#not death or anything like that but simply left us alone and left my mom

[jaegerbby]

➳ triggered

--͙[ken ryuguji x female! reader]-͙-

╰┈➤ word count; 12,944

╰┈➤ rundown; in all the years you've known draken, he has only loved one girl but that doesn't mean he'll let you be with someone else.

╰┈➤ caution; TOXIC DYNAMIC. possessive! toxic! draken, dubcon/coercion, fwb to something more?, parental character death, tw/emma (lol), manhandling, emotional manipulation, abusive undertones, threats with a gun, mentions of suicide, slight mitsuya x reader, alcohol mentioned, face fucking, oral sex (m&f), unprotected sex, breeding kink, creampie, cervix fucking, belly bulge mentioned, baby trapping, impregnation, use of the word slut. draken is a literal head case in this. he gets mad when you call him draken (as he should?)

not proof read !

you almost drop your phone when the nurse tells you about your mother's condition. "ma'am, are you there?" your lips tremble, a hum leaving you because you do not trust yourself enough to speak.

"she's in room 34, level 12. you'll be further informed when you arrive." you swallow hard, feeling your chest tighten. "thank you." it is all you can manage to say before you end the call.

your relationship with your mother is strained to say the least but the thought of her bleeding out all alone makes you sick. the last memory she has of you is bitter words.

you hurriedly pull on jeans and a shirt draken left. his scent is enough to comfort you. you dial his number while running down the stairs of your apartment complex.

the cold air meets your skin and it seems all your impulsive actions are foolish.

"ken!" you are too emotional and you need him here. you can hardly keep yourself sane, every thought in your head is blaming you. you are not the best person, you know that but did you deserve something so cruel?

"what's wrong?" the sound of his deep voice alone, makes you relax. you grip the fabric of your his shirt. "my mom is in the hospital." your words come out in a flurry, jumbled and confusing.

you cannot quell the panic that fills you.

"hey, calm down." it is soothing, draken always knows what you need.

"breathe." you take deep breaths as he guides you, clutching your chest and nodding though he is not here to see. "now, tell me what happened. i'll come."

somehow, you feel lighter, "my mom's in the hospital... can you take me?"

"give me five. don't worry, okay?" you hum shakily as you slump on a bench and bury your face in your hands.

you sit there, cold and tired. you wish you could let yourself be consumed by sleep and this would be a bad dream.

that in the morning you would not have this guilt weighing on your shoulders.

the words 'five minutes' spiral in your thoughts because it certainly felt like hours. you fidget before messaging him. one after the next, asking where he is, if he is coming, why he lied.

though, it is left unanswered. he does not reply much less open it. your lips tremble, squeezing your fists so tightly you almost break skin.

you do not want to cry but it is all getting to you. as much as you fight it, you break.

loudly sobbing, roughly drying your face but it is coated with fresh tears a second after.

you keep telling yourself that he will come. you conjure up some stupid excuse for him because he never does it himself. it is times like this where you wonder if anything he said was genuine.

you need him here and he let you down. you should have expected it, he did it before. for someone who was more important that you, who would always be more important than you.

"yn?" you are sure you look horrible with blood shot eyes and messy hair. you are not able to move, simply staring as mitsuya parks his bike.

he is so kind, you do not deserve it. he hurriedly steps towards you, his eyes softening when a fresh stream of tears slip down your face.

"are you okay?" he tugs off his jacket, wrapping it around you before he kneels down and grips your hands. he immediately rubs them with his.

he tries to make you warm but all you feel is cold.

you should not ask, you are hurt enough but it is on the tip of your tongue.

it slips.

"where's ken?" you mumble when he guides you to stand. your eyes staring up at him, wide and tear filled.

"draken? he's with emma," it hits you like a freight train and it hurts more because you knew. you got the answer you were expecting but your chest still aches.

mitsuya's large palms cup your cheeks, swiping at the tears. his face coated in worry, "why are you crying?"

"my mom's in the hospital. can you take me? please." you are cut off when he tugs you against him. gentle as he strokes your hair and tries to ease your pain.

you sob into his chest, every part of you feels broken. your fists tangling in the fabric of his t-shirt and you press against him more. it should be draken.

you hate how desperately you wish he was holding you instead.

"i will, don't cry." he mutters into your hair, squeezing you before he lets you go. his fingers lace with yours as he guides you to his bike.

your head is filled with tumultuous excuses, anything to make you believe ken has a good reason.

he does not, he never did. not a word leaves you as mitsuya drives. even though your hands grip his clothes, desperately searching for something to keep yourself afloat.

when you are at the hospital, you feel like you are out of your body.

"i'll wait for you outside," mitsuya says, releasing your shoulders, having taken you to the room. the sight of your mother laying in bed unconscious, countless tubes and machines connected to her.

you fall to your knees, begging, pleading for her to get up. she is all you have left and you hardly see her.

you grasp her hand, you were seldom given that opportunity before. she is as cold as it is outside, maybe the weather was preparing you to feel her skin.

she is as cold as she acted to you your whole life and yet you cry for her to wake up. scream that she would at least open her eyes and tell you to stop your whining. she does not.

your heart breaks for the second time that night.

---

ken <3: come over

yn: not in the mood rn

ken <3: i just want you here

you thought he would at least apologise but when has draken ever?

he does not acknowledge it, he moves on like you mean nothing. like your feelings are none of his concern.

you were friends before this.

all this arrangement showed was how little he valued you. you know he loves emma and you know he is just fucking you. he would never feel more. not when it comes to you

you always see the hearts in his eyes whenever emma comes around, sometimes you wish he would look at you that way. others, you wish you never got involved with him in the first place.

it is so easy to be swayed when it comes to him. it is almost embarrassing how easily he can get you to give in.

you tell yourself you will leave the sorrow for the morning and you find yourself at his apartment.

you hate the way he smiles when he opens the door for you.

you hate how good he looks in that stupid tank top that is fitted to his body like a second skin.

you hate how he wraps you in his arms and presses a kiss to your cheek like he did not break your heart just last week.

you shrug him off, pulling the thin jacket from your shoulders and sitting on the couch.

"why'd you cook so much?" you mutter, watching him huff as he drops down next to you. you wish you could move away because he is too close.

he is in your space. his thigh is against yours. when it comes to draken, you are too weak and you have long known it would be your downfall.

"i know you haven't been eating." he scoops some of the rice and lifts the spoon to your mouth. you wish your heart did not flutter, that he was not able to break you down and build you up with such little fanfare.

you let him feed you, silently hurting at his smile. how it reveals his sharp k9s and that stupid chip in his front tooth that he got when you were kids play fighting.

you reach for the bowl and draken's expression falters. he swallows before running a hand through his dark hair. all he does is watch you eat, he tries to make conversation but your answers are brief. you wish he tried harder, that he tried when you needed him.

there is no excuse to give when you are finished eating. you are about to stand when draken stops you.

your body still responds to his touch, jitters wash over your skin. he always has some effect on you.

"you've been avoiding me. you know i don't like that," he is annoyed, it is eerie how calm he is physically when his voice sounds so threatening.

he does not have any right to be mad at you. your face sets in a scowl, "well, i don't like being lied to." you should not provoke him and from the way his jaw clenches, you can tell you are treading on dangerous territory.

"what?" his head tilts. you did not want to fight with him, you never fought with him for years.

there are so many things you let him get away with but it was never this deep. it never hurt you this badly. you have gone too far to stop now.

"you lied to me," you should have been done with him from that night on but when have you ever been able to leave draken alone? you are upset yet you are here, in his apartment looking him dead in his eyes and for the first time he looks angry with you.

"it's been a week, why are you still mad?" he has never looked at you with such an expression before. not with such narrow eyes or such a piercing glare.

"because you told me you'd come! you said you'd be there." your body feels hot with anger as you stand. "you said not to worry. well guess what, my mom isn't here anymore. you were right, one less thing to worry about."

your blood is boiling. for the first time his presence does not calm your nerves. instead, the longer you stare at him, the more infuriated you feel.

"don't blame me, you never got along with her when she was around. i didn't cause that." his lips pull back, he roughly grips your arm as he leans down to level your gaze.

"it's my fault because i waited for you. you always disappoint me but i waited for you." your finger presses into his chest. it is accusatory because the one behind your broken heart is at the end of your nail.

"you're being dramatic." he scoffs, tongue in his cheek while he looks away from you.

"am i? you're the one who said you'd come for me but what happened?" you shove at his shoulder when he rolls his eyes and remains silent. "what happened, draken?" the glare he sends you is deadly.

"did emma call? did you forget all about me the second she called your name? did you run to her when i'm the one that needed you?"

he breathes hard, you swear you see steam coming from him. he grips your upper arms and roughly shakes you.

"yes, you fucking know that so why do you keep asking?" he says it despite all the years you have known each other, regardless of any moment you have together. like all of it is insignificant.

it stuns you for a minute. you knew, yet it still makes your heart ache to hear him say it. you lose your composure entirely for that minute.

he loves emma and you are just a girl he fucks on the side. draken does not care for you any more than he needs to, emma is always going to be his priority.

you did not hold a candle to her flame. no matter how much you dream about it, you do not think you ever would. you grit your teeth, pushing his arms away and stumbling back.

"don't look at me like that," he sighs. his hands swipe over his face before they settle in his hair and he grips at the roots. he is incredibly conflicted, it is typical for him to draw you into his arms when that expression is on your face. though he has never been the reason behind it before.

your ears feel like they are ringing, you are struggling to hold back the tears that fill your eyes. you hate him, you wish you did. hating him is momentary, it is fleeting. your hate never lasts.

"you're a fucking asshole and i hate you." all you both want from this moment is to hurt each other.

"yeah right. say that the next time you're sucking my dick." he sneers. your eyes flicker, face contorting in disgust.

you feel sick. you wonder why you are still here. you truly do not want to throw away all those years you spent by his side. but what good is there fighting for something that can never be?

you hurriedly gather your things with one fleeting glance over his living room.

you swear this is the last time you will be here.

maybe one last grace is what you need to get over him.

draken breathes heavily, holding your wrist as he tries to bring you into his arms. for the first time you fight it, that is all it would take to break your resolve.

"fuck off!" he stares at you in shock. those pretty eyes are blow wide, you never shout at him. "God knows what was going through my mind when i agree to fuck someone like you."

you shove at his chest but it does not move him in the slightest. all it does is relight his anger.

he nears you despite how many times you try to distance yourself. "i don't need you. you think it would make a difference if you left?" cause at the end of it, you know emma is the only one that matters to him.

every word is clear, he enunciates it all because he wants you to be in pain, he wants you to go home and cry over him like you always do.

your whole body tenses, teeth grinding together because you can practically feel the ache in your chest grow more intense. you can feel your heart tear apart. why do you always get hurt in the end?

"fuck you, draken." that is the last thing you say, maybe it is synonymous for 'it's over' but you have never truly been done with him.

you push past him and it is only so easy because he lets you. he lets you leave, you wish he would stop you. you are stupidly hoping he will pull you back to him and tell you he is sorry.

unbeknownst to him the tears are already falling down your cheeks as you storm out of his apartment and slam the door. it feels like you are suffocating, like a second longer in that hell hole would asphyxiate you to death.

you cannot stand the thought of being around him right now yet you know if he apologises you will fall back into his arms.

you feel like throwing up all the food you ate. you feel like he ripped your heart from your chest and tore it to pieces. you flinch at the sound of him cussing, broken glass and stomping emanate from behind the door.

the closer it gets, the more your heart aches. you do not want to see him, you do not think you can handle being near him right now.

your breath shakes as you turn on your heel and run towards the staircase. you desperately needed to be anywhere but here.

--

you stare at the door while your heart is in your throat.

"baby, open up." he bangs on it and you sit curled up on the couch wondering if seeing him is worth the pain that will follow.

tears stream down your face when you shut your eyes. "are you seriously not going to let me in?" he raises his voice, roughly twisting the knob and sucking his teeth. he huffs in exasperation.

"i'm sorry, okay? i'm sorry, just open the fucking door." draken speaks lowly. he does not want to alert the people in your apartment complex.

you are stupid.

for him at least because you do as he says.

you barely turn the lock and he forces it open. you see him and all you remember are the things he said last night.

"fuck, how much did you cry?" his thumb strokes beneath your swollen eyes.

you shove his hand away, "why are you here?"

"c'mon, baby, don't be like that." he always ruins you like this. when you try to get away all he does is bring you back.

and you go.

you go because draken fills your heart and no one compares to him. you have known him for far too long to ever let go.

his large palm cups your waist to guide you a few steps back and he shuts the door. he tugs his jacket off, placing it on the hook like that is his designated place.

like he belongs here.

"i wanted to see you." he draws closer. "i needed to see my girl." the tears come again. perhaps they never ceased. you are not his girl. not when he already has one.

"you've seen me, you can get out now." you should know better.

but you do not know when to leave and draken does not know when to let go. he tugs you in.

you hate to be near him as much as you love it. he holds you flush against him, tilting your head back to keep you looking at him. he is horrible. "you get so mad over nothing." you wish you could hate him.

despite you struggling against him, he is unmoved. just like he always is.

"you're so pretty." his plush lips spread in a heart quickening smile. your fingers tighten in the fabric of his shirt, hoping and wishing him away although you are unable to push him back.

"stop imagining emma." he looks almost irritated when you say it.

"don't be stupid." he has to bend down to press his lips to yours. they are soft, like cotton candy fluff. it takes everything in you to not reciprocate as he kisses you without relent. though you are not responsive he sucks down on your bottom lip, nipping the flesh as he pulls away.

"you don't want to kiss me anymore?"

you shake your head and hurt crosses his face. his jaw clenches but desperation is written in his eyes.

"i want you to leave, draken." he flinches, a scowl on his face but he lets you go and you stumble back.

"i make you a little mad and suddenly i'm draken to you?"

"you don't get it, this is done. whatever this was."

he comes closer, at least he tries to. when you back away he seems stunned. "no it's not." you wish he did not know it so well that you are a fool for him.

"baby, what do you want to hear?" he grips your wrists to pull you in again.

"draken, it's done. i'm done, okay? i'm tired." you sob. you want to press your face to his chest and weep your pain away but he is the cause. he is the reason for it all but he is the only one you want comfort from.

"if you're tired, let's sleep. we're not done." he brings you to his chest, presses wet kisses to your cheek like he is not breaking you. "you want me to say sorry? i'm sorry. see, it's better now."

"it's not. just leave. gosh, just get out, draken." you shove at his chest but you swear a part of you dies when he lets you go.

"you want me to get out? fine. when you're done throwing this stupid tantrum and you come running back, i won't listen." his face is covered with anger.

he turns his back, the further he walks away, the more suffocated you feel.

he hears you crying.

it hurts, it hurts, it hurts.

it is gut wrenching and heart shattering.

whether you see it or not, draken is crying too.

---

if draken does not hurt someone, he surely is going to break something. he can feel the glass straining under his fingers. he grips it tighter the longer he sees you with mitsuya.

you are here, looking like the prettiest doll in the world and you are not with him.

you are in blue, the dress clings to your perfect body and a ribbon is laced around your ponytail.

you are wearing blue and so is he.

truthfully, you and draken can never get rid of each other.

he sees you sipping on some fruity cocktail because that is all you ever drink. he loves looking at you, he always looks at you but he can see mitsuya too.

he can see how he leans closer to you, how his smile only grows wider when you laugh at something he says. he can see mitsuya draping his arm around your seat and being so attentive when draken knows he is the only one that should be around you.

why are you letting mitsuya so close to you? you were with draken for a long time, he was the only one right?

he only fumes more when mikey, emma and just about everyone around him agrees that you and mitsuya would make a good couple.

he sees red.

your eyes flicker to draken despite your attempts to ignore him. his hair is draped to a little below his shoulders, his shirt is fitted and from here you can see the rings on his fingers.

you see all those things, you see ripped jeans and black boots. you see emma practically sitting on his lap. you do not care.

you do.

you came to the conclusion that he is not willing to put her in danger.

but he is willing to be a danger to you and your heart.

"is it okay if i touch you?" mitsuya's hand hovers over your waist. you nod while sipping your drink. "you can say no." he quickly follows.

"i don't mind."

he sends you a smile and his hand softly caresses your waist.

"are you doing better? if you need to talk, i'm here for you." he is sweet, he has always been. mitsuya has never been a bad friend to you.

"thanks." you down the rest of your drink before turning to face him. "i'll be fine someday." your head screams at you for lying. draken is here and he is not with you. he is with someone else.

he has always been with someone else.

"i know things have been hard since." he pauses, his hand grasps yours. "since everything but i'd still like to see you. you can still come around like you used to."

his palms are so soft, draken's are not. draken's hands have callouses, they are rough and for some reason they feel like they were meant to touch you.

you consider mitsuya, he is your friend. your eyes glimpse over his features. his thumb strokes your hand and you have just begun to appreciate the feeling of someone other than draken when it is ripped away.

the one holding your wrist feels right even though it hurts.

draken towers above you, he sends mitsuya a stony look before he pulls you up and his hand squeezes your waist.

like he wants to overwrite any other person. like he needs to reclaim the places that are only meant for him and not for another man to touch.

you melt. you thaw like ice and turn into liquid. draken pulls you alongside him and you follow.

you have to take quick steps because his are much larger than yours.

once you are outside of the club, the silence is a stark contrast to the loud music. draken breathes heavily, brushing his hair back.

"were you fucking him?" you flinch when the words come out. that was the last thing you expect him to say.

"i'm not dealing with this, draken." you shake your head but he grips your waist. he holds your body and gathers you in his arms like he always does.

"stop treating me like a stranger." his voice strains. "tell me if you were fucking him on the side."

"you're terrible." tears prick your eyes. he has the audacity to accuse you when he has never been yours. he never gave himself to you.

"you did? was he your back up if i ever stepped out?" his fingers squeeze hard enough to bruise. "i never stepped out on you, not once."

"no, draken. i'm not like you." he is destroying you. whether he knows it or not. you are sure he knows it though because draken knows you better than anyone else.

"then why were you with him, why did you let him touch you?" you try to push him away, you really do. all you want is to lay in his arms and all he does is argue with you.

"who are you to ask me that? we're done, remember?" he grits his teeth, burying his head into your neck. draken breathes in your scent and lets it intoxicate him. you intoxicate him.

"we're never going to be over, baby. not you and me." he kisses at your exposed skin. it makes you want to cry more than you already are.

"you have emma." your voice trembles. you tremble. you feel like you are a tower of cards and you are about to collapse entirely.

draken leans back to meet your eyes, his gaze trails over the tears in your pretty eyes and the pout on your lips. his nose nudges yours and then he kisses you.

he kisses you and you feel him everywhere, all at once. you feel him in his palms gliding down your body. you feel him where his tongue claims your mouth all over again. in the spit that is messily exchanged as he sloppily kisses you.

you feel your blood growing hot enough to warm you completely. he pulls away to repeatedly peck your cheek.

"let me go." you brokenly whisper.

"we're going home, okay? i'm taking you home cause you're my girl."

---

when draken gets you into his apartment, he pulls you flush against him. his hands coax over every curve of your body. "i missed you," his nose nuzzles your cheek and you tense under his touch.

it is difficult to be mad at him and being this close is only breaking your resolve further. you push at his chest but all he does is tighten his hold until you can feel the hard, defined muscle of his abdomen.

he is too tempting.

he laughs though it is not very amused. his large palms, grip your waist before they drift to the hem of your dress and slip beneath it. "you're all dressed up and it isn't for me."

"it's not like that." you cannot protest much because draken grips your jaw, forcing you to look at him. the angle he tilts your head at is incredibly uncomfortable.

"it is, you got this pretty for him." your eyes roll, an annoyed noise leaving you. it did not make sense to dispute it, not when he already came to some conclusion in his head.

his hands cup your face, the thick of his thumb swiping over your lips, smearing the lipstick. "your makeup looks so pretty." his tone of his voice is indecipherable. you cannot seem to understand him these days. you barely have the will to try.

draken cannot stand the idea of you thinking about another man. it does not sit right with him that you got this pretty and went out with someone else.

draken does not need you to do all this for his eyes to be on you. he leans closer and you do not resist, you cannot.

not when his hooded eyes meet yours and your lips brush together. you need affection, his affection. you can not deny that no matter how hard you try to.

his tongue slips out to wet his lips before he tilts his head and kisses you. it is rough, it is desperate, it does not make sense. why does he kiss you like this when he does not love you at all?

he hums into your mouth, tongue slipping inside to brush over everywhere he has already been. places he always comes back to.

your hands bunch his shirt, eyes squeezing shut because you regret it but you still kiss him with the same burning need.

you pull away breathless, turning from him because it is obvious you are not done like you said you were.

