Tumgik
#not bashing but my brain mentally can’t do it
celabi · 1 year
Note
I’m super glad you’re back! :D
I’ve got a ton of little prompt ideas floating around in my head for scummy scara but I don’t want to dump them all out at once so I’ll just bring one for now:
what if reader asked scara out on a date?
bonus points if reader shy and stuttering because yes
here’s a gold star for your awesome writing ⭐️
Hello!! I’m semi-returned to writing!! I’m still in the hospital but I feel better then I did before so I’ll be trying to clear out some of my drafts !! 🫶 sorry, this is really short, I didn’t know how to write it 😭😭
Asking Scummy Scaramouche out on a date! ☆彡
Tumblr media Tumblr media
The lesson had just wrapped up for the day when Scaramouche feels a light tap on his bicep. It’s you, when he turns his head to the side— and with a cute little smile plastered on your glossy lips no less. He blinks slowly, and momentarily halts his actions of packing away his stationary so he can provide you his full attention— even going as far to prop up his elbow, leaning his red tinted cheek on his palm and returning your grin. “Yes, [name]? Would you like me to walk you home today? I truly mean it when I say that my time for you is unlimited.” ‘Please say yes, please say yes, please sa—’ his eyes slightly crease and shoulders visibly drop in disappointment when a head shake is what he receives in return, but he still nods back to you in understanding. “Oh, okay… no worries.”
He watches in curiosity as you turn your gaze and look anywhere but towards his dazed stare— awkwardly coughing into one of your fists and softly tapping your fingernail on the surface of the desk. “Ahem… it’s actually because I was wondering if you… uh, wanted to like, you know, hang out t-together, instead.” The first thing he takes notice of is the way your voice is in a much lighter tone then normal, which he mentally coos at. ‘She’s acting shy now… did I do that to her? Does— does she love me too?’ Giddy, that’s what he found himself feeling— and even though he knows he shouldn’t get so far into his deluded fantasies, he can’t help but to imagine you getting all flustered over him. Him. “We could go to the… movies? That’s always fun. Or maybe we could go to the park, i-if you’d prefer to talk, or something…”
“Like a— a date? You and me? Us? T-together?” Scaramouche has to make sure that he’s not misunderstanding your intentions and jumping to conclusions, because god he would be so upset if he accidentally managed to embarrassed himself in front of you if he happened to be wrong. He gulps down the lump in his throat, and reached up the tug at the collar to his shirt as he had started to feel slightly light headed from this whole ordeal. It can’t just be a regular study session, could it? The term was almost over, and he can’t rack his brain and recall if the professor had assigned any new assignments as of late. (Either there really was no new work to be completed— or he was just too busy staring at you every period and couldn’t bother to listen to the teachers words.)
The thought out you just asking him to hang out like friends would, enters his head— but he’s too delusional to care about that. And you’re so nice that he wouldn’t even think you’re trying to mess with him, there’s no way. Still, you both hang out all the time and you aren’t usually so fidgety and bashful around him, so this… this just has to be you asking him out romantically, right? He hopes so, he hopes so bad that his fantasies are coming to life and he can finally have you all to himself. Hell, he’s shifting around in his seat excitedly just thinking about it.
When you nod shyly in response to his clarification, Scaramouche is one hundred percent sure he would just Aww at just how adorable you look right now— if it weren’t for his heart almost bursting from his chest. This isn’t a dream, it’s real— he‘s sure it is from how much he’s sweating. You like him back, and though it’s a stretch, he thinks there’s a chance that maybe you love him too. You want to date him, to hug him, to kiss him, like he does you? Of course you do, why else would you ask him out. Duh.
He lets out a breath, and you take notice of how shaky it sounds, and how he looks like passing out. “Uh… if you’re sick, we can reschedule, o-or just not go at all if that’s what you pr—” you don’t even get to finish your sentence before he’s straightening up in his chair and whipping his head into your direction, a panic look overtakes his previously dreamy one.
“No, no! I’ll go, I want to!” He interrupts, and waves his arms around in embarrassment, before looking down into his lap shamefully from his sudden outburst. “I mean… I would like that… if you took me out on a d-date. Please.”
“Pftt… okay, Kuni, follow me then.”
He only nods, a love sick smile on his lips as he stands up and trails behind you, reaching for your hand and even forgetting to grab his bag on the way out because of his excitement. Loser 😔
701 notes · View notes
wangxianficfinder · 4 months
Text
Tumblr media
Fic finder
~*~
1. There is a fic that I don’t remember the name of but it was wangxian arranged marriage with heavy angst and unhappy WWX. I remember it had a line going “Being married to me is killing him” so if anyone knows it I will be forever grateful 🥰 @kanrax-blog
FOUND! Concord by Deastar (T, 41k, WangXian, Arranged Marriage, Gūsū Lán Sect Rules, Depression, Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending)
~*~
2. hello im looking for a fic where lotus pier is home to a bunch of eldritch horrors so our jiang trio have darker vibes. thank you so much for your help
FOUND? Monster in Human Skin Series by Nika_Raven_Celeste (T/M, 20k, WCZ/CSSR/JFM, NiecestXu, QHJ/WWX, WRH/WWX, Dark Jiāngs, dark au, grey morality, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Happy Murder Family, Dehumanization, Dark NHS, Dark NMJ, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Non-human characters, Morally Gray WWX, Gūsū Lán Elders Bashing, Dark Gūsū Lán Sect, Solitary Confinement, Touch-Starved, Gaslighting, Victim Blaming, Mental Health Issues, Emotional Manipulation, Mind Break, Mental Coercion, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Age Difference, no WangXian, Literal monster in human skin, Rape/Non-con Elements, Non-Consensual Somnophilia, Imprisonment, Mind Manipulation, Verbal Abuse, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Incest, Stockholm Syndrome, Power Imbalance, Captivity, spoil of war, Post-Sunshot Campaign, Conditioning, Master/Pet, Fairytale elements, Eldritch) It's about JFM/WCZ/CSSR though
~*~
3. i was hoping you could also help with finding a fic and since i don’t want to flood the inbox, i wanted to put my request here.
i’m looking for a fic/series where wei wuxian and lan wangji are both actors that work on a project together that involves them being intimate. the catch is that wwx thought lwj hated him and so there’s tension there. there’s also a continuation of when they’re happily together where wwx finds a shrine/treasure room dedicated to himself when visiting lwj’s house. it’s one of the first fics i ever read and it’s so deeply buried that I can’t seem to find the bookmark for it and was hoping for help. thank you in advance and i wish you all well.
FOUND! Feel My Love by Leffy (E, 5k, wangxian, modern, Actors, Fluff and Smut, Hand Jobs, Rimming, Anal Sex, inappropriate use of light sticks), of Blooming into the Color of Love series. shout out to asker and their brain cooperating with the details of the fic cause it made it easy to find !
~*~
4. I'd love some help finding a fic! it's a short-ish smut modern au, with gnc lwj who wears skirts and does makeup for football/soccer player wwx, but it's very much canon dynamics! i think wwx has some but not a lot of comphet in it, wwx is very amenable to getting railed by lwj after he learns that this is a thing that could happen. i really enjoyed the characterization
I know I've read 4 but I can't find it/remember what it's called argh. The Twin Jades were child stars and LQR taught them that they had to have other avenues so LXC is a philanthropist (??) And LWJ moonlights in fashion design. He overheard footballer!WWX admitting he would have sex with LWJ and with Mianmian (???)'s help he made it happen. I think the end is a fast forward years later still together/happy.
FOUND! wear me out by plonk (Not Rated, 7k, WangXian, Modern AU, Fashion & Couture, Football | Soccer, Not!Fic)
~*~
5. hi! trying my luck hunting down this fic which i sadly don't remember much of except for one scene. what i rmb is wwx seeing a comb that he wants to get for lwj in caiyi town, and not buying it the first time due to budget issues. when he eventually returns to the stall again, it turns out the seller kept it for him: wwx learns about this from the seller's husband, who is the one at the stall this time, and wwx is surprised to learn about the acceptance of cutsleeve relationships in gusu. thank you very much!!!
