#not bc of any external circumstances

[gazelessmenagerie]

What would you say is your favorite thing about writing your character? Is it their characterization, their development so far, or would it be something else entirely? Are you proud of how far they've come since you started your blog? Is there anything you'd do differently if given the chance?

( Ayyy, thanks for the question. It’s been on my mind for a while now since I got this but whooo boy. its a lot tbh )

( I think its just the possibilities and fun I enjoy the most about writing any of my muses and how they range/differ from one another in mannerisms, tone, characterization and ideas that can happen or character developments that occur.  No one muse is ever static in my view and even then, I can play with their internal battles, their thoughts, their demons or principles. What I enjoy most tho is the relations they forge with other muses and see how it plays out. Positive, negative, toxic, anything in between as long as both muns are having fun and communication is there. )

( I’m pretty proud of how far they come, esp for new muses that I just had no idea what to do with but they began to shift and shape into something as time goes on and I write them more with folks. Spend entire nights rewatching their scenes, talking about their motivations and things we don’t ‘see’ on screen, going on entire tangents that may just be entire fabrications but damn if it doesn’t feel fun as all hell just to read over on them and pick out the juicy bits. Things just keep changing and they can be adapted, changed, or chucked out altogether if they don’t fit as well as they did at like 4 am in the morning. )

( Ohh HM... I’m not sure if I ‘d change anything at first, it just feels like part of the process to stumble over things, post dumb things, play it out, rethink it, change it, etc. I mean I’d probably change my tags to have more pizzaz but that’s bc I suck at like making up snazzy terms or the lyrics don’t hit me till im listening to a song and then realize ‘ oh shit, this is some X MUSE vibes! ‘ )

( Maybe one thing is to just have the chance to have other positive relations to some muses bc they are adored but they are associated with my ex and just.. idk man. its like I want to write them again but there’s still that lingering ‘residue’ like idk how to explain it. Other than that, I’m pretty content with things bc its just part of the creative process in my head and I’m trying to not be as ‘caught frozen’ when it comes to new muses and developing them from stage 1 when I have no idea what they’re doing, what’s their story, what am I doing with them story-wise in relation to interaction with others, etc, etc. )

#|| Tag: OOC #|| Tag: Kuro the Eternal (Bastard) #( let me tell you this has been on my mind but i just haven't had any chance to sit down and spill my thoughts ) #( and im still not sure if that's all of it but shh. ) #( just so far whats on mind rn. ) #( but yeah. I don't think i can ever play a strictly good or evil muse. i enjoy the chaos of grey morality ) #( or being dominantly one side but having the capacity for the opposite due to circumstances or development. ) #( its just nice to play around with that. or deal with their internal battles vs external ones. ) #( delving into their thoughts. their motivations. their backstory. everything. ) #( tho i will say sometimes there's some dry spells bc i dont know what im doing or i dont feel like im providing enough material ) #( but frick man. ) #( i dont bite. i just suck at initiating things so if theres anything anyone wants to throw at me. just throw a brick at me. ) #( i'll take a few ages bc work and stuff but i'll try to get back if discord/tumblr im's aren't being a cuck to me. )

[creation-help]

🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈PRIDE THEMED OC ASK GAME🏳️‍🌈 🏳️‍⚧️

Bc I wanted one and didn't find it so. Here

[Send ask aimed at a specific character]

1. What's your oc's gender identity? What's their relationship to their gender?

2. What's your oc's orientation? (Romantic/sexual/platonic alterous ect) Do they have opinions about it?

3. How did your oc discover themself? Did something cause them to question, or did they always know?

4. Is your oc's environment supportive about their identity? How does this impact them?

5. How did you figure out your oc's identity?

6. How does your oc feel about labels? Theirs, or in general?

7. Is there something that could cause your oc to question their identity? What?

8. Have they had struggles with their identity, be it due to internal or external reasons?

9. Are there cultural or lore specific aspects to their identity? If applicable, does their species affect it?

10. Does your oc celebrate Pride? How?

11. Is your oc open about their identity? Are they more lowkey or more blunt about it? Why or why not?

12. Does/did your oc ever wish they could change the way they are? Why? If it's in the past, how did they get over the feeling? (this can be about internalized homo/transphobia)

13. Would your oc be open to a poly relationship? Why or why not?

[Not aimed at a specific character] / [Aimed at creator]

14. Do you have ocs on the aro or ace spectrum?

15. Do any of your ocs use neopronouns? Which ones?

16. Did you ever change an oc's identity when they were already established? Why?

17. Do you share identity with any of your ocs? Which ones?

18. Do you prefer to give your ocs specific labels, or keep it unspecified? Why? If applicable, do you change their labels depending on circumstance?

19. Do you have preferences about depicting homo/transphobia in your stories? What, and why? Does it vary by story?

20. Have your ocs helped you in self discovery? How?

21. Free ramble card wee

#Oc pride #Pride 2023 #Pride month #Oc Pride ask #Oc asks #Oc questions #Oc ask game #Ask game #oc prompt #Pride ask game #Pride ask #Gay #Lesbian #Xenogender #Bisexual #Aromantic #Asexual #Trans

[drunkwhenimadethis]

Hi 🤍 I’m curious, how do you feel about people taking parts of others’ personalities and traits? Do you think it’s flattering or cringe? I personally struggle with my sense of identity, and I’ve learned that I’ve picked up pieces from many different people I’ve looked up to in my life. Do you think that’s normal?

