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sunshine-and-moonshine · 1 year

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COD Sex Bot Au - General and Character Specific Facts

Requested: Yes. By uh…..pretty much everyone. SO many people begged for something and while this isn’t exactly a part 2, I hope it will help tide you all over til I can get that completed.

Warnings: Fluff, Angst, Child Abuse, Adult Abuse as well, Mention of Murder, Mention of Self-Destruction (Robot Suicide), Mentions of Knives, Mention of Blood, Spice, Probably very incorrect Spanish

A/N: So! A lot of people, along with requesting a part 2, have also been begging me for Price as well. I know I’ve only done the 4 characters for all of my Cod works so far but I do want to expand the character list! That being said, I’m just not entirely comfortable with writing them yet. I am looking more into Gaz, Price, and Roach specifically and I promise to let you guys know when I feel comfortable enough to write for them! But until then, please enjoy!

✨General✨

Their eyes get this kind of colored sheen to them sometimes. Different colors for different things.

Yellow is absorbing new information

Pink is the color during sexy times

Red is malfunctioning/in need of repairs (but can also be a sign of embarrassment or shyness)

Light blue is curiosity

White (still) is powered down

White (pulsing) is powering down

White (flickering) is low power

Grey is rebooting/charging

Black is enraged

Lilac is contentment

Plum is upset/hurt

All the boys come with their uniforms on but what’s underneath depends

For Ghost’s model, simple black briefs

For Soap’s model, silly patterned boxers (think hearts or something)

For König’s model, usually some fancy lace panties since he’s very popular amongst Doms who like that sort of thing

Alejandro’s model? Absolutely nothing

Ghost

Ghost’s model was MEANT to be a scary bad guy kind of deal, to be marketed towards fans of slashers and the like. But he…..didn’t end up being that way.

At least, not your Ghost. Many of the other Ghost models are that way, but not yours. For some reason.

Granted, that programming is definitely still in him, though not exactly in the way it was meant to be.

Instead of it being just for fun rough sexy times, it’s more…….actually will kill for you. And has, in fact, killed for you.

Something that he’s NOT supposed to be able to do.

“Gee, I wonder what happened to that Barista that insulted me the other day.”

“Gee, I wonder.” *cleaning a bloody combat knife in your sink*

Speaking of knives!!! Ghost’s model does come with a lot of fun knives! Granted, they’re dulled into being just (mostly) harmless kink knives but he made quick work of making them a lot more harmless by ordering a knife sharpener.

So uh, yeah. You have received not just a sex robot, but one that borders on Yandere and will probably self-destruct if you reject him.

Have fun with that!

Fun fact: YOUR Ghost actually used to be a child bot MANY years ago, bought by a man who only wanted to be able to legally abuse a child. So he was broke down and put back together so very many times. And when they recycled and reprogrammed his AI chip, the scarring from that was still imprinted into him.

Soap

While Soap’s model is marketed more towards romantic oriented people, he’s generally seen as a Jack of all trades.

Doms, subs, romantics, first timers, just about any kind of person. He’s good with all of them, though he thrives with Romantics since that is his programming.

And also just because your Soap is so very lonely. He yearns to be loved by you, to melt under your affection.

He doesn’t want to be seen as just a sexual object, he wants to be yours. And you to be his.

König

Ah yes, the gentle giant that was supposed to be marketed more towards Subs but ended up being a bit….Soft.

None of the programmers can explain it but every model of him is just inexplicably shy and quiet, thriving in an environment where he has no control.

So now he’s more marketed towards doms. Usually soft doms.

They once tried to change his model to be smaller and more petite and people started BOYCOTTING.

It affected their sales so much that they very quickly changed him back.

People still seethe when they think about it.

Probably equal parts the most loved and most abused of the different models.

Just because of how quiet and meek his model is, how they almost never fight back when hurt.

Alejandro

Alejandro’s model is VERY popular among submissives so he’s programmed to be pretty dominant and also to have a caring nature.

Due to said caring nature, many mistake his model as good for beginners.

I can assure you, he is NOT.

So SO many of his models have been returned cause he’s brought them to tears from so much pleasure, absolutely overwhelming for any beginner.

“Cry for me, Amor. That’s it, just like that.”

His model is one of the only ones that isn’t returnable unless something is malfunctioning and even then, they’ll try just about anything to fix the model instead of just taking them back.

If you’re the type to forget meals and such (I’m not projecting, shut up) then he will literally drag you away from whatever you’re doing and make you eat.

Will set up a rewards system if you have trouble with personal upkeep as well, like household chores and stuff (again, not projecting).

How much pleasure you get throughout the day is all dependent on how well you follow the schedule he makes based on your personal life.

He can and will have you call him Papi, in and out of bed.

“Be a Good Little Cachorro and get on your knees for Papi.”

You only get called Amor when you’re good or when you’re upset. Anything else and it’s Cachorro (Puppy).

#Sex Bot Au #cod #call of duty #cod mwii #call of duty mwii #mwii #mw2 #simon ghost riley #simon ghost riley x reader #Simon riley #simon riley x reader #john soap mactavish #john soap mctavish x reader #john mactavish #john mactavish x reader #König #könig x reader #alejandro vargas #alejandro vargas x reader

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l0vergirlv0mit · 6 months

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Before Today

Inspired by: Before Today by Everything But The Girl

Pairing: college!Hazel Callahan X reader

Summary: You just can’t get over your ex and frequently confide in your best friend Isabel. This leads her to pulls some strings to try and make her best friend happy again…

Warnings: 18+ mdni, kinda toxic!reader (if you squint), breaking up, fingering, oral r!reciving,

Authors notes: first time writing so it prob sucks. It was super fun to write though. Thanks for reading <3

3 months. That’s how long it’s been since the start of you and Hazels no contact agreement. You decided you couldn’t be her friend after your break up. You couldn’t stomach the idea of being her friend and watching her give her attention to another girl. You wanted the feelings to go away but they never did.

But now you stare at your phone feeling your whole body go numb with fear. Your finger lingers over the unblock button.

You still haven’t been able to get over the way her hands felt when she’d hold your face and call you pretty. The way her laugh rang in your ears when you made a joke sending a wave of pride to your chest .The way her lips felt on your neck, whispering how much she wanted you.

You had to set your phone down to slow your breathing, your eyes filled with tears. Thinking back to when it all fell apart. It was completely your fault.

You couldn’t stop the self destructive chain of events that night. You had a fight that completely blew up in your face. You were looking for a fight wanting to give reason to the emotions you were feeling. You had been upset over reason outside of your relationship and just couldn’t let yourself be happy.

—

“Are you seriously bringing this up again.” Hazel looked at you with no expression she was tired, very tired, leaned over the counter with her face in her hands. “Well yeah I mean you flirted with her in front of my fucking face HAZEL. Like am I just supposed to get over that.” Your tone full of venom. “I told you a million fucking times I wasn’t flirting with her I was ACTUALLY politely telling her I have a girlfriend. So yeah get the fuck over it.” She replies your eyebrows furrow. “Ohhh yeah that’s why you we’re laughing at everything she said, should’ve twirled your hair and kicked your feet while you were at it.”

She rolled her eyes and stood up walking over to you. She got within a couple inches of your face looking down at you slightly. “What’s your goal here huh?” She spoke in a soft deep voice. “Is this your fucked up way of pushing me away? You don’t wanna be with me?” She bumps your chest with her finger and it makes you unbelievably angry.

“Maybe I don’t.” You didn’t even mean it but it was too late to take it back. Without another word she picked up her jacket she left on your settee and ran out of the door. Slamming it so hard the wall shook.

—

You had met up to talk about the fight the day after it had happened deciding it was best to put the relationship on “pause”. Trying to keep it as civil as possible given your mutual friends and inability to hate her.

You had heard about her going out with girl after girl from Isabel. You knew it was her way to fill the void you tried doing the same at the start but got to frustrated deciding on studying 24/7 instead.

Josie and Isabel were you and Hazels informants for each other without either of you knowing. Giving you unsolicited updates when either of you had called in tears over how much you missed one another.

The thought of her going out with so many different girls got to you even when Isabel would call the girls ugly to make you feel better. It especially hurt when you found yourself scrolling through the folder of photos you kept of dates and pictures of her. You couldn’t bring yourself to delete it. Pictures of her trying to stop smiling long enough to kiss you. Those destroyed you.

You pick your phone up again and unblock her turning your brain off for as long as you can. You noticed she didn’t have you blocked and you followed her again. Trying to do these actions as fast as possible to not let the anxiety strangle you. Letting out the biggest exhale you could you turn your phone off and go to bed.

————————————————————————

Hazel had followed you back by the next morning but nothing else came of it. Of course this had you ecstatic but you couldn’t bring yourself to fully make contact. A week later Isabel had invited you out to a party with full knowledge that Hazel was going to be there.

“Y/n what are you gonna wear to the party tomorrow?” She texted you. You sent her a photo of a tiny black skirt, a band tee shirt you had cut into a tank top, and your black boots. “Yeah that’ll work.” Is all she said back. You sent “???” But she never replied.

You got ready for the party putting your 90’s smokey eye on and styling your hair to perfection. You put on your most expensive perfume. Staring at yourself in your full length mirror admiring yourself in the new set you bought from Victoria secret it was lacy and red. You were determined to get laid tonight. Finishing getting dressed in clothes that didn’t give you much more coverage than the set did you hear a “ding” from your phone,

Isabel: here

Josie and Isabel pulled up to your place. You came down the stairs of your apartment complex. And basically hop over to the car. “Hey hot stuff.” Josie said wiggling her eyebrow talking to you through the open window. “Yeah just so you know we’re looking for a third.” Isabel joked looking you up and down. You giggle and slide into the back seat. “I’ll definitely keep that in mind.” You give both girls a kiss on there cheeks. “You guys are gonna be the hottest couple at this party.” Josie and Isabel give each other a look you couldn’t quite understand. “Doubt it.” Is all Josie said before driving. Isabel smiled at this remark confusing you.

The 3 of you had gotten out of the car walking up to the frat house the party was at. “I’m so happy you agreed to go out with us tonight.” Isabel beams at you. “Yeah all you do is study y/n you better go crazy tonight.” Josie says looking at you slyly. You laugh as you reach the front door.

You all walk inside and see PJ and Britney talking in a corner. Josie walks up to them first “Heyyyy PJ you wanna get a drink with me?” Josie takes the poor girl over to the bar. You and Isabel then go to join Britney. “Her dedication is impressive honestly.” You say to Britney and she nods her head. “Oh very impressive.” She replied taking a big sip out of her red solo cup. You look over to the bar area and do a double take.

PJ and Josie are deep in conversation with Hazel. You feel all the confidence you had drain from your body. Hazel feels your eyes on her and makes eye contact with you. You look away quickly feeling very naked in your tank top and too tiny skirt. Hazel can’t help but stare at you. The way your outfit was hugging you in the just the right places and your hair framing your face so perfectly. It made her unbelievably needy.

You wait till they leave the bar and go outside by the pool to go get yourself a drink. You feel hazels glances until they’re completely outside. You down 2 shots back to back immediately and smile coyly at a worried looking Isabel, she’s starting to regret her decision to play parent trap.

—

“Go talk to them.” Josie spoke softly to Hazel “I can’t I mean what would I even say.” Hazel huffs as she swirled her vodka strawberry lemonade around staring at it like it would turn into a portal and take her anywhere but here. “Oh I don’t know Hazel! Maybe “I miss you so much y/n that I cried during not 1 but 3 hook ups.”” Hazel just stared at Josie with her mouth open hoping no one was over hearing their conversation. “Ok I’m sorry-“ Josie started but Hazel threw her cup down and started walking furiously into the house to find you. Josie laughed in surprise that that actually worked.

You were still at the bar making yourself the strongest cocktail known to man. When you feel someone’s presence to the side of you looking up casually with a smile already feeling tipsy. Your eyes grow wide and smile falls realizing who was in front of you. “Oh.” You felt like a fucking bumbling idiot. She looked amazing her hair slightly pushed out of her face. She had on baggy jeans, a cropped green plaid button up, and adidas. The way her small chains rest at the base of her neck makes your heart skip.

“Hey h-how have you been.” Hazel asks rubbing the back of her neck looking you up and down mindlessly. “I’ve been good h-how have you been.” You try to keep it together even though you feel your heart sinking even deeper into your chest. “I miss you… like a lot.” She couldn’t keep it in anymore. She gives you a desperate look. It nearly takes your breath away you stare at her in disbelief. She looked like a sick puppy. “Can we go somewhere more private please?” She pleaded and you nod, she takes your hand hesitantly and leads you upstairs to an empty room.

Josie and Isabel watched you disappear to the second floor “let’s fucking go.” Josie says and they high five each other.

Hazel closed the door behind you and locked it. You turn to face her, looking each other in the eyes deeply. She rubs her sweaty hands on her pants and goes past you to sit on the bed. You go to sit next to her. “You look beautiful.” She spoke softly trying to be as un intimidating as possible. “So do you.” You both stare at each other not knowing what else to say.

“I miss you so much Hazel, it hurts.” You finally huffed and pouted starting to feel embarrassed at the familiar burn you were getting in your throat. Your eyes becoming glazed and heavy. Trying your best not to let out 3 months of self hatred and sadness. You looked down at nothing feeling defeated.

Hazel broke, grabbing your face with both hands to meet your eyes again then pulled you into a heated urgent kiss. It turned into a frenzied make out. Both pair of hands grasping and pulling and caressing. She pulled away just enough to whisper. “Fuck I missed you so much.” Then her lips were on you again. You grab at her shoulders grounding yourself. She pulls back once more. “I missed your lips-” You grab her by the collar not able to contain how needy you are for her. “nn-h!” you swing your leg over her lap to straddle her. Her hands strongly grip your hips just to make sure she wasn’t dreaming.

You grip onto her hair tugging her back, eyes flicking over her blushed face. You start kissing her neck feverishly. Her breathing picks up and her exhales are heavy. “You feel so good y/n.” You go to unbutton her shirt but Hazel flips you onto your back. She grabs your wrist pinning you and bring her knee against your heat. You let out a high pitched whimper.

Your skirt rides up revealing your red lace thong. Hazel takes notice her face becoming more dark and focused. “These are new.” She presses her thumb to your clothed clit. This elicits a breathless moan not expecting her actions.

Your face turns a deep shade of red when she starts kneeling between your legs. She leaves a trail of kisses starting at the top of your knee. Your fingers running through her hair making her hum into your softly skin. Hazel makes her way to your inner thigh kissing and sucking on the sensitive skin.

