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kkaebsongtypo · 3 years

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why wont you love me // hrj [01]

pairing: renjun x reader

genre: friends to lovers, slow burn, fluff, slight angst

wanings/notes: alcohol consumption (all parties are of legal age, drink responsibly!), mentions/symptoms of anxiety, mentions/signs of abandonment issues (very brief), jealousy (also very brief), inspired by the song Why Won't You Love Me by 5sos

(warnings/notes are subject to change and updates if needed.)

word count: 2.86k

Renjun and y/n are an inseparable pair; they know each other like the back of their own hands. For the most part. Renjun keeps his true feelings hidden; y/n refuses to acknowledge their own. Both hold the fear of losing each other. But will one night out and a little too much to drink change everything?

a/n: here's part oneeee! this will likely be posted in 4 or 5 parts im not 100% sure yet but yeah ! also im so sorry about that summary kashfslkd- lmk if you want to be in a taglist ^-^

You walked through the airport doors with Renjun at your side, Jisung and Chenle following close behind. You were pulling Renjun’s suitcase (despite his multiple protests) behind you as you met up with Jeno, Jaemin, and Donghyuck. Renjun took his suitcase from you and thanked you before following the group towards the luggage check-in line.

You waited for the boys at the end of the check-in area as they all put their luggage on the conveyor belt. Jisung was the first to come towards you and engulf you in a tight hug. Though the boy was excited for their trip, he had been pouting the whole drive to the airport about how he wished you were going with them. Unfortunately, you didn’t have the time to leave town for too long. Jisung had grown very fond of you soon after you met and vice versa; he had a habit of clinging to you, especially at times like these. You hugged the boy equally as tight, letting him know that you’d miss him too. When you pulled away, you patted his shoulder gently before Chenle shoved him out of the way with a wide smile and pulled you into his own arms. Each of your friends gave you a parting hug, saying their temporary farewells. Renjun was the last to approach you, immediately wrapping his arms around you.

“Don’t miss me too much.” You moved your arms from around your best friend's neck and rested your hands on his shoulders. He had a small smile on his lips as his gaze shifted between your eyes. You hummed gently at his words and plastered a mock-thinking face before meeting his gaze once more and responding.

“Hm, I think I should be the one saying that to you, mister. We both know that you’re the clingy one~” Renjun rolled his eyes at you and wrapped his arms back around your waist, pulling you into a final hug.

“Right right, because you totally weren’t clinging to me like a koala to a tree over the last few days while I was packing.” You smacked his back at this comment and tried to push him away, but ultimately failed when he tightened his hold around you.

“I’ll pick you up when you get back. Have fun and text me when you land.” Renjun closed his eyes and hummed softly into your shoulder.

“Only two weeks and a couple days, but I’ll miss you.” His voice was just above a whisper, not wanting the other boys to hear him. You smiled slightly at the lack of sarcasm in his voice. A soft sigh fell from your lips and you shook your head slightly.

“...I’ll miss you too dummy.” Renjun chuckled and pulled away, a soft smile on his lips to match your own.

“Oh my GOD, let’s GO Renjun. We still have to get through security.” Renjun bowed his head and exhaled deeply at the voice. You peeked around him to see Donghyuck swinging his bag back and forth impatiently, an over exaggerated look of annoyance displayed over his features. His face lit up with his signature bright smile when he caught your eye. He stopped swinging his bag and stood up straight before waving to you, almost as if he was trying to pretend he wasn’t just groaning in annoyance at your best friend. You giggled softly and waved back.

“You better get going before Hyuck throws his backpack at your skull.” Renjun laughed quietly at your warning and grabbed his suitcase.

“Alright, don’t get into any trouble while I’m gone.” He narrowed his eyes at you as he started making his way into the security screening line with the others.

“Don’t worry about me, I’d never do anything stupid without you~” You smiled innocently and Renjun rolled his eyes for the hundredth time in the last hour, his smile remaining on his lips. He waved to you one last time before disappearing farther into the line for the bag check. Once he was out of sight, you crossed your arms over your chest and turned towards the exit of the airport. You pulled out your phone when you got into your car and sent Renjun a quick text before pulling out of your parking space.

