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#not when we can think about the equation of sex to a relationship which in itself would just leave Loki so lost to begin with
fatliberation · 6 months
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If its ok to ask; how do you feel about fat kinks? I havent seen any fat acceptance blogs talk abt it. /genq
I know it's a sore spot for a lot of fat liberationists (and yes, I'm quite familiar with why so please do not take to my inbox), I think people are scared to talk about it. personally, I think it is crucial that people with fat kinks are able to access fat liberation spaces so long as they leave the kink at the door. I say this not only because the majority of them are fat people, but because that community is steeped in a deep shame and feeling of brokenness for taking delight in fatness and/or weight gain, which perpetuates rampant fatphobia. and fat liberation is what will heal those wounds. I don't understand it when fat activists tell kinksters/fetishists/feedists, whatever you want to call them to stay out of the fat liberation movement. because what is the alternative? do you want them against the movement? that doesn't make sense at all. I think people are so uncomfortable, disgusted, or afraid of this community they don't understand, that they just wish they wouldn't exist. they aren't going away. kink is akin to sexuality, to identity, to queerness. I think what people really mean when they say feedists should stay out of fat lib is, "kink should stay within spaces designated for kink." we aren't talking about kink when it comes to who can belong in a movement, we are talking about people. it is wrong to equate every person who has a kink or a fetish to a predator. it causes very real harm to those people, because they internalize that message that their kink makes them a bad person who is inherently worthless, who has to hide. if feedists aren't welcome in fat liberation, they aren't welcome anywhere.
I think that people who love fat people, love feeding people, love their own fat bodies, who see their fattest selves as their most satisfying selves, would be natural allies to this movement once they find their way to it and feel safe and accepted here. I want to make it absolutely clear that ANYONE is welcome on this blog as long as they aren't harassing or harming anyone. so many of my followers and biggest supporters are kink blogs. some of my closest friends and fat liberationist allies are feedists. I know feedists who are way more educated and passionate about fat lib and body politics than most people I've met. I don’t wish for anyone to feel alienated on my blog - especially fellow fat folks and fellow fat allies. we are 100% FAT POSITIVE AND SEX POSITIVE on this blog, babey‼️
In fact I feel really glad when I see fat kink/feedism blogs engaging with my content bc it means that person is putting the work in to understand systemic fatphobia, how to be an ally to fat people (if they aren't fat themselves), but also healing their community through education and acceptance. and HOT TAKE, BUT: when it does happen?? when feedists aren't shrouded in internalized fatphobia, shame, and isolation, and instead start embracing this innate, powerful appreciation for fatness, it's literally so fucking beautiful? and so very queer?
choosing to gain weight on purpose as an act of self creation. because it feels Right for you. gaining weight to affirm the relationship you have with your body. getting fatter because you feel so much of your identity (even gender presentation!) is attached to your fat body. feeling sexiest when you're fat. someone else worshipping that about you. giving unlimited permission to nourish yourself and/or others - and taking carnal delight in it. releasing food rules and food guilt through centering pleasure. food and fatness as an erotic and sensory experience. finding feedist partners who also have this ingrained love of fatness that can't be replicated, partners who are willing and eager to support and adore your fat body, NOT merely tolerate it. reclaiming tropes used against you through kink, and turning a loving gaze inward. saying "fuck you" to the system and choosing to take up more space in a world that consistently tries to shrink you. never denying yourself pleasure even though everyone is telling you you don't deserve it. feedism is such an interesting facet of the endless spectrum of human sexuality and I think that once people in that community find liberation and heal their relationship to the kink, it can be one of the most radical forms of self acceptance and exercising complete bodily autonomy.
I already know that a love letter to feedism coming from a fat lib blog is gonna piss people off. I'm going to lose a lot of followers, I'm going to get a lot of hate. but. kink in general is SO demonized and SO misunderstood and as liberationists we should also be open to sexual liberation. so much of this discomfort around feedism comes from a lack of education and understanding about kink in general. feedism doesn't = fatphobia in the same way that bdsm doesn't = misogyny or abuse. quite the contrary, if practiced ethically, with informed consent. every community has assholes. especially when those communities are small, ostracized, and so young that there are next to zero resources for self acceptance, safety, education, and accountability. in fact, the assholes are the ones that you're going to SEE because every respectful person is staying away and out of your business. if you've been harassed by someone with a fat kink, that is so shitty and I'm sorry that happened to you. I know it happens a lot. try to remember that what you experienced was abuse, not kink.
what consenting individuals choose to do with their bodies is entirely their business and there is nothing wrong with kink. (and I will not stand for sex-negative, puritan bullshit in my inbox, thank you very much.)
reminder: fat pleasure is fat liberation.
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samberrybay · 4 months
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I saw someone talking about Cale not being innocent with relationships, which i agree with, so wanna also add my personal opinion on this rather interesting matter+a bit on his trauma!
Cale loved reading novels and comics, so he probably read some romance or smut among the way too. As we know, he is a quite curious person, thus i doubt he wouldn't be interested in it at least for a bit.
He also recognizes relationship stuff overall! Like for example in Korean arc with Kim Min Ah and Bae Puh Rum. They weren't a couple yet, however Cale noticed vibes around them so there is also a comment about them looking good together. Even if it was more of a "Ah, they were lovely-dovely since then", it is still a realization.
As a result, if we push back the idea of Cale being aroace, he isn't innocent! Cale knows enough to understand romance, sex, flirting and all that jazz on a basic level.
Here is the thing, right?
When literally anything relared to emotions or relationships, both platonic and romantic, includes HIM in the equations, Cale suddenly becomes a fool.
An obvious, absolutely traumatized and with little to no self-awareness fool.
Cale literally degrades himself and his feelings or emotions on a daily basis, guys, i don't think this depressed man is able to comprehend that people actually just enjoy his sole presence alone.
Again, the problem here not in Cale not realizing/recognizing that kind of stuff (what basically innocence implies), but in Cale not thinking that someone can like him or be into him.
People don't give enough credit to how severe his self-hatred, that was builded for tens of years and supported by hearing others hate him, is.
It absolutely distorted Cale's view of himself.
As Kim Rok Soo? Well, he was always average looking, the scars made him look even worse.
As Cale? Well, he might look better now, but his personality still trash, he is selfish and not emotional overall.
If nothing above works? Well, his self made inner image of a "Bad person" always does!
He wouldn't ever believe that someone can love him romanticly.
Because why? Why him?
He is absolutely disoriented when people show their care for him nowadays. In the novel it plays of as the silly moments of obvious Cale, but if you think about that?
It just Cale honestly not understanding why they care for HIM.
This is not about innocence. Not at all.
It is about a man who cannot love himself and as a result doubting everyone's love for him.
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not-magdi · 7 months
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First Time
Summary: Pablo spilling his deepest secret leads to a pretty pleasurable afternoon😏
Warnings: Smut, minors DNI!
Words: 1.9k
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Being a pro athlete at such a young age, Pablo had to make many sacrifices to be where he is now. 
He spent extra hours of training while his friends were out partying, having to entirely focus on football while others made experiences that only teenagers can make. 
Falling in love for the first time, having your first kiss, Pablo didn't have time for distractions like that. But now, now he's older, and all his friends tell him about their first time and all the other things they did many years ago, and he feels like an immature kid again. 
Not having nearly as much experience as the others, he felt embarrassed by that. Keeping it a secret from everyone and lying to his friends when they asked him about it. He wanted to go back in time to scold his younger self for thinking these things were a distraction. 
Keeping it a secret from everyone was easy, not being the most talkative person definitely helped with that. Sure he had women who wanted to sleep with him but he didn't want them to know he was still a virgin, so making out was the furthest it ever went. 
But since a few months ago, a new component came into the equation, Y/N his first girlfriend. How he managed to have a girlfriend like her is still a mystery to him. 
Y/N was gorgeous, nice as fuck, and feisty if something doesn't go like she wants. He was well, he was Pablo an unexperienced nineteen-year-old boy who had no idea what he was doing. 
Y/N didn't know that she was his first girlfriend and he wanted to keep it that way, at least for now. He was scared she'd think he was inexperienced, which he was, and leave him. 
Technically he knows that something like that could never happen but he is a chronic overthinker so let him be. 
He tries to hide it as much as he can, but now after they have been together for about six months it gets harder and harder. 
He knows Y/N wants to have sex with him, he can feel it every time they make out and it gets heated. And it breaks his heart every time he sees the disappointment in her eyes when he tells her he is not in the mood. 
She respects his wishes, not wanting to make him uncomfortable. But he has been doing this for a few weeks now. Y/N's concern grows every time he tells her no. 
She is scared something about her is scaring him off, and not wanting to lose him  Y/N decides she needs to talk to him about it somehow. She wants him to feel hundred percent comfortable in this relationship and that's clearly not how it is now.
Today Y/N sleeps over at Pablo's as they haven't seen each other over the last few days and wanted to spend some time together. 
They were cuddled on the couch watching a movie and the next moment Y/N was straddling Pablo's lap making out with him like there was no tomorrow. And as usual, as Y/N goes to grab the hem of his shirt he stops her, telling her he is too tired today. 
Y/N knows she has to say something this time because it can't go on like that, but decides to wait a little to not let her sexual frustration show. She wanted him to feel safe with her, and snapping at him because she hadn't gotten laid for months wasn't going to help with that. 
So she just looks at him with a soft expression and tells him she is going to get herself a drink. In his kitchen, she waits for a few minutes to cool down before going back again. 
On the other side of the wall, Pablo is currently experiencing a little crisis. He can't stand to see the disappointment in her eyes any longer, he has to tell her but on the other hand, he is extremely scared of her reaction. 
