#my teachers are different in their own ways but all of them are amazing bc of that

[dckweed]

OMG DID YOU JUST SQY THAT A JEW PART IS VOMING OUT SOON FOR I JUST FEEL SO STUPID !?!? 🥹🫶🏻

hi love here it is :) i lied earlier when i said you would need tissues, save them for part three you guys okay? bc that will be up by the end of next week. as someone who's been pregnant, i had a completely different one than most people do, it was very intensely tumultuous and life threatening on my end towards the end. this in no way reflects my pregnancy.

3.777k words.

warnings: pregnancy, morning sickness, mama Byers, brotherly jonathan idk what else to put.

part one

"..I'LL BE THERE.." billy hargrove x female!hopper reader

It had been only a couple of days since your confession and subsequent break down in front of Joyce, the woman had been amazing, you had to admit. She had kept true to her word and hadn't said a word to your father, she had picked you up from school the next day around noon and had driven you straight to her gynecologists office, she had thought about buying you a test kit from the store, but she needed to be sure about this, and so did you. 

The ride there was silent and tense, though she had asked how you'd been feeling and if you were okay. You had given her simply a meek nod of your head, ready to just go home and hide in your bed. She ushered you inside the building, walking up to the reception desk with you. 

"My daughter has a 12:30 appointment with Doctor Parsons," She says, and you can't help but feel warm at the mention her calling you her daughter, you can't help the small smile on your lips at the notion. She talks to the lady for a few more moments before being handed a clipboard and a pen, ushering you over to the waiting area. "Alright honey, just need to answer some of these.."

Once you fill out all of the papers, using her address instead of yours Incase they mailed anything that you didn't want your father seeing, you hand her the clipboard and she takes it back to the receptionist. Before she can even sit back down an overly chipper blonde headed lady pokes her head out of a door that leads to a hallway and calls your name. 

You stand, holding your hand out for Joyce. "I don't want to do it alone." You say, and the woman gives you a warm smile, rubbing your back as she squeezes your hand, walking next to you. 

"You're not alone." You knew she meant the words in more ways than one, and for that you were more than grateful. 

The nurse that had called your name hands you a small plastic cup with your name on it before taking your weight, sending you off to the bathroom. Thankfully you had managed to keep a whole bottle of water down this morning, and hadn't peed since before you left for school. 

The patients room was small and cold, and you couldn't help but shiver in the thin dressing gown they had given you to put on, incase they needed to do more of an exam, incase the test was positive. 

The pair of you sat in a tense silence, you perched on the edge of the exam table, her in one of the hard plastic chairs to your left. You picked at your fingers, a nervous habit you had picked up over the years, one you did mostly when you were thinking deeply about something, much as you were right now. 

Your mind was a swirling mess, you don't remember much of the last couple of days, much less today. You had gone through the halls like a zombie, not speaking or even looking at people, your body on its own kind of auto pilot. You hadn't noticed the worried glances from Jonathan or Nancy, the hushed whispers of El and your father this morning, you hadnt even noticed Billy shadowing you through the halls, trying to catch your attention. You don't even remember hearing any of your teachers talking, your brain nothing but one big buzz of a blur as you thought about what was possibly growing inside of your uterus, your future. 

God, this was terrifying. How were you going to do this? How were you going to tell your father? Jesus, how were you going to tell Billy?

"Joyce," Your voice shakes and the woman looks up at you, she had been staring intently at the white tile floor, her leg bouncing nervously. She hums, bottom lip in her mouth as she chews on it. "my dad is going to be so mad at me.." 

Joyce stands, shaking her head. "Hey now, don't think like that, Y/N," She says, taking your hands in her own. They were warm, and comforting as she rubbed her thumbs across the backs of your knuckles. "Your dad is by no means a gentle hearted man at times but he is your father, and he loves you. Hop might be a bit upset, but he'll come around, and i know he'd support you in whatever you decide to do..even if he doesn't like your decisions." You nod at her words, knowing she's right, but you don't feel the least bit comforted by them, your whole world was changing, you didn't need the doctors to tell you, you already knew. "Now what about this Billy kid?"

You swallow thickly, lifting your head up to meet her eyes. "What about him?" Your voice is quiet, small as you grimace, thinking back to the night that had lead you to this moment. 

Joyce opens her mouth to speak, eyebrows furrowed, but is interrupted by the light knock on the door, followed by the doctor poking his head in. He gives you a smile, walking in. 

"Joyce, good to see you.." He says, giving the woman a friendly handshake. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but i believe birthed all of your children with you, i don't recall there being any girls.." 

"She's not mine by blood, Doc, but she's as good as." She says, giving you a squeeze in your shoulder. You reach up to grab her hand, enjoying the comfort of brought you to hear those words. "So..are we.. expecting?"

The doctor purses his lips, looking at the two of you as he leans against a machine you hadnt noticed before. "You are indeed, yes. Urinalysis picked up levels of the pregnancy hormone.." He says, you feel a slight sense of relief at the news, because at least now you knew for sure. "I'd like to have you back on Wednesday for an ultrasound and some basic measurements so that we can find out exactly how far along you are..give you a few days to think about your options.." 

You don't know what to say, eyes wide and mouth slacked. Joyce does the talking for you, before helping you down off of the table to dress, you going through the motions as she helps you back into your clothes. 

"What the fuck am i going to do?" 

Joyce was amazing to say the least. She had taken you home to her house that afternoon, and held you in her arms as you cried on her couch, sobbing into her lap as you blubbered about how this wasn't what you wanted to do with your life, how you hadn't ever meant to be pregnant at your age, let alone by losing your virginity. 

She had let you stay the night, and saturday night as well, taking the whole weekend off of work to be with you. Jonathan had protested when she kicked him out of his own room for you to have somewhere quiet to rest, especially once the morning sickness got to you, but he had gone quietly none the less, eyes narrowed as he wondered what the hell was going on. 

On Sunday, around noon you called Joyce into the room, you had just finished throwing up everything you had managed to keep down throughout the night, which was mostly just water and some saltine crackers. She was kind enough to bring a fresh glass of water with her, and you groaned softly when she climbed into the bed behind you, brushing hair away from your forehead. 

"It gets better in a few months honey, i promise." She says softly, and you feel the motherly love flow through her fingertips. You relished in the feel of it, your body relaxing even if only for a few minutes. 

"That's a few months too long.." You groan, pulling Jonathan's blanket farther up your body. She chuckles and you sit in silence for a minute, before you breathe out a tense breath. "I want to tell dad tonight..I'm scared, but he needs to know first." 

Joyce hums. "Im scared too baby, but you're right, he needs to know." She knew Jim might possibly fly off the handle, she knew that he might raise his voice and stomp around, but she also knew that he loved you, and he would support you, even if he disagreed with your choices. "Well, he gets off early today, so I guess I'll go ahead and start on dinner..what sounds good?" 

After a few hours, you had finally gotten dressed, throwing on an old sweater that Joyce had given you and your pants that she had washed for you. Your father was off work early, much as she had said, and you gave him a tight hug, thankful for the time you had while he wasn't mad at you.

When it was time for everyone to sit down for dinner, you stayed next to Joyce, feeling the most comfortable. Will and Jonathan were on one side, El and your father on the other, talking about how their weekends had been going, what their dungeons and dragons campaign had been like. It was a normal, happy dinner. You pushed your pasta around your plate, taking a few bites here and there, the food being the one thing that didn't make your stomach roll at the sight or smell of it. 

"Y/N, honey? You've been awfully quiet.." Your father says, you look up at him quickly, your eyes wide. "What's on your mind?" 