Renjun walked alongside Jeno ahead of the others after going through security. A small squeak echoed from Renjun’s pocket and he swiftly pulled out his phone, knowing it was you from the text tone. A simple “Have a safe flight!” flashed across the screen accompanied by an airplane and blue heart emoji. He scanned the message over his lockscreen, a faint warmth crept onto his cheeks and the same small smile frome before found his lips.

“Okay lover boy, we got a long flight ahead of us. Don’t want to run out of battery too fast.” He looked up from his phone and met Jeno’s eyes that were bent into crescent shapes from the smile he wore. Renjun’s blush deepened at the nickname Jeno started calling him months ago. He scratched the back of his neck and sighed.

“Two weeks dude. You two can facetime all you want because we all know you can’t go more than 5 hours without talking to each other; plus it’s not a huge time difference. You’ll be fine.” He nodded at Jeno’s words.

“Honestly though, why aren’t you together yet? You spend 95% of your time together, you basically live at each other’s places, everyone already thinks you’re together. You’re both clearly into each other-” Renjun sighed loudly and threw his head back, looking up at the ceiling.

“No, Jeno. We’re not ‘clearly into each other.’ We’ve acted like this for years, it’s nothing new. Yeah, maybe I caught feelings but that’s it. It’s one sided. It always will be.” Jeno shook his head and subtly rolled his eyes at his friend's attitude.

“Fine man, if that’s what you want to believe then I won’t argue any further. But just hear me out, the guys and I know both of you well enough to see things that you both always seem to miss. But you keep on doubting it if you really want to, I won’t stop you.” Renjun looked straight ahead, refusing to meet Jeno’s brief glance.

The group gathered together once again at the terminal; they discussed their seating for the plane, what the rough plan would be after arrival, and all the other random questions that popped up. The six boys sat in the chairs and on the floor, playing video games or mindlessly scrolling through their feeds. They boarded their flight in no time and quickly got settled in their seats as the other passengers filed in.

Renjun glanced out the window; the now setting sun painted the sky like a canvas in warm colours. He reached for his phone and snapped a picture before opening your contact. “About to take off, I’ll text you in a few hours when we land.” He sent the message along with the photo before switching his phone to airplane mode.

He pressed his head to the cabin wall and looked down at his home screen. His gaze rested on your smiling face, and he smiled at the memory. A photo of the two of you from a road trip you had taken together with Jaemin and Jeno the previous summer was displayed in front of him. You were sitting on the wide edge of a stone wall with Renjun directly in front of you. You had your arms draped over his shoulders and your head resting against his. His hands covered yours, holding them together over his chest.

His smile quickly faded as the conversation he had with Jeno played through his head again. ‘...keep on doubting it if you really want to, I won’t stop you.’ He locked his phone and placed it face down in his lap. He fought back tears of frustration. He knew you didn’t have any feelings for him. Right? Or, did he only tell himself that to avoid the heartbreak he believed to be inevitable?

‘...the guys and I know both of you well enough to see things that you both always seem to miss.’ Jeno’s words were causing a frenzy of questions and feelings that quickly overwhelmed Renjun. He did his best to shake everything from his thoughts as the safety instructions sounded throughout the cabin. He focused on the colours in the sky as the plane started lifting off the ground. As the ground disappeared beneath the clouds, he couldn’t help but acknowledge the one, lingering question that always seemed to sit at the back of his mind, “Why won’t you love me?”

Despite Renjun’s protests, Donghyuck insisted on watching a cheesy romcom with him. Renjun tried to drown out the swarm of thoughts that continued circling his mind with the movie but it only made him yearn for you more. A typical story of love at first sight with the cutest and fluffiest meetings, the leads parting ways, but ultimately coming back to each other for a happy ending. Renjun could hardly handle watching such a relationship bloom on the small screen, the ache he was feeling in his heart only got worse with every loving smile the characters shared.

