#my three repugnant children

[sixty-silver-wishes]

The Repugnant Retrospective: Reading A Series of Unfortunate Events, over ten years later

(Note: For the sake of clarity, "Daniel Handler" will here be used to refer to the author of the books, while "Lemony Snicket" will be used to refer to the narrator character.)

I must have been in fourth or fifth grade the first time I picked up The Bad Beginning, the first book in A Series of Unfortunate Events, which contains thirteen books in all. In those days, I was a big fan of Guardians of Ga'Hoole and Percy Jackson, and read voraciously- to the delight of some of my teachers, and to the chagrin of others, who would prefer I not be reading a book for my own amusement during a lesson on mathematics. All thirteen books were in the school library, which I still look back on with fondness. It was a cozy little place- as libraries often are- that left me with plenty of memories, from going with my friends to the annual Scholastic book fair, to the unshakeable guilt of having to purchase a book on prehistoric animals because I'd checked it out and lost it, only to find it at home after the fact. I think I began reading A Series of Unfortunate Events after I finished the Ga'Hoole series, and although it was nothing like anything I had read before, I was hooked.

The phrase on paper here refers to an explanation of the basic concept of something, as opposed to experiencing it in practice. To witness an idea on paper does not necessarily mean it must be written on paper, as it could be written on the internet, or tapped out in Morse code, or spray-painted on the back of an unsuspecting associate while he waits in an abandoned bounce house for a secret message via carrier pigeon. However, it is true that reading an idea on paper may produce a very different effect than reading it in practice, whether or not paper is involved at all.

On paper, A Series of Unfortunate Events is about three children experiencing miserable things, over and over again, and ultimately culminates in an ending that is left ambiguous- a word which here means that the fates of the main characters are left unclear. When I first read them, I was used to stories involving magic, and enormous battles, and falling in love, mostly clear lines between good and evil, and an ending where there are no more secrets, because everything gets resolved. None of these things are bad to have in a story, of course, but a story does not need to have all- or any- of them to be good. Such is the case with A Series of Unfortunate Events. On paper, the series may not have appealed to me, due to the things I was used to reading at that age. But in practice, I couldn't put them down. I can remember feeling a sense of pride at figuring out the mysteries and understanding the literary references I could glean at my tender age. I can remember laughing uproariously at some parts (especially the Volunteers Fighting Disease song and the antics of Carmelita Spats), as well as feeling a dreadful pit grow in my stomach at others- which, of course, is a feeling that is typically better avoided than not. A pit in your stomach, after all, may mean you have uncovered a devastating secret, or had your heart broken, or have a nasty parasite gnawing at the lining of your digestive organs, and will need to see a doctor to extract it and seal the pit back up. Or, as was my case, it may mean an honest exploration of a truth about the world that you, at your young age, had some idea about, but had been sheltered from, and were finally seeing it laid out in a way that was simple and profound and shattering and enlightening all at once.

All that being said, I couldn't stop reading them, despite the warnings not to read them on the back of every book. The only one I didn't finish was The End, because I had to return it to the library before I could reach the end of The End, although this was not the end of my experiences with A Series of Unfortunate Events, and just a few days ago, I had reached the beginning of The End once again, and finally read The End from beginning to end. As the years went by, I completely forgot some parts of A Series of Unfortunate Events, and others refused to leave my mind. But while I would not experience another word of an Unfortunate Events book for over ten years, A Series of Unfortunate Events was constantly following me in some way or another, like three mysterious initials, or an unblinking pair of eyes in the night, or a particularly pesky neighbor I have had to move across the sea three times to get away from, but still keeps sending me telegrams in code. I was not done with the series, nor was it done with me.

When I was in middle school, through a completely different set of events altogether that would take another long post to chronicle, I decided I wanted to be a writer. I took to keeping notebooks where I wrote down my own stories, and even managed to finish a few. By the time I reached college, I was equipped with a love of history and classic literature, and majored in Creative Writing. I continued to read, and took a course on Arthurian literature- taught by a brilliant scholar whose work, I would find out a few years later, is cited on the Unfortunate Events Wikipedia page. (I also took a miserable course on English grammar that would have made even Aunt Josephine weep, and is better not elaborated on.) But also while in college, I began intensively researching a certain historical figure whose name you may already know. Like the fictional Snicket, I was researching someone whose life was full of mysteries, many of which have still gone unsolved. This person, like all people, made a number of morally ambiguous decisions, although whether or not some of these decisions were made for good reason is up for debate. One could even say that his life could also be summarized as "a series of unfortunate events," despite how prodigious, erudite, and altruistic he was- words which here mean the Soviet composer and pianist Dmitri Dmitriyevich Shostakovich- whose work, I would later learn, Daniel Handler listened to while writing A Series of Unfortunate Events. I became acquainted with, among other authors, the works of Nikolai Gogol, Franz Kafka, Kurt Vonnegut, and J.D. Salinger- whose writing styles echo in both Handler's work and my own. And of course, while I did not pick up on the reference in the books and forgot about it entirely, last year, I had been introduced to a little German flick called The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari, which of course, had absolutely no impact on me whatsoever. (If you know anything about me, you will immediately be aware that this is a blatant lie, and that nothing I say should ever be trusted.) I began working at a store that sells Puttanesca sauce and a great variety of horseradish condiments. And all the while, I, like everyone else in the world, was experiencing my own series of unfortunate events, both personal and political.

All that is to say, if I enjoyed A Series of Unfortunate Events as a young child, you can imagine what I thought of it as an adult- older, wiser, and more well-versed in things like classic literature and world politics. Most nights, I listened to the books on audio while drawing- because just as Violet needs to tie her hair up in a ribbon and Klaus needs to polish his glasses to focus on their areas of expertise, I must have something long and often thought-provoking to listen to. As I said, there was a lot I didn't remember about the books- and it wasn't just plot details and characters.

For instance, while I can’t say I remembered it the first time, when I read the first book, it really left an impression on me when Count Olaf slapped Klaus across the face, and how much the book dwelt on it. From a narrative perspective, that slap was a threshold being crossed- a sign that the Baudelaires were no longer in a safe and predictable environment, and were living with someone actively hostile towards them. But from an emotional perspective, it really struck a chord to see Klaus continue to think about it throughout the first book, processing his first encounter with abuse. There was a bittersweetness to watching the orphans grow up and learn self-reliance, and the cynicism and misfortune of the books was well-balanced with witty humor, satirical commentary, and a constant sense of hope- something, of course, that I also appreciate about Shostakovich's works.

A Series of Unfortunate Events has a great deal to say about evil, and the nature of oppression. As a kid, I don't think I realized just how awful Count Olaf was. Of course, I knew he was a terrible villain trying to make these kids miserable in any way he could, but as an adult, I could see that Count Olaf was more than that. He harassed Violet in a borderline sexual manner, just to make her and her siblings feel weak. He delighted in burning books and murdering brilliant people, so there would be less knowledge and nobility in the world. And perhaps most impactfully, we see his rise and fall over the course of the series, as for all his treachery and the pain he brings the orphans, he ultimately finds himself powerless due to his own actions, as well as the inevitable dissolution of his own troupe.

Seeing Olaf's theatre troupe gradually leave him one by one, along with the various schisms that shape the series, brought a distinctly political understanding to A Series of Unfortunate Events that I did not have as a child. It brought to mind real-life tools of oppression and ignorance, and how they are doomed to fail because of their tendencies to devour themselves in their desire to harm and ostracize others. There's an interesting situation with the carnival "freaks," who demonstrate how the oppressed can become oppressors themselves through a desire for power over their situations- and how quickly oppression turns on itself, as Olaf's troupe finds themselves being called "freaks" as they seek to exploit the carnival freaks for their own gain. The audience just wants violence, and it doesn't matter who it's against, as long as they have someone to ridicule. We also see how inaction is just as harmful as active oppression- Mr. Poe is just as responsible for putting the Baudelaires in bad situations as Olaf, and even well-meaning adults like Aunt Josephine, Hector, and Jerome Squalor endanger the orphans because they're too scared or too content in their ignorance to protect them. The colony of islanders put themselves and the entire world at risk because they refuse the apples that would have easily cured them of the fungus they were infected with, too content to follow their leader instead of "rocking the boat." With all the ignorance and malice surrounding them, the orphans instead must learn self-reliance, even with the few allies they do have.

A Series of Unfortunate Events is especially mature when it handles the topic of morality. Characters are often shown to be morally gray, even those who are initially introduced as "good" or "evil." I found Fiona to be an especially fascinating character, as she exemplifies this moral struggle, although I feel the way she's described in the narration unfairly contradicts her character. On one hand, it acknowledges that she makes similar decisions to the Baudelaires as a foil to them- both have had to make morally dubious decisions on account of their siblings- but the narration will repeatedly refer to her as "treacherous" or blame her for "breaking Klaus' heart," although we find out she regretted her actions and, if anything, betrayed Count Olaf more than she did the Baudelaires. But regarding gray areas, Count Olaf, by the end, performs an act of nobility out of love, and the Baudelaires are constantly shown coming to terms with their own moral struggles as they fight to survive and find justice- although as the series progresses, "justice" becomes more and more of an absurd concept as corruption is found everywhere- although justice still persists, and as long as there is evil in the world, there will always be people "noble enough" to fight it. It was especially gratifying to see Justice Strauss and Jerome Squalor come back in book 12 to apologize for their inaction, and to help the Baudelaires against Count Olaf, in a moment that, however brief, challenged the previously-established cynicism of the series and demonstrated that people don't have to stay complacent, and that it's never too late to take action against ignorance.

Handler masterfully presents the plethora of philosophical and harrowing concepts that the series deals with to his young audience through his storytelling, which- like Salinger- sometimes distances itself tangentially to allow the audience to process the heavier moments, relating the Baudelaires' experiences to things the readers may have experienced or read in order to help them understand them. It's an incredibly adult way of delivering a children's story, particularly one that's more mature than most. As I first read the books as a child, and then read them as an adult, I can appreciate this maturity more, although being older than the characters allows me to look at the books from a different perspective. Violet and Klaus, from the beginning to the end of the series, are respectively 14-16 and 12-14, and while as a kid, I admired them and thought they were so brilliant and mature, as an adult, there's a sort of horror in realizing just how young they are. Sunny goes from being an infant to a toddler, but her extreme intelligence and emotional maturity for her age still makes her character more fantastical and less grounded than her siblings at times.

I found the series to hold up remarkably well for the most part, except for in a few areas. The most glaring issue, although I won't dwell too much on it, is the transphobia regarding the "henchperson of indeterminate gender." While, to my understanding, this is remedied in the Netflix series (which I have not seen), it was still uncomfortable to see this character frequently dehumanized by both the story and the other characters, even if they played a relatively minor role. At times, it felt contradictory to the story's themes, as the narrative would explicitly discourage discrimination against people who are "different" (book six even defines the word "xenophobia"), but also portrays an androgynous character as inhuman. It's entirely possible that Handler was not aware of trans issues at the time he wrote the books, but this element nonetheless prevents them from aging as well as they could have.

