#need to move to Canada 😒 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thetenamongstthesethrees · 11 months

Text

TW: REFERENCE TO SH AND RELAPSE OF SH AND SUICIDE ATTEMPT

Ok so ik ive been inactive for a *WHILE* and im srry for that but like i have a buncha things that happened these past 3 months that I NEED To share SOOOO....

First things first, the one im most excited abt: I DID MY FIRST PERFORMANCE!!! My school was doing little mermaid jr and I got Scuttle! I was really happy to get my first role and getting at least one solo, and Im just happy overall on how it went! I think I did really good on my first try! Only bad thing was that now im kinda going through my lil mermaid hyperfixation and have been looking up fics where Sebastian and Ariel kinda have a Father/Parental Figure-Daughter or Older Brother-Younger (stupid but ultimately well meaning) Sister dynamic and have started to write a fic on that bc no ones done it before apparently😒(im going cray cray, bonkers mayhaps)

Might've gotten my eye infected(I live in the east of the us, new york to be more specific and woke up the day after the "live vintage (BLAME CANADA/j) filter" with my right eyes nerves slightly more irritated and haven't gotten that checked out so thats fun)

FINALLY finished that one drawing ive been making for 3 MONTHS.(well, technically....)

Almost done writing my passion project, AKA the one I originally wanted to make into an animated series but have settled for a book just in case that can't happen! I still need to work out some kinks, design more outfits, get all their personalities in check, make sure the world and magic is fully fleshed out, ect.

I also do band, and while I originally thought that I would have a problem bc of both band and theatres close scheduling(i originally had dress rehearsal on june 2nd, AND my band concert on June 2nd) but it all worked out in the end! My band concert went great, and while the dress rehearsal was a mess, we at least got through it! :)

Unintentionally quit SH! I was originally only meant to stop until AFTER performances, but ive been bettering myself and learned that if I ever want to forgive myself or at least move on I gotta stop feeling sorry for myself and not forget nor forgive, but remember, i just can't let it haunt me. I know I'll relapse, I always do eventually, but I want to enjoy these few moments of mental "clarity" while I can. I've also learned that for some reason i tend to become a more terrible person and despicable person the more time I spend at home with my mother, so that's fun. God, I hate America's education system, its messed me up BAD. AND the foster care system. I just tried to kms 2 times today, and she didn't even notice, or care. How sad is that?

On a lighter note, yes, as the rest of yt and TikTok, I got a minor lil hyperfixation on the Lorax and really think ppl should make more [PLATONIC] Lorax and Onceler dynamics, mainly the type where they're like some really annoying pair of bickering siblings or a father whos sick of his adopted child's shit, like there is so much on the table for platonic fluff and angst and most of what I've seen is romantic smut and fluff like CHANGE IT UP A LIL

Also, Ive been going to karaoke centers on Tuesdays and have become a lot more confident to performing in front of ppl! So far, I've performed "All You Wanna Do", "The Ballad of Jane Doe", "Heart of Stone", and am gonna do "What the World Needs" the next upcoming Tuesday, where I'm gonna try interacting with the audience while singing!!

(Also, before I end this....I may have ADHD??? my teacher who has ADHD says some of my behavior is "similar to hers"(i feel like thats just her way of saying i reek of neurodivergency) and I also did some research and I display similar/exact behaviors listed, have taken online tests from doctorate confirmed sites and basically all of them said to go get a diagnosis. I also found I do a few behaviors similar to stimming! Also also, I kinda suspect a lil more bc my mom has Autism and apparently sometimes neurodivergency is biological (i forgor the word) but my mom is kinda in denial abt my Depression diagnosis and thinks I got anxiety "biologically", so if I tell her I wanna get tested for ADHD shes just kinda gonna gaslight me into not believing that and i already told the school therapist and basically she just told me that I'm probably just imagining things or copying behaviors from my mother and that "kids like to give themselves all these titles nowadays" so I just did what I always do which is to keep it shut and act until they think you fell in line)

