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ahmedmootaz · 1 month

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Continuing off my last ask on Ayin's death

After getting over the logistics on how they'd bring Ayin's corpse home if he did die due to the Sweepers, what would have Roland and X done after coming home?

Obviously the party isn't happening now and the whole cleanup and injury tending would be happening but would funeral preparations be immediately made? Or would Roland turn the kids back into adults behind X's back and then planned the funeral once everyone was back?

Would others even want to hold a funeral immediately or would they try to bring back Ayin first? Would Angela even let them try?

Speaking of funerals, assuming they couldn't bring Ayin back because of a variety of factors. Unable to book him or light him away or heal him with K Corp or T Corp tech. What type of funeral preparations would they make?

Does Ayin even have a will with instructions of how to bury him (i.e. chuck his body into the Outskirts and be done with it since he doesn't think he even deserves a funeral or memorial or being shot out of a cannon or hung up like a pinata on a cieling fan)?

What type of funeral would Ayin get: a burial in the Outskirts, a cremation into an urn and then a columbarium, an internent into a mausoleum, a burial at sea, a shove into a stasis box, or something else entirely?

What type of funeral procession and mourning customs there be: general western customs, general eastern customs, Korea specific customs, Kabbalistic specific customs or none at all/something else entirely?

How would everyone react to finding out Ayin is dead before they could even get full closure or try to patch things up? Especially Hokma, Binah, and Angela?

How badly would X be taking Ayin's death and how would Roland be comforting him knowing he'll have to betray X and make X lose his kids the same day as losing his sort-of-but-not-really brother?

How much more severe will X's depression and thus distortion would be after everyone is back to being adults?

How much of a dramatic fight is it going to be with X going full distortion out of grief especially since he's not just mourning Ayin but also mourning Abram, Abel, Adam, and his kids at the same time?

What type of distortion would X even become? Would he be the equivalent of all the Sephirah meltdowns all at once? Would he become some sort of manager/puppeteer/commander unleashing minions?

What would it take to calm X down? Angela talking him down? Roland giving him a hug? Them beating him up physical therapy style?

How badly is X going to be depressed for after distorting? How would he act after the funeral? Is he going to hurt himself?

Would they put a memorial like a photograph and a small shrine to Ayin after the funeral and X's breakdown?

In any case, this would have been a very bleak ending that would no doubt make a lot of people tear up. And since you are an author eager to lap up people's tears, how are you going to take my questions and make the scenario hurt even more?

Anyway, that is all for my questions AhmedMootaz. Thank you for all the hardwork you put into the fic I've been binging in my downtime. Since you wrote such a long fic, hopefully you're okay too with such a long ask.

(Ask Part 2)

Dear Anonymous,

Welcome back again! It seems we have created a cascade of Ayin death content, heheh. I'm not sure if that means the Ayin fans are very stable, mentally speaking, but this is the PM Fandom; nobody is mentally stable, no matter how much they might want to claim otherwise, heh.

So, this ask...What would happen directly after everyone returns? I think that Roland opts for a quick and unceremonial return to form; X and the kids are all devastated. They're teetering on the brink of breakdown, and while as adults the Librarians would also be grappling with shock, loss, and devastation, at least as adults they'd know what to do. Maybe after some convincing, Roland gets X to help him install the Reverse De-Agers on the kids to try and cheer them up while wiping their tears away, making sure they're unable to see Ayin's corpse before he puts them all to sleep. Maybe he even convinces the kids that this was all a big nightmare that they'd wake up from just as soon as they head to bed, and although some kids like Garion, Kali and Benjamin might be sceptical, they'd likely be desperate enough to try anything, putting the Reverse De-Agers into motion.

Now what happens when they return to adults? Well, I'm sure you can imagine the shock, terror, and devastation that sets in, but my guess is that they'd try bringing Ayin back in whatever capacity they can. Whether by using the Light, City technology like K-Corp's ampoules, or maybe technology found in the Ruins and the Outskirts.

And as for Angela...I think, deep down, she might be the most upset of them, hence why she'd resist burying Ayin for as long as physically possible, covering up her desire as 'wanting to let the Librarians try out everything to their heart's content', but deep down, she's as desperate as they are for something, anything to work. After all, we know Angela's relationship with Ayin is incredibly complex, with a part of her loving him and a very much larger part of her despising him thanks to his actions towards her, but deep down, she always wanted to believe that, maybe, some part of him loved her back. That he didn't just loathe her for no apparent reason whatsoever.

And now, he died trying to protect her. Now, when she knew he loved her so much that he was willing to die for her, he dies for real. And she can't ask him anymore questions. She can't see if he would actually be the man she needs him to be. She can't even call him dad anymore. It's all gone, and she didn't even have the chance to experience it as an adult. She'd really be one of the people who suffer the most from the whiplash of losing Ayin so suddenly...

As for the funeral...I think that Angela might want Ayin's burial site to be in the Library, as a way to have him around if the Library ever needs to move again. Perhaps it's a rash decision in the moment, but I assume she can create a nice, small garden with the threes and grass Ayin loved so much so he could be buried in it. While the other methods you mentioned are probably what Ayin would want for himself considering how much he hates himself and also they're hilarious pffffffffft, I think he would be buried very, very plainly, without a coffin even. Just buried in the dirt while shrouded with a white cloth to not have him touching to dirt directly; I assume it would be Hokma's suggestion, seeing how Ayin loved the grass and greenery while Carmen was alive.