Taking a deep breath he decides to just be honest with her not wanting to push her away any longer. 
Returning to the living room Y/N and Pablo exclaim at the same time.
"I think we need to talk" 
Chuckling slightly Y/N sits beside him stretching out her hand for him to reach. Grabbing her hand Pablo asks Y/N not daring to look into her eyes. 
"Do you wanna start or should I?" 
"You start please," Y/N tells him having a slight suspicion on what he might say. 
"Uhm o-ok ... so uh I-I haven't been completely honest with you" he starts, cheeks red and an uncertain tone in his voice. 
Taking her second hand to he continues, "I- Every time we make out and it gets a little heated ...  I'm actually really in the mood it's ... it's just." 
He lets out a sigh looking down ashamed, "Hey everything is fine, continue when you're ready" Y/N tells him softly. 
With a bright red face, he mumbled quietly, "It's just ... I'm ... still a virgin " 
Not understanding one bit Y/N asks him to speak a little bit louder. 
Looking up at her with slightly watery eyes out of embarrassment her repeats himself, "I'm still a virgin" 
Confirming her suspicions with that, Y/N smiles softly taking her hands from his and wrapping them around him. 
"And that's completely okay,  I just wish you would have told me sooner so we could have figured it out together but hey that's alright we're gonna find our way, I'm sure of that," she tells him stroking his back to calm the poor boy down a little bit who hugs her with an iron grip. 
Calming down slightly Pablo loosens his grip nuzzling his face into her neck. 
"I'm sorry I lied to you ... didn't want you to think I'm just a kid", he confesses looking up at her shyly. 
Kissing his nose Y/n looks into his big brown and innocent eyes, her gaze shifts to his pink lips then back up to his eyes. 
Getting the hint Pablo connects his lips with hers closing his eyes out of bliss. Slipping her tongue into his mouth they fight for dominance which Y/N wins. 
None of them wants to end the kiss but as their lungs start to burn from the lack of air, Pablo detaches his mouth from hers taking a deep breath. 
Wrapping her arms around Pablo's neck  Y/N looks at him, a slight smirk on her face, "Wanna take this to the bedroom?", she asks him trailing kisses down his jar. 
Completely love-drunk Pablos nods, cheeks red and lips plump from kissing. 
Standing up she drags him with her having to stop a couple of times to kiss him, completely addicted to his lips, tongues dancing together in their mouths. 
Finally arriving at his bedroom Y/n presses her body against Pablo's, wanting to feel as much of him as she could. Hesitating for a second Pablo grabs the back of her thighs picking her up. 
Y/n lets out a squeal of surprise wrapping her legs around him with a tight grip, feeling his hard-on pressing through his sweatpants. A moan escapes Pablo's lips at the sudden sensation, gripping her thighs tighter he turns around to throw her onto his queen-sized bed. 
Looking up at him Y/N grabs the hem of her well his shirt pulling it over her head and showing Pablo what she's wearing under it ... nothing. 
The only thing Pablo is currently able to do is stand before her, mouth wide open not able to lay his eyes anywhere but her naked chest. 
"My eyes are up here Pablito" 
Quickly shifting his gaze back up to her face he smiles at her sheepishly, "S-sorry amor ... I just... i I have no idea what I'm doing here", he confesses shyly finding the floor oddly interesting again. 
Smiling softly Y/N sits up dragging him to stand between her legs, "Don't worry ... I'm going to guide you ... the only thing you have to do is relax." 
Letting out a breath he didn't know he was holding he nods his head leaving Y/N completely in charge of his body. 
"Come here" patting the bed she instructs Pablo who obeys her, flopping down onto the bed beside her. 
Y/N smiles at him before she climbs onto his lap, sitting directly on his hard dick, earning herself a moan from Pablo. Locking her eyes with his she grinds softly down on him making Pablo hiss at the new sensation. 
Halting her movements Y/N climbs off of his lap and grabs the waistband of his pants, slowly dragging them down his body until they are lying on the floor. Doing the same to his shirt she climbs on top of him again molding their mouths together, this time with more force.
Pablo finds his confidence again and places his hands on her waist getting lower with each passing second until they halt at the curve of Y/N's ass. He gives it a little squeeze making her moan into the kiss. 
Feeling proud of himself he squeezes it a little tighter, starting to move her on his lap a little bit. Y/N stops kissing him, moaning into his ear. 
She starts to plant kisses on his neck, moving lower and lower reaching the band of his boxers. Looking up at him she nibbles on the skin over his boxers leaving a few hickeys.
Moaning at the sight Pablo closes his eyes enjoying the slight burn of Y/N's teeth as she leaves a hickey on his hip bone. 
Y/N stops, grabbing the waistband of his boxers and looking up at him for consent. Nodding Pablo hisses as his hard dick slaps against his abdomen, drops of precum dribbling down the tip. 
Taking a second to admire her boy Y/N sits up on her knees before him scraping his thighs with her nails. His closed eyes and the way he bites his lip have Y/N's panties completely soaked. Not wanting to wait any longer she quickly discards her bottoms climbing on his lap again. 
Pablo's hands grab her waist as Y/N takes his chin in one hand making him look at her, grabbing his dick with the other she gives it a few tugs before bringing it to her entrance. Asking Pablo one last time if he is okay with it, before slowly sitting down. 
Both moan simultaneously at the feeling, Pablo's fingers for sure leaving marks on her waist with how hard he is gripping her. 
"Fuck that feels good!" Pablo moans 
Giggling Y/N starts to move moaning Pablos name out of pleasure. She grips his shoulders picking up her pace, whimpering into Pablos ear as she leans her head onto his shoulder. 
His left hand slowly wanders to her head, slightly gripping her hair as his moans get louder and louder. Feeling his cock twitch Y/N's hand wanders down to her clit not being quite there yet. 
"S-shit amor ... m gonna cum " Pablo whimpers into her ear. 
Clenching around him hard she sits up," Let go for me, baby ... just let go"
Groaning loudly Pablo spills his load inside her bringing Y/N over the edge with him too. Riding out their orgasms Y/N slowly grinds down on him. 
Pablos limbs go completely numb out of exhaustion, his chest moving up and down with his deep breaths. 
Climbing off of his now soft dick Y/N cuddles herself next to Pablo,  wrapping her arms around the tired boy next to her.   
"Was your first time like you imagined it?"
"It was way better than that ... it was perfect" he answers tiredly before nuzzling his face into her neck.  
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ilynpilled · 7 months
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i think an interesting factor that is not acknowledged by fandom is what exactly is indicated in the text that cersei and jaime’s plan was and how old they were when they came up with it. they never say that they intend to continue a sexual affair, especially during a royal marriage, only to not be separated/be near eachother always. though i understand that cersei convinces jaime also through a passionate sexual act (not confirmed what degree, there is also no indication of use of moon tea etc to prevent child, but ofc that doesn’t necessarily disprove the possibility of penetrative sex) and the high had effect on jaime’s decision making, and they have experimented with sexual acts of some sort already as children, and there is no doubt in my mind that they have a skewed understanding of how they love each other like “our love is natural law”, but there are a lot of other things we know: everybody in the equation assumes there will be a royal marriage hence cersei would remain in KL and they would be “near each other always”, and an affair would be treason punishable by death. they do know it will not be the same as it was before because cersei will get married, even if jaime doesn’t. cersei was already infatuated with rhaegar, and says she expected and wanted to be his queen, wife, and the mother of his children. this is much later and a lot of other things happen, but the last time we know the twins have sex (confirmed penetrative sex. cersei says “i fucked jaime” verbatim) is right before the wedding with robert, and after the married couple emerge from the sept, jaime is obviously distraught. why? wasn’t this the plan all along? ofc there is jealousy, but i argue that because they know this marks the end of the relationship. jaime is already at a point where he is pretty disillusioned with every other major value in his life: honor, glory, knighthood, and heroism. and he gave up everything else he had, a lot of free will/lands/titles etc, to be close to cersei, so all that remains to him is love (which is arguably the most important thing to him), which we know he also considers a vow, though more abstract and personal. cersei experiences disillusionment during the bedding when robert calls her lyanna. it is a similar epiphany to the crowd cheering for jaime after he is raised to the kg at harrenhal, him being content enough despite other aspects of this plan falling apart (he joined because of cersei, but “honor and glory played their part” & “that boy wanted to be ser arthur dayne.” aspirations for knighthood and heroism are clearly there) until actually finding out that aerys chose him as a pawn against tywin and not as a knight, his position is without much meaning, and he wants “to rip off his white cloak” but knows he can’t because, not only was he already selected, he had sworn the oaths now too. and of course, cersei’s experience also gets much worse from this point on, just like how jaime’s got worse as a kg, and how his understanding of so many things he idealized was torn apart, and he is confronted with how these things work and contradict in reality. but what i really want to highlight is that when they are at greenstone, about a year into the marriage, robert starts cheating on her with a female cousin:
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cersei sends jaime to confirm her suspicions, and he returns with the question of “do you want him dead for it?” both of them are mad at robert for dishonoring her and breaking his marital vows, why would they be if they are already cheating too? i get that these are the lannister twins, but then cersei says “no. i want him horned.” horned means cucked, and the indication here is that robert had not been horned yet at this point. this is where the affair seems to start, there is no evidence for the contrary afaik. it is also obviously 100% penetrative sex, hence cersei can believe it is when joffrey was conceived. and it happened primarily in retaliation against robert. destructive codependent incest spawning as a result of complex family dynamics and parental neglect aside, at every turn it is highlighted that this affair is also a product of a lot of systemic issues and the twins’ disillusionment, but focusing more on cersei and her being stuck in an abusive and unwanted marriage: the husband is free to cheat on her with no risk or consequences, unlike her, and does so. the bitterness from this influences her to retaliate with an affair of her own. not to mention she is fighting back against her rapist the only way she can, and refuses to bear his children, which is again, the limited form of retaliation she has. she could accept jaime’s proposal to kill robert for her, but this could lead to jaime’s death (she outright says this in agot when she says that jaime would have killed robert even if it cost him his own life if he saw the bruises + the same proposal down the line could also threaten her life and the life of her children if this murder is investigated. + i do think part of her just wants revenge. she wants to retaliate in this way where she has the power). i just dont think people simplifying this situation and implying that “the twins intended and would 100% have ‘fucked up their own lives’ and ‘threatened the realm’ with an affair during a royal marriage no matter what.” stands. idk, maybe it is just my preference, but to me it makes sense that even with tywin’s rearing they couldve grown out of this dysfunctional relationship as they got older and gained maturity, but instead everything gets worse and pushes them into embracing the illusion of eachother more than ever.
