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#not pictured is a bullshit discussion post I’m trying to power through before I leave the house
lord-vaders · 3 years
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ladychimera · 3 years
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I sort of regret getting into Miraculous Ladybug, because the show itself is a raging dumpster fire, but (parts of) the fandom make up for it.  But I still can’t help but bemoan all of the wasted potential.  Like imagine…
(I’m sure this is going to get long, so hope the cut works.)
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To start off (and this is probably going to piss a lot of people off but bear with me) imagine if there was no Love Square bullshit.  Adrien/Chat can just have a healthy level of admiration towards Ladybug, especially since he’s been there with her from day one and seen how she’s grown into a determined and clever hero.  Marinette and he could still have the umbrella scene if that’s how they clear up the misunderstanding between them, but she can end up finding that he’s a nice boy who she could see herself being friends with.  And that’s what they could be here – just friends - but not in the repetitively, cringe-inducing way like canon keeps pushing.  This would leave them to be able to joke and pun and banter, whether as civilians or superheroes, and both will know it’s all in fun.  This could help with a lot of the problems a lot of us have with Adrien/Chat too beyond the unwanted advances and all of that.  It would likely also help him grow into someone who could be let in on things earlier than he is in canon (so no scenes like That One in Syren).  
Events can still play out similar to canon, but we can get actual character development, and plot development, and world/lore building. Nino and Alya can still get the Turtle and Fox temporarily.  I don’t know about Chloe and the Bee.  If she actually got proper redemption (and not one stretched out over so many episodes without showing much actual progress that most of us just gave up caring before the creators just gave up on it themselves), maybe things could still happen there, but she’d definitely need to actually face consequences for what she did there.  That could even be what helps spur her to try and better herself instead of solely coming from Ladybug.
Then this is kind of where I can’t help but think how things could have gone differently.  Say after Heroes Day and all of that mess Marinette begins thinking that…maybe they should have more permanent heroes.  Trying to deal with an Akuma and realizing they need back-up, going to Fu and picking a Miraculous that could work for the situation, chasing down the person she wants to give it to (If they’re not already there as a matter of convenience. And I’m sure there are enough of us who [kind of] hate someone being given a Miraculous as a matter of convenience.), and going through all of that detracts from dealing with the situation.  She discusses it with Chat, and he quickly agrees, so they go to Fu.
In this ‘verse Fu would be given the chance to actually interact with them regularly beyond “Marinette goes to him for Miraculous” and he’s also able to realize his mistakes.  When the three of them sit down to discuss this situation he might be the one to bring up that, despite Chat Noir being a fitting partner for Plagg and the Black Cat Ring, it was probably a mistake to send out the two Miraculous needed for the reality-bending wish.  Since that can’t be taken back now that Paris knows both are already within the city, they land on maybe the Turtle being the one to sort of give this “Adding More Permanent Heroes” thing a test run, especially since that was probably the one he should have sent out instead.  At this point Adrien and Marinette still haven’t revealed who they are to each other, but when Ladybug suggests Nino again it kind of…just happens lol  They might be a bit chagrinned that they didn’t realize who the other was sooner (and not realizing that Nino’s Carapace might make Adrien want to smack his head into a wall even with the reason being the Miraculous glamor hiding it – THAT’S HIS BEST FRIEND! And they’re actually shown to be in this AU :l ) but it goes over well enough.  There’s still the threat of if one of them is Akumatized and possibly giving the others away, but in this ‘verse they actually have SUPPORT. From each other with no superhero-related secrets between them.  Give my girl the support she needs and deserves especially! Fuck canon with its constant shitting on her.  SERIOUSLY.  They’d also be able to cover for each other whether as heroes or as civilians (so stuff like less ridiculous excuses to go transform).
So…Permanent Turtle!Nino. My boy would deserve it, especially if they kept his first season personality and just built on it (instead of having him be basically relegated to “being pulled around by Alya” whenever the creators deign to even have him show up :l ).  At this point Marinette, Adrien, and Fu might need to discuss how much to bring Nino in on (including meeting Fu), but I don’t think it would take them long to realize that he fits the Turtle and maybe it’s time for him to meet the Guardian and find out who Paris’s heroes are.  How he reacts to that is up to you.  When they get to talking about the old Order of Guardians maybe one of the three kids brings up making a New Order (because Feast hasn’t happened yet for one), maybe as an offhanded comment, but it doesn’t sound like a completely bad idea.  Fu, thinking about his past mistakes (and we also don’t know how much he actually learned before the Fall or what he might have learned from the kwami since), might not know whether to agree with it or not, but the other three have kind of taken off with the idea and Adrien or Nino might even make (another) offhand comment that it’d be like they’re creating their own Miraculous Justice League or something (and that’s what I’m going to refer to this AU as I guess – “Miraculous League AU”) so he’s basically, ‘Well, I guess this is happening then.’  Probably wouldn’t take long to start discussing who would fit the other Miraculous after that.
Now…Alya and the Fox… To be honest I don’t think she really fits the Fox.  That was more one of those “matter of convenience” type of situations.  Since we don’t know much about the ones that haven’t been used yet, if we go sort of by what the zodiac signs mean, maybe she’d be better suited for the Boar/Pig?  I don’t know…  There’s also the problems with her design as Rena ugh. To me the Fox seems better suited for a creative type who can keep themselves out of sight (This is the only credit I’ll give Lila/Volpina – she knew to hide herself when making her illusions.). So who is a quiet, creative type they know?  Well, it probably wouldn’t take long at all for Marinette to think of Marc and Nathaniel. Honestly both of them could work for the Fox, but for this AU I can’t help but lean more toward Marc (and this would mean Nathaniel could have what I picture for the Rooster, but Fox!Marc and Rooster!Nathaniel would probably require their own post).  She might even make up her mind if Nathaniel was Akumatized again and Marc wanted to help.  So now we have the Fox added in (and I don’t know when I’d want Nathaniel brought in on stuff).  Also I know there’s the whole “an Akuma isn’t really who that person IS” thing (though I side-eye that with ones like Silencer or even Bubbler. I think it’s more a matter of the negative emotion being amplified so much they sort of become twisted versions of themselves?), but I don’t think Reverser is given enough credit.  I think he’s been one of the closest after Dark Owl to actually getting the Ladybug and Black Cat Miraculous. I think Marc would make for a good hero.
As they discuss the other Miraculous as soon as they reach the Monkey Marinette and Nino are both, “Kim.” And they’re so quick and blunt and adamant with that response that Fu doesn’t question it. I mean come on who else fits it as well as Kim?!  Not to mention not only was the boy fucking robbed in his own hero debut episode, they’ve known him since kindergarten (and in this ‘verse they’d actually be really close like “He’s/She’s like a brother/sister to me” close. It’s also why Marinette was so adamant about Nino.).  Now the Monkey is still really special, so while they might decide it might not be bad to bring him in as the next permanent user they might make it a point that he’s not necessarily joining every battle even if he’s able to.  All they need to go wrong is him/his summoned item accidentally being knocked into any of them but Ladybug or Chat in particular after using his power.  This also solves the disaster that was Party Crasher.
That leads to talking about the Snake.  I’m not sure whether I’d want Desperada moved up in the timeline or not, but at this point Marinette probably hasn’t had much interaction with Luka just yet to automatically think he’d be a perfect match (which he definitely is) for the Snake so it would probably need to be, though there might still be a slight hiccup with Adrien maybe taking a few turns until he not only realizes that he is NOT fit for the Snake (and that’s ok) but that Luka IS.  On a side note with no Love Square bullshit that whole cringe-inducing guitar scene would also either not happen or happen in a similar way but because Jagged just kind of put the spotlight on Marinette but she doesn’t want to push Luka into working with someone who his mom just kind of tore into so in a kind of bit of panic goes with Adrien.  And no Love Square also prevents that whole thing with Adrien resetting almost 26,000 times because WHAT EVEN.
Since they discussed Kim already (and brought him into the loop), they can’t help but think of Max (whether at Kim’s prompting or otherwise I like Kimax leave me alooone lol).  Which one suiting him might not be obvious at first though, but given what Voyage entails it might not be bad to have an analytical mind like Max using the Horse. I mean his first time using it he managed to get them from SPACE to almost exactly in London where he wanted. Not to mention I can’t see him having been in Marinette’s grandpa’s place to know where to put the portal in order to do so successfully and be right there to grab the radio he needed without him having a natural affinity for the Horse.  Also WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH MAX AND THE HORSE ANYWAY?!  Mind-controlled Max was able to send Chat HURTLING INTO THE SUN. The kid’s a natural with the Horse even when mind controlled, but that’s also making the Horse like stupid OP.  Or at least when Max uses it.  I don’t know how I’d want Startrain to line up with this, though it would be better to happen after (probably right after) he’s brought in so he knows the others are there but they still have a reason for the Horse to be available if anyone questions anything.  This also prevents another “matter of convenience” situation.  They’d need to make it clear to Markov what to say or not to say and when though.
I can’t really say much about Kagami and the Dragon honestly.  I mean at least she’d be familiar with wielding a sword, but I’d need to see her use of the other elements to get a better idea of how it might work in this AU.  Adrien might suggest her after getting to know her some through fencing club, but it might still end up being sort of a “matter of convenience” situation depending on when he does vs when her mom might end up Akumatized.  They would need to press not revealing herself to others outside of the group though.
Alix is in a similar boat. Her situation could go a lot like canon, but she’d actually be included in knowing who was who and the discussions they have like the ones at Fu’s.
On the matter of Lila it would definitely go differently than canon.  With no Love Square Alya has no reason to dismiss Marinette as merely jealous because Lila’s getting so close to Adrien.  Nino and Kim would also have a huge problem if Lila tried to turn the class against Marinette.  Alya would also stand up for her girl and be questioning all of the ridiculous things Lila says anyway (She’s supposed to want to be a journalist. She should be questioning all of the shit Lila spews.). Max would also have a problem just from a logical standpoint with all of the shit she says.  Adrien would also know that Lila’s lying because he knows Marinette is Ladybug, so we could also not have the High Road bullshit talk.  Nathaniel would also probably be questioning things, especially if he’s already become the Rooster, but even if he wasn’t Marc would probably help keep him grounded.  All of this might make Lila either give up on her lame lies, or she could actually become the master manipulator the show wanted her to be but without having to dumb down the entire cast for it to “work.”  This could very well also be the groundwork for why she might be the next Hawkmoth, especially if he partners up with her more often (whether to give her more Akuma or let her help him make more).  
Another thing that would be different in this AU is concerning the Miraculous themselves. While ones like the Ladybug earrings, Black Cat ring, and even ones like the Snake bangle and Turtle bracelet are rather inconspicuous, a lot of the others aren’t.  Not to mention you can’t tell me the Rabbit has always been a pocketwatch or the Horse always having been a pair of sunglasses.  In this AU while they might keep their past/last form while dormant in the Miracle Box if a new, permanent user is chosen then the Miraculous can adjust its appearance to that person.  This could be little things like Nino’s bracelet ending up with a smaller charm but slightly bigger band to better go with his other bracelets (and maybe some beads or winded yarn in his signature blue and red) to bigger changes like Kim’s circlet might become something like an arm band since he’d in no way get away with wearing the circlet unless he took to like…wearing a hat or beanie or something.  A lot of us think Juleka will probably end up with the Tiger since it’s so similar to her mirror, but that thing is kind of monstrous and definitely conspicuous.  It would likely need to change to more match her current mirror.  The Horse sunglasses could just adjust into a replica of Max’s glasses.  Marc could probably get away with the Fox staying a pendant, but I kind of like a choker for him better.  I don’t know if Ivan could pull off a nosering, so the Ox might need to change too. If that double thumb ring with the chain link between is the Rooster, I don’t know if Nathaniel could pull that off, so I picture something more like maybe a bracer cuff kind of deal with maybe a stylized feather motif or a stone that looks like the sun.  It could also be hidden by his sleeve most of the time.
Just…so. Much. Lost. Potential. It’s honestly kept me up some nights (though in part because it’s hard for my brain to turn off).
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hopelikethemoon · 4 years
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Coffee (Javier x Reader) {MTMF}
Title: Coffee Rating: PG-13 Length: 2700 Warnings: A brief discussion about abortions.  Notes: You can find the Maybe Today, Maybe Forever Timeline here. And release order here. Set early February 1998. My personal headcanon for Reader/Annie is Phoebe Tonkin and Elena is Camilla Mendes. They are supposed to look strikingly similar. And if you don’t know my backstory for Reader it’s alluded to in this chapter.  Summary: Reader meets up with an old acquaintance. 
Taglist:  @grapemama  @seawhisperer @huliabitch @pedropascalito @rogrsnbarnes @thewallpapergoesorido @twomoonstwosuns @gooddaykate @livasaurasrex @ham4arrow @hiscyarika @plexflexico @readsalot73 @hdlynn @lokiaddicted @randomness501 @fioccodineveautunnale  @roxypeanut @just-add-butter @snivellusim @amarvelousmandalorian @lukesrighthand @historynerd04 @mrsparknuts @synystersilenceinblacknwhite @behindmyeyes-insidemyhead @exrebelshocktrooper @awesomefandomsunited @ah-callie @swhiskeys @lady-tano @beskar-droids @space-floozy @cable-kenobi @longitud-de-onda @cool-ultra-nerd @himbopoes @findhimfives @pedrosdoll @seeking-a-great--perhaps @frietiemeloen @arrowswithwifi @random066 @uncomicalhumour @heather-lynn @domino-oh-damn @cyarikaaa @ahopelessromanticwritersworld @im-still-a-pieceofgarbage @ksgeekgirl  @yabby-girl @xqueenofthecraziesx @punkass-potato @coredrive @pascalesque @theduchessofkirkcaldy @queenquazar @sabinemorans @buckstaposition​ (if I forget to tag you, I’m sorry)
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Elena greeted you with a warm hug, “It’s so good to see you again. It has been such a long time.”
“I know.” You squeezed her back, before you released her and sat down at the table. “You look good.”
“So do you.” Elena assured you as she sat down across from you. “I did not know you and Javier were here in Miami. What a small world.”
You laughed, “When Connie mentioned someone from Colombia who bore a resemblance to me…” You gestured between the two of you, “I was shocked.”
She nodded, “As was I. When Connie found me on Monday and told me about the connection, I was floored.” Elena rested her chin on her palm, propping her elbow on the table. “Of all the people I knew in Colombia.”
“I tried to get Javier to come, but…” You shrugged, chewing on your bottom lip. Javier couldn’t understand why you were so determined to meet with one of his informants — especially since that part of his life was well and truly in the past. But it wasn’t that. You had actually liked Elena. There were no hard feelings towards her. 
She deserved better than the situation she was in in Colombia. 
“The last time I saw him, you had just told him you were pregnant.” Elena mused with a slight smirk. “I had never seen Javier scared before. After everything he’d endured, it was the promise of fatherhood that brought him to his knees.”
You smiled wistfully. “It wasn’t the best situation.”
“No,” Elena shook her head slowly. “I told him years before he should’ve acted on his feelings. But he ignored me.”
“What?” Your brows furrowed. 
Elena gestured between the two of you, “The first time I met him, I could’ve sworn he’d seen a ghost.”
A knot coiled in the pit of your belly. You weren’t a fool — you had known that your similarities with Elena were no coincidence. He hadn’t just sought her out for her the information. “I remember walking into that motel room and…” You frowned. 
Years later, you still didn’t know how to explain your feelings on that situation. It wasn’t like you and Elena were identical, but it was close enough that if you squinted the similarities were all there. It had left you with a strange fire in your veins. 
“He adored you.” Elena stated firmly. “I was almost jealous that there was a good man like him left to pine after someone who didn’t want him.”
You shook your head, “I wanted him, I just… You know how Javier was.”
“I do.” She agreed. “I’m glad things worked out for the two of you. Javier was one of the few good men who came through the doors of the brothel. He deserved a happy ending.”
“He’s the best father. Those girls are his everything.” You told her. 
“Girls?”
You laughed and nodded, “We have two daughters now.”
“Connie didn’t mention that.” She laughed. “Javier is a father two times over?”
“Sofía will be one in June.”
“Congratulations.” Elena smiled at you. “What do you do now? I assume you are not with the DEA.”
“Javier teaches,” You explained. “And I’m contracted with the Miami PD to handle narcotics training.”
“Still kicking ass.” Elena brought her coffee cup to her lips and took a sip. “I’m impressed.”
You grabbed your purse off the back of the chair, pulling out your wallet. “This was our family photo for Christmas.” You said as you slid the picture across the table.
“Look at the four of you!” She grinned at you, “You have a beautiful family.”
You beamed, “They're pretty cool, I guess.” Elena passed the picture back to you and you stared down at it. “I can’t believe how big Josie is getting.” 
The photographer had been so frustrated with you. He was determined to get the classic Christmas card picture with the tree in the background and one of the kids holding a present. But that wasn’t your style. You both wanted a picture that represented your family. 
 Javier had worn a pair of dark blue slacks with a white shirt.  He’d rolled up his sleeves to his elbow and unbuttoned the top button of his shirt beneath a tie Josie had picked out. Neither of you were the Christmas sweater type. You had, however, gotten the girls matching dresses, navy blue with silver snowflakes. And your own silver maxi dress was meant to tie the four of you together. 
 You loved all the pictures from the shoot, but the one you carried around was your favorite. Josie was sitting in her father’s lap, cheesing for the camera, while you sat beside him with your cheek against his shoulder as you helped Sofía balance on her feet in front of you. It wasn’t a picture-perfect Christmas card family — but it was all yours. 
 “Are you living with your cousin?” You questioned, lifting your gaze back to her as you tucked the photo back into your wallet. 
“You remembered! Santiago lives in Tampa. I lived with him while I went to school, but I’m on my own now.” Elena explained with a polite smile. “He visits when he can.”
“That’s great. I’m glad you have family nearby.”
“He helped a lot when I first arrived.” She shook her head slowly, “I just knew I couldn’t stay in Colombia.”
“I’m glad you got out when you did.” You assured her, “Things were heating up near the end.” 
“I’m sure it was.” She nodded, “What prompted the two of you to leave?”
You tucked a lock of hair behind your ear, leaning your elbow against the table as you looked out the window to your right. “The DEA wasn’t exactly thrilled that I was pregnant,” You explained. “They did everything in their power to make me miserable and it worked. After Josie was born, Javier and I came clean about who the father was and I was let go.” You shrugged. “He quit and we left the country.”
Elena rolled her eyes, “I’m not surprised the rest of the DEA are swine.”
“They certainly were.” You laughed, “And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. I’m actually working on exposing them.” 
“Really?”
You nodded. “Javier requested all of the files my name was in. It’s a stack of them.” You sank back in your seat, glancing out the window again. “We’ve got a reporter covering it. The first article is supposed to drop in the Washington Post next month.” 
“Holy shit.” She leaned against the table. “You’re really trying to take them down, aren’t you?”
You rubbed at the back of your neck as you looked back at her, “They omitted me entirely from the reports about Escobar. It’s just Steve and Javi.” 
She frowned, “But you were right there.” 
“Yeah.” Your brows furrowed and you shook your head. “They essentially redacted me from the history books, simply because I had Josie.” 
“That’s bullshit.” She took another sip of her coffee, staring at you. “You were so dedicated to your job. Not only was that plain to see when we worked together, but Javier…” She pressed her lips together. “He was proud of you.” 
“Did he really talk about me that much?”
Elena shrugged, “I did not expect to see him again after the first time you and I worked together. I don’t know if he realizes how much he said without really saying anything. But it was clear he cared about you more than as just a partner.”
You sat up a little straighter then. “We’ve had a lot of discussions about that period in our lives. It’s just nice to hear from an outside source that I wasn’t alone in my… feelings.”
Elena pushed her hair behind her shoulders, smiling a little at you. “I really thought he was an idiot for not saying something to you. I did try to get him to.”
You laughed, shaking your head. “Luckily we are better about talking things through. It’s an uphill battle sometimes, but we try.” You leaned against the table. “So, how’d you get into social work?”
“It felt natural. I wanted to do something to give back. Ideally, I would like to work with women who are in difficult situations, but the hospital is a stepping stone to that.” Elena took another sip of coffee. “I’ve been volunteering at a women’s shelter downtown, which has been really fulfilling.” 
You smiled, “I wish I had more time to help the community. Javi’s got a full class schedule this semester and Monica is juggling a lot on her plate.”
“Monica?” Elena questioned with an arched brow. 
“Oh.” You laughed softly as you grabbed your wallet again, shuffling through the pictures before you produced a picture that had been taken at Thanksgiving. “Monica is one of Javier’s students. We’ve essentially adopted her into our family.” 
She gave you a look. 
“Her parents are not… understanding. To put it lightly.” You explained, “She’s been helping us with the girls, but she just started dating a really sweet girl and I don’t want her missing out on that.” 
Her eyes widened, “Ah.” 
“Exactly,” You shrugged with a short laugh. “We tried to get her to join us for the family photo at Christmas, but the lure of Nadia was too strong. They have this arcade they go to all the time.” You rolled your eyes. “I don’t get the appeal.” 
An incredulous sound escaped Elena as she stared at you, “You really did it, didn’t you?” 
“Did what?” 
“Domesticated Javier Peña.” 
You laughed loudly, much to the annoyance of the older couple sitting at the table behind you. “Sorry.” You offered, before looking back at Elena. “He’s extremely domesticated.” You grinned. “The man has a favorite coffee mug.”
Elena chuckled, “That’s the sort of life both of you deserve.” 
“I appreciate that.” You smiled at her. “Honestly, I thought I’d end up married to my work. Javier and Josie changed my life and I couldn’t be happier.” 
“You’re a stronger woman than I am,” Elena said with a warm smile. “If I had been in your situation, I don’t know if I would’ve chosen the motherhood route.” 
You took a sip of coffee, nodding your head slowly. “I didn’t even consider the alternative.” You admitted quietly, “I was ready and willing to do this alone if Javier didn’t want to be involved. It would’ve broken my heart, I think, but… she was the best accident.” You bit down on your bottom lip, thinking for a minute. “My own childhood wasn’t great.” 
“Really?”
You rubbed your lips together, giving a slight nod. “I overcame it, I came out on top, but… I don’t want my girls to have to work that hard to be loved. No one should have to feel like love is conditional. Monica, Josie, Sofía deserve better than that.” You raked your fingers through your hair. “I think that’s why, with Josie… I didn’t even consider having an abortion. I wanted to prove to myself that I could be the mother I never had.” 
Elena reached across the table and squeezed your hand, “And look at the life you’ve built from that decision.” 
“We should have coffee again sometime,” You suggested. “There’s no reason to be strangers in a city that is clearly small.”
“I would like that,” She patted your hand, before reaching for her coffee cup once more. “And please send Javier my best. He was a good man and he finally has the life he deserves.” 
“He’ll appreciate that.” You finished off the last of your coffee. Your eyes flickered to your wristwatch, “Shit. I need to pick up the kids.” You said as you got up, pulling your purse across your chest. “Thank you again, Elena.” 
“I’m glad we reconnected,” Elena said as she stood up, “I’m sure we’ll see each other again.” 
You exchanged a brief hug with her, before you ducked out of the coffee shop and headed for your car. You were relieved that the meeting had gone well — though you had expected it to. You’d worked alongside Elena a handful of times back in Colombia, where it was necessary that you play a part to get intel and she’d always been gracious to you. 
Outside of the first time you met her at the motel room, there was no lingering awkwardness there. Though you had a sneaking suspicion that more of his informants had known about you than just Elena. Considering how bad Javier was at keeping your second pregnancy secret, you figured he’d had a case of loose lips when it came to you. 
This was definitely going to come up with Nancy. If not straight from you, from Javier’s sessions. You were certain, with each passing session, Nancy was finding the two of you more and more unusual. Especially given the fact that Nancy had devoted an entire session to try to work out whether you held resentment towards Javier for sleeping with informants — as if you hadn’t as well. 
It was just never something that concerned you. It didn’t affect your relationship with Javier whatsoever. Sure, Elena bore a striking resemblance to you, but Steve had made you aware of the fact that you’d gone after men that even reminded him of Javier. 
Gotta love a good proxy. 
As you settled into your car your phone started ringing. 
“Hey,” You said after you pulled it free from your purse. “I was just thinking about you.” 
“Oh yeah?” Javier countered with a short chuckle. “I was thinking about you too, baby. You done with coffee?”
“Just got in the car to head over and pick up Josie.” You told him, shouldering the phone so you could buckle your seatbelt. “What’s up?” 
“I just wanted to see how it went.” He cleared his throat and you could practically feel his nerves through the phone. “How… How’d it go?”
“We spent the entire time gossiping about you.” You teased, trying to allay his worries. “We just caught up, Javi. It was nothing deeply profound.” 
Javier grumbled, “But you did talk about me?”
You rolled your eyes, putting your keys into the ignition and starting the car off. The radio came on, blasting Los Del Rio’s hit, and you quickly turned the knob to turn it down. “Of course we talked about you, Javi. Did you think you wouldn’t be brought up?”
“I just…” Javier trailed off and for a second you thought the call had dropped. “I used to tell her a lot more than I should’ve.”
“I gathered this.” You laughed softly. “But I also recall you told another informant that I was pregnant.” 
“Yes.” 
“You were a terrible agent Javier.” You said lightly. “Loose lips sink ships.” 
“I just couldn’t tell the right person.” He remarked, sighing heavily. “At least I’ve made up for it.” 
“Have you?” You countered, chewing on your bottom lip. “Do you have any plans this weekend?”
“Working on next week’s slides. Why, baby?”
“We should go out.” You suggested. “We haven’t really had a date since Sof was born. We could give Le Mystere a try.” 
Javier hummed, “The new Mediterranean place off Washington?”
“I know you’ve been dying to try it.” You smiled, “Come on, Javi. We deserve a kid-free night.” 
“I’ll give Steve a call after we get off the phone.” Javier drawled out, “See if I can get us a reservation tomorrow.” 
“I thought you’d jump on this opportunity.” It had been a long time since the two of you had actually had a real date. It was hard to balance two careers, two kids, and still manage to get a decent night of sleep. 
“How could I say ‘no’, baby?” He chuckled. “What’s the occasion?” 
“I love you. Do I need an occasion, Javi?” 
“No, you don’t. But you’ve got me looking forward to the weekend now.” He chuckled, “Alright, lemme get off the phone and get us a reservation.” 
“Perfect. I’m gonna go get the kids.” 
“See you at home, baby.” 
“See you soon.” You smiled as you hung up the phone, tossing it into the passenger seat beside you. 
Sure, you both had been more than willing to try new things, but the old thing — just the two of you — was pretty good too. Dinner out, the house to yourselves… Hopefully this time you won’t accidentally fall asleep after dinner, because you were breaking in the newest lingerie set you’d bought. 
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scripttorture · 4 years
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I'm writing a human character in sci-fi setting who has been betrayed by his friend and is then kidnapped and phycologically tortured by the friend to the point after he escapes he has severe PTSD. I'm struggling to write it though as I'm not sure what kind of mental torture he could be put through without going over the top. Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Thanks
I’m going to start off with a possibly obvious point: kidnapping is traumatic. If the main thing you want from this sub-plot is to give a character PTSD you don’t need to go any further then that. Not everyone who is kidnapped will develop PTSD but it’s a realistic outcome.
 So…. Phycology is the study of algae, I’m assuming that’s not what’s meant here. But if it is then please correct me and I will happily spend some time reading up on algae to help you out. (That is not sarcasm, teach me about algae.) :)
 I am guessing that this is a misspelling of ‘psychologically’ and this is someone new to the blog who hasn’t heard The Talk about ‘psychological torture’ yet.
 So going forward: Anon it’s OK to make mistakes. I’m here because I understand how hard it is to find good quality information on torture. And because I understand how much misinformation is popularised in both fictional and allegedly-factual media.
 I strongly advise that you don’t use the phrase ‘psychological torture’ in your writing.
 Torture isn’t psychological. There’s nothing clever or psychological about hitting someone’s feet with a stick.
 And the phrase ‘psychological torture’ has been used for years by torture apologists. They use it as a way to dismiss survivors and belittle their experience. They do that by declaring that some types of torture are ‘just’ psychological; using this term to suggest particular tortures don’t cause physical harm and that survivors are faking their responses.
 This is bullshit. Don’t buy into it. Don’t support it.
 Torture is physical abuse and physical harm. The lasting psychological symptoms and effects are due to underlying changes in the structure of the brain which happen in response to extreme pain and stress.
 O’Mara, the neuroscientist who wrote about torture, likened it to brain damage. He also went so far as to argue that it’s deliberately inflicted organ failure. And you know what, I’m not a neuroscientist, so I’m not gonna argue with that assessment.
 I don’t know what you’re picturing when you say ‘psychological torture’. You haven’t given me a time frame for how long this character is held or information on the kind of culture this fictional world has. Which makes it hard for me to suggest specific things.
 What I can do is give you an idea of what torture looks like now and what sort of effects you’d expect in survivors. You can then consider whether torture is right for your story.
 Most torture nowadays is ‘clean’. Now different researchers use different terms for this (I use Rejali’s term) but what it essentially means is: a form of physical abuse that is extremely unlikely to leave obvious physical marks on the victim’s body.
 Lest you get the idea that is represents ‘advancement’ most of the clean torture techniques currently used are hundreds of years old. Some of them are thousands of years old.
 There’s been quite a bit of debate in the field about why clean torture is currently so common and why so many organisations have abandoned scarring torture. You can read more about that over here. Or if you feel you have a wealth of time on your hands you can try tackling all 800 pages of Rejali’s Torture and Democracy (highly recommended, also very large).
 The theory Rejali puts forward is that the shift is about evidence. Obvious physical injuries make it easier to build up cases against torturers.
 And a lack of obvious physical injuries can be used to discredit survivors.
 These are the sort of torture techniques that get labelled ‘psychological’ as a way to dismiss them: the ones that are being used around the world today.
 If you’re wondering what sort of thing I’m talking about things like sleep deprivation, beatings (yes this can be done without leaving obvious marks), near-drowning, forcing someone to exercise until they collapse, Tasers.
 I have a post here on typical torture practices in different countries in the modern era.
 While the physical effects of clean tortures are hard to definitively prove we’re still taking about incredibly dangerous things.
 Tasers, used according to the instructions, leave no mark on the skin. They can also cause heart attacks, seizures (in vulnerable individuals) and often cause death by falling injuries. Forced exercise, beatings and stress positions all cause kidney failure. In the case of stress positions that’s after the swelling in extremities that gets to the point of popping the skin open in massive ulcers.
 Sleep deprivation causes a whole slew of interestingly awful physical and psychological effects before (according to studies in mice) leading to death from multiple organ failure as the microbes in the gut take over the entire body.
