#not that theres never been times that shes had to feed on actual people but usually shes able to find someone willing to let her take a sip

[st4rgzer]

Can you write a about the reader loving Matt sm but knowing he doesn’t like her back. Liek don’t have a super happy ending but also don’t have a super sad one. Do it inspired by me and …

UNREQUITED (matt sturniolo)

summary: the reader experiences some unresponsive feelings from a special someone

genre: angst

cw: taylor swift references maybe…? Is that a warning? Other than that I really don’t think theres much

a/n: as always, @iha8you ‘s request, ly, also dw you’ll get him🙏

This winter had been hell for me, it was always my favorite holiday, the cool air, snow, when it rained and I got to stay home playing boardgames with my mum, or I finally got to read that book that had been collecting dust on my shelf for ages now that it was dark and rainy. No, none of it this year. Every time I hung out with him I held my breath, in fear I’ll do something wrong, take too much space, become too much of a liability. Its stupid, just stupid, I’m his best friend, known him since i was 16 years old, but he seemed so much more older, and wiser.I belittle myself next to him, instead of just letting go, I take a mental note of every little gesture he does that correlates in any way to me, every choice of words, I save them to then divulge them later. It’s draining, not knowing if its just all in your head. If you’ve got it wrong…

“y/n? Hellooo, are you there” i snapped out of my meditative state.I was cross legged on my bedroom floor with two of my closest friends, I didnt even remember what we were talking about anymore.

“yeah sorry i was just distracted” I sighed tying my hair back into a low ponytail and resting my hands on my knees

“we were talking about Matt? Y’know you actually have a chance with him, did you see the way he talked to you earlier?” My friends were only feeding into my delusions, the other nodded in agreement. Even if he did actually see me like that, i dont know what i would do, we’ve been friends since highschool, everything would just be too weird and messy, it wouldn’t be right, no, not with me, not with him.

“No, guys, stop, you’re all just talking nonsense and it just makes everything worse” I groaned, placing my head between my hands.

“C’mon, who could ever leave you?” She says giggling, looking over at my other friend, it wasn’t funny, not in that moment at least. I felt despaired, I know it’s obvious I like him, maybe no one actually takes it seriously when i throw in some extra compliments once in a while of some flirty remarks, but I never try to hide it, except the real thing of course. I know my love should be celebrated, I shouldn’t settle for someone who just tolerates it, but I keep going back to the same thing, always, no matter how many people I see, no matter how many excuses I make to not hang out, its like a moth to a flame, I know im bound to get burnt, trust me. My friends keep convincing me, I feel petty having to listen to them try and make me feel better. Sometimes I come close to actually getting serious then I just think its a waste of time, he just always assumes im fine when my eye contact becomes non existent and my words get mixed up, I dont think he notices it at least, I dont think he ever notices. I guess this means im just doomed, It doesn’t matter how many times my friends reassure me, how many “glances” i pick up from him, Im never going to be one of his main concerns, unrequited. Im always just dimly lit, just enough. I should start trying to accept, settle, “always the bridesmaid, never the bride”.

a/n: this is kind of sht i wrote this at 1:00am, I’ll write more with requests🙏😊😊

#matt sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #matt sturniolo x reader #sturniolo fanfic #matt sturniolo image #matt sturniolo angst

[nixie-writes-aot]

Reactions to S/O with Abusive Family

Warnings: mentioned abuse, abuse of power/status, hurt/comfort, fluff

Characters: Reiner Braun, Bertholdt Hoover, Zeke Yeager

Author's Note: This was written purely because I wanted some hurt/comfort fjndkdmd. There are two other parts because theres like 9 characters I wrote this for

Reiner Braun

Oh boy

Family is something that means a lot to Reiner. Especially s4 Reiner. He would do anything to protect his own so someone hurting their family member?

He can't fathom it

Reiner just wants to hold you close, shield you from everything that would dare even try to hurt you

Reiner is a broken man in many aspects but you make him feel whole, you make everything okay do seeing you hurt is not something that Reiner ever wants

When you come to him? Hurt and even scared? He wants to know why, he wants you to know he's there and always will be

Reiner is stunned when you tell him the stories, the way you feel around your family, how you felt the end to always always apologize or people please just to avoid conflict

Reiner decided then and there that he hated your family, that there was no excusing how they had been adults around you and instead of nurturing you, destroyed any semblance of a child that had existed within you

He pulls you close, enveloping you in a hug and let you sob and cry into his chest

Reiner had decided he would do anything just to help you move on from them

Although Reiner could barely hide his relief and a touch of disappointment when you said you hadn't seen them in years

Reiner was half tempted to mention his desire to make them suffer using his rank as Vice Chief but opts to keep that from you. For the moment, at least. Time and place and all

Bertholdt Hoover

When you tell him, Bertholdt is quiet at first. He's the kind to process things a touch slowly 

But he is horrified

Bertholdt became a Warrior for his sick father, not unlike Pieck, so when you tell him that you admire that but could never do the same for your family? That some fathers never earn the love of their children?? Bertholdt is stunned

Not because of the "but family is family" bullshit no no. Bertholdt is stunned at how you're opening up and with him of all people and the fact that anyone would dare hurt you

Bertholdt mutters about wanting to hurt them for hurting you

This is a man who was pushed into killing hundreds just because he was convinced that Eldians were devils and those who were on the island were the worst of the worst 

You can't tell me when faced with the story of how your abusers are still alive, he would be kind

Well. To you, he is kind

To them? He wants to feed them to the titans

Bertholdt slowly but surely pulls you close, buring his face in your chest and whispering positive affirmations that you are worth loving, deserved so much better, and are one of the best people he had ever met

Zeke Jeager

When you tell Zeke about it, he remembers his own parents

How only his grandparents earned his love and how his father especially received his ire

In Zeke's mind, Tom Ksaver is still his real father. Even if he had to eat him in the long run

Zeke is an odd man and he doesn't really emote much but he takes a hit off his cigarette, puts it out and turns to you. Zeke offers you a sympathetic nod, an apology, and pulls you close

Zeke, unlike Reiner, would absolutely use his position as the Warchief against the people who hurt you most

Zeke would lull you to sleep, letting you sleep in his bed and feel all the perks he gets as a Warchief that can actually speak during meetings with Marleyans 

His sweet nothings persistent until you've drifted away and then he steps out, probably finds Yelena while he leans beside him with a cigarette

"Find two people for me. Full name and everything, then frame them. Make them suffer. They've hurt someone I care about greatly."

Yelena doesn't even have to ask who that person is, she knows its you so she does so without question nor fail 

When you hear the news, you climb into his lap and sigh, kissing him sweetly and thanking him for the small amount of justice you get to see served

Zeke would do just about anything for you, he's sure of that much

#attack on titan #aot #snk #shingeki no kyojin #reiner braun #reader insert #bertholdt hoover #zeke yeager #aot x you #snk x you #attack on titan x you #shingeki no kyojin x you #snk x reader #aot x reader #shingeki no kyojin x reader #attack on titan x reader #genderneutral reader #zeke yeager x reader #zeke yeager x you #reiner braun x reader #reiner braun x you #bertholdt hoover x reader #bertholdt hoover x you #nix writes #nix dreams

[walnutcookie]

hello there mister almond sir i just read your Misfortune infodump and i. am intrigued. i would like to hear more pretty please /nf

MISFORTUNE RANT PART 2💥💥 THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS ASK BWAAA/GEN ...

part 1 here

so . Unfortunately i am a sucker for fluff and also capchat so that is precisely the ending my fanon gets HXVDKDB

langue comes to visit cappu in her office the day after he saw misfortune again and finds her like half dead with a hangover and theyre like Hey. What the fuck happened. shes a little hesitant because yknow not everyone will believe you when you say theres a giant 10 foot raven inside of you!! but he tells langue EVERYTHING and based on what cappu tells them. They believe her!! they are horrified and greatly disgusted (thhey dont like the thought of a giant bird covered in blood crawling in and out of cappus mouth so they make her swish out his mouth before they kiss him /hj)

but langue is a stubborn fuck. a perfectionist and an overachiever. they are going to fight misery itself just to prove they can. So!! misfortune feeds off of cappuccino being miserable? then they just have to make her life As good and lovely as possible so that he never feels miserable. or at least not enough for it to feed off of her

they manage to convince their parents (who were never very fond of cappu and just saw her as a bad influence for their precious lovely child) to let cappu move in with them temporarily and they quickly start to adore him because Of Course They Do. Langue is going to nag him about every little thing until he Actually Does It so eventually they manage to get him a proper sleep schedule, wean her off of cigarettes, heavily cut her daily coffee intake, and most importantly keep her from being isolated so often. Love wins !