Part of him despised that Jeno had chosen to point out his feelings for you right before a rather long flight. He had nowhere to go, almost no way to escape his own thoughts. The idea of unrequited love was eating away at him with each passing minute. He was frustrated. Frustrated with Donghyuck for picking a movie that mocked him. Frustrated with Jeno for kick starting his overthinking. Frustrated with you for being so incredible and making him fall for you. Most of all, he was frustrated with himself for falling in love with his best friend.

It wasn’t long until he grabbed his ipad to draw. If there was one way he could get his emotions out, it was through art. He peeked out the window and observed the fluffy clouds passing by, illuminated by a soft orange glow from the setting sun. There was his reference. The movie served as background noise as he immersed himself in his craft. His stress poured through his pencil, the overwhelming thoughts were pushed to the back of his mind. The only remaining thoughts he had were about how much he wished you could see the sunset from above the clouds like he was.

As he finished his first sketch, he snapped a quick photo with his phone to send to you once they landed. There you were again. The thought of you alone made his heart flutter and a smile appear on his lips. The feeling in his chest was almost unbearable; he felt like he could explode. Opening a blank canvas, he pulled up a photo of the two of you for reference and started sketching.

Donghyuck had fallen asleep by the time the credits of the movie rolled, so Renjun took the opportunity to choose something else to watch. He threw on an old Disney film and continued his portrait.

The completed piece caused a warm feeling to bubble in Renjuns chest. His colour pallet felt comforting and cozy; like a reflection of how he felt with you. Not wanting to get too caught up in his feelings again, he opened another fresh canvas and turned his attention to the movie. He settled on making his own interpretation of the scene and what the characters were saying, wanting to exercise his skills and creativity.

He created one, and then another, yawning softly with the last couple details. Fatigue had been creeping up on Renjun as the Disney film neared its end. He tucked his ipad back into his small carry-on and pulled the shade over the window. Sleeping for the last hour and a half of the flight wouldn’t hurt. After putting some music on, he shifted into a relatively comfortable sleeping position and began to doze off.

Slight turbulence jolted Renjun awake as the plane began its descent. He gently rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and lifted the blind to peek out the window. The sky was a deep blue and the stars sparkled throughout. The city below was bright with lights as they cascaded closer to the runway. Renjun carefully shook Donghyuck awake, making sure the other boy was prepared for arrival.

Renjun fiddled with the edges of his phone case, waiting for the go-ahead to turn off airplane mode as the plane taxied towards the terminal. When the approval came through the intercom, he was quick to switch it off and text you that they had landed safely.

: Hey, we just landed!

y/nieeee: That’s great!! How was the flight?

: Pretty good

: Watched a few movies with hyuck and did

some drawing

: I slept for the last bit of the flight also

A bright smile found his lips and he selected the photos he took of his creations, skipping over the portrait, and hit send.

y/nieeee: Oooohh can i see ur drawings?

: [3 attachments]

y/nieeee: Ouuuu the sunset one is really

pretty

: Thank youuuuu

:We’re about to start getting off the plane,

wanna vc while we wait for our luggage?

Renjun threw his bag over his shoulder and followed Donghyuck into the aisle. Jeno and Jaemin handed the group their few larger carry-ons from the overhead compartments before Jeno led the way out of the plane. Renjun’s phone vibrated in his hand, a short text from you popping up on the screen, “ready when you are :)” The second they stepped off the plane, Renjun pressed the call button.

grab my earbuds!

You smiled at the sight of your best friend on your phone screen, his brown hair was slightly tousled from sleeping, you assumed. His brown cardigan was draped over his tee-shirt, and his smile was soft but his eyes still sparkled. Even after a 6 hour flight, he somehow still managed to look so handsome. What?

y/nieeee: Sureeee just give me a sec to

“Hey, y/n!” You shook your head slightly to silence your thoughts and laughed when Jisung hopped into frame when he heard Renjun say your name. You waved back with a sweet smile.

