#not that it's relevant but basically what happened was that friend (W) and I were watching a rly stupid TW show

[jaegerisim]

Vent post y'all are gonna hate me for.

I viscerally hate how the Duffers treat most of their non white or queer characters and I hate even more viscerally, how y'all big byler blogs in your circle jerk of other 5 big byler blogs casually like to ignore many red flags the show has.

Y'all like to say: "tHe DufFeRs ArE gReAt WrIteRs" and it's like girl, who are you lying to??? They aren't top shit writers at all. The Duffers are pretty mid imo. Yeah, they run a good show that's fun to watch and theorize abt , but that doesn't mean they're good writers cuz they're not.

1. they completely side lined Will during s3 for the sake of their straight romances: lumax, jancy, mlvn, duzie and partly stobin (even if stobin wasn't endgame, thankfully, Steve's intentions were clearly wanting to date Robin and they gave it a lot of screen time). Will was sidelined bc he didn't fit the straight romance plotline bc they planned to make him gay or whatever. Now in s4 Will and his feelings have been used as mlvn toilet paper. Yes, we like to say this is build up for byler but canonically, Will's feelings have been used to clean the shit mlvn leaves behind.

2. Billy was sympathized a lot during the last 2 seasons. They gave him the sad backstoryTM in order for ppl to feel sorry for him. Billy's backstory is literally Jonathan's but whatever.

3. El's anger issues are constantly girlboss-ified. They down play her bullying situation and literally just use it for El to be a ''girlboss" without realizing how triggering that is. As someone who has lived bullying, seeing it be ignored by canon and fanon is super sad. The whole Rink-O' Mania experience must have been so traumatizing for her yet, everyone absolutely forgets abt it 🤷🏻‍♀️

4. Robin, Erica and Argyle are stereotypical characters. Robin is the quirky lesbian with social anxiety, Erica is the badass black woman and Argyle is the Latino stoner that sells weed to white kids and works as a pizza delivery guy.

5. Altho Argyle and Eddie both do drugs, (Eddie actually sells K-12 to a minor and nobody batted an eye. He has a huge fan base). Eddie is held in a pedestal bc "poor thing 🥺 he lives in a trailer with his uncle 🥺". Tell me a single fact you know abt Argyle that isn't "he smokes weed", "he is Jonathan's only friend", "drives a van" and "he works at a pizzeria". Exactly, Eddie is given a useless backstory and Argyle isn't.

6. Dustin stopped being important to the plot sometime around s2 and s3. He is only there to curse and be mildly funny. My guy needs to hangout with ppl his age cuz he only hangs out with seniors.

7. El needs to stop having so much "I'M THAT BITCH" screentime like I need in s5 for El's arc to not just be her becoming more powerful and falling in love with Mike. I need the Duffers to explore her trauma and problems.

8. Angela should have been run over by the van.

9. Patrick should have been given a backstory that isn't the basic "strict black parents that hit their kids cuz they are a disgrace". Patrick's backstory is actually racist af, fight w the wall.

10. As Lex already said, they didn't trigger tag the ep where Jason and his friends assault Lucas and Erica. Like wtf? Why was that necessary? Why did I have to see a black boy being held at gunpoint by some white guy?? Was it relevant to the plot?? I don't think so. And then I've got to see ppl online be like "Jason wasn't that bad. He was just mourning" like bitch you can stfu. This is what happens when you make the racist assholes conventionally attractive.

Also the fact that Lucas's arc is fulfilled by him fist-fighting Jason and "embracing his weirdness" aka accepting he is black. His arc was not fulfilled at all cuz that ending spoke so loud to me. It showed how little empathy ppl have towards the struggles poc ppl living in the Midwest have. Y'all circle jerks can only see racism when it's super obvious.

Furthermore, parents complained when ST showed "an excessive amount of smoking" yet nobody batted an eye when Billy tried to run over Lucas, when Erica (an 11 y.o ffs) was chased by white kids or when Lucas was held at gunpoint by Jason.

All of this happened while they focused on Max's guilt and mourning that, yeah, are important but certainly not less important than racism!!!

11. In s3, they gave us that whole Nancy vs The Bigots arc that was honestly just triggering and useless. It didn't help Nancy's character at all, quite the opposite it put unnecessary angst.

12. Lonnie being presented as an abuser just for him to never be spoken of again. Can we please get to explore the trauma he left the Byers's with?

13. The fact that both queer relationships are considered "sloppy seconds" is extremely sad. Both Vickie and Mike are rebounding from their failed relationship with Robin and Will. These 2 ships have caused more commotion than Jancy and Jopper together! (These last ships are technically sloppy seconds too but everybody forgets that. Shocker!!)

14. Last but not least, ppl blame Argyle for being the one to get Jonathan into smoking weed as if Jonathan probably wasn't the one looking for it. Let me tell you, that you only find weed if you look for it.

#P.S: I'm gonna pay attention to how many ppl send me hate bc of this or block me #stranger things #lucas sinclair #st vickie #robin buckley #jason stranger things #will byers #dustin henderson #eddie munson #argyle #jonathan byers #erica sinclair #byler #← target audience #byler target audience

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Wibta if I refuse to talk to an alter in a system because I had a weird experience with them?

This is something that happened somewhat recently.

So for background, I (16nb) have been dating my boyfriend (17m) for about two years now, we were introduced by a close friend of mine during covid and got together sometime during the pandemic. Now, my boyfriend is a system, he found out about a year to a year and a half ago (this was during the pandemic, and my sense of time is wonky at the best of times.) Now, this doesn't change anything about him. I still love him just as much and I accept him and have zero problems with this.

The only reason it's relevant is because a couple days ago me, him, and another friend of ours (17f) went to a mini con type of thing, the day was great! Nothing went wrong at all we all had fun. But at the end we were all chatting and someone else was fronting at the time (I'll just call them A) and A isn't... The nicest person to be around? In source they're evil, and I know that source doesn't define an alter and not to judge them based on that, I don't! Just to be clear. But they've always been kinda snappy towards... Everyone, but I didn't think much of it because some people are just like that, y'know.

Another important piece of information is that most of the time me and my boyfriend talk online, we don't go to the same school or work the same job or anything like that so we use discord to talk most of the time, so it's been a few weeks since I've last seen him in person and A had only just formed about a week prior to this (or had just started interacting with others at least.) So, I was talking and I made a little joking comment about someone from A's source that they... I don't think like is the word, more of are slightly obsessed with? I didn't think anything wrong with it (a mix of I've joked about this before while they've been in the front room w/ my bf or even with them in front in call and they never said anything, it was pretty late, and my medicine that keeps me up was starting to wear off which made me tired and my filter drops a lot when I'm tired.) Anyway, I didn't think anything was wrong with it until they grabbed my shoulder super tightly.

I think they might have threatened me but I have not only an extremely low pain tolerance but I just do not remember Anything but the basics of what happened when I get scared or frightened like that (I just do not deal well with being touched without permission and especially grabbed and it sets off my anxiety a Lot.) Luckily nothing else happened, our other friend intervened and A was dragged out of front, my boyfriend was worried for me but I did just shrug it off because we had fun and it was ending so I didn't want to risk the rest of the night being spoiled by me being a little nervous.

I was fine at the end, there wasn't even a bruise or anything.

But, here's where I'm worried I might be the asshole, I get sort of nervous at the idea of talking to A again, and to my knowledge they've been "jailed" in the headspace. But I do get super nervous at the idea of it, and it may just be my anxiety talking but I don't want to seem rude for not talking or interacting with my boyfriend or the rest of his system just because there's someone else that's fronting or co-fronting who I had one bad experience with.

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[04ira]

invisible string h.rj

how life is with bff Renjun :’)

warnings: none. fluff w/ a little bit of angst

note: not proof read bare w me 😔☝🏻

Renjun have been your friend for 15 years. Both of you grew up together, basically spent half of your life with him. You were used to people assuming that you guys are dating, and both of you usually doesn’t care.