"fuck," draken rasps, leaning in again to suck at your bottom lip. his cock pulses at the way you whine. he wipes at the saliva with his thumb before pressing it against your tongue.

"wanna fuck your mouth." you swallow hard, eyes fluttering. you should not, you know you should not but just this? you just need this much and you will leave.

"gonna be a good baby and let me?" the depth of his voice makes a shiver travel down your spine. how can you refuse when he talks like that?

draken never needs much to sway you, regardless of how stubborn you act. you grip his wrist, pushing it away and he is about to grab you right back when your smaller palms trail down his chest.

the corners of his mouth pull up, "there's my girl." it is drawn out and all too smug. his tongue swipes over his teeth like he finally got what he was waiting for.

your fingers dip into the rivets of his chest and abs. he is all hard muscle where you are soft. you slowly situate yourself on your knees, your hands resting on his thighs.

you are eye level with his erection that was straining in his pants since the moment he laid his eyes on you. he is still smiling, he missed the sight of you between his legs.

each and every time he got to see you look up at him like this, it plagued his mind. you keep watching as his dexterous fingers flex, unbuckling his belt and undoing his zip.

"fuck," his hands fidget, his whole body seems to be vibrating. he tugs his shirt up, his deep v-line framed by the waistband of his boxers is revealed to you.

"did you miss it?" he stares at you the second he pushes down his pants enough to let his cock out. it looks painfully hard. it is slightly curved, just the sight of it makes your insides ache.

he is too big.

draken is bordering on perfect. maybe that is why he is such an asshole. your finger swipes over his slit, pre oozing in thick droplets. your eyes trail from the swollen brownish head to the veins that trailed along the underside.

"i did." your confession comes out breathy, thighs clenching together almost on instinct. he hums, holding his length at the base, breath hitching at the sudden contact.

he presses the tip to your lips, the glossy finish of his pre looks better on you than that stupid lipstick. "open," he sighs quietly, focused on the sticky strands of your spit and the way your tongue squirms under the weight of his cock.

"fuck." his lip pulls back in a grin, he is pretty, especially when he has that expression on his face. your mouth encloses the bulbous part, your slick muscle laves around his slit and a low moan reverberates through ken's chest.

your mouth is too warm, too wet. it feels too good around him. the silky walls of your cheeks and the way your tongue always seems to be heated. how could you expect him to not be addicted?

you pull off, saliva dripping down his length and staining your face. you always got so messy, draken's jaw slackens when you run your tongue along his length before taking him back into the wet haven of your mouth.

you sink down on him and tears prick at your eyes because it is so much. your hand grips what you cannot fit before removing your mouth with a sniffle.

he is in awe at how little your hand always looks when it is grasping him. how much softer it is than his, how it struggles to wrap around him properly.

you jerk up and down his length, swallowing hard. there is an excessive amount of saliva in your mouth. you look up at him and he cups your face. your lips come around his cock, gradually hollowing your cheeks to take him more. the salty taste of his pre is in your mouth, somehow you missed it.

half of his cock is within the confines of your mouth and it seems draken was waiting until you could not retort.

"i hope you can still take me... or maybe you got used to less." his jaw locks, the thought of mitsuya getting his claws into you makes ken sick. your eyes flick up to his, streams of tears down your face. your lipstick all smeared.

ken wants it stained around the base of his cock if he is honest.

maybe then you would know it is only for him. his hand tangles into your hair, gripping the roots as a deep groan escapes him. he watches his length disappear past your lips, the walls of your throat fluttering around him, pulsing.

all the muscles squeezing his length make his hips stutter. perspiration coats his skin and his adam's apple bobs with each of his gasps as he sinks more of his cock past your lips.

it takes a while before your cute nose is pressed to his abdomen, nuzzling the short hair. he sighs, the silky walls of your tight throat are wrapped around him like it is only his to claim.

he lets you get used to it, holding you to his base whilst your tongue wriggles beneath his cock and the heat of your mouth covers him entirely. your hands tightly grip the fabric at his thighs, eyes fluttering continuously before they finally stare up at him.

almost like you are waiting for him to use you. he thinks your eyes should not look that wide nor that innocent.

maybe it is because they never changed even as you have grown. as long as draken has known you, you have never had anyone. he wants to be your someone.

his free hand wraps around your neck, there is a prominent bulge from his member and the feel of it beneath his fingers makes him shiver.

"bet you like having me in your throat like this." he practically whines. "fuck, m'agine you're choking on my dick like a slut." he anchors his hand in your hair before he slowly thrusts. he thinks the way your shoulders tense is too cute.

low moans leave him, he grows louder as his speed increases. he cannot leave you alone, not even if he wanted to.

he does not want to.

his head tilts back, he can feel your muscles moving along him, he can feel your tongue trembling at the underside.

your mouth is so slick with him it is easy to glide his length in and out of you. his abs strain, the veins on his abdomen appearing more. there is an impeding feeling inside him.

wet sounds fill the room as he fucks your mouth, the way he dreamed of during those days without you. he wants this back so badly.

he wants you.

tears freely coat your dewy skin. his thumb rubs at your neck, the bulge forming with each thrust pulses under his digit.

"does it hurt, baby? oh, fuck, getting your pretty throat rawed like this." you feel so, so good. the way you feel on him is inconceivable and indescribable. ken wants this forever.

his grip on your hair tightens as more pre cum is spewed into the back of your throat. he humps at your mouth, he cannot do without this, he cannot do without you.

draken's teeth grind, his breathing stuttering, the evident rise of his chest growing laboured all because he is using you. your lips look like they are straining, he can feel your breaths on him. the weight of your fist tugging his pants and pressing against him. he can definitely feel the need to cum approaching quicker than usual.

he is sure it will help with the soreness of your throat right now. ken wants to give you his cum and claim your mouth again.

"only thing you're swallowing is my dick and my cum" he hates the thought of it being anyone else. his head leans back, jaw dropped to moan.

he feels like he is losing his senses, he feels you all over him. his cock throbs in your mouth, slipping in and out of the perimeter of your slicked lips. "such a good fucking girl, feel so good." he bites down on his lip before hot air puffs from his mouth, his chest and shoulders tense.

draken's deep voice is cut by groans. he is there, he is so close. the warm wetness of your mouth, the drool leaking down your jaw, the tight grip of your throat stroking his length. he cannot take it much more.

he shoves himself completely into you, gripping your hair and caressing your face. he feels the muscles squeezing down on him because he is not supposed to be there.

he wipes the tears on your cheeks but it does not make a difference when everything is so messy. draken's hips stutter, his balls coated in saliva are leaning on your jaw.

you are too good. you are perfect.

his cock throbs, he is breathless and panting as his back tenses and an onslaught of cum is poured into your eager throat. there is so much it spews out of your mouth as you try your hardest to swallow it all.

"you're so good to me, baby." you take him so well, you always do.

he feels you swallowing the salty semen, he stills for a moment. the way your throat clenches on him is otherworldly. a tandem of curses leave him before he pulls you back by your hair and his cock slips from your tight throat.

it is obscene, how the mixture of cum and spit drips from your mouth and the sticky strands remain webbed to his cock. "holy fuck." he leans your head back, admiring the dazed look in your eyes.

he is panting, barely maintaining his composure. "you're so nasty, such a pretty cock slut, huh?" his lip tilts up as he says it. you only get like this for him.

his large palms reach down to lace his fingers with yours as he lifts you. his eyes glaze over your swollen lips and the tear streaks staining your cheeks.

he is quick to press his body onto yours and kiss you. it is way too sweet, especially since his taste is still tainting your mouth. he moans, tightly wrapping you in his arms as he kisses you harder.

his teeth hit yours and ken is pushing more into you. a deep hum reverberates through him as his tongue glides along yours. it has more wetness coating between your thighs. you wondered why he fit so perfectly with you when he was not made for you.

"don't show anyone else this pretty face, it's only for me." he huffs barely an inch away. he will not let you get on your knees for another man. not as long as he is alive.

his frivolous fingers grope your ass, tugging the fabric of your dress up. the roughness of his finger tips press against the wetness your pussy has leaked into your panties. his greedy touches are accompanied by wet kisses to your cheeks.

you wish you could resist him and you try, you really do. "draken, enough." your voice is weak and distant, you hold his wrists but you do not do anything to stop him. you want to distance yourself from him. you want to end this, right?

a scowl pulls over kens features, "don't call me that like you weren't just sucking my dick." nothing you do can get you away from him. draken is truly unshakeable even as you push at his built chest.

"i want to go home," you huff, shoving at him harder but all it does is make him grip you until you are hissing in pain. "no." you brows furrow at his refusal.

draken wants you to understand that you are home. he has been dropping signs for you to stay here for years. how dense are you? when will you understand that it is you and him against the world.

"we're either fucking or this is the last time you see me," you stare at him in faux disgust. like the thought of him repulses you because you desperately try to convince yourself of it.

you swallow hard. "i already told you, we're done."

he does not falter, not even a little.

instead he reels you in closer. his harsh touches are gentler now, tracing your cheek and dusting over your lips. his eyes are so intense as he glimpses over your features. he is not holding you to him, not anymore.

you can pull away, you can leave so why don't you? something about draken enamours you until you lose cognisance.

"you don't really want that. you don't want me to go away." his voice is like temptation incarnate. he strokes at your hair, brushing the stray strands back.

perhaps, you are too far gone when it comes to him. he is all you have ever known, how can you leave him now?

he sees your bottom lip tremble at the thought and he is pulling you into his embrace. he tucks you under his chin, right against his heart. "it's okay." you cannot think much when all you can smell and feel is him. when you can still taste him on your tongue. "sleep with me and your ken won't ever leave."

he does not need a verbal response because the empty look in your eyes tells all. you are like a ditzy slut but you are his so he is okay with it.

draken scoops you up into his arms. something he usually does. your fingers dig into the fabric of his shirt whilst he carries you.

everything about you is doll like, from your features to how easily he can do with you as he pleases. you are engulfed by his scent more, if that is even possible. he situates you on his sheets, where you have spent too many nights to count.

you stare at him with wide glassy eyes. what is it that you wanted to say? no? you wanted to say no.

you wanted to be done and you wanted him to leave you alone but the thought makes you nauseous. it makes your heart ache and your ears ring. you cannot fathom being without him.

when his large frame leans down to kiss you gently. when he is cupping your face and tilting your head to deepen it. you cannot say no, not when he is doing all the things you dreamed of.

he is so much bigger than you, in every way. his palms are large and he is covered in muscle. he is tall and intimidating.

he could hurt you. instead his touch coaxes over your waist before he laces his fingers with yours.

"you're so fucking gorgeous." he muses. draken straightens up, looking down at you nestled in his sheets. it is where you belong.

he thinks you look like an angel, one that is fresh out of heaven. your eyes do not leave him as he reaches for the hem of his shirt and swiftly tugs it over his head.

he flashes you a grin, his body flexing beneath your heavy gaze. you are admiring the scars on his skin, the sharpness of his abs and the definition of his biceps. why is he so perfect? why does he always look so stunning?

"like it?" you nod your head as he slips his thumbs into the rivets of his v line and tugs his jeans and boxers down.

he is bare when his knee digs into the mattress and he leans over you. "yeah? you like me?" his hand pets your hair, like you are a dumb puppy begging for praise. your cunts leaking from everything he does, you can feel the liquid dripping from your slit to your ass. "you love me. you do" draken groans.

you nod so eagerly, your throat feels constricted, you are so overwhelmed. everything he says is true. everything he does makes you want him more, love him more.

his strong arms wrap around you, the touch of his fingers on your spine makes you arch up. he is finally unzipping your dress after craving to do it for so long. he kisses your mouth softly, trailing down your neck and continuing over every inch of skin that is revealed as he tugs the fabric down.

draken settles on his knees, his hot breath hitting your breasts and wet, open mouthed kisses are left down your stomach. he huffs, his nose digging into your flesh as his hot tongue slips out. it presses into your abdomen, just above your cunt.

you grip the sheets, the sharpness of his dark eyes meet yours as the length of his tongue trails over your tummy.

there is so much tension in the air it is almost suffocating, you find yourself wishing his tongue was inside you already.

he leans back, thumbs hooking into your panties and stripping you bare of all your clothes. the slick between your legs is sticky to your panties, so soaked they are peeled away.

you swallow hard as draken's hands cup the back of your knees and spread you open for him.

"you have the prettiest cunt, i swear." he whistles. his eyes grow darker the longer he stares. he is entranced by how easy you are to wind up. "all you did was suck some cock and you're dripping." there is a hum deep in his chest.

you are left staring up at him dumbly as he admires you. you cannot formulate a coherent thought aside from him. he is the only thing in your head. your ken.

your body feels unbelievably warm, inside and out with all his fleeting touches. he leans down, your thighs propped on his shoulders as he gets closer to your slick cunt.

you feel like you are intoxicated somehow. maybe it is the alcohol but you only feel this high when he is the one touching you.

his middle and ring finger glide over your sopping entrance. a whine escapes you, fingers tightening in his sheets as he slips one of the lengthy digits inside you. he does not stop, not at all. it is relentlessly pressed all the way to his knuckle.

even as you whimper, even though your walls pulse around him. his eyes do not leave yours when the length of his tongue slips out. a thick glob of saliva slipping from the tip to your already messy cunt.

the pinkness of his lips enclose around your stiff clit. his tongue gliding along it as he sucks and the other coated finger is forcing its way inside.

he needs to stretch you out and fast. he needs you ready to take him. "ken!" it is high pitched, bordering on a whine. you grip his hair. you are already panting, already wanting more.

draken's free hand glides from your hip to grip your waist. he moans into your pussy, the vibration travelling through your entire being. his fingers pump into you with messy sounds. it is like you are sucking them in, as if you do not want to let him go.

wet squelches echo through the room, slick leaks from you and stains his digits.

"there's my girl, keep saying ken." his tongue prods your stilted bundle of nerves, sucking on it like he has done before.

he knows your body like the back of his hand. knows that every curl of his fingers within your dripping cunt has your hips stuttering and your back arching up.

he knows that his mouth on your clit makes your eyes water and your jaw hang open. knows that those moans are because he is hitting so deep inside, you cannot control yourself.

you are breathless when his fingers slip out and his mouth encloses your dripping slit. his tongue is pushed in entirely. you are squealing at the wet muscle that wriggles along your walls.

draken's eyes roll back at the taste of your cunt and he moans. he went without it, without you for too long. he does not think he can do it again.

he will not let himself be without you for that long ever again.

you cry his name, fingers gripping his hair for some semblance of self control. the tighter you hold, the harder he sucks on you.

draken feels like he could spend forever between your legs. like he could die happy if the last thing he tasted was you. his mouth has you drooling and cross eyed. it has your thighs trembling and you bite your lips so much they are raw.

ken is the only one who gets you like this, he is the only one who will ever get the opportunity. "feels good. so good. s'deep." you babble on and on and ken thinks it is the cutest.

he is lapping at your cunt like a man who is deprived of water. honestly, he is and he is upset with you. of course he is.

who did you think you were staying away from him?

he pulls back, slick coating his lips and covering his tongue. "wanna cum." you mewl and his brows raise. his fingers slip right back inside you, all at once. he does not miss a beat as he fucks them into you. "think you deserve it? you haven't been nice, babe." he presses his face to your plush thigh.

gazing up at your expression, you already look like you are fucked dumb. "m'sorry, sorry, ken. i'm sorry." you whimper, dainty fingers reaching for his hand to hold it.

you are such a baby.

what did you get by acting like this aside from making him obsessed with you?

it is such an adorable apology but you spent days away from him. he could hardly function, why did you think it was okay to do that to him? he is catching tears in your eyes, like crystals that are priceless. he sees your snotty nose and pouted lips.

he truly cannot let go of you.

his fingers quicken and your head hits the sheets, leaning back as your hips rock. "close, baby?" your head bobs quickly, "so closeee." your voice is all drawled and heavy with desire.

his mouth covers your cunt again, still fucking into you as your entire body heats up. your stomach feels like there are a million knots within it.

you are crying out his name so adorably, ken cannot help but grin a bit while he is making out with your pussy. your hand squeezes his, nails nicking his skin as you rock your hips against his face. the burning in your abdomen intensifies, only growing greater.

your thighs shift closer together but he is there to stop them, your back arches completely off the mattress when you reach that high. your mind feels white hot, vision going blurry because he does not stop even as you cum.

your tongue is practically lolling out as he laps at your cunt and your body vibrates from the feeling. high pitched moans fill the room all breathy and desperate.

your chest heaves, gripping ken's hand as you try to find your bearings. you can feel his breath hit your entrance, he does not make a move from where he is.

"those days you were ignorin' me." he pauses, his fingers dig into your thigh. you can feel him squeezing your hand tightly, it is not as gentle as it started.

"did you let him see you like this?" your eyes flutter, trying your hardest to steady your breathing. "i didn't sleep with him." you mumble, leaning into the softness of the pillows. your body feels exhausted already.

ken roughly pulls away from you, the sudden jolt shocks you but he is over you in a second. his hand grips your jaw, gaze narrowed. "don't lie." his voice is low in warning. it is hard to keep a straight face when cum is covering his lips and dripping down his face. it makes you flustered completely. his eyes stare into yours as though he is attempting to read your soul.

"m'not lying to you, ken." you shove at his chest but all draken does is grip both your wrists to tug your body down the bed.

he has your legs on either side of his waist and his cock's resting on your stomach. he can see where he will reach once he is inside. his hands caress your thighs, trailing to your hips that he grips lightly.

he leans down to claim your lips, your slick rubbing onto you and resting on your tongue. your body feels weak but your arms wrap around his neck and bring him closer. fingers wound in his hair as you kiss him more desperately, more lovingly. you wish he would believe you, when have you ever betrayed him?

his palm slips between your spread legs, prodding your entrance and you pull away from his mouth with a hiss. you are pushing at his forearm but ken does not approve at all, it is evident in his expression.

"ken, wait for a bit..." you are still unbearably sensitive. he does not see it that way, instead his head tilts, eyes so dark they seem black.

"did mitsuya loosen you up for me?" his tone is covered with anger, he feels sick to his stomach. he is being tortured by images of you and him. ken cannot take it, not at all.

your eyes widen at his words, stilling for a moment. "don't talk to me like i'm some slut." there is a frown tugging ken's lips down. you were doing so well, everything was going so well and now he is upset about things that never happened.

"you are, you were fucking him too." he grits out, jaw clenching tightly. the thought makes him want to throw up. it makes him want to hurt mitsuya for ever putting his hands on you.

"i didn't do that, ken. when did you stop trusting me?" your chest heaves, brows furrowed in dismay.

"since you started being a whore." your lip trembles, eyes filling with tears that burn. your throat feels like if you speak you will break down into tears.

you turn your head away from him, sniffles leaving you as you desperately fight tears. they still coat your cheeks like an endless waterfall.

you did not want to break down in front of him, you did not want him to see how easily he makes you cry. it is too late when you are in his room, on his bed with your heart ripped out of your chest and given to him. your body shakes with sobs, squeezing your lids shut.

"why do you always do this to me?" your voice is broken. the second his fingers stroke your face, you wonder why you always give him this power.

why do you let him him make you cry and break you down without consequence? "because i want you here." he breathes, his large palms encasing your breasts and rubbing at your nipples.

he kisses you even as you cry, even as you sob into his mouth but it is okay because you let him slip his tongue inside.

you are still okay with him biting on your bottom lip and kissing you like this. his touch trails down your stomach to your hips.

a sigh leaves him as he reaches for his hard erection, so much pre cum leaking from his swollen tip. he guides the head between your spread folds.

an excessive amount of slick coating him while he drags it along your opening. your pussy seems to miss him as much as you did because your treacherous body is growing hotter.

you both looking at where he breaches you, your breath catches at the thickness of his head is forced into your gummy walls. "real fuckin tight." ken whistles, his abs tenses because he is seconds away from fucking the entire thing into you.

your cunt is like nirvana, your insides squeeze down on him although he barely put the tip in.

"i missed you." he huffs, his fingers dig into the thick flesh of your thighs, his hips slowly surging forward and making you cry. "c'mon open up, relax for me." he thrusts again, your back arches up.

you whimper his name, ken loves the way you say it. his thumb swipes over the barely there lipstick on your mouth before he is pressing it inside.

your spit filled mouth encloses around the digit and ken grins. his eye brows knit together at the slick sound that comes from your pussy gripping him.

your silky walls are pulsing around him uncontrollably. ken wishes he could be inside you forever. he rolls your clit, your cunt gushing over his cock and he only fucks more of himself into you with each thrust.

your hand presses against ken's abdomen but he is so much stronger. he clicks his tongue. "don't try to run from it. y'know you can take it." his voice is so deep it's almost gravelly. your resistance is trembling.

