#not in terms of effort bc i'd love to do it but it just seems like A Lot SJISDHBSDF

[rollercoasterwords]

rae give us your thoughts on taylor swift more specifically her rich white feminist thing she’s got going on and her influence on the current ‘girlboss’ trend and the current perception of women in media today???? asking bc i love reading your opinions on this stuff 💕

it sounds like u have some opinions of ur own lol but sure i can talk abt taylor swift! will be putting it under a cut bc i love my swiftie mutuals tho...swiftie mutuals look away im going to be mean sorry....

i mean yeah overall u kinda summed it up lol. i don't think i'd really care much about taylor swift were it not for the way she's been branded as some sort of groundbreaking feminist and subsequently played into that perception to profit ("the man" makes my eyes roll out of my skull sorry...)

i think my dislike of her was first seeded when "you need to calm down" came out--before then i just hadn't really cared abt taylor swift, knew a few songs but wasn't crazy about them, etc. but then she dropped "you need to calm down" and suddenly she was getting TONS of praise for doing SO much for the queer community and i was like. well first of all the song is bad second of all she's literally comparing her online haters to violent homophobes as though those two things are in any way equal or similar experiences third of all she's getting praised for profiting off positioning herself as a #ally. like this song and music video are not some sort of feminist praxis they are a way to funnel money into her already bulging pockets.

but because literally everyone around me (many swiftie friends) was gushing over how amazing she was for hiring all those dykes + faggots to dance behind her i felt like i was being gaslit + the fact that taylor swift was just happily accepting the money + accolades at the same time made me dislike her

when folklore came out i actually did enjoy the album which was. the first time that's happened for me lol i usually like maybe one or two of her songs and think the rest are mediocre at best but i was like huh maybe she's like changing as an artist and sort of settling into a new groove that's kinda cool. and then i didn't like evermore as much but i was still like okay cool new sound new vibe. and then she dropped midnights and i tried really hard to like it for my swiftie friends but...honestly i was shocked by how bad it was lol. just felt like a new level of low in terms of bad lyrics and the music was incredibly bland and boring to me, nothing new or interesting going on there. and then i felt gaslit again by all the swifties raving abt the lyricism of lines like "draw the cat eye sharp enough to kill a man" like!!! babe that is a tumblr post from 2014...

but aside from finding it genuinely incomprehensible that she gets so much credit for being an amazing writer or lyricist when the bulk of her discography is simply incredibly mediocre or straight-up bad imo (bc honestly that alone wouldn't be enough to make me dislike her; ik these are all subjective measures so even if i find it annoying to hear people rant + rave about music i think is bad it's not gonna make me dislike the artist or the people raving necessarily) what bothers me more and solidifed my dislike of her is the continuation of the way she acted when "you need to calm down" dropped. which is to say, it's infuriating enough that her fandom has sainted her, but what's more infuriating to me is the she seems inclined to play into that sainthood.

she often leans in to portraying herself as either a victim of misogyny or a #girlboss feminist. and like--this isn't to say taylor swift hasn't experienced misogyny, or that she shouldn't talk about those experiences, or that rich white women are exempt from sexism. but her feminist consciousness seems to begin and end with her own personal experiences of sexism, with no effort at a deeper political engagement made. she flies her private jet around and poisons the environment and when people try to call her out for it she sits back and lets her fans accuse anyone that criticizes her of being sexist. in fact, it seems that any criticism of her is met with accusations of sexism, which is an infuriating obfuscation.

at the end of the day, her politics such that i have seen are incredibly liberal and toothless, and her feminism seems largely focused on making herself more money ("the man" being about "getting ahead" faster, the whole thing with that one guy owning her masters centering around a dispute over property + who gets to make money, etc). she is a capitalist first and foremost, and because of that her feminisn kind of sucks, so i hate seeing people treat her as a Feminist Figure. i also think the gaylor thing is sooooo stupid and annoying and reinforces the concept of identity first and foremost as a discrete ontological category rather than something socially constructed + materially rooted. like the idea that taylor has some mystical gay Essence inside her that exists regardless of how straight her music + lifestyle is, the makes her Queer--sorry but give me a fucking break lol. i don't give a shit if she kisses other girls, taylor swift is not a Queer Icon, and i don't understand why people desperately scrabble to find proof that she is when there are already plenty of openly gay pop singers!

in conclusion taylor swift is the epitome of #girlboss liberal feminism to me and her supposedly genius music being aggressively mediocre is just the icing on the cake lol

#ask #swiftie mutuals i mean it go away if u don't like seeing people say negative things abt her #i love u guys + im happy u enjoy her music but this is MY safe space rn...not urs <3 #ranting and raving

[megpricephotography]

Out of curiosity, how were your beautiful pups rescued? I’ve always dreamed of having a rescue pup myself but at the moment can’t have my own pet. Thank you!

Hi, thanks for the ask! Barney & Flynn both came to me by chance really & were private adoptions, rather than from a shelter. They have similar backstories. I got them as young adults - Barney at 15 months, Flynn at 20 months, after their respective previous owners couldn’t cope with their behaviour. Both were “reactive” - displaying fear based aggression. Barney had a wider range of things he hated: strangers, dogs, new/unexpected objects & situations but Flynn’s case was much more severe - he was almost untouchable. Both dogs were in imminent danger of being euthanised due to these issues - Barney within hours & Flynn, days. 

By very lucky chance, my dad was there at just the right time & he offered an emergency foster home for Barney. Dad planned to find a new owner, who’d dealt with “difficult” dogs before. I was inexperienced but had wanted a BC for 15 years & when I met Barney, I fell in love & decided we’d make it work, somehow! The early years were tough - I had lots to learn. With Flynn... it turns out, once you’ve helped one nervy border collie, people try to give you more!! I was reluctant to even meet Flynnie - from what I'd been told, he was clearly going be very hard work, which I wasn't keen to take on but I finally gave in & he was a sweet, clever dog who seemed very keen to try. He'd run out of options - it was come to me, or Flynn was going to be put down... I crossed my fingers & said I’d have him. So, yes, I got my dogs because they needed a 2nd chance & I was there & willing to have them. 

Life with Barney & Flynn hasn’t always been easy - but they’re wonderful, loving dogs & seeing their behaviour improve, as they gain confidence & trust, has been an incredible experience. Private adoptions *can* be risky though & there’s often less of a safety net, if you realise it’s not working out. If & when you’re in a position to get a dog, I’d try to adopt via a well-run rescue organisation, to have the best chance of success. Look for an organisation which assesses each dog & can give a bit of info on health, temperament, behaviour & care requirements, & just in case you do run into any problems, check if they offer support after adoption.

There are all kinds of dogs waiting for new owners: some will have had a good family before & will fit in to a new home quite easily, many dogs will need training - to learn basic manners, leash walking, poss how to interact politely with kids/dogs etc... others have behavioural (or health) problems, which will require a great deal of time, effort & poss money, to manage long-term. Any adopted dog will need patience & guidance while they settle in but some are going to be easier than others - it is worth thinking about what you're happy to deal with. Whatever dog you choose, you’ll be helping more than just that one - the space created by their adoption will be now be open to another dog in need of a new family. 

Anyway that turned into a very long reply, sorry for the essay & that I was a bit slow replying! I hope you don’t have to wait too long until you’re in a position where you get a rescue dog of your own & that when you do it's a fun & rewarding experience & you have many happy years of adventures together :) 

#ask #rescue dogs #barney #flynn #border collies #dogs

[starrysmiling]

my theory on jax's parents

i've been sitting on this one for a long while and finally got the push to write this up. i want to write about this in the future, but there's bits here that have got to wait until cube corp releases, so... i'm just going to talk about it while i'm here.

anyway. as we all know, jax seems to be raised by arthur, and neither of them ever mention his parents.

so where. the fuck. are they.

spoiler alert: just between you and me, i think they're dead. not that it's confirmed or anything...

so... let's begin with a preword. the jax in my canon is 22, since unlike ace and the player, he doesn't have a canon-implied age. (this did not stop me from making fern 21.)

this makes him just slightly older than the meteorite strike on crater town, which happened 20 years ago. it's important to note this, because he needs to be alive for his parents to die in the aftermath of the meteorite strike.

whoops. did i just say that?

let's just change tracks for a bit.

arthur is training jax to be the next champion. that's quite obvious from the story, he says it outright, there isn't any question about that. but i think that originally, arthur wanted his own child to succeed him. it's also something to think about if you consider that he stepped down from the champion's seat before the events of the game, which prompts me to think that he wanted a successor before he stepped down, but he couldn't train jax in time bc jax was still too young.

so let's go with that: arthur intended for his child to succeed him as the next champion after he steps down. thus: arthur's child, and one of jax's parents, would likely be a ferociously strong trainer.

i'd like to think that they met someone while they were training or journeying, fell in love, eventually decided to marry them, and have a child. why didn't they decide to become champion? this is just a hc, but considering elias is Still there and the league hasn't found a replacement and arabella is working there because her dad doesn't make money... yeah, i think the league is kinda understaffed. hell, i make fern struggle with his champion duties, but even if arthur is a better fit for the role, being the champion's child means they would be able to see how harsh the role is on arthur. and maybe they don't really want to be the champion just yet, when arthur still can do his job well.

and they're still young, after all. they want to have a bit of fun in their life, journey around as a trainer, raise their kid with lots of care, then maybe go get that champion role once arthur's done his term.

so now, little jax is two years old. the meteorite has just been shattered over valley city, and the residents have been transported back to help clean up the town. volunteers and volunteer pokemon from nearby cities, like dresco town, are called to help with the restoration efforts.

and jax's parents are part of those volunteers, naturally. they're both pokemon trainers, after all.

and here's where it starts going to shit.

remember that two pokemon came down to earth with the meteor? jirachi was sealed away after the residents realised its power, but another pokemon landed a little to the northeast.

and deoxys is powerful. pksp red, one of the strongest trainers, if not the strongest in the series, is almost powerless against deoxys when he first battles it. it takes him a bit of a bond with a rogue mewtwo and several tough battles, some difficult enough to shatter his mentality, to defeat it, and even then, it's an uphill struggle for him.

that's the pokemon that jax's parents find: a ridiculously strong pokemon from outer space that nobody's seen or recorded before. remember, it immediately fights you if you talk to it, so i suppose... they fight. and if they can see the utter destruction that could come out of deoxys's power, there's no way they're letting that pokemon get to the town, where unarmed people are working on clearing the rubble. so they fight, and they fight, but deoxys is strong, and clearly not even two people are a good enough fight against it, and soon their pokemon are worn out and deoxys's attacks are injuring the pair themselves.

they put together a plan. one holds off the strange pokemon from outer space — for the sake of my canon, this is the stronger one, arthur's daughter — and the other runs back to the town to alert the guardian of borrius, who is overseeing the restoration efforts. if anyone can beat this pokemon, it's the legendary aros.

and so jax's father flies back to crater town. he'd been persuaded to go, being more heavily injured by the fight, and desperately searches for aros, explains the situation, and immediately brings him to the crater where they found deoxys.

but it's too late by then.