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mrs--edge · 11 months
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Hi Mrs Edge and Tom. I'm fairly new to your blog but my husband and I are in a similar relationship just for the past year or so. It started after he cheated on me and I didn't feel I could trust him anymore. Long story short he ultimately volunteered to be put in a chastity cage with me as the keyholder, which was very weird to me at first but turns out it was also sort of his fantasy.
Like you and Tom this isn't part of a larger "dom-sub" relationship or other kinks. And I honestly didn't want to do it at first. But it has evolved to an interesting point where I have a lot of control over him bc his cock is permanently (?) locked away and useless to him. Mostly he goes down on me and fingers me now which is how I like it. I do like him occasionally to use a fake cock on me.
At first he tried to treat this as kind of a fetish thing where he would get off on me teasing him etc but I basically just didn't go along with that.
My strategy was to just act like his cock being locked up was a normal and permanent thing. I almost never mention his cock at all, as if it isn't there. And that's honestly the biggest turn on for me. If I want sex his cock never enters the equation. It's just a question of, is he going to go down on me or is he going to strap on his cock? We both know that he won't be cumming. Its almost like he no longer has a cock.
Unlike Tom my hubby still occasionally asks to be unlocked but I always say no. I do it very casually, almost in passing, to make it clear it's out of the question. I make cleaning him a very sanitized, ritual thing that has nothing to do with sex. The cage comes off, he's thoroughly cleaned and then it goes back on. I don't acknowledge his cock as even a sexual organ at all.
I do think this has had a psychological impact on him. He definitely has lost some of his swagger. He doesn't show interest in other women now bc there's nothing he can do about it. If he ever tried to hit on a woman the ultimate result would be her finding out he's locked up.
He's extremely attentive to me now. Maybe it's partly because he cheated on me and broke my heart but I do believe it's at least partly bc he sees that as a way to eventually get unlocked and be inside me again. I honestly don't see that happening and I tell him that bluntly.
Wow. There is so much going on here. On one hand it does seem like you and your husband have a similar lifestyle as we do with your husband permanently locked and the focus being on you and your pleasure. On the other hand it's that you got there from a place of pain and heartbreak, and that you keep him locked as punishment, instead of mutual love and enjoyment.
I've had messages from men claiming that men should be locked up to prevent cheating but from what I can see it just makes them more focused on their dicks than ever. I'm a little surprised that you managed to go along with his fetish as a way to fix things between you, but I'm glad to hear that you have managed to turn this into something that (hopefully!) will bring you to a better place.
My husband has told me a few times that he sometimes fantasizes that I keep him locked because he was "a bad husband" in some way, but honestly I hate even thinking that way. I like to think about him as having made a commitment to honor and serve me out of love and loyalty... like a knight pledging to his Queen. The punishment fantasy turns me right off.
The other thing I see is that your husband may only be attentive because he is enduring his punishment (which is why he keeps asking to be unlocked). How will you know when he is being attentive because he has truly become devoted to you?
I hope that the both of you will consider some kind of counseling to learn how to better communicate with each other. I'm sure you're still in pain and I will pray that you are able to take this and build a stronger marriage from it all.
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bthump · 5 months
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What are your thoughts or analyses on the phallic imagery in berserk? Less so the more obvious ones like seen in Casca’s nightmares which are obviously pointing to her sexual trauma, but like we see with the vagina-esque monsters and how Guts’ sword is alluded to being like a penis in some cases. Sorry if it’s a weird question lol
Sorry for the wait on this lol, I was on vacation for a while, and it's also a topic I wanted to spend some time on because I love it and I wanted to be relatively thorough. Thanks for the ask!
So yeah, disclaimers out of the way, Freudian analytical theory is very silly, very gender essentialist in ways that can often be transphobic and misogynist, and as far as I'm aware pretty much wholly unrelated to real psychology. Back in the 70s and 80s you had film theorists who took it seriously as a genuine glimpse into the subconsciousness of humanity or whatever, but now it's pretty much just a readily available source of sex and gender related symbolism that's easy to understand.
And in Berserk I do genuinely think it's a valid lens to view the story through because Miura is often quite heavy handed in utilizing it as symbolism. I mean, Guts literally gives someone an orgasm by stabbing her at one point. Some of this can definitely be a stretch, taking established symbols and running with them, but some of it is also almost certainly purposeful. I'll leave it to you to decide what you see as legit and what you see as stretching believability here.
This is very long lol
So yeah, it starts off strong in Berserk with Guts' oversized sword. Swords are dicks, ie sources of masculine power, especially in Berserk
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and in the context of the story the dragonslayer is Guts overcompensating imo. And it's not compensating for a small dick lol, which would be more the purview of comedy, but for a loss of masculinity, ie Guts' childhood abuse from Gambino, and rape trauma. It's about his need to prove himself because he was made to feel like he had to, imo.
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And it's not just the size of his sword, his obsession with it is also a major factor. He has a grandiose speech about how his sword is like a part of his body (hmm) and that it's been at his side through everything and he's always relied on it. The dream he lands on is to be the best and strongest sword fighter ever. He's currently having a breakdown over not being able to hit someone with his sword. He has a recurring tendency to break other guy's swords lol. At one point Casca screams at him that he essentially cares about his sword more than her. etc etc.
In the story dreams are at odds with emotionally healing human relationships, and dreams are represented by swords (Guts' sword obviously, Casca becoming Griffith's sword, Griffith calling the throne a sword while taunting the king in the dungeon as well as his vision of himself throwing him a sword and pointing to the castle in chapter 72).
So through a Freudian lens, Guts' sword can also be said to represent emotional isolation, positioning masculinity as emotionally isolating. Which, yk, fits with Griffith also equating dreams and masculinity in his Promrose Hall speech (a man must achieve a dream before he can have a family or lover) and, I suppose lol, Casca getting "softer" and more feminine as she falls for Guts, as femininity is therefore the opposite: emotional reliance on and support of others.
So if swords are dicks, then it follows that wounds are vaginas, ie yonic symbols. Also pretty obvious when you read some of the lines during the Guts and Casca sex scene lol. "I too want a wound I can say you gave me." These can represent weakness and victimization (I did warn for misogyny lol) and/or (often sexual) relationships and emotional openness.
So you have the relationships - "licking wounds" with Casca; Guts letting Casca stab him when he thinks about abandoning Griffith; the Beast of Darkness calling Casca the wound Griffith left so Guts can keep feeling the pain Griffith caused; Griffith scratching his own shoulder where Guts' sword pointedly didn't wound him; Griffith being out of reach of Guts' sword post-Eclipse; "let's give him a heap of raw iron;" and Farnese grinding on Guts' sword while possessed and Slan directly treating being stabbed as sexual penetration for the most obvious examples...
Also I'd argue that any time Guts gets his ass kicked in a fight it functions as an echo of his rape trauma symbolically and subconsciously to Guts. Both kinda obviously at times, like eg when Slan overpowers him and tears off his shirt while wounding his chest, and kisses him after the stabbing, causing Guts to feel a burst of fear
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or when Rosine stabs Guts through the mouth as another enemy who flirts with Guts mid-fight. And of course the first duel with Griffith in which Guts unilaterally sets the stakes to sex slavery because he's projecting.
But also a little more subtlely, such as when Zodd is given the same position as Nightmare Donovan in Guts' concussion nightmare after he kills Adonis, or all this consistent imagery that rapists and apostles tend to get.
Or, interestingly, the way the Berserk armour functions as self-harm as Guts fights by penetrating Guts to "heal" him.
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Something that solidifies its hold over Guts and makes him lose more and more of his positive humanity to his urge to kill.
So yeah, from a Freudian angle I'd suggest that Guts is driven to fight to reclaim the sense of masculine power he was stripped of when he was raped, and every fight can be said to be a repetition of his rape trauma in which he (usually) successfully fights back, but also continuously retraumatizes himself rather than healing.
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I'm going to delve a little deeper into how phallic and yonic symbols intersect with the characters' relationships now that we've outlined some of the preliminary symbolism, starting from the Golden Age.
The first duel between Guts and Griffith is rife with Freudian symbolism, very overtly. Griffith stabs Guts and then Guts proceeds to have a nightmare about his rape trauma. Then he projects that trauma onto Griffith when he assumes Griffith wants to fuck him and adds sexual stakes to their duel. Then, yk, he takes Griffith's sword into his mouth lol.
