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#nothing i write feels good enough
banukaihelpme · 8 months
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ganondoodle · 7 months
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i often really do feel like an .. unwanted part of the fandom, i dont draw beautiful landscapes, i have unpopular but strong opinions im constantly annoying about and rarely change, dont like/dont draw the pretty young popular twinks and hot gurls to fanboi over nor do i turn characters into one, the opposite moreso, draw only one ship no ones heard of really, got little energy to interact with the few people that are nice to me and send me asks so it probably looks like im ignoring everyone and unfortunately but still rarely get so stressed i get overwhelmed and emotional about pehaps seemingly minor things and spiral almost into a breakdown feeling super embarrassed about it afterwards but the damage is already done and i look like a freak or agressive weirdo
#ganondoodles talks#also probably sounds like self pity#but this feeling hits everytime i see a super popular artist be the popular cool artist#i am a little weird i know that and thats not somethign bad i think#but the internet never gets to see that much of me#i tend to write posts when i am at my worst bc it has to go somewhere#so the image it tells people is that im a weirdly strong opiniod freak that gets breakdowns over nothing#i also dont feel like im otherwise -cool tm- enough to balance that out#i dont think my art is as stylized or as inventive as others nor am i cool to interact with bc idk how to be cool to interact with#i feel double bad when i misstepped with someone i used to talk to bc of something stupid ... or just dont know what i did wrong#im guessing its especially when i am in that spiraling state of mind where i really am not myself tbh#it still feels very bad bc i feel like i can never make it up to anyone again#sorry i acted like a jerk my brain was exploding in emotions in a desperate attempt to deal with something idk how to deal with-#-and made me not act like myself but now i feel really dumb about it#doesnt sound like a good excuse#... i want to thank those that do stick with me#even if i acted strange sometimes- even if i disappointed sometimes- even when i couldnt keep a promise#there are little things that still make me angry at myself#like that one time i asked in the tags whod read as long as the end of them and if someone did shoudl send me an ask so id draw a lil thing#and i got two#and i kept trying to remeber oh shit i need to do that and forgetting again/not having energy for it in a loop#i still feel like a jerk about it but now its probably too late#i wish i could answer all asks i get but man my energy for that is always rock bottom#no matter how much i enjoy the ask#and i love getting asks!!!#im sorry :((
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if ur still doing requests pls rem if not das all g
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she’s chrysanthemum-coded to me <3
close-ups ig
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#ask#death note#rem#very messy i apologize#was extra messy here because i was playing with a new brush and by that i mean a default brush that i've never touched before#i actually quite like it very fun i typically like brushes that are 100% or close to 100% opaque but this was fun i like how it layered#i think i'm gonna finalize my idea and perhaps render something fully for once because i feel up to it if flowers are involved#but i promise nothing#drew these left to right btw. there were also like 2 more but they were small and i gave up on them so wjatever#i like the last one the best i think i needed a bit to figure out how i wanted the petals to lay and i like that one the best#the silhouette feels good i like the shape the back i did start trying smth asymmetrical but rem is very symmetrical and i find the symmetr#paired with the wings feels very regal and powerful and almost cape-like as a silhouette which i am a fan of#if i did finish something i might add misa in which case i need to think of what flower she most resembles roses are too easy i need smth#else but i will decide that later bc i am writing this very late at night and now i'm gonna queue it up for tomorrow bc i am going somewher#so goodbye goodnight good day idk what time it is for you. so#WAIT I SHOULD DO RYUK TOO WAIT WAIT soon. soon. he will be a bug yes yessss wait wait if he's a bug i want misa to be butterfly themed#like maybe a beetle of some kind? no no no wasp? ant? i'll think abt it#light would prob be some sort of poisonous plant? idk if u have thoughts idk tell me i'm getting into this bc i'm deprived of springtime at#and it is making me silly :3 teehee anyway i will Think about this and get back to it soon enough#gooddbye bye bye sayonara you weeaboo shits idk. bye
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clove-pinks · 2 years
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The post in my drafts that I just wrote is maybe too angry to share, but here is an important message that someone might need to hear: the amount of attention that your tumblr posts receive has NOTHING to do with them being "good enough". It heavily relies on popular and influential people boosting them (at the right moment), is the subject matter a Currently Popular Fandom, and sheer luck.