 What I’m trying to say here is that if you’re looking for something dignified, without the vomit and pus and shit, then torture probably doesn’t fit the bill.
 And clean tortures can still cause physically disabling injuries.
 Drowning and choking tortures (such as water boarding) can cause brain damage. Incorrectly applied restraints can lead to a limb needing to be amputated.
 On top of all this are the long term psychological effects which I have a post on here. Memory problems are discussed in more detail here.
 PTSD is a possible symptom but it’s not guaranteed. The truth is that while we know the possible symptoms different individual survivors develop different symptoms and we don’t know why.
 If you’ve thought about it and you want to use PTSD because it adds something to your story then by all means do so. But don’t feel that it is your only option.
 Survivors do recover. They are not ‘broken’ and unable to live or enjoy life. They’re mentally ill and often disabled and recovery is a process of learning to live with their conditions.
 Wrapping this up: think about what you’re writing.
 I am not saying that you shouldn’t write torture. I am not saying that you should. I’m asking that you, and every other writer who comes here, consider what you’re committing to.
 If you don’t want a character to be dealing with multiple complex mental health problems for the rest of every story you use them in, it’s probably not a good fit.
 If you want something that doesn’t have even a chance of causing lasting physical damage, torture is probably not a good fit.
 Picture where the story is going. If you think the narrative could be the same without torture then you’re probably not capturing the scale of the impact torture has.
 I have a post on common inaccurate tropes here. I have a post on researching torture here. I have a list of sources over here. I also have a lot of asks tagged as sci fi.
 Consider why you want to write torture in this story. What is it adding to your narrative? What is it doing?
 If the main thing you want is this character to have PTSD afterwards that is possible with kidnapping alone. Physical attacks make PTSD more likely but they’re not necessary for its development.
 Kidnap and imprisonment is betrayal enough. It is reason enough for all the big, powerful emotions you want to put into this relationship. Ask yourself if torture really does add any more to that.
 I hope that helps. :)
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axther · 4 years
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where the lord does not look
todoroki shoto/female!traitor!reader 
In which Todoroki Shoto blackmails a classmate and pays the price. 
warnings: blackmail, violence, questionable kiss
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It felt wrong. It always did. 
YN L/N watched Aizawa Shouta talk about the importance of pack thinking, of teamwork, of loyalty, and it felt cruel. The sun was shining through the door window, Sero and Denki were passing notes about something, and out of the corner of her eye, she saw Ochako casually glancing at Midoriya. There was the smell of spring in the air and the taste of hope on the tip of everyone’s tongues. 
And YN wanted to scream at the top of her lungs. 
She didn’t know how she got involved with the League of Villains in the first place. Her quirk, while powerful, wasn’t necessarily villainous. She was never teased, never abused for anything in her life except for insignificant bullies. She had no obstacle or hindrance. She just remembered asking for power to a man with no face. 
And here she was. Helping plot the downfall of the pillar of the hero youth. 
She knew it would crush so many. Midoriya was the first to come to mind, with how hard he worked to enter if the rumours were true. But everyone else who decided to throw their lives on the line for a job that fatal at worst and exhausting at best would be forced to relocate, reconsider. 
YN held her head up a little bit higher when she realised that she was slouching. The last thing she needed was for anyone to ask her if something was wrong. She knew that she would burst like an overfilled dam. 
The bell rang and YN almost shakily rose to her feet. Her bag was in her hand when Mina and Tooru grabbed her arms on either side, tugging her away. 
“Hey, hey, hey!” Mina yapped, poking a finger into YN’s cheek. “What’s got you so upset?” 
YN felt panic rise in her chest but masked it with a concerned look. “What are you talking about?” 
“You were all wimpy during class. What’s up with that?” Tooru chirped. 
“I was thinking.” YN raised an eyebrow. “That’s you’re supposed to do in class. Though, I suppose you wouldn’t know that.” 
“Hey!” Mina let a mock frown grace her cheeks. “That’s mean!” 
“It’s true.” YN smirked, letting the panic start to flow away. 
“Well, what were you thinking about?” Tooru began, a teasing tone on her voice. “Was it...Todoroki?” 
YN jumped, nearly stopping the two in their tracks. “What? That’s-!” 
“Ha! We were right!” Mina howled, puffing up her chest and thumping her fist against it. “Ah, young love~!” 
“Mina, we’re the same age-” 
“Doesn’t matter! So, where are you gonna confess?” Tooru pitched in. 
They had a point, of course. YN had a crush (albeit a small one) on Todoroki Shoto. It was bred out of unspoken respect; he had every right to be a villain if what YN had heard was right. He had a terrifyingly powerful quirk, a terrible childhood, and little social skills. And yet, he did the one thing that YN could not. He prevailed and walked on the path of light. 
YN sighed. “I’m not going to. I don’t stand a chance.” 
“No way! He was staring at you all throughout class today!” Tooru giggled. “He couldn’t look away.” 
“What?” YN stared wide-eyed at the space where she guessed Tooru was at. “Bullshit.” 
“Nope! I even got a pic!” She pulled out her phone (with a cute Mount Lady charm on it) and showed a picture of Todoroki that was clearly taken underneath her desk. He indeed was staring at YN’s back, but it was more the look of glaring daggers than anything.   
“That...doesn’t look positive.” YN murmured. 
“He’s emotionally constipated! He’s probably head over heels!” Mina said, entering the cafeteria. 
“Uh-huh…” YN was about to break off when she felt a tap on her shoulder. All three girls turned only to see the young man they had just been talking about. 
“T-Todoroki!” YN yelped, literally jumping when she saw him standing there. He looked neutral, watching her intently.
“May I have a word with you, LN? There is something I’d like to discuss.” 
Both Mina and Tooru squealed as YN nodded, clasping hands and jumping. Though they didn’t say anything otherwise, the message was obvious. 
YN followed Todoroki through a side hall, keeping a bit of distance between herself and the student. Though she hated to admit it, she felt hope grow. All the talk of him liking her back was getting to her, and she just hoped that Mina and Tooru were right. 
He stopped just outside, where no one was around, and YN nearly ran into his back. She stumbled as he turned. 
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-” 
“I’ve been watching you.” 
YN stopped talking, blinking up at him with wide eyes and a blush rising on her cheeks. “Pardon?” 
“You take a lot of calls, late at night. And you send letters.” 
YN froze. “I’m sorry?” 
“One of the letters fell out, and I planned on putting it back in the mailbox for you. But there was no address on it.” Todoroki looked deathly serious like he would try to kill YN if she tried to move. His bangs made his face shadowed, and it was enough to make YN’s heart stop. 
She felt bile and panic rising. The letters were shipped to the League, through someone they had in the post office. And the calls were given to Toga, who would change into someone else every time so that if anyone heard, there would be no vocal leads. 
“During the USJ attack, you and I were placed in the same division. While, yes, the villains attacked you, they put in noticeably less effort, and you never made any attempt to actually hurt them. With your quirk, you could have easily put them all to sleep. But you made it hard.” 
YN started hyperventilating, eyes flicking left and right in hopes of looking for an escape without having to hurt Todoroki. “What are you trying to say?” 
“You’re the traitor.” Todoroki put it bluntly, and yet, YN felt as though he hadn’t said nearly enough. It felt like the world froze, with YN’s eyes glazing over in terror. Her breathing was laboured and she even felt a little faint. Her world was collapsing, she wasn’t ready to go to jail, she was terrified. There was a white-hot rushing in her veins, and she fell to her knees. 
“I won’t sell you out.” Todoroki looked down at her like one would look at roadkill-intrigued, but disgusted. “For a price.” 
YN looked up, tears ruining her vision. “What is it? I’ll do it.” 
“I have favours. First, I don’t really feel like doing this week’s homework. I already know of all it.” He paused, looking neutrally cruel. “Actually, this entire semester. I don’t feel like doing it. Understand?” 
YN mutely nodded. 
“Good. If any one of the assignments fails, then it’s over.” 
Todoroki left, purposing hitting her shoulder with his knee so she would fall over. She couldn’t get up, nor did she even move, until Mina and Tooru came rushing out. 
“Oh my god!” Mina knelt, grabbing YN’s face with care. “Are you alright?”
“We saw Todoroki leave, and he didn’t look...happy…” Tooru started but trailed off when a fresh wave of tears overcame YN. “Oh, no...sweetie…” 
All three girls stayed huddled together, the two cooing at YN until Mina paused.
“So...did you get...you know…?” 
“Rejected?” Tooru finished. YN sniffled loudly, before nodding. After all, there was no way in hell that Todoroki would love someone like her, now. 
“Oh my god...I am so sorry…” Mina wrapped YN in a hug, while Tooru was fuming. 
“What a jackass! He should’ve accepted you! He has no taste!” She stood up, crossing her sleeves. “I’m gonna have a talk with him!” 
“Tooru!” Mina called out. “Don’t. Not right now.” 
Tooru relaxed, watching YN break down even more. “...You’re right. Sorry.” 
“And we’re sorry...for telling you that…” Mina fell silent. “We’re sorry.” 
“It’s not-” YN managed to get out, trying to talk past her sore throat and sobs. “It’s not your fault.” 
And there they stayed, even with Midnight offering condolences for a rejection that never happened and offering the rest of the day off. 
The sun set low, and Mina and Tooru had to leave as the stars came out. The cold came creeping up YN’s arms, and yet, she stayed. 
And in the distance, a young man watched. 
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YN paced the length of her dorm, holding the phone to her ear. 
“Himi...Himi, please, it’s me.” 
“Oh? YN-chan? What’s wrong?” The voice was initially a deep baritone, a man’s voice, but it dripped into a sweet honey tone, that of a schoolgirl’s. “Were you crying?” 
“Himi, they know. Someone knows. They...he isn’t telling right now, but…” 
“What?!” She heard from the other side. “Someone knows?!” 
There was more shouting from past the phone, some from Shigaraki, others from Twice. They were talking before Toga went back on the phone. 
“How long can you shut him up? Who is it?” 
“T-Todoroki Shoto. He...he’s blackmailing me into doing stuff for him in exchange for him keeping quiet.” 
“Stuff?” Toga yelped. “What stuff is making you do? It’s nothing creepy, right?” 
“Creepy?” YN heard Twice yell. “We can’t even let him touch her! If he tries anything then-” 
“Oh, would you shut up?” Shigaraki sounded strained. “She slipped up. She has to pay.” 
“The little bitch just exposed the whole operation! Fucking kill her!” Twice hissed. “She needs to be pulled out and saved!” 
“YN-chan, what stuff is he making you do? It’s not talkin’ about us, right?” Toga said. She sounded worried, but coming from her, it wasn’t comforting. 
“No...homework is what he’s starting off with, but I have a feeling he’ll go further. He won’t be satisfied. I know that I’ve already exposed the breach, so if there’s any way to hurry up the operation…” YN glanced at her door when she saw a shadow pass by, and lowered her voice to a whisper. 
“Ughhh. This is trying to do a speedrun! This is unacceptable!” 
“Shigaraki, it is only a matter of time…” Kurogiri said. “It is almost complete.” 
“What, we rush the whole thing and fuck it up? No, no, no, no, no…” 
“YN! We’ll come and get you and we can play a game together!” Twice yelled. “I hope you fucking rot, you slimy-!” 
“How did they find out?” Kurogiri’s voice came clearly over the phone. YN took a deep breath. 
“He said that one of the letters...the postman dropped it and saw there was no address. He…” YN stopped. She was already lying to save her own skin on both ends, so what was another lie in the wall that of half-truths and deceit that would save her?  “He opened it and read some before accidentally burning it in anger.” 
Kurogiri sighed. “Then I suppose it couldn’t be helped on your end.” 
“Fucking useless piece of shit!” Shirgiraki bit. “I knew he’d fuck up!” 
“Shigaraki, please.” Kurogiri’s voice had turned away from the phone before turning back. “We will try to speed up the operation. Can you give us two weeks?” 
“I’ll try.” YN whispered. “Thank you.” 
“Stay safe. Do not disappoint us.” 
“Love ya’, YN-chan! Make sure to come back to us!” Toga yelled, probably from over Kurogiri’s shoulder before the line went dead. YN let out a shaky sigh before deleting the call log and moving to her desk. Both her homework and Todoroki’s was out, and that meant that she had to forge his writing in order to make it work. 
She was writing away, late into the night, taking no pause out of fear that Todoroki would find some flaw and alert the whole school. She worked and she worked until the clock hit two A.M. She looked up, feeling almost woozy when there was a knock at the door. YN jumped in her seat before walking over and answering it. 
On the other side was a wide-awake Todoroki, who glared at her through the crack in the door. 
“The homework. Hand it over, while everyone else is asleep.” 
YN nodded, sulking over and grabbing the sheets of work. He snatched them out of her hands, reading it over and checking that it was all done. 
“Alright. Today, I want you to be the one to tell my father that I will not be seeing him this week, but instead doing such things as hanging out with friends and attending parties.” 
“But...but how do I contact your father?” YN felt her head pound. Todoroki met her eyes with a raised eyebrow. 
“Figure it out.” 
He turned and left, and YN gave a heaping sigh. She turned to her bed, her own homework only half-finished. She was exhausted, rightfully so, and collapsed into the pillows. Regret pooled in her gut. Some part of her still loved Todoroki, but it was quickly dying. 
It was dying, along with the rest of her. 
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The next five days were hellish. 
She supposed the second day, where she had to approach Endeavour, was kind. While he was upset about his son not even bothering to talk to him, he didn’t lash out onto YN, nor send a message back. It could’ve gone much worse, she was well aware. The next day she was forced to make his meals, though it wasn’t that hard. And after, she was to do his laundry. All were relatively easy deeds. 
But the day after that Todoroki ordered her to clean his room. And when she entered, it was so torn apart that she was sure he ripped everything out of the drawers on purpose. And the day after, she was told to take up all of his chores for the dorm, confusing both Sato and Midoriya. 
Mina and Tooru took notice of YN’s behaviour but didn’t ask. Mina was still beating herself up for hyping up YN, and Tooru was still furious at Todoroki’s supposed rejection.  
And for YN’s feelings for Todoroki, they were absolutely and completely quashed. 
She had no idea he could be as heartless as he was acting. Anything positive that she had for him was gone, replaced with deep scorn. 
And the only lifeline she had was calling the League every night. Toga, while crazy, did provide some comfort, with the promise of doing each other’s nails and hair when the attack arrived and YN was taken to the home base. The regret and fear she had of being a villain before was slowly disappearing with every night that she fell asleep to the sound of Toga and Twice babbling about video games. 
On the sixth night, YN called to Toga specifically, venting left and right about the things that Todoroki was making her do. 
“And then, he told me that I had missed a spot, and when I went to look, he went and picked up a tissue that definitely wasn’t there before!” YN hissed into the phone receiver. 
“No way!” Toga barked. “What an asshole!” 
“I know, right? He just wants to make my life hell. I can’t wait for you guys to get here.” 
“Ugh! Same! Me ‘n’ Twice have been stocking up on the goods so that way when you get here, we can have loads of fun!” Toga laughed loudly, and YN heard Twice laughing, too. “We’re getting excited! It’s only a week away!” 
“Yeah,” YN murmured, a soft smile on her face. “Thanks. I’m gonna go and get some sleep. You guys make sure to rest up, too.” 
“Maybe~! Love ya’!” Toga hung up and YN felt the silence of the night draw in. She felt oddly content, and she let out a soft sigh. 
There was a feeling of content that she hadn’t felt in days. With all the work that Todoroki had piled on and the stress of keeping it all under wraps, she could feel her eyebags during the day and wish for the sweet release of sleep during the night. 
YN rested her arm on her forehead, letting the darkness consume her eyes and try to soothe the headache that was coming on from even thinking about Todoroki. 
“Yikes,” She sighed, rubbing her temple with her spare hand. “I’m screwed.” 
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Meanwhile, Todoroki was no better off. 
While he had no headache, he was staring at his ceiling with the covers of his bed pulled up to his chest. His arms were folded, but his eyes were narrowed in thought. 
Before he had learned about YN being the traitor, he hadn’t thought much of her. She seemed like a meek girl, with a terrifyingly powerful PSI quirk. She stuck to her friends and stayed in her lane. 
‘The perfect candidate for traitor,’ Todoroki thought. As far as he knew, she had no terrible history or actual motivations to become a villain. So when he found the letter and put and two and two together, he was shocked. He wanted her to vehemently deny it, to say that it was maybe a love letter or a secret note to somebody else. 
But all she did was cry, and Todoroki had his answer. 
He didn’t know why he chose to blackmail her, of all things. He should’ve turned her in, as a hero would have. But he didn’t. And at first, he didn’t know why he wanted to spare her so. Was in how miserable she looked while she was crying? Was it how she didn’t even look angry, but just scared? He didn’t have an answer. 
Until he made her clean his room. 
To be honest, he tore it apart just to see what her reaction was. He wasn’t a messy person but he wanted to make it tough for her. So, periodically throughout her cleaning, he would check up on her. At first, it was to make sure she didn’t throw away anything important, but once he realised that she was doing something so domestic, it made him feel warm on both sides. She had a broom and trash bags, and a bandanna to hold back her hair. She worked ferociously, determined to finish quickly. The hair came loose at times, and sweat grew over her as she lost herself in the cleaning and her thoughts. 
He realised that it was exactly what she would look like if she was a housewife. 
He realised that the entire time, he had her doing things a lover would do-calling the parents, helping with work, cleaning, cooking. None of them were dangerous, and she had them all done in three hours at most. And as Todoroki laid there, he started thinking less on the favours than it was YN herself. 
She was a girl. That was the first thing that came to Todoroki’s mind. Even though no one was around, he nodded with confirmation. It was a safe thought. It was a fact. 
She trained well, sometimes even out of school time. He had come across her in more than one situation where she would be using her quirk to make Bakugou levitate, with him howling the entire time. Her eyes would glow too, like changing lights in a pool. Todoroki always thought it was pretty. 
That, too, was a fact. Her eyes were pretty. 
Todoroki’s eyes snapped open. Yes, it was a fact, but it was not a safe thought. He imagined shoving it into a box and kicking it far away, into the depths of his mind. 
He closed his eyes again, sighing. 
She was strong. That was a safe thought. 
She had nice arms. That was not a safe thought. 
She did her best to take care of her skin, judging from the occasional skincare products he’d find lying around. Was that a safe thought? He wasn’t sure. 
She was smart, but not terribly so. That was a safe thought. 
She looked nice in her tights. That definitely wasn’t a safe thought. 
And as Todoroki thought more and more about YN, he began realising that he thought most things she did were good, technically speaking. She helped Denki with school sometimes, was positively receptive when Midoriya wanted to write about her quirk in his notebooks, and always supported the girls in any of their endeavours. She was kind and pretty, and smart and strong and sweet. 
And then, with wide eyes and a quelled feeling of horror, Todoroki thought, ’Oh my god,’ 
’I’m in love with the traitor.’ 
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“What now?” 
Todoroki stood in front of YN’s door, hands in front of him and looking strangely innocent. His hair was combed, which was weird, and if YN took a deep breath, then she would smell some sort of cologne. 
“There is a girl in the General Course. Ai Suzuki. I want you to reject her for me.” He said it was a completely straight face, as though he was telling Aizawa that he couldn’t come into class the next day. YN blinked, processing the order, before jutting her head out in shock and recoiling again. 
“What? That’s terrible! You need to reject her yourself, for her sake!” She looked appalled and was about to slam the door shut when he put his arm and foot in. 
“Remember...YN.” 
From behind the door, YN stopped, before groaning and opening the door again. 
“Fine. And when the poor girl is miserable and goes around slandering you, don’t come after me. And we’re not friends. Don’t call me YN.”  
She shoved past him and locked her door, storming down the hallway and making tracks for the General Education dorms. 
“What floor, jackass?” 
“She’ll be in the greens,” Todoroki called back, sounding ready to laugh. YN turned and walked through the doors, keeping an eye out for a girl standing alone. 
Sure enough, a student who reminded YN of a doe stood with her hands in front of her, looking side to side. It broke YN’s heart that Ai would have to be rejected in such a cruel way, but it was her or YN’s entire wellbeing. 
“Hey, are you Ai Suzuki?” YN approached the young woman, who jumped. Ai’s brow furrowed. 
“Y-Yes. Where’s Shoto?” 
YN sighed. “There’s no easy way about this, especially since he’s such a coward.” 
Ai’s entire body seemed to slump, her eyes watering and hands shaking. YN felt the guilt bubbling in her stomach, but she continued.  
“But he wanted me to tell you that he’s not interested. I’m really sorry that it had to be this way, but-” 
Abruptly, Ai reached forward and slapped YN across the cheek. Tears were streaming down the young lady’s face.
“You-! You-! I…!” Ai seemed to be grasping for words while YN nursed her stinging cheek with her hand. YN didn’t retaliate but tried to help Ai sort out her emotions. 
“I know it’s terrible, and if you want, I take you to him so that way you can work out what you need. I get that-” 
“Just shut up!” Ai snapped, before flushing. “Please. I…” Fresh tears made their way to Ai’s face before she ran off. YN turned to head back, only to see Ai run headfirst into Todoroki. He seemed surprised, glancing up at YN before looking down at Ai. Ai stared at him, eyes wide before sobbing again and running to the General Education dorms. Todoroki watched her run with curiosity, while YN watched with pity. 
“I see it went well.” Todoroki turned back to YN, about to say more when he realised the red mark on her cheek. “Did she hurt you?” 
“Why would you care?” YN snapped, glaring at him. “You’re fucking terrible, and that’s bad, coming from me.” 
She stormed off, letting Todoroki watch her leave. He seemed stunned, standing and blinking dumbly at her retreating figure. 
“...”
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YN held an ice pack to her cheek, staring at her ceiling, watching the blades of the fan spin. She wished that her mind was empty and aimless, but concerns surrounding Todoroki arose. 
He had become more casual than he ever was, something that didn’t happen even before he found out about her ties to the League. It was as though he was trying to seem pleasant, but it all seemed like a trap. 
“Fucking ice-for-brains.” YN pouted. “Bitchboy.” 
YN’s phone abruptly rang and she jumped. It was several hours earlier than the League usually called, so when she picked it up and saw the contact ’L’, her brow furrowed. 
“Hey, everything okay?” She asked, worry lacing her tone. She heard broad laughter, and then Toga giggling. 
“More than okay! We can come sooner!!” 
“Wh...what?” YN blinked, flabbergasted, before rushing to her door and locking it. She held the phone to her shoulder while stuffing towels along the bottom so no one could eavesdrop. “What’s going on?” 
“Shiggy found a way to mass-produce the Nomu so we can get to you in, like, two days!” Someone spoke, but it was too distant to hear who before Toga started talking again. “Tomorrow! We can get to you tomorrow!”  Toga was audibly jumping, and YN felt her shoulders go slack. 
“No way.” She breathed. It was like the world was on her shoulders, and that it had been slowly lifted. “Are you serious?” 
“Yup! I wouldn’t joke with you on this,” Toga said. “Probably.” 
“Probably?” YN laughed for the first time in what felt like forever. “You have no idea how happy this makes me.” 
“Well, we’ve got a bonus for you! For hangin’ on!” 
“Yeah? What is it?” YN fell onto her bed with a grin. 
“Well, according to Shiggy,” (Shigaraki, in the back, howled ‘Don’t call me that!’) “Had everyone accounted for except for one! And, well, he just so happens to have been doing some no-no stuff lately…” 
“I get to kick Todoroki’s ass?” YN sat up from her bed, excitement on her face. A deep part of her felt disgusted at the glee in getting revenge, but it was quickly put down at the thought of Todoroki begging for forgiveness. 
“Yup!” Toga tittered. “And then Kurogiri can take you back with us and we can do whatever! It’s not like we’ve got any parents to regulate us there, anyway.” 
“That was a twenty-five cent word, Himi. I’m glad. What’s the time of the attack? I wanna set an alarm.” 
“Hey!” Toga yelled over the phone, and YN winced. “Shiggy! When are we gonna see YN-chan and Deku and Ochako?” 
“If everything doesn’t get fucked up, then we should get there by six in the afternoon. Don’t fuck it up.” The phone was clearly pointed in Shigaraki’s direction, but he still sounded a bit distant. 
“Yessir,” Though he couldn’t see it, YN saluted. “You got it.” 
“We’ll see you soon, YN! I looove you!” 
“See ya, Himi.” 
YN hung up, laying back down on the bed with a giddy smile. She rolled left and right, hugging the phone to her chest as she laughed. She knew she was being loud, and if Todoroki heard, then he would be suspicious, but she didn’t care anymore. She was so close to freedom, so close that she could taste it. 
So close. 
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Classes were unbearable. 
YN felt like a kid on the last day of middle school, right before they go to Disney or some other amusement park. The day trudged on, and no matter what Mina and Tooru did to try and get YN’s attention, her thoughts always returned to the League and the attack. 
Sure, she was nervous. It was entirely possible that everything could go wrong and it all fail. She could be arrested for treason, Todoroki could decide to expose her, and the League could choose to leave her behind. It could end in absolutely disaster for her. 
But YN had hope. 
And that hope remained after classes had finished. YN was near skipping, waltzing past Todoroki on her way to her dorms. 
She knew she needed to pack her things. It was all simple stuff; clothes, her toothbrush and toothpaste. She had to leave her phone behind, which was regrettable, but it had a tracker in it that her parents and select friends could see. 
And speaking of friends, YN needed to get Tooru and Mina out of U.A. before the attack, and have them be gone for long enough that they would remain safe. There were ways, but YN knew she needed to keep discreet. 
So, when she walked to her dorm, she eyed the clock. It was five fourty-three, which mean that she could have them take a relatively short trip and still be kept in the clear. YN caught Mina and Tooru on her way. Mina near jumped, nervously grinning. 
“Hey, are you okay? You’ve been weird all day!” 
“Yeah, yeah. Um, I have a favour to ask you two.” YN pulled them aside, taking out her wallet. 
“What is it? Is something wrong?” Tooru presumably tilted her head. 
“Ehh, sorta?” YN faked a grimace. “I, uh...my period started.” 
Mina blanched, and Tooru placed a hand on YN’s shoulder. 
“What’dya need?” 
“Yeah! We’ll go get it!” 
“God bless, you two. Uh, you know that mart that we came across that had the best f/s? It’s like, fifteen minutes by the train?” YN shelled out the cash, making sure there was extra. “I’m craving that, to be honest. And you guys can get something else, of course.” 
“Sure!” Mina took the money and shoved it into her pocket. “Let’s go, Tooru! We’ll see you later!” 
YN waved as the two dashed out, knocking Todoroki on their way to the doors. Mina shot him a half-hearted apology before they were gone. YN gave a languid wave back, feeling almost sad. She wouldn’t see them again. It pulled against her heartstrings, but she knew that she was too far in to back out. 
“They’re certainly energetic.” Todoroki walked up to YN, eyeing the doors with his hands in his pockets. 
“Yeah. Whatever.” YN’s peacefully happy demeanour changed. She glared at him before walking away. Before she could successfully escape, though, Todoroki put a hand on her shoulder. 
“I want to talk to you.” 
YN glanced at the clock. It was ten before six, and she felt nervous. “Not right now. I’m busy.” 
“Please, it’ll just take a second. I’ll come with you.” He took his hand off of her shoulder, and she rolled her eyes. 
“Fine. But make it quick.” YN began speed walking to her dorms, not caring if she looks suspicious. “I have shit to do.” 
“I wanted to actually ask you in private. It’s something...a bit personal.” 
YN stopped walking, eyes wide. “You’re not going to…?” 
Todoroki recoiled, shaken. “No! No, it’s not. It’s an emotional matter.” 
“Oh, joy.” YN rolled her eyes again before almost jogging to her dorm. She eyed a different clock, and it showed five fifty-two. 
“I’ve been thinking about it. About you,” Todoroki began as they walked into her dorm. YN grabbed a backpack off of her wall and began throwing whatever she could find in there that she would deem necessary. Todoroki shut the door, but stood by it as YN spun around. 
“I know that I’ve been...complicated towards you.” Todoroki said, rolling his hands to help elaborate. 
“Uh, yeah. That’s a nice way of putting it.” YN threw eyeliner and mascara into the front pocket of her bag. Todoroki huffed, upset that it backfired. 
“I think you’re pretty,” He tried again, leaning a bit towards her and sounded hopeful. “And smart.” YN said nothing, but paused and gave him a look that was a mix of confusion, disgust, and ‘duh’. “And I know that I’ve been making you work because of circumstances that were out of your control.” 
“What’s your point, Todoroki?” YN threw the last of her underwear in the bag and zipped it, spinning around with her hands on her hips and the bag over her shoulder. “Get to it.” 
Todoroki faltered, eyeing the bag. “What are you packing for?” 
“None of your goddamn business. Speak, or else I’m ignoring you.” 
This snapped Todoroki out of his staring contest with a video game pin on your bag, and he swallowed. He was stiff, and anxious, and hid his face with a ninety-degree bow. 
“Please be my girlfriend.” 
YN froze, shock on her face. “What?” 
“Please date me.” YN shook her head, snapping out of it, before her jaw dropped and mixed emotions came over her face. “You’re fucking…” She trailed off, unable to finish her sentence. 
“I know that you must hate me. But I’m sure that you’re not the traitor by choice. If you choose to date me, my father and I can help you leave the League. We can protect you, and we can-” 
“Protect me from what? Wait, wait, wait. You’re saying that they guy that fucking blackmailed me wants to protect me from people that have done nothing to me?” 
“Done nothing?” Todoroki rose from the bow, looking both confused and hurt. “They’re villains, YN. They are absolutely going to hurt you!” 
“Bullshit. They...they’re the only ones that gave a damn the whole time!” YN threw her bag on the ground, throwing her hands up in the air. “I fucking-! I can’t believe-!” 
“And what about Mina? And Tooru? And I could have sold you out at any point!” 
“Oh, so that’s how it’s gonna go?” YN felt heat rise to her cheeks and her stomach turn in rage. “Yeah, okay. Mina and Tooru were great. And that’s why they’re not here right now! But you wanna fucking hold it above my head that you could have had me fucking arrested?” 
“That’s not what I was trying to say!” Todoroki’s voice lowered from the shout, desperation in his tone. “No, I..! I was trying to say that I love you! And that I didn’t want you to get hurt. Please. We can get you out of this.” 
Todoroki grabbed her shoulders, not forcefully, but intimately. He could feel her breath on his face, and the tears beginning to show in his eyes. 
“You...unbelievable!” If Todoroki looked close enough, he could see traces of betrayal. “I have no idea what you think asking someone out is. You can’t just walk in an-and expect love!” YN voice rose with every word, until Todoroki leaned forward and placed a kiss firmly on her lips. She let out a muffled yelp, frozen, but Todoroki didn’t move. 
