#my therapist is useless at this point

[warmcoals]

to be completely transparent i dont think science belongs anywhere near psychology, bc it is an innately unscientific process. and im very skeptical of psychiatry bc we have barely any concept what any of these meds actually do. but i also do think ppl claiming to have some sweeping theory of The Mind and The Psyche, rather than just putting forth helpful methods or techniques for working through emotions and thought patterns/blockages, were (and are) shitty quacks.

#my feelings around psych are: it's important and could be good #but it's basically just shit #and the 'data driven' solutions and techniques of now might not be like #weird crypto mind fascism #but they are useless or worse than useless in practice #and the ppl who are becoming therapists dont even know the point of their position. they just diagnose and tell u to make a plan #it sucks out here

[fruitysoupy]

🕳️

#vent #my brother really doesn't see me as a person does he #im allowed to be around as decoration for his personality #im allowed to be around if it serves him in some way #but I can't be a person I can't have opinions I can't have needs #I can't have problems im supposed to be his pillow to scream into and punch when he feels like it #I can't be unwell because I'm not a person #I'm a doll he can show around when he feels one way and toss against the wall when he feels another way #I think he actually hates me #he's so mean to me on a level that makes it hit much harder than other things #always assuming the worst about me #because im bad annoying a waste of space im loud and useless #unless I serve him #I listen to him vent I play therapist because I love him #I love my family and I want all of them to be okay and to be happy #and I've minimized myself to the point I don't know who I am anymore and neither do they #though im not so sure they even care #my mother is actively working on herself #she's in therapy #she's nicer to me now and a touch more considerate #and I appreciate it... but I'll never be able to forget what she and the others have done to me over the years #and it'll take much more than 8 weeks in a clinic to overwrite that survival strategy I developed as a child... #I feel like I'll never be whole again #like Ive lost myself forever... #my brother is ableist. he hates the neurodivergent which is mostly directed at my sister but also me unknowingly #he attacks me for my symptoms. judges me harshly and is just very mean in general #if I end up getting the autism diagnosis i am so scared of him finding out #it's strange because I love him he's my brother and we have fun but im also scared of him because I know what he's capable of and I know #what he's like when he's angry. I know how he used to laugh at me getting hurt as a child and how he would physically attack me for #expressing excitement around him. I repeat things I find funny or nice or just good in general like if someone says something funny I repeat

[louiemutton]

can't believe two and a half years ago I said to my mom "it's safe enough to transition in the US now so I think I'm going to go through with it" and now I might have to flee my state if we lose our democratic governor in 2024 i am eating my own words

#this is about kentucky this shit is moving way too fast and im getting scared #idk what to do at this point and im panicking bc they're not gonna stop with kids #i don't have the money to attend protests or donate to campaigns so I'm just anxious as shit #they shouldn't be going after kids to fucking start with idk what to do #i hate being disabled i feel so useless rn but idk I'm just gonna talk to my therapist about my options next week #see if i can find some kind of community to get involved in with Raleigh or something idk #nothing too terrible has happened here yet but the second roy cooper is gone i know they're coming for us this is so scary #transphobia cw #uspol

[devotedlystrangewizard]

friendship with wind up aymeric ended now wind up solus is my best friend

#listen emet-selch u may be dead but if ur watching. i hope you hate it <3 #also got whm to 89 #wouldve gone to 90 but i did the roulettes im SO sick of ktisis hyperboreia (hyth ily but one more 'im not completely useless and im #taking you to a therapist) #so far i think i prefer healing in a trial/raid over healing in a dungeon #the one single enemy & the co-healer make it a lot easier tbh #but the tank who was the lucky one to be the first ever person to tank with me as healer was kind enough to do single pulls & no one died #honestly i think 90% of the reason they almost died a couple times was just my shakey hands bc id never done this before #IT WAS MT GULG IVE DONE MT GULG AT LEAST 12 TIMES AS A HEALER AT THIS POINT WHY WAS I SCARED

[swordcoasts]