Now, we already said how Angela would feel, but Hokma and Binah...I feel that Hokma would be the most visibly devastated, even if he tries hiding it; Ayin's return must've been an invaluably precious moment for him, as he finally gets to see his mentor and good friend after thinking he was gone forever, and now, actually seeing that he was gone after such a large sacrifice...it would leave him touched, no doubt, especially considering Ayin was not the most open of men; he would rarely, if ever, speak about his emotions or even address their existence, so sacrificing his life for him and the rest of his de-aged 'siblings'...It was the strongest message of care and affection that Ayin could've ever hoped to send. Despite how pained he would be, I imagine Hokma would, eventually, manage to get over the pain as he would be accustomed to it, while Angela will take a lot, lot longer.

And when it comes to Binah...here's the thing: I think she'd almost feel robbed. This isn't the ending she wanted for Ayin; she thought he'd go out in a large blaze of glory accomplishing the grandiose destiny he involuntarily set out to accomplish, but this...this wasn't it. To die protecting them...She'd think it to be pathetic, no doubt, but it's not the ending he deserved. He was her greatest rival, and it's obvious that she respected him. Now that he was gone like that so suddenly and without warning...It would be something of a bitter taste in Binah's mouth, I think, even if she would display no outward reaction at all.

How badly will X take it? I assume X will just straight-up Distort. In AiP, the only reason he didn't was Ayin providing him with a pseudo-family of sorts. There's no reason holding X back now, not when he's feeling so betrayed, and as for the fight...well, I'd assume it'd be one of epic proportions, and the Librarians might even have to consider putting X down if he doesn't stop fighting them; without the Light, it's possible he'd be more than capable of defeating them all with his Distortion, which I assume will be the same as the one seen in AiP, only a lot, lot more vigorous with the Distortion directly enhancing him in order to use him as her weapon of choice against the Library. I'm assuming it'd have to be as dramatic as Roland's fight, at the very, very least, with X getting more and more Distorted as the fight goes on.

Maybe even one of the elements that break X out of his Distortion would be when he accidentally knocks Ayin's corpse over or otherwise disturbs it and realises that what he's doing...this isn't what Ayin would've wanted at all...That is if he's not beyond saving due to the grief and the downpour of emotions he's experiencing.

And if he doesn't die...well, this is going to be a very, very depressed X for the funeral...We're talking unresponsive, quiet, sobbing X. The type us sickos seem to adore and whose tears we slurp for sustenance...delicious...

And, at last, yes, I'd think they'd have to give Ayin a memorial of some sort, with a picture much like the one he had of (what I assume is) Carmen, and perhaps they even put a cactus next to it, hehe.

Still, this isn't the end of the story; with Ayin dead, Carmen, too, may be beyond saving, which means that the only way to stop the Distortion is by killing her, but that...well, that's a whole different ask. And...before you ask, no, I have nothing in mind for what I'd do with that particular scenario, heh.

I thank you for your dedication to the Ayin Death cause, Anon! Until next time, be well, take care, and see ya'! Thank you for the fun, if depressing, ask!

#lobotomy corporation #library of ruina #my writing #ask #ayin #manager x #angela

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kittymittenz-favs · 10 months

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So I found this paragraph I wrote a couple months ago. I thought I'd share it for anybody who feels alone or just needs a reminder that they're loved.

I have the power to keep myself alive. I may not have the power to stop everything, but I have the power to do whatever I can to not die. I have the power to tell the world that we are not fucked, and that we can all do as much as we have the energy for to make this world better. Whether it’s big things that everyone will know about, or just respecting your friend’s new name and pronouns. Every little thing you can do for a trans person could make a massive difference. Just not making them wear a dress if they don’t feel like it. Letting them grow their hair out if they want. It could change everything for them. Because the more happy trans people there are, the more people we have to fight against people who don’t want us to be happy. The more trans people who are allowed to show themselves, the more people we have to fight against the people who wish we would stop existing. I’m so glad I made the promise to myself to stay alive. This goes out to my best friends. This goes out to trans people I don’t know. This goes out to all the people who refuse to accept that I am here, like my own father. But especially, this goes out to all the trans kids who think they’re alone. All the trans teens who wonder if life is even worth living. Every single young trans person out there who thinks it’s hopeless. I promise, it’s not. Some days, I don’t believe it gets better, either. So I won’t say that, because I know you’ve heard it a billion times. But I will say that without you, I wouldn’t have anyone to speak to. Without you, every single one of you, we would be alone. Without you, we would have more and more people deciding that we don’t deserve to live. With you, with me, with all of us, together, we can keep trying. It won’t happen immediately, or even soon. But look at what the people who came before us have done. They’ve given us the power to even be able to say this. So if we keep working, keep trying, keep going, we can continue improving until the trans people of the future can live without fear. Until anybody who feels like a girl, can be a girl. Until every single person who decides they/them fits them more is respected and there’s no more laws being passed that they shouldn’t be given human rights. Until no more person has to listen to their own parents call them by a name that isn’t theirs every single day. We will not stop until no kid has to feel fear about their gender. I will not stop until every single transgender kid knows that I was once you. While I don’t know your full experience, whether you’re reading this the day I post it or you’re reading this years later, this is for you. I love you. You are beautiful. And no matter what happens, please stay with us. If nobody in your family, in your school, in your town, in your whole country seems to care about you? I do. I can guarantee that at least one person will miss you and will grieve for you. I can’t change the world. But I can keep myself alive, because just existing as a trans person is one of the bravest things you can do. And that’s all it takes. You are so brave. I love you.

Reblog this if you have the time. Every trans kid or teen or adult who feels alone should see this. Thank you for reading. ❤

#transgender #lgbtq #positivity #mental illness recovery #long post #transgender positivity #suicide prevention #depression recovery #love

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