Even your and his friends ships the both of you, sometimes even questions if you guys are really just friends. Because who the hell cancels a blind date just to go grocery shopping with his bestfriend?? who the hell leaves on a clubbing night with his friends because you were craving mcdonalds????

Renjun Huang. Renjun Huang would do that. He was always one call away. He’s always ready to drop everything when it comes to you, and sometimes you wonder “why is he like this?” but you know…. maybe it was an act of kindness..? since you’re his bestfriend for 15 years. You can’t be falling for this can you??

9:35 AM

Your thoughts were interrupted when you heard someone open your bedroom door.

It was Renjun.

“You’re awake. Let’s eat, i cooked breakfast”

He always do this too. It’s like you get a bestfriend premium package. Renjun goes to your dorm every weekends to apparently spend time with his 15 years bestfriend. This only happened recently though. Since his university was far from yours, he came up with this idea to hang out every weekend to stay connected and relevant to each other.

“Will you stop typing on your phone and actually eat and talk to me?” Renjun said while looking at you annoyed because he was blabbering already about his week only to realize you weren’t listening.

“Sorry, i was talking to my friends.” You reasoned, but you were actually tweeting in your private account freaking out because you were still not used to this set up.

“You’re talking to your friends while your bestfriend HERE for 15 YEARS is staring at you because you were supposed to spend time with him and not let him watch you talk to others.”

Rj said completely annoyed. You laughed at his half annoyed half sulking face. You said you’re sorry and actually talked to him happily.

10:28 AM

Both of you finished breakfast and went to watch a movie in your living room. At first, you guys argued about what genre of the movie will be. You wanted to watch a horror movie but he said it was too early for that and suggested watching romance movie instead.

You ended up agreeing with him and both decided to watch Titanic. You guys were halfway through the movie and this isn’t the first time both of you watched this movie. But you hated him and yourself for choosing this movie

because now you’re actually fucking crying at 11:30 AM. Seriously? WHY would you be crying at 11 freaking am??

You’re sitting in the couch laying your head in Renjun’s chest sobbing and crying your heart out while munching your popcorn while Renjun was laughing at your crying face. This isn’t the first time he sees you crying, he just finds it amusing that you really do cry because of a movie.

01:18 PM

You were sound asleep in Renjun’s chest. Tired from all the crying and you were comfortable leaning on his chest. He only stared at you, wiping the dried tears on your face and sometimes giggles everytime he remembers your crying face. He lets you sleep on his chest and slept on his own.

03:10 PM

You woke up without Renjun beside you. You checked your phone notifications and saw his message that said he was buying ingredients for dinner and that he couldn’t wake you up because you were sleeping peacefully. You smiled at his thoughtfulness. You’d be lying if you say that you don’t think about if you guys were something else. But you already accepted that you guys were only bestfriends long time ago.

You liked him back in 7th grade until 9th grade. You only acted as his friend though. You didn’t try sending signals and making a move, you knew he didn’t look at you and think of you that way. He would tell you about girls he like and his type, you would do the same but the difference is you actually talk about him. He just doesn’t know.

7th grade.

It’s monday. You were seating next to the window in your classroom, watching sport players training in the field while listening to music playing in your airpods. You felt someone seat next to you, but didn’t bother looking because you already knew it was Renjun. He would always do this during class break and annoy you, but this time, he didn’t do anything but actually just sat next to you while reading a book you recommended him a week ago.

You looked at him, he suddenly looked different…? Him actually focused in reading a book and his hair styled differently than usual…made you think he looked different..

of course, he looked different. He changed his hairstyle to the hairstyle you also recommended to him a week ago saying that it would look good in him. You weren’t aware that him changing his hairstyle would also make your feelings for him change.

8th grade.

Today was nothing different from your other school days. You went to class, studied future lessons in the library after and now you’re going home. Went to the convenience store first to buy ice cream and eat it while walking home.

You were walking home when you walk past your village’s park. You saw a figure that looked familiar with another figure that also looked familiar.

It was Renjun. With your class muse…?

They were talking. Renjun was saying something while she was only smiling at him and listening. Renjun pulled her into a hug.

And she hugs him back. She was the girl Renjun was talking about days ago. She’s pretty, smart, sporty, and kind. Totally his type.

Did he confess? Did she say yes?

The ice cream you were eating melts as your heart also breaks. Salty tears were about to fall so you walked fast while trying to stop yourself from crying. So many thoughts was running into your mind. “Why am i crying? why does it hurt? I’m only his bestfriend.”

“What am i gonna say when he tells me about this?”

You finally got up to your room, went straight to your bed to cry your heart out. You already put your phone on dnd to avoid receiving calls and messages from him. And to also distance yourself from everyone. You would just make up an excuse tomorrow why you weren’t able to answer his calls and messages.

9th grade.

It was thursday. You were eating with your other friends at your school watching the sport players train in the field. They were blabbering about their crushes when they asked you “What about you? Are you interested in someone?” Your friend asked smiling.

You smiled back, bittersweet smile. “No, i’m not interested on someone right now.” Your other friend suddenly giggled. “Are you sure? because the first time i saw you, you were with a guy! A little too close with him to only just be friends.” She was a transferee. She didn’t know much about my friendship with Renjun.

You and your friend also laughed.

“That was her childhood bestfriend, dummy!” Your friend butted in. You watched her mouth form an 0 shape and smiled apologetically.

You smiled back. You were used to people mistaking your relationship with Renjun.

But it’s true. You guys were a little too close to each other especially now that he has a girlfriend. And so you’ve decided to avoid him. It’s been 2 weeks actually, going 3 weeks. You haven’t talked to him, not even a single word.

You weren’t replying to his messages, he was restricted from all of your social media accounts and you also avoid bumping into him at school. Though, he tries to talk to you at school but during lunch break he would always be with his girlfriend or his bball team after class.

But today you saw him walking from the other side of the field. Your friends were talking to each other and you were staring at him, it was lunch break. He’s with his girlfriend. Of course.

He saw you. He waved. You also waved back.

Maybe it was time to stop avoiding him and let him go. You thought that it was immature to just throw your friendship with him just like that. Though, you really needed that space.

That day was the day when you accepted that he was only your bestfriend. Only ever will be your bestfriend. Maybe he’s your soulmate. Platonic soulmate. A soulmate doesn’t have to be a romantic partner.

03:49 PM

You smiled at the bittersweet memories as you heard the door open revealing Renjun carrying what he bought at the market. You sat up and walked towards him to help him. He says thank you as you helped him organize the foods he bought.

You went to your room and took a shower while Renjun was in the living room playing PUBG with Haechan and Chenle. You heard their arguments and playful remarks while playing.

04:45 PM

You finished showering and doing your skincare. You cleaned your room and when you went out of your room, you saw Renjun preparing the ingredients in the kitchen to start cooking. You went up to him and asks how can you help.

Both of you did your parts in preparing dinner.

06:35 PM

Both of you just finished preparing for dinner and were just waiting for the rice to cook. While waiting, he opens up the photo album from your bookshelf. It was the photo album of the both of you ever since you guys were kids.

Reminiscing memories with him. “I still remember this. This was the day when you cried because i didn’t want to play princess tea party with you.” Renjun said staring at the picture of you crying while he was standing cluelessly. You were 9 years old and he was 10 years old in this picture.

07:20 PM

You were eating dinner with him. Both of you talked about how university life was treating the both of you. How you both wants to go back to your province and spend time with family.

He smiles listening to you talk about how you miss going to you guys’ spot in the province, you stopped talking as he wiped the side of your lip. “There was a stain.”

Both of you finished eating, as you offered to wash the dishes since he has been doing all the chores since earlier. He agreed.