obviously it takes a loong time and misfortune is NOT happy that this little fuck is managing to ignore all of the disasters its causing (falling furniture. fires. shattered windows. anything it can manage to do) and somehow not die from any of it and eventually They succeed ! Cappuccino is actually happy! even though misfortune still tries to make her life a living hell she now has support from langue AND their parents and so shes able to actually push through and recover from his bad luck instead of just having to sit there and endure it (or desperately find ways to escape it)

right now the silly ending is misfortune senses a very very miserable being walking down the street and goes to hide in them instead but it turns out it was ROGUEFORT and misfortune has thousands of year old beef with their sentient cloak goddess (lupine) and it escapes heavily weakened.

it is so itty bitty now. but it has found that movie theaters produce a good amount of misery for it to feed off of and it lives in there now lol. Diversity win! The spirit of misfortune likes popcorn!

this is all just a silly ending though idk if its canon or not . Either way misfortune leaves cappu and finds another victim HXBDKFB

meanwhile cappu is FUCKING DYING!!! It clawed its way out of his chest since it no longer cared if she died or not and had no use for her it just left her to die. Thankfully it was in langues house so he was rushed to a hospital as soon as langue saw her with his chest literally wide open (they frew up) and Cappu Survived!!!!

thats basically it HXVDKF cappu rides in a car while conscious for the first time in years when langues parents drive her home from the hospital and he is an Anxious Mess because of how many accidents hes been in and how its caused her to be absolutely terrified of cars. but langue is there to hold his hand and. um. yeah just kind of hold her hand because they are AWFUL at comforting people. But their parents try to say some comforting things !!! poor thang is trembling

if anyone has any questions i would love to answer :3!! i love this silly raven thang so much

#🎉 rambles

[archivist-the-knight]

oh my god... spoilers under the cut but i need to talk about here for sweethearts

this is the first arcadekitt game i've played [not the first ive seen!! i saw my neighbor enid in a playthrough format and decided to check out the author's other work.] and??? best one i could've chosen i loved the experience.

first off even without the plot twist the game is really good. its so sweet and genuine, all of the characters are super nice and the dialogue feels natural. each character is likeable, and you have equal reasons to like and dislike each of them. their flaws are balanced out as equally as their pros. also?? the pride flags were really cleverly incorporated into the designs. especially acanthibar... the others are cool i love em but acanthibar... he takes the cake. the aro sleeves... the trans sash... he's giving it his all dude highest respect for my frog guy. also, i do like how the pride flags kinda matched with each of the characters personalities if it made sense? there's more to be said about that but biggest example i can draw from is vatilis and crowven... vatilis, try as they might, wears their heart on their sleeve and has a hard time keeping their emotions down, so theirs is a sweater that compliments the rest of the outfit, but you can still see it. crowven is casual about it, if you bring it up he'll confirm it with pride and isn't as scared of hiding his emotions. his main alt sprite is him itching hsi nose with the pride bracelet hand...

also mary... the fact that until we see her most of what we've heard about her is the fact that she's "scary" and weird from netina, and that she doesn't like being called that from crowven. and when we actually meet her... she's so kind, out of everyone in the game she has the most decorated, personality-filled room, and is generally just a big sweetheart. also points. she and reggie are autism4autism ace4ace they're literally adorable together... who gave them the riiight oh my goddd /pos

anyway!!! :-3 i really like games that subvert your expectations both narratively and aesthetically. which sucks, because i don't see it done often. but??? oh my god here for sweethearts filled that niche perfectly... the genuine suprise i felt hearing them mention "hunger" until i realized... the protagonist never mentioned anything beyond "i'd feel nice" to why they wanted that connection... and then i was pleasantly surprised by the twist that the protag was here to feed off of the heartbreak ooooh my god... genuinely everything i had building up for the dance stopped in the best way possible.

like the signs were pointing towards natina being the secret killer, but... reginald being the supposed killer the ghost saw was actually the first witness of the crime, and twyla actually being the one to commit the murder? and how, once you realize this, it's already too late?

and twyla being onto us the whole time... asking us if we eat in our room at all, having gunther distract us when she literally said she just needed him out of the way for a little bit to get his keys, which she could have easily done without us. once you get that information, so many events prior make so much sense! hell, some of the incorrect dialogue makes sense! of course we'd accidentally slip up, we're hungry and desperate!! its just .... ooo eated. pun intented.

anyway the only real con i had about this game was that there wasn't a seperation between how you presented and what pronouns people used for you. but even then i'm fine with that!! theres only like two moments that i encountered it, its fairly casual and ultimately didn't take away from the experience. + i know it would've been hard to code... the game already has so much going for it in that department so i get it!! and plus... they were all conveniently terms i'm okay with being used for me so there's that hehe [oh they also all still use they/them for you no matter what. its just like a few instances of them calling you pretty so again; its okay and in fact im fine with it being kept that way tbh]

regardless!! i had so much fun with this game, please play it on itch.io its free and really entertaining. it takes a while to complete, it took me an entire afternoon, so keep that in mind. but i personally really liked it!!

bonus... the player character looks exactly like me/one of my sonas. HELP...

#eden mrraps #here for sweethearts #arcadekitten games #ask to tag #spoilers

[markets]

Tbh ive learned a lot about people these past few months id like to think... ive also learned that i dont really bite the hand that feeds me but i do look at what its feeding me and go This shit sucks give me more please and then it goes Well ok ur not getting anything then. i mean not always actually bc the sort of "never settle always push for more" attitude ive kinda always had has been really beneficial to me in school and such like why study for an hour when you can study for two why settle for an A when you could have an A+ etc. but its a hard line of reasoning to shake off when youre NOT in an environment like that bc theres a big difference between turning 6 advanced classes into 7 and turning something like a little crush into a successful relationship where each party can give the other what it wants. Ppl are more complicated than that...!!! like relationships are not linear the way a grading scale is. Different stages of things are fun in their own way,and sometimes relationships can only reach a certain point and thats ok!! you dont have to push past that point because where youre at is just fine, and pushing will just leave you with nothing at all. Like ok the reason im saying this is BC the person ive been craziest over was my best friend and he said something really really nice about me that i wont even say um i think i might have already actually but its the nicest thing anyones ever said about me and also kind of personal so i dont want to repeat it i want to keep it for me. and i heard about this from someone else and was immediately like Holy crap we are meant to be together forever we're going to share a grave when if die!!! and then i asked him out and it flopped bc we are just not good together like that and now ive spent months trying to go back to what we were before. BC when we WERE that i was too focused on the next thing to realize that sometimes, even when you want more out of a relationship, you cant get it and it's fine because the place youre at has enough merit by itself anyway. And this is easy to say but harder to take into account when youre actually in a situation where you need it BC thinking "the more i do, the more i win" gives you such a clear set of instructions. Its rlly nice and rlly helpful. but with people its like you cant WIN but you can definitely lose. So ya.. working on being nicer to the hand that feeds me this year. building on relationships too hopefully but more thoughtfully this time around. <-Shes looped burning hill mitski like 16 times and now thinks shes the first person to ever have a thought

#angiemarkets.txt

[sips-tea-cutely]

SO I'VE ACTYALLY NEVER MADE A GENSHIN REQUEST BUT WHY NOT, IF MOD IBUKI'S ASKING

Can I request Venti comforting a depressed reader? Maybe a reader going through bullying based on their appearance (chubbiness in my case)

Thank you in advance!!

Venti comforting a bullied!reader

a/n: YES YES YES OKAY OKAY I GOT THIS!! also i apologize if these are inaccurate or are harmful/hurtful towards other people. and if you feel insecure or is actually getting bullied, try not hesitate to reach out to people about this problem. -ibuki

cw: mentions of ed

a/n 2: ugh she never finished it smh!!!! 🤬🤬🤬🤬 cant trust these hoes anymore looking for a new wife…. -maki

walking down the steps towards your house, today was such a good day— maybe he could really pay master diluc for a bottle of dandelion wine this time!~ "haaah, today had quite the audience!! hmm ehehe i cant wait to see my blume-"

"--really think that sweet innocent bard would want someone like you?"

venti stopped in his tracks and directed his attention towards the hostile voice. he hid somehwere nearby in order to see who was the victim because, being venti, he was obviously going to help, until— he saw a familiar lock of hair out the corner of his eye.

his eyes shot open once he realized,

you were the victim.

"honestly i bet the bard just wants you for your voice. theres no way he would want you for your... appearance. plus! you dont even sound that good so really, you’d be nothing but a nuisance to him."

his blume was getting harassed by "some self-obsessed bitch", the new nickname given to your harasser.

he was furious, FURIOUS. the winds matching his mood, it started swaying with an unforgiving speed. but he had to calm down since he knew you’d know it was him causing the wind, thus would give away his hiding spot.

for about 30 minutes or so, he had to watch his beloved get bashed and slandered, every minute making it harder not for him to go straight to the two of you and feed the narcissist to dvalin. god, her voice was so high-pitched, it’s almost like she’s doing it on purpose.

to restrain his anger, venti went straight home midway and set up a lamplit dinner with his specialty, a barbatos ratatouille!!

while waiting for you, he had been left alone with his thoughts, the thoughts of a lackluster god

he should have known. this was the reason all along, she was the reason.

the reason behind your paranoia of calories and carbs, the times you’d often go without any food until dinner, your obsession with weight-loss drugs, and frequent outings to take jogs.

he knew that wasn't who you really were, no out of everything, you were confident in yourself, body positive and not taking shit from anyone. so, why?

why didnt he do anything?

it was the reason, the reason behind your small smiles, barely audible giggles, and refusal of doing any music gigs with him.

he should have known.

because you always had the biggest smile and always, always loved to sing with him.

he—

click!

the door opened for him to see you at the doorway announcing your arrival.