"i can feel your pretty cunt squeezing me, i know you want more" his thumb slips further into your mouth, hitting the back of your throat until you gag. "i know you want to be stuffed full, you missed it, didn't you?" you nod dumbly.

he thinks you look pretty like this, swollen lips and messy hair. filled with cock and sucking on his thumb like you are made for it. you are, you are made for him.

it takes one particularly hard thrust before he is completely inside of you. his entire cock throbs alongs your pulsing walls, your body tenses because you feel so unbearably full.

you whine, you swear he is nudging your cervix. you can feel him in your stomach, you can see where the head of his cock has it bulging. you moan his name and all it does is make ken smile.

his girth stretches you out so much that it burns. you are left with your chest heaving as he pulls your leg onto his shoulder and he holds the other open.

he can see your cunt spread open around him, your pelvis is flush to his, your insides are holding him so tightly he feels like he can barely move.

his hips slam into you, your body jolts and your legs shake. he leans over, lifting you until your ass is off the bed and fucks you the way he was dying to in all the days you were not with him. "baby, baby, you're perfect" he pants. "got the sweetest cunt."

the lengthy locks of ivory hang on either side of his face, he looks too pretty. you are a whimpering, drooling mess beneath his large frame.

you press on the spot that distends your tummy with each pump of his hips. you both sigh at the feeling. ken is looking at where you are taking him between your legs, where his cock slips in and out completely doused in your juices.

you are met with the chain you got him. it hangs in your face and the anklet he got you is right next to his ear. in mockery, in proof, you are not quite sure.

when draken fucks you like this he wonders why it was so difficult for you to accept that you are his.

your fists find the soaked sheets, your body feels hot and sweat coats your skin. you feel like there is cotton in your head. tears stream down your cheeks and traces of saliva are on your lips. you are always so easily lost in him.

your eyes squeeze shut, he is pounding you into the sheets like you are a sex doll. ken is all you can feel, all you can think about. you sigh in contentment. you are hardly coherent.

"ken, you're so big." you mewl, his fingers dig into your skin, his nails pressing against the flesh.

"yeah? you missed me fucking you? missed having my cock deep in this pussy? pretty girl, all you think about is my dick." you whine and his voice is filled with amusement.

growing breathy the longer he is wrapped in your vice walls and covered in your viscous liquid.

he slams his hips to yours, each dragging you along his length. you can feel his skin sticky everywhere you are touching him.

your cream forms a white ring along the base of his cock and leaks down his balls. "messy." he clicks his tongue. your little body looks so precious under him.

you are taking a cock that is way too big for you but you take it so well.

you always do.

you can hardly think when he is shoving so deep inside that you swear he is bruising your cervix. a light clink and the coldness of metal on your forehead has your eyes opening in confusion.

"ken?" he does not stop moving. your body shakes and you writhe from his brutal ministrations. "you scared, baby?" he grins, his hand comes down to rest on your sternum and he leans over you more.

you are not scared, it should worry you that you are not scared in the slightest.

you trust him with your life.

even as he holds a gun to your head you cannot find it in yourself to be afraid of him.

it should worry you even more that the only thing that generates a reaction from you is him pressing the same gun to his temple.

you jerk.

"stop!" you cannot even reach for his hand when he is holding you down like this. you are so insanely confused.

a new influx of tears streaming from your eyes as your pleas fall on deaf ears. you wish he would stop being reckless.

"isn't that cute? now you care." he pauses his hips, your nails dig into his forearm but draken does not flinch.

he accuses you when he is the only thing you care about, the only thing you ever think of.

"i want to you to know, this is what will happen if you leave me again." your lips part in shock, his eyes are dark. so dark.

there is an overwhelming feeling of worry washing over you.

"ken, this is crazy." your voice cracks as you cry.

"is it?" you are painfully away that his cock is throbbing inside you. "it's crazy that you were running around with some other guy."

"i wasn't, i swear i wasn't."

"are you going to leave me, baby? that's all i need to know." his hand leaves your sternum to stroke your cheek. it is so gentle.

your heart feels like it has taken too much pain to work. "you don't want me." it hurts. it hurts but you know it is true.

drakens lips pulled back in a scowl. his expression is unreadable, he is unreadable. you never understand him.

he applies pressure to the trigger and nausea fills your senses. your scream bloody murder because you have to look at him hold a gun to his head but you cannot do anything. he does not allow you.

"promise you won't leave." he says and you cry, pleading endlessly. you cannot handle losing him in any capacity. you cannot lose him at all.

"m'sorry, please don't" your throat feels so tight, it hurts to speak. "i won't leave so please stop!" you hiccup, holding his hand and praying he can see the desperation in your eyes.

"say it again" his eyes grow hooded, like those words falling off your tongue are music to his ears. you only sob harder.

"i won't ever leave you. i promise i won't." you voice is hoarse and wavering. your eyes do not move from the metal barrel aimed at his head.

you are fretting in worry but ken looks glad. he looks delighted even. the flash of his teeth makes you swallow.

"and you love me?" his head tilts. "i do." you whisper. you have never told him that before.

how could you protect your heart if you were professing your love for him? right now it does not seem to matter.

"i love you, ken. always did." your voice is barely audible, you swear the pounding of your heart is louder than it.

"close your eyes." you shake your head, completely confused. you are terrified.

"do it if you love me." tears leak from your eyes because now you do not have a choice. you shake with sobs as you close your eyes.

"good girl, such a good girl. you're always so perfect for me." draken's body covers yours, his nose nuzzling your face and you cry harder when he kisses your skin.

"please, ken, please, please." your arms wrap around him, fingers finding purchase in his skin because you cannot see him.

"are you scared?" you nod your head with a broken whimper.

"please, ken, i love you. i need you." you cannot see the grin that crosses his face but draken is all too pleased.

his mouth meets your ear "i need you too." you feel an ounce of relief and then the shrill of a gun unloading makes you scream.

it is so loud you instantly feel sick. your entire body trembles, your scream aches your throat and shakes everything in the apartment.

your heart feels like it jumped out of your chest and you are expecting blood or a body but instead you hear draken's low laugh and your eyes open.

"don't leave again or it'll be a bullet." it seems he is finally satisfied. he drops the gun to the sheets and you shove it further away.

his palm cups your cheek and brings your attention back to him. he wipes at your tears, cooing at your miserable expression.

"you only have me to love. remember that." you cannot process his words. your chest is heavy, breathing stuttered by panic. still racked with sobs but you are reaching for him.

his large frame is tugged down over you, practically covering you completely. your leg is pressed closer to your chest. he is so warm, you can feel his skin and remind yourself that he is here.

he causes all your troubles yet he is the only person capable of comforting you. "relax." he coos but it only makes you cry harder.

your body trembles against him but all ken has to do is wrap his arms around you and your worries lessen. "please, never again." because you swear your heart will stop beating if he put a gun to his head for a second time.

he pacifies you with sweet caresses along your hair before he pulls back. he smiles when you whimper, drying your cheeks but they are freshly coated with new tears. you are touching at his skin frantically, anything to remind yourself that he is really with you.

"gonna let me fuck you like you deserve? since you were such a good girl." his eyes do not leave yours, he nods his head and you find yourself nodding along with him despite how far gone your mind is.

draken hums, leaning over you as your legs wrap around his toned waist. he smiles, swiping at your tears, pressing the sweetest kiss to your lips before he trails down your neck.

your eyes flutter, breathing finally slowing but a gasp escapes your lips as his mouth encloses your nipple. you swallow hard, thighs tensing around him.

his eyes flick up to yours, face all too smug when his hips begin to rock. his teeth scrape the skin of your nipple, tongue flicking over it as he pulls away.

"like when i play with these cute tits of yours?" you are too flustered, way too dazed and dumb. your head leans away, why does he make you feel like this? his deep voice has your cunt leaking and your heart beating out of your chest.

"don't act shy, your pussy's squeezing me so hard, i know you like it." you do not have a chance to deal with the way his words have settled heat into your bones because his mouth encloses over your throat to leave more marks.

his thrusts are growing faster, rougher and you find yourself melting into a puddle, like dough you become whatever he wants.

you are only capable of moaning his name so prettily that draken's insides grow fuzzy. you are so good, too good. your hand slips into the lengthy strands of his hair.

"ken." you tug him closer, you wonder how much closer he can get than being deep enough to hit your cervix. you want him closer than his lips brushing against yours every time he fucks his hips into yours. you want him closer than the way your nipples are grazing his hard chest.

you want to crawl into his skin and make it your home.

you want him.

you wrap your arms around his broad shoulders, your tongue slipping into his mouth when you pull him down. you can feel his blunt nails digging into your skin, he is bruising your waist and hips.

spit coats your mouths like gloss. "ken, i love you, i love you." you never said it to him, regardless of the countless times you thought it when you looked at him.

hearing those words roll off your tongue almost makes draken cum instantly. you are finally able to say it and you want to take advantage of it.

"fuck. you're mine. not mitsuya's, not anyone else's." his cheeks are reddened, the sharpness of his thrusts makes your back arch off the sheets. his chest heaves, the brown of his eyes stare into yours "you're mine."

you nod because it is all you ever wanted. you say yes, you sign yourself over to him entirely. you would do it in this lifetime and every single one that came after.

you cannot think at all, your jaw hanging open, your nails digging into his skin. you can feel the sting against your thighs with every thrust. something about the way he crowds over you, so much bigger, covered in muscle makes your insides hotter.

it makes you burn with want and need. your legs wrap around his waist tighter. feeling ken's hand grip your throat. you want him in every way.

you want him to fuck you like this and kiss you sweetly later. you want draken more than you have ever wanted anything else. and draken wants you like that too.

"you're my girl, my slut," he huffs into your face and the whine that leaves you is atrocious. the feeling he stirs up inside you with just those words is insane.

"maybe if i knocked your pretty ass up, you'd stop acting so stupid" he slams his hips into yours, he thrust so hard that he opens up the inside of your gummy walls every time and hits so deep you lose yourself a little bit more.

all draken can think about is pouring load after load into your leaking hole and giving you his baby. all he wants is to pound inside of you until there is no doubt that you will be swollen with his seed.

"huh? if i gave you a baby to take care of, you wouldn't have time to get mad at me" you mewl, your nails dig into his skin. he leans down to messily kiss you. his spit feels sticky in your mouth, he kisses harder, his cock being fucked into you so roughly your head blanks.

"pussy feels so good inside. you're going to take it right? all for me? going to take my cum and keep it in this cute cunt?" you cry when he pounds particularly hard and you can feel every inch of him.

you bob your head in agreement although you have no clue what he says.

"ken i love you so much." you babble, tears leak down your face.

"yeah? i should give you something then, since you're so good. should stuff this tight little hole with so much cum. you want it, pretty baby?" draken flashes you a grin when you nod. your eyes flutter, he pounds his hips harder and harder.

his movements grow uneven, he groans into your face. pressing soft kisses to your cheeks. he loses himself in the feeling of your vice walls squeezing him.

"you'll make such a pretty mommy." his forehead meets yours, you whimper so adorably when you clamp down and your pretty cunt creams all over him.

even then draken does not give you a moment's rest.

he curses lowly, his hips press flush to yours, only pulling out partially before slamming roughly into you. your body writhes with oversensitivity. you claw at his flesh, crying softly.

when he cums you swear it burns. it paints every inch of your walls and the sticky strands of cum seem never ending. it pools in your cunt and seeps around the perimeter of his thick cock.

he is panting over you, his face buried in your neck and your fingers slip into his hair. you stroke it even as he remains inside you. even as ken wraps his arms tighter around you and he presses kisses to your throat. "don't leave." he whispers so softly into your skin that you would have missed it.

"i won't." you mumble back and he huffs a heavy sigh like the reassurance is everything he needs and more. his strong arms squeeze you, fingers taunt on your skin as he coddles you against him. your legs tighten around his waist and you really think that this is what bliss truly is.

he does not want to let you go, he does not want to leave you.

his mouth presses into yours, gently kissing you, he peppers kisses to your face before he leans back. a whine escapes you when he slips his cock from your pussy.

you can feel the cum he kept plugged inside you gushing out and your body tenses. it finally dawns on you what he did. draken's eyes trail from your messy cunt to your expression and he is bothered by the unsureness contorting your features.

he presses a deep kiss to your mouth, almost like he wants to remind you it is him, that it is okay because it's him, that you were going to be with him one way or another. he caresses your face and you pursue your lips as he stands from the bed and goes to the bathroom.

you are stuck in your thoughts, your eyes on him when he reenters the room and he starts wiping you off. you are sore and tired yet you cannot seem to sleep because what does this mean for you and him?

once he is done he climbs into the bed with you, he tucks himself along your side, his bicep your pillow and his nose nuzzling your cheek. you are both still completely bare, his arm wraps around your waist and it is silent for a moment before his deep voice flitters through the air.

"do you think it took?" your brows raise, eyes slightly alarmed. what does he mean by that? you know what he means. you swear it was all in the heat of the moment.

your eyes meet his, "what?" you are exasperated but draken is unphased.

"my seed." it makes a shiver run down your spine. you furrow your brows, you are not sure what you should say.

"i don't know... i don't think so," you cannot picture yourself pregnant, not right now. you never thought he would want that, not with you.

you are surprised by how disheartened he seems.

"we can keep trying." his hand trails along your waist until it sits low on your stomach. you are stunned, you are entirely in disbelief. he gently strokes the flesh while your thoughts are a jumbled mess.

when his gaze meets yours, he smiles. it is too dangerous.

"i hope our baby has your eyes."

i didn't think this would be so long

i have a nanami fic that's almost done and it is just as long !

#san.stories #🩷.tr #draken smut #draken #ken ryuuguji smut #ken ryuuguji x you #ken ryuuguji x reader #ken ryuguji #tokyo rev smut #tokyo rev x reader #tokyo revengers smut #tokyo revengers #ken ryuuguji x y/n #📁.toxic relationship #📁.impregnation #📁.breeding kink #tw.coercion #tw.manipulation

[rowretro]

Yandere Sunghoon ex plss

✧warnings: yandere/toxic themes, violence, death, forceful kissing, blood

 ♡synopsis: Park Sunghoon is y/n’s ex boyfriend. People assumed that you were at fault given how seemingly perfect he is, he’s good at everything he does, and he’s extremely handsome who wouldn’t fall for Sunghoon. It was a shame really, you loved him and he loves you too… maybe a little too much…

✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧

1 year of dating and y/n broke it off just like that. It’s only been a week and people have already spread all kinds of rumors as to what could’ve happened. Perhaps Sunghoon realized Y/n wasn’t all that some’d say, maybe y/n herself cheated on him. Whatever the rumor was, it was always putting you in a bad light. If only they knew why you broke up with him, if only they knew Sunghoon for who he truly was.

Not even the law itself cared for Sunghoon’s crimes.Y/n had walked into him hiding one of his crimes very well. Taehyun, who had asked her out quite recently, not even bothered by the fact you were dating Sunghoon at the time, was lying there cold and bloody. Sunghoon, dragging his body into the deep ditch. “This is nothing babe… he had no life anyway, no siblings, neglecting parents, and he was in a street gang…” he simply said as he dumped the somewhat damp soil on the man’s body, the ditch gradually filling up. 

Not even the police cared to take the case, why would they when the Park Sunghoon is the culprit. So she broke up with him. After a tense argument with him Sunghoon left the building to cool off, that’s when she decided it was best to leave. Most of her stuff was already at her old apartment, she simply breached his security system and left leaving a note saying that she’s breaking up with him.

Only been a week since then, just y/n and her thoughts alone in the cozy little apartment. She felt a little fear, wondering if he might kill her, or kidnap her, or do one of the most dark, sinister things she could never be able to think of. A little heartbroken because she loved him and he’s all she could ever ask for. She just wanted to move on though it was easier said than done. Heaving a sigh, y/n made her way to the kitchen, pouring some hot water into a pan, and boiling some ready-made tapioca pearls. 

The girl cleaned up the house a little before adding a little sugar to her now- ready tapioca pearls, using a spoon to dig right into it. As she took a bite out of her little sweet snack, she heard the doorbell suddenly ring, making her flinch. She wasn’t expecting any visitors… Sunghoon on the other hand, was still looking for her while remaining under the radar. Then it hit him, he had the perfect item to bring her back…She was hesitant, her hand on the door handle, a frying pan in the other, she peeked through the small gap as she opened the door. She opened it widely, a smile painting her face when her eyes laid upon the male at her door. “Jay!” she exclaimed as he smiled, hugging her.

“Y/n~ long time no see huh, what brings you back home?” he enquired as Y/n sighed. “I broke up with my boyfriend so I moved back home” she said as Jay nodded.The two conversed for over an hour before leaving the building in his car, the two driving to one of her favorite restaurants. “Jay- isn’t that the road?...” Y/n asked as Jay glanced at her in the mirror “Yeah, but I’m taking you to a different one, it’s way better” Jay reassured as she nodded, trusting his word. Then everything felt familiar… the road, the signs, the tattered billboard sign and that god forsaken house…

“Nice work Park Jongseong…” Sunghoon smirked his dark eyes now on you. How could he fucking betray her?! Park Jongseong? The Jay, your best friend for 5 years lead you back to her boyfriend’s hell. “Anything for you bro… also don’t forget mom’s birthday party” he simply said as he left the building. Of course. How did she miss it? They’re brothers. “Back home?... what is this about some break up sweetheart?... who talked you into it?...” Sunghoon asked as y/n just glared up at him.

“I fucking hate you.” she seethed through gritted teeth as he slapped her “No no silly… you don’t hate me… you love me. You love me like crazy but you just don’t know it yet” he explained in a sickeningly sweet tone that made her stomach feel like it was being squished in the claws of a demon. Sunghoon’s fingers softly threaded through her hair, his finger twirling a few strands of her dark hair.

 “There’s something you need to learn sweetheart… you’re mine. That fucking means you’re stuck with me forever. We WILL date. We WILL get married and we WILL die together. So no we haven’t broken up we never will you FUCKING UNDERSTAND?!!!” he asked, yanking her hair painfully harshly all of a sudden. “Y-yes… I do…” she trailed off, hating every word that left her word. Hearing her words, the male planted his lips on her, forcing his tongue into her mouth, a hand still gripping at her hair as another snaked around her waist. She was stuck with him forever.

✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧

#enhypen #enhypen fanfic #enhypen sunghoon #enhypen smut #enhypen x reader #sunghoon #enhypen imagine #sunghoon yandere #yandere enhypen #yandere fanfiction #sunghoon fanfic #yandere #yandere enha #enhypen oneshot #park sunghoon #sunghoon smut #enha x reader #enhypen fluff #ni ki #engene #enhypen ff #enhypen imagines #sunghoon angst #park sunghoon x reader #sunghoon enhypen #sunghoon fluff #sunghoon hard thoughts #sunghoon imagines #sunghoon mafia #sunghoon smau

[thefallennightmare]

Miracle-one

(gif created by me, the fallen nightmare. feel free to use, simply give credit)

Pairings: Noah Sebastian x Reader

Warnings/Tropes: forced proximity, slight enemies to lovers, slow burn, smut, angst, fluff, mentions of death, and swearing.

Summary: Reader is the merch girl for Bad Omens. It wasn't what she wanted to do with her life but when her mother got sick with Alzheimer's, reader took a job where she could to help with the costs. She thought it would be a one-time gig but the longer she was on the road with them, the harder she fell for Noah Sebastian; even if he wanted nothing to do with her. She needed a miracle to save her mom and her future.

Authors Note: Here we go! Tags are open if anyone is interested!

Tags:

"Mom, do you need anything before I leave?" I asked my mom, who was sitting on the couch in our living room.

Her eyes were cold and vacant as she watched the television, well tried to anyway. It didn't matter if she paid attention to whatever was on, she would forget in a while. When she didn't respond, I sighed and brushed the graying hair out of her face which caused her to look up at me, finally.

No hint of recognition in those vacant eyes.

"Who are you?"

Her words chipped away at the stone wall I had around my heart as I blew out a shaky breath.

"Y/N. I'm your daughter," I said while kneeling in front of her.

Even with my name spoken, my mother didn't recognize me.

It's been like this for the last six months since she first received her Alzheimer's diagnosis. It was farther than we would have liked and the doctor said that her health would decline fast. She forgot who I was one month after her diagnosis and the bad days were more so than the good days. From the second I woke up till the very moment I lay in bed for the night I spent the day taking care of her until recently. My job was going to pick up again which meant I would leave her for about five weeks.

I was terrified to leave her alone especially for that long. There was this great company that I can have a live in nurse take care of her while I'm gone but when I looked into pricing, I nearly had a heart attack. We did okay money wise. After my dad passed away a few years ago, he left us a decent cushion. The house was paid off a very long time ago which helped on the bills; except the medical bills.

