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canyourfavesurvivecastledracula · 3 months

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Matt Murdock/Daredevil

1. Catholic

2. Excellent free climber

3. Kind of a slut

4. Also a lawyer

You got me. That's. That's the perfect recipe. Wow.

Matt is. Goddd. He's such a bad lawyer. He's such a bad Catholic. He's such a good climber. And it doesn't matter.

Being blind probably provides some defense against hypnosis, certainly against Dracula's basilisk stare. It also means he's a perfect hire for Dracula because he really doesn't look like a threat and he's not going to see anything suspicious. Dracula applauds himself for his own cleverness over and over for this one.

There is no shaving mirror incident, because what use is a mirror to Matt Murdock? On the other hand his combat strategy of killing the lights and punching people in the dark will have no effect on Dracula. They both sneak down the wall at the same time and it gets Real Awkward as they pretend not to notice each other - the next day at dinner Dracula's like "so, uh... I was of course out on Business but you didn't happen to uh... go out of your room yesterday did you?" and Matt's just like "ahaha I do not climb walls that is my least favorite thing to do anyway I'm blind anyway it would be fine if I did right?" And Dracula's like "ahaha of course you're not a prisoner and who said anything about climbing walls I definitely use doors like an alive person but yeah don't sleep in weird places you'll die." And just sits there staring at him like "...but do the butts match???"

Matt would try to rescue the baby and it would come to Ninja Fighting and he would get badly badly beaten but run off into the wilderness and collapse in the nearest church coughing up blood. Foggy would pick him up two to six months later and just be like "so have you learned a valuable lesson about trying to handle things on your own?" and Matt would be like "in my defense he was a Vampire." And then have complex feelings about the interplay of good and evil or something. And Foggy would be like "...okay but did you at least bill him properly??" And Matt would have to be like "actually I got robbed."

But yes, Matt "Daredevil" Murdock can survive Castle Dracula

#matt murdock #daredevil #lawyers #ninjas #superheroes

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canyourfavesurvivecastledracula · 1 month

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Okay, so might have been asked before, but Bruce Wayne.

Not Batman. Just Bruce Wayne, little to no tech, Brucie persona in full swing...maybe he's there for some really weird gala or something and is now stuck and doesn't want to blow his cover.

@beabaseball asked:

Would Bruce Wayne (Batman) survive Count Dracula? He's scared of bats!! :(

@goldenzingy46 asked:

could batman survive castle dracula? (either in costume or out of it)

@major-knighton asked:

Could Batman survive Castle Dracula?

Anonymous asked:

I'm sure this has probably been asked, but I couldn't find it via blog search. Could Batman survive Castle Dracula? (Any iteration, with or without Batfam members.)

Ahahahahaha Brucie Wayne, billionaire playboy and Gotham's favoritest darling himbo. Yes good!

I gotta tag @unpretty in this. We all know tumblr batman is the best batman.

As to beabaseball's concern: poor Brucie! He is so afraid of bats! Fortunately for him, Dracula does all his bad batting about in England - he doesn't actually shapeshift at any point in the Castle, presumably for the same reasons he's presenting as Old AF and climbing his own walls like a lizard. Maybe some exceptionally rich blood will help him out with that actually. And for what it's worth, Jonathan does not describe any natural bats frequenting Castle Dracula either. There's nothing alive in the Castle (the wolves, of course, being Outside the Castle). Now would he count things like bats and vermin? He describes the womens' quarters as moth-eaten, so there must be like...moths. (Unless Dracula Did That I suppose). But I am not sure whether that tells us there could be bats and they just weren't worth mentioning, or that there aren't bats because if there were they would have eaten the moths.

I am going to say that there are no bats of any kind at Castle Dracula, so poor Brucie won't have his childhood trauma triggered in that way. I'm sure watching a mother get devoured by wolves won't- yeah.... he's not gonna like this. Sorry Bruce buddy you're in the Dying Parents novel. Whoopsie daisy.

Look there are reasons why Brucie is Gotham's favorite idiot son. He's a good boy. Of course he accepts the crucifix - it's for his mother's sake! Being given a lot of flowers is nothing unusual for him but he accepts them graciously as well. He tips the coachman handsomely (the coachman turns a little green at accepting his money, but Mr Wayne is just so earnest and, he rationalizes it later, it's not like the doomed young man is going to have any further use for it...), and Dracula's Calèche driver as well. He's so sloshed on Slivovitz by the time they get to the Castle (impressive since the bottle appears not to have been opened) that he tries to tip him in real silver (lol classic Brucie having no idea of the value of things - where did he even get that?). He even tries to tip Dracula when he answers the door, presuming him to be the butler. (No, it is late and my servants have all gone to bed. Really? My butler keeps such consistent round-the-clock hours that the tabloids keep asking me if he's a vampire, haha, but I guess he's something special).

