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messrmoonyy · 10 months

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And she would rescue me

Tess Servopoulos x Fem!reader

Summary- Tess doesn’t know why she stopped to help you. She doesn’t know why she thought bringing into the QZ was a good idea either. But now you’re in her apartment and she’ll be damned if she’s about to let you die. Snippets of the days you spend with her

A/N- this came to me so randomly in the middle of getting extremely frustrated over a request I couldn’t get my mind to wrap around, and I smashed out a few thousand words and decided I loved it. I feel like there’s a lot of injured reader x Joel fics but not enough Tess ones. So here’s my spin on it.

Warnings- 18+ || light discussion of injuries, I think this is sliigghttllyyy ooc tess, tess realising she can actually let someone in, tess learning to trust tbh, smut towards the end( it isn’t as detailed as usual cause Lord this OS is long I had to chop things out ) : oral ( reader receiving ) , fingering ( tess receiving), tess gets a little panicked during one part of the smut but she’s totally okay, can I get a hell yeah for tess being vulnerable?!

Word count- 13k only proof read once

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Reblogs and comments are always appreciated/ encouraged <3

She didn’t really know why she’d done it. Why she hadn’t just… kept walking. Minded her own fucking business and gone home. But how could she? She still had some kind of humanity left in her, enough that meant she wouldn’t just walk past a girl dying.

Which, when she thought about it, was almost laughable. She’d left her fair share of people dying, most of them dying because of her own actions. So. Clearly her humanity liked to pick and choose its moments. And maybe if this scenario had happened 10 more years into the apocalypse, she would have left you there.

But it hadn’t. The world was still yet to rip the final shreds of humanity out of her.

You had been in a heap at the bottom of a slope, where the concrete of the road had been bombed and now created a jagged rocky mess. She’d thought you were dead at first. No one really ever survived outside the wall on their own, so it wasn’t wrong of her to assume. And if she was truly honest she thought that checking on you was worth it, even if you were dead because you might actually have something decent on you.

Well that’s what she’d told Joel anyway. Her and Joel were close, ridiculously close. They knew each other inside and out but she always noticed she had held onto a little more of her humanity of the years where as he seemed to have buried his deeply away. She was the one that still had a tiny candle flickering in her chest, a warmth that allowed her to hope and care. Even if some days she did feel like snuffing it out. No matter how twisted and dark her mind had become over the years, she still had some light trapped in there.

And so even with Joel’s complaints she had gone over to you. Using the excuse of simply hoping to pull something useful from the corpse. But no. You’d been alive. Barely it seemed. But alive.

Firstly she’d checked you over for any sign of a bite, carefully pushing at you and moving your clothes for any sign of fungus crawling through your veins. Last thing she wanted was another infected crawling around out there, as if their journeys out of the city weren’t difficult enough as it was. So she checked, ready to shoot you in the head if she found even a single sign of a mushroom. And when she’d found none… she’d stood up to leave. You had nothing on you. Even your clothes were fucked. Nothing worth her time. You’d be dead soon and just another body littering the streets. She should just go home and get out of the rain.

But she found herself unable to move. Even when Joel chastised her for wasting time when he just wanted to get back inside the wall and drink himself to sleep.

“ I am not taking some damn girl back inside the wall “ he hissed “ This isn’t you Tess “

“ she’s dying Joel “

“ and so let her die. People die every goddamn day. Including us if we get caught tryna smuggle some girl through the wall. And what’re you gonna do when you get back? What if she dies anyway huh? “

She’d looked down at you again, debating listening to him. If you did die on the way back she’d be stuck with the task of trying to dispose of a dead body. Which she had done plenty of times before but, if they found you without any records of ever being accepted into the QZ? That could cause some problems.

But you were still alive. Somehow. Somehow you had managed to survive out there, and from the flaking dried blood on your face you’d been there a while. You were strong. She liked that.

Joel was wrapped around her finger so even with his protesting it didn’t surprise her that she’d managed to talk him round.

The real surprise was that they’d managed to get back inside the wall, through the tunnels and into her apartment unnoticed. Joel unceremoniously dumping you down on her bed and leaving with muttered curses under his breath that he wasn’t gonna help if she got caught. Which was bullshit. Of course he would.

That had been 2 days ago.

You were still where Joel had left you, but she made you more comfortable. Changed you out of your filthy clothes and bandaged your ankle. From the bruising and the swelling she assumed you’d broken it. But there wasn’t much telling what exactly you’d done, X-rays weren’t exactly easy to go and get now.

She’d also cleaned the injury on your head, washing away the dried blood and stitching up the wound. It wasn’t exactly neat. But she didn’t think you’d mind. She’d saved your life after all. She sat you up every now and again to coax water into you, smashing up painkillers and dissolving them in some hope you weren’t in too much pain.

You’d barely woken up the entire time. Occasionally your eyes would open for a few seconds, gaze around the room in a way that made you look drunk, and then pass back out again. She was starting to get worried. Because you needed to eat sooner rather than later. Dosing you with water and pills was one thing but it would be useless if you didn’t eat anything.

She kept a close eye on you. Locking the doors whenever she went out for work assignments and hoping you wouldn’t wake up and freak out whilst she was gone. But you didn’t. She came home, gave you water and meds, and then went to bed.

She’d been sleeping on the couch. The bed was big enough for two. But she guessed you waking up not only in a strange place but with a strange person next to you might just kill you anyway from the shock.

It made her want to laugh sometimes when she lay there at night. Maybe she was getting soft. Running around like Florence fucking Nightingale looking after a stranger that was probably gonna die anyway. And for what? What solid reason did she have for it?

None. Absolutely none.

But she couldn’t help it. Continuously tending to you and keeping you clean, keeping your bandages fresh. Wiping at your face and wondering where you’d come from, how you’d ended up out there. She had so many questions.

She was getting soft.

You woke up properly a few days after she’d found you. She wasn’t entirely sure if your bouts of unconsciousness had been due to the head injury or the painkillers. Maybe it was both. Either way, your eyes were fully open now.

To her surprise you didn’t look afraid. She found it made that little candle in her chest burn a little brighter for a moment. She was so used to people being afraid. She liked it, of course she did. But the change was nice for a brief moment. To see kind eyes looking at her like she was… a person.

You were both silent. Neither of you seemingly knowing what to say in the moment. She hadn’t really thought that far ahead. And she was confused to find herself stuck for words. Unsure of what to do. She usually was ten steps ahead of everyone, could read a room in an instant and know exactly what her next move would be.

But not now. Not there with you looking at her like that. It was frustrating.

“ welcome to the world of the living sweetheart “ she finally said, crossing her arms over her chest and watching you closely “ or half living I suppose “

“ where am I? “ your voice was hoarse. Probably because you hadn’t used it for so long. It was curious though. Not afraid. No fear laced your words as you glanced around the room, landing back on her and tilting your head slightly to the side like an inquisitive animal.

“ Boston QZ “ Tess finally spoke, grabbing a chair from the kitchen table and pulling it to the end of the bed and sitting down. You watched her every move, eyes following her from the table to where she sat “ I found you outside the wall. What the fuck were you doing out there huh? “

You seemed to ponder on the question for a moment, flickers of confusion flashing across your face. You didn’t know. How hard had you hit your head?

“ I’m not- I’m not sure - how long have I been here? “

“ few days “ your eyes widened at that, eyebrows flying up in a way that clearly hurt the wound on your head. Your hand came up to touch it, gingerly patting the stitched up space in your hairline. You then pulled at the blankets to see your ankle neatly bandaged up.

“ I fell “

“ I guess so “ she said with a sarcastic tone seeping its way into her words. Of course you’d fallen. It didn’t take a genius to work that one out.

“ so you… brought me here? “

“ a thank you would be fuckin nice “

“ oh! Thank you. Yeah of course “ you said quickly, blush creeping across your cheeks. She surprised herself by immediately thinking how… cute… it looked.

“ you feel okay though? “ she asked, immediately trying to rid herself of her previous thought. You nodded and yours eyes fell back onto her, sheepishly avoiding her gaze for more than a few seconds.

“ kinda hungry though “ to her surprise that made her smile, exhaling shortly though her nose in a small laugh.

“ yeah I bet “ she felt your eyes on her the entire time she was pottering around in the kitchenette deciding what food to get you. A small part of her did think she should’ve been smarter than to turn her back on you, you could’ve gotten out of bed and found one of the numerous weapons littered around the place. Killed her and escaped thinking she’d kidnapped you or something.

It made her glance over her shoulder.

“ you’re not gonna hurt me are you “ you said suddenly. It came out as more of statement or a fact than a question though, like you were telling yourself out loud to confirm it. Not really asking her.

“ if I wanted to hurt you I would’ve done it by now. Fuck I wouldn’t have even risked my ass bringing you though the wall “ she made her way back over to you, placing down a couple of the rationed food bars she had in front of you “ they taste like shit. But apparently one bar equals a whole fuckin meal or whatever propaganda bullshit the Military wanna tell us. Just tryna make us eat less “

“ thank you “ your eyes suddenly seemed ravenous, grabbing at the bar and taking a large bite

“ fuck. Slow down. You haven’t eaten in a week you keep going like that you’ll puke the whole thing up in ten minutes “ your cheeks flushed and you nodded, taking smaller nibbles from the shitty food bar. Looking at them already made her crave the fresh food from Bills. It’d only been days and she’d do anything for a vegetable that actually crunched. And had taste “ you can stay here till your ankles fixed… just be quiet. Stay out of sight. Last thing I want is my neck hanging from a fuckin rope because i got caught with an unregistered citizen. Okay? “

“ thank you “ she moved back to the table then, not really knowing what else she was supposed to say to you, and made herself look busy by counting ration cards. As if she hadn’t already gotten the exact number already twice over.

She was mildly regretting bringing you back. What was she supposed to do with you now? At least when you were asleep she didn’t have to worry about you drawing attention to yourself. Now you were awake, what if someone saw you. Or you decided you were in fact scared of her and started screaming or something.

She was such a fuckin idiot. Always acting on impulse when she was tired. And she had been after that hike from Lincoln. She was usually quite rational, but that all went out the window with you clearly. She should’ve listened to Joel. She probably wouldn’t even remember you by now if she’d just left you there. And now? Now she was stuck with an unregistered citizen in her apartment for fuck knows how long.

Way to fuckin go Tess.

“ I didn’t think.. I didn’t think you’d actually hurt me you know? “ you said as she stacked the cards, her eyes flickered up to find you watching her “ I just. I don’t know why I asked really. I actually feel pretty safe here. That’s stupid isn’t it? “

“ a little bit stupid. Yeah “ she agreed.

“ No one’s kind anymore. But you are. You helped me “ was she kind? Was she? She used to be. She wasn’t so sure anymore “ and you’re a woman “

“ nice observation “

“ no I mean. Men were shitty before but now? We ran into this group on the way here… I can’t remember their names but. They just took girls because they could. Kept them like slaves. Infected aren’t the scariest thing out there “ she knew that was true. Not to say that some women weren’t just as shitty. But the men were having a field day with the apocalypse. All rules had gone out the window.

It was stupid of you to trust her so easily, woman or not. She could very much have been planning to hurt you. Or demand something in return for her good nature. She wasn’t going to of course. But most people would’ve done that. If they’d even bothered to stop to help you at all.

Maybe she was kind.

By your third night- well. Nights that you were aware of anyway- in her apartment she was starting to miss when you were passed out. You woke up screaming somewhere in the early hours each night, thrashing around in the sheets and sobbing about things you couldn’t seem to explain to her.

So much for not drawing any attention to yourself.

She knew you couldn’t help it. Not really. She knew first hand from Joel. From her own nightmares that liked to sneak their way into her dreams from time to time. But you needed to be quiet.

She wondered if you’d been trapped in an endless cycle of those dream when you were unconscious. If you had been watching them on a loop as she attempted to care for you, looking so peaceful but screaming on the inside.

“ you wanna talk about those dreams of yours? “ she asked on morning number four. Remembering some slight memory of her mother telling her that talking about bad dreams would make them go away when she was a kid. Something she probably would’ve then gone on to tell her own kids. One of those small twists of the truth that parents did to try and make their children feel better. Something little and mostly useless that they took into adulthood. Even knowing that it wasn’t entirely true. But it worked a little bit.

So it was worth a try. Wasn’t it. Just because she needed you to be quiet. Not that she really cared. Of course she didn’t care. Why would she.

She couldn’t. Caring was dangerous.

“ I’m sorry I know you said about the noi- “

“ yeah you’re waking up the whole fuckin block every night sweetheart you need to get that under control “ she watched your face flush slightly in a way she had noticed you did when she slipped in the pet name. But maybe it was a mixture of embarrassment too.

It didn’t make you special. It was almost… condescending. Her way of keeping herself that one step above on the ladder, she didn’t care.

She didn’t.

“ I’m sorry I’m trying “

“ try a little harder “ you sighed and dropped your head into your hands, shaking your head. Were you crying?

“ I’m sorry “ you were “ I just keep seeing… seeing all the people and the blood and the rain and- “ she walked over to you, observing you like a injured animal that wasn’t quite sure what to do with. The kind where she didn’t know if it was kinder to kill it and put it out of it’s misery or to attempt to console it and bring it back to health.

Though clearly she was already doing the latter.

“ I told you. Tell me about them “ that came out a little lighter than she had initially meant. But she didn’t linger on it “ get it out. Probably won’t make them stop but. Might help “

You seemed to debate it, wiping at the tears on your cheeks and sighing.

She had to admit she was curious to know what was tormenting you. In the world they lived in there was plenty of things it could’ve been. They were 10 years in now and she still saw flashes of outbreak day in her dreams sometimes. Still remembered the first person she had seen infected. The first she had killed.

Death no longer bothered her. She had become numb to it in every way. Paths she had had no choice but to take, that had lead to her ending up that way. She did what she had to do to survive. But you seemed to still be coming to terms with the world around you.

You shuffled to move next to her, hanging your legs over the side of the bed with a small wince as you moved the ankle that was bandaged up.

“ me and a group. 9 of us? We were heading for the QZ. There was more of us at the start but… Pittsburgh is falling apart. A group of us snook out before it could get any worse. If that place lasts another year I’ll be surprised “ she’d heard of QZs falling apart all over the country. Boston was one of the only ones that FEDRA still had a relatively tight grip on “ we made it to the outskirts of the city… these runners came from no where and- “

She sat down on the edge of the bed as you tried to compose yourself a little, surprised to find her chest hurting a little as she watched you. Maybe it was because you seemed so… vulnerable. Somehow avoiding the hardships of the last ten years and behaving like the outbreak had only just begun.

She couldn’t help but feel inclined to protect you.

“ and how’d you end up at the bottom of that slope? “

“ me and 2 others. We made it pretty deep into the city, one of them said we should cut through the buildings. The road was fucked so I agreed. We got separated. Runners. Clickers. I just ran. Last thing I remember is the rain and and tryna get around the mess on the roads… guess I fell. Then you found me”

You’d escaped runners and clickers, and outlasted your entire group. You were really stronger than she thought. Vulnerable, yes, but still strong.

“ and that’s what you keep seeing? In your dreams? “ you nodded and sighed.

“ the others being ripped apart. Clickers chasing me. It’s so stupid I’m sorry. I’ll try to be quiet… I just wish they’d stop“ you dropped your head against her shoulder with a small sigh. Tess didn’t really know what to do. The gentleness of the act was almost alien to her now.

No one had been gentle with her for 10 years. Not even Joel.

You were doing something to her. Had done from the moment she’d seen you lying half dead on the floor outside. The fact that she had stopped at all. That she had brought you back. That in the 3 days you had been awake, the near constant 72 hours in your company, you had declared feeling safe with her. That you trusted her. That you looked at her and believed she could be gentle.

And Tess didn’t know how to react to it. What to do with it. She didn’t have a snarky remark to give you, simply out of fear of hurting your feelings or upsetting you. Which was ridiculous. Since when did she care about people’s feelings?

“ I promise I’ll try control it. Maybe you’re right. Maybe talking about it helped “

“ yeah. Maybe “

She had the sudden urge to tell you it’ll be okay. That she had nightmares too. That she’d lost count of the amount times she woke up in a cold sweat, images of her husband in a pool of his own blood flashing behind her eyelids, the sounds of her son fighting to escape the basement she had locked him in ringing in her ears.

Nothing haunted her more than that day. Everyone had their ghosts.

She didn’t even tell Joel but there she was wanting to tell you. To relate. To console.

She stood up before she could. Clearing her throat and heading for the door. She needed to get out of that apartment.

“ where are you going? “ the look on your face was like that of a kicked puppy, eyes wide and sad. She really needed to get out of that apartment.

“ I have shit to do. Stay quiet. Don’t open the door. I’ll be back in a few hours “ she pulled on her boots as she spoke, grabbing her bag and heading out the door in a hurry.

She needed to get back out among people that feared her. People that knew how dangerous she could be. Just to remind herself she was feared. She was dangerous. She wasn’t soft.

She. Didn’t. Care.

The fourth night was the same. She woke up to the clock on the wall showing 3:30am, you screaming at the top of your lungs and begging for help.

