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sunsetinmyvein · 4 years

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I Know That I’ll Lose - Chapter Four - I Know You Think You’re Sly

Over the next few weeks the two of them talked pretty regularly. Different time zones made it more difficult, but Matty’s regular (or rather, irregular) sleep schedule sort of made up for that. He was beginning to notice that over time she was becoming a pretty integral part of his social system. It took him a while, but he was realising that the days that he was most snappy and rude at those around him were the days that they hadn’t spoken. He had a bad habit for forming crutches on things around him that offered some form of relief. But he figured a social crutch was considerably healthier than an opioid one, so he let it be. The band were also quickly noticing this, probably faster than Matty himself did. Though their reason for believing he was fast becoming socially dependent on this girl was the fact that he just did. not. shut. up. about her. George was at least happy to see his best friend in such a good mood, but he really wished that Matty would get over this weird honeymoon phase he was in where everything was still new and shiny and he had to tell everyone about it. Especially when they were always in each other’s space, Ross and Adam heard considerably less of it than he had to.

It had been nearly a month since she’d last seen Matty when the man himself was suddenly flashing up on her phone screen. She put down the mouthful of food that she had been about to eat as she held the phone up to her ear. “What’re you doing this weekend?” He asked without even saying hello.

“Hi, Matty. How’s things? That’s good. I’m doing well, thanks for asking.” She started rattling off sarcastically.

“Are you free or not?” He asked again.

“I dunno, I’m probably seeing family or something?” She heard him hum thoughtfully on the other end of the line. “Why?”

“Wanna meet me halfway?” He questioned. She expected him to elaborate on that, but he didn’t continue.

“Halfway to where?” She asked eventually.

“To a gig.” He said like it was the most obvious answer he could ever give. “I was bored and looking up flights for where we are gonna be on tour this weekend. It’s equal distance from me as it is from you.” He explained.

“I… what?” She gave a disbelieving laugh. “Matty, I can’t just get on a plane and go away for the weekend.”

“Why not?” He asked.

“Well, I can’t afford it for a start.” She pointed out with a huff.

“I never said that you had to pay for it. That would be pretty rude of me to ask you to come out and make you pay for it yourself.”

“Then I definitely can’t say yes, I can’t let you pay for that.” She said with a frown. That felt like she was just taking advantage of his situation.

He laughed loudly. “You know that I earn significantly more than you, yes?” He had a pretty valid point there.

There was a long pause on the line as she considered all of the possibilities of this. “Just come hang out. You can leave Friday and be back by Monday.” He pressed, trying his best to twist her arm.

She contemplated the offer. Anything that she had planned this weekend she could easily cancel, and a weekend away did sound pretty fun. Also, as much as she’d never tell him, she was definitely eager to see Matty again. “I’m not just coming out to stand around while you get interviewed again, right?” She asked hesitantly.

“We have a gig on the Friday and Saturday, then some after party thing on the Friday night and a photoshoot on one of the days, I think.” He listed off, trying to rack his brain for the details that were in the schedule his manager had sent him last week.

“You’re sure?” She asked again.

“Definitely no interviews.” He laughed. “You should be able to come along to all of that.”

“Okay.” She finally agreed.

“Great!” She could practically hear the grin in his voice. “I’ll send you some stuff soon.” And just like that, the line was dead. Turned out his grin was infectious even through a phone line where she couldn’t actually see it.

As promised, Matty quickly sent through a heap of details about flights and where she had to go, and it was only a few days before she found herself spending her afternoon waiting in a hotel lobby for him. Again. This time in a different country though, she supposed. She really did do a lot of waiting for him. The familiar British accent echoed through the lobby, but she wasn’t quite able to match it to the direction it was coming from. Which suited Matty just fine as it allowed him the chance to run up behind her and capture her in a tight hug before she noticed him approaching. He let out a loud laugh, one of the ones that was emphatic enough that it made his eyes crinkle, as he picked her up, forcing a breathless laugh out of her as well. It felt nice to be his company again. Phone calls only conveyed so much of the overflowing personality that was Matty. He reluctantly placed her back on the ground.

“Miss me?” He asked with a cocky grin as she turned to face him.

“You wish.” She scoffed, but she couldn’t help but return his grin. “It’s good to see you.” She admitted after a beat.

“You too, love.” He beamed. “We’ll have to make sure it’s not so long next time.” He added with a wink. “But I should finally introduce you to the rest of the band! As much as I like to claim I’m the best musician in the world, I wouldn’t be shit without my team by my side.” His enthusiasm to introduce her to his friends mimicked that of a kid on Christmas. He was practically bursting out of his skin as he dragged her over to the group of three guys still standing by the elevators.

She had only met the boys in passing the night of the concert when she had met Matty, but they hadn’t exactly exchanged words. Or gestures. Or glances. So really, she probably couldn’t say she had met them but more so stood within the presence of them. He had talked them up to no end while they had been speaking over the last while, and they seemed like pretty cool guys. She just really hoped that they weren’t going to be annoyed at her for crashing their plans.

“These are the lads.” Matty started proudly. “George,” A guy with light brown, curly hair flashed her a friendly smile. “Ross,” The one with darker hair and a bit of a beard waved slightly. “and Adam” The last one sitting on the couch with the short blonde hair also gave her a wave. “And guys this is-”

“Yes, we are already well aware who you are.” George cut him off as he walked over. His friendly smile seemed to betray the tired tone in his voice, but he pulled her into a tight hug regardless. “Lovely to meet you. Maybe Matty will finally stop talking about you now that you’re actually here to talk to.” He said with a soft laugh as he moved back, giving a pointed look in his friend’s direction.

“Ah, fuckin’ lay off it, George.” Matty sniggered as he shoved his friend in the shoulder. She let out an anxious laugh, trying not to dwell too much on what George had said. The five of them stood around for a moment, none of them entirely sure what the next thing to say was.

“So, uh,” She cleared her throat, “What’s on the agenda for The 1975 today?” She asked.

“We’re actually just on our way to soundcheck for the show tonight. The set time is earlier today so that we can make it to that party later.” Ross piped up, motioning towards the doors of the hotel.

“Yes, we’d better get going.” Adam added as they made their way out.

The venue was pretty close to their hotel, which was probably an intentional part of why they booked that hotel. They arrived without much fanfare, coming in through the back entrance to the venue without issue and making their way to the stage. Their setup seemed to be almost complete; the lighting rigs were already constructed, mics and instruments were already laid out in correct spots. The four boys walked around to the side of the stage while she decided to look on from the barrier. She watched eagerly as they wandered over to their respective positions, fine tuning instruments that had mostly already been set up for them. It was clearly such a frequent routine for them to go through this process. George altered the heights of a few of his drums, Adam was verifying that his guitar was in the tuning he had asked. Matty meanwhile just smiled down at her from the microphone. “Have you got any requests?” He asked with an eyebrow raised as he leaned forward over his mic. She just offered a shrug in return. “Aw, c’mon! You must have one?” He pressed.

“I have one.” George piped up from behind his kit. Matty threw him a curious look over his shoulder. “Depth.”

Matty frowned across the stage as he turned fully to look at his friend, “But there’s no vocals in that.” He argued.

“Exactly.” He laughed. Ross let out a snigger as he tuned up his bass, Adam was trying his best not to crack a smile.

“We can’t play that one, there’s no point in me being here if we play that one.” Matty said as he waved his hand dismissively at the band. “I wanna hear Sex.” He continued.

“More like you wanna have sex.” Adam mumbled quietly.

“What was that, Hann?”

“Nothing.”

“Fine, let’s play it.” The drummer said before Matty’s brain could catch up and process what Adam had said. A grin spread across Matty’s face as he raced off to get his guitar.

He quickly made sure that it was in decent enough tune and fastened his capo onto the neck before starting to play the opening riff. She had been yet to witness him playing guitar properly. He had played a little bit during the encore of the show that she was able to catch, but she felt it was going to be different seeing it like this. And, it might have been, if it wasn’t this song that Matty was playing. Because Matty had a very simple job during this song: to play exactly one chord and strum for the whole thing. She frowned at this realisation when his hands never moved along the frets, but nonetheless hadn’t noticed that she had been zoning out watching him play. Her attention was finally brought back to the actual song. “She said use your hands and my spare time. We got one thing in common, it’s this tongue of mine.” As she looked back up at him, he flashed her a wink, obviously having caught her watching him. She decided to look at one of the other members of the band to try and cover up the way she could feel her cheeks warming up. In hindsight, she probably should’ve known better than to stand in front of Matty for this song.