She sucks hard released the plush skin with a pop, leaving behind a burgundy bruise. She peeks at you through her lashes, the sight forever burned in her mind. Your mouth slightly open, eyes half lided and chest heaving it’s the prettiest thing she’s ever seen.

She focuses again nudging your clothed clit with her nose. You grip her hair harder to encourage her, and that was all she needed. She pushed your panties to the side and licked a long stripe up your cunt. You got shivers all over your body. She devours you like she’s never taste anything so good in her life. You contract around nothing as her finger ghost up and down your slit teasing you to no end.

“M-more please Hazel?” You practically beg her “Of course baby.” She comes up to smile at you and ads 2 fingers into your hole hitting just the right spot to make your eyes roll back, just like she used to do.

“Oh baby likes that huh.” She smiles to herself then goes back to abusing your clit with her mouth. Hazel used her other hand to pull your shirt up for her own pleasure and palmed your tits. Your lacy red bra excited her even more than she already was.

You felt your orgasm creeping, getting frustrated it was so soon you wanted this to last forever. “Hazel I’m gonna- ‘m s-so close Hazel.” Shes kept her brutal pace till your back arched and your eyes rolled into the back of your head. “That’s it pretty girl just like that. So pretty so fucking pretty.” Hazel mumbles softly to you bringing you through your orgasm. Body shaking until you rode your high to completion.

“I missed this.” You say with a giggle steadying your breath. Hazel pulls your panties back into place and lays next to you. She grabs your face and pulls you into a slow deep kiss. “Not as much as me.” Her wide smile tells you all you need to know. Resting her hand on your face she takes in your features. She uses her thumb to wipe some of your smudged lipstick. “You wanna go back to mine?” You ask her shyly. Then laughing when you notice her equally smudged lips. “I would want nothing more.” Hazel gets up and offers you her hand helping you up.

You both walk down stairs hand and hand. Josie, Isabel, PJ and Britney have been absolutely losing it for the 15 minutes you were away. “Oh my god.” Is all Britney said see the both of you holding hands all of them turned to gawk at you.

Hazel makes a detour to the bar grabbing 2 beers with one hand for when you get back to your apartment. She had you lipstick smudged on her face and neck wearing it like a trophy. Hazel nods at the group then opens the door for you. You give Isabel and Josie a wave, grinning ear to ear, you walk out of the house with your hair a complete mess in the back. They can’t help but to laugh at the display of shamelessness.

It was going to be a very long night.

#hazel callahan x reader #hazel callahan #bottoms 2023 #bottoms movie #isabel bottoms #josie bottoms

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and-stir-the-stars · 10 months

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Something I've been wondering about in MBMW; it seemed like Mike and Liz bullying Ev was something they did to cope with their home life. Since these problems at home haven't vanished (and in fact seem to be escalating), do they turn to other coping mechanisms (healthy or unhealthy, destructive or even self destructive) now that they're no longer (intentionally) hurting Evan?

That's a really great question, anon!

try as they might, their instinctual coping mechanism (hurting Evan) doesn't vanish completely even with all the effort they've been putting in. For example, in BCOH, Mike couldn't hold back his temper after he angered William to help Evan escape, and Liz still humiliated Evan as a response to him bringing up Charlie.

But in Liz's case, she recognized that what she did was wrong; she apologized to Evan and explained why she did it, and let him get his feelings out while also got her own feelings out, too, and they both felt better for it in the end.

In an ideal world, that's what Liz and Mike's new coping mechanisms will become: not tearing each other down so they feel strong enough to survive, but leaning on each other so they all feel strong enough to survive. This is shown by Liz and Mike's conversation about being "broken together" in ch1 of BCOH.

Things aren't always ideal, though. In the pre-Halloween chapter of Collection, Liz distances herself from her toxic friends (a positive step) but is so hurt that she lashes out at Evan when she learned that he wasn't going to be trick or treating with them as a family. Even after she lashes out, she asks Evan to let her do his face paint (before the one-shot takes place, i mean) as though nothing is wrong between them, like she can just shove it under the rug and forget about it. Despite her positive steps, Liz does still have the tendency to ignore obvious signs that her brothers are upset so she can pretend things are happy between them.

I imagine Liz will be pretty lonely at school now that she ditched her friends (well, she was lonely even when she was with them, but she was able to Pretend before). Liz maybe picks up a new hobby to distract herself with; she might start reading more, or doodling, or writing; maybe she even sneaks in crochet needles and yarn and crochets during the school day (I've had friends who do that before, lmao). And hopefully these hobbies encourage her to meet new people and make new friends. Hopefully her reputation as a mean girl gossip won't impede on that...

Unfortunately for Mike, though, he and Evan aren't at the point where Mike can explain why he hurt Evan and have Evan forgive him like Evan does with Liz. The ways Mike has hurt Evan are just too severe.

The non-canon chapter where Evan comforts his brother through ]being reminded that his friends are "missing" shows that Evan doesn't actually want Mike to suffer (like how the fnaf books are in a separate timeline but gives suggestions and inspiration for how things are in the fnaf games, the non-canon chapters in this au do the same for the au as a whole), but Evan really can't support Mike through things the way that Evan can with Liz. Evan just isn't at that place by the end of BCOH.

Liz is the only person Mike has available to fill that role, but even then, Liz is just a kid with her own problems, too. Mike hasn't actually opened up to her about anything that he's going through. He opens up to Evan a little in his attempts to say sorry, but Evan isn't at a place where he can forgive Mike and won't be at that place for a long time yet. Evan's completely valid for that ofc, but it's also not very healthy for Mike that the only times he's been opening up, he gets pushed away and rejected.

Besides the little bit of camaraderie he has with Liz now, Mike doesn't have any other coping mechanisms developed just yet (which is equal parts me still working through what coping mechanisms to give him AND Mike himself not knowing what to do to cope or who to reach out to). I do have some semblance of an idea, but talking about it would spoil a future chapter of Collection, unfortunately.

I will tell you though that there was a cut scene of BCOH where Liz and Mike are walking home from school and Mike asks Liz if she thinks she can walk the rest of the way alone. Mike refuses to answer when she asks why and where he's going to be going, and it quickly gets revealed that Mike was planning on impulsively running away from home right then and there, because surely things would be better for Evan if he wasn't around?

Liz's response, outside of the general fear of losing her brother, would also be fear of losing him as a coping mechanism. In her desperation to get him to stay, she tells Mike that he can't leave because they promised they would get through this together in ch1 of BCOH.

It's not the best response Liz could have given, of course. Trying to stop someone from doing something drastic (or begging them to "go back to normal) because you "need" them (/the "normal them") around to cope yourself is never a good response, imo. All it does is put pressure and stress on the person's shoulders and act as a message that you only want them around because they're "useful" to you; as soon as that usefulness is over, however...

But, Liz is just a scared kid who wouldn't understand that.

#a nest torn empty #my brother my wound #by cain's own hand #fnaf au #the afton kids

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sessakag · 1 year

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I'm so conflicted 😭In Secrets of the Hidden Leaf, you rendition of Sakura is tugging me in so many different ways! Like her situation is really sad with whats going on with her and Sasuke, but the way she's handling it is sooooo bad! And omg poor Lee! She makes me so mad sometimes but I still feel for her because not all of this is her fault! She's self destructing and doesn't realize it and its just so terrible and sad. This whole situation is MESSY! but a good messy lol. I don't know how I want this to end. Part of me wants it all to blow up in her face and the other part wants it to never see the light of day! Gosh like I can't imagine this secret being revealed! The consequences would just be...omg!

Please update soon, every single one of your stories are amazing, but Secrets has my soul! Every time you post a chapter you snatch my wig and im not even wearing one.

signed,

-a reader slowly dying without your amazing stories being updated 😭

Lol, okay, first off, I do apologize for snatching ya wig that you aren't even wearing. I don't know what kinda Houdini shit that is but, uh, yeah, my bad 😂

I'm happy to hear you're conflicted, that's the way I tried to write her, an emotional tug of war. A woman in a bad situation that isn't entirely her fault but isn't always handling it in the best of ways.

Overall with Secrets, I wanted to do more gray area things, rather than the black and white; good or bad, one-way thinking that I see so much in writing/life. It's sterile to me.

Good people can make bad decisions, bad people can do good things, kind/innocent people can have naughty side, a loving couple can make room for one more. you can love your country and still hold it accountable, unconventional relationships are not always a character flaw or indication of trauma; not everything will fit into a mold or follow 'societal norms', nor should it.

That's boring and unrealistic to me. People should be able to mix and match their life in a way that makes them happy, fulfilled and is amicable to all parties involved.

Anyway, back to the topic, lol.

Sakura.

She's uh, going through somethings, and a lot of people are upset with her but its also nice to see people can acknowledge that a lot of it is due to poor coping skills (lowkey just like her husband, lol). I hope to keep developing her in a way that makes her to gray to categorize as good or bad. I'm still working on it though :D

Far is updates go, once Monster has been updated, you should be on the lookout for either my OG stories updated or a one-shot from the NH fair being fleshed out. I'm taking my time though, so it might be another week or so.

Thanks for reading!

#ask #answer #secrets of the hidden leaf #gray area #breaking the mold #fanfiction

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tumblingxelian · 8 months

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Just saw a lot of annoying shit on twitter and do not want to debate this with anyone but

Vegeta had one of the worst redemption arcs in literature history.

Sure, his transition from enemy to ally of convenience against Frieza made sense but that's also where the sense ended.

The moment everyone is back on earth and he's alive again, he is boasting and preening about slaughtering Nemekin villages & Bulma just invites the fucker to live with her & all the displaced Namekians & everyone just accepts this!

Then 1 time skip later in which we see zero, zilch, nada, suddenly Vegeta is having a BBQ with Yamcha, a guy he ordered fucking killed and the only one who finds this mildly offputting is Tenshinhan who is at most just like, "Ug don't like you." about it.

Then he's threatening to murder everyone if they don't lwet the genocide cyborgs arrive & when he returns, he fucks being able to catch Gero cos of his ego. Then he leaves Bulma & their kid to fucking die & even physically abuses his own son to try and enable the villains.

Then he kills a bunch of civilians while fighting 18, then we get another time skip & when he's out of the time chamber, he attacks his son again & actively aids the villain, endangering the entire planet cos of his fucking ego.

Then another time skip & when his son dies, a son he has shown zero care for & whom we have seen him spend functionally zero time on page with dies and suddenly he's upset & they have a bond I guess?

Then its another time skip and everyone is still just fine with him, & then he decides to start being more actively evil again, almsot killing his own fucking wife and slaughtering hundreds of civilians and aiding in the release of a villain whoo goes on to kill the entire fucking planet.

But then he ust kind of randomnly feels bad about it and blows himself up.

Oh & then he destroys the one artifact that could let them beat Buu cos of his ego, but he endangered himself a bit so they could win so he's good now?

EDIT:

You now what, fuck it, seeing as I'm here

The anime didn't fix things, it was just bad in different ways.

The invitation and murder boasting all still happened the same way, the fact Vegeta left for awhile alleviated it somewhat but the damage was already done as far as making no sense goes.

Then when he's back & living t Capsule Corp rent free again, Bulma gets turn from a women without a nurturing bone in her body into someone who will cradle a wound idiot for his self inflicted wounds and fall asleep at his bedside like a fucking nurse maid.

The time chambers did nothing but empathize how cold and abusive he was to his own son and everything else is basically the same, just with more scenes of him yucking it up with the gang. This is despite still being a destructive, hateful piece of shit who causes more problems than he's ever come close to fixing

Conclusion:

I fucking hate his 'arc' and his character on so many levels and the fact he's held up as some paragon of badass and good writing for redemption arcs makes me taste blood.

#Vent #No clowning #Annoying vibes will be blocked #I am not putting this in the DB tags #So I am not doing this to start a fight.

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iloveyouemanuelmarco · 6 days

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Edit/Update: Hi guys, sorry for spamming you with a giant wall of texts and such that could pass for more consistent keysmashing sessions atleast, I was sorta breaking out of reality and my brain was malfunctioning, causing all my thoughts to come vomiting out of my mind and repeating at once. Super not-poggers/pogchamp of me, innit?/Ironic. Anyways you can still read it if you want but just know that I'm better now x).

[Please remember my post is currently still updating so if certain bunches of information on here is changed or added then understand why atleast, thank you!;))

My introductory pinned master-textpost for my new Tumblr Dot Com (main/non-laternative)blog page(I am probably gonna update it once I am able to get my lazy, couch potato butt off my bed and learn blow to make/post a carrd or rentry but I don't know yet so please be patient with me as it's all under construction atleast to my knowledge since my brain can be super blurry when it comes to memory♡. Anyways, My page is now gonna start loading so please wait!!:[■■■■■■■■■■•100%].(Apps I Use: Gacha Life(2)/Gacha Club By Lunime Games, Alight Motion, IbisPaintX, Medibang, Capcut, Kinemaster, FilmoraGo, PowerDirector, Canva, Picsart, ClipStudioPaint and more probably but it depends).

☆Tag Guidelist!!☆:#Mani/Marco Speaks: Rants, vents and over all just stuttering on and over my autistic rambles except I am having a complex time attempting to explain my more complicated thoughts on the internet instead of irl TwT. #Mani/Marco Draws/Animates/Writes: You can probably guess what those tags are for atleast xP. #Mani/Marco Does (Sh)Art(Crack stuff and shitposts). How many fandoms am I in?: Idk too many to count for a huge interweb community hoarder like me Q^Q!!<3

☆Other Tags(Updating)!!☆:#ROTD:IMF/Road Of The Dead: One More Future: Tag for my Road Of The Dead/Saga Of The Dead OC x Canon Angst Alternate Universe Webcomic. FNAR: TOTNG/Five Night's At Rose's: Tales Of The Nightguards is for my other alternate universe fanfiction/webcomic except it's for Fnaf instead of my obscure hyperfix and Spider Scene: My Spidersona OC tag lol(=^=)♡.

(Please Read my pinned textpost as such content contains necessary media and information involving my introduction aka my about me section I guess along with my before you follow, do not interact criteria and boundaries as they are currently so thank you for reading such and have a wonderous day or night wherever you are on the beautiful home planet known as Earth moving forward♡. I appreciate the care and support for me and my variety of content I attempt to put out for you all:)!!♡ Please follow me on my other active social media platforms if you want to keep up with my gay buff anime boy and cute yuri manga stuff xD!!): Ok, so I am sorta bored at the moment right now and I wanted to make an updated pinned but more specifically a masterpost explaining my future projects and stuff involving my art skills and other talents being used to make such so here I am with such a untidy and barely passing for somewhat clean mess of an information-dumping session QwQ. Oki doki, here I go, here's my chance at one and becoming soon to be huge in numbers on the interwebs!!0^0.