He savoured it, because for just a moment, when he closed his eyes, he could imagine you loving him back. 
But then a blaring alarm from YN’s phone went off. 
YN shoved Todoroki off, coughing and rubbing at her mouth furiously. Todoroki stood still, a blush on his cheeks. YN licked her top teeth as the alarm sounded, hearing the constant, stinging ring, taking a moment before a sick joy rose in her.
“YN, please...We can work this out together. We can get you into the witness protection program, or something-” 
“Too late,” YN hissed. Todoroki faltered, taking a step back. 
“What?” 
“I said, you fucking reject,” She muttered lowly, looking up at him with her head hung. “Too. Late.” 
“W-What? Why?” Todoroki began to puff his chest in some indiscriminate mix of rage and sorrow when he felt something close around his throat. It was as though he was being choked, but no one was touching him. His hands flew to try and relieve the pressure only to be able to claw at his own neck. There was the sound of glass breaking outside, and people screaming. He could hear Present Mic calling for help. 
“You really thought...” YN began as furniture began floating, along with Todoroki himself. He kicked his feet and struggled, but he was thrown back through the dorm door and into the hallway wall. YN was sweating, the alarm still going off on her levitating desk, and she looked thrilled, with her eyes pulsing out of her skull and her hair flying in front of her face. Her bag levitated towards her, and her jacket fit itself onto her shoulders before the backpack followed. Todoroki could only watch in pain as she approached. 
“You thought you could control me forever?” YN wheezed. Todoroki turned to see Midoriya and Bakugou running towards them before a smoky, inky black portal consumed them both. His eyes went wide when he realised what was happening. 
“I thought heroes were supposed to do the right thing, Todoroki.” YN spat, grabbing his chin so he could stare her in the eyes. They had begun sparking all sorts of colours, even ones that he had never seen before. More furniture in the living room and open dorms were floating and Todoroki felt his heart in his throat. 
“You…” He choked, one eye closing from the pain in his spine. “You bid your time…” 
“Abso-fuckin-lutely.” She grinned, eyes crazed, before using her quirk to pick him up again. This time, he wasn’t choking, but he couldn’t move. “And now, you must suffer the consequences.” 
She waltzed from the dorms to outside, dragging Todoroki behind her. When he passed the doors, he had to look away from the heat and the light, but when he opened his eyes, he felt tears swell. 
The main building of U.A. was up in crystal blue flames, with students and staff alike running out screaming and crying. Someone fell out of the windows, on fire and wailing the entire way down, and there was a sickening crack when they landed. The heat scorched his cheeks, and embers flew into his eyes and hair. When he opened his mouth to yell, he could taste the copper of blood on his tongue. He could see Midoriya and Ochako trying to fend off Toga, and Kirishima and Sero trying to restrain a Nomu, only to fail. 
He knew that even if he could make any noise, if he could move, if he could use his quirk, he wouldn’t be able to. The shock set in his bones, and he felt the weight of the world.  
“You know, they were supposed to come about a week from now.” YN waltzed across the burning grass, putting it out before she could burn her shoes. “But when they heard you were blackmailing me, they sped it up. Isn’t that sweet?” 
“How could you?” Todoroki managed to spit out. He saw the gentle smile on YN’s face, and he felt his heart snap. “They were...our friends…” 
“No. I mean, at first I was guilty. Actually, I really was guilty right up to when you found out. Then I realised that they didn’t really notice me.” She hummed, clearly in a good mood, with the terror and chaos around her. “Mina and Tooru kinda noticed. But they bought whatever I told them. They’re still good people, but they didn’t care that I clearly had something on my mind. Least of all you?” YN turned her head to look at Todoroki. “Did you know I used to have a crush on you? You didn’t so much as glance at me for the entire time before you found out.” 
She looked back forward, making her way to the swirling black mass. Kurogiri and Shigaraki stepped out, and when Shigaraki saw YN, he took to scratching his neck. “You didn’t fuck up.” He sounded surprised. 
“Nope!” YN chirped. “I’m ready to roll once this place is dust.” 
Shigaraki let out a dry laugh at her choice of words before looking over at Todoroki, who was trying to struggle. “You already had him?” 
“He was trying to ask me out.” YN crossed her arms. “So I just took advantage of the opportunity.” 
“Cool. Dabi’s already gotten the main school-” 
“Clearly.” YN piped in. 
“So the damage has been dealt. I just need to recall everyone.” Shigaraki gestured at Kurogiri, waving a lackadaisical hand. “Originally, I was just gonna leave you, actually.” 
“Wait, seriously?” YN grimaced, completely ignoring Todoroki’s squirming. 
“Yeah. But then he found you out.” He turned to Todoroki, who froze and glared at Shigaraki. “When are you gonna fight him?” 
“I dunno. I kinda wanted everyone to be here, but if we can’t make that work…” 
“Get it over with.” 
“You’re the boss.” YN shrugged, giving Todoroki only a moment to be afraid before crushing him against the nearest wall. His eyes were overshadowed by his hair for a moment when his entire body curled in pain, both against his will and YN’s quirk. He felt bile crawl up his throat, and spit came out when he coughed. 
“Y...YN...please…” He looked up at her, tears flowing down his cheeks and crushing sorrow on his face. “I know there’s good in you…you’re not a villain…” 
YN winced, and for a moment, she looked conflicted. Todoroki felt hope, his eyes widening, until the conflict was abruptly gone. In its place was rock-hard disgust and he was picked up again, before being smashed into the dirt. YN began throwing him violently, increasing the strength and rate of the hits. She didn’t stop until his head hung and he was panting. Blood was everywhere, and when he looked up at her, it was flowing into his eyes. 
“It’s not about good or evil anymore.” YN whispered. It was potent, even amongst all the chaos and noise. “There is no good or bad anymore. Just power.” 
YN looked almost deranged, eyes blown wide and panting heavily. Her hair had fallen into her face, and Shigaraki looked surprised, again. 
“Wow. Didn’t expect you to go loose.” 
“I hope it’s okay, sir.” YN let Todoroki fall, blowing the hair out of her face and composing herself. 
“Yeah, sure, whatever. I don’t care.” 
YN nodded and Kurogiri placed a hand on her shoulder. 
“You did well. Welcome to the League.” He watched YN give a huge smile, as though she didn’t just help slaughter an entire school, and rather had just been given a star spot in a play. 
“Thank you, sir! You won’t regret it!” 
“I’m sure we won’t.” Kurogiri nodded, looking sagely at the destruction and the approaching forms of Toga, Dabi, Spinner, and Twice. 
“I’m sure we won’t.” 
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a/n: hi this took WAY too fucking long i am so sorry 🥴 i sabotage myself but anyway!! this was interesting to do bc i never really did a traitor!mc but i am a sucker for angst 🥴🥴
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angsty-nerd · 4 years
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RNM 2X13 - Echo Download
I've been having a hard time trying to put my feelings about the Season 2 finale into words, so I've been sitting on it for a few days, reading everyone's metas, and trying to organize and separate my actual thinky thoughts from the angst and heartache. That… is not something I am particularly good at. But I'm trying.
I LOVE this show. The writing is a mess. There's plot holes all over the place. The pacing issues alone make me want to tear my hair out. And dear God do I want them to give these characters and relationships (including friendships) the time and space for the big moments to land properly. I don't know if we'll ever get any of that though. And in the meantime, I love these characters and the story, messes and all.
Everyone knows my biggest love is Echo, so I'm gonna start there.
"I don't know what you thought love was gonna be like when we were 17, but it's not all sunsets and horseback rides."
Back in the OG days, there was one consistent criticism I had with the way they wrote Max and Liz's story: the breakups always felt like bullshit. Max breaks up with Liz because she was afraid of some weird alien shit. Liz breaks up with Max because he's "supposed to be with Tess" and meanwhile he's like, "um… no?" We had "it's too dangerous" when it was dangerous regardless. "We're just different" but not in ways that actually mattered.
Echo's breakup mattered. There were issues and they were not dealing with them. Both of them were sneaking around behind the other's back. Neither was being fully honest with the other.
The unwavering honesty was something that stood out to me in S1. Yes, Max was hiding the truth about Rosa's death. But when it came to the present they were almost laughably open with each other. Liz didn't lie about it when Max asked if she told Kyle the truth. When Max asked what she was doing in the lab, she told him the truth. Once Liz knew the truth about Rosa, she knew everything. It seemed like with that truth out there was nothing left to hide. And once they got together they were a team. Immediately. There's a reason that we had a joking headcanon in the Echo world that they had their first kiss and then they were a married couple.
I really think Max's death not only put that to a screeching halt...it also put them on this path to the breakup. Liz has abandonment issues, and Max made a choice, without her, that resulted in him leaving her alone. It wasn't openly discussed in the depth that it should have been this season, but I really do think it was issue #1. Liz loves Max and she was very happy being with him...but after he came back from the dead she didn't trust him to not leave her again. It was an issue simmering under the surface from Episode 7 until the finale. Liz channeled it all into worrying about his heart, but the underlying theme was a resounding "I can't go through that again". Which is deeper than just the worry over a physical health problem. And it pushed Max away from her.
He grew irritable with her. He started hiding things from her and lying to her. The season just ended and I have no idea if he ever told her anything about his memory flashes! He was obsessively trying to learn about his past and never once discussed it with Liz!?? Because he didn't want her to stop him from using the serum? This is a HUGELY personal thing to Max and you can see how much it means to him. He had tears in his eyes while telling Isobel about it. I mean, that puppy dog excitement, and yet, he hides it all whenever Liz is around.
I think it was around episode 8 that we started talking about how badly they needed to have a big fight. Us -- the Echo shippers -- the ones who WANT them to be together -- were BEGGING them to fight. I hate conflict!! But the lack of honestly and the aversions were just building and building and I just wanted it all out on the table.
They finally STARTED having that fight in episode 11, but then Rosa and Isobel interrupted. In retrospect, sweet alien!Jesus, I wish they could have finished then. Maybe they would have gotten the air clear between them. Maybe it would have put them on a path to healing their relationship before the finale. But they didn't, so the breakup happened. And the thing is… that ending. It just kind of haunts me. Liz waiting and hoping for a grand gesture that never comes. I mean, did Max even know WHEN she was leaving!?! He sure didn't seem to have it on his mind when they flashed to him in that scene. And their fight...was all about what Liz was doing and Max not taking care of his heart. They never once touched on what he was trying to learn about his past. I'm pretty certain that Liz left without knowing any of that.
And the thing is… I'm sort of skirting around the meat of the issue here. Because the biggest problem of all of this was Liz violating Max by studying his biology without consent.
I really hate saying that in writing, because, to me, it's kind of the most horrible part of all of this.
Max Evans has been referred to in jest in this fandom as the King of Consent. He was so careful with Liz, tiptoeing around her looking for explicit consent in Season 1 until her desire for him was made abundantly clear. He only ignored the need for consent twice: both times in the S1 finale. Healing Michael's hand and healing Rosa. But those things both happened after he killed Noah. After he was high on his own power. They were very clearly set up as out of character for him.
Liz didn't give him the same respect. Consent does not just apply to sexual situations and healing. It applies to studying too. It applies to Liz USING Max's biology without his permission. It also applies to administering the cure to Steph without her consent. Liz was very, very wrong here.
And the thing is… it sure didn't seem like the writers saw it that way. It also didn't seem like JEANINE saw it that way. There's been a little bit more balanced quotes from them in interviews this week since the finale ended as far as saying that both Max and Liz were wrong, but they sure focused on Liz being incredible and strong before the finale aired.
The part that confuses me though...like, a LOT, is that the narrative was pretty clear that what Liz was doing was Bad and Wrong. She looked guilty. She was lying and hiding things from Max. And the MORAL COMPASS OF THE SHOW, Mr. Kyle Valenti, repeatedly told her she was wrong. Kyle called her out on her ethical violations even as he was thanking her for saving Steph.
Genoryx was set up as being bad. Liz herself refused to go work for them in the flashbacks because they were morally sketchy. Although, maybe that's the draw now that she is all full of ethical violations. Sigh.
I'm gonna leave this topic now, but I'll encourage you to go read @latessitrice's meta on the subject here:
Okay...so to sum this up? The breakup was coming. We knew it was coming. But it still hurt my heart so much. I haven't seen anyone gif Jeanine's performance of the "I am in love with you. And I hate that right now." But the delivery of that line broke me.
That being said...do I see it being over? Let's give that a resounding FUCK, NO. I mean, sure, they fought. And it hurt. And Liz ran away. Without saying goodbye. And all of that SHATTERED ME.
But...they still love each other even if they both have a lot to work on individually. That’s part of what MADE it so hard.
I am actually stoked for season 3. Two Maxes? All of the delicious angst once Liz gets home. Liz not knowing there's two Maxes and meeting Jones first and not knowing who he is and being vulnerable to his mindfuckery? Or just his fuckery in general. Whatever. I am here for it.
I am here for Liz discovering that something about Genoryx is Not Right. I'm here for her living a normal life and getting drawn back into the madness. I'm here for Max getting more powerful and more alieny under Jones's guidance. And I am here for what I am certain will be an epic reunion once they are back together again.
As a last more positive comment...I’m stoked that we get to have both Max and Liz alive and facing interesting potential storylines this hiatus. All I wanted from this finale, in truth, was to leave the characters in a place that inspired me to want to write for them for the next year plus or however long this COVID-extended hiatus ends up being. And I am so excited for that.
And I have talked enough now that I will go ahead and post this and leave this post as my Echo Takeaways from the finale. I'll be back again with some more gen/bigger picture thoughts later.
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siriusmuch · 4 years
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Friday I’m In Love | Chapter Four
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series masterlist here
word count: about 1.8k
warnings: violence, cursing, and threats
taglist: @interestingthingsthings @siriuslysirius1107@scaredofvscogirls @lizlil @themihala @mainstreambitchlife @phenylethyllamine @jellyfishbeansontoast​ @accio-rogers​ @blackpinkdolan​ @nickangel13​ @witchywrter​ please message me or send an ask if you’d like to be added to the taglist! if you didn’t receive a notification, it’s because i can’t tag you.
a/n: if you got a notification for this already, it’s because i accidentally posted it too early!! i forgot to update the taglist and warnings and word count and edit it oh my gosh. anyway, please enjoy this update!! sorry for how little it is :(
-
The crowd in the Great Hall was as loud as ever — even more so with all the staff and ghosts present. The Hallowe’en Feast was something almost everyone looked forward to, and you were no exception to that. You were practically buzzing with joy. No Sirius Black or howlers could stop you from enjoying today.
Currently, you were in a black dress, licking a giant lollipop happily. You rarely got to enjoy sweets when you were home, and you were taking full advantage of this situation. Every year, for the last four years, you’d managed to sneak a large bag (thank god for extension charms) full of candy back to your room. Stress eating sugar was the best way to go.
Next to you stood Snape, who was staring at you with disgust as you inconspicuously tried to shove as much candy as you could in your bag.
“You’re not making that any less obvious,” Snape commented.
“Always a downer, huh, Sev? None of the teachers are commenting on this. I can see a handful of other students doing the same.”
“Doesn’t mean they can’t see you doing it.”
“Nothing wrong with taking advantage of free food.”
Snape shook his head at you, which caused you to burst into laughs. The two of you both knew that he was going to mooch off of you and eat the candy you took anyway, but it didn’t stop him from laughing at you. Finishing your pumpkin juice, you raised your cup at him.
“I’m going to go get refills, want anything?”
Snape shook his head no, and you nodded. Leaving Snape behind at the table, you swiftly made your way through the crowd, ignoring any of the murmurs. Despite the fact that it’d been a week since you’ve gotten your howler, it seemed like none of the other students were allowing you to forget the incident. They knew one of your vulnerabilities now, and you were constantly wary about being alone for too long in case anyone tried confronting you about it.
As you poured yourself a glass of pumpkin juice, a tap on your shoulder makes you direct your attention elsewhere. Your eyes meet cold ones, and you grimace.
“It’s a pleasure to finally catch you alone, (Y/N) darling.”
“My presence is of the highest value. What do you want, Mulciber?” You raised your eyebrow, “If you couldn’t tell, I’m busy. I have to get back to Sev.”
“My, my. No need to be snarky. I just wanted to talk. I’m sure your precious Snape could wait a while, there’s some... things that I wanted to discuss.”
“Can’t this wait? I’m having fun right now, and you make it boring.”
“That attitude is what got you that letter from dearest daddy, you know. If I just happened to let it slip to him that you were being rude to your own house...”
Mulciber trailed off, and your fists clenched. There was no running from whatever he wanted to say, and you just hoped he wasn’t stupid enough to do anything that exposed either of you. Hoped that whatever mission your parents sent him on wasn’t going to ruin whatever stabilization you’d built up in the last week.
“Not playing games anymore, huh, darling? Glad to see it,” He smirked, “Anyway... I just wanted to let you know that the next meeting is in two weeks. Don’t be late, or else what happened to your sister is just going to...”
Before he even had the chance to finish his sentence, a loud smack rang across the hall. Everyone had quieted down to stare at the two of you, but you didn’t care. You were already annoyed by his presence. He was a git who didn’t deserve the time of day, and he dared to bring up your sister.
“You don’t get the right to talk about her. I can’t believe you. What’s the point of doing everything you possibly can to please them? Are you trying to get in an arranged marriage with me since I’m the only girl who won’t knee you in the nuts if you call them darling? Fuck off. Couldn’t have made it more obvious that you were being a pain in the arse.”
The look on Mulciber’s face darkened as he stepped closer to you. Within a split second, his hands grabbed tightly onto your neck, and you squirmed. Gasping to take a deep breath, you struggled against his grip.
“What did you fucking say to me, cunt? You think you’re better than me? One wrong move and I could easily destroy you. Your parents adore me, and don’t think I don’t know what happened to her.”
Your glare intensified, but you were saved by the presence of Professor Slughorn. “What is going on here?” Mulciber relaxed his grip and released you, and you rubbed at your neck. There was no doubt there were going to be marks, but it was nothing that a glamour charm can’t fix.
“I don’t want to see anyone’s hands on each other in such a threatening way, Mister Mulciber. 30 points from Slytherin. Now, are either of you going to explain what happened?”
“Professor, (Y/N) started it. She slapped me after I was making conversation.”
“What?” You turned to look at him in shock, “Professor, that’s not true!”
“What do you mean, it’s not true? I was just telling you about the meeting in two weeks!” Mulciber glared at you, and you only growled at him.
“Bullshit! You were threatening me, for Merlin’s sake! You talked to me about my bloody dead sister and telling me that if I don’t go, you’ll make sure the same thing happened to me! So sod off and stop trying to charm the professors with your dirty personality!” You threw up your arms in frustration, turning away from Mulciber and seething in your spot.
Professor Slughorn’s eyes flickered between the two of you, and you sighed to try and calm yourself down. “You know what? 70 points from Slytherin instead of 30. No one should be threatening any other student, nor holding them in a chokehold. Or even mentioning things that are sensitive to other students. Miss (L/N), detention tomorrow after school. As for you, Mulciber, detention once a week for the next month. I hope I don’t see this happening again. I expected better from both of you.”
Your gaze was downcast as you looked down, but you nodded.
“Both of you can go enjoy the rest of the feast, but I hope you both understand you are to be on your best behaviour.”
As Professor Slughorn left, you watched with an empty look on your face. Turning away from him, you walked back into the feast, ignoring all the looks people gave you, making your way towards the Slytherin Common Room. You couldn’t be here any longer.
-
Your night was plagued with nightmares and your father’s voice. It was haunted with the tingling sensation of your arm, the screaming of your sister’s voice, the feeling of being lost in your own emotions. So by the time morning came, you looked like a raccoon.
“Heard you slapped Mulciber across the face yesterday,” Regulus smirked at you as you slid in the seat next to him.
“Should’ve given him more, don’t you think?” You nudged him with your shoulder. Although you felt tense, Regulus’ presence was soothing for you. You knew Mulciber and Regulus were friends. Somewhat.
They got along fine, although their friendship wasn’t anything like yours. Their friendship was mostly for survival purposes, whereas the two of you depended on each other. And despite that they were friends, it wasn’t stopping you from laughing at Mulciber. Not when you knew the kind of person he was.
“Are you feeling okay, though? I didn’t know your sister was...” Regulus trailed off once he saw your confused expression.
“Was what?”
“Was, um. Dead.”
“How did you know that?” Your eyes narrowed at him, body tenser than it was before. How did Regulus find out?
“You... said it. Last night.” Regulus spoke softly, watching your expression carefully. His hand reached for yours, and you shook a bit. He smiled sadly at you, and you sighed.
“Huh... I guess I did. I remember that now,” You leaned your head onto his shoulder, “I didn’t want anyone to know. I guess it just slipped. Nothing I can do about it now.”
The two of you sat in silence for a bit as you found comfort for Regulus. Part of you wished that you could stay like this forever, but you’ve come to learn that good doesn’t last forever. Not for you, anyway.
Regulus’ shoulders started shaking as you looked up at him in concern. He nodded in the direction of the other end of the Slytherin table, and you looked over. Your mouth dropped as you stared at... Mulciber?
He was covered all over with some sort of red substance, and in front of him was something that resembled some sort of breakfast sausage. You couldn’t see it, but someone had charmed a dungbomb into looking like a sausage, and when it was cut open, it’d splashed Mulciber in paint. You couldn’t help but burst into loud chuckles either.
You and Regulus looked at each other and couldn’t help getting louder. As the two of you continued in hysterics, you felt your worries washing away.
-
Remus had joined you for detention. You had absolutely no clue why, or even why Professor McGonagall wasn’t administering it, but the two of you were polishing the pictures of Professor Slughorn and various other figures who you assumed were students associated with some sort of power. They were all from the Slug Parties that he hosted often, and although you were invited, you’d only been to a handful.
The two of you worked in awkward silence. You hadn’t felt this uncomfortable around Remus since the day you met, and you could tell that he wanted to bring up what happened last night. Part of you wanted to say something, anything, to kill this silence, but you were at a loss of words.
By the time you’d finished, it was halfway through the detention. You took a seat at one of the desks, watching Remus finish up polishing the last frame.
“I have a question to ask, Rem...” You started, watching him jolt a bit in surprise. “Why did you... You pranked Mulciber, right?” You asked. You frowned when he paused, “You don’t have to come up with an excuse or anything... I know you and your friends prank people constantly, so I’m not angry. It was funny, but... Why?”
When Remus didn’t answer, you tilted your head. You were about to speak again, but the squeak of the floorboard from behind you made you twist around.
“You’ve got the wrong person, Princess.”
word count:
warnings: violence
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a/n:
-
The crowd in the Great Hall was as loud as ever — even more so with all the staff and ghosts present. The Hallowe’en Feast was something almost everyone looked forward to, and you were no exception to that. You were practically buzzing with joy. No Sirius Black or howlers could stop you from enjoying today.
Currently, you were in a black dress, licking a giant lollipop happily. You rarely got to enjoy sweets when you were home, and you were taking full advantage of this situation. Every year, for the last four years, you’d managed to sneak a large bag (thank god for extension charms) full of candy back to your room. Stress eating sugar was the best way to go.
Next to you stood Snape, who was staring at you with disgust as you inconspicuously tried to shove as much candy as you could in your bag.
“You’re not making that any less obvious,” Snape commented.
“Always a downer, huh, Sev? None of the teachers are commenting on this. I can see a handful of other students doing the same.”
“Doesn’t mean they can’t see you doing it.”
“Nothing wrong with taking advantage of free food.”
Snape shook his head at you, which caused you to burst into laughs. The two of you both knew that he was going to mooch off of you and eat the candy you took anyway, but it didn’t stop him from laughing at you. Finishing your pumpkin juice, you raised your cup at him.
“I’m going to go get refills, want anything?”
Snape shook his head no, and you nodded. Leaving Snape behind at the table, you swiftly made your way through the crowd, ignoring any of the murmurs. Despite the fact that it’d been a week since you’ve gotten your howler, it seemed like none of the other students were allowing you to forget the incident. They knew one of your vulnerabilities now, and you were constantly wary about being alone for too long in case anyone tried confronting you about it.
As you poured yourself a glass of pumpkin juice, a tap on your shoulder makes you direct your attention elsewhere. Your eyes meet cold ones, and you grimace.
“It’s a pleasure to finally catch you alone, (Y/N) darling.”
“My presence is of the highest value. What do you want, Mulciber?” You raised your eyebrow, “If you couldn’t tell, I’m busy. I have to get back to Sev.”
“My, my. No need to be snarky. I just wanted to talk. I’m sure your precious Snape could wait a while, there’s some... things that I wanted to discuss.”
“Can’t this wait? I’m having fun right now, and you make it boring.”
“That attitude is what got you that letter from dearest daddy, you know. If I just happened to let it slip to him that you were being rude to your own house...”
Mulciber trailed off, and your fists clenched. There was no running from whatever he wanted to say, and you just hoped he wasn’t stupid enough to do anything that exposed either of you. Hoped that whatever mission your parents sent him on wasn’t going to ruin whatever stabilization you’d built up in the last week.
“Not playing games anymore, huh, darling? Glad to see it,” He smirked, “Anyway... I just wanted to let you know that the next meeting is in two weeks. Don’t be late, or else what happened to your sister is just going to...”
Before he even had the chance to finish his sentence, a loud smack rang across the hall. Everyone had quieted down to stare at the two of you, but you didn’t care. You were already annoyed by his presence. He was a git who didn’t deserve the time of day, and he dared to bring up your sister.
“You don’t get the right to talk about her. I can’t believe you. What’s the point of doing everything you possibly can to please them? Are you trying to get in an arranged marriage with me since I’m the only girl who won’t knee you in the nuts if you call them darling? Fuck off. Couldn’t have made it more obvious that you were being a pain in the arse.”
The look on Mulciber’s face darkened as he stepped closer to you. Within a split second, his hands grabbed tightly onto your neck, and you squirmed. Gasping to take a deep breath, you struggled against his grip.
“What did you fucking say to me, cunt? You think you’re better than me? One wrong move and I could easily destroy you. Your parents adore me, and don’t think I don’t know what happened to her.”
Your glare intensified, but you were saved by the presence of Professor Slughorn. “What is going on here?” Mulciber relaxed his grip and released you, and you rubbed at your neck. There was no doubt there were going to be marks, but it was nothing that a glamour charm can’t fix.
“I don’t want to see anyone’s hands on each other in such a threatening way, Mister Mulciber. 30 points from Slytherin. Now, are either of you going to explain what happened?”
“Professor, (Y/N) started it. She slapped me after I was making conversation.”
“What?” You turned to look at him in shock, “Professor, that’s not true!”
“What do you mean, it’s not true? I was just telling you about the meeting in two weeks!” Mulciber glared at you, and you only growled at him.
“Bullshit! You were threatening me, for Merlin’s sake! You talked to me about my bloody dead sister and telling me that if I don’t go, you’ll make sure the same thing happened to me! So sod off and stop trying to charm the professors with your dirty personality!” You threw up your arms in frustration, turning away from Mulciber and seething in your spot.
Professor Slughorn’s eyes flickered between the two of you, and you sighed to try and calm yourself down. “You know what? 70 points from Slytherin instead of 30. No one should be threatening any other student, nor holding them in a chokehold. Or even mentioning things that are sensitive to other students. Miss (L/N), detention tomorrow after school. As for you, Mulciber, detention once a week for the next month. I hope I don’t see this happening again. I expected better from both of you.”
Your gaze was downcast as you looked down, but you nodded.
“Both of you can go enjoy the rest of the feast, but I hope you both understand you are to be on your best behaviour.”
As Professor Slughorn left, you watched with an empty look on your face. Turning away from him, you walked back into the feast, ignoring all the looks people gave you, making your way towards the Slytherin Common Room. You couldn’t be here any longer.
-
Your night was plagued with nightmares and your father’s voice. It was haunted with the tingling sensation of your arm, the screaming of your sisters voice, the feeling of being lost in your own emotions. So by the time morning came, you looked like a raccoon.
“Heard you slapped Mulciber across the face yesterday,” Regulus smirked at you as you slid in the seat next to him.
“Should’ve gave him more, don’t you think?” You nudged him with your shoulder. Although you felt tense, Regulus’ presence was soothing for you. You knew Mulciber and Regulus were friends. Somewhat.
They got along fine, although their friendship wasn’t anything like yours. Their friendship was mostly for survival purposes, whereas the two of you depended on each other. And despite that they were friends, it wasn’t stopping you from laughing at Mulciber. Not when you knew the kind of person he was.
“Are you feeling okay, though? I didn’t know your sister was...” Regulus trailed off once he saw your confused expression.
“Was what?”
“Was, um. Dead.”
“How did you know that?” Your eyes narrowed at him, body tenser than it was before. How did Regulus find out?
“You... said it. Last night.” Regulus spoke softly, watching your expression carefully. His hand reached for yours, and you shook a bit. He smiled sadly at you, and you sighed.
“Huh... I guess I did. I remember that now,” You leaned your head onto his shoulder, “I didn’t want anyone to know. I guess it just slipped. Nothing I can do about it now.”
The two of you sat in silence for a bit as you found comfort for Regulus. Part of you wished that you could stay like this forever, but you’ve come to learn that good doesn’t last forever. Not for you, anyway.
Regulus’ shoulders started shaking as you looked up at him in concern. He nodded in the direction of the other end of the Slytherin table, and you looked over. Your mouth dropped as you stared at... Mulciber?
He was covered all over with some sort of red substance, and in front of him was something that resembled some sort of breakfast sausage. You couldn’t see it, but apparently someone had charmed a dungbomb into looking like a sausage, and when it was cut open, it’d splashed Mulciber in paint. You couldn’t help but burst into loud chuckles either.
You and Regulus looked at each other and couldn’t help getting louder. As the two of you continued in hysterics, you felt your worries washing away.
-
Remus had joined you for detention. You had absolutely no clue why, or even why Professor McGonagall wasn’t administering it, but the two of you were polishing the pictures of Professor Slughorn and various other figures who you assumed were students associated with some sort of power. They were all from the Slug Parties that he hosted often, and although you were invited, you’d only been to a handful.
The two of you worked in awkward silence. You hadn’t felt this uncomfortable around Remus since the day you met, and you could tell that he wanted to bring up what happened last night. Part of you wanted to say something, anything, to kill this silence, but you were at a loss of words.
By the time you’d finished, it was halfway through the detention. You took a seat at one of the desks, watching Remus finish up polishing the last frame.
“I have a question to ask, Rem...” You started, watching him jolt a bit in surprise. “Why did you... You pranked Mulciber, right?” You asked. You frowned when he paused, “You don’t have to come up with an excuse or anything... I know you and your friends prank people constantly, so I’m not angry. It was funny, but... Why?”
When Remus didn’t answer, you tilted your head. You were about to speak again, but the squeak of the floorboard from behind you made you twist around.