Yes…. Bc no human trait belongs to any which one of us…. Not charisma, not kindness, not selflessness, not discipline, not even evil, not even carelessness, not even certain inflections…. We are eternally entangled and all that which awakens in you some deeper desire to be whatever else you are, or acts as a catalyst for your purification, your refinement… unfurl without thinking too much, it’s all (every person, circumstance, external condition) is just allowing you to remember who you are. All clash, conflict, crush…. It makes you clearer to yourself if you’re paying attention. You jump like with the pole to different states. You be yourself 💐 We all share so much, it’s inevitable and preferred. Obviously some lost causes are personality stealers for social climbing reasons but I can sense from your message that’s not you

[gayleviticus]

I didn't really notice this before but it's interesting how in the dispute over whether Jesus is casting out demons because he himself is on the devils payroll in Matthew 12 - there's the famous bit about blasphemy against the Holy Spirit which lots of people get hung up on (and understandably so, esp if you struggle w scrupulousity and OCD - very inflammatory thing to put in the Bible @ God).

but Jesus then goes on to talk about good and bad fruits, and this line struck me: "Either make the tree out to be good and its fruit good, or make the tree out to be rotten and its fruit rotten; for the tree is known by its fruit."

you can kinda sense his frustration here. "make up your minds! either I'm doing something wrong or I'm not; can we not try to claim that I have some evil hidden ulterior motive that makes all the good things I'm doing secretly bad."

now sure, there are circumstances where people can do or support good things for bad reasons (nazis using anti Zionist sentiment as a dogwhistle; terfs making a song and dance about feminism - altho id argue neither of these groups are particularly 'doing' good things just hijacking them, but there are also just homophobic conservative churches that do run soup kitchens and food banks and yet that doesn't counterbalance the bad they do) or do bad things for what they perceive to be good reasons. but seems like what Jesus is talking about is again his old maxim of judge trees by their fruit; don't decide a priori that since X person is wrong therefore everything they do is tainted with wickedness.

blasphemy of the Holy Spirit happens when people see God at work doing good things and decide, in order to preserve their preconceived ideas about the way things are and what's good and bad, to call good evil.

and I think the reason that's an 'unforgivable' sin isn't necessarily because it's a particularly heinous one, but because it fundamentally warps your ability to interpret the actions of God. If you see God's goodness and mercy and grace at work in the world and decide well actually that's the Devil - how are you supposed to ever break out of that and truly recognise God? it's like when someone is hyped up on flat earth, creationism, anti vaxxer, protocols of the elders of Zion conspiracy theories; they've kinda destroyed their ability to even consider any alternative simply by loudly insisting any counterpoint is propaganda, any evidence to the contrary is fabricated, science itself is a hoax. blasphemy of the Holy Spirit is the same; people have destroyed any external benchmark (such as the harm and suffering being created) for judging their interpretations of scripture and faith.

and I can't help but think a bit on queer christians (as usual; I need to start finding other topics to get on my soapbox about), bc when we offer the fact that gay relationships or gender transition cultivate love and joy and peace and kindness and goodness, we get very much the same answer as Jesus' critics gave. "Pff. It's the work of the Devil." People a priori reject the good and life giving things we find in queerness because they don't want to deal with the implications of that. and so we get people insisting that bad trees can bear good fruit.

now in fairness they often do try for consistency and insist that actually this good fruit is a hollow lie and truly LGBTQ people are suffering underneath from living against God's will. but I think this view is losing its power bit by bit bc people understand it's asserting ideology over reality. it's a hard sell and not an intellectually serious position. either make the tree good and its fruit good, or make the tree bad and its fruit bad

#queer christian #gay christian #christian #christianity #religion #bible #lgbt christian

[theneighborhoodwatch]

cobbling together old discord rambles about julie and frank to make sense in a single text post because i feel like hurting someone today:

something i rotate a lot is the Dramatic Irony of a friendship deteriorating as a result of external forces trying to push them together when they were ALREADY close but not in the way that those forces intended - trying to make every interaction between them something that it isn't. i've made jokes along the lines of “genderfucking my ocs by telling them they have to be cishet” before but like. genuinely i do think there’s potential for there to be an element of one or both finally being pushed by this predicament to Deliberately seek out things they are not “supposed” to have, whether that be new relationships or new forms of self expression or just things we have no way of predicting yet.

and the real tragedy there is that if any of the characters involved had it their way, then it's likely that these things wouldn’t be coming into conflict with each other at all, bc yes they are different things, but they are all equally genuine. i know some people have talked about the idea julie turning against frank bc she does actually have feelings for him, but my own personal disinterest in this interpretation aside, i think there’s a lot more Dramatic Mileage to be found in “this person is my best friend so i only want good things for them -> free will and love are generally good things -> i find out i exist to limit their free will and/or ability to find love with other people -> Oh god. there's no way i can be included among 'good things' then. oh god. oh god." or "this person is my best friend so i only want good things for them -> free will and love are generally good things -> i find out they exist to limit my free will and/or ability to find love with other people -> Hey Dude? What The Fuck. I Have Only Ever Wanted Good Things For You.” or even both of those at the same time.

i wonder, which would feel worse: telling someone in a fit of anger against the circumstances that led you two here (circumstances are harder to hurt than people) that they ruined your life just by existing, and then having them try to turn that back on you? or having them agree with you? to find yourself burdened with the task of trying to cut them loose from you and risking your own safety in the process, or to find that they've taken matters into their own hands before you could make that decision?