they find jax's mother, barely conscious and mortally wounded, being fiercely protected by her pokemon who are only barely standing. aros thanks her, and with their combined efforts, barely manage to defeat deoxys and seal it in sleep. jax's father returns to his wife's side, only for her to sigh her last breaths before they can treat her wounds.

aros notices that jax's father's wounds can still be treated, but though aros hurries him back to town... perhaps the loss of his wife weighs too deeply on him, and he doesn't make it.

and jax, still only two years old, is left in the care of his grandfather.

his parents are called heroes — they fought so that crater town would not suffer a second disaster in quick succession, and that's why jax in my canon is so set on being a hero. his admiration for aros is also partly from seeing how he handled the incident, making sure that he didn't take the credit for holding off deoxys and ensuring that people wouldn't forget that jax's parents died in order to keep the town safe.

and, also, aros is basically the local superhero. he's cool as hell. no wonder he's kinda jax's idol.

anyway. i really want to write more about this concept, and there's a scene where i want jax to meet aros and for aros to tell him, properly, about his parents. that'll be the first time that i've ever written jax crying in canonverse, because hearing aros, his idol, apologise to him for not being able to save his parents and recount that they genuinely were heroes in his eyes is a lot to process. (it's also really funny considering that jax hasn't cried in front of fern, but he has cried in front of fern's dad.)

as a way of finishing this arc of jax's life, i really also want to suggest that after fern captures jirachi, jax tags along with him to fight deoxys.

and this fight — this is jax's fight. fern can tell that this jax is different from seeing him stare down deoxys across the crater. there's something twisted about the fact that jax is now facing it with his own partner, twenty years later.

jax, heightened by raw emotion, seems to fall back into his more reckless, daring tactics. he plays fern's hyper-offensive role, actually, and fern plays jax's support, making sure that jax doesn't run himself ragged, following up after his strikes, covering when they're in trouble. it's not like they made a name for themselves as an unstoppable duo for nothing.

the conclusion of this arc is jax's capture of deoxys, after a grueling battle that whittles at his strength and mental state. in a way, earning deoxys's respect, being able to capture it in a ball, and being able to say that he finally, finally defeated the pokemon that killed his parents, is a sort of closure that he probably didn't know he needed.

did you see that, mom, dad?

i beat it. you can rest easy now.

#pokemon unbound #jax unbound #aros unbound #fern unbound #unbound canonverse #thanks mage for making me write this up i really really needed to get it out and i didn't even know #god i want to write that fic about it so badly #cube corp when. please. when . #i need to make jax cry so badly it's insane #“okay so what is jax gonna do w a fucking deoxys” you might ask #well you see the answer is #he doesn't really want deoxys on his team so he gets aros to ride rayquaza and send deoxys and jirachi back to space #i mean i also wouldn't want the pokemon that killed my parents on my team either #like. jax would probably not want anyone to have to fight deoxys bc he knows what could happen if they do #i think that's the only way jax can deal with it. i guess it belonged back in outer space anyway

[loregoddess]

Faye from FE for the ask game? :)

First impression: I didn't have any strong feelings for or against her, although I wasn't wildly keen on her writing for my first run, but in the "wow, the writers really messed up" kind of way and not like, "wow this character sucks" kind of way. I did like her as a unit though, she was pretty strong even though I eventually benched her bc I stopped using pegasus knights late-game (which was the class I had her in my first run).

Impression now: One of my favorite FE characters like, ever. Which started off as spite, I will admit, because she got a lot of hate from the fandom, but unlike so many other characters/games where fans criticize the writers, they just went straight for Faye as a character which was ??? bc like, what little writing she gets outside of her crush for Alm is Fine Actually, and again, she's a great unit in battle. So I decided that no actually I'm going to love this character, and then between critically reading her canon writing and coming up with my own headcanons and ideas for expanding her characterization, I ended up genuinely loving her a whole lot. Faye's great.

Favorite moment: This is hard bc again, *vaguely gestures at the game* she doesn't get a whole lot of screentime for anything, although I do appreciate that she comes to terms with her feelings towards Alm being unreciprocated, and is able to forge a friendship with Silque.

Idea for a story: Because I have this rarepair of Faye x Rinea (which was also born out of spite, I swear Echoes is actually tied for my top favorite FE game, I just also have a lot of spite in my heart I guess), I've been kicking around different ideas of how that could work in a mostly-canon but canon-divergent post-game story where Rinea is able to survive, and how Faye would help her along her healing journey while she also recovers from the war and comes to terms with her own feelings about Alm and stuff (and possibly have Faye help Sonya out with her witch recovery efforts in general), although I haven't gotten too far with any specific ideas to have a solid mental outline or anything.

A story exploring her life growing up with the other Ram kids would be pretty interesting too, although I'd probably get sucked into the research rabbit hole trying to learn about things like a complete history of farming and end up stressing about whether the fantasy farming village of Ram seemed like a legit farming community or not.

Unpopular opinion: I kind of feel like loving Faye is unpopular in and of itself, but yeah. Writing aside though, I do genuinely think Faye's a good character, like, from a visual design standpoint and also from a game mechanic standpoint, she's got a lot going for her. The writers did a poor job with her writing sure, but I think there's a lot of potential for her to be an interesting character in her own right.

Favorite relationship: Again, she doesn't get much, but I do like the friendship she has with Silque (and I don't mind the romantic ship of the two either even if it's not my first choice of ship for my own fleet), and I would have loved it if we got more insight into her relationships with the other Ram kids aside from Alm, bc I think there was a lot of missed potential there. Also, because Faye can be recruited to Celica's army instead, I would have loved if Faye had supports with at least Celica to explore what their relationship would have been like (I think they would have gotten along, even if Faye was a bit jealous of Celica at first). And well, of course my wild rarepair of Faye and Rinea.

Favorite headcanon: Hmm, I dunno if I have a favorite per se (since I mean, a lot of trying to expand Faye's characterization is just making stuff up that seems plausible), but I think since she was the only girl in a group of boys growing up that she's got sort of a rougher streak, like, she's willing and capable of throwing someone down in a fight, especially if they were picking on one of the other Ram kids (which could be reflected in her stats in the game, since she's pretty strong all things considered), and also due to Ram being a farming village she isn't really squeamish or icked out by things which some of the high born noble girls would have hated (bugs, dirt, mud, snakes, etc.). Like sure, Faye also enjoys wearing dresses and looking cute (she's very fashionable!) but she's also not really bothered by getting dirty and I'm very sure she probably picked up some critter out of Clair's tent one night with a slightly bored expression and released the poor thing outside. Hell, she'd even put some of the noble men to shame with her lack of fear of things that were normal everyday occurrences bc she grew up with a bunch of guys in a farming village (she's also definitely got some muscles as a result too). Also I think she makes all her own accessories by hand, and that she's overall very handy when it comes to sewing and crafts. I do think she's a bit of a picky eater though, not overly so, but just a bit.

#love my girl Faye #if I ever do get into writing fanfic I definitely want to write something for her #but I'm still sorta recovering my ability to write in general so who knows if I'll ever pick up fanfic writing #or if I just keep coming up with: #''oh this would be a neat story I'm gonna daydream about it instead of actually turning it into a story'' type ideas #might go and draw Faye holding a very angry opossum while looking bored though who knows #space-spring #ask game #I still don't have an ask tag

[f0point5]

if you could date anyone in f1 or f1 adjacent who would it be and why

(pretend whoever you pick is single)

although i do love me some f1 driver i would not want to be dating one of them bc of the publicity that comes with it, so i'd probably pick someone's brother or something. hbu??

Yeah I mean dating a driver doesn’t seem like a fun life just in terms of the hate. But as much as it would put me off ever putting any effort into dating a driver, if I met and clicked with one and I thought he’s The One I’m not sure I would walk away from that just because of some losers online. At the end of the day you can make the choice to just keep your insta on private and just not Google yourself. And in a few years they’ll retired and everyone will forget you exist, right? So as much as I think it’s crap for them that they are critiqued and bullied, the experience is semi-optional because they are choosing to be public figures and to engage with content like that. So for me, it would just depend on how committed I was to that person.

But yeah let’s go with F1 adjacent because I’ve already answered which drivers I’d date.

I’d love a date with Lawrence Stroll. Old billionaires just do it for me, I’m not ashamed.

Same for John Elkann. Absolutely zero shame.

Maybe I’d date Adam Norris, he seems like a nice guy. Maybe a bit too sweet/goofy for me though but you never know.

Tino Klein also, if he counts as F1 adjacent. He’s cute, he dates Simone Ashley who just seems like a really beautiful human and I trust any man who is attracted to her.

Oh and of course, Mark Mateschitz. Don’t know anything about him other than that he went by his mother’s maiden name for a lot of his life to avoid being known for his family and I low-key respect that. Also…billionaire.

The brothers/cousins don’t do it for me. Like Charles’s brother and Carlos’s cousin, they manage the drivers, their life is basically being their hanger on and I don’t think I’d like to date someone whose life is centred around someone else. I wouldn’t date someone on someone else’s “team” either like an agent.

[tomwambsgans]

you mentioned tom kinnie opinions on the nuances of his motivations about the babytrapping thing... not the same anon but i'm v curious

i might add more later bc i'm drunk rn (and therefore prob should just wait entirely to answer but. i don't want to bc ngl i was really hoping for someone to give me an excuse to answer this) but the first thing that comes to mind is, frankly, tom getting a lot closer to understanding that he's gay and accepting where his innate desires actually lie BUT still fighting off a lot of shame, and therefore he's now constructing like. more conscious Rules about sex with shiv.

see, what sticks out to me the most is him explicitly REFUSING shiv's one-on-one sexual advances, which iirc he never explicitly did before. ntm with this following the whole threesome fail and the "i'm not a hippie, shiv" argument it really seems like he's now decided to categorize any non-procreative sex as too kinky, which really fucking speaks to his anxiety around intimacy with her. if he goes full southern pastor and decides that the point of sex is procreation then he can feel justified in saying he doesn't want to have sex with her outside of that purpose - and if, say, he *conveniently* misses that window, then he has an excuse to avoid it entirely.

if nothing else it's like... for him to say that there's no point in having sex if shiv's not ovulating, yeah obviously on surface level that sounds fucked up. but it's also saying very directly that tom would not derive pleasure from sex with shiv in general. he's actually allowing himself to accept for the first time that their relationship - or at least the intimacy in their relationship - is first and foremost pragmatic. in-universe the pragmatism is at that point for having a baby (callback to logan's "can i expect an heir? or are you shooting blanks?") and bc succession is the way it is, i'd argue it also metatextually represents the greater pragmatism of, well. for lack of a better term, shiv being a beard? like shit, just in general, their relationship is NOT this raw, emotional thing at all. it seems like prior to the engagement, from shiv's pov, it was practically just business partners with benefits. they had a Plan that their formal relationship benefitted and vice versa, and tom's personal ideas of a conventional monogamous relationship were just really not all that different. they were purely his own, and purely for his own benefit, too. just in a different way. and their own individual ideas of their relationship collide in this horrible mess of attachments to mere ideas that just do not fully exist.

anyway the whole nuclear family/prison wife/baby thing imo is really just this last ditch effort to cling to stability and to the idea of being the kind of man tom thinks he's supposed to be. in effect yes it's fucked up for shiv to be on the recieving end of that, with her obviously not knowing the whole context of tom's side of things, but in intent alone i really do just see tom desperately grasping at the bare fucking bones of What Makes A Man. there's no effort to even pretend to really want/love/desire women anymore - there's this sudden, unprecedented notion of If I Can't Be A Husband Then By God I'll Be A Father. like i really think it is tom trying to shift roles in his mind. like just doing whatever's necessary to feel right. i don't think tom viewed shiv as a mere Babymaking Machine whatsoever up until the end of s3 or that he even really does - it also really just seems like one of those things where he's lashing out bc of his own hurt. consider then when they do have sex and tom switches up so seamlessly that it makes it SO clear that he's consciously just playing whatever role shiv needs... yeah.

anyway idk ya i just see it first and foremost as the one and only way that tom is able to admit, not just to shiv but to himself, that i don't really want you. it seems like just this shocking misogynistic thing on the surface (and i'm not saying that it's not that, just that it's also deeper) - but it's also imo a big fucking step toward tom understanding/accepting himself.

