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#nothing ever is allowed to change
goldforgoalies · 5 months
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i’m curious: what nonexistent/unfinished fic haunts you the most? which one are you kind of never not thinking about? could be your own abandoned WIP but also an idea a friend pitched to you and then never got around to writing, etc
#i’ll go first:#mine’s a fic i watched jes kind of brainstorm for fun on the dash maybe like. one and a half years ago at this point#and i still think about it all the time. that idea haunts me. i have a folder on my phone where i semi-regularly add quotes and poetry#that reminds me of that fic idea#iirc it was a verse where after someone dies#their spirit just kind of…lingers#for an indeterminate amount of time before crossing over or whatever#no one knows what makes them linger#but normally they eventually move on#and geno died YEARS ago but his ghost has just stuck around#and sid continued on like everything was normal#which is kind of frowned upon because you’re supposed to allow/encourage the spirit to cross over#but geno’s still here. he’s playing hockey and he and sid are living together and it’s like nothing has ever changed#sid never mourned him because he didn’t have to#but then one day geno’s spirit starts to flicker#and keeps phasing in and out#and sid has to confront his own grief and the fact that his time with geno is — most probably — coming to a close#and it’s made more complicated by the fact that they’ve essentially been living as a couple for years now but not talking about it#and it’s just this kind of heart-wrenching story about the denial and panic and fear and anger sid feels#trying to keep something alive that was never alive in the first place#and was never meant to last#anyway 🙃 it haunts me immeasurably#was just thinking about this because i added a few things to that folder on my phone#i think jes was calling that fic idea ‘revenant’
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larapaulussen · 6 months
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writterings · 4 months
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procastinating at work but here's my philosophy for today: it's okay to hate a behavior in someone else but also understand that this behavior does not make them a bad person. like i HATE when i'm venting or talking about a serious problem i have and then the person i'm talking to starts trying to relate by talking about a similar experience they've had. like absolutely hate it. make me feel like the focus is being taken off me and it genuinely is in some ways, regardless of your intent. yeah, i understand that's your way of trying to comfort me -- but that's not the way i need or want to be comforted, and that's what matters in a situation where i'm coming to you to be helped.
and that's okay! like. no one is in the wrong here unless i have explicitly asked you to support me in a different way and you're intentionally refusing, or if i lash out at you when i could just disengage. it just means you're not a person i should go to for help when talking about my problems. we can still be friends, you and i can probably support each other in different ways, but we're just incompatible in this regard. and that's like....okay. it's okay to be incompatible with people.
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alexjcrowley · 1 year
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Saying Swiss Army Man is about gay necrophilia is like saying Oedipus Rex is about a guy who fucks his mom. You're only technically correct.
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opens-up-4-nobody · 3 months
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#aye. in another life i would have loved to be an illustrator#i dont like to do digital tho and i dont wanna b a starving artist and i like science too much#but it would make me so hsppy if i was allowed to draw all day everyday#forever and ever drawing#but nooo i wanted to get a phd in microbial evolution. and im procrastinating working on my preproposal#literally doing anything to not work on it. i coulf have been a illustrator. an endocrinologist. a neurobiologist. a paleontologist. but i#chose microbial ecologist then thought no fuck ecology and went for photosynthetic mechanisms#bc i do love my lil cyanos and i do love Microbiology. i love those underapprecated lil guys#the world is so big and beautiful and all i wanna do is understand. but my stupid brain doesnt work right and ive burried my wonder for so#long i wonder if ill ever have it back. i was reading a bunch of lil notes i wrote this semester and i go from#everything is so beautiful i cant stand it. there are angels in the sunbeams and they feel like healing. to im the world around me is#warping beyond my control. i cant feel any joy. my head is sending me terrible ideas but im not even scared. it feels inevitable#but last week i was so full of energy i couldnt sleep. nothing changed but the chemicals in my head#hopefully next semester will b better and i can stop feeling like damaged goods and feel bad fro my advisor#for having to deal with me. hes v nice and has a bip0lar brother so he's sympathetic but i wish he didn't have to b#i want to stop fantasizing about being something else and just focus on being better at what i am#but im such a pathological perfectionist that its so difficult to make any progress. but whatever ive been feeling alright for the#past week or so. hopefully that carries through. and maybe somedsy i can illustrate something for my precious baby cyanobacteria#unrelated
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flame-shadow · 13 days
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Idk the last time I saw a reblog/like ratio on a post of mine that looked like this but it's interesting.
I had to mute that commission poll post yesterday though because of this lol. Thanks to everyone who shared their opinion/experiences tho!
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lameow-l · 4 months
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so wait… furina is the name of the archon role that “furina” had to play
wouldn’t make more sense narrative wise to give her a name of her own?? like scara gets his own epic chapter about him ridding himself of his past and adopting a new name then proceed to ignore said name in favor of “hat guy” but the actress playing “furina” doesn’t get to be known for her own name?