#welcome home #wh speculation #julie joyful #frank frankly #public notice #i joked once that between these two and wally n barnaby that like #welcome home is actually a psyop to introduce the concept of the brotp back into popular fandom lexicon #by imbibing every friendship in this series with So Much Potential For Angst #that's still a joke but by god is it working

[kingusukaras]

some (mildly disjointed) thoughts i had about the translation of most recent leona overblot scene from the second twst novel. unsaid disclaimer is obvi these are just my thoughts and youre free to disagree. i cant stop you

read more because i might ramble a bit 💆🏾‍♀️

i'll start by saying that i'm very grateful for the novel & yuureis translations, bc its given me so much to chew on wrt leonas psyche and mental state, much more than book 2 in the game did. i havent bothered to go looking for reactions tho, bc i can already kind of predict the takes i'll find (knowing how parts of the fandom talks abt leona generally) - and i do "get" it, in the sense that i do also feel the way he tortures ruggie before he overblots is upsetting - but theres so much to dig into here, i feel like its such a waste to get hung up on obsessively moralizing

(i'll mention here that to formulate these thoughts i'm also pulling from the translation of leona's post-overblot scene, plus some moments from the game that i'll mention specifically as i go)

for example, the things leona says pre-overblot, his meltdown about dreams being stupid and useless, how the savanaclaw students (ruggie included) aren't meant to question him; they're meant to obey quietly, sound less like actual things he's trying to tell them and more like him lashing out at himself. as in, he's more talking at them, not to them. skipping forward to book 6: there we see leona give jamil advice, but the implication underneath is that everything he's telling jamil are things leona wishes he had internalized himself - again here, he's talking to someone, but really it's also directed inwards. almost like it's easier for him to look at (and speak about) himself critically when he can externalize it as critique of other people

the other thing im curious about is the distant, detached persona he adopts when he's truly angry. this'll be quick because i don't feel i have enough information to unpack it properly, but if i allow myself to spin thoughts out from limited information: it could almost be a habit he picked up as a child - something he might've forced himself to learn as part of an effort to be seen as more of a 'model' prince. if people were afraid of his moodiness because they feared what his UM (he) could do, then if he swallows those emotions maybe he can mitigate that. this, ofc, being shot through with the expectation that, as royalty, any order he gives people will obey

the final thing, for this post at least, is unpacking the way leona lashes out at ruggie when ruggie defies him. i'm willing to make the very safe bet that most of the reading of this moment is focused on leona being angry over being defied at all, or general disgust at how small and weak ruggie is (appears) to be. and while i think both of those points have some element of truth to them, i think the larger aspect of leonas reaction is jealousy. ruggie somehow, despite everything, despite all of the disadvantages life has thrown at him, still has the courage to have determination. and i want to be very clear here: this is not me saying being poor or struggling is admirable because it makes you strong - i'm not naive and i'm not here to romanticize poverty. what i am trying to say here ruggie's tenacity - a tenacity his life circumstances developed in him - is something that leona lacks, and that's what he's jealous of. he's jealous of his inability to keep having that hope, to maintain that courage in the face of his own repeated failures

(an aside: isn't it ironic that part of the reason ruggie has that tenacity is leona? leonas tutoring, leonas effective leadership of the spelldrive club, and as housewarden?)

(an aside 2x: in many ways, 'giving up' can be seen as a luxury. ruggie does not have the luxury to give up, because it could very well mean that he doesn't eat that day. for leona, regardless of what he does he's going to have a roof over his head and three square meals a day anyway, so what does it matter if he gives up? sure, he won't be happy, but he'll be comfortable in a material sense, and isn't that enough? except, of course, it isn't - not for him. as much as he tries to deny it, he's as fiercely ambitious as the rest of his dorm)

#king's meta #twisted wonderland #twst leona #leona kingscholar #disney twisted wonderland #every new translation post gives me so much more to mull over i love it #thank you yuurei

[danothan]

bigender yoshikage kira hcs 🫶

- kira's view of gender is very binary. interesting that he has a standard for women is to be hairless, meanwhile he can't stand having body hair on himself. very interesting

- i don't think kira would have the vocabulary to know about his identity rn, and if he eventually did, he would treat it as in-depth research, almost like a hobby. morbid curiosity, he'd claim

- as an extension of that "hobby" mindset, i think using killer queen as an outlet for his femininity would act as a barrier in his mind to express himself without having to actually apply it to Himself (the gender euphoria of using she/her for killer queen bc kira wouldn’t admit to it otherwise)

- KILLER QUEEN IS HER TRANSONA.