#tom wambsgans #tom #mine #meta #anonymous #gay tom

[solarishashernoseinabook]

do you describe a character’s appearance all right away or in pieces?

thanks for all the asks! I'll combine them into one long answer for ya :3

1. do you know how you want the story to end when you start, or are you just stumbling through the figurative wilderness hoping to find a road? I like to have a vague idea of where it ends at least! I planned The Treewalkers out chapter by chapter and I'm doing the same with its sequel, but otherwise I like to keep the middle flexible so I can rearrange or add or delete things as needed. There's been some one shots where I don't know the ending before writing, tho

3. on a scale of 1-10 how much do you enjoy incorporating romance into the average story? Depends on if I set out to include romance in it. Unless I start from the beginning with the express purpose of putting romance in a story I typically won't. When I do add romance, tho, I tend to enjoy some established romances bc it's fun writing characters being tender with each other. So maybe a 7 or 8?

of course, if you ask fans of The Royal Ranger, that number would be -5 bc there's been almost zero romance in it so far slghlgh

5. have you ever made a playlist about something you were writing as an elaborate means to procrastinate when you could have been actually writing and if yes drop a link, son I have not actually! I tend not to associate music with characters or projects because my brain doesn't interpret music in any specific way, it's just kinda there. I'll often turn on instrumental music if I need to write (or at least music that's not in English) so I don't get distracted by words, tho

9. in an ideal world where you’re already super successful and published, would you want to see a tv or movie adaptation of your work? why or why not? A TV adaptation might be interesting, because it could develop things better with a longer runtime than a movie would. But with the state of the movie/TV industry at the moment I'm not sure how well it would turn out, it seems like everything is all-or-nothing in terms of whether or not it's considered a success and everything gets extended past when it should in the interest of making more sequels so I don't think I'd want that any time soon lol

16. where is your favourite place to write? I love writing outside, but ultimately as long as I have some natural light I'm good :D

38. how many stories do you work on at one time? Thaaaaaat depends! If it's one shots I'll work on one at a time. Now that I've got two massive canon rewrites on the go, tho, I work on alternating chapters of them. But if I get a one shot idea I'll typically write that before working more on my multi-chaps because I can get it done quicker

39. are you an avid reader? Yup!! I've been making a conscious effort to get back into it lately and it's been super relaxing

41. what is the weirdest story idea you’ve ever had. Either the Ranger's Apprentice log driver AU or librarian AU 🤔

51. share the synopsis of a story you work on that you haven’t published yet Halt goes back to Clonmel with Will and Horace to see Sean, and meets Sean's wife and daughter. But this won't be a simple family reunion, because there's trouble in Clonmel that threatens the throne...

58. what is the last thing that a fic made you google when you were writing it? I googled where pike lived for one of my fics! Other than that I'm very regularly googling Irish names or words for things, but I can't remember which of those I did more recently slhgg

64. what is your favourite title for a fic you’ve written? I'm quite partial to The Royal Ranger, but that's cheating slightly - in the Ranger's Apprentice fandom, the book The Royal Ranger (book 12) is quite divisive with a lot of people really hating it or disliking how it handled certain things, so when I decided to write a fic that the title technically worked for I just went with it lmao. As for original titles, I like The Ward Ghost - it was hard to come up with and I thought up and discarded several titles before settling on it

73. how do you visualise scenes? do you see it like a movie in your head, or do the words just flow? Thaaaaat also depends! Sometimes I'll get a very clear image of something in my head, but often the faces of characters in the scene are blurry (I suspect I'm mildly faceblind). Often it'll be like witnessing something while a narrator explains what's going on. For most of my life that was how I interacted with the world - going about daily tasks, but narrating in my head as though it was a book - so my writing is just kinda an extension of that

80. do you try to put themes, motifs, messages, morals, etc in your writing? if so, how do you go about it? Hmmm sorta? I've mostly been doing it with The Royal Ranger, through Halt being autistic. The recurring message regarding him - or, well, regarding characters who interact with him - is that the good characters accommodate and make efforts to understand him, while the bad ones brush off his difficulties and make him mask heavily. I show this with all the subtlety of a sledgehammer (i.e. Halt is shown to be unhappy when forced to mask and happy/relaxed when he can be himself). I don't pay much attention to any morals or themes or anything but if anyone has noticed any, I'd like to hear about what you took away from my works :3

95. do you describe a character’s appearance all right away or in pieces? Mostly right away! Sometimes I'll give a basic description early on and then flesh it out a ta time when it flows better in the story, tho

Link to the ask game if you want to play!

#asks #ask games #fic writer ask game #thanks for all the questions!! #tumblr crashed the first time I tried to post this ToT

[6-of-november]

The last worry of moving-in, me, ig. That's how it feels when my girlfriend has inadvertently (but on a few occasions admittedly purposely) talked down to me about being polyamorous/sexual.

In a super-abridged timeline: when we first hung out before any bits of a relationship (48 hours after introduction) I told her I was poly, when we met she was poly but not okay with me being poly bc she liked women & "it's different" that she wants a female to female connection than me wanting another female-male connection. It was less than a year into us being together when she tried justifying her gender double standard & I told her, "go fuck yourself." It came up in conversation, she genuinely doesn't remember this entire day. In the time that followed, I didn't behave polyamorously first bc I was at college, it wouldn't be fair to her if I found someone IRL & left her alone, then bc it was the pandemic & it's just not practical, then the whole threesome thing occured & that fallout so I didn't behave polyamorously to re-prove my commitment to her.

Well, it's been two fucking years, since that incident & it's about to be 2 fucking years since she asked me to take her back after she left me over the whole threesome thing. At every one of these summary life phases I have been given a different excuse why I shouldn't be allowed to be poly. I'm not some filandering ass hiding behind words, I feel my crushes, I've cried out my complicated emotions in this realm, & I've tried everything I can think of to become un-poly to please my partner. If it didn't bring me more joy & deep fulfillment than anything else I would love to just get rid of that part of me but I can't. Yesterday marked one year clean of all the drugs & habits I quit cold turkey just because I could, so know, that if I could make this change in myself I would & that the effort was there.

My partner has said some awful things about me being poly in the past, "you're just a boy," "you're never doing that," "Fuck you, what is wrong with you," "I have to be special, me, no one else," & the most recent (bad) thing, "well that's what it is isn't it." That last one seems odd, but that was her response to me venting about my parents anti-poly rant which I concluded with, "this is a real thing, I'm not just a horny ass hole." "well that's what it is isn't it." "A horny ass hole?" "Yes" I was mad, I left about five minutes after that exchange & saved my yelling & crying in the car. There's been good parts over the years like when we cried together that we couldn't change for the other in this regard, when she promised she understood I am this way & it's something I can't change, or recently when she asked me if I need love to have sex, (tldr, I'd suspected for years she was demi-sexual & she's just starting to give this thought), & I said 'no' to which she said she will bring it up in therapy after she gets through everything else (I have serious worries about being a non-priority in her backlog of 'everything else') but that she'd be more open to things then. Issue is, I think she's building an image where we have a few spicy nights with a booty call before we die whereas I'd be down for spicy nights but I'd love to go on dates with her & love interests & optimistically find long term partners who I may someday refer to as my husbands or wives for convenience (& to piss off conservatives).

Now, my parents who I live with are fervently monogamous, & my mom in particular has talked at length about how gross & awful she thinks any form of polyamorous/sexual is & it hurts to hear, so admittedly I don't want to be poly while under their roof, but if I'm not under their roof I think I'm done being treated like dirt in this regard.

I've been poly for 9 goddamn years, I've turned down people & experiences I would have cherished & mathematically had to have missed opportunities I was actively avoiding for someone else's happiness at the expense of my own. I don't want to live in the past, I want to live in the present. nothing would make me happier than to see my partner happy, but, if I'm supposed to find happiness for myself, nothing would make me happier than asking my crushes out on dates, & getting a positive response.

The night of the almost threesome was the best & worst night of my life. Even with the third's limited participation, it was the best, most exciting, & fulfilling sex, every minute felt like a massive emotional hug, it was all better than I imagined, (even compared to my second time having sex when two of my female friends who had a weird love quadrilateral with me watched me & my ex & we made jokes & commentary)- all that overwhelming joy & I stopped it from reaching higher heights bc that would cross lines not already crossed, that's why I blurted out my crush before kisses & hands became more irreversible alternatives. My GF now agrees, my actions make complete sense, miss third wheel set me up to fail, & while I made that night awful & the next 3 months, what I did made it possible for us to get back together at all & she loves & respects that.

What I wouldn't give to feel that again without worries clouding my mind. Like, if gf would just accept me & trust me, (bc ultimately, (from thinking it over & talking to more experienced people, she has her self confidence & anxiety issues but those are her issues) she doesn't trust me & that's more of a blender blade to the heart than a knife tbh) I would ask out Mr short & cute, then theres Miss green who frankly is a picture perfect bff for my gf if they could meet (not just me who said this, & float some openness around extended friend group & apps.

Everyone knows I'm poly, everyone respects me but her, & at this point I'm so tired of having been belittled, talked down to, & made to feel so awful I don't even want to live with myself that I want to be me finally. When we got back together I promised myself that I was going to be unapologetically me, that she wouldn't stop me from living. But, here I am mincing my words, getting put down, & still in forced monogamy. I'll never cheat bc I cannot respect betrayal (shout out to the women I've almost injured when they didn't take my no for an answer, I won't cheat on my gf), but It's so hard to vocalize my frustrations. I know her mental health is rough, I don't think she's a villain but I'm in my head a lot & it's just a lot of hurt & I don't feel like I fit in anywhere, I want to be accepted. So much is out of my control I'd like to have my fucking emotional & sexual autonomy back.

If we move in together she's the only practical barrier to me finally being myself. I don't want this to be our first big fight,but, if it is, I'd be so happy if it was productive. If we split bills like we're talking (it's very much in her favor) I would have enough in my discretionary budget to actually spend more in every category I normally do (bc I have been so extra frugal) & to spend money on dates (gas, dinner, little gifts, etc.) for her &/or other cuties (I refer to love interests as cuties in my head).