“You’ve got the wrong person, Princess.”
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turnupbrock · 4 years
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Was I not good enough?//Colby Brock x Reader
 I was in the kitchen waiting for Colby to get out of the shower. I was sitting on the counter, scrolling through my social media pages when Colby's phone that was on the charger next to me, vibrated. Colby and I have been dating for 2 years and we never had an issue with secrecy towards each other. We always told each other everything. Whether it would have been late nights out on the balcony, or deep talks while cuddling, we knew everything about one another. Not a stone left un-turned or page not read. So when I saw the name 'Emily'  text him, it took me by surprise. My curiosity got the best of me and I opened his phone. Seeing the most recent text read 'Hey babe, I miss you! can't wait to see you tomorrow!💕' My brow furrowed in confusion as I read the text. I continued to scroll through their conversation to subside my growing suspicion, as I continued to read my heart broke. I never in a million years thought that we would have these problem, never would I thought that he would cheat on me.
I made my way to the couch, still holding Colby's phone in my hand. I sat down releasing a breath, and felt warm tears  run down my cheeks. It wasn't long before Colby walked out of his room wearing a pair of gray joggers, hanging low on his hips, shirtless, and his curly damp hair swaying when he walked towards me. Seeing me sitting on the couch with tears running down my face, he immediately rushed over to my side.
"Baby, what's wrong?" he cooed as his arm came around my shoulders, pulling me to his bare chest. "How long Colby?" I asked trying to keep my voice steady but it cracked on the last word. "Huh?" he asked confusion laced in his voice. I scooted away from him, seeing the hurt flash in his eyes when I moved. I tossed his phone on the couch in between the both of us. Colby looked down at his phone, his eyes widened and his gaze snapped back up to meet mine. Guilt and fear written across his face as he looked at me. "How long, Colby?" I asked again. "Y/n, I can ex-" I cut him off. "Answer the fucking question Colby" I spit out to him. He dropped his head and looked down at his hands, twisting his fingers. "Two months" he quietly said, my eyes widened "t-two mon- wow. Two months?!" I slightly raised my voice, my anger getting the best of me now. I was angry now, and that anger was taking over the pain that was in my chest, making it hard for me to breath. He nodded his head still not looking at me. "Look at me Colby," my voice cracked as I talked to him. After a minute he finally looked up at me, the guilt still in his eyes. "Why?" I croaked out. "I don't know, Y/n" he replied looking into my eyes. I laughed lightly although nothing about this was funny. "What a bullshit excuse," I laughed out. I didn't care to wipe away the tears leaking from my eyes. "was I not enough for you, Colby?" my voice was shaky, filled with so much emotion as I spoke to the boy that I thought would be my forever. When those words lefts my mouth, his head shot up to mine. He shook is head hard, "Of course you were enough y/n," he said as his own tears spilled over his cheeks. I shook my head back at him, "if I was, you wouldn't have ch- stepped out on me.." I choked out. I could get the word 'cheat' out of my mouth. But that is what happened he cheated on me and then lied about it. I should have noticed the way his phone was always on silent, or that he never left it out anymore, or that he was "filming late with the guys". All these signs that I chose to ignore because he had his way with words. I just stared at him for a moment watching the tears falling from his guilt and regret filled eyes. I closed my eyes against the tsunami of tears that we bound to fall at any moment. I lifted myself off of the couch and looked down at the only person that knew me better than anyone. The person that I trusted with my heart, only for him to break it and leave it in a pile of jagged pieces. Left it for me to pick up and try to put back to together. "Do you love her Colby?" I asked, dreading the answer that I already knew but I had to hear it. He broke our eye contact and looked down at his couch. Slowly, he nodded his head. I felt the pain in my chest increase to the point that I thought I would pass out from how heavy it felt. The tears just kept spilling, and I did absolutely nothing to stop them.
"Okay, um, I gotta go.." I trailed off walking back over to the counter where my phone, wallet, and keys were. Colby stood up off of the couch. "Can't you stay? So we can talk about this, please?" he asked wiping the tears off of his face just for them to replaced by fresh ones. "No, Colby because if I stay I'm going to end up forgiving you or slapping the shit out of you." I said making my way over to the door. I turned around just as I was about to open the door, to see the man that I fell in love two years ago. He wasn't the same Colby that I used to see. "I hope she was worth it Colby. I hope that when she is laying in bed with you, that you're happy. I hope that when she is wearing you shirt while cooking you something, that you're happy. I hope that when she looks at you with so much love and affection, that you're happy. I really do hope you're happy. I hope that she can give you everything that I couldn't." I said before walking out of the apartment that was my safe place to be when I didn't want to be alone. Leaving not only the  good and bad memories there, but also leaving the man that I thought I was going to marry, have kids with, grow old with. I think that hurt the most, he always promised that we were forever but I guess I couldn't full fill that for him anymore.
Two days later I was sitting on my couch watching some show on Hulu, while eating ice cream. Trying to get my mind off of the hurt and heartbreak that I knew wasn't going away for a long time. Yesterday I made the discussion to take a break off of social media for my mental heath, tweeting out a simple 'Taking a break from all socials for a while..' I jumped when my phone dinged, bringing me out of my head. I looked to see that Colby had tweeted out a video, again the curiosity got the best of me and I opened it..
*In Video* Colby's eyes were red and puffy from crying and the tear stains on his cheeks were very prominent. He sat on a chair, his camera showing the kitchen in the background. "Hey, guys it's Colby and I just wanted to come on here and say that I'm going to take a break from social media for a little while. I'm not going to get into the reasons why I'm taking a break. I just wanted to let all of you know. I don't know when I'm going to be back, and this isn't a planned break so whenever I think that I am ready to come back on is when I'm going to." He sniffled a little bit and wiped away a few tears that had leaked from his red shot eyes. It broke my heart seeing him like this but I knew that I looked the same way. "So, I'll see you guys when I come to but I love you guys so so much, Peace." He covered the lens with his palm and the video ended leaving fans confused but it was better for his mental health and just social media in general is not the best thing to be on when you're in a bad state. I looked at my last tweets and there were only three, that left fans worried but I had to get it off of my chest. I looked at the tweet on my profile that I had sent out before I announced that I was taking a break, and that tweet said 'Love, what a powerful yet heartbreaking word.' How true that statement was to me.
A month later and a half later and I'm still working on me. It hurts to wake up and realize that I'm alone, it is one of the hardest things to do because for the past two years, I had someone to wake up to, and now I don't have anyone. I was looking through my old pictures seeing that so many involved Colby, it broke me and I started to sob again. The pain, betrayal, and heartbreak taking over me for a little until my phone rang. The contact showing Sam, he has been there with me during this breakup, helped me realize that it has to be bad before it gets better. I answered still sniffling, "Hey Sam, what's up" I didn't notice that my voiced was laced with my sadness. "Hey, you doing okay?" he asked worry in his voice. "y-yeah just you know, just perfect," I stuttered out. I heard his sigh on the other end but I chose to ignore it, "so, what's up?" I asked him, "Um, so Colby wants to post a video telling the fans what happened.." he hesitated before continuing, "he said that he just wants to clear the air with the fans, but he said he will only do it, if it's okay with you. He'll send me the video to send to you, so you can watch it before he posts it and so you can let him know if it's okay to be posted." I stayed silent for a second, thinking of everything that could come from that. I know that he will get hate from the fans when he tells them that he cheated but, he is right. The fans have the right to know since they are such a big part of our lives. I released a breath, "yeah, he can film, telling the fans the truth." I replied my voice still shaky from the crying session that was just interrupted. I heard a faint sniffle from the other end and I knew that it was Colby's. "Yeah, okay. Um, come over please. Come talk to me and we can post mates and chill for a while?" he asked nervously. I laughed lightly, "yes, Sam, I would love to come over and have you deal with my emotional, broken, and hurting self. While drowning my sorrows in Chipotle." I said to him, hearing his laugh through the phone put a genuine smile on my face. "Okay, but get here quick," he said sternly.
Colby's Pov-    "yes sir." I heard y/n voice through the small speaker on Sam's phone. He finished the conversation with her, then turned to me. "You probably shouldn't be here when she gets here.." he trailed off awkwardly. I nodded and stood up, "thanks man for calling her, I just don't think that I could have done it." I said feeling tears line my eyes again. Sam pulled me into a tight bro hug for a second before letting go, "Anytime brother." I smiled weakly and made my way to my apartment. Without y/n here, it just felt so empty and quiet. I did what I've been doing everyday for the past month and a half, I sat on my couch, head in my hands, reliving everything that had happened while crying my eyes out. After a while I decided to take a walk around the apartment building to clear my head. I slipped on my shoes and grabbed my phone before walking out of my door. When I passed Sam's door I heard a familiar voice, the voice of the women that I love. "Sam, it hurts, it hurts so bad." she cried out, hearing her so sad and broke made me cry as well. " why? why wasn't I enough f-for him?" her cries got louder as Sam tried calming her down. I continued down the hall with tears of my own falling freely down my face as I looked down at the carpeted floor. Why? Why did I have to go and fuck something that was so perfect up? After a long wonder around the building, I made it back to my house where I set up the camera and started to film.
*In Video* Colby sighed and looked down at the rings that adorned his fingers. "This is going to be the hardest video I have ever had to film" he said. Colby looked back up to the lens with his heartbroken, glassy, red eyes. "I fucked up bad. I'm going to address some rumors and clear the air with you guys. Yes, Y/n and I broke up. We are no longer together. Now before you go start hating on her, listen to the full thing because all of this, is 100% my fault. I am the reason we are no longer together. ME not her." he emphasized that point to the viewers. "As you know Y/n and I were together for two years. Those two years were the best of my life. But a month and a half ago, we broke up. This was because.." he stopped and inhaled, preparing himself to tell the world that he had stepped out on his girlfriend. As a few tears slipped from his eyes he continued, "I cheated on y/n. I cheated on her for two months before she found out. It was with a girl that doesn't have any social media, so please don't go assuming that it was this person or that person, because it wasn't." he made sure to point that out before things go ugly with drama and lies. "People, my friends, and even my family keep asking me, 'Why?' 'Why would you go and ruin something so perfect?' And that answer is simply, I don't know. I'm being honest when I say that because truly, deep down, I have absolutely no fucking idea why I did what I did." Colby took a deep breath to try and control the tears that were overflowing from his eyes, but it was no use for they kept falling. "I don't want any pity, or people saying that they feel bad for me because I'm crying or because we're no longer dating. No, I don't want it, I don't deserve it. I just want to clear the air and continue on my break from social media. Um, yeah so that's why we are no longer together. And that is why I'm taking a break from this. I need time to focus on me and my state of mind. I need to stable those things before I can come on here. Peace." With that the video ended.
I sent the video, no editing to Sam so he could show it to Y/n. While I waited, I cleaned up my living room, seeing how much of a mess it was. But before I could completely finish, my phone buzzed with a text from Sam, 'She said that it's fine and that you can go ahead and post it, but she is also making a video to add on something. She said that it'll be sent to you as well so you can say if you don't approve.' I read it and sighed. 'Thanks man. Just send me her video and I'll watch it.' I opened the twitter app and a sent out a tweet saying 'I miss waking up to you dancing around the kitchen in my t-shirt while cooking..' directly after that tweet, I put up the video. I also put it on my Instagram. For the next hour or so I sat on my balcony, listening to music and thinking over how the past few months of my life played out. I didn't care to stop the tear drops that would trail down my cheeks. I was surprised to see a name pop up on my screen. A name I thought would never text me again, Y/n. She texted me her video and I automatically paused the music to watch it.
*In Her Video* Y/n sat there on the edge of her bed, a bed that Colby used to sleep in. The bed that you guys used to cuddle in or have amazing nights in. Colby couldn't help but to let out a couple of sobs thinking about how you guys would never share the same bed or nights again. You sat there, red puffy, bloodshot, glassy eyes peering into the lens of your camera. "Um, as many of you know know now, Colby and I are no longer together, yes that means that we broke up" you choke out as a couple stray tears fell out of your eyes. "Yes, he did cheat on me. No, I'm not going to go into it because it still hurts so so much. If you want to know then go check out the video that Colby posted first. He explained things that I won't go into." Y/n looked away from the camera to bite back the sobs that were fighting their way from her throat. A couple did get hiccuped out. "My friends and family keep telling me that the hardest thing to regain is going to be my trust. But I think that they are wrong. I think that the hardest thing to regain, the thing that is going to take the longest to get back is without a doubt my self love. I used to love myself and think of myself as good enough for anyone in my life but ever since this whole thing happened," she paused for a minute to wipe away her tears. "since this whole ordeal happened, I don't have much self love so that to me is going to be the hardest thing to get back. And that to me is going to take the longest. Yeah, rebuilding my trust is going to be a bitch too. This is why I am going to continue my break for as long as I feel that I need it and I hope you guys understand. I love guys so much. Colby, I miss you, I'm probably always going to miss you. Maybe one day in the future we can talk about being friends but for right now the best thing for both of us is a clean break. For our own mental health and so we can work on ourselves. I love you. So much." Y/n ended her video and the screen went black.
I took a deep breath a wiped my tears away with the sleeve of my sweater, before replying to her text. 'Yeah, go ahead and post it' I sent to her. Not long after I got her reply, 'Thank you' I took my chance, 'I miss you too', I was scared of the reply that I might get but she only replied with a simple,
'Always'
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chaoslordjoe · 4 years
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RWBY - Do I Ship It #2? Ruby Rose
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I’ve decided to continue this whole shebang with going over ships for individual characters each time. And for this one, we’re looking at our favorite cooking-deepthroating reaper, Ruby Rose...That may be one of my favorite character descriptions I’ve ever typed.
With introductions outta the way, let’s talk some Ruby ships.
White Rose
kinda leaves me indifferent?
overrated
would read a fic about it
Ideally, White Rose has become one of those ships that half of the FNDM loves to hate. But me, I’m not as triggered by it, let alone nowhere near as angered by it’s presence simply because it’s not Bumbleby.
Unlike BB, in which it’s presence makes me wanna slug my screen every time I see a comment thread screeching high praise about it, I can look at White Rose and just be more like: “Eh. It’s okay.” Simply because I have seen WR content that I enjoy, and that at least many WR shippers know when to shut up when they’re called out unlike Wasps.
Really, a lot of the content has a lot heart put into it to where I really can’t get mad at it. I know it’s a WLW ship. I know that’s become a thing to generally hate among RWBY fans. But I do think that WR is the lesser of two evils between that and BB not because I have a lot of friends who ship it, but because I think folks crap on it way too much compared to the demon that BB has become.
Am I saying there aren’t toxic WR fans still around? Hell no. They need to be called out on it, too. But I’m also generally more relaxed about the ship. Nothing major really.
Ladybug
I SHIP IT
CUTENESS OVERLOAD
underrated
hELL YES
Ladybug has become a recent addition to my ship list a while back. But I’ve fallen head over heels for it in such a short amount of time.
Even many folks I’ve spoken to who tend to gag at the mention of WLW ships in a fandom as egregious as RWBY’s agree that the Bugs are really harmless given soft the content of this ship often is. I’m not saying that Ladybug is all “wee-hee-we’re-a-couple-of-happy-go-lucky-dorks” because that would make it unoriginal and boring to read in many cases.
No, the reason I’ve grown to adore Ladybug so much is because I’m one of those who parrots how much of a missed opportunity (like the show is as a frigging whole) how many interactions there could be between Ruby and Blake.
Why wouldn’t they? They’re both into fantasy stories, both have darkened color schemes, and share some general views on why they fight. Really, Ladybug is just a good way for me to fill the void of just how much Rooster Teeth doesn’t give a fuck about how to organize their characters properly?
Volume 5 gets Freezerburn, and not onwards? Come on, RT.
But before I end up turning this into a rwde post, let’s just move onto the next ship.
Nuts & Dolts
I SHIP IT
CUTENESS OVERLOAD
Soulmates
I WOULD DIE FOR IT OKAY
Yeah this one was pretty obvious. But who cares?! I frigging adore Nuts & Dolts.
Let me just be clear in saying that I can ship it platonically/romantically, simply because I love the bond that Ruby and Penny share. They’re both hyperactive, kindhearted and strong-willed girls with a penchant for bladed weaponry and wanting to make the world a better place for everyone.
This initially made N&D into a guilty pleasure ship for me. But over time, I just couldn’t resist or get mad at it because I love how soft it feels. Same reason as Ladybug for the most part. But overall, I like N&D because of just how much soul there is between two people who were born differently with a set of powers that aren’t what you’d call “ordinary”.
As someone who’s been called “unique” or other labels with the disability I have, I usually find it very pretentious and downright grating to see stories that are supposed to be uplifting about being born in a different manner because that can be really damn annoying after a while.
Yeah, stuff like disability or other stuff is under-represented in pop culture. But often it’s portrayed in a very “Hollywood” fashion even if it’s not a work from that culture and work mindset.
I’m not saying N&D is one of those “unique” portrayals, but as something that shows what happens when two saviors who wanted a normal life have someone in each other that they can trust and even love for their shared experiences of being born differently.
Which is why I’ve grown to accept Ruby and Penny as the popular fan portrayal of being girlfriends or platonic friends. They have so much in common, which makes it that much more endearing for me personally.
Okay. Those are some Ruby/Other girl ships outta the way. Now let’s discuss some Ruby/guy ships...Here’s where it gets a little odd.
Lancaster
BROTP
overrated
no thanks
Oh boy. I’m probably gonna get some flak for this entry...
Let me just be clear that this is a post that is NOT meant to attack any particular shippers. This is me stating what I feel about certain ships and me occasionally talking about how I think they would turn out. 
It’s not my headcanon interpretations, per se. But instead it’s more how I picture it based on my experience with viewing relationships in my own life before I started discussing fandom ships.
Now that I have that out of the way, let’s discuss Ruby/Jaune.
When I first started watching RWBY, my first ship, like many others was Arkos (more on that when I cover Jaune). I felt that Pyrrha was just the right fit for a lovable dweeb like him with how it helped kick-start his character development and the framework for how he would improve himself overall.
Granted, I wasn’t really expecting Arkos to be canon since Pyrrha had died in V3. It was a tragic outcome for a ship that had so much buildup. And most of the FNDM agreed that Jaune needed a hug along with his friends to help him through it.
When I started to hear about the fact that Jaune was shipped with other girls in the main cast, I wasn’t really shocked since White Knight was already fairly popular. But when I found out about Lancaster, it was like: “Wait a second, people actually ship him with Ruby?”
Was more confusion than astonishment, to be honest. I didn’t really think that it would’ve been fitting despite how close and similar both team leaders were. But I decided to bite the bullet and give it a try with reading a couple of Lancaster works.
I got bored.
I’m not so much angry whenever I hear about Lancaster as I am just not impressed by how much fanon works recycle many tropes and plot elements.
Ruby is secretly in love with Jaune.
Jaune does something adorkable or manly which attracts Ruby.
Ruby makes/attempts to make a move on him with some crazy or titillating way that, while in-character for her, has been repeated one times too many in this or other ships featuring her.
Jaune is generally being a good boi throughout. I like Jaune, but I feel that he’s put in too many fanfics in which he’s overly good and pure. Again. It’s fitting for him, but sometimes a bit of difference in fan interpretation is nice. Make him angry, have him lash out at his friends at times. Just don’t make him a “perfect” boyfriend.
Both dorks often have to hide their relationship because of the possibility of Pyrrha being jealous, Yang going apeshit, or other characters reacting the way they do which is often buzzwords in a fic like that.
Lancaster shippers, I am not attacking you since this is your thing. If so, fine. But it’s not mine as I am giving an attempt to give constructive criticism about some of the ships listed here while talking about ships I like to make these posts all about even ground.
I prefer to see Ruby and Jaune as besties. Hell. I prefer to see them more like siblings considering how much Jaune acted like a big brother to Ruby on the road to Mistral with how Yang was bedridden with depression in V4. I also think that Jaune needs a friend right now rather than a love interest. The same could be said for a lot of characters right now, but that’s a different topic.
My biggest criticism for LC is that while I understand the similarities that they share, it’s the whole “opposite-gender-leads-fall-in-love” trope. This trope can be done right *coughRENORAcough* but is put in so many works that I’m not one of those fans who’s impressed with it.
The ship isn’t original, but it’s nothing to make me wanna rage-post like I’m Keemstar on Red Bull or the like. And I know people who are into it, to which I tell them: Good for all of you. It’s simply not my cup of tea.
Rosegarden
would read a fic about it
meh
not really my thing
Oh god, how I wish it wasn’t harvest season!
Kidding. Kidding. Rosegarden is legit, and all my friends in the group who ship it are wonderful people.
Another ship that I can’t really get angry at since compared to other ships that cover things like young love or ships of people who were born differently (see my Nuts & Dolts entry), RG is pretty fucking harmless and I can tolerate it more even though I’m not into it.
While I understand why it seems hypocritical of me to share and repost stuff related to RG on occasion, this is simply because I have reason to share it based on how much I’ve interacted with shippers and how I’ve actually had productive discussions with them outside of their ship.
It’s the community which I like more than the ship because of how much more chill they are. But there’s also a big reason why I know that some people crap on this one.
Ozpin.
Dude, if I had a Dollar for every “RG-is-pedophilia-because-Oscar-is-Ozpin’s-puppet” fallacy that was posted I wouldn’t be needing a stimulus check. Let me explain to y’all why that’s bullshit.
(RWDE mode online)
Is Ozpin eons of years old? Yes. He’s from Humanity 1.0 and was thrown into the bodies of men in the modern world in his war against Salem. It’s a rough situation with a lot of baggage to any relationship he puts up or wishes to even build-up and I don’t think it should be swept under the rug because there’s a lot of stuff that should be brought up about the guy.
Is Ozpin intervening on any potential interaction between Ruby and Oscar? No. Canon or no, Oz has been a neutral party in whatever interactions the two kids have because it’s not really his business. Do you honestly believe that if Ozpin would be the kind to boss his host around that he would attempt to butt in on their friendship?
As an Oz critic, I can say that while I understand both interactions, I draw the line at this ship being considered pedophilia.
I mean, come on! The FNDM ships Ruby with villains like Roman, Cinder and Salem, who are adults when she’s a teenager! And suddenly it’s okay to claim pedophilia just because Ozpin is present?! ARE YOU HIGH?
If we’re going with that logic, fine, just have Ozpin ascend from his brain after Salem is 86′d, THEN we can have a development in RG’s friendship whether it’s romantic or not. But leave the fans of this pairing out of it!
(RWDE mode offline)
The reason I don’t ship Rosegarden is because I’m not a fan of the whole “young love” trope either. I wouldn’t mind it so much if Oscar wasn’t relegated to a support role due to being an Oz host and he had more screen time rather than the old wizard.
Maybe I’m just too cynical about stuff like this to really care. But the point is, I can’t get mad at this ship either and I’m willing to read up on it in small doses.
Strawbana
I ship it
CUTENESS OVERLOAD
the sexiest pair
we need more of it
underrated
Sun Wukong, you magnificent monkey bastard! You always seem to brighten my day whenever I’m looking through critical discussions related to this show.
Much as I love BlackSun, I’m definietly curious to learn more about other ships involving my homeboy here. Solar Flare, I also like. But Sun/Ruby? Thank you sir, may I have another!
Ugh. Can’t believe I just quoted Animal House to describe my love for this painfully underrated ship. Somebody get me some soap...
Other than their VAs being married in real life, I like Strawbana/Red Sun the same reason as Nuts & Dolts with this being a ship that features two extremely upbeat characters finding love in one another with just how much they kick ass for the reasons of just being good people.
Kinda/sorta the only straight Ruby ship I’m into just because of how much they could rub off on one another, and how much I’d love to see them interact more in canon material. Not just the show but any other tie-in stuff.
Next time, we cover Weissu.
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sanshineaus · 4 years
Text
mingi : friends to lovers
Tumblr media Tumblr media
warnings: none!
type: bulletpoint au, fluff
word count: 1989 (a lil short!! i’m very sorry)
a/n: as a san stan, we get fed content every 30 minutes and y’all mingi stans are the backbone of the fandom
you and mingi have a very sweet friendship, really
he and you would most likely die for each other
but also if he touches your charger you WILL kill him
you met through another friend, at their birthday party
right after you congratulated them and handed them their gift, mingi came around the corner and clumsily nearly spilled a drink on you
he still apologized though!!! AND offered to check for you if there was a drink anywhere
your friend laughed and introduced you two
'he's cute isn't he?'
oh boy was he!!!
he really was sweet too; you didn’t know anyone else but your friend and now, him, and he was nice enough to let you stick to him like glue
you even ended up exchanging numbers, and playing 8ball in your respective cabs when the party ended
from then on you began texting
and it grew into exchanging social media
to being inseparable in real life too
mingi would constantly bug you to go out and eat with him
and you’d frequently go shopping together (or window shopping. mingi just LOOKS stingy)
when your snap streaks had officially reached 420 days, mingi made sure to screenshot it and post it on all social media
as he did with any you content in general
and let’s be honest with ourselves— mingi’s a very, very beautiful person
so there was no shortage of people in his dms
most of which happened to be opening with ‘are you single’
because of your numerous posts together, it just didn’t seem likely
but really, you’d say ‘ew’ to that, because ew, that’s your best friend
who you’ve seen snotty crying over a picture of a particularly small puppy resting on a very large cat
and who has seen YOU snotty crying over the same picture but shhhh
you honestly think there’s no way you like him
your heart doesn’t palpitate around him or anything like that
(your chest just gets concerningly warm, so does your face and ears, and you have to take several gulps of air to compose yourself when he smiles. shhhhh)
EVEN if you did (which you don’t!) he wouldn’t like you back
he’s mingi
all mingi likes is dragging you out of bed by your feet
and making you regret giving him a spare key to your place
he’s in general grossly sappy, though
he fully understands that he’s cute and you detest it
because he ASKS you. he has the gall, the nerve to put on a silly cat, make a face at you in the store you’re in, and ask if he’s cute
and you want to say yes and laugh along with him but you settle for sighing and saying ‘sure’
but each and every time
he smiles
and it’s really rejuvenating. maybe an angel gets its wings or something. or fairies get born?
you two once debated over which of those two phrases is better, and you were the firm ‘fairy gets its wings’ believer
until he seemed a bit pouty and you decided to just merge the two
you have very stupid discussions
of the ‘do we belong in a circus’ kind
(yes, you might)
his very hidden talent is carrying a lot of mugs
mingi’s fingers are long, and he hangs the mugs off of them while maintaining focus
his record? 24 mugs
one of which broke while he walked from his room to the dishwasher
he was sad about it because it was a mug shaped like a bird
and you had to both comfort him and drive him in his tears to the store to get another one
to be fair, you also felt bad. so, so bad, because the mug was ADORABLE and you could tell mingi thought so too
but you got a Mingi Hug out of it later
when he thanked you, he really did go all out
(he put in no effort, he was just very huggable and it was very nice)
it was when you were very tired and on the brink of Death™ (you know, Death™, like when you just want to nap for 78 hours somewhere in a forest temple)
that you two decide to go to a 7/11
you both unfortunately have this thing called responsibilities so for whatever reason, neither of you can sleep
and so you offer to mingi to meet up at the store between your houses
to which he agrees, and asks if he can come over
to which you say no, but you also say YOLO™ and decide to leave your work in progress to meet up with your friend
(be gay do crime)
you don’t really do either, actually, you respectfully pay for your drinks and those packaged meals which are never as good at day as when they are at night
he insists you use the plastic bag you two had as a seat so your butt doesn’t get cold
and you do, but you also try and elbow his shin when he also sits down on the concrete
you are reminded of the ew feeling of seeing your best friend scarf down sushi like it’s soup
and he somehow manages to talk coherently about his stupid escapade which brought him to this point of meeting up with you
it’s so frustratingly endearing
because you know he’s enjoying himself if he doesn’t stop talking, and you know he’s comfortable around you
and that’s what makes you heart FINALLY flutter
it doesn’t take long for you two to depart, when you finish your own food and drink
and berate him a bit for not saving his drink for when he ended his meal and then stole a sip— no, a GULP from you
that night you give up on your project
(obviously not entirely)
but you’re certainly too busy to think straight
and lying in your bed with your heart beating quick is something you find pretty exhilarating
it’s actually pretty nice to like someone
because anything mingi does is fun, too
he gives you his jacket? perfection
he gives you a noogie? not AS perfect or ideal, but you’re happy he has you in a headlock because it’s a touch of human contact
and you like This human
he tries talking to you about what he would do if aliens landed
and you call him out on his bullshit, not because he’s wrong but because you love him <3 and he’s also wrong
he would NOT try and be nice to them, he’d immediately go in and look if there’s more species
“mingi would accidentally bring doomsday because he’d reject the flirting of an alien princess” yunho (who you met through mingi on the exact day of your 420 streak) adds, from somewhere near you guys in mingi’s apartment, and you absolutely agree
“marriage proposal? come on, i’d know!”
yunho looks at you, then at mingi, then back at you, and just shakes his head
and you feel offended because you’re aware of what yunho’s thinking
but mingi’s less on board
“are you saying they’re an alien princess?”
you argue that if you were an alien, you’d abolish the monarchy
but you also add that you’d rather be king if it came down to it
mingi is very insistent and it’s then when you realize that your heart is beating like that again
because he’s stood up and taken you with him to show to yunho that you’d make a terrific alien princess if only they put you in a sci-fi dress and crown
you want to put mingi in a sci-fi dress and crown all of a sudden, you don’t know : /
it’s prerogative you get more than one Mingi Hug
Mingi Hugs are a bit of an oddity
not because he doesn’t hug you often
it’s just that this is such a specific brand of hug that he reserves for moments of vulnerability
where he protectively wraps his arms around you, but places his head on your shoulder to hide his face
maybe he’s crying, maybe you’re crying, maybe neither is happening and he’s just grateful you’re there, but you’ve noticed he doesn’t do it as often to other people
it’s really cute, though
you’re sitting on your roof one night
not star gazing, mingi just said he read an article that said some phenomena will hit the skies
you tried to listen to him but he was so excited that explaining failed him and he just grabbed your hand to pull you out
(not that you were complaining, he was so gentle and cute)
you are lying down next to each other; and he’s pointing out constellations to you
you see some of them, others are less easy to spot, but every once in a while he rambles about something interesting he knew
but then it starts
you hear a sizzling first, and then a shot
and your sky is red… with a firework
after that, there’s another pound, the colour this time pink
it is pretty— colours exploding against the night sky is pretty
but what the hell? this isn’t a nebular event
it’s when you finally tear your eyes away from the sky to mingi to interrogate him that you see he’s already looking at you
and he has a very sweet smile on his face
“it’s our 500th snap streak day”
and you aren’t stupid, so you know he’s behind the fireworks, but
“why?”
and he lets out a very burdened sigh before he grabs your wrist, and places your hand in his
“it means i’ve liked you for 500 days”
there’s two emotions fluctuating all throughout
relief and joy
so you scoot over and let go of his hand so that you can swing your arms around his neck
his arms, for the first time, are loose, and you can absolutely hear the beating of his heart
the fireworks stop all of a sudden when your neighbour yells
but you ignore her so you can try and get even closer to mingi
you mumble that you like him too
however he hugs you tighter
and tells you he can’t hear you
but he DEFINITELY CAN AND HE’S JUST—UGHHH
so you decide to be even worse about it
and you y e l l it
now the whole neighbourhood knows you like mingi
though it does gradually grow into love
mingi’s a very caring boyfriend; after all, he was exactly the same as a friend
now with the added bonus of being able to kiss you
which is a power he abuses thoroughly
he gives forehead and temple kisses the most
and he’s a very terrible gremlin, so he sometimes holds your head only to bring it to his lips
or he’ll pick you up randomly
“can you tell i worked out?”
yes, you can, but you’re more focused on trying to land safely if he loses his grip
not that you don’t trust him
you trust him in every aspect of the relationship
he’s reliable— and also brings you food at inconvenient times of the day
plus you get to visit each other whenever
he likes doing animal face masks with you
and offers a bath every. time.
he runs some of the best bubble baths though, you can’t lie
he’s also very warm most of the time, so if you’re a heat sink… guess what! you no longer are!
mingi’s also very careful
he makes mistakes often; physically breaking things, sometimes he doesn’t know his strength, and so on
but he’s always ready to apologize and get you something new
he sometimes ends up going too far with a joke?
apology!
he’s very meticulous with it too. words mean as much as actions to him, and so there’s a lot of meaning in his apologies
he’s just cute
you’re both very cute but also a very annoying couple
pda? she’s your best friend
*yeosang cringes*
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prorevenge · 5 years
Text
Not following orders? You're fired.