She walked down slightly to Ross’s side of the stage, and he flashed her a smile as he saw her stop in front of him. Where Matty was constant high energy, and dancing, and just being an overall twat on stage, Ross was considerably more collected. He mostly just bopped along and tapped his foot, paying the most attention to his bass than anything else. She glanced down at Adam along the stage, and he more or less played the same as Ross, he just leaned into it a bit more. It was a considerably closer style to the bands that she had seen play in the past, rather than… whatever it was that Matty did while on stage. His eyes were already intently watching her as she glanced back over to him. “Does he take care of you? I could easily fill his shoes,” A part of her felt like that wasn’t quite how that lyric normally went, but she hadn’t really listened to the song enough times to know for sure. She’d heard the line in passing before, but hearing him sing it now had a different vibe to it. Especially coupled with the smirk sitting on his face. Previously she hadn’t taken notice of the way that he just had such a level of confidence and assurance in how he sung it. She wanted to laugh at how cocky it made him sound, but also found herself believing it probably came from some section of truth. “But you say no.” She walked back over to where Matty was now paying full attention to his guitar around his neck as he played out the bridge. Glancing behind him briefly at George, he just grinned broadly at her. It was too hard to see how he was playing from the floor, but he seemed to be having fun. She found that she had a better appreciation for the band now than what she had the last time she saw them play. “If we’re gonna do anythin’, we might as well just fuck. She’s got a boyfriend, anyway.” He sung, shrugging for what she assumed was emphasis on the lyrics. They finished the song with no issues, and instantly Ross and Adam started rattling a few things off to the people on either of their sides of the stage about their audio. Matty took the guitar off from around his shoulders and was clearly about to throw out a witty remark, but was quickly cut off before he could.

“You happy with your levels, Matty?” George shouted at him before he could get too distracted.

“Oh, erm, yeah.” He answered, pulling himself back into soundcheck reality. “Maybe turn the guitar down a bit, though.” He added.

He walked over and sat down on the edge of the stage, motioning for her to join him. “You play only one chord for that entire song.” She pointed out as she jumped over the barrier and sat next to him.

“Yeah?” He said with a frown, unsure why it was a point of interest.

“That’s hardly impressive guitar playing skills, I thought that’s what you were wanting to show off with that song. But obviously not.” She said with a chuckle.

“Pfft.” He let out a loud laugh. “I can do more impressive things than play guitar.” He added as he looked down at her.

“Do I even wanna know where you’re going with that?” She groaned.

“For once, it’s not a dirty joke.” He replied.

“Oh?” She questioned with her eyebrows raised, looking at him expectantly. That had to be a first. He took in a deep breath, and in about seven seconds flat, he rattled off the alphabet backwards. There were a few moments of silence between them as she tried to process this new information. “I admit, that was fairly impressive.” She finally said.

“Told you.” He said with a triumphant grin. “Anyway, c’mon. We have some other shit to sort out before the show.” He said as he stood up, holding his hand out to help her up as well.

The band spent about an hour making sure that they were happy with soundcheck and the lighting for the gig. But after that they pretty much spent the rest of the evening hanging out in the fairly under-furnished dressing room trying to kill time until they were set to go on. George had apparently come prepared for this and pulled a deck of cards out of his pocket as they waited. She had expected hanging out with the four of them to be awkward, for her to have felt like the… fifth? wheel in this social setting. But they welcomed her in with open arms and treated her like they seemed to treat each other. It was a pleasant surprise to say the least, and the more she spoke with them the more she realised why Matty had picked these three men to spend the better part of his life with. As the show got closer a quiet fell over the four of them. The cards were packed away, a setlist was verified, crew were suddenly running around doing their final checks. The band paced back and forth a bit as they checked and double-checked instruments and ran over the new additions to the setlist, quietly mumbling things as they passed her. She just sat on a box backstage and watched with interest. It was a very different demeanour to the one that they’d all held an hour ago as they loudly joked and swore at each other. But she soon discovered that this was just the calm before the storm, and as soon as they were called to go on the first bolt of lightning struck. They shared a collective look as they walked out and Matty threw a smile her way over his shoulder as he left.

As soon as they stepped on stage the energy in the room shifted, and everyone got a little bit closer to the age that they were going to lose their hearing as Matty stepped up to his mic and the crowd lost their collective mind. Seeing the show from the very beginning was a far superior experience to only catching the end of it like last time. Each song had its own atmosphere and setting, largely affected by the segue backing ambience and the lighting. It was obvious that a good deal of love and care had been put into this being more than just a concert. She imagined that watching it from the back of the arena where she could get the most out of Adam’s visuals would be a sight to behold. Maybe she could do that during the show tomorrow. If she would be willing to give up the better view of Matty’s performance that she had here. His dorky dance moves consistently got a laugh out of her, and once he’d realised that, they only seemed to be more frequent. He knew how to get a reaction out of people, that much was clear.

The show was going well. Every song had gone off without a hitch, the audience were responding well as per usual, Matty was having a grand old time. But he was also well aware of the audience that was watching him from the other side of the stage. This was the first show she had seen in its entirety. He wanted to make sure it was the most The 1975-y show he could make it. But he was fast running out of ideas that weren’t already in the show to begin with. The themes of jealousy were still running through the back of his mind after their soundcheck of Sex earlier. The more he thought about it, the more an idea formed in his brain. Y/N/N had reacted well to the song, but how would she react to a situation that might cause proper jealousy? Would she actually get jealous? He’d kissed fans at shows before, and they were the shows that got talked about the most. Did that count as a 1975-y show? He was curious to find out, and he wasn’t the sort of person to deny himself the answer to his curiosity once it had instilled itself in him.

It was during Robbers that he decided to put his idea into action. His eyes scanned the crowd for a girl that he could use for his plan. Once he’d found one, he just had to wait for the right moment. He made sure that she was watching him from her spot side stage before he jumped down into the space between the stage and the pit. Straight away his band mates and security were trained on him, watching him with apprehension. George rolled his eyes from his drumkit, already knowing exactly what Matty was set on doing. He quickly avoided the hands that reached out to grab him, making his way over to the girl. He placed a hand on the girl’s cheek, singing the last line before pulling her in for a kiss. As soon as he did it all that he could hear in his ears was the ringing from how many screams echoed around him. She froze almost instantly in shock at the situation. The thought crossed his mind to attempt to deepen the kiss, but he got the feeling that this girl wasn’t about to kiss him back any time soon so there was probably no point. He let it linger for a moment before laughing and moving back. She looked absolutely shell-shocked. He shouted a quick ‘thanks’ at her over his shoulder as he hopped back onto the stage. As soon as he was standing up next to his mic, he was met with George shaking his head at him.

“You’re too old to be doing that shit, Matthew.” His voice echoed through his earpiece. He glanced across the stage to where he knew she was standing, expecting maybe a look of surprise or anger or something. But her expression just seemed… disinterested? That didn’t seem right. He’d have to wait until the Greta speech played before he could go talk to her.

He played through the remaining few songs before the encore almost on autopilot, too focused on her reaction, or lack thereof, to really focus properly. When he finally finished I Always Wanna Die, he raced off stage, pretending he needed a bottle of water as his excuse.

“Any thoughts on the show?” He asked casually as he stepped over to where she was, taking a swig from the water bottle.

“Why do you do shit like that?” She asked, trying her best to hide the sour expression that was wanting to show itself.

“Like what?” He asked innocently as he put the bottle down and quickly wiped a towel down his face.

She nodded in the direction of the fan he had kissed a few minutes ago. “That. Make out with fans during the show.” She elaborated.

“Are you jealous?” He asked with a shit eating grin.

“Hardly.” She scoffed. As much as jealousy did definitely sit at the pit of her stomach, she was more so just unpleasantly surprised to see that he’d do something like that in the position he was in, in front of so many people. “Makes it a lot less desirable if you just put it on show like that.” His face fell at her remark. Wait. That wasn’t-

“Well, I don’t properly mean it.” He tried to explain, suddenly having to backpedal a lot from how he expected this conversation to go, “I do it because they want me to, and it’s fun, I guess. Adds to the experience of the show.” He added with a shrug.

“But then you have to deal with all the shit that comes after that. I have no doubt that she’s already posted about it online somewhere or other.” She pointed out with a serious look. He agreed. He would be willing to bet money that she probably had. Or someone else had on her behalf. It was definitely out there by now.

“Good. Publicity for us.” He said with a light-hearted laugh, trying to at least kind of recover from where this conversation had ended up.