FOUND! 🔒 Unstoppable by Netrixie (T, 149k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Eventual Happy Ending, Unreliable Narrator, Slow Burn, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Wolf-shifter WWX, Resolved Sexual Tension, Resolved Romantic Tension, Fix-It, Werewolf, Shapeshifters)
~*~
6. Hello, I would like some help?? I’m looking for a fic but I completely forgot the name 🥲
it was a MDZS/TGCF crossover: Xie Lian joined the juniors on their nighthunt and Jingyi spends most of the time suspicious of him. At one point they all thought Xie Lian died but Lan Zichen appeared and performed cpr on him and he was fine. At the end WWX recognized him and called him grand uncle and tells the kids Xie Lian’s a god (and when they ask ‘why didn’t you say anything?’, Xie Lian’s only response was ‘you didn’t ask’)
That’s all I remember, I’m loosing my mind trying to look for it please help me 🥺🥺 I’m sorry if it’s a pain @cullen-blue23
FOUND! Lan Jingyi and the Adventure of the Immortal Cultivator by litbynosun (T, 5k, the junior quartet, TGCF/MDZS, Crossover, Just a Fun Little Romp, Minor Injuries, Canon-Typical Violence, Ghosts, postcanon, (for both books), Friendship, A Pack Of Teens Roaming The Countryside With Swords)
~*~
7. Hello! Excuse me but could you please help me with the title of the Wangxian fic that's a Gawain and the Green Knight AU? Where Lan Wangji plays the role of Gawain and enters into a weird sex game with the Yiling Laozu and Wei Wuxian not knowing they're the same person until the duel? Please? @kaitou-cure-prism12
FOUND! rare the man who'll hold to faith by Fahye (M, 13k, wangxian, canon au, Identity Porn, With Apologies To The Chivalric Romantic Tradition)
~*~
8. Fic finder request please! 🙂
Wangxian was in an arranged marriage au and WWX, in trying to get to know LWJ, hangs onto his arm or something and gets pushed into a pond (by accident fromLwJ), but WWX thinks it was on purpose and he decides to be just as rude back. I can’t remember anything else about it, but I think it had a happy ending and that LWJ had to grovel a bit. I swear I’ve read it a few months ago and can’t find it anywhere! 😭😭
FOUND! i won’t say i’m in love by kazzywx (E, 12k, wangxian, rape/non-con, A/B/O, Arranged Marriage, Miscommunication, Angst with a Happy Ending, Omega WWX, Alpha LWJ, skippable NSFW scenes, wwx’s is basically meg from hercules with his “i wont say im in love” shtick, Hurt WWX, Boypussy, WWX Has a Vulva, Intersex WWX, Dubious Consent, Feminization, Mating Bites, Vaginal Sex, Vaginal Fingering, WWX Has a Fear of Dogs, Mpreg, WWX & WQ Friendship, WWX & WN Friendship, Possessive LWJ, WIP)
~*~
9. Hi, nice ppl! I'm looking for a fic (Modern AU). LWJ is a rich lonely businessman who finds erotic model WWX online (he doesn't do it for pleasure but to pay JC's medical treatment) & falls for him. No explicit sex, WWX just shows his body (only HALF of his face to keep anonymity) & sends private set of pix to clients after paying a lot of money. LWJ becomes the best client instantly, getting more pix & phone calls, which seems to be enough 4 him (he's in love). WWX doesn't trust him, he thinks he could be a psycho, so they didn't meet YET (the fic wasn't finished & now I cannot find it). One day, WWX is in a photo session w/erotic lingery in a building room near LWJ's office, who 'feels' smth but, as he gets to the place, it's already empty & the staff + WWX gone. He founds a piece of his costume & keeps it. Sorry I have no more to add, only that WWX really needs the money for JC's health & asks LWJ to make the payments to his own bank acc, not to the agency (perhaps that lil' info helps). LXC notices a positive change in his brother's mood but LWJ doesn't tell anything to him. TYSM!xo @einherjermineord
~*~
10. Hello this is a long shot but my history and bookmarks crashed on AO3 and there was a fanfic I was reading it was about LZ meeting WY as children one of the two save the other from dogs, LZ gave WY his drum rattle, in a Yilin alley, it was cold and the thin clothed WY got a coat from LZ the author described the coat or cape as embroidery and elegant, then when the uncle and brother came to him, he turn and WY left with the drum rattle but not the coat/cape, years later they are married have children WY pulls out drum rattles and then the old one (which he used as design for the other ones) and is there where they realized are them in the childhood encounter ... I know it's a long shot but do you know what fic I am talking about? Oh and I think it has the tones of mpreg hence the children, but I can't remember much, if you could help me please and thank you
PS there is an author that used a similar encounter in "A Matter of Time" but that is not it I am so sorry to bother you about this, this author told me about you so here I am 😁
Sincerely @mysticalyunique
FOUND! As if you were on fire from within by jalpari (E, 30k, WangXian, Dragon LWJ/Fox WWX, Canon Universe, Getting Together, Bottom LWJ/Top WWX, Pregnant LWJ)
~*~
11. Hello!! I'm looking for either one or 2 fics here. I might have read them at the same time and they blurred together, or it is the same fic. Anyway, one of them has mo xuanyu and nie huaisang working together and mxy is a fashion designer that insists on dressing wwx. And then the other has a scene where wwx is at some fancy party and escapes lwj through like a sky light. It's a cat-and-mouse fic where lwj is trying to capture wwx.
Thanks for your help and all the hard work yall do 🖤🖤🖤
FOUND! To lurk, to lie in wait by trippednfell (M, 124k, WangXian, Modern with Magic, Huli Jing, strangers to co-parents to lovers, Strangers to Lovers, Dragons, Kid Fic, teenage juniors, background NieLan, Angst with a Happy Ending, Case Fic, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Not Really Character Death, Fox Spirit WWX, Dragon LWJ, Blood and Injury, Additional Warnings In Author's Note)
FOUND!🔒🧡 Rule Number One: Never get attached. by KizuKatana (E, 130k, WangXian, Modern AU, A/B/O, Criminal underworld AU, Fluff and angst, Crime boss LWJ, Rouge criminal genius WWX, Explicit Sex) #11b with the cat and mouse game sounds like kitzukanas "rule #1 don't get attached"
~*~
12. Hello again. First off I'd like to thank you for all your hard work and help. This blog means alot to me.
I need help finding a fic. It's a modern au. WWX is a hacker. I forgot what LWJ does. It's not something he likes. He doesn't like his life/work. Doing it just for family. There was a part in the fic where LQR said/asked? If LWJ was happy and LWJ said no.
If you do find this fic, would you also recommend something in this similar theme? LWJ doing things for family and not being happy and LQR finds out and regrets his actions? @lailan-rosie
FOUND? Tempo Rubato by Spodumene (E, 107k, WangXian, Modern AU, Angst with a Happy Ending, Romance, Persuasion au, Separations, Mutual Pining, Depression, Miscommunication, Emotional Roller Coaster, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Reconciliation, Eventual Smut, Jane Austen Fusion, Underage Kissing)
~*~
13. Hi, Help me find this fic🙏
Lwj is in a hostage/courtesan/concubine situation and the ones who owns him are either wens or jins. Lxc is free and about, knows lwj's situation yet does nothing/can't do nothing because of sect politics.
WWX meets lwj, a stranger at lwj's institution/lodgings and is appalled at lxc for his inaction. Wwx fights/duels lxc saying hes a bad brother. @imstillthinkingaboutithmm
NOT FOUND! The Last Concubine by deliciousblizzardshark (T, 13k, WangXian, Royalty, Emperor WWX, Concubine LWJ, LWJ Whump, Forced Marriage, Starvation, Non-physical spousal abuse, Fluff and Angst, Doing the Wrong Thing for the Right Reasons, Happy Ending, WWX Takes Care of LWJ)
~*~
14. Hi! I’m looking for a fic where rogue!wwx(?) meets LWJ who came down from the mountain just to collect books and bring knowledge back to the cloud recesses. It’s like a right of passage thing? They travel together a long time and then LWJ gets called home. I think he gives WWX a way to contact him even though he shouldn’t? And WWX ends up bringing the Wen remnants to CR.
FOUND? my rivers tilt towards you by perfectlyrose (T, 26k, WangXian, Canon, Canon Divergence, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Fairy Tale Elements, dragonji, mentions of, Madam Yu's A+ Parenting, First Meetings, Romance, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort)
~*~
15. hi ! this is for fic finder, i think i asked before but i don’t believe it was found: wangxian modern au, they reunite after a gap bc lan zhan gets into an accident (he’s fine, but it was going to be on the news because he’s a bit famous (i think it was as a tv baker) so lan xichen comes over to tell him). they get closer again and i think near the end it’s revealed that lan sizhui is lan yuan, a patient wei ying grew attached to that lan zhan adopted a few yrs after wei ying disappeared @willesnelson
FOUND? Lifelong Confidant by saved (E, 42k, WangXian, Modern AU, Fluff and Angst, Past Character Death, Families of Choice, Explicit Sexual Content, Idiots in Love, Misunderstandings, Oblivious WWX, playing fast and loose with basic real life things, references to past alcoholism/substance abuse, Alcohol)
~*~
16. Hello! Hoping to find a fic where Meng Yao I think is the main character. Modern AU, the ensemble are nurses/doctors. Meng Yao is a nurse, but like the head or charge nurse - he points out you can tell bc he's wearing a particular color of scrubs (yellow?). The plot had to do with people actually protecting him for once and his father trying to pin his own mal practice (or possibly Jin Zixun's) on Meng Yao. But Nie Huisang manages to save the day by "stumbling across" records that proved it was Jin Guangshan/Zixun at fault.
Thanks so much for all your hard work mods! @somevariationofgay
FOUND! No Drug Like Me by Justkeeptrekkin (E, 32k, XiYao, Modern AU, Hospital, They're all doctors and nurses, Mutual Pining, Eventual Smut, Fluff)
~*~
17. hii, I hope you're doing well, I'm looking for fic whose description was smth like "yuan watches some man try take away his xian-gege" it isn't accurate, and I think it's a humorous fic from a-yuan's pov where lwj is around wwx and yuan is annoyed. Thank u for ur work!!! @mercurygirlwt28
FOUND! as i stumble homewards by the_pretzel (T, 27k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Canonical Character Death - WWX, Found Family, Food Issues, Trauma, Canon-Typical Violence, sizhui pov, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff) lmao I found it myself. thank you sm for ur time!!!!!
~*~
18. Hi I’m looking for a fic where Wei Ying wears Gusu Lan robes and no one recognizes him?
I think (and don’t quote me lol) that it is after the temple scenes and he lives in Gusu land now. @kyuubikuroba
FOUND? Wei Wuxian is Definitely Not Possessed by CursedBlessing (T, 20k, wangxian, JC & WWX, Misunderstandings, Is it exorcism if there's nothing to exorcise?, General Dumbassery, Humor) maybe chapter 3 of this one? Some people recognize wwx but some don't
FOUND? How Odd by bedheadrat (M, 35k, WIP, Case Fic, Fluff and Smut, BAMF WWX, Protective LWJ, Possessive LWJ, Rich LWJ, Genius WWX, Separation, Anxiety, Evil Plans, Touch-Starved, LWJ 's white robes kink, Attempted Kidnapping, Attempted Seduction, Misunderstandings, Not Cheating, Threats, Vandalism, Stealing, Canon Compliant, Post-Canon)
~*~
19. hello! i am looking for a fic, if you don’t mind helping me ☺️
i believe in the fic wwx and lwj used to know each other well (or were together? i cant remember), and wwx came back to lwj’s life with baby sizhui. the baby is also lwj’s i think? but lwj didnt know prior to wwx’s return. the fic is set in modern times, so lwj is a rich boss running a company and wants to provide wwx and baby sizhui everything they need. theres this one scene where lwj gets overwhelmed about the whole situation, so he starts making lists: schools for sizhui, putting wwx on lwj’s uber plan, etc etc.
i’ve been looking for this fic for a very long time but my hands still come up empty. thank you very much!
