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giggly-squiggily · 1 year

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The Little Things (Bungo Stray Dogs)

Don't mind me, I'm just gonna-

*drops a near 6k word count fic on y'all all about Shin Soukoku cause I can while dancing to Super Mario 2 music sped up version*

Kay bye! *leaps out window*

...Nah but seriously. Heyo everyone! Awhile back I wrote this for a friend while we were yelling about these two (You know who you are- hi bestie! :D) I originally sent it to them via google doc, but given how easy the links to those fics are to lose (The amount I've lost...gone but not forgotten *cries*) I've decided to post it here!I hope you like it!

CW: Swearing, violence, guns, self-loathing, angst, wasted food (RIP Pork Buns), mentions of the Port Mafia Boss and Elise

Summary: In between assignments and tasks, Atsushi and Akutagawa find time to enjoy the little moments within their strange relationship.

~Chocolate~

“Is that cake?” Atsushi raised a brow at the small slice of chocolate cake Akutagawa pulled from his plastic bag. It looked homemade- maybe someone in the Port Mafia made it?

The idea of anyone there baking sweets was wild.

“No, it’s a bomb.” Akutagawa deadpanned, peeling at the plastic wrap around the plate. “Watch yourself- it just might blow up.”

Atsushi started. Did Aku just make a joke?

At the silence, Akutagawa offered the first forkful in silent inquiry.

“Oh, no thanks. I hate chocolate.” He smiled, fighting down a laugh at the brief look of shock on Akutagawa’s face. “Never been a fan. You however-I didn’t know you liked sweets.”

“Is that an issue?” His expression went hard.

“Not at all. It’s just…unexpected.” Atsushi held up his hands, smiling sheepishly. “Do you like all kinds of sweets or do you have a favorite?”

Akutagawa narrowed his eyes at him, suspicion rolling off his tensed frame like waves. For a moment. Atsushi wondered if he just blew their lunch date-meetup. Then he sighed, turning back to his cake.

“I like chocolate.” There was the barest hint of a blush on his cheeks. Akutagawa shoved a forkful of cake in his mouth with a slight grimace, refusing to look his way.

As if he couldn’t get any cuter.

…..Huh? Atsushi felt himself flush.