"AH! MY BLUME! how was your day?" he ran up to you like a golden retriever reunited with its’ owner.

you smiled softly.

‘theres that smile again. that fake, fake smile.’ he thought.

"hello venti. you made dinner tonight?” you gasp at the beautiful ratatouille. “im surprised the house isnt on fire yet." you giggle softly.

"well, i had a feeling that i should make some food tonight!! my audience sure loved todays performance and my happiness is still trying to wear off. i might become too prideful, hehe~"

he pulled your chair back for you to sit, like a gentleman would. you kindly took the gesture and sat down as he pushed the chair back forward, and went to his own seat.

2 minutes in, he broke the silence.

"how was your day today?"

you smiled.

"today was splendid. i got to go out of mondstadt for a walk and enjoy nature. enjoy life while it lasts, you know?"

ah.

life while it lasts.

he was immortal, you werent, he remembered.

his lips slightly curved upwards.

"i get it, did you meet anyone along the way?"

he wanted the truth out of you, even if he had to be sneaky about it.

“oh yes! i managed to come across flora and have a little chat with her about her flowers, my, she’s quite an entrepreneur for a little girl!” your lips curve at the memory of your conversation with the young florist.

venti was pissed. at what? it could be anything at this point; at you for not telling him you needed help, at himself for not figuring it out sooner, at her for causing you so much grief.

“i know you’re being bullied.” he said. he sounded so bold and confident it was almost out of character for him to act like this. did you really matter that much to him?

“i get if you don’t want me to get involved, i guess… but at least, please tell captain kaeya about this. personally, blume, i think you’re beautiful the way you are. ill support you if you really do want to change something about your appearance but please don’t do it because you don’t fit some sort of beauty standard. isn’t monstadt all about your freedom, dear?”

your hands were shaking and your eyes looked everywhere, anywhere for a distraction. “i- well…it’s true i don’t want you to get involved cause only celestia know what you’ll do to her but… yeah, ill tell kaeya about it tomorrow but for now…” you say before grabbing his delicate palm, the heat of the lamp shining brightly.

“i want to spend time with my favorite bard.”

that smile. it’s not fake anymore, your blushed cheeks are scrunched up from joy. finally, you understand what he has always meant.

no matter what will happen, he’ll always be there to comfort you, until death will do part.

#aaaa this sucks sry its 5am #mod ibuki #genshin imapct #genshin imagines #genshin x reader #venti #venti x you #venti x y/n #venti x reader #genshin barbatos #venti barbatos #mod maki

[whenthechickencry]

Umineko EP3. Replay Part 3

She probably expected it but giving out so much of her trauma away just to not even be believed must have hurt a bit...

Yeah...

Again, obviously using this story as a device to talk about herself. K Beatrice never really considered suicide like that, the one that did was Yasu. The way the story says that Kinzo and Beatrice's love is one-sided is interesting - that's not how its portrayed in ep7, though I can imagine that's how Yasu saw it, due to how her life was fucked up by Kinzo.

The referring of Kinzo as mage/magician/blacksmith is pretty interesting to me. I think it shows how yes a complete dismissal of 'maigc' we see in Battler and later Erika is bad and can hurt people who need help the complete enabling that Genji and others did of Kinzo's magic is bad, too.

B-batler theres another more obvious and clear definition of the "miracle of creating life" here stop getting frustrated!

There are like a hundred million hints here Battler! No wonder Beatrice is starting to get frustrated with you. The only bigger hint she could give at this time is basically force-feeding the answer.

Awkard phrasing considering that's not even true aside - you can tell how their dynamic has changed a bit by now. By this point at the last chapter Battler was talking about how she was evil and would never accept her.

He's starting to get it but then he forces himself out of taking the story seriously.... Ronove tries to get him back on track though.

Woah I didn't realize they gave actual dates here... honestly, I don't have the timeline of events 100% clear in my mind on certain stuff so maybe I should work on that with this reread....

He's able to get the general gist back, though! Thanks, Ronove!

Ronove chastises him for trying to use Beatrice as a sacrificial piece here too - obviously a hint that we should look into the people he loves.

Here is Rosa basically talking about the time she heavily considered suicide and then there's her brother and her sister making fun of her for 1. Not trying harder and 2. Being a failure at what she likes. I sit really any surprise Rosa ended up as fucked up as she is?

Man, this so fucked up.... not allowed to know anything, completely stuck inside one man's delusions....

I think the fact in this episode you spend time with a younger Rosa and Eva a very interesting a necessary choice for the game - here you meet an Eva before the realization that her dreams will never become true and a Rosa before she was thrust into adulthood with a million unresolved traumas and no support system - I think this was a very necessary choice so that we could see this characters not as people to scapegoat for all the misfortune but as complicated people.

Yes, that's a better assessment, as her entire life has been a trick by and for Kinzo...

This must have really fucked up Rosa a lot - I imagine she felt so so guilty about it. I don't really think you can blame Beatrice or Rosa here - the fault lies with Kinzo grooming someone to be so defenseless and naive to the point they can barely understand danger.

Beato has had enough of having Battler try to blame an ethereal 19th person now, Battler is forced to play like a big boy now.

I think this is probably referring to how Kinzow is unable to take any results other than Beatrice being brought back to him... other people might think of ways of moving on with their life and accepting their misfortune.... Kinzo chose to spend the rest of his life chasing something impossible and ruining the lives of many people in the process.

I can't really express it very well here but holy shit an animated CG.

I might be overthinking this but the fact this episode, outside the meta, refers to the previous episodes is a hint that this one was written a bit after the other ones - the contrast between episode 2 and 3 Shannon is kind of interesting but ultimately it's not that different, Shannon doesn't believe that a real future with George is possible so she's fine with dying after getting the highest attainment (the ring) she believes she can possibly achieve. It's just her death here came earlier than it did in ep2.

Ouch that line about crying himself to sleep over being furniture hurts....

These conversations are pretty interesting when you consider it is the same person struggling with their own thoughts, the part that is fine with killing themselves after getting a ring since that's the happiest they will ever be and the part full of regret and bitterness...

The lines of pure self-hatred are pretty tragic too...

With this board being the first one to go really off the rails the fact Genji died so early probably has to do with it, lol, that's kind of hard mode for Yasu.... of course, the narrative purpose is Tohya knowing the board didn't go as Yasu planned I and to hint us towards how it actually went down in actuality.

Huh.... they bring this up again right after they bring up how Kinzo's wife did the same thing when she thought/knew Kinzow as having an affair.... I guess Natsuhi suspected that as well.

You can tell this episode isn't written by Gohda anymore because Gohda has a scene without someone remarking that he is a snake and evil.

The fact original Beatrice roughly means "played a lot of pranks" is pretty funny.

Battler going uh uh I can't take this anymore here always felt a little weird as if this was any weird than the Kanon goat fight in epsidoe 2... that was due to the changed plans in 3 probably though.

#umineko #umiepisode3

[x3kristax3]

Is this the end?

Chapter 5

Three years later..

I made the choice to move half way around the world. The Duskwood group became another family after everything and they understood why I refused to get into a relationship. Even though Dan didnt agree, he accepted where my heart still was. We get together weekly even Jessy as she moved in with me in Colville. Everyone is married with kids or engaged expect Jessy and I. She has been in a relationship and while hes proposed, she turned him down so I wasn't alone. I also fought with her on that. 

Noone has heard from Jake. Hannah had invited him to the wedding but he never showed up which broke her heart. His mom has kept in touch with me as she knows her son is stubborn but means well. She has asked me to come over monthly for a dinner and I always accept.

This month was so no different. I pull up to her house and I see an extra car in the driveway were I normally park so I just pull in front of the house. I don't think of anything different until I walk in the house as I know she's getting the food ready and I hear a man's voice. It's one that sounds so familiar to me but I don't think it's possible as I've been coming over the same Friday every month for 3 years for dinner. I walk into the kitchen and I see her cooking and this man next to her helping. I walk up to her with the desert I brought over.

"Whats for dinner tonight?" I ask. 

"Oh honey I meant to call and tell you that you didn't have to come over" she says.

I look up from putting the desert down and see Jake standing next to her. My heart flashes back to three years ago looking into his eyes and I walk back outside.

"Mom you okay? I'm going to check on her" I hear him say as I get to the door.

