#my-real-feelings-know-no-one

[stuckinapril]

friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me

#It’s just so different #even though it’s public it still feels secret and safe. i feel comfy sharing a lot more on here than I do in my actual day to day life lol #in my head I’m also just speaking to myself 90% of the time which helps #if a friend off tumblr saw my thoughts I’d feel so weird ab it #esp bc they might get the vagueposting about certain situations and tell mutual friends #no thank u. this is for me. I’m not about to start censoring my thoughts bc someone I know knows my tumblr #u guys literally saw me have LIVE BREAKDOWNS #meanwhile I’ll have the worst fucking day in history and tell no one about it. I’m already cripplingly private but way more so in real life #this is basically a low stress journaling outlet for me. it’s so important for me to maintain the separation #like this is actually my diary & has been so handy for letting out emotions / articulating thoughts / staying on track !! #& I’ve met so many kind people on here who actually get me. which is so hard to find irl bc I’m surrounded by pre-med gunners/overachievers #who are by standard not very good w emotion & can be competitive/judgmental. or at least it’s hard for me to be vulnerable in front of them #and I’m part of that crowd so I reserve my emotions only to a handful of very close friends #it’s nice to hop on here and express negative emotions!! or positive emotions!! just whatever I want and it’s low stress and people get me #I don’t have to worry about judgment or competitiveness etc etc #like everyone on here is so kind & nice & understanding. & just a breath of fresh air from the types I run w. it’s just nice to have this #so idk that’s why I think I’ll always be strict about keeping the worlds separate. it just works #p

[tshortik]

Turn on "prevent third-party sharing" in your settings!

Go into your settings, click on your blog name, scroll down and enable "prevent third-party sharing". I'm gonna be honest, I question how much/if this even prevents any AI bullshit, but do it just in case anyway.

Edit: On Mobile it's the Settings Gear, Visibility, Prevent third-party sharing.

You have to turn that on for all your blogs separately.

#i talk sometimes #that meme where barbossa says you best start believing in cyberpunk dystopias you're in one is feeling v real lately #i want to delete my blog if this goes thru but i feel like all the other social medias will follow anyway #so like #i rly dont know anymore #everything sucks

[inkskinned]

there are a lot of posts out there that are positive and healthy coping mechanisms for handling the holidays. this is not one of them :)

i think there's like. going to be times in your life you will be stuck in a social situation that you cannot escape from gracefully. i do not know why the internet doesn't believe these times exist. it's not always just that your physical safety is at risk - sometimes it's legit like "i just don't currently have the energy or time to put in the effort of responding to this." sometimes it's a coworker you hate so much. sometimes it's just like, fine, you know? like you know you can handle your aunt when she's cheerily horrible, but if you actually set a boundary around her, it's going to be weeks of fallout with your father.

i don't know why people think the answer is always just "cut them out!" or "don't let them get away with that!" because ... the real world is tricky and complicated. i think kind of a lot of us have an internal "radiation poisoning" meter for certain people. like - i'm talking about the ones who are absolutely giving you gradual ick damage. like, you can handle them, but you'll be exhausted.

and yes. you absolutely should listen to your therapist and the good posts about handling others and set good boundaries and take care of yourself. prioritize peace.

HOWEVER :) ...... since im often in a situation with a Gradual Sense of Ick person i cannot just "cut out" of my life (without losing someone else precious to me) - i have sort of developed the most. maladaptive form of mischief possible. because like, if i'm going to have to listen to this shit again, i like to have a little bit of private fun with it.

now! again, i am physically safe, just mentally drained by this man. you should only do this with people you are not in danger with. which leads me to my suggestions for when your Unfortunate Acquaintance shows up and says oh everyone pay attention to me.

my favorite word is "maybe!" said as brightly and happily as possible. whenever the Horrible Person starts in on a topic you do not want to go further with, particularly if they make a claim that you know to be inaccurate, do not respond to it. you and i have both tried to actually argue with this person, and it hasn't gone well, because this person just wants the drama of an argument. however, "maybe!" gives them literally nothing to go on. it is incredibly disarming. they are used to people having some response. they know they can't prove what they're saying, and maybe! treats them like the child they are. it dismisses them in the politest way possible.

