimes a lot of people from that part of your lifetime would leak into the current one, like your close guy friends whom you’d hang out with quite frequently.

han wasn’t one to control the people you were friends with, but he got more serious about his asks to distance yourself from them after hearing those guy friends call you by nicknames han thought were reserved only for him and you, and for when you’re too drunk to come home and would stay over at their place.

deep in his heart he knew you’d never cheat, but nevertheless it bothered him, as it would with anyone. those guys kept flirting with you right in front of jisung’s eyes, and you didn’t even notice. 

your boyfriend’s sweet demeanor always faded when they were around, so not long after, you also got sick of being around someone so gloomy and cold, and the love in the relationship faded by itself, hurting both of you in the process. you’d go back to hanging out with your guy friends to make you feel better, and he spent his time healing with minho, a friend who was also always by his side.

»•» FELIX

chan was your best friend, and the one responsible for introducing you to felix. it was one of the best things he'd done, but being your best friend and all, you would be lying if you said you sometimes didn’t prefer chan over felix.

i mean, chan was your go-to for most things, especially during fights and felix’s busy days, and felix would also be lying if he said he didn’t feel neglected at times. he thought chan was more important to you since you met him first, and he’d get so moody and distant every time you’d mention chan that it got on your nerves.

“he’s my best friend, felix, don’t you get that!?”

“and i’m your boyfriend, y/n! that’s a little more than just a friend, isn’t it?”

either way, neither of you were happy about the way the other reacted during these kinds of fights, so you went ahead and told him the truth.

“felix, if you’re gonna be like this every time, then i’m sorry, but i can’t be with you.”

felix was left speechless, and after felix’s shrug and roll of the eyes, you realized the best decision was simply to leave, not knowing how heartbroken felix actually was.

»•» SEUNGMIN

seungmin was one of those boys that showed his undying love for you through protection, and it was oh-so-romantic and lovely at the beginning, but he got so overprotective with you that he’d judge your clothes, your social media, and your friends, too.

“don’t wear that out tonight, you know the boys will stare,” he’d say.

“i know it’s a big ask, but could you not hug jisung like that? it’s a bit too..much,” seungmin would critique.

it’s like whenever you made any move, said any word, he’d be watching and judging.

perhaps it was a misunderstanding between the two of you, or simply bad communication skills, but you thought he was controlling you for the sake of his image, and not for the sake of losing you to someone else.

either way, it always ended in an argument - you had to put your foot down at some point, didn’t you?

“i understand this is your first proper relationship, seungmin, but that’s not how relationships work,” you’d finally sternly approach him about it and he’d sink his shoulders, guiltily pressing his lips tight at your words. “and if you think this is what you call a healthy one, then i’m sorry, but it’s not for me.”

»•» JEONGIN

he’s young, and you knew that, so you were a bit more forgiving and lenient with the boy. obviously there wasn’t much you could complain about - jeongin is everyone’s little sunshine - but he had so much going on that often you weren’t one of the main priorities in his young mind.

he was forgetful, and never picked up on the hints when you were upset. he was just too inexperienced with romantic relationships, but you decided to give him time nonetheless.

it’s been several months, and after numerous times when you’ve brought up what was upsetting you, he’d just smile with a nod and say a quick ‘sorry’ before continuing to be as before, and all that was building up inside you.

he wasn’t accustomed to change, and got too comfortable in the relationship - too much for you liking, anyway - so you decided to break it off before you sacrificed yourself any longer. this wasn’t how you wanted to be treated.

*look, i know the gif is of him smiling but let’s pretend he’s on the verge of tears lol*

#kpop #stray kids #skz #reactions #fluff #smut #angst #stray kids reactions #stray kids fluff #stray kids scenarios #stray kids angst #stray kids smut #skz fluff #skz angst #skz smut #skz reactions #skz imagines #stray kids imagines #skz scenarios #stray kids x reader #bang chan #lee know #lee minho #seo changbin #hwang hyunjin #han jisung #lee felix #kim seungmin #yang jeongin #i.n

[buckthegrump]

IBTHNTTTY - 15

Bucky Barnes x Female Reader

Summary: Y/n hates Bucky Barnes. Absolutely loathes him what makes it worse is that she has to share her office with him. Now with a promotion on the horizon she has to find a way to work with him and not against him.

Word Count: 1570

Warnings: swears, angst, mentions of past trauma

A/n: sorry I’ve been MIA. also the last bit of this chapter is my favorite

Y/n sat on her couch while Bucky paced the living room. Any time she started to get up he would point at her silently telling her to sit. He’d opened his mouth a few dozen times only for nothing to come out.

Finally, Bucky sat down on the couch next to Y/n.

“There was a time in my life when I was in the military, that’s where I met Sam. My other friend Steve, who you haven’t met yet was also there with me.”

“So -”

“If you interrupt me I’m not going to be able to finish the story. Anyway we were all in the military for a hot minute before college. Somehow we were discharged, honorably, from the military with minor repercussions. No physical injuries past a bruise or a broken bone. Nothing that wouldn’t heal quickly. None of us had been in the combat units so nothing there.

“We all ended up going to the same college in the city, and we were your typical 20 year olds. Not really caring about life,” he chuckled, “not to mention there was a period of times when we thought we were invincible. That changed one night after a party.”

Y/n inhaled sharply.

“I know what you’re thinking, and no. I was designated driver that night and hadn’t had a drop of alcohol. So I drove Sam and Steve home. They were moaning and groaning about being hungry, after we’d made it back to our place. So, being the best friend that I am, I drove to the store to get them something to eat. On my way back, I was hit by a drunk driver.”

Bucky wrung his hands together staring at them.

“How ironic. Is that the proper use of ‘ironic’? I stay sober to avoid having an accident from drunk driving only to be hit. The other driver walked away without a scratch. I wasn’t so lucky.”

He tugged at the hem of his shirt pulling it off. There was a scar on his shoulder that went around his left peck. Y/n’s first urge was to reach out and touch it, but she held herself back.

“I lost my arm that day. The whole thing, except for about this much,” he held a finger up about a hand length away from his shoulder. “For a while I had the run of the mill prosthetic. Then I had the fortune of meeting Tony Stark. Apparently, Steve knows a lot more people than I do.”

“So that’s why Tony was calling you?” She asked, unable to help herself any longer. He gave her a look. She whispered, “Sorry.”

He smiled, but continued. “Yes, that’s how I know Tony. He set me up with this,” he held up his left arm, “He won’t tell the public about this until he’s sure that it works as well as it can, and he can offer it to people at an affordable price. I’m basically a guinea pig of sorts.”

Y/n scooted closer to Bucky. 

“Would you like to touch it?” He asked, holding it out.

She looked him in the eye while she took it, she was trying to let him know that he could back out at any time. But he didn’t. Her fingers danced along the flesh like exterior. Had Bucky not told, she never would’ve even guessed it was a prosthetic. It felt so life-like, it wasn’t even cold.

“There’s a bunch of science involved, but it works like a real hand. And it really helps with the phantom limb syndrome, being able to feel pain and all that.”

“So,” she kept running her fingers up and down his arm, “you can feel all this?”

Her eyes were on the arm, but she could feel him staring at her.

“Yeah,” he breathed.

She froze and looked at him through her lashes. His lips were parted slightly as his chest rose and fell with each silent breath. There was a strange pull in her body telling her to kiss him. Why did she want to kiss him? 

Well, her subconscious said as if it were about to start listing off all the obvious reasons. But it didn’t need to because she was sitting right next to him. Touching him, in his space, the smell of him overwhelmed her and clouded her mind.

“If I asked you for a favor would you do it?” She blurted desperate to push the thought of his lips on hers away.

“I thought beating up your ex was a favor,” he semi-teased.

“I don’t think we could even call him an ex,” she said, sounding much more disappointed than she thought she should. “I cannot believe that I fell for it again.”

“For what?”

“The whole, bad boy with a heart of gold act, he seemed nice and I -” she leaned back on her sofa. “I think I was trying to rush through it. I didn’t even like him that much. I was just trying to get over this whole being a virgin in every aspect of the word.”

She risked at glance at Bucky who was still staring at her, but she couldn’t read his expression.

“I was talking to Peter and MJ, the new assistant he’s training -” Y/n said.

“I remember, that’s his girlfriend right?” Bucky asked and Y/n laughed at him.

“Not yet, I don’t think. It really puts a giant hole in your Peter being in love with me theory. But back to what I was saying. They showed me this rice purity test, the first thing was have you ever held hands romantically. Which I couldn’t even say that I have.” She sighed and covered her eyes with her arm. “I got a 94 out of 100. That’s a higher score than either of them. I’m more pure than the fucking assistants.”

“Do they really like hanging around with you?” Bucky asked, kind of ignoring the point.

“Binky,” she laughed, “When will you realize that I’m a lot of fun to be around?”

“I think I’m getting there,” he whispered. He grabbed her arm and pulled it into his lap before interlacing their fingers.

She swallowed trying to keep her heart from beating too quickly. Could he feel her pulse through her palm? That wasn’t possible was it? Because if it was, she would be embarrassed by how worked up she was getting over her hand being held. Or was it that it was Bucky who was holding her hand?

“What was the favor you wanted?” He asked quietly. He sounded, almost hopeful. What did he want the favor to be?

“In a few weeks, after thanksgiving, I have a high school reunion and I want you to pretend to be my boyfriend and go with me -” the words came rushing out of her mouth and that’s when she realized what a tremendously stupid idea it was, “Never mind forget I said anything. What a dumb idea.”

She tried to pull her hand away from his but he held on.

“Is that bastard who left you in the corn maze going to be there?” He asked, staring at their locked hands.