"Go ahead sweetie" she says. 

I'm outside at my car leaning over like I've seen a ghost. I hear the door open "MC, dont leave please" I hear his voice.

"No you dont have the right…. This has been my 2nd friday of the month every month for last three damn years. Dinner with her…. Just her and I,'' I say as the tears start streaming.

"She's always invited me but never told me you were here too. I had some things happen and I just needed to see my mom. Why after all these years you still having dinner with her anyway?" He asks.

"Because she understands your stubbornness. When you left the Aurora that day I was broken. I ended up reaching out to her to let her know because I didn't know if you would. I moved out to Colville after everything. I needed a fresh start but with people that understood me." I say with tears in my eyes seeing him looking at me.

"If you want you can join us. Not like there isn't enough to feed an army." He says with that smile.

"I don't know, Jake. Im going to be honest with you. I'm still not over you fully" as I look down at my feet "also if Dan and Phil find out they might hurt you" I say.

"Phil still trying to get with you?" He asks.

"No," I say with a laugh. "Him and Cleo are actually married with a little one. Dan and Lilly are engaged. Thomas and Hannah are married but you knew that and have a little boy with a little girl on the way" I say.

"What about Jessica?" He says.

I laugh "shes in a relationship and he's proposed a few times but she turns him down not wanting me to be alone in the apartment and he understands that."

"So noone in your life?" He says with a side eye.

"No theres been a few guys but as soon as I bring them around the whole group and they see how protective the guys are with me they end it. I don't blame them for running either. After with you Dan and Phil both treat me like a little sister. Specially because I tried to chase you that day"

"Jake, Morgan…. Dinner is in the over" his mom calls.

"Morgan?" He says looking at me with a weird expression. 

"She refuses to call me MC. So I told her my name." I say blushing as I walk towards the house.

Jake grabs my hand "where does the C come from?" He asks, looking down at me.

"No you don't get to find out" I say, trying to pull away.

He walks inside still holding my hand "Mom, do you know her middle name too?" He asks, as he pulls me into the kitchen.

"Yes, I do because I asked her" she says not paying attention as im shaking my head.

"What is it? Since i just found out her first name" he asks

"Caroline" she says getting things ready in the kitchen.

He turns to me and pulls me close. "I like that. Morgan Caroline Miller" he says with a smile.

"Woah! Your getting way ahead of yourself" I say surpised he just said that as I pull away from him. "Wheres the wineiI need a glass?" I say grabbing a wine glass as I go to grab the wine and pour a large glass.

"I like the sound of that" his mom says with a smile.

"Did you plan this happening?" I look at her pouting.

"Well I mean I knew you would be over and I always invited him for dinner but he never showed up until today" she says with a smile.

"I need some fresh air again" I say as I walk into the backyard and sit down on the desk steps.

I hear Jake come out "I'm sorry. I'm not going to lie. I've missed you."

"No, we're not doing this Jake…. This isnt fate like you mentioned at the bar. This is the work of your mom" I say taking a big gulp of wine.

"Well I mean it kind of is fate because it's 3 years and here you are in my mom's house half way around the world from where you used to be," he says with that sly smile as he sits next to me.

I look at him and I see the Jake I used to love and it's everything in my power not to give in to him. "Has been anyone for you in the last 3 years?" I ask biting my lip.

"Why you want to know?" He says nudging my shoulder.

"I mean I told you" I say with a little laugh.

"There was some girls but nothing close to you. Noone I trusted like you for certain" he says holding my hand.

I swear my heart skips a beat. "You should go help your mom. I need to make a phone call real fast" I say looking at the time.

"Okay" he says with a pout.

I wait for him to be inside and I pull my phone out. I call Jessy and thankfully she answers.

"Whats wrong MC? You never call me when your having dinner with Jakes mom until you leave." She says concerned.

"Yeah theres a problem" I say hushed.

"What is the problem… is she okay?" She asks.

"Oh she's perfectly fine… but you'll never guess who was here when I showed up" I say.

I pull up my camera and take a picture as I see him in the window and send it to her.

"Who is it?" She asks then looks at the picture. "No way 3 years later and he shows up!?" She yells.

"Yeah, he's being the guy I fell in love with which makes this really hard" I say while taking a drink of wine.

"Then leave" she says.

"Haha too late his mom won't let me and I'm drinking wine and she knows my name" I say.

"Wait, she knows your name!" Exclaims jessy.

"Yeah and she told him…. And guess what he said?" I say so flustered.

"What?"

"Oh I like the sound of that… Morgan Caroline Miller" I say in my best Jake voice and I just hear Jessy laugh.

"I guess this is fate, see where it goes. But I have to go, Andy is here for our date night" she says.

"Have fun" I say , hanging up.

 I sit there and watch him a bit more helping his mom and I can't help but smile. I realize maybe this is fate and to see where it goes again.

Jakes POV

Having MC here has been amazing. I honestly forgot what her smiled looked like I ask told myself these last three years I wasn’t going to check on her. I hadn’t even known she moved to Colville. She told me to go help my mom and I did while she makes a phone call. I’m in the kitchen helping my mom get everything ready and I see her out the bay window my mom has on the phone.

“Mom, do you believe what her and I have is fate?” I ask.

“Sweetie, what you guys have is real. I’m going to tell you something I told her three years ago when her and I started these dinners. You will have moments of uncertainty in true love. You will argue and fight and maybe even walk away from eachother. However, when that person comes back into your life even if its years later how you feel will determine if its true love. The way I saw you two look at each other when she looked up and you looked at her is exactly that. You never stopped loving her did you, Jake?” she says running her hand through my hair.

“No mom, I never stopped loving her. I just thought she deserved better than me.” I say. I look up and I see MC  holding her phone looking like she’s taking a picture.“Any of the guys she’s been with have you met?”

“No I haven't. She told me about them but it always ended the same way. She was glad they were gone because it didn’t feel like it did with you.’

‘Mom, remember that ring I told you to always hold onto until I had asked you to give it to me?”

“Yeah, want me to grab it for you?” she asks.

“Yes please, I need to make a promise to MC.” I say looking down.

“When you do sweetie, use her full name not MC okay? I saw the look in her eyes when you said her full name with our last name. She liked the sound of it.” 

“Mom, she’s right though it's too soon after everything that happened.” I say as i follow her into the bedroom and she hands me the ring.

“Hey where did you guys go!?” we hear MC yell in the house.

“My mom had something of mine I had wanted” I say as we come out of her bedroom.

“Can I see it?” she asks all chipper.

“Nope” I say with a sly smile as the oven goes off and MC goes and helps get it all out.

Watching her help my mom get all the food out of the oven and fridge. I can’t help but think about what my mom said. I really never did stop loving her and seeing her like this again makes me realize how much I want to give her that ring that's now in my pocket. We all go to sit down and I realize MC finished her wine.

“MC do you want more wine or something else to drink?” I ask.

“I’ll get more wine” she says as she goes to stand up.

"I'll get it, I'm going to get myself a drink as well’ I say as I grab her glass from her hand. She looks confused but accepts it and sits down. I’m in the kitchen and I’m pouring her a small glass because I know she has to drive back home and I get myself a drink as well. The glass she has has a small lip on the bottom of the glass. I think about putting the ring on it but decide against it as I have a better idea for later. I give her back her glass and my mom looks at me wondering what is going on. I just play it off as being the good guy they both know I am.

We all enjoy dinner and the desert MC brought over. Her and I decided to do the dishes for my mom to help her out since she cooked. MC is washing the dishes and I’m drying and putting it all away.

We finally get it all done and I look at her as she grabs the container my mom made for her to bring back to Jessy. “MC can we go on the back porch for a moment to talk?” I am nervous.

“Sure, Jake” she says with that smile that melts my heart. 

I open the door for her and let her out first. We lean against the railing and she looks at me. “What do you want to talk about?” she asks, looking at me.

“Morgan…'' I say and she looks at me confused as I’ve never called her that before. “I know when we were last together it didn’t end well. I can’t stop thinking about what could have gone differently seeing you here tonight with my mom. I know you're still the woman I fell in love with and trusted all my secrets with. I hope I can live up to that version of me that you held on for. Will you wear this ring as I promise to never let me mind get in the way of us being happy, because after three of not seeing you every day, I can’t image another day without you in my life?” I say showing her a silver ring with an emerald stone in it.

She just stands there looking at the ring and looking at me and looking back at the ring. "Jake are you asking me to give you another chance and be yours?” she asks and I see fear in her eyes.

“Shit I shouldn’t have done this” I say going to walk away but she grabs my arm.

“Answer my question and I’ll answer yours.” she says looking into my eyes.

“Yes I am, I can't imagine life with you any longer.’ I am scared of what she is going to say. Next thing I know she’s leaning up to kiss me. This kiss is gentle but passionate and I slide the ring I'm still holding onto her right hand.