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Griffith winning by dislocating Guts' arm can be easily taken as a symbolic unmanning/castration, nicely introducing us into Guts' three years of growth towards prioritizing relationships instead of aimless sword-swinging to prove himself. It's also suggestive of penetration when you're primed to look for sexual symbolism (and if Guts offering Griffith his ass and then biting a sword doesn't prime you for it, what does?):
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And the two of them losing their swords in the course of the fight and resorting to unarmed combat can also be taken as a telling symbol of the conflict between dreams and their relationship with each other. They lose the symbols of their dreams and contend only with each other, in a more positive contrast to the second duel that ends their relationship, in which they fight only with swords and never touch each other.
Wounds come into it when Griffith nearly gets killed rushing in against Zodd to save Guts, leading to the most impactful moment of their relationship, where Griffith admits he did it solely for Guts' sake and had no other reason. Griffith also points out how wounded Guts is after that fight, in what I'd call a nearly flirtatious way:
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And if you follow these symbols completely strictly this scene suggests Guts retreating into his defensive masculinity in his sword exercises after being defeated/emasculated by Zodd and accused of not valuing his personal relationships by Casca, and finally finding a new, more constructive purpose for his sword after Griffith essentially confesses his devotion to him.
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Dedicating his sword to Griffith in return for the wounds Griffith suffered for his sake, with, it has to be noted when the topic is freudian symbolism, his sword held at exactly crotch level.
In the second duel Guts destroys Griffith's sword before leaving, a symbolic castration which is most likely intended to represent and foreshadow Griffith's subsequent loss of power when he throws his life away and ends up tortured in a dungeon for a year. More interestingly imo, is Griffith tracing scratch-markes on his shoulder after sleeping with Charlotte and while crying over Guts - the same shoulder Guts' sword didn't quite hit when he won the duel, drawing attention to the lack of a wound by Guts' hand, a wound he created himself and traces in his devastation.
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You have a nice... I don't know what the comic terminology is lol so I'm just going to call it a match-cut here, with Griffith and Casca both getting penetrated by the same number of arrows/skewers, to signify Griffith and the Hawks' fall from power, in contrast to Guts' growing phallic power as he pursues his sword swinging. Power which he demonstrates when he returns and saves the Hawks and Casca and Griffith by swinging his sword a lot and defeating a lot of powerful enemies and, if I'm gonna be crass, healing Casca's suicidal despair with his dick lol.
Interestingly though, before he does that he lets Casca stab him while experiencing the guilt of having driven Griffith into a torture chamber by leaving. It's a wound that highlights his emotional connection to Griffith and vulnerability to those emotions, even as he tries to deny them. He then manages to successfully deny them for a little while longer after having sex with Casca.
In this Freudian context, Guts and Casca's sex scene is an affirmation of a relationship, but one which is emotionally uneven, with Casca ready and willing to emotionally rely on and support Guts, but Guts still dedicated to his sword-swinging dream, inviting Casca with him but only as long as she doesn't get in the way of what he wants to do. This does fit with phallic symbols being associated with emotional distance and yonic symbols being associated with emotional closeness lol. (Also fittingly, the one way he does open up to her is about his rape trauma after a flashback.)
It's worth noting that in this disconnect Casca erroneously assumes Guts fought the hundred men and "bled" for her, making her want "a wound" from him in return. Guts fighting those hundred men is much more reminiscent of his fights against apostles, the fights that revolve around replaying his rape trauma to make himself feel better. Casca assumes they already have an emotional bond due to Guts' wounds, but she's wrong - Guts specifically thinks to himself during the hundred man fight that he's not doing it for Casca.
This is reflected in the Wyald fight when Guts insists on fighting Wyald, again as part of the whole reaffirmation of masculinity thing I outlined at the start of this, when Casca just wants him to run away. The Wyald fight is pretty overt about being about Guts' rape trauma imo, moreso than most fights in the story. Wyald's rapiness is made a point of from Guts' point of view when he sees him wielding the torso of a woman sexually impaled on a pike and gets extra angry, and when he literally cuts off Wyald's dick when he's about to rape Casca, and then has his pointed line about needing to "settle the score with him... with them... by his own sword."
SO ESSENTIALLY to sum up this subsection, I think you can argue that what prevents Guts and Casca from being an equal relationship is Guts stlil being hung up over needing to prove his masculine power through sword-swinging, rather than embracing his emasculation (which, remember, tends to signify positive relationships in this context) and coming to terms with it ("immersing himself in sorrow" as Godo says much later.)
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Like, to return to Griffith, it's fitting that after Guts destroys his sword and he goes through a year of torture and is thoroughly emasculated, he's able to recognize his feelings for Guts and understand that Guts is more important to him than the dream, the "sword called the throne."
But he doesn't quite come to terms with his emasculation either. This symbolism is one explanation for the wagon scene where he propositions Casca - a desperate bid for some form of power. Not the strongest explanation imo, but since we're currently in the business of actively looking for this symbolism, it definitely fits. Casca's rejection and pity reinforce Griffith's emasculation, and overhearing her tell Guts to leave again is the final straw. Relationships are a bust, swords are now his only recourse, as we see when he has a vision of himself throwing him a sword and pointing to the castle.
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You could take the nightmarish vision he has of a life with Casca as Griffith rejecting emasculation, but an alternate way of taking it is Griffith regaining a form of phallic power, and the emotional isolation that goes with it. After all, it's implied that he has a child with Casca, while totally withdrawn and emotionally isolated.
I once said in a different silly essay that Griffith choosing the dream is, in a way, Griffith choosing another version that nightmare, and that take also fits here.
And hey, it's another reason for Femto to rape Casca lol, if we want to ascribe meaning there, and of course we must in this kind of analysis. In the wagon Griffith essentially offers sex to Casca for the faint vestige of masculine power it could give him (emotional isolation and a child); in his nightmare he imagines that life and it drives him to suicide; and after becoming Femto he forces sex onto Casca and then continues on to embody emotional distance and masculine power.
This power is painfully demonstrated through the rape of Casca, but also subsequently through his pure untouchability (often in pointedly sexualized contexts); through his phony relationship with Charlotte and ascending to the ultimate patriarchal role of king/emperor and taking that sword called the throne; and I guess also through his actual sword lol which he still uses.
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An example of sexualized untouchability - check out the positioning of that third thought bubble, in this scene where Griffith lords his invulnerability over Ganishka.
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And look at all those pillars, I'm js.
And I'd be remiss not to point out the most recent confrontation with Guts where Guts tries many times to hit his naked body with his giant sword, completely fails, and then Griffith kidnaps Casca. More very on-point emasculation symbolism, it might as well be Guts trying to fuck him but unable to get hard lol. His breakdown afterwards doesn't do much to disabuse you of that notion either.
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Anyway, back to post-Eclipse Guts. There's not much else to add that I didn't cover at the start, but in brief:
Guts has lost his arm during the Eclipse, which is an emasculation - he loses it while watching Femto rape ~his woman~ so it's like the most traditional symbolic castration there is lol. And of course he replaces it with a bigger, better, and more overt phallic symbol: a canon. And like the first thing we see him do with it is shove it into the mouth of a monster he's banging and blow her head off. So yk, there's that.
And there's Puck, who exists to help bridge Guts' emotional distance and essentially serves as the feminine counterpart to Guts' masculinity for a while. From his magical empathy, to his tiny size, to his lack of genitalia (note that in Freudian theory the lack of a penis is an indicator of femininity rather than specifically the presence of a vagina), to his connections with female characters Theresia and Jill, even arguably to his introduction where Guts saves him from a bunch of men throwing phallic knives at him by skewering them with his own (bigger) projectiles, this is consistent during the Black Swordsman/Conviction arc era.
Chestnut Puck is a lot more boyish, with his particular humour, his cameraderie with an annoying teenage boy, and now having his own feminine counterpart in Ivalera, but that's fine because his thematic job as a feminine influence on Guts is over after Guts starts collecting more friends.
And as far as the RPG group goes, there are a few notable instances of phallic symbolism for them too. Farnese and Serpico are an obvious example, with Farnese sexualizing the wounds Serpico voluntarily suffers for her, when she demands he duel for her honour a bunch of times.
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Farnese brandishing the end of her whip at him doesn't hurt the freudian power dynamic symbolism either lol.
In the Conviction arc Farnese wielded a sword she was incapable of using, suggestive of her true femininity under a brash masculine surface, and when she softens in the Millenium Falcon arc she becomes a caretaker with only a small dagger for self-defense. That said, she does get that epic moment of stabbing a tiger in the eye with a long silver pole (candlestick) when she rejoins Guts' crew rather than becoming a housewife, so she still gets some badass phallic weapon imagery lol.
Serpico wields a thin rapier in the Conviction Arc, which Guts easily grabs in his hand, and in the Millenium Falcon arc he switches to a... limp feather duster lol. Serpico is very feminized compared to Guts and his weapons fit as part of that, but they're still effective weapons. You could maybe argue, within this Freudian lens, that this is indicative of Serpico's healthier relationship with masculinity. He's not compensating for anything, he's at peace with himself.
And god I gotta say something about Guts and Serpico's duels. In the first one you have Serpico delaying Guts while Farnese steals Casca from him, and part of that delay is to force Guts into a fight where he can't wield his sword, a parallel emasculation to Casca being kidnapped.
Then you have their confrontation after Farnese's no good very bad night, which is just incredibly suggestive lol.
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You cannot tell me this isn't Guts getting blueballed when Serpico leaves after one quick exchange. Particularly coming in the same chapter featuring possessed Farnese grinding on Guts' sword (which Guts was much less interested in, incidentally). Also: wounds as sexual imagery again. Guts licking the blood off his cheek? Come on.
