2200 I observed the date of today, why does it feel meaningful - 10042021 = 1, maybe 1004, but I felt like 090421 was somehow important as well. However, I find it easy to find a meaning - why, I see what I want to see.
I haven’t been in the mood for life for the last couple of days. I guess the reason is that I’m ignoring myself and my soul’s crying. But I re-discovered music I used to listen, with a different feeling. And it made me feel excited. Sometimes I feel like I’m not doing what I probably should be doing, anyway I’m sure I’m getting there, but who knows when, haha.
I wonder if the universe is making fun of me, testing me or is just giving me another lesson. In my own company, I feel like I haven’t learnt anything in the last couple of years (but it’s not true, and I’ll realise that eventually). Am I letting go of my life, or should I let go - of what? Everyone has a story to tell.
One thing that no one can take from me is the belief that everything is possible. Even if no one believes you, it’s enough if you believe it yourself. What is this plane I’m living on. It’s fun to daydream, but then I’m asking myself why am I doing this to myself, if I let myself fall in too deep. 44 Why am I feeling, what am I even feeling. 2259 Now I feel better.
Sometimes I feel like I know. Have a nice time. 1111
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Maybe it’s the colouring, but everytime I see a Siamese cat, it reminds me of a fluffy tarantula. But it’s nothing surprising, when I look at eyes of my bunny, I see a tarantula as well.
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Before midnight, I felt like sharing thoughts. After midnight, I'm keeping my words to myself. 002606042021
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Have a nice day, have a nice night! Whoever is reading this - I’m sending you a virtual hug!)
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In between the feeling of under the weather and in the mood for life and laugh I’ve thought to myself, maybe one day - I want to watch ‘Weathering with you’. And the one day, was today. I didn’t know what to expect, the story was fine, I cried (I wonder why, was is that sad, or was it beautiful?) What made me emotional more than the story were colours of the sunlight. And I love the sound of rain pitter-pattering.
These days I’ve been wondering about a lot of things. I wouldn’t want to live a life of someone else. I want to find my own path. Rememeber. No matter how long the life is, I have all the time I have - to live and learn about it. No matter the result, it’s always in progress.
I admire people who are able to work 9-to-5 jobs. These days, I take every job I’ve ever did as a lesson, to learn more about people. How and why people act in these environments, how people treat you, how do I. (Do you want to be treated the way you treat others?) Like I don’t understand, others may don’t understand it either.
Sometimes I get to the point, when it’s unebarable to be where I am. And I feel like I want to escape the moment. I’m sure these feelings work as indicators, that it’s enough, and it’s time for a change - perspective, attitude, place, whatever the reason is.
One of the things I love to do in the morning is opening windows everywhere I possibly can, haha. (It’s much colder in the kitchen,) and I love when it’s windy.
I feel like I don’t really have dreams. And I’m fascinated by people who have dreams, people who have something they want to achieve in their lives. Maybe I’ll be able to remember what my dreams are. Until then, I dream for the sake of dreaming, not for the sake of living. Sometimes I feel like I’m lacking passion. Ain’t it always something that fascinates us - something we don’t have, we don’t experience, we have no idea about. (I think, I’m just curious, and I ask a lot of questions.)
I feel like I’m doing what I’ve always wanted to do. The situation is not perfect, but I’m grateful. I believe that, if there’s something in your life, you want to do, or you just want - if it’s somehow meant to be a part of your life, at any time - it’ll be a part of your time here. I wouldn’t call it a destiny, it’s just the life you live.
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Moon I shine, in the darkness of my - own. Wonderland.
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2020 I’m happy for no reason, or do I have a reason? Do you sometimes feel like you’re talking to yourself without realising it?
Starting point is the time unknown. Since (whenever) I’m feeling more aware of my thoughts, I’ve realised I lead myself. I leave myself notes. Then I feel the reason behind ‘I talk to you I talk to I’, like I always do. The theme of my thoughts repeats, but repetition makes you believe that it’s actually true. My visions are still blurred, but there’s no need to rush anywhere.
Make yourself love the way you live your life. 2121
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Across the stars.
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Out loud. Still waters run deep.
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I’ve been thinking what else I can do in my free time. I don’t know how to express the way I feel about some details of these creations, but I love it. I can see galaxies from here, haha. It’s so pretty how the sun shines through them.
(Today I’m in the mood for this song Doom by Calivania - especially the part in between 0:59 to 01:11.)
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I laid on the floor and started crying again. Lately I’ve been feeling unstable, not in balance and out of energy. What do you want? What do you want to do? I’ve listened to a song by Birdy. ‘If your heart was full of love Could you give it up?’ I’ve asked myself again. What would you do to let yourself feel like you’re living again?
After the time of self-reflection I feel like I’m starting a new chapter now. ‘In Search for Love’ that’s how I would call it. I (kind of) think I understand the concept of love, but I don’t how to accept it. I don’t know how to feel love, to feel loved. Sometimes I feel like all I do is give (but what am I giving?) I believe that slowly, but for sure I’ll learn how to love myself more. I know that it all comes from within myself, then let’s make it real. I want to remember how to feel.
Sometimes all you need is love. and I want to fill my time with all sorts of love. The love I can share with others.
I would paint you bright, to let you feel the magic of your life. 2222
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neweresth replied to your photo “2017 last day of work is done! I am freeee!!! For 4 days then it...”
ohh, you're cute! and really really pretty!^^
thank you dear friend <3
Ride - Twenty One PilotsRibs - LordeRaining Blood - Hot SugarRat A Tat - Fall Out BoyRun To You - Pentatonix
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