“Hm.” Was all the weretiger responded with, taking a long drag of his teacup, ignoring the raised brow Akutagawa sent him.

~~~

“Hey, Akutagawa! Here!” Atsushi shot his arms out before the other could stop him, pressing a small handkerchief wrapped box into his chest. It was hastily wrapped- as if he was tying it while running to their usual meetup spot. “This is for you!”

“....Huh?” The wide eyed shock on his face was priceless. Atsushi resisted the urge to laugh as he watched Akutagawa handle the box like one handled a baby- careful and slightly terrified. “This is…?”

“Open it!” Atsushi encouraged, resisting the urge to bounce on his feet in his anticipation. “I didn’t knot it that bad!”

“Okay, okay, settle down.” Akutagawa’s lips twitched as he gently pulled at the knot, going especially slow, much to Atsushi’s chagrin. When the ends of the cloth fell away, it revealed a little plastic box, within it a variety of chocolates.

“Oh?” Akutagawa stared, seeming to freeze. Atsushi felt himself sweat, tugging at his shirt hem.

“I know it’s not much of…well, anything- I just remembered a while back you mentioned you liked chocolate, and I had some lying around and figured you’d like it- of course if you don’t, I can always take it back-”

“You remembered.” It wasn’t a question. Atsushi blinked. Something soft was in Akutagawa’s expression, and his hands trembled some as he held the small box of treats. Atsushi felt his heart squeeze. “I didn’t think you would…”

“Of course I did! I remember everything you tell me.” Then he flushed, eyes wide. He said too much. “For the missions! And our tasks! Ehe…”

“Yes..having a good memory for those things is important.” That faint blush was back, and Akutagawa wouldn’t look at him- not directly, anyway. “Ehem…This is…” Then he paused, brows furrowing.

“Wait- where’d you get this?” Akutagawa finally met his gaze, raising an eyebrow. “I thought you hated chocolate?”

Seems like Atsushi wasn’t the only one remembering details about each other.

“I do…but like I said- I just happened to have it on me, hehe.” He grinned, deciding not to mention where his source was. He’d bring Ranpo a fresh box of chocolates on his way back from this meeting. With all the snacks he keeps on hand, he wasn’t likely to miss it before he got back.

Akutagawa raised a brow, not entirely believing him. Then he looked back at the box of chocolates, that content expression returning. “I can’t remember the last time someone gave me a gift…so thank you. It means more than you know.”

Atsushi swelled, feeling rather proud of himself. He would make this a habit he decided in that moment; all to see that soft expression.

Though he’d probably have to start buying his own chocolates.

~Rain~

“Ugh, no way…” Atsushi groaned miserably as the sky began to cry. Raindrops dropped in a slow mist at first, but within minutes it began to pour, flooding the alleyways they snuck through. He could already feel his shoes fill with water, making his toes curl unpleasantly.

“Hm, how troublesome indeed.” Akutagawa mused, brows furrowing as he came to join Atsushi beneath the thin railings of the alley. His shoulders felt damp already, and a chill shot down his spine from the icy droplets. “Walking back in this will be rather annoying.”

As of late, it seemed like he and Atsushi couldn’t shake each other. Whether it be on impromptu missions Dazai set them up on, or just little moments like running errands and returning home- somehow in this big city, the demon and the weretiger were never far from each other.

A part of Akutagawa couldn’t deny he liked it that way. That however was a part he’d rather strangle until blue with Rashomon before ever admitting.

“Man, I should have brought an umbrella! I figured it’d rain while we were inside the warehouse and stop after, but I guess the universe has it out for me…” Atsushi shoved his hands through his bangs, groaning in his hands. “This is revenge for Ranpo’s snacks, isn’t it, world?” He mumbled.

“Don’t tell me you’re afraid of a little water, weretiger?” Akutagawa shrugged, Rashomon shooting out of his back and forming a shelf above him, shielding him from the continuous onslaught of rainwater. “Though I suppose it’s expected, given what you are.”

“Shut up! I’m not a cat- I just happen to turn into one!” Atsushi glared, rubbing his arms with a slight tremor when the rain began soaking his shirt. In an act of defiance, he took a step out into the elements.

And immediately regretted it.

“Oh my god, that’s COLD!” Atsushi flew into Akutagawa’s shelter of Rashomon, clinging to his coat and shivering. Then he glared, cheeks pink. “Not a word.”

Akutagawa didn’t think he could speak even if he wanted to. This close, beneath the immediate smell of rainwater and warehouse dust, the weretiger smelled like tiger lilies. He could see the strange ombre in Atsushi’s eyes, the way they went from a rosy pink to a warm gold- like a sunrise. The way his lashes framed those odd but pretty irises of his.

So unfairly pretty. Akutagawa forgot how to breathe.

“Hey? Is something wrong…” Atsushi began, only to flush a brilliant red and jump back into the rain. “Oh god- I’m so sorry, how invasive of me- Ah, this rain! I uh…”

Maybe it was how pitiful he looked, soaked and embarrassed. Maybe it was the way he looked at him just now, with those damn sunrise eyes.

Maybe that part of Akutagawa’s heart wasn’t so small after all.

Slowly, as if it were a machine coming back to life after many years, Rashomon extended outward, creating an umbrella-like cover beside its owner. The space was…tight, but it would give Atsushi room to walk with him. “Come on, before you catch your death.”

The weretiger blinked, eyes wide. Akutagawa could feel his face heating; he pretended it was from irritation while waiting for the other to make a decision. “Hurry up before I leave you here.”

“Oh! Right- thank you.” Atsushi ran over, standing within the cover. This close, he could smell tiger lilies again. Did he wear perfume? Would it be weird to ask?

Would it be weird to just reach out and hold his hand-

“Don’t mention it. Just- come on.” Akutagawa made his voice as curt as he could, hoping it hid the fluster he felt himself slipping into. In silence the pair walked back, Akutagawa’s hands shoved in his pockets while Atsushi continued rubbing his arms, trying to warm up.

When he peeked, the weretiger looked equally flushed.

Must be getting sick, he told himself.

Yeah. That’s it.

~Blackout~

When he got back to the agency; Atsushi decided, he was going to murder Dazai.

Just a simple task, he said. Scout out the scene for us to make sure it’s safe, he told him. There shouldn’t be any trouble, he insisted.

Of course, Dazai forgot to mention the literal Mafia meetup being held in such a place.

Atsushi knew he should leave- turn back before any of the Port caught a glimpse of him hovering near a dirty window. It was fairly high up- the main reason why Atsushi was sent on this particular request was due to his cat-climbing skills- so the chances of being caught were slim.

He should go, had he not caught sight of a familiar face. Stoic as always, black fringe fading into white that framed his pinched face, hands shoved in his pockets. Akutagawa.

He was standing by with a short redhead- Chuuya, he assumed. Dazai had mentioned a redhead in the Port who he’d encountered a few times before. He looked especially irritated, whomever they were meeting up with apparently was late.

Finally, after around half an hour, two grungy looking guys came through the large metal doors, their footsteps echoing across the filthy floor. Between them a smaller man led, his body bent forward and his hair a halo of thinning grays around his wrinkled face.

“I take it your boss sent you with what I wanted?” He asked, and Atsushi felt himself straighten. Despite appearances, the man’s voice boomed and carried, demanding respect with each word. Within the room, even Akutagawa and Chuuya straightened, the latter glowering upon realizing it.

“Yeah. You got what we want?” He demanded, waiting. There was a tense silence before the old man gestured for one of what Atsushi assumed to be his guards. The man opened his jacket, revealing a tightly wrapped parscal.

“Toss it over, we’ll do the same.” Chuuya commanded, straightening to his full height. The old man chuckled, clearly amused.