Please go on sharing your original characters (who have no built-in audience of thousands), your art and writing unconnected to Currently Popular Fandom, and your passion projects that aren't on anyone's radar. You ARE good enough! You have a unique voice, even if your audience is small!!
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hoppipolla · 1 year
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Except for you. You whose eyes saw the pain buried deep within. You who saw my trembling hand and held it.
(scp)
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hella1975 · 1 year
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me: yeah i didn't project too badly onto taob haha *sees a quote from taob randomly on a tiktok webweave about girlhood*
#HELLO?????? yeah zuko they girlhooded you. yeah no they transed your gender#idk if this makes sense but ur coping mechanisms are just sooo she/her#like do you have any idea how baffling this was like no tags no search no nothing it was just there by sheer luck#i saw it was a webweave about girlhood and i was like ohoughhee this will be good#got a few slides in. hello i recognise thAT FUCKING QUOTE WHAT IS HAPPENING#like it's such a niche quote and out of context like it was it could have been from ANYTHING#AND it wasn't credited which i'll get to in a second#but honestly i felt like a mother identifying her child through something incredibly niche like a single freckle or some shit#bc i was like 'this is such a nondescript quote and isnt a big enough moment for me to remember vividly and yet somehow i Just Know'#and low and behold i double checked with a cheeky ctrl+f on taob AND I WAS FUCKING RIGHT#WHAT THE FUCK#im a tad fuming there was no credit like the person used like 12 images and only 3 of them are Non-Tumblr Writing Quotes#and NONE got credited#like i get it's hard enough to get art credited but i feel with artists there's still a general conensus that you're SUPPOSED to tag them#but with writing people honestly just treat it like it's free real estate and the thing is it kinda IS especially if it's fanfic#but also..... why would you not just say who wrote that? like you clearly like it enough to put in ur little slideshow#so why not give credit where credit is due. annoying. bc now im like if this happened by pure fucking chance#then how many times has this happened when ive literally been totally unaware of it?#how many times have MY WORDS just been flung about tiktok without any acknowledgement that i wrote them?#idkkkk just how writing especially amongst tiktokers is treated as a lesser or watered down artform#that doesn't require the decency given to 'actual' art. i might just be being cynical bc i dont like tiktok tho lol#like girl (taob) what the hell are you doing at the devil's sacrament#taob
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hxhhasmysoul · 7 days
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wouldn't it be nice if the author of the fics finished them. the author is me.
#vent#for the last 4 months my life has been in stupid crisis mode#like constantly#from major ones where i had to move out for a while because it was impossible to stay where i lived#to not being able to use my kitchen for over a week#and like other more or less minor house related stuff that made it impossible for me to use something normally#not a single week without something like that or shit at work which is constantly being so fucking chaotic#and now someone died in my family#not someone very close but i liked them#and of course like feeling sad that they are gone can't be the only thing#because it has to come with the headache of i need to travel for their funeral and it's just before easter#so there's no one in this city to leave my dog with#because most of my friends either live abroad or have cats or are busy before easter..#i'd just want a week where nothing happens#and like the writing is weighing heavy on me#because i miss it#also i wish i could finish something#i wish something good would happen that i could feel proud off#also because i'm mentally ill and fucking stupid when i was going crazy with my kitchen not working and work shit#i bought new furniture#because after 15 years i've finally had enough money to buy some that aren't fucking black and inconvenient and ugly#which is like a huge project and a crisis i brought onto myself#just because i was too burnt out to write#and i wanted something nice to happen to me#like a nice living space that doesn't make feel like i have no ownership over it because everything in it was some else's choice#and that old furniture was bought by my mother and my brother ages ago and it's handmedowns#and my fucking horrible mother feels personally slighted that i want to get rid of a bed that is broken#because my brother's kids jumped on it regularly when they used to visit pre covid#yeah it's been broken that long because i lost all my savings during covid and had to change careers to a souless pointless corpo job#long pathetic whine and overshare over
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heartpascal · 2 months
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missing ur writing😔 reading ur stories truly feels like a big warm embrace, yes they make me cry a little BUT its the good type of tears i promise❤️ when the silly fan fic writer on tumblr is actually insanely talented😭
stopppp u will make me blush 🤭 no but thank u!!!! it is much appreciated <3 and i appreciate every tear you shed ok 😔 i am trying to write i promise <3
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Transcription: Gumball: I was born in the year 2000! Rob: and I was born in the year 1999. Both: we cant afford a house!