You thought he went to the living room while you were washing the dishes but he’s actually watching you from behind. When he suddenly comes up behind you and hugs you from behind.

“I really missed you. Wish i could stay here all the time.” You laughed.

“You’re so dramatic.”

“I’m trying to be sweet what.” He said sounding offended as you literally made him feel like you’re rejecting his affection for you.

You’re used to this. His love language was physical touch. You don’t think differently of his actions anymore.

10:45 PM

You’re seating in the couch with Renjun beside you as you watch him play PUBG on his Ipad.

You yawned as you were already sleepy. Renjun heard and also noticed that your eyes were almost closing.

“You’re such a sleepy head.”

“You’re still not used to it? You have to.” You defended as he only laughed at your defense.

You told him that you’re gonna go to your room and sleep already since you can’t wait for him to finish his game. He said okay and kissed your forehead and went back to play his game.

You went to your room and slept. You smiled as you wish nothing of this would change. You don’t wish for anything else and you’re contented with what you have with him. He is indeed your soulmate. :)

#kpop #kpop imagines #kpop au #au #alternate universe #nct dream #nct dream drabbles #kpop drabble #nct dream imagines #huang renjun #huangrj nct #nct imagines #nct drabble #renjun imagines #renjun drabble #short au #haechan nct #chenle nct #huang rj x reader #renjun x reader #bff!renjun #filo au #04ira

[destinyc1020]

I think a lot of the Austin hate now stems from Jacob fans, bt i find many of Jacobs "fans" to b very fleeting. i think the voice comments will always b there bt a lot of ppl got over the unjustified rumors of him cheating on Vanessa and ppl do think he/Kaia gerbers age gap is weird (ik i do 🥴) bt Austin just got famous from Elvis last yr n I dnt really think Kaia is that relevant in pop culture so some ppl will point it out bt I think their kinda overlooked as a couple. I think over time he will b fine though his fanbase seems to b strong

Yea, the Elvis/Jacob/Austin comparisons were bound to happen, so that was a given. 🤷🏾‍♀️

I still don't really get the voice thing tbh. Yea, his voice might be slightly different, but if you compare it to 7 years ago, his voice/accent basically sounds the same. He just has an older voice now, and maaaybe a less hard enunciation of certain words probably due to the Elvis vocal training all those years. But other than that?? People drove that voice thing into the ground imo.

Look, even Tom has an older voice now. That's what normally happens when you age. Your voice (yes, even women's voices) change a little, and usually get deeper with age.

But yea, I'm sure eventually people will get over it with him just like they got over the Anne Hathaway hate...

I'll address the Kaustin and Vanessa stuff below 👇:

RE: Kaustin....

I've already talked about what I think about them as a couple on my blog several times before... 🤐 Honestly? They as a couple have always seemed a bit OFF to me (and I'm not just talking about the age gap thing ; which is cringe in itself) and idk why. Look, I've tried to like them as a couple, and her, but I just can't get over the nepobaby-ism, and the weirdness of that family. I actually used to think they were real (and maybe they are?🤷🏾‍♀️) but this year, certain things about their relationship have seemed a bit contrived and pap-heavy??

Not only that, but they barely even look like they're close friends w/each other half the time ROTFL. 😅🤣 Their vibe is so off to me lol. I'm sorry. But the gut doesn't lie. They look so bored and dead w/each other sometimes. I keep saying that Vanessa is the one who got away... 👀 Want proof? Just do a simple Google search photo comparison of his "couple" pics with V and his "couple" pics with K. That's all I'll say lol... 🤭

But hey, if they're happy, then I'm happy for them!? 🤷🏾‍♀️ Idc who he dates honestly, just as long as she's a kind person, is genuine, down to earth, and is dating him for the right reasons.

Here's some tea☕for you.... There's been some in the fandom who spilled that supposedly, Kaia went after HIM. 👀 That wouldn't surprise me lol.

RE: Vanessa...

Yea, I never fully believed the cheating rumors tbh, cuz things just didn't make sense. And no woman I know would be hanging out with the girl who her bf of 9 years cheated on her with. Add to the fact that their families (esp her sister?) still follow each other?🤔

Also add to the fact that Ash Tisdale is still SUPER close to Austin, and I know she is/was a close friend of V's as well, so I doubt she'd be hanging tight with him if he cheated on her friend like that. 🥴 So things just never made sense?

More tea ☕ for you....Take this with a HUGE FAT GRAIN of salt (because who knows if any of this stuff is true?), but word on the street is that supposedly, Vanessa was the one who broke up with Austin. 👀

IF that is true, then that would explain a LOT. Supposedly, it had to do with Elvis filming. 🤐 Supposedly, they had already broken up before the film even started filming. It's a long story.

Anyway, they seemed really happy together all those years, so it's kinda sad they weren't able to try to work things out again. But oh well! It's too late now! V is about to be a married woman (if she isn't already!). 😅

Honestly?? I don't blame her if she really wanted marriage and a family, and she didn't want to continue to spend more time waiting for him (and his career, etc) to catch up.

#sorry for the dissertation

[actual-sleeping-beauty]

sorry this ask has nothing to do with Taylor Swift but it is relevant to your other interests (I hope).

okay so you're take a flight cross country (who knows which airports lets just pretend) and at some point the plane has to make an emergency landing. it lands (safely) in the middle of nowhere and now the airline is putting you up in a pretty shitty motel with nothing around for ages with 100 other passengers. you have to stay in this motel for 12 hours with 2 other people and you have basically nothing else to do. rank your preferred room-mates from 'okay, fine' to 'over my sleep-deprived body':

1. Roland Schitt.

2. Moira Rose.

3. Sebastien Raine.

4. Billy Tyson.

5. Owen Strand.

6. Pearce Risher.

7. Hunter (Huntington III).

8. Senator Richards.

9. Philip Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor.

10. Queen Mary.

11. Sadie.

12. Me.

okay so first of all, i definitely read this last night because i remembered you were on the list, but i must have stopped processing after pearce, and whoo boy does the end of that list get worse until it gets to you.

you. - listen, i know you tell everyone all the time how chaotic you are, but i actually think our particular brands of chaos would gel pretty well together. this is not an okay, fine, and is more of an ooh, my friend!

billy tyson. - i actually think billy would probably be a pretty fine roommate. his antagonistic and terrible tendencies seem pretty focused on owen, and i am not owen.

owen strand. - this is contingent on the fact that if he and billy are my roommates TOGETHER they drop alllllll the way to the bottom. i do not have time for their shit. but anyway, i think owen would be slightly more annoying than billy, and would probably tell me all about the last time he had plane trouble, but would otherwise be fine.

pearce risher. - again, he'd probably be mildly annoying, but nothing terrible. and i bet he'd go to sleep quickly.

hunter (huntington iii). - again, probably annoying, but i bet i could get him to shut up by just talking about taylor swift until he put his headphones on.

sebastien raine. - horrifically annoying, and talking about taylor swift would not shut him up. perhaps i could instead go through every single softball chant i remember until he also puts on his headphones and leaves me alone. i will say though, that turns me into a terrible roommate also.

philip fox-mountchristen-windsor. - philip would try to be annoyingly controlling about the whole thing, but i'm an eldest sister and in this universe where he's real i already know he's stupid, so i would win in a battle of wills. he'd probably be a fine roommate otherwise.

moira rose. - at this point i would have to put on my headphones and ignore what's happening in the room. i think she'd cry herself out after about two and a half hours, which is entirely too long but i have dealt with a melodramatic crying woman in an unfamiliar hotel room before, so at least i have some experience.

roland schitt. - roland ranks right above the literal murderers, because good lord is that man annoying. hopefully he would also go to sleep quickly?

queen mary. - god, she's awful. i probably wouldn't refuse, simply because i think i would get a perverse joy out of watching her try to share a room with a random girl from kentucky. and also she's old. in my experience at the retirement home, old people go to sleep SO EARLY.

sadie. - i cannot. she would scare me too much. also isn't she in prison? how did she get out early? perhaps what i should be more scared of is the justice system in this country.

senator richards. - lola, i come in contact with one of the kentucky senators offices fairly regularly, and having to resist the urge to egg them is a terrible ordeal. and no one is more real life richards than mitch mcconnell and rand paul. in short, i couldn't, because i would end up spitting in his face in his sleep.

this was fun thank you! and also i believe thanks are due to @rmd-writes and @celeritas2997 for helping come up with this literal who's who of hellish fictional roommates.