For those of you that haven't read my previous posts, english is not my first language and im posting from mobile.
I work six days a week as a painter (not the artist type). This story happened from the 10. of august (saturday) to yesterday the 26.
Meet the spartans: Me: hello there, Hubby: my Cliff, JB: jester boss, Karen: my entitled supervisor.
Backstory: As some of you know, I got married the 11. of august. I had informed my boss and supervisor of this a week prior as per company rules regarding vacation time for our honeymoon. So just to be sure they understood the situation, I decided to mention it again the day before. They said they understood and told me to enjoy the week off with my husband. And just to be clear, I usually have a nice relation with both JA and Karen, but something wasn't right during all this.
So I finish my work that saturday and drive home to make the final preperations for the wedding. We got wed by the same priest that baptised me back in the day and everything went perfect and I couldn't have asked for more. It wasn't the big wedding you see in the movies, mostly because the only guests were my husbands parents and two siblings as well as about ten of our closest friends. We finish after some time and we retired for the evening. My husband had during his toast surprised me with our honeymoon destination, Australia. He hadn't mentioned anything about it, and he is BAD at keeping secrets from me, but we were both happy about it.
Since most people think i'm a girl because of my build and choice in clothing, you betcha we got some funny looks in Sidney while being there, we always have a good laugh when they realise. While being in Sidney I get a phone call.
Storytime:
It was Karen asking me where I was, why I hadn't shown up monday morning.
Karen: where are you? We have an urgent assignment.
Me: I'm in Australia, you know, on the other side of the globe.
Karen: why are you there? Who approved vacation?
Me: well first of all, it's my honeymoon. Second of all, you approved me taking time off.
Karen: well, that decision has changed, you are needed here ASAP.
Me: (dumbfounded)
Karen: yea, my son moved away from home and need his new appartement painted.
Me: I'm not the only employee in the firm, surely you can use someone else?
So, to clarify. Our company mostly hired people without education, I didn't have an education when I started but took it during my time there. But we discussed this for a good part of an hour before I got fed with her and hung up on her. I couldn't understand why she needed ME to take care of the appartement when there are six employees that rarely had an assignment and were more than good enough to take care of it, but noooo, it had to be me.
A couple hours later I get a call from my boss, he's a cool guy and we go out for a drink every now and again so he knows me. He was even a guest at the wedding.
JB: I got a call from Karen. She told me you were on leave without permission. And that you were quite rude toward her.
Me: as you know, I'm in Sidney on our honeymoon. I requested permission as per regulation and got permission from Karen herself. She called me earlier requesting me coming home to work to paint her sons appartement. I simply got fed up with her and hung up on her.
JB: well, we all know how she is with people, there is a reason why you are the one handling customers. You just enjoy your vacation, and say hi to the hubby from me.
Me: I will. See you in a week.
We continue our trip, but every now and again I hear my phone ringing, guess who. Noone in my firm like Karen, she is the biggest power hungry person I have ever known besides my own parents. Since I never shut off my phone, I kept getting calls and texts. Some were nasty like her personality, others were so sweet I thought she was on drugs. I got really tired of her so I answered the phone again (big mistake for her and me) I started recording our conversations to try get proof of her harrassment. She started threatening me with firing me and that JB was on her side. This continued for a couple of days. So just for fun, my husband and I start taking about taking revenge after years of oppression from her. So we used some of our time at the hotel looking into her. And I happen to know some stuff about her taxes and regular finances since she asks me to take care of her tax payments. We contacted some of our friends back home to help us, (we have some friends in the local police force) and the plan was in motion.
Revenge: Friday we returned home with the biggest jetlag in my life, but with fire in my soul keeping me going. We found some dirt on her during the week. We had enough to use. Because of her Union, the firm was unable to fire her because of the certain type of harrassment she commited. Bullshit, my turn to screw her over. My husband and I decided to cut the vacation short so we could start immediatly. So saturday I clocked in and had a meeting with the guys on my team. We had five ranks in the company, Boss, supervisor, teamleader (me), employees and interns. So I had a meeting with my team to get them in on the fun, no hesitation, they joined. None liked her so, LET THE HUNGER GAMES BEGIN, AND MAY THE ODDS BE EVER IN OUR FUCKING FAVOR. We printed out the tax files I had and collected a total of one hundred and fifty pages with taxes. We made memes of her sleeping on the job and such, and you name it we did it.
I went to her office regarding the appartement and she lit up like a pumpkin on halloween. She hadn't noticed me being back at work so she jumped into the air. But she immediatly started rambling about her son and how he needs to get painters out. I said funny, enough ok and finished up preparing. We drive to the appartement to set up, and wouldn't you know Who came by, yup. She came rambling through the hallway. And when she came in, oooohhhoho you should've seen her face when she saw our fabulous job. We had taken every printout of her tax files, every mail with threats to employees and basically every piece of evidence against her that we had sent a copy of to her Union, and glued Them to the walls and painted around Them like a picture frame. Of course she would deny everything, but she now had no backup from the union to keep her from being fired.
We sent her tax files to our country'S CRS (tax evasion), we sent both mails with threats and tax papers to our boss, who btw was in on it from the start, and to top it all off, we got her ex-husband to dig up old files from when they were married, and wouldn't you know, tirns out it was some juicy stuff we found. We mailed these papers in to my friends in the local police and asked Them to let us have some fun with her before they took her. We did.
Fast forward to yesterday (26.) I got a call from my friends that Karen tried to use me as a scapegoat, that I was the one who made all those papers to frame her since I didn't like her, well true, I didn't like her from the start, but every file and mail were written by Karen herself. She had no credibility and found herself locked up before long. Just to rub it in her face I showed up in court with my husband and the entire company just to see what would happen. She was livid. When she saw me and my husband, she immideatly stood up, acting like nothing's wrong, and tried to run for me. I don't know if she taught she could kick my ass or what, but even though I dress like a girl and have a pretty small and feminine body, I am much stronger than she think.
The court came to a verdict. She was to pay about 450.000 USD for tax evasion + fraud, we found out that she used money from the company to renovate her own house. She got fired by my boss, and was to spend 3 years behind bars because of fraud, tax evasion and contempt of court. Over all, a shitty day for her.
On her way out she started yelling slurs at me and trying to bite the officers in the neck in pure desperation.
This morning when i clocked in I saw a notice on our board about a possible promotion. I applied on the spot. I went in, had a Nice chat with My boss and got the promotion while still keeping my old position as team leader. My pay got almost tripled in a span of 72 hours. I'm happy.
Tl;dr Supervisor gives permission for vacation and tries to revoke it as her son just moved out. Wrong person to demand from.
Summary: Don't mess with newlyweds
(source) story by (/u/Tobi_wan_kenobi_)
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Text
As it began
Fandom: Xmen: Apocalypse (with mentions of Xmen: Days Of Future Past)
Specified gender: Female
Pairing: Warren Worthington III x reader/ Platonic!Charles Xavier x reader
TW: language, death, mentions of suicide, a lot of angst
Genre: ANGST 
Word Count: 9.4K
Requests: OPEN
Masterlist
A/n: THE GERMAN AND POLISH IN THIS PROBABLY ISN’T ACCURATE (There are translations) italics means flashback! The second gif will make sense when you read the fic ;)  This is a Warren x reader, but it HUGELY focuses on Charles and the reader's relationship.  And Bitch. I’ve been working on this fic for well over a month and I’ve been so hyped for it. I’m so incredibly happy that I get to post it. I got the title idea from White Queen by the way. Enjoy you guys! I’m so proud of this fic!!!!! Also, this is the longest fic I’ve ever written by FAR! Massive thanks to  @writingfortoomanyfandoms for listening to my constant bullshit and proofreading certain parts. Ily wifey.
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When Charles had taken her in as his own, it'd changed both of their lives. She'd been abandoned on the steps of his mansion when she was just two years of age, causing a large amount of panic to be instilled in the mutant. He and Hank had gone over any and every possible scenario, including making the decision on whether or not to keep her. Eventually, after a long, and quite heated discussion, Charles settled on the decision of keeping her. To raise her as his own. (Y/N) Xavier had her father wrapped around her little finger. There wasn't a thing he wouldn't do for her. That was until he began taking that evil serum that gave him his legs but took his powers. At that stage in life, she had been residing in the mansion for four years, meaning she had been there since 1968, six years after Charles losing any use of his legs. And for some reason, that thought agitated Charles. But he never yelled at her. His anger was always at Hank or anyone who tried to visit. However, even after he'd stopped taking the serum and reopened the school, he'd sent her away to Erik, knowing she would be safe in his protection. 1975 became (Y/N)'s worst year for that one reason. It was a little too much for the nine-year-old to understand. And no matter how many times Erik attempted to explain it to the young girl, she would never understand. She couldn't understand why mutants were exiles and reject, seeing as the only ones she'd yet to come into contact with were all beyond kind to her. Of course, she didn't understand.
But she understood now. A whole eight years later had brought equal amounts of good and bad knowledge of mutants to her vulnerable mind. Erik's family had become her own, though Erik would tell her stories of her own father at her times of need and fear. It comforted her, though she hadn't seen him in a long time, the memories she held of him were fond and brought a smile to her face. (Y/N) had been sitting on the couch reading a book and Erik's wife, Magda, was folding some clothes. It was peaceful. Magda was like a mother to her, as Erik was a second father, and Nina was like her sister. Suddenly, Erik rushed through the door, causing the teen to jump at the noise of the door bouncing against the wall. He was speaking through hurried words about how they all had to leave.
"You did a good thing; you saved that man!" Magda argued, putting a hand on Erik's arm as he began collecting belongings, dashing through the rooms, his wife hot on his heels. She watched from the couch, unsure of what to do, feeling helpless and lost.
"That's not the point. If I'm exposed, we're all exposed," Erik stopped, moving to stand before his wife, resting a hand on her cheek, "We have to go."
"This is our home. This is our two daughters home," She shot back, gesturing blindly towards (Y/N) and she felt her heart warm, despite the tense and fearful situation.
"We are their home. I told you who I was the first night I met you. I trusted you then. I need you to trust me now. We can't stay here anymore," A sigh escaped his wife's lips and she glanced at the girl, still sat frozen on the couch, though she was on the edge of her seat now. (Y/N) knew very well how dangerous it was for Erik's cover to be blown, despite being young at the time of his most recent incident. She was young and naive. But she wasn't completely stupid.
"I'll go get Nina," Magda stated before darting upstairs. Erik's eyes fell to the girl. Practically his other daughter. He could see the panic in her eyes. The fear she felt. He felt guilty. Slowly, Erik made his way over and pulled her into a hug. (Y/N) breathed him in, feeling safe in his arms. Her real father wanted nothing to do with her, she hadn't seen her adoptive father in years, so being held by a father figure was one of the nicest feelings she'd experienced.
"I know you're scared, but you've no reason to be. I made a promise to protect you and I will keep that promise to you, my wife and my daughter, even if it kills me," (Y/N) had never known sentimentality in his voice before Magda. It was almost like a breath of fresh air when you heard it for the first time. But the moment was broken by Magda, rushing back downstairs.
"She's not in her room," Magda's voice held trepidation and that made the teen incredibly anxious like never before. Instantaneously, she broke the hug and bolted to the window, seeing Nina's common spot barren.
"I don't see her out back," (Y/n) added, feeling her heart drop to her toes. Quickly, just as Erik and Magda began running around the house, she pulled on her shoes. Before she could get outside, Erik had already beaten her too it and the trio was sprinting to the forest, calling out the child's name. All of them felt their blood run cold at the sight of a group of police officers gathered in an opening, the front officer holding Nina in a tight grip, unrelenting even as she squirmed and struggled.
"Are you okay?" Erik called to his daughter, eyeing the police officers with narrowed eyes, anger spiking through him as they tightened their hold.
"Nic jej nie jest( she's fine), "The officer reassured coldly and Magda took a step forward, despite Erik's warning glance.
"Then let her go!" She yelled and (Y/N) carefully took Magda’s hand in hers to settle her despite the rage coursing through her.
"Zrobimy to. Chcieliśmy tylko porozmawiać (We will. We just wanted to talk)" Another officer added. The teen could spy Erik shooting Nina a reassuring look, and she calmed slightly.
"Nie nosisz odznaki. Żadnego metalu( You aren't wearing your badges. No metal)," Erik remarked quietly, watching as the officers shifted uncomfortably. It was clear they feared him despite their tough exterior. Their twitching. Their nervous habit. The things that made them so painfully human. The things that made them so weak.
"Niektórzy ludzie z fabryki powiedzieli, że coś dzisiaj widzieli. Coś, co nie miało sensu. Byłeś dobrym obywatelem, Henryk. Dobry sąsiad, dobry pracownik. Chciałbym w to uwierzyć. ( Some men from the factory said they saw something today. Something that made no sense. You have been a good citizen Henryk. A good neighbour, a good worker. I would like to believe that)" Magda took another step forward at that comment. Erik was a good man. (Y/N) thought so anyway.
"On jest (He is!)" She yelled, the hand that wasn't linked with (Y/N)'s clenched. However, th police simply ignored the woman, continuing on. (Y/N) was desperate to say something. But she knew better. She'd been taught, both by Charles and Erik, that in a moment of potentially life-threatening conflict, let adults talk, until she was one herself.
"Ale nikt w mieście tak naprawdę nie wie, kim jesteś (But no one in town really knows who you are)," The man raised his eyebrows a little, prompting Erik for a response.
"Wszyscy wiedzą. Jestem Henryk Gurzsky! Jacob, nawet zjadłem u niego obiad ( Everybody knows. I am Henry Gurzsky. Jacob, I even had dinner at your place)" Erik sounded panicked. Something she hadn't heard in a long time. He was scared. Terrified even. Jacob's eyes turned venomous, eyebrows turning down into a glare.
"A ty cały czas kłamałeś. Wpuściłem mordercę do domu (And you were lying all the time. I let a murderer into my house)."Jacob growled, but the family tensed in unison as the front police officer, the one holding Nina, produced a newspaper. It had a black and white picture of Magneto on the front, back in Washington, "Czy to pan nazywa się, Magneto? (Are you the one called Magneto?)" Erik's eyes turned desperate. He spared a glance at the women behind him. He couldn't do this to them. But he had to.
"Poddaję się. Proszę. Pozwólcie mojej córce odejść.( i surrender. please. Let my daughter go)" He begged, taking a cautious step forward, eying the archers with distrust evident in his blue hues. Tentatively, the officer released Nina, the girl instantly sprinting into her father's arms. Erik returned the hug tightly, wishing he could stay with her forever.
"Idź z matką. (Go with your mother)" Erik murmured to his daughter, tenderly pushing her so Magda could pull her into a protective embrace, tight against her body. (Y/N) wanted to intervene, offer herself instead, pull Erik back. Anything. She had been taught better to act on her emotions. Nina fought against Magda, trying to break free of her arms, screaming out.
"Proszę! Nie zostawiaj mnie. Nie pozwolę im cię zabrać! (Please! Don't leave me. I won't let them take you!)"Birds flocked in, seemingly, out of nowhere, aiming their sharp beaks and beady eyes at the officers. Their claws scratched and their beaks pecked, all of the officers ducking and flailing their arms in surprise. Magda speedily twisted Nina around, trying to stop her. But in all the commotion, everyone failed to notice a singular arrow shooting through the air.
(Y/N) let out a short scream as the arrow struck Nina, eyes widening and tears filling her eyes, hand covering a mouth as a sob escaped her throat. Erik's eyes were glossy and he sprinted over, collecting his wife and child in his arms. His nose was buried in his daughter's hair, tears leaking down his cheeks. She couldn't believe it. They were gone. A part of her wished it had been her instead of them. After all the hardship Erik had faced, he deserved happiness. And he'd found it. And in a second he'd lost it again. (Y/N) wished the arrow hit her. Erik barely glanced up as Nina's locket began floating before suddenly raced through the air. The metal glided through the men's necks, each of them falling one by one. He caught the bloodied locket in his hand, clutching it tightly, before letting out a sob into his girls' shoulders. (Y/n) felt terrified. She'd never felt that way before. Not around him. Never around him. Erik knew that without even looking. Why wouldn't she be?
"You should leave. You're no longer safe with me. Germany is the safest place for you right now. Away from me.
Only a few days later, (Y/N) had found herself in Germany, finally using the language Erik had taught her so many years ago. She was alone. Vulnerable. No one to guide her. No one to call a friend. Or a father. Her place of residence, given that she had no money, had become an abandoned bungalow. The bricks were disintegrating with every day that passed, rain pelting through the gaps in the roof whenever the weather called of it. Most of the doors had been knocked down, but the few that remained were slowly rotting away. It was always freezing and made her curl into herself and shiver, but it was the closest thing she had at home. Half of her brain was screaming at her to go back home to Charles, but she had no way of returning to her dad. So there she stayed, avoiding anyone she could, only leaving when she really needed to. Somehow, she fell into some sort of a schedule, giving her some peace of mind, Until they came. She'd been hurt. She was unprotected. She was a perfect target.
A large crash distracted (Y/N) from her task, instantly placing her on high alert. Erik's words swam around her head 'Don't let them corner you' ' Don't let them overpower you.' Carefully, and as silently as possible, she lifted herself onto a low hung piece of wood. The seventeen-year-old hoisted herself through a gap in the roof, head peeking over the side just as a small group barged into the room she was previously positioned in. There were two females, both held themselves defensively. One of them had pure white hair and the other had dark hair. Complete opposites but nothing particularly interesting to (Y/N). When her eyes shifted over to the two males, her opinion quickly changed. All of a sudden, the group had piqued her interest. The man, if she could call him that, was tall with a strong physique, easily towering over the others, His face was a light blue, dark navy etching decorating his face. Then she saw him. Blond curls sprouted from his head, making him look angelic as light filtered through the broken windows, huge opposition to the leather jacket he wore. He had gorgeous green orbs and (Y/N) felt her heart stutter. She watched as the group looked around, mumbling hushed words between them. She couldn't help but wonder if they were looking for her. But, surely, that was impossible. Why would they be looking for her?
"There's no one here. You were wrong," The woman with white hair stated, and the three younger followers turned their harsh stares to the man stood in front of them. The blue-faced man remained still, almost frozen until his eyes suddenly snapped to (Y/n). Her eyes widened in shock, her heart pounding, and she launched herself off of the short roof. As soon as she hit the floor, her legs were moving as fast as they could carry her, They may not have been a risk, but she didn't want to take that chance. She sped through the empty field that isolated the bungalow, desperately trying to reach the forest before they got too close. She prayed for luck. She didn't receive it. A loud clinking sounded from behind her, strong arms wrapping around her waist and pulled her backwards, letting go the moment before her body made contact with the hard floor. A groan broke from her cracked lips and she sat up slowly, shielding her eyes from the sun. A figure blocked the sun a second later. Then two. Then three. Then four. Her eyes opened, fear glistening in them.
'Don't show fear' the words, though spoken to her so long ago, snapped her back to reality. (Y/N) furrowed her eyebrows, glaring at the group.
"Wer seid ihr?( Who are you?" She demanded, using an arm to support her body. When she received no response, she could feel resentment rising in her.
"Ich sagte, wer Zum Teufel bist du? (I said, who the fuck are you?)" It was then she noticed that the curly haired boy had two silver, metal wings growing from his back. An angel in sense of the word.
"Wir Sind Hier um Ihnen etwas anzubieten ( we are here to offer you something), "The angel responded and (Y/N) stood up, finding amusement as the three younger people tensed, folding her arms over her chest.
"Oh? Und was wäre das? (Oh? And what would that be?)"Every second that passed made her feel more on edge, wishing Erik or Charles were there.
"A way to show your true potential. Your mutation is your greatest strength," The blue-faced man's voice was low, breathy. It sounded almost like he was choking.
"Verpiss dich ( Fuck off). I don't have a mutation. So thanks, but no thanks. You wasted your time," After living in Poland for so long, a slight accent tinted her voice, intriguing Warren greatly. Yet, it almost made her cringe, memories of Magda and Nina clouding her thoughts. Just as she had turned her back to the group, she fell to her knees, a scream of agony tearing through her mouth. Millions of thousands of voices filtered into her brain, all overlapping and shouting. Her ears rung and she brought her hands to cover her ears, nails digging into her scalp. For some unknown reason, the sight bothered Warren immensively and he had to turn his head away. Her screams made him want to vomit. In her moment of weakness, (Y/N) failed to notice the ice gathering around her knees and her fingertips. Frost patterned her hand and arms and the ice gradually slithered down to her elbow. But just as the voices had begun, they were cut off once more. Chest heaving, she looked over her shoulder, fearfully taking her hands from her ears.
"What did you do to me?" She breathed it. She'd never heard herself sound so defenceless. She hated it.
"I showed you your true ability. If you come with me, I can train you to your full potential," A voice deep down was telling her to run. But in that moment of unguarded emotion, she accepted.
When (Y/N) was brought back to Poland with Storm, Psylocke, Warren and Apocalypse, Warren could feel the uneasiness radiating from her. The assembly arrived outside a factory, a man she knew far too well stood in front of the entrance. She hid behind Warren and, despite only knowing her for a few hours, he felt like he had to protect her. The longing glances didn't go unnoticed by Psylocke, who narrowed her eyes in warning. Warren swiftly outstretched his wings just enough to cover the newly discovered mutants. He didn't know what had come over him. All he knew was that he would die for her, should it come to it.
"Who the fuck are you?" Erik turned to face them, flinching when Apocalypse took a step closer "Stay back. Whoever you are, don't try to stop me from killing these men," (Y/N) shuddered. Never before had she heard him speak like that. She knew what he'd done in the past. Who didn't? But hearing those words from his mouth unsettled her.
Their fingers were locked together as Apocalypse ran a hand down Warren's temple and cheek, leaving a black tattoo in his wake. It'd been days since he'd first met her, but something had clicked between the pair. An angel, who never allowed himself to trust anyone, had become attached in such a short amount of time. That alone made him anxious. And he wasn't the only one. Erik had nearly fought her trying to make her stay away. He wanted to protect one of the last family members he had left. Both himself and (Y/n) knew that he couldn't do that if she went through with it.
"You can't do this," Erik stated, watching as she patched up a hole in Storm's outfit. Something Charles and Magda had taught her.
"I can. And I'm going to," She replied, eyes still fixed on the needle and thread, pulling a piece of thread between her teeth.
"I won't let you" He shot back, and though his voice was calm, she could tell he was perturbed. Before he was discovered in Poland, he'd never been so firm with her. Upon her thirteenth birthday, she had been granted free will and trust. She never dared cross him. Always the perfect child. Erik not once failed to see Charles in her, though she wasn't biologically his. His characteristics had rubbed off on her. And Erik didn't know if he could bear to see her fall.
"Erik, don't try and stop me. I've made my decision," (Y/N)'s voice turned harsher, taking the thread from her teeth as she finished working on the outfit. Despite the tense atmosphere, she still gracefully folded the outfit. Something Charles used to do, Erik recalled.
"I promised Charles-" Alarm bells rang in Erik's head when she stood up, an ice blast shooting from her hand, narrowly missing his ear.
"Fuck what you promised Charles! He decided to give me away to you, so I couldn't care less what he says," She seemed surprised as he was. Not at any time had she said a bad word of Charles. She'd admired him for forever. She was already losing her way. It hurt to see. Though at that moment, Erik's emotions took charge, causing him to snap. Something he swore he'd never do in front of her. Yet it had happened twice.
"You're not putting yourself in danger! I won't lose you too!" In his rage, a stray piece of metal flew at her, knocking her into the wall. Her head made contact with the wall before she fell down onto her hands and knees. A shaky hand came to graze the back of her head, pulling back only to see a bit of blood staining her frosted fingers. Upon seeing the blood, Erik took a few steps back. No. He had hurt her. He was supposed to be her protector. How could he? With all the commotion, Warren had run in, instantly rushing to her side, a hand on her shoulder and another on her waist. He was glaring daggers at Erik as he carefully helped her out. Expletives escaped Erik's lips as he threw the nearest object at the wall, making it shatter on impact.
"Ow, fuck," (Y/N) hissed, flinching away from Warren's delicate touch. The angel narrowed his eyes, pulling her back to his chest.
"Hold still," His words were harsh, trying to hide the rising concern in his body, accidentally pressing a bit too hard on her head. She turned in his lap, now straddling him, slapping his shoulder sharply.
"Careful!" That tone frightened her. Since she was young, her words were soft spoken. Charles had instilled it into her. The coldness of her voice was icier than her mutation could ever be. It was like a shard of glass, impaling whoever it was directed at.
"Can't you see that I'm trying? I could just leave you here to sort your own shit out, "Warren grumbled, glaring at her. She let out a sigh, resting her head on his chest.
"I'm sorry. Thank you for taking care of me, Warren," (Y/N) was exhausted. He could see it in her eyes. She'd been pushed to the limit by Apocalypse when training. Never giving her a chance to catch her breath. It wasn't fair. But she needed to learn. Warren released a frustrated huff, linking his hands behind her back. Why couldn't he stay mad at her? He'd been notorious for holding grudges against people for years over the smallest things, yet he couldn't seem to bring himself to be angry at her. Somehow, that irked him more.
"Warren, did you hear me?" She repeated, causing Warren to snap out of his trance and look down into her sparkling (E/C) orbs. He didn't expect what he did next. He didn't know why he did it or quite how it happened, but before they both knew it, their lips were locked in a searing kiss. (Y/N)'s fingers tangled in his hair and Warren gripped her hips, tilting his head to deepen the kiss. Her lips were perfectly moulded for his and he felt like he'd died and gone to heaven. Fitting for him, really. The moment felt amazing but Warren broke the kiss, placing his forehead on hers. He resisted the temptation to touch his lips, still tingling from the hard but oh so wonderful kiss.
"(Y/N), you know we can't do this," he mumbled, his hot breath fanning over her lips. The warmth of his lips was teasing her. But she knew that he was right.
"I know," She responded sadly, not yet daring to open her eyes. Because if she opened her eyes, she wouldn't be able to hold herself back.
"I don't want us to get involved. We're going to war in a few days. And if we carried this on when that happens, there's no guarantee we'll return to each other. I can't hurt you like that," His words were barely audible like he was terrified of the thought. And honestly, he was. Silently, she nodded, climbing off of him, beginning to walk the door. He swore he could hear both his and her hearts breaking as she stopped at the door.
"Thanks for fixing up my head. I appreciate you more than you think."
Erik was mumbling to himself as Apocalypse decorated (Y/N)'s back with a dark tattoo, a long-dead language imprinting her skin in barely legible writing, just about visual through the sheer costume she wore. Her (H/C) locks had been tainted a dark blue at the ends, closely matching the shade of her fingertips. The subtle changes made her look different. Erik wasn't quite sure he liked it at all. All of a sudden, Apocalypse turned abruptly, staring directly at Erik. His head turned up to the ceiling after an almost silent statement she couldn't hear.
"It's always the same. And now this. No more stones; no more spears, no more slings; no more swords! No more weapons! No more systems! No more!" The god's voice raised with each item, bouncing off the cold stone walls and reverberating through the ears of the mutants. (Y/n) clung to Warren's hand. And at first, Erik thought her to be scared. But to his great dismay, he saw a grin rise on her cheeks at Apocalpyse's declaration "No more superpowers." Erik couldn't bear to see her change of character. The evil glint in her eyes. The darkness that tinted her innocent smile. He barely noticed a portal being opened until Psylocke aggressively pulled him inside. The group reappeared in a hallway that was pain-wrenchingly familiar to Erik and (Y/n). She tried to ignore the ache in her heart when she noticed the shock and sadness that crossed Hank's face upon seeing her. Then there was her father, leant over, unconscious in his wheelchair.
"Erik," Raven began softly, only to be interrupted when Erik speedily extended his arm, Charles' chair being dragged to him, his body limp and lifeless. It hurt to see him but she rapidly turned with Psylocke and Storm and walked back through the portal. A violent cough escaped her lips as she inhaled some sand on the other side. Warm gusts of air blew her hair and a drift in the wind brought out a desperate scream.
"CHARLES!"
She couldn't bring herself to look at her father. Despite the change of views and perspectives being brought to light, she couldn't watch him in pain. Warren had noted it. Of course, he had. (Y/n)'s tense uncomfortableness had not been lost on him. It was a dead giveaway. He wanted to guide her. Help her. But he couldn't risk it. In such a life-threatening time, he couldn't let himself get attached. A thought tickled the back of his mind. Because he knew it was too late and he was absolutely, positively sewn to her. Anyone could suspect it, given how close in proximity they remained at any provided moment together. Erik could see it. And he knew the look they both gave each other. The look he used to give to his wife.
A groan rose from Charles' mouth as he slowly regained consciousness. Warren knew little of (Y/N)'s backstory, though, from the way she shifted beside him, he could perceive that she and the professor had some sort of history, as clearly strained as it was. Charles reached up, pinching the bridge of his nose. Something she remembered him doing when everyone's thoughts were particularly loud.