“Just seems like a hell of a lot more effort than it’s worth. It can’t be easy having thousands of girls out there judging you for it. And it must detract from the times you actually do mean it.” Her last comment instantly threw him off. This was not at all how he wanted this to play out. But he could entirely see her point and suddenly he felt incredibly short sighted for not considering it sooner. He felt like his brain was shorting out as he fumbled to come up with a response that didn’t make him seem like an absolute knob for just doing that. But maybe the only way to seem like slightly less of one was to just admit that he just was.

“C’mon Matty, we’re on.” Adam shouted at him as he walked past. He felt like he shouldn’t just leave this conversation at that, but he didn’t really have much of an option as he ran back out on stage. Fuck. Fuckfuckfuck.

He played the rest of the show very much avoiding the side of the stage where the girl was that he’d just kissed. An uncomfortable feeling of guilt quickly overtook him whenever he glanced in that direction. He felt like a kid who had just been given the ‘I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed’ talk by their parents. As a result, his normal level of energy was definitely lacking during their encore, but for only four songs the audience hardly noticed. Y/N/N did, though. She’d seen this bit before, and it wasn’t the same this time. She was surprised that her words had cut him that deeply. The internet had shown her pretty quickly that this was not a new thing for Matty Healy, so why was this any different than those other times? As they finished up their set, he felt like he should probably apologise for what he’d done, but before he even got the chance the five of them were already being ushered away from the stage. They got dragged through to the back of the venue where a few various selections of clothes were waiting for them to change into for the after party. Ross, George and Adam pretty quickly picked what they wanted and wandered off in the direction of somewhere to change. The rush to get them all ready and out of the arena in time made Matty shove his thoughts to the back of his mind for now as he picked out a half decent suit to wear, changing into it quickly before he could change his mind.

“Why do I have to be dressed up as well?” She grumbled as she flicked through the stuff sitting on the rack.

“Why not?” He asked with a mischievous grin. “Because you’d stick out like a sore thumb if you didn’t.” He added seriously as he adjusted the tie around his neck. “I assure you that I’d rather not have to either. It’s some posh event… thing, that the label wants me at. Everyone has to dress up.” He explained as he sat down on the small couch that was positioned in the room and slipped his dress shoes on.

“Is this like an award sorta party or some crazy rock star party or what?” She asked, deliberating over whether she actually wanted to go or not. Especially after his antics during the show, it was debatable whether she wanted to be known as hanging around him.

“There’s no press if that’s what you’re worried about.” He started with a laugh. She fucking hated it sometimes that he seemed to have such a knack for deciphering what she was really asking him between the lines. But she had to admit it was reassuring information to know nonetheless. “It’s just some networking shit. Staying in touch with people whose names are good to have in our phones. Pretty tame stuff. Open bar, though.” He grinned at the last bit. She nodded thoughtfully. That sounded doable. She opted to pick something simple to change into, and pretty much as soon as she returned from getting changed, they were all shoved into a car and on their way.

The party was already in full swing by the time they arrived, but as soon as they stepped in it was obvious that everyone had been waiting for the band. The four of them were quickly pulled this way and that for ‘hello’s and ‘how have you been’s, leaving her to sort of aimlessly follow them along. George, Ross and Adam all seemed very animated and chatty. Matty however, answered mostly in grunts and nods. He hated parties. They were just such an incredible source of fake pleasantries and people pretending that they remembered each other. It radiated the unrelenting feeling of narcissism. These people didn’t care about him, they just cared about potential partnerships and money. And too many of these people at these parties knew him and knew the things he used to get up to in past years. It was a risky game for him to be at parties these days, he was too likely to receive offers he’d rather not have to deal with. But he was already tired after the show, he just wanted to go back to his hotel room, shower and sleep. Eventually after listening to the fifth rendition of ‘how’s tour going?’, Y/N/N wandered off in search of a drink and maybe a place to wait out the party. Matty watched enviously as she walked away from the conversation he was tied to. George’s voice eventually broke him out of his daydream of the freedom of being able to leave this hellscape.

“We’re really happy to be here.” George said with a good level of sincerity. He did genuinely seem to be enjoying himself. “Aren’t we, Matthew?” He said with a pointed look in his friend’s direction.

“Yep.” He said, popping the ‘p’ for an attempt at emphasis as he scanned the room for the bar. The conversation continued without his presence, until eventually the people walked away and George’s hand landed on his shoulder.

“What are you doing?” He asked Matty with a frown.

“Moping.” He answered with a tired smile. “I just wanna get stoned and sleep, man.” He added.

“You just wanna go talk to your girl.” Adam laughed loudly, causing the other two to start cracking up as well.

Matty just rolled his eyes, “Oh, fuck off.”

“Would we really be your mates if we didn’t give you a hard time for bringing a girl out here?” The drummer said with a grin as he shoved Matty in the shoulder. “Go talk to people for a bit,” He said, spinning Matty on the spot to face a group of people standing at the other end of the room. “And at least pretend like you’re having fun.” He added.

“Yes, mum.” He huffed as he walked off.

He drifted in and out of a few different conversations, pretending to be interested and present, just like those he was speaking to. But the longer he was at the party, the easier it was for him to flip the switch and go into work mode. To network and make contacts that might benefit him down the line. He eventually ran into a few people he knew whose company he actually enjoyed and hadn’t seen in a while. That lifted his mood, albeit slightly. He gravitated around those select few to try and avoid the rest of the event around him. On the other side of the room, Y/N/N found herself watching the one person she knew at the party eagerly invested in a conversation with a bunch of people she didn’t recognise. Not that she overly expected herself to, but a part of her still tried to pinpoint who these people were. People just seemed to gravitate to him, he had that level of passive magnetism that drew people over, and she assumed his charisma was what kept them there. Certainly she knew that it was what convinced her to keep hanging around him. It felt strange seeing the same effect on other people. A naïve part of her had hoped it was a connection that only the two of them shared, but apparently not. As she looked around the room, she was reminded that she felt pretty out of place here. It all felt too fancy and high-class, and there wasn’t really any point in trying to speak to any of these people that she would more than likely never see again.

“You look a bit lost, love.” She heard a familiar voice say. As she turned around, she saw George walking over to her, a sympathetic smile on his face.

“Well, I pretty much only know him,” She said as she gestured her glass towards Matty, “and he’s sort of… otherwise occupied.” She laughed, trying to play off the unpleasant feeling sitting in her chest.

“Ah, that’s not true! You know us, now.” He said as a broad grin spread onto his features. “Come on.” He said as he began walking off. She assumed that was her cue to follow. Eventually they reached a small corner of the party with a few seats scattered across it, which happened to be the spot where the other two members of their band had opted to hang out. They let out a cheer as George walked over.

“Hey! Did you get more beer?” Ross asked eagerly.

“No, but I did rescue our friend.” He answered as he pulled a seat over for her, sitting himself down in the one next to it.

“These parties can quickly get overwhelming.” Adam said with an understanding nod. “There’s just… so many people everywhere.” He added as his eyes glanced around the room behind her warily.

The four of them talked amongst themselves for a while. Matty had already told them pretty much everything she had told him, so George started their chat with: ‘Tell us something you haven’t told him yet’. It worked surprisingly well for opening up the door to easy flowing conversation. They spoke about anything and everything for roughly an hour in peace, until the missing member of their group finally found them. He wandered into their conversation silently, before sprawling himself out face down onto the tiled floor. “Get off the floor.” George said as he kicked his friend in the thigh.

“I was charming and social for nearly two hours. Can we go now?” Matty mumbled from his place on the ground.

“No. This thing still goes for another couple of hours.” He answered. Matty let out a loud groan at this news. “Get up.” He added through gritted teeth, still trying to get his friend to at least sit in a chair and look somewhat professional. The boy did not budge from the floor.

“We’re going to get some drinks.” Ross said as he stood up, with Adam following close behind him.

George looked at them, before looking back down at Matty and sighing. “Yeah, I need one of them too.” He agreed as he started heading in the same direction.

As soon as their footsteps left his earshot, Matty rolled over on the floor. He sat up a bit to make sure that they weren’t still looking at him before glancing over at Y/N/N, “Let’s get out of here.” He said as a grin spread across his face. It was a lot less of a question than it was a statement.

“Don’t you have to be here? I thought this was your thing.” She asked with a look of confusion.

“I’m sure they have it covered.” He waved a hand in the direction that the rest of the band had walked off in. “They’ve all been sitting here bullshitting with you while I’ve been off being the good frontman. That’s what I’m meant to be doing, let them do the boring shit for a bit.” He laughed. “Wanna go get some food? I hear there’s this really wicked place near here that’s open late. Everyone’s been fuckin’ talking about it.”