“Yes, I'll give you another chance,'' she says as she pulls away. I lean my head against her and we just smile at each other. “Shit Phil and Dan are going to kill me, '' she says with a laugh.

“No they are going to kill me” I say, realizing we have to make it through them.

“Lets just keep it a secret right now. Well minus Jessy cause I have to show her this ring. And we will figure out how to tell the rest.” she says with a smile.

I hold her tight and walk her to her car. "Let me know when you get home okay?" I said to her.

"Will do" she says as she kisses my cheek.

#duskwood #duskwoodlover #duskwood fanfiction #writing #fanfic #mc x jake #everbyte duskwood #duskwood jake x mc

[zalrb]

Hey zal hope you’re feeling good! I was wondering if theres ever been a couple on a show/movie that were meant to have a dynamic of “they have a history and this tie to each other and know each other well and look good together but at the same time not meant to end up together” where you actually thought they should end up together? Like there’s no reason why they shouldn’t work? Like a couple that were meant to be in each others lives to teach each other things and they affected each other in certain profound ways but they’re not meant to end up together. It kind of reminds me of stelena and how they were meant to have that fated connection but the show didn’t want them together at the end. I was wondering if there were others like that. And do you have any where you understood why they shouldn’t be together? Like you thought the show did a good job of showing why they’re not meant to be. Sorry if you’ve answered this before. I just usually really enjoy watching couples like that where there’s this mystical tie holding them together but also the angst of not being able to be that person for each other, even if they want to be. Thank you!!

It kind of reminds me of stelena and how they were meant to have that fated connection but the show didn’t want them together at the end.

lol https://zalrb.tumblr.com/post/635443307953160192/stefan-elena-endgame-or-bust-kevin-walked

I will always be angry about Villadero (more posts in masterlist)

Um, this isn't quite the same because they were never a ship and this really pissed people off at the time but as an extremely casual, drunk review viewer of Shadowhunters, I'd put down Show!Jalec (there are more posts in the masterlist about this)

Like it’s emotional and intimate and they exude so much when they’re playing across from each other

Like Jace actually looks like he’s being torn apart, it’s one of the only times he’s convincing (the other times, he’s also with Alec) and Alec looks like killing Jace is literally the most absurd thing in the world and his expression is as fierce as I’ve ever seen it on the show and it doesn’t look platonic and it doesn’t look brotherly, this basically looks like a Stelena scene

Like seriously, guys, look at this

Jace is never this convincing with Clary and Alec is certainly never this convincing with Magnus.

And sure, the dialogue about their bond is supposed to be about their platonic love but with scenes like that, with chemistry like that, their narrative and their dialogue just feeds into the romance of their energy

and then you have THIS scene

I’m sorry if I had all of this, as a creator, things would just have to change because how am I supposed to take Malec seriously

or Clace

In terms of ships I understood, kind of Jax and Tara? Like they end up together but they don't because she's murdered.

Jax and Tara are another couple like this where they represent happiness for each other and hope for each other in a cruel, hard, violent environment

but they could never have their happy ending because if they had their happy ending the show would be done, Jax would be done, the club would fall apart, the fibre of the world Kurt Sutter created would diminish,

Jax can’t leave Charming, he can’t leave Sons of Anarchy, he can’t leave his mother

so the only way for Jax to not leave is for tragedy to ensue.

I'm still trying to decide if my fury around Alisha and Simon is legitimate anger about the writing or if it's because the writing destroyed me when I thought of the implications of them being in this constant loop of trying to save each other and failing over and over.

[nishitanis]

Oc lore 🤲 pls spare some oc lore im just a little peasant boy starving in the wild

of course little peasant boy of course i shall feed you ..

first of all if you want stuff specific to eklyre and tempests relationship then i got you partially covered here

im gona take this as an opportuntiy to dump about general worldbuilding and shit. win. sorry this is gonna be long

so this entire ocverse (as most of my ocverses do) spawned from a dnd campaign, it was supposed to be my first time dming and i did for one session but then covid happened so like. yeah. but i still had this entire world id made and this story so i was like fuck it ocverse NEOW

the basic setup is kind of like. noir film esque vibe mobsters, based in one city (think its called grand tybury iirc), split up into 5 factions with a big river down the middle. each faction is governed by a god who is also a gang boss because i had a fucking mafia spin when i was 13 and by god i wasnt letting it go

theres two Original gods, the gods of life and death called lustris and ylta, and these two are kinda just like. fucking shmucks who like doing whatever the hell. if they get bored they yoink a random dying mortal and make them into a god and see what happens. so thats how you get four other gods who used to be mortal. respectively phiadia of knowledge/justice, birch of freedom/nature, answered riddle of trickery/luck and tempest of the water

the city is obviously not doing very well because theres fights for territory, most of the gods are horrible people aside from tempest who just hides in a boathouse and doesnt talk to anyone and birch who spends all their time high and tending to plants.

then eklyre comes in <3 my sweetie. ylta (god of death) is a power hungry bitch essentially and is like you know what i want everything, im sick of these other gods i want all their denizens and i want them now (in the next 30-40 years or so, because thats nothing to a god).

so she does what any sane person does and she kidnaps a baby and raises them as essentially a child soldier, grooming them into the perfect right hand to eventually kill the other gods. as she made the other gods Gods she also has the power to take it away, and she curses these brass knuckles that she gives to eklyre telling them that all they have to do is punch a god and theyll be rendered mortal again. then she sends them out into the world (after theyve been sheltered by her their whole life. theyre like 25 at this point)

she sends them to phiadias faction where eklyre successfully infiltrates her gang and works their way up the ranks until theyre her most trusted right hand, of course with the believed intent that theyll kill her. and they will, just not for the reasons youd expect. cause see yltas plan sorta kinda completely backfired and now eklyre is irreparably traumatised with a huge resentment towarsd their "mother" and from the decade theyve now spent quote unquote free from her theyve realised everything is her fault and their society is inherently unfair so theyve resolved to killing the gods themself to establish a new and equal society

and that is. essentially what they do. theres other characters that are actually the protagonists cause eklyres kinda supposed to be like an ally turned surprise secondary antagonist where the plot twist is they were never on phiadias side and want to kill everyone but then the protags get radicalised by them and everyone lived happily ever after

and tempest is there too. yea

#god sorry that was so much you set me off. Help #more questions ? more questions are so fun. thank youuuuuu thank you gwen #lucy.txt

[cherishedproperty]

Hey, this might be kind of random but I thought maybe you would be someone who could kind of understand me or give me advice that might help.

So, I'm like you, pretty progressive, but I have this kink that I've recently kind of realized I'm into. I'm a pretty submissive guy, always have been but after all my relationships ended with them abusing and cheating on me. It's been a few years and I've still not been able to have any luck because its been nearly impossible to meet someone if you don't have a cool career or make a lot of money, basically, you're screwed when it comes to meeting and connecting with women in the dating world. I started seeing bimbos who I had always scoffed at as cute and it just kind of went from there to sluts and whores and now it's like subservient patriarchal obedient sometimes dumb women, I just find myself more attracted this as time goes on. Morally, it feels super wrong but idk, theres something appealing about in a naughty way. I was talking to someone I had a crush on about the kink because we share it and we actually flirt so hard that when I got off I felt this weird sensation I've never felt like deep within me, I can still remember the feeling. It kind of scared me, like what happened? Anyway, it didn't work out because like most people they don't want it to ever be a part of their real life. I started talking about what was happening with a friend and I think the reason I feel this way is a result of abusive exs, like it mentally warped my view on what the ideal potential gf could or should be. It's almost like I just I really dont feel like myself or know what I like or want and its just been very weird. I'm confused. I've never been dom at all let alone like that, why am I like this? I've only liked dominant fat women for most of my life, idk what's happening or how to like back away from this feeling.

There is nothing inherently wrong with changing your preferences over time. I’ve known many submissives who have become Dominants or switches. Physical type can change as well. Sometimes those preferences change as a sort of defense mechanism. A friend of mine was abused as a submissive and became a Dominant for a period. Now that she has a partner she trusts, she’s a bit more in the submissive space. Sometimes that happens.

But I’m also sensing some misogyny and hostility toward women in your ask. If I had to armchair psychologist, it sounds like your negative experiences—and your lack of positive experiences—with women have brought you to a place of wanting to be with someone you see as beneath you. The risk of rejection is lower when it comes from someone you don’t fully value in the first place. I could be wrong, but the fact that you’re troubled by this tells me you may feel like it’s not coming from the right place. There’s nothing inherently wrong with a bimbo kink. But your words are concerning to me. I think it’s worth unpacking with a kink-friendly therapist.

The other thing I want to address is these former partners who cheated. As a submissive, it can be easy to gravitate to the partner who is exciting and feeds your submissive side. But that person may be domineering and not dominant. They feed the kink side but utterly fail at the relationship side. A good number of submissives have had a Dominant partner who lied to them, abused them, cheated on them, etc. It takes a LOT of time to find someone Dominant who is a good person, nurtures your submissive side, AND builds you up as a person. Especially if you’re a submissive man. I want every submissive to have a mantra that goes like, I am a submissive, not a doormat. I don’t kneel for anyone until they’ve shown me they respect my boundaries and are eager to build me up just as I do for them. It’s important for submissives to set boundaries firmly and hold to them.