FOUND? Family Pictures (Or: “Mark Rothko is very, very dead, Wei Ying.”) by belleweather (M, 37k, WangXian, Kid Fic, Post Mpreg, Modern AU, Cindarella Story, Mistaken Identity, Mistaken for Being in a Relationship, art conservator lwj, idiot WWX, (he gets better slowly), shockingly little actual sex omg what happened to me, fake/mistaken cheating, no actual infidelity)
~*~
20. Hey, I'm losing my mind looking for this fic where wy fall in love with 3 different people he meets(like gamer id, chat id, irl id) but they're all lwj.
Any idea which fic this is? @imstillthinkingaboutithmm
#20 it's not duo with you.
Actually I'm currently reading duo with you and that's is when i remembered about the 3 identity fic i can't find.
Duo with you is very nice to read, thanks
NOT FOUND! The Best Gift by Lan_Wangjoe (E, 45k, wangxian, Modern, Mistaken Identity, Miscommunication, Fluff, Family Dynamics, Falling In Love, Idiots in Love, Dorks in Love, Nice LQR, Meet the Family, Nerdiness, Science Boyfriends, Science Experiments, Fake Science, Science Husbands, Geeks, Work Contains Fan(s) or Fandom(s), Fandom Allusions & Cliches & References, Adopted Sibling Relationship, Adopted Children, Marriage of Convenience, Secret Marriage, Didn't Know They Were Dating, Stupidity, Himbo LXC, Lan Himbos, Lán Family Feels, Making fun of the Lan's again, Everyone Is Alive, Everyone Thinks They're Together, Good Parents JFM & YZY, Genius WWX) Wwx is a "true genius" that was obsessed with books written by lqr. He's fav character is hgj, online frenemy is lwj, and irl genius rival is lz
NOT FOUND! Duo With You by Nyatci (T, 48k, wangxian, JFM/YZY, JYL/JZX, modern, College/University, , Gamers WàngXiànCasual Gaming, enemies to lovers (sorta), Secret Identity vibes, they play league of legends, Kinda Crack but treated very seriously, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Comedy, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Abusive Jiāng Family, Eventual Happy Ending, Ga(y)mers WangXian, now with fanart, WIP)
~*~
120 notes · View notes
wotw round 1
Tumblr media Tumblr media
propaganda under the cut!
will graham:
OMG where do I even start??? A lot of the fandom (not the whole fandom, but a lot of them) are obsessed with Will Graham being traumatized helpless baby boy sub and it's just like… Hello? Did you watch the same show as me?
"Oh no he got his brain caught on fire with encephalitis he needs his big strong psychiatrist Hannibal to take care of him and spoon feed him and protect him from the world"
"Oh he's in love with his friend Alana but she just sees him as a friend and a psychiatric project I just need to wrap him in a blanket and cuddle him and protect him from all these people who hurt him"
Like the list goes on and on but guys, come on. Will Graham lives by himself with his 7 dogs and takes care of all of them. He's an FBI agent. HE'S LITERALLY KILLED PEOPLE BOTH WITH HIS BARE HANDS AND WITH WEAPONS. THIS MAN IS A SCRUFFY OUTDOORSMAN WHO'S LIKE 6'0" AND MAYBE NOT BUILT BUT DEFINITELY NOT SCRAWNY AND IN NEED OF PROTECTING. I think a lot of people get caught up in the fact that Will Graham is played by Hugh Dancy and he was very much a "pretty boy" character in a lot of stuff before he played Will Graham and this is also exacerbated by Hannibal being played by Mads Mikkelsen who is "slightly taller rugged silver fox European man who is going to fix my daddy issues" and since Will and Hannibal are the main couple a lot of people are like "well they can't both be big tough top guys so obviously it's the guy who's slightly bigger and buffer and older"
Will Graham is a 38 year old FBI criminal profiler who has killed dangerous people with his bare hands, went to prison for some time, masterfully manipulated others, also hunts and fishes, and he's like very good at reading people and their motivations. Incredibly smart everyday man.
Sweet JESUS sometimes the fandom makes him out to be more of a helpless puppy than he really is. Granted, even if he has his moments of mental vulnerability, it's never treated as weak by the show. He's managed to persist through some of the hardest situations. AND LIKE I GET IT, HE'S REALLY PRETTY WHEN HE'S IN PAIN AND SUFFERING BUT HE'S NOT!!! A BABY!!! Anyway I've seen a lot of fandom takes where he's been twinkified to high hell or portrayed as helpless/submissive and often it entirely diminishes that he's a grown fucking person (who has KILLED AND WILL DO IT AGAIN).
had encephalitis in s1 so everyone calls him sweaty & got framed for murder so when he actually murders people people say it’s not his fault and that he was manipulated into doing so (how do you manipulate someone into putting down a shotgun and beating someone to death with their bare hands when you’re not even there? fuck if i know. also, the manipulator in question (hannibal, his sort of therapist) actively stopped him from killing someone). “someone help will graham” is an actual tag on ao3. people treat him like a child. he is a serial killer and people act like he can’t even feed himself. it’s terrible. will graham is a liar, a murderer, a cannibal, a manipulator, and i love him for it
jason "jd" dean:
shoutout to my lovely friend who knows who they are who talk abt how jd does no wrong and hes so slay when like. he does slay. he did slay. he slayed three whole people. and tried to slay a school. like, jd does a lot of wrong. all he does is wrong. and sometimes the fandom acts like everything he does is super chill and fine and sane, and ignores what he did altogether. like yea christian slater was fit in the movie. yk whats not fit? homocide
hes also treated like an innocent lil baby who can do nothing for himself but im watching the movie rn and he just bashed veronicas head off of an emergency fire hose, and shes apparently the love of his life
145 notes · View notes
an-au-blog · 5 months
Note
The glimpses we got of Jeff Ward in the opla blooper reel fill me with brain worms because now I am thinking about young Buggy not really being able to control his devil fruits ability for a while and Shanks doing his best to help him train. I can just see Buggy holding his own head between his legs before then faceplanting onto the floor and Shanks laughing his ass off, before offering to spot his friend doing more elaborate tricks like bouncing it from shoulder to shoulder so he can catch it before it hits the deck again when he messes up.
„ UGH! You’re supposed to CATCH me not bash my skull in!“ „Sorry.“ „God you suck. I only cant do this because you distract me so much.“ Shanks snorts and grins down at the upside down pouting clown head in his hands. „I don’t know. I just think you’re unlucky.“ „CAN IT.“ „Nah, you need all the luck you can get.“ With a swift motion Shanks raps his knuckles three times against Buggies forehead, to which his crewmate reacts with angry screams of pain and indignation „KNOCK ON WOOD!“ „FUCK YOU!!“ Buggys world twirls in a flash and for one second his body looses his balance just from the whiplash his head is experiencing. When he catches himself he’s upright and face to face with his insufferable Bunkmate who gives him a toothy grin. „Hm what else?“ „DONT“ „Fingers crossed.“ The clown let’s out yet another undignified squawk as Shanks crosses his fingers and mimes dropping him in the process for a second. Buggies body is now trying to grab at Shanks who’s easily sidestepping his friends strangling hands. „I’LL KILL-„ „Maybe it’s like one of those dice you have to blow on for good luck.“ Buggys world once again turns topsy turvy as the redhead flips him upside down once more, his chopped neck exposed upwards and any screams of protest die in his throat as he sees Shanks face getting closer to his neck just at the edge of his vision. Once again he feels thrown off balance, but not because of the sudden movement but because for a single second, he’s met with the faintest feeling of lips on his neck and a slight touch of air as Shanks exhales on the part that usually is connected to his own body. It’s almost unnoticeable and entirely too short to be on purpose, but Buggy still lets the almost kiss happen in shock and mentally thanks whatever sea deity he can think of that Shanks can’t see the look on his face right now. The room spins yet again and he moves his arm upwards almost like a reflex, his head colliding with his own wrist and rolling downwards from one shoulder to the other till it reaches the other wrist and with a flick of his elbow his head bounces off himself and reattaches itself to its neck. His mind clears mid and he realizes Shanks is cheering for him „LOOK AT YOURSELF! THAT WAS SO COOL!“ And all Buggy can do is turn away with faux annoyance and pretend his flush is from being overly embarrassed by his friends happy outburst and hope he doesn’t notice that his fingers keep ghosting over the part where his neck head usually detaches.
I cannot be more serious when I say that I have been thinking about this all day. This is so on point, like... I had a silly little smile on my face while reading this, it feels like it's ripped out of a fic I need more!
I really wanna add something but idk if I can?? it's just so perfect???
Though talking about holding bodily parts, I can imagine Shanks holding Buggy's hand for no reason, even if it's just detached. He'll just be out and about, minding his own business on the ship, and someone will ask him "Buggy, where's your other hand? Why're only with only one?"
To which he'll just make a grumpy face, which the other shipmates quickly learn mean that Shanks is just pocketing random parts for tun again. Bonus points for if he does it with also for fun, just Buggy waking up with one less leg and searching for it while Shanks giggles. Buggy would probably "beat him up" with his severed leg later, but it's too funny to him to not do it once in a while.
OH! Bonus bonus points for when they meet again and Shanks is one arm lighter than Buggy remembers, he accidentally sadly murmurs "You can't hold me like you used to..." under his breath. When Shanks asks him to repeat, he panics and goes "It's like karma from when you used to tease me" or something like that.
69 notes · View notes
rinnelovebot · 1 year
Note
Yahoo!! Can we get headcanons about flustering Rei and Rinne (which acts confident most of the time)? Thank you !!
Tumblr media
A/N: sobbing, screaming at the top of my lungs. I love these two soooooooo much,,, someone hold me right now
*ೃ༄ Flustering Rei Sakuma and Rinne Amagi
Tumblr media Tumblr media
✦ — REI SAKUMA
Tumblr media
⤷ Needless to say, Rei is seldom flustered. Teasing is a skill he has down pat, and no one can overwhelm your face with heat in the same way that he can. While he absolutely adores your affection, it isn’t really something that tends to fluster him, and he’ll usually find a way to flip the situation on its head and turn you into a flustered mess, as opposed to him. Your best bet would be to catch him off guard, and present him with tenderness when he least expects it.