Content Warning: The written, animated and/or drawn material you're about to start reading/looking at does have the possibility of containing future(non-sexualized, feltishized, objectified or romaticized)dark themes that may upset the average guest of my main/non-alternative Tumblr Dot Com Blog page such as fictional depictions of gore/blood/guts, violence/murder/abuse, different forms of physical self-destructive habits and other nsfl fictional stuff that may be traumatic or at the very least inappropriate for younger auidences, suggestive or lewd but non-pornographic/nsfw-ish but not literally pornogrpahic content and more. At the very least, proceed with caution and for your own safety please leave if you're uncomfortable on/sensitive to certain videos of mine and for those who choose to stay regardless, please again be careful and don't be afraid to take a step away for your own care and concern when it comes to yourself . Thanks for your cooperation☆. I know my page's cutesy/kawaii-aesthetic copying nature can be quite deceiving in it's depiction of such a user like me. I am not trying 5o be rude or anything, but I just want to keep you safe atleast is all...viewer discretion is advised!! And if that's not bad enough, here's another cause for a much more huge concern...old and cringeworthy meme death content ahead along with a very constant petty and sassy mood I do not have the courage to express irl obviously >.<!!♡But what can I say, sometimes I miss being an online internet mean-girl but whatever I guess sorry for ranting in my attempt to expand my internet horizons for new chances of opportunities for popularity and going viral somehow- heck ughh-!!Now Playing: World Is Mine By Supercell Feat. Hatsune Miku!!

☆[1:52 ─〇───── 4:14]☆

(One more note, due to my identity not only being a mess if gender and sexuality but also of my brain malfunctioning and causing my autistic ADHDer person to go insane with paranoia, I am starting to use both singular(I/Me/Mine)and plural(Us/We/Ours)pronouns when referring to myself as an attempt at a non-harmful coping mechanism for future reference atleast so please be calm and collected with me as I take the time and effort to construct our sentences together in a way that is easy to explain and somewhat makes sense haha. I don't want anyone to become upset and confused by anything I say or do so is that alright? Good, kay and thx on that, bai).

Hai babes, it’s you know who and I am back again for a round two, F.B.I open up!☆(o0ω0o) But anyways srsly, we’ve become more polite and caring since we’ve carried on away from the last of the past so for the new ones that I haven’t seen yet since I’ve used the site then, henlo and konichiwa everybunny!!^-^Welcome and thank you for stopping by to my official one and only brand Tumblr Dot Com blogging page, kind wandering strangers of the internet(and hopefully future adoring fans)!!Meowdy, my name is Emanuel Or Marco and since I'm back for more, I guess it's time for my masochistic self to get a round too in internet tormentation(Is that a real word??Idk but it's gonna be apart of my vocabulary now I mean uhh 0.o. Please trust me I am 100 percent a super smarty pants!!You just haven't found out about my true power yet!!>:[). Hmph, my name is Emanuel or Marco and thank you for stopping by to visit my official Tumblr Blog or something like that since I'm gonna be your host for today hehe~ Lmfao currently I am a 16 year old[mostly-digital]artist and animator who is multifandom but mostly draws fictional gay thick or big-booty buff men in a 2000s anime/manga inspired artstyle which sometimes leans on the "kawaii" or moe side and other times is somewhat based off of edgy amature art stuff from the older side of the internet[Think of the super cringeworthy stuff you'd find on NewGrounds, YouTube or DeviantArt back somewhere around 2007]. When I draw different stuff related to my interests, it may get on the side of edgelord content such as gore/blood/guts/violence/weapons[Fictional NSFL btw], creepy/horror related content, suggestive or NSFW[Not really]self-indulgent stuff, maybe venting if I feel ready to be open like that sometimes I guess it depends and OTPs along with OCxCanon content and crackshipping. If you're uncomfortable with any of that then please for your own saftey leave my page and take care of yourself thank you♡. I don't know what other stuff to put here other than I've recently started working on my idea for a Five Night's At Freddy's self-insert alternate universe fanmade-webcomic and a Saga Of The Dead/Road Of The Dead fanmade comic game continuation due to it being an on and off hyperfixation and special interest of mine roflmao. Anygays, the reason I came or am coming back to here is because of the simple fact that the internet is just being more dumb than it was before so ever since then, we’ve decided to make the choice of expanding our horizons when it comes to making content hehe lol(Sorta masochistic of me? Yes-, but do I care?…No). So…yep, Hope you don’t mind us as you hop in, have fun joining the ride and stay tuned for more♡(o^-^o)) For some random facts about us, some of our professions include watching anime, reading mangas, playing videogames(otaku and gamergirl-boyish), drawing our ocs, writing stories, songs or poems, listening to pop-punk nightcore, being scenemo(Scene kid+Emo), baking, looking at funny memes(or at the very least whats funny based off of my broken sense of humor-;m;), making videos, streaming and roleplay though I don’t have any hyperfixations at the moment haha. If you need us to tag any of the fandoms we’re in, please DM us cause I love our moots >:3c Yippee!!

To get more into about who I am as a person without accidentally violating my own privacy and saftey, I am a somewhat gender-nonconforming or genderfluid/bigender??(Idfk, man)bisexual aceflux FtM/transgender man who uses both he/she pronouns but please don't use they on me thx. While I am apart of the LGBTQIA+ communtiy on the interwebs I am also a professionally dxed autistic and ADHDer who may get distracted irl and go afk somewhat so if I suddenly disappear for a couple days or something on other social media platforms I hopefully haven't been murdered/j(Please use tone tags with me if asked since I do have a hard time reading social norms irl okay thank you). I want to try a polyamrous or queerplatonic relationship with other people in the future but not now obviously since I still need to work on being better when it comes to the mental health department lol xD(I am stone faced as I am typing lol). I am a white-latine person who is making an attempt to learn more about his culture and to understand more of the language but sometimes I may struggle due to cognitive difficulties so please keep that in mind and be patient with me...My DMs are open 24/7 in looking for new mutuals on here but I may be somewhat vulgar or off putting under my overly-cautious mom-friend nature once you get to know me. That being said don't be afraid to tell me if I am making you uncomfortable in any sort of way due to that or if I'm accidentally supporting someone or something problematic in nature ok? Good. To keep in mind of what I am gonna post on here, it's probably very stereotypically fanboyish or some sort of dumbassery depending on the context but then again it's my page so Idfc :]. Main fandoms are mostly hyperfixations or special interests of some sort such as Undertale/Deltarue including AUs, Five Night's At Freddy's(Both the canon and sometimes the OG 2014 Rebornica nightguards au) and the Saga Of The Dead or specifically for me the Road Of The Dead 2010 Newgrounds flash games by EvilDogGames and SickDeathFiend(one of my more obscure??obsessions). Other things related to cartoons and videogames I really find comfort in are My Little Pony:Friendship Is Magic, Minecraft? Roblox, YouTubers, Vocaloid/Utaloid related content, Spider-Man: Across The Spiderverse, EddsWorld, Invader Zim, Pokémon, Postal, Hatred, Team Fortress 2 and admittedly some Friday Night Funkin'(I know it's dumb sorry about that). There's definitely more but I can't really list them all rn so yeah that's about it for this section.

When it comes to music, my taste is pretty diverse though I do have some obviously favourite genres but I am always looking to expand my horizons and more. Bands such as Green Day, Three Days Grace, SlipKnot, Korn, My Chemical Romance, System Of A Down, Linkin Park, Falling In Reverse(I am a Ronnie Radke hater though, so far he seems like another douchebag asshole), Asking Alexandria, Sleeping With Sirens, Sum-41, Pierce The Veil,, Black Veil Brides, Falling In Reverse, Set It Off, Get Scared and Bring Me The Horizon just to name a few. Though if you want my preferred genres when picking stuff I guess that would include stuff like Nightcore(not technically a genre but shut up please/lh), Rock, Pop-Punk, Trace, Emo, Techno, Happy Hardcore, Classical, maybe Lofi and I wanna get more into Rap or Hip Hop but specifically Drill. 80s and 90s stuff is cool too, it really just depends on what I find on the internet :D. General hobbies include reading, writing which includes imaginative stories and poetry, drawing(duh), singing, dancing, helping to bake with others, cosplay or just dressing up in cute outfits at tbh, watching anime, reading manga, playing videogames, collecting figurines sometimes, roleplaying, cleaning/organization, studying earth and animal science related topics, watching cute animal videos on the interwebs, memes that suit my broken sense of humor, spending time with relatives and caring for irls who I hang out with, listening to music(who doesn't??), visual novels, robotics in fiction and irl, subcultures that were prevalent in the 2000s such as the type of fashion style you'd find on Myspace scene or emo kids, anything kawaii/cute or edgy and dark, taking naps, snuggling with my stuffed animals, learning instruments and just enjoying nature scenery on days when I am more avaliable irl. I also want to travel the world or something similar when I finally can and to learn how to code so I can program my own videogame ideas but baby steps T-T. Modern day insane derpyness and all that. Here’s a couple examples of my drawings incase you were curious ^-^:

Before you follow: I sometimes use typing quirks such as stuttering(I have a stuttering irl), I sometimes use typing quirks such as stuttering(I have a stuttering irl), saying cat phrases such as meow, nya or mew, overuse text-faces and in rare cases, using all caps when shocked or excited/happy atleast, I dunno why we do such dumbass things, but I can and I wanna I guess xP. Please use tone tags when speaking to us though, since we’re neurodivergent(AuDHD)and have a hard time picking up social cues somewhat TwT. Please be gentle with us though, we’re very fragile and sensitive. We’re not schizophrenic, psychotic or anything that could cause dangerous thoughts, but we have professionally-dxed anxiety and depression which causes us to be paranoid combined with medication on some days ;-; I sometimes may go on ahem…erm “unhinged” rants for a lack of a better word about stuff that bothers us so if we’re appearing scared and not making any sense, please snap us into and bring us back to Earth- I don’t want to accidentally hurt someone in the process of destruction and pain ;w;. Sometimes we are selective about who I interact with on my page so I may avoid you if your account looks suspicious. Please don’t automatically assume I hate you if we do that however, it’s just us wanting to be cautious and to be at our own comfort. If you’re ever sad and want to rant about your daily struggles in life, or just want to chat and make a new moot then my DMs are open 24/7 whenever we’re not busy(not gonna force you obviously if you’re uncomfy roflmao-_-). It’s not our first time online, I have an account for irls so if you somehow find me here and know who I am, no you don’t:). And another thing for our followers, if you want, you can refer to us as nekos or cats/kittens instead of those who are 100 percent human since sometimes we don’t understand the attachment to just humanity. As strange as I may seem, please don’t shame/make fun of us, even if it’s cringe, you’re no better being a bully here on our space(not to mention we have habits and a life that’s not online. Shocker, I know/sarcasm).

Do not follow or interact with me in a free-form and casual manner if you racists/xenophobic(Use AAVE when not black, islamaphobic, antisemetic and etc.) LGBTQIA+Phobic in any capactity(including transmeds/truscum, radfems, TERFS/SWERFS, radinclusives, radexclusives, those who identify with offensive labels that mock the LGBTQIA+ Community by default[Ex: Bi/Pan “Lesbians”], believe in only two genders[There’s a difference between sex and gender], believe pronouns are equivalent to gender or use pride flags who’s creators have been outed as being prejudiced or bigoted in any way[It makes marginalized people uncomfortable, stop it. Looking at you “I don’t care about queer discourse” idiots. You look dumb/srs:0]), are pro-para(Go to jail :)), are in pro-£D or pro-$H spaces, misogynistic/sexist(Unless you’re male because misandry doesn’t C:), ableist in any form(including against self-dx and if uses fonts in bio or dn),use slurs or words in specific contexts you cannot reclaim, just being discriminatiory when it’s not needed at all. MAP, Zoo or Necro(Doesn’t matter if anti-contact or not), identify with the public label of AAM, are fatphobic, believe fiction doesn’t affect reality (Examples such as proshippers, profiction, com(p)shippers, and anti-antis are some of the group names), fetishize mlm/nblm/wlw/nblw romance (fujoshi, fundashi, fujin, himejoshi, himedashi just to name a few), romanticizes abuse or mental illness in fictional stories, anti-furry/anti-otherkin/anti-fictionkin/anti-alterhuman or anti-nonhuman, anti-objectum(I don't understand or identify with these things but as long as they're not hurting anyone I support and don't find any problems with it), anti-xenogenders/anti-neopronouns, transID/RadInclus/Radqueer(You make the trans community look like morons), are a lolishotacon/kodocon(someone who is attracted to fictional minors or characters with child-like aesthetics),make inappropriate headcanons, justify fictional problematic ships, ship irl people, make jokes about serious matters such as r^pe or abvse, are uncritical about your fandoms, support the DSMP fan, DreamWasTaken stan or support mostly any of the members, supports of defends problematic public figures online(Ex: Jschlatt, Pewdiepie, CallMeCarson and etc), Trump Supporters/Alt-Right/Heavily Conservative, Prolife, excessively sexualize, romanticize or objective fictional mvrderers(We’re ok with you being a fangirl/fanboy/fan and simping moderately as long as you don’t hurt those around you with your crush by condoning the crimes and other harmful actions they’ve committed. After all, we are somewhat of a monster hugger ourselves tbh~), are an nsfw centered page, sexualize age regression or agere/practice ddlg, practice pet-play or age-play(or any other problematic kink for that matter-),make fun of someone’s triggers, missuse tonetags, does whitewashing in art or thinks “blackwashing” is real(making a character black will never be the same as taking away representation), support NFTs, AI Generated "Art" or CryptoCurrency, on EDtwt/SHtwt/TCCtwt, consider wh¡te people to be able to be systematically oppressed like other races, make RPF(Real person fanfiction), partake in cringe culture during the modern day(grow up, it’s not the anti-sjw internet phase anymore, moron) or are just a degenerate at all. Genuine mental illness fakers please fucking dni you suck and I pray no one with actual tourettes, DID/OSDD or autism cross paths with you for their sake. Lmfao stfu and gtfo). It should be obvious but anyone who's LGBTQIA-phobic, racist, xenophobic, ableist, misogynistic, islamaphobic, antisemetic, ableist, fatphobic or supports hateful and degenerate shit or problematic creators get out now before I block you<3.