And finally you have their fight in Farnese's basement, in which Serpico attempts to hinder Guts by surrounding him with giant pillars, which Guts smashes through as he dodges around them. Another neat illustration of Guts' pure phallic power and Serpico's much more effeminate style.
One final note to address part of your ask, which didn't naturally fit into the rest of this lol: I would interpret vaginal imagery in monsters as mainly castration anxiety, yk, vagina dentata vibes, the fear of sticking your dick in a hole you can't see into. There's actually a lot of interesting stuff to consider in terms of the feminine as the unknowable other when it comes to Freudian theory, but that's like, not something I would expect Miura to lean into first of all, and also it would take another essay of explanation. If you're interested in that kind of Freudian analysis though I'd recommend the books Men, Women, and Chainsaws by Carol J. Clover and The Dread of Difference, edited by Barry Keith Grant. I took a course on women and horror films ages ago and read chunks of those, and it was very fun, and iirc both address Freudian imagery in horror.
Okay! So that's the rundown of like, all the examples of Freudian imagery that interest me at least lol. This isn't exhaustive ofc, Berserk is long and not stingy with this stuff, but this response is already so long and meandering lol, so I'm going to wrap it up here.
To sum up, phallic imagery often represents masculine power as well as masculine flaws (like emotional isolation) in Berserk, while yonic/vaginal imagery tends to represent feminine weakness as well as feminine virtues (like emotional connection and vulnerability). As a general rule, the more phallic imagery someone violently swings around, the more fucked up they are. Phallic violence is used to compensate for past trauma, but it only continues the cycle of violence. The way to break that violence is to accept one's wounds and focus on them, to heal, rather than trying to distract from them.
I don't think this is always the best way to interpret Berserk lol, but it adds another dimension that very often complements the surface meaning and thematic resonance of the story, sometimes purposefully, sometimes likely incidental. And either way it's a lot of fun to read into!
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alotofpockets · 5 months
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Coming out | Yelena Belova
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Pairing: Yelena Belova x Reader
Summary: Yelena comes out as ace to her best friend. Based on Legends of Tomorrow's episode 7x10.
Warnings: alcohol consumption, and coming out.
A/n: This is a repost from an old account.
Masterlist | Marvel masterlist | Words: 720
After a long mission the team finds their way to a bar. At first the group sits down for a quick bite to eat all together talking about the mission together. It had been a while since they had all worked together on the same mission, so it was nice to close out the night like this. 
When the drinks were added to the equation, the team split into smaller groups. Bucky challenged Tony to a game of darts, Natasha, Wanda and Pietro found a quiet corner and continued their conversation. Kate and Peter were poking fun at Steve and Clint, the older of the four didn’t seem to go for any of their antics, though it was hilarious to look at still. The rest of the team was scattered all around the establishment. You and Yelena had taken a seat at the bar, as suggested by the Russian, this way she would be as close to the drinks as possible. She loved her alcohol, especially her vodka, which she was throwing back shots of as you speak. 
You were both looking around the room, appreciating the group of people around you. The people that had become your found family over the years. After some more looking around you decided to play a game. “Okay, enough looking at our friends, let’s play a game.” You opted. Yelena turned your way, ready for whatever you were going to throw her way. That’s one of the reasons the two of you were best friends. You worked together so well because the both of you were always up for whatever the other person had in mind. “Fuck, marry, kill out of Bucky, Cap and Tony?” 
Yelena narrowed her eyes at your question. “Ehm I’m not really into any of them.” You were quick to fall into your next question. “Okay, copy. How about Kate, Wanda and Valkyrie?” Again Yelena’s face filled with a questioning look. “Actually, not really into any of them either.” She sighed. “Also copy.” You said to reassure her that her feelings or lack thereof were okay. “What is your type then?” You ask, genuinely interested. You wonder why neither one of you had really talked about the topic before, but you left it at the work that you do and how quickly you had been thrown into a mission together, giving your friendship a rocket start, skipping the small talk. 
“I don’t really get those types of feelings for anyone. Maybe it’s one of those things that the Red Room took away from me, with the brainwashing, controlling, and what not.” Yelena looks down at her hands that she has folded in her lap. “Hey, no no no, what you’re describing is totally normal.” You quickly reassure her, placing your hand on her shoulder. “It just means that maybe you are ace, asexual. People who identify as ace have little to no interest in sex, but many of them still want to be in relationships.” You explain to the best of your abilities, knowing you’re not an expert on the matter. 
Yelena’s eyes light up at the words you speak. “Oh, I guess that makes me ace then.” She says with a content look on her face, like a whole world of possibilities just opened up to her. It was amazing to see your best friend realize that what they’re feeling isn’t something they’re alone in. If it has a name, other people must be experiencing similar feelings. 
You give her a moment to let it all sink in before asking, “Did you just come out to me?” Yelena laughs and looks at you with a big smile on her face, “I think so.” You lean in to give her a sideways hug. “Okay, copy.” You say with a wink. “Haha without jokes, I am very proud of you, and you know that I will love you no matter what, right?” She nods, “Right back at you.”
“Excuse me, can we get two more of these?” You ask the bartender. When he puts the drinks down in front of you, you thank him before raising your class towards Yelena. “A toast to you, and to figuring out who you are.” Yelena clinks her glass with yours and you each take a sip, enjoying the rest of the night with the team.
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charmac · 5 months
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Hi! Do you have any thoughts on Mac and Mrs. Mac’s relationship? I find the whole McDonald family dynamic so interesting, but especially after season 16/frank shoots every member of the gang I’ve been fascinated by those two. You always have such impressive, well thought out answers!
Thank you!
I do have a lot of of thoughts regarding Mac's upbringing, especially in terms of his relationships with his family and how they clearly affect his current-day relationships and misconceptions of love, but I'm not sure I've really fleshed that out so, great question.
First of all, I have a gripe with Frank Shoots Every Member of the Gang, as it really insanely retcons Luther's age. Mac Kills His Dad established that he was 59 at the time, which would have made him a teen when he had Mac. Shoots establishes that Luther's dad served in WWII and wrote him letters during that time, which means he had to have been born before 1945, and would have been at youngest in his 30s when Mac was born. It's not like it's a huge issue, but it does change some previously-thought dynamics. (Though, the fact that they weren't younger-cast in A Sunny Christmas does better-align with the idea that they were in their 30s when they had Mac.)
There was/is always kind of the vibe that when they were together, pre-Luther going to jail, Ms. Mac did really love Luther and vice-versa, and Mac was more kind of like a by-product of unprotected sex more than he was a part of the family. (I mean, they named him after the Hamburger Clown). Luther clearly love(d) him as the idea of having a son, someone who could carry on his bidding and his name, but doesn't love him as the child he actually has. I think Ms. Mac didn't love him as the idea of a son and doesn't love him as the child she has, and never did. BUT she did love Luther, and Mac observed that as a young kid, his parents loving each other but neglecting him. Looking at Christmas, we can kind of assume the order of anything in Mac's childhood home was Ms. Mac > Luther > Mac. So for his early development he was kind of sidelined, saw no love from his parents toward him, but did see love between his parents (in a definitely not healthy way, as it goes).
We know in the deleted scenes of Sunny Christmas that Mac's dad is going to prison probably right after the events of the video tape... I honestly think it's reasonable to assume that Mac's screaming that woke up the residents of the house they were robbing might have been probably was what led to Luther being arrested (with whatever warrants he had hanging over him catching up with him once he had been detained). So, does Ms. Mac blame her son for her husband being locked up for the next 25 years? Probably. She didn't even want him, didn't care for him, and then his obnoxious behaviour was their downfall.
Back to Shoots, I did really like it for what it gave us in terms of (Char)Mac childhood lore. I think it definitely wasn't a shock for them to drop the cigarette lighter line, but it was a hit to the chest for me. Everything I kind of assumed before, re: didn't want or care about having a child equated to strictly-neglectful, Mac clawing for the love he saw his mom give his dad, now with his dad gone even more-so, and being brushed off, now escalated to retaliation in response to Mac failing to be brushed off. Sometimes the dismissive, grunting and not moving from your chair approach just doesn't work on a hyperactive little bastard like Mac, sometimes you have to make him shut up by giving him something else to fuss over. I think Ms. Mac probably hoped that would be what breaks through his skin, makes him realise she doesn't love him, but Mac only sees it as a warning, a pause, a try-again-later, mom's just in a bad mood.
Presently, what we see of Ms. Mac is almost always the same: completely indifferent. Shrug, cough, I don't care at all about you. Mac's a serial killer? Yeah. Mac's dead? Ok. You're gay? Meh. She'll fuck with him though, sure: your dad is actually Dutch. You wanted these letters that meant something to your father? I needed toilet paper. Who cares. She doesn't love him, never has, never will, and Mac has no ability to understand that.
Based on his upbringing and the past 20 years, I think he has a complete misunderstanding (and at this point inability) to recognise and understand what love is, mostly because of his mother. Because she just, doesn't love him, never did, but Mac thinks that parents have to love their children, that's a fact in his mind. If he has a mom and a dad they do love him, they have to, especially when he was a little boy, right? His dad loves him, he's just in jail so he can't show it, but his mom is here. And mom did love dad, he remembers that, he saw it, so he just has to make himself known, she can love him too because she's capable of it and she's his mom. He loves her, he says it over and over, she never says it, but she just doesn't see him because she's busy, working, or making a home for him, or just for some reason she's not paying attention... So love for Mac is fighting neglect, love is refusing to be ignored, love is pestering over and over because if you can get away with your bombardment without a finger being raised, without being scored by a cigarette lighter, they must really want you to continue... they must be waiting for you to really prove yourself before they show or admit their love for you. There are people in his life who have to love him, it's like a law, so they'll admit it as long as you keep asking, keep making yourself known, keep trying to prove yourself... and if it comes to the point where you're getting burned, stop for a minute, take a step back, and reevaluate how (or when) you can try again...