⤷ Even in a flustered state, Rei manages to remain (mostly) suave, offering you a pleased smile, with his cheeks slowly beginning to match the rubies of his eyes. He gives you a tender pat on the head, and a silent kiss on the cheek, as if to say a small “thank you”. Even if being flustered by you had been fully unexpected, he still appreciates it as an act of your love, and a display of your affections. He can always count on you to surprise him in small ways like this.
⤷ Somehow, he finds your ability to fluster him endearing. Rei thinks it’s sweet — the feeling is new and exciting, and he adores the way you make his heart clench within his chest. He’s always been somewhat of an unusual man, and his reaction to your sugary words and actions can be considered just as unusual. You hadn’t expected to be able to catch him off guard at all, so you had to admit that you were mighty pleased with yourself.
⤷ Rei tends to fondly recall times in which you made him feel as though he were a young girl kicking her feet back in forth at the thought of her crush, blissfully raising his hand to his cheek and sharing just how wonderful you are to his unitmates, and to anyone else who’s willing to listen. He commonly jokes that if he could turn fawning over you into his profession, he’d absolutely leave his life as an idol behind at the drop of a pen.
⤷ As you can tell, there’s a compromise to be made. While yes, you can fluster him, it’ll mostly serve to make him fawn over and fluster you more than he already does, which is saying a lot. Not that you’d mind, given your relationship. Seeing him sort of vulnerable and flushed warms your heart, and you mentally note to figure out how else you could fluster him in the future. He thinks your efforts are remarkably praiseworthy and cute.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
✦ — RINNE AMAGI
Tumblr media
⤷ Contrary to popular belief, flustering Rinne is surprisingly easy if you play your cards right. A single comment, or a simple display of affection can quickly cause his brain to spin out of control until he’s nothing but moldable putty in your hands, desperately attempting to save face by laughing it off and pinching your cheek. But you know him well enough to recognize and understand. Of course, he knows you do — but he can’t help his pride, you know.
⤷ Giving affection comes easily to Rinne, but receiving it can cause him to short circuit at times. Although he enjoys your willingness to hug, kiss, and cuddle him, you always make his stomach tie into a million knots. Pleasant knots, but knots nonetheless. He isn’t sure how to handle the blooming warmth within his ribs that you bring upon him, but carefully, quietly, he knows that he’ll figure it out, with you by his side. He lets you hold him a little closer.
⤷ Praise is almost guaranteed to get him red in the face. Rinne gasses himself up quite a lot, but saying generous things about himself doesn’t even come close to comparing to how they sound from your lips. The first time you genuinely complimented him, he nearly panicked from the bashfulness that overtook him. He can really only half play it off, the other half of him always remains flustered and dumbfounded.
⤷ Despite how he comes across, he craves your validation and affection, the same kind that makes his face hot and his palms sweaty. He’ll shoot all the praise and love your way for hours and hours in the most natural way possible, but his walls come crashing down when you tell him that you love him, or tenderly cup his cheek. That unfamiliar feeling becomes somewhat addicting to Rinne, something he wants and needs more of. Surely, you’ll indulge him endlessly.
⤷ He’s said it countless times, and he’ll say it infinitely more — god, does he love you. Only you could ever make him experience joy like this, and only you could introduce him to new feelings that he thought he’d never be able to feel. Silently, he begs for your love, but you always make sure he knows that he never has to. It will always be you. He knows it, you know it, everyone knows it. Every time his heart leaps into his throat by your hand, he falls deeper in love.
Tumblr media
382 notes · View notes
justrandomthoughs · 1 year
Note
Hello, it’s me. Hey, i’m the problem it’s me.- Anyway I just wanted to say I like your thoughts on jace with a dragon reader (I have been working on something similar) And it was really good to think about.
Now think about Yan! Jace finding out that there is another hybrid who wants to claim you for his own, and jace being fucking livid. He’ll kill them if he has to but not before making you his. Fucking you immediately (getting you pregnant if you want it) giving you his clothes, and maybe even locking the guy up and fucking you in front of him. But all I can think about is jace dominating the powerful reader- He’d be pushing you down and fucking your hole at a ungodly speed and he will handcuff you. Yan! Jace is a force you shouldn’t mess with, especially his darling. 
-Hope you have a good rest of your day Hun!
DECEASED! Literally dying. I love this, my brain is on overdrive with it. Okay some things to establish/think about first. 
TW: swearing (by me—sorry), sexual themes, unhealthy relationships, death (maybe)
Yan! Jace X Dragon!Reader — Another Hybrid as Competition
What kind of cultures do hybrid dragons have? It sounds like they are extremely rare, however, surely there are records on them; how they meld with human society, basic characteristics, etc. I’m asking this because I think Jace would not only do research into that (trying to understand you better), but if he learned of another hybrid dragon and that they want to mate with you, he’d want to see what precedents for hybrid x hybrid are—’inevitable’ or up to chance? Either way it's clear that the threat this new hybrid poses to your futures is not acceptable.  
Sadly, I think they would need to be killed because they pose too much of a danger in regards to you, black v greens, and general family security (Don’t dragons always get what they want? I don’t think they are used to being denied so they might lash out). He’d probably interrogate them, or ask for Daemon's help in that regard. Also he’d probably spin the situation as a ‘national security risk’ (lol) since they could try fighting back or simply taking you by force. Who knows what damages that could bring. (While I don’t think Jace would think of you as one of the dragons on the blacks side, he might try to leverage your strength as a reason for the need to have you with the family. I could see Daemon buying it and also looking through to his true motivations, but he’s amused and also you could come in handy. Might as well kill two birds with one stone. He wonders how your offsprings will look with a smirk on his face[lol])
Jace would definitely say, “One dragon was stolen from my family—I won’t allow for another.” Aemond made it clear that unless you stake your claim before anyone else, you’ll be left with nothing but strife. He needs to make his claim known, and display it—explicitly.
Hmmmm, I need to figure out the headcanon of how Dragon! Reader and Jace meet, but I think in this scenario the relationship would be friendly if not a bit bashful. You were maybe already feeling something for him, but I’d imagine that since you are on the younger side (for dragons, might even be the same age of Jacaerys or younger [but not by much]) you don’t understand what the feeling is. You probably also haven’t had a lot of interactions with humans, certainly not to the extent that you are now—constantly crowded by people and especially by Jace. So you're clueless mentally on what is between you two but you feel a draw to him. Jacaerys is obviously fucking rapid for you. Firstly, he can hardly believe that you even exist, so that's mind blowing. Secondly, you are literally the most breathtaking sight he’s ever seen, his eyes are on you constantly—he can’t help himself. Thirdly, he just can’t get enough of your personality. You have such a way of looking at things—whether it be maturity or innocence, grace or brazenness, etc etc. Man lives by your every word every action, so if someone is trying to take that away it's on SIGHT.
Now to set up how the two of you, (or just him), found out about the other hybrid, their intentions for you, and how it ends. 
For this I might see something of a declaration by them being made (lol), I feel like a human dragon would have that bravado, like they basically are the shit. It’s not really clear/fleshed out to me as to whether they’d be stronger than dragons but they sure as hell are stronger than humans so they don’t need to worry about much. I think the other hybrid would come from Essos or Old Valyria or something, but you’d be the Westerosi hybrid (lol). So you got this other hybrid probably fucking rolling up to Dragonstone with SO MUCH DRIP, Jacaerys sweating bullets like ‘Oh fuck so thats my compitition’, you oblivious as hell as to what they want until they say some boisterous shit like how they’ve crossed the narrow sea to claim you as their rightful bride. Shit kinda goes down, Jacaerys almost punching the hybrid but you catch his arm since he would clearly be overpowered. You ask for the night to think about it, but Jace has other plans. He’d probably orchestrate the hybrid catching the two of you having sex for the first time all while you are blissed and fucked out of your mind declaring your love for him again and again. Jace came to you after the hybrids declaration that night. He confessed his feelings and how he can’t live a day of his life without you. If you were to leave him you’ll need to cut out his heart and take it with you—for that’s where it will always remain. (FML I LOVE THIS MUSH). That kinda causes your heart to fucking explode, and you realize you want him as your mate. Jacaerys would have confronted you in a predetermined area and time that which he made sure to mention to the hybrid. He probably said that you wanted to see them at a certain time to give them your answer early. But in reality it’s him fucking the fire out of you basically. Once Jacaerys notices them in the area, he makes sure to get you to say how much you love him, how he is your only mate, how you want to give him babies. All the while, he reaffirms it saying how much he loves you too—only and forever you, how he will be your only mate no matter what, how he will give you babies—and so many of them that you won’t ever not be pregnant (lol he kinda goes overboard but he’s just so fucking excited to be one with you). The following morning when you tell the hybrid your decision—Jacaerys' arm around your waist while doing so, he makes sure to comment that he hopes your opinion has been extremely clear. Jacaerys stays behind but tells you to wait for him at breakfast or something before he goes up to the hybrid saying “And I hope to make it clear what might happen if you continue your pursuit” his hand going to rest on his sword before walking away. If the hybrid does continue, I think he would kill them but I can only really imagine it happening in a super fucking intense battle with Vermax (kinda needed to level the playing field)
For the other scenario I imagine, I think the hybrid would send you letters and gifts after learning about your presence, of which Jace would have been alerted to from a Maester or something. He fucking pours over the letters and glares at the gifts. He had hoped to make his courtship with you slow, as to not scare you off but this would trigger him to go faster. He’ll be more explicit about his like for you, even more attached to your hip, gifts fucking everywhere (sometimes he makes sure to keep them with him for a while so it smells like him). Time is of the essence here. He’ll have bedded you a couple of times before he’d reply back to the hybrid pretending to be you. Luring them into Dragonstone before imprisoning them with the help of Daemon as well (thanks step dad for supporting my bad tendencies). However leading up to the expected date he gets even more possessive and obsessive (I almost feel bad for jace lol, he would be a wreck for a bit), as he is so fucking worried about you leaving him for the hybrid. He gives you a LOT of wearable stuff, things that clearly state his ‘ownership/bond’ with you like Velayron and Targaryen colors and sigils everywhere. During the week leading up to the hybrids visit he lies to you and says there is a threat to Dragonstone and you need to remain in your room until it is contained. You probably try to help out since you're a mf hybrid, but Jace reasons to you that if anything were to happen he wouldn’t be able to live on without you. Immediately when the hybrid is imprisoned he’ll have come to you (maybe bloody—his or the hybrids—but definitely fucking excited) Jace will say that the threat has been caught, and he needs to show you. He all but drags you to the hybrid prison cell, and he shows them to you with the biggest smile on his face. Jace talks about how this was the danger he worried about, he’ll bring up the letters, gifts, and the hybrid's intentions with you. He will cusp your face with his hands and kiss you, saying that now they will never be able to take you away from him. Jace gets excited, kissing you again and again while you take in this new information and a dark idea pops into his head—why doesn’t he show the hybrid how you belong to him? As Jace overwhelms you with more kisses and groping, he makes sure to angle the two of you so that everything is visible to the hybrid. Maybe a lil’ manic in how he fucks his dick into you, like it’s too much you can’t even think. He’s fucking rabid. With how much you’ve been crying from pleasure and arousal dripping from your pussy it's really a wonder how you haven’t shriveled from water loss. In your fucked out state you won’t even notice the collar he puts and locks onto your neck, however your sensitive ears picks up the clang of chains. Ya, I definitely think that Jace would have like a chained collar for you to wear for a long while (until he is finally secure again that you won’t leave him), He’ll always be holding onto the end of it, it’s like a little cute reminder that you will always belong to him and now everyone can see that too (fucking morbid mate, but hot, I give it a thumbs up)
Finally, just something that I’m thinking about now is how Jace manages to keep the reader and not get killed. Like do you love him (maybe even find his possessiveness hot and mate worthy? Or don’t even notice/realize it's not really healthy?), is he constantly putting that dick power on you and your like Jace sex obsessed? Is he placating you with gold and gifts? Are you bonded to him like an actual dragon? Can/were you able to control who you bonded with? Was it forced by him, was it random, do you like it? What are the bonding ramifications, like can you disobey him at times like actual dragons? How does it compel you to obey him? That sort of thing. Hmmmm…. It keeps me thinking…
@ms-fade
Love you dearie!!! Glad that you're checking up on your decrepit ol' grandma, hahaha (picture that laugh but like really haggard and old sounding, that's what I'm going for lmfao)
210 notes · View notes
valictini · 1 year
Text
(Kind of a follow up to my silly little comic since I had WAY too many thoughts and I couldn't fit them in because I wanted it to stay light hearted)
My personal take on komahina is that they both absolutely end up falling in love at some point, but Nagito would never allow Hajime to date him.