You stammer over your words for a moment, before Joyce gives your hand a gentle squeeze, calming you enough to be able to spit it out. "Um, actually dad, I do have something to tell you, everyone actually." He sets his fork down, still chewing his food and he looks at you ecpextantly, the whole table goes quiet, eyes on you. "I know you're going to be upset, and I'm upset at myself as well, but i can't change what's happened.."

He looks at you, brows furrowed as his expression changes into one of anxiousness. "Y/N…" He says, voice low, your name slow to come off of his lips. "What's going on?" He glanced at Joyce too, not liking the soft look she sends his way. 

"Dad, guys, I'm..pregnant." 

Tables hadn't exactly flipped, but they were close to it. Your dad's hand squeezed around his fork as his face paled at your words. Did i hear that right? He wondered, eyes wide as he slowly turned his head to look at you. "What did you say?" The entire table had gone silent, still. It was almost as if everyone was afraid to move incase if brought his wrath down upon them.

You rub your lips together for a moment, your leg bouncing up and down under the table in nervousness as you squeeze Joyce's hand tightly, trying not to outwardly convey your fears. "I'm pregnant, dad.." You spit out once more, feeling bile rise in the back of your throat. "I'm gonna be sic-" You rise from the table quickly, hand over youe mouth as you sprint to the bathroom, just barely making it to hover above the toilet, and not nearly in enough time to keep it from spewing down your clothes. 

You vaguely hear footsteps coming after you, and feel someone's presence move your hair back from your face as you vomit the contents of your stomach, your anxiety and morning sickness mixing together to push it all out. You groan as you sink down to your knees, and almost jump through the window when you realize it's your father's hand rubbing your back now, trying his best to soothe you. "I'm sorry.." 

He doesn't say anything for a few moments but you see his face soften, some of his anger, or maybe fear ebbing away at your complete look of panic and fear. "This why you've been staying here the last couple days?" He asks, his voice tight, you know that that's a sign that he's trying to avoid his emotions, to control them and push them down. You nod, his hand stops rubbing your back. "Alright honey, why don't you go lay down okay? I need to talk with Joyce.." 

He helps you to Jonathan's room, pulling the blanket up around you as you curl up into a ball on the bed that was surprisingly comfortable and welcoming warmth after having stripped yourself of your sweater that had been ruined by your vomit. 

"Don't be mad at her dad..she was only trying to go what i asked.." You murmur, stomach still rolling, causing your face to blanch before you gag. You father grimaces as he holds up a trash bin for you to barf in, turning his head as he rubs your back again. After a minute or so you raise your head up, eyes drooping with exhaustion. "She was only trying to be a mom.."

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⋆⁺₊⋆

Monday rolled around faster than you had wanted it to, Jonathan waking you by shaking your shoulder gently, holding a cup of water out to you. You take it gratefully, the taste of vomit and bad breath lingering in your mouth. 

"Did they argue?" You ask, voice raspy as you watch him go through his dresser for clothes. "It's my fault if they did, i shouldn't have had her keep a secret like that.." 

Jonathan shakes his head, rolling his eyes at you. "I know it's just you being emotional because you're pregnant, but you're an entire rollercoaster to be around the last couple of weeks, you know that?" He asks, looking over at you. He grind and ducks as you throw a pillow at him. "They didn't fight..well, they did, but mom put your dad in his place and they came to a stiff agreement before they kissed and made up." 

You hum, sipping the water slowly. "Good, he needs her to humble him." You say. "You driving me to school?" He looks back up at you as he finally digs out some clothes. 

"You going today?" He asks, looking at you. "Do you even want to be around Billy right now?" You narrow your eyes at him. "Oh come on, it wasn't that hard to figure out, he's been staring at you for weeks now, and i know it wasn't Steve that took you to that party, he wouldn't have left you on the front porch drunk like that." 

You swallow thickly, suddenly nervous. "He needs to know, might as well confront him about it now, it would be rude of me to suddenly show up one day with a baby belly and just be 'hey, Billy, you're having a kid soon!'." You push the blankets off of you, slowly getting to your feet. You were queasy, but not overly, and for that you were grateful. 

The drive to school was thankfully not horrible, Jonathan being kind enough not to take turns too hard and swerving so as not to cause your stomach to roll. He even walked you into school, making sure you had your sweater because you seemed to be so cold all the time that you shivered. 

The day had been long, your exhaustion washing over you as you moved from class to class, smiling and talking to your friends and teachers as you did, feeling somewhat like yourself again with the weight of your affliction off of your shoulders now that you had at least told your family about it. Billy plagued the back of your mind the whole day, you had caught glimpses of him in the halls, but hadn't made any moves to talk to him, you figured it'd be easier to corner him after basketball practice, when he would be in a decent-ish mood and more willing to talk. 

That was where you were now, your bag on your shoulder and the sleeves of your sweater tucked up around your hands, you were cold. "Jonathan, really, I'm okay." You say exasperatedly, he had been on your heels all day between classes, asking if you needed anything, practically being over protective as if he were the father of the baby you were carrying. "Go home.." 

He looks at you, and then glances out at Billy on the on the floor, he was sweaty and shirtless, much too good looking, you thought. "You're going to need a ride home, and what if he acts like a total dick, huh?"

You groan, turning to face him. "Jonathan, go home. Let me do this by myself, this is between him and I, it's not your mess." You say a little too forcefully. "I appreciate you being so sweet, and for letting me take over your room this weekend..but really, im okay." 

He's hesitant still, but he finally concedes, hanging his head as he sighs. "Well, call me when you get home at least, just so I know you're safe." He kisses the top of your head before grabbing his bag and getting his keys from his pocket, you can't help but adore the way he had adapted to being a brother to you. 

Practice goes on for another good long hour, and you're grateful when it's finally over, making your way down the bleachers as the boys head to the locker rooms. You sit on the bottom row, foot nervously tapping and subconsciously, a protective hand on your stomach as it rolled in nausea. "Woah little one, hold your horses on that.." You mutter, and after a moment, it goes away almost as if it had understood you, even if it still wasn't more than just a clump of cells at that moment. 

A while longer passes, and you grow impatient as you wait, pulling a book out of your bag to entertain your overly worried mind. You don't hear the locker room door open, or his footsteps approach you, and you jump in fright when you hear his voice. "Are you sick your something?" He asks, taking you in cautiously. He noticed that you were awfully pale, and you looked queasy most of the day, particularly at lunch. 

You swallow, looking up at him. "I wish.." You murmur, putting your book away. "Billy, we need to talk.." You stand, face to face with him, mustering all the courage you could. 

He cocks his lips into a smirk, looking at you with those devilish eyes. "What? Are you pregnant?" He asks jokingly, completely expecting you to roll your eyes at him, he chuckles for a moment until he sees your pursed lips, and an unsettling feeling wells up in his stomach. He feels about as sick as you look. "Oh..you aren't..are you?" 

You look away, unable to find the words. Slowly, you sink back down onto your spot on the bench, looking down at your feet. He's silent, and as a large group of boys comes barreling out of the locker room, he sinks down next to you, hands on his thighs, an odd expression on his face. 

"Are you okay?" You ask, he looked like he was feeling every emotion all at once, and it made you s little nervous. "Billy?" You ask, nudging his shoulder gentler with your own. 

He snaps out of his trance and glances at you, eyes wide as he turns to fully face you. "Am I okay? Are you okay?" He asks, and you sense actual concern in his voice, something that surprises you to no end. "Like..does it hurt or anything? Oh god are you actually sick? Is that really a thing?" 

You chuckle for a moment, taken aback by the concerned side of him. "Billy, im fine..sick constantly, I threw up after lunch, and all weekend..i can't keep anything down but Joyce says that that happens.." You see him tense as you speak. "Cold too, and god im exhausted..but anyway, i just wanted to tell you..i figured you had a right to..what are you doing?" Before you had finished speaking his leather coat was off of his shoulders and swung over yours, you stare up at him, shocked. 