“Jun, let Jisungie into frame more, I want to talk to him too!” Jisung moved closer into view when Renjun motioned for him and waved to you excitedly. Renjun repeated your questions to Jisung (due to the fact that only Renjun could hear you through his earbuds) as they walked through the airport.

The other boys moved in and out of frame to say their hellos when they reached the luggage carousel. You rested your chin in your palm as you continued conversing with Renjun.

"How was the rest of your night? What did you get up to after dropping us off?" Renjun moved to lean against a wall, glancing at the carousel for a second before looking back at you. You hummed in thought for a second.

"Hmm, it was good, I guess? I didn't do much really." You fiddled with the cord of your earbuds, threading it between your fingers before elaborating.

"I got bubble tea on the way home and then I just watched a couple movies; just a lazy night."

"Ooh, bubble tea sounds amazing. Maybe I'll convince the guys to get some tomorrow or something." Renjun’s eyes lit up slightly when you giggled.

"That shouldn't be hard at all." You said with a smile. Renjun chuckled and nodded his head.

"Oh totally, they’ll agree in a split second- oh shoot,” His sentence was cut short and his eyes widened when he noticed you yawn softly.

“Isn't it like 1am now??” He furrowed his eyebrows as you checked the little alarm clock on your bedside table, seeing that it was in fact 1 in the morning.

“Yeah, just a little past 1.” Another yawn slipped through your lips as you laid back onto your pillows. You saw Renjun frown slightly and you sent him a tired smile.

“You should get to sleep, we’re going to head to the hotel right away anyway. I can call you again tomorrow!” Just as he said that, Donghyuck came by with Renjun’s suitcase and patted his back, informing him that their ride was outside. The lights outside of the airport contrasted with the night sky behind him.

“Are you sure?” You asked, raising your eyebrows for a second. Renjun nodded as they piled into the van.

“Yes, 100%! Here, say bye to the guys.” When they all got settled into their seats, Renjun held his phone up higher to get everyone in frame and removed his earbuds. You sat up again and waved at the camera.

“Good night everyone, have a good rest!”

The replies were a mess of ‘good night’s, ‘miss you’s, and wishes of sweet dreams. You bid one final farewell to Renjun before hanging up and plugging your phone in. A quiet huff left your lips after tucking yourself under the blanket and laying down, a deep slumber quickly washing over you.

Taglist: @lolibaaae @currentlyraisinghell

a/n: let me know if you want to be part of a tag list ^-^

disclaimer: i will try to update every 1-2 weeks but updates could potentially be stagnant. thank you for understanding :)