She got up from her makeshift bed on the couch and headed for the kitchen to get you some water, in the way that was becoming routine now. Usually by the time she reached you you’d stopped, but not tonight. You were thrashing around in the sheets, eyes still clenched tightly closed as you sobbed and screamed.

She placed the water down, her brows furrowed and sat herself on the edge of the bed. She grabbed at your arms to stop your thrashing before you hurt yourself

“ hey! You’re okay, look at me come on. Sweetheart, look at me. Just a dream. C’mon now “ your eyes flung open, terror swirling in your dilated pupils “ that’s it. Look around. You’re awake. You’re safe. You’re safe “

Clearly talking about it hadn’t helped. If anything it had made it worse.

“ no! Please- no! “

“ you gotta be quiet. Look. At. Me! “ she grabbed at your face, forcing your wild eyes to focus on her instead “ that’s it. Look at me. You see me? Not a fuckin clicker. No mushrooms in sight. You were dreamin again “ you seemed to register her words, slowly calming down as you took in her face in front of you.

“ Tess “ you whispered it with such relief, like some kind of wish in a prayer had been granted.

“ yeah. That’s right. It’s me “ you leaned into her touch, apparently grounding yourself again against the feel of her hands against your cheek. She watched you intently, the way you had known her for such little time but so clearly found comfort in her. In her touch.

She wondered if you knew the things she were capable of… if you knew the things she had done. Would you be so willing to sit there with her like that?

She let go of you and stood up.

“ no “ you said suddenly, fingers wrapping around her wrist as she attempted to return to the couch “ sorry I- “ she looked down at your hand, the way you held onto her “ I mean- can you. Could you… would you… stay? Here. With me “ she didn’t quite know why the word ‘ yeah ‘ flew into her mouth before she could even think about what you’d said. But she stopped it before it could escape “ please Tess. I’m so scared… I’d feel better if you were here “

“ I’m just around the other side of the wall “

“ please. You make me feel safe “ that took her aback. She didn’t have a single idea how to respond to that. Safe. She made you feel safe.

People didn’t feel safe around her. They felt afraid. They felt submissive to her power, they begged for their life, they felt dependent on her for their pills. They didn’t feel… safe.

But hadn’t that been what she had been trying to achieve? Hadn’t she wanted to make you feel safe. That you could exist around her and not be scared she’d hurt you. And it felt different yes, but. It felt nice too.

“ okay “ it came out far less confident than she’d wanted it to and she cleared her throat, trying to shake off the clearly obvious confusion she was experiencing “ yeah. Yeah. I’ll stay if you want “ you closed your eyes in relief and gave her a small smile, letting go of her wrist.

She watched you pull back the covers beside her and she got in, keeping a nice distance between you both. She had to admit it felt nice to be back in her bed. It wasn’t the most comfortable of things but anything was better than the couch for another night.

It felt strange laying next to someone though. She hadn’t done that for a long. Long. Time. Even when she had made her way through her string of flings and one time things, she hardly ever brought them back to her apartment. And they never slept in her bed if she did bring anyone back. She never let anyone invade her space. That felt too personal.

And yet there you were. In her bed. In her clothes. Finding herself annoyingly thinking about how much better that T-shirt looked on you than it did on her. And trying to ignore how unbelievably normal it felt having you there now. Even more so how normal and comfortable she was having you sleeping beside her.

She turned on her side to look at you, see how at peace you now looked. Your face no longer screwed up in terror, or eyes flashing wildly around the room. The only evidence of your dream the dried tear marks along your cheeks.

She reached out before she could stop herself, wiping at them softly with her fingers. There was a small scar on your left cheek below your eye, she let her finger trace it and wondered how you’d gotten it. She had too many scars to count now. Her face littered with nicks and dotted with freckles from the sun. She wondered if the face she was looking at now had changed in 10 years. If the face you now owned had looked different before the world fell apart.

She instinctively tried to pull away when your hand suddenly moved, placing it over hers gently and holding it in place.

She waited for the embarrassment to come, to ramble some excuse and probably excuse herself back to the couch. But your eyes remained closed, maybe in fear of embarrassing her. Whatever it was. She was grateful. And she let you hold her there, her hand still cupping your face as she fell asleep herself.

“ alright. Come here come look at these “ Tess broke the comfortable silence that had settled over the apartment for the last few hours, drawing your attention away from the book she had given you. She watched as you hopped your way over to the kitchen table, grabbing onto things to keep your balance whilst keeping your injured ankle off the floor.

She’d been working on papers for you for most of the day. Some half cooked insurance policy that made it look like you were a registered citizen if FEDRA happened to come knocking.

Even if they didn’t work entirely they’d still give her enough of a window to get you out before they returned again. And something was better than nothing she supposed.

“ FEDRA do random door to door checks, checking for infection “ she explained when you slumped into the chair next to her “ When they can fuckin be bothered to do it anyway… but if they do there’s a chance they’ll question why you’re here. This apartments only assigned to me, but as long as they think you’re registered it won’t matter. So. Fake papers. According to FEDRA your name is now Christine Hurley “ she didn’t mention that the real Christine Hurley was in fact in a ditch in one of the back alleys of area 2.

That the real Christine Hurley had thought trying to scam her and Joel with fake ration cards was a good idea, and had gotten a bullet in the forehead for her troubles.

“ and these will work? “

“ yeah. I make fake papers all the time to get me and Joel in and out of different areas. Should’ve been a forger pre outbreak. I’d have been rich as fuck” you laughed at that and she almost hated the way it made her heart skip. You were making her too fuckin soft and it was annoying. It was frustrating. She’d known you barely two weeks now, some of which you’d been unconscious, and yet you were making her soft. You were making her feel. Which was ridiculous

“ won’t they still question why I’m here?”

“ yeah but. They won’t really care. As long as you have papers they don’t give a shit. Found me with a girl here before. Idiot didn’t carry her papers with her. Arrested and… well fuck knows where she is now “ your face seemed to change ever so slightly at that and she wondered why “ just keep them with you”

“ you’ve had girls here before? What make a habit of rescuing people do you? “ she scoffed at that. Did she seem like the type to go around rescuing people every day?

“ no. She was here for… she was perfectly healthy. No rescuing “ it seemed to take you a moment before your eyebrows arched and you gave a nervous laugh.

“ oh “ she wasn’t embarrassed, she never had been when it came to sex or her enjoyment of it. She wondered if anyone else would’ve been. Maybe because you didn’t seem uncomfortable at the thought, in fact you seemed quite pleased about it. Something mischievous almost flashing in your eyes. “ interesting “

“ interesting? “

“ yeah. It’s interesting “ Tess raised an eyebrow but you simply shrugged, a smile tugging at your lips that you were seemingly trying and failing to suppress.

It didn’t seem mocking. More… knowing.

She changed the subject.

“ well. There’s your papers. Keep em with you “ you nodded and scanned over them, learning the new information about yourself whilst you were inside Bostons walls. Tess packed her stuff away and stood up, taking it over to the kitchen counter to hide it away in the small stash behind the back of one of the cupboards.

“ was she your girlfriend? “ Tess froze for a moment as you spoke, glancing slightly behind her to look at you. You were still looking down at the papers, like it was a casual topic to simply make conversation.

“ who? “

“ the girl. The one who didn’t have her papers “ she quirked an eyebrow and turned around , folding her arms across her chest and leaning back against the counter

“ why’d you ask? “

“ is that a yes “

“ it’s not “ you hummed a response, flipping the first page over to look at the other which listed all of the work assignments Christine had completed “ she wasn’t my girlfriend. I don’t… I don’t do girlfriends. Or boyfriends for that matter “

“ ahh. You’re one of those people. Alright “ you said, smiling down at the paper and clearly no longer reading it

“ what’s that supposed to mean? “

“ nothing bad. I’m just observing “ you finally looked up, sitting back in the chair with amusement on your face. It was a nice change from the sadness that seemed to be settling over your face every now and again “ let me guess. You get bored. Or lonely. So you go out, find a find a girl. Or a guy. Fuck them. Then leave them. That right? “

It was right. And she hated that you’d read her so easily.

“ no “ you scoffed at that

“ sure. But lemme ask you. Do you really feel less lonely? When you’re with them? Or is it something else? “ she didn’t like where this conversation was going. At all. Or the fact that it genuinely made her think. No. Of course it didn’t make her feel less lonely. If anything it simply made it worse

“ I’m not lonely. I’m better on my own “

“ I don’t think that’s true “

“ yeah. Well you know nothing about me” her words were a little harsh. Defensive. She didn’t want people knowing about her, didn’t need someone trying to figure her out.

“ but I want to know “ you didn’t seem shocked by her tone, or her words.

“ you don’t “ she didn’t want to tell you. She didn’t want to tell you about herself or reveal things about her.

Because it would only scare you off. She knew it.

“ hmmm. I do “ you smiled as you said it and she couldnt help the way it eased the tension brewing in her muscles “ you don’t have to tell me bad stuff. Just. Tell me fun stuff. I’m so starved of like… girl talk “ Tess scoffed

“ there were no girls in your group? “

“ there was two. One was a kid. And the other liked to grab me when her boyfriend pissed her off. Then tell me after it was totally a ‘ one time thing and she was literally so straight ‘ “ you said with a laugh and bending your fingers into air quotes.

“ oh I’ve known a few like that “ Tess found she didn’t actually mind that topic of conversation. Because it was something she was comfortable with and something she could control. And didn’t directly reveal anything about herself. So she sat herself back at the table with you.

“ so was I right then? You just fucking your way through the QZ for the fun of it? “

“ I wouldn’t exactly put it like that “

“ so how would you put it “ you leant forward, chin on your hand and a cheeky smile plastered across your face. You were loving it. And Tess did have to admit talking to someone other than Joel was a decent change.

“ the worlds a pile of shit. I won’t deny myself small pleasures “ your grin grew at that

“ bet you have them lining up for you huh? That scary thing you do… yeah. I bet the guys don’t like that though, you whip them into shape too? “ you said and wiggled your eyebrows in a way she couldn’t help but laugh at. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d really laughed.

“ I prefer women. They’re more interesting to look at “

“ agreed “ even before the outbreak she’d preferred girls. It was true, they were far more interesting, softer, squishier, easier to navigate. Prettier. She couldn’t help the way her eyes wandered over you, mind suddenly running wild. And from the look in your eyes, so was yours.

Two evidently touch starved people in such close proximity, with that topic of conversation was never going to end well.

And so she distanced herself before she could put herself in a compromising situation.

“ I have to go do some work. But I’ll be back soon “ she said and stood up, heading for the door and grabbing her backpack “ don’t- “

“ open the door. Make any sound. Draw any attention to myself. Yes ma’am “ you said, that grin still stuck on your face “ oh and don’t go bringing anyone else back here. You might make me jealous “ you looked back down at your papers then, leaving Tess’ mind still reeling as she opened the door and headed out.

—————————————————————

The nightmares came again that night, seemingly worse than the previous, leaving you in floods of tears after you woke up. And to Tess’ surprise you fell into her arms, clutching at her tshirt as you sobbed and sniffled. She felt her previous annoyance at being woken up fizzle away in an instant, replaced with a deep ache in her chest. Pain at seeing you so upset when you had been so happy during the day.

It concerned her slightly how much she enjoyed your smile. The way your eyes lit up around her. And how much she hated the tears and the sadness now plaguing your features.

“ you’re okay sweetheart. I’ve got you “ she said softly, tucking your head under her chin in a way that surprised her as your sobs turned to hiccups and sniffles. You were gripping her tightly, fingers twisted into the material of her shirt as if you were afraid she was about to push you away and leave you there.

Maybe if you had done that on night one she would’ve. It was strange how much had changed in days. How being around you practically 24/7 had changed her thoughts. She didn’t know if she liked it. if she liked how you seemed to be wiggling your way through the cold exterior of her heart, like a worm trying to reach the core of an apple. Burrowing through until it could reach the centre and stay there.

That almost did make her let you go.

She couldn’t have that. She couldn’t have herself worrying about someone else. Caring about someone else. That was dangerous. And you didn’t care for her. You didn’t worry. So why should she? Why should she allow herself the stupidity of getting into something so clearly one sided. And something she so clearly didn’t have control over. It scared her.

She felt like she was in a car that had had its breaks cut, hurtling towards a brick wall and she had no way of bringing it to a stop.

She really was getting soft. Ridiculously so. There she was sat at her table flicking through a faded and damaged medical book she’d traded for on the black market the previous day, so she could try and figure out how to get you back on your feet again.

She was reluctantly letting it happen now. Just accepting that she was doomed. That for the short time you would be with her she would allow herself this pathetic softness. And the second you were gone she would have her control back. It was all your fault. Yours completely. Luring her in to believe she could feel. To believe she was allowed to feel. To believe that someone could possibly feel for her.

It was stupid. So. Fucking. Stupid.

“ so I’m pretty sure just a super fuckin bad sprain. Says here… two weeks it’ll normally start feeling better. But can take up to eight to fully heal “ she said, clearing her throat in some attempt to distract her thoughts.

“ it does feel better than when I first woke up. So two weeks is accurate “ she placed the book down and went over to where you had your ankle up resting on a couch cushion. She peeled away the bandages she’d wrapped tightly around it to give it some support, pressing and poking slightly at the fading bruises.

“ can you move it? Wiggle your toes and shit? “ you did just that and she shrugged. She was no doctor. But she patched herself and Joel up enough over the years “ alright. c’mon. Up “ she held out her hands and you took them, they looked so soft and delicate compared to hers. A scar here and there but somehow mostly clear. Nothing compared to the scratches and scrapes on hers. The scars on her knuckles from the numerous times she’d split them open.

Hands like that didn’t fit together. Didn’t meet. Hands like hers didn’t deserve the privilege of touching hands like yours. Hands like hers didn’t deserve to touch anyone in a gentle way. They were for business. For hurting. For pain. Yours weren’t. Yours were soft. Smooth. Yours were made for caressing and soothing, for receiving soft kisses on the back.

She was losing it.

She guided one of your arms around her shoulders and helped you get your balance.

“ don’t try walk. Just. Just try put your weight on it “

“ what if- “

“ don’t worry. I’ve got you. Just be careful yeah? “ she watched you carefully as you gently placed your foot down, eyebrows furrowing as you did and hissing in pain through your teeth “ I said carefully “ you sighed and put it flat on the floor but still heavily leaning against her “ feels okay? “

“ hurts “ Tess nodded and held you tighter around the waist

“ try not to lean on me so much. You won’t fall over. I’ve got a hold of you “

“ oh you’re gonna catch me? “ you said with a small laugh, eyes flickering up to hers briefly. The tone of your voice made her throat a little dry and she couldn’t figure out exactly why.

“ yeah. Yeah I got you “ your face screwed up slightly as she watched you out more of your weight onto it and get used to the feeling.

She held you there for a couple of minutes to regain your balance before slipping your arm off of her and holding your hands in hers.

“ now try walk. Hold onto me “

“ I don’t think I- “

“ just try. Look at me “ you watched her face carefully as she took small steps back, helping you to get used to the feeling of the ankle being used again.

She was glad Joel had work assignments that day. She didn’t think she’d ever live it down if he turned up at her apartment and saw that. Saw her holding you so carefully and helping you walk again like a child.

But she found in the hour or so that she did it, her cheeks began to hurt from smiling. For once in her life feeling like the world wasn’t on her shoulders, happy. Smiling. You smiling with her.

It was nice.

“ you got it! Nice work sweetheart “ she watched the utter joy on your face as you managed to keep your balance on your own and walk before falling into her arms.

“ fuck yeah “ you laughed seemingly now exhausted from the small amount of work. But she didn’t blame you after so long unable to do anything “ can we rest now? “

“ we can do whatever you want “ she said with a small laugh, arms wrapped around you to keep you up right.

“ anything? “ you asked quietly, smile fading slightly and looking up at her intently. Tess furrowed her brows, slightly confused at what exactly you were asking her.

It took her completely by surprise when you leant up and kissed her. Standing practically shell shocked as you pressed your lips to hers. It was only a few seconds and then you were pulling back, cheeks flaming red and closing your eyes with a shake of your head

“ god I’m so- Tess I’m sorry I don’t know why I- “

“ you need to rest “ she said and cleared her throat, not wanting to think about had just happened for even a second. Not prepared to deal with the spiral it would inevitably send her down.

All she knew. Was that she was fucked. well. And truly. Fucked.

“ just stay close to me. Try not to talk to anyone. And don’t touch anything“ Tess instructed as she pushed back a palette keeping one of the exits out of the tunnels covered

“ yes ma’am “ you said with a smile and a mock salute, following her through the gap and standing patiently as she dragged the palette back into place “ will there be officers? “

“ maybe. But the ones around here are just as bad as the smugglers. They’re some of our best customers for pills. Turns out sending people to the gallows everyday can fuck you up. Who’d have guessed? Just do as I say “ you stood ridiculously close to her, eventually wrapping your fingers around her wrist as you both entered the courtyard. She wasn’t in the mood to loiter and headed straight for the people she needed. Trading off cards for boots, a new jacket, some shirts and jeans.

Stuff you’d need. That she didn’t have a surplus of.

Ration cards were as precious as gold those days. And she was spending her hard earned ones on you. She definitely wouldn’t telling Joel about that.