Every drug, every trial, and every visit burned deeper into my pockets and now the overdue bill's kept pilling up on our kitchen table. My job paid good enough where I could fill our fridge with groceries and take care of the smaller things but even that couldn't help with the bigger things. I thought about asking for a small raise but the fear of having to tell one of my boss' why was daunting so I never did.

Which is where I was headed now. I had to help get everything ready before we hit the road for the tour. My heart fluttered knowing I would see him tonight.

"Y/N," my mom raised a brow. "I'm sorry, I don't know a Y/N."

I swallowed the lump in my throat then gave her knee a squeeze. "I should only be gone for a few hours. My phone number is writing on the piece of paper next to the house phone."

I pointed to the table next to her where said phone and paper was. My mom tracked it with her vacant eyes and nodded.

"Just watch your show and before you know it, I'll be back. Alright?"

She said nothing, merely watched the television, so I stood straight, giving her shoulder a squeeze and left the house. I wasn't the one to pray so instead I whispered out into the world my words repeatedly.

"She will be fine. She can handle herself for a few hours."

I walked into the large warehouse hearing laugher and voices carry which eased my worries of leaving my mom alone. No one I worked with knew about my mom and I planned to keep it that way. Davis smiled at me when I walked over to the large table he was standing in front of, a large array of shirts, hats, and sweaters lay on top of it.

"Think it'll be enough?" I asked as I started helping him fold everything into sections.

Davis shrugged. "It's always good to have extra than not enough."

"The new designs look sick," I said.

"Thanks," Davis smiled while bumping his shoulder with me.

While Davis and everyone else who worked for the band had important jobs, mine wasn't anything even close to important. The only reason I got the job was because Davis and I went to high school together. We weren't best friends but stayed in touch. He's also the only one who knows something is going on back home but never knew exactly what; which is why he recommended the job for me. He knew I was desperate for money.

I was the merch girl for Bad Omens and the vocalist absolutely despised it.

Maybe it was because I never asked him for the job or the slack that merch girls always get. They only have the job so they can hook up with members of the band. Which was the absolute last thing I wanted to do; even if he was breathtakingly handsome.

As if her could sense my thoughts about him, his ethereal voice echoed throughout the warehouse and my breath caught in my throat. I looked over my shoulder and saw him standing at the back of a large truck, the one where the merch and other things for the new tour will go.

The smile that graced Noah Sebastian's face brightened everything dark and scary in my mind for a few moments and I reveled in the way my heart skipped a beat whenever he was near.

"You're staring."

Turning back to Davis, I scoffed and went back to work of stuffing the boxes. "I am not."

"Are you actually going to talk to him this tour? Last one you barley said three words to him," he said.

"I would if he wasn't such an asshole towards me. I didn't even do anything to deserve the cold shoulder."

Davis sighed while letting a large pile fall into the box at our feet, a lot messier than the ones I had been packing. I gave him a narrowed gaze of annoyance, one he ignored.

"Don't take it personal. Noah is quiet. I'm sure if you tried to talk to him, you'd find out he's a great guy," Davis suggested.

"I'd rather chew broken glass," I muttered.

I'd work with Bad Omens and crew for about almost a year now and in that time, Noah and I spoke less than ten words to each other. While on the last tour, I kept to myself not knowing anyone besides Davis which might have put me off to Noah. He probably thought I didn't care about getting to know anyone else here; which wasn't true. I had other things on my mind.

Like wondering how I was going to pay my mom's medical bills.

"New designs look sick, Davis."

My shoulders stiffened at the deep voice, his scent filling all of my senses. I could see Noah out of the corner of my eye while I continued to fold the shirts and sweaters. His gaze burned into the side of my head before falling to the messy pile of clothes in the box.

"You're not going to leave it like that, are you?" Noah raised a brow.

I audibly choked on my spit at him blaming me for that mess.

"No, I was planning on leaving it like that. I mean what's the point of folding everything perfect when it's just going to be packed in a box," I replied dryly while holding up the pile of clothes I had been folding.

Something flashed in his dark eyes, the corner of his lips pulling up slightly.

"She does speak."

"Oh, fuck off Noah. I'm not in the mood," I snapped while giving him my back.

Davis let out a low whistle before taking the now full box of merch to the truck, leaving Noah and I alone. It might have been a bad idea snapping at him like that but it was true. I was dealing with a lot at home so the last thing I needed was bullshit from him.

"Did you break up with your boyfriend?"

The shirt I was folding fell onto the table at his words. Boyfriend? I didn't have one; I never did.

"I don't have a boyfriend," I muttered, fingers toying with the fabric of the shirt.

Noah hummed while leaning against the table next to me. He sat facing everything behind me while I stood facing the wall behind him.

"Davis didn't want to go out with you?" He pressed with a sly smirk.

I bit the inside of my cheek to keep my growing anger at bay. I already snapped at him once, I couldn't risk my job my doing it again.

"Davis and I are just friends. I don't think of him like that and I'm sure the feelings are mutual."

"Good," Noah nodded. "Because the last thing I need is you distracting someone on the crew because of a little crush."

My eyes snapped over to him, flaring with fury. "What is your problem with me, Noah? If you don't want me here, just fire me so you can stop wasting my time and yours."

With how much taller he was than me, even sitting on the edge of the table Noah towered over me as he leaned closer. His warm breath fanned across my face as I peered up at him. Even with my fury, my heart hammered hard against my chest with our proximity, something I hope Noah couldn't hear.

"Trust me, angel. You'd know if I was wasting my time with you."

He watched me for a few moments before walking away; him taking the warmth that cocooned around me away with him. I blinked long after he left, trying to let his words process in my mind. What the hell did he mean by that?

But suddenly, his pet name for me was the only thing at the forefront of my mind and I wasn't sure if I liked the way my body reacted to it; heat spreading from my heart straight down between my legs, core aching with need.

For the next little while, I worked alone finishing up folding all the merch and when I had four boxes stuffed full; I began bringing them over to the truck. On my way back with my third box, I saw Noah and Nick Folio standing at the back of the truck, laughing about something I didn't know. I ignored the way my stomach warmed at seeing the large smile on Noah's face as I walked past him up the ramp of the truck.

Folio noticed how I could barley see over the box and reached out for it.

"Hey, Y/N. Need some help?" He asked.

I let him take it with a small smile. "Thanks, Folio."

Unlike Noah, I spoke to the other members of the band and crew. I wouldn't say we were close but more than strangers.

"How many more do you have?" He asked as he set down the box next to the others.

"Just one. I can get it though, I don't want to distract you."

As the last few words came from lips, I made sure to lock my eyes with Noah, who was watching me with bright eyes, arms crossed over his chest. The way his eyes glinted with the setting sun almost made a smile break out on my face.

Almost.

Folio looked between Noah and I before letting out a low chuckle. "If you guys go the whole tour with this tension, something is going to explode before it ends."

I shook my head. "There's no tension."

"Right," Folio clicked his tongue. "And I play guitar for Bad Omens."

The sarcasm in his voice wasn't missed and with a sigh, I left the two of them back to whatever they were doing before I interpreted. The only tension, if there was any, between Noah and me was hate. He never liked me even from my first day. So why would I bother being nice to him when he didn't give a shit about me?

After the last box was loaded into the truck, I began walking back into the warehouse to see if Davis needed me for anything else when my phone rang.

"Mom?" I spoke when I saw the caller I.D.

Noah was walking inside the warehouse with Nick Ruffilo, laughing that beautiful laugh, so not wanting him to hear my conversation I held back away from them.

"Who is this?"

I sighed while pinching my eyes shut. "Mom, it's Y/N. You called me. Is everything alright?"

"Oh." There was a long beat of silence on the other line before some rustling came through. "I was hungry and wanted to make something to eat."

"NO!" I yelled into the phone.

Noah turned to look at my sudden outburst but I didn't bother to look at him, the fear of wondering if my mom turning on the stove filled me.

"Did you turn on the stove?" I asked.

"No, there's a note saying not too. Which is why I called."

I swallowed the sob that almost crawled out of my throat.

"Okay, good." I nodded. "I'm almost done at work. I'll pick up some pizza on the way home. You like pizza."

Another long beat of silence.

"Alright. I'll go back to watching my show."

"Good, I'll be home soon. Love you mom."

The line clicked off before I even finished speaking and I stared at my phone with a long breath. If she had turned on the stove, things would have been a lot worse. A few weeks ago while I was taking a nap, my mom tried to cook something and forgot about it, letting it blaze up in flames and when she tried to extinguish it, she burned her hand pretty bad. So since that day, I had a large note tapped to the front panel of the oven saying not to use it.

Thank goodness I did.

"Everything alright?"

I jumped slightly at the deep voice and quickly wiped away the stress tears that burned at the corners of my eyes before turning on my heels. Noah stood in front of me with his hands buried deep into the pocket of his black hoodie. My hands itched to run through the messy strands of his face but I held back.

"Uh, yeah. I loaded all the boxes up in the truck. Is there anything else you want me to do?"

His gaze took over my chest rising and falling rapidly with each deep breath I took and I knew he noticed the tears that gathered in the edge of my eyes.

"If you could-."

My phone rang again, interrupting Noah, and I apologized with a sheepish frown. When I saw the unknown number, I excused myself from him and answered.

"Hello?"

"Is this Ms. Y/L/N?"

"Yeah, who is this?"

"This is Chief Reynolds with the Los Angeles fire department."

My heart fell out of my ass and I stumbled out an incoherent sentence, forgetting that Noah was still standing behind me.

"What happened?" I finally managed out.

"We have a Mrs. Y/L/N here at your residence."

I rapidly nodded even though the Chief couldn't see. "That's my mom. Is she alright?"

"Well, it seems as if she tried to cook something on your stove and let the gas burn. A neighbor called in a strong smell of gas. It seems as if she had it burning for a while."

"Oh fuck," I groaned while running a hand through my hair. "Is she alright?"

"Yes, we tested her for any effects of the gas but she seems fine. We opened some windows to air it out. You shouldn't have any issues."

I spoke to him for a few more seconds before thanking him and hanging up. Fucking hell, she tried to cook something and damn near exposed herself to gas. I left her for two hours, how the fuck was I supposed to leave her for five weeks?

"Do you need to leave?"

I jumped, hand over my chest when I suddenly remembered Noah was still standing behind me. For the first time in almost a year of knowing him, I saw concern in his eyes as he looked at me.

"Uh, a small emergency at home. I have to go take care of it," I said.

Noah nodded. "Yeah, go ahead. Did you have a ride set up for Saturday?"

I cursed, almost forgetting that in two days we were leaving for tour. I needed the money but also couldn't bear the idea of leaving my mom alone.

"Yeah," I nodded. "I was going to ride on the crews bus."

"I hope things are alright," he said while motioning to my car in the parking lot.

"Thanks," I grumbled before jogging over to the car, not wanting to leave my mom alone for a second longer.

#noah sebastian #noah sebastian and reader #noah sebastian x reader #noah sebastian reader insert #noah sebastian smut #forced proximity #enemies to lovers #slow burn

[himegureisu]

bestie think abt this

Long haired snape

I'm talking like lucius malfoy style!!! Maybe he ties his hair with a little ribbon!

In my head Tobias used to insist keeping his hair short but he grew it out after lily died bcs he just didn't have the energy to do anything for awhile much less take care of his hair so he grew it out?

Does he braid it?? Who taught him how to braid? His mom? Lily? Did he teach himself?

Anyway he usually keeps it out of the way when he's alone but maybe he forgot to untie his hair before teaching or something and since then there are students who want braid his hair (imagine like the kids braiding rapunzel hair in tangled vibes 😭)

Hair

Summary: Severus Snape. Long Hair. In Braids. Wearing Glasses. You [Female]. I hope you like it. Teehee💓

——————————— 🪄———————————

His long hair brought a sense of warmth to the cold that often went through the air.

In the past, the energy required to keep appearances was exhausting but must be done. His father threatened to shave his head, should he not cut his hair the appropriate length. His death and his mother’s neglect brought on the freedom to grow it long.

On the first winter of his long hair, at the Three Broomsticks, you couldn’t help but notice that he frequently attempted to tuck his hair behind his ear but remained futile.

His attention on a book of advanced potions when you approached, a friendly smile on your face, and a simple black scrunchie at hand.

“Would you like a tie for your hair?” you asked, his scowl disappeared, lips forming a thin line instead, “I noticed you were having trouble with it. Do you want me to tie it for you?”

Most people didn’t bother but you did. You even offered to tie and teach him. That’s how your relationship began.

It’s been eight years since then, five years married, three years dating.

In front of a mirror, you styled his dark locks, a braided half ponytail, on a silver velvet ribbon. Your cheeks flush at the sight of his serious face, round reading glasses on, as he read a book.

His hair was often in a half ponytail that would suffice until you could fix it. His fingers weren’t as nimble, arms not flexible, or long enough, as yours to do complicated braids. In time, he didn’t mind. Your hair braids becoming an intimate ritual between the two of you and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

Your bubbles were popped by the bell, echoing throughout the castle signifying the last five minutes before first period.

“Severus,” you remember, “Aren’t you supposed to be on your way to first period?”

“Oh bloody hell,” he grumbled, standing to kiss your cheek, “Thank you, darling, I must go,”

It was a Friday. His third years has Potions for first period.

To say his snakes and the lions were surprised was an understatement, his entrance followed by the scent of sandalwood, fresh parchment, billowing robes, long braided hair, and round glasses left them speechless.

Who knew he could look so hot?

There were some of his students infatuated from then on. Their gazes clouded, cheeks pink, and giggles soft lest they raise his ire but the desire was there.

“Did you know you made hearts swoon today, Professor?” you teased, at the Great Hall, during dinner, “Several students came to me complimenting your looks,”

“You deserve the praise, you braided it,” he simply answered, the goblet of water on his lips, “Are you jealous?”

“No, is there any reason to be?” you asked, he shakes his head, “Then that’s that. Besides…”

Your left hand makes its’ way underneath the table, gently brushing over his shaft, and taking his left up above to your sight. His wedding ring, usually charmed to be invisible, shines at top of yours in the soft orange hues of the room.

Your engagement and wedding rings were known to the students but his wasn’t though you doubt they noticed it.

“It’s not the only thing you’d forgotten,” you smile, he groaned in realization, “It’s okay. It was bound to happen at some point,”

“Unbelievable,” he sighed.

His younger snakes started to approach and give gifts for him to put on his hair. At first, he declined but couldn’t bear the face when the little one nearly cried at the denial.

Since then, he would put them on and anyone who made a comment on it found themselves deducted of five house points. They tried to convince him to let them braid his hair but he was unyielding.

Only you would braid his hair. That’s sacred between the two of you.

#severus snape #severus snape x reader #hp #harry potter #severus snape fanfiction #snape #professor snape #hogwarts #fanfiction #snape x you #severus snape x you

[aloneinthehellfire]

In Love And Grief

Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader

Summary: El Hopper was unsure to her older sister’s behaviour. After the fall of Hawkins, you had been avoiding everyone, and they knew it was because of Eddie. His death had shaken your core. But El never truly understood until she caught a glimpse of how powerful grief really is.

request for @omgyoufoundnemostuff (who literally created this whole idea and it’s amazing)

Warnings: grief, mentions of death, pain and tears my loves

Word count: 5k (I got emotionally invested)

[A/N: this is pure sadness i apologise and i also apologise if it's bad cause i couldn't physically see what i was writing through my tears]

IN LOVE AND GRIEF

“Why are you so sad?”

El had been open to new experiences ever since leaving the lab, realising more and more of how it felt to truly be human. She was learning of things she would never understand locked in a bare room.

But one thing she truly couldn’t understand, was the power of grief.

She felt sad, of course. Max was in a coma, one El wasn’t sure she could pull her out of. But it wasn’t grief necessarily.

She had felt it when Hopper was claimed dead, something chipped at her heart, but she had always been open about her feelings. Joyce, Jonathan, and Will had all been there for her, listening and offering advice. So when she got him back, she was more than ecstatic to say the least.

But then there was you.

When Hopper had died, she had seen your sadness. She had been with you through it, caring for eachother as you both lost a father.

But when he came back, surprising you both at the cabin, that sadness never left your heart. And El couldn’t bear to see you like that. So, she started asking questions.

“Why is Y/n so sad?” El asks, looking to her boyfriend as he slips on his shoes, ready to return home after a long day with her in the cabin.

“Huh?” He whips his head up, frowning.

“Y/n.” She repeats, biting her bottom lip. “She doesn’t speak to me.”

“She’s…” Mike tries to find the right words, standing. “She’s just grieving, I guess. Eddie was her boyfriend. Look, I really need to get home before my mom freaks out but if you need me, just call, okay?”

He gives her a quick peck on her forehead before rushing out the door and leaving her sat in her own confusion.

Grieving. That’s what Mike had said. But surely you would be feeling better? After all, it had been months since Eddie’s death.

So many questions blurred through her mind, leaving a gnawing feeling in her stomach. She hated that you were hurting. And she wanted to understand, so that you didn’t feel alone anymore.

Once the front door closed, El quickly rushed out to greet Hopper, accepting the bags of groceries and helping him carry them to the kitchen.

“Thanks, kid.” Hopper smiles, setting out the food on the counter. He grabbed some plates out and couldn’t risk glancing at the door opposite the kitchen space, something unreadable in his expression. “Your sister been out of her room today?”

“No.” El shakes her head, frowning, “Why doesn’t she join us anymore?”

Hopper sighs, setting aside one of the plates. It was something he did regularly now, dishing out your food and bringing it to your room instead of having you sit at the table with the rest of them.

When he doesn’t answer, El prompts him more. “Is it because of Eddie? Because… because she lost him?”

Setting down the cutlery in his hand, he turns back to her and offers a thin smile. “She’ll be fine, okay? Nothing a little space won’t take care of.”

“But-”

“It’s better to stay out of it, kid.” He dismisses, pulling out something from the bag, “Hey, look. I got Eggos.”

El simply smiles before he turns his back, her eyes drifting to your bedroom door. Hopper told her to leave it alone, and usually she would listen. But you were her sister. And if you’ve taught her anything, it’s that sisters stick together.

“Why are you so sad?”

You sit up in your bed, slipping the headphones from your ears and resting them around your neck. El must have knocked, but you were too busy drowning out your thoughts to hear her.

“What do you mean?” You ask softly as she joins you on the bed, a worried frown on her face.

“Is it because of Eddie?”

Once his name left her lips, you felt your mouth go dry, and it all came rushing back. The laughs, the grins. The tears… the death.

“Yes.” You finally reply with a whisper, bringing your knees to your chest and willing the tears to stay away.

“Hopper said that you’ll be fine.” El relays, resting a hand on your shoulder and you let out a breathy laugh.

“That’s because Hopper doesn’t understand.” You sigh, attempting a brief smile at your sister.

“Why not?” She questions and you shrug.

“Because he didn’t know him like I did.”

Hopper made it very clear that he didn’t like Eddie Munson.

From the very first day of Freshman year, you had come home rambling about a new friend you made. You were over-excited to say the least, expressing how you found someone who liked the same music and was just as weird as you were. And Hopper rejoiced in that, knowing you struggled to make friends. Until he found out it was a boy.

Now, he tried his best to be patient, only being as involved as you would let him. But not after a few good rants to Joyce where she ultimately put him in his place and gave advice he would be dumb not to take. Joyce was always right.

It wasn’t until he learned of who this friend was that Hopper started to really have a problem.

Munson was a family name that he wasn’t exactly fond of. There were always reports of criminal activity marked around that name, stemming from robbery to possible suspects in murder. He knew Wayne Munson, a brother to said criminal, and found the man really just kept to himself. But he couldn’t help having low expectations of the younger boy.

The first time you had invited Eddie around was the first time you had seen your dad act strange. Eddie didn’t live too far from the trailer you lived in at the time, practically a five minute walk between homes, so the idea of having him for dinner wasn’t out of place.

Your dad had been cold and quiet, insisting on your door being open at least three inches when you and Eddie were doing homework. He made sure to always just be there, and when you questioned it, he simply glared and walked away. You were surprised Eddie even stayed your friend after that.

By your Senior year, you and Eddie were closer than ever. You and he formed the Hellfire Club, bringing out your combined joy of DnD and reaching out to kids that didn’t fit in. It meant Eddie visited more often, having to come to your cabin since moving out of the trailer.

And Hopper didn’t like that one bit. Maybe it was because El had just joined your small family, and Hopper was adamant on keeping her a secret. You knew about everything that had happened in Hawkins, the demogorgons and alternate dimensions. None of which you ever told Eddie. In reality, you just wanted to pretend like it never happened. You and Hopper had fought frequently that year.

“Why can’t you just leave us alone?” You ask, exasperated. Your dad had thrown Eddie out after ‘sitting too close’ with him on your bed and you were bound to be angry at him. “Don’t you trust me?”

“Of course I trust you!” Hopper yelled, but you didn’t flinch. “It’s him I don’t trust!”