something about Gumball being 12 years old in 2012……
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skitskatdacat63 · 13 days
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Traje de luces are seriously peak design, they will literally never get old for me. Every once in a while I'll go on a hunt for more matador pics, and I feel like my art isn't even brushing the surface. Just the amount of poses, colors, situations I could draw is so endless WAUGH
Sometimes they're truly the only thing I want to draw :,) I want to live in a parallel universe where all our f1 boys are bullfighters instead
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everytime i take a tiny triangle out of the cake i made my brother comes in and cuts off a trapezium, making the cut a single clean line. it would be vaguely funny but like i made the thing and like could he not eat it all without leaving some for me
#rant#i guess#it really fucking annoys me how i have to cut off my share in everything that comes in this house ever#like always stay on alert for your food and stash away your share or its gonna be gone by morning#i dont even know why its making me frustrated enough to cry#its just. nice good food has always been a treat and motivator for me and my brother has a habit of always grabbing my share too#it sounds so silly out of context but like. ive had a lifetime of going through a bad tiring day with nothing to look forward to but#a nap and something i like to eat. and always opening the fridge to an empty container#or worse the box is there but then i get in bed with a book and open the damn thing to find half a spoonful inside.#it would be annoying once or twice but its just. all the fucking time.#i hate this survivalistic shit#its not long before i move out thank god but still#he always did it when i was young and my mom hardly ever said anything#like now if i want i can get myself some treats but when i was younger i didnt have much choice.#i havent had the time to bake in two years and prep plus baking the layer cake took two days. i put so much work in it.#and he ate half of it by the time i came back from fucking peeing. i cant even say anything because he gets fucking angry and aggressive#at the drop of a hat so im. crying in my room about it. look my feelings are not as drownable and consuming now. i generally dont#let things like that affect me too much. but i feel so young again and like the entire world is so unfair. i don't know#writing my feelings out on a tumblr blog is so much better than journalling they should recommend this shit in therapy
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dep-priv · 3 months
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Mmmhh that one time a fandom darling basically showed their whole ass to me bc I wanted to talk about how someone that'd been sexually harassing me and others but tell me not to on the pretense that the person harassing us might hurt themselves just bc they were autistic 🤦🏽‍♂
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enfinizatics · 6 months
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i'm about to go insane while working on this bachelor's thesis. because i'm required to write it in my native language, yet a significant portion of my source materials is in english and i find that i can express my thoughts more effectively in english, but alas, i'm constrained to work within the confines of my native tongue and it's so infuriating because whatever i write, it seems so odd and not the way i want it to because it doesn't convey my ideas the way i want them to and!!! it's so!!! exhausting!!! i've truly colonized myself and it shows because i lost the ability to write quality stuff in my native language and i'm truly struggling here.