So yeah, thats all! Thanks for reading, now that my schedule is clear again ima start posting more frequently again, so be aware :) <3333

12 notes · View notes

novelmonger · 6 months

Text

Moments That Bring Me Joy: Air Bud

Because Disney+ finally put up Air Bud, I decided I'd do one of these for one of my favorite childhood movies. I have no idea why this movie in particular grabbed my heart and never let go, amongst all the other dog movies I watched. I mean, come on - this is a movie about basketball, for crying out loud! Why would I, who have never had even a smidge of interest in any sport whatsoever, fall in love with a movie about a basketball-playing pooch?

But I did. I loved it almost from the first glimpse of that beautiful golden retriever face (possibly partly because my aunt and uncle had a golden retriever at the time who was the sweetest dog ever). I cried like a baby the first time I watched it (we had to pause for lunch right after Snively takes Buddy, and I could barely eat). I identified with Josh surprisingly strongly, considering I was a girl who had never had a dog or played basketball or lost my dad or anything this kid goes through. But empathized with him really strongly, and for the next year or so, I got through boring schoolwork by daydreaming highly dramatic scenarios involving me training on various sports teams with my imaginary dog Peter. (Peter was a collie, not a golden retriever, but I can definitely point to Air Bud as being the spark of inspiration for him.) Or I think sometimes I would be training Peter for a dog show or something, and he would successfully jump through a hoop or do a trick each time I answered another question in my workbook XD

But anyway, enough about that! Here are the moments in the movie that still give me joy, all these years later (and remember, joy doesn't necessarily mean happiness):

THE OLD DISNEY LOGO! Oh gosh, the nostalgia! *_* I think I got this movie for my seventh birthday or something. That was such a long time ago....

"Fernfield, Where Everything Is Possible." What a town motto XD

"Hey, kids, it's Happy Slappy Time!"

All of the unimpressed expressions on the audience during the disastrous clown antics XD The extras in this movie are just. The Best.

All the cows watching Buddy through the fence after he falls off the truck. Simple humor, but effective. Love it.

Oh gosh, who does the music in this thing?! ...Brahm Wenger. Never heard of him, but the soundtrack in this movie is incredible. Way better than it needed to be, but we're hardly 8 minutes into the movie and I'm already noticing it. Mr. Wenger, you were wasted on all those Air Buddies movies.

When Josh is walking past the kids playing basketball, running his fingers along the chain-link fence. I can't quite put it into words, and I certainly couldn't then, but I remember sitting in the living room at seven years old, seeing that for the first time and thinking, "That's me." The best I can explain it is it's something about being on the outside looking in.

Just realized the first word we hear Josh say is "sucks" XD

When Josh breaks down the rotten fence and the music swells as we get that gorgeous view of the lake(?)

There's nothing like seeing a sad little boy and a sad little dog bonding and having fun for the first time in forever <3

*right after Buddy has utterly destroyed the living room* Josh: "So...can I keep him?" Mom: 😒

Josh's mom letting him keep Buddy as a Christmas present :')

"Sigmund twins moved to Canada, God knows why." - I don't remember this line at all, but it makes me laugh now XD

That doggy smile Buddy gives Josh the first time he makes a basket ^_^

That "well, crap" look on the coach's face when he realizes he has to put Josh on the team after embarrassing him in front of everybody, because Josh is that good of a player

I just really like the fat referee. He's having the worst night of his life, and I want to give him a hug and tell him it'll be okay XD

I take a vicious sort of joy in the rightness of the first coach getting caught red-handed in the abusive way he punishes Tom for fumbling the ball, and Coach Chaney taking over instead.

Man, the music in this movie! It turns a simple scene of the new middle school mascot doing a trick into a heroic moment of sheer triumph, followed by that montage of them winning games that just makes you want to get up and cheer.

Josh's mom coming out the morning after Snively takes Buddy away, and finding a newspaper on her driveway for the first time...I like the subtle touch.