The other issue I had with the series is that sometimes, plot elements almost seem forced within the narrative. While the orphans, of course, face plenty of misfortune, the solutions to many of their problems are often practically handed to them by the narrative. For example, when Klaus and Sunny need to figure out an anagram, they just so happen to be hiding in a closet full of alphabet soup, which they conveniently use to solve it. The wasabi that Sunny finds in the Gorgonian Grotto just so happens to be the cure to the medusoid mycelium, and it works instantly. Klaus, in an especially infuriating moment, cracks a code with an elaborately-worded phrase summarizing the central theme of Anna Karenina, and the specific words that he uses just so happen to be correct, despite the fact that there are countless ways the same idea could potentially be phrased. While the orphans all have their own specific interests- Klaus likes to read, Violet likes to invent, and Sunny likes to bite things, and later cook- they can seem underdeveloped at times because they're so heavily characterized by these interests, which they very frequently rely on. There's a moment in book four where Violet has to research hypnosis in order to save Klaus, and I really liked the idea of them having to take on each other's interests to help each other. However, for the most part, the Baudelaires tend to stick to their specific strengths, which usually allow them to solve any problem, so they don't often need to branch out.

Overall, despite its few faults, I enjoyed A Series of Unfortunate Events, probably even more now than I did when I was a kid. Each book was beautifully written, and I loved the slow reveal of plot elements, as well as the gradual descent into its philosophical themes. Being more well-read and experienced at my age than I was at nine or ten, I was able to appreciate the books far more. The humor, storytelling, and themes still largely hold up, and it was fascinating to return to a piece of media that left such a strong impression on me at a young age, and would continue to leave an impression on me the older I got. I would definitely encourage anyone to read them, especially if, like me, you also read them as a child. Perhaps you may not want to read such a long tale of misery and woe being inflicted time and again on three (mostly) innocent children, and as Ishmael would say, I won't force you to. These books, while written for a young audience, can be very emotionally heavy, and may not be for everyone. But there's a lot of truth to them, and like the most miserable late quartets of Dmitri Shostakovich, I found them a great comfort because of just how real they are thematically. Perhaps later on in life, I'll encounter even more experiences that will make me appreciate the series even more than I do now, just as I did growing up long after I first read them. Maybe then, I'll have to read them again, and as I'll watch the Baudelaires grow for the third time, reflect on how much I've grown as well. But for the time being, I'll conclude this retrospective, which has already dragged on for long enough, as I've finally reached the end- at least for now.

#a series of unfortunate events #asoue #long post #analysis #literature #book analysis #retrospective

[ur-local-demon1]

Show Annabeth

Confiscating her from a certain side of the fandom until they learn to treat my girl with the respect she deserves. When I first read what people had to say about the first few episodes, I made a promise to myself to keep quiet because I didn't want to offend people, and none of the things that were said were in bad faith, just misunderstandings- Until it wasn't and I genuinely flew into a frenzy over the takes I read. Like Grover said, maybe things need to get a little upsetting before they move forward: The racism against Annabeth is still very much here and alive, but this time the things that are said come from the mouths of those who don't hear the vile things they're saying (disclaimer before I keep going, I will be calling out racist takes about Annabeth but this is only from the perspective of a non-black POC. I experience racism so I can sniff it out easily, but I do not experience it in the same way a black woman would)

I first noticed this change around episode 3. Like I said, I promised myself not to say anything about what people have been saying about Medusa but that's over. The roman version of Medusa's myth was, is and always will be a beautiful homage/symbol (whatever you want to call it) to other survivors out there and I cannot stress this enough in this post alone. Because Medusa means so much to the women watching the show, myself included, we tend to look past an important thing: Medusa was a victim, she is currently a monster. Her monstrous traits (physical and behavioural) do not erase what she went through or what she symbolises for us, but in Percy Jackson, Athena and Poseidon are not the only ones who made her a monster. She chooses to petrify most of the people she comes across, she manipulated a grieving and traumatised 12 year old boy, and showed no remorse taking the life of three children. She suffered but inflicted on others a pain similar to the one she felt, and for that, No, Annabeth doesn't owe her kindness, sympathy, or anything for that matter. She is not "aggressive" or "not a girl's girl" for not being kind to a monster that aimed to kill her, it is not wrong of her as a daughter to defend her mother, however unjust it may be.

What some are angry about is that Annabeth supposedly doesn't have good relationships with other women and I get where they're coming from but to be blunt, they're wrong. It's good that womanhood isn't portrayed as sunshine lollipops and rainbows, that Annabeth doesn't trust someone who is an actual threat to her life simply because she's a woman. Most ridiculous part of this is that Leah said she was looking forward to season 2 the most since she wants to act with other girls.

And then, beyond that, her behaviour as a whole starts to get nit-picked. Names will not be named, but isn't it very ironic that we get a moment in episode 4 where Annabeth is being racially profiled by a police officer who saw her as aggressive for simply asking if they were under arrest, only for that certain part of the fandom to treat her in the exact same way, referring to her as violent, mean, and aggressive? What makes this nasty behaviour from the fandom different from the openly racist "fans" who had no shame calling Leah names, harassing her and anyone who showed their support for her before even seeing her performance is that the people I'm talking about here aren't racist themselves, but their words are. While they may not have bad intentions, they do not hear how disgusting they sound, and when you force them to hear it, they don't like it and they double down until they become just as disgusting and repugnant as what is coming out of their mouths

Conclusion: You'll give yourself an ulcer or idk, pop a vein if you keep complaining about every minute detail in the show. Either sit back, relax and enjoy it like a normal person, or stop watching it altogether. Oh and, I can't believe people even need to be reminded of that, stop calling black girls/women aggressive/violent, especially if they are a 12 year old kid who just wants to avoid being a statue, and for her mom to love her

#percy jackon and the olympians #pjo series #annabeth chase #leah is our annabeth

[hussyknee]

Will white queers please come and get their people

The staggering half-wittedness of this logic aside, ALL OF THIS IS ALREADY HAPPENING YOU IGNORANT FUCKS PEOPLE ARE GETTING FIRED REPORTED AND DOXXED RIGHT AND LEFT.

I cannot tell you of the depth of my sheer, utter loathing for these craven, snivelling, ghouls. The last fucker doing this with both the trans flag and Palestine flag in their bio is the final insult. There has been a barrage of these posts by white queers both here and on twitter in tandem with the escalation of Israeli bombings, and some of the responses have been in the vein of "yes we know, but now is not the time". As if it that makes it any less repugnant or your hands any less stained in blood.

After three fucking weeks, the Rafah border has been opened for all of 500 people, most foreigners and dual citizens and a handful of gravely injured Palestinians. Instead of calling for a ceasefire, this demon wants brownie points for letting them leave and leaving the other two million people with a few trucks of """"aid""". So they can patch themselves up before getting blown to pieces. And repeatedly, repeatedly, liberals want us to acknowledge this as the "good" we will lose if Trump comes to power.

This grief is fathomless, depthless, unbearable. Anyone who does this is the same as fascist appeasers and collaborationists. Kids in cages? You don't care about kids being massacred!White queers will literally lick the boots of genociders and child-murderers. You would have sold Jews out to the Nazis, the African slaves back to the slavers, the Civil Rights Movement to the segregationists, the Indigenous tribes to the scalpers and their children to the residential schools.

If you are our allies please shut these scumbuckets down. Otherwise, don't worry, I'm sure the Democrats are gearing up to be the same kind of defenders to you that they've been to Muslims, Latin immigrants and the Black community. Genocide will definitely feel better if you've chosen who gets to do it to you.

#i'm too exhausted and heartsick to do alt text #if someone wants to do it for me i'll add it #i dont know why i keep expecting the bare minimum of decency from white or western people lmao #but how do we feel like we belong or that we're safe here #when our noses keep getting rubbed in the fact that we're less than worthless to them #it's always fuckers with progress flags and blm and whatever flag in their bio #how do you look at 3500 dead children and square your conscience #white privilege #white sociopathy #white queers #western leftists #free palestine #fuck joe biden #genocide joe #palestinian genocide #palestine #war crimes #knee of huss

[imakemywings]

I'm glad they (or you did in the tags?) mentioned Maedhros because given Celebrimbors actions toward his uncle and father and later his actions at the fall of his city, I'm pretty sure Maedhros is the last person he would want to see or want for comfort (it seemed there was a general consensus that Celebrimbor would look for him of all people for comfort or something, which is weird for me because like @undercat-overdog said, most people don't rate their uncles as the most important people and he hasn't seen them for thousand years and when he did hear of them, it's the news of them committing the second and third kinslaying). I also subscribe to @aipilosse's headcanon about the feanorian brothers not being that close hence why Celebrimbor can easily ignore them because the relationship wasn't that deep to begin with. I fervently agree with you about Finrod most likely the family he would immediately live with after rebirth. Honestly, I headcanon him living with Finrod and Finarfin because I feel like that's the house where Celebrimbor would be able to heal (I subscribe to Finarfin being the best father and grandfather out of the three, sue me.). And even if Celebrimbor did start speaking with his father and uncles (and grandparents) the relationship wouldn't be the same anymore, like he's polite but there's no warmth or fluffiness or tearful reunion or something, it's not there anymore. What do you think of him and Elwing bonding over the trauma of getting screwed over and losing their city and people to a bunch of assholes?

With FULL WARNING that everything following is pure headcanon, since we don't actually get anything in canon on how Celebrimbor feels about his family (except that eventually he found them so morally repugnant he no longer wanted to associate with them), I think we're a lot in agreement here, anon.

I'm not opposed to Celebrimbor having originally been close with his uncles--every family is different and sure, it could be that his paternal uncles took a particular interest in his life. I DO think he was very close with Celegorm, if only because Celegorm was such a presence in his life, particularly in Middle-earth. However, I don't personally see him as super close with his other uncles (However, Lady_Gavroche has an excellent fic about his relationship with Caranthir that's a lot of fun!) I don't think Maedhros and Maglor were very fond of children as younger adults (Maedhros makes something of an exception for his brothers; Maglor does not), so I don't envision them taking much of a role with Celebrimbor.

However, with or without the premise that he was originally close at all with Maedhros, I WILL stand by that I don't think he wants anything to do with Maedhros after his death.

For me, it's that Celebrimbor put his foot down before arguably the worst of the Feanorians' atrocities. Leading up to his essentially disowning his paternal family, we have: Alqualonde, the burning of the ships at Losgar (either of which Celebrimbor may have personally had a hand in, we don't know), the fractious relationship with Doriath, the coup against Finrod, the kidnapping and attempted forced marriage of Luthien, and the effort to use Luthien to blackmail Thingol. Already at this point, Celebrimbor says "No, enough, I can't side with you anymore." (And I think his moral journey from someone who, in my mind, participated in the kinslaying at Alqualonde and in the ship burning at Losgar, to someone who says "No, this is wrong and we can't keep doing these things" is soooo interesting.)

AFTER Celebrimbor has already sided with Orodreth and left behind his family, THEN we have the attempted murder of Beren and Luthien by Celegorm and Curufin, the failure of Maedhros to address their actions in any way, the Second Kinslaying, the particularly cruel way Elured and Elurin were killed, the Third Kinslaying, the kidnapping of Elrond and Elros who were then held onto for an unknown number of years, the slaying of Eonwe's guard and the theft of the Silmarils AFTER everyone else had put their whole heart into defeating Melkor.

Like, they got SO much worse after Celebrimbor had already had enough. I imagine the amount of horror and revulsion he feels towards them and the things they did are quite high. And Maedhros, the guy who was head honcho for ALL of these things--Celebrimbor is supposed to get comfort from HIM? This guy? Nah man.