She found she didn’t mind though. She wanted you to be prepared. Safe. And the boots she’d found you in barely had any soles left. You wouldn’t get far in those.

It had been a week since you’d kissed her and neither of you had mentioned it since. Falling back into that comfortable thing you’d been developing before. Where you could make her laugh and smile. And you would tease her for being too grumpy which would make you smile.

It was odd how normal it was starting to feel having you around. But she always ruined the moment by thinking about the future. About how empty her apartment would feel when you leave. She’d gotten used to you. And she almost didn’t want to let you go.

Maybe she could work something out, wrap some officers around to her thinking and get you some official papers. She could train you up to help her with her smuggling, show you the ropes and tell you who the best people to deal with were. And who to avoid like the plague.

It could be nice.

“ Tess. Haven’t seen you around for a few days. Where you been hiding? “ she felt you tense beside her as one of the FEDRA officers on her client list made his way towards her. He was a cocky son of a bitch, one who constantly tried to make her lower her prices and was notoriously known for being too heavy handed with the girls he paid for. And had been trying to get his way into her pants for months. Seemingly thinking offering her his dick was worth a half price deal on his pills.

“ don’t. Speak. Let me do the talking “ Tess said in a low voice close to your ear, looking like she was entirely too fascinated by the piles of clothes in front of her “ I’m not selling today Marcus. You know I don’t get shit until the end of the month “

“ I know. I know. Cant I be friendly and say hello? “ she rolled her eyes, hoping he’d just fuck off and leave her be now that he knew she didn’t have what he wanted “ who’s the new pet? Following you around like a little lost puppy? “ you shuffled closer to her if that was even possible, fingers tightly gripping at her wrist.

“ that’s none of your concern “

“ pretty thing “ he said with a smirk, craning his head to try and look at where you were attempting to hide behind her. She surprised herself for the millionth time since she’d found you, when she felt a burning jealousy in her chest. She didnt like the thought of anyone talking about you. Even looking at you. Thinking about you. Which was fuckin. Stupid. But she hated it “ maybe you come give me a visit when she’s done with you huh? “

“ I don’t think so “ her voice was bitter, unable to stop herself from appearing as jealous as she was

“ what? Cant she speak for herself? Come on Tess. It’s nice to share “

“ not this one “ she freed her wrist from your grasp and draped her arm around your shoulder instead, pulling you against her body. You sighed a slight sigh of relief at the contact, pressing yourself against her. She tossed down some more cards for the clothes and handed them to you “ put ‘em in your bag “ you did as you were told, the slightly worried expression that had been on you face still there. But a little less now she had a hold of you.

“ settling down? You’re not the type. You send her my way when you get bored. I’ll be waiting. I’ll even pay you double on my next batch “ Tess scoffed and turned to face him, trying to ignore the burning anger boiling away in her chest at the thought of him anywhere near you.

She saw the state he left some girls in, the thought of that happening to you was enough to make her want to put a bullet through his head in the middle of the courtyard.

“ you know that’s not my game “ he shrugged and raised his hands in mock surrender “ go talk to Robert he’ll point you in the right direction. But this one? She’s mine. So back the fuck off. And come find me at the end of the month for your shit. Okay? “ she enjoyed the way that even the officers listened when she commanded it, that the simple tone of voice and the reputation she was gaining was enough to make anyone do as she said.

“ alright alright. Stay out of trouble “ he said with another smirk, but not as smug as it previously had been “ and you “ he said, throwing a wink at you and walked away.

“ let’s get you home yeah? “ she said it loud enough that she hoped Marcus heard it. That you were going back with her. Not him. Never him.

“ yes please “ she could feel your eyes burning into her as you walked back, almost tripping up because you weren’t paying attention to where you were walking.

You seemed flustered. Frantic almost. She wondered if Marcus had shaken you up, overwhelmed you.

She couldn’t have been more wrong if she’d tried. Once you both got back into her apartment she realised what had gotten into you.

You grabbed at her arm when she closed the door, yanking at her with a confidence she hadn’t seen from you before. You pulled her close and to her surprise yet again, you kissed her. For the second time. It was a lot more confident than the first, more… desperate. Your lips pressing harder against hers than she’d expected.

She found herself kissing you back that time, turning you around and crowding you back against the door. She knew she shouldn’t haven given in, shouldn’t be letting her desire her in the way of what she knew was right and wrong.

But she couldn’t help herself.

Maybe it was the pent up jealousy and anger from down in the market, kissing you being the safest form of release for it. And the most enjoyable. Not that battering the fuck out of Marcus wouldn’t have been thoroughly enjoyable. But making out with you? It beat anything else by miles.

It made her regret not kissing you back the first time, when your lips felt like that against hers. Tasted like that. It felt cruel to have denied herself of it.

It was the feel of your fingers gently pushing at her shirt that snapped her back into reality, made her see some common sense again.

“ hey. Hey we can’t “ she said softly, hands soothing over your arms and closing her eyes for a moment. She sighed and looked at you, your cheeks flushed “ we can’t “ she didn’t explain herself. Couldn’t. Couldn’t tell you that she was getting far too attached. That sleeping with you could well and truly be the final nail in the coffin that she was burying herself in.

“ I’m sorry “ you said, clearly embarrassed. Tess couldn’t tear her eyes away from your lips. Parted and glossy with saliva. She wanted to kiss you again.

“ it’s okay. Don’t sweat it “ she looked away before she could.

“ just. The way you were out there. With that officer and and the way you spoke about me I- god “ she found a smile tugging at her lips as she watched your flustered attempt to explain, groaning and putting your head in your hands. She nudged her fingers under your chin to make you look at her, noticing the way your breath shuddered slightly. You were so easy to work up.

“ don’t be embarrassed “ she could practically see you melting under her gaze, the low tone of her voice and intense gaze making you look ready to drop to your knees. And wouldn’t that be a sight.

A sight she had to remind herself she did not need to see.

“ go empty your bag, take a shower or something i don’t know about you but that market makes me feel grimy as fuck. Then we won’t talk about it. Yeah?” You nodded your head and gave her a warm smile

“ yeah “ she stepped away from you, watching you head for the bathroom and close the door behind you. She ran a hand over her face, a deep sigh shuddering past her lips. What was she doing?

Usually she would’ve kept going. Would’ve happily fucked you and been fine about it. She was no stranger to doing just that and then moving on. But there was something about you. Something about the anger she had felt around Marcus, the jealousy and the possessiveness.

Even the fact that she was still sharing a bed with you. And most nights now she’d wake up to find you pressed against her. Cuddling like a couple as if it were the most normal thing. That she enjoyed waking up to your smile, your eyes. You.

What had you done to her?

“ I think you’re gonna have to go soon “ the realisation of the fact had hit her like a ton of bricks that morning. Or maybe it had been sooner than that and she had been forcing herself to ignore it.

Your lack of reaction told her you probably knew that.

Staying with her had never been a permanent thing. But she felt she was pushing her luck now, the fact you had managed to stay as long as you had was a miracle in itself.

“ they found a whole group of unregistered people in an apartment in area 3 the other day. FEDRAS upping their random checks and… look I’m good at fake papers but they can only do so much. If they find out you’re not a registered citizen they’ll have you up on the gallows before you can even tell them your real name “ she ran a hand over her face with a deep sigh “ and I can’t fuckin see that happen to you sweetheart I can’t “

You didn’t say anything right away, which she hated. It meant that her words hung there in the silence for a little too long. Gave her that minute too long to think about them and wish she could yank them back and shove them back down her throat.

Then your hand tentatively reached out for hers that was on the table, fingers ghosting over her knuckles before gently squeezing in what she assumed was your attempt at reassuring her.

“ I never thought I’d even make it into Boston and with your help I wouldn’t have. I thought you’d kick me out the moment I’d woken up. I never expected you to let me stay as long as you have and put yourself in a position… I’m trying to say thank you I guess. And that… I know… I know you wouldn’t tell me to go unless I really had to “

She glanced up at you and couldn’t quite read the expressions on your face. It annoyed her still. How she couldn’t get a grasp on you, couldn’t get into your head in the way she could with others. But that didn’t matter anymore did it. You were leaving.

“ I know this couple in a town not too far from here. That’s where I was coming from when I found you… Bill and Frank. I spoke to Frank last night on the radio and he said you can go there for a few days. They have more supplies than you can fuckin imagine they’ll give you what you need. Franks real good with the radio he’s gonna listen in, see what he can hear and find you a QZ that’s letting people in “ you nodded and gave her a small smile

“ how do I get there? “

“ I’ll take you “ there was never any question in that. You’d almost died on your way in. Never mind the way out. You nodded, processing the information.

Talking to Frank on the radio the previous night has been hard but now she was discussing with you it made it feel far too real. The stark realisation that you wouldn’t be in the room after tomorrow. You wouldn’t be in her bed, smiling at her when you woke up, loudly commenting on the book you were reading when a character did something you didn’t like. Just your presence .

“ c’mere for a second “ you rose to your feet instantly walking over to her and standing between her legs. She ran her hands gently along your legs and looked up at you, her gaze soft “ I’ll make sure you get there safe. I promise you Bill and Frank will help you out “

You straddled her thighs, looping your arms around her neck and pressing your forehead to hers. It felt too… romantic. Intimate. It felt exactly what she had been so terribly trying to avoid. but maybe she was stupid for ever thinking she could live with you and be around you so constantly and not end up in such a position. You were like a siren luring her in, filling her senses and overwhelming her with desire no matter how hard she attempted to fight it. No one would’ve been able to resist you. No one.

“ I’m gonna miss you “ you whispered, so close your lips brushed hers as you spoke “ I’m gonna miss your stupid face “ Tess chuckled at that.

“ stupid? “

“ mhm. So stupid “

“ so stupid you try kiss me any chance you fuckin get? “ it was the first time you’d both actually mentioned either of the kisses out loud. But she guessed it didn’t matter if it made things awkward now.

You were leaving. What did she have to lose.

“ I have a head injury I don’t think my thought process can be trusted “

“ it can’t “ you twisted a lock of her dark hair around your finger, another thing that felt casually intimate.

“ I guess I cant be blamed then. Cant be blamed for this either “ she refused to let her fears get the better of her that time. Taking the chance whilst she still had it, kissing you back with the same gentleness you were. It felt bittersweet. Nothing could be bad about kissing you, but the knowledge she might never get to kiss you again? That was painful.

“ I’m really gonna miss you “ you whispered once you pulled away, short breaths hitting Tess’ lips.

“ yeah sweetheart. I’ll miss you too “

Tess hadn’t anticipated the heavy feeling in chest on the last night with you in her apartment. Unable to sleep and simply staring up at the ceiling as you lay curled up beside her.

She reminisced on the weeks you’d spent with her. How much you’d managed to wiggle into her heart and make her feel things she thought she’d forgotten.

She felt stupid. But it was okay. You would be gone that time tomorrow, she would drink. She would forget. She would carry on. She would go back to normal. She tried to ignore the small voice in the back of her head telling her that wasn’t what she wanted now. But she had no choice.

She startled as your hand moved, sliding over her arm with a soft sigh

“ cant sleep either? “ she looked down to see your eyes wide awake and watching her. She’d miss the way you looked at her. Admired her. Never afraid.

“ no “ she turned onto her side, reaching out to tuck your hair away from your face “ it’s gonna be weird when you’re gone “ she confessed in a whisper, almost hoping it was too quiet for you to hear. It wasn’t of course.

“ yeah. I got used to looking at your grumpy face everyday “ she huffed a small laugh and rolled her eyes “ maybe I can write or something when I find a new QZ. Send radio messages. I don’t know. Something “

“ yeah. Maybe “ that would only hurt you both more she was certain of it. But she wouldn’t tell you that now. She’d let you hope and think of something good that the future may hold “ do you wanna try get some more sleep? “

“ No I can’t “ you said with a shake of your head and shuffled a little closer to her “ I can think of something to pass the time time though “ Tess smiled and slipped her hand around to the back of your neck

“ funny. So can I “ she pulled you towards her, capturing your lips with hers and pulling a soft sigh from you as she did. She regretted not kissing you more. Regretted not giving in to her thoughts whilst she’d had you, some half ditched attempt to protect herself. As if it still wouldn’t hurt.

You kissed different than anyone else she’d been with. Which sounded cheesy and she felt stupid for thinking it. But it was true. Girls that were being overly dramatic to try and get paid more or girls that were just like her. Lonely and looking for some form of human contact.

But you were… invested. Kissing her like you actually meant it. Tender and careful, soft moans into her mouth that were slowly working her up.

“ I thought of. Of something else. That. We could do. More than…kissing “ you whispered in between soft kisses “ if you want “ she didn’t need to second guess or even give it a single second of thought. You were leaving tomorrow whether she or you liked it or not. So what did she have to lose now? Nothing.

And who was she to deny herself of such pleasure in world full of a whole lot of pain. Especially now. Especially with you.

She pushed at you, placing her body on top of yours and caging your head between her arms, not giving you a second to even attempt to take control from her. Not that she thought she would really. Not when you had been so willing to do as exactly as you’d been told the entirety of your stay with her.

She felt ever so slightly out of practice. It wasn’t a lack of experience, Jesus if anything she had too much experience. Which she wasn’t entirely proud of but who the fuck cared? The world was ending. Had ended. She’d take any small ounce of pleasure she could seek out. You didn’t seem like the type for that. She couldn’t picture you slinking around in the less desirable areas picking up girls just because she wanted something- or rather someone- to do.

No. You seemed too… pure. For that. Tess wasn’t pure. Not at all. But she could pretend. She could pretend if that’s what you wanted. Though she wasn’t entirely sure it was. Not with the way your hands were grabbing at her, hands restless as they slipped under the hem of her shirt to touch her skin.

She kissed you until she had no choice but to pull away to breathe, immediately moving to your neck instead. Your skin was like a blank canvas and she was going to take great joy in marking it.

“ Tess “ you practically whimpered her name, pushing at her tshirt in some silent request to get it off. But she’d be damned if she was gonna let you get her naked first. Her fingers worked at the button up you’d gone to bed in, still working at your neck as she did. She hadn’t really liked the shirt on herself, so had happily let you take it when you’d picked it out. But on you? She almost didn’t want to take it off you completely. There was something about the thought of fucking you in her clothes…

She had to sit up to admire the view, reluctantly detaching her lips from your soft skin.

“ fuck “ she couldn’t help it, it left her mouth without her consent. The sight of you was enough to ruin her for life. Her shirt open and revealing your heaving chest, the blush creeping across your cheeks and the blossoming marks on your neck… oh she was fucked.

She reached out, grabbing at your tits and sighing heavily at how heavenly your body was. You’re back arching into her touch as she moulded the squishy flesh beneath her fingers, dropping her head down again to get her mouth on you too.

She was like a greyhound chasing a rabbit. Tunnel vision and a singular end goal, you the only thing in her sight. In her mind. Desperate to touch and taste and fill her senses with nothing other than you.

“ oh god “ you whined as she flattened her tongue, licking across your nipple and testing your reaction. She knew you’d be whiny. Knew you’d be someone she could work into a whimpering mess with ease.

She had a knack for knowing these things.

“ you’re fuckin beautiful “ she said as she rolled a nipple between her fingers, peppering kisses across your chest as she did “ so fuckin beautiful “ she was stupid to think she’d be able to forget you with a bottle of whiskey. How on earth would she ever get the image of you underneath her out of her mind.

You squirmed around beneath her, small sighs and whimpers escaping past your lips when she grazed her teeth against your skin. Your fingers lacing into her hair and scratching your blunt nails against her scalp.

She didn’t let herself get side tracked for too long, she had an end goal to reach that resulted in her head happily between your thighs. And with the sounds you were already making and the way you were squirming around, she got the picture you were more than ready for that.

She moved back up to be level with your face, kissing you again and letting her hands wander. Mapping out your body with her fingers so she could commit the thought to memory.

“ please Tess. I need you. God I need you just- please “ you whimpered into her mouth, raising your hips up against her in desperation. If you had been anyone else she’d have denied you. Made you beg and edged you until she was bored “ I waited weeks don’t make me wait any longer “

But she couldn’t do that to you. How could she possibly deny you of anything you wanted from her? When you were underneath her looking like that, making sounds like that.

“ weeks huh? “

“ yes “ that made her feel pretty fucking smug. But also made her feel slightly less stupid for… whatever it was she was feeling for you.

So she didn’t waste any time. Moving down your body after another kiss to your swollen lips.

She pulled your underwear down your legs soothing her hands over your thighs before pushing them apart. Making a point to leave the shirt on. Part of her felt like she shouldn’t be rushing. But she was desperate to taste you.

The noise that left your mouth when she parted you with her tongue was heavenly, she felt addicted in an instant. She wanted to hear it again. Over and over. She never wanted to hear a single other sound for the rest of her life. It paired with the look on your face had a small shuddering breath passing her own lips, in complete and utter awe of you.

She had wanted to draw it out, to have you writhing and whimpering and wreck you for anyone else. But the sounds you were making and the blissful look in your eyes… she was desperate to make you come. Desperate to see what you’d look like, what sounds that would draw out of you. Maybe it was a little selfish, but she didn’t care.