(Warning, it’s kinda long)
Not only would he feel like Hajime is too good for him, that Hajime would be wasting his precious time on trash, but it would also make Nagito too happy, and Nagito has a bad tendency to link his happiness with his ultimate luck. It would make him think that the joy of dating Hajime would cause catastrophes, so the best, most hopeful thing he can do is avoid dating altogether. In his head, he’s doing the reasonable thing ! He's shielding everyone from his bad luck ! But he would still love him so he would absolutely tell Hajime how much he means to him and hang out and even flirt with him…. so long as he doesn’t reciprocate. Which would probably upset Hajime at first, thinking he’s being played with.
It would require serious mental wrestling to convince Nagito that it’d be ok for him to date anyone, let alone the Ultimate Ultimate. You’d need to convince him that his happiness isn’t always tied to his luck. Dare I say, you’d have to make it so that him being treated with respect and even affection isn’t an exception anymore, just a normal part of life, thus not something he'd feel overly lucky to have. (That one would be more of a collective, long term effort though)
It’s a very arduous task, especially with how unconvinced Nagito probably would be. ESPECIALLY especially if you take into account the fact that you’re on a goddam timer because of his illness.
There is a possibility that Nagito feels more of an equal to the others post game though, since they were all bad guys and thus, all much closer to his own perceived level of trash (not a particularly good way to think, but it's a start nonetheless) I can see everyone working on themselves and their guilt and learn to forgive themselves for the horrible things they all did, and Nagito on the side being like “you all are doing such a good job!” Without realising that he could apply this to his own existence… though he would probably think it can’t apply to him. In his head, he'll forever be trash.
At the end of the day, I think the quickest way for them to make this happen is for Hajime to bring up his talents and basically tell Nagito that his luck is nothing compared to his own luck, and therefore can’t hurt anyone with it. Althought it's probably the most convincing argument in Nagito's eyes, one might wonder if it's really the best solution for these two, especially for Hajime who most likely has his own bagage to unpack regarding his talents. Like, first of all, is Nagito in love with him or the hope his existence apparently brings to the world? Or maybe even Izuru? There's just.... So much to take into account man
Tl;dr komahina is a really cool concept and they totally fall in love but the real challenge is HOW they end up dating because i can't see Nagito allowing that to happen so easily. To me it would either take an extraordinary amount of hard work AND/OR use Hajime's talent flex. But then is that really a good solution when Hajime probably has a complicated relationship with his talents?
Not saying that it's impossible but yeah. It's so hard to pinpoint how ! And I still feel like I'm missing some parameters !
(Not bashing on anyone else’s interpretations btw, just sharing my own, these two have invaded my brain as you can probably tell)
If you’ve read through all this, congrats, here’s a random sketch I drew while figuring out how to draw the comic lmao
Tumblr media
69 notes · View notes
mushiemadarame · 5 months
Note
Tumblr media
TRICK OR TREAT :3333 this is the only gif i have to hand that i don't think i've already posted somewhere so :3
aaaaaaaaaaaaaa that gif Jay!!! another day another unexplainable reason for you not to have posted it
anyway, you are my favourite person so you get....... a wip fic you've already read (exclusively) 😅
~
“Hey, look at this!” Chay pulls Macau out of his thoughts with an elbow to the side. They’re lying on the grass sharing a pair of earphones from which a familiar voice that Macau can’t quite place drifts with a slow, melancholic tune. The warm early afternoon sun kisses their noses and cheeks. Tankhun’s carp pond is not far from where they lay and if he turns his head a little, Macau can see that his eldest cousin is currently feeding the fish. He’s accompanied by the usual two bodyguards he drags everywhere with him and mumbling in discontent. Even turned away, Macau doesn’t miss the displeased glances he keeps sending their way.
When Chay flips his phone’s screen in Macau’s direction, he forgets about Tankhun and concentrates on the picture he's being shown. Cutesy drawings of doughnuts and coffee cups dance across a bright pink background in front of his eyes. “What am I looking at?”
“It’s a new café,” Chay explains excitedly. “It’s just around the corner from here and it’s having a big opening tomorrow morning. We should definitely go.”
Macau mentally flips through his weekly schedule, trying to recall what day it is. Tuesday. And tomorrow’s Wednesday. Macau has classes until 12:30 on Wednesdays. “Sorry, Chay, I can’t,” he says, “I have classes on Wednesdays.”
Porchay’s face falls and he pulls back his phone. “Don’t worry about it,” he says, faking detachment.
Macau looks at him from the side, trying to discern if it’s finally the right moment to bring up the subject. He’s not entirely sure, but he tries anyway. “What about you, dude?” He starts flippantly. “What do you do in the mornings? I’m pretty sure you just cry and lament the fact that your most fun friend isn’t there, but I could be wrong.”
Chay snorts. Macau is glad to see the smile return to his mouth. “You know, just…” he replies and goes a bit shy, his smile turning bashful. When he continues, it sounds hesitant. “... waste time.” Macau sees the fingers of Porchay’s left hand twitch slightly on his chest where he’s resting it and thinks of the guitar case in Chay’s room. That can’t be right, though, it hasn’t moved even one-tenth of an inch during the entire time they’ve been hanging out together and if Macau hadn't already noticed that, the thick layer of dust all over it would be a dead giveaway of its disuse.
“So you do cry about me being gone,” he jokes again and nudges Chay’s shoulder with his own.
Chay laughs. It had taken Macau a while to pull that specific reaction of out him. Even though Porchay comes off as quiet and unassuming at first, he’s actually a very guarded person. Every time Macau manages to make him laugh, it feels like a reward and the sound of it never fails to put Macau in a mischievous mood to try and get more out of him.
“Ew, gross, as if!” Chay squeals and scurries away to get out of reach of Macau’s hands which he’s trying to shove under Chay’s armpits. They roll a bit in the grass before Macau decides he’s too lazy to keep going and they both settle back into their supine positions with a sigh.
“I honestly just waste time,” Chay continues after a couple of minutes of silence which Macau thought meant the conversation was already over. His smile is dimmer, just a remnant of their previous laughter, and his eyes are lost staring in the distance above as they cloud with whatever Porchay is thinking of.
Macau scrutinizes the side of his face but he can’t begin to read what’s going on in Porchay’s brain. In moments like these, he feels a little like decoration among the mess of Porchay’s life. He’s there, next to all the other things Porchay wants and cherishes but if he wasn’t, Porchay probably wouldn’t notice, not right away at least. It makes Macau a bit lonely but all the more determined to dig deeper, move some of the useless stuff around and get to a place where Chay will want to play with him first. It’s a childish feeling, the kind that was burned out of him the first time Vegas prioritised Macau’s attention and was left with bruises for the trouble. He’s gone, he’s gone, he’s gone, Macau thinks and then shakes himself out of his trance when the feeling starts getting a little too big for his ribcage to keep it all in.
“How come you’re not in university?” Macau tries to sport his most casual tone. “And don’t say you don’t have the smarts for it,” ─ that was the excuse Porchay had improvised when one of the cooks had asked that one time, it took three days for Macau to convince Chay to go back to eating in the kitchens after that one ─ “I’ve seen you shake your head whenever I botch my Statistics homework, you can’t fool me.”
Chay breathes out a resigned sigh and closes his eyes. He skips to the next song on his phone before speaking, Macau doesn't recognise this one. "I did pass the first few tests, actually," he says, "but I skipped the last one I was supposed to take."
Macau nudges him again, prompting him to continue but Porchay doesn't. "Why didn't you?" he asks then.
Chay shrugs and looks away. His fingers are tangling and untangling with each other where he’s resting his hands on his chest. “I didn’t really see a reason to anymore.” Macau doesn’t prod, but he’s hoping the silence will make Chay elaborate on his own. “Porsche didn’t like that very much,” he eventually continues, “When he found out, he was furious. He’s never shouted at me like that before.” At that, he gives a mirthless laugh. “I don’t even know if he was madder about me not telling him or me not going to university.” Macau doesn’t find it very funny, but he keeps silent. “I’m still not sure how he found out. He said Kinn told him but I don’t know where he got it from.”