“Kids these days- never learn to respect their elders. Fine then.” He nodded, and the parscal went flying. Rashomon was out in seconds, catching it with ease. Bringing it to his eyes, Akutagawa peered within, face grimacing.

“This is it. Boss’ order.” He didn’t sound too thrilled about it though.

“Good grief. Alright, here.” Chuuya kicked the box by his feet towards the men, his gravity control making it sail easily across the floor. It landed with a loud thump by the guard’s feet. “I’ll take it this should cover it?”

The guard peered within the box, nodding after confirming the contents. Atsushi couldn’t help but wonder what was in it. Money? Jewels? And what was in the parscal?

No time. He really had to go. He watched Chuuya and Akutagawa turn to leave.

Just as the remaining guard pulled out a gun.

“TURN AROUND!” He heard himself scream. Shit! The old man’s eyes flickered to the window-

And suddenly there was a boom of red. Rashomon exploded out of Akutagawa’s back, sending the guards flying. Interesting enough, the old man remained unfazed. In fact, he hadn’t moved at all. Rashomon bounced around him like water hitting a rock.

“His ability- it’s a shield!” Chuuya yelled, already jumping into action. He crossed the room in seconds, taking the two guards on. Despite the size difference and being outnumbered, Chuuya was easily the better fighter. He dropped low, kicking the goon with the gun in his hand in the ankles. As he fell back, he grabbed his fallen gun, pointing it at the other one. He pulled the trigger-

But the bullet bounced! Seems this old man’s ability expanded beyond just himself. The guard smirked cruelly as he charged, tackling a surprised Chuuya dead on and sending him flying.

Akutagawa started, Rashomon shooting out to catch Chuuya before he could hit the wall. Too late. The old man was upon him. He moved so fast, an elbow flying to Akutagawa’s windpipe as he brought a knee to his gut. Rashomon quivered as Akutagawa wheezed, gasping for air.

Chuuya shot out of the rubble with a roar, flying at the guards. His gravity power saved his life, but just barely- Atsushi could see he was wounded- crimson against orange hair, bruises forming on the side of his face.

Akutagawa stumbled, the old man hooting softly as he watched the boy drop. “Such a shame- the Port Mafia really has let themselves grow weak if this is the best they can offer.”

Hot rage shot through Atsushi's veins. Just who did this old creatin think he was? He got up, ready to jump into the fray- and stopped.

Why was he getting involved? This wasn’t a mission assigned to him by Dazai or the boss back at the agency. He wasn’t even supposed to be here. Right now would be the ample time to leave; to use the chaos within to slip away before anyone else saw him.

Saw him.

Saw…

Atsushi’s eyes dropped down to the breaker box just outside the warehouse, an idea already forming in mind.

Within the warehouse, it was chaos. Chuuya had disposed of one of the guards, his body crumpled in the background as he fought the one still guarding. From the looks of things, the shield only protected from the front. Right now- the redhead was trying to get around and go for the back, but the guard stayed on him like glue.

Akutagawa and the old man were fighting once more- this time however, Akutagawa was prepared. Rashomon bounced again and again off a shield, keeping him at bay. He couldn’t land a hit, but neither could the old man. It seemed he needed his arms held up in a specific way to keep it on, leaving them in a stalemate.

Just one moment. A second was all Akutagawa needed. He looked up-

Their eyes met. Atsushi mouthed only one word. Blackout.

Then he tore out the breaker box with his claw.

The warehouse went pitch black, blending in with the night sky. Atsushi rolled down the wall as gunshots exploded from within, the faint sounds of two men crying out before everything went eerily silent. For a short, heartstopping moment, Atsushi was scared one of them was Aku.

Then the doors opened, Chuuya and Akutagawa stumbling out, bruised and wounded, the parscal in hand.

“Next time that creepy bastard wants us to pick up dolly dresses, he better get them through Amazon.” Chuuya growled, limping as he dragged himself down the quiet streets. Akutagawa seemed to be half listening, nodding along as he rolled his shoulder. His throat was bruised, and he was covered in small cuts, but he was alive.

Atsushi felt himself breathe again.

“Are you even listening? Ugh, forget it.” Chuuya waved him off, walking ahead as he carried on complaining about their boss. Akutagawa paused then, turning his head.

And directly looked at Atsushi.

The weretiger didn’t call out. He didn’t say a word. He merely looked back at him, watching. Akutagawa blinked once. Then twice.

Then the rarest thing happened. He smiled.

It was small, nearly unnoticeable and a bit pained, as if it hurt to move his face. Judging by the bruise blossoming on his cheek, it must have been.

Still- that smile. It erased it all. The injuries, his messy hair, the torn clothes- all of it faded away as Akutagawa smiled at him. It was like he was a god, so painfully beautiful it was near impossible to look directly at him, and yet Atsushi did. He didn’t care if his face was on fire, or if he was gaping like a fish. All he wanted to do was get lost in that beautiful smile.

And then Akutagawa looked away, and reality came back. He was gone in minutes, fading away in shadow, leaving Atsushi sitting there, still thinking about that smile.

~Piano~

Akutagawa hated instruments.

More specifically, he hated the piano.

The boss was so insistent he’d learn to play it. Think of how useful of a talent it’d be if you ever found yourself needing to blend in. Blend in where, the orchestra? Good luck with that. They all knew the real reason why Mori wanted him to learn to play.

Because Dazai used to play.

Not the piano- but the Violin. Akutagawa remembered watching him play a few times- the way he’d stand tall, the instrument like an extension of his body as he ran his bow over the strings. His songs were always so sad sounding; they never failed to make someone cry- usually Chuuya, even if he’d never admit it. When Dazai left, Mori burned the instrument, and music was snuffed out, much like those who betrayed them.

Apparently he was now back in his music phase and decided Akutagawa would be the next musician. Had it not been for Gin and her soft encouragement for him to learn- “Ma and Pa would have liked it, I think” she told him- he’d probably set the grand instrument ablaze himself. Just what would he play on it, anyway? Songs of sorrow and anger? Christmas tunes? Suppose he could play a quick death march before a bullet lodged into his brain or a knife to his jugular.

Wasteful. The worst part? He was a natural talent. The lessons flew by and before long he knew all the cords and how to work them into songs. Gin liked them- she would lay across the top like those women in the movies, face in her hands and feet kicking while he practiced. Sometimes she’d sing- her voice soft and delicate. It was those moments that he liked best.

And then Mori asked him to play for him and Elise when they’d marry. He stopped playing it after that.

Now he found himself lingering by a different piano- dusty but well loved, sitting in the corner of what he assumed to be a church. It was abandoned now- the room stale with lack of movement. His fingers glided over the top, making streaks against the smooth black surface.

Like magic, he felt himself back at the music room with Gin, playing a song and her singing-

“Nothing of interest here- hey, is that a piano?” Atsushi’s voice shook him free from his memory. The weretiger joined him, his shoulder bumping gently into Akutagawa’s as he took a seat. “I love the piano! I wonder if it’s in tune?”

Things have been…interesting, these past few encounters with the weretiger. Since the warehouse incident, they’ve been less stiff, more relaxed. Atsushi didn’t jump away if he got too close, and he smiled more easily at him. Their once harsh word exchanges melted into soft bickering, and more than once Akutagawa felt himself fighting down laughter whenever they talked. Not mean, condescending one but genuine mirth at the little things he’d say and do.

What the hell was happening to him?

“I know like- one chord. There was this woman at the orphanage; she was the only nice adult there. She tried to teach me to play, but I never quite picked it up.” Atsushi made a big show of cracking his knuckles, wiggling his fingers. “Okay, let’s tickle these ivories!”