Your taste flooded her tongue and she was like a starving woman eating for the first time in days. She was feral.

Her arms looped around your thighs to keep you in place and she went to town. She wanted to feel you coming on her tongue, wanted to see the exact look on your face, know the taste.

She felt like she could stay there for hours. Days. Weeks. Trapped between the pillowy flesh of your thighs, senses flooded with you. Your taste on her tongue, your moans in her ears, soft skin beneath her fingers.

Your fingers pulled at her hair, whining her name in a way that made a smug smile creep its way onto her face.

“ you know it’s… it’s been a while so- “ you attempted to form a sentence, gasping and arching your back in between your words “ I don’t think I’ll last- fuck Tess “ that was practically music to her ears. And a lively boost to the ego that she had you on edge already.

“ that’s okay sweetheart, you wanna come for me? Yeah? “ you eyes were screwed shut and you nodded quickly, pushing her face closer to your cunt again which made her smile “ I got you”

It was only another minute or so until you were pulling almost painfully at her hair, holding on for dear life as you came on her tongue. You were stronger than she’d expected, managing to trap her head with your thighs even with her holding them, keeping her in place until your body went slack and she she came up gasping for air. With the biggest fucking smug grin on her face.

She looked up at you from her spot between your legs, admiring the blissful look on your face, the droplets of sweat along your sternum, her shirt still hanging open on you.

She made her way back up to your lips with a trail of kisses. Wet, soft, open mouthed kisses that made goosebumps rise on your skin.

“ you good? “ she asked, pressing a chaste kiss to your lips

“ good doesn’t even cut it “ she laughed as you beamed a smile, open your eyes to look up at her “ I wanted you to do that after the market “

“ I know you did “ she’d wanted to do it too. But she’d stopped herself like the idiot she clearly was. She moved to lay beside you, still watching you closely. She wanted to remember every detail of you. No matter how painful it would be. She wanted to remember.

“ you know what else I wanna do? “ you said, shuffling closer and trailing your hand along her waist and across the front of her. She grabbed at your hand before you could move it any closer, effectively stopping you in your tracks

“ please let me “ you whispered, eyes wide and glassy looking up at her like she was the last woman on earth. She wasn’t used to being looked at like that. Even with you. Even with you who had never looked at her with anything but some seemingly deep rooted adoration and affection. Never fear.

“ you don’t have to “ it was rare she let anyone reciprocate. She didn’t like the way it made her feel so… exposed. Vulnerable. Like some baby animal being lured into a lions den ready to be mauled to death.

You reached up with your other hand, gently brushing her dark hair away from her face and behind her ear. She didn’t entirely know how to react. She didn’t now what to do with such tenderness. It made her brain flash with an error code like some janky 90s PC. Her mind coming up blank when confronted with such care and compassion.

“ I know I don’t have to. But I want to. Please “ she was used to people wanting to please her. She could have any fucker running doing whatever she asked if she dangled a bag of pills in front of them, like donkeys working for carrots. But someone wanting to please her like that? To give simply because they felt like that, to not expect a single thing in return.

She didn’t know how to respond. Simply looked at you in silence. You seemed to see the cogs coming to a grinding halt in her head, eyes flickering over her face.

“ you’ll let me Tess? “ she still didn’t really now what to say. And it was starting to piss her off. She always knew what to say. She always knew what to do. But not with you.

You pushed lightly at her shoulder, urging her to lay on her back. And to her own surprise she found herself doing it, head falling against the pillow and your face re appearing above hers. That alone felt a little wrong. She never let anyone on top. Ever. Never sacrificed that power to anyone.

“ after all you’ve done for me “ you whispered against her lips, nudging your nose to hers “ you deserve something in return. Let me make you feel as good as you made me feel “ she could feel small tendrils of panic starting to wind their way up into her chest, twisting around her ribs and tightening. So she took back some control, hand slipping to the back of your neck and pulling you down to kiss her as hard as she could manage.

She knew you weren’t about to do anything bad. But it was simply the act of letting someone have her so vulnerable to them. It terrified her.

“ trust me “ you whispered in between kisses “ you trust me don’t you? “

“ yeah “ she surprised herself with how quickly she said it, how unbelievably certain she was of the fact. That she did trust you. In the weeks since you’d woken up she’d grown to trust you as much as she’d trust Joel. Maybe she was stupid for that.

She took a sharp intake of breath as your hand pushed past her underwear, fingers dipping into the wetness between her folds and softly circling her clit.

“ see, you’re wet. Pretty proud of myself for that “ you were trying to lighten the mood and it helped a little. A small smile trying to creep its way onto her face.

She was used to her own fingers and only her fingers. But yours were something else. Those soft gentle hands that she had felt looked so out of place in an apocalypse, felt like velvet. You watched her face intently and she almost felt embarrassed, it was odd for her. To be so exposed and so closely observed.

You slipped your fingers inside of her with ease, her eyes falling closed as she attempted to steady her breathing from the intrusion. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d let someone do that, she’d forgotten how it felt. It was nothing like how it felt to do it herself.

You were reaching places she never could, breathy sounds escaping her even when she tried to stop them.

“ I wish you could see what you looked like right now “ your voice was almost awe filled, like you were simply amazed the sight of her. Maybe you were

“ shut up “ she said, breathless, pulling you down to kiss her again in some attempt to change the subject. Not wanting the attention on herself, sinking her teeth into your bottom lip to make you whimper into her mouth again.

She figured she’d be done just as fast as you had been, especially when you seemed to know exactly where to touch. You hit some place devastating, the tight knot in her belly growing and growing

“ fuck. Stay right fuckin there “ she gasped, fingers gripping your wrist as you did as she’d asked. Focussing on the same spot over and over again. She kept her eyes on you. Kneeling over her, in her shirt, the sight alone was enough to finish her off.

She pulled you down to her mouth again, scared she’d do something embarrassing like make noise, kissing you as she came on your fingers. Holding you firmly in place as her walls convulsed around you and her body rushed with heat, every muscle tensing before going limp and leaving her feeling like a rag doll.

She was breathless as she let you go, her skin on fire and prickling with heat.

“ well fuck me “ she mumbled. Throwing an arm over her eyes for a moment and to her surprise, laughing. You giggled beside her laying down and slinging a leg over hers, both your skins slippery with sweat. But she didn’t care.

“ I just did didn’t I? “ you said in the most innocent tone, simply making her laugh again. You both settled into a comfortable silence then, lazily kissing until you dropped your head.

As you both lay there, your head resting on her chest and hand over her heart, she almost wanted to cry. Which was fucking stupid. She didn’t cry. That wasn’t her.

“ you know you’re still gonna have to leave “ she whispered “ it’s not safe for you to stay here “ she felt your breathing stutter slightly and she knew you were crying. But she didn’t mention it. Didn’t want to embarrass you or risk making herself cry too by acknowledging it “ you know you still have to go “You gave a small nod. You knew. You knew this was always going to be the outcome, both of you did.

“ yeah. I know “ she was silent for a few minutes before gently pushing at your body, urging you to turn on your side. She pressed herself against your back, her arms sliding gently over your waist and her nose nudging lightly at the back of your neck.

“ couple more hours “ she whispered against your skin “ couple more hours. Then I’ll take you to the wall… couple more “ you rested your hand over hers and nodded again, tears welling in her eyes as you did. She refused to let them fall. She wasn’t that pathetic.

“ couple more hours “ you echoed softly, voice barely above a whisper in some attempt to hide the evident crack in your tone as you seemingly failed at keeping the tears in “ just a couple more “

#this took ridiculousy long to transfer but here you go #tess servopoulos x reader #tess servopoulos #tess tlou #the last of us #tlou #the last of us fanfic #x you #smut #fluff #Anna torv #other characters for exposure:#Joel miller #Ellie Williams #Tommy miller

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brown-eyedblues · 4 months

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Long Lost Friends. Part 1

Billy the Kid x fem reader

A/N: Hey friends! This is the first time I’m writing for Billy! Actually, this is my first time writing in ages… I would really love to get back into it. This is going to be part one in this little universe, hopefully. I want to continue the current story, and also elaborate on y/n and Billy’s time as best friends back in Santa Fe. I just wanted to write a little intro to this story first. Please let me know what ya’ll think of this piece and give me some ideas for what else to write about next!

Warnings: None, really. Some kissing, some fluff. Light editing done.

Billy had arrived at Lincoln county, riding up to the gang’s camp earlier in the day. The hot sun was starting to set as Billy stood by the small fire, occasionally kicking loose twigs on the ground into the flames. His thoughts jolted to a stop when Jesse came up behind him, clapping him hard on the shoulder. They both ignored the cloud of dust and dirt that floated from the point of impact- Billy’s clothes desperately needed to be washed after riding on horseback from Chihuahua to Lincoln.

“Some of us are rollin’ out shortly to head to town, if you would like to join us.” Jesse said, taking a swig from a rusting flask.

“I don’t know, Jesse. I might just turn in early tonight, the ride from Chihuahua was a long one.” Billy sighed, twisting where he stood while his spine popped, as if punctuating what he had just said.

“That’s up to you, man, but I think you should come with us. There is someone at that saloon that I think you will want to see.” Jesse said, before shrugging his shoulders and shuffling over to the men that were already mounting their horses.

Billy’s interest was peaked, as much as he hated to admit it. He kicked over a pail of water that sat next to the fire, effectively snuffing it out. He jogged over to his horse, throwing one leg over its back and adjusting himself onto the saddle. Jesse tossed him a smirk before snapping his reins and kicking his horse into motion. Billy followed suit and shortly the group of men was cresting one of the green rolling hills on the outskirts of town. When the town came into view the group slowed down, and Jesse fell back until his horse was trotting alongside Billy’s.

“Jesse, who is at the saloon you want me to see so damn bad that it couldn’t wait until tomorrow?” Billy asked.

“You remember y/n? Back in Santa Fe?” Jesse asked, shooting Billy another knowing smirk. Of course Billy remembered y/n. She had been his best friend throughout the years he lived in Santa Fe. The last time he had seen her was a little over three years ago when his step-father had packed them up and moved them to Silver City. He thought of her often; wondering where she ended up, and if she was healthy and doing well. He frequently wondered if she had happened across his wanted posters, and recognized his likeness in the prints. “Looks like her family moved to Lincoln about a year after you left. Her parents have a farm just north of town. She works some nights at the saloon for some extra money,” Jesse continued. “And let me tell you something, Kid. She ain’t nothing like I remember her bein’. She sure has a fire in her.” He chuckled to himself, shaking his head.

Billy let the conversation fade after that. As the gang neared the town and the sound of laughter and music drifted through the hoof-worn dirt roads, Billy’s thoughts were racing. The last time he had seen y/n, she was standing on the bottom step of his home in Santa Fe, next to a horse drawn wagon that was packed with all of his family’s belongings. Tears streaked down her face as they said their final goodbyes. Standing on the step put her at eye level with him, and she sniffled softly as he looked down and kicked at that dirt at his feet. Without warning she had thrown her arms around his neck and kissed him hard on the lips, as if trying to meld herself to him. He held her against him for a moment, before easing her to a standing position in front of him. Without another word he had turned and hopped onto the back of the wagon, smacking the side of to tell his step-father he was ready. Billy had watched the girl he loved fade into the distance as the horses brought them further and further from Santa Fe.

At that point they had been sixteen, and y/n was just beginning to show signs of becoming a woman. Billy had been suppressing growing feelings for her, afraid that if he admitted to them, she wouldn’t reciprocate. Instead, he spent the hot days lounging in the sun with her, splashing in the local water hole, and running around the city together. Y/n often sat with him at poker tables, watching the game play out and chewing her nails- she never opted to play, claiming that the other players would be able to read her too easily. When Billy won (which only happened once in a blue moon), he would save half of his winnings for his family, and spend the other half at the local bookstore. He would spend his evenings sitting on the roof of y/n’s house. She would lay with her head in his lap, gazing at the stars and playing absentmindedly with Billy’s free hand, while he read softly to her. Billy often thinks that that is the last time he was truly happy.

Billy’s memories were interrupted when his horse halted suddenly. He looked around, and noticed the group had stopped outside of the saloon. The men dismounted and made for the door eagerly. Billy trailed behind, adjusting the hat on his head, tipping it so his eyes were hidden by shadows. He pushed through the swinging door, finding a wooden beam to lean against. His eyes swung slowly through the saloon, scanning faces as quickly as possible. He watched as Jesse strode up to a woman whose back was turned to him. She was wearing what appeared to be riding pants and a cream colored blouse, and a black apron tied around her waist. Billy held his breath as Jesse slapped both of his hands on the table she was currently wiping down. He leaned in towards her, a predatory smile on his face.

“Darlin’, I am about to make your night!” Jesse announced loudly, effectively quieting the room. Y/n propped her small fists on her hips, turning to Jesse with an exasperated look.

“Jess, the only way you could possibly make my night would be if you marched your cowboy ass out of this saloon and never came back.” Y/n sneered, causing the men gathering around to let out low whistles and laugh at her remark. Billy could see what Jesse was talking about when he mentioned y/n’s fire. He was a wellknown gang leader and gunslinger, not to mention he stood about eight inches taller than her, yet she stood with a straight back, and didn’t back down.

“What did I tell you Billy? See what I mean?” Jesse asked, turning his gaze to the outlaw who still leaned casually against the beam a few strides away. Y/n froze and the saloon was so quiet Billy could hear her sharp intake of breath.

After several heartbeats, y/n turned slowly, eyes scanning every person in the saloon. When her eyes settled on the man leaning against the beam near the front door, they lingered. The man wore a ragged hat, the brim of it shadowing most of his face. Her eyes trailed down to the gun belt that hung loosely around his hips. As her gaze rose again, the man lifted his arm, slowly removing the hat on his head and resting it against his chest. His sky blue eyes peered back at her. She wasn’t really sure how long they stood like that, silently watching each other. But when his lips pulled back to reveal a familiar smile, y/n felt her feet carrying her forward before she could even comprehend what she was doing.

Without a word, y/n quickly moved towards Billy. Choking back a sob, she leapt at him, throwing her harms around his neck. He caught her easily, dropping his hat to the floor. He guided her thighs to wrap around his waist, the same way he had the last time he saw her. After a few moments, she loosened her grasp around his neck, just enough to look into his eyes. This time, Billy was the one who leaned forward, his lips crashing into hers with a desperation that caused both of their cheeks to heat. Y/n was the first to pull away, but only after the hooting and hollering around them began to chisel through the bliss she felt. Billy carefully lowered her back down to the floor, his hands still caged around her waist.

“Billy Antrim, what are you doing here?” Y/n whispered, so only he could hear. It had been a long time since Billy had heard that name. He loved the sound of it on her tongue.

“Well, I came to Lincoln to help Jesse and the boys with a job,” He started, looking over her shoulder and scanning the saloon. “Would you like to take a walk with me?” He asked softly, swooping to pick up his hat and stepped away from y/n to swing the saloon door open, gesturing for her to walk through it to the cooling night ear.

Untying the apron and draping it on a hook by the door, y/n drifted past Billy, her hand coming up to ghost over his flushed cheek as she did so. He smiled to himself as he followed after her, letting the door slam behind him. He offered her his arm as they strolled down the road slowly, walking in such a way that their hips brushed each others gently. Billy looked down at y/n, and when she looked up at him, the soft moonlight reflecting in her gentle eyes, he vowed to himself he would never leave her again.

#billy the kid x reader #billy the kid #billy bonney x reader #Long Lost Friends #LLR #Autumn tries to write for Billy

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anon-sect · 7 months

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PART TWO

It was five hours later when Reed returned to his apartment. He had bought several different outfits to go along with his new sneakers he got at a discount price. The one thing he did notice was that he feet felt so heavenly the entire time he wore his new sneakers. No pair of sneakers had ever produced such comfort for his feet. He took them off and placed them under his bed.

Jake was so relieved to be off feet. He could tell the insides of his sneaker body were starting to smell like the pair of socks that were constantly crushing his face. To make matters a little worse, his insole face was slowly conforming to the contours of the guy's feet. At least he knew the guys name as Reed, from the conversation he could hear when he and his friends were talking. But it was now time to plan his escape back to his humanity. He had been footwear long enough. He tried to change back, but nothing happened. Tried as hard as he could, but every attempt failed. He saw only a glimpse of light for his perspective. He realized he was in a confined space. He would have to wait for another opportunity to transform back unnoticed.

The next morning, Reed decided to wear his new sneakers for his daily five mile jog. He normally would use his workout sneakers, but his new AND1s were so comfortable yesterday after being on his feet for hours. He wanted to test them on a five mile jog.

Jake finally saw bright light, only for it to be snuffed out with a white socked feet that secured themselves in his sneaker bodies. The good thing was that the socks had a fresh smell to them. He was unsure of what was about to happen.

Jake found what adventure awaited him as the constant pressure was different from yesterday. It felt like he was running. He knew exactly what would happen to him now. The socks would sweat, and there would be a strong foot odor once more. He mentally begged for mercy but knew there was no way for Reed to know what he was doing to him. To him, Jake looked like regular sneakers.