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softest-punk · 1 year
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thinking abt retired dream and what he would ultimately look like as a human. once his purpose, which literally physically shaped him, is no longer part of the equation, how does he manifest? regardless of what his physical body looks like, im convinced that as he learns how to be himself without his previous function, his style would evolve into his expression of self. so i cant help wondering abt his relationship with gender and gender conformity in particular. i really think as someone who lived the majority of their existence as something without a definitive form, he wouldn't be too keen on the constructs of sex and gender. im not saying he must be/identify as genderqueer in any way, but i think it would be a bit silly to assume he would adhere to what society's idea of a "man" is and should look like. like clothing is clothing, ykno? he would wear what feels comfortable and right to him. and anyway, who's to say he would've been assigned male at birth, if he had been born? as far as i know, (havent read the comics but i dont mind spoilers!) he uses he/him pronouns and that's about the only definitive thing we can say.
In fact I would argue that Dream cannot possibly identify as his birth gender as a human because his birth gender has to have been, like, tree (which canonically dream and are much older than humans) or something. He so consistently chooses masculinity that imo that is in and of itself arguably very Gender™️ of him.
I actually think presentation would be a massive deal for retired Dream, because he's never really... had a body, before this? The longest he's spent in corporeal form in what he thinks of as the waking world, he was in captivity. So now he does have this human body which does all kinds of uncomfortable things that as adult humans we have gotten used to but Dream is experiencing for the first ever time and it would have to be alienating for him. He'd feel the need to take control of it, I think.
So yeah, his first trip to the local Oxfam wearing Hob's jogging bottoms which are in danger of falling off any minute it'd just be like, Hob is in charge of grabbing everything which is black and approximately Dream-sized and tossing them over the top of the changing room door and then providing opinions which are limited to whether or not something has a hole or a stain Dream hasn't seen, or can easily be altered to fit if it doesn't. Like, Hob Gadling is a man who spent the first 300+ years of his life wearing crotchless leggings and probably misses them. He is not going to say shit about Dream discovering peasant skirts, deciding they're both comfy and dramatic enough for his tastes, and then choosing to wear them to the supermarket. Hob will personally fight anyone who so much as looks like they might say something. At most he'd advise on amount of coverage and layers required not to freeze to death in London. Insist on Dream owning a coat.
And Dream would learn to paint his nails and do his eyeliner and Hob would sympathise when he pokes himself in the eye doing it. When Dream comes home with both ears pierced he'd tell him he missed the look.
Like in short: you're right, I cannot see Dream having any innate sense of what would be Appropriate For His Gender or even quite what a gender is. His gender is weird skinny little goth with a taste for the dramatic. He's wearing a ballgown in a Superdrug and you can't stop him.
But also he would 100% steal half of Hob's wardrobe because it's comfortably oversized and smells like Hob. Hob simply accepts that an ever-increasing number of his jumpers are Dream's now (he gets some of them back when they stop smelling of him to wear again).
Anyway yes. Can't imagine Dream having a concept of gender conformity to adhere to.
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vidavalor · 2 months
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i keep seeing these thots that crow or azi or both are casanovas and got all the experience. or just some experience whtever
but i dont want that
i want them both to be complete unexperienced so they can have all the experiences together!!!!! (If they want them, if they arent ace which would be just as fine i just want them to be each others first everything if they arent ace)
and i so hate the thought of either of them being a player. Like ik they would treat everyone with kindness and respect but i just dont want them to have any experiences with others
Hi, friend. C'mon in and have some cookies. I made chocolate chip today. :)
First off, I can understand where you're coming from and I appreciate that your Ask to me wasn't unkind in the way you expressed it. I think we need more media with asexual characters in general, even if I don't think that's the story that is being told with Crowley & Aziraphale. (It might be with some other characters on the show and I hope that it's conclusively shown in some way in S3 as it would be a good thing.)
A word of advice from my ancient self here: I would caution you against equating virginity with "purity" or "romance" in a way that suggests that people who have had other partners are somehow "spoiled." There's nothing wrong with choosing to wait for a partner you feel comfortable with or for marriage or for any other reasons. Everyone's decisions regarding that are their own to make. The idea, though, that you judge romance relative to experience is a little worrisome. Life is full of many firsts. I'd caution you against holding a "first time" up in such high regard. There can be many different kinds of firsts. People grow and change throughout life and every experience is different and no worse or better than another one just because of when it happens. The idea of virginity meaning a "pure" experience is also oppressive to childhood sexual abuse survivors (of which there are, sadly, many, myself included).
There is nothing wrong with having sex-- just as there's nothing wrong with not having it. How many partners a person has had does not make them any less "pure" than people who have had none, nor does it mean that the sex would be less intimate or romantic with someone who has been with other people. How many partners a person has had does not impact the potential romance or level of intimacy they can have with a new partner. You don't both have to have never had sex to have a beautiful experience together.
As for first experiences with one another, I actually think they did have quite a few first experiences with one another-- regardless of whatever else did or didn't happen before. They've only ever loved each other so neither of them had ever slept with someone they were in love with before they started sleeping together. Forget first kiss-- I think Crowley is the first thing Aziraphale ever tasted, period, as I think their first kiss happened before the Job minisode. My next meta is actually about another "first" related to their relationship that they had with one another that I have the feeling from your ask that you might like. (It's called "Fish" & will be up soon.) There are still plenty of "firsts" in this story, if that's your thing, regardless of them having sex with other people.
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nerves-nebula · 10 months
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For years ive kind of favored demisexual/demiromantic above bi/pan to refer to myself because tbh it’s just more accurate. The way I’m attracted to people is nearly unrelated to gender. I could probably make a dozen things more important to me than the gender or physical appearance of my partner.
Gender presentation only matters so far as if someone is openly visibly queer I’m more interested because I know we might be thr same. But if it turns out they’re a shit person what does it matter what they look like. And like, I’m not interested romantically? I never deeply desired a relationship just from looking at someone, at most I just want to see more of you if I like being around you :/
I described my romantic feelings to a friend once as basically just being friendship but with more intimacy than a typical friendship and more of your life intertwined and he was like “that’s absolutely not what romantic feelings are they’re way different from friendship” and I’m beginning to think I might just be aromatic/asexual entirely, not demi. and i haven’t been able to tell because i deeply yearn for intimacy and I’m a bit possessive and so I figured that must mean I want romance or something.
But I’ve never had a crush. And I love my girlfriend but I probably couldn’t tell you the difference between my relationship with her and having a really close friend- because she’s my best friend! I adore her, but I never needed her to be in love with me. I never need sex or even really romance. We’ve been on one “date” to see sonic 2, and mostly we just hang out like we always have just with occasional kissing and some sexual activity. My ideal relationship has always been being best friends and deciding to intertwine your lives, which is basically what happened, and I knew that would always be seen as romantic to outsiders so I didn’t realize until recently that like… there’s no specifically romantic feelings here??? It’s just closeness? Intimacy? And I can easily see myself developing this kind of closeness with any of my friends if they do desired??
Anyway I think it’s time I stopped kidding myself. I’m not Demi, I just have really high standards about who I keep around in my life and get close to in general. My standards for friends and partners are exactly the same because there isn’t much of a difference when it comes to who I want present in my life.
I don’t catch feelings when I’m close to someone, I just get relaxed around them, which feels nice and so I equated it with romantic emotions. But once I got more friends I realized that warm fuzzy feeling wasn’t romantic attraction!! Because im aromantic!!!!
I guess it’s pretty cliche to come out during pride month but in my defense I didn’t realize this until i wrote this post. I was supposed to be musing on why I prefer demi to other labels and basically just talked myself into identifying as aromantic. Oops.
I’m probably also asexual but I already basically knew that.
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sailorblossoms · 10 months
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There are things we are told through careful wording, giving us the tools to reach realizations even if the character doesn’t know or resist it. 
When Simon is directly asked if he was attracted to Agatha, it’s unsettling and uncomfortable. He: expresses that he can see she’s attractive in a way that simultaneously equates it to the way his gay boyfriend can see it and to things that don’t have thoughts or feelings. He’s bullshitting and going into overcompensation (telling Baz he doesn’t even like him now when he regularly thinks about how much he likes him) because... he doesn’t want think about it. It challenges notions that make him feel foolish. Notably, he doesn’t ever truly answer the question (it wasn’t “is she attractive?” it was “were you attracted?” until he starts leaning on a “No, I don’t think so.” 
However, even before this, Simon already answers this in a way that’s consistent with his character... He doesn’t think about Agatha (he gives you an idea, but he doesn’t think about the things that were bad, uncomfortable, complicated etc for him). He reaches realizations when he thinks about Baz, or when he talks to him. 
Pretty early on in the series, Simon says something like “We started dating at 15, but I’ve always wanted Agatha.” He then proceeds to explain why, but his example doesn’t prove what he thinks it does in the moment. When he’s thinking about wanting Agatha, he’s bringing up the thoughts of an eleven-year-old who wondered what it felt like to be as beautiful as the girl he’s seeing (in some ways, he still wonders). His thoughts when he says “I’ve always wanted her” do not convey sexual (or romantic) desire, they convey a desire to be loved and accepted (to be beautiful and untouchable).  