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arpeggiopeg · 2 months
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I'm well aware the notes gap between fic and fanart exists but it's still rough to see it happen
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imaginethathaikyuu · 9 months
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If we’re doing ace hc’s may I add Semi to the list? Underrated character and loml and he just 100% gives ace
ABSOLUTELY!!!!! how many years of semis life did he spend thinking he was just "awkward" and "bad at intimacy" and "hadnt found the one" until u rolled into his life (ok i wrote asexual reader x asexual semi blurb)
he's so nervous for every date that he wants to barf, because he really likes u and he doesnt want to fuck this up, but he knows he inevitably will because he's ruined every relationship hes ever been in, and he just wants to prolong the honeymoon phase as long as possible because u make him so insanely happy
but u finally ask to stay the night...and he doesnt know how to say no to u...so he doesnt, and he brings u home after dinner, and he's practiced the scenario a million times over in his head. he does what hes supposed to do, he turns on a movie and pulls u real close and when u start kissing him his entire script goes out the window. but he decides he'll figure it out, and maybe it won't go too badly if he just does what all his friends tell him to do. but when u keep him from unbuttoning ur shirt he becomes completely frazzled, like he can't even try to act cool because hes too nervous, and he asks whats wrong and u say nothing, but . . .
and when u say ur ace hes like huh ??? and when u explain that means ur not interested in sex hes like um ??? and then ur apologizing to him, and he feels bad, because theres nothing to be sorry for, he's the one that ruins things, he just wants to do this right
and u keep explaining, and semi has a literal oh. moment. like, hearing u describe ur lack of sexual desire literally has the gears turning in his head. hes never in his life heard anyone speak his own thoughts out loud, yet here u are, basically describing him completely, in words he didnt know how to say. and hes genuinely so relieved because for the first time ever he doesnt feel pressure from his partner to deliver something he doesnt have, and he actually feels equipped to explain himself now. this man is relaxing for the first time ever in his life
and u get to sit and listen to his ramblings about all the awful sex hes had and how he thought he was just weird or wired the wrong way, how he didn't invite u over sooner cuz he was scared of disappointing u, and he spends the rest of the night asking u questions and getting way too happy when u relate on certain things<333
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hella1975 · 6 months
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Hi, I followed you for your fic and I saw you had some posts about having ADHD.
I'm also ADHD, could you tell me about your writing process? I get stuck with things staying in the notes app and they don't really get past that stage.
I'm not sure if it's an interest thing, if the notes fulfill the want so there's no need to put it together. If you have anything thoughts about how to keep up the consistency for fic that'd be appreciated.
Hopefully this isn't too serious of a question, I just have some trouble with wanting to write but not having a purpose for it and I was wondering if that was a brain thing/relatable.
Thank you in advance for any response ☺️ also good luck with your uni stuff~
thank you anon! and dw this isn't too serious at all. i think it's interesting that you ask about keeping consistency bc ironically the biggest tell of my adhd in my writing is my INCONSISTENCY, as you can see with the way updates happen. i wrote 200k words of taob in one year and now i update twice a year on average. i wrote 60k words of tams within a few weeks and now it hasn't been updated since july. and these are just my public projects where i at least have the added pressure of knowing people are waiting for an update, you should see the state of some of my original wips! basically my point here is that my adhd is VERY apparent with my writing habits, but these days i work with it instead of trying to fight it. even before i knew i had adhd, i was aware that my writing came in periods. id go a few weeks churning out insane amounts daily and then dry up for months on end, and each time id enter the 'have i lost it??? will i ever write again???' spiral until low and behold, something would inspire me again and id be back to typing like a madman. i used to seriously fight my dry periods bc of that fear of 'losing' my writing, but that never helped and honestly turning writing into a need instead of a want probably made it worse.
it's one reason - aside the fact it is rude and annoying, i dont want to pretend it isn't or put the blame on me bc that's not what im saying here - that constant demands for fic updates bother me so much, bc people dont realise that the writing style i have now where yes we unfortunately go long times without updates is actually how my writing comes out at its best standard. so yeah! it can be incredibly frustrating and even scary to feel physically unable to write, but if it's something you like and want to do i do truly believe it'll always come back sooner or later, or at least that's my experience :)
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