More like make them scream, Akutagawa soon learned. He winced as Atsushi slammed his fingers down into the keys, hitting random clumps and creating what he could only describe as “mindless noise”. He sang along with it, the words lost in the sound as he swayed with his chaos.

“Oh, there once was a cat named Piccolo! He was the fattest cat anyone ever known! He rolled and he cried, and he’d spit in your eye, so the village chief ordered him to-”

“Weretiger!” Rashomon shot out, grasping Atsushi’s wrists and preventing him from hitting more keys. The church rang with the noise. “What happened to knowing only one chord?” He growled through gritted teeth.

“Oh, right! It was…um…” Atsushi looked at the keyboard. “You know- I can’t remember. But it was one of them I just played, I’m sure!”

“That wasn’t playing- that was slapping.” Akutagawa pulled Rashomon back, shaking his head. “I don’t think I heard a single chord in any of that.”

“Oo, you can hear chords, can you? Alright, Yiruma- it's your turn.” Atsushi stood, offering the piano. “Let’s see what you can do!”

Akutagawa stared, first at the piano, then at Atsushi. A mix of nostalgia and disgust filled him when he thought of playing again; Mori ruined any enjoyment he had with it.

And yet…Atsushi was giving him those eyes. The ones that presented a challenge. And Akutagawa had a hard time turning down challenges.

He also had a hard time turning down Atsushi.

What-

He sat down in the warm seat before those intrusive thoughts came back. Stretching his fingers, he let them rest on the cool ivory, wondering where he should begin. “Any requests?” He asked, be it a tad sarcastically.

“Whatever you wanna play.” Atsushi smiled, leaning against the side of the piano. Akutagawa hated how attractive he looked like that- FOCUS AKU! “I’m all ears.”

At first, he simply pressed keys- not the way Atsushi did it- this was far gentler, and actual cords. The weretiger’s smug grin melted into a look of surprise, making the other smirk. “Show off.” Atsushi grumbled. Akutagawa fought down a chuckle.

Then he was moving his fingers against the keys more intentionally, a song coming to mind. He didn’t know all the words- he only heard a chunk of it once when he was walking with Gin through the city. He did know the chords though.

Soft music played throughout the church, Akutagawa’s fingers playing out the beats in a steady rhythm, getting lost in the sound. He felt himself right back with Gin again, her smile encouraging and kind- the few beckons of light in the awful world of the Port Mafia.

Then he was singing. He probably sounded terrible; but he kept hearing Gin encouraging him to, so he gave in.

“If you had it all, would it be enough?

Can you find the way and still be lost?

I write songs about being someone else

That say fuck the world, you’re not angry enough.”

Beside him, he heard Atsushi suck in a breath. Be it from surprise or relation to the song, he didn’t know. Akutagawa kept going.

“Yeah everybody tells me it’s alright.

Everybody tells me I’ll be fine

Everything is not o-fucking-kay,

Oh but they can’t tell me why.

I put the picture on the shelf

Leave the memory behind

But the truth is I can’t say goodbye.”

Was he getting too real? Maybe. Atsushi was quiet beside him, not interrupting, just listening. He took that as a sign to keep going.

“So I made friends with all my demons

Let ‘em sink their teeth in

Got used to the feeling of letting it go

So give me something to believe in

Or throw me in the deep end

It all feels the same with your eyes close

So you can throw me in the, Deep end

Deep end

Deep end, Deep end”

And..that’s all he knew. The rest of the song was lost to him. He dared a peek up at the weretiger, waiting to see him fighting off laughter or wincing at Akutagawa’s singing.

Instead, he was leaning into the piano, eyes misty and something incredibly soft in his expression. There was no disgust, no second hand embarrassment, none of that. Only the look of a man who found something he was fond of, the smallest of smiles on his lips that took Akutagawa’s breath away.

Surely he must be thinking of someone else. There was no way he was looking at him like that.

The idea that Atsushi was thinking of another made his chest ache, a strange hollowness within tearing at his insides. In a haste, he slapped his hands onto the keys, startling the other out of his reverie. “I don’t know the rest- really, I hate the piano; we shouldn’t have done this. We have to go before the cops show up-”

“Aku.” Atsushi’s voice made him pause, halfway out of the seat. He was focused again, the expression he was wearing tucked away and replaced by his usual smile. “That was amazing. Truly.”

His chest ached again.

“It was just a thing I learned at the mafia. That’s all.” His voice sounded foreign to his ears, cold and distant. In the corner of his eye, he saw Atsushi wince. “Just forget about it.”

“Aku-”

But he was already out the door; the cool air of the city blowing on his warm face as he stumbled out. He walked at first, but then he was running. And then he was bolting. He needed to get away- to go somewhere else. He found himself flying down alleyway after alleyway, stumbling over his own two feet before crashing hard on his knees, coughing in his hand.

When he pulled it back, it was wet. However, it wasn’t blood that made it so. When did his vision get so blurry? He blinked, shaking when he realized it was tears.

He was foolish. A complete idiot! How could he let himself fall for the Weretiger? A Detective Agency member- the Mafia’s enemy. They’d never work out; and soon- he’d leave him. Just like how Dazai did all those years ago.

It would never work. Nothing ever did in the Port Mafia. They were sewer rats- destined to live and die among the filth they waddled in. And Atsushi…he didn’t deserve someone like that. He deserved someone who could stand in the sunrise with him, who could see how it matched perfectly with his eyes. Someone who could listen to his songs and jokes and antics and laugh freely alongside him. Someone who could make him happy.

And that wasn’t Akutagawa.

Curling up, he wrapped Rashomon tightly around himself. In past experiences, he found his ability rather sound proof. It was only then did he finally let himself sob.

~Kiss~

Atsushi sighed as he leaned back into a park bench, head still reeling. It had been a few days since the church incident, and there was no Akutagawa in sight. He could be busy, but Atsushi was sure he was avoiding him. It hurt- the sudden shut down from the other. Atsushi recounted the event in his mind hundreds of times, trying to figure out what exactly he did that made him flee.

He truly meant it when he said Akutagawa’s playing was amazing. Really- he was referring to his everything; the way he played, the words he sung, the way they broke something within his chest as he found each lyric incredibly relatable. That last moment, when the song ended and Akutagawa turned to look at him- there was so much…vulnerability in his gaze. Was he waiting for Atsushi to say something then?

Oh dear- perhaps he failed him afterall.

Pulling the bag of pork buns closer to his hip, he stood, deciding to head back to his apartment. It was probably dumb, waiting here for him. They hadn’t agreed on a meetup spot; Atsushi had hoped if he remained at the same location for the past three days, he’d pop up. So far, it proved fruitless. He made his way to the entrance.

And found himself staring at Akutagawa.

Silence so thick it could be cut with a knife, the two stared at one another; frozen. The rest of the world seemed to go silent, the people walking by shut off like a mute button. Akutagawa seemed stunned, and Atsushi doubted he looked any better.

For a brief, terrifying moment, he was scared Akutagawa would bolt. He remained standing. Then-

“Weretiger I-”

“I bought Pork Buns-”

They had spoken at the same time. Akutagawa blinked, startled. Atsushi felt himself return to reality.

“I uh…I bought Pork Buns. At the local convenience store? I remembered you liked them and..” He waved the bag in the direction of his apartment. “It’s probably not a good time, and if not you can just take them but…do you want to come over and eat? I bought too many…”

Akutagawa stared, the look making Atsushi squirm. Then he spoke once more. “I’m not busy…sure.” Relief flooded Atsushi’s chest.

“Great! Come along then.”