Inferiority can be a fun game for a scene, but it is toxic to a relationship. Even a D/s one. Doesn’t matter which side of the power exchange you’re on.

#ask #my ask

[imustbenuts]

Different anon, reading your Delicious in FE asks had me and my partner wondering how you'd cook Mila because of her weird hair wings. So I guess: Mila and Duma? Can't have one without the other.

felt a little under the weather sorry for the late reply!!

i have in fact answers for this.

mila

id imagine tastes a lot like mossy chewy veggies and vermicelli and tofu. she looks almost like what i would think of dryad if less leafy and woody, and is responsible for her people never going hungry ever again (tm). so mila probably touches the ground and an apple tree grows, touches a person wishing they have a pair of mega melons instantly have a pair of mega melons

but bc she technically isnt a dryad and more of a dragon, parts of her are going to taste like meat even though its veggies. which is. cool actually! that means its vegan time!! 🍽️🍽️

i actually have a cooler idea than lab grown meat though: mianjin! or seitan. mila is probably just full of this. dont even have to wash or pound her to get this labor intensive vegan food.

so these things are actually gluten, processed from wheat and the likes. their texture is super duper close to chicken, and are extremely good at soaking up whatever juices you throw at it. fry it, steam it, they can take it. monastic buddhist monks have been munching on these things since 6th century in china, and ive even eaten once prepped to look exactly like sashimi

its fucking play dough faux meat.

anyway! so with parts of her being mianjin, her hair part would probably be like long beans or even moss. theres one particular Black Moss that i ate a lot as a kid being served it, but apparently have been over harvested due to. dumb shit culture reasons. (eating it is believed to bring fortune and money. they kept feeding me that shit.)

so! my recommended milla prep method is vegetable stir fry, actually! make sure to grab all the veggies like carrots and brocolli and mushrooms and plenty of oyster sauce, mirin, vinegar, and ginger and go to fucking town mixing her in. :3

shit so good it can be eaten as finger food >:333

Duma

id imagine duma would be some creature thats really hardy and built to survive in places with lots of prairie and plains. but hes ripped as hell, strong as a tank and has the mentally of strongest means bestest

so. maybe hes like. a bison. the king of bisons. the biggest beefiest gym bro who somehow converts his gains from fats and protein non-existent.

i know the duma we know in fe:echoes is a dippy sad mess but imagine if that was bc he lost his way in the mountains without cell reception bc he made a bad investment, lost his house, drank too much, got into a couple of fights with cars and trains, lost, and mila took off with his $60,000 car he paid off by running some crypto grift and got mega cancelled for it

regular duma is a bona fide bison. the duma we saw is not.

step 1: get his ass. step 2: shred his ass into thin slices. step 3: dry his thin ass and then grab a bunch of berries and then recook his ass in his own fat. BAP BAPABAPABABBABABABP done.

with regards to regular duma, the only way to pay proper respects and follow his path imo is to become one with him so thoroughly even nature shakes upon our footstep as we train in the wild. see what he saw. fend of cars with our bare hands and pecs. eating him. slowly. bit by bit....

because duma has become... the ultimate survival food.

Pemmican. ✌️

combined together they are a force of nature. we shall become as gods. can't go wrong with ultimate survival meat and ultimate veggies

#delicious in fire emblem #duma #mila

[veggiefritters]

i have words to say. if you know me irl either dont read this or just dont mention it to me. everyone else go ham but dont say i didnt warn you

i just cant. its both that simple and far more complicated. i dont know what or how to feel. i dont know why i feel anything.

i cant just stop talking to people because i always have something i want to say, so just know if i vanish one day odds are im full on dead/in a hospital somewhere.

i dont want to think about the future, its unlikely and uncertain. do i have a future? not at this rate. its too hard to fucking think for me to learn anything.

i do not think i will finish highschool at this rate. if i do it will be with low low marks. and i will be a faliure. so i have less than two years to prepare for that.

i was smart in prep, why couldn't that continue past year 6?

i know why, actually. theres probably a few reasons. one of thems the (until recently, undiagnosed) autism.

the other reason is her.

i fucking hate her. i genuinely hope she dies. i tried to strangle her once. it was both fun and not at the same time, if that makes sense.

before you judge me for attemped murder that i have not been charged with please know that it was rather called for.

because she fucking. i dont know. ill use my big boy words. it'll be hard for me to do but honestly what does it matter, im already fucking upset.

this is your big old warning for s/a. will mark off section end with more red text.

fucking hell i feel sick. seriously sick. but uts like this every time i remember. like my stomachs burning. and i can tell im on the verge of tears, too. or maybe im just really fucking tired.

she essentially sexually abused me for about a year. give or take a month or two, i cant fucking remember. theres things i havent told anyone about, and never will.

i think i want to try and describe it. youre not obligated to read it, so. dont do that if its going to upset you.

october 31st, 2020 hardly counts as anything in my opinion. but it still feels gross. she decided that an appropriate game for her to play was "truth or dare but if you dont wanna do it you strip". these are twelve year olds at the time, mind you. so she had her boyfriend on the phone, on a video call, and did that. i, naturally, was obligated to engage. i did not enjoy it. i said plenty that i dont wanna but you know, i was fucking stupid. i let her convince me. I couldve walked home.

the second time i dont havs a date for, but it was mid november 2020. we were on a school camp. the entire thing sucked, i had terrible hayfever one day and was declined medicine for several hours. they also tried to feed us meat wrapped in bread that was then deep fried. thats not really relevent. moving on from shit camp food. while i was trying to go to bed (note. my bunk ladder was in the back corner of the room) she managed to (mostly undressed for her, as in just her undies. not to be graphic but thats how it is) she managed to pin me in the corner. she was a few inches taller than me, so i could hardly just move. i can only vaguely remember beyond that. it wasnt bad bad that time.

there were other people in the room for part of it. they dont remember. i havent said anything because i dont want them to feel to blame. but holy shit. why didnt they do anything.

then theres very early december 2020. this one was just. yeah. the one, i guess. the big bad or something.

(side note if my phrasing disintegrates its because yours truly is having some kind of intense anxiety attack. i think. either way i would love to kill myself right about now. whatever. but its really vivid in my mind right now so i might as well put it down.)

i just dunno. how do i even put this, really. she uh. okay. if someones wearing lovely thin cotton pyjamas lets not ruin the fabric for them, for starters. i liked those pyjamas. its a real shame. i just fucking cant.

she just. yeah. i dont think i even have to say. she did stuff, she made me do stuff, all while i made it perfectly obvious how unhappy i was. i couldnt do anything about it, much as i wish i couldve. because im too pathetic to fight. i basically froze up. she held my head down. so that i had to do it. i didnt say that was okay. i didnt say any of it was omay.

and to the other person who was there, i dont blame you. you were thirteen. you couldn't have done anything. besides, i think you were playing BATIM so like. beat those ink demons (i havent played bendy).

i didnt sleep that night. until about 3 in the morning. i dont know man.

she "tried" to kill herself the next night. i use quotations because im fully convinced she was manipulating me. she said she felt bad and couldnt live with herself. so why do it again, huh? she fucking lied to me, didnt she. im gonna be honest im just realising this and im so fucking mad. i contacted her mother to make sure she was okay.

theres more examples. just smaller things like publicly grabbing my tits in front of a group of people encouraging her to do so but theyre just numbers now. numbers and occasionally vivid memories. including shit like trying to fuck me in a school bathroom. more than once mind you.

i also fucking hate the girl who decided to be all touchy in the middle of class and i couldn't move where i was sat because it was a partners activity and we were paired up. but eh, she just generally sucks. its whatever.

end section you are safe (?) from here or something

even if you didnt read that section. its just long okay. so damned long. im so done.

look at me. or dont. i actually look like shit. if i had facial hair id be classed as a Wet Cat™. i kinda wish i was tbh... wild. i havent washed my hair in a couple weeks, havent brushed it is i think three days. i have not showered properly because i dont have the fucking energy. its one of those bath-shower hybrids and i turn the water up high and lie down in it because i cant even find the energy to fucking sit up. i havent brushed my teeth in days, maybe weeks, i cant remember. it doesnt matter if i take my meds or not. yet i still apparently "look nice" or something but people lie all the time.

the main reason i cut my hair so short is because i cant fucking maintain it. believe me, i wanted it long. i wanted to plait it and feel pretty. but i just couldn't. i didnt brush it or wash it, i pulled it out, like always. so now i have a mullet and theyre notoriously shit in my town dare i say whole country so noone seems to care.