Celebrimbor died in agony and torment trying to prevent more death and bloodshed as a result of his creations. Maedhros decided slaughtering a bunch of other Elves was the best way to get what he wanted. I'm really not sure what they have to say to each other at this point.

We don't know anything about Celebrimbor's maternal family (although @swanmaids has seduced me on the idea of Curufin's wife going along with the rebellion of the Noldor and going with the Feanorians to Middle-earth) but even on the extended paternal branch of his family there are other people who have experience with torture, even torture by Sauron or Melkor! Maedhros is FAR from the only person with this experience!

Finrod would be my #1 choice because he, like Celebrimbor, was tortured by Sauron for information, and because I like to imagine they were somewhat close in Nargothrond, and that contributed to Celebrimbor being so disturbed by the way Celegorm and Curufin treated Finrod. (This is a fun fic about Finrod helping Celebrimbor through rebirth.)

There's Finduilas, who's captured and killed by Orcs; there's Celebrian, who's captured and put to torment; there's Orodreth who was killed by Glaurung; there's Aredhel who dies of slow poison thanks to her husband...and there are probably plenty of Celebrimbor's other friends and acquaintances and neighbors who have similar experiences and whom he can sympathize with. Even Nerdanel is likely to be a much better choice, since she at least never partook in any of that. He has options.

And I agree, IF he had interactions with his father and uncles again, it would be a very different relationship from what it might have been before. I can easily see him deciding he simply doesn't want them in his life anymore at all, full no-contact (as much as that's possible in Tirion).

As for Elwing, I think it would take her a while to come around to Celebrimbor just because he IS a Feanorian and I don't think she's especially inclined to give any of them the benefit of the doubt, not least one who created Sauron's rings of power ^.^;;; I'm also not sure how welcome he'd be around where she lives since iirc her tower is in or around Teler territory and you know, Alqualonde and all. But it's possible he wins her over. Kirta does a really interesting fic where Celebrimbor and Elwing meet before the attack on Sirion.

I also think it's fun when he gets to chat with Frodo.

ANYWAY long story long...I can zero percent see Celebrimbor seeking comfort from Maedhros, and honestly, it would be INCREDIBLY audacious (derogatory) for Maedhros to assume Celebrimbor would WANT comfort or support from him at this point.

#asks #anonymous

[columboscreens]

i was asked recently about my top three and top ten columbo murderers who i think most deserved their fate. after wrangling with the tumblr post editor undoing my text changes and fucking up my photo placement, i finally finished the post. everything looked good in the drafts, in the queue, and in the blog preview.

then for some ungodly reason tumblr published the rough draft version of the post i'd written weeks ago anyway. i got so frustrated i yelled expletives and nuked it. so i'm starting anew. without further ado,

here are the top ten piece of shit columbo murderers who absolutely deserved it:

justin rowe & cooper redman, columbo goes to college: truly, i hate these two scum-sucking motherfuckers the most. they're brats, yes, but look at the absolute dogshit stakes at hand. all the other murderers in this show are killing for true love, power, multimillion dollar fortunes, careers of great prestige--usually for that upon which they've staked their entire lives. these two tar pits blow their professor's brains out because they Got Bad Grades, which was their fault to begin with! they bully columbo mercilessly. i can't even look at them without wanting to throttle them

dr. barry mayfield, a stitch in crime: though his reasoning for murder starts out with at least some comprehensible amount of dignity, he quickly devolves into one of the most evil murderers of the series, not only by trying to off his research lead, but for causing so much collateral damage. he kills his nurse for knowing too much, sure, but killing her poor vietnam vet ex who's trying to shake his perc addiction while working at the petting zoo is…almost comically evil. it's no wonder columbo gets visibly fed up with his shit.

commissioner mark halperin, a friend in deed: god this guy is such a huge piece of shit. he's a spectacularly corrupt cop, covering for his friend's manslaughter and then using it as an excuse to drown his own wife for her money--to make it worse, his wife is somehow an absolute sweetheart angel darling who spends all her time working with underpriviliged children and people of color. then he's dumb enough to let columbo, the star detective with a 200% solve rate, work on the case, while also openly disparaging and discouraging him. utterly contemptible.

nelson hayward, candidate for crime: in typical politician style, so plastic and two-faced that he's not even a real human being. cheats on his adorable wife with a 20-year-old floozy and then gets mad at his clearly fantastic campaign advisor for wanting him to get a grip and fix his fucking marriage. then he shoots him about it. then he tries to make everyone think he's in danger--and he's such a rutting, lying pig that his own wife clearly believes columbo more than she believes him.

sean brantley, columbo cries wolf: i'm not sure if there exists a more smug columbo villain than sean brantley. uniquely repugnant in that he uses and abuses columbo to generate a media frenzy, then mocks and embarrasses him on international television. uniquely moronic in that when he actually DOES do a murder he hides his partner's body in…his own wall? with her smart watch still attached to her wrist. actual dirt man

dale kingston, suitable for framing: total piece of shit who always thinks he's the cleverest person in the room. says the absolute dumbest shit about art all the time; as in, literally everything that comes out of his mouth makes you want to curbstomp him. the girl who loves him gets kind of scared about being an accessory to murder, so instead of being reassuring in any capacity, he brains her with a big rock. this man deserved impalement

paul galesko, negative reaction: starts off the episode SO sympathetic when we see how bitchy and abusive his wife is, then immediately vanquishes all sympathy by being the most annoying, insufferable fuckhead at all times. fucked around with yet another 20-year-old floozy, killed an ex-con who was trying to rebuild his life, and planned everything poorly. is terribly mean to columbo…

milo janus, exercise in fatality: a complete fucking slimeball with vanishingly few redeeming qualities. kills a guy with his bare hands for even suggesting cooked books and then taunts his estranged widow about it by...asking her to fuck? (in all fairness--he has to maintain Quality. when he grows? you grow). it's no wonder that columbo loses his shit and yells at him

emmett clayton, the most dangerous match: seldom talked about in these conversations but he is so smug and killed one of the least deserving columbo victims because…he's a massive fucking coward who is incapable of losing. pathetic! get over yourself! plus this guy was like Ooo i am so Extremeley Jeanius but when columbo diverted his attention for like five seconds he lost to a fucking fool's mate. literally the quickest way you can lose a game of chess. real bobby fischer swag you big goofy ass bitch. grow up moron

harold van wick, playback: just the most abrasive fucking asshole the entire episode. insufferable proto-tech bro who is mean to beautiful radiant sweetheart gena rowlands and not even in the smug columbo murderer way, just an old school ableist/misogynist who openly says shit like why should i allow my dumb disabled wife to Make Decisions. doesn't even pretend to be nice to columbo at any point and not in the charming robert culp way. loathsome garbage heap of a man.

honorable mentchies go to jack cassidy nazi magician, evil french chef, pedophile johnny cash, weird italian polycule artist, and both william shatners. fuck you

#this one took me a while both because i had to think about it and also because tumblr blows #columbo #ask #text #longpost #probably shouldve oriented this 10 - 1 vs 1 - 10 but im so done looking at this post i don't care

[secondsonaym]

The Vessel Project - Exemplary [Shamura 1]

(read on Ao3 here)

------

Well. It would seem I cannot avoid it any longer. It is my turn to detail my experience under the ‘guidance’ of Raziel.

This was my idea, and yet when I hold the pen in my hand, a vile taste comes to my mouth. 

The pristine stained glass that represented my faith in her--my trust in her--has been unceremoniously shattered. I have cut myself on these shards, attempting to piece them back together, but all in vain. The image created is but a ghastly and grotesque imitation of what it should be.

Should I get it over with? Be concise about it, reduce it all to bullet points, so as to reduce the pain?

No. That wouldn’t be fair to my siblings, who have wrenched open their own wounds and written in their own tears, even with just these opening parts. And I know that it will only get worse from here.

I have seen the thoughts they have penned in their own introspection, the questions they have posed to both the abstraction of the paper and to me directly as I review things.

They are as devastated and scared as I am.

To cower away from this would be repugnant and underhanded. Inconsiderate. 

That’s not who I want to be. I refuse to be like that. I will never allow myself to be like her.

Forgive me, future self, should you decide to look back on this. The shaky penmanship is not from youth or a lack of care. It is from the trembling that I can reduce, but not eliminate, as I record what I went through.

Know that, in these early accounts, I was blinded. And I am not the foolish child I once was.

-------------------------

The events after the meeting transpired much like the others had previously described: The bishops left with their disciples, and I had been instructed by Lady Raziel to clean up the mess that had been left by Michael’s wound.

Thankfully, cleaning up blood was something I had already had experience in. I won’t go too far into the details, but simply put, there was no evidence anything had happened by the time I was finished, much to Lady Raziel’s approval.

Though the other bishops and disciples were likely to head to sleep as soon as they returned to their territories, such was not the case for the two of us Silk Cradle natives. Many inhabitants of the Silk Cradle were nocturnal by nature, and though Lady Raziel technically did not need to sleep, She had adopted a schedule that better meshed with those in Her order.

Once I had put the cleaning supplies away, I made my way to Lady Raziel’s office, where I was certain She would be waiting for me. Before the meeting took place, Lady Raziel had instructed me to observe the other disciples, and give Her a report once things had concluded.

That was what I liked about Her. She was meticulous, and She was always planning Her next move. Though the vessel project had been Her idea, She still wanted to know what to expect from the other bishops, so as not to lose Her own game.

Going to Her office to give her a variety of reports was not a foreign thing to me--In truth, my role as a disciple had started long before Lady Raziel had formally introduced the project to the other bishops. I suppose it helped to have my mother as a member of Her order, but I enjoyed it all the same.

When I entered Her office--A cramped space, compared to the grand ceilings of the main chamber--She was, of course, waiting for me… As were three others.

Lined up against the wall opposite Lady Raziel’s desk were the other children who were present in the order. Well, I say ‘children,’ but one was very much an adult already. But he was far younger than anyone else in the order, and was a child of another order member, so he got lumped in with the rest of us more often than not.

“‘Bout time.” Cindy, the bat, scoffed as she folded her arms. 

“Ooooh, don’t be so mean, Cindy!” Came the eager trills of the centipede beside her. Polly was always so bubbly, no matter the situation, so even when scolding somebody else, she still had a big smile on her face.

“Can we just get this over with?” Ian said as he rolled his eyes. As the oldest of our quartet, he didn’t bother hiding his annoyance when having to put up with us, but I had learned to let it slide fairly quickly. I had better things to do than squabble with him, anyway.

I turned my attention to the desk, behind which stood Lady Raziel, looking expectantly at me over the tall stacks of papers and writing utensils.

Perhaps I should quickly explain why the other three were present in a matter that should have been between Lady Raziel and Her disciple. The short answer to that is that we were all Her disciples. 

“Why should I limit myself to just one?” She had mused, when initially gathering us to observe our qualities. “More vessels means more power, right? And I don’t even have to tell that to those other idiots, haha! They’ll probably just stick to one! Brilliant!”

And at the time, I had agreed. It was quite brilliant, like Lady Raziel Herself. As much as She enjoyed being challenged, She enjoyed winning more. Thus, She always had secondary plans up Her sleeve, so as to gain the upper hand when needed. 

“The other disciples were, frankly, not real interesting.” I began, folding my arms. “Phanuel’s was far too chipper and didn’t take the matter very seriously. Zuriel’s didn’t say much, but considering his age, I wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t actually fully comprehend what was going on.”