I have typed too much

[fuck-comphet]

so i'm currently in a straight presenting relationship with a cishetallo man (i'm bi, nonbinary and i present usually somewhere on the neutral-femme side). i love him very much but i've just noticed a lot of little things that bother me. like having to ask him to do chores around the house instead of game 24/7, and how his father and younger brother have a very sexist attitude, and they are all lazy and expect someone else to clean up after them.

at this same time im yearning for a relationship with a non-man bc ik there are certain things they will just understand in a way cishet men don't. constantly educating men while also coddling so as not to bruise their ego too much, is exhausting. is this just an unsatisfying relationship with a man who hasn't unlearned misogyny, comphet, or both?

Hi friend!

This seems more like an unsatisfying relationship with a man who hasn't unlearned misogyny based on what you've mentioned in this ask, rather than actual comphet :/ It shouldn't be your job to educate your partner in this way (while exhaustingly protecting his ego, as you've already pointed out). It's not fair to you and it's not conducive to a happy and fulfilling long-term romantic partnership.

Also if you've noticed his father and brother having a sexist attitude, I'm sorry to say but your partner is very likely to have them as well, even if his are just way more subconscious. (Though apparently not that subconscious if he can't take initiative in sharing household chores.)

I'd encourage you to engage in an honest conversation with your partner about what changes you need from him in the long-term if your relationship is going to last. This can address him taking more initiative around household maintenance, which should include a discussion on "the mental load" that tends to fall on non-men within coupled households; the idea that keeping track of what needs to be done (and all associated things such as when they need to be done and what you need to get it done) is most often the responsibility of the woman within a cis-het relationship. Men are often unaware that this mental load even exists, which is why they then don't help; because they don't think of what they could help with in the first place. I know that you are not a woman, as you have stated, but it's probable your partner sees you as one, or at the very least casts you in the role of care-taker (HIS care-taker...)

I do agree that in non-cishet presenting relationships, the division of household labor tends to be a non-issue, which can be really nice. It's up to you how much effort you are willing to put into having these conversations with your partner and helping him unlearn his misogyny. If you are unsatisfied in this relationship, it's clear that something has got to change, at the very least. How it changes and what you do is up you.

Hope this is helpful, I know these concepts of unlearning misogyny are complex and nuanced, and I wish you all the best with what you decide to do

The queer community loves you 🧡🤍🩷❤️

#ask response #unlearning misogyny is hard but not impossible #you deserve better though #definitely look into the concept of the mental load and how to approach this conversation with cishet men

[rosesastrology]

Hi love, how are you ? ♡

I was wondering if I could request a reading on some things that have been weighing a lot on me. Unfortunately I'm not able to support you financially yet, but I'd love to do so in the near future. It's perfectly fine if you don't accept, I still wanna ask tho cuz your previous readings for me were so accurate 😭

At Univeristy I've been studying so hard for my major (Japanese language) but didn't get satisfactory results on final tests. Question: How can I get better marks (than my current marks) in Japanese?

And secondly: should i go to Japan or German (for work/studies)? I'm currently studying both languages but not sure on which path suits me.

(sorry if 2 questions are too much, if that's the case you can answer the one you prefer)

18/11, 21h15, Hanoi (Vietnam), initials NTHH.

Even if you dont answer, thank you for your time & efforts ♡ Have a great day hun

It's okay! Donating/leaving tips or requesting a commission is completely voluntary and if you don't have the means to, don't!❤️ Your support means a lot to me in and of itself!! You can ask multiple questions btw, it's just easier to get a clear answer from 1 question bc sometimes the questions overlap in terms of significators.

The ascendant is in 12° Aries, ruled by Mars. Mars thus signifies the querent and the 6th house. The moon is your co-ruler, as per usual.

Higher learning (uni) is shown by the 9th house, which has Sagittarius on the cusp. In this case, Jupiter thus (fittingly) signifies your studies.

Grades are shown more so by the 10th house, because your grades are the direct result of your studies. The 2nd house represents results, and the 2nd from the 9th is the 10th. The 10th has Capricorn on the cusp, ruled by Saturn, as well as Pluto in the house.

Mars (you) is in the 2nd house of results, money, finances, worth. Mars is in his detriment in 24° Taurus, afflicted by a square with Saturn. This all suggests you're feeling bad when it comes to this situation and are very troubled by these questions, it could also represent your lack of knowledge to a certain extent—but it's more so a frustration I'm getting from this, with this Mars and Saturn energy.

The moon is in 12°15 Aquarius, and is completely undignified. This suggests you're feeling lost, without guidance. There's a certain hope present here (Aquarius, 11th house), or perhaps 'faith' is a better word, but there's no practical way for you to act upon it. It looks like trusting the situation will get better, but seeing no results in reality.

As stated before, the 9th represents studying, colleges, and higher learning—so I'll have a look here first. I'll also have a look at H3 and its Lord later on, because H3 rules writing (especially by hand), and studying in a more practical sense.

L9 is Jupiter, Jupiter governs over higher learning in and of himself and this is the most natural house for him. Jupiter is in h12, house of secrets, self-sabotage, trauma, baggage, and all things hidden and unknown. Jupiter is retrograde, and only has dignity in triplicity. I interpret the retrogradation here as a need to go back to the basics when it comes to Japanese. Practically put, see if you can get back tests and figure out what questions you fail most. Usually, quizzes and tests are divided by 1) questions you can learn directly from the material 2) questions that build upon said material 3) insight questions that test your 'natural' skill.

L10, Saturn, is domicile which would suggest your grades are not horrible or sth that can't be saved. Saturn is retrograde, in h11. H11 rules community and friendships as well, so perhaps finding a tutor or just someone around college who can help you would do wonders. I do see a conjunction between Saturn and the Moon, which would suggest you may meet sb who'd like to help you with your studies. In this case, I'd say take it. The receptions are decent, this person seems to know what they're talking about. It could be an authority figure, maybe even a teacher (Saturn tends to signify old people).

L3 is Mercury and Merc is domicile/exalt. here, which would suggest your writing and reading skills are good. Of course, I don't know if you also have oral and/or listening tests, but if you do, focus on improving there.

Q2: Should I go to Japan or Germany?

Japan is normally associated with Libra, whereas Germany is associated with Aries.¹

In this case, Venus is in better dignities than Mars. As such, that's 1 point for Japan. But let's have a more detailed look.

Mars is in Taurus, moon in Aquarius. They're both in succedent houses, rather than showing us a clear direction by being close to an axis. Jupiter, l9, also rules journeys. And he's in Aries. Aries rules Germany. The Asc is also in Aries, Germany. My main issue here is that I don't see an aspect between the Asc ruler or the moon and Jupiter (journeys). This suggests to me that it's unlikely you'll go on a trip to either of those countries in the foreseeable future, it'll probably take longer than you think. You're still very undecided on this, and I think you'll find more clarity when Jupiter leaves retrograde—Nov 23, 2022. I'd suggest you to orient yourself more, there's a vague inclination that leans towards me saying 'germany', but I think that's strongly influenced by your issues with Japanese atm.

#studying #college #university #travelling #travel #grades

[tuiyla]

so is it just me that is disgusted by finntana as a friendship...everyone in the fandom seems to want them as friends but i'd love it if they stayed as far away from each other as possible. i hated all of their interactions on the show and i don't get why people enjoy them.

i'm interested in your thoughts bc i know you don't like finn that much and santana's your fave

Phew, okay Anon, that's certainly something worth discussing.

I'm 100% behind you in terms of your right to dislike the friendship and I think it's perfectly okay to not want the two to have anything with each other. To say there's a lot of baggage there would be to put it mildly and the show seeing nothing wrong with, you know, the outing of it all, just makes it worse. I totally get why you'd say that.

With that said, and with your assessment of my feelings on Finn and Santana individually being correct, I kinda like it. But in that complicated sort of way that usually categorizes my feelings on anything Glee-related. Out of all my Santana bro ships I'd rank Finntana pretty low but like with most Glee dynamics I wish we saw more of them as friends.

Have only been thinking about this for five minutes but I think there are two aspects to it, for me: one is the thematic importance of their stories and the other is just me wishing everyone was friends and wanting fiction, at least, to be happy. The first one is easier to explain, though I could go into more detail at a later time if anyone would like to have that discussion. Basically, I think Finntana can be really fascinating narrative foils and parallels at different points in their stories. All the ~popular kids~ interconnect thematically imo and with Finntana it's mostly a contrast that then slowly turns into a parallel in late season 3 with neither knowing what the future holds. So I think it would have been neat to explore that and maybe have some scenes between the two in season 4.

The second, I mean, look. I always try to make it clear that Finn pisses me off so, so much even beyond the outing but if I wanna be honest, that is the one thing I just cannot get past. So my way of coping with the travesty that was IKAG and the narrative pretending like it never happened in terms of their friendship is wishing they had an actual friendship. And that's hard to reconcile with actual canon but the alternative is loathing every interaction they have. Which, to be clear, is a valid perspective to have and I don't blame you for feeling that way.

I think part of me wanting this friendship is also the fiction part like I said, which is a) appreciating the friendship Naya and Cory had and wishing it translated. And b) if human connection can't always persevere in real life then let it do so in fiction. What I mean by that is that Finn and Santana are, canonically, two people who have used and hurt each other. They have mutually caused each other pain, on varying levels, and while that's Not Great I am a big believer in forgiveness and learning to love people despite whatever might have happened in the past. So in my ideal Glee world, Finn and Santana would not only have come to a mutual understanding because of their arcs paralleling but because they're both making the conscious effort to forgive, do things to be worthy of that forgiveness, and heal together. I like to believe in the power of moving forward.

I think there could be beauty in that, narratively, and I'm assuming people find comfort in viewing Naya and Cory's characters as friends. But once again I do get what you're saying and with everything that went down between Finn and Santana, it's valid that some don't want the two to have anything to do with each other. What's comforting to some can be infuriating to others. I've seen fics before where Finntana were friends but in a way I don't vibe with, such as following the show's logic and saying Finn was actually showing he cared by outing her. Instead of dealing with the fact that he wasn't, actually. So anyway it is a complex topic and as always the best we can do is just accept all perspectives. I certainly see yours. Just for me, personally, one of the only things keeping me from finding Finn completely unbearable is pretending that there's a Glee timeline out there where this friendship could have worked.

#glee #santana lopez #finn hudson #anti finn hudson #to be safe though now it feels weird tagging it with #finntana #glee asks #santana asks #my thoughts #anon #ask #anonymous #glee friendships

[artlesscomedic]

Sgvfgchv okay as someone who's a complete Hermitcraft fan here goes: Rank: I'd say C+. You got several details half-right, which is a valiant effort considering you hand nothing but Skin Vibes to go off (which are very different from their Actual Vibes, I assure you). Sorry, I tend to ramble a lot.

TFC actually stands for Tin Foil Chef, so it is, in fact, quite a dumb name if you think about it.

TFC is actually the miner of the server, not Joe! He didn't participate in Season 7 much due to health reasons, but in Season 6, his strip mine was enormous, arguably the biggest build on the server in terms of square metres.

He's the only hermit on the server who actually acts like a hermit cfhgv.

Sometimes he's drawn with a prosthetic leg and/or disfigured arm, both of which he has in real life! You'd have no way of knowing that from his mc skin though.