Macau supposes Kinn might have noticed a missing tuition somewhere at some point, but he can tell Chay doesn’t really care all that much. He can tell that the reason Chay told him isn’t the whole story but going by Chay’s mood, this isn’t the right time to ask for more. “What were you gonna study?” he asks instead, hoping that’s tangential enough that Chay won’t mind answering. He realises that’s not the case when Chay immediately tenses and sits up with an abrupt move.
“Music,” he says curtly and gets on his feet. He pockets his earphone and brushes the legs of his pants from the grassy residue of their lie down. “Do you wanna go see what they’re making for dinner?” The deliberate change of subject isn’t lost on Macau. “Maybe they still have some leftover mango from yesterday’s cheesecake.”
Macau lets it slide, making yet another addition to the list of things Porchay doesn’t want to share. Later, he promises himself, We’ve got time.
6 notes · View notes
Note
i am so sorry for the amount i am about to send you. general 5, 8, and 9. story specific 1, 5, 10, and 11? you dont have to answer all of them lmao
zeke’s story will never be at full potential without the durge stuff and you didn’t ask for any durge related ones so i will just pretend that he’s still the most specialest bhaalbabe ever just as a companion lol. i’m gonna excuse this self-indulgence by reminding myself that i heard that default durge was supposed to be a companion early in development? anyways.
5. Are there any instances where your Tav can permanently leave the party, depending on player character actions?
surprisingly it would be pretty hard to get rid of him once you invited him to travel along with you. i wrote a little fic about this scenario a while ago and he’s just a massive self-centered dick when you recruit him but he’s also so insanely confused. not even mentioning the memory loss, he’s a sheltered, paranoid, stressed to hell and back guy who’s being exposed to a new environment and he’s clinging to anything that makes his confusion a little easier—zeke doesn’t know a life without being led by someone, so even if he thinks your leadership is lofty he’ll probably stick around for a while at least, even if you don’t exactly want him around, like a cockroach infestation.
8. What do they say when the Player Character asks them to stay in camp?  How about when the Player Character asks them to come adventuring again?
“Pah, y-you think you and your sorry excuse for a brain up there would survive for A SECOND without my expertise? S-Suit yourself. “ *looks away from player pouting*
“Aha, aha, look who’s here again! Knew you’d crawl back to me. Yes, I suppose I could consider coming with you… Just say the words ‘You were right, Zeke.’ and my mastermind is at your side again. He-Hey! Wait! Don’t leave! For fucks sake, I’m right behind you…”
9. Does your Tav have any escalating conflicts with one of the other companions, like Lae’zel and Shadowheart’s knife-fight?
oh god of course. it’s zeke hello. first off we have karlach.
act 1: i think after you’ve traveled with them both for a bit and have beaten the “paladins”/she has revealed her backstory, you get a scene in which you approach zeke like usual but see that his eye is completely blue and bruised, and if you press him he says “that brute devil attacked him for merely trying to have a conversation with her. his fault really, for assuming that she’d be good at anything but mindlessly bashing people’s heads in” (wild statement to make with 6 cha lol) if you then question karlach about it you find out that he was actually incessantly pestering her with questions about her past, completely disregarding her trauma or or discomfort. (this is because his like brain like. tingling? at the gortash mention but he doesn’t know that yet so neither does the player)
act 2/3: so, i haven’t used karlach beyond act 1 yet because i attacked the grove with zeke, so i can’t include anything about her personal quest, but i think they’d sort of. hesitantly grow together over act 2, only for that to get shattered on the big reveal tm at the coronation. there’s so much that can be said about this and i’m already rambling like crazy so i’m gonna summarize: karlach gets super duper fucking pissed, but also is probably smart enough to notice how gortash hurt zeke, not how he hurt her but not any less cruel, when zeke’s mental health starts to deteriorate after reuniting with him. so you can keep them in the party for a while longer together—until zeke straight up tries to murder karlach for being a threat to gortash in a weird panic attack induced mania. he will not have anyone steal his kill. you can either kill him then, let him kill karlach, or knock him out and send him away, but you cannot keep him in your party if you don’t kill karlach.
uugh yikes. shart time!
these bitches are also fighting tm. zeke in the early days essentially sees her as a rubik’s cube to solve, a way to distract himself from his own memory loss by seeking recognition in hers. so while his pestering of her is out of genuine interest, it’s certainly not any less annoying.
zeke also has a complicated relationship with shar. he can get behind the “shadows” aspect, loves those as a stalker, but he has the chronic need to solve mysteries, uncover secrets, know everything, so sharrans are obviously not to keen on him lmao
1. How does your Tav advise the player character when it comes to the Dream Visitor?
zeke is incredibly distrusting of. well. anything really, so he will advise you to be wary, but he is also smart enough to realize that what they’re saying about them being the only reason they’re protected from the absolute is most likely true, so he tells you to keep them around for as long as they’re useful.
5. How do they react to the Player Character taking their first tadpole power?
asks you how it feels to be one step closer to squid town, then dismissively waves his hand and probably makes a comment how it’ll be fine: there’s not much up there to burrow into anyway. if your approval with him is high he’ll still say that line but sound notably different—louder, more venom, stuttering a lot more, trying to overcompensate for his clear worry for you.
10. How do they react if the PC licks the dead spider in the Gauntlet of Shar?
wants a bite! zeke is a full body investigator, meaning that he’s not above licking and sniffing everything that seems even mildly intriguing to him lol
11. What do they say if the PC tries to force them to go up on stage with Dribbles the Clown?
you don’t get approval or disapproval, when you first prompt him to go he remarks something along the lines of “of course you’d pick me! not like the audience would cheer for any of the other losers in our party” but when you actually force him he’s really nervous lol “o-obviously every good comedian re-rehearses their jokes before! wh-what? no i can improvise, it’s just- well- i’d be at an obvious disadvantage…” and so on lmao
5 notes · View notes
Note
HIII I'm so happy there's another active 2p writer out there!! I'll throw out something basic here to start you off, how about 2p!America with a female s/o that's the personification of the Sun? AHHH I LOVE THE CONCEPT SO MUCH EHNFHWHDW THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME ❤️❤️☀️☀️☀️
Believe me, dear, I know what you mean!! It just came to the point where I decided if there weren't more things out there, I might as well do it myself, and now this blog exists!
Now, to be frank, I'm mentally an old person, so I kind of had to run around figuring out what you meant, but hopefully this does you well!
Warnings: None, Use of ‘You’ And ‘She/Her’
Gender: Female
Tumblr media
2P!America with a Female S/O That's the Personification of the Sun
If I could describe this relationship in one way, it would be that one tiktok of this girl with her cat that goes “WOW the whole head is just like the sun! good lord, lady!! shine bright!”
Now can I just say; a match like this would work so well together.
There’s no denying that there was shock when you were formally introduced to Allen’s family, and it wasn’t because there was a complete opposite energy going on. They just couldn’t believe a guy like him would score the sweetest girl known to man. God’s gift even! (Don’t let him know both Matt and Francois cornered you and demanded you to blink twice if you needed help, it’ll hurt his little manly ego.)
Your high strung energy and positive outlook could give Allen a heatstroke. Yes, he can understand why some people look on the bright side of things, but having a girlfriend that religiously follows this bubbly and joyful lifestyle was actually pretty cool.
Yes, the first time you met, he tested just how far he could go with this, but...
Let’s just say sunburns hurt.
(Never believe when he starts bawling over pushing you over the edge, he’ll moan and cry and then peek at you through his hands just to see if you feel any pity for him..)
Another thing; expect cheesy things from this bastard about your mindset.
“Why do you put your shades on when we kiss?”
“Don’tcha’ know, doll? It’s not safe to stare at the sun! Can’t go blind now or else I’ll never be able to see my baby girl again.”
And, of course, you can’t help but melt once he gives you that classic smirk of his.
He’s whipped the moment you start getting excited. And it can be for the littlest thing! Allen will lovingly watch you bounce off the walls with your love for the world. The moment you finally look back at him, he’ll have the goofiest grin with his shades on, giving you a thumbs up to show that he’s listening and basking in your warmth.
Despite being the sleaziest player, Allen does fumble a bit when with you, and who wouldn’t?
Your love for the world isn’t as big as your love for him, so devoting your affections x10 to Allen will leave him in such a giggly mess. His macho guy persona melts like butter on a hot piece of toast.
Not to say he doesn’t drop that flirty greaser guy personality he put up the first time he met you, but the easily flustered American will break his back to keep that smile on your face.
Quite literally, it wasn’t a fun time on your end to watch him recover. But he was grinning like a kid on Christmas because of his ‘ wicked battle scars’, so there’s nothing you can really do except listen to his dramatized re-enactments every chance he gets to share and nod occasionally.
Now, Allen doesn’t mess around when it comes to his girl.
She’s the one that rises every morning and greets the world with her glory. So nothing and no one is going to get away with bringing any dark clouds over her shining rays.
Now of course he can’t get away with bashing someone’s brains in and calling it a night now that you know just how violent he can be, but sometimes, Allen finds ways to get away with his little...exterminations.
Yes, it helps relieve stress, but the moment he feels your arms wrap around him and hears your gentle voice coaxing him to come back down from his rage, the American just turns into mush and finally starts to relax. You are like his guardian angel, his silver lining, his ray of sunshine.
Now, if someone that’s been trying to test your patience really had it coming, he’ll end things off with one grand punch to the face before leaving, you hooked on his arm and babbling about whatever good thing happened prior to that.
Tumblr media
98 notes · View notes
as8bakwthesage · 2 years
Text
Tired (Narrator/Self Insert)
Content Warning: Suicide idealization, discussions of grief, attempted suicide, car accidents/crashes
This is for my own comfort, so imma write some pretty fucked up stuff (my mental health is draining so i wrote this as a hurt/comfort fic for myself)
Sage couldn’t do this anymore.
They couldn’t stand the pain, the sorrow, the anguish. They had sat in the special room that The Narrator had invited them into. It was colourful and bright and warm... but it barely helped.