On that note, this strange nighttime existence is nothing that out of the ordinary for the billionaire playboy lifestyle. Brucie frequently sleeps in till 2 under normal circumstances - it's not like he needs to get up early to drive his kids to school, he has drivers for that (no one is really sure if Brucie even knows how to drive). Dracula actually finds it a little off-putting how blithely cheerful he remains, almost as if he too is a creature of the night who cares little for the bright voluptuousness of youth ... or maybe he's just that dumb. When Dracula tried to sneak up on him making his toilet he found him actually trying to put his trousers on backwards (and turning around so much in the effort that the sneaking up was harder than Dracula anticipated - Brucie awkwardly explains that his butler usually dresses him, leaving Dracula morbidly fascinated about how he's even alive still).

I... am not sure how the shaving scene goes. I shouldn't think he would startle enough to cut himself. Or might he cut himself on purpose just to see how Dracula reacts? If Dracula makes a grab for his throat dies he blow him a kiss and say "buy me a drink first, darling" ? Did he pack extra shaving mirrors, making Dracula go :/ and consider stealing his stuff early?

Dracula retires muttering each morning "is he as stupid as he seems?? Nobody could be as stupid as he seems..." But he invites him to stay another month and write some fake letters and Brucie is like "who me?? My secretary writes my letters I wouldn't know how to begin" and Dracula has no idea what to do with that. Climbing the walls doesn't bother him, he's from Gotham, people climbing about on walls is your typical Tuesday. In fact, nothing Dracula does seems to get to him and it's getting really frustrating. At one point Dracula cautiously asks him why he's so chill and he's just like "oh you know it's not so different from home, only there we've got this evil clown that murders people. Well that's what they say at least. But my ward Dick, you know, he came from the circus? And apparently murdering people is against the Clown Code so, between you and me, I don't think he exists." And Dracula's just sitting there like "wait what" but also "that doesn't follow at all and I am fascinated by how your brain works" and because Dracula's a cocky SOB he's like "so you don't believe in evil clowns but do you believe in vampires?" And Brucie is like "well everyone says the Batman is a vampire but personally I think the news media made him up like Bigfoot and Armadillos." And Dracula's just like ...wat.

Brucie definitely ends up in the ladies' wing (it's amazing where that man randomly ends up. He gets lost on the way to the bathroom. Maybe he genuinely thought it was his own room). Is he sleeping... or only pretending to? Either way the Girlies aren't the first Femme Fatales to have him under their spell (he's been hypnotized so much...) - but on the other hand he's probably still wearing the crucifix. I don't think that will interrupt the trance though, which might before the best because child death is one of the things he's sensitive about. Dracula carries him back to his room and is like "dang is it just the fact that I've been fasting or is this soft socialite built like a brickhouse???"

So I think Bruce would know better than to remove the crucifix, as I've said, and I also think he'd figure out a way to set an hourly alarm on his watch to break him out of future trances - but does he have the data to figure out the sonic component based just on May 16th or does he need the barking dogs on June 24th as well. I would be willing to give him the possibility of actually being able to understand the Hetman, and also putting together that the people camped out in Dracula's courtyard are probably working for Dracula. Does this mean he won't try to send coded letters - or that he will try, to find out if they get passed to Dracula?

.......okay I don't think he's going to let Dracula get away with going into town with his babysnatching sack. I think when he sees that he's going to act. (Now obviously no one is going to mistake Dracula for him even wearing his suits because the butts don't match). So what does he do? Does he follow him?? Like, I am confident in his ability to make it down the wall even without a grappling hook. He's a whole ninja after all. The Girlies are like ....wait where'd he go? I actually don't know how Dracula effects his babysnatching. I think the funniest option I'd for Bruce (master of disguise) to dress up in Dracula's things (you know how he loves a good cape) and go frighten the villagers first so that they're on high alert when Dracula turns up and he can't find any babies to snatch. I don't know how he could get there first though. His best option is to tail Dracula and then sabotage his efforts by like... knocking over trashcans and things. I dunno. This has kinda gotten away from me.

Okay so assuming he succeeds... what does Dracula do if he can't get a baby? He's got some very opinionated mouths to feed. Maybe he's finally had enough and is like "fine, you can eat the himbo, I'm leaving in a week anyway" and the Girlies are like "so... about that... we tried while you were out (what!?) and he's not here" and Dracula is like "what do you mean he's not here there's nowhere for him to go" and they go and search and find him lounging on something reading the Bradshaw's Guide upside down. And he's like "oh yeah I'm thinking of buying a railroad" and Dracula's like ".......that's upside down" and Brucie is just like "ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh that makes so much more sense thanks <3"

Regarding the wolves I... don't think Bruce would choose the Certain Death option. He's got all those kids. (Sadly I can't see a way for him to get Free Baby out of this - maybe it's for the best). And afterwards maybe he stows away in one of those dirt boxes... although if he follows Dracula on the 24th does he ever find the dirt boxes? Eh, he's a brilliant detective, of course he finds them.

Anyway, yes, I do think Batman Brucie Wayne, himbo of Gotham can survive Castle Dracula

(Incidentally I personally believe that Batman does have a superpower and it's Environmental Empathy. Dracula's like ...wtf I didn't order these thunderstorms)

#batman #bruce wayne #brucie wayne #tumblr batman #superheroes #aristocrats #detectives #ninjas

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