,

#i'm so. frustrated with a friend #every time i share something positive (like stuff i've learned in therapy that's been making me feel less shit abt myself or today the #masters acceptance thing) #she just counters it with some variety of 'wow good for you it's such a shame im such a useless piece of shit and would be better off dead' #and like. firstly not everything HAS to be about you this is so fucking. rude. idk. i don't expect confetti and celebrations but you could #at least pretend you care about other people lmao #secondly everyone around her (including HER OWN THERAPIST) has been telling her that negative self talk is a self fulfilling prophecy and #she could at least TRY to work on it but she's just not willing to even try #idk i'm so tired of this constant barrage of 'woe is me AND ONLY ME' #don't get me wrong i know mental illness isn't cured by just 'thinking positively' or w/e but there comes a point at which you need to be #willing to do SOMETHING. ANYTHING AT ALL to get better #ok i needed to get this rant out of my system thank u if u read through this jumbled mess ily #misc #dee.txt

[scarletcomet]

my therapist literally always cancels on me when i need therapy the most

#maybe that's why im at a point where i think therapy is useless (my parents are making me and they pay my tuition) #canceled on my last semester when my friend died by suicide #now when my mental heath has not been great and i've been self harming #still have never processed that first thing as well as my own suicide attempt #so sometimes ill start thinking about that stuff like randomly throughout the day and have thoughts and feelings #i finally opened up to my therapist about sh but now im gonna go week(s) without talking to her when i need it most #like i know she has a life and stuff and it's not her fault lol #anyways im at a point right now where therapy is useless #i've tried multiple different anxiety meds in the last few weeks #and my dr says if this one doesn't work then there's not any other meds #im not suicidal or whatever but sometimes things just feel so hopeless and life feels like never ending torment #it's whatever. i'm fine. i have to be fine #even if i do get through this week then there's just gonna be another and another and another #shut up brain. these are the kinds of thoughts that remind me of when i was really suicidal and bring back bad feelings and memories #why am i like this #im so sick of years of mental illness ruining my life and it's only been like 7 years of this and i have to do like 60 more?? #shut up brain #i can't let myself get suicidal. idk why but i just can't #my mood has been ok lately and my anxiety has been the problem so wtf is up with this? #tw self harm #tw: suicide

[indycar-series]

rant in the tags

#tw depression #i feel like i do this song and dance every two months or so #but im once again at the point that im considering admitting myself to a mental hospital #i literally can't take care of myself and i have no energy or motivation to do so #the house is a mess and my roommate is basically the only one doing anything around here #except for taking care of her cat. i do that. #and i raced this weekend with my friends and i felt so useless the whole time #like he was airborne in turn 3 at irp and when we got the car back in our pit box i basically just couldn't do anything #like yeah there were already 3 people examining the car #i felt like i was more in the way tho than anything #i just stood there holding the deformed tire and trying to figure out what was going on #and sure it was my first time really doing anything racing wise but still i should have been able to do more #i dont have an appointment with my therapist for another three weeks and i don't want to text her this late at night #and while my parents know my mental state is super fragile right now my mom didn't help #she just showed me this church sermon about how i should be proud to be me #like 1. why would you show me that 2. why did you show me that when i told you i was going back to ohio right then #and my dad stressed me out yesterday after i was already in a pissy mood after the brickyard but he bought me lunch bc he felt bad #i feel like mental health wise he's the only one i can talk to but i don't want him to call me right now #and he's been trying hard to keep me out of a mental hospital #even once i came clean and told him what a piss poor job i've been doing at taking care of myself #so i dont know what will happen if i tell him this time #on top of all this im dealing with some serious body dysmorphia that came up after my therapist asked if i was considering top surgery #like yes but only slightly #and now i'm having a full blown identity crisis #so yay... fun times for me i guess #i honestly should probably text my dad instead of venting but i also don't want him to drop everything and come out here #that would make me feel 100 times worse at the moment #i dont even feel anything at this point #just numb. tired. exhausted. drained. #enough ranting for now i think

[magnoliamyrrh]

.

#havent spoken to my therapist in like idk 3 weeks or more maybe 4 and i cant bring myself to #i dont. feel like it helps by this point #i feel as pointless and hollow and suicidal at the end as at the beggining #...... theres no damn solutions. theres no answers. theres no way out theres no comfort #lmao she says that the last time she had a patient as smart and self introspective as me was 20 years ago and it was someone in their 30s #but like sorry. ive heard so many times that im smart or a special case or whatever the fuck. if i was #i wouldnt be such a useless piece of shit #i dont fucking see it #:c its one am

[artemislosthunter]

why is it so hard for an almost 53 year old man to understand that, sometimes in life you will be wrong about things and that it is completely okay?