#give my ask to rose

[thatonesongyouretryingtoremember]

Going insane because the big fucking lumax elmax parallel elumaxers love to say means romantic elmax [which I hope it does] may very well mean platonic lumax instead?? Or even something else?????

I love platonic and romantic lumax equally, but I truly thought we were getting more romantic lumax next season so I'm VERY confused.

I say "confused" and "might" because there are MULTIPLE possibilities and I am still willing to entertain them all as of yet. If anyone wants to give input or ask questions PLEASE do so, I would very much appreciate! You can reblog or reply, but anons are also on rn :)

---

BASICALLY in Stranger Things One, El leans over Will, who is lying down half-dead and dying on the Upside-Down Castle Byers.

This scene establishes The Lean TM as I will henceforth refer to it.

El is saving him for lots of complicated reasons. She believes that she will be "replaced" afterwards. She wants to make her friends happy. She may believe in a consequence otherwise. And because she of course wants Will to stay alive. Her life so far has sucked ass.

---

Stranger Things Two rolls around. El is looking for Kali. Basically she is attaching herself like a friendly, adorable leech to anything remotely familiar. She wants FAMILY and STABILITY rn. So she goes to her sister, Kali. In this case, Kali is the one conjuring hallucinations. Spider (negative) followed by butterfly (positive) [both have other meanings too but Not The Point]

El says "are you real?". She isn't sure such a thing as a sister who won't betray her could happen in this life!

---

Stranger Things four!!

Max reaches out to El saying "are you real? Did I make you?" Adding the second questing as El is already known to her/she remembers El.

Even pinches her cheek!

This follows several hallucinations caused by Vecna, all bad (one involving Lucas, but Idk if that's relevant yet.)

Max has thus far believed that nothing as good as what she already believes El to be possible anymore, nor that she deserves it.

She definitely believes in Vecna causing yk Bad Shit if the El is fake.

---

The infamous The Lean TM 2.0!!!

Max is all the way fuckin dead. As a doorknob.

Lucas cradles Max, but the FRAMING puts him in the EXACT position as EL is with psychic image of Max, visually.

LEANING.

THEN El resuscitates Max via telekinetic chest compressions fueled by Happy Memory Positive Vibes Energy. She knows Max, *and* she has had a good life for some of it atp.

---

ANYWAYS. Onto some POTENTIAL meanings!

The Lean TM is not inherently romantic OR platonic. El did not even KNOW Will and did not feel anything PERSONALLY about him when she Leaned in ST1.

She EVENTUALLY got to know Will- AFTER The Lean TM. THEN their relationship is platonic.

But initially- sheer desperation. WHO Will was had nothing to do with it. The outside forces, that being (oversimplified) El's desire to SAVE Will. Not any feelings she had towards him.

This then changes for The Lean TM 2.0! El and Lucas KNOW Max! BUT assuming this is about OUTSIDE feelings- desperation had RUN the FUCK OUT- replaced by SHEER FUCKING SHOCK AND TERROR because A) Max is literally DEAD right now and B) fuckin Vecna and the apocalypse

THIS information gives us a few potential meanings:

The Lean TM represents outside feelings. It is a contrast between the relatively more hopeful eyes of a twelve year old, be she alone, than the jaded girl two years later. But she's got friends now. And also The World's Problems still exist. (Dead children equals world problems, alone v w/ friends obvi, and hopeful but desperate v already dead.) Supposed resurrection represents that it is never too late.

The Lean TM represents that those involved will have their relationship to eachother, or their impression of the other, changed in the future. Even THIS could mean a hundred things in its own!!

Siblings-ass pair did it first, another elmax siblings thing, does that make lumax paralleled to siblings??? I am HESITANT AS SHIT about this one because the point of parallels indicating interpersonal relationships is the characters' feelings- and in The Lean TM 1.0, you could hardly call willel "siblings" PLUS it would be weird to make lumax be like a siblings pair atp imo.

In any case, it kind of seems difficult to make this about romo lumax *alone*

---

NOW onto "are you real?"

This is Max saying something that parallels an earlier quote by El.

The funny thing is, Max in Stranger Things Four is actually more similar to Stranger Things FOUR El than to Stranger Things Two El. They both have feelings of guilt right now, and have trouble convincing themselves that they "deserve" friends and family, or for anything good to happen to them.

In Stranger Things Two, El is ACTIVELY SEARCHING for this family rather than avoiding it (though ST4 Max moves into this direction as well, the former is more connected to the nature of Max's Vecna Visions)

It's also totally different from the nature of their relationships, let alone the types!

El at the point of quote one ONCE AGAIN doesn't know Kali at ALL. By the time Max sees El, she is already familiar enough with El to believe that she could conjure her from memory!

Constancy???Hope?????Trust??? El2 was not in any type of immediate danger, unlike Max4.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THIS COULD POSSIBLY MEAN AND IT IS FUCKING ME UP. WHAT- BESIDES VISIONS AND DOUBTING REALITY- IS THE COMMONALITY HERE???

HI this has been sitting in my drafts for WEEKS and I've still got no FUCKING clue! On the one hand, the LEAN the GODDAMN LEAN makes it seem like it's probably elumax(if it's romo lumax it's probably both, and otherwise there may be a familial implication, but the meaning of that has become more Literal as of late so probably the first things) but then what the absolute FUCK is going on with the other thing?? In the SAME DAMN EPISODE!? And nowI'm reading about the lighting in the episode which makes the "r u real?" Thing even MORE confusing AND JESUS FORKING CHRISTY

#stranger things analysis #elumax analysis #elumax #elmax #el hopper #max mayfield #stranger things #song says a smart thing

[valleyfthdolls]

Thanks! So I’ll get into the relevant AU lore and my explanation for Michael possibly having BPD.

- In this AU, Michael’s motives for going to all the locations to try and undo his fathers actions were mainly because he felt obligated. William was the cause of everything, so as his son, he "needed" to put everything back together. However, there was also a need to gain validation from William that influenced Michael’s actions. To Michael, if he endured all of the harm that came from what his father did, it would somehow prove he was worthy love. (Self destructive behaviour caused from wanting validation.)

- I think this is main reason I considered that Michael could possibly be borderline. He has a fixation on Henry that reminds me of BPD attachment styles. Strong admiration that can become with blind idolisation, to the point where his self destructive issues intensify. Michael almost accepted his fate in the FNAF6 fire because it like a way to show respect to Henry (I don’t really know how to explain it right now.)

There’s more a bit more but the AU is still a massive WIP and I don’t want to spoil too much of the story I’m planning. And I may have spent way longer on this than I intended to-

Anyways, love to here what your thoughts are!

Ok I finally thought hey I need to fucking answer this lmao- be aware my commentary may sound negative but nothing you’ve said is offensive and it’s clear you care about properly representing things like this when you write them.