I took a pause to roll my eyes. I recall that I had only just recently learned how to do it with all four of them, so I had taken every opportunity to show it off, not that many really cared.

“Verchiel’s disciple is a pushover, not even sticking with the conviction of wanting to be called by his real name. He went back to Verchiel’s name for him after Phanuel’s disciple started tossing around nicknames.”

“Ohh, did she call you one?” Polly cut in. “Was it ‘Mury’, like Miss Hecate does? Well?”

“Not relevant, Polly, dear.” Lady Raziel chided. She shifted Her eyes back to me, still listening intently. “And what of Michael’s? The little cat? He was quite the surprise, I’m sure the other bishops will agree.”

“A living example on how the sect of Death is unnecessary.” I offered. “They don’t even worship it, according to him.”

“Feh,” Lady Raziel scoffed with a shake of Her head, unsurprised by this. “Michael thinks he’s so much better than us, insisting on respecting Death and its facets--Seeing it as an equal, even! Doddering old fool.”

She stepped around the desk, making the space in front of it that much more crowded, as She loomed over us.

“Even if I were the only disciple of War, I doubt there’d be any challenge.” I said coolly. “Though showing faith in their respective bishops, the others hardly made any indication they’d have the resolve to do what will be expected of them.”

Lady Raziel, of course, had already told us what lay ahead on our path to become Her vessels. We would train in combat and strategy, memorize Her scriptures, and expand our knowledge as far as it would go. We would become perfect representatives of Her creed.

And I could think of no higher honor.

“Oh, I’ve no doubt in that.” She agreed. “The four of you have already been making great strides in your training, and I expect only the best results from you all. But now that everything is formally in order, it is time to start the more serious aspects of said training.”

She took a few envelopes from on top of one of the piles--No doubt having placed them there beforehand; She was so meticulous, so careful. She then handed one to each of us, before returning to Her original position behind the desk.

“Please hand these to your mentors. The contents are for their eyes alone, and they will know what to do upon reading them.” She instructed. “Though you will all be taught the basics of what is expected of you, it is important to diversify. Thus, you will each be given more… Specialized training, on top of it all. Training that plays to your strengths.”

“Oh boy!” Polly squealed, making the legs on my head twitch in agitation. She did not know how to use an indoor voice. “I wonder what my strengths are! Being really long? Climbing on walls?”

“How about ‘inability to shut up?’” Cindy cut in. “You can probably talk so long, your enemies will want to cut their own ears off just to make it stop.”

“Oooh, maybe! You’re so smart, Cindy, I never would have thought of that! Do you think that’d be a good fighting strategy? What about you, Mury?”

“Oh, cram it already!” Cindy barked with a stomp of her foot. “My Lord, is that all you wanted to say to us? If I stick around her any longer, I’m gonna die from overexposure to idiocy.” 

Lady Raziel let out a heavy sigh, pinching the bridge of Her beak, before eventually nodding to Cindy.

“Yes, you may go. Same with you, Ian, and Polly as well. Shamura, I’d like to speak to you for just a bit longer.”

Me? Speak with Lady Raziel directly? Alone? While it hadn’t been the first time such a thing had happened, the proposal still made me freeze in awe. I stood up, straight and proper, while the other three stepped out the door, Polly still chattering away, much to Ian and Cindy’s displeasure.

“Now,” Lazy Raziel said, once they were gone. “It is time for me to speak to you about an extra layer to your own training. One that the others will not be privy to. And there is a reason for this.”

Huh? Extra layer? A reason for… ?

This furthered my confusion, as Lady Raziel had never suggested anything of the sort before this instance. It certainly made sense, at least--She was a woman of a meticulous nature, having many plans that interlocked with each other. 

“If I were to ask you what the biggest flaws of the other three disciples were, what would you tell me?” She asked, tilting Her head.

“Oh, um…” I was caught off-guard, so it took me a moment to think, but soon enough, “Cindy is too emotional. She’s let the death of her uncle get to her, and she’s lashing out at everyone else, destabilizing camaraderie. Ian is the oldest of us, but has been coddled by his mother to the point he projects his own failures on others instead. And Polly… She’s too naive. She doesn’t understand that the world isn’t going to be as welcoming as she thinks.”

“Blinded by emotions. Arrogant. Ignorant.” She listed, counting on Her fingers. “In one way or another, all of these will lead to their defeat--their death. They are liabilities. You, on the other hand, are exemplary.”

This sent a small ripple of pride through me. Lady Raziel, calling me exemplary. It wasn’t even a direct compliment, and it still filled me with joy.

“I would prefer not to watch them fall to their own vices, Shamura. It reflects badly on me, after all. Recall, if you will, one of the tenets of War.”

It was with that prompt I began to get an idea what She was getting at.

“The force is only as strong as its weakest link. Better to snap a link so it can be replaced, than fall from its sudden breakage.” I recited.

“Exactly. It is unfortunate, but those three cannot be trusted on their own. Their mentors will do their best to guide them, but it will not be a perfect prevention.” She said, “Thus, I have a request for you, should the worst come to pass.”

I stared at Her intently, feeling my fur bristle slightly in anticipation. Though I was eager to hear what She had to say, a faint part of me also dreaded it. Like an unopened box--It could have been anything--anything. 

“Should any of those three begin to show that their resolve is failing… That they cannot keep themselves in check, and risk the order as a whole… I’d like you to kill them for me.”

Silence hung in the air. It wasn’t that I was surprised by this proposal--I knew of the punishments that waited for members of the sect. But the fact that Lady Raziel was asking me to deal with individuals She had deemed a liability… 

In truth, what I felt was a strange mix of honor and… Surprisingly, doubt. That She actually trusted me with something like this was… A bit overwhelming, really. But at the same time, I was… Unsure, really, if I could do it. I had only recently turned thirteen, after all, and this was quite the task to be given at such an age.

“Note, Shamura, that I said ‘should’ they.” Lady Raziel spoke up, catching on to my inner thoughts. “For now, just keep an eye on them. I trust you, and I trust your judgment.”

Right… Yes. Lady Raziel trusted me. Whatever decision I made, and whenever I made it, She would approve. And that’s all I wanted from Her.

Sickening, really.

“Of course, My Lady.” I said, giving Her a deep bow. “I will do my best to live up to your expectations.”

“Very good. With that in order, you may go now.”

“Thank you, My Lady.”

I bowed again and turned to the door, leaving Lady Raziel to her business. The exchange left a strange jumble of emotions in my chest, but I couldn’t really focus on it too much, as no sooner had I stepped out the door, I bumped into somebody.

“Mury!!”

And that somebody was, to nobody’s surprise, Polly.

“Were you waiting out here this whole time?” I asked, squinting at her as I recovered from the collision. “And don’t call me ‘Mury.’”

“Don’t be silly, of course not!” She laughed, antennae wiggling. “I tried to go find Theodore, but he’s busy rewriting an entire book of scripture ‘cause he found a misspelled word on the 57th page of one of our copies, and you know how he is about things being perfect, so--”

“So you came back here to wait for me.” I sighed, starting to walk off in the direction of the temple’s east wing, where my own mentor waited. 

“Pretty much!” She agreed, the faint skittering of her legs audible behind me. “Was it scary talking to Lord Raziel alone? You do it so much, you must be used to it! I think I would molt right then and there if I had to talk to Him by myself. Have you seen me when I molt? It’s soooo gross, my exoskeleton cracks and everything, and-”

 “Actually, I am used to it.” I said, knowing it was better to keep the topic consistent when speaking with Polly. Her rambles would go off in fifty different directions if you let her talk for too long.

“And that’s what’s so cool about you, Mury! You’re so brave, and obviously the most devoted out of any of us, it’s really admirable! I’m so glad you’re my friend.”

I resisted the urge to correct her, and not just on the nickname. While I may have tolerated her better than most others, I didn’t see her as a friend. I didn’t really have any friends in the order, but that wasn’t really a problem for me. I liked it that way.

Polly, for some reason or another, had latched onto me when we had first met. I had grown up in the temple walls, but she had been brought in by Theodore--I can’t recall the specifics as to why. As young as ten, I had to deal with her talking at me and assuming things about our relationship.

I don’t know why I hadn’t said anything about it, honestly. I preferred my own company, so one would have expected me to be upfront with how I didn’t see her the way she saw me. 

Perhaps it was pity? Cindy was closer to Polly’s age than I was, but was more vocal about her distaste for the centipede. Ian, meanwhile, was already an adult, doing more important things and not having time to spend with Polly. There were no other peers in the whole of the order, so I guess the burden of being Polly’s companion fell on me.

“Well, as much as I’d love to chat, I need to deliver the envelope to my mentor.” I said, stopping by the large double doors that formally opened into the east wing. “And you should go back to Theodore. Knowing him, he may already be done with the rewrite by now.”

“Oooh, so true, Mury!” She nodded, and I flinched at the nickname. I did attempt to curb her habit now and then, but in my time knowing her, I had learned that there was probably little hope of getting her to call me anything other than that, so I was forced to put up with it most of the time.

“Well, I’ll leave you to it, then,” She continued, beaming down at me. “Tell Miss Hecate I said hi!”

Finally free of Polly’s presence, I pushed open the door, slipping into another chamber. This one did not have the benefit of a skylight, so it was much dimmer upon first entering. Normally, it would have braziers lit, for the benefit of the few who did not have good night vision. Based on the fact I saw no orange embers anywhere along the wall, however, it was unlikely any were here at the moment.

This section of the temple was dedicated to the archives, vast records of various things that Lady Raziel had wanted to keep up with--Weather patterns, birth and death records, harvests; they were quite expansive. 

Part of my earlier training had been to study these records, and report if I had noticed any patterns between the various record types: For example, in seasons following a plentiful harvest, the number of deaths due to violence had decreased. Doing what was best for one’s own survival was paramount, so denizens of the Silk Cradle hunting each other was not unheard of, and it happened more frequently when other forms of food were scarce.

But I wasn’t here to thumb through the musty parchment. I was here to speak to my mentor: Hecate, the head librarian and archivist of the temple. 

She also happened to be my mother.

I admired my mother--Not as much as Lady Raziel, of course, but she was still an important figure in my life, and I did not take her presence and guidance for granted. Even with her responsibilities in the order, she did everything she could to raise me, and provide me with whatever I needed.

I suppose it was to be expected. I was her only child--her only family, even. I didn’t ask about my other parent very often, but when I did, the only response I got was that they were dead, plain and simple. My mother also never mentioned any siblings, or parents of her own, so for my entire life, it had just been the two of us.

That was fine by me, of course. There wasn’t much point in longing for something you had never had to begin with. How would you even know it would be good for you?

But I digress at this point.

As I expected, Hecate was sitting at the desk in the back of the chamber, scanning the pages of a tattered book that looked ready to fall apart. Every now and then she would write something down on a notepad beside her, then turn the page.

Her eyes lifted when she heard my footsteps, and she smiled warmly when I stopped in front of the desk.

“Hello, Mury, dear.” She greeted, making me smile in return. My mother was the only one allowed to call me that nickname--Polly had unfortunately picked it up after her arrival, but everyone else at least knew better.

“Mother,” I said, with a small bow of my head, prompting a sigh from her.

“Formalities?” She asked. “Has Lady Raziel asked something of me, then?”