Please dni if you’re apart of these fandoms unironically too: YarichinBitchClub, Kiss Him Not Me, Attack On Titan, Ms. Kobayashi’s Dragon Maid(Gonna steal the characters from the show, they don’t deserve to suffer 3:), Nekopara(Stealing those designs too, if you’re so upset about it just come at me bro- anddd…I’m blocked), Boyfriends(F♡ck you and eff off, Refrainbow<3), South Park(Unless I follow you first but you're on thin ice), Hazbin Hotel/Helluva Boss, BlueyCapsules, Your Boyfriend and Kakegurui. One more thing, dni if you fetishize the yandere/lovesick archetype or demonize those with BPD. People with the disorder and/or those who identify with Yanderes are real people who don’t deserve to be ridiculed or made into a kink fantasy. Btw for those wondering why I may follow controversial public beings on my other social medias, I just want to remind you that follows don’t equate to endorsements and that just because I’m keeping tabs on someone because I’m a nosey cyberstalker/j doesn’t mean we agree with their likes, reposts, following and etc so please consider that before making assumptions about us! P.L.U.R 4 Lyfe x3. If I end up accidentally supporting someone who may be controversial please let me know, I promise you that I’d never want to hurt anyone with who I may interact with on any active social media platform we use. Welp, I guess that’s all for now, my little space children, please be sure to hop on, have fun on the ride and stay tuned as I have a short introduction video for YouTube and a showcase in the works ^w^ We’re working very hard planning behind it all when we’re not doing homework and destroying our mind with it(Curse you, the United States Of America Education System!/lh)and remember, rawr stands for “I love you” in dinosaur xD. Rawring 20s here we come >:D)). Follow and support us and our work on the pages I run in my spare time our beautiful, amazing and divine kohais!QwQ Love you and give us gentle and sweet constructive criticism pls again >3< Arigato(Thank you) and sayonara, my waffles, pancakes, sweet bbys and more!Btw sometimes I am pretty much not here anymore on Tumblr so if I don’t post for a few months and then start posting again soon you then know why, just fyi TmT. Random thing that's not as important but Jeremy/Scout, John Creaseman, Postal Dude, William Afton/Dave Miller/Springtrap, Micheal Afton, Henry Emily, Vincent Bishop and me are in a complex polyam relationship so haters dni uwu(Please help me I wanted to die writing that emoticon *barf*). But seriously I know it's weird but they all are sort of comfort characters to me in some way shape or form so it's ok if you don't like some of them but please don't complain if you dislike them. I'll respect your opinion and you'll respect mine like civilized "adults"☆.

Oh almost forgot to put something here..here’s a list of our boundaries just incase anyone is wondering atleast!(♡=Yes/☆=Okay/✘=No)

♡-Venting in my DMs(Yes ofc!!)

♡-Compliments(Yesh, less unisex ones tho)

♡-Making fan-content(Obviously:D)

♡-Chatting(Sure, just read my BYF and DNI Criteria first!)

♡-Idolizing me(Put me up and boost our ego, yes/hj)

☆-Joke flirting(Mutuals only please, no offense to anyone or anything!!)

☆-Getting inspired by my content(I’m flattered and appreciate it, thank you for the care, but please do not out right copy or get too heavily inspired by my work! And definitely don’t steal or trace any of it).

☆-Personal questions(Again, moots only or if we’re starting to become genuine and sincere online friends though my apologies if I don’t make it through. Have our drawings as a costly pay for our future abscesses;w;)

☆-Discussing with us about our gender identity, expression and sexuality(No, I’m not gonna debate you on it. It’s my life and it’s really harmless imo).

☆-Shipping(Only if the person being shipped is okay with it and is clear it’s just a joke).

✘-Comparing me to other people(I am my person, please don’t forget that and violate that boundary since it makes us super uncomfortable).

✘-Harrassing people, attacking, doxxing, sending death threats and hurtful messages under my name(Ofc not, dummy! What are you, an idiot?!!).

✘-Making full on serious NSFW/18+ content of us(I am in a minor body, go to heck lol/srs).

✘-Sending me non-fictional violent media/fictional media involving violence to real internet content creators or other random irl ppl(Don’t be a loser and keep that stuff to yourself or expose yourself for us, give us an easily callout post to make:))

✘-Overly using curse words(I want my demographic to be a mature audience of pre-teens to teenagers and possibly even adults if my content grows that much, so I don’t want it to be too immature Q-Q).

✘-Calling me “Mommy” or “Daddy” in a sensual way if you’re a future fan of mine(No….just no. Eww).

My Social Media Platforms(Onlyfans Coming Soon? Jk we’re minors still, you creepy dumb person who I hope is not an adult! Duhh). Check out my side/alternative blogs though once I am able to get ready making them!! Yolo after all ;w;. I love you guys, mwah mwah!!Ù3Ú♡.

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atom-writings · 2 months

Note

Are matchups still open? If so, could you do mine?

I’m a 19 year old girl. I’m mildly introverted. According to the 16 personalities quiz, I’m an INFJ.

People often describe me as sweet and quiet. While ‘quiet’ does seem to be my default setting, I can talk your ear off when it’s about a topic I really care about. In general, I’m more talkative around people I’ve gotten to know and am comfortable around. I tend to be more mild-mannered and can have a hard time standing up for myself, but I become a lot more assertive when I feel I’m standing up for justice.

I’m quite imaginative, by the way. I can be quiet on the outside, but I have an active inner world and I often daydream stories in my head. I’d like to be a part-time writer.

By the way, I’m a ballerina. Some of my dream roles are Odette/Odile, Juliet, Giselle and Manon. (If you don’t know what those are, just ignore this!)

Other interests/hobbies/passtimes of mine include figure skating, literature (both classic and contemporary), fashion (particularly vintage and retro), listening to music (all genres), learning to play music and more. I read and write fanfiction, and I’m into fandom.

More about my personality! I try to be kind and helpful to others. I tend to give people the benefit of a doubt, which has led me to making toxic friendships in the past.

As for my flaws, I can be somewhat of a pushover when it comes to myself. I can just keep on accepting bad treatment from someone until I finally get fed up and try to ghost them (to varying levels of success). Also, I can be self-destructive.

As far as appearance goes, I have long black hair, light skin and dark blue eyes. I’ve been called pretty and cute a lot, but never hot. My best features are my big eyes and my dimpled smile (a lot of people compliment my smile! :D). I’m 162 cm tall. I have a slender hourglass build.

I would like someone I have engaging conversations with. Someone who can be both a lover and a best friend. I would like them to be able to appreciate my interests so I can talk about them with them. I would do the same for them. I don’t want someone who will be controlling or get angry at me — I wouldn’t leave but I’d be unhappy. I’m not at all a jealous person — I would fully trust my significant other. I’m open-minded, and I’d like them to be the same, or at least not be closed-minded.

I don’t mind having a partner who often takes the lead, I think I’d prefer it actually, but I don’t want to be controlled. If it matters, I’m more of a little spoon.

Ahaha, sorry for this mini essay. I won’t be upset if you ignore me.

I'd match you with... England!

Although he's definitely not sweet or soft, he'd balance you out quite well! (I think, at least.)

He gets really passionate about his own interests, so he would always be up to listen to you about yours. Especially if you're more talkative around him specifically, then he'd always encourage your ramblings <3

And if you have a hard time being assertive, he has no problem standing up for you. In fact, he loves doing so.

It may not seem like it, but he's really imaginative too! If you want someone to share a weird inner-world with, I assure you he's the man. His inner-world is probably stranger.

He's a great conversationalist too. With your love of literature, vintage fashion, and music, you'd have a lot in common to talk about and share.

He knows basically nothing about ballet, but he'd always come watch! He appreciates the finer things in life as well.

He really loves your kind nature, but he'd also be sure to not let anyone take advantage of it. He's seen that with a lot of people, and he wouldn't tolerate any behavior like that around you.

(Also, it's not important, but 162 cm is like his ideal height in a partner. Shorter than him, but not by too much (: )

And yeah, he would totally take the lead. He likes to think he's a lady's man, and he at least has the confidence of one.

He may have a temper, but he's definitely not controlling.

Although he can be a bit insecure and jealous, it's not something he can't get over. He's mature enough to learn; after all, he doesn't want to upset you.

As you two get to know each other, he'd soften, and you'd become a perfect match. Opposites attract, right?

#matchups #anon u got here right as i stopped being willing to do these congrats!#also dont feel bad for putting an essay in my inbox i think its fun

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astrallama · 6 months

Text

One day we’ll be able to put down all the weight on our backs and in our minds, open our eyes and truly experience the beauty of this world for the first time, but today is not that day. I write these thoughts right now in response to the real time genocide that is happening against the Palestinian people. The operations in Gaza are beyond deplorable, the leaders in Israel are not acting with global security in mind, and they definitely are NOT acting in self-defense. They are acting with rage, bloodlust, racism, and the emotional capacity of a wailing two years old who can’t get what they selfishly want. I do not believe the Zionist movement will ever want to find a peaceful solution; mass destruction and genocide are their only goals, and shame on them and everyone else who voted against a cease fire. I’ve watched enough footage of bloody children, barely clinging to life while nothing but rubble and death surround them. I’ve seen footage of people screaming and crying as fire and poisonous smoke fill the air around them. I watched a reporter beg for help moments before he was struck by a rocket. The fact that only 20 trucks have been let into Gaza for humanitarian aid for 2 million people is both dismal and laughable, the fact that a bakery providing bread for refugees was bombed after receiving a flour shipment is nothing less than pure evil, and the fact that hospitals there are unable to operate and are under threat of direct rocket fire is absolutely and completely horrible. These visions of violence and death show just how monsterous the people in charge and actually are., these are the same people who will never see the front lines of war, and have the ability to end it.

I am doing my best to limit and understand my news intake, but I will continue to stay tuned in and watch as this genocide unfolds because it’s important. Every TV and radio station should be showing this atrocity to the world, every webpage and social media site should do the same, this isn’t something we should be able to look away from just cause we find it upsetting. Being able to tune out and walk away from this is a privilege that I acknowledge I have, and I wish it was just as easy for those actually being murdered to walk away from it, but they literally can’t, and I really wish everyone could see the reality of that. I don’t believe anyone has the right to take the life of another person, but if I’m being honest I can’t really blame the actions of Hamas either. The oppression against Palestine, the global colonial practices that led to the creation of Israel, and it’s apartheid policies are the ones to blame here (just to name a few). Israel has created the world’s largest concentration camp, and spent countless years and resources convincing the world that the humans, children, elderly, brothers, sisters, and families that live there are less than rabid animals, all so they can eradicate them with full impunity, and it is absolutely awful.

Not only all of that, but this isn’t even close to the only tragedy the world faces right now. Other wars and violence around the globe continue to rage on, more and more people become displaced, and face hunger, homelessness, and disease. The world continues to burn and even on our own country mass shootings happen on a regular basis while more laws go into effect to protect guns than women and children. I was told to always be kind and do my best to be helpful, that if I try really hard I can make a difference, but I feel so very hopeless right now. My wife and I recently had a conversation about the choices we all have to make everyday, even the little and mundane ones, and these are choices we will keep having to make even as the apocalypse unfolds in front of us. The fact that I have to decide what to make for dinner, and when I should do the laundry while some people fall asleep to the sounds of rockets and gunfire, not knowing if they’ll wake up the next morning makes me feel absolutely horrible, yet I still have to wake up everyday and make these choices.

I hope that I can do more at home and in my neighborhood, to help where I can. I have Palestinian and Jewish neighbors here who are scared and hurting, there are migrants from the south who are lost and confused, and those living on the streets cold and hungry, I could go on and on highlighting all the problems that exist but you get the idea. I want to do more for them, I wish I could do more for everybody. We’re also all dealing with life and death in the natural sense as well, some of us have lost friends and family, and without them we’re unsure of how we’re going to make it through the day and even though I hope we all find the time to properly grieve and mourne their absence, we all still have to wake up everyday and make the choices that we make.

My heart breaks for everyone who is hurting right now, and I write this as I prepare myself both for my mom’s birthday and the first anniversary of her death. So many things make me think of her and I have no idea if I’m going to be ok from one day to the next. I’ve stopped hiding in the bathroom and supply closet at work when my emotions are too much and have accepted the fact that I’m ok with crying on the floor in front of coworkers and customers. I wish it was easier to be honest with ourselves and our emotions and I wish it was easier to share those emotions with others as well. Maybe if we were a little less afraid to truly show our human sides to one another we all might be able to act a little more humane.

After I finish writing this my life will more or less go back to normal, and I’ll go back to making all the choices I have to make, and some of them will make me feel bad and privileged, I’ll make art, I’ll play video games, I’ll spend time with friends, and even when I don’t mean to I’ll be selfish no mean. I still want to try my best for this world and those that still need help and faith in humanity, I’ll do my best to help those in need and stand on the side of justice, and I truly hope that all the little that we do can be enough to make a difference in this cruel world.

From the river to the sea, Palestine shall be free.

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thewoesoftime · 1 year

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Working through my obsession with being loved and fomo

If you want to be a good writer, you really do have to write. So goes the logic for literally everything else you want to do but there seems to be a crucial gap between me and writing - dreadful isn't it. I probably need some direction, I'll do exercises and things. I think first I should prioritise this because, for one, its dreadfully therapeutic and unfortunately, annoyingly, works really well to alleviate some stress and cut off vicious cycles of thinking. Here's what I was falling into - it was a bloody insta post from alfie, him and taylor and andrea and probably miriam all of them having a great time, I am muting all of them (I can't presently do taylor but i will when she posts) oh and tina just all of them cause i just watch their stories and pity myself about them not liking me and about taylor being a prick to me and how if i had gone to uni with them this year probably maybe i would be a part of all this. I need to be able to move on, and sometimes i feel like I have but I also have all this pent up emotion, Idk i guess i'm just not used to it and its a fact of life that sometimes people just don't like you anymore or don't want to be your friend or don't have energy or care about you or maybe never did, but it is very hurtful what can I say. There are so many other cool people and I am going to make great friends of my own when I go to uni but gosh darn what a stress. Anyway I think that whenever one of them posts something I watch it and feel bad about myself and I really have to let it go because that's a self destructive behaviour and all it does is feed the demon inside that wants to know what they're doing and all that. God its dreadful. I look forward to not caring, and obviously being abandoned makes you romanticize it. God am I to her what alex is to me? what an embarrassment, I look forward to the day I don't care. I made Sara my friend, she likes me, there really is nothing wrong with me. Andrea was never that great of a friend, I don't really even like Alfie, and Taylor I loved dearly, though she is very flawed. So it is fine to not be a part of it, Taylor was hurtful and when I get the chance to talk to her I will, but I shouldn't have to be fixated on this. I should allow myself to be free from concern about this.