“Probably,” she was surprised he remembered something like that.

“And who would you ask if I said no?”

Y/n shrugged, “I’d probably risk facing the wrath of Wanda and make up some excuse as to why I can’t go.”

“Well, I’ll save you from Wanda. Yeah I’ll go with you.”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “You realize that means you have to act all lovey-dovey towards me right? Like no gagging any time you have to put your arm around me or touch me. You might even have to kiss my cheek.”

Bucky held up her hand, their fingers still intertwined. “Does it look like the thought of touching you repulses me?”

That sentence was innocent enough, but there was something about his voice that told her not only did touching her not repulse him; but it had the opposite effect and he wanted more. But that was probably just her imagination running away from her again.

She shook her head.

“Ok, then I guess it’s decided.” He smiled at her. She tried to return it but it probably made it seem like she was in pain.

“Oh by the way, Sam hasn’t stopped talking about you. And I’m supposed to invite you to family dinner next week. Actually I’m supposed to force you to come because Steve is butt hurt that Sam got to meet you before he did. And now Tony is up in arms about not being involved in my life any more,” he babbled, “all this to ask. Will you come to my family dinner on Thursday?”

“Of course.”

If she were still hopped up on caffeine she might give in to her desire and kiss him. But alas, she’d returned to the shy inexperienced girl she was. Now she was even more upset that she’d gotten this far in life without so much as one kiss.

“OK,” Bucky reluctantly released her hand and stood up. “We still have work tomorrow. And I need a shower.”

Carol’s voice yelled at her in her head. Ask him to stay, you idiot. But she didn’t. She simply bid him goodnight and locked the door behind him.

“God I’m an idiot,” she whispered to herself.

I’ll say. Carol said back.

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x f!reader #bucky x reader

[dgcatanisiri]

I have historically shied away from using the word, because it always feels like an overreaction, because, hey, I can power through, and it’s not a big deal, it’s not like we’re talking about something that genuinely makes me relive any actual trauma, right? 

But... I think about the physical response I have, the depths that my anger and frustration go to, which I can often admit can hit excessive at times... I start thinking that it’s accurate to say that Liara is a trigger for bodily autonomy for me.

Like... Peebee and Cora both suffer from a lot of the same issues that Liara does in terms of focus, but neither of them draw the same sense of ire from me. They both have attention in the narrative that reaches excessive (particularly at the expense of other characters) - someone timed their character/romance content, and the two of them had the most in the game, while Gil (my preferred romance of my options) had the least. Peebee’s introduction is sitting on Ryder, while there’s the come on with her in the escape pod that I would legitimately refuse to even get in before it happens. Cora is... Well, I’ve been over how I don’t think she should have been a romance option at all because it just muddies her character arc.

And yet neither of them elicit the same kind of frustration I get with Liara.

Because with Liara... It is mandatory that we meld with her in ME1, multiple times. And if you even try to duck out of it, she badgers Shepard into it. The meld is explicitly said to be a part of the asari reproductive process, so we have Liara effectively coercing Shepard into having sex with her, and in front of others. Potentially multiple times. 

Like... I’ve been public about how the big reason I don’t care for Bull’s romance is the fact that, being asexual, being specifically a sex-averse asexual, bondage is catapulting over my line at mach three. So what is effectively what amounts to public sex that has been coerced? Same damn thing.

Except the narrative thinks it’s fine. Hell, going off the damn Genesis comics, Shepard is supposed to LIKE it (which... NO, and fuck you BioWare).

The meld in general is deeply uncomfortable for me, considering that I honestly wouldn’t mind meld with people I consider close enough to be family, blood or not. And yet it’s mandated that Shepard do this with someone who is, in essence, a total stranger. Multiple times. In front of several people. 

And then there’s the recovery of Shepard’s body. Which she sets off to do, wholly on her own, without even telling any of Shepard’s other friends. And proceeds to do so, only to hand it off to Cerberus, so they can perform their Frankensteinian mad science to bring Shepard back.

All because, and I’m using her words here, she “couldn’t let [Shepard] go.”

SHE decides what is to be done with Shepard. For HER. No care or consideration of what their wishes would be, she does it because she doesn’t want Shepard to be gone. Not even that she believes Shepard is the best chance for the galaxy, but because SHE wants Shepard alive. Uncharitably, but it comes across like saving Shepard is a choice she makes in the hopes that they will proceed to hold her close, declare their undying love for her, and they can run off into the sunset with a horde of blue babies at their side.

And the narrative again sees nothing wrong with it. In fact, it rewards her for it - she’s the only reunion in ME2 that results in a hug, no matter relationship status. She’s a stationary reunion we can have at any time, unlike Ashley/Kaidan, who get just a brief cameo. The one response that even approaches being upset about this act focuses only on the fact that she kept her involvement from Shepard, not what she had done specifically, and not just loops back around to the friendly “let me know if I can help” exit line, but also is “bugged” to not be accessible unless you take it the first time it appears. She gets a DLC that features her and Shepard running around and bickering like an old married couple. She joins back up with the Normandy and is immediately treated as Shepard’s XO. Multiple points in ME3 feature her as the person who Shepard can unburden themselves to - the ONLY person they can unburden themselves to. If you don’t take the opportunities to do so with her, there is no answer or equivalent with any other character.

Yes, obviously, we’re talking game mechanics and production costs with creating multiple branching conversations. I understand the real world rationale for these decisions. It does not change the fact that it still pushes this character who crosses my boundary lines into the spotlight.

Like... I have seen the negative consequences of someone making a choice for themselves because they couldn’t let someone they loved go. And while it obviously worked out fine in the games, worked out for the best in the case of Shepard, I saw the negative side effects of the idea of keeping someone alive for the sake of that .0001% that they’ll recover. The reality of the 99.9999% chance that they don’t recover and spend the rest of their lives in a situation that I classify as more a living death than anything else.

And yet the narrative only rewards Liara for her selfishness. Not once does anything in the writing stop to consider that anyone could view her actions as having been done for selfish reasons that came at Shepard’s expense, at the expense of whatever Shepard may have wanted - again, yeah, maybe it turned out for the best in terms of the galactic situation, but that doesn’t mean that it was RIGHT for her to do this. A positive result does not change the selfish motivations that led to the act being done.

Miranda, at least, calls out her hypocrisy of wanting to put a control chip in Shepard’s head after her father spent his life trying to control her. It’s part of Miranda’s character arc that she viewed rebuilding Shepard as a project, more her molding a work of art rather than a medical procedure on another person. But Liara... She just takes responsibility for consenting to this and no one ever asks “hey, Shepard, how do YOU feel about this friend of yours giving the go ahead on resurrecting you in defiance of all known science and nature?”

And all this... I wouldn’t mind it so much if we could just CALL OUT Liara’s actions. If the narrative would properly acknowledge “hey... this was kinda fucked up that she went after Shepard’s body like this wholly on her own, and then gave the go ahead to resurrect them for the chance to get them back,” I’d be a lot more okay with Liara. I still would keep her at arm’s length, but I’d feel like the game wasn’t gaslighting me, telling me that her actions are only to be rewarded, what’s your problem with her, here, we’re gonna immerse you in Liara content and help you get past these silly “issues” you have.

So, yeah. I have spent years trying to avoid using the word, given how loaded a term it’s become with how dismissive people have approached it, but... It is a trigger for me. Liara, as a character, triggers issues of bodily autonomy for me. She makes a choice for Shepard that is based on what SHE wants, not Shepard, and the narrative proceeds to reward her and frame her decisions and her actions as right and proper.

So for her to be the big reveal of the first trailer for the next Mass Effect is... NOT something I celebrate.

#dg rants #dg's problem with the liaramance #liara critical #dg plays mass effect

[let-it-show]

A Surprise for Anna

I wanted to participate somehow in Elsanna Week. Idk if I will have time or energy to do more than one prompt but...here we go for Reunion. So- Elsa does something special for Anna!

Getting Anna to agree to her plans for the day was difficult. Elsa understood, she got it, but she really needed Anna to go. She had a surprise for her little sister that she knew she would love.

Anna was a grown woman, a queen alongside her, but she still dug her heels in, crossed her arms and shook her head like a stubborn child. She was having none of it and Elsa had been ready to encase her in ice and have Sven drag her. Fingers were pointed, voices were raised, and threats -  none of which were very serious - were made. It only lasted so long before Anna managed to crack herself up, smile, and laugh. She kissed Elsa on the cheek and said if she made it worth her while later in the bedroom, she'd go.

That didn't mean she would stop whining, though.

Elsa had readily agreed to the terms. She already looked forward to whatever 'revenge' Anna might cook up for later. It was getting to the Ice Palace that was rough.

"We're almost there, Anna," she told her as they rode on a wagon hauled by one of Elsa's big ice bears. "We're almost there and...Anna..."

To her dismay, Anna had balled herself up a bit next to her as they went on an incline. Her eyes were wet and she simply looked ahead. Elsa knew why she didn't like going there. For some while the palace had remained empty, none of the crazy laughter and fun that they would walk into when they visited before Elsa was called by the North Wind. Marshmallow might have been grumpy now and then but the snowgies were always up for some chaos. Usually, Olaf encouraged it.

"We really have to go? Is this surprise worth it?" Anna asked in a small voice. Even the whining she'd been doing was somewhat lighthearted, with moaning about being hungry or her butt falling asleep.

"Anna..." Elsa put her arm around her and tried to bring her closer. It wasn't really working, so she moved her own body, brushing one of Anna's braids out of her way. "It's well worth it. I know you will love it. You'll have the biggest smile you've had in forever," she said quietly, stroking Anna's freckled cheek with her finger. Her skin was warm despite the cold temperature of the breeze around them. The North Mountain was always cold.