"You're cold. My jacket is warm. Why are you only in that sweater? Don't you have anything warmer?" He asks, he wasn't exactly thrilled by the situation, but he wasnt stupid, he was just as much a part of this fuck up as you were, except he didn't have to deal with as many consequences as you did. The least he could do was not be a dick. 

"I spent the weekend with Joyce, this was all I had with me.." You say off handedly, though you snuggle up into the coat. It really was warm. You could tell he had more questions, but you honestly were shocked that he was being so…not him, and the stress of the anticipation has you more tired than anything. Maybe you should have had Jonathan wait for you. "I know you probably have alot to say, or maybe you don't, but..can we talk about all of it tomorrow? Im exhausted, and stressed and probably gonna throw up soon..I just want to go home.." 

And home you went, he had insisted on driving you, careful not to drive so erratically, and even turning the heat on for you even though it wasnt too cold out yet. He had even offered to walk you to the front door, but seeing your dad's car in the drive you figured that wasn't such a good idea. 

"Thank you, Billy.." You say, slipping out of his jacket. You hesitate before going to open the door, and you feel him shift towards you as if to ask if you're okay. "If you're interested, I have a doctor's appointment on Wednesday for an ultrasound to see the..baby.." That was the first time you had said it out loud, and to be frank, it was quite weird coming from your lips.

Billy swallows, your words making it sink in just a bit more. Holy fuck, he thought, i really knocked her up.. "I'll be there." He says definitively, nodding at you as you give him a small smile before climbing out of car. He sits for a moment, head back against his seat as you walk up to your front door. He watches you disappear before driving off himself. 

#stranger things #stranger things s2 #stranger things smut #billy hargove x reader #billy hargrove #billy hargove smut #hopper #billy hargrove fic #billy hargrove imagine #billy deserved better #stranger things fic #stranger things drabble #stranger things season three #reader insert

[forabeatofadrum]

El WooWoo! Thank you @quizasvivamos (how the tables have turned) and @cutestkilla for the tags.

I am still working on [REDACTED]. It's a-going, nothing else to say. So instead I am back with a philosophy talk! The last time I did this, I mentioned Cartesian Dualism and the epilogue of my Snowbaz fic Time After Time.

We're going to Klaine fic now! We're talking about consciousness, mind, cognition etc. in class. Who has a mind? Who can think? Who has consciousness? These are all broader questions, but last week and today we applied these questions to machines and AI and we had a lot of amazing discussions about it.

But one moment stood out to me.

I'm going to put it under the tags and a cut, but if you're interested, feel free to read on. It's going to be about Myosotis sylvatica, and it's spoiler-free!

And now, the weather: @jinglejavey @coffeegleek @otherworldsivelivedin @caramelcoffeeaddict @sillyunicorn @dragoneggos @raenestee @tectonicduck @nightimedreamersworld @urban-sith @thnxforknowingme @captain-aralias @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @justgleekout @cerriddwenluna @tea-brigade @ivelovedhimthroughworse @bookish-bogwitch @confused-bi-queer @aroace-genderfluid-sheep @1908jmd @special-bc-ur-part-of-it @larkral @wellbelesbian ​ @artsyunderstudy ​ @martsonmars ​ @facewithoutheart ​ @shrekgogurt @rockitmans @bitbybitwrites @blackberrysummer @whatevertheweather @theotherhufflepuff

Someone argued that the fact that we might not be able to fully communicate with machines doesn't rule out that machines can think. Think of animals. We understand that animal minds work vastly different from human minds and yet we do not discredit them as cognitive beings. In fact, we even attempt to communicate with them. We all know Mimi is a good girl, after al #MimiFanclub!

And someone argued back that we do not have the same emotional bonds with AI as we do with our pets, which made me laugh, because it made me think of the original Mimi: Blaine's personal AI in Myosotis sylvatica. The whole point of Mimi is that Kurt is weirded out by how Blaine's phone seems to have replaced a pet.

(For the ones who don't know the context: the story takes place in 2027 and in this year, there is a market for personal AIs, since the AIs from big companies aren't privacy-safe. With your personal AI, that you can install on all your smart tech, you own your own data. This is why many people like this.)

Yes, Kurt has his own AI as well, but again, Kurt's from 2012, not 2027 where personal AIs have become a standard. You know, I always say that I wrote this technological world that would be slightly weird but also highly realistic for a near future. I wrote it in 2019, way before ChatGPT and crap.

There was also a mini discussion on ethics, because I also talked about how everything is done from our phones now and all I could think of was "ah yes, like the Springo". Apparently some want to get rid of public transport tickets and replace them with "checking in with our phones", which is fun, because Kurt bemoans the loss of physical MetroCards in this fic.

But yeah, back to Mimi (and Lizzie, Kurt's AI). It was just really interesting, because if we believe in Dennett's intentionality theory of cognition, then we can argue that Mimi and Lizzie do have a mind of sorts. Dennett's 'intentional stance' basically says we, human beings, ascribe intention and all other cognitive processes to other people. I assume that you, the person reading this, have the cognitive capabilities to read it and process what you're reading. I assume that people in the Netherlands made a conscious decision to vote (or not) today. I assume that my teacher know how to check the time while lecturing.

And so on. Dennett says that this is how we interact with each other as conscious beings. But you can make this broader: you can ascribe these cognitive things to objects as well. You can assume that a machine or AI (like Mimi or Lizzie, or ChatGPT) has intentions, thoughts, feelings, desires, etc. If you can do that with ease, then it's probably right.

Of course, there is a lot of criticism on this intentional stance as well. When it comes to ascribing these things to objects, then which objects do count? People can imagine a conscious machine, robot or AI (hi, Mimi!), but if I were to say "Your fork has a conscious mind", you might wonder something is up with my mind. In this line of thinking, you can already wonder if you can even ascribe these things to a machine or AI in the first place.

(To be clear, I wrote Mimi and Lizzie as unconscious objects. I am of the belief that AI, robots and machines aren't conscious, we just program them to resemble consciousness.)

But even if you don't believe that machines have a consciousness, like I do, it is undeniable that people can form a bond with objects. Heck, I even wrote a whole paper on that. We antropomorfise the shit out of objects and we did that even before we had ChatGPT. I know someone who has named her bike and how many of us have felt genuinely saddened when, for example, our favourite mug broke?

Anyway, that's all for this philosophy talk. Now I will return to fighting ableism in philosophy! Bye, bye.

#tagged in #story extras #klaine advent 2019 #wip wednesday

[wildiefleur]

i love how my preachers daughter mini mag project turned out it i adore how it looked but i didn’t get the chance to actually talk about what i wanted to in terms of the bigger picture

i had a great message behind everything that actually meant something but i never got to actually write it it 😭😭

and when i presented it got turned into me showing the physical component and explaining the story of the album which DEFINITELY felt to me like it bored people bc it felt so droning on when i had planned out a short but meaningful thing; i wish i just flipped through the pages so they could see and then talked about what i wanted to and i also wasn’t prepared to go into the story behind each song so it wasn’t executed as well as it could have been

like i had wanted to show them the climax of ptolemaea, see their reactions and then look at a video of peoples reactions and talk about how it can be disturbing esp with the story context but also the duality of people being moved and expressing how they have never seen the raw emotions they’ve experienced portrayed in art so well by looking at real people’s comments on the video and also the difference between the male disgust in it and the female acknowledgment

and then my essay part was gonna talk about the critique that people say she’s glamorizing the topics she sings about, and also talk about the way that though it tells a cohesive story in the album the individual can still claim lyrics and interpret them through the lens of their own personal story and the overall connection between music and mood, with music being an amazing coping mechanism, how music can help people work through their emotions and help them understand/process what they’re going through, how different tones in songs can either uplift or bring your feelings down and just tie it all together

so like im happy with my project and he said it was “standard setting” but i just wish i actually got to talk about what i wanted to behind the whole thing and im just disappointed and now there’s no point in actually doing it or sending the intention to my teacher because i already got my grade and so it would just be a long email he’d have to read for literally no point like i actually lost the plot

anyways rant over i just felt a little overshadowed by myself

#rambles #ugh #preachers daughter #ethel cain

[loregoddess]

Ok I'm curious, could you elaborate on art school education when you have the time?