That being said, I think this is a bit of a misunderstanding of how BPD works. It’s hard to tell from just reading up on it, and this I know because before I realized I had it, or at least am suspected and have a lot of traits, I totally misinterpreted what it was like from reading about symptoms, but a lot of BPD symptoms come about in interpersonal relationships as a massive part of BPD is a fear of abandonment. This can manifest in the ways you mentioned above, however in the context of BPD I’m not entirely sure that it fits the criteria of the disorder. While Michael is seeking validation, he doesn’t seem to be doing it with the intent to keep someone close or avoid being abandoned in a relationship he feels is important to him. Him wanting to prove himself worthy sounds more like some sort of complex, wanting to prove to himself that he is worth his father’s love as opposed to trying to keep him around. With Henry I feel like the attachment style best known for BPD, a favorite person, often comes with a need for, again, a close and constant relationship. A description I’ve heard from someone who helped me sort out my feelings on my ex FP is that “just the idea of them leaving you feels like the world crumbling under your feet.” It tends to manifest as a sense of dependency on the person for emotional stability, extreme anxiety about them abandoning you, a desire to be with them as much as possible and a need for them to be happy for you to be happy. Idolization certainly does happen with BPD, as black and white thinking is a very commonly discussed part of BPD.

If you don’t mind me derailing for a second, I want to bring up a bit of my own writing, which also features a protagonist with BPD and a massive fire. The protagonist of this story’s biggest flaw is his black and white worldview, followed by his inferiority complex, social incompetence, stubbornness, poor relationship skills, emotional and somewhat unpredictable behavior, and the fact that he can’t stop thinking about horror for more than 5 minutes or he will explode and die. If you’ll excuse that tangent, as you can probably tell, this character is heavily coded as autistic and borderline. The black and white worldview, especially in how he views others, is the biggest symptom, but over the course of the story as everyone around him is basically dropping like flies, he develops an attachment to his friend(?)/crush, a girl he had previously seen as above him as a result of the aforementioned black and white thinking. At the end of the story, their school is set on fire with the survivors inside, and this girl is restrained inside the school. Despite constant pushing from the other survivors to get out and leave her because unfortunately they can’t save her and make it out alive, he physically attacks the girl pulling him toward the exit and runs back toward her. This relationship with her is so important to him that it completely dominates his thoughts in this moment, overtaking even his survival instinct as the thought of losing her is so painful that he’d rather be cooked alive than let her go.

While it’s a similar concept to Michael and Henry in your AU, the interpersonal relationship aspect is important. This isn’t me saying I’m a better writer than you, I just want to explain how I executed a similar idea with a character who canonically has BPD. If Michael is close with Henry or sees him as an important person in his life or someone who his relationship with is this important, then this does check the box. A close relationship really isn’t necessary for that attachment, but it has to be a relationship that is that important. Like in your analysis on Devon, who isn’t close with the girl you proposed as him being attached to, but he certainly is fixated on her and their relationship to the point it consumes a lot of his thoughts. If this is similar to your Michael’s view of Henry, then like I said, this is a pretty good depiction of a common borderline attachment style. However, as it is, while your Michael having BPD is possible as he has abstract(?) symptoms, it’s not really a dead ringer for BPD. However, if you imagine your Michael as having BPD, it’s also not really inaccurate as it’s different for everyone, but the relationship aspects are very common. And at the end of the day it’s up to you since it certainly is possible given what you’ve written

#thatoneautisticfnaffan #thanks for the ask btw! sorry this took me legit forever

[kittehoddkat]

My sister is a total cunt and around when we were kids, 12 (her) and 15 (me), she became a really big fan of that Jesus guy, but in a ‘if you wear lipstick that’s TOO red you’re clearly a whore who is doing naughty things with the devil’ and ‘all “dark” animals like black cats, snakes, rats, spiders, and bats were sent by the devil himself”. W e had an older home, and the way it was set up is that one of our vents had a chute that went over the porch, and you could look down it and see basically right over the porch itself. This is relevant because I, at the time, really wanted a cat and our parents were considering it. However, cheese cunt (my nickname for her which she hated <3) saw me looking at an adoption page for a black cat. She absolutely lost it and said that I was trying to bring the devil into our home and that I was going to hell and that that cat was evil and going to claw out my eyes in my sleep. We got in a BIG fight over that. By the time we moved out there were still puncture marks in the wall from where she went at me with a fork. Back to the porch and vent. Kind of. I _needed_ to get this bitch, so I recruited two of my good friends who I knew would be ready to commit a fuckery. One of them had a pet snake (which I think she found in her yard and abducted adopted) and she fed him frozen mice and whatnot. Obviously we weren’t going to involve her snake, but the frozen mice? Those were fair game. Her job was to bring the mice and help behind the scenes. My other friend, he’s a big guy, intimidating if you don’t know him, *his* job was to be the devil. We’d found a dead bat in my attic (again old house) and made it look alive with popsicle sticks, then tied it to a string wound through the vent. We planned the fuckery for when our parents were staying at a hotel for their anniversary, so we were home alone all weekend. We had a pizza box as bait outside, with the frozen mice inside arranged in a pentagram. My guy friend was dressed up in a stereotypical grim reaper outfit, big black cloak, white ghoulish face, lantern, the works. We waited around until night, then he rang the door bell and hid, with the pizza box left on the porch, just far out enough that you would have to step outside. Me and my friend were in the bathroom when then happened so that my sister would have to go look. In reality, she was waiting above, ready with the bat, and I was hiding behind the garage door, which was right next to our front door. The moment I hear my sister let go of the door I gently closed it and locked it on her. I heard her scream and the sound of her dropping the pizza box, which was my friends cue to drop the bat on her and dance it around. At this point she’s freaking out and trying to get back inside, screaming and shrieking. I turn off the porch light, and from the shadows across the street, emerges my friend, face dimly lit by the lantern in his hand. I had to muffle my laughter with my fist in my mouth cause my sister is yelling like she’s going to die, which yeah, I can see her thinking that. All my friend had to do was walk across the street and point at her to get her to start crying, and she bolted into our backyard, where she tried to get in through the back door that was unfortunately for her, locked, courtesy of me. We made her stay out there for an hour or so, giving us time to put everything back to normal and sober ourselves up from laughing so hard. Then I let her back in and acted like I didn’t know anything. We got the cat and I named him Pizza.

Such an amusing story,

Here's what I think pizza looks like, I think he would be happy that you fought so hard for him

#my art #ask #answer #wild story

[captain-athos]

I very much enjoyed your FM infodump post! Do you happen to know any interesting tidbits about Stevie's relationship with TPATH?

Oh this is the BEST ask thank u for letting me ramble more, anon, because I simply adore the friendship between Stevie and Tom Petty.

The fact that Stevie essentially followed Tom Petty around until he became friends with her, and the heartbreakers didn't even really like her at first because they sort of saw Fleetwood Mac as like, big corporate sellouts lmao. I'm pretty sure they argued about this actually, like, a lot.

Like Stevie would literally just show up places where the Heartbreakers were hanging out and she'd be like hi :) hi :) can I join your band you guys are so cool I love you all let me hang out with you and they'd be like WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE (but obviously they eventually warmed to her)

Like Stevie was MAD obsessed w the band she used to hide in their producer's basement and take notes on what they were talking about?????? girl

WAIT I THINK THEY DATED. I THINK SHE WENT TO HIS PRODUCER AND STARTED """STUDYING""" HEARTBREAKERS IDEAS AND THEN THEY STARTED DATING LMFAO god Stevie what

Tom Petty is like. He seems like a pretty chill dude and I think when Stevie got out of rehab int he 90s he was one of the first people she called because she was afraid she wouldn't be able to write music anymore, and he was basically like "that's bullshit and I'm not going to help you write a song because you need to sort out what your music is going to look like to you now, and also you are an amazing songwriter you don't need me" and sure enough, she started writing songs again!