One mile into his jog, Reed was so amazed. His feet felt no fatigue or pain. The level of comfort coming from the insoles felt like he was running on fluffy pillows. And like massaging his feet at the same time. He really had never encountered such sneakers as these. He really began to wonder about them. They weren't feeling like normal footwear should, even though there was no complaints about the comfort he was getting.

By the time Reed had returned from his jog, Jake's insole face was soaked with sweat from the socks. The odor of Reed's feet had saturated every part of the insides of the sneakers. His insole face had fully contoured to perfectly match Reed's feet. He wanted to end this shoe nightmare as soon as possible. At this point, he didn't care he he got caught with his secret known. He would tell Reed his complete story on how he was trying to elud a stalker only to end up being bought by him at a department store in the mall.

After Reed had removed him off his feet, Jake saw this as the perfect opportunity to transform back and get back to normal life. He watched as Reed left to go shower. The time was just perfect. He thought about his human form. But something happened or didn't happen. Try as he might, he could not return to humanform. This was a first for him. Every attempt ended in failure. It was then that he knew why. All that sweat and conformity was preventing him temporarily from transforming back. It was impossible for him to turn back, at least for now. He was truly stuck temporarily as Reed's sneakers.

For the next four months, Jake was subjected to the normal abuse sneakers take from their owners. He was used for more than just workout sessions. Reed nearly used him every day. He would get a day off at times, and placed under Reed's bed. He rather enjoyed the breaks from being wrapped around his owner's feet. But soon it was back to the torture of Reed using him without mercy. Treated like normal footwear completely unaware.

Reed took a good look at his AND1s. They still looked in perfect condition four months later. And they still felt the same as the first day he bought them. Normally, insoles wear down over time, but these didn't. He wished he could find more shoes like these. He definitely was glad he found them on the mall department store that day.

One day, Reed came back to his room to find some stranger on his floor. He wondered how the stranger got past him and into his room without him knowing. "Who are you?" He asked with his cellphone phone in hand, ready to call the police.

Jake got to his knees. "Please don't call the police, Reed. I can fully explain everything." He saw a confused look on Reed's face. "How do you know my name?" He heard him ask. Jake expected that question.

Reed was surprised and confused. The stranger knew his name like he was familiar with him.

"Some months ago, you came looking for a pair of AND1s in your shoe size, but couldn't find any till you spotted a pair on the floor without a price tag. Since there was no price tag, the store manager sold you the sneakers at close to half price. " Jake paused as the next part would sound impossible to Reed. "I was trying to elud my stalker, so I turned into a pair of size fourteen AND1s on the floor. My stalker did find me, but he didn't realize that I was the sneakers on the floor. After he left, you arrived in the area. I didn't want to expose my secret, so I stayed in sneaker form. I have been trying to transform back. It just took this long." Jake finished his tale of how he was found in Reed's room.

Reed heard the fantastic tale the stranger weaved. But something did catch his attention about his story. He knew about the shoes being sold half price because there was no price tag. He needed further proof that the stranger wasn't lying to him about being a pair of sneakers. "If your tale is true, what was the full price, and how much did I buy you for?" He asked.

"Full price was $32.99, but you paid $15.00" Jake responded. He could not forget that part. The fact that he was literally sold like a common object was a bit morbid to him. He was just ready to go home and back to normal life.

Reed realized the stranger was telling the full truth. He now sees why the sneakers were so different. The shoes he has been wearing for the past four months were really a person who turned himself into sneakers. "Why didn't you turn back sooner, and what's your name?" He asked. He was getting a devious idea in his mind.

"Name is Jake. The times I was in confined spaces and the fact that your foot sweat and constantly conform my insole face to your feet prevented me from doing so earlier. Not to mention the stinky behind socks you stuffed into me, sometimes overnight. As you wore me, I could not transform back. All these factors. But at least I finally was able to do so." Jake spoke, getting to his feet, a little relieved the cops weren't going to be called.

Reed had no intention of letting his special shoes leave so soon. He knew he had to trick him into being sneakers again. "I don't believe you. I am calling the police." He spoke, pressing the number for 911 in his phone. "Please don't, I beg of you." Jake pleaded. "Prove to me that you was a pair of AND1s, or you can explain your story to the cops." Reed demanded, with his finger ready to dial.

Jake saw no other option. He didn't want to go to jail. He thought about the sneakers in size fourteen. Instantly, he was back on the floor as a pair of sneakers. He realized he made a critical mistake, but he was already too late to stop Reed.

Reed quickly grabbed the sneakers off the bedroom floor. He found a pair of stinky dirty socks on the floor and stuffed them inside both sneakers. He knew this would prevent him from transforming back. "You were the best pair of sneakers I ever bought and I simply can't let you leave so soon. Besides I paid for you, so technically you are my property legally even though I didn't know my shoes were a person at the time." Reed paused as he continued to speak to his special footwear. "Now that I know how to keep you as footwear, better get used to your new life." He finished and placed them under his bed to further trap Jake in shoe form. He went back to what he was doing previously.

Jake felt like a fool revealing how to trap him. Reed now truly owned him. There was no way he was getting his humanity back unless Reed made a mistake. But that was doubtful. Reed liked his AND1s, and he wasn't going to let them go, even if they were a person.

#shoe transformation #foot domination

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storiesofsvu · 1 year

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The Waiting Game

Alex Cabot x reader Req'd by anon. Warnings: language, alcohol consumption, hurt, angst. For the sake of what happens we're basing this early seasons Alex, it may be a little ooc, but whatever, we're going with it. Just under 2k words.

You’d been watching hot wax drip down the side of the candle into its holder for what felt like hours. Then again, you’d had time to slowly sip through two and a half glasses of wine so maybe it had been hours, you’d been avoiding looking at the time. Waiting on Alex was nothing new, while she was known to be punctual, having her schedule down to a perfectly timed dance, there were often steps that she fumbled, or completely forgot. It seemed like tonight you were one of those steps.

You’d waited at the hostess stand, thinking maybe she was just running late, caught on the subway or something. Eventually your reservation time had come and gone, the hostess letting you know if they didn’t seat you, they would have to give away your table. You’d been dreaming of dinner at River Café for months, the waitlist was huge so there was no missing tonight, at least, not for you. Fifteen minutes passed your reservation time you buckled and ordered a glass of wine, feeling bad every time the server came over, though you could feel the awkward sympathy wafting off her with each interaction. Forty minutes after that you’d gotten another glass of wine and guilted yourself into ordering a gnocchi appetizer, you were starting to feel terrible for holding up a table in the girl’s section.

As you watched another trail of wax drip down the candle in front of you, the flame flickered before snuffing itself out and you felt the tears burning their way into your eyes, knowing that wasn’t the only thing with an expired shelf life tonight. The server came by once more, asking if you wanted a fresh glass of wine and you felt that terrible feeling surge through you once again, you both knew that she’d be making a much larger tip off a couple at your table, one who was probably waiting in the lobby. The self pity morphed into anger as you asked for the cheque, it wasn’t your fault, Alex’s not showing up was what caused this entire awkward situation. And by now, you were done waiting.

Part of you wasn’t surprised at all when you unlocked your shared apartment to find it dark. You’d originally been hoping that moving in together would help solve the problem of Alex never being around. You knew she was busy, that her work required a lot of having dinner interrupted, calls in the middle of the night, or court days going into overtime. But if you lived together she could be doing that paperwork on the couch while you cooked dinner, you’d get the hours of at least eight pm to seven am together. The mundane tasks of everyday life would be brightened by the other’s existence in the shared space rather than trying to find time to meet up during the week only for Alex to have to shift it around three times before her schedule finally calmed down. Instead the apartment was just as dark and cold as your entire relationship felt at the moment.

You stepped out of your heels, hanging up your coat and plopped the to go bag down onto the kitchen island before you moved through the space, flicking on a couple of lights and grabbing a cardigan from over the back of the couch. You poured yourself a glass of wine, settling in at the island. While you weren’t really hungry, the waitress had taken pity on you when you asked for the untouched gnocchi to be packed up and had thrown in a free slice of cake. Solidarity between those who had been stood up. At least someone was looking out for you.

A glass and a half of wine later and you finally heard keys clinking in the lock, the door swinging open a moment later and Alex finally graced you with her presence.

“Hey.” She greeted, a small, tired smile on her cheeks while she slid out of her coat, her bag finding a home on the small table in the entrance.

“Were you stuck at a crime scene?”

“No. No new cases all week, I was getting ahead on paperwork when Liz came by with a couple of law journals for the Henderson case.”

“When does that one go to trial again?” You asked, exhaustion seeping through your body.

“God, with the way his lawyer’s pushing motion after motion probably not for months.”

You pushed away from the island, expertly avoiding her embrace as you moved past her toward the hallway, “wow. I think I would’ve preferred you be cheating on me.”

“What?” Her brow furrowed, her brain finally catching up to realize that something was wrong, there was more going on than just her coming home late. “Why are you so dressed up? Did I miss something?”

“Clearly nothing important!” Your voice raised as you disappeared into the bedroom, hastily tearing the dress and fancy clothing off your body, to replace it with leggings and a tee, pulling a hoodie on top of it all. “Would it kill you to look at a fucking calendar for once? You were the one who wanted it colour coded so you wouldn’t miss things!”

Alex’s head swivelled to look at the fridge, her heart sinking into her stomach as her eyes swept over the last two weeks. There were more than two notes written in pink that she’d completely missed, no wonder you were upset.

“I’m sorry.” She sighed, turning back your way as you re-entered the main part of the apartment, “work’s just been a bit hectic this week.”

“Don’t start. For the love of God. You just said you were getting ahead on paperwork and your next trial isn’t for months.”

“Where is this coming from?” Her hand reached out to grab your forearm and it took all your power to not shove away from her, “you don’t act like this…. One dinner and one movie night. I’ll make it up to you this weekend.”

“You don’t get to tell me how I act.” You took a shaky breath, “because you’re never here Alex! You barely even know who I am anymore! I ‘don’t act like this’ because every time you miss a date, are late coming home or maybe you’re physically here but you’re mentally not I just let it slide. Because it’s always work!”

“So you’d rather me be cheating than have a heavy work load?” She fired back and you huffed, so she had heard that after all.

“Honestly?!” You raised a brow, “yeah, yeah I would. Because then I would know what to do. But instead you’re not here because you’re off saving the world, putting rapists behind bars, holding victims hands while they panic over testifying. I can’t even remember the last time you actually held my hand.”

“I can’t help that I have a demanding job!” Alex could feel her blood beginning to boil now, to her, this was coming out of nowhere. You’d always been good at talking your issues out, especially when it came to each other, she’d already had a long week and it was only Wednesday. She was frustrated with defence attorneys, judges turning down motions, she was tired. She’d been looking forward to a quiet night, a nice glass of wine to wind down with but instead you were getting up in her face.

“That you chose, I know. But you also chose to have a girlfriend Alex, or have you forgotten that? Because I’m starting to feel like you have.”

“I always come home to you.” She protested and you rolled your eyes with a groan, which riled her up even more.

“You come home here because these are the apartment keys you have.” You shook your head, tears threatening to spill down your cheeks, “I’m just an extra body in the apartment, the weight on the opposite side of the bed that you’ve gotten used to. And I’m fucking sick of it. You didn’t just work late tonight, you completely forgot about dinner, about me, left me feeling like an idiot in a fancy restaurant and it wasn’t the first time you’ve done so. You make me feel insignificant. Isn’t your significant other supposed to be important, a crucial part of your life? But you, you’ll run off at any hour of the day, any hour of the night to go be the highly esteemed, important big girl lawyer that needs to save the entire world. You’re not a fucking super hero. You ever think of that? Ever think that maybe an actual human being who you claim to love, should come before your fucking career?”

“Did it ever occur to you that nothing is more important than my career?” She was pissed now, sure she’d been frustrated before but you were doing nothing but dig into her, your words sharper the longer you went on, “you’re acting like a fucking child!”

“So that makes me insignificant? Your job really means more to you?”

“Nothing! Not even you!” The words slipped from her lips before she’d really thought about what she was saying. That maybe now was the time for a proper, full meaning apology, that the right kind of words could solve this. She needed to be on your side, understand where you were coming from, talk things out strategically, right now she was just going for blood.

But she’d said it.

She couldn’t take it back.

Even if she wanted to, she probably wouldn’t, because in that moment she realized it was true. Not specifically trained on you, but she did value her career over everything else. It was why she let it consume every ounce of her life. She had to prove she was good, capable, that she could do anything she put her mind to.

The room froze. Your head was spinning. You’d never expected Alex to just go out there and admit it, but here she was, apparently all it took was a little bit of push back from you. Maybe you should have had this fight earlier.

“Wow…” You whispered, slowly stepping back from her in the direction of the door, “that’s cold. Even from you.”

“Sweetheart…”

“No!” You yelled, “you said what you meant and you meant what you said.”

“We can try and fix this….”

“We’re way passed that point by now. You’re married to your job, just accept that. And maybe lead with that point for anyone in the future, let them know they’re not going to be anything more than a side piece because we all know what you actually care about.” Two more steps and you were scooping up your bag, hand on the door handle, “goodbye Alex.”

Your final words to her were whispered, knowing if you tried to say it any louder she would hear the shake in your voice, that you wouldn’t be able to hold back the tears. You needed to at least make it to the elevator, you refused to let her see you cry, refused to be tricked into her embrace. You would break, the warmth of her arms fooling you into a false sense that something like this would never happen again when you knew within a matter of days it would. You needed to stand your ground.

Alex watched the door swing shut, the gust of air from it poofing through the room, a wave of coolness following it and she shivered. The moment you stepped out of the apartment you’d taken all the warmth with you and she suddenly realized exactly what you’d been saying. She’d become so adjusted to having you silently around it was as if you were as inanimate as the glow of light from the lamp in the corner of the room, the warmth seeping from your side of the bed to hers.

No matter how long she waited, the heat never kicked in, the apartment had never felt so cold.

__________________

@mickey-gomez @naturalxselection @cabotfan42 @giftedchildturns40 @detective-giggles @red1culous @melindawarnersgf @beccabarba @imlike-so-gaydude @altsvu @svulife-rl @svushots @mspetey @wannabe-fic-reader @lawandorderimagines @gaylorrds @venablemayfairgoode @whimsicallymad @screenee @mysticfalls01 @littlegaybabe @bumblebear30 @jamiethetrans @ssaic-jareau @wosoimagines @solemnnova @cerberus-spectre @emskisworld @ex-uallyactive @lawandorderuswnt @samwithnoplan @multifandomlesbianic @narvaldetierra @momlifebehard @borg-queer @poisonedcrowns @anlin2058 @a-little-bit-of-this-and-that @somethingimaginative17 @summergeezburr @alexxavicry @anya-casablanca @daddy-heather-dunbar @evilregal2002 @alcabots @7thavenger @disneyfan624 @msvenablesbitch @kdaghayy @thisisraes

#alex cabot #alex cabot x reader #law and order svu #alexandra cabot #law and order special vicimts unit #svu

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ghostaholics · 1 year

Text

ᴇɴᴅ ᴛɪᴍᴇs

Pairing: Joel Miller x Reader Warning(s): age-gap (reader probably in mid 20s or so); angst A/N: Because I'm too lazy to write a full fic so here's literally a short piece of what I'm sure would've been something if I had the motivation

JOEL ALWAYS SAID THIS ABOUT YOU – born young enough to grow up in a world that had nothing to offer; you didn’t watch it decay like he did where it used to be half-decent and you could find your place in life before everything went to shit – had grown into something inhospitable and terrible and bitter to the core. No, to you, it was just rotten from the very beginning: broken dreams and scattered ashes littering the filthy ground, a bunch of "what-ifs" and "maybes" and no room for shades of gray when it came to seeing things in black and white because the darkness won out and snuffed out the rest of all that was light and good as the sickness descended like the goddamn Rapture; it wasn’t just the infected that remained – the only people left navigating the wreckage were those with cruel hearts and nasty intentions.

"Well, it's not all that awful," you say, murmuring into the opening of your thermos as you stare fixedly at the last the last few remnants of stew at the bottom. "You're here. I guess that sorta makes up for it."

His figure is hunched over the fire he recently smothered. Even though his back is facing you, the tension in his body is apparent. Rigid – the same way he stiffens up when danger's nearby. "Don't say that kinda stuff." (And it sounds just as serious as “Stay behind me,” or “Run,” whenever hell’s at your both of your guys' heels.)

But you keep on rambling anyways – Pandora's box cracked wide open like a gaping maw that spills secrets, ones that should have never been let out – won’t fucking shut up about it even if you can help it now. And maybe it's not fair to put this kind of burden on him; maybe it's selfish of you to tell him, no matter how wrong it is, but each day could be your last and getting this off your chest might mean one less stupid problem to worry about. It's not like he doesn't know. Not after what happened back in Colorado, anyways. That had made it clear as day if it wasn't already obvious before. "After everything we've been through, I bet you still think of me as that same kid that got under your skin when we first met," you say absentmindedly. It doesn't come out in an accusatory tone, just an observation.

The stress leaches into his voice, washing over every word. Joel's on guard. Walls up. He shakes his head slowly, like a warning. "You've got no idea what you're talking about."

You lean back, transferring your weight into your wrists. "So I'm not right, then?" you ask it innocently enough.