Oh now the Nick complaints, Nick has been ignoring me completely going on two weeks now and more or less ignoring me before that. It makes me worry there is something wrong with our friendship or that whatever I may have done to Taylor she's told him about and now he doesn't love me. It's probably not that. I think Nick is just not that great of a friend, as in I love and adore him, but he's not able to be there you know ? He's in his own world, he's not reliable, and he's busy, he has work, and he's not a bad person and he's not a bad friend to have , and maybe he can give it to other people in a way he can't give to you! Maybe its true! But my anxiety about being loved and being loved the most shouldn't dictate how I feel about my friend. I need to understand that he is who he is, that there are circumstantial factors, but you have to understand who people are by what they show you, and what Nick shows me is that when he's there, he's there and it's amazing, but when he's not he might not be for a while. And also he has a boyfriend, but Nick is Always going to have a boyfriend, that's part of who he is, so I can love him, but I can't expect him to be the friend that's gonna show up in the day to day. John is my day to day, Alejandra is, and part of that is also who you're close to geographicaly and what your relationship has been through in the past. Jaya and I can have that patchy communication and it's wonderful, Ella and i have more time under our belt. So it's upsetting that he won't make you a priority as you do him but you gotta know this is part of who he is, and part of who he is, also, is not being very well i suppose in various ways and this is how he protects himself in many ways.

You see isn't it great to work through these things, what I need is a new institution where people are trying to make friends, the french course would be a great shout, honestly I think I might be up to it at this point, I need to book things and not just speculatively look, I also think I really need to drop the social medias, if I were living my dream life right now what would I be doing? I'd be writing and winning competitions and jobs, and I would have a girlfriend, and I would hang out with my friends all day. That's another thing being on this year is teaching me, not having to feel in demand all the time. What I loved about school and going out, at least in part, would be the performance of the thing, I want to feel wanted and seen and cool and loved and respected, so living with only my own eyes to watch me is a weird thing to go through. (Important to note also that there were so many days at schools that I wasn't in demand, that my friends wouldn't hang out with me, that I didn't crash into anyone or make them laugh, and actually I think a lot of the anxiety I have about these daily interactions is that feeling of giving a performance and wanting to impress). You see the writing really helps unravel my brain.

Well there you are, I'll see you tomorrow, I'm taking the apps off my phone and today I am trying to commit to asking myself to live my dream life.

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dontdowhatisayandnobodygetshurt · 3 years

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Man I really, really fucking hate my writing. Every time I somehow find a writing style I really like, one that’s efficient and enjoyable to write in, I get super excited and happy that I’ve found ~my style~. That kind of writing makes me feel so good it’s like I’m high. But I can’t control what style I write in. So I just lose it. Every fucking time. I know I CAN write like that, I know I’m capable of it, but I just can’t do it, I don’t know how to replicate it.

I fucking hate the style I’m stuck in. I want to write but every time I try it’s so boring and hard and bland it just drains me and makes me feel miserable and angry. I hate it so much, I hate it, I hate it. I hate that one person ruined the thing that brought me the most joy in life I fucking hate it and I hate her.

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9tzuyu · 3 years

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dark red

request: hii i’m not sure if you’re accepting requests rn,,, if you aren’t i’m sorry please ignore this djfjdhd could you write a nat x reader based off the song dark red by steve lacy �� specifically the lines “don’t you give me up / please don’t give up / only you, my girl / only you, babe” — kind of like the tiktok trend going on right now

note: anon im so sorry i really hope this was okay. i can try and rewrite it if you want though 😭 i kinda hate it but i hope its good enough for you :[

aLSO SORRY THIS IS SO LATE.

i proofread this as quick as i could so all mistakes are mine.

warnings: none, a little angsty, terrible writing.

🏷: @c-is-writing @wandaromanova @nermalina

. . .

everyone knew natasha to be a very self-assured woman. she knew everything about herself; what she liked and what she didn’t like, who she tolerated and who she trusted. her history with just about everyone she’s close with dates back years, sometimes decades. it was very rare that she met someone knew whom she gave her complete trust to.

meeting you caught her by surprise, something that doesn’t happen to natasha very often. your presence was refreshing, authentic, new. it was the very thing natasha didn’t know she needed in her life.

natasha watched your every little movement any time you were around. you intrigued her, held her attention by the very strand of your hair. something about you was special and she couldn’t seem to get enough.

so she allowed herself to have you, to enjoy you, to be with you. over a year into the friendship, you suggested the idea of becoming something more than just platonic. you wanted a relationship with the woman.

natasha accepted your proposal with a bright smile and a gentle kiss on the lips. she’d been more than relieved you asked her because the false belief that she was undeserving trampled any courage she had.

it was hard to know when something was truly bothering natasha, but sometimes you were able to see the light dull in her eyes, or the uncontrollable fidgeting she’d accidentally let slip.

which is exactly what you were dealing with now. for the past few months you’d begun to notice a slight change in natasha’s demeanor. little by little she began to distance herself in ways she knew would be looked over, at least for a short amount of time.

natasha started out small. rather than having her face meet yours, she’d turn her back against your front while you slept. she couldn’t bear to look at someone who deserved so much better than what she could ever offer.

you meant the entire world to natasha, she would quite literally do anything to protect you. that being said, natasha felt the need to protect you from her.

a couple of weeks after her initial push back, you noticed the way she’d flinch when you tried to hold her. it was almost invisible, but you knew natasha more intimately than anyone else ever had, which made it easier to recognize all the small things everyone else missed.

then you caught onto the fact that she started leaving the bed early in the morning, as if she was promising herself not to see you. natasha also started to work more. longer hours, nights she had to be away, and minimal effort to keep in touch kickstarted the fighting.

just as everything else did, it started off on a smaller scale. you’d send texts clearly stating how upset you were by her choice of actions. natasha would always have some stupid excuse on hand as a response though.

things began to escalate when natasha willingly booked her days off into cheap motels that reeked of cigarettes. the redhead would often find herself sitting on the floor beside her bed, breath saturated in store-bought vodka. the russian felt cheap and disposable, just as she did when she was a kid being used by the hands of a man with no morals.

when natasha chose to go home she’d return with her hair knotted, tied loosely in a bun with an apology already made.

this went on for nearly two months before you’d finally decided enough was enough. you’d given her time, space, everything you thought might help, but she never made any attempt to reciprocate your efforts.

so now you stood leaning against the wall across the living room, natasha anxiously settled on the couch directly in your line of view. your focus was solely on the spy. and despite her best efforts at trying to hide it, you could tell she was uncomfortable.

“i’m sorry...” she croaked, voice hoarse from her night full of crying.

“i know you are.”

natasha’s fingertips met the edges of her teeth, followed by the familiar sound of a snap.

disgusting. natasha felt incredibly disgusting, which in turn made her own self-hatred rise to a level she’d never met before. because how could she? how could she sit here and make you suffer through her own self destruction? natasha knew she was causing you pain, a kind of pain you didn’t deserve.

“i wish you would talk to me and tell me what’s going on, nat. i can’t keep doing this with you and you know that.” you watched as she clenched her jaw, swallowing a breath as her leg bounced sporadically against the wooden floor.

“i don’t deserve you. i don’t deserve you at all.” her eyes faltered.

you bit your lip, not understanding where this was coming from. “what makes you say that?”

“because it’s true.”

“there’s nothing true about that statement, natasha.”

“but there is!” she practically begged, “i’ve done so much wrong, damaged so many people, ruined so many lives. there’s nothing good about me, and there’s so much good in you.”

you moved closer to her, words ready to fall from you lips about how wrong she was. noticing this, natasha began to trip and stumble upon her sentences as you enclosed your proximity. you frowned having not been used to seeing her in such distress.

“it sucks because i love you. i love you so fucking much—” her lip began to quiver, “—and i’m sorry. i’m so fucking sorry that i still selfishly need you. just please, please don’t you give me up. please don’t give up. i’ll be better, i’ll do better.”

you didn’t bother listening to the rest of what natahsa was saying because just as you’d previously stated, none of it was true. there was nothing that natasha could say that would change your mind. you knew her as the person she is, not the person she was.

“nat? nat look at me.” you tried.

it was only then when natasha noticed how close you were. she tried to pull away, but you were quick to stop her by by a small, fragile grasp of the wrist.

“natasha.”

the redhead stopped midway through her movement, green eyes trailing from your hand all the way up to meet your own.

“yes?” her voice cracked.

“i would never consider giving up on you, natasha. ever. don’t you know? it’s only you, my girl. i love you — only you, babe.”

“yes, but-”

“but nothing. your past doesn’t define you. that’s what you’ve told me hundreds and hundreds of times, right? i need you to hear me out on this.” her hum was the only response you got, but you chose not to fight it.

“you are not the finished product they made you to be.” although hesitant, she nodded. “you’re good, natasha, you are. i know you’ve spent the last decade it seems, trying to make up for all the wrong that you’ve done, but at some point you have to forgive yourself. you were never at fault. i know you know that, but i need you to believe it.”

you leaned closer, connecting your forehead with hers knowing how intimate that felt for natasha. “i don’t want anyone else. i only want you— only you, darling.”

natasha nudged her nose against yours as if she was asking for permission to kiss you, but you let her take the lead, let her take the time she needed to before she pressed her lips against yours.

“i love you more than you will ever know.”

you giggled into the kiss, “you’re wrong about that, natty. you know you are.” she rolled her eyes, pulling away from you to push you on your back.

“shut up and let me appreciate you.”

you smirked, looking up at the redhead. “oh yeah? and how are you going to do that?”

“you’ll see.”

“oh i’m sure i will.”

“yeah. you will.”

#natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanov x reader #black widow x reader #natasha x reader #avengers x reader #black widow imagine

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naynay5155 · 3 years

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C!Tommy’s Storyline With C!Dream Is A Very Concerning Depiction Of Abuse

Wild Title

Okay, I’m sure that this probably isn’t too new information for anyone paying attention to the overall story of the DreamSMP, especially C!Tommy’s storyline, but I figured I’d give my two cents for this anyways.

C!Tommy is an Abuse Victim who has gone through horrific stuff at the hands of C!Dream. This is not an arguable fact. regardless of if C!Dream had reasons for doing what he did, if C!Dream also later gets abused, or if ultimately the abuse portrayal could be considered in some ways flawed or unrealistic, that stuff doesn’t ultimately matter. Because we’ve seen what happened to C!Tommy during Exile, have seen the physical, emotional, and mental abuse he was put through. Just because they won’t call it Abuse doesn’t mean it isn’t Abuse.

Now, C!Tommy being an abuse victim is an interesting idea from a storytelling perspective. It has a lot of potential to lead to genuine character development, or to affect relationships and story beats in interesting ways. And it could be an interesting way to really say something about abuse and coping with it.

And to an extent, an argument could be made that it has, though I’d argue the exact way those are handled in canon, but not the point. The point is, abuse is not just something that you get to gloss over. If you want to include themes of abuse in the story, a story you are making available to the public for millions to see, then there needs to be a clear and obvious message being portrayed with including abuse in the story. Preferably, that abuse is bad, and can have majorly negative effects on anyone, especially children. We don’t always get that lucky, but whatever.

But, from my months of watching the story of the DreamSMP, and trust me I’ve been here a long while, I haven’t seen C!Tommy’s abuse being handled very... well. I could, of course, be wrong in some aspects, and maybe be misremembering stuff since this dumpster fire has been happening for a year now, and feel free to correct me or bring up more points if you know something I don’t. But, I still think that overall, I have a point of view that should be considered.

So basically, C!Tommy is an abuse victim, right? this is easy to see, very obvious in the way he acts and behaves. Or... is it?

Abuse is a complex topic and one that, in real life, presents itself in all sorts of forms. Many abuse victims were raised in unloving homes and ended up becoming more vulnerable to abuse later on in life as a result of that. Others never properly learned how to express emotions or turn people down and got taken advantage of. Others were abused from the start, and develop various ways of coping and dealing with that, even ways that they might not be fully conscious of themselves. Abuse is not a one-way street, it could hardly be considered a street at all given how diverse and differing the people who experience it end up developing into are.

So I’m not saying that, if C!Tommy were a real person, that he isn’t “Being traumatized enough” or that “Why isn’t he more like what I expect him to be like?”. That is not what I’m saying at all.

What I am saying, is that C!Tommy is a fictional character who exists within a narrative, a story. And in a good story, consistency is half the battle. I, as the audience consuming the story, need to be able to look at C!Tommy and pick up on and understand the effects abuse has had on him. And these effects need to be consistent, otherwise, as an audience member, I’m going to get confused and start having questions about why he acts one way here but doesn’t somewhere else.

I also need to be able to clearly see and understand, by being given narrative stepping stones, if something is changing for his character.

As the saying goes, “Show don’t tell”. C!Tommy can’t just say he “Goes to Puffy for Therapy” offhandedly one time, as a means of handwaving away why he doesn’t really consistently act as traumatized as he used to even though it’s literally only been a few weeks, or months at most. To explain how he can jump back between being really sad and depressed about something, to joking about Women and Twitter. It seems weird if he’s able to just so seamlessly, so effortlessly, go back and forth. Almost as if he’s bouncing between OOC and IC, but that’s a whole other discussion.

Sure, C!Tommy is representing real mental health issues, but he is, ultimately a Fictional Character existing in a story. I need to be given signs, proof, foreshadowing, to explain when he has certain reactions and behaviours in order to understand his character. And these need to be consistent, otherwise we get plotholes and general confusion.

I criticize the inconsistency and the offscreen handwaving because it’s generally not very good writing. It’s the same reason I disliked Eret’s basically off-screen-sort-of-redemption-arc. It’s the same reason people dislike it when Villains of previous seasons suddenly come back as fully reformed good guys for seemingly no reason. There is no arc, no development, no progress is shown to us.

Because when you’re telling a story about a character having some major change or developing in some way, or having an important character trait, if I don’t see it on screen, then it didn’t happen. How am I supposed to root for C!Tommy’s progress, or understand what he’s doing to progress, if a never see his coping mechanisms? His therapy appointments?

You can’t just say something, or inconsistently portray something, and expect me to jump through hoops to connect these nearly transparent dots that keep getting thrown around.

Show don’t tell. Show me Tommy getting better, because otherwise you’re just telling me he made character development, and showing me this completely different character as proof. No, last I remembered C!Tommy was having panic attacks and yelling when C!Dream was even mentioned. You can’t tell me that a day later he can interact normally after days of being in the prison and a month of being dead.

Or, if you are gonna have him flip flop back and forth, don’t have it be so sudden and jarring, give an explanation. Is he faking being fine? Does he have memory issues? C!Tommy doesn’t read to me as the type who’s good at suppressing his emotions, he wears his heart on his sleeve. So you’re going to have to explain, clearly, in a way that isn’t ambiguous, what’s happening with C!Tommy here.

You’re not really saying anything about the abuse C!Tommy goes through, if all of that trauma is automatically wiped from the story when the writers get too lazy or too scared to keep it in. At best, you are showing abuse and trauma for the sole purpose of showing it, with no intention of properly dealing with and addressing it in the story. At worst, you are basically just doing torture porn.