- the most heterosexual lesbian you will ever meet…

- the idea of transphobic transgender kira is so funny to me knowing her other values. she won't remember your pronouns bc she will not care to refer to you in general, but even if she did, any pronouns besides he or she are “gramatically incorrect and/or superfluous.” okay multi-pronoun user

- would claim that he doesn't need external validation for his gender and that it's nobody's business, but it's rly due to internalized transphobia and his fear of sticking out that he doesn't leave the closet :(

- she has her moments though. maybe one day, she's painting her “girlfriend's" nails a lovely shade of purple when she realizes it goes with her suit. she applies the polish to her own nails to test the theory, and sure enough, it's a perfect match. she tries not to think about why it disappoints her to wipe it off before work

- in his mind, it was never a feeling of choosing one or the other but rather the feeling of being incomplete. kira is someone who rly values routine and balance, so i imagine that this applies to gender too, in that masculinity and feminity are two sides of the same coin to him. i don't think he would want to medically transition even if that were an option, but his gender expression is very much real and tangible to him, even in the most seemingly inperceptible ways

- i think that she started questioning after getting KQ but never felt the urge to seek out answers or dig deep into it once she started being able to give herself freedom of expression at home. it only became a problem when she had to hide as kosaku and was once again having to keep those parts of herself hidden (i'm sorry that this follows so many story beats of kira's murder activities, it's not meant to be a one-to-one parallel 😭 just a result of the freedom vs repression of canon circumstances)

- HOWEVER smth that diverges from canon is that i think there's a way around kira's gender expression now that he doesn't have to perform in secret but rather express himself through a different outlet once shinobu becomes part of the equation. kosaku tends to wear dark/dull-colored clothing whereas kira is more inclined towards coloful pastels. i think shinobu would pick up on this difference and start having them wear matching outfits, slowly making his closet more feminine. kira would freak out at first thinking it was some kind of test that he had slipped up on, but shinobu would only lean harder into it bc honestly she just wants to bond with her husbandwife over smth as simple as clothes. it's the first time kira's even been called pretty. he doesn't protest

- when kira gets used to having someone recognize and even encourage her gender expression, i think this would be when she starts being comfortable enough to talk abt it and recognize it as more than just a feeling. she and shinobu might even have a conversation (probably initiated by shinobu through unsubtle questions that kira was too embarrassed to dance around and would rather address head on)

- as big of a revelation as this is for kira, i don't think much would change. he still prefers to do things as they always were and doesn't rly feel like he misses out on much when he goes out in his suit and gets called masc terms; in fact, it's a comfortable familiarity. but every time he puts on the subtle perfume that shinobu got for him, well, that becomes a familiar type of comfort for him too

- shinobu: “no wonder kosaku was so repressed before, he's been so much more expressive now that she's come out of the closet ^__^”

- this is how we can make the babygirl kira agenda real.

bonus: @f0rvalaka’s genius addition

#yoshikage kira #shinobu kawajiri #kirashino #jjba #jojo’s bizarre adventure #diamond is unbreakable #bigender #gender headcanon #danbles #genderposting #part4 #💣 #meta #long post #i cant believe in all my years of loving kira ive never drawn anything for this au #juggling 2 bigender aus rn what a time to be alive #me when a closeted bigender character starts exploring their identity in their 30s thru the support of their spouse

[filmnoirsbian]

'her brother def killed her' PLEASE go on if you have the time bc i would LOVE to see you talk about this film

It's a wonderful little horror movie! If you haven't seen it but plan to, don't read this response!! This is a movie best watched blind and uninfluenced by outside opinion.

(🤚 Spoilers 🚩 Below ⬇️)

Regarding the brother specifically, I didn't initially find him suspicious until the series of video clips where we see him repeatedly filming Alice without her knowledge, which she clearly was uncomfortable with and upset about. I get that siblings squabble but it just struck me as odd that every interaction we see between the siblings shows one of them antagonizing the other--usually Matthew antagonizing Alice.

Matthew is the last one to see Alice. They're swimming together out in the lake, and then he decides to head back alone. He claims she wanted to stay out there. But then when he reaches the beach, he asks his parents "Where's Alice?" alerting them to the fact that she is missing. The dad mentions that the lake looked still, with no sign of her. If Alice could swim, isn't it unlikely that she would have just drowned in still water, without any external cause?

Then there's the dad's vision of Alice, in which she acts out the scene between her and Matthew, where she discovers him filming her and yells at him to get out of her room. Why would he see that moment specifically? What if Alice was trying to make him understand that Matthew was involved somehow?

Matthew's bruises were another oddity. At first I assumed it was just another symptom of the haunting, but Alice's ghost didn't otherwise seem capable of physicality. And the bruises developed very shortly after her death, before eventually healing. So I posit that Alice gave him those bruises during their struggle at the lake, when he drowned her.

Alice's corpse looks excessively damaged by the time it's found, though it's only been in the water a few hours (she was reported missing around 6pm, discovered sometime after 9pm). Obviously other things could have caused that, maybe she was fed on by fish, etc, but I think Matthew beating her/forcefully drowning her could have also caused the damage to her face especially.

Matthew manipulating footage to make it seem like Alice's ghost is haunting them is another thing which, divorced from all other context, wouldn't make me immediately suspicious of him. People grieve in different ways, and his reasoning that he wanted to give his mom some sort of comfort or closure would be good enough for me under other circumstances. But next to everything else, it's more disturbing, his manipulation of Alice's presence/image even after her death. And there's no understandable reason behind him donning her clothes and wandering around the site where she died. Again, people grieve in strange ways sometimes, but this behavior goes basically unaddressed.

Finally, the sex tape of Alice--a 16 year old--and her married adult neighbors the Tooheys. This one's a bit of a stretch I admit, but we already know Matthew has been video taping his sister without her knowledge or permission, and it's never really explained how Alice got the tape from the Tooheys if it was in fact taped by them. I don't remember any of them ever actually looking at the camera as though they knew it was there. What if it was actually Matthew's tape, and Alice found it? I think it'd be easier for her to get it from him, since they live together, and then tell the Tooheys about it.