~~~

The walk back was terribly awkward. Neither spoke, but it was tense this time around, words heavier than steel stuck in their throats as they finally arrived at Atsushi’s place. Fumbling for the key, the weretiger pushed open the door, flicking on the light. “Pardon the mess, I didn’t get to clean up this morning.”

Removing his shoes, Akutagawa looked around. If he noticed the messy futon and leftover ramen cup, he didn’t say. Instead, he nodded. “Thank you for having me over.”

“Yeah, yeah- sure.” Atsushi smiled, hating how polite everything felt. He wanted so badly for Akutagawa to point out something- to make a comment on his tiger plushie that the other gave him in return for the chocolates- to tease him about knocking things over on the counter. He wanted anything else but this super quiet, super polite version of Akutagawa. “Erm, let me go put these down-”

“Weretiger. I must apologize.”

Atsushi froze, scared to turn around. Oh no, was he leaving already?

“The other day- I left without a word to you. That was incredibly rude of me, and I’m sorry.” Akutagawa sounded…choked. Like there was something else there he wasn’t mentioning. Atsushi figured he’d let it be.

But then, would anything actually change if he did?

“You ran pretty far after you left. I didn’t see where you went, you just kinda- disappeared.” Atsushi turned, facing him. “I never got to finish what I was saying.”

“I didn’t want to hear it.”

Ouch. Okay. Atsushi tried to hide the hurt with a smile. “Fair enough.”

“Wait- no. Fuck, this is hard.” Akutagawa ran a hand over his face, clearly frustrated. “That’s not what I meant. Sorry. I mean- I was…” He struggled with the words, waving his hands. “Weretiger, I don’t think I can keep doing this.”

Another dagger. Atsushi felt his heart drop into his stomach. “Doing what?”

“The whole- whatever this is. It’s killing me.”

A third. Atsushi felt his eyes sting. “Just say it, Akutagawa.” He sounded harsh in his own ears. Good.It’ll make him leave faster. “Say it and be done, already.”

Akutagawa flinched as if struck. Then he straightened, eyes intense.

“I’m in love with you, Weretiger.”

The buns hit the floor.

“I’m in love with you- I’ve been in love with you since- I don’t know how long now. Everytime I close my eyes, I see you. I hear you laughing in my dreams; I see you smiling at me when the pain’s at its worst and it’s killing me because I’m not good enough for you. I’m not the kind of person you deserve- a sewer rat who’ll only stain you with my filth-”

“Shut up.” Atsushi sounded strange. Akutagawa stared.

“Shut the hell up, you son of a-” Atsushi stormed across the room, grabbing the front of his coat.