“Sure.” She shrugged, happy for a way out of this earlier than expected. At the end of the day, it wasn’t her party to have to have to attend. She’d only come along because Matty insisted on it. He scrambled up off of the floor instantly, taking a quick look around to make sure that he wasn’t being watched too closely before ushering her out of the venue.

“And then we can go back to my place.” He added with a suggestive look as they reached the exit.

“You don’t have a place here.” She pointed out, shaking her head at him with a small smile.

“My hotel, I mean.” He clarified.

“We’re staying in the same hotel, Matty. We have to go back to the same place.” She said with a laugh. He tried to keep his cool, but a small laugh still escaped.

“You ruined it. I take back my offer, you can’t come back with me. Get a different hotel.”

By the time they managed to sneak out of the party it was nearing on midnight. They walked down the fairly empty street towards this restaurant that he was raving about. Apparently, it had some crazy new dish that he had heard about through a friend of a friend and everyone at the party was recommending it. They’d all been checking it out while the band had to play their show. It was hardly reasonable of them to talk it up so much without expecting Matty to want to try it for himself. He mostly spoke about what other random things the people in the party had been trying to speak to him about while they made their way down the street. As they stood in front of the pretty fancy looking establishment, she suddenly felt nervous. It was a different nervous from the usual level of anxiety she felt being around someone as sporadic and forward as Matty, this was much more of a self-conscious nervous. She wasn’t sure if it was his joke striking a different chord when they were leaving or something else that had burrowed its way into her brain, but she just had this overwhelming feeling that- “Is this a date?” She eventually asked, cutting him off mid-sentence.

He frowned at her for a moment, snuffing out the cigarette he had been smoking before speaking, “No.”

She looked from the restaurant, to the suit he was still wearing, to the fancy shit he had convinced her to wear, to the fact that it was just the two of them. His words weeks ago about not being in a place to want to make decisions like that ran through her mind, but it still didn’t feel right. “Are you sure this isn’t a date?” She asked again.

“Do you want it to be one?” He questioned.

“No, I just…” She trailed off, suddenly unsure if that answer was true or not.

“Why would it be a date?” He continued as he held open the door for her.

“Well, you’re dressed fancy, I’m dressed fancy-” She started.

“We just got out of a party.” He answered, quickly asking for a table for the both of them.

“-the guys aren’t here-” She reminded.

“Only because we ditched them.”

“-and we’re at some super nice place to get dinner.”

He had to laugh at that. “We can go to McDonalds if you’d prefer?” He offered with an eyebrow raised, waiting expectantly before taking his seat.

“No, no. I just thought…” She elected to just swallow her nerves and roll with it. Which was the majority of how she had to interact with Matty, anyway. “Just wanted to know.”

They both sat down at the table, Matty declining the menus offered by the waiter and just ordering two of the dish that everyone else had been ordering all night and two drinks for them. It was nice for him to finally have a moment where nobody else was around. Since she’d arrived at the hotel earlier today it was non-stop. The break and chance to properly catch up was a breath of fresh air after the chaos of the day.

“How’re you finding the guys?” He asked eventually as he took a sip from his glass, curiosity burning at the back of his mind about what they could have been chatting about for so long while he was busy. Those boys had more than enough incriminating stories about him from across the years, but he had faith that they wouldn’t throw him under the bus like that. Yet.

“Good! They’re really nice,” She said with a grin. “I can see why you picked those three to start a band with.”

A smile slowly spread across his face as he dwelled on the thought of his friends. He imagined they were gonna be pretty shitty at him once they realised that he’d bailed on the party. They put up with a lot of crap from him. They were good guys. “Yeah, they’re pretty great. I dunno where I’d be without them.” He admitted with a shrug.

“Did they do a good job of staving you from boredom?” He questioned casually.

“Yeah, we just chatted about what it was like to work the show from behind the scenes rather than playing on the front lines.” She replied.

He nodded. That seemed like a George sort of topic. Common ground that everyone could discuss easily. Good call. “Do you do it a lot?”

“Not a huge amount. I’d do it more if I could but it’s kind of just a seasonal thing that I do with my brother. It’s really fun though. I always love chatting to people at shows.” She answered, the enthusiasm for the work instantly seeping into her voice.

“Would you do it more if the opportunity came up?”

“I suppose so. It’s pretty decent money for doing a fun job.” She said. He hummed thoughtfully at that. Maybe that information could work in his favour. The more time he spent with her, the better he felt overall. He couldn’t deny that the idea of having her around more frequently was a tempting one.

As they waited for the food to arrive, Matty found his mind drifting back to the gig. The feeling of guilt still sat heavily in his chest. He should’ve known better than to try something like that. To try and force a reaction from someone, especially by doing something intentionally abrasive. At this point in his life some would think that personal experience would’ve taught him a thing or two from previous mistakes, but apparently old habits of recklessness die hard. He rested his elbows on the table, dragging his hands down his face before finally getting out what he had been wanting to say. “I’m sorry by the way, about earlier.”

She looked up at him curiously, unsure what exactly it was that he was talking about. “For what?”

“During the show.” He elaborated with a sigh as he rested his chin on his folded hands, glancing down at his half-finished drink. Oh. That was what he was talking about. “I didn’t mean for it to come across like that, and in hindsight it was stupid of me to think that I could still get away with shit like that. I was just being a bit of an arrogant twat. Sorry.” He apologised.

She wasn’t entirely sure why he felt the need to elaborate on what had happened. It was seeming pretty obvious that pulling stunts like that was just tied in with those aspects of Matty’s personality. With blunt honesty, came a lack of filter. With the level of confidence he exuded, came a blurred line on what was showing off and what was just being egotistical. But that was his issue to sort out, he didn’t have to apologise to her for his mistakes. “You know that you don’t have to explain yourself to me, right?”

He just silently tapped at the tattoo above his right elbow. ‘Weak messages create bad situations’ - right. “I don’t like leaving things unsaid. I didn’t want you to think that I didn’t notice that I’d done it.” He explained as their food was placed in front of them.

Once their food was in front of them and Matty had gotten that off of his chest, conversation was back to normal between them. They bullshitted about music that they had been listening to, and about the people that they had seen at the party. It was a good thing that it was so late because they didn’t have to worry about their laughter disrupting any other tables. Eventually the restaurant was closing and the staff kicked them out. It was too late to want to continue partying on, and Matty still wanted a decent night’s sleep after playing a show tonight and only just flying in the night prior. They made their way back to the hotel and up to their hotel rooms. Of course, Matty had made sure that her room was booked right next to his. His fantastic pickup lines wouldn’t work if they were on separate floors. He fumbled around in his pockets before calling her name to grab her attention before she stepped into her room. “I lost my hotel room key… Can I borrow yours?” He asked with a puppy dog eyed look.

“Nice try.” She laughed.

He let out a low laugh as he pulled his key out of his wallet, “Can’t blame me for trying.” He unlocked the door, propping it open for a moment as he looked back at her. “We’ve got that photoshoot thing tomorrow near midday, so let me know when you’re awake. But otherwise, sweet dreams. You know where I am if you need me.” He said with a wink.

“G’night, Matty.” She called out, shutting her door behind her.

* * *

Thankfully for everyone, they didn’t have to start their morning the next day too early. They had gotten back anywhere between two and three in the morning after their various adventures and were all in dire need of sleep. It wasn’t until about ten that the five of them found themselves crowded around a small table in the hotel restaurant, trying to finish a complimentary continental breakfast before they stopped offering the service.

“So… where did you two get off to last night? You abandoned us at the afterparty.” Ross asked casually as he stirred his tea. George started laughing before Matty even had the chance to speak, and only laughed harder after he had answered Ross’s question.

“We were off having wild, kinky sex while you guys were stuck at the party.” Matty deadpanned. “Weren’t we?” He asked with a suggestive grin in her direction.

“Totally.” She scoffed.

“How is he?” George asked with an amused smile once his laughter had calmed down a bit.

“Awful.” She answered, instantly getting George into hysterics again, Ross and Adam quickly following suit.

“Hey!” Matty shouted. “That’s not true!” He continued.

“What were you really doing?” Ross asked again through chuckles.

“We went out for dinner.” She answered before Matty could make something else up.

“Oh?” George looked over at his best friend with his eyebrows raised in curiosity. That was considerably more interesting information to George than if they would have hooked up. Matty wasn’t a stranger to one-night stands, but to dates? That was a bit different. He hadn’t been on a date since his girlfriend left him over three months ago. Matty flashed him a look across the table that he knew meant ‘you’d better shut up before I make you shut up’, so he decided to harass him about it later.