"Everyone live in Ahtohallan now. It just...it just makes me think and makes me feel alone, even when I'm in there with you," Anna said with a sniffle, adjusting herself to hug her knees to her chest, fingers digging into into her beige dress. "We go in and it's empty. I don't want to go, Elsa."

She should tell her. Elsa knew she really should tell her. And yet...she knew the joy Anna would feel when they went inside would be incredible. When she saw the surprise she would be so, so happy. At the same time, Anna was clearly upset. She didn't want to be reminded of the period of time they were apart and nothing was as it ever was. While it wasn't truly terrible, according to Anna herself, it'd been a struggle.

Elsa hugged her and kissed her head. Her reaction was yet another sign that she played down how she'd felt in those months. Thinking about it made Elsa's heart hurt.

But she was back. She was back to stay and she was never leaving Anna - her Anna - ever again. Anna was hers to hold close and speak soft, love-laced words too. And she was hers to make happy.

If they could just make the last curve before they actually had to take a short walk to the stairs, it would be okay. Anna was fighting off actually crying and if she did get there Elsa knew she would have to tell her what was going on. So Elsa kissed her head again, and then her cheek. "I promise it'll be worth it. You'll be grinning from ear to ear. I know you will. You might cry from happiness," she told her, lips finding her cheek again.

Anna let out a slow, controlled breath. "Elsa..."

"I promise," Elsa repeated. "And if....if it's just too hard I'll tell you what's going on. We can stop and I'l tell you. It's just that I can't wait to see how thrilled you're going to be," she said, playing with Anna's braid.

Anna studied her quietly and then sighed. "I trust you. I know you really think whatever this is will make me happy and I-I trust you."

For a moment, Elsa simply looked at her. She didn't want to do the wrong thing. She really didn't. Keeping the surprise was a good idea...she was going to stick with it. "Thank you for that. I...thank you," Elsa whispered.

When they arrived at the stop, Elsa hopped out first and went around to offer her hand to Anna. "Come on, darling," she told her, coaxing her sister from the wagon.

Anna slowly took her hand and let Elsa help her down. She leaned into Elsa and then turned fully to wrap her arms around her, running her hands through Elsa's long, loose hair. She didn't appear to be sniffing anymore. She'd managed to swallow her sobs evidently and Elsa hoped that didn't made her feel worse. She squeezed Anna's warm body against her own.

Nothing ever felt so right as Anna did in her arms.

They held hands as they walked through the rocks, Anna's squeezing Elsa's regularly. Anna pointed out where she had tried to mountain climb years prior when searching with Kristoff. She did that each time they visited the palace in the past, and Elsa loved it. Sometimes Anna even imitated where she pushed back from the rock and knew Kristoff would catch her because he was 'a smelly guy, but a nice one'.

Then it was the ice stairs, and Anna was hesitant. With one hand on the glistening railing, Anna bit her bottom lip and stared. Elsa rubbed her back gently, and encouraged her to keep going up. As usual she followed behind her. If Anna slipped, Elsa would easily catch her. She'd done so before, and Anna had giggled and looked up at her before scampering up the stairs to go see everyone.

Elsa watched the usually optimistic girl drag her heels up the ice.

When they arrived at the door, Elsa told her to stop. "Knock!" she told her, stopping beside her. "I uh...knock."

Anna looked at her oddly but raised a fist to bang loudly on the door. Elsa never quite understood why the knocking sounded like a bang on a big wooden door, but if it sounded like ice should sound when hit, she guessed it wouldn't attract as much attention.

The door opened slowly to reveal...

Olaf.

"Olaf?" Anna asked.

The little snowman laughed and waved her in with his stick arm. "Come on in Anna! Come on!" he said and reached for her hand.

Anna took it, shooting Elsa a confused look over her shoulder. Elsa just grinned. She had felt guilty getting Anna all the way up to that door, but there she was...about to be very pleasantly surprised. She followed them both into the ice castle where everything was the same as always, just empty...

Until a figure slide down the icy bannister of the glorious staircase in front of them. One little white figure followed by another. Then another. And another and another! Olaf was giggling and snowgies started to bounce down the stairs on their heads, legs, and midsections. They were laughing and making an awful lot of noise that echoed off the walls of the palace.

"It's..oh! It's Flurry, Sludge - WILLIAM!? Is that you?" Anna squealed, and she and Olaf ran for the bottom of the stairs.

"And Powder and Ansel, even Huggy and Skate - it's everyone!" Olaf said, bouncing around and letting the snowgies take off his head to bounce it around. They were climbing on Anna already, letting her scoop them up and hug them as even more flooded down the stairs.

"Almost everyone," Elsa answered, approaching them. She snapped her fingers and on the balcony above them, heavy footsteps could be heard. Anna looked up along with the snowgies, who turned Olaf's head in the proper direction. A hush fell over the crowd and even the snowgies on the stairs slid and slammed into stops. Elsa waited, excitedly, even though she knew it was obvious who was approaching.

Then Marshmallow made his appearance, peering over the railing at them. "Now, now it EVERYONE!" he bellowed, and the snowgies started to bounce about, once again. Olaf's feet and bottom started flying in the air at random while his head cheered.

Anna clapped her hands and bounced while the flood of snowgies continued to pile around her, lifting her up as Elsa finally made her way to her. Elsa wasn't surprised to see her cheeks were wet.

"So, Anna?" she asked as she looked up at her. "Is...was it worth it?" she asked. She felt very silly asking, but she had to be sure Anna was okay.

"Yes!" Anna answered loudly, cheer in her voice. "So worth it! Oh thank you, thank you! Are they...?"

"They're staying." Elsa smiled. "They all wanted to come back." She didn't mention how tired Nokk was of fishing wandering snowgies out of various parts of the Dark Sea.

"Oh!" Anna wiped tears from her eyes. Her mouth opened but she didn't say anything. Instead her lips morphed into a happy smile. She sniffed and wiped more tears before holding her arms out. "Elsa!"

"I-OOP!" Elsa felt herself suddenly lifted. The snowgies surrounded her heels and took the train of her white dress. They latched on and with a just plain weird amount of strength, they lifted her up and brought her to Anna, nearly throwing her on her sister.

Anna's hands and arms found her, bringing her in close for yet another hug. Elsa closed her eyes as she buried her face in Anna's neck, doing nothing but listening to the merriment around them. Olaf was laughing. Marshmallow was making his way down the stairs, the snowgies were absolutely losing their minds. Anna was giggling and the sound was music to her ears.

Everyone was home.

#Elsanna #Elsanna Week #fanfic #Elsa #Anna #Olaf

[bytheangell]

Hi! I've read your Gabrily fic in Ao3 and loved it! I was wondering if you would ever consider on writing more about those two? Thank youu

Your Happiness Is My Own

(Read on AO3)

( @shadowhunterbingo Square Fill: Marriage) 

Cecily doesn’t fully relax on the day of her wedding until after they exchange runes and the echoing words of Brother Zachariah make her and Gabriel’s union official. The entire time her eyes are on Will, making sure he doesn’t do anything ridiculous like try and object (in jest, of course, but even still) on the grounds that Gabriel is a Lightwood, or flickering to the doors as if some news of imminent danger may threaten the peace of the day.

Her concerns are unwarranted. Will behaves more like a proper gentleman than she’s ever witnessed before and there are no looming demon attacks or emergency Nephilim matters. They marry to the sound of clapping hands and cheering voices, in front of friends and family, and friends who are her family now.

At the reception, Cecily sways lightly in the arms of her husband, a content smile on her face.

“I have a surprise for you,” Gabriel says quietly, pulling back to lead her out of the room as subtly as possible. Cecily glances around, watching people dance and drink and mingle, the noise and activity around them enough so that there are plenty of distractions to slip away under. Cecily watches Gabriel give Will a short nod, one which Will returns, an unspoken understanding of some sort passing between them.

“...should I trust a surprise that Will is privy to?” Cecily says, only half-teasing. Truly, she’s glad to see Will and Gabriel getting along better these days. It certainly makes her own life easier, and her heart lighter to witness.

Gabriel laughs at that. “Under any other circumstances, I’d say no,” he agrees. “But he’s helping me run interference so we can escape for a few minutes.”

“Escape for what?” Cecily asks, already knowing if it were something she could be told he would’ve done so already.

“You’ll see,” he replies cryptically, as she expected. They travel down a corridor, take a left, then down another before taking a right. It’s obvious whatever this is Gabriel planned it out carefully, down to the last detail. She can barely hear the faint echo of music from the reception now, and they’re entirely alone.

At least, she thinks they’re alone, until they turn into a room and see a man and a woman waiting for them. Cecily noticed them arrive at the ceremony late, standing against the back wall and then leaving before anyone else but assumed they must be some distant Lightwood relative she hadn’t met yet.

During the ceremony, she hadn’t noticed it, but now she sees the faint shimmer of a glamour and takes a step closer, focusing, until-

“Mam?” Cecily breathed out, scarcely able to believe it. “Dad?”

She sees through the glamour entirely now to the true image of her mother and father standing in front of her. They move toward one another at once. The moment they’re close enough Cecily feels the arms of her parents wrap around her, pulling her close into a hug she wishes could last forever. She can’t help the tears that fall, not bothering to hide them.

“What are you doing here?” Cecily asks finally as they pull away, wiping at her eyes with the back of her hand before Gabriel moves to stand beside her, offering his pocket square. “I was so upset over not being allowed to invite you...”