You can’t be up to date in everything, but if you refuse to hear out others, because you think it is a personal attack, you kind of suck

#he has a habit of hating it when people explain stuff to him ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY'RE YOUNGER THAN HIM #bcs yes he has said that before 'young people know nothing yet they're too young they haven't lived that much' ... okay and? they can still #know more about a topic than you do if that topic is something you don't bother to keep up to date with? #I'd never claim to know more about like the 20s to 60s than him because that is his field of interest and he is very well informed in that #aspect! but then he refuses to listen to my mom or me when it comes to psychology or pedagogy ... 'I know better I read this article once' #which he often tells us about our own mental illnesses? 'I know people who are on meds and have depression and they don't act like you two' #buddy ... they're on antidepressant ... first of all that's the point second of all maybe listen to us when we tell you that mental illness #is never exactly the same (also we're not just suffering from depression but he also refuses to acknowledge that bcs he doesn't think so #has he ever done research on anything mental health related? no absolutely not he also thinks therapists are useless) #I've kind of lost my point here sorry I have been pissed off about this for a long time but yeah anyways you can't always know everything #and sometimes the people that know more stuff about something than you do are younger than you and that's okay and that happens #and no they're not just arrogant little know it alls who have no life experience

[omarfor-orchestra]

So now I need to figure out what caused this mess uh

#was it the pills #the pms #the fact that I haven't seen my therapist in almost a month and will have to wait another one #the fact that i haven't seen someone outside my family and therapist in something like 3 months #maybe more #the fact that when the only irl friend i thought i had (which I'm starting to dubt) told me after i stupid joke that i do have friends #i ghosted her bc otherwise i would have told her to fuck off bc if i had friends I wouldn't have had to be alone in my house when in #so much pain I couldn't move from the bad and she knew it she knew I couldn't walk and still said 'oh you can come to my house' how???????? #despite me asking her twice to come #and I'm 23 years old and I'm so alone it hurts and I can't go out even if i were invited and the only thing helping me right now #are literally drugs which let me tell yall is a low point even if they're medically prescripted #and I'm losing my mind because I'm 3 exams away from my graduation and everyday i feel like giving up #and I've started counting cals again because I'm scared I'm gonna gain too much weight #and I don't know how I'll handle the operation and the follow up and I'm fucking terrified #I'm so sorry if you all are reading this but I'm truly feeling hopeless and so so useless and alone and the self hating is getting stronger #I'm sorry if i bring negativity in your dash I won't blame you for unfollowing i can just try to promise it won't always be like this #i hope at least #god i don't even know what i wrote

[aromacaque]

i feel like, while it can be beneficial, i have gripes with cbt but i cannot articulate it into words

#my only experience with therapy was cbt and it was really beneficial for the first maybe half year #but at a certain point all it did was make me feel worse because it was a stagnant loop of no progress actually being made #and i don't mean it was moving slowly and didn't notice the progress was happening i mean like #as someone with alexithymia and severe memory issues it was quite literally doing nothing for me #once i went over all the shit that happened to me in the past and we started working on the present it was useless cause i couldn't remembe #anything enough to even attempt to dissect any of it #so i stopped going #and i didn't go back even when i needed therapy because i knew that it wasn't going to help me #also something something i am super self aware already so i don't need a therapist to point out things i already know #honestly i just don't even think therapy in general is for me but there aren't many other alternatives that aren't super expensive in the U

[a-freak-gasoline-fight-accident]