“Eddie is a good guy!” You insisted and he scoffed, moving away to grab a beer from the fridge. “You just won’t give him a chance!”

“Trust me, I know boys like that.” He laughs coldly, leaning against the counter after taking a long sip. “They want one thing and one thing only. Don’t think I’m stupid, I know exactly what you two have been doing.”

You scrunch your face before letting out a harsh breath. “It’s not like that. And you’re not stopping me from seeing him. He...”

“Hm?” Hopper raises his eyebrows, crossing his arms and tilting his head at you.

“He’s my boyfriend.” You say, raising your chin and looking your dad in the eye.

You expected him to shout, to send you to your room and ban you from ever contacting Eddie again. Instead, to your surprise, he just laughed.

“Yeah, right.” Hopper grabbed his beer and walked to his chair.

“I’m not lying.” You frown, following him and stepping in front of the TV, making him groan.

“Come on, can you-” He starts, but you just fold your arms and stare at him. “Look, kid, I don’t care what he said or what you think he said. I’ve been through the high school sweetheart thing before and let me tell you this… you might think it’s forever, but you’re really just fooling around and he will be on to the next girl after graduation.”

Your eyes fill with tears and Hopper’s face drops.

“Shit.” He mutters, setting down his drink.

Before he can say anything else, you’re already storming off, slamming your bedroom door shut and he sighs, rubbing his face. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees El pop her head around her door and widen her eyes in confusion. Hopper knew he hadn’t handled the situation well, but he just wanted to protect you.

After that, Hopper was still convinced you and Eddie were nothing more than a fling. And when Eddie ended up not graduating with you that year, he had figured you’d grow out of him and move on with your life.

But your dad severely underestimated your feelings for Eddie Munson.

“You loved him?” El asks and you quickly nod, wiping a stray tear that fell down.

“I still do.” You shrug, and she thinks for a moment before bringing her head up to meet your eyes.

“Can I… see?”

“What?” You frown and she reaches out to hold your hand.

“I can go through memories, see the Eddie you knew.” She explains and your breath hitches.

“I don’t know…”

“Please.” El squeezes your hand and you sigh.

“Okay.” Finally agreeing, El shuffles to sit in front of you, crossing her legs.

She points to the radio on your bedside table and you hesitantly reach over to find an empty station, turning up the static until your sister nodded. Her eyes drifted around your room and you follow her gaze, watching as it landed on something that made your heart wrench. You lean across and pluck it from the table, handing it to her without another thought.

As she looks down at the black and white bandana, she takes a breath and looks back up.

“This will be kind of weird.” She says and you raise an eyebrow. “I have to go into your mind.”

“Of course you do.” You breathe out, watching as she ties the bandana around her eyes.

“Think of him.” She instructs quietly.

Her hands reach out and you catch them in yours. After a moment, you close your eyes and feel your mind start to drift to thoughts of Eddie. His hair, his rings, his smile.

And then, as you sit there with those memories, El finds them. And it was like she brought him to life again.

1981

You sat down in your last class of the day, fiddling with your jacket as the other Freshman students piled into their seats. You had chosen a spot at the very back, adamant on keeping to yourself. High school so far was as you expected; lonely.

Maybe it was because you were the daughter to the chief of police. Or maybe you just didn’t have the correct people skills. But everyone else here seemed to know exactly who they were friends with, and you hadn’t talked to another person since arriving.

The class was starting just as the door to the room swung open, the teacher rolling their eyes and ushering them inside. You kept your head down, doodling on the front page of your notebook. It started off as a flower but slowly grew into a hell-bent demon breathing fire. You had no clue why, either.

As the teacher started to drone about atoms, you hear a small cough next to you and you lift your head up to meet a pair of big brown eyes.

“Hey, do you have a pencil I can borrow?” He asks and for a moment, you don’t register what he’s saying. “And, uh… paper?”

“Sure.” You say hesitantly, ripping a page from your notebook and sliding it over with a sharpened pencil.

“Thank you.” The boy said breathlessly.

For the next few minutes, you couldn’t really focus on the class. Because you felt your eyes drifting to the boy next to you. The brunette had curly hair, falling just below his ears which implied he was growing it out. He wore a ring on his left hand that glinted against the fluorescent lights anytime he shifted in his seat. His ripped jeans and worn out long sleeved tee almost reflected your own dark outfit and you couldn’t help but think that if you were to make any friends in this place, you’d want it to be him.

So, as another minute ticked by, you made your move.

“I like your shirt.” You say quietly, eyes on the teacher to avoid being caught.

“Hm?” The boy looks at you with wide eyes, clearly surprised as to why you were speaking to him.

“Your shirt.” You repeat, risking a glance at him with a small smile. “Black Sabbath? So cool.”

You could see his wide grin from the corner of your eye as you continued shading in your sketch, the lesson long forgotten now. The teacher didn’t seem overly bothered about their students paying attention anyway since a group of boys in front of you hadn’t stopped talking since the lesson began.

“You know Black Sabbath?” He questions and you nod into your hand, elbow rested on the table.

“Yeah.” You shrug, “Last year, their lead singer bit a bat’s head off on stage. It was so-”

“Metal.” He finishes and you stop your sketch, looking at him. His eyes were searching yours, looking for answers, trying to figure you out.

“Definitely.” You grinned.

That day had been the day you met your best friend, your soulmate. You never spent time apart, not really. And as the years progressed, you only became closer.

1983

After everything that had happened at the beginning of the month, the only thing you had yearned for was normality. Demogorgons, superpowers, alternate dimensions. All of it was swarming around in your mind, poisoning your nightmares. You just wanted to forget any of it happened. To feel safe.

“Hey, look what I found.”

Eddie pulls something from under his bed, holding it up in victory before popping his head back into view, grinning.

“Wow.” You respond, slowly nodding. “It’s… wow.”

Eddie sends you a glare before jumping back onto the bed, the springs of the mattress reacting and causing you to jostle a bit. He slipped the found ring onto his finger, the silver joining his other ring as a pair and you tilt your head.

“See? They’re a set.” He smiles and you shake your head in amusement. “Okay, so, there’s meant to be three but two will do. I mean, I could...”

As Eddie rambles on about the rings he bought when he was a kid, your mind kept drifting back to the demogorgon you had fought in Jonathan Byers’ house. In the end, fire had been the only thing to take it. You couldn’t stop replaying the image in your mind, the flames dancing along pale grey skin.

“Earth to Y/n?” Eddie’s hand waves in front of your face and you snap back into the present, raising your head.

“Huh?”

Your best friend shuffled closer to you, dipping his head to meet your eyes. “Hey, you okay?”

“Yeah.” You attempt a smile, shrugging it off, “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”

“Hm, yeah, don’t believe that for a second.” He narrows his eyes before suddenly grabbing your face, causing you to widen your eyes in surprise as he pulls you closer so your foreheads rested against eachother. “Tell me all your secrets.”

You couldn’t help the giggle that slipped from your mouth, causing his cheeks to dimple at the sound.

“Okay, okay!” You swat his hands away, still smiling. “God, you’re so weird.”

“Please, we wouldn’t be friends if I was normal.” He retorted and you laugh, nodding. “Seriously, whatever’s going on… you can tell me.”

“I…” You sigh, fingers fiddling with a loose piece of thread on his jeans, “I guess I’ve just been feeling a little overwhelmed, lately.”

“Everything okay at home?” Eddie frowns, taking your hand in his and you quickly nod.

“Yeah, yeah, of course. It’s just…” You tighten your lips. You couldn’t tell him what really happened. He didn’t deserve to be dragged into that mess. “School, you know? I-I’m pretty sure I’m falling behind.”

It wasn’t a lie. Since Will’s disappearance, you had been all over the place trying to help your friends that you hadn’t been focusing on school work. Your usual A’s and B’s had plummeted dramatically.

“Well that won’t do.” Eddie says, straightening and leaning over the edge of the bed to pull back up a few books laying on the floor. “We better get started.”

“What?” You let out a breathy laugh as he opens a textbook, looking up at you.

“We’re gonna study. Together.” He smiles, shrugging as if it didn’t bother him at all.

You watch as he picks up the pencil marking the page like a bookmark, slipping it behind one ear as he searched for the unit you were studying. A smile tugged at your lips.

Eddie always stuck by your side and never once complained about it. Every part of you adored this boy. You wouldn’t admit it before, but those butterflies in your stomach meant more than just gratitude. And that feeling in your chest would hold one of your favourite memories to come.

Because, as you stared at the boy in front of you, you knew this night was different.

That was the night you realised you were falling in love.

1984

The Winter Formal wasn’t an occasion you had looked forward to.

After volunteering at the middle school, you came to realise that these dances didn’t take your fancy. From the decorations to the music, you didn’t ever expect to have fun.

Standing at the side with Nancy, you took a sip of your drink and watched as your friend continued staring at a boy in a suit not far from you and you giggled.

“What?” She asks with a small smile.

“Just ask him to dance.” You say knowingly. And, with a sigh, she sends you a grateful smirk and walks over to him.

The smile didn’t leave your lips when you watched Nancy and Jonathan swaying to the music amongst all the other couples. They deserved it after the roller-coaster of a term you had.

It wasn’t until you felt a pat on your shoulder that your night improved miraculously. Because, stood in front of you in a suit that surely shouldn’t look that incredible on him, was Eddie Munson.

“Eddie?” You laugh as he shrugs shyly, soon adopting a grin as he leans on the table.

“Couldn’t let you deal with this torture by yourself, now, could I?” He says nonchalantly and you shake your head.

“Well, I’m really glad you’re here.” You smile. You didn’t miss the way he took in your appearance, eyes scanning over you. But not in the way most boys did. It was like he was taking in every little detail of your outfit, a shine in his eyes.

“You look amazing.” He says breathlessly and you couldn’t help the blush that crept onto your cheeks.

It had been a little over a year since you realised you were in love with your best friend. But, in that time, you’ve had to deal with the Upside Down and every little thing that came with it. You didn’t want to ruin what you and he had, especially since Eddie was the only thing in your life that made you feel safe.

“Not so bad yourself.” You reply, bumping his shoulder playfully and he straightens, pretending to adjust his tie.

“Oh, this old thing?” He jokes and you smile as he leans into you. “Wayne let me borrow it so please don’t let me spill anything.”

“I got you.” You assure and he toasts an imaginary drink to you.

For the majority of the night, you both stand by the table chatting for what seems like hours in the best kind of way. The music changed, people moving around you, but it didn’t matter.

“So…” Eddie pouts, resting his hand on his chin as he looks up at you from the table. You raise an amused brow and his eyes drift to the dance floor behind you. “Wanna dance?”

You struggle with words and just stare at him. Never did you imagine that Eddie would be willingly asking you to dance with him.

“I… what?” You say, dumbfounded and he chuckles, stepping towards you.

Making it as dramatic as he could, he graciously bows before extending his hand that no held three rings, looking up with a grin. “May I have this honour?”

You look at him with a purse of your lips, trying to hide the smile pushing its way to the surface. “You’re most definitely a weirdo, Eddie Munson.”

He laughs at your comment but is pleasantly surprised when you take his hand and start pulling him to the dance floor.

“But you’re my weirdo.” You say, and you had never seen Eddie’s face light up as much as it did in that moment.

As you held onto eachother, gently swaying to the music, you felt safe in his arms once again, like it was only you two in the room. Your heart beat faster with every touch until you gently pull away and look up at him.

His eyes searched yours one hand letting go of your waist and gently cupping your cheek. No words were needed to be spoken, no second thoughts. Everything you needed to know was in the way you both slowly leant in to eachother, barely daring to breathe.

It was a kiss you’d never forget. Not when it was meant to be.

1985

The Battle of Starcourt had been the worst day of your life.

Coming out of the burning building to find Joyce and El crying into eachother’s arms, you immediately knew what had happened. Even after his promise, your dad had died saving the lives of this town.

For the rest of the summer, you and El had been mourning. And you had to admit, having a little sister was one of the best things to happen to you. And after losing Hopper, you needed that little piece of family to survive.

It was Joyce that first suggested you move with them to California. She had taken you and El into her care, welcoming you to the Byers family, for which you were entirely grateful. Initially, the idea of moving was the worst idea in your mind. You didn’t want to leave your friends, the kids. You didn’t want to leave Eddie.

In fact, you only left Hawkins because Eddie convinced you to.

“Hey, it’s okay.” Eddie smiled at you, fingers brushing away a loose strand of hair covering your face. “It’s okay, remember?”

“I hate this.” You mutter, resting your forehead against his.

Around you, the others were loading the last of the boxes into the van and starting their goodbyes. You were leaving with the Byers to go live in California. And now you had to say goodbye.

“We’ll call as much as you want.” Eddie soothes and you wrap your arms around his neck to pull him closer. “This doesn’t have to be goodbye.”

“It’s not.” You say, pulling back to look at his doe-like eyes. “But I don’t know when I’ll be back. I mean…”

Your eyes drifted to the envelope still grasped tightly in your hand and Eddie nods, sighing.

Hopper had left you and El letters before he died. You weren’t sure when he had written them. El’s letter held words of what he wanted to say to her when Mike started hanging around more. But yours… yours seem to have been written a long time ago.

He had talked about your mom, how she died when you were young. Then about Sarah, the sister you lost. And with all that grief you both shared, he talked about how, when you were of age, he wanted you to live your own life. He wanted you to go further than he ever had, to take the leap, to get into the college of your dreams. And you did that.

Which meant that California was the first stop in living out Hopper’s dreams for you.

“I’ll come visit.” Eddie suddenly announces and you furrow your brows.

“Eds…” You knew he didn’t have the money. Hell, to even afford a plan ticket, he’d have to be working more hours than he should.

“I know.” He mumbles into your hair, placing a kiss.

“Sweetie?” Joyce’s voice makes you turn your head to where she stood, sympathetically smiling, “We’re leaving in five minutes.”

“I’ll be right there.” You promise and she nods, sending a brief smile to your boyfriend before walking over and joining the goodbyes.

“You did it.” Eddie grins and you raise an eyebrow. “You’re getting the hell out of Hawkins.”

“Yeah.” You breathe, stepping back. You shove the letter into your back pocket and feel your hand brush against something. You widen your eyes. “Oh, right!”

Eddie sends an amused frown your way as you grab the object and hold out your hand.

“I got this for you.” You say just as you uncurl your hand, Eddie’s eyes widening as he tenderly picks up the blue ring from your palm. “So you don’t forget me. Plus, your other hand was looking a little bare so I thought I’d start the collection off.”

He slips the ring onto his right hand before grinning that smile that made your heart flutter. He pulls you in for a deep kiss, hand cupping your cheek, another on your waist. You wished you could just stay like this.

“How could I ever forget you when you’re the best thing in my life?” Eddie says once your lips are free, stroking your cheek. “You’re my forever.”

You let out a breathy laugh, tears threatening your eyes just as Joyce calls out for you.

Rather than speak, you give him one last kiss, a squeeze of your hand, before pulling away and walking towards the car, Jonathan already waiting with a sad smile.

The last thing you saw as you pulled away was Eddie’s smile, his precious wave, as you disappeared into the distance, heart aching.

You couldn’t wait to see him again.

1986

Sat in the back of the van, you all fell into a sort of silence once you passed the Hawkins sign.

Your home town was covered in a thick cloud of smoke, families packing up and leaving. The vines wrapped across the buildings made your breath hitch.

You had been shot at and chased, desperately trying to find your sister after she had been taken away. And ever since then, you’ve had to deal with the Upside Down even after you thought you had heard the last of it.

After all you had been through, you just wanted to be home again. But this didn’t feel like your home.

Clutching El’s hand, you see the Wheeler house roll into view, sharing smiles with Mike and Will. Argyle parked up and once the van doors slid open, you were greeted with smiles you thought you’d never see again.

It was a mess of hugs, your path leading you towards Robin and Steve as you all rejoiced. The three of you had been inseparable last year after being condemned to slinging ice creams for the summer.

Pulling away, you look at all the happy faces, a smile on your face. Your eyes glanced over to the boy standing not far from the group, hugging his torso. Your smile faded.

When Dustin raised his head and met your eyes, you frown.

Walking over, you shake your head. “Are you okay?”

Dustin swallows some form of guilt, shifting. You notice the silence that waved across the group, some sharing equal looks of confusion, others of sadness. Why?

Then, with a weight on your chest, you looked around once again, hoping to find that familiar grin. You had been told the party had joined the Hellfire Club. Surely they would have told him you were coming back?

“Where’s Eddie?” You ask with a small voice, your eyes looking back at Dustin. And when his face drops, so does your stomach.

He had been gently about it, pulling you aside and explaining everything that happened. From Chrissy all the way to the bats. It didn’t take long for the tears to stream down your cheeks, Dustin sharing in your hurt.

“He wanted you to have this.” Dustin sniffled, reaching into his pocket and revealing something in his palm. A choked sob left your lips.

You take the blue ring, gently stroking the surface of it and squeezing your eyes shut.

It felt like your heart had been shattered to a million little pieces.

The memories come to an end and you open your eyes, noticing your sister’s face bore matching tear stained cheeks.

Her grip on your hand was tight, her breathing heavy. You find a tissue by the side of your bed and gently wipe away the blood on her upper lip.

“You’re my forever.”

You freeze, heart pounding.

El pulls away the bandana, setting it down on the bed, as she looks up at you.

“How did you…” You shake your head. Those words…

She carefully reaches out and taps the blue ring on your right hand, smiling as she clutches her chest. El felt your pain; she had just lived it through your memories. She knew know.

“He’s still here.” El nods quietly, placing her hand over your heart as tears spill from your eyes. “And here.”

She gently taps your forehead before you pull her into a hug, squeezing your eyes shut. Once you hear the door open, however, you pull away.

“Everything alright in here?” Hopper asks, walking into the room and immediately noticing how you were desperately trying to wipe away the warm tears from your face. “Honey, what’s going on?”

He quickly crosses the room and sits beside you, pulling you into a hug. You softly cry into his shirt and he just holds you there, kissing the top of your head. When you don’t reply, his eyes drift to the girl in front of him.

“El? What happened?”

“Love.” El says quietly, stroking the fabric of the black and white bandana in her hands.

Hopper frowns. “Love?”

“She loved him.” El explains with a shaky breath. “Her heart was full of love. But he’s gone. And it’s broken now.”

Hopper glances between you and El, eyes drifting to the blood soaked tissue as he connects the pieces. He quickly pulls El into the hug, holding you both with a soft frown. He never knew how wrong he was about you and Eddie until it was too late.

El understood that grief now, the pure agony you felt knowing that the one you loved was gone forever.

And now, knowing how it felt, she swore to help you through it. In love and grief.

#stranger things 4 #stranger things #stranger things x reader #eddie munson #fanfic #stranger things reader insert #eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson x reader #nancy wheeler #steve harrington #robin buckley #dustin henderson #st4 #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson angst #eddie stranger things #eddie x y/n #eddie #eddie x reader

[mdhwrites]

I can’t shake the dissatisfaction I feel about the way Luz’s experience in the boiling isles was handled. I know it’s mostly because it was shameless escapism and her running away from her life in the human realm, but like I found it hard to actually buy that she was completely miserable there.

Like I left the show feeling like she really didn’t have a terrible life and was just living in a fantasy. And that’s…not fun to me. Also, is it just me or does it feel like Camila got the short end of the stick? Either they left out some details about their relationship (which would shine light on Luz’s unhappiness) or she was a great mom and luz was ungrateful and wrong for lying.

Either way, it leaves a bad taste in my mouth about Luz as a main character, and I guess I just really really wanted more out of her character as a woc who’s also neurodivergent. :/ does this make any sense? Or is it just that she wasn’t the character for me?

So I could do multiple posts about this, ranging from how she represents nuerodivergents, her relationship with her mom, how she's represented as someone who doesn't fit in, etc. like that so please feel free to ask those things. However, for this I want to go in hard on the fact that I've been lukewarm to Luz in the past on her archtype as a main character but your last part makes me really want to talk about the role of a main character and how Luz... Fails. Entirely. Like I've said Luz is a fine protagonist but that's only on paper. In execution, for the narrative role of a protagonist... Well, a main character can be divided into having three main roles. Depending on the style of story, the type of protagonist they are, etc. like that there will be different levels of each of these three pillars. They are, in my eyes: Catalyst: How good is the character at making a story happen? A main character after all is going to be around for most of the story so they need to be capable of facilitating the amount of stories that happen with them. A shounen protagonist needs to be both strong enough to go on a grand adventure after all but not so strong as to not be able to have arcs and what not of him gaining new powers.

Guide: This is the main character's ability to show us the world and the stories within it. If the catalyst is the amount they could tell stories by themselves, this is how good they are at being a part of stories around them. This is actually why harem protagonists are such wet rags usually so they're willing to go to the beach, gym, graveyard, sci-fi workshop and class all in the same day so long as a girl is telling them to because they have so little character as to be able to do ANYTHING.