“We know,” her mother says. “Your Gabriel arranged it, through Will’s friend Magnus. Just to watch the ceremony, though. We have to leave before we risk anyone seeing through the glamour.”

My Gabriel, she thinks fondly, giving him a look that could not possibly convey the amount of overwhelming love she feels for him at that moment.

“Of course,” Cecily agrees, blinking away more tears. She never gets emotional like this, but she simply can’t help it. The one thing she thought she couldn’t have on this day, and it’s standing right in front of her now. “Of course. I’m so glad you came, that you’re here at all!”

“We’re so proud of you, Cecily,” her father says, smiling.

“And we love you so much,” her mother adds. “Both of you,” her mother adds, moving to hug Gabriel as well. “Welcome to the family. Do promise to take care of her for us, won’t you Gabriel?”

“I dare say Cecily can take perfectly good care of herself,” Gabriel points out, with a smirk in her direction. “But I promise to do my best.”

Just then there’s a sound behind them, the only warning before a swirl of magical light appears, followed by Magnus. “I hate to break up the reunion,” he says, sounding genuinely remorseful. “But I’m afraid we must be going.” Magnus glances over at Cecily, eyeing her gown of gold with a smile. “Congratulations, my dear. You look positively stunning.”

Under other circumstances, she might’ve flushed slightly at the compliment from the warlock, but she finds herself entirely unable to feel anything other than glee and gratitude. “Thank you. For helping them be here,” she adds, in case he thinks she’s only thanking him for the compliment. “I don’t know how I can ever repay you.”

“You’re very welcome. Consider it a wedding gift,” he adds with a wink. “I’m always happy to help circumvent ridiculous and pointless Clave Laws.”

Cecily can’t resist giving each of her parents one last, lingering hug, before very reluctantly forcing herself to finally step back and allow them to follow Magnus. She knows the risk they’re all taking with every passing second someone might come looking for her and Gabriel.

“Until next time,” her mother says by way of a farewell, giving her one last kiss on the forehead. A moment later her mother, father, and Magnus all vanish through the portal, leaving only her and Gabriel behind.

“I would’ve told you earlier,” he says. “But there were complications, and I didn’t know whether Magnus would pull it off in time. I didn’t want to get your hopes up for it to not work out.”

“Even if it hadn’t, the fact that you tried at all would’ve meant the world to me,” she points out. The knowledge that her parents were here, that they saw her get married after all, makes the day truly perfect in a way she’d long since written off as impossible. “Thank you. This means… this means so much to me, Gabriel. Thank you hardly seems enough, but-”

“Your happiness is all the thanks I need,” Gabriel says. “You know there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you.”

She knew it before, but if she ever had a singular doubt this would wipe it away entirely.

“I do,” she says, still smiling. She isn’t sure she’ll ever stop smiling. “I can only hope to make you just as happy one day.”

Gabriel returns her smile with one of his own, holding a hand out to lead her back to the others.

“You already do.”

#gabriel lightwood #cecily herondale #tsc #gabrily #linette owens #edmund herondale #glad you enjoyed my other fic! <3 and i hope you like this one too! #thanks for the request!!! #anon glamour activated #ask rune #elle talks too much #long post

[restmyheadatnightcontent]

we’re alright together

Geralt knows something is wrong when he comes home and there’s no music playing. Usually as soon as Jaskier is home, he commandeers the speaker and puts one of his many, many playlists on. He can hear muttered Polish coming from the door of the office. Ah. That means that Jaskiers parents are on the phone which means they have an interesting evening ahead of them.

Dropping Ciri’s schoolbag down by the sofa, he watches as she runs up the stairs chatting gleefully about the toy she has to find because her and Dara are going to play a new game tomorrow and it has to be the red horse, the horse is really important, Dad.

He walks and cautiously pushes the door of the study open to find Jaskier slumped with his head in his hand whilst the other holds his phone up to his ear. Even from here he can see the tension in Jaskiers shoulders and his normally well styled hair dishevelled from no doubt running his fingers through it in frustration. From here he can also hear the shrill voice coming through the phone which means its Jaskiers mother on the other end. He’s learnt that trying to interrupt these calls to check if Jaskier is okay is not as helpful as he thinks, so instead he backs away and quietly closes the door. It’s rare that Jaskier talks to his parents, but Geralt knows from the few past experiences that it is better to wait and be ready to listen to Jaskier vent about whatever bullshit they’ve said this time.

He busies himself by starting to prepare dinner and grabbing all the vegetables he needs out of the fridge. Luckily Ciri isn’t too fussy with food and will eat most things, but he finds that he can sneak even more in if he hides them in a tomato sauce along with some pasta and cheese. If he’s being honest, he has to sneak them in more for Jaskier than Ciri. He’s pretty sure if he gave Jaskier free reign of the kitchen, they would live off of nothing but frozen pizzas and McDonalds.

As he’s just finishing off the prep and about to start the washing up, he feels a pair of arms wind around his waist and a kiss is pressed against his neck.

“Hey” murmurs Jaskier into his neck.

“Hey yourself” replies Geralt, turning his head so he can place a kiss of his own on Jaskiers cheek “everything ok?”

Jaskier just hums and tightens his hold around Geralt. This conversation must have been worse than the other ones as Jaskier has normally started ranting about something by now. Geralt knows that he just needs to be patient and Jaskier will tell him what was said eventually. But still hates not knowing what’s  going on in Jaskiers head and how he can make it better. While he waits, he just places his hands on Jaskier arms and rubs small circles on Jaskiers forearms and lets his boyfriend take the comfort he needs right now.

He doesn’t know how long they stand there but they are eventually interrupted by the timer sounding, alerting them to the fact that dinner is ready.

Jaskier unwinds his arms and moves away but before he can go too far, Geralt turns and gently grabs his wrist. He looks into the blue eyes that he knows so well, and his heart drops at the troubled look he can see there. Raising his hand to Jaskiers face and softly running his thumb across his cheek, he feels slightly better when Jaskier gives him a small smile.

“What did she say?”

There’s no point in trying to pretend that he didn’t hear the phone call and he hopes that the sooner he finds out what the call was about, he can start to help.

“It was-she said that he-I should-“ Jaskier sighs frustratedly and then takes a deep breath “I’ll tell you later, I just need to sort it all out in my head first.”

Geralt hums in response and pulls Jaskier closer so he can press his lips to his forehead until Jaskier squirms away from him with a small laugh.

“I’ll go get the monster for dinner” he says before turning up the stairs.

Geralt is putting the plates on the table when he hears Ciri giggling and looks around to see his daughter hanging over Jaskiers shoulder, swinging as he moves from side to side, exaggerating his movements every time she squeals in delight.

“Jas! Put me down! Stop it!” she laughs whilst smacking her hands against his back.

“As the lady wishes” he says and then promptly drops her face first onto the sofa. She’s up immediately and runs to the table sitting her seat and sticking her tongue out at Jaskier.

He can’t find out anything more during dinner as conversation is dominated by Ciri, who is excitedly sharing the story of her day. As much as he wants to find out what has upset Jaskier so much, it is hard to be annoyed when he sees the smile on his daughters face as she excitedly describes the game she had played today with Dara and all the facts she learnt in science. Sometimes he worries about this whole parenting thing, but looking at the huge smile on Ciri’s face right now, he feels that he must be doing something right.  After dinner he has to get her bathed and settled in bed and Jaskier is summoned for a bedtime story because I’m sorry Daddy but he does the best voices.

It’s not until later when he and Jaskier are stretched out on the sofa with Jaskier leaning back into his chest that he finally gets his answer.

Jaskier pauses the show that neither of them had really been watching anyway and takes a breath.

“My Dad is ill” he says quietly, “like really ill. Something to do with his heart.  Mum was trying to persuade me to go see him. Apparently the doctors are saying he’s got a week at most.”

Well shit. Geralt hums and pulls Jaskier closer to him asking “Do you want to go see him?”

“Not really. I mean I know I probably should but I really don’t think that he is going to have had a sudden change of heart. He has made it perfectly clear how he feels about me and every life choice I’ve ever made and he literally told me that I’m getting fuck all in the will so I’m not sure what she thinks will happen. There’s not going to be some dramatic reunion where we hug and start crying.”

Jaskier slumps back into Geralts chest, seemingly exhausted by the outburst. He turns to look up at Geralt and asks “What do you think I should do?”

“I think its your decision and whatever you decide will be the right thing to do” he replies “I’m sorry I know that’s not helpful and that you want a proper answer” he presses his lips to Jaskiers temple “But whatever you decide and whatever happens, you’ve got a family right here with me and Ciri and Yen and my brothers. We’re here.”

He flushes, a bit embarrassed as he rarely says so much at once, but despite all the words Jaskier says Geralt knows that sometimes he just needs someone elses. Judging by the way Jaskier turns and wraps his arms around Geralt shoulders and pulls him down for a kiss, these words seem to have done the trick.

They part and Jaskier rests their forehead together, Geralt tightens his arms around him seeing the glint of tears in Jaskiers eyes.

“Thank you” Jaskier whispers.

They decide to abandon to the TV, neither of them really up for trying to focus on anything right now so they make their way upstairs. Lying in bed, Geralt can still feel the tension in Jaskiers body. The other man is unlikely to sleep tonight, too many thoughts running around in his head. Geralt presses a kiss into his shoulder and tangles their legs together, hoping that his solid presence will be of some reassurance.

He wakes the next morning to find his head is now resting on Jaskiers chest, with the other mans fingers running through his hair.

“I’ve decided.” Jaskier states, no hint of tiredness in voice so he’s clearly been up for a while “I’m going to go and see him. I’m not expecting anything but I think I’d regret it if I didn’t go.” He looks down at Geralt with a fond smile “And its like you said. No matter what happens, I have a perfectly good family right here.”