And then he was kissing him. His lips crashed into Akutagawa's like a man craving water. At first, Akutagawa was frozen in shock. Then he was kissing him back, clutching the other tightly, pulling him in against his chest like he couldn’t get enough. He tasted like chocolate. For once, Atsushi found himself liking it.

When they pulled away, flushed and breathless, Atsushi reached up, gently pulling at the fringe framing the other’s face.

“Now you listen to me, Aku.” He tugged, earning a mild wince from the other. “First of all- you don’t get to decide who deserves me. I decide who deserves me. Second of all-” He released his hair, poking a finger into his chest. “I don’t want to ever hear you describe yourself as a sewer rat ever again. If I get stained, I get stained. Despite the white fur, I’m not some pristine tiger figurine.” He moved the hand poking his chest up to cup Akutagawa’s cheek, running a thumb against the smooth skin. “Finally- I never got to say what I wanted to say the other day. So you better listen.

“I think you’re amazing. The way you carry yourself; how you’re still so you even after everything you’ve been through in the Port Mafia. How you have these cute little quirks about yourself and how you’ve got so many hidden talents. I think you’re amazing, and I’m in love with you too. I’ve been in love with you for a long time now.” He smiled at the wide eyed stare he got, watching the hope in Akutagawa’s eyes meld into soft happiness.

Then he pinched his cheek, pulling slightly.

“But if you ever just up and run off on me again, I’ll kick your ass. I’m a weretiger- we like to eat little sewer rats who drive us nuts.”

“Sorry.” Akutagawa said through a deformed mouth. Atsushi released his cheek, leaning up to kiss it. “I thought you'd be in love with someone else.”

“Who else is there? Ranpo?” Atsushi raised an eyebrow. Then he looked thoughtful. “It would make getting you chocolate easier…”

Akutagawa couldn’t stop it. The laugh he fought down so hard bubbled over, then another. Before long, he was leaning into Atsushi, laughing for the first time in what felt like forever. The weretiger stood stunned, then he was giggling. Next thing he knew, he was laughing just as much, clinging to the other and squeezing tightly.

“Ohhohoho my god. I fuhuhucking love you, Weretiger.” Akutagawa wheezed out, wiping away a combination of happy and mirthful tears.

Atsushi looked just as teary, his cheeks warm and smiling like sunshine. “I love you too, Aku.”

Thanks for reading!

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Olympique Lyonnais Behind the Scenes (Episode 5)

This covers the month of January. Better late than never but alas some of us have jobs that we want to keep and cannot be chronically online. The Behind the Scenes translations is one of those times where I wish I was technologically apt because then I could just upload the video and add subtitles, alas, neither OLPlay nor my technology skills will ever make that happen.

I have no shame in confessing to this - I didn't want to do this one because Carpenter is in it and I am so irked by all the fucking Arsenal fans/stans suddenly thirsting for her to join their godawful team after the abuse she is has gotten from Arsenal stans the past two years. To act like she should join that club after what those people have said / done is so completely tone-deaf. Likewise, suddenly using "le clean sheet" every time your goalkeeper does their actual job is not as cute/funny as you think it is. It's annoying. It's so fucking annoying.

I will also save those godawful stans the time and say that Lyon / Carpenter do not address Carpenter's engagement to van de Donk as Lyon is a serious club who doesn't use a player's personal life as a marketing ploy. The purpose of the Behind the Scenes is to get to know the players' mentality and thoughts about the month's events.

Blah blah standard disclaimers apply; @OL Comms I feel like chipping in to contribute my Starbucks fund is the least you could do considering all the free work I am doing for y'all; how amazing would it be if some of you would actually get the mental help you so desperately need; y'all know the speech.

OLYMPIQUE LYONNAIS BEHIND THE SCENES (EPISODE 5)

Ellie Carpenter: We had a lot of games. We had Champions League games. I think it was a much needed break for everyone.

Selma Bacha: We really needed to have a break, because there are players who went straight into the World Cup so they didn't have a lot of rest. Everyone benefited from the break. For me, I went to Tunisia, where my family is originally from. So I had a great time with my family. And then we started up again. The break was short.

Damaris: It was good for everybody I think to go home, to be with our families and friends. Just to push football aside and enjoy ourselves. Yeah, that's always a good thing.

[OPENING CREDITS]

[TRAINING FOOTAGE FROM GIRONA]

Sara Dabritz: We went to preseason camp. It was really good. We spent a lot of time together. We had a nice hotel. It was intense but it's like that in camp. But I think it was good for us to prepare for the [second half of the] season.

Carpenter: The training camp in Spain was a nice way to come back at the start of this year to train well, to get the basics back, get back in the gym. And it was also really fun for the team morale. The camps with the team are always really fun. We have to work fun but also enjoy ourselves off the field.

Bacha: It was hard because you come back from break and you have to dig deep and work hard. So it was really hard because we had a fitness test over there.

Carpenter: The worst moment was probably the running test we had to do, the 1.5km [1 mile] sprint test.

Bacha: Honestly, that's when you realize that Olympique Lyonnais is a family. You can see it in the video clips, we're encouraging each other. The cohesion was top.

[TRAINING FOOTAGE CONT'D]

Bacha: My favorite moment was the team cohesion activity with the golf carts. Honestly it was so good. We had to do stuff - well, we had to do funny things. It was the best part.

Carpenter: Driving around the hotel trying to find clues, that was very fun.

[TEAM COHESION ACTIVITY FOOTAGE]

Carpenter: Yeah, we knew we had Paris FC as soon as we got back from Christmas break. After having been off we thought it might be hard to come back and play against a top team in Europe, in France for sure.