"I don't want my dog to do beer commercials. I got ethics!" *30 seconds later* "Out of curiosity, how much are we talking for one of those beer commercials?"

Snively's unbelievably terrible truck - and driving XD Plus his pathetic little "No, I needed that!" when the steering wheel falls off :P

The whole scene where Josh lets Buddy go. Yes, that scene brings me joy - and I'm tearing up, even though I can't even count how many times I've seen this movie and know perfectly well that everything will turn out fine very shortly! It's just so perfectly done, showing their bond and providing an opportunity for Josh to explain what he's doing even though there's no one with him except for a dog. And that music, I just...it's in my soul. It's the heart's cry of the little girl I used to be, lonely and wishing I could have a dog that wasn't just in my imagination, because that was the only kind of friend I could imagine having. And that bit where the music is swelling and Buddy is racing after Josh through the brambles and dead bushes...I can point to that moment as the beginning of the many, many daydreams I would have about my imaginary dog Peter as I'd gaze out the window of a moving vehicle.

"Ain't no rule says a dog can't play basketball!"

"Hey, Water Boy...nice shot." - I FORGOT ABOUT THAT!!!! I LOVE THIS!!!! Even Larry has to finally acknowledge Josh is a good player!

The whole trial is so silly, but somehow...lovably so? I'm not sure if that would be the case to someone who's actually a lawyer, though ^^' But it's just so full of fun moments:

"What is that dog doing in the courthouse?" "That's the, uh...child, sir." "That's a pretty ugly kid."

"I will not have my courtroom turned into a circus." *literal clown walks in*

"I'm the plaintiff." "You look like an idiot."

"Who are you, Barnum or Bailey?" "Arthur Chaney, Your Honor."

"Mr. Chaney, during my forty years on the bench, I have heard a lot of lame-brained, cockamamie proposals. But this one...I like."

"Case closed! Thank God."

Oh, interesting! I never noticed before, but in the credits, right under the note about "no animals were harmed," there's a note that says, "No special visual effects were used in the basketball sequences of this Motion Picture."

And again, that soundtrack! I can guarantee you, if seven-year-old me had known soundtracks were a thing, I would have begged and pleaded to get my hands on the Air Bud soundtrack, and I would have worn it out completely as I daydreamed about my adventures with my imaginary dog. You know...I still might see if I can get it, because the music alone brings me so much joy ^_^

#moments that bring me joy #air bud #tales of baby novie #incidentally i also had an imaginary horse and an imaginary cat but they didn't feature as prominently #and peter was the only one who followed me everywhere

0 notes

finsterhund · 1 year

Text

So our neighbor drove us to the car and it was nowhere near as badly stuck as I thought. It wasn't even a "ditch" he just drove off the plowed area. Literally he just drove off the plowed area. No ditch. Here I thought he went down like a ten foot drop or something. Nope. He drove off the road at a place that in the summer would be an empty grassy field next to and level with the road but because it's winter there was some piling of snow there. So I'm thinking "alright give me an hour"

But then I didn't even get a minute before he decided to give up on having it be dug out and made me leave it. I'm actually pissed off about that. All I needed to do was break some ice with the metal shovel and dig away a couple meters lengthwise of five feet deep of snow away from the back wheels and then he could have backed out. Maybe I'd have to dig some of the front free. Maybe I'd have to dig a space in the front free to push. Maybe. But nooooOOOOOooOOooooo 😞

He got money to help him out afterwards so in the end the issue is being resolved but I'm just so pissed off at how he just didn't want to bother (and a couple of random dudes in a pretty shiny new but ultimately flimsy looking designer truck who drive past agreed with him) were like "you're never gonna get that out" motherfucker I could have done it. And then that money he got to pay for the tow truck he could have given to me as reparations for giving him extra money each month. In our neighbor's car he was going on about how he paid the internet so he couldn't afford to pay his phone bill and I'm just sitting here thinking like "where the fuck did the money I gave you for the internet bill go?????"