It wasn’t long after they finally finished their meal that a taxi was sent over to take them to this photoshoot. It was a magazine cover that the whole band were set to feature on, the story it was relating to had already been interviewed a few weeks prior over the phone. As soon as they arrived, each of the four members of the band were offered a limited selection of outfits to choose from to best coordinate for the photo. Y/N/N waited patiently while each of them picked what they wanted and went off to get changed. It wasn’t long before Matty came sauntering out of the side room dressed in a grey suit jacket and pants over a black turtleneck. The overall look suited him well. Suits looked good on him. “What do you think?” He asked as he did a small spin on the spot. As she quickly gave him a once over, she noticed that he also had on glasses. It was a strange sight to see. Not necessarily a bad one, just one that she had never had to process before. The longer she looked at the glasses, the more she realised that they didn’t reflect any light.

“What the fuck are those?” She asked, taking a closer look at the metal frame sitting on his face. They most definitely didn’t have lenses in them and served no purpose. Was he just trying to be ironic?

“What?” He asked in confusion as she went to jab a finger through one of the empty lenses. Thankfully, it missed his eye. “Fuck off!” He laughed as he stepped back, slapping her hand away from his face.

“You fuck off. What’s with these?” She chuckled, taking them off of his face. “You don’t wear glasses.”

“How do you know that?” He asked with a smug grin.

“I feel like I would’ve seen it by now.” She narrowed her eyes at him, challenging him to prove that he needed glasses. Without lenses. For some reason.

“I could just wear contacts all the time.” He continued, before dropping the act and answering properly. “I used to need glasses, don’t anymore. Needing glasses destroyed my penchant for sunglasses so I got laser done. But I was gonna wear these today because it looks cool. Makes me look sophisticated and shit.” He took the glasses back from her and placed them back on the bridge of his nose.

“You don’t need to look sophisticated. Anyone who speaks to you learns pretty quickly that you have a vocabulary better than a dictionary.” She pointed out.

“Yeah but people aren’t gonna be able to talk to me through the cover of a magazine. Are they, love?” He chuckled, adjusting his suit jacket.

“Fair point.” She nodded.

The rest of the band slowly filed into the room, all with similarly coloured black and grey outfits. They looked like a cohesive unit when they were all dressed in coordination like this. Most of the time they just looked like a group of mates hanging out together. Which, to be fair, both descriptions were correct. Once the photographer was happy with how everyone was dressed and styled, they were dragged into a white room for the shoot. Y/N/N stood at the back of the room, watching keenly as the photographer shouted directions, set up the lighting, altered settings. It was interesting getting to see the whole procedure behind processes like this, but also incredibly distracting considering the company that she was with for it. Matty spent the majority of the shoot being told off for making stupid faces at her to get her to laugh. He wanted to take it seriously, but it was far too tempting to be an idiot when he knew she was just so easy to get a reaction out of. If he wasn’t allowed to make dumb faces, then he just got the guys to stand in really weird poses with him, much to their displeasure. Whenever they complained about it, he just explained that it was ‘art’. As a result, it took a little over an hour until they were able to get the shots that they wanted, but they got them. After the photo shoot was done, the day played out very similarly to the day before. They went across to the second venue for today’s show, completed soundcheck and then were soon enough waiting anxiously to go on stage.

“Excited?” She asked Matty as he paced around the room.

He just shrugged as he ran a hand through his messy curls, “Same amount of nerves as always.”

“Any grand plans for tonight’s show?” She asked, trying her best to seem serious but still cracking a smile.

He stopped pacing, turning to face her. “No,” He laughed, knowing exactly what she was taking a jab at. “I promise that there’s nothing special on the agenda.” He assured.

One of the stage crew walked past, shouting out that they were on in two minutes. The band quickly assembled themselves side stage, letting out a few deep breaths before starting to walk out. She considered that if this was going to become a regular thing, she’d have to invest in some earplugs to save herself from going deaf in the near future. The show was a lot easier to enjoy knowing that Matty was just performing and not intentionally trying to show off like he was the night before. His stage presence was almost better when he wasn’t trying; he got lost in the moment a lot easier when he wasn’t gauging her reaction every five seconds. The songs only sounded better the more times that she was hearing them, and she made a mental note to properly watch the impressive light show from the back of the crowd the next time that she was in this position. Because she had a distinct feeling that this wouldn’t be the last time that she would be watching their live show. However, she found that the most impressive part of the show wasn’t the music, or the lights, or Matty’s dancing skills.

“Hey, you all have to pay attention for a few minutes.” Matty said into his microphone, giving a serious look towards the crowd before their intermission speech started playing. Ross, George and Adam all walked off the stage, each grabbing a drink of water and taking a breather. But Matty stayed. The night prior he had run off stage to speak to her, so she was unaware that this was normally what he did. He turned his attention away from the audience, standing and facing the screens. The look on his face as he listened to the speech was nothing short of attentive. Even as he lit up a cigarette and sat down on the stage, his interest never wandered. His gaze flicked between the three screens that they had set up, but he never turned to look at the crowd, or to look side stage. He just sat, and listened. She supposed that he probably did it to set a good example for everyone in the audience, that if he paid attention, they all would too. But to see him so focused on the messages being displayed, to be so passionate for the cause, felt special. It felt powerful. The show continued after that with even more passion than what he had put into the first portion of it. For the first time, she saw the whole show uninterrupted, and loved every single second.

It was fairly early on the Sunday morning that she had to catch her flight home, so they skipped the partying after their set. As much as hanging out with the band was fun, she did have to eventually head home and try to land some more work to get her through the summer. The next morning, she was waiting in the hotel lobby with her bags, having already said her goodbyes to Ross, Adam and George. Matty stood next to her, rocking back and forth onto the balls of his feet as he tried to prolong saying goodbye. “It was really good seeing you again.” He said with a genuine smile, “I’m sure I’ll be seeing you soon.” He added.

“Oh? You’re sure?” She laughed with an eyebrow raised.

“Yeah!” He said with a snorted laugh. “Admit it, you’ll be back because you totally want a piece of this.” He added, looking at her over the frame of his sunglasses as he gestured at himself. She would’ve liked to have thought that hearing this joke the second time around it would’ve had less impact on her reaction, but it seemed harder to shrug it off this time.

She had to look away from him to keep her face neutral as she answered him. “Even if I did, I would never give you the ego boost by telling you.” She knew deep down that a part of her was lying about the former part of her statement, but she was definitely pretty firm on the latter.

He hummed in consideration at her answer, “Never?”

“Never.” She repeated assuredly. He didn’t say anything else, and when she looked over at him the grin on his face was nothing short of devious. “What?” She asked with a frown.

“Nothing.” He shrugged.

“What?” She repeated.

He pulled her in for a tight hug, “Don’t set me a challenge if you aren’t prepared to have it beaten.” He said lowly into her ear before moving back. The tone of his voice sent a shiver down her spine, and suddenly she wished she hadn’t said anything at all. He said a brief goodbye, flashed her a parting grin, and then was already on his way. “Have a good flight.” He shouted, waving over his shoulder as he headed back towards the elevators.

Last Chapter

Next Chapter

#Matthew Healy x Reader #Matty Healy x Reader #Sunsetinmyvein

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acc3ssdenied · 5 years

Text

MÉLOMANIE | 01

SUMMARY: You are a YouTuber who produces music and regularly publishes works entirely written and performed by you. One night, you receive an email from BigHit Entertainment Company telling you that they need a new music producer for their boy group.

PAIRING: min yoongi x producer!reader

GENRE: idol au, possible smut, f2l, yoongi is quite possibly the most adorable person in the world

WARNING: none

WORD COUNT: 2.0k

A/N: This is my first fic written on Tumblr (I usually write through wattpad with my OCs) so please bear with me and if there’s anything you think I could improve on please do not hesitate to tell me <3

CHAPTER ONE

The day you received the email that would change your life forever was like any other. You had woken up at seven, needing to walk your dog, Rex, and started working straight away. You needed to edit a piece you had left unfinished and needed to meet the artist's deadline (you had been trying a freelance piece of work where artists could contact you if they wanted you to produce their work) which would take you the whole morning. By half-past one, you had only just finished; you had to cancel lunch plans with your sister in Myeong-Dong for the second time that week.

You had remembered to eat at about half four because you were just about to start recording, resulting in you heating up half a packet of ramen noodles and leaving them forgotten on the side. It was about half-past ten when you finally finished editing your work, scheduling the upload to go live at midnight. Just as you were about to log off, your email notification sounded. Curious about who would be contacting you at this time, you furrowed your eyebrows and clicked on it.

The name listed wasn’t one you recognised but, your curiosity persisted and you opened it anyway.