Mainly because my friend went to art high school and feels she wasted all the years there while I've been self-teaching myself for a few months by just messing around, so I was wondering just how different the two approaches are :0

Oh, I have lots and lots of thoughts on art education. I do feel that I need to preface this with the whole "my experience is not universal", bc all my feelings about art and art education stem from my own experiences of being self-taught and then getting actual formal college degrees in art.

The shortest version of my long rant, under the cut, is that there isn't a superior way to learn art. With art education, you run the risk of getting bad teachers who don't teach the subject well, and you can also run into teachers who aren't open-minded about approaches to art that differ too much from their own--the flipside, of course, is that there are sometimes amazing teachers who can challenge you to try new things you'd never had thought of on your own, or who have already made a lot of mistakes that they can tell you about so you don't have to make them yourself. With being self-taught, you have to figure out everything on your own, and sifting through online tutorials or reading books can be difficult to find "actually useful and well-explained" advice, but you do also get the freedom of doing literally whatever you want and really focusing what you learn based on what you're actually interested in. Each has it's pros and cons, but neither is technically better or worse, per se, although education of any sort comes down a lot to each person's situation in life, as not everyone has access to education or even the tools for making art.

For the long, long expansion of my thoughts and some of my personal experiences with art education specifically...

In short, I'm technically entirely self-taught, despite holding two different art degrees. Aside from some feedback I got from my 8th grade art teacher (who had agreed to look at my hobby art in her own spare time outside of class), I basically taught myself to draw entirely on my own, using various "how to draw" books, online tutorials, and just a lot of general experimentation and continued drawing on my own. Which meant I made a lot of mistakes, or didn't try out certain things, or got frustrated bc I couldn't figure out how to do something, but overall I had a lot of fun. The actual art classes I took in middle and high school? Well, I took a life drawing class in high school that taught me how to draw from life, a skill I never would have acquired on my own bc the process for learning that skill requires a lot of patience, and personally, I find life drawing to be extremely boring. My high school art teacher was also allowing blatant copyright infringements to occur in her class, which was something I learned years later when taking a media law class in college to learn about copyright law specifically, so I guess I learned what to not do as a teacher if I manage to become one, but I didn't learn a whole lot of actual art skills or even really improve my art in any significant way. I never actually learned anything like the elements of art and how to use them, or color theory, or any of that, in class or even on my own, but because I was constantly looking at lots of art online, and making art on my own and experimenting with new things, I ended up learning all of the "essentials of art" intuitively, sort of like how children learn the grammar of whichever language(s) they grow up speaking without learning the actual formal grammar of the language. Which I think a lot of artists actually do as they continue to make art, even if they don't realize it.

Anyhow, moving on. I personally really enjoyed my undergrad illustration degree. Now, to be fair, if someone was willing to pay me to attend college for the rest of my life as my actual career, that is what I would do bc I love learning, and I love the challenge presented by college courses. But do I feel like I learned anything new about art in those classes? Yes and no. I took a lot of art history classes bc I had never had any art history before college, and found I loved the topic a lot. The life drawing classes I was required to take felt like a waste of time bc I already had that skill from the one high school class, and I spent most of those classes fighting the teachers about why we should have less nude models (bc nudes are super easy to draw from life, but clothing is very, very difficult, and I wanted to learn how to draw clothing as a challenge bc I was bored in those classes). I spent one class teaching the entire class how to use Photoshop bc the teacher's method was absolute BS and I could do everything faster and easier than what we were being taught bc I had been using the program for years (the teacher even joked about how I had hijacked the class, to which I'm still not sure was meant to be friendly or malicious). The "Anatomy for the Artist" class I took was one of the most useful classes I've ever taken, and really helped me with drawing not only humans, but anything with a skeleton and muscles, since the teacher's approach made it so I learned the skill of using actual real-life anatomy as a means of creating art from the knowledge of anatomy (and I lucked out for this class bc I had an adjunct who was there to cover the actual teacher who was on sabbatical, and from what I heard from classmates I would have learned nothing from the usual teacher's approach to the class; I hope the teacher I did have found a good stable job bc she was amazing). Most of the actual core illustration classes helped me improve my art a great deal, but not bc they taught me anything--more so, it was that I had to create a lot of art for them, and find creative solutions to the challenges the projects would present (there were lots of "illustrate this abstract concept without using x, y, or z imagery" or "create an illustration within these specific parameters" which really required me to think about how to plan and go about completing the final project). Somehow, the actual "foundations classes" that I took--where I was supposed to learn things like design theory, the elements and principles of art, color theory, etc.--well, let's just say the teacher was on his way to retirement, and didn't teach any of that really well, so I still ended up going through my undergrad more or less on intuition and the art skills I had cultivated on my own. Mostly, college art classes were useful in helping me to improve my art, not because I learned new things (although I did learn some new things), but rather because I needed to make lots and lots of art in a relatively short time, and making art constantly is the fastest way to improve.

That all said, I still never really got the point of things that I kept seeing or hearing as common art advice. For example: "Use references." Okay? What does that mean? What does that look like? How do I do that? I was never taught that once, and it was only partway through college that I figured out that people meant "look at a photo of a real person to figure out a pose or something" and not "learn about the subject you're trying to draw so you have an understanding of that subject that allows you to draw it from your imagination how you want". And honestly the former advice is useful but...only useful to a point, so I'm kinda glad I never learned it bc it would have stunted my development and presented a roadblock. In either case, I was never taught how to use a ref or what "use a ref" meant in my formal art education, and by the time I figured it out on my own, my repertoire of art skills made the advice moot.

So what's all the long and short of this? Is art education a sham and useless? Well, not entirely, but maybe sort of. It really comes down to which teachers are teaching the subject, and how they do it. I only had a handful of art teachers who were really able to get me to think about art differently and push me to learn more and improve. But I also had a friend in my undergrad class who had never drawn in his life and he found most of the classes super useful bc he wasn't coming in being self-taught and already drawing. We were at different places in our art journeys, and so we got different things out of the college classes.

I do feel overall that the focus of my college classes was more productive than the lack of focus from my high school classes. Would I tell everyone who wants to get better at art to go to art school? Hell no. I got a degree in art because I love it, and because I had hoped to work as a video game concept artist (for which one does need at least a BFA to get hired by most companies). Of course, by the end of my degree I had figured out the video game industry in America was absolutely not a place I wanted to be working for my own health, but my frustrations with how my art education had been structured, paired with the fact that I spent a few classes actually teaching my classmates things, made me think I might make an okay art teacher. But even my wanting to be an art teacher still comes from a place of deep love for art. For those who just want to take up art as a hobby, self-taught is fine, and sometimes it will be better than getting stuck with a bad teacher who'll crush the enjoyment of art. Yes, I think a well-structured art course could help someone learn art and become confident in their art, which is part of the reason I want to try teaching it (esp. bc it took me years to learn some things that a good teacher would have just like, covered in a core class), but like...self-taught or school-taught, there isn't a superior way to learn art. They're both just very different approaches.