i need to vent bc omg

being homeless and being forced to live with my grandparents isn't what's fucking with my mental health so much as it is the fact i'm forced to live with the kind of people who believe that indigenous people wanna make us pay rent, that gay people shouldn't be allowed to get married, that p@lestinians are terr0rists who bomb children's hospitals. they never ask me what's Going On behind the scenes and when i try to explain they never believe me. then there's my cousins who don't care about anyone else but themselves, do Nothing around this house to help their grandparents who do basically everything for them and Get Mad and think your mean if you a) bring this fact up and b) ask them to do Anything. they're not gonna make it in the real world, especially the one that, ON PURPOSE, never did any housework in her life. went and did work experience in retail and went Huh, Not For Me and is now on the NDIS. she IS autistic but is also a cunt who's craftier than she let's on so i have reason to believe she just looked up autism symptoms and faked how severe they were in order to qualify for NDIS. so now the lazy bitch gets to do no work around the house AND get money for free <3 my mum (and i to a lesser extent), has been very vocal to our grandfather about how my cousins Do Nothing, so this year for my grandfather's bday they wrote in his birthday card i Love You Both Dearly, I Just Have Trouble Expressing It. HMMMN maybe try expressing your so called love for them through doing housework so they don;t have to?????? they both know exactly what needs to be done, and how to do it properly. They don't do it, and if they do they do it half-assed or wrong. pretty sure it's on purpose too so that we'd stop asking them to even do it at all. the WAY she worded it is exactly the same way my older cousin, they're oldest sister, words apologies.....she loved to cause problems with you and then give these 'heartfelt' apologies and then just do nothing to fucking change or improve herself in anyway. so so so similar they take after her so much, no wonder they get along. they're as bad as each other. and i'm the only one who sees it, it sucks. then the other cousin wrote Thank You For Driving Me To Work.... my mum drives them almost an hour into another town (and back) so they can go to uni and she has gotten one (1) Thanks out of the whole year??? they've been doing it, so i KNOW they aren't saying thank you to their grandfather for dropping off/picking them up after work each time. they have been living here for almost 4 years?? now. never did anything it was always their 80 year old grandparents, grandmother specifically (heart condition btw :) ) doing everything FOR them. my grandma babies them, especially the Poor lil princess, i suspect out of a pathological need hat stems from her promise to her dying daughter (my cousins mother who died of preventable cancer) that she'd look after the youngest of her children. and then OOP ofc that didn't happen, her abusive rapist pedo husband got custody of them so now all my grandma's left with are these two. and boy do they soak it up without shame. they are both just covering their asses by writing this shit in his birthday card, the worst part was he was pleased with it.....with what? written words???? written words in a card you get once a year???? it's empty, it's nothing.

#wish i had the money to get the fuck out of here and away from these ppl. my therapists tried to get me OK enough so i COULD do that but. #but Honey i don't think i can even get up to the Point of being functional enough to even get to that point if i am stuck with these ppl. #hanging myself seems SO much easier and much more realistic to me as of late #i HATE my family #gonna end on a joke here. in the post apocalypse world they will be killed and eaten bc they are SO useless otherwise kjxfbsvjkds #could get into my mum and my grandparents too but then this post would just be LONGER #to my extended family i am just a Bitch who is Lazy and won't Put In The Effort to get help herself. meanwhile i am actively being catapult #catapulted with psychic damage from the people in my environment :) and pointing out certain Things i notice. #n wanting family who live together to care about eachother n help out n care about people not like them c: #personal #this aint even all of the shit but again; longer post

[missshame]

My parents made me tell them how I feel and then they got mad and told me to get some help

#Lol I love them #I think the try to be supportive but mostly they want me to be normal #Like I don't doubt they wanted to know and that they want me to get better #But I think it's mostly because they are not satisfied with my current state #When my sisters or I aren't happy and healthy they take it as a personal failure #They want us to look good and be successful and never complain #Idk #Like they didn't say anything nice or comforting during the conversation #They told me to do something about it because I can't stay like this it's not normal you're 24 you shouldn't be like that #At the end my mother told me to study haha fuck you #But yeah I will find myself a therapist mainly because I know I need one #But also because now that they have decided that I need one they will never leave me alone with that #And blame me for not following their advice anytime I feel like shit #Like when she told me BuT you SAiD u WeRe goIng tO Go to ThErApY And ThEn u diDnT #No shit I asked my gp to recommend me someone and he was useless #Then I had to study for finals #Like I tried actually #And even if I didn't what's your fucking point don't you think I already feel useless and disappointed with myself #Anyway happy Wednesday #vent post

[theprettynosferatu]

I mean, it can’t hurt, right? Just… as an experiment. Yes, an experiment! I have been practicing a lot lately, after all. If someone had told me how hard it is to actually edge, to reach that perfect point and just… stop, I’m not sure I would have started doing it. But I AM getting better at it! If he could see me it would be sooo… but I’ll have another session soon, and I want to be able to tell him that I’m doing it, I’m following the program, that I’m doing well in therapy for once, that unlike all those other hacks he made me better…