He's moving around, double-checking that all the gear's in place. Of course, he's avoiding any eye contact. "We've got to head out in ten. Now's not the time for this kind of conversation."

"Almost a thousand miles left. All we really have is time. Look, Joel whatever you've got to say, I can handle it. You don't need to spare my feelings.”

He’s fidgeting with his watch as if the strap’s suddenly too tight – a habit he doesn't indulge in often, but one that you've noticed once in a blue moon. Maybe he developed it because of you. Always so sure of himself, but you're the one person who's managed to upend everything. "Get your —"

" —guns are in my pack," you finish for him. It's routine at this point. He's predictable. You know what to expect. "Is it because—"

He cuts you off too. "It's a bad idea." There's a finality to his voice.

So he's thought about this before.

"We've had worse ones."

“People like you don’t end up with people like me,” he says. "Shouldn't."

And you’re taken aback because out of everything that you expected it most certainly wasn’t that.

The ticking of a secondhand, booming – can’t be his watch because that’s been shattered for years – off-rhythm, way too fast; it’s your heart thrashing violently behind the cage of your chest. You reach for him, fingers curling around his wrist. Your thumb meets his pulse point and you feel the constellation of tiny scars across the expanse of his weathered skin. He’s warm. Alive. “That’s not — Joel, c’mon, you don’t seriously believe that—”

His eyes flickers down to where the two of you are joined before dragging back up to meet your gaze. "I’m not infected like the rest of ‘em, but this disease turns men into monsters, corrupts them until they're the most twisted versions of themselves. I've done things that I'll never be able to come back from, and when we’re done here, you’re better off finding something else.”

As if you could ever. That's next to impossible. "I've seen all of the ugliest and messiest parts of you and it doesn't change a single thing. I still want you just as bad."

#not happy with either of these characterizations but oh well #joel miller #joel miller fic #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #the last of us #tlou

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wr-n · 2 months

Text

No More Dreams (Torment AU)

576 words TW: character death, self deprecation, hurt/some comfort(?), grief

Dream must’ve stood over the remains of his dead brother far longer than he had thought - the throes of grief could do that to a man. The dust grit against his gloves and the fabrics of his clothes like a sick and desperate reminder that he’d done the gravest sin.

He was his brother. Dream was a guardian, what right did he have for taking that rock and snuffing out his only precious thing in this world. Was it selfishness? Cowardice? He could’ve tried harder, made things easier for Nightmare. But all he could do in the end was take the easy way out like the demon the villagers treated Nightmare as.

The villagers were wrong - they had gotten the wrong twin.

And once all of Dream’s golden tears had run dry and his body ached from kneeling in the freezing cold darkness, he finally got up, expression devoid of the light that used to so eagerly shine through. Did he even deserve to smile again after driving his brother into the ground with the worms and dirt? After the last person to ever remember he even existed was his own murderer?

… Dream numbly brought his curled hands to his chest and gripped at his uniform.

“Mother…! Mother, it isn't fair!!” He cried out, voice thick with despair knowing that she wouldn’t hear his pleas. She never did, not once did she return from her tree form to care for her children and look what happened.

It took even longer still to make his way back to the tree. This… it was all his fault but… Where was anyone to watch over the children of the tree? Was there really no one to care for them once they had been born? Had they really been left to their own devices? To be hurt and beaten down and find a way to pick up after ourselves?

Dream’s fist met the firm trunk of his mother’s tree, frustration mounting. There is one last thing he had to do before all else: Get rid of this stupid tree.

He was no longer a Guardian, he decided. What kind of Guardian failed so miserably to guard as he had? So this tree had to go, the last thing he would do for Nightmare. He had to free them both from this chain that tied them down at the bottom of this wretched ocean of suffering.

And so he summoned his staff, he enlarged it, gave it the sharpest blade he could, and struck down the tree, watching in cold silence as the branches hit the ground and the sky turn a hideous red.

No more. He was going to listen to his duty no more.

His head turned down to the satchel at his side and slowly drew out Nightmare’s old circlet, pressing his teeth to the moon engraved on it.

“This is for you, brother. I’m sorry I couldn’t be what you needed.”

There was nothing left here for him, nothing holding him back. So he would leave. Leave and never return. He would atone for his sin diligently, tirelessly. He would beg and prostrate and grovel in servitude for the crime he had done, something he would never forget. And he would ensure it.

So when he was asked for his name…

“Nightmare. My name is Nightmare.”

Because Nightmare is the light of his life, and he would be the light of others. Not Dream. Not anymore.

#wraith writes #Torment AU #dream

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bingbongsupremacy · 10 months

Text

The Letter Pt. 3

Pairing: Ellie Williams x fem! reader

Warnings: She/Her pronouns used

Summary: Ellie and Y/N are in two very different social groups at school. One day when Y/N's crush is cruelly exposed in front of the whole school, Y/N is brutally shot down. Finally, five years later the two run into each other again.

High School AU

Pt. 1 Pt. 2 Pt. 3

*Not Proof Read*

A/N: Day one is bad. I didn't know what to do for the first day. I just wanted it to look awkward af bc it's supposed to be super awkward and tense between Ellie and reader. Guys idk how good this is. I feel like I had an idea but idk if I executed it very well. I kinda just ran out ideas for this story. Lmk what you think. Also sorry for not updating yesterday. I just started a new job and shit's wack. I feel like whenever I go to work my body insecurities get worse, ya know? Idk why. Maybe it's the uniform or whatever but I just feel shitty whenever I show up. Anyways, ya'll aren't here for my life story so here's what you came for.

Also I changed it to only three days bc I couldn't think of enough things for them to do.

*****

Day One

Trixie's. Must be a new business.

I don't remember it being here before.

A cool breeze brushes past me as soon as I walk in. The first thing I notice is the large bar in the back of the room. What I'd give for a fucking beer right now...

We sit towards the back of the building. A waitress is quick to bring us some bright red menu's. " I'll be right with you two in a moment. " She smiles before rushing off.

Ellie and I are silent as we scan over the menu's. I don't think either of us knows exactly what to say. I mean, what the hell are you supposed to someone who caused you so much pain?

Just one hour.

Ellie sets down her menu. " Hey so, there's a fair coming through town this week. Do you maybe want to go on Thursday? " She asks cautiously.

I glance up at her. Bad mistake.

Fuck she's hot.

" Um, " Fuck I don't know. Do I want to go? Fuck. " Sure. " I shrug, setting aside my menu. " I mean we've got to do something Thursday anyways, why not? "

The rest of the evening seems to drag on. Small talk is quickly overcome with awkward silence.

How the fuck am I going to do this for 6 more days?

_____

Day 2

Here we go again.

I pull into the movie theater parking lot. People flow in and out of the building, smiles adorning their faces.

I spot Ellie waiting by the entrance, cigarette in hand. " Hey. " I greet with a tight smile.

" Oh hi! " Ellie smiles, snuffing out the bud. " Ya ready? " She asks.

" Yup. " I mumble. In an ideal world both of us will end up disagreeing on a movie to watch and end up splitting up to watch our own show. I doubt it'll happen, but a girl can dream.

" What should we watch? " Ellie asks while looking through the movies. " Oh shit, the Savage Starlight movie came out. " She mutters, her eyes lighting up slightly.

" Wait really? " I glance over her shoulder to look. " I thought it was coming out next month. "

Ellie nods. " Me too. Should we watch it? "

" Sure. "

At least something good will come out of this.

" That fucking sucked. " Ellie blurts as we walk out of the building. " Whoever made that needs to fucking read the comics. "

" Oh my god, I thought I was the only one. " I sigh. " They completely ruined the plot. "

Ellie nods in agreement. " And Daniela Star...fuck what the hell did they do to her costume? "

I chuckle. " They sexified it. Like bro, just let a girl live without having to show her tits. " I roll my eyes.

" Yeah. "

There's a moment of comfortable silence. No tension. No anger. Just two people bonding over a comic series. For a moment I almost things feel okay.

" I don't know about you, but I'm fucking hungry. Do you wanna grab something to eat? " Ellie asks.

" You read my mind. " I nod, pushing myself off of the wall. " Where are we going? "

Ellie and I walk down the street to a small pizza joint.

" I'll have the cheese pizza, please. " I say after examining the menu.

" Alright, your total is $4.50. "

" I got it. " Ellie pulls out her wallet before I can speak. She hands over a five dollar bill. " Keep the change. "

" Ellie. " I shake my head. " You've paid for everything so far. I can't let you do this. " I try to hand her another five.

Ellie backs up shaking her head. " No. I told you I was gonna make what I did up to you. This is the least I can do. "

We quickly grab our food and head outside.

" This shit is the best. " Ellie mutters between bites. " I don't know why I haven't been here in so long. I used to love this place as a kid. "

" Marco slips something in his dough, I swear. " I agree. " I haven't found another place with pizza this good. "

The sound of crickets fills the air. A small click captures my attention.

" That shit's gonna kill you. "

Ellie shrugs, lighting up the end of her cigarette. " At least I'll die happy. "

I roll my eyes. " You'll die hacking up blood. "

Ellie's nose crinkles slightly. " Thanks for the visualization, dad. " She mocks slightly. " I only smoke when I'm nervous or stressed. "

I purse my lips. " Ellie Williams, are you nervous right now? "

Ellie doesn't respond. Instead she takes a deep breath.

" What happened to you, Ellie. " I ask genuinely curious. " You used to be... "

" Perfect? "

" I was gonna say an asshole. "

Ellie chuckles. " I grew a fucking spine. I ended up cutting majority of my friends off and dropping out of college. Now I sell weed and work at a supermarket. " She says nonchalantly.

" Definitely a big character change. "

Ellie grins. " Speaking of weed. " She pulls out a blunt. " You ever try one? "

" Of course. "

Maybe tonight won't be so bad.

-----

Day 3 (Thursday)

" I will win that stupid bear if it's the last thing I do. " Ellie huffs in frustration. Her face hardens in concentration as she tosses another dart at the dart board.

" You really don't need to, Ellie. " I grin at her 20th attempt.

Ellie doesn't respond. A small alarm goes off as Ellie finally makes the final dart into the center of the board. " Fuck yeah, baby! " She cheers. " Told you I'd do it, Y/N. "

I roll my eyes. " Yeah yeah. "

Ellie accepts the large stuffed bear from a game operator who's obviously very annoyed with us. Yeah, we've been here a bit.

" Here, this is yours. " Ellie hands me the large brown bear.

" Are you sure? You spent like 40 bucks trying to win this thing. "

Ellie takes a sip of her beer. " It was worth the smile on your face. Keep it. "

The past couple of days have been...unexpected. I came into this fully expecting to hate Ellie when I leave.

Now I'm not so sure.

We make our way to our last ride of the night; The Ferris Wheel.

" God, Jackson looks beautiful up here. " I sigh while peering down at the bright lights.

Ellie hums in agreement. " It's a nice breather from the world. I feel like I can just...be. "

" It definitely is. " I glance over at Ellie.

She looks back at me. Her smile slightly falters. " I guess this is it. "

It's the third day.

Have I forgiven her? I'm not sure. On one hand, I don't feel like she's the same person. On the other hand, how can I be sure. I mean, I haven't been here in five years. She could be lying for all I know.

" I'm not sure about you, Ellie. I don't think three days is enough time to fix what happened. "

Ellie nods, gaze dropping to her lap.

" But I'd like to get to know you. "

She head snaps up. Confusion flashes across her expressions. She obviously wasn't expecting me to want to talk to her after this.

" Maybe I can...stay a little longer. "

A grin spreads across Ellie's features. " I'd like that. "

" Well then. To new beginnings. "

" To new beginnings. "

I don't really like this last chap. I might remake it if I can come up with some ideas for it. Hopefully some of you guys still enjoyed it.

Tag list (Sorry if I missed you): @octavias-next-meat-bite @ximtiredx @gold-dustwomxn @3lliesrifle @mokeysthings @mqddieas @elliesinterlude @ashlqyy @villainousbear

#fanfic #fanfiction #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams x you #ellie the last of us #ellie x you #ellie williams #ellie tlou #ellie williams x female reader #ellie williams fanfic #ellie williams fanfiction #ellie williams drabble #ellie williams x y/n #ellie x reader #ellie x y/n #ellie williams tlou

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thelifeofplums · 2 years

Text

Own Worst Enemy Part 2

Trigger Warning - Verbal abuse, depreciating thoughts, negative talk, unjust treatment, being replaced, feeling unworthy

"I don’t understand...w-what do you mean a better version?”

It hadn’t been too long since the last time you had felt this feeling of betrayal. The last time having ended with your neck strangled and your life snuffed out like a candle. And you could feel that same feeling of betrayal causing your heart to sink, an overwhelming sense of dread drowning you in its cold depths.

“This is all just a trick, right? I mean you wouldn’t really...do something like this.” You didn’t know if they were all joking. Looking around the room you realized the brothers were all serious. Not one person jumping up to say ‘just kidding’ and tell you it was a joke, cruel as it may be.

It was Satan who sighed, giving you a look of annoyance you didn’t expect to get from him, “This is exactly why we did this. The Y/N we’ve created would know right away what was happening here. They’re perfect in everyway and this is so that you learn how to meet expectations and to not disappoint us while you live here.”

Shocked was an understatement to how you felt. Never could you have imagined Satan, somebody who you knew loved and trusted you, to say something like this.

It was humiliating. To be talked down to like this as if you weren’t worth their time or that you weren’t good enough for them.

“Do...do you all feel this way?” You looked at all the brothers and their lack of response was proof enough.

Why were they acting like this? You didn’t think it was normal, not after everything you had went through with the brothers, you couldn’t believe that they’d hurt you like this. You didn’t even know what might have started it and maybe if you knew you’d be able to fix it.

Fix it and be the perfect Y/N they want you to be, right?

Tears welled up in your eyes but you didn’t dare give them the satisfaction of showing the pain you felt and so you focused on holding them back.

“Ugh, so when are we gonna have dinner,” a moody Leviathan said, finally looking up from his gaming device just as Beel’s stomach grumbled, “I thought I’d wait here for Y/N to come back with food but I can’t wait any longer, I’ve got a gaming tournament and I’ve spent so much of my precious time building my characters to let it just go to waste. Not to mention this is gonna prove my abilities as a skilled and pro player, I can’t just not show up.”

“Well,” Satan started, “thanks to Y/N’s forgetfulness, you’ll have to go without dinner for a bit.”

His words irked you and you opened your mouth to defend yourself. You hadn’t been given the opportunity to tell them why you had come back empty handed. If they knew you had lost all memories of walking into town, they’d understand why you couldn’t get dinner.

But the words you wished to speak wouldn’t come out and you blinked in confusion. It was as if someone was holding back your voice, keeping you silent and making it impossible to speak for yourself.

With many complaints from Levi, the demon got up and left the room.

Right then, Asmo stood from his seat and threw his arms over the other Y/N’s shoulders, his close proximity with the clone causing you to wince.

“Y/N~” He drawled out your name, making you sick knowing Asmo wasn’t speaking to you, “Could you order dinner for us? Sadly, if I knew your original self would’ve messed up, I would’ve asked you before.”

As if somebody had flicked a switch, a light shone bright in the other Y/N’s eyes and they grinned, looking back at Asmo, “Of course. How does Hell’s Kitchen sound?”

The sound of your voice spoken from your cloned self even sounded perfect. It grated at your ears and you noticed a nauseating feeling deep within your gut. It didn’t help that Asmo was looking at the imposter with a look of admiration and love.

That was meant for you. Not the cloned Y/N, it was meant for you.

With that, they walked out of the room with Asmo clinging onto them.

That used to be me.

“Will it take long for the food to get here? I can’t wait that long.” A sad looking Beel rubbed at his stomach, “I need to eat something now, I’m so hungry.”

At that, Belphegor hummed aloud, “Ok, Beel, let’s just go out and get something quick. It probably will take a while for the food to arrive if Y/N’s ordering delivery.”

He wasn’t talking about you and you knew it.

Beel nodded and the two of them got up and left.

Your hands bunched up into fists and you looked to Mammon and Lucifer. The two demons who you thought would do something or explain what the hell was going on.

Lucifer’s cold treatment and dismissal was a familiar sight, after all it hadn’t been too long that he had treated you like this. Him not bothering to deal with you certainly brought memories you had tried to forget. But Mammon...your first man. The first demon you had made a pact with. And the one who loved you to the moon and back, so much so that you never doubted his intentions. He didn’t so much as pay you a glance as he scrolled on his D.D.D with disinterest, as if he had been forced to wait with the rest of his brothers in the common room. As if he had better things to do than be with you.

It would probably be proper to say that he had loved you to the moon and back. His indifference towards you could only hint of his waning affection for you now.

You swallowed stiffly, a sense of estrangement from the brothers making it uncomfortable for you to speak to them though it hardly stopped you.

“How long had you guys been planning to replace me?” You heard the bite in your words, bitterness coating your tongue to hide the pain you felt.

Mammon showed no signs of hearing you but Lucifer shifted in his seat, moving to cross his legs. His piercing eyes which you adored so much showed no mercy. A hand was rested on the arm of the chair, his fingers slowly drumming on the material in a relaxed manner.