#I think I got a bit off-topic from your question at the end there so uh...sorry if this doesn't really help answer your question #I maybe should have slept on this before answering but also I'm like #really really passionate about art and Will Not Shut Up About Literally Anything Art-Related #a few of my coworkers have been subjected to hour-long rants about art bc they asked me one (1) thing #anyhow I think art education CAN be good it's just...like any education it really relies on good teachers and a good curriculum #and yet being self-taught I know it's entirely possible to learn all the basics needed for making art on your own so #like #yeah #I dunno #anyhow #I love art a whole lot and I do not regret going to college and getting two different types of art degrees #no matter how useless certain members of my family think they are #(to be fair graduating in the middle of a pandemic was not in my future plans) #anyhow if you want to just mess around making art and having fun that is honestly one of the best ways to learn art #actually just messing around and having fun is the best way to learn most things #so...yeah! #unsuspecting-person #I still don't have an ask tag

[louislovesmilk]

Every time I see people on ao3 and twitter passing around each other’s fics like yearbooks I don’t get to sign, I get positively green with envy

I want your themes and theories, who’s centre stage, what’s going on, what deeply held upsetting things are you working through with it :)))

Is it hopeful is it scary is it hot? Is it silly is it weird? is it a secret sixth or seventh thing?

Do you have any really banger single lines or little snippets of situations you can’t stop thinking about?

I want to know

The kind of things I write down in jot note form but don’t post are like

- extremely tense upsetting barely coherent sex and relationship negotiations (like it’s just strings of dialogue and you have to really theatre of the mind what’s happening and putting stage directions in would make it bloated and clunky, at least if I tried to do it)

- religious trauma that’s just this side of too personal, like after a certain point you can really tell I’m not talking about Taerae anymore

- watery fix-it things where they get so flowery and sappy and stupid that it makes me embarrassed to re-read them. Like I’m smashing dolls together and they keep finding different strange ways of thinking ‘I love you’ at each other

Beta reading other people’s stuff is my favorite thing in the world, my friends in highschool and uni used to ask me to proofread their essays before they turned them in and I’d end up catching things that even the writing centre and the TAs didn’t. I once pulled an all nighter to finish my own essay so I could run over to my friend’s dorm and help her with hers when we were in the same class. I take grammar and spelling so seriously I was an undiagnosed autistic prodigy If you ever see spelling or grammar mistakes in my own work know that that they are intentional for effect. I used to get work refused in middle school bc the teacher thought my vocabulary was too big, that I must be plagiarizing.

I’m shit at doing it for my own work bc it’s inherently embarrassing but I live for combing through someone else’s work and editing and spit-shining and making an already amazing thing into something resplendent.

My friend got a higher mark than me on that assignment, she hadn’t fleshed out her idea and so I told her about mine and we riffed on it and I added it in, as I was doing it I realized I was making it better than mine but I did it anyways bc I love her.

^^that could be you!

[itshyuka]

Ok so about teaching, how did you end up being a teacher and was it something you have always wanted?

Cause for me, even though it is something I'm studying, I'm not 100% if it's what I want, I do wanna try though. Another thing is that I'm not exactly fresh out of high school, I graduated hs a few years ago and I wasn't the studious/diligent type and I feel very behind the others in my class, i feel like I'll need to study 10x more to be on the same page as they are.

Sorry for the rant, any advice you can share it's gonna be great!

You are so real for this and I totally understand!! Also, I'm so sorry for the long spiel below. I have a lot of thoughts about teaching.

By the end of this year, it would be 9 years since I graduated from high school. It’s my first year of teaching this year. Lots of first year teachers who are at my school are at different stages in life! So, don’t stress about that part.

I always knew I’d end up in education because I liked helping people learn things. But I initially wanted to become an accountant first and get “office experience” LOL 💀💀 COVID hit and I actually told myself why do I keep delaying the inevitable, so here I am! I also have so much patience - maybe not for little gremlins in elementary though…. but for immature teens navigating the drama of hs, any day. Because they can mostly be reasoned with (keyword: mostly) and I just love having conversations that I can relate with.

Oh god, I feel you on feeling behind bc I constantly felt stupid next to my big brained classmates. But can I be real with you? I use almost nothing I learnt at university in my current role. The learning happens in the classroom. The university course is just a box to tick, because once you have a class of your own it’s so different.

Teaching is a HARD career, I don’t want people to be disillusioned by the amount of holidays we get. The parents will probably suck (changes from school to school), the admin will suck, the bureaucracy will definitely SUCK. But I adore my kids even if they make me want to bang my head against the wall sometimes. I’m going to get nightmare kids in my career, but that comes with the job and I'll tackle that mountain when it comes.

My advice?

Create a support network of teacher friends in the same teaching area as you - these people are SO important to keeping you sane in this profession and it helps motivate you more!

It’s okay to not have a handle on everything and feeling like you’re behind. The best teachers aren’t always the smartest in the room (I don't know half of the content I teach... you become an expert at winging it really quickly)

Understand that you can’t help everyone. That’s the fastest way to burnout. My favourite advice from my coworker is that at the end of the day, these kids are the ones who go home with their results - you can only do so much.

Make the most out of the time you have in the classroom during your degree! (If you have any.) You may get lucky and have the most amazing mentors, but you may have rigid old mentors stuck in their ways. Study them, pick them apart. Find what teaching style you like, note down activities you found interesting, learn how teachers work with students and what their relationship is like. Get. Their. Resources. (with permission of course).

Resources are important, resources are life. Don’t be silly and work from scratch all the time. Build on what’s out there already! It’ll lessen the load significantly.

You will cry in this profession. It will be hard. Especially if you work in an area where teachers aren’t supported very well. But if you enjoy making a difference, big or small, you can do it (even if it's only for a few years or even longer)!

Keep cracking onward! If you don't end up liking teaching, that's okay. The nice thing about this profession is that there are a TON of transferable skills 💖

p.s. i'm a humanities/commerce teacher hehe i don't think many people will read to this part.

#inbox #huhu i'm so sorry!!! i talk too much

[bandofchimeras]

longpost about learning disability

woke up in a good mood today! but getting on tumblr always sets off this thing in my brain that's like, sadness about my brain. learning disabilities, ADHD, PDA & memory loss.

my autism HATES not really knowing/being able to recall Deep Knowledge about special interests or not having made fanart or fancams or memes or memorized facts like - I loooovveed LotR growing up. had all the Histories of Middle Earth, Simarillion, map books, etc. but I don't remember any of the Quenya words I tried to learn. couldn't read the Histories of Middle Earth bc the type was Bad for dyslexia, and maps look like a headache bc of dyscalculia. even for my biggest obsessions I feel like a Fake Fan. the only stuff I make or do comes straight from Within Myself and it has to be spontaneous, from a dream or a vision. I've tried making fanart before and the process of having to research the costumes or study an actor to make the character look like them hurts my brain too hard to continue, so they end up half finished. sometimes I can finish stuff! but it literally takes YEARS of leaving it and coming back around bc my brain is so Spread Out and avoidant. i've gotten thru so much of my life pretending to understand what's going on, masking and this has only worsened post covid. my biggest hope in life is that doing somatic experiencing therapy and being able to Be Present in My Body can help reduce some of the load on my brain and distractibility, maybe shift towards being able to Actually Learn and Recall Anything. also if i can get accomodations and go at my own glacial, distracted pace, find a really patient teacher, that could help. having a Body of Knowledge one can recall and rely on and explore seems so comforting. like ah yes, the herbal plants of the Upper Northwest, my old friends, whose names and fucntions I DO remember well....I can rest here...... or like, knowing a new language. the doors that would open up. i have forgotten so many years of different language classes, guitar lessons. Its really isolating. i don't even get "into" bands just experience the music in the moment. and feel like i belong nowhere, knowing just bits and pieces of whatever happened to stick. dance is my favorite type of Body of Knowledge bc the movements get literally encoded in your, what is it, cerebral cortex? muscle memory. you can't forget the actual moves bc your BODY remembers after enough repetition maybe I will have to find a way to make all knowledge encode into my body/movements. maybe there is a different kind of intelligence in me that can be trusted. but i mostly want to Know stuff to be like, ah yes this is me i know who i am and where i belong and can bond with other humans securely. like if u go to school and become anthropologist u get to Be that and go places to Study under people and be part of the Community of Anthropologists. amazing, incredible!