Stevie accidentally stole a Heartbreakers demo one time bc Mike (the guitarist) would sometimes give her the Heartbreakers demos that they didn't use and see if Fleetwood Mac could do anything with them, but she took the wrong tape home and ended up stealing a Heartbreakers song, and then later she CALLED TOM PETTY and was like "hey listen to my new song" and he started screaming at her bc he was like WHAT THE FUCK THAT'S OUR SONG and she had to go back to FM and be like guys,,, I have some bad news lol

Stevie's song "Edge of Seventeen" came from Tom Petty's wife, who said that they two of them met at the "age of seventeen" but her accent made it sound like "edge" and she was like I'll have that for me thank u very much

And of course there's Stop Draggin' My Heart Around, which I think is really lovely because listening to an interview about Tom Petty talking about it, he said that usually when you write a song for someone you try to match their style, but Stevie really wanted to join the Heartbreakers so instead he wrote her a Heartbreakers song that she could sing on.

Not that this is strictly relevant but one of my favourite bassists ever plays bass on Stop Draggin' My Heart Around :) Donald "Duck" Dunn, you probably know him as the wiggly man with the pipe in his mouth from the Blues Brothers band.

#Rambles

[fiesty-fishbiscuit]

ayyyy gimme 4 for that oc thingy

ayyyyyyy

one David Filbert Wickby Sunwreath II

i should talk about him more because aside from his relevance to the overall plot he has changed very little from the story me and my friend made up when we were like 11 which means his story is mad as fuck.

basically his dad (also called david) messed around with funky artifacts illegally and found an old earth portal stored inside a shell. (note- the last official portal to earth got cut off a good few millennia ago.. long story.) and being a funky guy he went through it to be able to mess around w the artifacts off grid... ended up running a small kingdom of sentient polar bears, he was elected bc he had opposable thumbs. anyways eventually after a while the mixern authorities (his home planet where modt of my ocs are from) caught on and took him into custody and idk hes just kind of in prison now.

aaanyways he also took his only son with him to the kingdom. that being the david we actually care about. so he just kinda runs the kingdom on his own occasionally being annoyed by a little squad of mer people who accidentally wound up there back during the whole david I arrest incident who live on a nearby islet. this continues until he learns of someone uncomfortably close to figuring out that he is there (not anything that anyone wants rlly) and so he goes to find out who it is.

it is someone who bears a striking resemblance to his cousin. unfortunately he cant tell for sure bc inconveniently enough she cant remember anything beyond when she woke up on earth roughly a year ago. though as she does have the hereditary sunwreath birthmark (listen theyrr sirens ok. suspend ur disbelief) she asks to go bacj with him to try and work out what happened bc if they are related he obvs wants to look out for his family and all also hes very lonely lmao and then after several shenanigans too long for me to type is eventually persuaded to stop being all sad and isolated bc honestly the polar bears liked his dad a lot better and return to mixern

and yeah thats dave.

#thanks for the ask! #what a guy. #oc stuff

[killjoynest]

okay tysm for answering my other question, I've been confused by those timelines forever ! also like.. what happens in national anthem?? 😭 past chapter 4 it gets like super confusing for me.

ok so im going to summarise the whole plot as best i can issue 4 and onwards under the cut xoxo warning for general bitchiness bc jfc dude the comic was not good

so the gang have picked up kara 100/kara jeong, who is at this point injured and seperated from her husband. we get a few panels of The Scarecrow (this doesnt really matter, bc gway does fuck all with it outside of being a figure that chases the gang from this point on). theres an exchange of "you go to hospitals to die" which, ok, but its the lead up for going to see the Phoenix Witch.

we get a look at the B T global/Sterelax company, made up of different people from the old AKA gangs and their whole control over everything is... kind of shown i guess. cut back to the killjoys, we get the incredibly bad taste choice of phoenix witch and theres some weird magic-y shit done to kara to help with mike watching on. Max and Sofia are outside, arguing over if the sterelax sanitising everything is good or bad. They notice Jaime is gone - hes snuck into the cave to see what the phoenix witch is doing. the next pages are confusing, but basically its some weird mindshare thing that somehow clues mike and jaime into the fact mike is jaimes father. and then we get the startof jaime sort of shunning sofia? (like???)

so sofie tries to sneak into B T, theres a facial scanner, weirdly pings her as Maria and before she can really process that she gets caught and jumps out a window. from here is some "the killjoys are hunted" stuff, not really plot relevant tbh. They meet up with the weirdss and find old gear, theres questionable jaime interactions, the Sterelax folks catch up o them, theres a brawl, we get the next location to go to - new york

we get a brief scene of kara and max catching up, sofia and mike arguing about why maria turned up on company files, karas husband turns up but hes brainwashed(?), in a stunning show of fatherly behaviour mike laughs at jaime nearly killing a guy, jaime has a "my real mom" moment, everyone fucks off.

then fight scene -> old radio guy gets killed but like he had no plot relevance so w/e -> scarecrow still alive -> sofia tries to use her powers that dont work without maria but they do rn which! wow!

anyways they get to new york, books on tape guy is like haha before u kill me i have a surprise lol and bring out blue. we get a flashback of when mike fucked off w blues body and then handed it over to books on tape and chose to forget, jaime and mike run to this Maria whos been brought out, sofia rightly is like ok obvs this is fucked and sends kara and max to find mom+dad. they do, find out their conteolled by BT rn, get in a fight w the scarecrow and kill it and pull the plug on m&d. mikes like ready to go along w/ sterelax and the sofias like wake the fuck up man and then mike eventually realises maria is fake.

then he takes the body and... dresses it in the old clothes (thats weird!) and puts his ramones records on (get better taste pls!) and blows uo the car w the body in (my guy one of ur friends has a gunshot wound tf dude. also u drove everyone here).

anyways we get the epilogue which is mike is a manager at a store and lives w jaime and literally none of the other killjoys are mentioned/seen at all. mike watches cop chows and it ends w him and jaime going on a walk. :/

so like yeah genuinely sucked imo but w/e there were colours i guess. eh. weird anti med shit and also? the racism babes.... anyways yeah thats it

#danger days #anon #asks #killjoys national anthem #i am taking questions but also i will be rude abt the comics #hope this helps lol #the fabulous killjoys

[bonesandthebees]

ok sd anon with the Official Long Message Reply

ohio conceptually is so fucking weird but turns out my fifth grade best friend who moved away after a year is also here so we have been hanging out so much it’s so great she came w me to a few poetry open mics

also oh god how was covid experience i still haven’t gotten it knock on wood

fully do not understand how i have gotten bitches. how. what’s happening. i made rock candy w two other interns a few days ago and we threw a couple packs of pedialyte in there

also also ! bigger vodka person than tequila

also thank you!!!! i’m out here for an engineering internship i actually gave my final presentation to senior leadership yesterday! plant manager + every department head were there to hear the interns present abt their projects and oh my fucking god i thought questions and comments were just a formality THEY WERE NOT. my thing was a software data organizational structure to optimize pulling up relevant equipment data (eg boiler pressure) bc previously you needed a very specific code to find Anything now you can look up vague phrases and find what you want. this system is my baby. i have categorized over 1600 pieces of data and associated them to the correct equipment and system.