i like to say maybe! and then, in their stunned silence, immediately change the subject. this is because i have adhd and i will have something unrelated to talk about, but if you can't think of topics fast enough, i recommend just pointing to something and saying, "isn't that lovely?" because fuck you let's bring in some positivity.

by the way. that second trick - of pointing to something and stating an opinion about it? - that just works on its own, like, 70% of the time. i picked it up from teaching preschoolers. it's an intentional "redirect". it stops children crying and it also stops grown adults from finishing their explanation on why women belong in kitchens. dual wielding!

keep it silly for yourself. i absolutely do not care if people think i'm fucking stupid (it's more fun if they do) and as a result i will purposefully misunderstand things just to see how long it takes them to realize i've completely removed them from the subject at hand. when they say "women aren't funny" i get to be like. "which women." "all women." "all women in america?" "no in the world." "like the mole people? the people in the world?" "what? no. like, alive." "oh are we not counting the mole people?" "what the fuck are you talking about." "you don't believe in the mole people?"

similarly, i play a personal game called "one up me." my Evil Acquaintance literally knows this game exists (my family & friends caught onto it and now also play it) and it always fucking gets him. i don't know why. you have to be willing to be a little free-spirited on this one, though. the trick is that when they make one of those horrible little bigoted or annoying comments they are always making, you need to go one unit weirder. not more intense, mind you - just more weird. "you don't look good in that dress." "yeah, actually, my other dress was covered in squid ink due to a mishap at the soup store." "you shouldn't wear such revealing clothes." "wait, what? oh shit. sorry, your son tears off strips when no one is looking and eats them. i swear it was longer before we left the building."

the point of "one up me" is to completely upend this person's narrative. we both know this person likes setting up situations where you cannot "win" and then they really like telling other people how badly you handled it. in a usual situation, if you respond "please don't say something that rude", you're a bitch. but if you let it happen, you're letting yourself be debased. they are not usually expecting door number three: unflappably odd. because what are they going to say when they're telling everyone how badly you behaved? "she said my son eats her dresses" ".... okay?"

if you can, form an allyship with someone whomst you can tagteam with. where they can pick up on your weird "soup store" story and run with it.

the following phrase is amazing and can be deployed for any situation: "oh, be nice :) it's the holidays!" i do not know why this works as often as it does. i'll say it for the most random shit. i think this is bc most of the time these people know they're being impolite, they just like to fight.

godbless. when in doubt, remember that you could always start stealing their pens.

the whole point of this is - if you can't escape. maybe see how long you can just be. like. a horrible little menace.

#this is objectively bad advice #don't listen to it protect yourself and do real work on yourself find one of the good posts i've made about this #but also. u know. if u want to have fun while u do the work of setting boundaries #.... it IS fun #i will say that my fear of him went SO down after i just started. fucking with him. #bc i used to get SO fucking upset #i'd spend WEEKS arguing with him. tearing my hair out. sick with anxiety and dread and anger about all of it #and now i just LITERALLY do not engage #instead i'm like '' haha :) mole people" and get the HELL out of any tense conversation #i kind of think some of these people are literally addicted to drama as a form of connection #they like the rush they get from arguing #but those arguments are incredibly damaging for me #so like..... i am in the process of literally rehabilitating this person to figure out how to find connection thru #NORMAL CONVERSATION #he doesn't get it yet #i also do talk to them like they're preschool kids lmafo . ''are you using a safe and kind voice right now?'' #'' do you need a snackie? you sound a little upset. let's have some hummus and come back to playtime when we feel ready''