Pain, Hurt, Trauma for the sake of it. Not with any goal in mind. Just for the drama of it, or to hurt the audience.

And then your audience is just supposed to take that content in uncritically, and they gain no true understanding of how abuse victims survive and cope after their traumatic treatment.

Exile Arc sure did a good job at making C!Tommy suffer. But as soon as that arc ended, a lot of the stuff that happened in it went completely glossed over and unaddressed for a long while. That might have been fine in the lead-up to Doomsday, since a lot of plot stuff had been going on and stopping to handle C!Tommy’s issues might (Might is heavily doubted cause it certainly isn’t impossible) mess with the pacing a bit. But then after Doomsday, there isn’t really any excuse to put it off. Because nothing was really happening for a good while, and nobody had anything to do plotwise.

And this became even more true with C!Dream being locked in Prison. Nothing was really happening, so what was stopping the story from taking the time to properly discuss and deal with this stuff?

Well, nothing really. So, the Hotel Arc happened. And oh boy, was it a mess.

So, C!Tommy being angry at C!Dream for the abuse and trauma he has suffered at Dream’s hand isn’t an issue. It’s an incredibly common thing for victims to feel angry at their abusers, and to even go so far as to wish for vengeance against them in some way. And that’s a totally valid and fine feeling.

You’re hurting, you’re scared, you’re in pain. I get that. When we’re hurting, we don’t always act rationally or healthily.

But, ultimately, that rage, and hurt, and want for vengeance is not a healthy thing to hold onto. In many circumstances with an abuse victim wanting to inflict pain back on their abuser, we run into various problems.

For one, getting vengeance on your abuser is quite frequently going to give you more emotional pain than it will fulfilment. Especially if you are young, or are letting this want for vengeance take over your entire livelihood. It does you no good ultimately, to attempt to bring pain to the person who hurt you, because not only will you often be unsuccessful, you frequently won’t find emotional healing and stability in that.

(The only exception to this rule being if ignoring them or moving on from them isn’t an option for you right now.)

Actions have consequences, and if you invest more time in that person who hurt you, then you have no time to work on yourself or the relationships around you. You have no time to heal, and this can become self-destructive.

Spending time around an abuser, as a victim, is in all likelihood just going to upset you more. You’re retraumatizing yourself by spending time around them, and as you make attempts to give them their comeuppance, you could possibly end up internalizing the methods they used on you, and just end up perpetuating the cycle of abuse again.

And even if you have no problem with doing that to this particular person, consider how fully internalizing these abusive behaviours could affect your friends or family. Frequently, even when they don’t mean to, abuse victims can internalize the things that they went through and then use those same behaviours against people in their life later on. Being shitty to your support system because of what you went through isn’t a good move, for you or them.

Basically just, an Abuse Victim has more to gain from working on themselves while finding ways to heal and overcome their trauma and abuse, than they do spending their time and energy on the abuser. Its frequently unhealthy, distressing, and self-destructive to indulge in that too much.

(Of course, I don’t speak for everyone, but from what iIve looked into and seen, this is the healthiest method of actually healing from your abuse. That doesn’t mean you just... leave your abuser alone and never address or talk about what they did, you don’t let them get away with it, of course not. It just means you don’t waste your mental well being and time obsessing over someone, especially someone who has hurt you so much.

You deserve better than that. You deserve to heal.)

Now, let’s get back to C!Tommy.

C!Tommy, instead of finding a proper means of coping with his issues (proper therapy, diagnosis for his issues, forming and maintaining healthy support systems, focusing on things he loves, etc) is shown to repeatedly focus back on C!Dream. When he was making Big Innit Hotel, it did seem like he was to an extent finding ways to cope with his shit. He was still kinda shitty and his hotel was not exactly made and run by the most morally great standards, though I suppose I can’t expect too much when he is a very traumatized teen and doesn’t really know what he’s doing.

But, ultimately, this all fell apart when he got locked in Pandora’s Vault with C!Dream. Arguably, it was already falling apart the moment he decided to keep pursuing C!Dream even when he was locked up.

See, the thing is, C!Tommy can never just… have trauma. Having trauma that he can healthily and methodically work through is something that for him as a Character, is basically impossible. His character is an angry one, one built on spite and childishness, and who holds the mantle, unfortunately, of “Spunky Male Protagonist In A YA Novel”. So, his mental health issues can never just be a struggle he has to cope with, especially not when the DreamSMP can never seem to have anything between “A lot is happening right now omg” or “Literally nothing is happening and nobody is playing on the server at all omg”.

Instead, his issues have to be seen as a battle, and they fuel the narrative of the story. Him having been abused by C!Dream cannot just exist as a thing that he as a person has to work through slowly with the help of others around him. It has to be seen as this Epic Triumph Against Evil, another battle of Tommyinnit VS Dream on the DreamSMP, a classic Villain versus Hero fight.

This, of course, isn’t too great. By C!Tommy’s abuse plotline being framed in this manner, it makes it so that C!Tommy is constantly obsessing over his abuser and recklessly throwing himself into dangerous and triggering situations is some attempt at an “Epic Battle With Evil”, rather than this being treated like the self-harm it actually is. And yes, it is self-harm, a form of it.

C!Tommy uses his trauma and issues as fuel for the story, making it so that its impossible for him to truly progress and a character, and the moment he does start growing, he has to get retraumatized again so he goes right back to where he was.

C!Tommy does not become a better person when he’s around C!Dream, nor does he find any form of fulfilment in being around him. He gets shaky and panicky at just the sight of him. He regularly has violent and explosive outbursts at just the mention of him. When C!Dream talks to him, he gets nervous and basically can’t help but listen due to conditioning he still listens to.

When C!Tommy went to go visit C!Dream the first time in Pandora’s Vault, he brought with him stacks of TnT. He did it because he wanted to mimic what C!Dream had done to him in Exile, where he would take all of C!Tommy’s newly gained items and blow them up underground for dramatic effect.

C!Dream did this for control over C!Tommy, to manipulate him, for his suffering.

And C!Tommy wanted to do this to C!Dream, because he was feeling vindictive.

When C!Tommy got into the prison, he mocked C!Dream, hit him repeatedly, and tried to boss him around. He made him write ridiculous books and verbally berated the man. He did this in a feeble attempt to gain some feeling of control over C!Dream. This, evidently, did not work. At best his success was momentary. And this sense of achievement he gained was gained through projecting his abuse trauma onto someone else.

He repeated the cycle.

After he got brought back from the dead and let out of the prison, he was much much worse. C!Tommy was now paranoid, anxious, constantly thinking about C!Dream, and had his mindset solely on getting revenge on him, by killing him.

It got so bad, he ended up doing lacklustre “Exposure Therapy” to help himself not panic when he went into Pandora’s Vault to kill C!Dream. It got so bad he dragged C!Tubbo and C!Ranboo into this, putting them in danger and putting more pressure on another two teenagers’ shoulders.

It got so bad, that Ghostbur died, C!Sam closed off even more, and C!Wilbur came back.

Objectively, C!Tommy leaving C!Dream alone would be the better thing for everyone. And yet he keeps repeating the cycle. Because C!Tommy is not meant to grow, learn and heal. He is made to suffer.

The problem is not so much showing an unhealthy depiction of a mentally ill or traumatized person. Because trauma and mental illness and the effects of abuse are not always pretty, and they shouldn’t always have to be portrayed and pretty or sympathetic to be accurate.

It becomes a problem when you get this depiction of C!Tommy’s coping being presented uncritically to an audience of a lot of underaged and young people.

Nobody in canon, whether they be adults or fellow teens, has ever tried to question C!Tommy’s methods for coping. C!Ranboo and C!Tubbo just limply went along with his plans for Exposure Therapy with no consideration of if this was a good idea. No adults really offer to genuinely step in and help C!Tommy deal with his shit, and the ones that do leave him or get corrupted in some way, often leaving him with more trauma as they do.

C!Puffy’s therapy methods are dubious at best, and the most we ever see of her actually helping C!Tommy is her humouring his toxic behaviours, and C!Tommy making offhanded mentions to vague therapists appointments we never see.

C!Technoblade stopped giving a shit as soon as C!Tommy walked off the screen. C!Wilbur was dead, and now that he isn’t he certainly isn’t helping C!Tommy. C!Phil isn’t C!Tommy’s dad and has no obligation to do anything for him as a result. C!Ranboo has the backbone of a chocolate eclair. C!Tubbo is too busy repressing his own trauma to help C!Tommy with his. C!Sam is being ruled by the prison and C!Quackity. C!Quackity has become an Ancap.

Nobody in this story is a reliable or trusted person to C!Tommy, who could properly tell him his methods are unhealthy and give him better alternatives. And as a result, nobody is able to tell the audience that C!Tommy is wrong

Unreliable Narrators are only effective when the narrative in some way has their unreliableness pointed out or proven to the audience. If you go into a story with the assumption that everybody watching will be able to see past C!Tommy’s POV and not take him at face value, then you are naive. Especially when this fandom is made up of many teens and children.

I only know C!Tommy’s methods are unhealthy because I care way too much and do my research. A vast majority of the world doesn’t have the same understanding and education on these topics, especially not children and teenagers. A good chunk of people, especially neurodivergent and mentally ill people, could very well take the story at face value and automatically assume that what Tommy’s doing is actually a good coping mechanism because they don’t know any better.

There is no clarification or safety net for preventing misinterpretation. And being of the opinion that “Well, they should know better than to trust a bunch of Minecraft Youtubers for this stuff” or “We can’t expect them to be psychologists! You expect too much” is just… not helping.

Because I shouldn’t have to explain why children and teenagers, especially those that are using these people to cope, are not always going to make level-headed and common-sense decisions. They will be influenced by these Content Creators, whether we think it’s “Stupid” or not.

And I can say with certainty that, while yes, this might be a bit much to expect from a bunch of British/American white guys who play Minecraft to handle, may I also point out that nobody fucking made them put this stuff in the story. There are ways to write a story without stepping outside of your realm of true understanding. Nobody begged these MCYTs to go and make torture porn for a 16 year old, nobody asked them to touch on topics they have no fucking clue about.

They put that in themselves. And we have the right to point out the problems and flaws in it, and criticize them for not handling this stuff better.

You don’t start applying for a job you don’t meet the requirements for. You don’t start an expensive project you can’t finish.

You don’t include elements in a story you aren’t willing to fully go through with and address in a proper and sensitive way.

#hope this makes sense #dreamsmp roleplay #dream smp critical #dreamsmp #dream smp #character analysis #c!tommy #c!dream #tw abuse discussion #tw abuse #negativity #dsmp critical #critical dsmp

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a-small-batch-of-dragons · 3 years

Text

Words, Words, Words

Prompt: Hey, prompt idea! I would love some roman angst where after POF he stops talking and the other assume that he's mad at them when in reality he is unable to speak. As a selective mute myself, I would love to read a fic like this! - anon

it's been a while since I've posted fresh Roman angst and WOW did this jump out at me and go hey do you wanna project really really hard onto a character?

Read on Ao3

Warnings: Roman is nonverbal for a lot of this story and some of the things he does when he’s upset by that are self-destructive, nothing explicit

Pairings: the found family kick aint stopping

Word Count: 4128

He didn’t do it on purpose. He swears, he—he didn’t do it on purpose.

He just couldn’t talk.

It—it hurt, of…of course, it hurt to—to see the fallout of his bad decision explode with such…disastrous consequences. It hurt to see Patton so upset and confused because everyone was expecting him to have answers that he didn’t and—and Roman will take the blame for that, that’s his fault. And it hurt to see Logan so upset even when he was just there in his lowdowns and he—he didn’t have to be so cruel to Logan, that’s his fault too. And it—

…it hurt to see that he really is just as awful as Remus, even if J—

No. It doesn’t matter.

Roman messed up. Really, really bad. And he’ll take the blame for that, he will, he—he knows he hasn’t been the best at accepting the blame in the past, but…he’ll take this one.

But he didn’t do this on purpose.

Roman doesn’t know whether it’s because he’s Creativity, or whether he’s the Ego, or what, but sometimes he just…can’t speak. Sometimes his words machine will just…stop working and he won’t be able to speak. He can normally still write or text, and he can understand when others talk, he just can’t say anything.

The others don’t know, at least he’s never told them. He doesn’t want to be a bother—or have them start to make fun of him when he can’t defend himself—so he normally makes his writing days the ones where he can’t speak out loud. It’s a good way to make sure no one’s worried about why he’s shut up in his room all day or why he’s not speaking much at dinner. Plus, what kind of a prince would he be if he couldn’t talk?

Don’t worry, he knows he’s not a prince.

But the others like Prince Roman. Or rather, they like the narrative function that Prince Roman fulfills. So he does his best to make sure they…get that.

But he didn’t mean for it to happen, not like this.

He…he knows he messed up after the wedding. He sunk out and made it to his room and fell to his knees, hurt from everything and then some. The bruises hadn’t shown through his costume or gotten too far down his sleeves, but he—he still felt them. He tried to get up and make it to the shower to just wash off the day—the week—the month but getting his arms up to peel away the costume left him panting and he just wanted to curl up and sleep until everything stopped hurting.

He managed to get himself into the shower and felt his tongue become lead in his mouth.

He cleared his throat to try and make a noise but all that escaped was a soft rush of air.

It…hurt.

It wasn’t gone by morning. Most of the time he can sleep it off or—or if he just gives it some time he’ll—he’ll be fine but it wasn’t gone. His tongue lay there, useless, and he couldn’t say a word.

That was okay, though, he could—he could make this a writing day. He wouldn’t dare touch anything he wanted to make for Thomas, his hands would shake too much and he—he doesn’t know what Thomas wants anymore so he wouldn’t get it right even if he could try.

No, no, he could…he could write things for him today.

Not as a reward for his atrocious behavior, not anything that would be read by anyone else or be useful in any way, but just to…to get some of the worst bits of him out so he wasn’t absolutely abominable when the others wanted him again. Yes, today he could…write.

‘Writing,’ what an interesting word for being willing to sit and bleed for others to see.

Roman’s words don’t so much as pour out of him as much as he sets his fingers on his keys and then can’t control his typing. He just—it hurt and he knows that no one else would want to hear about his hurt so he pours them out into the blank spaces in the white page and tries to imagine that maybe, maybe, someone would read them and see how badly it hurt and pull him close and tell him that everything would be okay.

If maybe, if he wrote a story good enough, if he made it hurt enough, someone would care.