He's typically considered the grandpa of the server. Probably because he acts like it. And also because he's the oldest member of the server at age 62.

Joe is a dad! He has a daughter! And he certainly acts like it! A very cool dad.

This is probably the first piece of fanart I've seen of Joe without his glasses, which are, again, something he has IRL, but you wouldn't know from the skin.

Speaking of his glasses, he just got new ones. He managed to get a pair that are the same colour as his green screen.

Joe is very, very chaotic, but in a very special, subtle, unexplainable way. We call it the Joe Hills Difference.

He ends each video with a poem, haiku or prompt for the comments to make their own poem.

He starts every single video with "Howdy y'all, this is Joe Hills, recording as I always do in Nashville, Tennessee." Joe is his actual name. Man has no fear.

All the hermits have great laughs so that's just free points.

As for the characters vs ccs thing- On HC, the lines are blurrier than the DSMP seems to be (from an outsider's perspective), but we tend to differentiate between the irl creators and their personas, and almost exclusively write/draw/make hcs about the personas. The only exception to this I've ever seen is the very occasional "trapped in Minecraft" fic.

(Some of the hermits have actually read hc fanfic and liked it so there's that. Joe in particular jokes about AO3 and shipping every now and then. They seem pretty chill with the whole thing.)

Cs get degrees, baby!!!!!

wow though, prosthetics and glasses and poetry-- i love that so much!! chaotic in a special way...The Joe Hills Difference.

hbskdhskd i wonder if i could equate that to someone on the dsmp like Ponk. chaotic for sure, but like, instead of going left or right, she just curvs and goes straight up. totally throws you and yet it makes so much sense bc of course

thank u for this

#asks

[ironwoodprotectionsquad]

Took me a few days to realize I sent this Ask to the wrong blog, but I'd still love to hear from them if they answer!

But this was definitely meant for you --

How much thought do you think actually went into the writing in terms of character creation?

Bc they all have allusions, right? Like where they at?

Yang seems the most away from her allusion, if that phrasing makes sense. Her hair is the only thing really tying her to Goldilocks and the 3 bears. I'm being nice when I take that small fight in V1 against the Ursa into account. (Also that character short for V5 which was technically pre v1 but still)

I've been told Weiss, Blake, and Ren are based on Disney princesses. I hope to gods the writers didn't just watch the movies for them.

But it makes me think they did just that for Jacques Schnee considering he's supposed to allude to Jack Frost. The only money hungry Jack Frost I've ever heard of is that blue fker from The Santa Clause movies.

And these bitches at CRWBY really gonna tell me that after 8 volumes Neo isn't one of those porcelain dolls from Oz or even Cheshire Cat like a lot of ppl believed, but Hecate??

What's your opinion? (This probably could've been a thing for Nitpick November)

Honestly....it kind of depends on the season. Earlier seasons seem to have more care put into the illusions in some cases at least but as the seasons passed it feels like fewer and fewer characters have any care put in at all. (More below the cut because I get rambly)

For example, Penny's illusion works really well and they have fun playing around with it. Pinocchio loses his stings but Penny is killed by hers. The scarecrow stumbles around because he's a scarecrow and Qrow stumbles around because he's drunk.

I also initially loved how James's illusion was used as the general he buried his heart because he felt like he had to but in this case the tin man always had a heart but the world thinks he doesn't. It's his close friends who can see the heart he desperately tries to bury and knows its their and are the one's to remind him of that instead of Oz.

But the show also fails a lot of their illusions as well unfortunately. Like later on with James they screwed up spectacularly by making him lose his heart or with Penny by turning her human, even if they didn't kill her. And especially new characters just don't get the same care as earlier one's like for most of the Ace Ops I couldn't even begin to guess who their illusions are supposed to be. And the one's we can figure out....they're very surface level like Clover is the luck of the fisherman, he has a luck semblance and uses a fishing rod type weapon. Surface level. Nothing interesting or creative with it.

But as you said even in early seasons before the illusions went to shit some just failed. Like Yangs is similarly very surface level and not much being used for it. Glynda is also fairly surface level as well in just name and semblance being a reference to her illusion and her personality and actions not really tying into hers at all.

Regarding Weiss and Ren (I already mentioned who Blake is supposed to be). Weiss is supposed to be snow white and Ren Mulan. All of team JNPR is supposed to be gender swapped of their illusions, with Nora being Thor, Pyrrha being Achilles, and Jaune being Joan of Arc. Ren and Jaune really don't have many connections to their illusions and generally we only know who they are supposed to be because of over the top color pallets with Ren or because we where told with Jaune.

In general I suppose its very hit or miss and just how much the writers could be bothered to care about putting any effort into their illusions.

I honestly don't know what's been said about Neo and her illusion but I wouldn't be surprised if it is another extremely superficial illusion. With Jacques....well he's another one that is hard to really pin down because his character is hard to pin down. He starts of as a calculating manipulative asshole but in Volume 7 he's....pathetic is the best word for it. Even if we're going with the whole SC version illusion it still doesn't work for how Jacques is developed which is a shame because he could have been a very interesting character.

What I think is earlier volumes we didn't care if the illusions where surface level or not because in earlier volumes it was just a fun slice of life school story that was very small scale and just fun in general. As time went on and the story became bigger and the show tries to claim important character arcs happen because of their illusions, its easier to want to be more critical of illusions because of the writers claims on how important the illusions are claimed to be for certain characters and only certain characters.

CRWBY both tries to hard and doesn't try hard enough and it infuriating with its inconsistency. You could argue technically it keeps the audience on their toes but....it doesn't in a fun way because it makes it unfun to theorize because sometimes illusions matter and other times they mean jack shit. Characters can change how they act and their illusions affect them at the drop of a hat and make the character unrecognizable from how they acted before. Crwby tends to care more about a cool looking scene then making a coherent story that makes sense and it really harms the enjoyment of the show.

#RWDE #Rwby bashing #Rwby critical #rwby critique #crwby critical #crwby critique #Character Illusions

[liyawritesss]

your top ten fav anime characters

Aight here we go I bet not hear shit. This list is SUPPOSE going from least-to-most favorite, but honestly I stopped ranking them before I even started. No.1 is no.1 though that's not up for dispute. Aight continue.

Liya's Top 10 Anime Characters

10. Bakugo Katsuki - My Hero Academia

- okay listen, I dont tall much abt Bakugo because honestly he's an annoying piece of shit. However, I understand why he's an annoying piece of shit. The amount of effort and psychology that's put into his character is fucking amazing, one of the best I've seen in a while. I think Bakugo has the potential to have an amazing redemption arc for all the shit he's done to Midoriya, if done right. Of course erasing asshole-ery isn't gonna happen in one night, but if he's willing to try, I think Bakugo could do it.

9. Yusaku Fujiki - Yu-Gi-Oh! VRAINS

- now Yusaku is right here bc I honestly don't know much about it. I've been meaning to watch the series, but i've only gotten as far as ep. 10. But he gives me major Yusei vibes and I'm excited to see what the creators have and are going to do with him, because unlike his predecessors, his backstory seems much more dark and tragic. Why he's a favorite? Well I mean shit it's the first time I liked an anime character that's actually MY AGE so yeah 😚

8. Kirishima Eijirou - My Hero Academia

- at this point ranking doesnt mean shit so stfu. I love kirishima. He's one of VERY FEW positive male representations in anime that I've seen. And I sincerely hope Horikoshi gives him the screentime and glow up he deserves because this can be a huge turning point in how boys see how they are represented in the mainstream media. With how popular MHA is rn, Kirishima could easily dismantle many toxic masculinity stereotypes set up by western media if given the space and opportunity for it.

7. Taichi Yagami - Digimon Adventures tri

- reason why I chose Digimon Adventures tri. specifically is because 1) they're aged up in this part of the series, and 2) the turmoil that Tai goes through reflects a lot of my own inner turmoil when it comes to making decisions i know will effect everyone. Throughout this part of the series Tai struggles with how to deal with the invasion of Digimon since, even though the Digi-Destined are back to being "regular kids" they're titles were never throughly undone. And with him being the designated leader of the group, all eyes go to him for answers. He's not the same kid who has the fire in his eyes and the certainty of his actions - he's thinking of how everyone - the entire world - will be affected by his actions. It's a scary concept being put on a 17 year old, one that I struggle with a lot in my time, so I always relate heavily to Tai in this part of his journey.

5. Spike Spiegal - Cowboy Bebop

- let me tell you about this piece of shit right here 😡 We have a love hate relationship going on here. I love him to death and feel sympathy for what he's been through but if he would just SHUT THE FUCK UP everything would be cool. But nooooo he has to have a smart ass mouth. Wish I could just pop that mf in it 🙄 but yes I love Spike and his moss for hair havin ass.

4. Korra - The Legend of Korra

- Yes I know its not an anime but stfu. I can't tell you how excited I was that a show with a woman of color protagonist was coming to Nickelodeon. Korra definitely helped me with a lot of my confidence issues and how I see myself as a woman. She taught me it's okay to be strong, but it's also okay to let yourself be vulnerable. It's okay to love and lose and you can still rise from the ashes of it. And most importantly, it's okay to not know what you like in terms of dating, it's okay to explore your sexuality and feel comfortable in your skin. If I didnt have Korra in my childhood, I dont know where I'd be at right now, honestly.

3. Aang - Avatar: The Last Airbender

- AGAIN I KNOW ITS NOT AN ANIME STFU. Aang is another comfort character for me in how he's so skilled in de-escalation and evasive maneuvers. He's practically one with the wind, which is kind of what I aspire to be in life. He's a natural born peacemaker and childish at heart, which are two qualities i see in myself as well. Okay, and he's cute as fuck like, him babie 🥺🥺🥺

2. Shinsou Hitoshi - My Hero Academia

- I'm sure yall are surprised why he's not no. 1, but I shall explain. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE shinsou. I've never met a character I could relate to so much in this day and age. And the way I kin this man is honestly unbelievable. We share a lot of similarities, one of them being how people don't necessarily believe in the things we can do if we put our minds to it. Shinsou is such a comfort character and I love him to bits, and the only reason he's no. 2 is because of my all-time husband since I was little.

1. Yusei Fudo - Yu-Gi-Oh! 5DS

- listen, I kin this man way to hard. It's almost as if we share the same soul. Like- ofc when I was watching it as a kid I was more focused on the physical appeal bc he do be fine asf 😩😩 but rewatching the series now that I'm older, I definitely see why I kin Yusei. He's quiet but has this kind of "don't fuck with my family" aura. He's gentle but isnt afraid to get his hands dirty when it comes to those he loves. He's got a heart of gold and honestly i wouldn't see anyone else at no. 1.

#liya talks #shitpost #top 10 anime characters #yugioh 5ds #yugioh vrains #digimon tri #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #cowboy bebop #avatar the last airbender #the legeng of korra

[iridescentides]

hi again dia! happy first day of december ❤️💚 i wanted to ask you what, in your opinion, are the 5 most underrated dcoms? i remember you saying before that you've watched all of them so i'd love to hear your opinions 😊 - 🎅🎁🎄

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH secret santa you are so good! asking me all the best questions 💜

okay so i literally had to make a list of all the dcoms i consider underrated and then narrow down a top 5. theres lots of dcoms that i love, but that i think got the right amount of attention and care (like lemonade mouth and the teen beach movies, for example), so this list just focuses on ones that deserved more hype for their quality level.