Several times now The Narrator had to ask them not to go to the staircase. But as they sat and thought, what else was there for now? Their parents didn’t like them, their family didn’t care, they had no friends, and the only person who gave a damn, their brother, was dead.
They could almost hear the sound of his car crashing into the pickup truck. They could see the way it could have smashed. They could picture him getting thrown back and forth, bashing his head...
They weren’t there, but they had seen enough car crashes, been in one, to picture it.
And their brain was merciless. Their emotions were racing, their entire being hurt more than anything. The exhaustion from constantly doing these resets didn’t help either. It was a constant. What end was there? Was there even an end that didn’t result in them getting sent back to the office?
The stairs...
They could try.
After all, what purpose was there to living?
They stood up.
Walked down the hall.
Into the tall room with the stairs.
Up the stairs.
They could hear The Narrator saying things. Mostly about himself and how he didn’t want to go back, how everything was good, how they both should go back to the room.
All about him. All about anything but Sage. That’s how it always was.
It fueled their anger, their emptiness. The Narrator didn’t care about them, he only cared about himself. He wouldn’t miss them, he was too preoccupied with wanting Stanley back. He hadn’t even called them by their actual name even.
“Please, Not-Stanley, think about what you're doing!” He pleaded.
Sure. They knew exactly what they were doing.
They jumped.
“NO!”
Sage hit the floor. Hard. Everything hurt, but especially their legs. They supposed they wouldn’t die from just a simple fall now would they? No, they needed to try again.
“Oh... thank god. You lived. You had me worried there for a moment. Now, can we please get back to the other room?”
So they climbed up yet again.
“You heard me before, didn't you? You. Will. Die. What about this isn't getting through to you?” The Narrator yelled.
But Sage didn’t listen, didn’t care. Why did he pretend to care anyway? He clearly didn’t.
“No! No, no! What are you doing?! Stanley, please I'm asking you not to take this away from me. I can't go back to what I was before! If you die, we won’t know if you will go back! Why are you doing this?!”
Was it really all about him? How could this man be so fucking selfish? Nothing was more important than his own happiness. Besides, he was living in this hell longer than they did, why should they suffer the consequences?
They jumped.
This fall didn’t kill them either. Their legs hurt so much, and they could swear they broke their leg and their spine in some way, but somehow they could still walk. Perhaps The Narrator was keeping them alive somehow? They shook their head, no! He couldn’t take this from them!
“My god, is this really how much you dislike my game? That you'll throw yourself from this platform over and over to be rid of it? You are literally willing to kill yourself to keep me from being happy? Am I reading the situation correctly?”
He sounded... sad, anguished, terrified. But yet it was still about him. Always about him. Him. Him. Him, him him him him him HIM!
They walked up the stairs again.
“You haven’t spoken at all. Please... can you answer me?” He was pleading, his voice was high and he sounded utterly alone. Sage stopped mid-step and froze. The Narrator seemed to recognise this.
“I...” Sage started, before thy sat down and curled up into a ball. Their body ached and their leg was burning, but none of it compared to the sheer emptiness within. “I’m... tired.”
“You’re tired?” The Narrator asked in disbelief. “If you are tired, you could rest, we could rest in Stanley’s apartment! I don’t understand why you are trying to kill yourself-”
“Are you really so stupid?!” Sage snapped, glaring up at the ceiling, failing to notice the tears running down their face. “Use your fucking brain for once, Narrator!”
“I... I don’t understand, what’s going on?” The Narrator asked, his tone hard before it turned soft and gentle. He truly had no idea what Sage meant nor what they wanted. They sniffed.
“I hate myself. I hate this world, not your story, reality. I hate the constant repetition, I hate being alone, I hate thinking about how once I get out of here, there will be nothing left for me when I go back.”
“You shouldn’t hate yourself, and you aren’t alone, you have me. Also, what are you talking about? Don’t you have family or friends?”
Sage snorted, unamused. “There’s a lot to hate, Narrator. And you have never been close to me, you are just a voice, and you don’t actually care about me! All you care about is how I’m an imperfection in your story and how you can’t fucking wait to get rid of me! And no, I have nothing, the only person I loved, the only person who gave a damn about me back home, he is fucking dead!”
They were screaming by the end, their voice was starting to hurt as tears streamed down their face. Eyes blotchy and red, nose runny, lips curled in a snarl. They knew how ugly they looked and they couldn’t stand it. Fuck, the very idea that The Narrator was seeing them cry made them frustrated and annoyed.
There was a long period of silence. Uncomfortable, tense, silence.
Sage started to stand up, going to walk up the stairs again.
“Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m getting rid of the parasite in your story.”
“Sage.” The Narrator’s voice stopped them instantly as their eyes widened in shock. But before they could say or do anything, he continued, “You are not a parasite. You are not unwanted, you are not an unwelcome part of my life or my story. You make this story interesting, and I miss Stanley, but you add colour to it all in a way Stanley couldn’t.”
“Narrator-”
“Furthermore, there is much about you to like, let alone love. You are funny, kind, determined, intelligent, and always thinking. You are enchanted by the simplest of joys, and you are easy to speak to. The way your eyes light up when you draw, when you laugh, when you sing. You are worth keeping if you wanted to stay.”
Sage was silent as they simply stared into space. They heard what he said, but it wasn’t... registering fully? At least not yet.
“I’m so sorry I did not see this sooner. I did not see how much pain you were in, how much pain you are currently in... Who was he?” He asked softly, as if he were standing right beside them.
“Pardon?”
“Who was the person you claimed was the only one who loved you?” The Narrator elaborated. Sage’s breath hitched in their throat as they recalled his face, it instantly came up. 
“He was my brother. He died in a car crash not too long ago. The last time I saw him was in the hospital.” Their voice was shaking, wavering. The Narrator said nothing as he seemed to take it in. “The last time I saw him, he was in a hospital bed, ventilator was helping him breathe. He wasn’t really alive. I thought he would make it until the nurse told me he wouldn’t.”
“I’m...” The Narrator’s voice was shaky, high pitched and full of emotion. It seemed he himself was struggling to process such an idea. Sage felt the tears coming back.
“He was only 22... he was supposed to keep going, he was supposed to be with his partner, he was supposed to finish his comic, he was supposed to live after so many years of not wanting to and then finally finding reason to.” Sage was sobbing once more.
“And he’s never coming back...” The Narrator finished for them, and Sage could have sworn they heard his voice break. He seemed to be feeling it full blast just as much as they were. Their eyes watered as they let out a guttural sound, a scream that never quite reached their ears.
They felt something wrap around them, but didn’t bother looking. It was warm and gentle, but it was welcome. It was a shoulder to sob into regardless.
“You are not worthless, and I’m sure your brother would never want you to join him prematurely. I know it may not mean much, but I care for you too. I think you are a wonderful person, and you should too.”
The entire time he spoke, Sage was sobbing yet was slowing down, due to just how much they were crying and how intense it all was. The entire time, The Narrator held them in his invisible embrace.
“Let’s go back down...”
Sage couldn’t help but nod as The Narrator slowly helped them down the stairs once more.
And the story reset once more.
26 notes · View notes
Text
listen. i love 2012!Raph with all my heart and soul. (and surprisingly enough, no, it’s not because of the two Yelchin Dreams (TM) that i had like two years ago.)
(also it has been nearly three years of me typing “Yelchin” and my phone still tries to get me to change it to Yeltsin every single time. no, phone, i do not mean the former leader of russia. i mean the actor. and also sometimes his author uncle.)
he jus a lil guy. but he still did wrong by mikey…er, all of ‘em, tbh.
so why am i so passionate about this? well, i can relate to raphael a lot. i was an autistic kid who went undiagnosed until SIX MONTHS AGO, and i’m eighteen if that puts it into perspective. and everyone around me thought i had “anger issues” and that i was “a crybaby.” no. no, those were meltdowns, go fuckin’ figure. no wonder i couldn’t control ‘em.
(oh, and yes, i do get upset when ppl accuse rise!donatello of being an asshole or a psychopath because he’s autistic or because of the ONE TIME he really messed up. y’know, the whole “gifts” thing. and once he was TOLD why it was bad, he felt like absolute shit afterwards! like, i just—oh, i do shit like that too, and it makes sense to me because it followed the fuckin’ social norms three minutes ago but now it suddenly just doesn’t anymore, OOPS! well, guess i’m a goddamn blue-marble motherfuckin’ psychopath, then!)
but like, raph is proven to be more than capable of controlling himself. several times. (and yeah, sometimes he couldn’t. i ain’t faulting him for those, i’d be a giant hypocrite if i did.)
am i saying raphael was evil or a jerk or anything like that? no! for god’s sakes, even though i love all of them, he’s my favorite of the turtles!
yeah, yeah, laugh it up, chuckles, he’s my favorite because my sleepy-time-RNG-brain decided “fuck it. raphael the ninja turtle has anton yelchin’s voice now.” and then did it again a few months later, after i’d forgotten about the first one…man, this will never not be funny to me. on a side note, there’s this website called mycast.io, and you can vote any actor for any character. and i do mean ANY. and apparently two different ppl think my mans would’ve made a good donatello? like i don’t disagree but i’m too attached to the concept of ay!raph now.
but yeah, anyway. i usually can’t stand villain characters because of the whole black-&-white Autism Morality (TM) or whatever. (/hj) so me saying that raph’s my favorite just goes to show that i don’t think of him as a villain by any means.
what i am saying is that his actions were wrong. his intent wasn’t. unless a giant plot point flew over my head and no one ever bothered to mention anything about it ever again…yeah, no. then again nobody ever talks about the fact that donnie fucking died in the 2012 series at least twice?? probably more?? so idfk. but that doesn’t make it okay. mikey didn’t deserve to be treated the way he was. he didn’t do anything to anybody.
i just. it hurts seeing him get demonized for no real reason. he’s babey. it’s just that he’s…also babey with mental health issues.
so, TL;DR—
stop justifying raph’s actions and bullying as him “jUsT bEiNg A sIbLiNg”—like wtf u guys—WITHOUT DEMONIZING HIM AS A RESULT (i swear ppl can only do one extreme or the other). like, think of it this way. raphael clearly loves his family. but he needs therapy someone to tell him that, while occasional lighthearted teasing is okay as long as it doesn’t cross any boundaries, bullying his brothers 24/7 is not a healthy way to show it!
also this whole thing may or may not exist because i want 2012/rise crossover content that doesn’t bash 2012!raphael at every fuckin’ turn…
15 notes · View notes
commaclear · 1 year
Note
Today a chapter of breakup algebra resurfaced in my head and it reminded me how much I want to bash htid Wilbur’s head in with a brick until his brain is pulverized. I can’t even say why I want to kill him with fire because if I do it’s just gonna be another thing where the second someone who knows me sees it they’re gonna be like “lol you’re kinda like Wilbur” and I’m not like him. I don’t wanna be like him. He’s so pathetic and mentally ill in ways that I don’t wanna be. Comma I want to strangle him. It’s gotten to the point where it pains me to look at him.