Dear Miss Y/N Y/LN,

I am writing to contact you regarding your work as a music producer. My employees and I have been greatly impressed by the quality of your work, your talent cannot be found everywhere. I am the CEO of the BigHit Entertainment Company, we currently manage Bangtan Sonyeondan - or BTS - and are in the process of producing another trainee group.

We would be interested in meeting to discuss a job opportunity for you. We would like to offer you the position of lead producer and songwriter for BTS. Our previous producers will be focused on preparing on the new group’s debut and we want someone of your ability to have BTS as their priority. You would be working alongside them to write their material and produce it ready for release. This will be decided after a week-long trial, the decision will be determined with input from myself and the group members - they should be comfortable with someone who they are working closely with.

Please reply to this email with your response, if you would like to take the opportunity we will set up a meeting soon with myself and Kim Namjoon as the group’s representative.

I hope to hear from you soon.

Yours sincerely,

Bang Si-Hyuk

You blinked at the screen. Then again. As though they were moving of their own accord, your fingers were rapidly typing out a response telling Bang Si-Hyuk that you would be delighted to meet with himself and Kim Namjoon to discuss the opportunity. You pressed send with a triumphant smile on your face. This was a once in a lifetime opportunity. You had heard of BTS and listened to some of their music, you enjoyed it and found that their music resonated with you. It was one thing to be producing and performing your own music for a couple of million followers but, to produce music for one of the biggest bands in the continent. This was everything.

The response was almost instantaneous. He expressed his happiness that she would be meeting with them and listed the address of the BigHit building where the meeting would take place. You didn’t bother to contain the excited squeal that came out your mouth, slamming the laptop shut and jumping to your feet. For a second, you just stood there. Then, you screamed quietly - not wanting to wake the neighbouring apartments - and bounced around the room, dancing from foot to foot and spinning around in circles happily.

Eventually, you calmed down and managed to fall asleep but, the grin was permanently imprinted onto your face. The next morning, you woke up with the same bounce in your step, staring at the clock as though that would make the time go any faster. You were dressed in a matching beige blazer and pencil skirt set with a large tote bag containing your tablet, it had all of your best material in case they wanted to listen to some of it.

The reception area was covered in white tiles and had glass walls, the receptionist smiled at you welcomingly. “Hi, welcome to BigHit Entertainment. How can I help you?” Her voice was sweet and she had kind eyes which were behind large, black-framed glasses.

You smiled nervously, you folded your hands other each other tightly to hide the trembling that had started. What if you messed up the meeting? What if Namjoon didn’t like you or your work and didn’t give you the job? So many things could go wrong. Instead of vocalising your jittery thoughts, you said, “Hi, my name is Y/N Y/LN. I have a meeting with Bang Si-Hyuk and Kim Namjoon?” You phrased the last sentence as a question, showing a hint of how unsure of yourself you were.

The receptionist looked down at her computer screen, searching from the system for the list of visitors. She smiled before leaning down and grabbing a visitor’s pass, “Here you go,” she said, sliding it across the desk, “Take the elevator on the left and go to the twenty-third floor. PD-nim’s secretary will direct you from there.” You nodded your thanks, gripping the visitor’s badge tightly between your fingers as you hurried over to the elevator, pressing the up arrow several times.

You spent the entire journey to the twenty-third floor bouncing on the balls of your feet, eventually pinning the badge above the pocket of your blazer. As the elevator doors began to crack open you tried to get rid of the non-existent wrinkles in your clothes and tried to brush away the dust - which wasn’t there. Immediately, you spotted a large office at the bottom of the corridor and headed towards it, assuming that the secretary would be nearby. You were right, she was sat behind a desk similar to the one the receptionist had been behind and looked up as you approached.

“Hi,” you said, smiling at her brightly, “I have a meeting Bang Si-Hyuk and Kim Namjoon at half-past two.” The secretary returned your smile, looking down to her computer and nodded, pointing to the large set of double doors to your left. “Thank you.” You hurried over to them, breathing deeply before knocking.

A deep voice came from inside of the office, “Come in.” You pushed the office door open, a shaky smile on your face as your eyes met that of Bang Si-Hyuk sat at his desk. “Hello Y/N,” he said, rising from his seat, “It is so lovely to meet you.” He gestured to the man sat opposite him, “This is Kim Namjoon, the leader of BTS.”

Namjoon smiled at you, dimples appearing in his cheeks as he bowed at you slightly, “Hello Y/N, it’s nice to meet you.” The smile on his face was encouraging, as though he knew how nerve-wracking this meeting would be for you.

You bowed deeply at the waist towards both men, rising after with the nervous smile still on your face, “Mr Kim, Mr Bang. It’s an honour to be here.” Surprisingly, the latter only laughed, an amused yet kind smile on his face.

“Please, just call me PD-nim.” He gestured towards the seat beside Namjoon and you hesitantly took it, allowing the others to sit back down as well. You placed your tote bag awkwardly on your lap, glancing around the large office nervously.

From her left, Namjoon leaned over, “Please, just call me Namjoon.” You nodded hesitantly, giving him a shaky smile before looking back over to PD-nim.

“So, we’re holding this meeting to discuss the opening we have for lead producer and songwriter,” he looked over to you, “You have accepted the position on a trial basis to ensure the job is right for you and you work well with the group,” he moved his eyes to Namjoon, “Is there anything you would like to say?”

Namjoon nodded, clasping his hands together thoughtfully as his eyes flickered between the two, “Before we go any further, I would like to hear some of your work. I, personally, haven’t heard any of it before and I’d like to be familiar with your style.” Frantically, you nodded your head and you moved your tote bag to the ground and opened the zip.

As you pulled out the tablet you looked up, an excited twinkle in your eye that hadn’t been there before, “I compiled some of - what I think is - some of my best work,” you turned to Namjoon to further explain whilst the files loaded up, “I studied Music Production at university and I’ve been writing, producing and performing all of my own material and uploading it for digital streaming.” He nodded to show his understanding as you pulled up the first song you wanted to show. “This is ‘Crocodile Tears’, this is from about six months ago.”

Holding your breath, you clicked play. The familiar, prominent bass came from the tablet speaker - which was now propped onto the desk - and you almost grimaced when the first verse started. The words flowed from your mouth like honey, pausing halfway through when a sarcastic laugh could be heard. From then the speed picked up and the backing vocals that had been there before were replaced by a quite harsh synth sound.

As the closing words were spoken, you tugged your lip into your mouth and chewed on it nervously. The song had never sounded worse to you before. This was one of your best works - at least, you thought it had been. You looked over to Namjoon who appeared to be deep in thought. He glanced over to you, “Is that you rapping?”

You nodded hesitantly, your fingers finding a loose thread in your skirt to fiddle with. Namjoon whistled lowly, looking back over to the song file and flicking through your material before coming back to the first one. He pulled up the data for it, seeing exactly how you had produced it. “And the backing vocals?” You nodded again and he let out another impressed noise. He looked back over at you, noticing how uncomfortable you appeared in the formal clothing, “You can wear whatever you like when we’re working just so you know.”

Not quite realising what he was saying, you gave him a toothy grin and laughed as though he was telling you a joke. Then, you froze, staring at him in shock. “Wait,” you spluttered, gesturing with your right hand towards him, “You want to work with me?”

Namjoon nodded slowly, giving you a reassuring smile, “I haven’t heard anything like that before,” noticing the slight distress on your face, he added, “In a good way! It’s refreshing and unique. It’s almost retro but, I get a bit of trap-style - it’s hard for me to put my finger on it...” His voice trailed off as his thought process came to an end. He looked back over to the CEO, grinning at him excitedly, “When do we start?”

Bang Si-Hyuk returned his smile, clapping his hands together triumphantly, “Well, first things first: I’ll get your contract sent through. Then, the trial process can start as soon as possible.”

They both looked at you expectantly and you nodded your head quickly, an excited grin on your face as you practically bounced in the seat, “I can start whenever I’m needed.” Bang Si-Hyuk nodded over to Namjoon who got to his feet, holding his hand out to help you to your feet.

“If you start tomorrow, we can begin with you meeting the other members.”

✰✰✰✰✰✰✰

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ohnohetaliasues · 4 years

Text

Stones to Abbigale {Ch.5}

(Kat)

I still wanna die.

I sat alone in my room thinking about all that happened in the last day. As I slid deeper into thought a knock sounded at my door.

“Dinner’s ready James” my mom said.

I responded “Lentils again?”

This is also still not how you write or format dialogue.

She opened the door and looked at me with a blank facial expression “We have to talk, come to the table.”

As I left my room, I saw a man sitting at the table next to my sister. Trying not to be rude I said hello and he smiled responding loudly “Hello! Nice to meet you James!”