I’m tired, and I know it’s harder for me to hold back when I’m tired… but at the same time I have to be able to control myself. That’s what he said. It’s all about impulse control or something… and if I fail and go over? No, I can’t be too hard on myself. But at the same time he would be disappointed. I don’t want to imagine that. Not that he ever tells me he is disappointed, but I can tell. I could almost imagine him looking so sad the few times I accidentally came… I need to make him proud. I need to train more. Sure, I have to work tomorrow but one edge, just the one…

Fuck, I love social media. It’s like… the algorithm knows how to push me deeper and deeper… and I feel less alone, knowing there are so many people gooning and edging and encouraging one another. To think I was ashamed of the stuff I liked before! Like, admitting that watching a girl being spanked turned me on would get me red like a tomato. Now… a spanking does nothing for me. I need more, and the screen delivers. It’s so fucking good to see so many good girls, drooling and edging like me and writing on their skins what willing fuckholes they are… The words come to me and I’m muttering them… cunt… useless toy… living cumrag… I’m not sure I can stop myself from mumbling anymore. I watch them smile before getting their stupid mouths fucked by a huge cock, shutting them up and turning them into the useful dolls they are…

Jesus! That was close. I didn’t expect to hit the edge so quickly! My pussy must be more sensitive lately. Makes sense. Two weeks without cumming is a long time… but he looked so proud of me last session… no way I can throw that away for a moment of relief. I’m in control. Not my body. Me. 

Okay, I did it. Time to get some much needed rest.

Fuck…

Turning in bed. My cunt is soaked and it’s insistent, demanding. I have to work tomorrow. I can’t… I put my pillow between my legs. I don’t know why I feel like it will calm my pussy down a bit. I’m making no sense. Fuck, thinking that made me wetter. I’m making no sense. I’m dumb. I’m stupid. I’m just a horny bitch in heat…

My hips move on their own. I’m not entirely awake, not entirely asleep. I’m almost… not there. Like I’m just watching my needy body hump the pillow, like I’m merely a passenger and my stupid, horny body is taking over…

No. No. I’m in control. I won’t cum. I won’t…

That was too close. Much too close. But I did it. I stopped right at the edge. I didn’t cum. 

I was a good girl.

Good girls edge. That’s not something the therapist said. At least I don't think so. I saw it online. But he explained edging to me, so he must want me to be a good girl for him, right? No, that’s silly. He’s a professional. He’s teaching me control. I want to learn from him. I want to be a good girl for him. I want him to…  

It’s two in the morning already. Time slipped by like… like it was soaked by my pussy juices. I like that image. My needy cunt is so permanently wet even time gets slick. I might be going crazy. I need to snap back to reality. I need to focus. Tomorrow I have to work, and I’m already going to be running on like, five hours of sleep.

Well, I’m going to be fucked tomorrow either way, right? Not much difference between five hours of sleep and four. And I do have a few audios saved…

One more edge. That’ll be all.

God, I love how audios make me feel. As soon as I put the headphones on and that low, barely audible pulsing sound comes on, I can feel a tingle snake all over my skin. And her voice… It’s so soft, so gentle, so caring… and so desperate at the same time. I don’t know how many times I’ve listened to her, but it always makes me feel… like she’s holding me. Guiding me. Telling me what I am. What I could be. What I should be.

I know I’m saying the words out loud. I couldn’t stop myself from doing it even if I wanted to anymore. The girl in the audio and me, we are one and the same. I can’t tell where the audio ends and my mind begins. Her words are my words. The only part of me that remains is the watchful eye that’s always alert now, always ready to pounce and stop me from going over the edge.

Edging makes me better. Edging makes me sluttier. Edging makes me prettier. Edging makes me more obedient. Edging makes me a slave to my cunt. Edging makes me better. Edging makes me sluttier…

I can feel him railing me in his office. I can taste his cum on my tongue. I can see the pleasure in his eyes, the way it gives me purpose…

Shit! That fantasy almost got me. I can’t be the only one that thinks about their therapist that way, right? No, no judgment. No shame. That’s what he says, so surely he wouldn’t begrudge me a little kinky fantasy starring him… 

I wonder if I should tell him. Fuck, that would be amazing. To look into his eyes and tell him every detail that my mind conjured up, how I want him to take over my mind, to tell me what to think, what to wear… who to be. 