There is nothing worse than reading htid bc I need to make sure something I’m saying aligns or bc I get bored and seeing that bitch pull the stupid shit. Because I go “ugh he’s a fucking dumbass” and “if someone pulled that with me I would yell at them” BUT THE PROBLEM IS THAT I AM DOING THE SAME SHIT HE DOES ON A REGULAR BASIS. AND GOD I HATE HIM. IF THIS IS WHAT SELF AWARENESS IS I NO LONGER WANNA BE SELF AWARE
-Quackity analysis anon
This is such a fascinating ask... I want to take samples and study them under a microscope, I want to put a chip in its ear and release it into the wilderness, I want to study its behavior in the wild for years, I want to ethically put it to sleep and perform a full autopsy, I want to pour those flesh-eating beetles on it to strip it down to its bare bones and then assemble the skeleton in a T-pose, I want to put it in my front lawn and hang a sign on it that says "Go To Therapy"
4 notes · View notes
marthashlyn · 1 year
Text
Note: 📝
•People who are loyal to one another because they have done sexual acts with each other make terrible leaders. NEVER pick them. That’s playground play. They are bad for business. You may end up cursed.
•If all you do is bash someone then “act” nice in their presence, you my dear, are a MEOW. Don’t talk about them. You may end up cursed. That’s not friendship. That’s not family. Shh. 🤫
•If all you do is worry about someone who clearly has no room for you in their life, practice self-control. Control your impulses.
•People who are 5 in the brain at their adult age need mental health help and some honesty. Give them honesty at least.
•At 5, I was 12. At 12, I was 16. At 16, I was 18. At 18, I was 22. At 22, I was 35. At the age of 25, now, I am 40. I’ve always been a little mature, despite psychology. That’s a good thing. I really do have an old soul and I’m very much youthful and full of life. It sucks to be draining. You won’t catch me being draining at all. I’m just not like most people.
•I always speak my mind. I apologize too, if I offend.
•If bad is good to you and good is bad, you need help. Get in alignment with the lord because you are not in alignment with him.
•Biting your tongue sometimes will take you far. It may have others thinking you are a meow, but when they finally see it, which is the afterlife, it will be too late. You’ll really have the peace you may be looking for.
•Doing something ONCE can make or break you. If there is no clarity and others who don’t like you control the narrative, you will be irritated, but if the lord is in control, he will control the narrative. Supernatural things may happen to prove you indeed had your own thing to figure out.
•When you try to go to the source of drama in your life, and that source plays with you, drop them like a bad habit.
•Jealousy is one hell of a drug. That’s (⬇️) how y’all look. Try to be human about it. Pray about it. At least you’d be praying. Therapy also works.
Tumblr media
•The 2-3 ee (Evergreen) who started this mess have no idea who they were dealing with. They’ll end up dead thinking it was witchcraft. What goes around always comes back around. That country shit should have stayed in the country. They real apparently, so my face needs to be respected.
Remember, I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I am a princess of the kingdom. My family comes from the countryside and they’re not country either. Play with your mothers and families, not me.
•The lord doesn’t miss.
•The lord is always around when you are not.
•At some point, I’ve represented myself, my family, my community, and the lord at once. I’ve done well. I’m waiting for the lord. Suiv.
•Trying to be careful of how you approach certain matters isn’t mind games. You’re just so use to playing mind games you’re paranoid it’s being done to you all of the time.
•At some point in time, I’ve handled relationships based off my dreams that were definitely the lord. I was careful. Here we are. Suiv.
•At some point in time, going out (parties & recreation), something supernatural was going on with me. So, I stayed indoors. Those changes had to be monitored. Prayer was also mandatory for guidance. Suiv.
•As the face and voice of the family, you can’t get to them without going through me in some way shape or form first.
•I’m also not san wont.
5 notes · View notes
Text
Todays been a low day. I’ve managed to keep doing bits and staying functional. But my god is my mind just plagued of bs. That dream has fucked me up. I’ve been fine for awhile now but it’s just hit me coz if that.
I wish I had Friday to look forward to. This whole week feels like a chore. I don’t want to socialise with Malu knowing she’s going for drinks with my ex after everything I’ve said to her about it. I don’t want to see Indy because I don’t feel like I’m in a good place to be sociable. I don’t want to go to my brothers this weekend to see my family being the only one there without a partner. I hate it.
I feel like I’ve hit pause on so many things in my head. Processing shit like the resentment, the loss, the guilt, expressing my little side. Everything feels worse than what it is rn because of shitty hormones. But being aware of that doesn’t change how it makes me feel. Just feels like I’m keeping myself just afloat so I can wait for the mania to kick in. God I need that rn. Like im not burnt out im just low. I’m not unmotivated im tired from all the mental bashing my brain is giving me.
I’m noticing little things. Like I’m counting my calories, which is fine, but I’m only eating 1200-1500 a day. I keep seeing skinny inspo everywhere. It’s like even when everything is pretty much okay or good in my life there’s always something to pick at. My image of myself is so fucking skewed all the time. And it just adds to this existential crisis of running out of my youth. Wasting the time I have to look the best I can. The restricts just make me so much more anxy about that. I see my snap memories from 6 years ago and I can see how I’ve ages and it makes me sick. Thinking of all that time I wasted when I could’ve looked so much better. I’m just beating myself up. But I still think it rings true.
But yeah even tho I’m having a shitty day, I’m not letting it get bad. But making myself happy ? Hmm idk. Like I defo could try more. Am I happy being like this ? Like that makes any sense. Do I just not wanna try and fail at it ? Idk. Do I think it’s pointless because it’s not sommin I can control rn ? Idk. Would sommin stupid and small fix it if it was from someone else ? Most likely. That’s what’s so annoying. A message, a gift, a song, anything from someone else could send me sky rocketing if it’s the “right” thing. Like if I know what that is why can’t I give it to myself ?
God I’m tired. If I wasn’t going gym I’d go home. Tomorrow I’ll leave early. Say I’ve got doctors or some shit. Might as well milk what I can while I’m here. This place doesn’t deserve me busting my ass off. Im still doing my work but I’m not gonna go above and beyond anymore. So fed up of rushing around for “urgent” shit. Like naa you can wait. Ugh I don’t wanna go gym later. I know I should. I wanna burn calories. But we do weights not cardio. I feel so weak physically lately.
I can’t even write anymore coz too much is in my head rn.
0 notes
misspettypainter · 2 years
Text
what a girl wants
Tumblr media
There are some many things that I can say about this topic. Some of my views can be based on materialistic things , but that’s not the case for me .. Im here to talk about the things that money can’t buy & the treatment that any women is deserving of .. Today , I found myself looking back at a moment where I thought to myself dang , I was truly happy with this person .... Girl A whole lie... ugh .. Im not here to bash men or even that person , But I have to keep it 100% with myself that I need to take accountability for the heart ache I’m experiencing of today.. 
After 2 years of being in a very toxic situation-ship.. I realize that the treatment I desire is something that money can’t buy . I asked myself what are you missing? After being called out my name on numerous occasions , not taking FULL responsibility of his actions , punching a door , and evening an abortion , why do you think you need this person in your life ?? 
I thought about the my first year together & how he was in great denial thinking he was moving forward from a serious relationship . Me being the person that I am , I wanted to help .. Not in a sense of taking away that pain but just wanting him to talk about that part of his life.. Being vulnerable with me about his present emotions . The whole time , He fought me on it . We would have sex & the next morning he was out the door. Little did I know that he was still communicating with this person has I wanted him to just express his emotions. I knew what was going on , but I made the bestest mistake & that was continually to be with someone who I knew wasn’t mentality present with me . I continue to put on this “ tough” girl act in hopes that he would some how see me , wanting to  just help him get through this time, but the more I try I felt like the more I got push away.. 
I told myself today that take responsibility for your actions in letting yourself stay with someone who didn’t fully see your worth has a woman . I think a lot of times we hold onto memories that caused some type of pain .... 
- I am reminding myself to let go of those people because there are another  PEOPLE out there who will cherish you & TREAT you LIKE A QUEEN without the materialistic things ,pain , hurt , and trauma ..
 HIS character !!!
Character makes a huge difference in a relationship . Once you have a man that has godly character there is no doubt that when hardships comes , being in the relationship or just life happens , you have someone that will always want to honor & respect your feelings , because at the end of the day .. We girls are emotional creatures & thats key to us... Where logic is turned off & he hears & sees your heart .. Adjustments needs to be made on both ends to have a good relationship . Character plays a lot in taking accountability .. & not just saying hey im sorry & the minute you bring your feelings on the table , so is his accountability .. Thats toxic & very childish .. 
 As I seat here , wiping the tears from my eyes , encouraging myself to understand that a lot of what I think I am missing is just pure destruction of self image/self-worth . I truly believe that has I continue to walk through this journey of healing , that God will send that right person  with an A1 character .. Yes he maybe flawed just has I am , but he will know how to treat me . 
Understand yourself worth my girl , Understand that God hasn’t forgotten you but he has you right where you need to be . Let your brain take over because its your logic that will keep you from doing something dumb just because you’re lonely for a minute throughout the day . 
The devil will love nothing more for you to go back to that toxic situation-ship & miss out on what truly God has for you . Be encouraged ! 
Much Love & respect 
TNM ❤️
0 notes