I was no stranger to delivering instructions to other members of the order on Lady Raziel’s behalf. As my mother noted, I had a habit of donning a more formal demeanor when doing so--And why not? These were serious matters, if they came from Lady Raziel Herself!

“In a sense.” I said, producing the envelope I had been given and holding it out to her.

Hecate paused, before gently taking it from me, using her claws to deftly release the wax seal and open it. She pulled out the single sheet of parchment that lay within, her good eyes flicking side to side as she looked it over.

Once she was finished, she folded the paper back up, tucking it and the envelope into the folds of her robe.

“I see. So the time has finally come to pass on the torch.” She sighed, and for the first time ever, I sensed a level of resignation from her. Never before had she approached any of her instructions with reluctance, so this was quite a surprise to me, to the point I initially only watched as she got up from her seat and moved to a bookshelf in the back.

“Come here, Mury. It’s time I show you something.”

I finally forced myself to move, stepping carefully closer to her, and watching intently as she trailed her fingers over the various book spines, mumbling to herself.

“What was that blasted code… Lady Raziel and Her tricks… Ah, I believe it was--”

Push, pull; red, green, green, black; pull, pull, push--She was adjusting the books in minute ways, practically indiscernible had you not been paying attention. With one last tap to a book on the bottom shelf with her foot, there was a click from behind the bookcase.

Hecate took hold of my shoulders and pulled me back as the bookshelf swung forward, inaudible despite its size and weight. 

Behind it was… Well, a secret passage, what else? Lady Raziel had made many twisting and turning shortcuts throughout the temple, and a few were disguised so intruders couldn’t make use of them, so I guess this shouldn’t have been as big of a surprise as it was, but… It was still pretty shocking. Especially to see my own mother open it up so nonchalantly.

Taking note of my surprise, Hecate smiled, before stepping into the threshold, looking over her shoulder at me.

“As you spend time here, you’ll learn just how much Lady Raziel likes Her secrets. And the one I’ve been instructed to tell you about tonight is the Venom of the Moon.”

#usurper au #ch5 #shamura #raziel #polly #cindy #ian #hecate #and you thought heket was zealous over phnauel... this spider will not fucking shut up #even uses the same words to praise raziel like. cmon. kid. please. #THEY USE 'METICULOUS' MULTIPLE TIMES GET ANOTHER WORD

[emeritus-fuckers]

how do you do, fellow queers, look how fucking professional i'm being this time, sending an ask like commonfolk/j

for the match-up re-run bc i wanna see nyx struggle with repugnant <3

1. Your identity! i'm sorry for the research nyx

i can very proudly call myself a faggot. my pronouns are they/she/he/xey/per/ghoul, but i'm slowly moving away from the "standard" ones. multigender, but they're all xenogender (ghoulgender, ghoulettegender, gooregender, chaosgender). multisexual (pansexual, asexual, lesbian, aegosexual, orchidsexual, berrisexual). aroallo (aegoromantic, desinoromantic, grayromantic, demiromantic). autistic. theistic satanist.

2. Who do you like?

repugnant. death metal racoons my beloved.

3. What do you look like?

there's a picture. i just dress more like a metalhead now. still wearing too much jewelry. i'm still short (it is a tragedy).

4. What's your personality?

i hate whoever came up with these questions (ekhem, myself).

ISTP-T, according to a quiz i did just before writing this. i'm relatively apathetic, only ever getting truly emotional when i'm overwhelmed. touch-repulsed, but touch-starved when it comes to people close to me. i'm quiet and distant around strangers, but get talkative and open with friends. i struggle with serious self-esteem issues (diagnosed depression, cheers) and i get very anxious about my friends just not liking me anymore and usually need to be yelled at to get my shit together. and then cuddled because i got yelled at. my relationship with emotions is complicated, as i only feel a very faint outline of an emotion most of the time, but i've learned to adapt to it over time and i'm pretty good at adapting my behavior so it looks like i feel a complete emotion.

when it comes to affection, i'm like a cat. i love it, but only when i want it. otherwise i will run away. i also show it in inconvenient ways, i suppose, like randomly grabbing my friends with a weird noise or sometimes (if we're really close) biting them. i feel very uncomfortable around most children, so i despise them.

5. Tell us about your interests!

i'd say repugnant, ghost and in this moment would be my top three bands to listen to, but i also like vocaloid and dolly parton. i always have to have something playing in the background or it's too quiet for me and i lose my shit. i like to read, but i much prefer to overanalyze everything and come up with ridiculous theories and headcanons to write about (i think emeritus-fuckers is proof of that). I like writing, but only stuff i actually enjoy writing, not whatever bullshit they're coming up with for uni. I can't write porn, yet people seem to think that i can, which is honestly hilarious to me.

i like making bracelets and other arts and crafts things, though i suck at it and usually it looks like trash.

i like video games, mostly sims 4 (finally figured out how to furnish it hallelujah) right now, but i like classic assassin's creed games (which means everything that came out before Origins/Odyssey bc fuck i hate these), the saints row series and skyrim too. and uncharted, too. and i guess tekken, but i'm just there for the hotties tbh.

i don't really watch movies, but if i had to pick a favorite, it would either be scream, pearl or shrek.

6. Trivia time!

i know way too much about butterflies and moths.

i have a framed attacus atlas.

my favorite food is instant cupped carbonara.

i have a dog (everyone has seen her at this point tbh).

i have a figurine of the batman who laughs and his three robins.

i love juice. especially apple-cherry juice.

i'm a terrible cook, i can make like three dishes and that's it.

i hate working under pressure and/or with deadlines.

i have a rather controversial sense of humor.

i love wearing too much jewelry.

i adore matching things, from jewelry to tattoos.

and here's a few pics of my cuddle monster.

This post is part of the 1000 followers match up event. Entries for the event are now closed.

Your match is…Mary Goore... and DD Sars... and kinda the rest of the band...

Hear me out on this haha, I have spent way too much time thinking about this and well you'll see XD - Nyx

So you met Mary first. They thought you looked cool so they went over to you.

You got chatting and you just kinda clicked with each other. Especially since you both have a controversial sense of humour. Mary enjoys throwing a few playful insults at you and getting all of that back and some.

You met up a few more times, enough so that you became comortable around Mary and them you. Although there was a discussion about your boundaries when you had to explain that you are like a cat, you only want affection when you are in the mood. Which of course Mary respected.

Mary after really getting to know you declared you one of their favourite ever people by lightly biting your shoulder. (This was okay as you way of telling them the same was to display your affection with a bite.)

Mary then proudly introduced you to the rest of the band. You quickly became close with all of them as to be with Mary is to be with the band. When Mary mentioned you had a dog E. wanted to see lots of pictures. He just kinda quietly sat there as you scrolled through them.

You made them all bracelets, G. got very excited by this. You said they look like trash and DD just kinda rounded on you. He firmly told you about how they weren't trash and how could you be so stupid to think so low of yourself. You just kinda nodded and then spend the rest of the day being cuddled by G.

DD does however get you. He never says it to you but its shown through his actions. He will just quitly sit and listen if you want to talk about it. He might say that you are a fucking weirdo but his expression tells the real story. He understands you and he knows what its like to have a complicated realtionship with emotions. There is a really nice companionship you two have because of this.

Mary noticed how you look at DD like you want him to sit on your face. So one night they say to you while pointing at DD "all you have to do is ask, you know, DD would be more than happy to" and then they gave you a little wink. Mary left it with you, it's totally up to you if you want to follow through on that or not...

~

Written by Nyx

#match up #match up event #ghoulettka #repugnant band #repugnant #mary goore #mary goore x reader #dd sars #dd sars x reader #g grotesque #e forcas

[gatekeeper-watchman]

Daily Devotionals for December 15, 2023

 Proverbs: God's Wisdom for the Day Devotional Scripture:

Proverbs 30:20-23 (KJV): 20 Such is the way of an adulterous woman; she eateth, and wipeth her mouth, and saith, I have done no wickedness. 21 For three things the earth is disquieted, and for four which it cannot bear: 22 For a servant when he reigneth; and a fool when he is filled with meat; 23 For an odious woman when she is married; and a handmaid that is heir to her mistress. Proverbs 30:20-23 (AMP): 20 This is the way of an adulterous woman: she eats and wipes her mouth and says, I have done no wickedness. 21 Under three things the earth is disquieted, and under four it cannot bear up: 22 Under a servant when he reigns, a (empty-headed) fool when he is filled with food, 23 An unloved and repugnant woman when she is married, and a maidservant when she supplants her mistress.

Thought for the Day

Verses 20-23 - These verses describe an array of people who are types of rebellious sinners who cause trouble for others.

An Adulterous Woman: This woman simply does what she does, in the same way a person would eat a meal and wipe his mouth after they finish. She is so hardened, that she feels no guilt and claims she has done no wrong. The Bible tells us that we are all sinners in need of a Savior and that we must confess our sins and ask God to forgive us; only then can we be cleansed (1 John 1:8-10).

A Servant When He Reigns: People suffer when a servant who is not trained for the office of a king obtains that position.

A Rebellious Fool When He Is Prosperous: The Hebrew word for "fool" in this verse indicates a vile, ungodly person who rejects God's Word. Only the rich in ancient times had an abundance of food; thus "filled with meat" indicates prosperity. An ungodly person uses position and money selfishly and often for evil purposes. Nabal, (1 Samuel 25:2-38) and modern-day mobsters are examples of this kind of fool.

An Odious Woman Who Marries: A bitter woman with hateful characteristics can cause much trouble and make life unpleasant for her family and others. Marriage tends to give a woman a degree of authority and respectability, increasing the pride of a woman with bad character. The Bible instructs women not to become busybodies. "And withal they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house; and not only idle but tattlers also and busybodies, speaking things which they ought not. I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, and give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully. For some are already turned aside after Satan" (1 Timothy 5:13-15).

A Servant Who Is Heir To Her Mistress: There have been instances throughout history of maids persuading mistresses to make them heirs of their possessions, or servant girls who displace mistresses in the affections of their husbands. When servile, mean-spirited people come into a position of power, however slight, they are prone to become proud and use whatever advantage they can to promote themselves.

Each situation is bad enough in itself, but if all of these were true in the life of one person, it would be unbearable. If the servant who reigned was a bitter, adulterous woman, who was also a prosperous rebel and had gained her position by displacing her mistress, this would be an unbearable combination. God calls us to be holy, whatever our position or status (1 Peter 3:3-5).

Prayer Devotional for the Day

Dear heavenly Father, thank you for liberating women to be what You have called them to be. Lord, may we, as women, please You first, and secondly please our husbands. Lord, may we have a submissive spirit toward our mates and seek to minister and serve them as You would. Lord, purify my heart and create a right spirit in me. May Christian marriages be an example of Your love on this earth. Deliver us from all quarreling, bitterness, and anger, and give us a meek and quiet spirit, which is, in Your sight, of great price. I ask in Jesus' name.  Amen.

From: Steven P. Miller @ParkermillerQ,  gatekeeperwatchman.org Founder of Gatekeeper-Watchman International Groups, Friday, December 15, 2023, Jacksonville, Florida., USA.  X ... @ParkermillerQ #GWIG, #GWIN, #GWINGO, #Ephraim1, #IAM, #Sparkermiller, #Eldermiller1981

[landothemuppet]

let the rain pour on you (t.h) | chapter 2 (teaser)

☽✧ chapter two ✧☾ (teaser)

synopsis ➼ Rain, sun, fertility. Three little words; a coveted title.