If Matthew really did kill Alice, a lot of questions are answered, and Alice's story becomes even more tragic. In her dream, she feels drugged and scared and goes to her parents' bed, wanting to tell them. But she can't. She realizes they can't help her, so she just stands there crying. This could just be the heartwrenching experience of a girl who knows she is going to die and is struggling with that knowledge. But it could also be the experience of a child who is being abused by a family member and desperately wants to tell their parents, but can't.

In the end, we know that while the family moves on, assuming they've learned what Alice was trying to tell them, Alice's ghost is not at rest. She is stuck in that house, in the story of her pain, unseen when she was alive and unseen now in death. The images that capture Alice's ghost (excluding the lake mungo footage) are either taken by Matthew or feature him. The film is horrifying and depressing no matter what, but if this theory is correct, it means we, alongside Alice, have just watched her murderer get away with it.

#asks #lake mungo #an eye in the head of a poet

[siarven]

QUESTIONS FOR 15 FRIENDS

It's been ages since I got tagged in sth like this?? Thank you very much @zbdragons :DD (Also I want to see your dragon arts??) (also sorry I forgot this in my drafts for a hot second dklldk)

ARE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?

I don't think so? My parents chose my birth name bc they liked the sound. My chosen name chose me lmao. I want to keep the masc version of my birth name around as second name, but I think it's less bc it's related to my old name and more bc I like the sound of it, and it makes Mama happy :>

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?

Not sure! It was probably at a fictional story? ive managed to fix my mental health enough to no longer have regular crises :') <3

DO YOU HAVE KIDS?

nope, don't ever want any either

WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY/HAVE YOU PLAYED?

started out with gymnastics when i was ~6 (probably bc baby me started climbing street lights bc our trees were too smol xD), then switched to tennis due to external circumstances and stuck with it until I moved for uni. Here the distances are all much bigger so going everywhere by bike was enough daily sports (30-40km/day), but then the pandemic happened. Now i have dumbbells and a yoga mat in my room and do stretches and (body)weight things most days bc all my 'things why i need to leave the house' are 25+km away. i am ok with going 20km one way but not more than that xD

DO YOU USE SARCASM?

sometimes! depends on the people. i did it sooo much around my brother when i still lived at home, but these days i think it's gotten pretty rare

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?

vibes, i think? Are You Potentially Friend Shaped? :333

WHAT’S YOUR EYE COLOUR?

hazel/somewhere between green and brown depending on the light

SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?

happy endings... i like scary things, but i dislike most horror films. they have the wrong horror vibes xD

ANY TALENTS?

i am good at learning music by ear + play flute and piccolo very well (this is prob bc Mama taught me how to learn music at a young age). It's so nice to have One Thing I am not self conscious about, esp bc it isn't tied to money or anything. These days it comes fairly effortless and I love playing and learning new pieces, and bc my orchestra appreciates me I get to play piccolo + solo parts too. I also used to be very good at singing but i am on hrt now and idk how that's gonna develop xD

I also write stuff and draw things and I do the drawing thing professionally/plan on doing so, at least (rn it's just small things on the side and wouldn't pay the bills). But neither feels like a talent bc everyone I started out with was better at it than me when we were kids. They just stopped doing it. Idk. Success through persistence and spite... both my art and writing feel extremely average (derogatory) most of the time, but I guess we will see if i manage to succeed anyway dklldkd

WHERE WERE YOU BORN?

Hannover (Germany); moved away for uni

WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES?

flute/piccolo in my orchestra; going for walks with my camera; wildlife photography; hiking; learning about nature and the names of animals and plants + trivia; writing/reading fantasy books; watercolour painting; reading and watching good stories of any genre tbh; reading/watching nonfiction things on nature/history/paleontology/humanity. Wanna learn ALL

DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS?

no :( but my flatmate has a snake! his name is momo and i love him!

HOW TALL ARE YOU?

173cm

FAVOURITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL?

history (bc of the teacher); english (the years my teacher was good); art (surpriseee /j)

DREAM JOB?

concept artist for stories with heavy (fantasy) worldbuilding; illustrator (I do that already as a freelancer but it would not pay the bills). Also I would love love love to be a published author but in my head the art and writing side of things are kinda deeply related, so both pls

tagging @ettawritesnstudies @corishadowfang @lady-redshield-writes @raiswanson @kittensartswriting @monika-in-wonderland @tundra-tiger @unfocused-overwriter @big-urchin-energy @antignocchiphase @mando-ah-damn if any of you want to (no pressure), and also anyone else who wants to, I don't remember anymore who is doing tag games xD

#tag game #tagging game #about me #i guess

[theghostofashton]

i know the wip tag game was days and days ago, but I love the sound of Olympics AU, so if you haven't spoken about it, or want to speak about it more, I'd love to hear about it/it's progress 🙏

ooh hi lola thank you for this! and sorry i'm so late getting to it lol

this is one of those fics that has been living a very detailed life in my brain but has not translated to the page nearly as much, honestly. it's such a struggle because i have so many ideas at the same time but my brain insists on only working on one or two at once, rather than devoting some time to each.

the basic premise is tk joining the gym that carlos's parents own in texas, thrilled to get to train with carlos after all these years, and carlos being interested in.... basically none of that. not making friends, nothing besides training to make the rio olympic team.

but i am thinking about this one more and more as we get further into the year because the lead up to the olympics is always so exciting. the core of this fic deals with carlos's struggle to work through the trauma of training his entire life to make the olympics and having that ripped away from him when he's injured during trials, the worst possible moment.