"You're blocking me. How?" He asked, annoyance and confusion concocted together in his voice. Hearing his voice after so many years almost made his daughter flinch and question herself. What was she doing? She didn't stand by Apocalypse's values. Yes, she did. Of course, she did. Why would she be here otherwise? Apocalypse leant down slightly before taking a seat before him. Charles' eyes were squinting from the almost blinding sunlight beating down on the group.
"I can shield their minds from your powers. One of the many gifts I've acquired over the millennia. But to see inside the mind... to control it. That's your gift," Apocalypse got closer, his voice lowering in volume. Menacing. Almost. "You saw it, didn't you? The glory of what's to come," Charles wouldn't give him the satisfaction of a response and jerked his head to Erik instead.
"You're going to take part in all this killing? The destruction?" Erik's eyes narrowed at the question.
"It's all I've ever known," He replied and Charles let out a weak, quiet scoff.
"No, it's not. You've just forgotten," Charles responded instantly, propping his arms against the floor so he could sit up. (Y/n) could remember being picked up by him and being driven around the mansion with him in his wheelchair, everything passing in a blur. She could remember, when he started taking the serum, chasing her around in circles, laughter echoing through the entire house before the mood swings kicked in. That was her father. And she was siding against him.
"No Charles, I remember. Your way doesn't work," As Charles tilted his head to look back at Apocalypse, a gleam of metal in the sun caught his eye. His heart almost shattered at that moment. She was there. His daughter. (Y/n) was stood right there, hand locked with Warren's, eyes glued to the floor. He'd watched her grow with Cerebro. But it was nothing like seeing her in person. He only wished it had been under better circumstances.
"(Y/N)," Charles called out softly. He observed helplessly when her face shifted before his view was obstructed by shining wings as Warren turned her around, arm around her shoulder, wings extended
The clinking of wings was the only way (Y/N) knew Charles had been placed down. Until there was a gentle request of her name.
"(Y/N), he's using you. You know that. This group aren't good for you. You don't stand for their beliefs," She didn't. She knew that. No. She did stand for them. She had to. Both desperation and disappointment were present in his voice. She narrowed her eyes, turning sharply on her heel.
"How would you know what morals I stand for? You haven't seen me since you gave me away," She snarled and Warren eyed the exchange curiously, watching sadness fill Charles' features. He was looking at her like he'd never seen her before. It took everything in her to not crack under Charles' gaze. And Charles could see it. In her eyes. But he also saw something darker. A force. A state of mind that he'd taught her to fight. And she'd succumbed to it. He couldn't see her fighting it once more.
"I gave you to Erik to protect you," He shot back, pushing himself up slightly.
"Well, look how that turned out," A loud crash outside distracted the two teens and Apocalypse made an entrance, his thundering footsteps slowly making their way closer.
"Enough," His voice, though hushed and lowered in volume, seemed to load the expanse of the room vibrate through every crevice."My children, you have done me well. Guard this place. Let not a soul disturb us."
"You're just another false god. Whoever's left to follow you and when this is all over they will betray you again, "Warren shoved Charles back against the stone slab, a grunt escaping his lips at the contacts. Charles had to keep his eyes on Apocalypse, for if he looked at (Y/n) he knew he'd see something he'd always feared. Seeing her lose to herself.
"(Y/N), go find Storm and Psylocke. I'll deal with the disappearing bastard," Warren did a tester spin, sharp feather-shaped knives firing from his wings. Perfect shot.
"Keep yourself safe," (Y/N) replied, adjusting her outfit. Warren gave her a smirk, disguising his concern with his bad-boy demeanour.
"No promises," With that, Warren launched himself into the air, flying to the peak of the building, positioned in the darkness. (Y/n) let out a sigh before sprinting out into the light, scrubbing her eyes as they adapted to the beating sun. In that second, however, a flash of silver knocked her over, a punch instantly being landed on her cheek. Another punch was placed in her ribs before someone pulled on her legs, tugging her so her head made contact with a stray stone, reopening the wound previously left by Erik. Peter attempted to strike the girl once more but ice swarmed around his ankles, pinning his feet to the ground. With a growl, a blue blast exploded from her hand, knocking Peter back. She was gone before he had the chance to get up. Loud snarls came from behind her, Hank gaining up on her. As he went to attack, she turned to face him and his eyes widened. The shock caused him to come to a harsh halt, his heels digging into the sand. She was here. A sharp pain tore through his body before he could contemplate the thought, ripping an agonised scream from his body, barely able to see Storm hover over to (Y/n) and pick her up to place her on a building top. It gave the mutant better aim. Storm hovered in the air, situated in the large gap between (Y/N) and Psylocke. Psylocke looked over at the two.
"Split them up!"She called, nodding at Scott, Hank and Jean. Storm's eyes transformed into a bright white, electrical sparks dancing between her fingertips. (Y/N) and Storm shared a look as (Y/N) sent ice in a line between the mutants, Storm using the solidified water to turn the ice deadly. The three x-men jumped out of the way, narrowly avoiding the skin-frying river between them. Just as (Y/N) went to assault them again, a flash of light distracted her, watching in horror as she saw Warren and Kurt disappearing and reappearing every few seconds.
"(Y/N)! No distractions!" Psylocke hissed, but she had already taken off, using the ice to quicken the place. That was until a red beam fired right beside her leg, singeing part of her outfit as she was sent to the side. She let out a pained moan, rubbing her ribs to ease the pain of landing on some metal. Suddenly, that same gust of wind returned picked the girl up and threw her in a pile of rubble, half of it collapsing on top of her. (Y/N)'s arms were pinned to her sides. She could barely breathe, only able to let out an almost silent call for help. She was going to die. No. She couldn't die. She'd never been so petrified in her life. Storm rushed over, earning a furious glare from Psylocke
"Leave her! She put herself in danger!" She exclaimed, using her neon pink rope-like whip to attack Hank, curling around his neck. Storm paid little mind, floating over to the pile (Y/N) was buried under. She began clawing at the rocks, tossing them behind her. All of a sudden, another pair of hands joined Storm in her quest to free the younger mutant and she looked up to see Erik pulling at the rubble. After a few seconds, though it felt like years, a hand poked through and the pair helped pull (Y/N) out. She coughed violently, holding her throat tenderly, rubbing her eyes to rid them of the dust that had fallen into them upon impact. Erik gestured for Storm to leave and (Y/N) attempted to silently ger up, only to be pushed back down by Erik.
"What are you doing? I need to get back out there!" She stated weakly, though the ambition in her eyes was undeniable.
"I think you've done enough for one day," Erik barely finished his sentence before he was sent backwards bt an ice blast. (Y/n) stood up, jumping onto a neighbouring rooftop, looking back ar Erik.
"Good thing I don't need your permission," she remarked and sprinted off. 
Warren noticed her on the roof as he soared through the air, risking a glance between the plane full of mutants and the girl. He yelled out her name and the duo shared a gaze as she leapt off the edge of the building. There were few people she trusted with her life. For some reason, Warren was one of them. Similarly to a few days ago, Warren's arms worked their way around her waist, but instead of tugging her to the ground, they elevated her instead. The winged boy landed on the plane, still keeping a tight grip on (Y/N), using his razor-blade feathers to cut a hole. (Y/N) and Warren dropped through the hole, facing the X-Men. She caught the group, each of them latching onto a different part of Kurt. She could barely look at Charles when an odd sense of guilt began climbing through her but she tried shoving aside as Warren began advancing. She quickly followed behind, watching with panicked eyes as the group started to flicker. But just as Warren went to pounce on the group, Hank jerked the plane so its nose was directed to the ground. The horsemen were sent backwards and (Y/N) let out a pained scream as Warren's wings lacerated her right arm. With an almost impossible strength and swiftness, Warren spun himself and the girl around. Tears had filled her eyes as the cut in her arm began throbbing and Warren's face contorted to one of sadness. No. She knew that look. He couldn't. He wouldn't. But he did. His wing sliced through the wall beside her and she latched onto him before he could get to the other side of her.
"No. Don't you dare. Don't you fucking dare, Warren," Warren closed his eyes at her plea, resting his forehead on her own.
"I'm sorry," He whispered before he jolted her backwards and cut the other wall. Her body was sent flying through the air, terrified shrieks tearing from her throat. Two arms caught her before she got too close to the ground and she looked up to see Storm giving her a worried look. She placed her down but as she went to speak, a yell broke from (Y/n) as the plane made contact with the floor with a near-deafening crack.
"WARREN!" Her feet couldn't seem to carry her fast enough. X-men kept trying to hit her but she dodged their attempts. Warren was the only thing on her mind. The wreckage was being swallowed by flames, her arm was stinging and her head pounding. She had to get to him, Casting snow over the fire, she looked around frantically until she spied his sweetcorn- blonde locks. Desperately, she began shoving metal and rubble out of the way, finally reaching him. Cuts and bruises bloomed on his face and neck and she dreaded to think what wounds lingered beneath his clothes. Tears dribbled down her cheeks as she cupped his face. (Y/N) was almost too scared to check his pulse. She didn't want him to be...he wouldn't be. He'd be fine. He had to ber. The x-men watched in shock at the interaction. They'd almost forgotten that most of the group were still kids. Just like them. Erik eyed the pair. He knew there had been something going on between them. She was like a daughter to him. And he knew he had to help her. Slowly, he extended his hand, face twisting in concentration, focusing on the plane. Shakily, the remnants of the plane began rising, lifting from the trapped boy and Erik placed it down a few metres away, Reluctantly, (Y/N) put her fingers on his pulse point, almost releasing a sob of relief when she felt a pulse, as erratic as it was. One of her tinted blue hands ran through his hair, lips wobbling slightly. Hank couldn't quite believe what he was seeing. Erik had saved Warren's life purely because (Y/N) cared for him. He'd never seen that much sentimentality in Erik. It gave him hope. For both Erik and (Y/N).
But now, there was a rage bubbling inside her like never before. Apocalypse had tricked them. Offered protection for his army in their most vulnerable moments and nearly gotten Warren killed. He had to be stopped. For Warren. She stood up on trembling legs. Her body language screamed weak, especially considering the blood that leaked down her arm, playing an acrobat act on her fingertips before dropping the ground. But the fire in her eyes was bone-chilling. Wiping away the last of her tears, she looked over to where Apocalypse was stood. Raven's throat was gripped between his strong fingers. (Y/N) could see the fear on her face. On everyone's face. But she couldn't see Erik. Where could he have gone? She froze, hiding behind a wall.
"The great hero. You are feeble. Just like the others," (Y/N) saw Storm's face, shock plastered on it. She could faintly recall Storm telling her that Mystique was her idol. And she was being strangled right in front of her. She couldn't imagine what that was like. She didn't want to "CHARLES! Come rescue your weaklings! Give your life for theirs!" It was then that her eyes latched onto silver strands. Peter's leg was crooked at a weird angle and an expression of pain was painted onto his face. "CHARLES! Will you do nothing?!" There was a pregnant pause, suffocating everyone in suspense. (Y/N) had no idea where her father was. She could only pray that he was safe. Swiftly, she spared a glance at Warren almost as if she was trying to build up her confidence. She had to do this. For him. He had to be safe. And if Apocalypse won, he wouldn't be.  A loud thud pulled her eyes back to the group. Raven had been discarded on the floor, gasping for air, and Apocalypse had fallen to one knee. His eyes were squeezed shut and he kept wincing as if he was being abused by an imaginary force. Until he suddenly opened his eyes, a  dark glare flooding to his features. His hand rose above his head as he stood once more, the wall to one of the few buildings scattered around Cairo being resorted to dust. (Y/N)'s mouth fell open and a small gasp escaped her lips when she saw who had been revealed. All the x-men (minus Peter and Raven) were crowded around Charles. Menacingly, Apocalypse began advancing, a sly smirk crossing his lips and as (Y/N) moved to step out, a large chunk of metal landed directly in front of Apocalypse, then another, creating an X. Apocalypse turned, as did (Y/N), and scowled. She grinned in parallel. Erik hovered over them, stone-faced.
"You betrayed me," Apocalypse stated, a glare taking his eyes captive.
"No. I betrayed them," Erik's voice was sharp before thousands of pieces of metal came shooting at Apocalypse's form. Carefully, (Y/N) adjusted the arm of her outfit covering the wound on her arm. She had more important things to worry about. Hank and Scott leapt from the building, Hank racing to Raven and moving her out of the war zone. Scott yanked his glasses from his eyes, a red laser beam coming from his orbs. (Y/N) looked between them before outstretching her arms ice blasts repetitively being discharged from her hands. Everything was going...well. Too well. As soon as that thought swam into her brain, Hank attempted to pounce on Apocalypse, only to be deflected and knocked unconscious upon hitting the wall. Erik was struggling and almost stopped when (Y/N) was sent flipping through the air, landing on her arm. She cried out when her arm with the floor, tears streaming down her cheeks in pain. Only two noticed Jean stepping out onto thin air. A loud scream was released into the atmosphere followed by an almost blinding orange light. With squinted eyes, she looked up, gripping her arm tightly. Upon the scream, Hank jumped awake, quickly punching Scott out of the wall. A purple force field began surrounding Apocalypse as everyone except (Y/N), unleashing their powers.
"He's getting away!" Hank growled. He'd barely finished his sentence when a crash of lightning struck the force-field sending a deafening crack into the air. (Y/N) watched with clouded vision, a tiny smile coming to her face in relief as Apocalypse began flaking away, his eery words lingering in the breeze.
"All is revealed," With a quiet sigh, (Y/N) let her head fall back against the grainy floor, allowing the gathering of black dots control her sight. The last thing she heard was two desperate cries of her names.
Warren had never been so worried his entire life. He couldn't sleep, he could barely eat. Charles had practically forced him to leave the infirmary. He was an outcast. He wished he could say he wasn't used to it. When she was there, he felt wanted and needed.  But she was still unconscious a week after the battle. Charles had almost been sick when Erik had come to him with (Y/n), a deep gash implanted into her arm. And when she had woken up, he wanted to be the first one to see her. Unfortunately, she didn't want the same thing. Warren had given her the biggest smile she'd ever seen and, despite being high, on what felt like, nine different types of painkillers, (Y/N) smiled right back before, pulling him into a deep kiss. This time, Warren didn't push away. Though her father was ecstatic that they were happy, another part of him wanted to cry. Since she got to school, she'd avoided him like the plague. If he taught any of her classes, she took off the second he dismissed his students. She refused to accept the telepathic training he'd offered and never came to his office when asked to do so. After a lot of hesitation from the others, she soon made friends with Kurt and Peter but even then, she stayed with Warren. Hank had tried his best to talk to the girl, but only ever got curt responses. Warren and (Y/N) had been given a room together and it was filled with happy memories, despite her attitude outside of it. She'd never loved anyone the way she loved Warren and he could safely say the same.
"Warren, are you listening to me?" Charles asked, alerting the attention of his love-struck angel. Warren's eyes snapped back to the professor, a small smile still glued to his lips. (Y/N) had come outside with Kurt and the pair had sat together on the grass, sipping tea that Kurt had brought out with him. No words were exchanged between the two, just silence as their eyes both skimmed over their books. She looked so peaceful and content. Recently, she'd been beyond stressed because of Warren regrowing his old wings. She cleaned his wings every night and massaged his back when it got sore. Never did she complain. Never had he been touched so tenderly by another person since he was a child. it almost made his heartache for how much love she had to give. But when his eyes fell to her arm, a shiver ran down his spine. He did that. He hurt you. The guilt he felt seemed to triple every time his eyes grazed over the scar. However, he had his old wings back. Soft and fluffy and so much safer for her.
"Sorry professor, I got distracted," His head turned back to (Y/n), a grin forming. Charles sighed, heart, stinging, but forced a smile on.
"Go to her. We'll continue this another day," Not even a second after he'd finished, Warren had already flown halfway across the garden to (Y/N) and Kurt's picnic blanket, nearly knocking over the teapot. Kurt let out a playful grown that earned a laugh from Warren before he pecked her lips, beaming into the kiss. Charles watched with a heavy heart, only to freeze when your eyes locked with his. He gave her a small wave accompanied by a sad-smile, only to be disheartened further when she looked away. Warren's arm wrapped around her shoulder as Kurt babbled away.
"Everything alright, frosty?" He mumbled, eyes scanning her face from any discrepancies.
"I'm fine," She quickly turned back to Kurt, distracting herself with his excited explanation of a movie Scott took him to see.
"Professor?" A young voice called. Charles turned his head to glance to his doorway. Alexander stood there, red locks glittering in the light of Charles' fire, blue eyes shining in fear. The clock on the professor's desk read long past midnight. He shouldn't be awake, let alone other students.
"Alexander? It's late, what are you doing awake?" Charles placed his pen down, wheeling over to the eight-year-old.
"They're arguing again. And it's really cold," He had barely noticed that Alexander was shivering. No one had to who 'they' were. The past three nights, Warren and (Y/N) had been arguing, waking up other students with their yelling or (Y/N)'s lack of control over her mutations. However, in the past three days, Hank had dealt with it but Hank had gone to another country to collect a student. So it was time for Charles to face the music. With a miniscule shake of his head, Charles lead the boy back to his room, directing other students who'd left their room back into them. Kurt suddenly appeared in front of Charles.
"It's getting worse. I think that it's serious this time," Kurt said, concern filling his heavily-accented voice, his hair ruffled and eyes still crusted over with sleep.
"Alright, Kurt. Don't worry. I'll sort it out. Go back to bed, please," Charles reassured the mutants and Kurt gave him an awkward but grateful smile before disappearing once more. When Charles reached the door to (Y/N) and Warren's room, he could hear their conversation clearly through the door, shooing students who continuously exited their rooms.
"Babe, we both need fucking help! You can't keep being so selfish!" Warren boomed, his wings folding behind him as he circled the room anxiously.
"I never said you couldn't talk to him! I just don't want to myself!" She snapped back, a hand running through her hair. She was sick of having the same quarrel over and over again.
"Why not? He's your father! You said you were close!" Charles felt his heart stop. They were arguing about him. because of him.
"Yeah! We were! But how could I face him after what I did?" Her voice lowered, so Charles could only hear the beginning of her statement. A few more words were murmured behind the door before Charles turned the handle, both pairs of eyes snapping to him like deers caught in headlights.
"(Y/N), my office. Now. It's not a request this time, either," Charles commanded, though his voice was soft and kind. He made his way back to his office, waiting for his daughter. He daren't read her thoughts. He couldn't invade her privacy like that. After a few minutes, the quiet creak of his office door made Charles look up from the papers before him, watching (Y/N) sheepishly making her way into the room. Her eyes were fixated on her fingers, eyeing how small fragments of frost danced around them. From the moment she stepped in, a chill filtered into the air, making Charles pull his blazer closer to his body.
"(Y/N), you are aware of what you've done, aren't you?" His voice remained soft and gentle. A part of (Y/n) wished that she could open up to him. Be like they used to be.
"Of course I am. Just don't understand why Warren isn't here too. I wasn't the only one," She grumbled, picking at the old worn chair she sat in. That chair used to be in the living room when she was a little girl. Bought back fond memories that she'd rather not think about.
"Because I've needed to talk to you for a while but you've never come to my office," Charles responded pointedly, raising his eyebrows. (Y/N) looked to the burning fire to distract herself.
"I'm only here now because Warren made me," Charles remained silent for a moment, looking at the picture on his desk. It was an old picture, taken when (Y/n) was only three, of her in his lap. He was tickling her as she tried to read a book, her mouth open in laughter and a huge smile on his face. His girl. Sat right in front of him. And yet, it felt like he was talking to a stranger.
"You should know better than to disrupt other students so late at night. It's not fair to them. I know it's not the first time it's happened this week as well," He continued, folding his hands on the desk, gaze intense.
"Alright, I'm sorry. Can I go now?" She huffed, crossing her legs.
"Not just yet. Why won't you talk to me?" Charles sighed. He couldn't keep hiding from this. And he wouldn't let her either. Not anymore.
"I am talking to you," Charles scoffed, shaking his head.
"No, you're not. You're only giving me responses," (Y/N) looked beyond uncomfortable, shifting in her seat awkwardly.
"You really want to know why I'm not talking to you?" She looked up briefly, fire and fear in her eyes. Charles leant forwards, kindness glistening in his eyes. He was getting to her, slowly.
"Of course, I do," There was a pause, tension filling the space between them.
"Because I'm a disappointment. To you. I turned my back on the one person I loved more than life itself. If Warren wasn't here, I'd have probably killed myself by now," She didn't dare look at him. She couldn't. Charles features softened at her confession.
"(Y/N),  I-I could never be disappointed in you. You're my daughter. My little girl. no matter what you do, I'd never be disappointed. I was scared that I was going to lose you," The professor reached over and took her hand, sadness flooding into his blue orbs "Why won't you talk to me?"
"I won't let myself. I don't deserve your love and affection," A small crack in her voice seemed to tear his heart from his chest. How could she think that?
"What about Warren?" Charles inquired, though nothing in his voice was demanding, hurt or judgemental.
"Neither of us believes we deserve each other, so being together reassures us both. We're both a little broke," (Y/N) attempted to joke but it only made her sound more troubled by the second.
"You don't have to be. I want to be here for you (Y/N). If you'll let me," She pulled away. No. She was closing off again.
"I can't let you, I can't."
"Why not?"
"I'm a monster. I betrayed you. I joined Apocalypse and when you tried to reach out for me, I turned a blind eye," The room continued to grow colder with every moment that passed.
"You were lost and hurt. You did what anyone would've. You found a way to survive," He shot back, watching as the fire was extinguished due to the icy conditions.
"I could've found another way. You always told me that there's always another way," (Y/N) hissed, yanking her hands from him, fearful that the frost of her hands would hurt him. How hadn't she thought of that? She knew her dad would never admit if she was hurting him. She could've been hurting him this whole time and he'd never say a word. How could she be so stupid to let him hold her hand?
"And I've learnt in my time that that's not always true. Even so, sometimes it feels like we have no other option, especially if our minds are clouded. If we judged people by their darkest hour, we'd all be monsters. I mean, you've seen me in mine,"
'Who the fuck allowed him to be that wise at his age?' She thought before averting her eyes to the door. "But I hurt you."
"And I forgive you. Please, come over here," Charles signalled for her to come closer. With a truckload of reluctance, she slowly tiptoed around his desk, balancing on her knees so she wasn't towering over him, elbows placed on his legs. He rested a hand on her face, thumb running over her cold cheek. That's when the walls cracked and the dam burst. Salty tears made their way down her cheeks, her lip trembling. A  sob cracked from her throat as more tears streamed down, dripping from her nose an chin. Charles carefully wiped them away, resisting a sad smile when she leant into his touch. After a moment, and a lot of internal debating, (Y/N) clumsily clambered into his lap, wrapping her arms around him, face buried in his neck.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry," She couldn't form any other words and Charles reciprocated the hug, running a hand through her hair to calm her. Like he used to when she was just a young child. He pressed a kiss to her temple.
"It's alright. You're safe now. I'll never ket anyone hurt you ever again.”
Those words alone made her know everything would be okay. Maybe not now. maybe not tomorrow. But eventually, everything would be as it should be.
 Tags: @writingfortoomanyfandoms @metaphorical-love-for-a-car@queens-n-roses @freaky-dcaky @yourealegendfred@fierce-bab@dusthas-beenbitten   @bensroger @strangeandwonderfulconcepts @babebenhardy@benhardyjones @silvver-rose  
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Services No Longer Required
A/N: probably not the kind of smooch you thought you were gonna get with this one, but a smooch nonetheless! This is a one shot with no connection to any other Logan AU or fics I’ve posted. And it ran completely away with itself.
Warning: language, discussion of sexual assault
Word Count: 4,780 (oops)
Prompt: from @gollyderek
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You tried not to roll your eyes as you raised your glass to your lips. It was expensive champagne; you knew because you hated it. You could taste the pretension in the way it flaunted its dryness like no liquid should. Swallowing the whole flute in one go, you sucked air through your teeth to cleanse your palate of the cloying wealth. A server came by, skin tight dress painted onto her mathematically perfect proportions, and you plucked another glass from her tray, trading it with your empty one. The sudden fluctuation in weight distribution on the tray would have made the average attendant spill the remaining refreshments, but she adjusted beautifully. Of course she did.
“Are you enjoying your evening, miss?” the server blinked at you from behind lush lashes, her wide eyes bright, her plump lips open at just the right degree.
You peeled your eyes away from the display you’d been failing to avoid across the room, letting them land heavily on the smiling, overpriced piece of equipment in front of you. One manicured finger tapped against the glass you’d snatched as you considered how to answer her, Logan’s hand sliding slowly over the shoulder of the man whose ear he was whispering into catching the corner of your eye. Not at all, but my job requires me to be here so here the fuck I am. “Yeah, sweetheart, it’s a real blast.” You wondered if these fuckbots spoke sarcasm.
She smiled, her round cheeks shrinking her eyes as her lips drew up into a bow. Wonder if he designed this one. Picked out the tits or the mouth or… You didn’t want to think about what else Logan may or may not have requested on the particular model in front of you. “Well if there’s anything you need,” she gave a little giggle that matched the bubbles in the champagne.
This time you didn’t bother trying to hide your eyeroll. “Yeah. If there’s anything I need, doll, I’ll let you know.” She doesn’t speak sarcasm, but I’m fucking fluent. Her saccharine smile left a sour taste in your mouth. You took another sip of champagne to counter it as she flounced off, not a drop spilled as she swayed through the crowded ballroom, hips and ass trailing behind her, barely concealed beneath the shimmering white fabric. Who even falls for that shit anyway? A quick glance in either direction yielded at least seven pairs of eyes glued hungrily to her curves. You wanted to be surprised, but you’d shared a conference table with some of these men, and so you couldn’t be. Come on, Tom, you’re married for fuck’s sake.
You reluctantly returned your eyes to the far side of the palatial space, and were met with Logan’s, waiting for yours. His eyes were brown, you knew, the color of coffee without cream. But right now, his teeth flashing in a grin before clamping around the earlobe he’d just shared a secret with, they were coal black, embers flickering dangerously in their depths. Logan’s grin curved around the man’s flesh as he maintained eye contact with you. The recipient of the bite let his eyes roll closed and you felt your nostrils flare. Oh, come on Logan, really? You drained the contents of your glass and set it on a credenza as your heels clicked across the marble floor, finally unable to just sit back and watch.
.. .. .. .. .. .. ..
It had been almost six months to the day that you’d met Logan Delos. His family attorney had hired you to help “protect his image” after incriminating photos that hinted at a sex scandal were leaked to the press alongside damaging accusations that had been proven false, but still threatened to mar Logan’s- and by extension, Delos’- reputation. You thought you’d known what to expect when it came to Logan; in fact, you had even gone so far as to argue with your boss about taking him on as a client. But Delos Inc. and its subsidiaries had been using your firm for years.
“They’re one of our oldest and most important clients,” Cynthia, your boss had said in an even tone from behind her coffee mug. “And you’re one of the best we’ve got now.” She looked at you, the power in her green eyes magnified by the black rimmed glasses that were perched high on her nose. You let out a miniscule breath and clenched your jaw. You’d just received a promotion that came with a substantial raise due to the work you’d done on the last case you’d been assigned to- a pop star coming back to a wavering fan base after a stint in rehab- and you knew that Cynthia assigning you to the Delos account meant that she was reinforcing her faith in your ability to represent her firm. “This is the sort of thing you’re going to be handling now,” she told you seriously. “Playboys and pill poppers in the public eye with too much money and a penchant for extraordinary mistakes. That something you can handle?” She set her coffee down on the polished mahogany desk between you, observing every little tick and twitch in the muscles of your cheeks and lips. She’d always been good at reading people, you knew, which was why she’d been able to climb as high as she had in her profession.
You knew it was fruitless to try to hide what you were thinking. You shook your head, resigned to the fact that you’d have to take on the case. “Cyn, just tell me if you think he’s guilty before I get into this, okay? I know what the court verdict was but… what do you think?”
Cynthia flattened her hands on the desk and tilted her head. “I’d never send you into a lie, you know that.” You nodded. Yeah, I know, just… “And I have personally worked with Logan Delos in the past, and I can tell you with 100% certainty that there is no way that he is guilty. He takes his work and his career and his company far too seriously to ever jeopardize it. Is he a sharp tongued asshole who loves to flirt and dives headfirst into excess? Absolutely, so you’ll have your hands full. But under all that…” she looked for a more professional term but came up short, rolling her eyes. “Under all that bullshit, he’s a decent man. Smart, too.” She sighed. “Actually one of the few that I like to work with, because he values a professional opinion.”
“Alright, Cyn,” you smoothed your hair back. Guess this is happening. “When do I leave?”
“Tomorrow morning. You’re on the 9am to Los Angeles.” Cynthia slid a packet of information across the desk to you, your travel itinerary on top. “It’s a six month assignment, so we rented out an apartment for you.” Six months? Damn. The longest assignment you’d had prior to this one had been half that time, and you’d been able to stay in NYC for most of it, only travelling with your client when necessary. You flipped through the file as Cynthia continued speaking. “Because of the circumstances, you’ll have a temporary office within the Delos Inc. building. You’ll be working closely with Mr. Delos and several other entities, and you will be expected to attend all public appearances and events.” Working closely with Mr. Delos? You looked up from the information then, hands frozen midway through flipping the page. Usually you worked behind the scenes, putting out fires before they had a chance to spark. Actually attending events and getting that much face time with your clients was something completely new for you. You recovered, looking back down at the file in your hand, eyes scanning the printed packet and going wide when they landed on the keywords: sexual indiscretion, abuse of power, sexual assault.
It’s not true. You reminded yourself. The accuser was found to be lying, and the whole situation had been fabricated or spun grossly out of control; some assistant claiming that Logan had forced himself on her, holding her career over her head in exchange for sexual favors. You flipped another page in the packet and landed on a profile of Logan’s past relationships- a model, an actor, an heiress, another model, a member of the Russian ballet- none of them were Delos employees. Even without having met him, you knew that the accusation didn't fit his M.O.
Another flip of the pages in your hand uncovered photos that made your breath catch slightly. Oh, damn. Yeah this isn’t a man that has to force himself on...anyone. They were tabloid shots, one of Logan getting out of a gleaming black limo, long legs in perfectly tailored dress pants, one hand in the pocket of his jacket, arm bent at an angle that showed off his trim figure. His nutty brown eyes were warm above the blinding smile he wore, and even though it was just a photo you could tell that he moved with confidence from the stance that he took. The second photo was taken in a restaurant, Logan’s long fingers wrapped around a glass that he was using to gesture with. He was speaking animatedly about something to two men and a woman, his eyebrows raised and his mouth open. All three at the table with him were Delos employees according to the notes that were paperclipped to the photo page, and the female intern pictured was the one who had launched the accusations. The two men present had been called on to share their side of the story, both of them making it clear that they had not witnessed any inappropriate behavior at that dinner or at any other time. Your eyes went back to Logan, to the magnetic way that he drew the attention of those around him. Again, it was just a photo, but you could feel his energy coming through the page in the way that he so comfortably carried himself.