like people of fontain (partly maybe) know the truth so why not let her free? let her enjoy the simple human life she so so longed for? even the other furina wouldn’t want this
#i think her story is a better use of the (give character name) mechanic that wasn’t really needed in scara’s arc imo#like yeah it’s cool and all but we literally saw him throw the actual physical manifestation of his past into the fucking void!!!#i personally think it was kind of wasted on him on top of me thinking that idea was entirely stupid to begin with and hyv keeps proving tha#no one actually refers to him as wanderer or by the name they choose online.. its just scara#thats both bad marketing and confusing burying the character away from new players#and like the amount of shit u have to go through as a new player just to name ur weird huge hat angry little dude is just..#but imagine how impactful such a mechanic would be for ‘furina’ who spent all her live acting a role she wasn’t#at the end of all that agony do u think she could endure hearing people call her by that name??#unlike scara she did that for the people every moment of those 500 years knowing that the fate of every person is mere a breakdown away#there was nothing in that for her or for a reward she thought deserved.. just suffering on her own#it just makes more sense for her to want a different name a different identity that has nothing to do with that role#and again i think that mechanic is stupid anyway but if it had to happen i’d loved it more with ‘furina’#or idk give her like a clueless friend she gets to meet that keeps calling her a different name for reasons and her liking the name or smth#maybe give her a different role she gets to play.. or have neuvillette give her a name#same with scara i think it would have been a lot better if he went by a name he choose when all his previous names were chosen for him#i dont see how the entirety of genshin writers and devs agreed to this mechanic being implemented honestly#like traveler is literally there waiting for a single soul to address them by their actual name (the one we choose) but every time it’s jus#traveler traveler.. even their most beloved companion calls them traveler#like that alone should've changed the writers minds bc such a name would 1. either not ever be used or replaced by a nickname#2. the hell devs had to go through to not allow certain phrases and names and 3. the hell both teams will suffer should they add a new char#tl;dr stupid dumb mechanic but they should still give furina a new name#genshin impact#furina#fontaine archon quest#scaramouche
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deathinfeathers · 6 months
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235uranium · 8 months
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fords hands really are a great metaphor for queerness. wild it was entirely on accident
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visdiefje · 8 months
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Man I can't wait until I can recover alone for a while
#I was alone in my apartment today and put together a standing clotheshanger shoerack combo#and it was actually so nice to do stuff and NOT receive verbal feedback I didn't ask for#I actually HATE when I start to do things wrong and immediately there's an audible no no no#it makes me feel like I Have to be on top of things and do them right immediately so everyone can be silent to me about it#trying to navigate life without triggering an unskippable cutscene as it were#if I do it on my own I will find out I'm going about it the wrong way soon enough#and I'll correct it#no nitpicking needed just using my time and brain to find a solution#it makes me feel so much better about myself#I'm already starting to see why I've always felt so incapable and inadequate. I can tell I really need this#I'm really curious what else I can do now that I'm allowed to figure it out in silence#more than ever reaffirmed that auditory is my quickest sense to wear me out/overstimulate#which is why reveiving verbal feedback I have to interpret makes me want to fly into a rage sometimes#because I NEVER get enough time to figure it out. they see me not change my course of action immediately and they take it out of my hands#it feels so. crowded and like nothing is in my control#give me time. give me space to breathe. let me make a mistake and understand firsthand why it's a mistake#please please please stop narrating everything to me. please. can we be quiet for a while.#you can sit with me but please don't tell me anything.#bien rambles
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dreaminginstasis · 1 year
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4 year relationship down the drain because he’s changed his mind about kids in the future. This is the third time it’s happened to me. I am actively going to stay single for the rest of my life. I’m so tired of this. It’s so deeply hurtful feeling like you’re not enough for someone you’ve loved and cared for and cradled while they were sick.
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the push and pull of MSR in the cancer arc
Louise Glück, from Marathon / The X-Files 4×14, Memento Mori / Phoebe Bridgers, Moon Song / 4x17, Tempus Fugit / I've Been Thinking Of Ending Things, dir. Charlie Kaufman / 4×18, Max / Sue Zhao (@beamusing) / 4×22, Elegy / Lucy Dacus, Historians / Ocean Vuong, Into the Breach
#the way every time i do something cancer arc i end up deep in scully's pov...#i had room for one thing but it didn't work out so i want to mention Bag of Bones by Mitski which i had on loop while making this#i just... they go back and forth so much#being so soft and yet so tense and holding each other a little apart even though they want to be close#the way they hurt each other without even meaning to but comfort each other without consciously trying#it's simply so much.#there's so much they want to but can't won't say that they're scared of saying and it SHOWS#both in the moments they snap or push away and in the times they hold each other close#scully says it in elegy! ''he's been a great source of strength for me'' but when karen asks if she's told him that fhe truth is she hasn't#and that's so much of their struggle is that they dont know if they can say all they mean to each other#so you end up with the tension and pain of wanting nothing more than to be together and have that safety and comfort#but not knowing if it's allowed and okay and how much it might hurt in the end#they need each other but they're losing each other but they're also becoming closer in an agonizing new way#he's the ONLY person she called#you ever think of that scene in memento mori where they're on the phone and she says ''right now the truth is in me''#and mulder immediately replies with "i will be right there'' so soft and certain because in that moment#she IS the truth and she is the only thing that matters#and then how she starts to pull away throughout the arc and isolate herself and that causes pain for both of them#and is part of why mulder is a bit of a jerk in gethsemane#but he never fully lets her pull away and she still leans on him she still has him and that doesn't change!!!#it's the push and pull of it all#Lu rambles#txf#the x files#msr#dana scully#fox mulder#usermoody#userscully#usermulder
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lucky-draws · 1 year
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arts and crafts sunday on monday: making a journal (?) for this year
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the-casbah-way · 9 months
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sometimes it truly is like god. my head hurts and i’m tired and people are perceiving me and there’s nothing i can do about it and i have to be me forever and i can’t believe the sun used to be enough to cheer me up and also my head hurts again
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girlscience · 1 year
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um ACTUALLY how much do I have to suffer before it's okay to want to change something?? like fuck I don't know whether I only want breast reduction or top surgery, but I am not evil for wanting either one! I am not bad for wanting to lose weight and be stronger! Also, I don't have to keep living in this body just to be an example showing kids that they can have a future living in a body like mine and looking like me and liking the things I like! Fuck man!
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lunarheslwt · 11 months
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