it led me to rewatch that series simone biles did on facebook a few years ago, simone vs. herself, which kinda goes through her journey with tokyo being pushed a year bc of covid and what that was like. not at all the same circumstances but that feeling of working so hard for something, going through all that intense training, only to have it taken away from you for reasons beyond your control, felt very similar. (and also defying gravity on youtube, where tons of gymnasts talk about so many aspects of the sport, including tying their self-worth to their ability to perform and what it's like when they can't)

that's really what i'm thinking for this fic, realizing that it's impossible to guarantee any kind of plan for life and what matters is enjoying each day (tk learns this too, his story involves struggling with coaching and external pressure making him feel like his gymastics is all he's good for, and why that's not a good mindset to have)

i..... do not have a snippet, unfortunately, because i really haven't written anything for this fic in months lol but i've basically figured out where i want it to go and what story beats i want to hit, it's just a matter of getting it fully outlined and written (much easier said than done clearly)

#welcometololaland #answered #neha rambles #olympics au #911 lone star

[kafus]

the fic i wrote is called escape fantasy because it is very not subtly based on the literal escape fantasy i had as a 12 year old of escaping my shitty abusive life circumstances with another girl and being gay about it. being in that 10-13 year old range is such a weird time bc you start thinking about romance and you start becoming more self aware and autonomous and wanting to make your own decisions, but you still have zero power within practically any system in society or with your parents, and you also still have a really naive understanding of the complications of the “real world” and understanding things externally from yourself, so when in awful circumstances i think it’s really easy to sincerely believe that if some girl who loved you just swooped in and ran away with you you’d somehow survive and be happy bc fuck logistics. but of course reality is more cruel than that. i had the itch to explore this extremely bad and also i’ve been obsessed w my pokegirls and bam likodot runaway fic was born. it’s like an exploration of the reality of that but ALSO an earnest return to that escapism with all the gay bits too. i rly had to dive into my inner preteen for this one

if you missed the post this is the fic lol https://archiveofourown.org/works/54281662

#kiki was here #kiki.txt

[nico-esoterica]

I believe you can bypass the limitations of your chart with manifestation.

People do it by declaring their circumstances as null and void and they completely re-route life paths that could have occurred if they, like the astrologers centuries ago, believed that your conditioning and external world shapes your destiny. Astrologers themselves use planetary magic to do this. But you can go much, much further. I don't believe that fortune and abundance require work or are temporary.

All you have to do is change how you see yourself and your relationship to xyz. Let's talk about the biggest problem areas -

🩷 Challenging Venus aspects and placements = You have a difficult time believing you're worthy of things that feel good to you so you detach or sabotage them. Like love. You don't think you can be loved.

The fix? Thinking or believing (whatever's easier) that you're loved and adored and well taken care of. Then sticking to it no matter what opposing feedback you're given or doubts you have. Eventually, you'll start seeing people as more loving and kind and relationships will easily flourish because you'll expect they will. Then boom--You won't have the need to feel skeptical or suspicious of partners, people, etc. That Venus/Pluto, Venus/Neptune, or Venus/Saturn's suddenly bypassed. That need to force, manipulate, or run will simply be gone. And that also means any transits challenging these aspects won't be felt as deeply or at all, imo. It's no longer a 'life long lesson.'

💲Challenges affecting your 2H = You have difficulties around money. This affects most people and is more complex but I'd primarily look at this, the part of fortune (where are efforts succeed/are challenged), and the condition of your Jupiter and Neptune bc they'll show deeper beliefs around how you perceive your circumstances and your role in it. The people w/ the biggest money issues have underlying negative beliefs about it that'll be connected w/ the areas above.

The fix? Thinking/believing you're rich, well taken care of, always receive money, are lucky with it, etc. Insert typical finance-bro discusses 'mindset' in podcast form. Cringe and Capitalism aside, if the worst types of people are rich, if we subtract exploitation, and simply look at how they're thinking, what separates them from everyone else is that they see themselves and their earning potential differently and not seeing money as evil. Where I veer off is the idea that you need to hustle, suffer, and exploit others in order to succeed financially. You don't have to.

Money comes to people in odd and miraculous ways and there are outliers who make money online by simply existing and having a platform and people find them charismatic enough to pay exponentially. You get into the dirt and grime under whatever ideas about money you have and decide you're worthy, can have it whenever you want, are the best at x-job, etc. Dwell in that and the world will reflect that change. Then boom! No more limiting beliefs that'll come into play if a bad transit or solar year hits the money points in your chart.

#astrology #love astrology #money astrology #astro rants #manifestation

[legionnaireslover]

Hello LL, a former skeptic here who has been over on the right side of things for a while. I wanted to give a little insight into the skeptics' mind, based on lived experience. In short, you're 100% correct that it's all projection, especially when they talk about BC's "struggle" and "depression" because it's their internal struggles they are describing. Luckily I'm out the other side, sought help and now feeling better. It doesn't excuse the terrible behavior - of course - but it certainly comes from a very dark, toxic, and insular place.

Glad to see you saw the destructiveness of the "skeptics" in both an internal way and external one as well.

When you look at blogs like Aeltri, Gator and Msclaritea, we see an immense amount of mistrust, emptiness and rage in every post.

Basically they all are very angry people.