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c-rankin93 · 7 years

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SHE'S NO YOU - Ch.9

A/N: I actually finished this sooner then I thought I would have and is half way through the next one.. so I thought I'd post it. I hope you enjoy my little twist. These next few chapters will be shorter because I won't be merging the chapters anymore. I only did that so you could find out quicker about the Rae and Finn divorce reasons. But this is where the story gets... heated? And like all my tumblr work, it's not edited :) -- CHAPTER NINE: WHAT DO WE DO NOW? -- RAE POV: I broke away from the kiss reluctantly. I still didn't feel good about doing this behind Gregory's back. "Finn, we have to stop. I'm still with Greg" I didn't want to detach, but I couldn't bare the thought of hurting someone like Greg. "Who cares about him. You know I didn't cheat on you... You can come back to me, we- we can be a family again". If only it was that simple. I had been with Greg almost a year, and in that time he has help me with my children, spoilt me, and done nothing but treat me with dignity. I didn't ask him to do it, he just did. As much as I still loved Finn, I also had a place in my heart for Gregory. I respected him as a man, and he deserved more then this. "Finn, it's not that simple" I sighed. I knew this was going to be difficult to explain. "Then tell me why is what were doing wrong? We were together 12 years Rae" Finn stood confused. I didn't blame him, I too didn't have a clue what clog was turning in which direction. My brain was a mess. "Almost two years ago he walked into my office. He was late for our meeting by 12 minutes and looked disheveled. I, of course berated him about his tardiness the moment I saw him, but he didn't seem to care. You see, the night before our meeting he got nervous. So nervous he decided it would be a good idea to drink his body weight in vodka to calm himself. He woke up late, with a massive hangover, and by the time he reached the office he forgot the excuse he used to be able to see me..." Finn just stood still, intently listening to my story. He didn't give away any emotion. I pressed on, desperate to finish. "A week before I had met him at Izzy's bakery. I was a mess, our divorce was just finalised, but he didn't seem to care. So, we had talked a little whilst I was waiting for Izzy to finish her shift. We had parted ways with only a first name and an occupation known about each other. Out of the thousands of people in New York City he found me. It was the first time I had laughed since leaving you when he told me that story. I cancelled the rest of my day and he took me to lunch as friends. After he got cleaned up. So you can understand why I can't just break his heart. We were good friends for a year before it progressed. I know what it feels like to get hurt, and I can't do that to him". He probably won't understand what I'm trying to say, but he will have to except it. I need to think about what I'm doing, and what I'm risking. Greg and I had a weird kind of relationship, but I can't deny the man knows how to adore someone. "Do you want to be with him?" Finn croaked the words that I didn't want to hear. "I don't know what I want to do, but I don't want to hurt anyone" I admitted truthfully. "Your hurting me, right now. You're killing me". "I'm not trying to hurt you Finn. Believe me that's the last thing I want to do. But until I figure out what's going on in my head, we can't do this". I pointed to our close proximity. He looked devastated. I thought he would be mad, maybe yell and scream at me but he didn't. Instead he smiled softly. It was barely there, but it told me he understood what I was saying. "I can't say that I agree with your decision, but I'll respect it. I will do everything in my power to make this right Rae. Everyone that did you wrong will pay I promise you that, and you wont be able to stop me". And I didn't want too. I could care less about the repercussions those people will be going through. Knowing Finn it won't be pretty. "I understand and I won't ask questions" I smiled. I'm glad that we have come to an agreement. We are parents first, then we sort out everything else. "What's the time?" He suddenly asked. I looked at the clock on the wall to see that it was 7pm. The kids where meant to be home now. "Shit Finn it's already 7pm". "Crap! Atchie said that he was going to bring the kidsc around if I was not back by 6.30, but I don't even think I gave him your address". Finn pulled out his phone, and cussed under his breath whilst he rebooted it. The phone went crazy with messages. One after the other, they started flowing in. I was started to panic. I hoped everything was alright. "Its alright most of them are from Patricia. She's basically having a one sided conversation with herself" he sneared putting his phone to his ear. "Hey! I'm so sorry I forgot I turned my phone off before coming here. Are Ruby and Joshua alright?" He smiled a little and turned to face me. Finn help up a finger, telling me he'll be a minute. "Yup, ha! Well tell him I said no, the game is way to violent for him. Ben shouldn't even be playing that shit in front of him the dick... Haha very funny... Ohkay I'll let her know and get her to call you... tell them we love them and that I'll see them soon... Ohkay, see you tomorrow" I listened to Finn phone conversation slightly confused. "They're