______________________________________

can also be found here!

#the witcher #the witcher fic #geraskier #geralt #geralt of rivia #jaskier #ciri #cirilla #my fic #modern au #my writing

[snowdice]

Road Trips and Missing Persons (Part 22)

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Relationships: Patton & Virgil, Virgil & Janus, Logan & Patton, Emile & Remy, Roman & Remus & Janus

Characters: Patton, Virgil, Janus, Remus, Roman, Logan, Emile, Remy

Summary: Patton was just getting groceries. The next thing he knew, there was a knife at his throat and he was an unwilling uber driver. Virgil’s on the run after the murder of his dad, and it’s not just his paranoia that’s telling him he’s being chased down. He has to get somewhere safe, somewhere he can trust, and all he has is a couple of stories from his dad and a name: “Green Bellow Foods and Dispensary.”

Meanwhile, everyone else is trying to find a missing 15 year old, all with different pieces of the puzzle about where he is. It really is too bad that no one is answering their phones.

Notes: Secret Agents AU, knives, carjacking, kidnapping, murder mentioned, guns mentioned, pepper spray, blood mentioned, drugs mentioned, explosions, car crashes (more to be added)

This is a fic I’ve been writing on study breaks that you have probably all already seen at this point. I’ve affectionately named it the Goblin Brain Fic because it’s helping my brain actually get motivated for studying. I’ve slightly edited it for wording and grammar, but not for content from my previous posts. Feel free to send in asks to direct it because I’m not 100% sure where this is going and you can help decide if you feel so inclined! You can see the process I went through to build this at this link.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 My Master Post

Janus did not respond to Roman’s quip about the car. Instead, he shoved past Roman the second he heard the boy’s voice. Roman recognized the kid immediately from the pictures he’d been sent along with his mission directives.

“Virgil,” Janus said, crossing the room to get to his little brother without regard to anything else. “Thank god. Are you alright?” He grabbed his face and titled it as though to look for injuries. Nothing about what Roman had learned about Janus in the past few hours would have prepared him for the way he descended directly into mother-hen mode, cupping the boy’s face with delicate fingers.

He was even less prepared for when Virgil shoved his hands away with an eye roll and a “I’m fine, Janus,” and Janus immediately started to cry.

Janus pulled Virgil into a hug, and Roman winced in sympathy for Janus’s injured ribs when the kid hugged him back tightly. They should really get that checked out as soon as the two of them had their moment.

“I’ve been worried sick about you,” Janus said, voice all types of wrecked. The past few hours of worry that Janus had kept careful hold of lashed out suddenly, and it was even more than Roman had anticipated. “I showed up to the house, and you were gone, and the window was broken.” Virgil was getting a bit wobbly lipped himself, and Roman couldn’t exactly blame him with how gutted Janus sounded. “Where did you go? How did you get here? How did you know to come here? Did Logan send someone else after you?”

“Dad let the name slip,” Virgil explained, “and Mom sent someone to pick me up, but I’d already accidently heard that she’d killed him with the radio Dad keeps in his room. So, I really didn’t want to go with the man, and he was mean especially when I said no.” His voice cracked a bit as he spoke, and he too started crying. “I didn’t know where to go or what to do. At first, I just wanted to get out of the city so Mom couldn’t find me. Once I was out, I decided to try to get here because dad said he worked with the owner, and no one was answering their phones.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Janus said. “That was my fault. I broke my phone. I should have thought about you wanting to call me.” He pulled back to kiss Virgil ever so gently on the forehead.

“Hey, what gives,” another man said, and Roman blinked and actually looked at the other occupants of the room. Both Dad and Uncle Patton were there along with a man he didn’t recognize. Yet, his attention was quickly drawn to the speaker because that was Remy Gates and Remy was definitely supposed to be dead. “I was dead, and I didn’t even get that much of a heartfelt reunion.” Janus seemed to freeze for a moment and then turned to him.

There was a long almost painful moment of silence where Janus just stared blankly at Remy. Roman recalled the short conversation that Remus and Janus had in the car about Remy and how Janus was probably more upset about the man’s death than he was allowing himself to express. Remus clearly had known what he was talking about, because there was a stunned, surprisingly vulnerable look on Janus’s face as he looked at his brother’s father.

Remy casually put his hands in his pockets. “Sup, kid.”

Roman had never seen someone’s face change so dramatically so quickly. His face twisted up into a scowl and his eyes lit up with fury. He looked like he was about to finish the job for his mother.

“You bastard,” Janus spat. “You bastard, you aren’t even dead?”

Remy seemed unconcerned with the fact that the man was basically foaming at the mouth. “You sound disappointed.”

“Do you know how much stress and hurt you caused… Virgil?!”

“Virgil, huh?” Remy asked, and goodness the man must have a death wish. “Don’t worry, Virgil and I already worked that out. I’m going to teach him how to shoot a gun as an apology.”

“No! You aren’t!” the man next to Remy that Roman didn’t recognize said.

“Like that is a sufficient apology for all that duress! How could you?!

“It wasn’t exactly my plan, Jan,” Remy drawled.

“Remy please,” the man next to Remy said.

“Oh, well, pray tell, what the hell was your plan you absolute ignorant, wretched excuse for a human being?” Janus asked.

“Janus please,” the man said.

“Just let them do it, Uncle Emile,” Virgil said with a sigh.

Remy scoffed. “Oh, please,” he said. “There was no plan, obviously. Do you know me at all?”

Janus full on exploded in rage at that. “What the hell is wrong with you?! Where do you get off on being such an idiot all of the time? You have a 15-year-old child and you just waltz into danger like it’s nothing and almost die! I thought you were dead!”

And like, seriously, Remy really must be comfortable with the concept of his own demise after whatever had happened to him earlier, because all he said was, “What, would you have missed me?”

“No,” Janus said, far too intense for that to be the truth. In fact, tears started to prickle at the corner of his eyes.

“Aw,” Remy cooed, still mocking, but perhaps just a bit gentler now. He walked the couple of steps to Janus and threw an arm around his shoulder. “Don’t cry, kid. I’m okay. I promise.”

“I’m not crying,” Janus insisted even though his voice cracked a bit and the tears were starting to escape out of the corners of his eyes. He attempted to push Remy away, but his efforts were weak and easily resisted. He gave up a moment later. “You’re crying!”

“I’m really not,” Remy said with a chuckle.

“You will be if you don’t shut up and let go of me,” Janus insisted even though when Remy tugged him closer into a proper hug, he folded himself into the embrace like a small child and proceeded to cry into the man’s shoulder.

Well that was… an event. Roman didn’t know what to think about Janus at this point. He’d been cold, calculating, and scary at the beginning of their adventure, and now he was sobbing into a man’s arms.

“Aw, there it is,” said Remus cheerfully.

Janus didn’t look at him, but just pulled one of his arms out of the embrace to flip him off.

“As touching as this is,” Dad interjected. “Now that everyone is here and aware that no one is dead.” He looked specifically in Remus and Roman’s direction. The expression on his face was one Roman was very familiar with from his childhood. Roman grimaced even before Dad continued with, “Would anyone care to explain themselves?” in a dark tone.

Uh oh.

Want to read more? Click below!

Part 23

#sanders sides #janus sanders #remus sanders #roman sanders #creativitwins #patton sanders #virgil sanders #platonic moxiety #emile picani #remy sanders #logan sanders #road trips and everything in between #adriana writes #road trips and missing persons #kidnapping #murder mentioned #guns #car crash

[silver-wield]

The Promise Analysis (Cloti)

Sorry about that, Nonny, I relate the promise between Tifa and Cloud to some of the stuff that happens during their resolution and went full tin hatter on it.

Ok, spoiler warning for ppl who haven't played (I tag FF7R spoilers as final fantasy 7 remake spoilers) and it's gonna be a long one so prepare to scroll.

Also, this is one person's interpretation of the scene, so if you disagree that's cool and we'll agree to disagree.

You're also gonna have to excuse the janky quality on some of the screens, I'm grabbing them from Youtube and it's frustrating af trying to get the exact moment I want.

Other analyses if anyone's interested.

Shinra HQ vision scene (Cloti/plot analysis) 

Chapter 3 (Cloti reblog) 

Tifa character analysis 

Aerith Resolution (plot analysis/theory) 

Train graveyard (not really an analysis, but I got some sweet screenshots of Cloti) 

Clotiscrew tunnel analysis 

Cloti reunion analysis 

Now, strap in and enjoy the ride.

Recapping for anyone who's forgotten the basics – cause I assume by this point you're ok with spoilers and me pointing that out is kinda dumb lol

So, chapter 4 and it's mission time with the trio – I love these dorks, especially Wedge, he is my child and if he's dead Imma riot. Jessie is off being sneaky and it's up to Cloud and co to play tag with the security team.

As Charlie Biggs (if you got the ref kudos) explains the plan, Cloud looks up at the night sky — which is a whole lot different to the one we fade up to and I personally wonder what it was about that sky that made him recall the promise to Tifa. Was it just the fact he'd been talking to her and it was his first time he'd paid attention to it? Before that he was under the plate and before that he was in the reactor, so I guess it's safe to assume this is his first chance to relate the two things.

Ok, after the fade in, we're treated to a pretty damn romantic set up. The water tower, the night sky and lil Cloud waiting for Tifa.

In the OG it mentions he waited for so long he started getting really cold, but he stuck it out because he wanted to see her and hoped she'd show. That's an OG lifestream detail not in the first OG promise scene, but let's assume for now it's gonna get a callback in the Remake. That means bby Cloud has been sitting there waiting for Tifa for a while now.