The feud of pride and combativeness for the title of God has rotted the existence of Tom and his brother since they were children. Only one condition is imposed on them to obtain the title they desire. And when Tom’s eyes linger on you. He is convinced that you are the one who will bring him into the light. And he’s willing to do anything for it.

word count ↳ 754

warning ➼ mention of masturbation

n/a ➼ hello everyone ! I'm back after being MIA for month now. But, i finally here. I'm so sorry i disappear but it was so messy this last few months. Here's a teaser of chapter two of let the rain pour on you. I didn't proofread, so i'm sorry if you find some mistakes in it.

☽✧ serie masterlist ✧☾

You were all he could see. His sleep was filled with dreams of your face, his ears only heard your voice, blowing his name in a fit of pleasure. Since he saw you at the museum, you were all around him and that night had been the height of his obsession with you. You were his divine obsession. The night had been almost sleepless for Tom, fascinated by the memory of your voice, of your body twisting to the thought of him, and yet unconscious of his existence. It was something totally hypnotic. 

"Tough night?" asked Harry to his brother’s attention, while Tom sat at the table of the gods. 

Freya’s gaze fell on her brother, the god of rain. She was as always dazzling. The goddess shone with her golden hair, her skin sprinkled with divine dust. And at the corner of her lips, full of sensuality, a smile worthy of Machiavellian Loki. 

She carried the raspberry-adorned fork to her mouth and her smile didn’t fall, even when she ate her lunch. Her younger brother set a strange mood at the table of the gods, certain anticipation, heavy malice until the goddess of fertility finally spoke. 

"... so, brother, do you often happen to say my name while pleasuring yourself?"

Harry spit his mead unworthily, his eyes vagueling from his sister to his older brother. Was Loki’s rumour true? Would he have been so obsessed with his quest for power that he would have been unaware of what was going on between Freya and his brother? Tom’s eyes turned to the thunderstorm, darkening dangerously, stung by his sister’s words.  

Yet he was a benevolent god, who hated fighting or any quarrel. He was Freyr: God of rain, fertility but also, God of peace. He claimed honesty and benevolence and showed a real contempt for Loki’s antics, especially when he profaned absurdities as repugnant as the accusation of incest with Freya. That’s why he was so annoyed by his sister’s words, even if it was a joke.

"Freya, don’t make it weird!" Tom warned, jaw tight

"Just asking... there’s nothing wrong with asking for help." The goddess said casually and mischievously, "You know that humans have invented something really useful called psychology?"

"It seems that they gave the name of Oedipus, a Roman deity unrelated to our gods, to a complex. Something related to parent-child sexual frustration. Didn’t Mom hold you close enough to her boobs to make you fall asleep ?" Harry added with much more sarcasm in his voice. 

The storm hit the room as hard as Tom’s fist hit the table. Food flooded with rain waltzing by several centimeters. 

"Do not spread the ignominies of Loki at this table again or I swear that peace will no longer reign. Have I made myself clear?" 

Tom looked at Freya with his dark gaze, so that for the first time in their existence she shuddered. He was not finished with her. 

"It wasn’t like that and you know it: Freya, goddess of love, sexuality, beauty, earth and fertility. Do you have so little esteem for your brother, for humiliating him in this way with infamous jokes worthy of Loki? Am I nothing to you, to joke about things like that? "  

Freya shriveled on her seat, ashamed to provoke his brother’s wrath. Whether it was a joke did not bring any valid justification to the comments made by the blonde and she understood the fury of her brother. She herself was outraged and hysterical that anyone could think that she and Tom could have a relationship beyond the bounds of the sibling relationship. But she preferred to joke about the situation. Her lip trembled with shame and her eyes seemed veiled with guilt.

“I’m..I’m terribly sorry, Tom” she apologized.

"Today it will be Freyr for you. Call me by my title and don’t forget who you are talking to. I am a deity just as much as you, Freya. Stop acting like the immature Loki and act like the goddess you are."

Tom was in a foul mood, his brother and sister had really clouded his mind. While Freya swallowed his saliva with difficulty, the God’s shady eyes fell on his younger brother who displayed a mocking grin. 

"So, share with us your sneaky thoughts, Harry. What does make you smile." 

"You. And the pathetic use of your power to masturbate. No one needs to be Odin to guess that you will not find a wife until father decides to end your reign." 

#tshwritersnet #tom holland x reader #tom holland fic #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland smut #tom holland x yn #god of rain!tom holland #harry holland x reader #harry holland fic #harry holland x yn #god of rain! harry holland #norse mythology #god!tom #god!harry #freyr!tom

[morgana-ren]

Ah yes I think about the AU surprisingly often considering you don't talk much about it. It's how evil and vile you made all three of them. It sunk into my kink brain and stuck there. Especially Astarion and Nightmare bickering over you when they're sharing. the fact Astarion likes to mark you up with his knife and Night doesn’t. I can't find that post but that tugowar fuelled my daydreams for months

Oh, they are vile. Utterly repugnant. Nightmare adores Asto and would flay anyone alive for him, but by the Gods do they come to blows over the girl. Doesn't help that Nighty is a devout Banite cleric (and he is absurdly powerful thanks to a pact and hundreds of years of practice and clawing and ambition-- literally think Gortash times 10) and isn't used to not getting his way and having to share.

Nightmare wants tears and begging and obedience and fear; he wants to slap a collar on your neck that reads 'Property of Prince Nightmare' and enchants it so that if you try to take it off, it shocks you more and more each time. He's the type who doesn't care if you black out while blowing him-- in fact, he likes it. If you miss a drop, you will be licking it from the floor and then cleaning his boots with your tongue while you apologize for being so incompetent. He invades your dreams and gives you nightmares of him ravaging you brutally only for you to wake and find those horrid, slitted, golden eyes leering over you in the dark with one hand on your neck and the other slicing whatever clothes you may be wearing with his claws. Gaslighting gets him hard. He'd have you believe that he's a prim and proper prude that values decorum and power above all (he is a prince, after all) but he's a filthy, wretched pervert who has some fucked up kinks, and you will indulge them - you have no choice.

On the upside, he will torture and devour your abusive ex boyfriend whole and would -- and has -- burn down the fucking world for you. I'm barely even scratching the surface here.

He is my favorite man on the planet and I could write him for ages. There is so much to him. He is a masterpiece and he knows it. There are aus where he is married, ones where he is finally king, ones where he has children he adores, ones where him and Asto roam the seas causing havok and mischief and misery until they kidnap some poor girl to make their pet-- really, when I say the world is huge, I do mean huge.

Asto, in this au, is just as vicious and cruel. He really took on a life of his own here. Licentious appetite that requires gorging and a lot of fucked up kinks to boot. A real nasty, wretched man. Reaver has his own shit going on too. Together, they really are absolutely fucking horrible and have some.... really, really fucked kinks and love lives.

#morgana and friends #Nightmares and Astarions and Reavers oh my #tw dark content #sorry to all my new followers that are just discovering I'm actually a darkfic author and I don't usually write sweet normal stuff

[dryams03]

【TAG NINE PEOPLE YOU'D LIKE TO GET TO KNOW BETTER】

Ain't used to answer this kind of tags but... I guess it would be fun. Thanks @yourlocaltea @supersweetlyuniquebouquetstuff & @sunturbogel for the tag, here you have my answers!

1. Favorite color:

I don't have a favorite color. I always tried to say "I like this color better than others" but I can't. I like them all and they all like me. I don't like monochromatic things.

2. Currently reading:

Mmm... How should I say it without you all imagining me as a crazy person? xD

——I'm currently reading three books!

...Yeah, it's not a big deal. They are:

・ “Trilogía sucia de La Habana” by Pedro Juan Gutiérrez (in English “Dirty Trilogy of Havana”). This one is because of college, and honestly I don't recommend it, also it has a VERY EXPLICIT CONTENT AND LANGUAGE (I've the craziest History's professor). Its gender is dirty realism and turned repugnant to me. And I HAVE to write three pages about the reading! I like realism as a gender but the ‘dirty’ part is not only on the situations but also on the words. It erases all the beauty that I'm used to read in books. It's good to show realism but I don't like how the language is brutally destroyed in front of me. But if you like dirty language and realism, and you wanna know how the famine transforms an entire society, go ahead.

・“120 Journey of Sodoma” by the master of masters Marquis de Sade. If you are minor, please don't read it, it has also EXPLICIT CONTENT but in a magnific and majestic language. I could be disgusted imagining all that situations that happened there, but the way he tells everything is... Ha~ I drool because of its language. You must have stomach to read it (in other words, be really tolerant to all kind of situations, those who are normally forbidden in a lot of sites on internet and real life) but it totally worth it!!

・“After Five: Balance or Evil” the link is here. It's in Spanish it's in process and there is not an English version yet, buuuut I really give all my support to this story. I'm currently working associated with the author to make this fantastic world even more real than the words could carry. (I will talk more about this project below, let's be organized). Associated with: @sauthorgod

3. Last series:

“Love, Death & Robots” It has non-related animations. I thought they are pretty cool, I have still to see the third season.

4. Sweet, Spicy or Savory?

I don't have preferences with food either ^^"

5. Currently working on:

I have a lot of projects in process. The college is dragging me away of my projects but I'm planning everything cautiously. They are:

・After five, and related. This is my biggest project, it perhaps would take me all my life and I'm waiting for accomplish it for sure. "After five" is the name of the books that will be telling the incredible history of this fantasy world. My beloved one and I, we plan to show the world in a lot of ways as he write the story and I get better in my abilities to draw. After the writing book, we will be working on a manga, but our biggest objectif is transform all the ideas in a game. When I end up this year, I will be telling you more details about it. Even so, you can ask me if you wish!

・DL OC blog (Cassandra Bleucœur). Perhaps you know me because of my OC. Well, for her I have a hole list of surprises hehe. Everytime I have an idea for her I just take note promising me to do it later. And believe me, I will. Also I'm working still on her route.

・Translation of old fanfics. I hate to leave my little children alone (all my creations) that's why I'm planning to translate two fanfics that I've been saving in the dark folder of my laptop for you to enjoy it. They are DL fanfics

— Temptation (Ruki Mukami)

— Master (Carla Tsukinami)

・Commissions. I would like to open commission as soon as I get free time. I'm working consciously on that and hopefully I will open it next year.

・Utopia. I have my own little fantasy world. One day I will want to share it with you too. But first... I have to put all my ideas in order xD

That's all folks! I would really like to know a little bit more about:

@strawberry--bride @yuriko-tsukino-rp @death-at-eve @ask-ruki-mukami @mukami-kuron-mrsadisticcat @fruit-of-infidelity @mino-diabolik and whoever that like

#tag game

[dbunicorn]

The disgusting repugnant white pig in my neighborhood is wandering the streets around my house again. I developed a severe aversion to him while caring for my mom who has advanced Parkinson's.

I'm supporting the replace a great white entitled fucking American theory.

Kill yourself save a child.

His stench is bleach worthy

YOU'RE WRONG retard. Pay me the fuck out you useless incompetent revolting disgusting piece of shit. Like all the lonely trolls on the Internet, real life trolls are even worse.

We do this every three weeks or so like clockwork. It's a testament to your national weakness as men, the uselessness of your supreme Court, the corruption of your judges and the potential decline into a shithole country. 🇺🇲🇺🇲

I'm going to double down on this prediction. You can hold me to it.