i think the only times ive slept well recently are after being incredibly drunk. which is concerning. i mean. im sixteen, i know i shouldnt be drunk ever, but if it works, it works. i think i sleep on average about 6 or 7 hours a night, which is not necessarily bad, but its all just fucking abstract nightmares.

at least i dont vape though. thats a win. i have before, do not recommend, very yuk burnt my lungs i think. real talk though if you do i feel ya man everyone does something they shouldn't.

lore drop or something, tumblr user veggiefritters got soft-expelled once! i was suspended forever! all i did was physically fight a few teachers and another student. but she deserved it. and so did they, i daresay.

what did i do after that day? i rode home like usual. i went to my sisters room (she doesnt live here so i slept in there while my old room was being renovated to a lounge room) and i watched youtube until my dad got called by school. then i talked to him. it sucked. then i ate a few nuggets for dinner and tried to kill myself. then, upon that failing, i went to sleep.

i didnt go to school for two months. like. i wasnt enrolled anywhere. family law or some shit, my parents need to hurry up and divorce.

i went to a new school, it was fine, fine, fine, then it wasn't, so i left. i went to a new school, its still fine, thats irrelevant. besides, i have to go there. only public 11/12 school in the town.

but you know what? nothings fine. nothings okay. i just want to be okay, you know? i just want to be innocent. i don't want the past to be the way it is. i with i remembered it all, because while some might say its good that i dont? its terrifying to not know for sure whats happened to you.

i dont like smelling something specific and remembering shit like the eevee themed lunch we made, or the pancakes we made in a saucepan, or the time we tried to solve cicada 3301 for the hell of it. i dont want to sound bittersweet, i dont want to sound like i miss it, but i do, in some weird way.

even though it was clearly manipulation i miss the way she trusted me.

its probably my fault, too, i shouldnt be such an easy target.

if like to tell all of this to my cousin, because i know he'd listen. i know he wouldnt laugh at me. but how does one go about that? i guess i cant. whatever.

shit, man. i dont even know. i went i think a year s/h free? and i was so damn proud of myself. then i dont know what happened. i just broke. and im still not better.

i just think to myself maybe this will be the one that kills me. maybe this one will hit an artery and i can just fucking die.

in my mind, dying feels okay if its on accident. but im seriously considering it at this point because what the fuck else am i meant to do man. im wandering around aimlessly in my own head most of the time. hardly even thinking, just trying to will myself out of existence.

im nothing more than a fucking marionette and whoevers pulling the strings is a sadist.

theres your obligatory shit poetry. i should get that printed on a cap.

ive just moved slightly wrong and its like im tearing my own skin apart. yeow.

ive been writing this at least an hour, i think ive used up 20% of my phones charge! but thats irrelevant. i dont use my pjone much, contrary to peoples belief. i rot my mind with The Computer instead. sometimes the little screen hurts and i need the big screen.

im sorry this is so long. i have a lot of thoughts going on tonight. have a break with a photo of my cat before i keep sobbing. or 4 i guess lucky you. this is shego shes one and shes a little shit. the ants got to her food so she ate them. she refuses to let me take a nice picture of her.

cats, man.

back to me literally crying now.

im scared. im scared of the future but thats common so it doesn't matter. im scared of the past but thats irrelevant. im scared right now because im in bed and its dark so there might be someone there that i cant see.

im scared people will socially exile me again for the things i like, im scared i dont really know any of my friends, im scared ill make a mistake big enough to get me in prison even though technically i already have a few times and nothing happened, im scared people hate me as much as i hate myself.

and fuck, do i hate myself.

what am i good for? i guess people like my writing but what if theyre making that up. sometimes i like my writing too and i go batshit insane over my own characters. but it feels so selfish, i guess.

(i intrude upon myself. i would like a scone right about now)

anyway. what else do i do that people like. im in charge of kids clothing visual merchandising at work. i work in a second hand store, the options for outfits are many. but i dont know. im the youngest person who works there, so what if theyre lying to me?

im creative, apparently. hey, sure, id like to tell myself that but i dunno if i can. i really think i peaked in year two with that.

what have i got about me that people like so much they want to talk to me, because i know damn well its not my appearance. i am fucking ugly. in a weird way. not that my eyes are too far apart or anything i just look dead.

i dont know. i need to let myself live life to the fullest or something but i cant.

i cant just live. its weird.i want to be alive but at the same time its tiring, too tiring, and i dont know what to do about it other that just give in.

you know. give up, and die. how is irrelevant. im so fucking tired, okay.

i dunno. i guess i wonder if anyone would really miss me if i died. but it feels like a selfish thing to wonder. im not sure.

if you want me at my weakest and you want to make me suffer, its your time to shine because right now i am at the lowest ive been in a while.

#vent #sui ideation #i dunno man just let me be sad

[snwusberry]

warning(s): language

masterlist | next

THIS IS FICTION AND DOESN'T DEPICT THE ACTUAL PEOPLE IRL

♧ kaya's point of view ♧

fuck the festive season.

thank you for your time.

ever since miyoung decided to pitch in the idea of having a secret santa for the family 2 years ago, it's been a mission and a half trying to enjoy christmas. especially because i don't know what in the fuck to buy mr choi.

anyway, hayoon dragged us to the mall because poor thing hasn't gone out for leisure ever since she fell pregnant in the beginning of the year. she finally popped that little fucker out in october but she's been so busy working and being a mother that she barely got any down time to truly relax and go out for leisure, she's been making so many plans to go out and have a good time all while yeonjun stays home with the baby.

we're currently staying a few weeks at the choi household where our partner's parents are living.

they have 5 kids which are all men and three of them are in stable relationships, two of which are married.

the first to get married being yeonjun who got married to hayoon 4 years ago, second being jongho who's married to miyoung, they got married last year.

the other three left are beomgyu, my boyfriend of 4 years, san and soobin.

i met beomgyu at yeonjun's wedding. my brothers who are friends with the choi brothers were invited and brought me along because i would've been home alone.

it was a beautiful, outdoor ceremony taking place at a gorgeous chapel and there sat beomgyu looking glorious right in front.

i knew what i had to do so i approached him during the reception. i thought it would be just a failed attempt but he ended up ditching the bridesmaid he was paired with and spent pretty much the whole night with me much to my brother's dismay.

he's friends with beomgyu so he was a bit skeptical and then yeosang was against me having a relationship all in all, not at all happy with the whole arrangement. he warmed up to him eventually though so it's all good.

"hayoon, you've been looking at baby outfits the entire day." miyoung

♧ beomgyu's point of view ♧

okay deep breath, you got this.

what exactly? well i'm glad you asked even though you literally didn't. i'm planning on proposing to the girl of my dreams and nightmares depending on what mood i catch her in and as corny as it sounds, i've never felt happier nor have i see myself as happy as i am with her.

"bro relax." yeonjun tells me from where he's sitting, a baby in his arms that he's feeding literal air because there is nothing in that bottle.

"how can i? what if she says no or she's not ready? or what if she thinks it's rushed and breaks up with me?" i respond with nothing but panic and worry in my voice.

"or... get this right? she says yes." soobin asks in the corner.

"i can't do this guys." i say, plopping myself down on the couch.

"that's because you're already telling yourself everything will go wrong. you need to calm down."

"that's because everything went well for you and you're happily married. what about me?"

"man, what about you?" yeonjun says. "you already planned everything and asked her to cancel her plans for this. don't be a little pussy, everything will go according to plan, okay?"

the baby - minji, who is yeonjun and hayoon's daughter -starts crying hysterically and he excuses himself to go calm her down since her mother is out somewhere. now i'm left with soobin who's also about to give me the same story yeonjun did.

"just don't think too much okay? by the end of the day you'll see we were right when you come back home with your fiancée."

"change of plans, no one's proposing." jongho walks in with san behind him.

"what do you mean?"

"san would you like to share with the class?"

"no i'm good."

"he lost the ring."