Ok, call her a thirteen year old bitch if you feel good about yourselves here, but she's thirteen and her dad is super overprotective. He stopped Cloud from playing with Tifa after she had an accident at 8 that wasn't Cloud's fault and in fact if he hadn't been there she'd have died on the mountain because nobody would've known where she was. Ok? Ok.

So, he's been waiting, and it's clear he's nervous – he looks so fucking cute I just can't stand it! Nervous fidgeting, balled fist, head down, mouth pulled into a pretty grim line. He thinks she's not coming, but still he's waiting for her.

Sorry, just to further hit home the above points. That is the face of a boy who is desperately hoping the girl he likes is gonna show, but has half given up hope. There's sadness in his eyes and a tensing along his jaw line. This boy is disappointed and my heart breaks for him.

Going back to that focus in on Cloud's eyes before the flashback and we can see here the massive difference mako makes to the colour. Cloud's eyes are a deep blue, while his mako infused eyes are blue/green. I get why he goes on about them a lot because he's probably not used to seeing them like that yet; maybe he never will be. Tifa's comment was about the look in his eyes – which I touched on in a comment I made while replaying. Tifa isn't focused on the colour, she's dismayed he has such a hard look in his eyes and when you compare the look in this boy's eyes, it's clear to see what she's getting at. This Cloud is the real Cloud and he is soft as fuck and trying to look tough.

GODDAMNIT!! There's way too many good moments to grab for this analysis! Look at this precious boy! All but folding under the weight of disappointment! But, what's this in the bg? Our heroine, here at last!

If anyone anyone tries to say Cloud didn't have a great stonking crush on Tifa as a kid then please tell me what this means if it isn't he's gutted he's waited and waited and she didn't show.

We don't know why she's late – maybe Remake will clear that up for us – but I'm guessing she couldn't sneak out or maybe, judging by the amount she's dressed up, she was doing the typical girly thing and couldn't decide what to wear, asking herself if this is a date and second guessing why Cloud called her to the water tower – which is known as a romantic meeting place. Whatever the reason, she's thirteen, sheltered – thanks to her dad – and naturally shy. Maybe she worried herself into a state about whether she should go and had to find her courage to meet Cloud. She likes him just as much as he likes her remember. It's canon, don't argue.

Now, her face is this bit is out of focus, but that's nothing to my weirdly myopic eagle eyes – it's a very specific gift. Tifa's smiling. That we can tell even before she's fully in shot. There's a bunching of the cheek muscles that tells us that. She's pleased he's still there. Obviously, she can't read his body language, but she'd probably be a bit upset to realise she upset him. Because she's not actually a bitch like some people like to claim. Sorry, but she's thirteen. How threatened are yall that you gotta call a thirteen year old girl a bitch and try to erase how important she is in Cloud's childhood just to further your own ends? Seriously, get help.

Sorry for the janky, but this is a transition between focus so it's not gonna be great anyway. Here we can see Cloud's expression when Tifa says heya. Eyes open, wide with surprise. She showed. That's what his face is saying. He's trying hard not to show his emotions too much – I mean he is still Cloud and too cool for all that nonsense – but he's relieved. Maybe his heart even skips a beat, but I'm speculating. Her greeting is casual, reserved. Tifa. She’s being cute even though he’s not looking because she wants him to think she’s cute.

Tifa, ever respectful and respectable sits the right amount of difference away that both encourages Cloud she's interested in being near him, but doesn't over encourage him and make him think of her in a negative way. She's likely cultivated this on purpose – she's the mayor's daughter so she's always got to be proper – because she's got a lot of male friends and having any of them get the wrong idea would be bad. You'll notice in her other flashbacks where the boys feature that she's not sitting too close to any of them and they're running around her, not touching or anything. They're satellites that revolve around her because she is untouchable to them. Because she's the mayor's daughter and has to be a good girl all the time. This is further evidence that goes towards Tifa's overall personality. She's very careful and respectful to people. She doesn't go out of her way to offend anyone unless she has no choice. Though she's a skilled fighter, she's very slow to anger and tries to look on the bright side as much as she can, despite the tragedy in her life. (I'm gushing, I know, but she's such a great multifaceted character and way more than the tropes people shove on her to make her into nothing).

Where was I?

Right. So, in direct contrast to their later conversation during the chapter 14 resolution, here we see Cloud with his back to Tifa and her with her head tilting, inviting him to confide in her. Yes, there really are that many awesome parallels purposely inserted in this game and that's why you need to take more than one look.

From her face we can conclude she's optimistic. She's smiling and doesn't look like someone who's expecting a bomb to drop any second – Cloud if you only turned around you wouldn't have gone through this shit. Sure, you'd have likely died when Sephiroth came to town, but hey, you'd have gone out with your childhood sweetheart lol

What she's probably expecting is for Cloud – who has purposely invited her to the watertower hot dating spot – to ask her out. And since she's there and dressed up, we could conclude she'd accept him.

Cloud is trying to find the cool words he wants to say that'll motivate Tifa to miss him, maybe even push her into saying, “No, don't go,” because even though he's fourteen, Cloud is no good at talking to women. This is just one of his character traits. It's why we wanna strangle him over the Triangle. Bby Cloud is hardly better than adult Cloud, but at least bby Cloud knows he likes Tifa.

Bomb dropped. Kaboom. Poor bby Tifa. Look how disappointed and upset she is. She wasn't expecting this one bit! She looked so hopeful in the seconds before Cloud's hesitant declaration, only it wasn't the kind she hoped for. I wouldn't go so far as to say she's crushed, but she's upset, that's for sure. Her brows have come together and she's turned away from Cloud because she doesn't want him to see how she looks in this moment. She's trying to put a brave face on it, but bby Tifa isn't as good as her grown up self. You can see the mouth trying to form a smile, but the eyes have a different expression in them.This is again seen in chapter 14 when Tifa tries to put a brave face on for Cloud before breaking down. 

Shots fired! Tifa goes for dismissive and succeeds! Never mess with a girl with a crush lol

Cloud was trying to get a reaction out of her, but she got one out of him instead. Brave face wins. Well, what did you expect? She's the mayor's daughter and raised on being proper.

He stutters that he's not like the other boys – so cute – and shows off his lofty dreams. He's trying so hard to impress her. He only has these dreams because of the incident when they were smaller where her father said if Cloud can't take care of Tifa then he has no right being around her. This is what drove Cloud to distance himself from Tifa and her friends. Talk about shoving an inferiority complex and identity disorder on a kid. I get it, the mayor was worried about his daughter, but Cloud didn't deserve the bear the brunt of his anger and blame. Still, the fact that nine year old Cloud took that, held onto it for five years and still decided to pursue Tifa by becoming a SOLDIER has huge meaning for them. He was nine. Ok, for argument's sake let's say he didn't have a crush on her, but they were friends and he was told he wasn't good enough to hang with her. So, thanks to propaganda he gets it in his head that SOLDIERS are the best and if he's one of them he'll be good enough for her father to let him see Tifa again. We're not told at any point – nor shown it – that Tifa is only interested in Cloud if he's this elite who can impress her. Remember, she already likes him. Look at what she's wearing compared to him ffs. This girl – again – dressed for a date with Mr Oblivious. Yes, I'm rolling my eyes. Yes, I want to smack him upside the head. Yes, I know he's 14, I meant adult Cloud.

Back to it. The look on his face here is one of “she thinks I'm like the others? I'll prove I'm not. I'm better than that. I can be next to her if I prove myself.” At this point, he's definitely gone from wanting to be around her in a friendship capacity to borderline romantic. I mean, he did call her out to the watertower. Did I mention that? A few times? Because it's significant. He's frustrated she compared him to her friends – no she didn't friendzone him, she likes him. He thinks she friendzoned him. Kids are frustrating and the adult versions aren't much better.

Shots fired part two! Points to Cloud this time! Smug lil fucker, I see that smirk!

Okay, so Cloud says he's gonna be like Sephiroth and at this point in time Sephiroth isn't batshit crazy, he's someone to be admired. Tifa to be fair, doesn't sound impressed, but she's humouring Cloud. Then, she says, “Isn't it hard to become a SOLDIER?” And Cloud replies with “Yes, so I won't be back for a long time.”

Okay, now. This is definitely to get a reaction. The smirk on his face is saying that he's partly getting her back for her earlier shot and partly trying to goad a reaction from her because he thinks he didn't get one before – this is why eye contact matters.

Tifa, for her part, doesn't look happy. He's got a reaction out of her, but it'd be really super helpful if he was facing her to see it. Because he isn't, she can get away with a breezy reply that makes him think she doesn't care.

I'm sorry, can I just say serves you right and leave it at that? Seriously, Cloud, don't mess with girls when you can barely form coherent sentences most of the time. What did he expect? She'd throw herself on him, clinging, crying and begging him not to go? Probably. Once again, our angsty hero is on the backfoot in their conversation. This is why eye contact matters. He's looking a bit gutted at her reaction. He likely hoped for more and got far less than he wanted. It's no wonder he goes to Midgar and doesn't approach her when he comes back as a grunt. He's carrying this presumed disappointment around with him that stops him from seeing her. (I can't really go more into CC events since I haven't played it and I've only seen a few bits and pieces, but what I got from it was Cloud is an idiot.)

Tifa asking if he'll be in the papers is both a brush off towards his baiting and also she's trying to encourage him. This is his dream. He called her out of the house late at night to tell her – just her – that this is what he's gonna do. Of course she won't stop him. She's not that kind of girl. She's supportive and kind. She doesn't understand that Cloud's doing it for her – I honestly don't think it enters her mind at any point until he reveals it OG during the lifestream sequence. She's pretty much as oblivious as he is and assumes they're just really close friends and her attraction is all one sided; same as he does about her.