[ultravioletness]

gay knights and dames collages part two

#gay knights #knightcore #knight x knight #arthurian legend #medievalcore #john william waterhouse #edmund blair leighton #lesbian dames #pre raphaelite #decidedly less so this time around #uuh what tags did I use last time #the other post really blew up this will be its less successful cousin #although there are some real gems in here not to brag lmao #anyways I was feeling so many knight feelings that I started historical fencing #again I did this on my tiny phone at work so be nice i know they’re wonky #the hardest part is finding head rotations that actually work #also since people mentioned a lack of lady knights nothing is stopping the ones in armor from being lesbians be creative

[haunted-xander]

Well, I guess you didn't have much of a choice either

#sooooo fucked up being a teenage boy just messing around with friends one day #and the next weird monsters are after you #and suspicious guys youve never met before start telling you you shouldnt even exist #and even the gentle girl who seems to know SO much that you met #says you have to disappear #all for the sake of this one boy youve never heard of #who apparently everyone loves and wants back #even if it means essentially killing someone else(you) #and youre expected to just. follow along and sacrifice yourself for him #even though you are also a real perosn with real friends (or so you believe) #and at the end you do it #because youre tired and confused #and part of you feels like it should do it #that its the right thing to do #even though you still dont know anything bc no one will tell you #except for the girl but everyone always goes out of their way to stop her #anyway im rambling the kh2 prolouge is so fucked up when u think about it #roxas #sora #kingdom hearts #kingdom hearts 2 #kh #kh2 #art #my art #xanders art #digital art #fan art

[cloudyydraws]

more mario and luigi doodles but i took their mouths away

+ extra unfinished stuff under the cut

#the dear doppelganger weeg one is purely self indulgent bc ive been playing it on loop recently im normal #and i know doppelganger is a different whole thing than what he has but. hey its ok we ball #more spm on the way (i hope!!!!!! as long as i dont get distracted by avemuji or sekai for a bit) #most of this was practicing mario bc i still dont like the way i draw him tbh but i think we're getting somewhere #shoutout priv twt oomfies for dealing with my mario fix bullshit youre all so real #drawing these little guys is so much different from my other little guys i think thats why ive liked drawing them so much constantly #it just feels fresh for me!! i just get to fuck around when i draw them its fun to experiment again #ok done talking i like them a normal amount #mario and luigi #mario #luigi #super mario bros fanart #super mario bros #super mario fanart #spm #super paper mario #mr l #starlow #smb #super mario brothers #mario bros #mario fanart #art #fanart #my art #cloudy draws #nintendo #nintendo fanart

[egophiliac]

OH YEAH HIS TAIL ALSO LIGHTS UP

here's a bunch of quick reactions to some of the smaller bits, while I work on bigger things for the bigger bits and obsess over Silver's breakdown some more. don't be fooled -- this is only the beginning of my descent into pure diasomnia hell.

(I also need to figure out how to draw OB Mal better)

#art #long post #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland spoilers #twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers #twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers #ugggh sorry i really do need to figure out ob mal i have not managed a decent one yet #anyway saving my feelings for later #i have tried a couple of times to write something about how blatant lilia is #about being an ancient fae pretend to be a high schooler in order to keep an eye on his idiot dragon son #but every time i remember that this is a universe in which rook exists and is a real person that the characters know #and it's like. oh yeah. lilia isn't anywhere near the weirdest person they know. #they aren't exactly secretive about fae aging differently either #i assumed he told everyone he was literally 18 because he thought it would be funny #🤷 #drink your juice everyone

[lesbaurinkos]

they call me the world’s number one fan of dnp’s ffxiv catboys (who bought matching red and blue carbuncle mounts if you care). just like they call fditl the most important video to ever exist in the world

#do u guys even care. that they bought. MATCHING RED AND BLUE CARBUNCLE MOUNTS IN FFXIV #BECAUSE I CARE SOOOOO MUCH #THOSE COST REAL MONEY DID U KNOW THAT. AND THEY GOT MATCHING ONES. IF U CAREEEEE #can more phannies pleaaaasee also be xiv girlies like this knowledge is so important to me and few understand…… #anyways also. i keep rewatching fditl to cope with the dapg drought. as we all must do. obvi #and those sweaters i got an ad for on instagram and was like holy shit…… dude……… dnp for real #so anyway im having the time of my life lately. god bless! #dan and phil #dnp #daniel howell #phil lester #phanart #<- tag that truly brought me back to being 13 again. feels good feels organic. AMEN!