In Wayward Son, Simon thinks something like “Baz is the only person I’ve ever wanted. The only one I’ve ever loved, like this.” He’s thinking this in the context of expressing he desires sex with Baz. Saying he wants him in this context can only be about sexual desire. I’m going by memory with the quotes, but I distinctly remember that ever being emphasized (I’ve used the exact quote in other posts). When you have “I’ve always wanted Agatha” in a nonsexual context, and you follow that up with “Baz is the only one I’ve ever wanted” in sexual context, that’s a correction. That ever addresses his past. With wording alone, he’s already telling you thinking he wanted Agatha was mistaken, that the way in which he wanted her wasn’t romantic or sexual (he did want the idea he had of this kind of relationship, even though he was never feeling it) because he realizes he’s only ever experienced those feelings for Baz. Follow that up with his “Baz-only-sexual” comment (in the context of talking about attraction) and that to reaffirms he wasn’t (sexually) attracted to Agatha, without directly bringing her up.
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lestatthebrat · 1 year
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Episode 5 — It works (TW)
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I know a lot of people are upset. I understand we were hoping Louis and Lestat might get a happy ending in this series, and since amc has focused more on their love story, we were hoping Lestat would not be an abusive asshole... 
BUT I don’t feel that we were “betrayed by the writers” or that Lestat is “out of character” or anything like that. Lestat is the main villain in the original book (and also in the 1994 film), and one of the main points of his relationship with Louis in book 1 is that Lestat IS abusive and violent, forcing Louis into and trapping him in a terrifying relationship. In the book, Lestat abuses Louis physically, as Louis mentions multiple instances of Lestat hitting, kicking, and wrestling with him. Lestat manipulates and threatens to kill Louis and Claudia constantly, so Louis is literally afraid to go to bed at night because he thinks Lestat might murder him in his sleep. Louis is HORRIFIED of Lestat, which is why it takes so long before he attempts to leave him. Also, Louis’ transformation in the book is NOT consensual. Louis changes his mind before Lestat turns him into a vampire and tells him to let him die instead, but Lestat ignores him and makes him a vampire against his will. Anne Rice very explicitly equates this with rape, just as Lestat is violently and traumatically turned into a vampire against his will by Magnus. Lestat is physically, verbally, emotionally, and sexually abusive to Louis in the book. So the idea of Lestat being abusive to Louis is not “coming out of nowhere” or being “unfaithful to the character” AT ALL.  
This is not “coming out of nowhere” in the amc series either. They have been making hints and warning us about this from the beginning, like when Daniel tells Louis abuse victims often still love their abusers. When Louis says he “does not consider himself a victim,” the point is Louis is in denial, and he is trying to cover up for his abuser who he still loves, despite the violence Lestat inflicted upon him. Also, throughout the entire show, we’ve seen Lestat losing his tempter/mind, becoming violent, murdering people without restraint, smashing skulls, torturing people for pleasure… The dude is (and always has been) a bit unhinged. He can’t control himself, especially when he gets upset/angry. It does not seem out of character (or even surprising) to me that, in a moment of fury and panic, when he thinks Louis is going to leave him, he loses his tempter and does something horrific like this. Do you remember him ruining Louis’ brother’s funeral, murdering his friend Lily, and then slaughtering a bunch of priests in episode 1? 
Also (Spoilers, for people who haven’t read the book or seen the 1994 movie), in order for the rest of the story to WORK, for Louis and Claudia to plot to kill Lestat and go through with it, something like this really HAD to happen. We all loved seeing them as a happy family, how ever briefly it lasted, but if Lestat was not abusive to Louis, if Claudia did not feel like she and Louis were actually in danger from him, the murder would make no sense at all. It would make Louis and Claudia look like terrible people, and it would be hard to like THEM. Lestat is SUPPOSED to be the scary, unhinged, violent villian, and he always has been. The amc writers have not “ruined” Lestat’s character or turned him into a “bad guy” or a “monster.” Lestat has always been a bad guy: a violent, insane, murder/vampire, who does love Louis but will be sadistic, violent, and abusive to keep him with him. That’s kind of the point. 
And if you want to be mad at someone for “ruining the character,” be mad at Anne Rice. In later books, Lestat violently rapes a woman because they’re about to have sex, and she wants to use a condom and he doesn’t. Fans are okay with that, but not this episode? Wtf? But, at the end of that day, these characters are fictional, and you can imagine your own version of them in your head and ignore whatever elements you choose. 
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lullabyes22-blog · 2 months
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I guess this is in regards to Forward but Never Forget but maybe also Mal de Mer: Does Silco ever regret meeting Mel or does he realize she serves a purpose in his life maybe one that no one has filled before? Does he recognize how she affects him and does he appreciate it?
His feelings for Mel are, and will always be, deeply ambivalent.
Chiefly because, as we will learn in FnF, the end of their affair triggers a chain of events that must be managed, mitigated and otherwise manhandled, to get the outcome he desires - for Zaun, and for the future.
He wouldn't say she serves a purpose 'no one' has filled before - in his mind that is, and will always be Jinx, and everything she embodies as Zaun's next generation, and in his private life.
He will, however, admit that she's a challenge - an intellectual rival, a sparring partner, a kindred spirit who understands his vision. He's never had anyone like her before (re: purity of purpose rather than pedigree) and the fact that he enjoys her company and finds her intolerably attractive is just the icing on the cake. The two of them do not see eye to eye on everything, but it's a point of pride that he is, for the first time, compelled to re-evaluate his positions and beliefs, and in turn, the direction he intends to steer Zaun.
At the outset, he'd say their affair served a purpose. Down the line, as his relationship with her develops, he'd say his sentiments are an inconvenient side-effect, but that he can navigate his way around them, and make the necessary choices (spoilers: he's full of shit).  By the time he 'finalizes' the relationship in the 'Mal de Mer' AU, he rationalizes it by saying that she makes his life more interesting than he'd expected: more exciting, more unpredictable, and in many ways more dangerous.
Silco in FnF is a high-stakes roller at his core - high risk, high reward. But while he knows the odds, and can play them well, the house will always have an edge.
Mel, in all her wealth, beauty and privilege, will always have an edge.
It's not a fact he enjoys thinking about, and which he buries, for the most part, under the weight of his ambitions and the demands of the moment. But it eats away at him, as his feelings for her grow and become less easy to manage. He wants to believe that her affection is real, but there's a voice in his head that won't shut up, telling him that it's too good to be true, and that she'll never be able to commit to his plans for Zaun, or be loyal to him in the way that he needs.
After all, she's a Topsider, and a Medarda, and a woman whose purview and priorities center purely on her own city's enrichment.
.............Also, she's still in love with Jayce.
The result is that he's always either holding back, or setting traps for her, or making contingency plans. His trust for her, and his faith in her, waxes and wanes like the tides. Sometimes he feels as if she awakens a part of him that's been sleeping for so long he's forgotten what it's like to live without its presence. Other times he feels as if he's looking into a mirror, and seeing only his own hungriest, shallowest and basest impulses reflected back at him.
Mel's own traumas and trust issues complicate the equation. She always feels that she has to find her footing in a world where everything she does, says and believes is under threat, and her sense of self is in constant flux. In her mind, Silco is is a dark echo of her mother: someone whose devotion is conditional, who keeps score of every choice she makes, and who will jettison her the moment he stops seeing value in her.
The result is that they're always gaming each other, and it's an exhausting dance to a well-worn tune:
"I can't trust you. Prove that I can."
"How can I trust you when you never tell me the whole story?"
"What if I told you the whole story, and you left me anyway?"
And round and round they go.
Sex is one of the few means they can count on to cut through the noise, and bring them closer together. The physicality and vulnerability of the act tends to drop their guards. The games here, rather than tests of trust, are an actual bridge towards intimacy: he's one of the few men who can evoke an honest, unfiltered response from her, and she's one of the few women who can break open his crooked shell and evoke a peculiar tenderness in him.
It's the closest he comes to being his boyhood self.
 It's the closest she comes to being her girlhood self.
Naturally, the aftermath leaves them susceptible to all the doubts and insecurities they're trying to keep at bay. They're most likely to have open and honest conversations in bed, just when they're drifting off to sleep. But they're also the most likely to have full-on screaming matches, when they wake up, because they're struggling to return to their familiar, more easily navigable roles, until the next time their desires overwhelm them.
As Silco puts it, in FnF, the price for Mel's company, and its pleasures, is 'exorbitant.'
He'd pay it a hundred times over, though. Even if he never got a single decent night's sleep again.
They're not soulmates; nor will they ever be. But there are all these threads of their pasts that keep pulling them to one another, so even when they're on opposing sides, they can't help but orbit one another, because their minds are too much alike, and their passions are too entwined, and their mutual influence has altered them both too profoundly for them to ever be indifferent towards each other.
So, to answer your question: no, he does not regret meeting her.
There is very little Silco regrets, period.
As to whether he realizes how she affects him, and does he appreciate it - in his own way, yes. It's why he keeps her close. It's also why he holds her at arm's length, and will not give her his heart, no matter how much she cajoles or demands it from him.
And when he does give it, it will come at the heels of total, absolute surrender from her.
It's a tall order.
But then, as Mel's observed, he's a very demanding man.