I spent more time getting prepared to go out to dig the car out than I did digging it out. I made a basic pack with a sweater in case my jacket got too hot and shit. I asked another neighbor to borrow their snow shovel so that he could have maybe helped me dig. Gah.

Idk maybe I'm just built different but it wasn't that bad and I'm mad we're wasting hundreds of dollars getting a tow truck and they'll have to put up those stupid things to close the lane which also costs money and shit. When I could have just dug it out. Because it wasn't in a ditch at all. It's like digging out your own driveway because the snowplow doesn't take the snow from your driveway. I digress. Maybe I'm wrong and it's totally stuck and can't move and there's too much snow to dig out. My body is literally made to work under these conditions and only these conditions.

I suppose I should be grateful I get to rest and didn't have to work but maybe I just have a better work ethic than people give me credit for. Who fucking knows. I'm tired and I didn't even get to do anything I'm just tired because I'm depressed and miserable and understimulated.

Also Canada post stopped delivering yesterday because "it's too cold" man what in the fuck. "Too cold" 😒 I should try to force people to accept my "too hot" as a valid excuse when it's summer and I'm at a serious risk of heatstroke then. How come people who can't handle the cold get to be big babies but everybody is an asshole to me for not being able to handle heat? If I have to have one more person be weird about how I'm wearing shorts this season I am going to lose it. My body is hotter than the surface of the fucking sun do you think I would be wearing shorts this time of year if I DIDN'T prefer it? Do you think someone is forcing me to wear shorts? Aashhjhghhhhhhhh

Time to go lie down and try to calm down time I guess

#text post #negative #long post

0 notes

heyitssashag · 2 years

Text

Sept 9 2022

Last night I did the Look Good Feel Better workshop online. It’s about an hour and they went over skincare and cosmetics including what products to choose, application process, etc. There’s some good basic information but I’m not sure if I retained it all. They send you out a booklet too (along with free product), so you can practice on your own which is super nice. This program has been running for about 25 years across Canada for cancer patients. They’ve also added other workshops including wigs & hair alternatives and breast care. There’s even workshops for men and teens. It looks like most of the workshops are being offered online still which is good for patients with compromised immune systems. If you’re interested and a cancer patient, definitely check it out.

Today I had my first Zometa infusion after being on Aredia for a year. Long story short, I ended up with an allergic reaction so I needed to switch. It worked out because now I only have to go in once every 3 months instead of monthly. Yay. They’re bone strengthening medications to help prevent pathological fractures caused by cancer. I’ve been “extra” exhausted all day and just kind of been a sloth. 🦥 Wishing I feel a little more energetic, tomorrow. While we’re wishing for things, I also wish for no cancer, a set of boobs and maybe a 68 Mustang. Oh, and a new neck so I can actually drive it. 😂

As my daughter and I moved recently, I’m now searching out a new dentist. What a chore. Dental health care should be available to everyone and pricing needs to be regulated the same across the board. I’m tired of inquiring about fees and every office goes on and on that “the dental association of tooth gods set the recommended fees blah blah blah” yet, they’re all magically different. My answer is always, “If they’re all the same then why are you charging me but my last 3 dentists did not?” Then they blame my insurance. Then I say you are the weakest link, goodbye. 🙄

Anyway, everyone should have dental care and if we have to pay, it should be the same. When I was paying $0 for a checkup, cleaning and x-rays at my last dentist and one of the dental offices I called today requires my portion to be $150+ after my insurance pay, there’s something fishy 🐟 🐠 going on. 😒🤔🫡

“Looks like we’ve got another mystery on our hands.” ~Fred.

Anyway, that’s my crappy tangent rant for today. You’re welcome. 🤣 I’m happy tomorrow is supposed to be beautiful and it’s the weekend. Remember that to-do list I mentioned back like 10 posts ago? I still haven’t gotten to it. I’ll do it tomorrow. 😉

0 notes