5. The Cheetah Girls: One World (2008)

okay so even as i type this i feel like a hypocrite. i have only watched this movie one time. BUT i can acknowledge that its one of the most criminally underrated dcoms ever, tons of people didnt watch it simply because raven wasnt in it. thats why i avoided it as a child, and i didnt get around to watching it until i did my big dcom binge in 2016. and it was so good. theres a really long post floating somewhere around tumblr full of specifics on why its actually the best cheetah girls movie (my favorite is the second one purely out of nostalgia), so to paraphrase some points from that post:

its a solid example of cultural appreciation, rather than appropriation, as the girls go and learn about bollywood and indian culture together

the indian characters arent treated like props or unimportant sides, they get their own agency and storylines that are important

the songs are good!!!

basically this movie was overlooked and slept on even though in terms of role modeling and social value, and just like the first two cheetah girls movies it was important and impactful.

4. Sharpay’s Fabulous Adventure (2011)

okay so as someone whos very neutral and occasionally negative-leaning towards the hsm franchise (mostly bc its overhyped and not really representative of all dcoms), i was pleasantly surprised by sharpays fabulous adventure. this is another one that i know lots of people skipped right over and dont hold with as much esteem as the main hsm franchise, and that doesnt sit right with me.

i do not agree with the “uwu sharpay was the real victim in hsm” arguments bc in their efforts to look galaxy brained the people who say that overlook the fact that she was a rich white woman who used her power and status to exercise control over opportunities that should have been fairly and freely available for all; they were not “making a mockery of her theater” in the first movie, they were literally just kids who wanted to try out a new school activity that everyone was supposed to be allowed to participate in; and despite allegedly learning her lesson and singing we’re all in this together with everyone at the end of the first movie, she literally showed no growth in the second movie as she fostered an openly hostile environment and favored troy so heavily that it literally cost him his friends, all as part of yet another jealous plan to take things away from people who already have less than her. she was NOT the victim in the main franchise, and she did not seem to exhibit any growth or introspection either.

and that!!! is why sharpays fabulous adventure was so important. in focusing on sharpay as the main character, they finally had to make her likeable. they did this by showing actual real growth and putting her outside of her sphere of influence and control. we saw true vulnerability from her, instead of the basic ass “mean girl is sad bc shes actually just super insecure” trope (cough cough radio rebel), and this opened us up to finally learn about and care about her character. throughout the movie we see her learn, from her love interests example, how to care for others and be considerate. she faces actual adversity and works through it, asking herself what she truly wants and what shes capable of. and in the end, when she finally has her big moment, we’re happy for her bc she worked hard to get there. she becomes a star through her own merit and determination, rather than through money and connections. this movie is not perfect by any means, but it is severely underrated for the amount of substance it adds to sharpays character.

3. The Swap (2016)

okay i know im gonna get shit for this but thats why its on this list!!! just like sharpays fabulous adventure, its not perfect and definitely misses the mark sometimes, but it deserves more attention and love for all the things it did get right!

the swap follows two kids who accidentally switch bodies because of their emotional attachment to their dead/absent parents’ phones. and while i normally HATE the tv/movie trope of a dead parent being the only thing that builds quick sympathy for a young character, they definitely expanded well enough to where we could root for these kids even without the tragedy aspect. we see them go through their daily struggles and get a feel for their motivations as characters pretty well. as a body switching movie, we expect it to be all goofy and wacky and lighthearted, but it moves beyond that in unexpected ways.

the reason the swap is on this list is for its surprisingly thoughtful commentary on gender roles. its by no means a feminist masterpiece, and its not going to radicalize kids who watch it, but it conveys a subtle, heartfelt message that deserves more appreciation. the characters struggle with the concept of gender in a very accurate way for their age, making off-base comments and feeling trapped by the weight of expectations they cant quite put their finger on. we watch them feel both at odds with and relieved by the gender roles they are expected and allowed to perform in each others bodies, and one of the most interesting parts of the movie to me is their interactions with the other kids around them. as a result of their feeling out of place in each others environments, the kids inadvertently change each others friendships for the better by introducing new communication styles and brave authenticity. 

the value of this movie is the subtle, but genuine way it shows the characters growing through being given the space to act in conflicting ways to their expected norms. ellie realizes that relationships dont have to be complex, confusing, and painful, and that its okay to not live up to appearances and images. jack learns that emotional expression is good, healthy, and especially essential to the grieving process. one of the most powerful scenes in the movie comes at the end where, after ellie confronts jacks dad in his body, jack returns as himself to a very heartfelt apology from his father for being too hard on him; the explicit message (”boys can cry”) is paired with an open expression of love and appreciation for his kids that he didnt feel comfortable displaying until his son set an example through honest communication. this is such an empowering scene and overall an empowering movie for kids who may feel stuck in their expected roles, as it sets a positive example for having the courage to break the restrictive societal mold. for its overall message of the importance of introspection and emotional intelligence, the swap is extremely underrated.

2. Freaky Friday (2018)

this is my favorite dcom, and probably my favorite movie at this point. ive always assigned a lot of personal value to this movie (and i love every freaky friday in general), for the message of selfless familial love and understanding. i know i can get carried away talking about this topic; i got an anon ask MONTHS ago asking me about the freaky friday movies and i wrote a super super long detailed response that i never posted bc i didnt quite finish talking about the 2018 movie. and thats bc on a personal level, i cant adequately convey all the love i have for this movie. so i will try to keep this short.

first lets state the obvious: the reason people dont like this movie is bc its not the lindsay lohan version. and i get that, to an extent, bc i also love the 2003 version and its one of my ultimate comfort movies, and grew up watching it and ive seen it a billion times. i even watched it a couple days ago. but the nostalgia goggles that people have on from the early 2000s severely clouds their judgement of the wonderful 2018 remake.

yes, the 2018 version is dorky, overly simplistic plot wise, a bit stiff at times, and super cheesy like any dcom. the writing isnt 100% all the time. the narrative takes a couple confusing turns. the song biology probably shouldnt have been included. i understand this. but at the heart of it all, this movies value is love. and its edge over all the other freaky friday movies is the songs.

on a personal level, the movie speaks heavily to me. i cried very early into my first viewing of the movie bc i got to see dara renee, a dark-skinned, non-skinny actress, playing the mean popular girl on disney channel. that has never happened before. growing up, i saw the sharpays and all the other super thin white women get to be the “popular” girls on tv, and ultimately they were taken down in the end for being mean, but that doesnt change the fact that they were given power and status in the first place for being conventionally beautiful. so, watching dara renee strut around confidently and sing about being the queen bee at this high school got to me immediately. and in general, the supporting cast members of color really mean a lot to me in this movie. we get to see adam, an asian male love interest for the main character. we have a second interracial relationship in the movie with katherines marriage to mike. ellies best friend karl is hispanic. and we see these characters have depth and plot significance, we see them show love, care, and passion for the things they value. the brown faces in this movie are comforting to me personally. additionally, the loving, blended family dynamic is important to me as someone in a close-knit, affectionate step-family.

but on a more general level, this movie is underrated for its skillful musical storytelling and the way it conveys all kinds of love and appreciation. in true freaky friday fashion, we watch ellie and katherine stumble and misstep in their attempts to act like each other. its goofy and fun. but through it all, the music always captures the characters’ intimate thoughts and feelings. the opening song gives us a meaningful view into ellie and katherines relationship and the fundamental misunderstandings that play a role in straining their connection. ellie sings about how she thinks her mom wants her to be perfect, and her katherine sings about all the wonderful traits she sees in her daughter and how she wants her to be more open and self assured. this is meaningful bc even as theyre mad at each other, the love comes through. the songs continue to bring on the emotional weight of the story, as ellie sings to her little brother about her feelings of hurt and abandonment in her fathers absence. the song “go” and its accompanying hunt scene always make me cry bc of the childlike wonder and sense of adventure that it brings. for the kids, its a coming of age, introspective song. for katherine who gets to participate in ellies body, its a reminder of youth and the rich, full life her daughter has ahead of her. she is overcome with excitement, both from getting to be a teenager again for a day, and from the realization that her daughter has a support network and passions that are all her own. today and ev’ry day, the second to last song, is the culmination of the lessons learned throughout the movie, a mother and daughters tearful commitment to each other to love, protect, and understand one another. the line “if today is every day, i will hold you and protect you, i wont let this thing affect you” gets to me every time. even when things are hard and dont go according to plan, they still agree, in this moment, to be there for each other. and thats what all freaky friday stories are ultimately about.

freaky friday 2018 is a beautiful, inclusive, subversive display of familial love, sacrifice, and selflessness, and it is underrated and overlooked because of its more popular predecessor.

1. Let It Shine (2012)

this is another one of my favorite dcoms and movies in the whole world. unlike the other movies on this list, it is not the viewers themselves that contribute to the underrated-ness of this movie. disney severely under-promoted and under-hyped this movie in comparison to its other big musical franchises, and i will give you five guesses as to why, but youll only need one!

let it shine is the most beautifully, unapologetically black dcom in the whole collection. (i would put jump in! at a notable second in this category, but that one wasnt underrated). this movie was clearly crafted with care and consideration. little black kids got to see an entire dcom cast that represented them. the vernacular used in the script is still tailored mostly to white-favoring audiences, but with some relevant slang thrown in there. in short, the writers got away with the most blackness they were allowed to inject into a disney channel project.

the story centers on rap music and its underground community in atlanta, georgia. it portrays misconceptions surrounding rap, using a church setting as a catalyst for a very real debate surrounding a generational, mutlicultural conflict. this was not a “safe” movie for disney, given its emphasis on religious clashes with contemporary values. it lightly touches on issues of image policing within the black community (cyrus’s father talking about how “our boys” are running around with sagging pants and “our girls” are straying away from god), which is a very real and pressing problem for black kids who feel the pressure (from all sides) of representing their whole race with their actions. its a fun, adorable story about being yourself and staying true to your art, but also a skillful representation of struggles unique to black and brown kids and children from religious backgrounds.

on top of crafting a fun, wholesome, thoughtful narrative and likeable protagonists, let it shine brought us what is in my opinion the BEST dcom soundtrack of all time. every single song is a bop. theyre fast, fun, and lyrically engaging. “me and you” is my favorite disney channel song of all time due to its narrative significance; i will never forget my first time watching the movie and seeing that big reveal unfold onstage, as a conversation and a plot summary all wrapped into a song. the amount of thought and care that went into the music of this movie should have been rewarded with a level of attention on par with that of other musical dcoms.

if disney channel had simply cared about let it shine more, it couldve spanned franchises and sold songs the way that other musical dcoms have drawn in success. i would have loved for a sequel that explored and fleshed out cyrus’s neighborhood a little bit more, and maybe dipped into that underground scene they caught a glimpse of. i wanted a follow up on the changed church community once cyrus’s father started supporting his sons vision. i want so much more for these characters and this world than disney gave them in just one movie.

for its bold, unabashed representation of blackness and religion, subtle, nuanced presentation of race-specific issues, strong, likeable characters, and complex, thoughtful songs, let it shine is the most underrated dcom.

and because i made a full list before i started writing this post, here are some honorable mentions:

going to the mat (2004)

gotta kick it up! (2002)

tru confessions (2002)

dont look under the bed (1999)

invisible sister (2015)

#this took me embarassingly long to write #i cant help myself i literally think about this all the time #youre doing a great job with these questions secret santa! #dcoms #disney channel #answered asks #anons #gcwca secret santa #Anonymous

[satonthelotuspier]

I'm seeing prompts on your site and does that mean you are accepting them right now? I've never requested a prompt before and I don't know what to do? But if I'm doing it right I'd really like to see 13 for XueXiao from the bodyguard au prompt list? Fluffy or angsty, as you please. Am I doing this right?

