Fuck it. Before this topic blows up again, as it always does and I'm seeing the stirrings, I’m making a post on this controversial topic.
What is female separatism? Women living free from men. That’s it. That’s all it means. There’s no hidden meaning there. It literally just means women living free from men.
Lesbian separatism is a subset, but is, as the name implies, for lesbians only. Whether they admit febfems or not I guess would be at their discretion. Either way, I wouldn’t be a part of it because I am het, so I’m not going to go into that. But other female separatist spaces would be open to opposite-sex attracted and same-sex attracted women alike.
So how does that work? Well, on a small scale, it’s women’s shelters, housing, etc.. You know, female spaces. We’re all good with that, right? We all agree women should have some spaces that men don’t get access to? Cool.
On a larger scale, yeah, it would be land that women live and work on, and men do not. It’s not like we’re going to get half the physical planet surface to ourselves either, so what we’re looking at is several areas that are ours. Like women’s only villages, and some already exist which is way cool. Each of these can be run differently. Some may admit male children and some may not. Some may have smaller areas designated for temporary use for women fleeing male violence with male children in tow until they can get on their feet. Some may admit male visitors who are family or friends for holidays or whatnot, with a sign-in policy and strict rules imposed while they are there. Others may not, and that’s fine! There can be many kinds of female spaces but the point is only women and girls live and work there and only women run the place.
What it does not mean is that every woman has to live in a female space, as if we could allot enough areas for all of us. It does not mean every woman has to live in one or else turn in her feminism card. It does not mean women who live there cannot leave. It doesn’t mean women who live there can’t come and go as they please!
It also doesn’t mean women who don’t stay there permanently, choosing to never have male visitors, and never leaving the area, are to be scorned and shamed as stupid. The wish to have a romantic/sexual partner is very strong, whether you’re at risk of your partner abusing you or at risk of the state punishing you. Clearly that’s something humans still want and crave. How much of that is socialization which upholds romantic love as the end all and be all, and how much simple biology we don’t know, except that it’s clearly both in some capacity. We don’t need to be nasty to one another about it. But it also doesn’t mean that het women who do choose to forego all interactions with men are giving up something profound. A fulfilling life absolutely can be had without a lifelong romantic partner. But each woman needs to make her choice about that on her own. Giving advice and presenting options are fine. Shaming women for giving into a very powerful desire that the vast majority of humans have is not.
It also doesn’t mean lesbian and bisexual women need to give up dating and sex just because het women can’t date or have sex with anyone in these areas. If you want to have sex with a man, you can leave, have sex, and then come back. If you want to date a man, you can leave and date him, and then come back again if it doesn’t work out. Within the area, you can also masturbate and read/write het romance novels/watch movies and TV shows with het romances, whatever you want. It’s okay. You just can’t bring a boyfriend/husband there to live. That’s all.
And it doesn’t mean that smaller scale female spaces such as women’s shelters suddenly stop existing! So, yes, women with male babies at the breast will still have some place to flee to.
And here’s the thing also, for women still worried that separatism means abandoning other women, and for women who believe men can be reformed: separatism gives men something to worry about. The law is more often than not on the side of men, we know this. It’s not much of a deterrent for violence against women and girls, sexual or otherwise. But if places exist where women can literally just up and go and stay away and be protected by people who absolutely will not under any circumstances buy the man’s bullshit against her, well, men had better behave like decent people then if they want women to stick around, hadn’t they?
As for men trying to get into the spaces, well of course they’ll try, but that’s no reason not to have sex-segregated bathrooms or shelters; you just have to keep supporting the ones that don’t let them in.
Anyway, we need separatism, that’s not even a debate. Not every woman or even every feminist is going to want to be a part of those spaces and that is okay. But we, collectively, women, we need separatism. We need it for the women and girls who want to be away from men right now, and for any woman or girl who decides it later in life, and even for women and girls who don’t want to, just so they know they have the option.
That’s it. Maybe radblr can stop going for one another’s throats over this and then we have some productive discussion on how to make this work.
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@liibrii tagged anyone that wanted to join so i’m subjecting you all to my opinions
mommy/daddy: daddy? 2/10. mommy? 7/10.
darling: cute, classic, but should be used sparingly. 8/10
doll: very few people can pull this one off. should also be used infrequently. 6/10
slut/whore: exposing myself . . . 11/10.
baby: in the bedroom? 7/10. “come here, baby”? 8/10. in literally any other context? breaking up with you/10.
love: should be used sparingly but another classic. 8.5/10
bae: I -- what the fuck? no. absolutely not. I might commit a literal crime if someone called me this, whether ironic or not.
kitten/bunny/puppy: didn’t think I was into it . . . . I was wrong. kitten 4/10. bunny 5.5/10. puppy 10/10 but only when used against someone else. i don’t want to be called puppy lmao.
cow: why the fuck is this on this list.
princess: makes me feel like an infant so i get violent ick when it’s used. -0.02/10
brat: i had a longer explanation typed out for this but i’m just gonna say 10/10 and leave it at that.
angel: 3/10. idk to me it just sounds kinda awkward.
i’m adding one of my own because this list doesn’t feel complete
sir/ma’am: lord have mercy. 40/10. 400/10. i don’t know how this wasn’t on the original list because 🥴
tagging: @tanzaniiite (if you want to baby no pressure), anyone else that wants to (i want to hear your opinions fr !! drop them in the replies if u don’t want to reblog)
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