at Archie's house, Ben is currently playing C.O.D in front of our naive son- who now wants the game. They have a set of uniforms each and are happy to have them overnight and take them to school. But if you don't want them to stay Ben is happy to drop them off tonight". I panicked slightly. Joshua and Ruby were a nightmare in the morning and I didn't know if Archie and Ben could handle them, plus Sophie. I guess my eyes said a thousand words because Finn rested his hand on my shoulder, his thumb rubbing small circles. "They will be Ohkay Amelia" The words were simple but I believed them. Even though I didn't like them out on a school night, I nodded. I had to let them loose sometimes, experience their crazy families. They can't always be coddled by me. "Ohkay. They can stay, just make sure Sophie doesn't take to long having a shower. She tends to think she's the headlining act at Madison Square Garden when showering, so she gets a bit side tracked". Finn's eyes sparkled in delight before the roaring sound of his laughter filled the air. It was contagious, I couldn't help but join mimicking one of Ruby's favourite moves. "Yes I know, I stood at the bathroom door the other week listening to her do an acapella version of One Direction. I banged on the door for 10 minutes" Finn laughed trying to catch his breath. Our children were characters. But I wouldn't have it any other way. "So what are you going to do tonight?" Finn asked suddenly. He seemed to have recovered fast from his laughing fit. "Uh- I don't really know. I'm thinking about calling in sick tomorrow if I'm honest. I'm pretty intent of having a movie marathon or something tonight" I walked over to my phone on the kitchen counter. The battery had died, so I quickly put it on the charger and sent Chloe a quick text. I may have extended the truth a bit, but in the 3 years not once have I taken a day off. I worked my ass off, and Chloe knew that better then anyone else. So why not live a little. I mean, I just found out that I divorced my husband for no reason. Pitty party for one coming right up. "Can i join you tonight?" What? Was he seriously asking to stay here.. With me? "Finn.. That doesn't sound like a good idea" I sighed. I was scared we would cross those boundaries again. I had already cheated on Greg once before, maybe even more if you counted the kisses Finn and I had shared. I felt guilty enough as it was, imagine the devastation he would feel to see us alone- naked. "Just hear me out Rae. I promise I won't kiss you, touch you- anything. I will just be your friend. I really don't want to go home to the women that destroyed everything I've ever cared about. If I see her now I'll be sent to jail". His eyes pleaded for me to understand, and I did. I wouldn't want to see Olivia right now. She was out of her mind if she though her stupid secret would be hidden forever. She didn't even try to hide her tracks. Everything pointed to her. "Ohkay! But you can sleep in Josh's room or on the couch and do not steal all my popcorn! It's bad enough I usually have the kids eating it all, I don't need you to do it as well". I was glad that we were finally something more then enemies. I didn't exactly know what to call us, but we were talking so that was a start. Where will it go from here? I didn't know. I know that I first had to work out if I truly wanted to stay with Gregory. Whether it was Greg or Finn, Someone was getting hurt and for my sake I hope it wasn't me. "Deal. But I get to choose what movie we watch first.." "Deal". - UNKNOWN POV: The temptation to bite the apple was too strong and the sweet aftertaste only made me stay. The feeling and emotions I experienced that night were overpowering. It triggered a memory so sweet I couldn't stop, even if I tried. Beleive me i tried, my inner self failed to pull my body back, away from the deceit, it was impossible. I couldn't think or feel anything past that moment right there. I felt love. The way we ravished each other, tearing each other apart in the process. It didn't matter that there was alcohol flowing in our systems, it didn't waver our judgement at that time. We wanted each other, on that bed until the sun shone brightly in the sky Sunday morning. Naked, sweaty and absolutely exhausted. And we did just that, but instead we followed through to late afternoon. The moment we separated for showers the guilt kicked in. Me, of course first. It didn't matter how many times I scrubbed my body, I just didn't feel clean. I cheated on the one I loved, the one I feel madly in love with. I fucked up. The repercussions were going to be lethal, my world will fall apart. For one night- that as much as I feel guilty about don't regret. That night was something I would never be able to forget. It felt different to the previous times we had cuddled under the sheets. It was more mature. Maybe because we were. Little did I know that the repercussions for that night would shake my foundations more then i could of ever imagined. People's lives were about to change, starting with me. --- So who do you think the unknown pov was by? --- If you want to be tagged please let me know :) @lily-pop-2 @mmfdfanfic @milllott @hey1tskat1e @l88cym @i-dream-of-emus @arathewallflower @milymargot @tinakegg @eveerez @lurkernolonger @luly310

#mmfd #my mad fat diary #my mad fat diary fan fiction #fan fiction #fanficmmfd #fanfic

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