Core: How well do they represent and embody the themes of a piece? How much can people reflect off of them in order to show different facets of the main concept? This one is a lot trickier to pin down because what works for a specific theme is going to shift depending on a writer's goals but for some one you have how Light from Death Note has a god complex because that story theoretically deals with abuse of power and what one would do for it, what they would do once they had it and the lengths they would go to to keep it. Light being willing to go so far and be so entirely obsessed with power and what he sees as 'right' allows others to show their own ideologies of right and wrong use of power simply by challenging or supporting him.

And mind you that the quality of the writer does matter with these three pillars. A character can be incredibly strong in one of these by their concept but if the execution is flawed, how strong the base was doesn't matter. I bring this up because Luz... Is theoretically pretty good for these but in execution is awful in all three pillars.

The first one is the most tragic. She is a nuerodivergent, WoC who is even a part of the LGBTQIA+. Just by those three alone, she has a lot of stories that are only now starting to be told properly in media, such as Molly McGee tackling a basic woman's story of periods. There's a reason why a lot of people stand by Luz just for what she is.

Unfortunately, the writers did not. Frankly, swap her for a nerdy, white dude and I don't think much changes. Her heritage has nothing to do with the story, her being female only affects the representation in that it's two girls getting together in a romance that is frankly very normal for 'energetic boy and serious girl' and her nuerodivergence is officially non-canon now. It was only confirmed in interviews after all and Dana has said that anything outside of the show is just her own headcanons and are as valid as anyone else's. Even then, much of what makes her theoretically ADHD is also just pretty normal for main characters, let alone her archtype and never shows any of the non narratively useful elements of it.

This is all without getting into how her excitement for fantasy, magic and community should have made her both a great catalyst and guide. However, her journey with magic has no bearing on her, it's barely explored and... So is the Isles. Admittedly, the Isles has very little to show. It's a world where most of the stories are pretty rote and played out because it's just not a creative setting so even if Luz is eager, there's nothing to show.

Worse yet, the supporting cast of the show doesn't give her a lot to work with either. A lot of their stories are either abandoned or put on hold for so long that there's no longer interest in them. Worse yet, Luz has no interest in those stories, making it so that for a lot of characters, including Eda actually because the two spend a SHOCKINGLY low amount of time together, she just isn't around. She literally only ever seeks out Gus for a library card and NEVER seeks out Willow of her own volition. That's pretty shitty to put it mildly.

How about her being the core of the story? She's in plenty of it... But the show has little to no core. If it's fantasy versus reality, Luz is the one that pushes the hardest to play into tropes and to over exaggerate everything because she sees herself as the hero of the story and it isn't long until everyone just agrees with this fact. Worse yet, there's little exploration of it and the ending leans entirely on fantasy being the correct choice. Period.

If it's about finding a place and community where you belong, Luz doesn't show enough care about her community and EVERYTHING we're shown about her history doesn't make her appear like she didn't belong but that she was a genuine menace who honestly was pretty callous about other people. You have to be a special sort of messed up to get a classroom cleared by releasing spiders and then turn around and go "You know, I bet they'll love snakes." If Luz is not accepted, it is because Luz does not try and we have proof of that in the show because Vee exists and that's the whole point of Yesterday's Lie.

This all makes for a main character who on paper is great and who's only real flaw as a main character is that nerdy, teenage idiot has been done before but never as a bisexual, afro-latino girl. For a lot of people, that's not a problem but a feature because the archtype is so ubiquitous for a reason. Amphibia used it to GREAT effect and it is a solid base for a coming of age story.

In execution, the show is never willing to let Luz be... anything. She vaguely gestures at a lot of things but never commits enough to feel like any of them are her cores. She's too selfish and too self isolating to be a normal good girl. Her interests come up too sporadically and inform her actions, especially positively, too rarely for her being a nerd to feel like anything but fanservice. She's not allowed to make major mistakes, not in the writer's eyes as many of her mistakes and fuck ups are not supposed to be seen that way or excused *gestures at Reaching Out* so she can't be an idiot who needs to grow. And as I said before, her being an afro-latino, bisexual girl with ADHD never comes up beyond getting with a girl and they don't really do much with that because TOH isn't a romance story.

It makes Luz in general feel like a complete waste of a character which is fitting. She's the main character to a complete waste of a show that never managed to choose a firm identity for itself and so never gained one. And something lacking that much personality simply isn't going to be interesting.

=======

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead, If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

And finally a Twitter you can follow too!

#the owl house criticism #toh critical #luz noceda

[scoobydoodean]

❤️ Dean's friends and family and strangers and everyone loving him ❤️

Season 1

Masterpost here (still being updated)

1.01 "Pilot": Sam agrees to help look for John not because he thinks John is actually hurt (he thinks he's probably on a bender) or because Dean needs his help (he insists Dean can find John on his own) but because Dean admits he doesn't want to be alone. Sam agrees to go on the case just because he loves Dean and knows he's lonely.

1.02: Haley gives him a little kiss at the end of the episode and he goes: 😳

1.03 "Dead In The Water": Dean builds a bond with Lucas by empathizing with his trauma. Lucas begins communicating with Dean through art—the first attempt he's made to communicate with anyone since his father's death. By the end of the episode, he is talking again, and insists on making sandwiches for Sam and Dean to enjoy on the road, and is Dean's lil' buddy. :)

1.05 "Bloody Mary": "You're my brother and I'd die for you." - Sam <3

1.11 "Scarecrow": Sam is determined to find John, but after talking to Dean over the phone, when Dean stops picking up calls, Sam becomes worried and leaves the bus station to find Dean, telling Meg simply, "He's my family". At the end of the episode, Sam then tells Dean when Dean asks if he wants to be dropped off somewhere, "Jess and Mom—they’re both gone. Dad is God knows where. You and me. We’re all that’s left. So, if we’re gonna see this through, we’re gonna do it together."

1.12 "Faith" #1: Dean is dying and has immediately accepted it. When Dean tells Sam he just needs to accept that Dean is going to die, because there is nothing Sam can do to stop Dean from dying, Sam just says, "Watch me."

1.12 "Faith" #2: Dean has an instant connection with Layla. Even though Dean did things that should have antagonized her (like interrupting her healing, getting healed before her) she had nothing but love for him.

1.13 "Route 666": Deancassie Deancassie Deancassie Deancassie Deancassie Deancassie Deancassie

1.14 "Nightmare": Sam is suddenly able to use previously untapped his psychic abilities in an adrenaline rush in response to seeing a vision where Dean dies. His desire to save Dean causes him to be able to move a huge piece of furniture blocking the door out of the closet.

1.16 "Shadow": While gently telling Dean that he has every intention of going back to school, Sam says, "Dean, we are a family. I'd do anything for you."

1.21 "Salvation" #1: Sam says, "Dean...ah...I wanna thank you.... For everything. You've always had my back you know? Even when I couldn't count on anyone I could always count on you. And ah...I don't know I just wanted to let you know, Just in case."

1.21 "Salvation" #2": Sam throws Dean up against a wall in a rage because Dean stopped him from running into a burning building to face the demon, and said their lives are more important than vengeance for the dead. Instead of matching Sam's anger, Dean speaks to him gently and gets through to Sam who realizes he is being destructive to himself and that they need to save John.

1.22 "Devil's Trap": #1 John takes back control of his body because of Dean's pleading.

1.22 "Devil's Trap" #2: Sam, who was previously set on valuing revenge on the demon over preserving his life or John's, is influenced by Dean's claims that revenge isn't worth it. As a result, he goes with Dean to save John from Meg instead of waiting for demons to show up (and probably dying) and he refuses to shoot John to kill Azazel. When John questions his actions, Sam says revenge is not above everything, and looks at Dean in the rearview mirror.

#pk rewatches spn number ? #sometimes he is the sweetest brother in the whole wide world actually #dean the narrative heart #season 1 #the flannel business #1.01 #1.02 #1.03 #1.05 #1.11 #winter hunger #1.12 #1.13 #1.14 #1.16 #1.21 #1.22

[unohanabbygirl]

Your newest story!! Omg!!

Aegon I looking down from Targ heaven with Luke like…ye let’s wrap this up…our involvement in the long night is cancelled.

Rhaenyra and Helaena ending the same way on the spikes. Oh I know Alicent went from visiting her in her chambers every night (unwanted) to sleeping in Rhaenyras chambers long after she was gone.

I understand he needed to get rid of threats but now he won’t have an heir at all. I can’t imagine him taking well to anyone implying Luke can’t give him his heir however. So people are just waiting for him to die. Like the realm will tear itself apart to try rule after him. He really is mad.

Is Anne’s mam really still seeing Alicent as this paragon of the Seven and blaming Luke on aemonds shit?? The call is coming from inside the house sis. Alicent directly fanned the flames of this obsession. Luke was a corpse at the tourney right? Or is that pre-stormsend?

Do you see Lucemond as canon in this fic or is this delulumond in full force?

Thanks so much for sharing with us!!

Aegon I is so fed up after seeing each one of his descendants wiped out while the last man standing has lost his mind to such an extreme degree that he’s violating his other descendants corpse. Visenya is pissed off that Aemond’s gross hands are touching all over her sword and Rhaena is just like “damn, maybe we shouldn’t have come to Westeros.” Meanwhile Luke is sitting in the corner trying to figure out how all this happened? Rhaenyra keeps trying to console him but he’s too busy attempting to string together the events that led to his uncle becoming this damn crazy.

Babes, if Alicent was going to do anything she was going to seek Rhaenyra out nightly. Even though there came a point where Nyra stopped screaming and crying and just went radio silent until hearing the news about her last two babies deaths and deciding there was nothing left to live for. Alicent is so in love and exceptionally delulu just like her son that in her mind, Rhaenyra only jumped out of that window because she knew it would hurt her. Most insane mother-son duo in history me thinks.

The chances of Aemond having an heir are zero at this point. There’s not even a chance that Dany will be born to bring back the dragons because that dude isn’t laying down with anyone but Luke, you hear me? And its not even just because his shattered mind somehow thinks he can simply have a baby with Luke/refuses to cheat on his queen, but that no woman would ever sleep with him knowing what they do. They’d likely off themselves before they could even make it to the sept (very understandable)

Though this won’t stop his council from trying to work out something behind Aemond’s back. It comes to the point where one of his men is like “what if we drug him with an aphrodisiac and try to find a noble lady who’s willing to…you know? Then kill him after the child is born in secret? Twins are common for them so we might have an heir and a spare or a future king and queen.” But the idea is so outrageous with so many plot-holes and chances to go wrong that everyone just slowly begins to accept the war that’ll break out over the crown once Aemond croaks. Only thing they can do is hope they’re long dead once that time comes because the thought of another civil war is so draining.

In a last ditch effort his hand goes digging around with hopes that at least one of the deceased Targ men have a living bastard that they could legitimize but comes up empty handed. All Aegons died tragically, Jace was obviously too busy in Cregan’s company to go out and sire a child, Daemon only had Nettles who they can’t even confirm was his daughter + she’s been missing since the war, Daeron was a nerd who would rather pray at the sept, and Viserys could barely wipe his own ass in his last days let alone find the energy to cheat.

It’s heartbreaking when you think about because literally everyone, including Alicent is just waiting for Aemond to go to sleep and never wake up.

Lol, Anne’s mom is my favorite because she’s somehow more obsessed with Alicent than Alicent was with Rhaenyra which is such a hard thing to accomplish that she kinda deserves a medal?? Her character is simply an embodiment of parasocial relationships and viewing the monarchy as these figures who are above everyone else. Appointed by the gods and all that nonsense. And yes, the tourney was pre Storms end!

Hmmm, personally I see it as a mix of the two. Lucemond had feelings for each other (Aemond more than Luke) but never actually acted on them let alone reached the extent of what rumors suggest. Though certain points like them meeting up before the dinner failure to talk things out did happen but without the ‘making love’ part. However those are just my own thoughts because I intentionally left those details up to the reader.

Thanks babes, I always love hearing from you 🩷

#asks #we need more insanemond #like totally off the rails

[randomfoggytiger]

The Scully Family In-Depth (Part II): The First Christmas Death

The first time we see Scully engage with her family is in the infamous Beyond the Sea; and it establishes quite a bit about her personal life with the episode opening alone.

**Note**: I recommend reading the Typing posts for each of the Scullys (located in the Typing section here.)

Beyond the Sea

“You gonna leave this up all year?” Captain Scully asks, a tease sparkling in his eyes. 

Scully doesn’t pause her busy-bee buzzing around the kitchen as she answers, “Yep. All year.” 

Her voice is light-- intentionally buoyant and unpolished, making her seem years younger-- and her lips pull up on one side in a smirk.  “Since you always made us take the Christmas tree down the day after Christmas, I’m making up for lost time.” 

She’s teasing back in the same dead-pan: what appears to be a poke is “betrayed” by a twinkle in her eyes. 

Her father wanders in to further their light-hearted discussion,

but drops in a little paternal my- way-is-best-you’ll-see warning: “If your idea of a good time is to pick up pine needles, treat yourself.” 

Maggie wanders into frame, not to be left out of this tete-a-tete-- “As if he’s an authority on having a good time”-- poking back at her husband while reminding him he’s sounding a bit too authoritarian. 

Scully seems to treat her mother with more gravitas than her father, pausing to listen and engage more seriously with the conversation. 

Dad Scully is delighted to be soundly defeated.

The whole family shares a “got ya back” humor, suppressing their smirks and enjoying themselves in a twofold manner: savoring the joke while purposefully not reacting to it, making it a double joke. 

In this scene, Scully glances back and forth between her parents, gauging their reactions and reveling in their good humor-- which, as was discussed in Part I (see here), has been a while for her since she joined the FBI. 

Scully hinders Maggie from helping with a quiet “It’s okay, Mom, I’ve got it”; and, again, glues her face to Maggie’s when her mother responds with an “Oh, okay.” 

Scully is still heavily reliant on her parents’ reactions towards herself to moderate her own happiness: she’s happy if they’re happy, and she vigilantly zeroes-in on their expressions to see if they've been offended by anything. It would seem the disturbance to their familial equilibrium has been newly re-established; and she’s striving to prove to them-- most likely without them wanting her to-- that she’s capable, smart, and able to take care of herself. 

Interesting note: is that she seems more on edge around Maggie than Captain Scully: while he is a no-nonsense Naval man, Scully is still his little girl; and Scully, while affected about his reaction about her job, seems to expect more disdain or anger from Maggie than her father. Or, at the very least, she suspects that the current peace amongst the three of them is largely moderated by Maggie (which proves to be the case.) 

“Okay Maggie, let’s shove off.” 

Maggie looks up, not ready to go just yet; but immediately acquiesces with a faint “Oh.” She’s rallied by her next sentence-- “Okay”-- and turns to wish her daughter goodbye. Scully gives her a warm hug, careful not to get her dirty hands on her mother’s blouse. 

“Well thank you for having us. Dinner was delicious as usual.” 

Scully, it seems, is a wizard in the kitchen.

Scully gives her mom a quick, warm smile before stepping away to mock-salute her father:

For a split second, she sucks her lower lip up, a rush of emotion passing over her face temporarily-- 

perhaps sad he’s leaving so soon, perhaps gearing up to surprise him with her salute, perhaps both of those and something else-- before her adoring smile returns: "Good sailing, Ahab.” 

Her father beams and scoops her up in a tight hug--

“Good night, Starbuck.”

These two are incredibly happy to be in each other’s company: is this a reunion of sorts, or simply a rebalancing after their relationship had toppled with the Scully family schism? The three of them had to be alone together during the holidays since Bill, Melissa, and Charlie were out of the house (and seemingly out of the state) while around the time Scully was recruited. Melissa was there for one Christmas before her sister was recruited; but Scully has been teaching at Quantico since, and was recently requested to be a field agent to the X-Files. That means Scully had her parents (mostly) to herself during med school (four to eight years?) and developed an even more connected bond than did her siblings-- which makes sense why the others drop intermittently into Maggie's life but Scully stays. It would have been incredibly devastating to Scully to have her parents' reject her FBI vocation; and heartbreakingly devastating for her parents to lose the stability of seeing their baby girl often because of a demanding, dangerous job.

Maggie prods her husband to question their daughter about her job,

even though both Captain Ahab and Scully want to avoid that topic

(Scully’s “It’s good” followed by a convulsive swallow rings loud and clear as the predecessor to her “I’m fine”s;

and her father’s lip purse, slight nod, and quick retreat betraying that he both does and doesn’t want to know more about his little girl’s job-- like Captain, like Starbuck);

but more than that, Ahab and Scully display various degrees of the same discomfort and disappointment: he feels unable to bridge that uncomfortable gap without damaging their relationship again; and she feels disappointed that her father didn’t inquire further about her goals and her ambitions, crumpling up her napkin

and tossing it

as an expression of how severely letdown she is. All three Scullys gloss over the moment as the two parents coat-up and shuffle out the door, ready to shove the awkwardness back under the rug.

Maggie, it seems, pushes her husband and daughter out of their comfort zones so that they will reconnect faster-- which doesn’t seem to be working, but is a method she uses with Scully the rest of the series. Scully sees that her father is only asking because he’d been told to-- she doesn’t even have to turn to know that Maggie is giving him cues over her shoulder, that’s just how her parents are-- and she feels more insecure after this scenario than she felt before it: ramrod-straight back, all-business “drive carefully”, 

and gazing longingly after her father, hoping he’ll reach out for a goodbye kiss or even a final goodbye,

which doesn’t seem to be his normal habit as he walks out in silence without fuss or iciness (he is a man of habit after all, post here.) 

Scully again convulsively swallows, trying to shove the weight of anxiety and insecurity off her back; 

but it seems to have affected her so deeply that she can’t fall asleep, curling up on the couch watching late-night tv and perhaps a short nap. (Was this before or after Mulder told her his own sleep woes? Likely not at all; and just another human trait of Scully’s she keeps tightly under wraps from everyone.) 

Scully suddenly opens her eyes seconds before the lights around her flicker, having felt a second presence in the room; 

and lifts her eyebrows, realizing that this person wasn’t a figment of her imagination and that he was her father. 

“...Dad?” Scully asks, voice soft and crackly from sleep; and starts to sit up as the lights continue to flicker on and off.  

It’s particularly endearing that her right knee pops in and out of frame as she uses her leg to prop up on the couch: 

“I thought you guys left. Where’s Mom?” she asks, blearily. 

Captain Scully continues to mouth the Lord’s Prayer, eyes locked on her with terminal intensity (heh.) 

Despite these strange circumstances, Scully doesn’t seem too fussed, just confused: 

her family seems to have abnormal quirks of their own that she takes for granted-- probably why she isn’t disconcerted by abnormal behavior on the X-Files (leading to Mulder’s bewilderment that she can miss obvious clues that the perpetrators are betraying in their behaviors and mannerisms.) 

The phone rings, surprising Scully; but when she looks back, her father is gone. 

(Also: Scully hung ornaments on her lamp, with the rest of her Christmas kitsch shoved on the table where she writes up her reports. It would seem she doesn’t have the surface space to put her decorations on; but she’d rather give up her work desktop than go holiday cheer-free.)

She stares, a little more nervous, as the phone continues to ring and the lights flicker one more time. Finally, she jumps up to answer the call, taking her security blanket with her.  

Scully’s “Hello?”s drops off into incredulous puzzlement when she hears sniffling on the other end of the line; 

but before it can get more horror-tropey, Maggie squeaks out, “Dana?” 

“Mom? What’s the matter?”

“We, um… we lost your dad.” 

Scully listens in shock as Maggie states, “He had, uh, massive coronary. About an hour ago. …He’s gone.” 

She visibly starts to shake as she turns to the chair where her father’s ghost sat, 

anguish temporarily consumed by fear at this unexplainable circumstance. 

There is no comfort in this last goodbye: only terror.

Thank you for reading~

Enjoy!

Disclaimers: This post is likely filled with typos. Will ghost edit later.

#txf #The Scully Family In-Depth #Part II #meta #mine #Captain Scully #Ahab #Maggie Scully #Bill Scully Jr. #Melissa Scully #Charlie Scully #x-files #the x files #xfiles #xf meta #analysis #In-Depth

[nickfowlerrr]

if i could 🥀 - prologue

series masterlist / chapter one

pairing: bucky barnes x plus size reader

warnings: mentions of death, a lot of angst, very light soft!dark vibes but i’m really only listing it to be safe, mentions of working out, and uh i really can’t think of anything else, but if i’m missing something, please let me know!

words: 2.9k

notes: this is super personal and really self indulgent but i thought maybe someone else might be able to relate to the reader and enjoy this. sorry for the angst but writing is genuinely the best way for me to properly figure out what’s going on in my head lol. and i know it’s still early for holiday type things but i take to write so i figured i could use the head start - anyway! i hope you guys like this. as always, any feedback is always welcome! 🤍

The funeral was the hardest thing you’d ever been through. You were overwhelmed and exhausted. You were haunted by the memories. You were hounded by the sentiments.