And this fury is often a product of their own immediate circumstance (relationship/marital problems, financial/job troubles, mental/ physical health concerns) but they aren't equipped to handle these issues in their own life. A lot of them are fairly isolated individuals.

So they transfer these personal frustrations onto safely distant "targets" - like a celebrity's private life. Suddenly THEY have all the answers to solve this celebrity's "problems"!

It's all a delusion (of course, these people don't know the celebrity, don't have any special inside knowledge, don't have any influence on the celebrity) but they FEEL like they can now control this fantasy world of theirs, at least.

So in this "universe" THEY are the ones taking action, THEY are now important with all sorts of "sources" and "answers "!

By making outlandish claims and accusations, they also gain attention and if the attention fades, they come up with NEW INFO that draws attention back to them and refreshes their feelings of control.

It's a sad cycle that doesn't help them face their very real issues in their own lives and brings disruption to a fandom that just wants to enjoy a talented and generous person.

[thedreadvampy]

Also speaking of 2012 Tumblr censorship Discourse I feel a desire to clarify this stuff about the need for discomforting language is Unambiguously Not About Slurs

and if you think those come under the same discussion of discomforting words then I invite you to think about who coins words and for what purpose

Discomforting words like "rape" and "death" are words used to describe the discomfort which comes from an experience

Slurs are words used to create discomfort in or about a person's identity

There's some muddy area around self-identifiers for marginalised/stigmatised groups - ie some self-identifiers are reclamations of slurs (queer, dyke), and as well, when people are conditioned to be discomforted by a group of people, any word which describes those people can be both used as a slur and treated as discomforting language (gay, lesbian) - because the insult and the discomfort is the comparison to a stigmatised group

and I think the reason this is important is partially that the response to that language should be different

I very much believe it's important to use specific, meaningful language over comfortable euphemism when we're talking about discomforting topics. And although I hate that we're this in hock to advertising algorithms, I would much rather someone talk about a discomforting topic using specific but censored language (eg r4p3, that thing YouTubers do where they say "when I say 'hamburger' I mean" ["rape"]. I don't like SA in this context but that's only bc sexual assault is much less specific than rape). It's imperfect, but it retains the weight of the issue much more fully than talking around it or avoiding talking about it. Tbh in circumstances of external censorship, I don't mind unalive or sewerslide or le dollar bean or whatever - it's a way to continue talking about the thing you want to talk about. It's when you carry it on out of circumstances that necessitate it, or begin to believe that you're avoiding the original words because they're Ontologically Evil, that it becomes a problem.

Slurs, on the other hand, are words designed as weapons, so in that case yeah it is appropriate to use euphemism or talk about them indirectly. It used to drive me nuts on Ye Olde Tumblr where people would use slurs in casual speech but put a star in there (hard to give examples bc I'm very uncomfortable Doing It but along the lines of "you're acting like a r*tard") as if that was what denatured a slur. And my position then, as now, was that (other than in reported speech, which is where that asterisk-censor might be appropriate) you either think the word's a slur, in which case don't use it, or you don't, in which case why are you censoring it?

Again, there's grey areas. Simplified: slurs are words which draw power from marginalised groups; to the degree that self-identifiers are Discomforting Words, it's because they draw power to marginalised groups by naming their experiences. Obviously things get muddy when different people use the same word differently.

To use the classic example: is queer a slur? yes. is queer a self-identifier for a community which power would prefer to invisibilise? also yes.

there's some personal discernment to use there on how it's appropriate, therefore, to approach this word. Should it be embraced, and censored only under sufferance, because it describes an experience which is valuable to have the language for, which may be discomforting to some but is a part of people's lives experience? Or should it be avoided and referred to only obliquely, because it's a slur? Which outweighs the other? Am I discomforted by the word, or by what it describes? By avoiding speaking it, am I avoiding speaking the word or avoiding speaking about what it describes? Who does it serve to say the word? Who does it serve to avoid it?

obviously by the fact I said "queer," my opinion is clear. but there are words about which there are similar debates that I wouldn't use because I land on 'I'm avoiding the word not the concept' - the n-word would be the most obvious example. I'm not saying the n-word because I have other, non-derogatory ways to refer to Black people, and because it isn't a word that the people it refers to would generally use to self-describe.

but yeah like there's words which inspire discomfort because they describe a discomforting thing. and if you wanna talk about the discomforting thing you have to be willing to be discomforted.

then there's words which create discomfort in their own right. slurs, insults, expletives, etc. Censoring those words isn't censoring the thing they describe, it's censoring the Words Themselves

I think it's an important thing to discern is all

#red said #somebody stop her she's doing postmodernism!!!!!

[yourlocaldisneyvillain]

author interview

thanks to @allaganexarch for the tag!!! <3

1. how many works do you have on AO3?

29! considering i only started posting in march 2023, i think that's not too bad!

2. what's your total AO3 word count?

207,225 ! it's gonna go up by a LOT with the new fic i'm planning, that one is easily gonna be 80k or more lol. but for now, it is this! :)

3. what fandoms do you write for?

i am only inspired by one (1) tall british woman lol

4. what are your top five fics by kudos?

particular

push me gently (into love)

when the last restraint is gone

violet soul

danger level - one

honestly, i am not surprised! checks out ahaha. people love rom-coms and porn i suppose :)

5. do you respond to comments?

always! even if it takes me A While(TM) lol. i feel like people who bothered to take the time and leave a comment deserve my response!