“Replace you?” Lucifer shook his head, “You clearly weren’t paying attention, Y/N. This is for your own benefit, to understand your place and what you should be doing to earn our interest.”

He narrowed his eyes as if looking at a bug or something beneath him, “Usually we’d ask for a soul or something that holds significant purpose to you, but we simply wish for you to meet our expectations of you. If you cannot do something as simple as that, then you really do not deserve our care and affection.”

The oldest demon stood up, his towering form shadowed by the lighting of candles behind him. His glowing red eyes kept you frozen in place as he moved closer to you, an arrogant smirk on his face.

“So consider this a test. If you fail to reach the same standard as your perfected photocopy within the next few days, then you truly are worthless and are in no way good enough for this family.”

It felt like poisoned needles being slowly pushed through your skin. Its effects drastic yet slow spreading, making you all aware of how little and pathetic you were in comparison to a being as magnificent as Lucifer himself.

It took everything in you not to start crying from the hurt you felt at his words and at Mammon’s clear disinterest in you and at all of the brothers cold treatment towards you.

No one could mentally prepare to be told of your own worth and how you were up against an exact replica of yourself who was said to be an even better version.

You could think of people who could be considered enemies or foes but you had never thought it would be yourself. Usually when people said their own worst enemy was themselves, it wasn’t meant literally. So how could you know how to react?

“Anyways, with that said,” Lucifer continued, walking past you, “the sleeping arrangements have changed so that the better Y/N feels comfortable while living here in the House of Lamentation. Which means you’ll need to find another place to sleep until you’ve proven yourself.”

You whipped around to face him, “You gave my room away?!”

For him to say I wasn’t being replaced, he sure is eager to replace the occupant of my bedroom.

“For now. So make sure to work hard if you wish to regain it.”

No, no. It was becoming too much. Too final.

“I’ll tell Diavolo! I’ll tell him how you’re treating me.” You were desperate to fight against this decision, wanting them to get rid of that mocking version of yourself, “I’m a student in the exchange program, you won’t be able to get away with this.”

A snickered had you turn to see Satan, who had been watching this ordeal as if it were a TV drama, looking at you with a mocking glance, “Diavolo was the one who suggested this whole thing. After all, he couldn’t have the real human causing any further problems with his dream for unity of the three realms after all the trouble you had already gotten in.”

That...that couldn’t be. Lord Diavolo adored you, he wouldn’t do something like this.

It wasn’t like him. Just like how these words coming from the demon brothers wasn’t like them.

Something was missing. Something important that could help you understand what was happening here. It was probably the reason why you had woken up in the middle of the walkway and it was probably the reason why you were suddenly faced with an enemy who bore the same face and name as you.

But what was it?!

A sharp pain sliced though your head and you suddenly cried out before remembering it all.

Scaly skin. Rotten Blood. Multiple hissing voices.

You gasped, “This isn’t real!”

“Hah?” Satan got up, “What sort of shit are you talking about now?”

“You’re not real! I knew it! You’re not my Satan!” You laughed, “My Satan is kind and he loves me no matter my flaws. You’re not-!”

The world flashed bright white before becoming consumed by darkness. The Satan before you and the Mammon who had been slouched on the couch had vanished, leaving you drifting in an open space where no light shone through. You felt your thoughts become muddled, your memories altering until you were nothing.

“Let’s try this again, shall we?”

To be continued ~

Part 3

#demons #obey me!#obey me demons #lucifer #mammon #leviathan #satan #asmodeus #beelzebub #belphegor #obey me replaced mc au #shall we date #obey me angst #angst #demon brothers #fanfic #otome game #gn!reader

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beerecordings · 1 year

Text

Wolf Bite - Part 23

Chase stares at the black eye of his camera, and his camera stares back.

He didn't know why he was coming into his recording room as he felt his feet bring him this way, and he doesn't know why he's sitting here now. His computers and monitors are all shut down, asleep in the darkness of the room, since he hasn't booted up any of the nice lighting he had arranged around his space. The floor is littered with snack wrappers and a couple shirts, tearing off one to change to another just to record a new video and pretend he hadn't cranked them all out in the same overwhelming day.

It's a familiar space, and the feelings of dread and shame it brings are familiar too. He remembers Stacy so exasperated every time she would find him hiding in here, and he remembers hours of scrolling through dizzying feedback. The sensation of tens of thousands of eyes all watching him doesn't fade, even with everything shut down.

And now the eye of the camera reminds him of Iris, too.

"What the fuck am I doing in here?" he whispers to himself.

But he doesn't leave.

It takes him several minutes to realize he's here because he wants to film a video.

That's not familiar. It's been a long, long time since he had any want to film anything, even back when he was still creating on a daily basis.

He boots up his computer uncertainly. He doesn't think he'll actually do anything, but he can at least push the button, adjust the camera, examine his own reflection. He thinks this one scrape down the side of his cheek will scar, but it looks kind of bad-ass, so he doesn't mind.

The camera hums a little as it wakes up. He stares at the image it's sending.

"Hi, everybody," he says, just practicing. "I know I've been gone a while. I just wanted to film a video to say - because I have - I have an announcement. An update? Because things have changed with me."

A lot of things.

"What the fuck, Chase," he sighs to himself, embarrassed even with no one watching. He turns the camera off quickly and the computer follows. Everything goes quiet again.

"I'm just making a video because I wanted you all to know something about me," he whispers to himself. "A lot of things have changed in my life. The biggest thing recently is that I was... bit. Yeah, that kind of 'bit.' I'm a werewolf."

He can imagine the responses already. They kind of scare him, but... he just wonders if he would have felt better with everything that happened if he knew he wasn't alone in it. If he had some friendly face on the internet telling him that this is going to be okay, and that there are good things to all this, really. But maybe he's just making a martyr of himself. Maybe nobody cares, and talking about it will just make more people horrified of werewolves, and what little enjoyment he had in his career will finally be snuffed out for good.

It's been a year and two months since he uploaded a video, anyway, and the rumors of his wife leaving him and his drinking getting out of hand had all burst up like geysers he was trying to hold down with his bare hands, flooding his reputation. Nobody's listening anymore.

A knock on the door interrupts his brooding and he gets up, finding Marvin at the door. Just the smell of him is a relief.

"Oh, what's that smile for?" asks Marvin, reaching out to tug petulantly at one of Chase's stray hairs. "I haven't even told you the good news yet."

"Happy to see you, I guess," Chase admits. "It's too lonely in that room. What's the good news?"

"Someone who wants to see you," he says. Marvin's arm wraps around Chase's shoulders. "Come on. Let's go see our pack."

Henrik expects Chase to come through the door first.

Chase feels safe, in his memory. Chase feels familiar. This whole house feels familiar, but it's no longer just their safe space. It's the place that they were taken from.

Does Chase feel the same way? Is it cruel that he wants to know he's nervous too?

The door clicks and Henrik sits up. But instead of Chase coming through the door, it's Jackie.

Oh.

He smells like an Alpha in a way he didn't before. Powerful. Enticing. Dangerous.

Henrik pushes himself away til his back's against the headboard of the bed. Jackie tilts his head at him, resting easily against the frame of the open door.

"I'm just here to talk," says Jackie. His voice is as loud as ever and Henrik jumps. Jackie grins half-heartedly. "Schneep... I'm not going to hurt you."

Henrik seems to have lost his voice. He swallows and shakes his head, pulling a blanket up over his lap. He can still smell a little of his own blood in the carpet from where JJ had bit him and dragged him back to another Alpha. Then again, he can smell chemicals and soap too: someone has tried to scrub the blood out of the carpet, preparing the room for him to come back.

"Can I come closer to you?" asks Jackie.

"Whatever," manages Henrik, though his voice comes out in a croak. "Sure."

Jackie comes to sit on the side of the bed, still looking at Henrik intently. Henrik can't hold his gaze long. He breaks away, turning to look out the window instead, breath skipping in his chest.

"So this is it, then?" Henrik says. "You just - you're just my Alpha now?"

Jackie pauses. "Do I smell like your Alpha to you?"

"Yes. I think. I don't know. I'm not hers."

"I know."

"I'm not," Henrik repeats. "I'm not hers."

"You're not."

"But I don't know if I want to be yours, either," Henrik whispers.

He waits for Jackie to lunge at him, but he just hums and kicks his feet, nodding at him. "We're kind of in a pickle, in that sense."

Henrik laughs weakly despite himself. "Because... because you saved me. And now you feel like my Alpha to me."

"And you feel like pack to me," Jackie replies.

"Really?" asks Henrik in a whisper.

Jackie nods. "Uh-huh. We're bonded. Schneep... I'd never make you stay, not in a million years. I'd let you go the moment you asked. But I want you to hear me out before you go tearing something inside you in half just because she made you scared to be anybody's pack."

"Because it will hurt to leave," Henrik says. "That's what you're going to tell me."

"The choice to leave is yours completely. I won't say a word about it if you go. It'll hurt, but the pain will be your choice, and I'll wish you the best in finding a pack in Germany."

"What, then?"

Jackie straightens, squaring his shoulders. "Just this," he begins. "I don't want any control over you; I need some deference but never submission. I will never put my teeth in you unless we're playing, I will never use force to get what I want from you, and you are free to go at any time. Henrik, all I want is to look after my pack, and you're part of that. You're free to go. You're always free to go. But if you stay -- "

Now it's Jackie's breath that hitches. Henrik watches as Jackie steadies himself, readjusting on the bed, turning towards him.

Then his hand reaches out gently. Henrik flinches. Jackie just scoots closer, and then -

He sets his hand on Henrik's throat, gently. He doesn't squeeze. He doesn't grip. Henrik is frozen stock-still, trembling for a moment, waiting for the pain and the panic to come - but Jackie just holds still.

Slowly, Henrik relaxes.

He remembers the moment when Jackie touched his neck after moving his stuff out of his apartment. It was like this: something that should have been scary and alarming and unusual, but instead, it just feels like protection. Natural and secure.

"I'm going to squeeze a little," says Jackie.

When Henrik doesn't move, he presses his fingers around his throat. Still gentle. Henrik can breathe. The same way that nudity has stopped feeling sexual, this doesn't feel sexual either. They're in human forms, but they're speaking to each other's wolves, making promises he can feel rather than hear: I'm never going to hurt you. You're safe even with my claws around your throat. Even at your most vulnerable, you're safe with me.

Jackie's hand falls away.

"I'll look after you for the rest of your life if you'll allow me," Jackie says. "That's all I want you to know."

Henrik nods, more firmly than before. He thinks that's true. It feels true. It's unbelievable, that Jackie wants him at all - doesn't he know anything about him? About how neurotic he is, how reclusive, how unreachable? - but at the same time, it's true.

It's only then that Henrik senses the other scent in the room, and he looks up sharply. His nose points him to the doorway, and although there's no one in view, he knows he's there.

"Chase," he says, exasperated and fond at the same time. "Are you spying?"

A blue eye and a mess of brown hair appears beside the door. Chase clears his throat awkwardly. "Didn't want to interrupt."

"Come here," says Jackie. "Dork."

Chase's scent flares with relief and he hurries forward, standing beside the bed. Henrik only has to shift in his direction for Chase to read it as an invitation: he lets out a low rumble like a contented Labrador and throws himself over him, wrapping his arms around him and rubbing their heads firmly together. Henrik laughs, louder than he expects, and wraps his arms around him too. Chase's nose presses closer to his neck and Henrik tenses for a second - but again, no bite comes, and Chase's smell is untainted by either fury or despair, the scents that accompany a bite to the throat.

Henrik decides to test his own waters. He sits up and Chase comes with him, expression open and hopeful. Henrik raises his hand and touches Chase's neck, settling his palm around the front of it, almost cupping his chin.

Chase just closes his eyes and lets him. It feels secure to him too, Henrik realizes. It's not just him and Jackie. They all feel like pack.

Jackie rises from the side of the bed, moving to follow the scent of Marvin in the hallway. "Think about what I said," he tells Henrik softly. "Let me know when you've decided."

"What are you two deciding?" asks Chase, the moment Jackie's gone. "Are you okay? It's so good to see you, you don't know how... how scared I was. Truly. Fuck, I'm glad you're here."

Henrik looks at him, pushing a strand of his hair from his eyes. "We were talking about whether I'll stay or go."

"Don't," says Chase.

From the way his scent twists, Henrik can tell they're both surprised by the loudness of his voice, firm as pumice. There's a moment where Chase looks like he might back down, apologize and change the subject, but he doesn't.

"Don't go," says Chase. "You have to stay, Schneep, you have to. We're pack now. Don't go. Stay here with me. With all of us. I'll look after you too. I know you have healing to do, but so do I. It won't always be easy, but it'll be easier together. We'll all take care of each other. You don't have to be so alone anymore. You don't have to leave. Stay."

And when Chase reaches out to touch him - when his hand settles on his cheek and he looks at him with his face full of freckles and a scent like chocolate and pack - that feels true too.

"Okay," whispers Henrik, in the place where their scents meet and everything smells like home. "Okay. I'll stay."

It's not the harness that JJ minds.

Sean is good to him, after all, and if JJ didn't want to wear a harness like a pet, he could shift back to human anytime. Sean would be able to certify that he isn't feral, and he could walk out of the apartment as a man, and no one would try to put this thing on him: a neon orange harness and leash with the words 'UNDER REHABILITATION - DO NOT ENGAGE - UNCERTIFIED LYCAN' repeating across its length.

"Sorry, pal, sorry," whispers Sean, looping it carefully around him. "I can't have you out of the apartment without this on. I know, I know."

Sean soothes at him, but JJ's just sitting still, letting him hook it on. Sean won't use it to humiliate him, and if it feels tight, it's nothing compared to real confinement.

He does mind, however, the reactions from the humans around them.

They always take quiet pathways when they go to the park, but today, Sean takes him somewhere new. As they're forced down a street with people bustling around, the throng parts around them in a disgusted wave of movement. Sean keeps his eyes straight forward, leading JJ close at his side, but Jameson knows he can hear it too: the angry rumbles of the people around them.

"Back up, do not let that thing near you."

"... no reason for him to be in the city..."

"Why do we have parks if they're still going to be out in the open like this?"

One werewolf calls encouragement as he passes, but for the most part, JJ can only hear discontent.

"We're only a few minutes away from Chase's," Sean leans down to tell him.

JJ can't tell if Sean actually believes he can understand him, or if it's just his habit to talk to wolves, feral or not, like they're human, but one way or another, he appreciates it. He doesn't feel human in the middle of all this, that's for damn sure.

A mother stops them, cradling her child away from them, and yells at Sean about how it's inappropriate for him to be out here with a feral animal. JJ sits at his side as Sean listens quietly, something twisting in his stomach. No, he doesn't mind the harness, but this...

Don't they know he didn't ask to be like this?

"Ma'am, I'm a rehabilitator, I'm just moving him from one place to another. I wouldn't bring him out in public if he weren't safe to be around. Look, he's perfectly friendly."

Sean reaches to the side and touches JJ's mouth. He parts his jaws and Sean sets his fingers down between his teeth for a moment, tapping at his canines. JJ looks up at him and the mother with big eyes, tongue swiping once at his rehabilitator's hand.

She just keeps arguing with Sean. When someone else comes to her aid, a man much larger than Sean, they turn away and keep walking. JJ's ears are down flat. Jack reaches out to pat them, giving him a fragile smile.

That's when a rock collides fully with the side of his head. Sean gasps, faltering for a second, and JJ leaps up, whirling to find the person who threw it, but he can't pick them out from the crowd. On instinct, he tries to howl - nothing comes out and he feels stupid, useless, inhuman.

"I'm okay, I'm okay," chokes Sean, pulling him hurriedly away. "Come on, let's get out of here."

They push out of the busy part of the city together, JJ pulling him along now, claws scrabbling against the pavement, so hot it's starting to hurt his paws. They come to a residential neighborhood with nice houses and Sean leans against a tree for a second, catching his breath, putting his hand up to his face.

There's a small brown bruise beside his eye. He gets out an inhaler and takes his medicine, rubbing at his head wearily. It's not a bad injury by any means. For throwing rocks, it could be a lot worse.

JJ doesn't feel any better. Someone did that to him just for walking around with a wolf in an orange harness at his side?

He has always had trouble communicating with everyone else around him. Being talked over, being yelled at, being ignored. Weren't things hard enough before this already? Now he's not even human. Is this how he's going to be treated for the rest of his life? They all think he's a monster, and no one's listening to anyone trying to tell them otherwise.

"Hey, I'm okay, I'm okay," Sean is trying to tell him, kneeling down in the grass beside him to grab his face. JJ pulls away from him, tail between his legs and ears flat. He didn't ask for this, for any of it.

"JJ, calm down."

He'll stay like this forever, he's decided. All he ever gets is rejection. What's the point of shifting back into a human? The only person who ever really listened to him betrayed and imprisoned him. He may as well look like an outsider. Like a monster.

Sean's arms pull at him again, wrapping around him and petting down his side, shushing him. JJ whines out a breath of air and hides his head against his chest, licking his paws. Sean pulls his paw away from himself.

"Don't do that to yourself," he murmurs. "You're grooming your fur out. I'm totally okay, JJ. I'm right here."

He hugs him again, squeezing him close.