OK so Im being obvious, but this contains XueXiao.

Modern Bodyguard AU so none of the complications of canon apply.

Now the disclaimers are out of the way, I have to apologise to the very patient @amaskinamirror bc this took so much longer to write than I expected. The reason being most of my prompt fics end up around the 1k-1.4k word mark and this kept going and kept going because there was a story there. It came in around the 4.5k work mark. Think of it as added value, unless you hate it in which case it’s not ;)

Pompts from this post here

Part 2 now available here

Xue Yang is the enfant terrible of the music world and his manager has pretty much had enough of his shitty behaviour. Features a thorny Xue Yang shaped by the worlds opinions of him, and a hardass yet caring Xiao Xingchen who maybe might just start to see beyond the lies.

Possible triggers/warnings: Also features swearing, man-handling, use of a date rape drug, minor injury and blood. Luckily XXC is there to save the day in all situations.

Xue Yang was woken up from a deep, no doubt alcohol-induced, sleep to the feeling of cold water being splashed in his face.

He shot upright coughing and spluttering and wiping water out of his eyes, trying to process what the hell had happened. The unconscious bodies around him all started to stir and groan back to lucidity.

Xue Yang followed the long line of the leg in front of him up to eventually meet a pair of dark eyes staring down at him without expression.

“What the fuck?” he demanded and tried to get up but someone he didn’t even remember the name of was laid across his legs.

It had been another party. One where they’d drunk hard and passed out before dawn some time; he didn’t know half the people here. That had never stopped him. Being the enfant terrible of the music industry took both time, effort and commitment.

The tall man bent down to extricate him, then yanked him to his feet.

“You have rehearsals in ninety minutes. Get showered, you smell like a brewery” a garment bag was pushed into his hands then he was waved in the direction of the hotel suite’s bathroom.

“Excuse me, but just who the fuck are you?” honestly his head felt a little woolly still from the after-effect of the alcohol he’d been drinking, but he was sure he didn’t know who this man was or what he was doing in his hotel suite.

“Your Fairy Godmother, Cinderella, now go get a shower, you’re wasting time”

Xue Yang grabbed hold of the collar of his jacket, “Don’t bullshit me”

The hand that clamped around his wrist was steel-like, “Your new security. Your manager sends his regards. I won’t tell you to go and shower again”

“Firstly, if you are security you are not my boss, so you can stop with the ordering me around like I’m your little bitch, secondly, you are my security? I’m sure if a duckling gets too close you’ll do a great job, otherwise…” he was going to push the other away, sure because of his willowy frame it would be easy. Quite how he ended up in an armlock and being dragged to the bathroom he didn’t know. He bit his tongue to stifle the cry of pain; no way would he utter the noise aloud. “Who the fuck do you think you are?” he snarled as the other kept going into the bathroom.

“I’ve already explained. I’m not going to repeat myself” the man opened the shower door, pushed Xue Yang into the cubicle and pushed the on button.

Of course Xue Yang never learned his lesson; he launched himself at the other only to bounce off the cubicle door as the other shut it behind him, holding it closed.

“New world order, xiao-Xue, get used to being my little bitch” the other grinned as Xue Yang punched the glass then yelled at the pain in his hand, “Clean up, I don’t want to be forced to come in there and clean you up myself”

***

Xue Yang curled himself up as small as possible on the back seat of the car; he was in high sulk. After calling his manager to demand an explanation of what was going on Jin Guangyao had told him in no uncertain terms he’d better get used to the idea of Xiao Xingchen being around. His new security was not only there to provide for his personal safety after a spate of disturbing mail (more disturbing than the usual run of the mill threats at least), but to whip him into some kind of shape as Jin Guangyao was convinced his terrible behaviour, bad reputation and general personality was about to lose them some very large contracts.

Everyone loved a bad boy in theory, but when it began to affect his ability to make his management company money then they were definitely going to act to protect their asset.

And that had come in the form of Xiao Xingchen, who looked as gentle and fragile as an orchid but who had already handed Xue Yang his ass once today already.

“A-Qing, I need breakfast” Xue Yang whined at his assistant as his stomach rumbled for the fourth time.

“You shouldn’t have upset the new bodyguard then” she mocked him quietly, and he retreated even more, pulling the hood of his jacket up and wrapping his arms around his knees as A-Qing took pity on him and leaned forward to ask the driver to stop at a nearby coffee shop.

They did, and A-Qing and the driver returned with coffees for all and a bag full of muffins.

Lao-Xia, the driver, and A-Qing had been with Xue Yang long enough to not meet his gaze as they started on their own food; Xiao Xingchen had no such warning; he was too busy goggling at Xue Yang who had made his own muffin disappear like a magician with a rabbit.

“Are you going to eat that?” Xue Yang asked, pointing at the baked bun in Xiao Xingchen’s hand.

He simply offered it over; perhaps surprised at the demonstration of the speed at which a muffin could be demolished without trace.

The second one followed the first in quick order and Xue Yang froze as the other reached  over to brush the crumbs that had stuck to the corner of his mouth away with a thumb.

“You don’t want the Paparazzi to catch that” he said simply before turning in his seat to look out of the windscreen and sip at his coffee.

Xue Yang curled back in on himself and held his ridiculously sweet iced coffee to his chest.

“You eat too much sugar” Xiao Xingchen told him as Lao-Xia started the car and set off driving to the studio, “You need something to give you energy for the first meal of the day”

“Good luck with that, he functions on pure sugar and supplements” A-Qing mocked and Xue Yang shot her an annoyed look.

***

Xue Yang didn’t know why he was surprised the next morning when he was awoken by a solid shake to the shoulder.

He hadn’t been able to avoid the other to sneak off to party last night so he wasn’t hung over but that didn’t mean he was any more amenable to the idea of waking up.

“Come on Sleeping Beauty, you have to be at your first interview in an hour”

Interviews. His mortal enemy. The thing he hated most in the world. And he was still no better at dealing with them than he had been as a fresh face on the music scene, where the press had crucified him, thrown every painful fact of his past in his face and then painted him as a troubled bad boy with a temper; a role he’d eventually just given up fighting against and embraced.

He threw the blankets over his head; maybe if he just went back to sleep the interview would disappear.

The blankets were thrown back.

“Dude, what the fuck?” he demanded, was he allowed no privacy at all anymore?

“Get up” Xiao Xingchen jerked his head towards the bathroom.

“Fuck off. I’m not going” he reached out to push the other away.

It went about as well as yesterday had for him; he ended up face down on the bed with his arm locked up between his shoulder blades.

“Are you going to learn any time soon? I mean, kudos for persistence but lose points for stupidity. Now, last chance to get up on your own, otherwise I’ll throw you over my shoulder and you can go dressed like that”

Xue Yang wasn’t sure he believed the other was strong enough to actually carry him out of the hotel room, but he daren’t take the chance he might be dragged out kicking and screaming and dressed in his ratty old t-shirt and shorts.

“Fine, yes, I’m getting up. Let me go, please” as a street child he’d learned to beg prettily and it wasn’t a skill he was averse to using if he needed to, to survive. It didn’t need to be sincere, it just needed to sound it, to be calculated to pull on the other’s heart strings.

It didn’t seem to affect Xiao Xingchen, but he was released nonetheless.

***

Xue Yang of course arrived on time for his first interview, (there were three in total scheduled for today), as far as they went it wasn’t particularly gruelling for him, but he was fully aware he was a mess by the end of it; he’d probably come across like he was on drugs, but it wasn’t like that would be the first, second or third time the rumour would circulate in relation to him.

He knew Xiao Xingchen eyed him in consideration, but he ignored it; he didn’t have the presence of mind to survive the next two interviews and worry about what his new security agent was judging him for today.

He was much worse by the end of the second; he had been left alone a sitting room of the hotel the interview’s had been arranged at and he lowered his head into his hands, trying to even out his breathing and calm himself. His professionalism would be questioned even further if he failed to complete the last interview, or screwed up during it.

He felt the couch dip next to him, “Here” he looked up, poison on his tongue ready to be spit at Xiao Xingchen when he realised the other held out one of those large chocolate chip cookies in a napkin. There was also iced coffee sat on the table in front of him.

“Just relax, empty your head, and focus on the cookie” Xiao Xingchen informed him; raising an eyebrow as Xue Yang didn’t immediately accept the confectionery from him.

He took it with tentative thanks; and it vanished almost immediately once he’d decided to accept the gesture. Once he’d gotten the sugary coffee inside him too he felt much better.

***

Despite his trash reputation he wasn’t late for a single appointment over the next weeks; Jin Guangyao assured him it was perfectly alright to project the rebel for the masses but when you played the brat with the people in the business you’d soon be blacklisted; a risk he wasn’t willing to take with Xue Yang.

Xue Yang hadn’t managed to get near alcohol or a party in that time due to Xiao Xingchen’s hawk eyes and iron control.

Since the second morning though instead of being woken up with a bucket of water to the face or bickering the other had started showing up with a sweet pastry and a staggeringly sugary iced coffee which he traded off for Xue Yang eating better at other mealtimes.

Overall it didn’t seem Xue Yang had a moment of time where the other wasn’t somewhere close, controlling everything, keeping a watchful eye out.

And it bothered Xue Yang; he didn’t get used to the feeling of Xiao Xingchen being there like he’d been assured he would. He was still hyper aware of him, and he didn’t necessarily think it was because he was intimidated, despite the fact they’d had a few more altercations, none of which ended well for Xue Yang.

***

He tried to ditch his new security for his monthly visit to the orphanage his charity had built and ran; the less people who knew about it the better. Of course he couldn’t shake the other off so he had to attend followed by Xiao Xingchen, and explain to the children who the tall ge was. He was a great hit with them, and although Xue Yang pretended to be annoyed at Xiao Xingchen getting all the attention that the youngsters usually showered on him secretly he was entertained as he watched the other romp with the rough kids, or play softly with the quieter ones.

“This is the first time you’ve brought a bodyguard” he turned slightly at the sound of Tian Ying, the matron of the orphanage and the woman who’d helped bring him up in a similar institution when he had been a boy had come up beside him. “Are you in danger, xiao-Xue?”

“Of course not” he didn’t consider the crazy mail Jin Guangyao was filtering from him any more of a threat than any of the other mail he’d received in the last few years, and he definitely didn’t want her to worry about him, “They just decided I needed someone to carry my bags for me”

He didn’t have time to say much more as he was dragged into an impromptu game of football in the yard, where he and Xiao Xingchen were on opposite teams.