“So sorry for your loss.”

“If you need anything don’t hesitate to call.”

“They really loved you, you know.”

You knew. They did. But now they couldn’t. And you were alone, surrounded by friends of your parents and sister and your distant family. There were people all around you, and yet you were utterly alone there.

And you were alone now, too. Finally. Back at your cabin, you could finally breathe. Just as you were about to bring your luggage up the stairs to your bedroom, where you were sure you would be overtaken by the emotions you’d been trying desperately to keep down since you got the news, a knock sounded from your door. You literally just got home, who would’ve known you were here yet? Probably another delivery of sympathy flowers or care packages. Your mom had a lot of friends and your dad had a lot of family. You opened the door and were stunned to be met with the ever familiar, yet always startling blue eyes of the dark-haired man stood before you.

This is what you had been avoiding. Him. Bucky was the only person you had left. The only person you were even remotely close to aside from your parents and sister. And they were all three gone now. As selfish and terrible as you knew it was, you truly thought it’d be easier if all four could be gone at the same time. You couldn’t handle losing anyone again. You couldn’t. So yes, he was the only person you had left, but you couldn’t depend on him to keep you afloat. You couldn’t depend on him to stay. It wasn’t fair to him or you. And it was too hard. It hurt too much. Over the two years you’d known him, you had maybe, accidentally, fallen in love with him. He didn’t know that and he didn’t need to. You’d never been in love before and that alone was scary. Before you lost them, your biggest concern was trying to understand your feelings for him. Trying to figure out what to do about them. And as always, you came to the conclusion that it’d be best to simply push them away for a time when you could really try to think them through. Anything but actually allowing yourself to feel. It’d been that way since forever. Feeling had always been entirely too much for you. You always felt too much.

Too much. It was too much. The look in his eyes as he stared at you. The hurt, the concern, the sympathy, the love. No, not love. Couldn’t have been love. Care, maybe, but not love. Whatever it was, though, it was your final push. You finally fell from the cliff you had been desperately hanging onto for dear life. Falling into the crashing waves of grief as you began to crumble in front of him. With no words even spoken, tears began pouring down your face. Sobs wracked through your entire body and as your legs began to give out beneath you, Bucky was there, he was always right there, his arms wrapped tightly around you as he held you up and in his embrace.

The day you got the news, you had been over at Bucky’s training. He had started training you in self-defense just five months after you first met. You two were always together. You might have even considered him your best friend. But was that making too much out of your relationship? You were always assuming that people meant more to you than you’d ever mean to them. It just felt too unrealistic to believe that you could be someone important to somebody else. You had just stopped your workout for a water break when your phone rang.

You answered it and your world fell apart. Bucky watched you while you were on the phone. He was taken aback when you sharply turned on him and said, “I need to go home.” He furrowed his brow. Something was obviously wrong, but before he could ask, you were in your car and driving back to your place a few miles away. He thought he’d give you some time. He knew you liked your space, especially when you were upset. It wasn’t until a couple of days later that he went by your house to check in on you. He had been texting but hadn’t heard back from you since you left his place in such a rush. He was beyond worried. You were his best friend. You were really one of the only people he had left in his life. And he loved you. Not that he could tell you that. Not yet, at least. He knew you too well. He knew you’d be scared and run away. Shut him out. He knew because that’s exactly what he would do. You and him were incredibly similar in a lot of ways. That’s why you got on so well. It felt like he had been looking for you his whole life. Like with you, everything was just right. He couldn’t lose you. Even if it meant he couldn’t love you, not the way he wanted to, that was okay with him. He just needed you.

So when he pulled up into your driveway and saw your porch littered with bouquets and packages, he knew something must have happened. Your car was gone, so that explained why you hadn’t taken anything inside. But why was there so much to take in, anyway? He got out and walked up to inspect some of the flowers, hoping to find a card on at least one of them explaining the occasion. And that’s exactly what he found.

“Our dearest, sympathies, y/n.”

“So sorry for your loss, y/n. If you ever need anything, please don’t hesitate to call.”

“Times are hard right now, but just know that your family is in a better place. And they loved you with everything they had. You will make it through this. If you need anything, I’m always here.”

He couldn’t believe what he was reading. He couldn’t believe that you had your world pulled out from under you and you were going to deal with it alone. He couldn’t believe it, but of course he could. Of course you would want to deal with it alone. That’s how you dealt with any emotion that was too much. You couldn’t let anyone in. And it broke his heart that that included him. He was right there when you had gotten the call and you didn’t say a word. It was entirely selfish of him, he knew that, but he wanted to be there for you. To be with you wherever you were right now. You shouldn’t be going through this alone; you didn’t have to. He was right there. He’d always be right there.

So the second he saw you pulling up on the security cameras he had set up along the property, he rushed right over. And so there he stood, knocking on your door. Waiting for you to answer and preparing to let himself in if you didn’t. Then the door opened and he was met with your startled eyes. Full of sorrow, of pain, of hurt, of longing. And then he saw you fall, not physically, metaphorically. He knew the ledge you clung to. He had been there before. And he too had fallen. Steve was there for him. And he would be there for you. As you began to break down in front of him, his heart clenched in his chest. A week you had been going through it all by yourself. A week he wasn’t able to do anything for you, to just be there for you. All he wanted to do was hold you. As he reached out to pull you in, your legs had just begun to buckle. He kept you upright and against him. He’d never let you fall. He swore to himself he wouldn’t. He could handle the pain of you not being his. The pain was better than being without you.

As you let yourself fall into him, you knew in that moment that you could never do it again. You just weren’t strong enough. You couldn’t handle the pain. It would overtake you and you knew you’d drown. You had been alone your whole life. It was safe. It was familiar. And at this moment, so was Bucky. He felt safe and familiar. But you couldn’t take it. You’d lose him too, eventually. He wasn’t yours. You couldn’t handle the pain of not being his, not when you already had no one else. Being alone was better than the pain.

After a couple of hours allowing yourself to take comfort in Bucky as you laid in his arms on the couch in your living room, you had fallen asleep on top of him. Your puffy face nuzzled in his neck as he rubbed soothing circles on your back. He had been whispering sweet nothings and sympathetic reassurances to you since he got you in his hold and didn’t stop even once you fell asleep. You hadn’t said a word to him the entire time, but that was fine. You didn’t have to. He knew the pain you were in all too well. He didn’t expect anything from you. He just wanted to be there. It was around 9 pm when you had fallen asleep and Bucky fell asleep around 11 pm.

You woke up around 7 am, as usual, and were shocked that you were still atop Bucky. He was asleep. And he was warm. And you felt… better. With him, you always felt better. But it wouldn’t last. It couldn’t. You pulled yourself out of his embrace and wanted to put as much distance between the two of you as you could. You were going to wake him up, kick him out, and pretend that he didn’t mean as much to you as he did. Pretend that the past two years didn’t have the profound effect on you that they so obviously did. You’d keep things professional and in doing so would be able to keep Bucky at a distance. It was a good plan. But as you looked down on his sleeping form, your heart hurt. He looked so peaceful. So beautiful. You couldn’t bring yourself to wake him up or kick him out. So you went upstairs, took the fastest shower of your life, pulled on some clothes, grabbed your keys and purse, and left. But not before leaving a note for him to find when he woke up.

I went into town. Needed to get some things.

Lock up on your way out, please.

And - thank you.

You placed the note on the coffee table in front of the couch and couldn’t help yourself from grabbing the blanket draped on the back of the couch and laying it on top of him. And you couldn’t stop yourself from gently caressing his face as you moved to leave. It’d be the last time you’d ever allow yourself so close to him, you wanted to savor the moment. But with that fleeting touch, you were gone. You didn’t plan on coming home until late that night. You had to be sure he’d gone.

When you finally did return home, you found yourself alone again. Truly, alone at last. And it hurt for a moment. Then you pushed the pain down. And you embraced the dark. It’s easier this way, you told yourself, it has to be.

You’d managed to successfully avoid Bucky for the past 7 months. At least, you thought you had. You didn’t see him and only interacted with him if there was a problem with the cabin, which only happened once. And though you told him you’d be there the day he came by to fix the a/c, you made sure that you weren’t.

“My friend needed a ride, her car ran out of gas. You can just let yourself in. I’ll be gone awhile.”

Bucky knew you didn’t really have any friends, even before everything changed. You’d always said you were bad at making connections, lasting one at least. So, he knew you were lying but he didn’t push it. You were trying to keep him away, ever since that night, he knew you were trying your damndest to keep him away and he knew why. He wanted to give you time, so even though it killed him to not be around you the way he was before, he didn’t try to make you change your mind. He just looked out for you from a distance. You wanted to be alone, so he respected that. He could wait.

It was month seven of avoiding Bucky when it all went to shit. After seven months of grieving the loss of your family and seven months of being without your best and only friend, seven long torturous months of being alone. You finally caved. You needed to see him.

You hated that it was true, but you needed him. So you called him. And he answered right away. Because of course he did.

“Y/n?” Bucky answered almost cautiously.

“Obviously. You have caller id, don’t you? Are you busy?” You asked, sounding annoyed, as though Bucky was the one calling you out of nowhere and not the other way around.

“Uhm… not at the moment, no. Why? Are you okay?” He couldn’t quite believe you were actually calling him. He was worried something might have happened, he didn’t even take offense to your attitude.

“Yeah, dad, I’m fine. God,” you said while rolling your eyes though he couldn’t see you, “Look, can you come over? I bought a punching bag but I need help getting it set up. Obviously, I don’t want to damage your ceilings trying to put it up, so..”

“Yeah, I can come over, get it set up… As long as I get to use it, too.” God, you could hear him grinning through the phone. Smirking, actually. He was definitely smirking. “We could get a workout in together?” He asked hopefully.

“Hm. Maybe, we’ll see. Just hurry up.” You rushed, quickly hanging up on him. You were thankful he had brought up working out together. That was your plan, but you weren’t sure you’d be able to actually bring yourself to ask him. And now you didn’t have to. You could still try to convince him and yourself you weren’t looking for anything more than his landlord assistance. Though you both knew that wasn’t true. You were never one to ask for help, and truthfully, you could have gotten the punching bag set up yourself. You’d have taken hours if you needed to; when you set your mind to something, you were determined. But, it was a good excuse to see him. And god, you wanted to see him.

Bucky was at your place in record time. Any chance he could get to be around you, he took. Even if that meant unceremoniously ushering his friends out of his house and calling poker night finished just an hour into it. He wasn’t gonna let a card game get in the way of being able to spend time with you, especially when he hasn’t been able to in 7 months. He got the punching bag installed easily and within 30 minutes of him getting to your cabin, you two were working out with each other, just like how you used to. Expect, it wasn’t just like how it used to be. You couldn’t allow yourself to get close again. So you were harsh and rude and mean. But Bucky didn’t mind. He knew you were guarding yourself. Trying to keep him at a distance while you could still allow yourself to interact with him. If that’s what it took to get you near him again, to get you to talk to him again, he’d gladly be berated by you any day. Not that you were really all that harsh, you definitely could be, especially if you were really upset about something, but for the most part, you were just really sarcastic and sometimes patronizing. If he was being honest, he actually kind of liked it. It reminded him of the little back and forths you two used to go on when you first started really getting comfortable with one another. The connection you two had shared from the moment he walked you through the cabin he had just decided to start renting out, it was strong and real and he knew that you were going to be someone special to him. Once the playful banter began between the two of you a couple of months after you signed the lease, he knew he had fallen for you. And he didn’t mind one bit.

So yeah, if that was the attitude he’d get from you when he was over, he was more than okay with that. That was the unspoken compromise between the two of you that was set after that day. You’d be able to spend time together again, but you wouldn’t act all too happy about it. Though you both knew you needed it, it wasn’t brought up. He didn’t want to push you back into yourself.

You tried to act like you didn’t, but he knew you needed him. And though you didn’t realize it, he knew he needed you, too.

#bucky x plus size!reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x plus size reader #bucky barnes x short!reader #bucky barnes x curvy!reader #bucky barnes x chubby!reader #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes fanfiction #plus size reader #curvy!reader #if i could series

[homopathy69]

HIS ASS QUIET!!!!!

I will not disclose the reason for his anger

ughoaokwii i need to go to a fucking what is it called vocational college seminar and I DONT WANT TO IM NOT GOING TO VOCATIONAL COLLEGEE!!!!! Grrr!!!!!!..!!.!.!! I’m also so not getting into university theres just no way they’ll take me :P can a bro just chill 🍃 fr.,….,.,.,.i mean i got a bit over two years but come the fuck on I’m not making it and I don’t even need to. University only has one thing i want which is education but I can do without university to get education. Plus everyone’ll expect me to do something great after like jesus hermann christ mom I’m not gonna do groundbreaking discoveries in chemistry im sorry. I’ve pretty much abandoned all my plans by now because there’s nothing i can do except trying not to be a burden on society and do my part to make some people happy. I don’t want anything which is bad because i think you’re supposed to want something from life but it might be just cuz im ND and I don’t see myself in traditional work or work at all. I just want to frolic in the flower fields and be left alone until I am done baking but I’m afraid I’ll get burned to a crisp if i keep saying im not ready. I might go to italy for two weeks for a school thing which is great. I hope the weather is better than here.

Speaking of weather i was actually kinda counting on the fact that I wouldn’t even make it to spring but apparently life has a way of keeping me alive. I simply cannot fit a hospital stay nor death into my schedule. My schedule has plenty of empty space dont get me wrong but It’s because I’m a mentally exhausted little man and i need to ruminate in my sadness.

Im twitter posting again but tumblr is better for it because it actually lets me type an essay. Ughhoojqlal I don’t wanna go to my art classes tomorrow they both suck major ass. In the other one we’re using adobe illustrator and it’s just….. dreadful. The other one is a movie course which is fine but it’s very taxing for me. I just kinda wanna drop out but the law won’t allow it anymore. Which is good cuz id be dead without school :P

#maxwil #dont starve #wilson higgsbury #dont starve together #maxwell carter

[rosethornewrites]

Just scheduled a therapy appointment.

I grew up in a pretty dysfunctional home. My dad was likely undiagnosed ASD, my mom was (at the time) undiagnosed bipolar which left her unable to work at times, my brothers both have ADHD and anger issues, and the youngest brother is an abusive narcissist with likely ODD. And then you have me, with my double depression and anxiety.

But my youngest brother was my abuser most of his life. If he didn’t get what he wanted, including the ability to steal from us without repercussions, he would wage a campaign to make the family miserable as payback. Eventually the family way of coping was to appease him at our expense simply to keep the peace.

Ugly details beyond this point that may be triggering to abuse victims.

One memorable time when I was about 12 and he was 9, I had a friend over and was asked to hold down the fort as my mom went to drop my other brother off at a friend’s and meet the parents. That ended with my brother trying to light my hair on fire, and the butcher block was right there so it was a standoff. In front of my friend because he didn’t want me to have friends. We had to have babysitters after that.

Around the age of 10, he was introduced to South Park, and decided the character he identified with and would take as a role model was Cartman. (Prior to that it was Bart Simpson.) He also came to believe he knew the right way to do everything and it was cool for him to rudely critique your entire existence.

As you can imagine, things got worse from there. He would hit me, as he was larger than me, and I would be asked what I did to upset him if I said anything. So I grew my nails out and used that strengthening nail polish, and so I’d claw his arm when he hit me, leaving bloody gashes, hoping that would deter him, but it didn’t. Ultimately, I told him the day I turned 18 that if he ever hit me again I would press charges and make sure he went to jail, and he switched entirely to emotional abuse.

I had to live with him until I was 18, and then again for a few years after grad school, and it was psychological warfare, with him doing everything he could to make life miserable, including depriving me of sleep purposefully and stealing from me (which was not a new behavior; anything I had that he wanted was his). Over half my life was spent constantly on edge, and more of that was spent trying to protect my parents.

He stole from our father’s estate (in front of our mother) days after his death, berated our mother for saying she couldn’t pay for his and his wife’s cell phones anymore (he was employed full time and had been bought a house and his student loans paid off by our parents), and when confronted demanded an apology for being called a thief.

His idea of apology is you physically sit there and allow him to berate you for an hour and parade all your perceived offenses out, starting at the age of 3. I refused, and ultimately he tried to use his kids as bargaining chips and I went no contact because it was all I could do to protect the kids from the confusion. At that point I had to lock myself in a room while he screamed through the door that no one would ever love me and I would die alone (not the first time he’s said that, nor even the worst thing he’s said).

In November he tried to have our mom involuntarily committed while she was sick with Influenza A in the ICU and very much cognitively impacted by nearly dying. He tried to convince the ER she was a drug addict, even. He lives right down the street and decided to insert himself into the situation, and I had to hop in a car and drive 4 hours to protect her.

As I struggle with my illnesses, I’m also struggling with a lot of trauma from his physical and emotional abuse. When my trauma is triggered, I’m less able to cope because I’m in so much pain and suffering brain fog.

It’s led to blowups as I’m just put back in survival mode and I lash out to protect myself.

I’m not doing well psychologically, and it tells me I have some major trauma to process so it no longer hangs over me. It’s going to take a lot and be difficult.

I’d like both my autoimmune disorders and my trauma to stop ruling my life.

#personal #abuse #trauma

[thesinsemillier]

RIP Sinéad, My Patron Saint of Rage 

Content warning: CSA, suicidal ideation 

When The Lion and the Cobra was released in 1987, I was an exchange student spending my senior year of high school in West Berlin. My mom and stepdad sent me the cassette tape and I was instantly drawn to Sinéad O’Connor’s unique voice and most of all, her anger and grief. Painful secrets from my childhood haunted me day and night, and I couldn’t get anyone to listen or help. I was deemed weak for not being able to simply forget about the abuse and move on. Worse, others called me a liar, even in my own family, though they knew better. By middle school, we’d moved from just outside Boston to a small town in central Massachusetts where I was relentlessly bullied until I left for the exchange program. Every day, I tried to avoid brutal beatings by getting to school two hours early and leaving at least an hour late, hiding in spaces where they wouldn’t find me. As the only punk-Goth girl in that Lovecraftian, small-town high school, broken by PTSD that I didn’t know I had from childhood, I was an easy target. Sinéad’s rage-filled howls awoke my own anger about my past. It was liberating. Only 3 years older than me, she was like the renegade sister I never had. 

I came home from my year abroad to find my mom and stepdad were facing a failing marriage. The way my stepdad broke my mom’s heart shattered her. I remember him sitting on the front stoop one evening, watching the sunset as he contemplated his future without us. Playing The Lion and the Cobra was like setting off a weapon. Tears abound, especially if my mom was around when “Troy” played. Yet, it was one of my favorite albums because of its therapeutic effect—it was the only way I knew how to express my rage.  

When her tears fell in the video for “Nothing Compares 2 U” in 1990, the raw pain in Sinéad’s soul was laid bare. When she shredded that photo on the SNL stage, I cheered as a survivor of CSA. My abuse occurred outside of church, but after, I was sent to Sunday school as part of the effort to make me forget and move on. In a lesson where “Jesus protects the little children” was the theme, I raised my hand and asked why I wasn’t protected. The Sunday school teacher, exasperated with the interruption, told me that whatever had happened to me, I had it coming. As a result, I went to war with the church at the age of 6 and eventually found spiritual solace in Celtic paganism.  

I can’t even begin to count how often I danced alone well into the night to those songs, “Jackie” being my personal favorite on the album, though honestly each song is perfect. Whiskey and a small pipe full of cannabis fueled my cathartic, music-filled escapist nights when I was stuck in a dead-end, stifling job  that was adding ever more layers of trauma to my life. I finally started a new career ten years ago, but those music-filled nights continued as a means of therapy as I sought release from so many years of anger and sorrow.  

I didn’t know anything about her personal life until I read her memoir, Remeberings: Scenes from My Comlicated Life, in 2022. I had recently been diagnosed with complex PTSD (CPTSD), and Sinéad’s book had a powerful impact on me. It helped me heal. Although our backgrounds are very different, there were enough similarities in essence. I related to her state of mind. I inherited plenty of generational trauma from my Irish heritage and her account of life in Ireland gave me some deeper insights into a history that I’m only just learning more about now. I was following her on Twitter when her son Shane committed suicide and she was tweeting from the hospital where she was staying after being tempted by the idea of suicide herself. And it wasn’t the first time, as she explained in her book. Her mourning, her wild humor, her snark as she addressed any haters on Twitter resonated in my soul.  