Yeah. He'll just stay with Sean for the rest of forever. Who needs to be human anyway?

"Poor thing," whispers Sean, stroking his fur. His face presses into JJ's pelt, and for a moment, he thinks he feels wetness there, dripping onto his side. "It's going to be okay, JJ. It's going to turn out somehow. I don't know how, but it will. It has to."

JJ knows he must smell like despair.

#ableism tw #most werewolf discrimination but JJ sees it intersecting with his disability #anyway just one or two more chapters!!!#werewolf au

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bluebunnyears-08 · 1 year

Text

A Chance Meeting: Chapter Two: Helping Hand

Basically, Tails helps out with the plane since the damn hedgehog doesn't know anything about mechanics. Unfortunately, it leads to something he REALLY didn't want to happen.

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Ok.

This was NOT good. The hedgehog should have left DAYS ago. He would've had it fixed and then he'd be off into the sky with the fantastic plane.

And away from Miles.

Unfortunately, this was not the case as the young borrower would watch the blue idiot try to fix the plane on his own. He watched as it only resulted in the plane letting out puffs of smoke in the hedgehog's face as his attempts to fix it failed. Miles huffed in annoyance as he watched the hedgehog try to fix it over and over from the safety of his hiding spot in the tree. He couldn't see exactly what the hedgehog was doing but whatever it was it wasn't the right tools or placement on certain parts. This wasn't good. Over time he had nearly been squashed with the blue rodent blasting off everywhere. Not to mention when the urchin would explore the island he nearly got seen multiple times.

So he had observed the bean for a while, so what? He was just watching the enemy, finding its weakness. So far from what he had observed the bean was fast, had a certain diet of hot dog-like food, and was very curious and adventurous. The worst traits a bean could have. Quick ones snuffed you out easily, and curiosity lead to them most likely keeping you as pets or experiments.

It was clear the bean had no idea how plane mechanics work, and was also too stubborn with pride to ask for help from someone who does. The fox sighed, at this rate, it would take weeks, maybe months until the hedgehog got out of his territory. However, if he did something about this it might take a shorter time...

No.

That was a stupid idea. He couldn't interact with beans, never. Besides, it's not like the hedgehog would stay against a helping hand, right?

Unfortunately, Miles found himself cursing his hopeful thoughts as being wrong.

The damn urchin was still there after four days. This was starting to get riskier and riskier as the blue mobian stayed longer. However, Miles knew he had to make up his mind during one of his borrowing trips.

He had finally managed to catch another lizard. It took a while. This one was a fighter. However, one stab to the skull and it was out like a light. After wrapping a cloth around the head to keep the blood of the lizard from getting in his fur and leaving a trail for predators to follow, he moved the lizard to drape over his shoulder as he prepared to haul it home, the sun beginning to lower, exploding into colors of pink, purple and red in the blue sky.

Unfortunately, this was when the bean decided to crash through. Miles was first alerted to the predator when his fur and ears perked in alarm at the light tremors of larger footsteps. He panicked as they came closer and closer to where he was, and they were alarmingly fast. His eyes quickly darted around for any hiding spot, landing on the bush that was behind him.

He just barely got in the covers of the shrubs when the all too familiar blue of the hedgehog came into view, bright red and white sneakers mere inches from where he was. The thought of how easily they could snuff him out made the borrower shudder. Miles held his hand up to his mouth to muffle his hyperventilated breaths, sky-blue eyes carefully watching the being above, pupils dilated in fear.

The hedgehog looked around the forest for a moment, sniffing slightly, before lifting his tan arm to his face, gloved hand closed in a fist. He moved the hand under his nose, and a finger rubbed under the snout.

Then there was a burst of wind and a flash of blue that sent the little fox grasping onto both the lizard with one hand, not wanting to lose his food, and the bush for dear life with the other, letting out a cry of surprise. After it died down again, the fox huffed in annoyance and stuck out his tongue in the direction where the urchin ran off.

He hated when the bean did that. Almost lost 2 lizards because of it. He didn't want to go back to eating tree sap, mysterious mushrooms, and grass again.

As he headed back to his burrow, thoughts began to run through his head.

This was another close call. If he was a second too late he would have been trampled.

He shivered, not from anything cold, but from heart-pounding fear. This had happened too many times, where he would be getting food or water before the hedgehog would suddenly come out of nowhere. Luckily he hadn't been seen or squashed, however, the gust of wind that would follow the blue blur would carelessly toss the food or the water from the self-made canteen away. Luckily it would only land on the ground, however, it was very inconvenient for the tiny fox, who would sometimes get blown away alongside the supplies, landing hard on the ground. Bruises had begun to form on his fragile body as a result.

He was lucky he never landed or hit anything with his head, his skull would have easily been damaged.

He could die if this continued.

Miles shivered once more, before feeling the lizard starting to slip, he paused, readjusted a firm grip on the lizard, and continued once more, his eyes dimming with relief at the sight of his home up ahead. It wasn't messed up or showed any signs of a predator deciding to nap there, he didn't have to worry about any more danger.

He always hated it when an animal, mostly bunnies, would come and claim his home as their own. When luring them out with food didn't work, he'd have to go in and fight to reclaim his territory once more. He didn't kill them, he never killed them, didn't even think he could, he simply gave them wounds of warnings to stay away. Oftentimes they'd run away and leave him alone.

But Miles didn't think he'd be able to fight any more animals for today. The lizard really was a stubborn fighter. Took all of his energy to take it down, now he needed a nap.

He entered his little cavern, making sure to close the entrance behind him, which was just two big rocks covered in some kind of moss. It had once been leaves, however, he learned quickly that leaves weren't good at keeping things out, nearly drowning under sloshy mud made by the occasional rain, or having to chase more bunnies out of his home.

He fumbled around, trying to find the light bulb, when he did, he turned it until it gave a soft click.

Soft yellow light erupted from the bulb, illuminating the small room. Miles placed the lizard on a long wood slab, which acted as a table, and moved over to his bed, landing face-first in it with a deep sigh. His bed was a carefully assorted pile of leaves and moss, soft enough to be comfortable, and warm enough in winter. He closed his eyes, wanting to let sleep take him away into his dreams, but opened them again when his stomach started begging for food.

He hadn't eaten anything all day and had been scavenging for food until he found this lizard. He groaned and moved off the bed, preparing to skin the lizard. It was a long and tedious task, one that took almost an hour to complete. His stomach moaned once more at the reminder. However, it needed to be done, the lizard's skin being too hard to chew.

He went over and grabbed the things he needed, a sharp shard of glass for the cutting and a flat rock for the scrapping of the excess fat, then he moved over to the lizard, held it in a certain position, and began the process. He knew how it was done, he'd watched his father do it plenty of times, and he memorized his father's instructions when the old man taught him. He knew where to cut, how to place the animal, what to remove, and the careful way of removing the skin without taking away any of the meat.

As he worked he found his thoughts trailing back to his father. How his father would praise him when he did something correctly during his teachings, how his father comforted him when he first cried over the dead lizard, his father's rough but warm hands holding onto his own, showing him the right pace on scrapping the fat faster. He missed that. He wished he hadn't done what he did that made him lose any chance of having those again.

He shook his head, not wanting to recount his past stupidity, his past carelessness.

He had to focus. The last time he didn't he had to bandage his hand, having nearly cut his finger off.

He worked on removing the lizard's genitals, making sure his cuts were careful and precise. After he did that he worked on removing the scent glands, finding himself lost in his thoughts once more.

This time it was about the bean, notably about his past and recent encounters.

He couldn't continue like this. Not with the hedgehog speeding around. He nearly got killed several times with the urchin around. More times than usual. With the bean so close to his territory it was now becoming clear that ignoring it was a death wish. Either that or it was a desire to be discovered.

But what could he do? He couldn't be discovered, but he needed to push the bean along to leave. Another thing came to mind. The plane. It was busted for now. There was obviously something misplaced or something that needed to be fixed. He had researched a lot about planes and their functionality of them.

He paused in the pelting process he nearly forgot he was doing.

That idea was insane. He could easily get killed by the plane or the bean, not to mention he'd easily get discovered. However, it might just be the only one that could work. The village he used to be in was miles away and could take days to get to at his size. Even if he got there, there'd be even more beans to evade and hide from. If he somehow managed to find someone who could help, what would he even do?

If he wanted the bean to leave as soon as possible, he'd have to go out there and fix the engine himself.

It was clear the bean had absolutely no idea how to fix it, but maybe he could.

It was a stupid idea, one that absolutely terrified him, but maybe it was the only way he could make sure he doesn't get killed.

He wished and prayed that there was another way, but he couldn't think of anything that wouldn't end in immediate death. His hands began shaking as he figured this was the only thing he could do, his legs began to wobble as they began to feel like jelly.

His breaths were now shaky, and he felt a cold pang in his gut. He stayed far away from beans after the incident, but now he didn't seem to have any choice. The kit felt tears begin to form, ones of horror and slight anger at no other choice. He swallowed.

It was the only option, and he hated it. He looked down at the lizard, its opened stomach and bloody limbs becoming nauseating to him despite having been used to it. Only one thought rang through his mind.

Crap.

----------------------------

Miles stared at the plane, blue eyes now filled with fear and uncertainty. The hedgehog wasn't around, having most likely gone on one of his runs, so Miles had about an hour to do whatever he could to fix the machine. Despite that knowledge, the fox still hesitated to move from the bushes he hid behind. His heart hammered in his chest, and his palms began to sweat and shake.

He knew he had to do this, if he waited, he'd keep putting it off. If he did that the hedgehog would never leave. His legs still refused to move, his body frozen in fear. He wanted to go back, to hide away in his burrow and never leave the safety of the cavern. He took a shaky step back, beginning to humor the idea, before clenching his fists and narrowing his eyes. He took a deep breath and returned his gaze to the airplane.

No, he could do this. Even if he didn't want to, he should at least try to push the hedgehog into leaving.

He should try.

Eyes narrowed in found determination, he began to approach the aircraft, ignoring the jelly-like feeling in his shaky legs. His tails swished quickly with unease behind him. He held out a hand to the flying machine, his palm brushing cold metal.

He let out an exhale, not even knowing when he held his breath. The fear was slightly forgotten as a small excitement began to take its place for a moment. He had never gotten this close to the plane before, and it was exhilarating. It was even more beautiful and amazing up close. He walked along the side of the metal tin, his hand trailing behind him, having never been taken off the hard warm metal.

He approached one of the big red wings and began to feel those as well, despite them not feeling any different from the other parts of the plane. His fear began to diminish as he continued to explore the plane, his tails now wagging happily behind him.

"Incredible! You can fly for miles, huh? Travel to all sorts of different places, to so many different adventures.", he murmured to the inanimate object. His eyes dimmed as he remembered the objective at hand. He moved his hands to grasp the wing, pulling himself up, grunting with effort as he began to climb the transport. He made his way to the engine, uneasiness beginning to form when he finally made it to the desired location. A new problem rose.

How was he supposed to open the engine?

He huffed in frustration at the new problem. All that preparation for this to happen, what a waste. He sat down on the part that needed to be open as he began to think. He had to get it open, but how? He obviously couldn't open it by himself, but maybe he could use something to help him. If he had something long and sturdy maybe he could pry it open, or he could have something hit the cover to open it. Miles found himself leaning towards the former, not wanting to damage the plane and leave traces that he was there.

His eyes darted around the scenery, eventually landing on a long stick having been broken off by the tree above it near the forest he emerged from. He carefully navigated off of the plane and retrieved the stick, dragging the heavy, for him, object back over the plane. He moved to the engine and placed the stick in the crevasse of the cover, after sticking it there so it would lift off the ground, he jumped on the other end several times until both the wooden object broke and the engine popped open.

He fell to the ground with a hard grunt as his body collided with the earth. He got up, brushed himself off, and once again navigated to the engine, being careful not to fall in. He took his time to examine the mechanics, eyes glimmering with pure awe, and the hedgehog was momentarily forgotten. It was absolutely beautiful, with all sorts of gears, and gadgets used to function the lovely machine.

He found himself getting giddy once more before he shook his head and regained his composure. He needed to concentrate. However, he needed something to help him with this, maybe the plane had something lying around somewhere to help him with this. He moved off of the engine once more and made his way to the cockpit.

Glancing in, he couldn't find anything. He moved over to the rim of the plane and hopped down onto the soft seat, landing with a gentle thump. He eventually caught sight of it at the bottom of the pit, he landed on the hard, but somehow still soft, ground and moved behind the box. He groaned and grunted as he pushed the box over to the seat. He then moved it so the side of the box leaned against the seat, and moved under it. He didn't have a muscular build, in fact, he was quite skinny compared to borrowers his age, but he somehow managed to slowly, but surely began to push it onto the seat. Making it fully on there but having his feet push against the dashboard, paying mind to avoid pushing any of the buttons.

After several muscle-straining moments, he finally managed to lift it all the way onto the seat. He collapsed to the ground in utter exhaustion, moaning with relief. He stayed that way for about five minutes before begrudgingly hauling himself back up. He didn't have time for a nap, he had to get this done before the urchin came back. Orange fur-covered aching arms lifted him back onto the seat, the owner panting heavily, his face slightly red as he collapsed once more onto the seat.

Okay. All he had to do was push it over the cock pit and out of the plane and he wouldn't have to lift it anymore. That's all he had to do, and the horrible box wouldn't make him hurt anymore. That's the only thing and then no more. After resting for a bit he began to once more push and lift the cursed object out of the plane. His muscles threatened to buckle under the pressure of the large box, half sobbing, half laughing with relief as it landed outside with a loud clang, the toolbox's contents spilled across the ground below. He panted and sat down on the cushion, leaning against the wall of the aircraft.

Then the fear started to kick in. What if the bean was nearby? He might investigate whatever that was. That thought made the kit freeze in terror. He stayed still and held in his breath for what seemed like forever, ears perked up and listening for footsteps, voices, anything that might signal that the bean was nearby.

But nothing. He slowly peered over the rim of the cock pit, and all he saw was the peaceful forest, and only heard the chirping of birds. He sighed with grateful relief and went back to rest for a bit. He couldn't stay that way for too long, he knew that, but he couldn't tire himself either. He could at least wait until the strain in his muscles died down before he did any more strenuous activities.

As he rested the kit still had his ears perked up for any sounds that could alert him to the arrival of the bean. Luckily he didn't hear anything that showed signs of that. As the borrower's muscles strain died out to the point where he could manage enough, he pulled his tired body out of the resting spot and fell hard on the ground he forgot was there. He groaned, slightly muffled due to his face planting of frustration. He sighed and moved himself up, looking over the tools he spilled with slightly dimmed determination and resentment.

As much as he wanted to give up and wobble back to his hut, he already got this far. If he did that he'd just have to start all over again, and he did NOT want that. He moved over eyeing the instruments of the invention with careful eyes before landing on a wrench. He hoisted the stupid thing up and made his way back over to the engine. It was hard to climb a 200-ton machine with a device that was over 5 times his size, but again, he managed.

He began working on the engine after seeing what was wrong with it. He first started with a slow careful attitude, cautious with the soon-to-be returning bean on his mind, however, that soon became forgotten as he became lost in his own gear-ticking brain and excitement. This was exactly as all of the books he'd found about planes described it. It was even better now that he was doing it himself. His tails swished happily behind him as he tinkered away to his heart's delight, not only almost managing to fix the engine but also coming up with ideas to rearrange some things to make it go even faster.

Unfortunately, he was so lost in his own excitement that he neglected to keep alert, missing the footsteps of the bean returning, nor the gasp that followed. He was alerted when there was a loud thump and rustle of something hitting the ground, most likely a paper bag.

Miles froze, and he moved over to look at the source of the sound, praying to Chaos it wasn't what he hoped it wasn't.

Unfortunately, the gods of luck didn't seem to be on his side because his sky-blue eyes landed on emerald green ones. The hedgehog's face was caught in an open-mouthed stare. For a second time seemed to stop for both of them, one in absolute pants-wetting terror and the other in shocked disbelief...

...before Miles became an orange blur, quickly moving off the engine and away from the mobian. The action only drove the urchin into motion, as he registered the bigger beings' footsteps giving chase behind him, the beans voice reaching his ears.

"H-hey wait little fella! I'm not gonna hurt you!"

Yeah right! , was the fox's only thought as he avoided the large white hand, barely slipping its grasp. He ran under the plane, eyes widened in terror as he glanced behind him, catching the confused, shocked, and somewhat awed eyes of his pursuer looked under after where he ran. He had to get out of here, had to get away. Unfortunately, if he even had a chance of escaping, it was foiled by the kit suddenly slamming hard into the carelessly discarded red toolbox. He fell back on his back as he fell dizzy.

Everything began to blur, colors condensing into a blurry soup as he began to lose consciousness. He barely registered a shadow looming over him, barely registered the beans voice speaking to him, all he saw was a darkened blob of blue above...

...before everything went black.

#miles tails prower #sonic fanfiction #sonic g/t #sonic au #sonic the hedgehog #we needed sonic borrowers fanfiction so i made my own #borrowers #gt community #miles tails prower has trauma #someone give this kid a hug #and some mint candy #sonic borrower au #finally got done with this chapter #pretty happy with this #thank y'all for the support <3

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