"WHAT?"

footnote: i'm gonna be so real with you guys, there's gonna be a lot of pov changes throughout this. theres a reason i swear 😭. please bare with me

#choi beomgyu #beomgyu #choi beomgyu scenarios #beomgyu scenarios #choi beomgyu imagines #beomgyu imagines #choi yeonjun #choi soobin #kang taehyun #huening kai #kim hongjoong #park seonghwa #jeong yunho #kang yeosang #choi san #song mingi #jung wooyoung #choi jongho #tomorrow x together #ateez #txt imagines #ateez imagines #txt scenarios #ateez scenarios #kpop fanfic

[phoenixfangs]

almost everything ive learned about the colleen ballinger situation was entirely against my will. i met up with a work friend for lunch week before last, and on the way back to work she was like ‘yeah theres this youtuber i like whos getting cancelled for all this cringy stuff she did 10 years ago, stuff shes apologized for and not done since. people are calling her a pedophile because she sent lingerie as a prize to a random fan that she didnt know was a kid’ and i was like damn thats crazy. it doesnt sound like shes getting a fair shake, if she already addressed these issues and proved she doesnt behave that way anymore. (i have never seen a single miranda sings or colleen ballinger video in my life btw i had No context for anything, all i knew was she was the person who did the goofy lipstick and voice, i didnt know what the content of her videos/shows was)

and then i looked it up and now my entire youtube feed is reactions to the situation, to her ‘‘‘‘‘‘‘apology’‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘ video, and im like Oh My Work Friend Is Either Blissfully Ignorant Or Willfully Ignoring The Reality Of The Situation.

its pretty abhorrent! and like i wanna laugh along with all the people clowning on her ‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘apology’‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘ video (seriously she says the words ‘im sorry’ Once and its a line like ‘im sorry im not going to admit guilt to stuff i didnt do’, she doesnt actually apologize for or specifically address Anything shes being accused of) but watching alexs videos and testimonies from people that have interacted with colleen ballinger and been to her live shows, and hearing about how they were made to feel unsafe and stuff, its hard to have fun in this space. it just sucks severely.

this whole situation is sucking the life out of me every time i see a new thumbnail on my youtube feed. i want to be able to stay in the know because im a nosy bitch, but at the same time Oh My God im tired and sad.

#mine #can she just cancel her tour or whatever and announce that shes taking a break or something #like Obviously that doesnt solve anything and leaves people like alex in the dark #but like idk maybe during that break she could privately reach out to alex. try to apologize. TRY to apologize #like evidently its very hard for u colleen but just try i promise its not as hard as u seem to think it is

[petnews2day]

There's a push during November to find older shelter animals a fresh home

New Post has been published on https://petnews2day.com/pet-industry-news/pet-charities/theres-a-push-during-november-to-find-older-shelter-animals-a-fresh-home/

There's a push during November to find older shelter animals a fresh home

Magic is a 12-year-old female bulldog. Dory is a 9-year-old female pointer. Gillian is a 12-year-old male domestic shorthair cat. They may all be cute and cuddly creatures, but the odds are stacked against them to get adopted.

November is National Adopt a Senior Pet Month. This month was chosen to draw attention to all the senior dogs and cats in animal shelters. Specifically, it spreads awareness about how difficult it is for senior pets to get adopted.

According to the company Chewy, senior dogs accounted for only 5% of dog adoptions in 2020. Senior cats faced the same issue. In that same year, they accounted for 3% of all cat adoptions.

Gainesville and Alachua County face the same issues when it comes to senior pet adoption.

Although they account for a small percentage of the shelter population, Alachua County Animal Resources and Care shelter supervisor Faren Healey said that senior dogs and cats stay in the shelters a lot longer than younger animals.

The shelter currently holds three senior dogs out of a population of 80. It also holds two senior cats out of a population of 20.

Healey said the shelter tries to promote senior pets as much as it can to try to get them adopted, but especially this month.

“We’re actually waving all of our adoption fees for animals 7 years or older,” she said.

The shelter also likes to show off its senior animals at adopt-a-thons and other adoption events.

Shelter favorite TC, a 7-year-old female that has been in the shelter since September, is a dog the shelter loves to promote.

“She is so easygoing and really fun to be around,” said Healey, “because she just wants to hang out with her person.”

TC the dog is available for adoption. (Photo courtesy of Alachua County Animal Resources and Care)

For some people, like Christine Medina, who lives just outside of Gainesville, seniors are the only pets they consider for adoption.

“We will never go the puppy route again,” she said.

Medina realized this after the passing of her senior mastiff Ellie Mae, whom she adopted as a senior.

“She was a genetic mess,” said Medina. “I can’t believe anybody ever bred her. Everything you hear about mastiffs to watch out for, she had.”

Mastiffs are known to develop many health problems because of their genetic makeup. According to the website “Canna-Pet,” mastiffs are known to develop canine cancer, stomach dilation, heart disease and eye disease.

“We used to call her the walking Frito,” said Medina, “because she always stunk like either dirty gym socks or burritos.”

She said when she bought more expensive food, Ellie smelled better. However, that caused her to spend over $400 a month on pet food to feed Ellie and her other pets.

Medina currently owns two mastiffs, Zeke and Mouse; a pit bull, Letti; a 32-pound pug, Georgie; what she calls a “doodle dog,” Daisy; and two cats, Wednesday and Friday.

Ellie passed away just short of her 10th birthday due to arthritis issues and a mix of other health complications.

“She was just letting us know it was time to say goodbye,” said Medina.

Her family did make sure to give her a last meal featuring a cake fit for human consumption before putting her down.

Medina’s experience with Ellie led her to adopt Zeke, whom she adopted as a senior and drove all the way to Indianapolis to get.

“He’s an amazing dog,” she said. “[He is] probably next to the pit bull [Letti] on my bed with his head on my pillow right now.”

Letti was also a senior when the Medina’s adopted him. They started out fostering him before officially making him a part of the family.

“I don’t know any organization that hasn’t allowed you to foster the dog first [before adopting it],” said Eva Squires, a Gainesville local and professional dog groomer who adopted two senior dogs that she fostered in the past, Fuzzy and Onyx.

Squires said most organizations encourage fostering pets if one is on the fence to adopt. She said there are multiple reasons for this.

Fostering a dog allows shelters to better understand what is happening with it. The shelter can find out more about the behavior of a dog when it is outside a shelter environment and learn more about possible health issues.

Additionally, it also helps get dogs out of overcrowded shelters, which has been an ongoing problem since the COVID-19 quarantine ended. This overcrowding was due to the abnormally high number of pet returns to shelters due to people’s need to return to work.

Gillian is a cat available for adoption. (Courtesy of Alachua County Animal Resources and Care)

“The senior dogs that have been someone’s pet tend to degrade really quickly in the shelters,” said Squires, “because they don’t understand why they’re there. They just know all of the sudden they’ve lost their human.”

She said that fostering a senior dog helps it get adopted quicker.

Fostering is a way for people to have a pet without having to deal with a huge time and financial commitment.

“For anybody looking into fostering, it’s the most free way to have a dog and help save a life,” said University of Florida fourth year criminology and psychology student Amanda Wysocki, who fosters two pit bulls with the Plenty of Pit Bulls organization.

Foster organizations, like Plenty of Pit Bulls, pay for all expenses.

“All you need is love, food, bathroom time, play and they’re good to go,” said Wysocki.

Wysocki has mainly fostered younger dogs, but she says that Plenty of Pit Bulls mainly focuses on fostering senior pets, and she understands the benefits that come with a senior dog.

“They just have such good memories,” she said. “They’re still going on hikes. They’re still doing activities just as a normal dog would.”

What a lot of shelters want to advertise about senior pets is they have just as much character as younger pets and even have a lot of added benefits.

“I would rather an older dog,” said Squires, “because nine times out of 10 they’ve already had an owner, they walk on a leash, they’re already potty trained, they’re halfway there for you.”

There is also the common phrase “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks,” but Healey wants to set the record straight.

“You absolutely can teach an old dog new tricks,” she said.

Ellie Mae was Christine Medina’s senior mastiff until her death. (Courtesy of Christine Medina)

One of the other concerns potential pet owners have about senior pets is the financial burden they may have due to unforeseen health complications. However, Simone Guerios, a clinical assistant professor of shelter medicine in the Department of Small Animal Clinical Sciences at UF, says this is not something people should worry about.

“If it’s a healthy dog and it’s a senior, they’ll be the same [as younger dogs],” she said.

Healey said it is also not an excuse to adopt a younger dog instead, because all dogs will become seniors at some point.

“We just remind them [adopters] that this is a lifelong commitment for the animal,” she said.

For senior cats, Guerios said they have an even harder time getting adopted.

For dogs, as they become seniors, they have a contrast in behavior from puppies, making them more desirable to certain people. As a dog gets older, they become calmer and less hyper. However, this contrast is not as prevalent in cats.

Guerios also said that a cat’s behavior in a shelter deteriorates a lot quicker than a dog’s behavior.

“The probability of a cat to not get used to the shelter environment is very big,” she said.

This not only makes older cats less desirable, but it brings more health complications. Guerios said that stress in cats can create kidney problems.

However, there is hope for these felines. Guerios said there are many organizations that help senior cats get out of the shelters.

One such organization is Operation Catnip. They go around Gainesville and spay and neuter cats to help limit the number of stray cats on the streets that later end up in shelters.

She also said there are organizations that set up catios, or cat patios. Usually, senior cats are brought in so they can be out of the shelters but still in a more contained environment.

There are also many barn cat programs. These programs bring in adult cats from shelters and give them to homes with barns and a lot of land. This not only allows for the cat to get out of the shelter, but barn owners use the cats as exterminators to keep rats and mice away.

While there are some alternative avenues for getting senior animals out of shelters, adoption organizations still stress the importance of adopting senior pets, especially now in the month of November.

“When you’re willing to open up your home to a senior pet,” said Healey, “I believe it truly is a rescue at that point.”

#Pet Charities News