I cant imagine you fucking morons not getting played on the global stage. Intellectually fucking retarded and always willing to prove it.

If this gets you hard. Your country should be proud. Viagra and pics of children.

Kill yourself save a child.💋💋💋💕

Every red cent, every act of violence, every act of corruption, every act of stalking, every act of bribery, every dollar you didn't fucking pay for your mistakes because you think you're above the law. Every fucking concrete dime. Every PPP loan, bailout you didn't deserve.

No decent citizen should have to fucking carry you. Especially with tax dollars.

Again someone employs this fat piece of shit. The liability is yours, you fucking gutless prick. Not mine, my husband, son's or daughters.

Like this piece of shit, or a delusional sheriff are any different. The problem with America is you protect scum. White fat scum is no different than the scum you pretend to hate at the border you useless cunt

I'm sure any supreme Court justice or useless judge in Oregon could explain it to you like a fucking simpleton.

When a country lacks shame in it's treatment of the most vulnerable, you know you're a right off.

#woodinville #washington #useless #ugly men #pungent stench #weak men

[asphaltapostle]

For God's Sake, Just Sit Down to Piss

For God’s Sake, Just Sit Down to Piss

Outline

Preface

Not necessarily directed at young men of color. (Or definitely not directed at them, but at white, CIS, straight young men.)

Describing the “real” scope of my authority.

While I have not traveled outside of America whatsoever, I have traveled within it fairly extensively.

My authority is especially strong when it comes to protestant Christianity.

Function of the book.

Chapter 1: “I Don’t Care What You/They Think”

“Apathy’s Misconceptions” “Apathy Misconceived”

You do not actually want to attain a state of true apathy, trust me.

Chris Cuomo exists.

Z-Ro

Apathy is even argued for in the Christian Bible. (The opinion of other people does not matter, only God’s.)

3 Bible Verses for When You Feel Judged By Others | Bible Blog

Galatians 1:10: “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”

Chapter 2: “Music Taste Through Generations”

“Boomers' Destructive Generational Tastemaking Disaster”

Quote From the Bandcamp Essay

It’s bewildering how content we are to abruptly abandon the substance music had to our teenage selves out of misconstrued justifications for our classic fainéance – actively choosing to subject our public ambiance to thousands of replays of “the best” records in favor of dipping even the most cowardly toe into unfamiliar waters, even when the opportunity cost is inherently halved – only to then have the audacity to evangelize our dilapidated conceptions of “good music” to our children as we demonize the music of their generation, depriving them of a very essential rite of their cognitive development. I can think of little more reductive, repugnant, reckless, or racist crusades as a model figure than indoctrinating your child with an inherent distaste for their own culture, and nothing more deeply alarming to hear from the mouth of someone born in the 21st century than shit like “Queen was better than any rapper will ever be,” or “real musicianship will die forever with Eric Clapton.” It’s unfair and unnatural: imagine if your high school classmates had consistently turned up their scrunched nose at the living whole of rock & roll, declaring Scott Joplin to be the last musician they could stand.

Consider if the industry-wide customer experience standard for the musical ambiance in 1970s American eating and drinking establishments was entirely comprised of works by John Phillip Souza, and the most prevalent cultural revolution manifested itself something like the following: In countless popular films set in the time (and the stories told today by your parents of their youths that informs them,) a group of popular high school boys – generally three longtime childhood friends and a single addition from the previous summer with an Army Dad and a moderate bad boy aura that’s made him one of the school’s notoriously attractive students and the somewhat-abusive leader in the pack. After spending some time trying to convince the other three (the crucial moment for his case being the bad kid’s rare moment of sincerity trope) of its guaranteed social, sexual and financial ROI, they seal their agreement to start a band with a four-way saliva slap. Imagine if in the progression of this exhausted old tale, it remained entirely classic (and boring) when it faded to a “THREE MONTHS LATER…” ceiling shot of the four the in full, gleaming, performance-spec get-up of the presidential marching band in their garage, and it was revealed that they’d they practiced “The Star Spangled Banner” every night just to make the girls swoon in the film’s resolution with an encore of “America the Beautiful” at an unsanctioned (and very patriotic!) house party. Would you have made out on your first date with someone in your 80s high school Chemistry class after they’d was about but suffice it to say that it’s absolutely fucking bonkers how often I encounter “Sweet Home Alabama” (and other tunes I’ve already heard hundreds of times throughout the first third of my existence, conservatively) dripping down from the overhead speakers in all manner of big retail stores, where it’s inappropriate and unwelcome. Even from the generous assumption that every single one of them is an objective masterwork of composition, the amount of affection the American music listening audience has for the same 500 singles is on par with our rampant gun violence in terms of our unanimous tolerance for ridiculously illogical habits. I’ve been sitting in a cute, moderately trendy coffee shop on the corner of the major avenue of access to my cute, moderately trendy Portland neighborhood for an hour now, and I’ve recognized every single one of the tracks played just a bit too loudly on the stereo. I’ve been sick of them all since Middle School. That one Bow Bow Chicka Chicka thing… How very charming. “The 70s, the 80s… the one-hit wonder channel!”

Contrary to the popular hipster narrative we’ve just defeated, it’s not the popularity of the lineup that makes these experiences so distasteful, but their regularity. It doesn’t take a doctor of psychology to observe that tireless exposure to any given work of art inevitably erodes its value, yet we continue to expend resources saturating most mundane spaces in our society with an unyielding regurgitation of the same brackish pop culture symbols as if we’re trying to either induce a canonical vomit, intentionally obliterate the Yelp! reviews for a distant future museum’s “North America Enters the 21st Century” exhibit, or both.

This issue is not unique to American society nor to men, really, but is entirely the sickness of white boomers and gen Xers. It is an anomaly that has genuinely and profoundly perturbed me for virtually the entirety of my existence as a culturally literate entity - certainly longer than any of the other disturbances addressed in this volume.

The process of jazz becoming mainstream (which I think it had definitely by the 1940s.)

“Boomers' Destructive Generational Tastemaking Disaster”

Catcalling

Clothes

Stuff we should keep to ourselves

Credits

“I’m laughing at you and the best part is you won’t truly understand why, in any deep and meaningful way, for another 20 years.” - JustSomeGuy on Mastodon

[thousandmovieproject]

the interview came out and i sound awful

I mentioned in an earlier post that I’d been interviewed for The Blair List podcast and that I was kinda nervous about how I’d sound when the interview finally came out. Well, the interview came out, and despite the great performance of Blair Cassutto, a terrific interviewer and a savvy editor, I don’t think I came across all that well. It’s not awful! It’s not damning. And there were some…

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#art #blog #blogger #blogging #create #creator #diary #ebook #interview #journal #miami #miami blog #moon and her sister turn thirty and leave #my three repugnant children #personal #podcast #podcast interview #podcaster #podcasting #purpose #short story #storyteller #work #work ethic #writer #writing

[ms-demeanor]

You know why that redfish graphic works so well?

It plays on both superiority and guilt.

Leftists generally speaking know that there is always some kind of awful bombing going on in the world. We know that there are drone strikes and flybys, we've read about the children who grow up afraid of a clear sky.

Yemen is actually a great example. Yemen is something that I see discussed almost exclusively in leftist circles, and Saudi Arabia's use of US-manufactured bombs against civilian populations in Yemen is one of the things that leftists have been yelling about for most of a decade. So on an abstract level, if you were a leftist and you saw that graphic, you probably felt two things:

1) Superiority: "I *DID* know, at least in a general and abstract way, about the other people getting hit with airstrikes yesterday. I *HAVE* talked about US imperialism in Somalia; god, does anyone remember when the military was getting all high and mighty about Somali pirates who were the result of a political environment the US helped to create? I remember! And we're still bombing them! And nobody cares! And Biden just said he's not going to do anything to get justice for Khashoggi so we know he's just going to keep selling arms to Saudi Arabia! Fuck! I'm going to share this so that other people remember too, because I didn't forget but I know my aunt Tilly on FaceBook wasn't talking about Syrian refugees last week like she's talking about Ukranian refugees this week."

2) Guilt: "Oh god, I was so wrapped up in what was going on in Ukraine that I *didn't* hear about the 37 airstrikes in Yemen in the last two days [that may or may not have actually happened in the timeframe described] or hear about Israel firing on Damascus. The eurocentrist media has an excuse but I don't, is this because of pro-white bias? Am I more concerned about what's happening in Ukraine than Somalia because the refugees are blonde, just like the reporters are saying? That's horrible! I'd better share this as a reminder to myself and to other people who maybe got caught up in the eurocentrism. It's important to remember that war everywhere is bad, this isn't especially bad just because it's white people on the TV."

I think this is actually a really interesting weaponization of identity politics. The graphic is suggesting that if *RIGHT NOW* you care more about an invasion that is creating literally millions of refugees overnight then you're forgetting about all the people around the globe who are suffering. It's why redfish is also responsible for one of the supercuts of journalists talking about white, blonde refugees. Those journalists absolutely said those things, and those things are repugnant, but you want to make sure you're not repugnant in the same way as the journalists in the clip so you share the clip, or the map with the other drone strikes, instead of possibly investing too much time into talking about Ukraine specifically. If you're talking about Ukraine specifically, you're not condemning war everywhere.

Anyway. This is your reminder that if an infographic or a video clip or an article makes you immediately feel rage or guilt or frustration it was probably *specifically constructed* to get you to feel that way so that you would share or react without taking a moment to think about the information being presented to you.

Also: this is a chaotic time. If you are sharing any news or information you ensure that it has at least one (though preferably all three) of the following visible somewhere on the post:

A clear source that you are familiar with

A date

A link

If a post sharing purported information about an ongoing crisis doesn't have any of those things, don't share it. If you want to share it and it doesn't have any of those things, go find those things for yourself before you hit the reblog button.

It *DOES* take a hell of a lot more effort to use social media when you're doing those things, but it also limits the reach of mis/disinformation and will help you personally to get better at recognizing when a clickbait headline is supposed to short-circuit your thought process or when an infographic is trying to prey on your guilt instead of your rational understanding of the world.

[neil-gaiman]

How Did you come up with the first eve in the story about adams wives? I haven’t been able to find anything about her after I read it and I want to know if she’s an actual biblical character or just someone you made

She's from the Midrash. I learned about her as a 12 year old, from my barmitzvah teacher. There was a point in there, long after I'd put her into Sandman, where I was starting to think I'd imagined her, when I ran across her in Robert Graves's Hebrew Myths....

Excerpt from: The Hebrew Myths by Robert Graves and Raphael Patai (New York:  Doubleday, 1964), pp 65-69

Chapter 10: Adam's Helpmeets

(a) Having decided to give Adam a helpmeet lest he should be alone of his kind, God put him into a deep sleep, removed one of his ribs, formed it into a woman, and closed up the wound, Adam awoke and said: 'This being shall be named "Woman", because she has been taken out of man. A man and a woman shall be one flesh.' The title he gave her was Eve, 'the Mother of All Living''. [1]

(b) Some say that God created man and woman in His own image on the Sixth Day, giving them charge over the world; [2]  but that Eve did not yet exist. Now, God had set Adam to name every beast, bird and other living thing. When they passed before him in pairs, male and female, Adam-being already like a twenty-year-old man-felt jealous of their loves, and though he tried coupling with each female in turn, found no satisfaction in the act. He therefore cried: 'Every creature but I has a proper mate', and prayed God would remedy this injustice. [3]

(c) God then formed Lilith, the first woman, just as He had formed Adam, except that He used filth and sediment instead of pure dust. From Adam's union with this demoness, and with another like her named Naamah, Tubal Cain's sister, sprang Asmodeus and innumerable demons that still plague mankind. Many generations later, Lilith and Naamah came to Solomon's judgement seat, disguised as harlots of Jerusalem'. [4]

(d) Adam and Lilith never found peace together; for when he wished to lie with her, she took offence at the recumbent posture he demanded. 'Why must I lie beneath you?' she asked. 'I also was made from dust, and am therefore your equal.' Because Adam tried to compel her obedience by force, Lilith, in a rage, uttered the magic name of God, rose into the air and left him.