You looked up at Cynthia and found her studying your reactions to the photos. “As you can see, he’s quite the catch.” You cursed yourself for the color you felt rising to your cheeks. “And combined with his net worth, you can see why someone would get the idea into their head that he could be threatened for not giving them what they wanted.” You glanced back down at the pictures, and felt a twinge of sympathy for the overwhelmingly attractive young man in them. “The accusations were dismissed, and the intern has been fired and is being sued for defamation of character, but the connotations of a situation like this stick. Delos is concerned that the public memory of this incident will be that Logan can’t be trusted with female employees.” Cynthia rolled her eyes once more. “No one’s worried about his male employees apparently. Sexist fucking country we live in.” You let out a small laugh. From the list of relationships you’d reviewed, it was clear that Logan spent just as much time with men as he did with women. “So, part of the reason why you will be working so closely with him, is to improve that public memory. Of course you’ll offer advice about how he should behave for the next few months to shake this story, tell him to tone down the flirting and all that. But the other benefit is that you’ll prove that Logan Delos can work with a woman without making an advance on her.”
“Well, since I’m not on billboards or runways I’m not really his type, so that should be no problem.” You closed the information packet and set it on the desk. “Thanks for trusting me with this one, Cyn. I won’t let you down.”
“I know you won’t. And we’ll have weekly conferences so you can let me know what’s going on. I’m always available if you need advice, but,” she stood and you did the same. “I have no doubts that you can handle this one like a pro.” She’d walked you out of her office then, and the next morning your bags were packed and you were boarding a flight out of the cold and into the sunshine.
The first meeting with Logan confirmed what you’d read in those photos- his confidence was off the charts. He was entirely comfortable in any setting, because he was entirely comfortable in his own skin. He knew who he was and he made no apologies for it. He was equally as proud of his business dealings as he was of his three months of sobriety from heroin and painkillers, and as eager to leave the mess of this situation behind him as he seemed to be to show you around the building. At the end of the tour he’d shown you to your office, just two doors down from his own. You thanked him, and set your things down, starting to settle in. You thought he’d left, but when you turned back around he was still standing in the doorway, an almost tentative look crossing his handsome features. That’s different.
“Can I talk to you for a minute? About all this…” he gestured to the briefcase you’d opened on the desk.
You nodded, holding a hand out to indicate that he should go on. “Sure Mr. Delos-”
“You can call me Logan, it’s fine,” he waved you off, pulling the door closed behind him. You made sure to keep the desk between you, as even though the door was shut, the large window allowed anyone passing through the hall to peek in, and you didn’t want any of them getting any ideas about what was going on.
You nodded again. “Okay, Logan. Look, if you’re worried about my qualifications, I can assure you that-”
He cut you off again by holding up one hand, pointer finger extended. “No, that’s not… Delos has been using your firm forever. I trust Cynthia, so I trust you. I’m sure we’re gonna butt heads, but I know you’re gonna do a great job with this fucking mess.”
You cleared your throat as he kept his eyes on you. “Well, I’m glad to hear that Mr. Del- Logan.”
He took a step closer, and that tentative look was still there. When he spoke again, his voice was quieter and you were struck by the seriousness in his eyes. “I want you to know that none of it was true. I didn’t...I’d never do what she said I did.” I know… You had been skeptical only for a few minutes, before Cynthia put your doubts to rest, before you read through the packet, before you met the man in front of you. “This company means...everything to me, so I’d never do anything that would…” he shook his head, a piece of hair falling loose. He swiped it back and out of his eyes. “But more than that, I’d never use my position to manipulate someone… I’ve been on the other end of that...I respect my employees. And I’d never do anything like that to someone I respect...Hell I’d never do anything like that to anyone, respect or not.” He blinked, but you could see how much he wanted you to believe him in those dark chocolate eyes. “Look, I’ve… I’ve been with people who I’ve worked with before, but only after they’d left the company or after their services ended. I’m...careful about it…” he let out a derisive laugh. “Even if that’s the only thing I’m careful about.”
He was showing you a small crack in the confident facade with this honesty, and even though you suspected that he was right- you’d likely butt heads plenty of times over the next few months as you helped him repair the public opinion of him- you found yourself growing angry that someone would throw such damaging lies at someone as honest and sincere as Logan. You gave him a small smile that you hoped was reassuring. “I know, Logan. I believe you fully. It’s despicable, the lengths some people are willing to go to for a little attention. I truly am sorry that this happened to you, and we’re going to do everything we can to make sure that it’s entirely behind you.”
He nodded, hands in his pockets. “Good. Well, I’ll let you get settled. You know where my office is if you need anything.”
You thanked him, and he left the door to your office open as he left, turning down the hall to go to his own office, double the size of yours as it should be. He’s intense… this is going to be quite the assignment… You blew air out through your lips as you sunk into your desk chair, wasting no time in getting to work on a blueprint for this project: Cut back on the flirting in public, show up to any and all press releases to show that he’s more invested in the business than the business interns, strong emphasis on giving back to the community, large donations to foundations that support equality in the workplace, etc.
The six months had passed much more quickly than you would have guessed. The first fundraising event that you’d attended had left you feeling like Cinderella at the ball… combined with a little bit of fairy godmother as you reminded Logan not to get too physical with his date for the event, and that he should make a speech to draw attention to the cause that was being supported. He’d groaned and called you a buzzkill, but he’d done what you’d asked, and that had pretty much set the tone for every interaction. “You’re no fun,” was a commonly used phrase, and he’d taken to introducing you to certain people as his “own personal killjoy”. You rolled your eyes and played along, but you knew that he appreciated the work that you were doing, because he heeded your every suggestion. Your private meetings with him had become less and less daunting as time went on and the two of you got to know one another, allowing for less walking on eggshells and more nitty gritty facts, eventually causing Logan to eye you suspiciously from across your desk one afternoon, and say “Ya know, I think you know more about my personal life than anyone I’ve ever dated.”
You swallowed the coffee you’d just sipped and stared at him. Despite the sometimes cocky way he’d behaved, and the seemingly unquenchable sex drive, you had to admit that you liked Logan. As a person. He happened to be the most physically appealing person you’d ever laid eyes on, but you were learning things about him that you liked, too. “It’s my job to know these things, Logan.” But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t also enjoy it.
“It won’t be your job forever,” he pointed out. “You gonna just forget all that stuff when you leave? File it away in some cabinet somewhere until I make my next big mistake?” There was a mischievous spark in his eye as he asked.
Couldn’t forget you if I wanted to and you know it. You shook your head. “Still have a few weeks here.”
“Too bad,” he muttered, and you couldn’t tell what he meant- too bad that you were leaving soon? Too bad that you’d have to move on to another client? Too bad that you were still an employee and therefore off limits? Don’t be stupid, he can’t be interested in you when he’s got runway models on speed dial.
You cleared your throat. Change the subject. “Let’s talk about the Delos anniversary party. It’s coming up, and it’s the last event I’ll be on for. I’ve outlined some points that I think are important to stick to…” You watched the twitch of his lips as you brought it back to business. Is that...disappointment?
.. .. .. .. .. .. ..
When it was finally time for the anniversary gala, the unofficial end to your contract with Delos Inc. and your time with Logan, you’d felt tense in a way you’d never felt at the end of an assignment before. Everything had gone perfectly, and Cynthia was more than pleased with the updates that you’d been giving her. But the last week leading up to the gala had been the most contentious with Logan. You’d reminded him that he shouldn’t worry about who to bring, that he should focus on celebrating the Delos brand and the success that the company has enjoyed, to which he replied that he wanted you to be his date.
“Logan. That would destroy everything we’ve been working on this whole time.” Is he fucking serious?
“Would just be nice to take someone to one of these things that actually knew me, that gave a fuck about more than my money.” He shrugged. “Can’t tell me you’re not interested.”
Son of a bitch. “Logan.” Of course I’m interested but that would ruin everything for both of us. “Come on, don’t be ridiculous.”
He narrowed his eyes and pressed his lips together. “No. Wouldn’t want to be ridiculous. Alright then, I’ll see you at the party. You can take one of the Hosts as your date if you want.” Hitting the “want” with a little more aggression than necessary, he turned on his heel and exited your office then, leaving you speechless and confused. What the fuck was that about?
For the most part, he’d stuck to the plan for the party. He’d chosen a tried and true date- a model named Raife that he’d been seen with plenty of times and who had never tried to exploit him or use him or do or say anything damaging. He’d made the speech that you’d written, he’d shook all the right hands and refrained from drinking too heavily. He hadn’t occupied the same square foot as you the entire evening, though you’d felt his eyes on you plenty of times, and they seemed pleased that you hadn’t come with anyone- even more pleased at your seeming distaste for the perfection of the Hosts that were present. All in all, he’d been behaving perfectly all night. But now that the party was winding down, getting into its final hour, he seemed hell-bent on raising a red flag. The intimate way he was interacting with Raife finally got your attention, and you’d seen him grin as you set your empty glass down on your way across the room.
You cleared your throat as you came to stand before him, arms crossed over your chest. “Logan, can I have a word with you?”
He remained seated, one arm draped over Raife’s shoulder. Instead of answering you, he nudged his date and turned to him. “See? What’d I tell you? She’s here to yell at me.” He looked up at you, shit eating grin on his face. “Go ahead, then.”
“A private word, please, Logan?” You arched one eyebrow to show that you meant business.
“I am in trouble,” he joked to Raife, who matched Logan’s smile with one of his own. Despite the teasing and the hard time he was obviously trying to give you, Logan stood and followed you out a nearby door into the empty hallway. A clock on the wall showed that it was just minutes to midnight and the end of the event.
“Logan, what the hell do you think you’re doing?” You asked, thoroughly annoyed with him for how he’d been acting ever since you told him that you couldn’t be his date a few days prior. “You’re just throwing everything we worked on away? Why?”
“So it worked?” His eyes flicked up to the clock and then back to you as a smirk grew on his face.
You sighed, utterly exasperated. You liked Logan. You’d come to think of him more as a friend than a client, learning about him, learning how to deal with him- how to deal with him when he was being a shit like he was now. But you also liked Logan, and because of that, you couldn’t wait for this job to be over, to be back in New York and far away from the thing you wanted most but couldn’t have. “What are you talking about? What worked?”
He watched the second hand tick up towards the twelve on the clock before taking a step towards you. “You’re jealous.” He licked his bottom lip, running his tongue along it.
“Jealous? Logan, what-”
Another step. “Raife knows I just needed someone for the night, you know. And technically,” the clock chimed midnight as he pointed to it, eyes firmly on you. “Technically, your services are no longer required here. You don’t work for me or with me or…”
“Logan. You can’t just…” you shook your head. Is he serious? He wanted my attention? Because he… “Logan, we can’t.” I want to, though.
He took one more step until there were only inches between you. He was careful not to touch you, but you felt your skin tingle at the thought that he was close enough to. “Why not?” he asked softly, softer than you’d heard him speak for the entire six months, much softer than the tone he’d taken with you in the past few days. “Why can’t we… I like you...you...you know me…”
I do know you, Logan, I know you too well. “Logan…”
He stood straight and put on his boardroom face, speaking your name in an authoritative tone. “Your services at Delos are no longer required.” He held the face for a few seconds, then let his smirk slide back across his lips. “And as such, I’d like to take you out.”
You swallowed, head spinning. What would Cynthia say? Is this even happening? I can’t, he’s...I mean, he’s...goddamnit. “Logan, I… my career, I… I can’t see my clients, I-”
“I’m not your client anymore. And I don’t plan to need your company’s services ever again...As boring as the last six months have been,” you rolled your eyes and so did he and despite yourself you felt a grin forming. “I’ve learned a lot from you...not just about how to save face, but about how I deserve to be treated and talked to and…”
“You deserve respect, Logan, and happiness and-”
“Then come out with me. Please. No one’s ever treated me like you have and...you didn’t just do what the job required, you bothered to get to know me. You gave a shit about me and not just the bottom line. And I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think you were gorgeous.” He dropped his voice. “And I never lie.”
“Logan, you don’t know how much I want to say yes, it’s just-”
“Then say yes. We don’t have to go out right away, you can go back to New York and then I can-” he shook his head. “I don’t know, I’ll come out there in a few weeks and it won’t be connected to work at all. Just...just say yes.”
You thought it through as much as you could with two glasses of champagne and Logan’s intense stare swirling through your brain. If we wait a while...if I go back home first… if I’m no longer connected to him for work… fuck it. He was over the top and loud and unapologetic. He was magnetic and attractive and you were just as enamoured by his personality as you were by his smile and his eyes. You liked Logan Delos, more than you thought possible when you first heard that you’d be working with him, and he was standing before you telling you the exact same thing. “Yes, Logan.”
His mouth dropped open but he snapped it shut, eyes warming and smile growing. “Yes?”
You laughed and nodded. “Yes. I’ll go out with you. In two weeks. In New York. And Logan?”
“Yeah?” His smile changed the tone of his voice with how genuine it was.
“I never want to work for you again.”
He laughed then, checking both sides of the hall before taking your hand and bringing it to his lips. They lingered on your knuckles and you felt warmth spread from your hand, up your arm and throughout your chest. It was the most chaste kiss he’d ever given anyone, but the way he kept his eyes locked on yours as he let his teeth graze your skin told you that he was capable of much more. “Deal,” he promised as he pulled away, fingertips brushing your palm before letting go of your hand.
@something-tofightfor @its-my-little-dumpster-fire @suchatinyinfinity @agent-bossypants @lexxierave @thesumofmychoices @belladonnarey @ymariejp @obscurilicious @ms-delos @songtoyou @gollyderek @traeumerinwitzhelden @breanime @drinix
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justfinishedreading · 4 years
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Remainder by Tom McCarthy
I read this book about two or three months ago, it’s the sort of book I can say is really good, in a literary sense, but ask me if I enjoyed it and my answer is definitely no. The blurb describes it as “a darkly comic meditation on memory, identity and history”. I take a less romantic view and say it’s a disturbing -and occasionally comic story- about white male privilege, the abuse of wealth and power, the danger of diminishment of responsibility, and the importance of post-trauma therapy.
Before the story commences, the protagonist has already suffered an accident; an object dropped from a flying plane and nearly killed him. Part of his brain was damaged, and he could no longer walk or move. He had to re-learn every basic physical movement from scratch, starting with the simple act of picking up a small object. The part of his brain dedicated to movement was gone and to learn moment anew meant psychologically rewiring his thought-process. He learnt about the mechanics of his muscles, his bones, every change that occurs to make possible that simple act of picking something up. Over and over again these mechanics had to be thought out before action could be taken. As a consequence, when we meet our protagonist all his actions are slow, every detail must be thought through. Repetition and routine are key.
The unnamed airline company has offered him eight and a half million pounds to settle the case out of court, under the condition that he never talks about this publicly or privately. He accepts. And this is where the story begins.
One day, our unnamed protagonist, remembers a particular memory. His memories were gone when he woke up hospitalized, but they’ve been coming back slowly and in random bits. He sees a crack in a bathroom wall and is instantly reminded of a similar crack in an unknown apartment. He remembers looking out of the window and seeing black cats walking on the roof of the building opposite, he remembers leaving the apartment and walking down the internal staircase, he remembers the smell of someone cooking liver and someone playing piano, and he remembers feeling happy, feeling himself, feeling real and at one with everything around him.
He is struck by this memory of feeling natural, because since his accident all his movements, all his actions, seem rehearsed, studied, or as he puts it “second-hand”. Instead of trying to find out where this apartment is, why he was there, and what was going on at that time that brought him a form of peace, he decides instead to recreate the memory; the building and the people, to “re-enact” the scene from his memory, over and over again. Ironically experiencing the feeling of that memory second-hand…
From the point of view of the audience it is quite tedious to read about the unfolding of this plan, to us it seems obvious that this is doomed to fail, that manufacturing a feeling is counter-productive to feeling authentic. For me, I just wanted the book to end, I have never wanted more for a book to just… please, please… END.
The protagonist spends a lot of money, time and effort in finding a correct-looking building, paying off everyone that lives there to move out, hiring contractors to strip down the interior, recreate the look and feel of his memory building (which includes, amongst many other things, the wearing and sanding down of materials to look aged), and hiring people to be live-in actors, 24/7 on call, repeating the same actions over and over again: frying liver, playing the piano, taking out the rubbish etc.
Now we might say yes these actions, this way of spending money seems utterly pointless, but if he feels comforted by these actions and he has the money and it is his to do with as he pleases, what is wrong with that? What does it matter if we don’t approve? These actions are deeply important to him.
Now this is where white male privilege comes in, and also the power that comes with wealth. Speaking as a woman from a working-class background, of emigrant parents, I could never make someone go through what he puts his employees through. Here’s an example; in his memory, there’s the smell of someone pan-frying liver. To recreate this smell, he and his team found that they have to put about fours pans on the go for the smell to drift from downstairs up to his new apartment. His employees would fry liver all day, every day, for months on end, even when he wasn’t in the building, he still wants that to take place. The constant frying of liver meant that the air vents were frequently clogging up with huge amounts of fat. Imagine living there? The smell of liver every single day, all day, how nauseating it must be for those people. We may say that money can make monsters out of anyone, but the sense of entitlement the protagonist feels, in so short a space of time, is astounding, and I argue that he had some existing feelings of entitlement to bounce off of.
Another example; he hired a middle-aged pianist to re-enact the pianist from his memory, the pianist would practice a music score on the piano, occasionally making mistakes (intentionally “accidently” making mistakes). He would repeat the problem passage, then continue practicing, again make mistakes, repeat problem passage, over and over again, every day, the same score of music, but with no intention of it ever being played in public, with no end goal except to fake practicing. Imagine what that would do to a person psychologically.
We are never told what these people feel, because the protagonist, who is also the narrator, simply does not care. Whenever someone questions his motives, the protagonist replies with just one word: “whatever”. He never takes the time to explain his thought-process, he has no need for social approval or connection. In this respect the novel is remarkable, characters with these traits are usually portrayed as psychopaths in thrillers and horror stories, so it’s interesting to see that character outside the cliché box. And make no mistakes about it he is a psychopath; the team recreate the memory of black cats walking on roofs by acquiring black cats and everyday pushing them out onto the roof. Unfortunately, the roof is unnatural and artificially made, there’s nowhere for the cats to go or escape, they end up slipping and falling off and dying on impact with the ground. The protagonist is aware of this and is unmoved.
Surprisingly the protagonist does start to experience some pleasure from these re-enactments, in fact he becomes addicted to them. But the ‘high’ he gets from the control and repetition lessens as time goes on, soon he seeks out new and more problematic scenarios to re-enact, more potentially dangerous ways to feel elated. I won’t spoil the rest of the book or discuss the ending except to mention that a lot of people who read Remainder get dazzled by the ending and the various interpretations of the “truth” of what happens. We know for a fact that the narrator is highly unreliable because he withholds information, changes details and, in one occasion at least, told a story that at the end he admits was completely made up. Some readers get excited about possibilities like is he perhaps still in a coma and is this all a weird dream? Is he actually dead and this is purgatory or hell? Sort of a Third Policeman type thing. Me, I take it at face value; I think the main structure of the story is true, certain details certainly were changed, and things exaggerated, the man is a liar for sure, and the end does not tell us the full ending of what happened, but the rest we can guess ourselves.
The final thing I want to talk about is relationships, the importance of social relationships and human connection. At the start of the story the protagonist has two friends; a man about the same age as him (late twenties / early thirties) and who is a bit of a douchebag (the protagonist tells us that before the accident he used to find his friend’s humour funny, I take that as proof that the protagonist was already a wanker before the accident). There’s also a long-distance female friend, who is visiting. Now these two are taken out of the picture quite quickly, the woman continues her travels, and the protagonist stops answering his mate’s calls. No family is ever mentioned, which is really weird considering he’s been recovering from serious injuries -unless the protagonist is an orphan, but even then surely he has more people in his life? We never find out. What this means is there is no one to hold him accountable for his actions, there is no one to call him out on his bullshit, everyone he is now in contact with is an employee.
The second most significant character, after the protagonist, is Nazrul Vyas. When the protagonist first sets out to make his replica building he has a very hard time getting people to understand what he wants. The organizational aspect of this project doesn’t faze him but it’s the endless questions posed by contractors that he finds irritating to deal with. His lawyer suggests a company that specializes in management for rich clients, they facilitate any requests a client may make. Think personal assistant but with a huge network of contacts, resources and personnel. That’s where “Naz” comes in, he’s intelligent and patient and quietly relishes a challenge, the bigger and more complex, the better. The protagonist often describes him as machine-like, alluring to him having a computer for a brain. Naz is our main hope of someone being able to reach the protagonist… but a character described a robot, with the sole aspiration of materializing a client’s dreams, does not inspire much optimism… Commentary on the evils of blindly following orders, ay?
So in conclusion, yes Remainder is an interesting book; it’s literally studied in modern literature courses… Pick it up if you want something more original and challenging than your average mass-market best-seller. But for me, I’m just happy it’s finally over.
Review by Book Hamster
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nothingmancy · 5 years
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Eliot, Being Loved and Trauma in Season 1
The nature of The Magicians, as a show, is that it moves at an odd clip almost always; things are kind of haphazardly lingered over or they don’t have time to #unpackallofthat, which is somehow at the same time frustrating and wonderful until the implosion at the end of season four, but I digress from discussing my beloved ELIOT IN DETAIL:
In season one, Eliot meets a guy who he’s obviously distractedly into (Mike), has sex with him and decides at lightning speed that he is his boyfriend! Given Margo’s befuddlement, which is part classic best friend-being-sidelined jealousy and part “what the fuck,” I think we are justified to read this as a conscious character choice. 
You could argue it’s a TV time thing where we just have this episode and then these many episodes to get through so much content. But it’s most interesting as a character choice. Because Eliot Waugh is presented as someone who would like, maybe, to be described as “ornamental.” He is hedonistic and paints a picture of himself as someone who takes few things seriously and cares about little except pleasure, which he straight-up tells Quentin and thus the audience. But in this same storyline, to say nothing of the season before it, you can also see he cares so much. About, like, everything. Quentin observes he clearly cares about Mike from the effort he’s putting into choosing a dang vest, so this apparently is illustrating to Quentin that Mike is a special exception to Eliot‘s, like, aloof cool or something? But instead it illustrates the level of care Eliot actually puts into cultivating his image, which he directly presents to Mike as something that is, in fact, cultivated. Another little offhanded illustration of this in the Mike storyline is the struggle that we see Eliot have to literally make a cocktail!
So  we know Eliot is his own greatest creative project; the seriousness with which he imbues sharing this shows that it’s not just tenderly revealing, and thus vulnerable, but a subject of some shame. At the same time, I would argue him grandly revealing to a boy he ultimately barely knows his inner Indiana shame is in itself a performance. But then, Mike is playing the part that Eliot needs him to play, and is literally not real! That brings me to the fact that in season one, I was stricken by how much everyone falls for Eliot’s bullshit. Looking back from the vantage of later seasons, it’s especially easy to see where and how facade-y his facade is. But the person who does see through it is actually, uh, actually Martin Chatwin?
So the show never unpacks this fact to its fullest coherent extent, and why would it maybe, but Mike is Martin Chatwin, or at the very least some kind of magical version of a boyfriend bot script running in the shell of a Brakebills alum. But the things that Mike says and does are so, so tragically specific to Eliot, who wants to be seen and known and loved for who he is, not his facade. He wants a steady, kind-of-boring boyfriend and takes it when it’s offered, all at once. He hates himself so, so much, a hatred that goes messily surface-level in the wake of killing Mike.
Martin Chatwin, for me, is one of the weak points of early Magicians. It’s not smart enough as a story to be about the cycle of abuse. It’s also not smart enough to be coherently about him trying to regain power after being abused and losing himself to become untouchable. He has a twisted apparent obsession with childhood that we are supposed to find a little creepy in an offhand joke way, even though, not to belabor the point, he was abused as a child. So rarely do children who experience abuse turn their anger outwards in violence but it’s a story people want to tell, like, obsessively.
But the connection that the Magicians draws between Martin Chatwin and Eliot, while I’m not arguing that it’s intentional, is an interesting one. Eliot’s childhood abuse experience is not like Martin’s except in the way that all abuse can be a shared experience. This plus some implied omniscience, maybe, is probably why Martin Chatwin is able to so perfectly zero in on the fitting puzzle pieces to Eliot’s insecurities and present them in the form of a boyfriend.
That boyfriend is actually a self-proclaimed uncultured bitch from Texas, who actually worries he will bore Eliot, which seems anathema to how Eliot presents himself. But it’s actually that this lack of care about what Eliot pours himself into gives him one less rubric by which to be judged in both directions. He doesn’t offer affection to Eliot based on his entertainment value or lack thereof, but at the same time, he vocally appreciates and admires it. It means that Eliot’s style, all of Eliot’s fussing that he tries so hard at is a bonus, not a qualifier. This guileless lack of judgment is what leads Eliot to disclosing himself as a pretty half-hearted conman, even though he has no real endgame to the con other than like, people thinking he’s cool. And of course, he’s automatically the coolest person beer-drinking Mike knows by Mike’s admission. Eliot really, really wants to have this power in someone’s life; it’s a tailor-made illusion for him.
But most painfully of all, the crux of the story that Martin Chatwin sets up is that Mike sees Eliot. Mike sees both Eliot’s artifice, and the work it took to get to the artifice, and Mike vocally adores all of it. The part of their exchange that fully undoes Eliot visibly, emotionally, is:
Mike: Thank you.
Eliot: For what?
Mike: Just you.
Martin Chatwin, as another abused kid, zeroes in on validation to insert himself into Eliot’s life and the inner circle of, I don’t know, the grad students he’s obsessed with for some reason. We don’t have to think about that too much. But no one else at this point in the show sees through Eliot’s surface-level bullshit except the formerly-traumatized weirdo moth supervillain. And he sees through it so completely that it leaves Eliot destroyed to the point of needing to throw his life away, to the point of literally asking for something bigger than himself and his emotions in condemning himself to Fillory.
If the Magicians would let Eliot be happy, it would ultimately be about him finding this sense of validation in himself: strength in his presentation, in who he is as his most authentic self, but not relying on it as a crutch and shield to keep himself protected from love and the world at large. Able to see himself as not the worst person in the world, and not needing to be a martyring, self-sacrificing hero (specifically, just post-Mike, martyring himself on forced heterosexuality) to prove that he isn’t. It’s such a to-the-bones story about being gay and being okay with yourself, if the Magicians would just let it be.
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sp4c3-0ddity · 5 years
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42 for the dialogue prompts looks fun!
uh SO this got a tiny bit out of hand at 6800 and i also posted it to ao3 as No Sky Like Home. it’s post-season eight (with some liberties taken with canon) and has a mix of angst and fluff so...enjoy!!
(42) “I’m only here to establish analibi.”
Pidge hesitated to say yes.
“I don’t think that’s…a good idea, Lance.” She shuffled the pagesin her lab notebook just for something to do with her hands, avoiding Lance’sgaze in favor of staring at one of the impeccably shiny buttons on his uniformjacket.
“Oh, that’s…okay, Pidge.” Lance scratched his ear and smiled,somehow looking both like the overconfident boy she met years ago and like themore thoughtful man he’d become. He stuffed his hands into his trouser pockets,further completing the picture of rakish yet upstanding Garrison officer, andwondered, “Can I ask why?”
Pidge shifted her feet and bither lip. “Well, we work together,” she said, “so I don’t think it would beappropriate.”
It was a bullshit excuse - herown parents’ marriage would contradict her - and she knew it, but he didn’t callher out on it.
But his eyebrow quirked, andthe slightest sigh that escaped him made something guilty twist in her gut. “I guess that’s for the best then,” he said.
Before he could walk past herwith a muttered goodbye, Pidge grabbed his wrist and tugged him back. “Wait, Lance,” she said, trying to smile when his eyes flicked upto her face, “we’re still…friends, right?”
“Obviously,” he said with a slight grin of his own, but his gazefell to her fingers wrapped around his wrist.
“Then I’ll see you for lunch?” Pidge wondered hopefully - anythingto calm the anxious pounding of her heart.
Lance gently pulled his wristfrom her grip and ran his fingers through his hair. “Not today,” he said. “I have a lot of exams to grade. See youlater, Pidge.” He flashed her one last smile and pushed his way out of her lab.
She knew it was an excuse butdidn’t call him out. Instead she watched the door swing shut behindhim with a heaviness in her heart.
***
There were few occasions Pidgeregretted discussing her life with Matt, and this was turning into one of them.
“I never thought I’d see the day where my genius sister could besuch a dumbass.”
Pidge locked her eyes on thechessboard - she vowed to crush him for his words - and grumbled, “I thought you’d be more sympathetic.”
“Because you turned down a guy you’ve liked for years?” Matt snorted and nudged a pawn forward two spaces. “I have nosympathy for you.”
She scowled as she contemplatedher next move. “You make it sound so easy.”
“Unless I miss my guess,” Matt mused with a smirk, “you wanted to say yes.”
Pidge wondered if she imaginedthe crack in the wooden rook she pinched between her fingers. She slid itacross the board, diligently avoiding his sharp gaze, and said, “What I want doesn’t matter.”
“Why do you think that?” Matt asked, sounding more curious thanjudgmental. He raised an eyebrow and started ticking off points with hisfingers, “You’ve been friends for a long time and lived through a lot of thesame messed up stuff; you live on the same planet; you freed a cow together; youalready see each other often even outside work—”
Why did that reminder make heat shoot to Pidge’s face?
“—and I know for a fact you think he looks good in that uniformcoat.” Matt waggled his eyebrows at her, his pointed grin returning. “Hey, if Iwasn’t married, I’d want to—ow!”
A laugh burst from her whileMatt shot her a glare, rubbing his shin where her foot connected with it. Butwhen he straightened, tapping his chin as he planned his next move, he said, “If you tell me you have no feelings for him whatsoever and onlysee him as a friend, then I’ll drop it.”
Pidge, seeing a way out thougheven the lie unspoken left a bad taste in her mouth, said, “I—”
“Liar,” Matt said, brandishing hisqueen at her. “Why not go on just one date with him? See what happens fromthere.”
She sighed, her chest tight andher fingers curling into fists in her lap. “I can’t, Matt. He alreadybroke my heart once - without meaning to,” she hurriedly added before he couldcomment beyond his eyebrows climbing his forehead. “I won’t let him do thatagain.” She blinked at the chessboard, momentarily confused by the layout, andwondered, “Is it my move?”