[LYON - PARIS FC GAME FOOTAGE]

Bacha: We got right into it. We know that those sort of games, they're going to very very big games because Paris FC is a really good team who has really improved and recruited really well. And honestly, it was a big game. We had to work for that win, so the game was won on mentality.

[GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

Carpenter: Paris FC has shown that they're a great team, they're a top team in Europe, doing well in the Champions League and, yeah. The intensity was high. I think you could feel that everyone just came back from holidays but we'll fight, until those last five minutes when we did score.

[GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

Bacha: Ah, Ada's goal, that's just Ada Hegerberg. That's it. There's no other forward who can do that. Honestly, when we celebrated - even I spoke in English, I said "what a goal". [Hegerberg speaks English when she's annoyed, which is why Bacha brings up the linguistic switch] Her shot was really incredible. You can watch it over and over. If you ask her tomorrow to do it it, she will. And it's true that she's the kind of player whom you can count on in big games. Everyone should have an Ada on their team.

Damaris: Yes, it was a magnificent goal. Speaking for myself, I was far back. It was a long ball, I headed it forward. I saw the ball stay there and I saw Ada [Hegerberg] call for the ball. When you're behind, you can see everything. Right before she took the shot, I was like "well, that's going to be a goal."

Carpenter: Yeah, she's a big game player, she scores big goals. So we needed that in that moment and she did that. So it was very cool.

[LYON - PARIS FC POSTGAME FOOTAGE]

Bacha: Honestly, it's good for us and it gets us going. I think we've been really good since the start of the season. And when I talk with players on other teams, or other coaches, they tell me that Lyon this year is unbeatable, so I hope it continues like that and we'll bring all the trophies home.

Damaris: The work we did for that game, we worked really hard. I don't think we were really efficient but we had a lot of opportunities to score.

Carpenter: Yeah, I think it was important that we started the year off with three points and continue our perfect streak in the league.

[LYON - MONTPELLIER COUPE DE FRANCE GAME FOOTAGE]

Dabritz: We had the game against Montpellier in the Coupe [de France]. I remember Amel [Majri] scoring a magnificent goal. It was a right on target.

Majri: Yeah, I saw Lindsey [Horan], she won the ball back. I called for it, she passed it to me. I think Ada [Hegerberg] was besides me asking for it as well, but I don't know, I think I was focused on what I was doing. So I just took a shot and it went it.

[GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

Bacha: Yeah, it's really great. Good on her as well because you can see she is starting to get her rhythm back. It's not easy when you're not playing all the time. Here, honestly, I'm just so happy for her. I hope she continues like that because she's the sort of player we really need.

Carpenter: Yeah, I love playing with Amel [Majri]. Yeah, I think she's one of the best players in the world I've seen or played with. [is she though...] She's an amazing talent and you can see what she's capable of now when she's getting back to the top of her game.

[GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

Carpenter: The team is in very good spirits at the moment, and you can tell that on the field. Off the field, we're a very close group and we work for each other. And on the field, you can see we're very connected. We're just enjoying ourselves out there, we're not too much pressure [on ourselves], we're just trying to play good football.

[GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

Majri: So really, when I went to call for the ball, I could see that even if I got it, I didn't think I could do much with it. So I said to myself, "Amel, leave it", so I left it and there was Ada [Hegerberg] and then a goal. And I thought - well I'm not going to lie to you, when I left I thought to myself "I hope she gets it". And to be frank she was doing great work before, because Lindsey [Horan] got past the opponent, and she [Hegerberg] just shot across. Honestly, it's a great goal.

[GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

Majri: Yeah, I'm happy because it's always nice to implicated in the build-up to a goal. I think that what I bring in terms of the style of play, I try to be involved in the ball movement, moving with the ball, moving without the ball. And I have good sensations, I feel good. Beyond that it's also the fact that I have been playing in consecutive games. But in terms of full games, I think it's one of my best performances since I have come back.

[GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

Carpenter: I guess playing a team one week after the other, twice in a row, it's quite difficult. It was a different Montepellier we faced at their home as well, away. Yeah, it was a tough game, it was one we had to grind out. Yeah, we knew they were going to come out different, like after beating them in the Coupe [de France], we knew it would be a completely different game since they're at home, and they totally showed that.

Bacha: We know that the league and the Coupe de France have nothing to do with each other. We know that Montpellier is a very, very aggressive team. And we knew that playing at their stadium was going to be hard. But here, yeah, it was really hard.

[MONTPELLIER - LYON GAME FOOTAGE]

Bacha: The night before the game, I was really focused on myself. I knew there were people coming to watch us, members of my family. And then, corner. It comes back to Eugenie [Le Sommer], who gives it back to me, and I was like - I knew exactly where I wanted to put it. So I pulled it in and placed it on Vanessa [Gilles]'s head. So really, really happy.

[GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

Bacha: It's that left foot, it's my left foot. What can I say. But beyond that, I work really hard. I know that I always want perfection. Because I know there are games where the crosses aren't good, but I really want perfection.

[GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

Bacha: My second assist for Ada [Hegerberg], it's vintage Ada-Selma. It's that connection that I think not a lot of people have. Honestly, with her, I know where she wants the ball and - honestly, I don't even have to look up. Because I cross, but I already know where she is.

Carpenter: Yeah, Selma [Bacha] is a great crosser, a great assister. Yeah, they're perfect, those crosses, pinpoint. If it wasn't for her we probably wouldn't have gotten the three points. So it was great to have her service [LOL at the Franglais here - the correct word would have been contribution], it allowed us to score goals.

[GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

Dabritz: I remember that it was a very intense game. But it's always like that against Montpellier. It's always a game which comes down to the duels, to aggression. They came back with that goal, it was a game which was a little [Dabritz mimes going back and forth] But then we won it and that's the most important thing.

[GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

Dabritz: We gave it all on the field. And it's normal to have games which are more complicated than others. And yeah, Montpellier is a good team, I can admit that.

Bacha: That's why I said that Olympique Lyonnais, the mentality - honestly, there are few players who can walk on to this team and say they already have that mentality. [@/any team other than Lyon. A blood lust isn't innate. It's learned behavior.]

[GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

Dabritz: We went to Austria for a Champions League game. Those are always special games for us. It's a particular game, playing the Champions League, those games are seen as the highest level.

[ST POLTEN - LYON PREGAME FOOTAGE]

Carpenter: Yeah, you never know really, when you go to other teams, other countries, how the pitch is going to be. Yeah, the pitch wasn't great. But we made the most of it and we had quite a good game.

Bacha: A stadium which was ... [Bacha laughs] It was a complicated game. No, playing on that pitch was complicated, it was a bit hard. But we started strong. We attacked from the start, even if we were starting to feel the tiredness. But we attacked from the start and were playing simple. And honestly, we were very efficient as well.

[ST POLTEN - LYON GAME FOOTAGE]

Dabritz: And yeah, we played a really good game, with a lot of goals and a really good performance from the entire team.

[ST POLTEN - LYON GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

Bacha: [forcefully] We never underestimate a team. When you play simple and individually you're clean, technically you're clean, and you're all on the same wave length, honestly there are not - we're good.

[ST POLTEN - LYON GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

Carpenter: Getting players back from injury, it's always nice, especially when they're providing assists and scoring goals. That's even better.

[ST POLTEN - LYON GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

Dabritz: Yeah, it was a good goal. [laughs] We really enjoyed ourselves on the field, we had nice combinations, we were explosive offensively. At least I think so. So we were really happy after the game.

[ST POLTEN - LYON GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

[TRAINING FOOTAGE / COUPE DE FRANCE LYON - FC NANTES FOOTAGE]

Bacha: Yeah, it wasn't an easy game because maybe in our heads, even if I think it's not really like that, but instinctively it's human nature and we underestimated them. FC Nantes came in with their game plan. They're a really good team, I was surprised. The first half was difficult. I think it's a little bit because exhaustion is starting to creep in. But the changes at half time did us some good and we were really efficient. The coach [Sonia Bompastor] yelled a bit at half time but it's normal. It's like that.

Carpenter: Yeah, I think fatigue comes into play there. I think it was our fifth or sixth game in a run. They were a different team, we hadn't really played them before. I think we can put that first half behind us and I think we really came out better in the second half. But yeah, I think we ended the game better than we started.

[LYON - FC NANTES GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

Carpenter: Yeah, it was so nice to see Delphine [Cascarino] make her return from her ACL. Obviously it's such a long rehab, such a long journey. It's tough to have an injury and go through something like that, and it's her second one as well. But I think she's done an amazing job. You can see in the way she's come back, she still has her speed, has her footwork.

Bacha: It was a really good moment for Delphine, the return against FC Nantes. We saw her struggle, her mentality is just incredible. It's really hard to have the ACL injury happen twice, to have missed the World Cup when we were expecting her, we wanted her there. Now she had the mentality, she dug deep. I'm really happy to see her back because it will really do us good.

[GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D / LYON - SLAVIA PRAGUE GAME FOOTAGE]

Carpenter: Yeah, we knew we were first in the group and obviously qualified, but we also knew we needed to put out a strong performance [they did not]. We wanted to keep the flow going for how well we're doing this month [of January]. On game day, obviously not everything went to plan. Obviously I think fatigue played a little bit in that as well, but that's not really an excuse. We should be better. We had 10,000 people come and you know, the more people that come the better, at least for us. We want to perform well, put on a show, for them to come back again.

Bacha: First of all we have to thank the fans who come out and support us. They're becoming more and more, so we need to thank them and for them to continue coming out and supporting us. After, it was hard because - well personally, I could feel the exhaustion. Then Slavia [Prague] was playing with a really low block. They came to get something at Lyon, even if we were already first and already qualified. At the end of the day we're Olympique Lyonnais. It's not acceptable to have played that sort of game.

LYON - SLAVIA PRAGUE GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

Carpenter: Yeah, it was very frustrating. I think games like that, you want to play the next game very quickly after so you can have a good reaction.

Dabritz: We were a little disappointed because we weren't happy with our performance. We wanted to show to the public that we can put on good performances, they came for us. That's why we were a bit disappointed. Beyond that, we want to continue, we always want to improve, progress. We always want to give our best. But it's not always possible.

Bacha: I'd rather it happened to us then than get to the quarterfinals and you're knocked out I hope it will serve as a lesson to us.

Carpenter: No team is perfect in the world. Some teams have draws or a loss and it's not the end of the world. I think we need to remind ourselves that we're also human as well. Not every game is the best game. January is probably the biggest month we've had in a long time. We knew we had a lot of games, we had to get points, play well, perform. I think as a team we did that great, especially as we have some injuries at the moment as well so we had to adapt. I think the team has held up well. We're ready for February.

#all good love stories start in the rain #ellie carpenter #selma bacha #damaris #damaris egurrola #sara dabritz #amel majri #nah but really #let's TALK about Lyon's eyes and how they change. you really have to watch them play regularly to understand it #and there's a part of you that's like 'shit. do my eyes change too?'#and the answer to that is: which answer would scare you more #that your eyes can change or that they don't

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