Ah ha! Tifa thinks, realising that Cloud's lukewarm effort to be in the papers won't be enough to satisfy her. If Cloud's going to become a SOLDIER, then he'll be a hero – like Sephiroth. What do heroes do? Save people. He said he won't be home for a long time, but there's even less guarantee he'd come back at all, and she wants to see him again, even if it's just once. She can't leave Nibelheim. As the mayor's daughter she's got responsibilities to the people there – even though the town is dying out and nobody new is settling. Eventually, she'll be the only person her age left and maybe never hear from any of her friends again. But, she can't leave. She can't abandon the people. She'll be left, alone and lonely, until everyone’s gone. Her life wasted. But, she could see Cloud again and that makes her optimistic. Maybe she wouldn't mind the time so much if she thought she'd get to see him again. See that at least he's pursuing his dreams and he's happy with the direction his life took. Maybe she'd get one grand romantic gesture in her life if SOLDIER Cloud could save her.

Confused boi is confused. From Cloud's pov, he doesn't understand this odd request. He hasn't thought about Tifa saying everyone leaving means she's alone. He's only seen this from his pov, so he can't see why Tifa would need saving or how he would even know she needs him. He doesn't realise it's her way of trying to get some guarantee they'll meet again.

I mean, we can see he's trying to understand her. He's actually turned to look at her this time and his expression is searching, like he's looking for clues why she said this. He also invites her to explain by making a verbal cue.

And now that Cloud has her full attention – you know, the thing he was trying to get all along – he doesn't know what to do with it. He's flustered and awkward, and she's cajoling and turning on the charm, which she likely has in spades because mayor's daughter. I know I say that like it's a personality trait, but in part it is. She's had to learn decorum and everything that goes with it. She needs manners and good behaviour. She has to be just enough of an extrovert that she can attend functions – because even though I know I said the town is dying, they still have a reactor and that means they still get visits from important people. She can't show her dad or town up. In the Resolution analysis I made I said she hasn't been allowed to show emotion for five years since she arrived in Midgar, but it's very likely she's never been allowed to show much emotion. She's gotta be the doll. So, since she can't show she's sad, she goes for positive, and Cloud's frowning because he's not sure how he'll keep this promise she wants so bad and if she isn't interested in him then why is she asking for one anyway? Remember, they just did a do-si-do with each other's feelings acting like they don't like each other.

But then, oh look! Oh look! In the face of Tifa's unrelenting cheer and optimism, Cloud starts to smile. Eyes soften and the slightest lift at the corner of his mouth. He's starting to like the idea of being her hero. And it's just once and maybe from that one time save things would move forward for them. He's definitely not opposed to the idea – especially since he's the one who brings it up with Tifa later and she's pretty embarrassed at the reminder. The confusion from before could be because he thought she wasn't serious, but looking her dead in the eye – this is why eye contact matters – he sees she's serious. She wants him to be her hero. She wants to see him again and even offers a get out clause by saying “just once.” He doesn't have to do it forever or whenever she wants, just once. So, she can have hope she'll see him again some day.

And now we're back with the big idiot, who squeezes his eyes shut as he remembers Tifa in the bar earlier saying she feels trapped. Guilt likely pinches. Maybe he wonders if this was a hint she wanted his help – I'm wavering on this because she does say later she didn't expect this kind of thing when she asked for his promise – but if we go by choice of words alone it's leading. Then again, bby Tifa uses the word trapped, so it could just be a word that she feels comfortable using to describe her feelings. How we speak is made up of specific words we go to that feel right when we say them. It's just one of those things and why not everyone speaks the same even when they're from the same region or you have friend groups where you speak one way and other groups where you speak another.

From the dev pov I'm assuming it's meant to be a callback to the promise, but I wouldn't put it on Tifa doing it purposely to encourage Cloud to help her. If that makes sense.

And we close off with Cloud clenching his fist and resolving to help Tifa. To keep his promise.

At no point do we have confirmation from Tifa that the reason she asked Cloud to make a promise was to get a favour off him.

Conclusion

This is actually a very tragic scene from Tifa's pov. I've seen some people say this is because she's a young girl acting like a fairy princess, but I can't marry that idea with the gritty themes FF7 portrayed, and Remake does still hit those notes. Tifa is a young girl who had her romantic hopes dashed and she's looking for some kind of consolation from the boy she likes. He's leaving her. They're all leaving her. She'll be alone. She just wants hope that she'll see him again.

Is it manipulative? Yeah, ok, if that's how you see it. She's thirteen. Did I mention that? I'll say it again. She's thirteen, and one of the last people her age in town. Soon, she's gonna be the only one her age. She's lonely and doesn't want to lose everyone in her life. If you say that's manipulative by asking her crush make a promise so she can have hope she'd see him again, then go off I guess.

And let's touch on hope. Tifa is someone who has a lot of enduring hope – this is why I initially linked the ask to the resolution scene because the theme of hope runs through both. Tifa gets knocked down a lot. She's almost died several times, lost people close to her when they left town, lost Cloud when he left and still found a way to go on. She was never a damsel or trying to be one. She's wearing a cute dress because Cloud asked her out. She thought it was a date. Or she wanted it to be. And since when does wearing a dress make someone a weakling? Or does it only apply to Tifa because convenience?

After Cloud leaves, Tifa begins training every day. She learns from a master and develops her skills until she's at the peak. I mean, you've seen her fight. She kicks all the ass.

She wasn't sitting around like a damsel waiting for an opportunity for Cloud to come and save her. She got on with her life. She was happy at times, sad others. It was normal. She missed Cloud, I know that much from CC. She dressed up – again – hoping he'd be part of the group inspecting the reactor. She was disappointed when he wasn't there.

The promise between them wasn't about furthering a childhood romance or making Tifa someone Cloud couldn't get over. Neither of them was aware the other had feelings. It was awkward mutual oblivious crushing that clearly carried on for another two years until Cloud showed up with Zack, but didn't appear before Tifa because he’s that kind of idiot.

And what happened during the trip? Well, a lot of stuff, but the thing I know about is Sephiroth went batshit cray cray and slaughtered everyone in the town and then burnt it to the ground. He nearly killed Tifa. Cloud was there and that's what we see in his headache flashes about “I let you down again”.

He carries a lot of guilt about not being Tifa's hero, which is why he tries so hard to protect her. He made a promise to her that part of him believes he hasn't kept, but if it wasn't for him, she'd be dead. Again. He did save her. And he keeps on saving her. Not because of the debt of a promise but because he wants to be her hero. The real Cloud that's hidden deep within him, the one that made the original promise, the one that almost died saving her and got stuffed in a mako chamber for years until Zack rescued him, that Cloud wants to be Tifa's hero.

That's why after he recalls this moment – and it's one of the ones where he doesn't have a headache at all (just thought I'd mention that because certain people go on about how a specific scene is all Cloud not headachey Cloud whatever) – that he becomes focused on helping Tifa. He opens up both to her and others – check the camaraderie with the trio after the mission and him offering to walk Wedge home. 

This recollection of a promise is the first step for the real Cloud to finding his way back. That's why it anchors his development and that's why his and Tifa's relationship will never be less than something deep and meaningful.

#final fantasy 7 remake spoilers #cloti #final fantasy 7 remake analysis #the promise #Cloud Strife #Tifa Lockheart

[blu-joons]

BTS Reaction: You Make Them Cry Happy Tears

Jin:

“Happy birthday Seokjin,” you smiled, waving hello to your boyfriend on the other end of the FaceTime call. “Have you had a good day?”

“Not bad, it’s not the same without you though, I can’t believe this is the first year you’ll miss my birthday.” You smiled sympathetically, seeing the hurt in his eyes. You’d tried to plan around his birthday with work, but nothing seemed possible in order to go and see him. “Where are you off to anyway?” He asked.

You chuckled, your eyes flicking either side of you to check the numbers on the door. “I’ve just come out of a meeting,” you lied, “yeah, it was a really boring one too.” He lightly smirked, having begged you to be there for his birthday because work was too boring to be at anyway.

“Sorry.” Jin was disturbed by a knock at the door, quickly excusing himself. Meanwhile, you brought your hand back down to slide into your jean pocket. He opened the door, his phone falling to the floor as you smiled before him. “W-what?”

“You didn’t think I’d actually miss your birthday, did you?” Jin grabbed your hand, pulling you into his hotel room, lifting you up and spinning you around.

“I thought…what about work?” You chuckled, shutting him up with a kiss to the lips. The familiar taste of your strawberry gloss lingered on his lips, the realisation dawning that there you were wrapped in his arms. He tried to stop them, but hot tears rolled down his cheeks.

You wiped away quickly at his tears, his dazzling smile flashing. “You’re not supposed to cry; you’re supposed to be happy.”

“I am happy,” he informed you, “this is honestly the best birthday present I could have ever wished for.” You ran your hand down his chest, stopping at the hem of his shirt, lifting it slightly to reveal his abs.

“You know, your birthday isn’t over yet, if you’ve got time for one more present?”

Yoongi:

The two of you laid in bed, you reached down to hand Yoongi the present you’d hidden underneath the bed the night before. “Happy anniversary,” you whispered, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek. “I know we said no presents, but I just wanted to do something nice.”

Yoongi smiled down at you, laughing as you hid your face with your hands. It wasn’t much, but you thought after spending so many years together you’d do something nice to celebrate. He tore the silver wrapping paper away, revealing the scrapbook you’d put together over the last couple of weeks whilst he was away.