Adam complained to God: 'I have been deserted by my helpmeet' God at once sent the angels Senoy, Sansenoy and Semangelof to fetch Lilith back. They found her beside the Red Sea, a region abounding in lascivious demons, to whom she bore lilim at the rate of more than one hundred a day. 'Return to Adam without delay,' the angels said, `or we will drown you!' Lilith asked: `How can I return to Adam and live like an honest housewife, after my stay beside the Red Sea?? 'It will be death to refuse!' they answered. `How can I die,' Lilith asked again, `when God has ordered me to take charge of all newborn children: boys up to the eighth day of life, that of circumcision; girls up to the twentieth day. None the less, if ever I see your three names or likenesses displayed in an amulet above a newborn child, I promise to spare it.' To this they agreed; but God punished Lilith by making one hundred of her demon children perish daily; [5] and if she could not destroy a human infant, because of the angelic amulet, she would spitefully turn against her own. [6]

(e) Some say that Lilith ruled as queen in Zmargad, and again in Sheba; and was the demoness who destroyed job's sons. [7] Yet she escaped the curse of death which overtook Adam, since they had parted long before the Fall. Lilith and Naamah not only strangle infants but also seduce dreaming men, any one of whom, sleeping alone, may become their victim. [8]

(f) Undismayed by His failure to give Adam a suitable helpmeet, God tried again, and let him watch while he built up a woman's anatomy: using bones, tissues, muscles, blood and glandular secretions, then covering the whole with skin and adding tufts of hair in places. The sight caused Adam such disgust that even when this woman, the First Eve, stood there in her full beauty, he felt an invincible repugnance. God knew that He had failed once more, and took the First Eve away. Where she went, nobody knows for certain. [9]

(g) God tried a third time, and acted more circumspectly. Having taken a rib from Adam's side in his sleep, He formed it into a woman; then plaited her hair and adorned her, like a bride, with twenty-four pieces of jewellery, before waking him. Adam was entranced. [10]

(h) Some say that God created Eve not from Adam's rib, but from a tail ending in a sting which had been part of his body. God cut this off, and the stump-now a useless coccyx-is still carried by Adam's descendants. [11]

(i) Others say that God's original thought had been to create two human beings, male and female; but instead He designed a single one with a male face looking forward, and a female face looking back. Again He changed His mind, removed Adam's backward-looking face, and built a woman's body for it. [12]

(j) Still others hold that Adam was originally created as an androgyne of male and female bodies joined back to back. Since this posture made locomotion difficult, and conversation awkward, God divided the androgyne and gave each half a new rear. These separate beings He placed in Eden, forbidding them to couple. [13]

Notes on sources:

1. Genesis II. 18-25; III. 20.

2. Genesis I. 26-28.

3. Gen. Rab. 17.4; B. Yebamot 632.

4. Yalqut Reubeni ad. Gen. II. 21; IV. 8.

5. Alpha Beta diBen Sira, 47; Gaster, MGWJ, 29 (1880), 553 ff.

6. Num. Rab. 16.25.

7. Targum ad job 1. 15.

8. B. Shabbat 151b; Ginzberg, LJ, V. 147-48.

9. Gen. Rab. 158, 163-64; Mid. Abkir 133, 135; Abot diR. Nathan 24; B. Sanhedrin 39a.

10. Gen. II. 21-22; Gen. Rab. 161.

11. Gen. Rab. 134; B. Erubin 18a.

12. B. Erubin 18a.

13. Gen. Rab. 55; Lev. Rab. 14.1: Abot diR. Nathan 1.8; B. Berakhot 61a; B. Erubin 18a; Tanhuma Tazri'a 1; Yalchut Gen. 20; Tanh. Buber iii.33; Mid. Tehillim 139, 529.

Authors’ Comments on the Myth:

1. The tradition that man's first sexual intercourse was with animals, not women, may be due to the widely spread practice of bestiality among herdsmen of the Middle East, which is still condoned by custom, although figuring three times in the Pentateuch as a capital crime. In the Akkadian Gilgamesh Epic, Enkidu is said to have lived with gazelles and jostled other wild beasts at the watering place, until civilized by Aruru's priestess. Having enjoyed her embraces for six days and seven nights, he wished to rejoin the wild beasts but, to his surprise, they fled from him. Enkidu then knew that he had gained understanding, and the priestess said: 'Thou art wise, Enkidu, like unto a godl'

2. Primeval man was held by the Babylonians to have been androgynous. Thus the Gilgamesh Epic gives Enkidu androgynous features: `the hair of his head like a woman's, with locks that sprout like those of Nisaba, the Grain-goddess.' The Hebrew tradition evidently derives from Greek sources, because both terms used in a Tannaitic midrash to describe the bisexual Adam are Greek: androgynos, 'man-woman', and diprosopon, 'twofaced'. Philo of Alexandria, the Hellenistic philosopher and commentator on the Bible, contemporary with Jesus, held that man was at first bisexual; so did the Gnostics. This belief is clearly borrowed from Plato. Yet the myth of two bodies placed back to back may well have been founded on observation of Siamese twins, which are sometimes joined in this awkward manner. The two-faced Adam appears to be a fancy derived from coins or statues of Janus, the Roman New Year god.

3. Divergences between the Creation myths of Genesis r and n, which allow Lilith to be presumed as Adam's first mate, result from a careless weaving together of an early Judaean and a late priestly tradition. The older version contains the rib incident. Lilith typifies the Anath-worshipping Canaanite women, who were permitted pre-nuptial promiscuity. Time after time the prophets denounced Israelite women for following Canaanite practices; at first, apparently, with the priests' approval-since their habit of dedicating to God the fees thus earned is expressly forbidden in Deuteronomy xxIII. I8. Lilith's flight to the Red Sea recalls the ancient Hebrew view that water attracts demons. 'Tortured and rebellious demons' also found safe harbourage in Egypt. Thus Asmodeus, who had strangled Sarah's first six husbands, fled 'to the uttermost parts of Egypt' (Tobit viii. 3), when Tobias burned the heart and liver of a fish on their wedding night.

4. Lilith's bargain with the angels has its ritual counterpart in an apotropaic rite once performed in many Jewish communities. To protect the newborn child against Lilith-and especially a male, until he could be permanently safeguarded by circumcision-a ring was drawn with natron, or charcoal, on the wall of the birthroom, and inside it were written the words: 'Adam and Eve. Out, Lilith!' Also the names Senoy, Sansenoy and Semangelof (meanings uncertain) were inscribed on the door. If Lilith nevertheless succeeded in approaching the child and fondling him, he would laugh in his sleep. To avert danger, it was held wise to strike the sleeping child's lips with one finger-whereupon Lilith would vanish.

5. 'Lilith' is usually derived from the Babylonian-Assyrian word lilitu, ,a female demon, or wind-spirit'-one of a triad mentioned in Babylonian spells. But she appears earlier as 'Lillake' on a 2000 B.G. Sumerian tablet from Ur containing the tale of Gilgamesh and the Willow Tree. There she is a demoness dwelling in the trunk of a willow-tree tended by the Goddess Inanna (Anath) on the banks of the Euphrates. Popular Hebrew etymology seems to have derived 'Lilith' from layil, 'night'; and she therefore often appears as a hairy night-monster, as she also does in Arabian folklore. Solomon suspected the Queen of Sheba of being Lilith, because she had hairy legs. His judgement on the two harlots is recorded in I Kings III. 16 ff. According to Isaiah xxxiv. I4-I5, Lilith dwells among the desolate ruins in the Edomite Desert where satyrs (se'ir), reems, pelicans, owls, jackals, ostriches, arrow-snakes and kites keep her company.

6. Lilith's children are called lilim. In the Targum Yerushalmi, the priestly blessing of Numbers vi. 26 becomes: 'The Lord bless thee in all thy doings, and preserve thee from the Lilim!' The fourth-century A.D. commentator Hieronymus identified Lilith with the Greek Lamia, a Libyan queen deserted by Zeus, whom his wife Hera robbed of her children. She took revenge by robbing other women of theirs.

7. The Lamiae, who seduced sleeping men, sucked their blood and ate their flesh, as Lilith and her fellow-demonesses did, were also known as Empusae, 'forcers-in'; or Mormolyceia, 'frightening wolves'; and described as 'Children of Hecate'. A Hellenistic relief shows a naked Lamia straddling a traveller asleep on his back. It is characteristic of civilizations where women are treated as chattels that they must adopt the recumbent posture during intercourse, which Lilith refused. That Greek witches who worshipped Hecate favoured the superior posture, we know from Apuleius; and it occurs in early Sumerian representations of the sexual act, though not in the Hittite. Malinowski writes that Melanesian girls ridicule what they call `the missionary position', which demands that they should lie passive and recumbent.

8. Naamah, 'pleasant', is explained as meaning that 'the demoness sang pleasant songs to idols'. Zmargad suggest smaragdos, the semi-precious aquamarine; and may therefore be her submarine dwelling. A demon named Smaragos occurs in the Homeric Epigrams.

9. Eve's creation by God from Adam's rib-a myth establishing male supremacy and disguising Eve's divinity-lacks parallels in Mediterranean or early Middle-Eastern myth. The story perhaps derives iconotropically from an ancient relief, or painting, which showed the naked Goddess Anath poised in the air, watching her lover Mot murder his twin Aliyan; Mot (mistaken by the mythographer for Yahweh) was driving a curved dagger under Aliyan's fifth rib, not removing a sixth one. The familiar story is helped by a hidden pun on tsela, the Hebrew for 'rib': Eve, though designed to be Adam's helpmeet, proved to be a tsela, a 'stumbling', or 'misfortune'. Eve's formation from Adam's tail is an even more damaging myth; perhaps suggested by the birth of a child with a vestigial tail instead of a coccyx-a not infrequent occurrence.

10. The story of Lilith's escape to the East and of Adam's subsequent marriage to Eve may, however, record an early historical incident: nomad herdsmen, admitted into Lilith's Canaanite queendom as guests (see 16. 1), suddenly seize power and, when the royal household thereupon flees, occupy a second queendom which owes allegiance to the Hittite Goddess Heba.

The meaning of 'Eve' is disputed. Hawwah is explained in Genesis III. 20 as 'mother of all living'; but this may well be a Hebraicized form of the divine name Heba, Hebat, Khebat or Khiba. This goddess, wife of the Hittite Storm-god, is shown riding a lion in a rock-sculpture at Hattusaswhich equates her with Anath-and appears as a form of Ishtar in Hurrian texts. She was worshipped at Jerusalem (see 27. 6). Her Greek name was Hebe, Heracles's goddess-wife.