[felsicveins]

His heart belongs to another

And no other heart will do

#no other heart by mac demarco : D #I drew this a couple of days ago because i was feeling crazy and i just love the idea that #these two should be great together!! they should!!! but #theyre not together #theres just . theyre missing something #and thats okay!!! its not meant to be #and theyre friendship is very valuble to both of them!! #their* fuck my baka keyboard #trolls #yall are gonna be mad about this one i feel it ... #i think we all know who jds gonna end up with now right ... #i just gotta .. draw them more 💀 #i actully have the perfect ruveal i just have to finish painting it #urrgg i HATE painting #trolls oc #trolls oc cory #trolls movie #trolls john dory #trolls jd #john dory #jd ex husband #oh uhh i imagine this feels like a new years thing. or something #something that happened like right after they reconnected #before floyd and cory started going out #on god one day im gonna put all my tags lore into a post #i just shy 😔 who wants to read all this in a caption #not me brother!! I'm not reblogging that shit!!! #and im not finishing this cause i dont wanna give false hope 😘 #although jd dating sim ... is pretty real #i would love to do endings with all his exs

[sesamenom]

Gil-galad Variations, featuring all the gil galad theories i've encountered.

#silm #silmarillion #gil galad #gil galad son of plothole #<- best tag lol #personally i like the maglor theory #son of lalwen is probably my second favorite? #also that would make him the 16th known finwean grandkid #the aegnor/andreth peredhel variant is interesting #also i feel like when everyone meets him in valinor/the halls finrod would just look at aegnor like :/ #finrod: 'if you were just going to ignroe my whole speech you could have at least told me so i could get birthday gifts for the kid!' #the russingon one looks very much like nerdanel lol #both the maedhros ones' hair is *just* dark enough to not cause a diplomatic incident #the elured/elurin one is really funny #like. hes 0% noldor not even related to finwe at all. like. theyre descended from different cuvienen families. they literally are 0% relate #he was raised by cirdan who is also 0% noldor #but he is somehow a better king of the noldor than like 90% of the previous ones #even funnier if hes Just A Guy #did they accidentally switch the real finwean baby? did they just grab a random kid and go 'oh well close enough'? who knows? #i think princess-faelivrin has a FAQ about the leading version of fin-galad (gil galad being finduilas)

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Thank you all for voting in the poll to decide who was going to be the leader of the band! It turned out to be such a close race!

#poorly drawn mdzs #better drawn mdzs #mdzs #madam lan #A-qing #Band AU #(Reminder that Madam Lan's design inspiration goes to Qourmet!) #Madam Lan may have been the winner per vote count but there were so many strong advocates for A-Qing! #I played around with a few versions of what the 'poll winner' art was going to be and ultimately decided I wanted them both. #As any good theater love knows though - The battle for leadership was a ruse. They *all* get a chance to be featured. #Cooperation was the real end goal! However I do think these two have the best frontman energy of the group. #Or at least 'crowd favourite' energy. I also really loved hearing what people thought their vocal styles would be like! #This was probably one of my favourite polls to do and I love drawing these characters a lot B*) #I'd love to spend a bit more time in this AU so count on me bringing it back. #One thing I keep feeling like I need to redeem myself on is Madam Lan's Translucent skirt. I have *not* done the concept justice yet. #It is such a crack-platonic ship but I want to think Madam Lan and A-Qing would enjoy each other's company. #Possibly also with JYL as well. They can be like mutually beneficial therapy dogs to each other. #Madam Lan never got to see her kids grow up into teenagers after all. She only had sons. Never daughters. #Even if she saw her kids once a month we do know she treated them with so much love and kindness. #She would bite the shit out of YZY for yelling at JYL. What a sight to see. A-Qing would also start biting (for fun).