#i have goldfish brain tbh #its the number 1 thing that used to make me want to unalive #like i connect lots of dots and i can be creative but i've avoided being a writer #an artist #tbh every career or hobby i can think of #thus far bc memorizing stuff looking at graphs learning names of things hurts my head so bad #i love crocheting but the CODE #i have to watch a youtube video and do it by watching the persons hands can't process the sl st dbl hc stuff #everything hurts my head i feel so stupid all the time and its why i pretend to be so smart

[bukojuiice]

— genshin boys as your late night study buddy

ೃ ft. childe, diluc, kaeya, zhongli, xiao and albedo x gn! reader

ೃ 200-299 words per character!  (they are your bfs in this! bc MAN do i desperately want one of the genshin boys to cram school works with and shower me with luv and affection.) ♡

ೃ tags: college au, modern au, and lots of fluff. 

ೃ thank you so so much for 1k notes on my very first batch of genshin hcs! i appreciate all the luv it received and i can never thank all of you enough 🥺 i’ll be making a genshin masterlist soon to compile all of my current and future works so pls stay tuned for that!

ೃ if you want to be a part of my taglist, answer this form! ♡

ZHONGLI:

– Zhongli would be a very chill study partner. He will always keep his cool and focus, never letting his attention stray away from less trivial things. If he can focus, he’ll focus. There’s always this sense of comfort surrounding him that brightens up your mood and productivity. The both of you are sat in this long table, papers, books, and cute matching pencils are sprawled about. You lean your head on his shoulder, as he serenades you with his deep and butter voice, explaining all the formulas to you. Being able to study in peace and quiet with him is always a blissful experience. He never fails to brew you green tea (as it helps the brain function) even if that meant going down to the kitchen at 2 in the morning. He always brings a small humidifier and some essential oils with him that can help brighten up the study mood and that emits a wafting vanilla pinecone scent to keep you happy. (He’s just fancy like that.) When he doesn’t understand the concepts right away, he’d turn to you, his sharp amber eyes gazing at yours with nothing but innocent and love, and asks: “(Y/N)... what reference is this supposed to be? pepe the frog? kermit the frog? here come dat boi? aren’t they all just amphibians? what are the differences between them? I am very intrigued.”

CHILDE:

  – Childe loves a challenge. An academic challenge. He loves the thrill of finishing school works the night before the deadline, he loves studying for a pop quiz twenty minutes before the bell rings, and most importantly, he loves to pretend he doesn’t know how to solve point a to point b if that means getting to spend time with you as you tutor him on how to do so. He’s at the top of the class, He’s popular and friendly, He’s the captain of the Archery Team, and one of the vice council members of the Fatui Club. But, no other title will ever come close to being your study buddy. You and Childe always chill on the bed whenever you study. Especially when the both of you have the sudden urge to just laze around. Well, it is the wee hours of the night, so just lounging around and trying to resist the urge of sleep is pretty understandable. Sometimes, the two of you would take power naps in between study sessions. This meant cuddle times! Childe will always cuddle with you, (he’s the big spoon and you are the smol spoon) and often times you would be immersed into your textbook while he’s scrolling through his phone and looking for some of the current and popular memes. He’d poke you on the cheek and show you what he’s found. It was quite annoying sometimes and you would reprimand him for it, but it never fails to make you laugh. You jokingly suggested one time that the two of you sneak in the library after closing hours, and your chaotic boyfriend turns to you with the biggest smirk plastered on his face. “Let’s do it baby. I know the law.”

DILUC:

–You and Diluc are the cutest pair of night owls. So, studying late at night is never a problem with him because with the help of each other, the both of you are unstoppable. An actual power couple. Batman and his love interest who? I only know (Y/N) and Diluc. Mondstadt University should be giving you the title of #NoSleepGang for the “Campus Cuties” awards because the two of you are able to ace every test still despite lack of sleep.  You and Diluc are very very organized. The both of you own matching couple planners (that the both of you had gifted to each for Christmas) and have your entire study schedule planned out already. Since the two of you prefer to study at night, your dates are usually done during the day. Which meant never having to worry about the upcoming finals whilst you’re at a cute little café with him. The both of you have respective desks whenever you study together, but you never fail to gaze at your crimson-haired boyfriend with the cutest pout and biggest puppy eyes. He always gives in and next thing you know, your swivel chairs are practically glued next to each other and the both of you are cuddling in your seats. One thing that Diluc never fails to do is pamper you with comfort food or little gifts that you love after a long and tiring week of hell (aka exams) It’s such a sweet gesture and the blissful relationship that you have can’t get any better than this.

“I got you some boba and that necklace from Pandora that you’ve always wanted. I-I’m so proud of you (Y/N). You did great, my love.”

KAEYA:

- You are the Lawful Good to Kaeya’s Chaotic Evil. Kaeya is always tempted to ask for answers from your professors. He’s quite the teacher’s pet, but with good intentions. That’s just how he rolls. Every time he jokes about going to the faculty to help out and the answer sheets are just out in the open, waiting to be snatched, you always glare at at him and punch him softly on the arm, every time he tries to bring up the idea. To which he would always reply with, “I’m kidding. Just kidding my love.” You and Kaeya have amazing study hacks. He is always able to find a movie that is somewhat related to the topics that the both of you are currently studying about. For example, when the topic was an introduction to different branches of science, Kaeya chose Big Hero 6  as the “Educational Movie Of the Day.” He is always able to find something fun and informative for the both of you to watch. Well, Kaeya does find fun and interest in everything. Another effective strategy that both of you do is every time you or him get an answer right, you reward each other with either a kiss on the cheek or a bear hug. Both of these affectionate gestures give you butterflies in your stomach anyway, so it doesn’t matter which is which. With the ideas that Kaeya constantly makes up every single day of your study sessions, there’s a high chance that you’ll never fluke a test ever again.

“Oh. That’s pretty cool of you (Y/N). You got 30 correct answers! If we count everything, so I basically gave you 15 forehead kisses and 15 bear hugs. Congrats! I know we’re going to ace our finals!”

XIAO:

– Xiao is extremely intelligent and talented in a myriad of things. However, he lacks self-confidence. You’ve sworn to your boyfriend that you’d help him gain confidence in his academic abilities. Which is why you became study buddies in the first place. It served as dates with him too! Although he stubbornly refused at first, his reasons being that he can do things by himself and he doesn’t need any help. You continued to encourage him that this was going to help the both of you and it was a way for the two of you to bond, and Xiao hesistantly agreed right after. As the captain of the soccer team, “The Liyue Adepti”, The only free time that Xiao has was during the evening which is the reason for your scheduled late night studies with him. This brought so much more intimate and sweet moments with him though! It meant sleepovers with him, midnight snack runs, and casual early morning strolls in the park. It became sort of a routine. Your hand interlaced with his, the crisp morning air, the little chirpings birds, and the tranquil swaying of the trees brought so much comfort to the both of you. Xiao would be the type of student to not speak up unless he’s called. Even if he knows the answer. The both of you sit on some floor pillows whenever you would study. So, whilst you read aloud, Xiao always hugs you from behind, resting his head on your shoulder.