ANYWAYS at one point a guy was like okay so a) how is this not already implemented everywhere and b) how do we turn this into a [company] global engineering standard. i am in Shock. also i think they hired me part time over the school year to do the same kind of work i’m doing right now! did not think i would end up basically a software consultant. also i am 20 why the fuck am i getting responsibility.

how has your summer been??? i feel like i have talked in Detail about mine lmao how have the summer classes been? i’m taking a physics one online rn it’s annoying af. did you take that sf trip??? do you know what you want to do for work? also you’re in a good city for it! sd is one of the two big biochem biotech hubs aside from boston! tbh i’m probably going to end up coming back there in the end bc i’m biochem engineering

also cause the company i’m interning with takes 150 interns Total bc they said they put effort into us So they can hire us, not so they can train us to work for other people so. basically i almost certainly have a guaranteed next year internship and hopefully basically guaranteed full time job when i grad!! number one engineering internship in the country <3

yoooo open poetry mics that's so fun!!! also wild as fuck to run into your old friend like that, we love fate playing funny little games with us. so glad you guys got to reconnect!!

covid sucked but thankfully wasn't super serious. i was so feverish and out of it for the first day, then it gradually got better day by day. i'd say the only concerning thing was when i had an episode of super severe chest pain like my second night i was sick?? i mean i had the same kind of chest pain the day after i got the second dose of the vaccine, and I was fine after that so I didn't do anything about it? but yeah that was definitely a scary moment of oh god should I go to a hospital... nah i'm probably fine

pedialyte?? in rock candy???? was that good??? also i'm very happy for you for getting bitches but also i'm jealous wtf when will it be my turn i just want a girlfriend

so fair!! tbh I like vodka better than tequila too. while I like the taste of tequila in cocktails more, I like the kind of drunk I get from vodka better. it's uhh cleaner I guess? a cleaner kind of drunk if that makes sense

also holy shit that's so cool?? you sound SO smart sd anon goddamn good for you. that honestly sounds like a super useful system, and i can't believe you got a job!! that's fucking amazing!! you're doing such big things, that's so cool honestly. I'm so happy your engineering stuff seems to be working out for you <33

my summer has been good!! my uni has two rounds of summer classes, so for my first round I finished the classes and got an A in one and a B in the other so we win these :) now i'm on my second round and I had to read a super dense research paper today about synthesizing malaria drugs and one of the questions was like "use what you learned in biochemistry and molecular biology to explain the nomenclature of these mutation names" and I took both of those classes a full year ago so I just fucking blue screened

the non school parts of my summer have been alright! mostly I just hung out with my best friend whenever I was down in SD for classes, and she also drove up to LA a few times. we were trying to spend as much time as possible together because she got a job with the NIH in DC so she's moving there for 2 years. she left about a week ago and i miss her sm already, but I'm really glad we got to spend a lot of time together before she moved. she's shown me so many great bars in SD (including the one I recommended to you!), definitely gonna use that knowledge for the future

also no we did not take the sf trip it just didn't work out :(

no I don't know what I want to do for work aaaa I wanna do something writing related but idk I might just get a gig as a lab tech for a bit since I have all the qualifications for it thanks to my ~bio degree~ and my lab experience. just so i have something to do while i figure out how to break into the writing industry. (I need to figure something out though my mom desperately wants me to work for her and while the fashion industry is cool I really do not wanna work for my mother again. I did it for one summer already and that was enough) (the work itself is fine my mom is just more of a hardass on me compared to a normal employee bc I'm her kid lol)

omg biochem engineering!! another friend of mine who was also biochem engineering is moving to boston bc she got accepted to a PhD program over there right out of undergrad. I was so impressed

god im just. adulthood. please. i'm not ready fuck.

#sd anon #ask #long post

[etoiile]

JJK SPOILERS AHEAD

ok. im on right and wong pt 3 for reference.

WHY ARE THEY JS CASUALLY KILLING THE MOST IMPORTANT PPL OFF?? LIKE I THOUGHT SOME OF THESE PPL WOULD NEVER DIE??

tell me why tf maki is DEAD?! TO THAT I WAS LIKE OMG I NEVER THOUGHT SHE'D EVER DIE IT WAS JS SO UNEXPECTED. however, despite her importance (which is not to be undermined!) she was not so significant a character that the show was altered because of her. her death was highly unexpected but slightly insignificant

and then NANAMIN?! WHAT. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?? but still its like the strong sensei dies and then the protagonist gets like 40x stronger so that wasn't as unexpected, but it was more significant than maki's death

and then NOBARA?! WHAT. I WAS NOT EXPECTING THAT ANDDD IT WAS SIGNIFICANT. WHATTTTT. LIKE. SHE'S ONE OF THE MAIN CHARAS. HOW IS SHE DEAD? I THOUGHT THEY ALL HAD PLOT ARMOR. AND SHE JS CASUALLY. DIES?? WHAT. NOW ITS JS GONNA BE YUJI AND MEGUMI. WHAT???

AND SPEAKING OF MEGUMI. WHAT TF IS HAPPENING W HIM? IM SO CONFUSED. SOMEONE PLS EXPLAIN. LIKE HE SUMMONED THE LAST SHIKIGAMI? BUT THEN HE HAD TO KILL HIMSELF TO DO IT? BUT SINCE SUKUNA KILLED THE SHIKIGAMI MEGUMI LIVES?? WHAT IM SO CONFUSED.

also WHO WERE THOSE TWO GIRLS. GETO'S LIKE WORSHIPPERS? THERE'S A GETO CULT? IM SO CONFUSED? SOMEONE PLS EXPLAIN.

and then WHERE IS GETO. IS HE DEAD? IS HE ALIVE? IF HES ALIVE WHERE IS HE? WHO IS THE GUY CONTROLLING GETO? WHAT IS GOING ON.

also i love todo. i will never not love todo. the "brother" comments will always get me. "my brother should be nearby already" "he has a brother?" yes, he has a brother. "todo's brother doesnt look anything like him at all" yes he does wdym? they're basically identical twins? also "tan taka tan! BLACK FLASH" is so todo. i heart todo.

also who is uraume. she was js not relevant until now like im kinda confused. shes been here but like not here. clearly sukuna likes her but like what??

ALSO. mahito's va needs a raise bc OMG. THE VOCALS. THE SHRILL MANIACAL SCREAMS. ALL ON POINT. *chef's kiss*

that is all for now friends! im still watching so ill probs be back w more questions and screaming. love ugs!

#ami's chit chats 🤍 #jujutsu kaisen

[baekhvuns]

I had an ateez dream again bestie 😎😎

Let me elaborate (oh and guess where it takes place? School!!)

So, it started out like a normal dream, i was in school and I had by bsf with me and we were just walking down the halls and all. What happens is tht i hear someone say that today some famous people will arrive at our school or something like this, basically hinting tht someone would be here but i just acknowledge it and don't pay much mind to it. THEN, me and bsf, go up the stairs on 1st floor, we were basically bunking class lol, and one of the teachers almost caught but I made up a lie on time and he let us go.

As we were walking downstairs, i saw a huge crowd gathered near the canteen area. I was like, woah is something happening, then from tht distance only I see a head pop out, quite specifically a red one 😭

And I just run with all my might towards there, i push thru people to reach where they were and the first person I saw was san, mannnn he just felt so real like ahgssjah, i could feel butterflies even in my dream. So i wave at him and start saying corny and cheesy things like "oh my god, my heart beling to you" 💀💀💀 (I'd never irl) or something worse, but san was so shy 😭 he didn't even make eye contact but we shook hands

Woo was completely hidden by san, then i wave at him and he waves back in tiny. Now then, Mr Jeong yunho appears from the black crowd like the god he is, and it felt as if he had sparkles around him. And for some reason he was the only member not wearing any casual clothing. He wore tht one outfit...hold up let me share a picture ( i couldn't find a better picture 😭)

and istg, i ascended, I went "YUNHO?!?!" And he just smiled awkwardly 😭 but he was tall alr? I felt so tiny in front of him.