“Wow,” he whispered, his hand running over the front cover, “did you make all this?” You nodded, watching on as he turned the first page.

The book was full of memories the two of you had shared, trinkets that Yoongi would never have thought of keeping, like the boarding pass from your first holiday together, a shell you collected on your third date at the beach, and the first ever postcard he sent you whilst on tour. As well as that you also got several photos printed of the two of you together, writing little messages throughout the book telling him how much you loved him and cared for him.

Closing the book, you finally looked at Yoongi. His eyes were brimming with tears, his hand shook lightly trying to hold back his sobs. “Yoongi, I’m sorry, I didn’t think this would make you cry,” you apologised, wiping away the few tears that fell.

“No, jagi, these are happy tears. You have no idea how touched I am you made this book, it’s the perfect reminder of how lucky I am to have you in my life.” You reached up, delicately placing your lips to his.

You reopened the book, Yoongi watching closely, “there’s still some blank pages for us to add a few more photos in.” Yoongi nodded, whilst you reached for your phone, opening the camera. “Smile!”

The flash of the camera made him jump as he realised what you’d done. “No!” He chuckled, “you can’t put a photo of me crying in the book.”

“You look adorable love, you know, I think this is the first time I’ve ever seen you cry. It’s a momentous occasion and I want to save it. And, I promise not to show the boys a photo of Min Yoongi crying.” He leaned down towards you, his gummy smile appearing, “we’ll keep it our little secret.”

“I can’t say no to that.”

Hoseok:

“Cut!” The director shouted once more, only infuriating the fire in Hoseok further. He’d been working on his music video for most of the day, continuously texting you about how bossy the director was. It hurt to know how upset he was getting, so you decided to book the afternoon off work and head down to decide him.

As soon as your eyes landed on Hobi you wanted to run to him, you could see how upset he was, running his hands through his hair.

“Anyone would think you didn’t want this done by today,” the director snarled directly at Hobi. He’d lost all fight in him to fight back, but you hadn’t.

“Excuse me,” you shouted, standing in front of his face, “you’re paid to be the director, maybe if you did your job a bit better people wouldn’t have to constantly retake because they didn’t know what they were doing.” Hobi came over and stood beside you, wrapping his arm around your waist. “We’ll be taking a break now.”

You led Hobi to one of the empty dressing rooms, sitting him down and grabbing him a bottle of water. A few tears rolled down his cheeks, a sign of his frustrations and tiredness.

“Hobi,” you whispered, running your hands comfortingly through his hair, “you don’t need to cry sweetie, it’s going to be fine.”

“It will be thanks to you, sunshine, I couldn’t withstand much more, but luckily here you were, looking after me like usual.”

You leaned across the table, resting your forehead on his, pecking the tip of his nose, “I will always be here to protect you Hobi, you don’t ever have to worry about that.”

“I know, you really are the best jagi.”

Namjoon:

The Parisian crowd sang back Idol word for word, Namjoon’s eyes scanned the arena, taking in the thousands of army bombs before him. It was one of his favourite things to do, see the smiling faces of all the fans in the arena. He walked down, checking out all of them in the front row, his eyes suddenly falling on a familiar face.

He froze, raising his glasses to sit on top of his face. You smiled back, lightly waving, blowing him a kiss. Once he had convinced himself you were really there, he collapsed to the floor, burying his head in between his knees. His chest rose and fell as the tears freely fell.

You chose not to tell him you’d be at the gig that night, much rather surprising him with your presence after nearly a month apart. You desperately wanted to jump over the barrier and give him a hug, but the security was too close to be able to.

Instead he jumped off the stage, sprinting to you, pulling you into his chest. “Joonie don’t cry babe, I’m here.” Knowing you were here was the best feeling in the world as his hands ran through the ends of your hair. “You’re doing so well, I’m so proud of you, look at the thousands of fans.”

“They don’t matter,” he whispered into your ear, “only you. All I see right now is you.”

The members all watched on, Hobi too shedding a tear for his leader. He pulled away and laced his hand in with his own, squeezing it gently. “Jagiya, I’m so happy to see you, I’ve really missed you these past few days.”

“I’ve missed you too Namjoonie, that’s why I flew here, I just wanted to see your handsome face.” An embarrassed blush grew on his cheeks, hiding the tear stains from moments earlier. “Get back on the stage and kick ass, we’ll have a proper reunion later.” He nodded, doing as he was told. “I’ll be watching,” you smiled.

“Good.”

Jimin:

You guided Jimin round into the garden, your hands covering his eyes. You counted down from three, moving aside to reveal three of the most important people in his life. His mother, father, and younger brother.

Just a couple of days ago he’d mentioned in conversation how much he was missing them all, so you decided to fly them to your home, knowing just how much it would mean to them. You stood back with a smile as the family embraced, his parents were thrilled to see their son in good health, whilst he brother instantly decided to give Jimin a slap around the ear.

“How did you guys get here?” Jimin asked, glancing between the three of them.

“It was all Y/N.”

It was only when he spun around to look at you did you notice the tears that fell down his cheeks. He walked over to you; arms wide for you to walk into. “Thank you,” he repeatedly whispered, covering every inch of your face with a kiss. “I can’t believe you actually did this just for me.”

“I could see how much you missed them Jiminie, and they all missed you, it’s honestly no big deal.”

He shook his head, this was massive to him, it meant more than he could ever express with words. “You’ve no idea how much having my family here means to me, I feel like finally I have all my family back together again.”

“I can tell, by the tears streaming down your cheeks,” you teased, wiping them away for him. “Just enjoy having them here, for me.”

“Of course, I will.” He replied, sweetly kissing your lips. “Oh, and I wasn’t crying, I just had something in my eye.

“Yeah right, you just keep telling yourself that.”

Taehyung:

The door slammed, an obvious sign that Taehyung was home after what was bound to be yet another stressful day at the studio. The whole band were under immense pressure for comeback, but being Taehyung’s girlfriend, you felt the brunt of it. Despite your best attempts to try and look after him, he continued to work late into the night.

So, tonight you’d decided to take it upon yourself to make sure Tae took a couple of hours to look after himself. You’d set up an evening with all his favourites, food, movies, blankets, anything you could find.

You stood up to greet him, pulling him into you. “Hey,” you mumbled, pressing a kiss to the side of his head. “Bad day?”

“The worst.” You sighed, intertwining your hands, guiding him into the living room. “I just can’t seem to get this melody no matter how hard I try, then the choreography is just hard and…woah!” His eyes took in the sight before him, completely astonished by the set up.

“Surprise,” you whispered, feeling him pull you into him. His head rested on top of yours, picking out each individual bit around the room. “I thought maybe we could just have a night to calm you down, remind you that you don’t always have to an idol, and it’s alright to be human.”

Taehyung didn’t reply, but you could feel a few damp tears falling on top of his head, listening to him sniffing a little to try and stop his tears. “Tae,” you whispered, placing your hand firmly on his chest, “what’s the matter, is there something wrong with it all?”

“No,” he quickly responded, “it’s the complete opposite, it’s absolutely perfect.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” he smiled, kissing the top of your head, “you are honestly perfect. I’ve been terrible to you recently with all of this at work, and yet still you decide to be so kind and generous, looking after me when I’ve been nothing but a pain, you really have no idea how much all of this and you mean to me. Thank you so much.”

“You’re more than welcome Tae.”

Jungkook:

Watching the tired expressions of all the boys in their latest interview in America shattered your heart. Their schedules were insane, leaving limited time for sleep. Of course, your heart ached most for your Kookie. He was still so young; his life was overwhelming for him at the best of times.

As soon as he sat on the camera to you he forced a smile, assuring you that he was taking the best care of himself, but you knew otherwise, his eyes had lost their shine, they were running on empty with the rest of him.

Which is why just a day later you found yourself backstage at their gig in San Francisco. After an excruciating call with Big Hit, begging them to fly you out, they finally agreed and arranged all your transport to get to Jungkook. You waited patiently in the dressing room, your leg nervously bouncing until the door opened.

Namjoon was aware of your plan, making sure Jungkook was the first to enter the room. Instantly his eyes landed on you, but quickly to the table of food, then fell back on you, his orbs widened, convincing himself that it was in fact you stood before him.

“Kookie,” you chuckled, running up to him, holding his tired body in his arms. As soon as he felt your skin on his he collapsed, burying his head into the crook of your neck.

“Y/N,” he whispered, squeezing you tighter. You struggled for breath as he refamiliarized himself with your touch, immediately feeling all the energy fill back into his body. “I can’t believe you’re here.”

He pulled away from you, staring at you with tearstained cheeks. “Oh baby,” you giggled, wiping away at his cheeks, “what are you crying for?”

“Because I’ve needed you, and now you’re here. And you took it upon yourself to come, and see me, and make me happy, I’m just really happy to see you.” Each word was broken by little sobs that escaped him, your heart pounding with love for the dark-haired boy before you.

You leaned forwards, pressing your lips to his, “I’m going to look after you Jungkook, and first things first, you need sleep.”

He didn’t need telling twice, guiding you to one of the sofas. “Cuddle,” he murmured into your ear, pulling you down on top of him. As soon as his eyes shut, he was out like a light, his arm wrapped around your waist. “Mm, love you jagi.”

“Love you more JK.”

---

Masterlist

#bts #suga #j hope #jimin #jin #v #bts imagine #jungkook #rm #bts fluff #bts angst #bts x you #bts x reader #bts reaction #bts reactions #bts scenario #bts scenarios #namjoon imagine #jungkook imagine #suga imagine #kim namjoon #kim taehyung #kim seokjin #jeon jungkook #jung hoseok #min yoongi #park jimin