“I don’t deserve the patience and love you give me, (Y/N). I am eternally grateful for everything you’ve done for me. I hope you know, that I’ll always be here for you.”

ALBEDO:

- Being the university’s library assistant has it’s perks. Access to infinite knowledge, quiet solitude within the library walls, and being able to hang out with your boyfriend. It was truly a perfect deal. After classes, Albedo would be heading straight over to the library to do his work. You’d meet him there and wait until he gets his work done, and then the two of you head home together or have dinner. Albedo likes to plan things in advance. He’s quite busy, being a part of university’s alchemist group and as a library assistant, but, he will always study with you. He even brings Klee with him at times too! She’s always an energetic and cute addition, + she tattles on and on about how in love Albedo is with you and how he would never shut up about you at home. Albedo puts a lot of effort into creating review materials for the both of you. He makes very intricate drawings of modules, dioramas of certain science models, and has all the formulas memorized for him to list down. He’s a genius after all, and although you’ve constantly told him time and time again that he doesn’t have to make a review paper specifically catered to you, he still insists. He always gifts you one whenever it’s exam week (he adds extra detail to them during your finals) The cutest thing about these papers are scribbled about in all of the pages. The cutest doodles of the two of you with hearts and flowers drawn all over. Albedo + (Y/N) is even written in the last page, along with a heartfelt message: 

“I put all my faith and belief in you, (Y/N). I know you can do this. I’m proud of everything you’ve reached so far, my beloved. and I know you’ll reach greater heights. Let’s continue to excel and thrive together. I can’t wait to spend the rest of this journey with you.”

#genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #childe x reader #diluc x reader #albedo x reader #kaeya x reader #genshin impact x y/n #xiao x reader #zhongli x reader #genshin impact headcanons #genshin headcanons #genshin impact imagines #diluc #kaeya #xiao #childe #albedo #zhongli #genshin fluff #genshin impact fluff #genshin impact #genshin x y/n #albedo headcanons #diluc headcanons #kaeya headcanons #childe headcanons #zhongli headcanons #xiao headcanons

[dog-teeth]

Hiii please don't answer if this question is too much but I was wondering what your experience as a trans person existing is like? Rn I'm cis passing and low-key making me miserable but the anxiety of how I would b treated in the world is so so so scary so I guess is it hard? Are you treated any different? Especially the non-binary thing bc that's me too <3

haiii as always i write fucken essays so its below the cut lol

well first of all i can only speak to my own experience, which is obvs influenced by the other parts of my life like my location/class/race/sexuality/personality/etc, it difficult/impossible to distill what "being trans" is like without factoring in everything else.

but anyways, i'm extremely lucky to have had the security to come out and be open about my transness since i'm surrounded by really excellent people. when i came out i was 14 and didn't know any other trans people, and it sucked, but i feel like even in just the past 6ish years there's a LOT more visibility for trans people than there was back then, and obvs i was young and had a lot less personal autonomy at the time. but my friends were all really cool about it and my parents were chill as well, and i went to a good high school where my teachers were respectful (i got misgendered by other students but once they were aware of me being trans they usually stopped) so i honestly didn't face that much external difficulty because of my gender.

the period between coming out and medically transitioning was rough a lot of the time tho, just because of the frustration of trying to be seen a certain way and the world never seeing you that way, at times it felt futile to even try and for a long time i really wished i wasn't trans, because being trans had never brought me any joy, so i didn't have pride in it the way i could with my sexuality, as it had only ever caused me pain (whereas my queer sexuality had lead me to love, sex, community, etc). but those were internally-driven feelings, not anything specific in how i was treated except for generally living in a world that didn't see me as myself, but that's also true when ur not out. it took a lot of fighting to be seen, and learning how to make myself happy.

since coming out, though, its been really really amazing. meeting & connecting with other trans people, dating other trans people, helping other people figure out their gender identities by being myself around them, making art about being trans, etc, is very rewarding, and obvs u can do that without being "out" too.

emotionally its very fulfilling, like jesus christ medically transitioning once i was an adult was so fucking awesome. i hadnt realized how much not being visible as my gender to other people was holding me back and distressing me until it stopped. even though i had socially transitioned earlier and been respected by people around me, it wasnt until i went on hrt and had top surgery that i felt really really good about existing as a trans person, when i could exist at any time in any space in any clothes and be seen how i wanted to be seen, and felt like my body was as it should be.

i don't really get treated differently tbh, most people don't readily assume ppl are trans so upon meeting me people just think im a queer guy, and i only bring up being trans when i want to & feel ok doing so. being nonbinary some people are bad about using my pronouns but i honestly dont care much. every once in a while i have to explain gender stuff to people but again i dont mind. its def more annoying than if i was a binary trans person but meh.

there's some annoying/anxiety-inducing stuff like dealing with extended family, doctors appointments, legal documents, and situations where i feel like i have to try to be Stealth, but those are rare compared to my everyday life where i'm genuinely just vibing.

i completely respect trans people who don't want to be out for whatever reason, but personally i've found it to be very rewarding and i can only imagine how miserable i'd be if i couldn't be open about my gender.

tldr; it's hard while you're figuring yourself out, but if the people around you are generally good, it's extremely awesome to be able to be yourself and transition!

#i was jsut thinking the other day about how crazy it is that i was just like i want to be a boy . and then i did it #cant think too hard abt how it felt to be younger and just wishing i could be an androgynous cool boy but knowing i was stuck in my body #but now i Did That its crazy i never thought it would be possible #ez answers #gender stuff

[jujutsu-headcanons]

Gojo Satoru general headcanons

Let's get one thing clear: this man is absolutely chaotic. He is always full of energy. His energy levels never reach below 50%. He is loud and proud, always running, and never takes a minute to relax.

Do not give him Monster. Shoko did that once and it took her forever to get him off the ceiling. Also, avoid caffeine. Shoko replaces his normal coffee with decaf and he still hasn't noticed the difference. Keep it that way.

He was the class clown when he was younger. He wasn't exactly a trouble maker, but he may as well be. I cannot word that sentence and I am sorry. Next.

All of his teachers assumed he never listened in class, so they always called in him when they thought he wasn't paying attention. It still shocked them every time he rattled off the correct answer.

Not only did he answer the question correctly, but he could also explain his reasoning behind the answer, and if it was multiple choice, explain why the other answers were wrong. 

This tall man child would march up to the board and absolutely fill it to the brim with work, turn around, drop the chalk-like a mic drop and walk back to his desk with the smuggest look on his face.

That doesn't mean he did the work tho

Idk how schools in japan work but we all know schools in America only care about the amount of work you do and not what you actually know so we'll use that for the sake of the headcanon: he had straight D's bc he never turned in his work

Despite not doing the work snd goofing off, teachers actually really liked him

A lot of people liked him and he was super popular, but he still felt alone

Fake friends, you know how that works, he didn't meet any real friends until he became a shaman

Clean freak. This dude actually makes his bed. He scrubs his bathroom twice a week. His desk can get cluttered but he straightens up once a week. He's not exactly a germaphobe because

He cannot respect your personal space and that's actually canon but let me take it a step further 

He's a slapper. Especially when he laughs. It doesn't hurt, it's playful dw. He hugs you from behind especially when he's cold. He picks you up and carries you around. He will grab your wrist, arm, or hand and lead you around even if you're following him. He lays his legs across you or lays across your lap. Puts his head on your shoulder. Platonic cuddling between friends is mandatory. He's just so hands-on it's ridiculous.