They played around half-heartedly until a Xiao Xingchen who was grace incarnate except apparently on a football pitch, stuck his foot out and took Xue Yang’s feet from under him and he tumbled. The fall itself wasn’t bad but he was a little grazed as they played on the yard and not grass.

Xiao Xingchen was unusually all apologies and personally saw to tending the grazes Xue Yang’s tumble had caused, despite his assurances he was absolutely fine. The touch of the other still made his pulse flutter in some odd emotion and the way Xiao Xingchen kept glancing up at him, like he’d discovered a rare and new species, was disconcerting. And pissed him off, because he could guess what it was about.

“Just don’t” he said through his teeth so no one around them could hear.

“Don’t what? Congratulate you on what you’ve built here? On what you’re doing for these kids?”

“Yes, don’t. I don’t want to hear it” he sucked a breath in at the sting of the antiseptic where Xiao Xingchen applied it to his grazes.

“Alright, whatever you want” Xiao Xingchen let it drop but he still looked at Xue Yang with something approaching admiration in his eyes.

And it was addictive, to have someone look at him like that, and not like he was trash. But then it had never bothered him before. Was it purely because it was Xiao Xingchen and he wanted to be more than trash in that man’s eyes?

“I guess you read too many gossip rags” Xue Yang sniped, “I’m not on drugs, in any weird cults, or a complete slut either”

Instead of bullshitting him and denying he’d thought anything of the kind Xiao Xingchen agreed instead, “I’m beginning to see that. Of course that doesn’t mean you don’t have a vile temper, that you don’t ever learn your lessons, or that you don’t sulk like a baby when I tell you no”

He was about to make one of his usual responses when the game of football moved closer and he clamped his lips closed on the curse.

There was a knowing, teasing look in the other’s eyes and as Xue Yang looked down into that finely-boned face he realised why the other’s good opinion had meant so much to him; why he was on tenterhooks whenever Xiao Xingchen was near, which was all the time at the moment, and why his pulse fluttered like his veins were full of butterflies whenever the other touched him. He was in love with Xiao Xingchen.

Well fuck.

***

Xue Yang paced around his hotel bedroom, feeling like a caged tiger. He wanted to destroy something. No, he really wanted a stiff drink.

Was he a masochist? What had made him fall in love with a man who knocked him around for fun? No of course that was unfair, Xiao Xingchen only ever restrained him and only when Xue Yang attacked first. Still, it must definitely be masochism.

Or Stockholm Syndrome; he had been at the mercy of the other, a virtual prisoner, for weeks now.

“I need a drink” he exclaimed aloud; and so he formulated a plan.

He took a quick shower and changed into something black and sexy and flashy, then he he called reception and asked for a taxi cab, and that they ring up to let him know when it had arrived.

He waited by his bedroom door, peeping through the tiniest opening for the phone to ring back; and as Xiao Xingchen got up from the couch to answer it he dashed out and past as silently as possible to give himself as much of a head-start as he could manage.

The doors of the elevator were closing just as he saw Xiao Xingchen enter the hallway and yell at him in rage.

He was in the taxi and away; his freedom all the sweeter for being carefully wrought.

***

Xue Yang was beginning to feel pleasantly buzzed and he was chatting quite happily with the guy who stood next to him at the bar of the VIP lounge. He’d been greeted by the usual crowd who hadn’t seen him around for the weeks he’d been kept prisoner, (OK maybe that was a little dramatic), but he’d never seen this guy before and new people were interesting.

Although he was beginning to get uncomfortable at how the other stared at him intently after he’d finished his drink.

He excused himself to “visit the bathroom” when life finally caught up with him. Life of course being Xiao Xingchen.

He pushed Xue Yang up against the wall of the corridor to the bathrooms, which was surprisingly currently empty.

“Hey” Xue Yang protested, although with alcohol relaxing his muscles it hadn’t really hurt as he hadn’t tensed for impact. Actually being pinned against the wall by the man you’d fallen in love with was quite nice. He had zero experience, bar some awkward kisses with a girl who’d known as little as him when he was younger, but apparently being manhandled was beginning to be something he enjoyed. Maybe because it was Xiao Xingchen though.

“I’d advise you to keep really quiet, I’m this close to spanking the living hell out of you” and really he’d never seen Xiao Xingchen’s deceptively delicate face so twisted in anger.

But of course alcohol impaired one’s judgement; to dangerous levels sometimes.

“Is that what you like?” he asked.

“What?” Xiao Xingchen was confused, his hand tightened on Xue Yang’s collar as if he suspected the other was planning something.

“Spanking, do you get off on it?”

“You really have no fucking self-preservation instincts do you?” Xiao Xingchen demanded and if Xue Yang hadn’t been so muddled due to the reaction of his body to the other, and the alcohol humming through his bloodstream he might have realised how much trouble he was in; he had never heard the other curse before in all their weeks together.

Instead he gave in to the urge pounding at the base of his brain, unable to control it anymore. He threw his arms around Xiao Xingchen’s neck and kissed him.

Well, it was clumsy and unskilled, but it probably still counted as a kiss.

He was pushed back against the wall unceremoniously, “What do you think you’re doing? You are my client. You are drunk. You are so out of line right now”

Of course he hadn’t really expected a different response. He somehow managed to pull himself free and stumbled back out into the VIP lounge.

Actually he seemed to be more drunk than he’d realised. He was suddenly barely able to control his body and he felt like his head was full of cotton wool. A hand touched his back, “Oh, you look terrible. Do you need to lie down? Should we get you out of here?” he was vaguely aware the voice wasn’t Xiao Xingchen’s, it belonged to the guy he’d been talking to at the bar, as he was guided towards the door but he really did need to lie down right now. He was about to nod his agreement when the supporting hand was violently removed.

“What the fuck did you give him?” that was Xiao Xingchen, although he couldn’t work out what the question meant. He felt the iron-grip of his security’s hand and he was pulled close to the other; he recognised the familiar scent of his aftershave and it set his mind at rest.

***

It had been days since the nightclub incident; and he’d managed to act completely clueless about the entire evening. In honesty there were huge swathes of Xue Yang’s memory that were completely blank, but he was cursed with vague recollection of him kissing Xiao Xingchen.

He wanted to die from embarrassment. He wanted to mope around at the rejection. He had to pretend like he was completely clueless about everything that happened though and let the other just write it off as a side effect of the Flunitrazepam the random guy at the nightclub had put in his drink.

He had been in touch with Jin Guangyao and begged the other to find him new security. He couldn’t carry on being around Xiao Xingchen all the time, feeling like he did, and scared to death he’d do something stupid to reveal his feelings in a way that couldn’t be pretended away like that stupid kiss.

He had faithfully promised he’d keep up the good behaviour Xiao Xingchen had bullied into him so long as Jin Guangyao replaced him with someone who wouldn’t cause Xue Yang such pain to have close.

His manager had promised to at least look into it.

Xue Yang didn’t realise he’d been wool-gathering in his head and managed to separate slightly from Xiao Xingchen and A-Qing until he saw a face in the crowd that made him uncomfortable.

He didn’t recognise the man but the fear that skittered down his spine was very real; he turned to try and get closer to Xiao Xingchen who called his name and dashed over; the flash he caught from the corner of his eye had him raising his arm in self-protection. He was dragged out of the way and thrown to the floor, catching nothing but a glancing blow as Xiao Xingchen took out the threat.

It was all very chaotic after that as the crowd helped keep the attacker captive until the police could arrive, and ambulance was also called as both he and Xiao Xingchen had taken knife wounds.

His was a cut to the arm that didn’t particularly bother him, it was the wound on Xiao Xingchen’s side that scared the life out of him. He used his folded jacket to keep pressure on the injury.

A-Qing fluttered around trying to get him to let someone else take over so they could do the same for his arm but he just waved her off; it was nothing.

“You really have no fucking self-preservation instincts” Xiao Xingchen told him in annoyance; luckily he seemed fully conscious at the moment.

“I know. I‘m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’ll be better from now on” he felt close to tears but fought them back brutally.

Xiao Xingchen nodded at what he said and looked into his eyes, “At least you’ll get your new bodyguard now, silver linings right?” he reached out with his left hand to thumb away one of the tears that Xue Yang hadn’t realised had escaped.

Fucking Jin Guangyao and his stupid big mouth.

“It’s for the best, xiao-Xue, in light of everything”

Which meant Xiao Xingchen was aware of his feelings and agreed the best way to deal with it was to move on. Well there went his dignity.

“You’re too precious for this cruel world in the limelight, anyway” Xue Yang tried to mock, his voice a little strangled.

“Which of us do you mean?” Xiao Xingchen asked and it was both an arrow to his heart and salve to his ego to hear such an opinion from the other.

He was glad when the paramedics had arrived and he was shuffled away to have his own wound dealt with so he could save some face. If the paramedic thought the tears were a reaction to the pain or shock of being attacked then good.

They were taken to a nearby hospital to be treated. Xue Yang’s cut needed a few stitches so he was ready to be sent away reasonably quickly, but he stayed in the waiting room until A-Qing came back to report Xiao Xingchen was fine, he’d be kept in for a few days as his would was deeper and nastier but he was stable and in no danger.

“Aren’t you going to visit before we go?” she asked, but he shook his head. And honestly she was smart enough that she probably knew what was going on and why he didn’t want to impose on the other. “Alright, lets get you back to the hotel. I think Jin Guangyao will be waiting, unfortunately, I can’t do anything to put him off this time”

Xue Yang sighed and accepted his fate.

One Month Later

The stage lights faded for the last time and he was finally able to slip offstage. He was lathered with sweat and completely exhausted. Xue Yang’s knife wound hadn’t been particularly deep or damaging but it was surprising how much it had knocked him down. He still tired out so much more easily than he was used to, but he hadn’t wanted to put this concert off, preferring to get it out of the way so he could take a holiday for a couple of weeks and use it to think about the next steps in his career, and indeed life, with nothing hanging over his head.

The man who had attacked them had been the same who had drugged his drink in the nightclub, although due to the effects Xue Yang couldn’t identify him; it had been lucky his subconscious had reacted to the man though, or it could have been so much worse.

He accepted the towel A-Qing held out for him as he met his entourage in the back stage passages and dried off, pulling on the coat she had also brought him.

There was an oddly smug look on her face and he questioned her.

“Nothing, just something funny is all” she refused to be drawn on what caused her to smile so.

They made it back to the dressing rooms and he was bundled inside.

He wondered, uncharitably, if she was on drugs.

“No rush, your car won’t be here for quite some time yet” A-Qing told him as she shut the door behind him and he turned to find his street clothes. Except he wasn’t alone.

Oh.

Suddenly he daren’t move from the doorway, not sure whether to tear it open and flee or move into the room and act like he wasn’t bothered in the slightest.

In the end he compromised, did nothing and stayed exactly where he was.

“Why are you here?” he tried to keep his voice steady, and luckily it didn’t shake too much.

“Why do you think?” Xiao Xingchen asked him.

#mdzs #mdzs fanfic #mdzs fic #xuexiao #xue yang #xiao xingchen #Modern AU #Bodyguard AU #Blood cw #injury cw #date-rape-drug cw #pining #one-sided feelings?