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lesbianrobin · 1 year
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what do you think of gay steve? i don't dislike the headcanon in theory, but i feel like it's usually done as a way to make steve & nancy's relationship/breakup less important (and often to make it easier to ship r0nance)
i gotta be honest i dont think i've actually ever read any fic where steve is explicitly stated to be gay and not bisexual, besides maybe my own fic nancy drew and the mystery of the magnetic closet, so idk if i'll rly have whatever answer ur looking for re: other people's intent. in magnetic closet i wrote steve as being a bit uncertain as to his identity, leaning gay, but he also explicitly tells nancy that he loves her and their relationship is still significant to him, so like. like MY motivation wasn't downplaying their relationship so at the very least that isn't Everyone's motivation.
anyway like separately from how people Use It in fic i'm into gay steve! i tend to default to bi steve for like fic and headcanons etc bc it's sorta become the fandom standard and a lot of my bi friends like bi steve and i love my bi friends 💖 but if i'm being honest i do think that you can easily interpret a lot of steve's canon behavior in favor of him being gay if you want to do so, and i think i tend to lean that way when i'm writing him even when i don't mean to. just to like preface all of this i'm gay myself and i am terrible about projecting onto steve so yknow take all of the following with a grain of salt.
so like personally i think he never rly had romantic feelings for robin and he only confessed to liking her because he thought his love for robin Had to be attraction since she's a girl yknow? and in s4 it's implied that he's had a string of casual relationships based entirely on sex and he hasn't been able to connect with any of the girls at all which is a bit 🧐🤨. the way steve flirts indiscriminately and talks about wanting a family in the future makes me think like... i think that his search for love is more about wanting a family/wanting love than specifically wanting to be with a woman. like i think in his mind bc of Eighties Heteronormativity the two things are equated, so when he Thinks that he wants to find the female love of his life he Actually just wants a family. and i fear i'm making it sound like steve is a misogynist who just wants a wife to give him kids which is not my intent. like i think steve has a lot of respect for nancy and loves her deeply regardless of whether that love is romantic in nature or not. the fact that he said he was over nancy in s3 while confessing feelings to robin, dated around a bunch, and then suddenly had feelings for her again in s4 comes off less to me like "steve never got over nancy" and more like "steve is unable to find the kind of love he wants with a woman no matter what he tries and he's returning to nancy because he thinks that he just messed up their relationship with his flaws and if they tried again he could be better and everything would be perfect." like nancy was the closest steve ever came to actually being in love with a girl and as time passes he realizes that he doesn't think he could feel that way with another woman. but the thing is that stancy was just not a great couple yknow but they had these external pressures on their relationship that allow them to look back on it and think well maybe NOW we'll be more compatible and we can be happy. like it's this subconscious belief that being in the right relationship could make Everything in his life right.
idk i think at this point i'm just rambling and i fear i'm making no sense but like i think gay steve is really interesting to think about Because his relationship with nancy was so important to him. like it's genuinely really compelling to explore their relationship through the lens of compulsory heterosexuality and consider like the sort of friendship they might have in the wake of steve realizing that he's gay. i also think it's interesting to think about in the context of his friendship with robin and like how radically different their journeys are while simultaneously being kinda the same.
ultimately though since he's like presumed straight in canon i don't think it rly matters whether people hc steve as gay or bi? like it's kinda just whatever you want.
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eidolon-azii · 9 months
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okay i realize i was being unclear last night. let me try to clarify, because i feel this is important. i'm arguing the moral defenses we make of our favorite characters are very often based in trauma dismissal, rape culture, and heteronormativity. part of that is BL. saezuru is very unlike a lot of BL because it subverts conventions of the genre. but if we're used to seeing something in BL - dubcon, for instance - we should never, ever assume it's normal or okay. saezuru is complicated, but consent is kind of easy assuming there are no outside pressures. if your partner does not give you a clear and enthusiastic "yes," you do not have consent. of course, outside pressures like a power differential may change this equation, which is why yashiro was guilty of dubcon when he insisted on blowing his own employee. doumeki has heard "no" a lot and has continued. this is dubcon. refusing to see that or romanticizing it like lots of BL does is perpetuating rape culture. this is why i always point out the dubcon in my posts. because it's important to name it so if it happens to real readers who may not have experience, they'll know it's not okay for a partner to do this.
what does this have to do with the criticisms of doumeki i was talking about last night? well, that was less about dubcon and more about heteronormativity and kinkshaming. when we say something like, "he wasn't as loving/caring as he was earlier," we're suggesting that the less tender sex in ch. 52 does not convey love or care in the same way as the sex in chs. 23-26. that could be true, but we simply don't know yet. so do we think it's true because we've learned from doumeki that he's not as in love or does not care as much as before and was having less tender sex because of this lack? or are we assuming it's not as loving or caring because we think less tender sex can't be loving or caring? that is a heteronormative sexual norm. it assumes the most loving and caring sex is sweet, tender sex. but that's not true. i want us to think about the assumptions we're bringing to the story and whether or not they're harmful. heteronormative sexual norms are harmful because they legitimate specific ways of having sex that might not be practiced in queer or kink communities. or even by a single reader who likes to be tied up and spanked. we have to remember that what we would want for ourselves may not always be what is acceptable or right for others or for the characters. i don't think any of us would want our partner to repeat something that triggered a full-blown panic attack, for example. so what do we really want from doumeki here? and why do we want it?
(if i'm being honest, i'd like doumeki to keep his hands off yashiro until there's some clear communication between them. without that communication, he can never fully have consent. i know that's not going to happen, though. because then we'd have no plot and no story!)
if we criticize doumeki by suggesting that he should be more tender, that is also problematic because we are making claims about what he should be based on what we think is right for yashiro. but yashiro has already shown doumeki that tenderness is traumatic, and even though that may have changed, doumeki doesn't know that. so if we think he should be tender, we either forgot about yashiro's panic attack earlier or we expect doumeki to read minds. again, both of these are problematic assumptions. take it from me. i used to be the girl that expected her partner to read her mind, because "if he loves me, he'll know me inside and out." no one can read minds and not communicating with your partner can be manipulative. at the very least, it does not make for a healthy relationship. imagine if someone assumed you wanted to have sex when you didn't because they "know you" for example. mind reading can cut both ways, which is another reason expecting it is problematic. i would even suggest doumeki is assuming he knows yashiro's desires and his assumption is catastrophically wrong, even though it's based in solid prior evidence.
(if i'm being honest, i want yashiro to stop provoking doumeki and openly communicate all his feelings. but again, that's not going to happen because if it did, the story would be really short, wouldn't it?)
part of our problem is that we like problematic characters. i love yashiro. he's a cruel, manipulative bitch sometimes. i love doumeki. he's a cruel, stubborn bitch sometimes. if we're looking to save our characters from any criticism of their morality, we're going to be looking a long time. both characters are morally problematic. that's important so let me say it again: both characters are morally problematic. both also have incredibly good qualities, both are hot as fuck, both are compelling, both are relatable, and so we like them. we like to watch what they do. but neither has the moral high ground. still, liking the characters does not say anything about us as people or about sensei. you're not a bad person if you're in love with a fictional shithead. i'll remind everyone that i would fuck aizen like he paid me. and i can say that because he doesn't exist and i never have to make the hard decision of declining a hot tyrant. this is how fantasy works: it provides a fictional space for you to examine feelings and reactions that would be dangerous for you to examine IRL. so i can wonder about why i find aizen so hot without getting myself involved with a malignant narcissist who has a god complex IRL. our tastes say relatively little about our morality. but the way we express our tastes says a lot about what we value.
i'm not saying doumeki or yashiro is beyond criticism. i've said plenty of times that i would not want either as a partner IRL because so far, they don't have a healthy relationship. maybe i'm a prude, but i've had too many toxic relationships to think it would work with either of them. doumeki more than yashiro, if i had to guess. he seems to be more stable. but as i just said, recognizing they're problematic doesn't mean i don't enjoy the fantasy sensei has created. of course i do. i even like imagining how these two problematic dipshits are going to work things out in that fantasy world.
apologies if i hurt anyone's feelings. i did not mean to do that. i honestly don't care if you have whatever opinions you have of doumeki or yashiro. i don't care if you like one more than the other or hate one more than the other. it will not affect my life too much. i realize these characters become very real to lots of readers. that is a testament to sensei. she gave us characters we want to be around even though they're deeply flawed. but the characters are no longer as alive for me, so while you'll see me joking around about respecting them on tumblr, i don't lose sleep over any disrespect. you won't hurt my feelings if you don't like either or have criticisms of either. to be honest, i don't have enough bandwidth to invest in fandom that much. that means i don't take others' opinions on characters personally. there are three things i do take personally:
when we reproduce heteronormative sexual norms. this is a problem because it harms queer readers.
when we refuse to take seriously the trauma of CSA. this is a problem because it harms CSA survivors like me.
when we get mad at sensei because she doesn't write the story we want. she doesn't deserve that.
sometimes i feel like people don't really read what i post. they react before they process. i have no control over that, but i do hope people will read this post. because while i love to see good criticisms of both characters, i think we sometimes criticize them in ways that are harmful for real readers to see. and all i want is for this fandom to understand where that harm comes from. once you see it, you can choose whether or not to criticize characters in heteronormative or harmful ways. but if you don't know, you're inadvertently harming people. fandom is not a safe space, so i don't expect that these problems will ever fully go away. my goal is to point out the harmful ways we talk around saezuru because i truly believe most of this fandom does not wish to be heteronormative, supporting of rape culture, dismissive of trauma, or ungrateful to sensei. i didn't see anyone else pointing out these issues with respect to how we've been talking about doumeki in ch. 52, so i tried to point them out. this doesn't mean i'm always right or that i feel i have the moral high ground, either. i happened to notice it this time. and when i'm the one doing something heteronormative, supportive of rape culture, dismissive of trauma, or ungrateful, i hope someone would point it out. because i would not want to harm others in this fandom. i know how many trauma survivors and survivors of intimate violence and CSA read saezuru. fandom isn't a safe space, but i choose to try and not be harmful in this space.
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