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

hmmm. my endings ten to be kind of melancholy/open ending type of shit if it's angsty. but the angstiest, as in it's objectively an upsetting ending for a particular character, i think it's either the sad option on my ruin tastes so sweet (almost as sweet as your lips) or violet soul, followed by inevitable (even though i might even consider that one a happy ending given the Circumstances. like it could have been much worse i feel lol)

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

it's either particular or push me gently (into love)!

8. do you get hate on fics?

yes, but not in the ao3 comments! lol. they Find Me on tumblr and yell their grievances here lmao

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

i only have a couple of fic that *don't* feature smut of some kind lol. i love writing smut! as for what kind...... the lesbian kind. often really kinky, but not a rule! i've written vanilla stuff, too!

10. do you write crossovers? what's the craziest one you've written?

not a lot tbh! but i think a fun one i've done is a star wars/wednesday crossover that i exclusively wrote bc i wanted larissa weems and captain phasma to fuck lololol and i wanted to feature a chrome dildo as hommage to phasma's armour. it's fun, silly and really filthy porn if you wanna give it a read lol. chrome and lipstick

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

not an entire fic, but i have had my ideas plagiarised, actually by some well-known fandom names. or if i've shared an idea in a chat that person would accidentally get the same idea and post it before me lol. so that has taught me not to share my wips with anyone but my innermost circle lol.

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

i don't think so? i don't think i'd like be thrilled with that tbh.

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

i tried, but the person ghosted me lol. it's a shame, i really like her work.

14. what's your all-time favourite ship?

i have spent a significant amount of time in the malora fandom, and i feel that illustrates the type of dynamic i Enjoy lol, but honestly idk if i have a Favourite(TM) ship Ever. i don't control what i'll go Nuts over at any given time.

15. what's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

if i *want* to finish it i likely will at some point. if i don't, that means i have lost passion for it and i don't want to finish it anymore.

16. what are your writing strengths?

describing emotional states, pacing, dialogue, Very Specific Character Dynamics, smut, incorporating Motifs(TM) and themes.

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

world-building (horrible at it, also super disinterested in it), describing places accurately and in a detailed manner unless it's Just Vibes, and i feel i'd be horrible at writing any kind of action scene. i am very good at Internal stuff, not so good at External stuff, i feel. i also sometimes get a bit too dash happy lol. just end the sentence gurl.

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i just find it distracting and unnecessary, and if you don't actually speak that language, i'd say don't bother. it comes out weird. just my opinion though! i think a phrase, a sentence, expression or a single word can be fun, but i wouldn't write a whole dialogue in another language, unless i really wanted to use it for some sort of effect. like a point being made of the character whose pov i was writing not understanding something really important or whatever idk.

19. first fandom you wrote for?

i honestly don't remember. it may have been supergirl?

20. favourite fic you've written?

i can't choooooose. maybe inevitable? i also love particular. and i am quite fond of our little dance and my entire luci/maz cinematic universe haha!! and when the last restraint is gone. i can't pick a favourite child (i can pick Least Favourites though lol).

tagging: @zephyr-is-tired @dianneking @the-frankenman-writes @alder-saan @gerrikellmansbitchboots @notinmyvocab aaaaand my brain is blank, pls consider yourself tagged if you see this and wanna do it!

#tag thing! #i will produce my own garbage and also consume it

[sewercentipede]

dosed b 0.275mg (iv) @ 7:40pm,, after 4mg kpin (sl) at 7:15pm

also LMAO I forgot that I didnt realize there was some ketamine in the syringe too when I dosed, completely unintentional result of switching syringes cuz the first one I used the needle was bent & I didn’t realize until after I filled it. I didn’t even know I still had ket. anyway idk the dose amount but it was enough for a quick k-hole(altho it doesn’t take much to k-hole thru that ROA)

anyway i was worried shooting b would make things worse if i had c diff so I wasn’t sure if I should do it so I dosed it smaller than usual (like not enough to nod/get high or anything) but it gave me complete relief from everything immediately. if itd been c diff I’d had have tons of abdominal pain afterward/continuously but i didn’t, so it ruled that out thannnk god

so it probably was the mag citrate yesterday + the linzess today + the food i ate the other day (im starting to wonder if i have IBS on top of crohns, irdk tho bc it could’ve just been crohns by itself in response to the food and the mag cit/linzess, bc ive been having acute oral/gum inflammation). think i rly needed just smth to slow my guts down and give me pain relief for the intestinal spasms and the throat ache and the facial skin pain/sensitivity bc all of it at once was too much for my body to bear and causing a positive feedback loop of pain in every aspect

not totally ruling out mild wd but i am not as worried about that being the cause bc i didn’t have any runny nose or malaise or sweating which are usually the first indicators of that, or body aches or nausea or fever of any kind, plus I space my doses out pretty well to avoid wd altogether

the rly bad noise-related pain went away immediately too and Im 99% certain I was only experiencing that bc the amount pain/physical stress I was having.. too much of that will cause external stimuli to be unbearable and audio stimuli is the always the worst/first to hurt in those circumstances. i think the kpin definitely helped w that aspect as well (even tho it made me cry a lot for like 5 mins b4 dosing the b shot, but that was rly just like the emotional stress being released kind of thing if that makes sense)

#drugs #im tired now I should go to sleep… #I guess I will see how it goes tomorrow bc iv bupe doesn’t last super long in terms of antidiaerheal effect