He sits there and pours into the blank document until it’s panting and weary from the torrent of words, until his hands ache and the tips of his fingers are worn warm and raw from the click-click-click of the keys. Until the hurt he feels gathers up into a small, dark well just under his tongue, right in the bottom of his jaw, itching and screaming to get out. It leaks out down his arms, making the inside of his wrists tingle as he types.

No one will read this, no one will see it. These words won’t see the light of day anytime soon.

And Roman’s tongue is still made of lead.

He takes his words and lets them tumble clumsily out of his hands, trying in vain to scoop them up and shove them out of his mouth instead but his tongue won’t cooperate. He knows he can’t talk, that he can’t force it, that trying to make it happen will only lead to more pain.

But he wants to try.

When his words aren’t back by the next day, he swallows what’s left of his pride, which isn’t much, and goes out to face the others.

He finds Patton first. Patton doesn’t acknowledge him, so he sits politely down on the couch with a notebook and waits, trying to see if his words will come out through the pen instead of his tongue. But Patton doesn’t talk to him unless he’s asking if Roman wants a drink and well, Roman doesn’t—doesn’t need words for that.

Patton looks so disappointed in him.

He wants to try. He wants to open his mouth and tell Patton he’s sorry. Sorry for everything. He wants to. He wants to.

He opens his mouth and his tongue deflates, useless, just enough for him to sigh and hunch his shoulders in defeat.

He doesn’t want to disappoint Patton, he wasn’t trying to disappoint Patton, he wants to apologize and be better, but he can’t.

Perhaps that is the true disappointment.

Logan is next to appear because Logan is Logan and Roman loves him and Logan always gets his cup of coffee in the morning before breakfast. He walks down the stairs and also does not look at Roman which is fine because that is what Roman deserves but he wants to try.

He opens his mouth to call out to Logan or Patton but his tongue is so heavy and he can’t. He can’t speak. He should be able to speak, he should be able to say something to Logan, he should be able to tell him how sorry he is but he can’t and he’s useless.

His pen stands frozen on the notebook pages, leaving a big, dark, useless well of ink.

Logan sits down on the couch with a book and his coffee. He doesn’t look up at Roman. Roman stares at him, pleading, hoping that Logan will look up and meet his gaze, and maybe, just maybe, he can see how sorry Roman is and it will—something will be better.

“Don’t stare at me, Roman, it’s rude.”

Roman’s cheeks burn as he looks away. Logan didn’t move his eyes from the book once.

He picks up the pen and watches it drip onto the page. The pages are wet, now, so much so that when he tries to pull them apart they stick together, the lines threatening to tear as he tries to separate them.

He leaves them be.

The next few hours are spent in a loop of trying to open his mouth to say something and only a soft rush of air escaping. He tries to hold it behind his hand and say please, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be so awful, I’ll be better, I promise, but the words won’t come. His tongue is taunting him, he decides, by pressing insistently up against the back of his teeth until he has to open his mouth only for it to refuse to produce words.

He wants Logan to explain to him that talking works for him too. That the vocal chords and the muscles of the throat moving together build up pressure behind the larynx, which then chops up the stream of air to produce a steady oscillation for a sustained sound. He wants Logan to say it in that voice of his that makes it so everything makes sense so of course, Roman, you can speak, it’s okay. Everything is okay.

But Logan would never say that, not to Roman, because Roman’s words aren’t worth Logan’s time.

When Virgil comes downstairs, he tries. He really tries. He opens his mouth and everything and takes a deep breath and—

Virgil marches straight over to Logan and sits down, his head on Logan’s shoulder and the two of them could not be paying any less attention to Roman.

The wind gets knocked out of him. His mouth falters closed. He tries to open it away but his jaws are stiff and gummy, his teeth aching in his mouth as he tries to just talk. He just wants to say something, he just wants to apologize, he just waits to be sorry and have them all know he’s sorry, he’s so sorry, but they won’t know because he doesn’t have words.

The words he wants to say are queuing up at the back of his throat, weighing his mouth down and he wants to say them, but he—he—he can’t. He wants to tell Virgil that he’s sorry he’s been the worst friend ever, that he’s sorry he’s so awful to their famILY, that he’ll go away and leave them all alone if that’s what they want but he can’t say a damn word of it out loud and he’s going to cry.

But he can’t because crying isn’t words and the only thing the others want from him is words.

If Virgil notices him trying, which he probably doesn’t, he’s kind enough not to say anything.

Roman is terrified when Remus comes.

Because Remus is loud and loves nothing more than to make Roman’s life harder. If Remus knew he was nonverbal right now, his best bet would be to leave as quickly as possible because he—

Wait, no.

If Roman wanted it to be best for him, he would leave as fast as possible. But Roman doesn’t know anything anymore so he doesn’t move.

Remus, as it turns out, doesn’t care about Roman—which, why would he?—and instead flops proudly onto the floor and begins to talk animatedly with Logan about something.

Roman wants to say sorry. Sorry that he’s never done anything right when it comes to Remus, sorry that he thinks being compared to him is the worst thing possible, sorry that he’s Roman and Remus is stuck with him.

But his tongue is lifeless.

So he is quiet, flipping aimlessly through his notebook, looking for something to give his words back.

Was he selfish yesterday? Did he use all of them up on something no one would ever see? No, no, that’s not how it works, he just—he knows he should be able to talk, maybe if he just waits a little longer, his words will come back.

But then Janus appears.

And Roman needs to be able to talk now.

Because he needs to tell Janus that he’s sorry. That he messed everything up and he’s awful and he knows it and he’s so, so, so sorry. And he needs to know that it isn’t a lie, that Roman is genuinely sorry and he just needs to speak, if he could just open his mouth and say something and say that he’s sorry and—and—

Janus stops and looks right at him.

Roman’s breath catches in his throat.

Janus’s eyes narrow.

Please, please, I’m sorry, let me say I’m sorry, I can’t speak, I want to speak, let me speak—

Janus’s face cools into stone and he deliberately turns away.

Roman wants to scream.

He scrambles away from the living room and his hands fly to his hair, squeezing, pulling, trying to rip the sound from his throat because it won’t come otherwise. Trying to reach deep inside and find something, some word, some sound, some thing just to make it so he can talk, say he’s sorry, say anything.

The computer screen blinks mockingly at him. Come on, it taunts, where was this agony when you were pouring your words out onto me yesterday? Why do you ache so badly now when you know you can’t do anything about it? Is it worth it?

Nothing will ever be worth this. To have them there, right in front of him, and not be able to tell them how sorry he is.

A silent scream is the best he can do.

It doesn’t stop. His tongue doesn’t flicker back to life. Even after two days, three days, four, he still can’t manage to speak. He can’t manage to open his mouth and make a single word come out. He tries. He sits down in front of the computer and glares at the screen, forcing his mouth to make the shapes and forcing his vocal chords to make the sounds.

He never gets further than a single word.

He rushes, slurs, cheats in any way he can, and doesn’t even manage to get to the end of a sentence.

He’s panting, in tears, trying, trying, trying so hard to say something, anything, because if he can say one thing, he can say more, and if he can say more, he can tell them how sorry he is.

Roman would gladly give up all the words he doesn’t have to be able to say ‘sorry’ again.

(Logan, downstairs, glances up from his book.

Virgil is sprawled next to him on the couch, his head resting against Logan’s thigh. Patton is sitting on the other end, Virgil’s legs in his lap as he talks to Janus. Janus sits in the chair, his own book forgotten on his lap. Well, almost forgotten as he tugs it out of Remus’s grasp as he makes…something on the floor.

“It’s been quiet recently,” he remarks to himself, “almost…peaceful.”

Virgil shifts. “Yeah, I know. I kinda like it.”

“So do I.” He glances down and, after a moment of hesitation, slides his hand into Virgil’s hair. “Is this alright?”

“Yeah, L, that’s fine.”

“Aww, you two are cute.” Patton grins at them. “It’s been nice lately, hasn’t it?”

“Mm.” Janus tugs the book out of Remus’s reach again. “Remus, I certainly understand what you want with my book.”

“Art, Janny.”

Janus rolls his eyes fondly but his gaze softens as he takes in the room. It has been quiet. A good kind of quiet.

He doesn’t know it didn’t happen on purpose.

That Roman isn’t being quiet on purpose.

He didn’t do it on purpose.

Because when has anything Roman’s done on purpose been right?)

——————————————

Thomas sighs, his hands on his hips, as Patton and Logan begin to bicker for the third time in the past ten minutes. Across from him, Virgil is fidgeting uncomfortably as his gaze flicks back and forth between Janus and Thomas.

“Guys, are you really not going to do anything about this?”

“Oh, yes, because that’s how we solve every problem, just make me deal with it.”

“Okay, first of all, I said you guys meaning you and Thomas, second—“

“Oh, here we go, another lecture, oh goodie.”

“That is not what I’m doing—“

And now Virgil and Janus are fighting too. Thomas resists the urge to bury his face in his hands. Barely. Just barely. He shakes his head. The Sides aren’t normally this hard to manage, typically it’s just a matter of everyone actually understanding what’s going on and then one of them will propose a solution and they’ll all wrangle it around from angle to angle until he finally gets a workable one.

Not this time.

He’s not sure why nothing’s working, but everything that’s been proposed just sounds like another problem, not a solution. Why coming up with ideas is so hard today, he doesn’t—

Wait.

Has…has Roman said anything today?

Thomas glances at Roman. Roman stands where he always does, watching the others with a strangely blank look on his face. Thomas frowns. Roman…Roman doesn’t look great. He looks paler than usual, his face is a little poofy.

“Roman?”

Roman looks at him, his brow quirked.

“Do you…have any ideas?”

Roman’s face falls and he swallows. Thomas’s frown deepens when Roman shakes his head sadly.

“Hey, wait,” Virgil says, turning to face him, “Thomas is right. You haven’t said anything all meeting.”

“You have been remarkably quiet. Especially for you.” Logan adjusts his glasses. “Have you not come up with a single idea?”

“Okay, guys, wait—“ Thomas tries.

“No wonder we aren’t making any progress,” Virgil cries, throwing up his hands, “it’s because the guy whose job it is to come up with ideas isn’t doing anything!”

“That…would explain it.”

“Come on, kiddo,” Patton says, looking at Roman, “you must have something.”

Roman just shakes his head again.

“Of course he doesn’t want to share it with us,” Virgil growls, “he’s probably waiting for us to figure it out for him because he’s still mad.”

Patton sighs, shaking his head and putting his hands on his hips. Even Thomas wants to flush from the disappointment in his voice. “I understand being mad at us, kiddo—I’m not happy about it, but I understand it—but taking it out on Thomas? That’s really selfish of you.”

Roman flinches, his hand going to his chest. Janus rolls his eyes.

“Oh, Roman doesn’t know what that word means, remember? He’s all about selflessness, not selfishness, no, not a single selfish bone in his body, Roman.”

Virgil snorts.

“I am also disappointed,” Logan sighs, “but not surprised. But seriously, Roman, I think this temper tantrum of yours has gone on long enough.”

“Watch out, he’s gonna say it’s not a temper tantrum.”

Is…is this how they are to Roman all the time? Thomas stares at the other Sides in confusion. Has he just never noticed how mean they are to each other before? Or is this…new? He looks back at Roman and opens his mouth to say something when he notices Roman’s hand is still on his chest.

And…moving.

His thumb is tucked against the top of his fist and Thomas watches as it circles once, twice, and stops. Once, twice, and stops.

“Roman,” he says softly, cutting through the growing voices of the others, “Roman, why are you sorry?”

“What?”

“Thomas, what’re you—“

“That—this—“ Thomas makes the sign himself—“that’s the ASL for ‘sorry.’ Remember?”

Logan looks back at Roman who does it again. “So it is. But—Roman, why are you communicating using ASL, which none of us are fluent in? Most of us aren’t fluent in, my apologies, Janus—“ Janus waves him off— “why not just say that you’re sorry?”

“Roman,” Thomas asks, still quiet, “can you speak?”

They all watch in silence as Roman slowly shakes his head.

“What do you mean you can’t speak?”

“Probably just that, Virgil.” Logan adjusts his glasses.

Thomas spares him a glance before refocusing on Roman. “Are you okay, buddy?”

Roman looks at the ground. Virgil watches him for a moment before leaning to Logan.

“I’m gonna guess that’s a ‘no.’”

“How long has this been happening?”

“Yes or no questions, guys,” Thomas reminds, “and…not too many.”

“Right.” Logan takes a breath and when he speaks again, Thomas furrows his brow at how much softer Logan sounds. “Roman, has this been happening since the beginning of the meeting?”

Roman nods.

“Has it been happening for longer?”

Another nod.

“How long,” Virgil asks warily, only for Logan to hiss ‘yes or no’ in his ear, “right, um…has it been happening for longer than a day?”

Roman nods, studiously avoiding eye contact. Janus bites back a curse.

“Roman, have you not been able to speak since the wedding?”

When Roman nods again, Thomas has to bite back a curse of his own. Virgil doesn’t.

“Fuck, Princey, why didn’t you tell one of us?”

“With what words,” Janus spits, “and who’s to say we would’ve believed him?”

“Oh, sweetheart,” Patton murmurs, reaching for him, “I’m so sorry.”

At this, Roman shakes his head furiously.

“Hey, hey, easy, Princey, it’s okay, what was that for?”

“He seemed to really dislike the idea of Patton apologizing…”

“What were you apologizing for, Roman,” Thomas asks instead, “before we—before?”

Roman nods.

“Yeah, bud, you were apologizing, do you remember what for?”

A nod.

“He’s saying ‘yes,’” Virgil murmurs.

“Yeah, we got that.”

“No, I mean—“ Virgil sighs— “you asked him what he was apologizing for and he’s saying ‘yes.’ That means anything you could ask him if he’s apologizing for, he’d say yes.”

“So…” Logan looks back and forth between them. “He’s apologizing for…everything?”

“Yeah.”

And Roman nods.

“Oh, sweetie,” Janus says softly and whoa, that’s…unexpected, “you don’t need to do that.”

Roman’s mouth hardens stubbornly as if to say yes I do.

“You can’t be blamed for not being able to speak, Roman,” Logan says gently, “it’s not your fault.”

“Kiddo,” Patton calls when Roman still looks unsure, “are you mad at us?”

Roman’s head snaps up and he shakes his head frantically. Patton holds out his arms to soothe him.

“And we’re not mad at you, sweetheart, it’s okay. We’ll figure it out.”

“Let’s call it here,” Thomas says, giving Roman a nod, “we can figure this out later.”

“What do you need, Roman,” Virgil asks, “how can we help?”

“That’s…definitely not a yes or no question.”

Thomas frowns. Then he reaches out a hand.

“Hey!” Remus pops up, manic grin and all. “What’s shakin’, bacon?”