Now thts all the members I saw there just three, and my frnd kept bugging me to go somewhere bcz i was taking so long, but i didn't wanna leave. How could I dude?? Ateez were there :') but she managed to drag me out and as she was doing tht i saw seonghwa and i quite literally grabbed him by his shoulder 😭😭 I was way too bold in my dream man

He was shocked he was like wtf is wrong with this creature but he still maintained a smile. He was wearing something fuzzy, like a coat and he wore a beret cap AND glasses, i legit read wallflower before sleeping and he appears in glasses 😌😌 but then i started telling how grateful I was to live at the exact same time he was living and not in any other dimension! And he was sooo shy, idk why but I think the roles should be reversed but somehow they were the shy ones 😭😭 he also didn't make any eye contact until my friend pulled me from the love of my life :') and the meeting with ateez ended....(sad)

The dreams still continued but I don't think it'd be relevant if it ain't ateez!! I had forgotten that i had even dreamt, then in the morning I was like i dreamt of something really good but i can't remember then I opened Pinterest and i saw san and I was like OHHH I DREAMT ABT ATEEZ!!!

sO you’re saying you experienced boys over flowers???? HELPNFHWJDHWK DO U RMR THAT EDIT W THEM BEING THE BOYS OVER FLOWERS CAST 😭😭 i used to have it but i don’t anymore <//3 if someone can find it pls do send bc that was so funny kdjskdjd

#✉️ : ask #[ rosesapphiremysticalrose ]

[keefwho]

September 05 - 2022

11:32 AM

I had a dream that I had a total mental breakdown because my mom had removed everything from my freezer for a few hours before remembering to put it back. I was crying, and hitting things, and neither of my parents were being supportive or helpful in the slightest. I’m not one to think dreams mean anything special beyond simulating your own feelings. This dream reminded me that I don’t think my parents are supportive in an understanding kind of way. They support me and might even try to understand whats going on, but they really have that “just get over it” boomer mindset. When it’s all said and done, the only thing they have to offer me are counterproductive solutions rather than the kind of help I actually need, and they insist they are right. 

2:38 PM

I just started re-reading the first pivot chapter in the book and already have some direction again. It’s all about defusing from automatic thoughts which I thought I understood before, but a second pass of anything always gives more insight. I get that our mind, when unoccupied, spits out thought after thought and attempts to problem solve anything that comes up for the sake of having coherence, which is a basic human desire. The problem is that it is usually not logical. The “problems” aren’t really problems or are not relevant at this moment so it actually becomes a detriment to think about them. The goal with managing these thoughts is to give more attention to the ones that are actually helpful to us. We can’t make all the unhelpful thoughts go away, but we can encourage more helpful ones. It’s like enforcing paths we know are better for us to take. I’m going to do an exercise where I’m meant to track my thoughts for 1 minute uninterrupted. I’ll try to focus on how I’m feeling about myself in general and my progress through all of this.

          Im currently excited about my progress, but obviously I’m still nervous. I worry I’ll fail, whatever that even means. I don’t know how to fail at life unless you actually die. Losing everything I have would suck but it’s still not game over. But that can’t happen. Most likely. I’m most afraid of losing my friends. I fear that I won’t be able to be good enough for them, or maybe we’ll drift apart naturally. I miss having friends that stuck around. I think I only have 1 who I’ve known since I was young. Maybe thats normal. It just seems like people only stick around for a couple years max before going away. Then Its time to find new friends. Maybe it’s a me problem. Maybe I change too much, or don’t know what it means to be a real friend. 

I actually went for 2 minutes since 1 seemed too short. Now I’m going to do it again but pretend that my job is to determine whether or not each thought is actually true or appropriate. 

          I always go on about losing people or things, but in reality its probably not realistic. These are my deepest fears talking. I also give too much credence to the negative aspects of myself. From an outsiders point of view, I’m probably not that bad. I feel bad because I know my deepest darkest thoughts, but everyone has bad thoughts. The thing is we don’t act on them and that's what matters. Realistically I’m a decent person when I try to be, which is often (I hope.) I also just realized I went on a pretty big tangent, I was talking about myself before and now it’s all about fear. Back to the main point for just a moment, personal progress is inevitable. Just like with drawing, if I keep putting time in and learning from outside information, I WILL get better. Literally. 

Now I’m going to do it one more time, but pretend my thoughts are like arguing children. So repetitive and illogical I suppose. 

          I know I’ll get better over time. But I won’t. I’ve always been the same and always will be. People don’t change that much and neither will I. But people DO change. Sometimes people have such dramatic changes over short periods of time that they’re like different people. I’m way different than who I was years ago, and years before that. But in general people stay within a certain range of what is considered “them.” And you can lose everything if you’re not careful. Realistic I can’t. But the possibility is always there. Maybe I want to fail and I’m pushing myself in that direction subconsciously. But I’m literally aware of that thought and actively working against it. So how could that happen.

I read the rest of the defusion chapter and I have a goal in mind. Practice all 4 starter defusion methods at least once every day for 2 weeks. I’m going to put that on my calendar and do them even if it feels redundant. I think the goal here is to “wake up” to the idea like when trying to draw a new body part and brute forcing it until the anatomy finally ‘clicks.’ 

5:14 PM

OKAY, Im in panic mode for an embarrassing reason. A fucking banana. Because towards the end of eating one, it had some black spots in the middle and I thought “Oh should be nothing, but I still won’t eat it.” Then I googled it and so many results are about this fungus that can infect bananas and WILL make you sick. So I freaked out. But upon further examination, I’m almost certain it’s not that. It looks more like it was extra ripe around the seeds. I even dissected another banana from the bunch and it had a similar thing going on in a similar part of the banana, except it straight up correlated to a bruise on the skin. 

This is how easy it is for me to freak out about something and I’m embarrassed to admit it. I’m still a little worried, but I really fucking shouldn’t be. This mold shit I keep seeing should greatly infect the whole banana, not just a tiny little part. And it’s a reddish hue, mine wasn’t. Mine was just ripe is all. Most bananas I’ve eaten haven’t been perfect. God I’m so dumb. 

Either way, I’m going to have a hard time not thinking about it. This would be the perfect time to practice defusing from my fearful thoughts but its HARD to accept that I should. I WANT to worry like it’ll keep me safe, but it wouldn’t do anything even if it was mold I had eaten. (Not that I even ate it, I stopped as soon as I saw dark spots.) ITS. HARD. TO. STOP. THINKING. Why am I so DUMB and BROKEN. 

Today is mental exercise day so I’ll do my best. I’ve gathered a bunch of evidence that the banana was safe. I’ll try to avoid thoughts that anything is wrong and focus on something else. 

11:04 PM

Currently looking back on myself like I’m a dumbass. It’s so weird to fall into that panic mindset, its like I become and animal. I feel a lot better now, especially since it turns out that even if a banana has full on black center syndrome, it’s not likely to hurt you if you eat it. Some of the things I read earlier were just dogshit article sites making things up. This is also one of those subjects where all the information about it is almost like folklore. I need FACTS, STUDIES, PAPERS. Not someone’s grandpa’s opinion. 

Other than that, I got on VRchat to hang out for a little even though I just wanted to sit cozy and play Zelda, I figured it would be a nice little exercise. Now I’m chillin for the night thinking about lots of things. I think I know why maintaining friendships has been so stressful. Before all this, I had a stronger routine that coincided with other people’s schedules, but it’s all changed ever since I started working on myself. It’s not just the schedule but also my attitude and mindset. I’ve been much less social because I truly am focusing on ME now. I take priority currently, before I would sacrifice often for the sake of spending time with others. That makes me worry that I might not be putting in enough time. I feel like I have to deliberately commit to certain people now as opposed to naturally bumping into each other at certain times. I guess it doesn’t help that I feel like I really need a couple good friends to fall back on here and there when things become too much. So keeping them is all the more important. But I feel like I might become a drain if I’m not careful. I don’t want to use people and not give back. 

11:57 PM

I wonder how long I’ll take to improve. Will my friend’s patience wear thin? Is it even that big of a deal? 

I need to get out more. My biggest social problem right now I think is not having a schedule for it anymore. It used to be the same VRchat time every day so I’d end up seeing the same people. Now I’m kind of all over the place. It would be beneficial to narrow down that specific time again or maybe hang out in a specific discord server at a certain time. 

#journal #parents #dream