Twenty past four in the morning. Four-twenty. I should sleep, but come on. Timing’s too good. One joint, one more edge, and that will be it. Weed always makes edging better, anyway. I feel so… happy. I don’t have another word for it. Bubbly. Happy. Slutty. Maybe I should make someone else happy like me… 

I should probably buy like, a mask or something, just to be safe. But I don’t have one now and I want them to see all of me… I want every inch of my body to be porn, to make someone happy… It doesn’t matter who. I need to be useful. I go on the website.

I blame the lack of sleep and the weed. I’m not dumb. I’m… it’s just… good girls are porn. Fuck, that feels good to say. I log on and…

There it is. Of course, first try. A stiff cock. I can’t see the owner’s face, and I don’t care to. I vaguely remember a time when I would have felt disgusted. Now I can’t think at all. Mu pussy clenches in anticipation, and my hand rubs it softly, insistently. We share the moment in perfect peace, masturbating as one, both mindless and entranced by our own bodies…

Suddenly, the fear comes. I want to be useful. I want… I need to make that cock cum. That’s my purpose. That’s all I want to be. But what if I can’t? How can I know exactly what kind of slut this cock wants to cum to? What if I’m not… good enough?

Then, the man starts typing and the fear melts away, replaced by a warm blanket of peace. He tells me what to do. Suddenly, I don’t need to try anymore. I don’t need to think. I don’t need to worry. I don’t need to be anything but an extension of that wonderful cock. I don’t think I even read the words in any meaningful way. They bypass my brain and go straight to my body, and obedience is instantaneous. 

I’m on all fours, stretching my buttcheeks apart, struggling to look at the screen. I want to see it. I want to feel worthy. 

I barely catch myself. Seeing it tense up, hearing his moan, seeing his cock shoot cum for me, just for me… it almost makes me break my edge. I feel… proud. I feel perfect, as if I’ve found the exact corner of the universe that exists just for me to occupy, that wonderful purpose… He ends the video chat quickly. Maybe he’s embarrassed. It only shows me the dangers of cumming. Cumming brings bad thoughts. But edging…

Dawn arrives. I’ve been… away. I’ve become whoever, whatever the person on the other side of the screen needs me to be. I’m fuzzy. I know I’ve called someone daddy and begged him to sneak into my room at night… I know one woman made me spank myself with my hairbrush until I cried, and she came to my tears. I think I danced for a group of older men, but I can’t be sure. Maybe I… fell asleep at some point? I don’t know. Nothing feels real. I don’t feel real. I feel like a beautiful fiction. 

The alarm goes off. I should shower. Have a coffee. Go to work. Be a person.

Sure, I’ll do all those things. I just need one more edge to start the day…

Just one more…

I know I’ll have an amazing therapy session in two days.  

Did you enjoy this story? You can support my work at patreon.com/prettynosferatu

[discodeerdiary]

USA folks, here's a little trick I used for times when I didn't have a therapist but needed to have a short confidential talk about something that was bothering me:

- Message the Crisis Text Line at 741-741. Give them a short one-word message like GO.

- When the counselor comes on the line: the magic words are "I feel like I'm keeping too many secrets" and "I want to practice talking through something with you before I talk about it with other people"

- At some point they will ask if you're having thoughts about taking your own life. In my past experience they were pretty non-carceral when I said yes, but DO NOT TAKE MY WORD FOR IT. Do your own research, and make your own risk-informed decisions about whether to disclose or not.

- When you are done talking through the thing, they will ask you what your next steps are. I would typically say "I'm gonna talk about this with a friend" or "I'm gonna journal about it".

- Then they'll typically give you links to some websites for more support. In my experience the websites would be kind of useless, but feel free to check them out and make your own mind. One person's "useless" can be another person's "life-changing".

You might be wondering "but what if I'm taking resources away from someone who needs them" to which I assure that if you have something so difficult to talk about that you can only imagine yourself revealing it to a trained counselor, then you are the Crisis Text Line's intended audience. You probably shouldn't be using it weekly as an alternative to therapy, but once every few months as a PRN? Go wild.