Matt returned his queen to herplace. “It is not,” he said, “but don’t change the subject.”
Pidge crossed her arms andscowled. “I was not,” she protested, well-aware she sounded petulant. “I’mjust trying to keep up with—”
“Check,” he announced as he moved his knight into place, his smuggrin showing teeth. “But anyway, the thing that sucks about love is that you’llrisk that—”
“It’s not a worthwhile risk considering the evidence,” Pidgeretorted. She examined the board, determined to snatch her victory from thejaws of defeat, and grinned. His knight stood in a position where her queencould easily capture it.
“Did you consider all the evidence?” Matt wondered with a skeptical frown. “Sure, the past iscompelling, but what about the fact that he asked you out?”
Pidge’s eyelid twitched, a traitorous flutter in her chest at thememory, but she mumbled, “Guess who he asked out first.”
“Recently?” He crossed his arms on the table, leaning towards her,and after she didn’t respond he guessed, “Princess Allura?” When she nodded, helaughed and said, “Pidge, that was years ago, so—”
“It feels like…I don’t know.” She bit her lip, hating thatunpleasant turning of her stomach, and said, “I don’t really know how toexplain it.”
“Or you’re just overthinking things, as usual,” Matt pointed out with asigh. “Tell me what he acted like when he asked.”
Pidge tapped the tip of abishop, thinking back. “He blushed and stammered; itwas…cute.” A smile pushed at her lips, defying her will, but it fell as soon asshe recalled how crestfallen he was when she refused.
Her forehead fell to the table,chess pieces rattling, and she groaned. “I didn’t want to hurt him, butit’s just hard.”
“What is, Pidge?”
She straightened and proppedher elbow on the table, flicking one of Matt’s captured bishops until itfell over. “It’s hard to imagine he’d actually like me after someone likeAllura.”
She wasted so much time tryingto squash feelings that did her no good. Some distance helped, but then hestarted back at the Garrison, going so far as to finish up an actual piloting certification to showCommander Iverson and her he wasserious about returning to duty and joining on as a Defender, and after a fewtoo many late nights working - and goofing off or, once, reminiscing until theyheld each other and cried - together on a design for spacecraft he wouldeventually pilot, she was just as pathetically in love with him as she was atsixteen.
(The way his shoulders lookedin that damned uniform jacket didn’t hurt either.)
Matt rolled his eyes, lookingutterly unimpressed with her excuses. “Well, clearly he hasno problem imagining it,” he said, “which is why -aside from the fact that you’re into him and deserve to be happy with someonethat likes you as much as you like him - you should’ve said yes.”
“I’m perfectly happy with us being friends,” Pidge retorteddespite the guilty twist in her stomach. “Why should we shake things up if whatwe have is fine?”
Matt raised an eyebrow. “Aren’t you a scientist, Pidge? Fossil fuels are fine, so forgetrenewable energy. We can treat cancer, so why bother curing it? Oh, and withships, who needs—”
“All right, I get it!” She gripped the edge of the table, her facewarm and heart pounding with agitation, and mumbled, “It’s just different with him, okay?” And, just to tear her mindaway from the subject at hand, she picked up her queen and took Matt’s knightthat put her king in check. “Take that, by the way.”
“Hey!” Matt glared at her, tapping his chin and contemplating theboard for a few seconds before moving his surviving bishop.
A few moves later, Pidgegrinned as she announced, “Check mate.”
“That was a gutsy move,” he said, frowning down at her threateningqueen.
She crossed her arms. “Payback for last time.”
“It goes to prove something, doesn’t it?” Matt said, his mouthcurving into a slight smirk.
“What?” Pidge asked, instantly wary.
“If you get too worried about what could go wrong, you might missa chance to do something great.”
Pidge’s jaw dropped before she upended the board, scattering chesspieces over the table and floor. “Hey, using Dad’s words against me ischeating!”
Matt laughed. “I don’t think so,” he said, “and you just made a mess foryourself.” He stood and added, “Make sure you count all the pieces this time;we don’t want a repeat of last time when a knight clogged the vacuum.”
Pidge gnashed her teeth as shewatched him leave and wondered if older brothers ever stopped beinginfuriating.
***
Lunch proved lonely with Lanceavoiding Pidge, despite the presence of other coworkers. She had to force herlaughter at Nadia’s jokes and only half-listened to Ryan reluctantlyrecount the last disastrous blind date James set him up on.
With an invisible handsqueezing her heart so tightly and with memories of her last innocuousinteraction with Lance - a late dinner at the Denny’s in Plaht City that somehow still stood after a full-scalealien invasion - playing in her head, she didn’t properly tune into theconversation until someone spoke her name.
Nadia waved her hand in frontof Pidge’s face. “Anyone there? Or did someone flip your power switchwithout us noticing?”
“Ha ha,” Pidge said without bothering to conceal her irritation.She tore at the bread on her peanut butter sandwich, face warming under theirscrutiny. “You can carry on talking about Ryan’s hopeless love life without me.”
“Well, why don’t we talk about yours instead?” Nadia saidbrightly, her teeth flashing menacingly. “So…where’s your loverboy today?”
Pidge stared at her; it’d been a long time since she heard anyonecall Lance a loverboy, and as far asshe knew - and ascertained thanks to all the scientific inaccuracies she could not have anyone from the Garrisonhearing her spout - no version of The Voltron Show ever made it to Earth. “My…what?” she said, deciding it would be best to play dumb.
“I think she means Lance,” Ina supplied helpfully.
“Lance told me he was eating lunch with Veronica today,” Jamesoffered with a shrug. “He said it was her birthday?”
Pidge’s stomach turned with nausea, what little appetite she haddiminishing. “Veronica’s birthday was three months ago,” she said.
“Why would he lie?” Ryan wondered. To her, he didn’t lookparticularly interested in an answer, but she guessed he preferred to deflectthe attention off himself and onto her.
Traitor.
“I don’t know,” Pidge lied, wincing at the waver in her words.Then, before any of them could comment on it, she shoved her half-eatensandwich back into its bag and packed up her lunch. “I have an experiment toprepare ahead of my next class.”
“Do you want—”
“No, thank you, Ina,” she said. She forced a smile onto her faceas she stood before fleeing the mess.
Pidge had no real destinationin mind. She could head to her lab,but it would be all too easy for Matt - he had an uncanny ability for detectingGarrison gossip before it really turned into indistinct rumor - to find herthere. Instead she wandered the halls of the main building, barely payinganyone she passed - even the odd cadets that greeted her - any attention.
Lance going so far as to avoidher during lunch once hurt enough, but for almost a whole week was insufferable.
Maybe that was why she foundherself at the entrance to one of the smaller hangars, where she knew he’d be with his next flight class.
He stood at the head of a smallgroup of adolescent Defender cadets - both human and alien - gesturing wildlyat a prototype craft.
Pidge paused for a moment justwatching him with his students. He’d left the top button of hisuniform jacket undone, a hint of white shirt collar peeking out, and his hairstood on end as if he’d frequently run his fingers through it. Her breathcaught picturing it - and picturing her own fingers threading through thestrands and feeling for herself how soft they were.
Lance lectured animatedly andas if the craft was his co-teacher, supervising the cadets as they took turns climbinginto the cockpit which…was technically not allowed.
And that was her prototype, so she decided to put astop to it.
She marched through the line ofwaiting students with her heart racing, ignoring Lance’s widening, almost panicked eyes, and demanded, “What are youdoing, Lance?”
“Uh…showing my students the inside of one of the craft they’ll oneday fly,” he replied, the confident grin he flashed her - how was it fair thatit filled her chest with warmth and set her almost at ease? - belying theembarrassed flush in his cheeks.
“They won’t fly this one,” Pidge reminded him with a glare. “It’sjust a prototype; only a test pilot can fly it.”
“Lucky I’m in the running to be one of those, right?”
“What does that have to do with your cadets?” she wondered,raising a skeptical eyebrow. She shifted in place, suddenly self-conscious thatthey spoke - argued, really - in the view of about fifteen junior cadets, butmade sure to meet his gaze.
Lance didn’t falter. “Isn’t it important they at least understand theprocess and technology that goes into building the Defenders’ spacecraft?”
“It—” Pidge cut herself off with a grimace, resenting the logic inhis argument; damn him, he spent too much time around her.
And Lance, judging by the smirkcurling his lips, knew he’d won.
Pidge wasn’t sure if she wanted to kiss or smack it off. “Lance,” she said, her tone low in warning, “it’s still againstthe rules.”
He crossed his arms andfrowned, looking annoyed for the first time during this confrontation. “You’re one to talk,” he retorted. “Did you forget how we met?”
Pidge’s jaw dropped, heat flooding her face as every single cadet’sgaze snapped to her. “Th-that’s not—how is that relevant?” she stuttered.
Lance shrugged, lookingunbothered except for the way he tugged at the hem of his jacket. “Kind of hypocritical of you then, wouldn’t you say, Pidge?”
Her eyes narrowed, her heartjumping into her throat as she cycled through every possible response becausehe was right. They’d both been rule-breakers - though as far as she knew he’d neveractually broken the law until they freed Shiro - so really—
“One date,” Pidge muttered.
—it was just one more insanething they had in common.
Lance raised an eyebrow. “What? I didn’t hear—”
“One date,” she said louder, making sure to meet his blue eyes asthey widened.
“R-really? You’re changing your mind now?”
Pidge crossed her arms andpretended her heart didn’t hammer almost painfullyagainst her ribs. “Is that a problem, Lance?”
“Not at all.” He didn’t seem aware of their audience, hisstartlingly intent gaze only on her and enough to fill her with heat. “Tomorrownight we’ll head out from here? I have something planned.”
“O-okay,” Pidge agreed. A grin tugged at her lips, and she refusedto fight it. “We’ll see how it goes then.”
“We will,” he said, and the dazzling smile blooming on his facemade the anxious churning in her gut worthwhile.
***
Pidge barely made it to hernext class in time before the bell.
Naturally, the news that theircoding teacher had a date with their flight instructor beat her.
(She already knew to blameMatt.)
***
Pidge refused to agonize overwhat to wear (not like she did with any of the handful of other dates - whichranged in quality from decent to disastrous - Matt or Nadia set her up on),mostly because Lance barged into her lab before their work day even ended.
She’d scarcely shut down her active equipment, reaching to startunbuttoning her lab coat, when her door opened so fast it bounced off thedoorstop with a bang.
Pidge spun around, heartjumping into her throat and hand reaching for the bayard she kept hidden underthe sink - she worked in a rather sensitiveenvironment - before she registered Lance standing in the doorway. “What the quiznak, Lance?” she demanded. “You scared me!”
“Sorry!” He raised his hands, a sheepish smile on his face, andsaid, “I just wanted to make sure you weren’t going to get too absorbed by aproject and forget all about our date.”
Her eyes narrowed, unimpressedwith his excuse, but she hung up her lab coat and grabbed her bag beforefollowing him into the hallway. “So what are we doing tonight?”she wondered, pretending to focus on locking up her lab rather than on theanxious flutter in her chest.
(She had to surreptitiouslywipe her sweaty hand on her pants when the security scanner failed to recognizeher prints.)
Lance flashed her a grin that,unless she missed her guess, held an edge of nervousness. “It’s a surprise,” he said, “but I think you’ll like it.”
“The arcade?” Pidge guessed when the alarm panel’s red indicatorlight finally activated.
“Nope,” Lance said. He stuffed his hands into his pockets andnodded for her to follow.
They passed other Garrisonscientists - some also leaving after a day of work and others taking a breakbefore returning to pressing assignments - on their way out. Even her motherspotted them - and oh, quiznak, she never told her parents so they probablylearned thanks to the Garrison’s irritatingly efficient rumormill - on her way to the greenhouses, her eyes widening in surprise before sheshot them a wink and said, “Don’t be out too late.”
Pidge made sure her mother wasout of sight when she scowled and grumbled, “I’m going to kill Matt.”
Lance laughed, his cheeks darkwith embarrassment when she dared a glance at him, and joked, “Then you’d be wasting all your hard lawbreaking as a cadet.”
Pidge bit her lip, fighting agrudging smile.
They entered the officerparking lot, passing Pidge’s small car and heading for—
“This isn’t your car,” she said, her eyes popping at the sight ofthe red hoverbike parked in his spot.
“It’s not,” he admitted, shrugging. “Keith gave it to me forsafekeeping.”
“And he’s letting you take it for a spin?” Pidge raised an eyebrowat him, skeptical. “Or is this another Lion swapping scenario?”
Lance flushed, avoiding hereyes and rubbing the back of his neck, and grumbled, “What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him…”
“Better not crash then,” she joked, before sobering and adding, “You’dbetter not crash!”
Lance chuckled and nudged herin the side with his elbow. “Please, Pidge. If I can flyone of your crazy prototypes, I can drive Keith’s trashy hoverbike.”
“My prototypes are not crazy,” Pidge retorted.
“The last one had too much thrust,” Lance complained. “It feltlike flying the Red Lion again!”
“And that’s a…bad thing?”
Lance’s jaw flapped uselessly under her scrutiny before he exhaled in ahuff and said, “It’s fun but I also don’t want to crash while I’m still gettinga hang of how to handle it. We can’t all be naturals.”
Like Keith, he left unspoken…or so she guessed. She fidgeted with the strap on her bag,suddenly uncomfortable with the direction the conversation took - did that oldwound still bother Lance? - until he added, “Unlike Keith, I brought helmets.”
Pidge slid the bulky helmet heoffered her onto her head, her trembling fingers fumbling with the straps untilhe took pity on her and secured it for her. From this close, she could see herreflection in his eyes and wondered that, if not for the helmet, if his breathwould fall against her forehead.
But with those blue marks insuch easy view…
Lance smirked, patting herhelmeted head, and said, “Your genius brain is now safeand sound.”
“I’ve known you for years,” Pidge said, glancing past him at thehoverbike, “so who exactly are you trying to impress with that?”
“Huh?” Lance stepped away from her - she wished she had thecourage to tug him back - and put on his own helmet. “Maybe I want to impressyou anyway.”
The admission made her breathcatch - he really needed to stopdoing that before she forgot why she was so hesitant! - but she said, “There are better ways to do that than with driving into thesunset on a hoverbike.”
Lance shrugged. “Well, I can’t recite the digits of pi or solve complicatedquantum physics equations—”
“If you could, it wouldn’t impress me because I already knowplenty of people who can.”
Lance’s lips parted - in surprise, she thought - before he cleared histhroat and confessed, “The hoverbike’s better for going into the desert sincethe roads haven’t been fixed since the invasion.”
Pidge smirked. “The desert, you say? Are we off to find the Blue Lion’s cave?”
Lance laughed as he climbedonto the hoverbike, patting the spot behind him. “You’ll see.”
Pidge raised an eyebrow - sothat was one more possible destination eliminated - but clambered on behindhim. She considered where to place her hands as he turned on the engine and theboosters kicked into gear before deciding against overthinking every littlething and choosing to be as tactile with him as she wanted.
It wasn’t even that unusual with them, though thanks tothe idea that they were explicitly on a date,the thought of wrapping her arms around his waist even just to hold onto himbrought heat rushing to her face like she was a silly schoolgirl with a crush.
(Which…was never far removed from reality where Lance was concerned.)
But Pidge did it anyway, herarms secure and her cheek - or her helmet, really - pressed against his back.
“Hold tight,” Lance warned her. “I’m still not sure I can drivethis thing.”
“We rode a cow to escape a Galra mall cop,” Pidge reminded himdespite her own apprehension. “We’ll be—”
He revved the engine and zippedout of the parking lot, the wind whipping at her loose clothes and stinging hercheeks. Her eyes pinched shut against the dust stirred up by their privatetempest.
Hoverbikes handled smootherthan classic motorcycles but required more control from their operators. Anddespite its age, Keith’s hoverbike was in good repair thanks to a lovingowner.
And Lance proved adept athandling it…for the most part.
Her heart skipped a beat whenhe banked sharply onto a road with a gated entrance branching from the mainhighway, ignoring the sign that read, GovernmentProperty, No Trespassing. Her arms tightened around him - she trusted himwith her life but wasn’t sure she wanted him to test that trust on theirfirst date - as the boosters stuttered, adjusting to the sudden change in speedas Lance navigated the dilapidated road.
At the lower speed, Pidgejoked, “Are you taking me to Area Fifty-One?”
She felt more than heard Lance’s laughter, his back rumbling against her chest and bringing asmile to her own face. “We literally fought an intergalactic war againstaliens, so what’s so special about Area Fifty-One?”
“Plus we’re kind of in the wrong state for that,” Pidge pointedout. “How far are we heading out anyway?”
It darkened the longer theytraveled, the sun dipping below the horizon and painting the sky in streaks ofred and pink. The full moon rose opposite, and between its intense white lightand the hoverbike’s headlamp, the desert was still navigable.
Lance drove them up a windingdirt path, a canyon below them hidden in shadow. At the sharp change inincline, a flicker of familiarity hit Pidge, but she bit her lip and kept it toherself, too wary of being wrong - and crushingly disappointed - to speak herhope aloud.
The terrain flattened out, anda silhouetted structure rose ahead of them at the edge of the cliff overlookingthe canyon and a blanket of stars. The sight of the telltale dome made Pidge’s breath catch, and her grip on Lance tightened even as he slowedthe hoverbike to a stop.
“Well,” Lance said, deactivating the boosters and shutting off thehoverbike’s engine, “we’re here.”
“The old observatory?” Pidge slid off the hoverbike, fumbling withthe straps securing her helmet before pushing it off and setting it on herseat. Her feet moved almost against her will, drifting over uneven and stonyground towards the building she spent many a midnight staring into the universethrough the massive telescope with her father. It was one of the GalaxyGarrison’s first stations, converted into a museum a few years before Matt wasborn.
“So…?” She jumped, startled from her stunned reverie, when Lance’shand found hers. “Did I mess up?” he wondered, hesitant.
Pidge shook her head, desperateto allay his uncertainty, but dammit that lump in her throat shouldn’t be there while she was on a date with him. “N-no, it’s…I just haven’t been back here since before the Kerberosmission launch.”
Lance chuckled, and it broughta grin to her face when he squeezed her fingers. “Guess that’s another thing wehave in common, huh?”
“You’ve been here before too?” Pidge turned to him, her eyes wide.
“Just a couple times,” he said. “First time was when my wholefamily visited Veronica while she was a cadet, and the second time was thefield trip in flight school.”
“Oh, I…forgot you would’ve gone on that.” She tugged on the hem ofher dusty uniform jacket, smiling sheepishly. “I guess I missed that.”
Lance rolled his eyes. “Guess you did.” He turned back to the hoverbike and rifledthrough one of the saddlebags hanging off the side before extracting aflashlight. “Care to explore with me and check out what’s changed?”
Pidge grinned. “Gladly.”
She followed him to theobservatory, ducking below the gleaming yellow caution tape blocking the mainentrance. Lance flicked on the flashlight, angling it around to illuminate thehigh domed ceiling’s design - a mural of the night sky, the zodiacalong the bottom of the hemisphere, with a model of their own solar systemdangling from the center.
“Venus is missing,” Lance observed in a low voice thatnevertheless echoed through the cavernous room.
Pidge led him deeper into theobservatory, past crumbling and dusty exhibits depicting the formation of starsin nebulae and their deaths as supernovas, towards the planetarium. She climbedthe stairs up towards the back room while Lance shined the beam on the switchesand dials that controlled the lights and rotating ceiling.
“There’s no power, Pidge,” he pointed out unhelpfully.
“I know,” she said, worrying her lip between her teeth. “I lostcount of the number of shows I watched here…”
They returned to the main hallof exhibits with velvet ropes partitioning them from the path, only…all the old spacecraft - all the rovers and modules - that wereonce on display no longer stood there, nothing left behind but the plaquesexplaining what role they played in the history of space travel andexploration.
“Where is everything?” Lance wondered. He jerked the flashlightaround, its beam flickering rapidly enough that Pidge’s head spun if she triedto follow it too closely, as if that would conjure up everything missing.
“I don’t know,” Pidge admitted, “but I think I can guess.”
“What?”
“I wonder if it was all salvaged for parts during the invasion,”she mused while her gut twisted with guilt…and not a little bit of remorse thatshe got so caught up in rebuilding Earth and the Defenders project that shenever returned here before now.
She hated seeing something sheloved so much reduced to so little.
She turned to head back to theentrance, but Lance’s hand on her shoulder gave her pause.
“Don’t you want to see if the telescope is still there?” hewondered.
“I doubt it will be,” she said, shaking her head. “Let’s just go.I’m…guessing you had something else planned?”
“Yeah.” Lance fell into step beside her, but the ensuing silenceweighed heavy until they emerged from the decrepit observatory and he said, “I’msorry, Pidge. I didn’t know it would be like…that.”
“I know,” she said. “I…” She smiled, more for his benefit than forhers because what he did was thoughtful and touched her no matter howseeing it like this pained her, and said, “I probably should’ve expectedit. Nothing’s really the same from when we left, right?”
“Maybe not, but peanut butter hasn’t changed.”
Pidge raised an eyebrow at him,confused by the change in subject, as he led her back to the hoverbike. “What does that have to do with anything?”
Lance grinned, pulling a foldedblanket and a lunch box from a saddlebag and heading down a path. She followeduntil they paused near the edge of the cliff overlooking the shadowed canyonwith the observatory behind them.
She helped Lance spread theblanket and sat beside him while he dug through the lunch box and pulled out afew foil-wrapped sandwiches. “Sorry about the simple dinner,”he said, passing her one to the embarrassing chorus of her rumbling belly. “Iactually took Allura to meet my family on our first, but you already know themand I…wanted our date to be something special.”
Pidge gripped herhalf-unwrapped sandwich a little tighter, shoulders tensing involuntarily atthe mention. She avoided looking too closely at his face lest she see thatirresistible reminder and instead commented, “It didn’t have to be.” Shesmiled, an inexplicable warmth in her chest staving off the chill of a desertevening in autumn. “I just like spending time with you.”
“You do?” Lance glanced at her, his eyes wide and…why did he haveto look so surprised by that?
“Obviously,” Pidge said. “I’m on a date with you, so I must,right?”
“Then…why did you say no at first?”
Pidge’s eyes shot open, and she took a huge bite out of her sandwich -peanut butter and blackberry jelly, her favorite - in lieu of thinking ofsomething to say. After swallowing, she sipped from the juice box Lance handedher before saying, “C-can I tell you why I changed my mind instead?”
He met her eyes, a spark ofeagerness in his gaze and his sandwich lying abandoned on the blanket. “Yeah?”
Pidge leaned towards him andwhispered conspiratorially, “I’m only here to establish analibi.”
Lance blinked at her once,twice, three times before she couldn’t fight her laughter anymore.She doubled over, clutching at her stomach while giggles burst from her, onlylaughing harder when Lance rolled his eyes and mumbled, “Ha ha, Pidge…though Iwouldn’t put it past you.”
Eventually, he cracked a smile,and her laughter abated, leaving her breathless with ribs pleasantly sore and asingle tear at the corner of her eye. She wiped it away and rested a hand onLance’s arm before admitting, “I think an alibi is useless when you andI were just trespassing on closed off property.”
“So…what are you getting at?”
Pidge inhaled, her eyesslipping shut as she toyed with one of the buttons on her uniform jacket. “I…like you, Lance,” she confessed while her stomach twisted intomiserable knots. “When you asked me out it felt like a pipe dream come truesince I never thought you’d look twice at me after…” She trailed off, crackingher eyes open to see Lance openly gaping at her.
“But you said no first,” he said, clearing his throat.
Pidge nodded. “And I don’t regret changing my mind.” Yet.
Lance smiled and took her hand,interlacing their fingers. It made something in her chest unravel, a few morethreads of anxiety loosened. “Does this mean you’re havingfun with me?”
Pidge bit her lip - and bitback the ironic joke that rose to her mind. “With you? Easily aside fromthe literal and figurative bumps, but I’d have fun with you at the arcade likewe always do too.”
“Then as long as we’re having fun, what’s wrong with doingsomething special?” Lance demanded.
Pidge stared past him, up atthe night sky, before reaching over and flicking off the flashlight. “Well, for one it’s not a good night for stargazing.” She pointedat the moon overhead bathing them in a white light. “We should’ve done thisduring a new moon, not while there’s a full moon out.”
Lance frowned at her. “You just said you like spending time with me.”
“And? You also left the flashlight on, which is just more lightpollution.”
“So why does it matter if the moon is full or not?” Lancewondered.
“So we can properly do one of the activities we came here for?”Pidge suggested, quirking an eyebrow at him. “We are partly here to stargaze,right?” When Lance only stared at her, his eyes wide and incredulous,heat rushed to her face and she stammered, “W-what? Why are you looking at melike that?”
Lance’s gaze softened, a fond smile gracing his face and doingsomething to her insides before he laughed. “You’re unbelievable, Pidge.”
“All the amazing things we’ve seen, and I’munbelievable?” Pidge scoffed, trying to deflect though that awful, doting lookhe was giving her made it impossible.
“Well,” Lance said, leaning back until he lay down and gazed up, “allthat amazing stuff, and there’s still nothing like the night sky from Earth.”
“The moon is a filthy light polluter,” Pidge mumbled before she quitoverthinking and lay down beside him. But she kept some distance between themthough his heat was a tantalizing presence that almost lured her closer.
The silence held for a littlewhile, broken only by Pidge tracing old, familiar constellations and Lancepointing out “new” ones.
“That’s the Paladin,” he said, his hand raised and fingertipdrawing two trapezoids in the sky.
“That’s Orion, you goofball,” Pidge said, rolling her eyes.
“No, it’s not,” Lance said. His elbow dug into her arm. “I’mrenaming it right now; the ancient Greeks aren’t here to say I can’t.”
Pidge chuckled, but when abreeze blew over them, stirring up the desert shrubs and making her shiver, shegave into temptation and scooted closer to him and the warmth he emanated.
“Then that over there is Rover,” she said, shaping a trianglebetween three bright stars.
Lance traced a jagged line fromfive stars and offered, “And that’s the Blade.”
“And there’s the Juniberry.” Pidge pointed at a cluster of starsthat vaguely resembled a flower. “And beside it is…the Princess.”
(Well, it was really Andromeda,but in the myth she was a princess sacrificed for her people too - but unlike their princess, she survived.)
“Lance,” Pidge said, cutting into their constellation hunting. Sheswallowed, her mouth dry and clumsy to shape the words, but she managed to say,“I told you why I changed my mind, but…I should tell you why I said no first.”
Lance sat up, for which she wasgrateful; she wasn’t sure she could speak to him about something so painfulwhile in a more…intimate position. She mirrored him, her legs crossed and herhands in her lap, and inhaled to calm her pounding heart.
“Pidge?” he prompted when the silence grew too long, too thick.
Well, time to pour her heartout and hope it wouldn’t bite her in the ass.
“I’ve had some kind of…feelings for you for a while,” sheexplained, careful to meet his eyes despite their proximity to the markingsomeone else - one of her best friends - left on his face. “I think I’ve likedyou - on and off sometimes - almost as long as I’ve known you.” She wrung thehem of her jacket, her embarrassment keeping her warm against the cold judgingby her sweaty armpits.
Lance’s eyes widened. “I didn’t know that, Pidge. I’m sorry; maybe if Ihad—”
She shook her head, swallowingaround an irritating lump in her throat, and wondered, “Would it have changed anything if I told you? Maybe I’m not now,but I always would’ve been your second choice, and Allura was my friend too andI miss her so muchbut I can’t help thinking that you’ll always be comparing me to—”
Lance’s warm hands framing her face cut her off, her eyes flying wideas she stared up at him. “You can’t compare, Pidge.”
Her chest tightened, facecrumpling against her will and so quickly.“Th-that’s what I—”
“You’re a completely different person,” Lance reminded her. Thetip of his thumb slid under her eye, brushing away a tear she hadn’t realizedshe shed, before he let go.
When he pulled away, Pidgereleased a breath, but she couldn’t be relieved yet. “What doyou mean?” she wondered.
“I loved her and I miss her too,” Lance explained with a softsmile, “but it’s still…different with you, Pidge.” His intent gaze fell on her,and for once Pidge cared not a whit for the blue markings on his cheeks; theywere a part of him as much as his eyes or a quiznaking belly button. “Beingwith you is as easy as breathing…or, well, sometimes easier and sometimesharder.”
Pidge smiled unwittingly. “I guess it averages out then.”
Lance chuckled. “You would see it like that, but…” His hand found hers again, andthis time she didn’t hesitate to intertwine their fingers. “I don’t just wantone date with you, Pidge.”
Her breath caught but she said,“I…know that now, but are you sure?” A sigh escaped her, herfingers tightening around his, and she admitted, “I don’t want to let you hurtme again.”
“I don’t want that either,” he said. “I want…can I tell you what Iwant?” When Pidge nodded, finding it difficult to speak at the moment, hecontinued, “I want a lot of dates with you, and a lot of that time in between,and to”—his hand squeezed hers—”hold your hand whenever I want…whenever you’lllet me.”
“O-oh,” Pidge said, because it was all she could with it so hardto breathe.
“And I still want to do all the stuff we do as friends but…I wantmore with you, like you visiting the farm and Kaltenecker with me and spendingholidays with each other’s families and us going to team reunions together.” Hesmiled, something a touch hopeful and a touch apprehensive in it. “I want that,if you want it too.”
“Lance, I…” Pidge exhaled in a huff, trying to regain some levelof words withher skin so warm and her heart racing. “I want that,” she muttered,hoping to speak it into existence. “I want all of that with you.”
Lance’s grin widened, something so broad she wondered if his cheekswould be sore later, but it lightened her chest to see it…especially from soclose.
His hand cupped her cheek,breath warm on her face as he all but whispered, “Can I—”
“Yeah,” she said, somehow already breathless.
Lance kissed her softly,tilting her head back to capture her lips with his, while her hands gripped atthe front of his jacket. Her heart hammered against her ribcage, head spinningwith incredulity that this couldhappen, as his fingers slid into her hair and pulled her closer.
A sigh escaped Pidge when hisnose brushed hers, and she pulled back, her eyes fluttering open to meet his -a vivid blue even illuminated only by the full moon and a sky scattered withstars - and her breath short. A smile split her face as his forehead restedagainst hers, his own shallow breaths blooming across her skin.
“So, Katie…does this mean I can take you on a second date?” Lanceasked.
Pidge laughed - as stunned asshe was pleased when he spoke her real name - and reached up to run her fingersthrough his hair, if only because she could. “As long as you survive for it,”she teased. When his brow furrowed in confusion, she kissed the corner of hismouth and said, “There’s no telling how Keith will react when he finds out you borrowed his hoverbike.”
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