I asked my mom “So who is this gentleman?”

No teenager talks like this. At least no teenager I’ve met.

My mom responded, “Go ahead and sit down James.”

I slid out the old-fashioned second-hand store chair I always sat in at the table and waited for my mom to explain.

I don’t give a shit where you bought the chair or what style it is. Just say chair. Those details are unnecessary.

“This is Rick, the reason you haven’t seen much of him is because he lives on the other side of the mountains all the way in Spokane,” my mom said.

I smiled feeling slightly awkward and replied, “Oh, alright, cool.”

My sister immediately mocked me “Oh, cool mom duh! You’re such a dweeb James.”

There was no point in being that rude, Lisa.

Despite her bratty insult, I could see she too felt awkward about Rick being so spontaneously introduced to us and was just trying to distract.

Yeah, I agree, this is strange.

“Rick and I have been dating for quite a few months now and are starting to become quite serious” my mom said, clearly seeking our approval.

Rick added “So yeah, it’s really cool to finally meet you, your mom talks a lot about you”.

This...

This is the first this woman is telling her kids of this? She hasn’t told them she’s going to probably Spokane or somewhere in between for dates? They just don’t question it? This is bullshit.

I smiled and nodded while thinking about how odd it was my mom had never mentioned him.

Yeah, good to know I’m not the only one who thinks this is weird.

Rick proceeded to tell us stories about him hunting animals, his upper-level position at a construction company based out of Spokane and continued to remind us how happy he was to be meeting us. As far as I could see he wasn’t a bad guy but as usual, I didn’t expect much knowing most everyone puts on their friendliest mask for first impressions. I’m sure my sister was thinking pretty much the same thing I was, he wasn’t my mom’s first post-dad boyfriend.

My mom inquired, “So how’s your life going James?”

I replied “Fine.”

Rick asked, “Got a girlfriend?” I didn’t respond.

Why in the fresh hell is this the topic of conversation?

I just kept my head down, looking at my plate. My mom looked at me with a proud smile, “James is more of the mysterious type Rick, he doesn’t talk about his relationships.”

Oh, give me a goddamn break.

Rick then said “Oh yeah? Well if you find a lady half as good as your mom, I’d say you’re set.”

My sister interrupted “Aren’t you seeing that messed up emo chick James?”

There is no point in being that rude.

Looking over at my sister with a blank face I said, “Aren’t you seeing every guy at school Lisa?”

Oh my god. Why are you slut-shaming your sister?

Lisa looked horrified and my mom responded “James!”

Not knowing what else to say. Rick was the only one still smiling at the table at that point. Moderately upset by what Lisa said I asked to be excused and went to bed.

As I climbed on the bus the next day Davis hollered “Praise be to James! Our hero has arrived” I smiled as I always did. I hated loving his hilarious lines;

They aren’t hilarious. They’re just... Annoying.

they were kind of a tradition for Davis. Every time I stepped on the bus, he would yell them. Even when I wanted to be upset he always found a way past the walls I had built, knowing exactly what to say every time.

As I sat next to him he said, “I’ve been missing your face a lot Mr. James, I’m trying to figure out ways to compete with your skates.”

Compete?

What?

I smiled and said “You’re one of the only reasons I ride the bus Davis, you’re doing just fine.”

Davis then jumped up and yelled, “You hear that everyone, my best buddy thinks I’m pretty fantastic!”

I laughed, wishing to myself I had more friends like him.

Davis makes me want to die.

Also, that interaction was very stale, but moving on.

As I approached my history class, I could see Mr. Hanson waiting in the hall. I tried to walk by him unnoticed but he said, “Not so fast, you need to go see the guidance counselor.”

???

I asked why and he replied, “It’s about that fight you got in. Ms. Robertson is waiting.”

Okay fair.

I proceeded to the office where there was a line of three people ahead of me.

That isn’t a big line, bro.

It wasn’t due to bad scheduling, Ms. Robertson was just outmatched by the school population and considering she was the only person most students knew to get free condoms and/or advice from she was regularly seeing visitors.

Why does she give out condoms and not the nurse?

“James Patrick!” she said aggressively as I approached the old wood and glass door. I smiled out of politeness as she turned to the others and tossed a bundle of condoms in their direction.

“These are a last resort, abstinence first!” she said as she stood by the door waiting for me to enter.

One of the boys standing at the door said “I actually need advi...” but she slammed the door before he could finish speaking.

Okay. Don’t do your job I guess.

“Have a seat James,” she said. I sat down and the room filled with a few awkward seconds of silence.

She continued, “So it looks to me that you’re healing up ok.”

I replied confirming I was fine.

She then said “I’ve heard both sides of the story and have concluded that your friend Jason is destined for not so great things if he keeps up his attitude.”

My face remained still, emotionless really. I just sat silently listening. She asked, “What direction do you want to go with your future?”

I replied, “I’ve heard really great things about up.” It was like my joke hit a brick wall.

She seemed only sarcastically amused and continued speaking, “But seriously, I was told you turned down a TA position which I personally recommended to Mr. Hanson.”

I replied, “I just wanted to stay in art class.”

She replied “With Mrs. Stanley?”

I nodded and she laughed. “So who’s the girl?” she asked.

I was surprised that she concluded so quickly it was even about a girl. But then again I was just one of thousands of students, we like to think romance is unique, but we’re most all playing the same game.

Shut your mouth.

Also, I hate how Onion is trying so hard to make this a John Green novel.

It isn’t working.

Ms. Robertson had years dealing with people like me, no wonder she could see right through me.

For a brief moment, Ms. Robertson nearly spoke my mind, she said with a smirk, “Oh come on, lots of us like to think we’re special but that just of shows you how we really aren’t. Especially the brats walking these halls.”

Knowing Ms. Robertson had to keep our conversations private, I replied, “There’s this girl... Abbi. I really like her, and it’s the only class I have with her.”

Ms. Robertson was no longer smirking now that I told her who I was interested in. She sat up and looked down at her desk.

Oh no.

She moved some items around and stopped suddenly, she then looked me in the eyes and said “Listen to me carefully, I can’t tell you anything about Abbi but I can give you advice, think twice about getting involved with her. I want to see you succeed and some people being a significant part of your life can make that difficult for you.”

I didn’t say anything, in that moment I was lost in thought wondering why she would become so serious over Abbi.

This should be good.

Ms. Robertson then asked, “So, I’m not going to try and change your heart, in my experience that’s more often than not a lost cause, but I can change your schedule to something that fits. Abbi has PE during third period, how about you just stick with Mr. Hanson after your first class of the day. Doing so will replace your art class, and your third period will now be PE, where you can see your precious Abbi.”

It said she asked, but nothing in that paragraph was a question.

While her attitude towards Abbi continued to concern me, I also was curious as to why both Ms. Robertson and Mr. Hanson were so adamant about having me be a TA, but I was grateful they were at least trying to work with me regarding my preferences, so I accepted the schedule change.

It’s so bizarre to me that Ms. Robertson told James to stay away from Abbi and then helped him rearrange his schedule to have more classes with her.

I returned to Mr. Hanson’s class and requested I attend art class one last time before the schedule change. Mr. Hanson agreed and I made my way over to the art trailer once more. As I walked in the trailer door I was happy to see Abbi once again sitting in the same seat she always did.

When I approached her to sit down she pulled out my backpack and shook it, “You’re backpack has a lot of interesting things in it.”

I replied “Oh really, you went through it?”

That’s really weird.

She responded “Yep! And by interesting things I mean nothing, just school junk.” I laughed and asked “Life’s got enough burdens for us to carry, why add physical weight?”

Oh my god my eyes are glazing the fuck over.

She raised her eyebrows and said “Ok smarty, did you like our bear?”

I smiled and replied, “I love it!” She threw her arms up and hugged me.

Why?

Physical contact?

Mrs. Stanley walked in, immediately seeing our hug and said, “If you’re going to suck or eat go find an alleyway. This is a trailer we have god damn dignity!”

s this...

A reference to oral sex?

It’s so poorly executed that I literally just thought of food and was confused.

Not knowing how to react, I looked over at Abbi silently mouthing “Oh my god” to me.

I smiled and sat down with Abbi. Alex walked in the room and gave me a glare, probably because his art partner was still suspended for the fight we had, which meant he had to do it alone. I tried to ignore Alex, all I could think of is that pee jar when I looked at him which still freaked me out.

I hate that that’s what you associate this douchebag with. Or that that is a part of this stupid book.

As class came to a close we gathered our things and began to walk out. “Bye Mrs. Stanley I’ll miss you.” Mrs. Stanley responded calling me the F word,

in her natural offensive fashion and gave the class an awkward, semi-shocked laugh.