[buckttommy]

this isn't a horny post but. has buck even... seen a hard penis before that was not his own? like yeah yeah porn but. that's not really the same is it. not when you're not even looking. not when you don't even know that you want to look. like for all intents and purposes buck is completely virginal here and that's. ummm. that's a lot.

#like. oh. oh he's such a baby. he really is a BABY gay like sweet boy. you know nothing #you are about to get your entire perception of life and your body and your inner being absolutely fucking rearranged #especially the perception of his life like. for 30+ years he has lived in one world and it only took one kiss. one handful of seconds to no #just *change* that world but transport him to a completely different one. #everything is going to be different. from the way he approaches his politics (because it means something different when you're actually #fighting for your OWN rights) and the way he approaches his body like. and that's the real kicker for me is like #buck knows his body. he knows what he likes and this that and the other #but he doesn't actually KNOW his body because he doesn't know ALL the ways that it can feel #and all the ways that it can make HIM feel #he has not yet tasted the way his body can electrify him and render him undone and it's like #it truly is like he's becoming another person #and i know that's cheesy to say but this really is like being born again. #oh my god. i'm actively falling asleep. i don't know if this makes sense. you guys get the picture

[taxinealkaloids]

harrianthe + sewing (variations on a theme)

#tlt #my art #you sew a girl's lips shut she sews you a dress...reciprocity is so important in relationships <3 #ianthe when harrow pulls out her quote unquote enormous needles: haha so do you just carry those around with you 😳 #no but for real imagine being ianthe at the end of gtn and you're on God's shuttle and it's just you and this nun who you don't really know #but who you're maybe into #and then she comes over and apropos of nothing is like 'alright i want you to lobotomize me #but first you'll have to let me sew your lips shut.' #and this is the most consecutive words this girl has ever said to you. #like yeah how DO you deal with that sort of cognitive whiplash? i feel like #ianthe's snap decision to marry her was as valid as any other reaction one might have had. #also i went so hard on drawing ianthe's room in the first one for literally no reason. #me detailing swans to tastefully obscure cyrus's junk in a background portrait i plan to blur beyond recognition anyway: i may be #overdoing this.

[codgod]

my last sin… is that i hate you.

i. hate. you.

#.png #jrwi #jrwi riptide #just roll with it #gillion tidestrider #i hope if he ever gets to confront the elders he tells them this for real #this had a different caption in my head but it didn’t end up fitting that #something about feeling worse now that you know better. more abt what happened to u #anyways idk why i decided to colour the lines the way i did. basically getting rid of the outer ones #but it looks kinda cool so whatever

[beelzeebub]

victorian furfur wip i did some time ago

#i’ll be real with u im never going to finish it #still had fun drawing it #like we know furfur had a specific attire in the 40’s so it makes sense there’s another one for the victorian era #i feel guilty about posting original art when there are ppl waiting for their commissions lol #but i haven’t done any reece stuff in such a long time #i will be definitely drawing some in9 stuff once the next series comes out #im going to the bfi thing im so excited #furfur #reece shearsmith #good omens #my art

[brittlebutch]

Jay's hypocrisy is a little bit endearing to me ngl; he'll go on twitter to bitch about how much totheark stalking/filming him is causing life-ruining paranoia & then turn around and post video footage of himself stalking Alex for months and reading Tim's medical records out loud to an audience with seemingly no conscious thought connecting the two actions as The Same Thing

#N posts stuff #I'm doing rewrites of my character notes on my neocities page bc i get to be as longwinded as i want to on there #so i'm thinking about this again; totheark being a direct narrative parallel of Jay is so fucking funny bc like #totheark knows that they're parallels but i don't think that Jay does lmao #like in Entry59 Jay doesn't seem Shocked by Tim's reaction to finding out that Jay has been stalking/posting about him #like he acknowledges that he can in some way Relate to the way Tim feels... and then One Month Later he publicly shares #Tim's real life medical records & talks about how pissed he is that some of the personal information was censored .. like lol #babygirl what's going on in that head of yours; i'm not even sure you know #mh lb #marble hornets