Today’s news of her death breaks my heart. Many of us who struggle with mental illness know those dark spaces where death seems to offer a peace from the chaos we find here in the world. Her music guided me and so many of my fellow GenX friends through difficult times—times we faced with a maelstrom of emotion. We raged, we sang, and we tried our best to hide our pain throughout all of it.  

Airím uaim thú, mo deirfiúr álainn. Thank you for sharing your voice with us. I’ll always carry your songs in my heart.  

#sinead #sinead o'connor #cptsd #ptsd #mental illnes #mental health matters #lion and the cobra #irish music

[courtneybriana]

2/7/21 8:33 pm + 6/21/23 5:52 am revised

— here’s the truth:

1. my parents were my first heartbreak. from the age of 5, i was aware of that and there was never a time in my life where i was not aware of it. i remember my 5th birthday like it was yesterday. it was the perfect day….until it wasn’t. divorce is death.

2. sometimes it feels like i’m slowly bleeding out in the street and no one can see me dying. everyone’s just walking by but no one is stopping to help. it’s like my pain is nonexistent…i’ve always been the person who never folds and figures it out on her own, or i’m simply perceived that way, so people seem to believe i’m never in need of anything…especially those who were closest to me. never in need of an apology, never in need of being checked up on, never in need of a shoulder to cry on, never in need of being celebrated or supported, never in need of being understood, never in need of more...i’ve realized…it’s like people think i’m never worth the love and care i’ve poured into them because i always seem to be just fine. i am just fine….because i’m the one who picks myself up every time.

3. these days i really miss my abuela…like a lot. it’s like once she was gone, nothing that made sense before ever made sense again. i miss her wisdom the most. there is so much i understand now that i didn’t understand then and i wish i could tell her here now in the earth realm. but that’s the irony of death…grief man. fuck.

4. for 22 years, i was against the idea that someday i might have a baby. me as a mom? never imagined myself as a muva or wanted that experience. at 24, i barely slightly welcomed the thought. maybe surrogacy? at 26, i smile at the idea that one day i may carry and have a baby born into this love and divinity with my partner. that alone is god and love, a love that i once thought i was too good. transmuted my pain into purpose.

5. in the last 2-3 years, i’ve come to realize a couple things. people never show up for me the way i show up for them. people don’t hold space for me the way i hold space for them. people don’t pour into me the way i pour into them. people don’t take the time to understand me as i do for them. everyone just leeches off my energy and takes until i’m drained of nothing and left to pick myself up by myself. so the solution has been simple: distance + acceptance. stopped pouring into energetic leeches because i’m sick of it and i deserve better. acceptance. i’ve stopped asking myself why and i simply poured more into myself, my craft and the ones who can easily and effortlessly water me as i them. if reciprocation and understanding aren’t at the table, neither am i. i’m attracting my soul tribe.

6. i used to wonder if God was lying to me; about my life + my purpose. he wasn’t. i have the kind of magic that can’t be named or recognized by soulless beings. the things i’ve worked for and manifested, the blessings i receive, the relentless and unwavering faith and self belief i have, the way God has transformed my life in more ways than i’ve ever prayed for or imagined…i am always so divinely taken care of it brings me to tears every time i think about it. thank you God, thank you Grandma, thank you to my spirit guides.

7. as i tap deeper into my inner child work, my childhood memories comes to my mind a lot these days. i can hear my abuela, mom, and aunts telling me to stay in a “child’s place.”

8. it took me six years after i thought i knew love to actually find love. real unconditional unwavering love. soft love. the only love that’s made me consider an idea of forever…if that even exists as corny as it sounds.

9. i’m a mystery these days. i’m very hard to read. i’m not as vulnerable to let you in as i have in the past unless i feel safe with you. i don’t really care to be seen or be in the mix. i see through all the bullshit and i dont really care to be around nggas cause everybody is pretending. don’t really care for meaning less conversation or to catch up. everybody is lying anyway. everyone is being fake. everyone is wearing a mask. no one is keeping it 100 with anyone or even themselves. shame + accountability no longer exist. the world is complete chaos and people are dying left and right. mfs hanging out for vibes and just to be outside but don’t even like each other and talking shit. it’s weird outside. bitches are weird, nggas are weird. no substance. no morals and values. no safety. everyone is moving weird asf. i can’t do the fake shit or the facades. we’re all living our best lives though, right? mfs ain’t bringing nothing to the table and i’m good, bro. in my own world always + forever. truly been getting back to the way life felt better social media because mfs are so lost in the sauce and i want no parts. it’s beneath me. i need to move.

10. fuck what people fail to realize. what i’ve learned is that people will always have their own truth of what they think happened based on their perception. so i’ll happily be the villain.

[darknights04]

Sacrifice

Summary: Eddie Munson wasn’t used to being loved. And when he was, he didn’t want to risk anything getting in the way. But when he has to travel to another dimension to fight Vecna, will their love persevere? 

Warnings: This story deals with death, spoilers for season 4 of strangers things, and guilt. If any of these topics bother you then do not proceed.

Pairings: Eddie Munson x GenderNeutral!Ginger!Reader

🥀🌙🥀

"The devil has come to America"

🥀🌙🥀

The time had come to commence their plan. The weapons have been made, the kids were dropped off at Henry’s home, and the gate was waiting for them to enter. You had been staring towards the ground, your hand fidgeting with the handle of your trash can lid shield you all made together. 

“Y/N!” Eddie called to you, snapping you out of you trance. “You good, red?” he chuckled.

“Yeah,” you nodded. “Sorry, what were you saying, Nancy?”

“I want to run through the plan one more time,” Nancy answered. “Phase one.”

“We meet Erica at the playground,” you recalled, nodding along to prove you were listening. 

“She’ll signal Max and Lucas that we’re ready.”

“Phase two?”

“Max baits Vecna. He’ll go after her which’ll put him in his trance.”

“Phase three?” 

“Y/N, Eddie, and I draw the bats away,” Dustin nodded.

“Four, we head into Vecna’s newly bat-free lair and…”

“Flambé.”

🥀🌙🥀

“Nice,” Dustin nodded as Eddie covered the vent with his shield. All three of you were completely out of breath from the whole ordeal. 

“Thanks,” Eddie nodded breathlessly. You gave him two pats on the back in celebration. As you did, Eddie grabbed your hand and squeezed it lightly. A small gesture but neither of you minded. You were too exhausted for anything else. 

“Are there any more vents?” Dustin asked after a few moments of silence.

“Shit!”

As soon as the three turned around to cover up the other exposed vent, a huge wave of bats flew in from the ground and began to swarm the room. 

“Jesus Christ!” You screamed as the three of you began to sprint towards the gate back to their world. 

Dustin went first with the help of the two other teenagers, hoisting him up as far as they could before he climbed the rest of the way himself.

“Go ahead,” You told Eddie, bracing yourself to hoist him up.

“No no no, you first.” 

“You really wanna waste time sitting here arguing about this when we’re about to be eaten alive?” you chuckled dryly. “I can climb up just fine on my own. You can’t do it as quickly. So you go first.”

“Fine,” Eddie eventually sighed, playing his foot on the hand you had rested on your knee and hoisted himself up the rope. “Alright, you next,” he called back down after he got up from the mattress. “Y/N?” Eddie called again when you didn’t respond. “C’mon, red, we’re running out of time here!”

You stood for a moment, watching the bats slowly begin to lose interest in them and turning back.

‘It’s just like Chrissy again.’ You had thought. ‘You turned your back for one second and look what happened to her. You left your mom alone for the first time in her life and the same thing happened again. And now? Steve, Robin, and Nancy need the distraction to be able to fight those things and what do you do? Turn away.’

“Y/N, please!” Eddie begged, hanging onto the makeshift rope so tight that he was almost climbing back up it again. 

Without another thought, you used your spear to slice the rope in half and watched it fall to the floor on both ends of the gate before moving the mattress out of the way.

“Y/N!” Dustin called. “Y/N what are you doing?!”

“They need more time,” you explained, a small, sad smile appearing on your lips. “I plan on giving it to them.”

“No,” Eddie declared simply. “No, we’re not heroes. Remember that? You said that. You said we aren’t the heroes here. Let the others risk their lives, you just come back over here.”

“Maybe I wanna be the hero for a change.” 

You stood for just a second longer before dashing out the door, grabbing Eddie’s old bike and screaming for the bats to follow.

“Shit shit shit shit shit!” Eddie screamed as he scrambled up the remnants of the sheet you had sliced. 

“What are you doing?” Dustin asked.

“What’s it look like? I’m going after them.”

“Eddie, no. We can’t risk you both.”

“Then by all means, Henderson, come with me. We’ll call greater attention to ourselves, grab Y/N, and book it back here. Now we know which vents they can get into so.. We’ll cover them before they get back to it.”

“And how do you suppose we get over there?”

Eddie smirked as he held up the sheets. “They cut us the long end. You know? The sheet you guys tied way longer than you needed to that was pooling down onto the floor?”

“Eddie Munson you genius!” Dustin chuckled.

“Don’t go all awe struck on me yet, kid, we still gotta face Dracula’s hoard, remember?”

And without another word, the two boys threw the remaining sheets back through the gate, testing that it would hold before climbing back to the other side, taking care not to hit the ground as they did before due to the missing mattress. Dustin, however, had his hand slip at the last moment and fell to the ground, calling out in pain as he had hurt his leg. Eddie rushed to his side to help him up, making sure that he was okay before they ran back out of the trailer in the direction they saw the bats flying. 

Meanwhile, you were moving your legs as fast as they would go to bike faster than the bats were flying. All things considered, you were doing a pretty good job. The bats were a decent enough distance away for you to feel confident in yourself. That was until one of them got closer. Close enough that it was able to whip its tail into the front wheel of the bike, stopping it in its tracks and sending you flying off, straight towards the ground. After a few rolls in the dirt, you finally regained your balance enough to stand up. Covered in bumps, scrapes, and bruises, you held your shield in a defensive position to the bats, pulling out your spear, ready to attack once they got too close. 

The bats began to swarm you as you held up your shield, bracing for impact as they hit one by one. Once the swarm had passed, you began to swing your spear, hitting whatever you could reach until eventually, they began to overpower you. You were losing. You knew that. This was the end. No one really knows when they’re going to die but once it comes, you know. 

You were ready. Ready for the bat to tear you down and rip you apart piece by piece. 

‘Is this really enough?’ You thought. ‘Enough to make up for all that misery? Mom, Chrissy,’

Your thoughts got interrupted suddenly when you heard a shout on the other side of the swarm of bats. 

“HEY.. YOU.. GUYS..!” Eddie yelled before jumping into action. Dustin hot on his trail, just a bit slower due to his leg. 

You watched as the bats turned their attention to the more lively prey, forgetting about you for a moment. As they started to charge, Eddie threw his spear at the one leading the charge. It was right through it and hit another two afterwards, making a sort of bat kabab. As he ran towards you, he grabbed his spear off the ground and used his foot to pull the dead bats off the end, offering his hand to you to help you up.

“What was that all about?” you chuckled dryly as you stood.

“It’s the Goonies,” Eddie stated, more as a question. “A bunch of kids on bicycles hunting for treasure? No? Not ringing a bell?” you smiled and shook your head. “Alright, well, I’ll give you a pass since it just came out about a year ago but as soon as we get outta here you’ve gotta promise we’re watching it together.”

“Alright, it’s a date.”

“Hey, lovebirds.” Dustin spoke up. “I get that you’re having a ‘moment’ and all, but we’ve still got some angry bats over here.”

“Fair point, Henderson. Let’s get going.” 

The three of you got your bearings before fighting off a few of the closest bats, giving them some lead ahead the rest as you all sprinted back towards Eddie’s trailer. All things considered, you made it back rather quickly, with hardly a scratch on any of you. Eddie ran towards the vent in the floor that the bats had come through the first time while you slammed the door behind them. 

You let out a sigh of relief until you looked up. You quickly turned around but were even more dismayed to find that you weren’t in Eddie’s trailer at all anymore. You didn’t know where you were. But it only took a moment to realize. While looking around… you heard the chimes. Four chimes, just as Max was talking about. 

You were panicking now. You started looking around, looking for Vecna. You knew he was here somewhere. It was just as Max described. It was his house but… different. Everything was broken apart and floating. Like a puzzle. 

“Apologies for the surprise,” you heard Vecna say, rather smugly. “But Maxine brought up a good point. I let myself be too known. Too obvious. That gave them time to prepare. So… I thought it wise to have a bit of a backup plan.”

It all made sense now. Those voices in your head, the guilt, it had never been you thinking it about yourself. It was him, pretending to be you. Pretending to be your conscious. 

“You and your friends really thought you could win?” He continued. “You thought that you could outsmart me? I knew Maxine’s mind would be guarded. All of you, watching her like a hawk. I stopped in for a moment to let you all think the plan was working. But she’s not who I’m after. At least not right now. Right now it’s you. Unprepared. Unguarded. And able to bend to my will. Here, there’s no one to save you.” 

🥀🌙🥀

Meanwhile, Dustin and Eddie had still been celebrating their little victory. 

“I changed my mind,” Dustin laughed. “THAT, was the most metal ever!” 

“You’re telling me,” Eddie chuckled. “Man, I thought we were goners.” 

“So did I,” Dustin nodded. “Y/N next time you pull that shit, I’m leaving your ass behind.”

“Y/N?” Eddie asked a bit softer than Dustin, approaching you, slowly seeing that you didn’t respond. “Hey, are you okay? We’re safe now, let's book it through that gate.” 

They both looked at each other before approaching the girl slowly. 

“Oh shit, not again!” Eddie shouted when he saw you in a trance, much similar to Chrissy’s. “C’mon, Y/N, snap out of it!”

“Wait,” Dustin started. “They haven’t been under the curse for a week, maybe this is just a warning.”

“If it was a warning they’d be awake right now!”

Eddie began to fumble around in his pockets. Hoping, praying that he had a spare Walkman with him. Under normal circumstances he wouldn’t have gone anywhere without it. And now that there’s a monster that can only be stopped by music he decides not to have it on hand?

“Fuck!” Eddie shouted when he came up empty in his search. He then decided to go back to shouting your name, shaking your shoulders to see if he could get a response. “Call the others!”

Dustin nodded as he pulled out his walkie, screaming for the others to answer. 

“Y/N, please!” Eddie begged. “Listen to my voice, okay? You can make it out of this I know you can! Do you want me to sing for you? I will do it. I’ve got some Corroded Coffin songs tucked under my sleeve if you want.” By this point, he could feel the tears welling up in his eyes. You had still been unresponsive. Nothing was working. 

“Listen,” Eddie continued. “I know that being with me isn’t the easiest thing in the world. Nor is liking me. Hell the first time we hung out in four years I made you into a wanted criminal. But I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry that I’m different from everyone else, than all your other friends. But I can be better, okay? I promise. Whatever you want. Just come back to me.”

When he still didn’t get a response, Eddie felt the tears fall from his eyes and slowly roll down his cheeks. He angled himself a bit further away from Dustin so the boy wouldn’t notice. He hasn’t felt this vulnerable in front of anyone in years. Dustin didn’t need to see him like this.

“I’m sorry,” Eddie continued. “I’m sorry that.. that I never said it back. I was scared. Anything I’ve ever admitted that I loved has been taken from me faster than I could even imagine. But Y/N… I love you. I love you so much that I don’t know how to process it. I have loved you ever since I saw your bright red hair sitting in front of me in 7th grade. Ever since I saw you in that talent show, and saw how you looked up at me while I was performing. I’ve loved you for as long as I’ve known you, Red… Don’t leave me now.”

Eddie continued to cry while he held your shoulders in his hands. After a few more moments you began to rise. Eddie’s eyes went wide as he tried everything he could to pull you back down.

“HENDERSON DO SOMETHING!” He screamed.

Dustin looked back towards you and his eyes went wide seeing you lifted off the ground. “Holy shit!” He screamed before pulling his walkie back up to his mouth. “Hey guys we need some help here like NOW!”

“WE’RE TRYING!” Robin yelled through the other end. “Just stall for another minute. We can do this.”

“WE DON’T HAVE ANOTHER MINUTE!” Dustin screamed back. “WE’RE OUT OF TIME OVER HERE!”

Eddie’s cries turned into sobs when nothing he did woke you. All he could do now is hope and pray to whatever god that was listening to make you okay. 

Suddenly, the bats outside pushed through another air vent. 

“SHIT!” Dustin screamed. As the bats flew into the room, the two teenagers heard the first bone crack.

“No!” Eddie cried. “Please no!”

“Eddie, we've gotta go!”

“No, I won't leave them!”

“Eddie, please!”

Your bones continued to crack one by one. Each crack made Eddie wince more and more and caused more tears to flow from his eyes. Dustin began to frantically ward off the bats with his spear, knowing he wouldn’t have any help from the other boy. 

As your last bone finally cracked, Eddie sobbed when he saw your eyes pulled into your head and you fall to the ground, straight into his awaiting arms. 

As you fell from the sky, so did the remaining bats. Dustin watched confused as they all had dropped suddenly, there being nothing visible to have caused such a thing. Once he looked back towards the two older teens, his heart dropped. 

Eddie could be seen cradling your now disfigured face in his arms, holding you close to his chest as he sobbed. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” he could be heard saying. 

A few moments passed before Robin’s voice could be heard over the walkie again. “Did it work?” She asked breathlessly. No one answered. “Dustin? Eddie? Do you copy?”

More moments of silence passed by before Dustin slowly lifted his walkie again. “Yeah… yeah I copy,” he responded. Little emotion being heard.

“Did it work?” Robin repeated. “Is Y/N okay?”

All Dustin could do was cry. He didn’t know how to form the right words to express what they just witnessed. He couldn’t even try. 

“Dustin! Is Y/N okay? Where are they?”

“Dustin!” Steve could be heard over the walkie. “You’d better answer this walkie or so help me god!”

“Eddie, I’m so sorry,” was the only thing Dustin could get out through his sobs. “We didn’t know.”

“I know,” Eddie sniffed. His sobs have subsided into silent tears now. “There was nothing you could've done.”

The three on the other end of the walkie went quiet when they realized what the silence must have meant. They all knew this mission was dangerous. But it was over now… or so they all thought.

…

Max….. 

#eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #gender neutral #stranger things season 4 #stranger things #fanfiction #dustin henderson #eddie #dungeons and dragons #hawkins #robin #steve harrington

[ceepycute]

i wish i had people i could talk to. like. friends. best friends. people i can make inside jokes with and laugh with and... love?

i am... so very tired of being alone, i feel like for every up is just... a hill to fall down, a mountain.

i just see people so happy. sharing ocs. art. roleplay. storytelling. and i feel a deep ache in my heart and at this point i feel like I'm past my best by date in a way. i don't know how to socialize, i don't know how to keep in touch. i feel so disconnected from other people in such a painful way. i probably sounds like... fucking stupid saying this but I've kept up positivity for so long...

I've been praying every fucking night, I've been wishing everyone well, trying to be happy and sweet and reaching out to everyone i could to try and maybe have the universe spare me a fucking. dollop of kindness. an ounce of sympathy. one kindness in return.

I'm definitely selfish, i guess, in the end trying to be kind out of wanting something in return but tonight has been really hard, really painful for no reason.

i just want to vent somewhere and this is my blog, whatever. fuck.

at some point in just wondering why i go on! im not of use to anyone, i can't work a job, i can't do art or make friends like jack used to. i can't stop living in his fucking shadow. can't stop comparing myself to my fucking deadbeat brother who abandoned me and is probably happy as a clam wherever he is! without me.

i feel like such a fucking waste of space at this point. why bother? why go on?

its not like the people i message once a month would notice, nobody messages me first. nobody gives a fuck.

once my mom dies ill just be even more alone.

i just want to cry into somebodies shoulder.

i want a friend.

i want more than just the bare minimum.. why can't i just ask for one thing?

........ i guess if im gonna use this post as one long diary entry i want to admit something, even if it's just to myself. even if nobody sees or cares.

i feel like a leftover of jack, a speck in his shadow if you will.

like somebody picked up some clay but then dropped it and forgot it, just a dried up useless husk of potential. only a few fingerprints from something greater.

i feel like gods completely abandoned me, that I'm trapped in being simply lesser than jack. that without my brother bringing charisma and joviality and outgoing-ness, that i simply can't hold my own.

ever since he left I've struggled to hold up a facade that I'm doing alright, kept trying to reach out to others with a smile and a wink and soothing sweet. been trying to rp like he did, trying to do art like he did.

but i can't stand up on my own... i just feel like at some point I'll have to admit to myself that I'm better off dead than alone. and I'm scared.

scared of death, scared of being alone. scared of mediocrity.

i can't even help people who are sad like he could. i can't do... anything.

I'm nothing without my abuser, without jack. how pathetic is that?

#vent #shut up bug #tw suicidality