Walking outside, Abbi asked, “Why do you think Mrs. Stanley still has a job?”

I replied “Pretty sure everyone feels they’ll guarantee themselves an eternity of torment in the afterlife if they were to fire someone as old as her.”

Abbi replied “Yeah, I guess it would be hard getting a job when you’re resume lists World War I nurse in your work history.”

I laughed so hard I had to stop till I could control it, “Are you ok?” Abbi asked with a nervous smile on her face.

Still laughing, I said “Sorry, sorry.” and continued walking as Abbi looked at me, bewildered by how funny I thought she was. My reaction wasn’t really just about what she said, but the fact that she said it to me. I felt so important and excited when she gave me her attention.

I hate everything.

As we got closer to the gym Abbi was giving me a funny look, as I normally didn’t walk her that far, I said, “Don’t worry, I’m not stalking you, we have the same class now.”

She replied, “Manipulating your schedule to be with someone sounds like stalking Mr. Patrick.”

I said, “Not if you drop Mrs. Stanley.”

She pushed me playfully saying “Jealous!”

???

Jealous about what?

The boys split off to dress in their locker room and the girls did the same. I didn’t have gym clothes with me yet so I just sat down at the bleachers and waited for everyone else to get done putting on their uniforms.

It’s a thing at my school that if you don’t have gym clothes you will be provided with some, but maybe that’s just me.

A deep voice sounded off “What are you doing here kid?” I looked over to see a very tall man in the baggiest gym suit I’d ever seen.

“Hi, I’m James Patrick, I think I have your class now. You can clear it with Ms. Robertson.”

He smiled and said, “Well James Patrick, I’m your gym teacher Mr. Mack.”

I nodded and smiled as he bluntly asked, “You’re that kid who got beat up by Jason?”

I hate having to format this fucking story just to make it easier to read.

Onion, learn to format your own work.

I replied, “Yeah I pushed him after he pushed me and then he started throwing punches.”

He smiled and said “Well, that’s my nephew for you.”

Yikes.

I froze up and blankly stared at Mr. Mack as his words sank in. I swear I could feel my heart skip when I acknowledged his connection to Jason. Seeing the look on my face Mr. Mack continued

“Don’t worry, between you and me, kid’s a prick. Just like his dad.” Mr. Mack chuckled and walked away.

Also, another thing, Onion thinks that if you write a word that might extend onto the next page, you have to write a hyphen in the middle of the word to make it fit. While this is sometimes the case, it’s usually fine unless the word when put onto a new line leaves a large dent in the side of the paragraph. When this isn’t so, it’s just annoying to read.

I felt relief and awkwardly smiled only to see Abbi in the corner of my eye bursting out of the girls’ locker room. She was in her PT uniform

You said you needed gym clothes, but whatever, be inconsistent. Also, that says ‘PT’ uniform, not PE. Did Onion even edit this at all?

and carried a beautiful smile on her face. Running over to me, Abbi sat down and gave me a big hug.

“I’m so glad you’re still in a class with me,” she said. The gym shirt was hiked up her arms so I could feel her skin connect with my neck. The sensation was glorious.

Why... Why?

They’re arms.

My face was beaming from feeling her warmth around me.

I replied, “You will be the one reason I look forward to gym.”

Mr. Mack overheard and interrupted as he stood a short distance away “Hey kid, and I thought we were becoming friends!”

I laughed awkwardly feeling a little weird about him eavesdropping. But then again, it’s much easier to close your eyes than it is to turn off your ears.

Yikes.

Everyone gathered on the gym floor, excluding me. Mr. Mack immediately noticed I was not participating and said “Hey, if you don’t have gear, go in my office and pick out an outfit.”

Like I said earlier, clothes will be provided for you.

I reluctantly got up and walked over to his office where all I realized I would have to sift through a huge pile of mismatching jerseys and sweatpants to get a half-decent outfit.

After changing in the bathroom I walked out to everyone taking part in dodge ball. I could feel the focus of the room shift on my outfit and, just as I expected, I was greeted with laughter.

And it doesn’t tell me what that looks like, so I’m just imagining a metallic 1980′s tracksuit.

“Hey, at least you won’t get your normal clothes sweaty from dodge ball!” Mr. Mack said tossing me a ball as the game was already in play.

Before I could even catch it, Raymon, one of the jocks in the class, smacked me in the side of the head.

Raymon is out.

That’s also not a name I have ever heard of. So there’s that.

Everyone but a few people bust out laughing again as Mr. Mack lurched up and pointed at Raymon screaming

“You’re out Raymon, can’t hit above the shoulders!” Raymon replied with a discouraged snap of his fingers, scowling as he sat on the sidelines.

I’m just imagining him like.

‘aw darn!’

Because nobody snaps their fucking fingers in discouragement unless they’re joking.

It was odd how he broke the rules and hit another person in the head yet pretended to be the victim.

He didn’t pretend to be the victim, though.

I never really understood the human tendency to feel sorry for yourself when you’re being punished for breaking rules you were well aware of.

Oh, because you’re so high and mighty.

Abbi was on my team and we were down to just a few people, I very quickly found out I was quite good at the game, better than I thought at least. I kind of used Abbi as my motivation to do well.

A girl you’ve spoken to only this week. And to add to this, you can count the number of times you’ve spoken to her on one hand.

I imagine it was some kind of evolutionary thing, a man trying to impress his mate with physical performances to demonstrate his superiority over other members of the tribe.

That gif is the only one I can use to express how much that line alone pisses me the fuck off.

That is so sexist?

Primitive?

It’s creepy?

It’s really fucking weird?

Like, Onion, honestly, what the fuck was going through your head that made you think it was a good idea to write that shit? ‘Evolutionary thing’ my ass, if I liked a girl or a guy I’d also want to impress them.

You aren’t special and neither is your shitty pretentious main character.

Okay, moving on.

I kept catching every other ball thrown at me only to return it, hitting a student approximately one out of every three attempts.

‘Approximately.’

Stop trying to make yourself impressive.

I always threw low to decrease the chance of anyone catching my ball. After a while my consistent efforts paid off, our entire team was back in play. Raymon had made his way back in the game on their side but only a small nerdy kid remained in play with him. Raymon would try to catch what we threw but was always a few inches short of reaching the ball as it flew by. A ball smacked the nerdy kid in his ankles and only Raymon was left. He tried to throw a ball at my head again but this time I was ready. Just as the ball flew past me every person with a ball on my side threw theirs at him. In an almost comedic fashion every other ball impacted his chest and below. We were all cracking up over it but Mr. Mack interrupted us letting us know class was over.

Okay so that was hard to imagine as a sequence of events.

Before Abbi ran back to the locker room, she walked up to me and said “Can you call me tonight?” I nodded smiling and she kissed me on the cheek. My mind exploded with excitement. From that single kiss on my cheek my whole body felt light and warm the rest of the day.

After doing my chores later that night I called Abbi like she asked and she answered “Hey you!”

I want to die.

I replied “Not a lot of callers huh?”

She said “Actually I just embarrassed myself on the last call hoping it was you. My grandma felt pretty special for about ten seconds.”

Okay, so there’s another thing I have to keep fixing. When you write dialogue, you put the period at the end of the sentence inside the quotations. Onion keeps putting it outside and it’s driving me crazy.

Also these jokes just make me want to die even more than I already do.

She and I talked for hours; we discussed the plausible absurdity of horoscopes, “The Secret,” the legitimacy of souls, the afterlife and even leprechauns. Very few topics were off-limits.

Wow, you’re making yourself even more pretentious.

Being free to talk about whatever was on my mind felt liberating. Having these conversations with her served as just another reminder that there was someone out there who could really understand me with just as much kindness and acceptance as I did them.

YOU HAVE KNOWN EACH OTHER PERSONALLY FOR LESS THAN A GODDAMN WEEK.

STOP.

Before I hung up I said “Abbi, thank you for making my imperfect life feel perfect.”

FUCK YOU.

She laughed at how cheesy the line was only to respond, “Well thank you for being so perfectly imperfect.” I felt a warm smile come across my face and said goodnight.

This whole romance between James and Abbi is really unrealistic and corny and forced.

But the chapter is over, so whatever. I’ll see you guys next time.

~Kat

#stones to abbigale #onision #onision cannot write #mod kat #Kat reviews stuff #Mod Kat reviews stuff #Mod Kat reviews things #I'm screaming #bad books #this is terrible #unlikable characters #I hate all the characters here #abbi needs help #and also character development #burn this #kill it with fire #destroy it #i feel so much pain #*Bertrum crying*

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