“I do not think bacon shakes, Remus.”

“Sir Francis Bacon?”

“What?”

“You two gotta stop watching Phineas and Ferb,” Virgil mutters.

Remus just grins and turns, freezing when he sees Roman. Thomas blinks and Remus’s entire demeanor changes.

“Ro-Bro? Roro, you okay?”

Roman looks up at him. Remus lays a hand on his shoulder.

“You nonverbal?”

Roman nods. Remus wraps his arms around Roman’s waist.

“I’m taking this,” he announces, “bye!”

Thomas chuckles as Remus sinks out, Roman in tow, even as Patton and Virgil rush after them going ‘let us help!’ Logan just rolls his eyes fondly and follows them. Thomas catches hold of Janus’s cloak before he can leave too.

“Are you guys always like that to Roman?”

Janus gives him a strange look. “You mean are you always like that to Roman?”

“What?”

“We’re you, Thomas,” Janus says bluntly, “we’re the physical manifestation of what goes on in your head. Or have you forgotten that your main way of problem-solving is to summon metaphysical color-coded versions of yourself and talk to them?”

“Your point?”

“The way we act is how you see us. We behave how our respective parts of you behave.” Janus gives him a look. “If you think we’re being mean to Roman, what does that say about how you feel about your Ego or your Creativity?”

Oh.

Oh, no.

“Take better care of yourself,” Janus says, softer now, “and it might surprise you.”

“You really can’t help yourself, can you?”

“I think,” Janus says, looking far too smug as he pulls away, “you mean that you can’t help yourself.”

Thomas scoffs as Janus disappears but after a few seconds, his words start to make sense. He turns to grab his laptop and opens it, finding a blank document and watching the cursor blink.

The others might not be able to listen to Roman, but he always can.

“Alright,” he mutters to himself, “let’s see what Roman’s got to say.”

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#dragonbabbles #sanders sides #fic #roman sanders #roman angst #roman sanders angst #virgil sanders #remus sanders #patton sanders #sympathetic remus #deceit sanders #sympathetic deceit #janus sanders #logan sanders

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paintingcranes · 2 years

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hi! what are your thoughts on bloodbending in atla and it being framed as this "evil", morally corrupt form of bending? do you think it could have been presented in another manner and something that is capable of both good and bad?

Hi anon! I'm so sorry it took me a million years to respond to this ask - I was busy with life stuff when it first arrived and then it completely slipped my mind. But please know that it's sweet you wanted to hear my opinion :)

Within both the show and ATLA fandom (though honestly, maybe more in the fandom than the show itself), I think bloodbending sort of became a representation of "Katara's dark side," and can be interpreted as "proof" that if she succumbs to the anger and grief inside her, the result will be destruction. That implication upsets me, because as anyone who has read my fics probably knows, I think Katara has always needed to express her emotions (including the dark ones) to the absolute fullest in order to both heal and continue being her most empathetic self. ATLA's idea of anger being destructive is reinforced when Hama (and Jet)'s storylines suggest that colonized people who "give in to their anger" become villains, which again is frustrating. That being said, I think sometimes in an effort to talk about how bloodbending can be good, people in fandom swing in the opposite direction and don't recognize that being able to reach into someone's body and take full control of it is psychologically scary (to me at least). Even though this is a kid's show, racialized women like Katara know the threat of sexual and physical violence intimately, and I think gaining the ability to reach inside someone's body can be triggering and traumatic in itself - I would personally find it much more emotionally distressing than just simply dropping a rock on someone's head or even burning them. It also does bring up the philosophical question of how much power someone should have to control another human's body. I think there should be more emphasis on how bloodbending was created from a place of deep grief and trauma (Hama being imprisoned for decades) and at the end of the day, it was the only thing that allowed Hama to escape the prison and her oppressors. It was, in that way, the only choice this colonized woman had for survival (regardless of her later actions). So I think bloodbending represents the fact that war, colonization, and trauma often forces people to reach into dark parts of themselves to survive, which I don't think should be demonized, even if those acts of survival leave emotional scars and are very morally grey. Even though I really do not like the way the narrative made Hama a "villain" by having her go after villagers, Katara similarly learns bloodbending to survive a traumatic experience of fighting a woman she cared for, and I would argue that hunting her mother's killer likely involved similar triggers to invasion and death that made it natural for her brain to turn to bloodbending again. Writing this answer very much makes me want to explore a potential storyline of Katara accepting how bloodbending has left emotional scars on her, but that she holds no regret or anger at herself for it, because once again, it was a product of the war that the world forced on her. So basically, I see bloodbending as a survival mechanism that is easy to misuse. I personally can't really see Katara being able to teach it to others, as that would involve reaching into her own trauma and sharing the scariest part of it. Also, since bloodbending evolved over decades from Hama's suffering of forced imprisonment, and Katara is able to pick it up so fast partly because she is the most powerful waterbender in the world and partly because of her trauma, I don't think there's much risk of any random person learning the how to do it by accident (like I don't see some dude in the swamp accidentally learning he can control someone's body). In my opinion, letting bloodbending die with Katara could be a statement in itself about how she's worked hard to create a world in which women don't have to turn to this type of bending (or make similarly traumatic choices) in order to survive. I'm not sure if all of this answered your question, and I suppose in a way I made bloodbending sound more negative than I intended, but what I mean to say is that the tools people adopt in order to survive can be painful, even if they don't regret using them, because they were compelled to do so by the worst circumstances imaginable. Of course, there are many other ways to interpret bloodbending, and people are free to disagree with me - I know others have talked about it being a form of medical healing, which is a cool idea. These are just my thoughts that I was happy to share, so I hope they were interesting!!

#katara #bloodbending #my asks #my writing #colonization #trauma #war #zutara #tagging zutara because it's the fandom my katara centric stories are most connected to

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winter-soldier-vibes · 3 years

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Can I request HSP + depression reader (who thinks they are just weak and being crybaby) x Bucky, please? I understand you are super busy right now and I didn’t mean to rush you or anything but I'm just struggling with both HSP and depression and couldn’t help but send it right now. No need to hurry, just when you are free and maybe when you had nothing to write. Thank you and I love you!

Thank you for the request, I’m sorry it’s been a difficult time for you! I’m here if you need me and I hope that this helps!!!

It’s called empathy

Bucky x reader

Word count: 1981

Warnings: depression, HSP (highly sensitive person), low self worth, negative self talk, swearing (that’s normal for me but this one’s a little extra), angst (more so internal idk if that needs a warning), fluff/comfort

Taglist: @buckys2thicc @babydaddy-buckybarnes @barnesplums @peggycarter-steverogers @mardema @abitgryffindorky @buckys-blue-eyes @strawberrimae @thatfangirl42 @freigeistundanderes @bucks-bunny @broadwaybabe18 @im-sick-of-failing

Taglist Masterlist

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Breathe in

Breathe out

Out

...in…

You felt a tear escape your eyes

Goddamn it

You didn’t want to cry, you couldn’t let yourself. It was stupid, it was just some shitty remark from someone when they were in a shitty mood, it wasn’t your fault, all that bullshit you tried to tell yourself. It never worked.

You were trying to control your breathing, looking up at the ceiling trying to will the tears away, biting your lip. You would not cry, not over this. Not over something that wasn’t worth your tears

Not when you didn’t even know what exactly you were crying over.

Yet here you were, gripping the edge of the bathroom sink with white knuckles, looking up at the ceiling trying to keep the tears at bay. And it wasn’t working.

Weak sensitive piece of shit.

What good were you to the team if you cry in the bathroom like a baby every time something remotely stressful happens? People usually cry when they're in pain or when they’re grieving - the only excuse you had was you were stressed or sad.

You felt another few tears escape and you angrily swiped them away, cursing yourself for being so weak.

You hated this, you hated yourself. You were so numb most of the time, especially when you were alone. You found yourself alone in your room with racing thoughts feeling like you were falling apart. Yet when you were alone you could only stare at the ceiling wondering if it would get any worse.

The answer was usually yes.

Whenever you would go on missions with the team, you were able to push aside your stress. You had a job to do and you would do it. But when the mission was over and you were walking back through the rubble - seeing all the blood, destruction, fear - then it would start to get to you. You would panic, you would feel tears cloud your vision. Tears for those you were leaving behind, and those who had nowhere to go, those who lost someone. That was understandable.

It seemed to affect you more than the others though. It was understandable to be moved by so much destruction. But for you everyone felt like someone you had known and loved.

You could feel the grief in those left behind, feel the sadness and pain that they were going through.

The same was true when you weren’t on missions. When those who were on them would come back. Whether they were injured or their eyes were saddened - you knew when a mission was rough. You would listen, you would be there for people. It was easy to talk to you, and you were very wise.

But it still overwhelmed you. You couldn’t say no, you didn’t want to. You wanted to help but it would be so emotionally taxing for you. So behind closed doors, you would break. Be there for others, listen when they need to talk, others come first - you took their emotional pain onto yourself.

You were grateful that you could help - but in the process it was hurting you.

You allowed yourself to feel sad when you were alone in your room. No one could see you be weak in the dark of your room. But you never cried much just from the pure exhaustion of your thoughts. Sometimes you wanted to, just feeling so incredibly empty that you just wanted to have an ugly crying session curled up in bed.

But you didn’t get to make that choice.

The crying wouldn’t come until the absolute worst times. If you had messed up on a mission, if Tony said something a little too harshly because to him everything was a joke, seeing something gruesome on a mission- whenever it came to someone else getting involved, the tears would come. Hell sometimes even being overwhelmed in public would be enough to start the waterworks.

You always felt so fucking weak for it. The slightest environmental stressor could stress you out too much and move you to tears. You had no reason to be upset most of the time. But you would get angry at yourself for being upset, which would make you more upset that you couldn’t control it, making it harder to control.

It was a vicious cycle.

Lately it had been popping up more and more recently. Smaller things were upsetting you more than usual. You were becoming more sensitive to external stimuli and as a result, you spent as much time as you could in your room. You were embarrassed by yourself. Both by your emotions and by your inability to control them.

This time you were just upset that you were upset. It had been a long night the day prior, just a lot of paperwork to do. There had been a mission earlier this week that you hadn’t been assigned to, but it had been brutal for everyone who had gone. So far today had been a normal day by anyone’s terms, an emotionally exhausting one for you. One of those where you woke up tired and the thoughts of another day were enough to draw you to tears. Nothing had even happened, but apparently nothing needed to happen.

Your emotions came and went without your consent.

You knew deep down it was probably some sort of emotional build up - that whole quote about bottling things up until they got to be too much - it happened every time but you still thought you could handle yourself better than that. You didn’t want to vent or be a problem to anyone. But when you are the emotional support for most of the team and you haven’t been able to get enough sleep or take time for yourself - you didn’t have much of a say as to when the bottle overflows.

A few more tears fell and you slammed your hand on the counter, wiping your tears angrily once more. “God fucking damn it why can’t you just stop fucking crying!” you exclaimed, feeling a few more tears falling “Weak piece of shit!”

There was knocking on the door, pulling you out of your self deprecating thoughts. You gasped lightly, wiping your face again.

Knock knock

You jumped a little, gasping slightly. No one was supposed to be here, it was the middle of the night.

“Y/n? What’s going on in there? Are you alright?”

You took a shaky breath. Of course it would be Bucky who heard you. Why would it be anyone else?

“I’m fine Bucky, it’s late, you should go to sleep.”

“Then why are you still awake?” Bucky responded. You heard him sigh a little outside the door. “Come out here and tell me you’re okay.”

“Really Bucky?”

“Unless you want me to come in there, but I don’t think Stark would appreciate me breaking your door.”

You took a small breath and walked over to the door, opening it. You crossed your arms and met Bucky’s concerned eyes. “I’m fine, Bucky.”

Bucky sighed, taking in your appearance. Red eyes, flushed face, your hair was messy - you were definitely crying. He hated when you wouldn’t admit that you weren’t ok. “You know you don’t have to be, right?”

You clenched your jaw, trying to keep fresh tears from clouding your vision. “What?”

“You say you’re fine, you always say that you’re fine until you break. I heard you crying, I can see that you’re not feeling okay yet still you try to keep a brave face. And I just want you to know that you don’t have to always be okay.”

You let out a breath. “I - i…” you looked down and shook your head, lost for words.

“Y/n, I’m not here to judge you. Can you try to tell me what’s wrong?”

“I don’t know,” you said looking up at him “It’s literally so stupid, Bucky.”

“Y/n, nothing you say right now is going to sound stupid.

You shrugged your shoulders, still not quite meeting his eyes. “I don’t know, I just get so worked up sometimes, but it’s stupid. I tell myself I’m not going to be bothered and then I freak out again. The smallest things bother me and I get stressed out and then I cry like some stupid weak bitch. People have it worse than me, God, you have it worse than me. Everyone here has some sort of traumatic awful thing happen to them and then there’s me and I get sad because I see other people sad,” you were crying again and you wiped at your face, covering your eyes. “God Im so fucking stupid I -”

Bucky pulled you into his chest as you let out a sob. “You’re not stupid, y/n.”

“YES I AM. I get worked up over the smallest shit, I don’t listen when people tell me to take breaks, I take everything too personally and I can’t stop fucking crying when I don’t even know what the fuck is wrong!” you exclaimed, trying to push yourself away, ashamed.

Bucky held you tightly, not letting you go. “That’s not your fault. It’s not up to you how your feelings show up.”

“But I cry at the most stupid shit and I can’t control it.”

“You’re not supposed to know how to control it,” he said, pulling back to look at you. “Emotions can’t be controlled. They just happen and it’s rarely convenient.”

“Then why do I feel so weak? If this,” you gestured to yourself “is so goddamn normal then why isn’t everyone else breaking down every other day?”

Bucky brushed some hair out of your face. “Your emotions are yours, no one else’s. No one has the right to tell you how to feel. Think of it this way - you can’t expect everyone to have the same amount of strength or stamina - no one has the same emotional response either. And that doesn’t make you weak, it makes you you.”

You shook your head. “I just feel so weak all the time.”

“And I’m here to remind you that crying isn’t weak. You are not a weak person, you are not a bad person, you’re not any of those things your mind tells you. You’re a kind and thoughtful person. You put your heart into everything you do. You help everyone you can. Mourning someone else’s loss isn’t weakness. It’s called empathy.”

You took a small breath. “Then why does it hurt so goddamn much?”

“”I don’t know. And I can’t say for certain that you won’t always feel that way. But I know I can tell you that you aren’t weak, and I’ll be here every time you feel that you are.”

You nodded your head slightly. “You don’t think I’m weak?” you asked quietly.

He pulled you back into a hug. “Not in the slightest, y/n.”

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