Unless you explicitly tell him you're uncomfortable he won't stop

Don't worry, if you aren't in that type of relationship, your no-no square is safe. Except, if you seem chill, he will slap your ass regardless of friendship status. His ass is also slappable. You can't tell me Geto and Gojo didn't run around slapping each other asses, okay

He was weird and scrawny as a child. He didn't start beefing out until he started training to be a shaman and he's still kinda smaller than most beefy boys

He can pick you up and throw you around easily. He carried around a 170 pound Yuji like a sack of potatoes and can easily carry around three times that weight

It's amazing he's so tiny because you remember 2014 Shane Dawson making all of those wack ass desserts that was just s pile of chaos wrapped in chocolate?

He can eat every last bite of one of those monstrosities without getting a stomach ache, gaining weight, or dying basically

He knows bc Yuji dared him to do it

He has really cold hands and feet

He sounds old. Let me elaborate. He's constantly cracking his joints. They also creak when he moves. He complains about body pains like he's 80 y/o

He also shares wisdom with the kids as if he's actually 80 y/o

It's irrelevant advice that doesn't make sense but is also useful. Megumi can't count the number of times he's asked Gojo for feedback on his technique but had been told to remember to chew 40 times or never go to bed angry

Starts off sentences with "now son" and "when I was your age"

He uses his blindfold as a headband when he wants his hair out of his face. He also uses headbands as... Headbands... When he wants to wear sunglasses but get his hair out of his face

He owns so many pairs of sunglasses but he always wears the same pair

He's only bought a handful of them himself, most of them are gifts

No one knows what to get him for Christmas or his birthday bc he has everything, so they resort to sunglasses

His favorite pair is a pair that Shoko and Geto bought him as a gag. He thought they were dead serious, though, so he wore them around for a month

They were heart-shaped, rose-tinted glasses

Can you believe this man doesn't use any gel or anything to keep his hair spiky with the blindfold on? It just naturally defies gravity when the blindfold is on

Tell this man he's pretty because he already knows. He's narcissistic but not the cringy kind

Photogenic as hell. Takes great pictures from any angle. 

He gives everyone a different story as to why he covers his eyes. Sometimes he says it's because his eyes are too pretty and are a distraction. Sometimes he says it's because the sunglasses/bandages/blindfold look cooler than his eyes. Sometimes he says it's to protect the six eyes from seeing things he doesn't want to see. The world may never know

He's tried covering his whole face before, but he thinks he's too pretty for that. He at least wants one of his many amazing features to be shown at all times.

So about his driver's license;

He knows how to drive. He can be a good driver. When he wants to be. He just doesn't have a driver's license.

Now he TELLS people he just never got around to getting one, however, there's a rumor he lost it due to too many parking tickets

It's amazing the only tickets he's ever gotten have been from that and once he got caught without a seatbelt; he would have gotten out of that one if he hadn't been flirting with the police officer so bad

This doesn't stop Gojo from driving places though

He steals Ijichi's car a LOT and Ijichi DOESN'T KNOW HOW like??? The windows are never broken and it doesn't look hotwired-

Gojo has a key

You're not even supposed to be able to duplicate car keys but Gojo did 

Also; none of the first-year trio knows he doesn't have a driver's license, though that much should be painfully obvious

He whips around corners, speeds up at yellow lights, goes "watch this" and does a donut, it's just a mess

The poor students have to sit in the backseat too. Just imagine Megumi with all three seatbelts around him like that one meme.

He thrives off of Nobara and Yuji screaming from the backseat, and he can see Megumi being smooshed because he thought the middle seat was the safest through the rearview mirror

Which he doesn't even need because of the six eyes

Despite being such a reckless driver, he knows when danger will happen, so he's never once gotten in a wreck

He blasts the radio, which makes up for the driving.

Has a habit of getting in a car and ending up in the McDonalds drive-thru

Steals other people's fries and keeps the fullest one for himself.

He was rebellious as a kid and teenager, but hey, at least his juvie record is sealed 

He's been detained and in the back of a cop car many times, but the reason was never really bad enough for him to be arrested. Mostly he's just being mouthy. And the time he got caught spray painting on the side of a building. And that one time he and Getou hopped the fence to get into the local pool. And that other time-

It got worse after Getou wasn't around to get him out of trouble. Suddenly, breaking the rules wasn't fun anymore and he mellowed out. 

Tried alcohol and cigarettes before he was legal. Decided neither was his thing, however, he did start drinking occasionally when he was legal.

He's a fucking chaotic drunk. Oh my god he's absolutely feral

Most bars in the vicinity know him by name and they sigh whenever he walks in

Shoko is his emergency contact. She hates it

Shoko has to drag drunk Gojo home at least twice a month and is not happy about it

Once she left him in an alley. He made it home okay so she guesses it's fine

Once he got so drunk he spilled beer on his sock. The thought the fastest way to dry them was by sticking them in the microwave. Forgot about it until someone asked, "Who the fuck is cooking socks???"

I feel it important he was in the break room of the local grocery store and no one knows how he got there

As he was escorted out he stole a grocery cart and rode away in it while singing Don't Threaten Me (With A Good Time) by Panic! At The Disco

He has no alcohol tolerance at all what so ever

He will literally just stare at you and giggle

It's funny he's really flirty but also doesn't seal the deal. Literally, every woman in that bar is willing to get in his bed but he declines every offer. No one knows why

Its because he respects women

He helps his students break the rules as long as they're within reason. Once night Yuji was really hungry and after having a temper tantrum he couldn't order Uber eats bc the school is supposed to be secret Gojo helped sneak him out to get food. Who needs curfew anyway.

The shirts in his closet range from like twenty bucks to the iconic rich bitch shirt the kids ruined in that one chapter we all know the one 

He still wears that by the way, he calls it "art" 

When he was younger, Megumi drew a picture of Gojo being eaten by his shadow dogs. Gojo found it and now it's framed in his room.

He keeps up with current trends and memes like no one's business. This is how he bonds with his kids.

Don't call him old, but also, he'll tell you to respect your elders it's a mess

He has a lot of games on his phone. You can usually find him holding his phone sideways playing some RPG game he probably spent too much money on 

He did hop on the Pokemon Go hype train but after becoming overpowered he got bored

This happens to a lot of games. He pays way too much money, gets to be the strongest in the server, and gets bored

He likes games where you can kill other people's troops and likes to watch as they lose all their power

I canon him as being borderline sadistic

This is why he's Sakata Gintoki reincarnated

White hair, sweet tooth, black leather clothes, dad vibes, never takes anything seriously bc when he does he's scary as fuck, the works.

He is Sakata Gintoki

He liked Gintama growing up. He watched a lot of iconic shows as they aired. He considers himself an og

He's hella bilingual

Because he's the strongest he goes overseas for missions a lot. Because of this he speaks a lot of languages and knows a lot about international cuisine 

He takes pictures of himself eating disgusting foods like snails. He never likes them but he loves the idea of Nobara gagging back in japan

Has paperwork sitting untouched on his desk from three months ago that he will not touch for at least another three months

Does the crossword puzzles in the newspaper every week

Uses humor as a coping mechanism and it honestly just became a personality

Constantly popping his joints. I'm sorry if you find this gross I too find it gross.

Probably brought home every stray animal he ever met ever until he was at least like 22 y/o

Tags: @wasabito @kittaliapenn

#jjk #jjk spoilers #jjk headcanons #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen headcanons #jujutsu kaisen spoilers #gojo satoru #satoru gojo #jjk gojo #jjk satoru #gojo headcanons #gojo satoru headcanons

[pennylanewrites]

I got seven different asks about the College AU so here are some headcanons I have about them! (imagine aiura is in the picture I couldn’t find a good one with all of them)

I definitely didn’t mean to make this so long but I can’t help it I love them all so much<3

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Saiki Kusuo

→ marine!!!biology!!!major!!!!!!!!

→ doesn’t need to study but he still does bc he finds marine life so fascinating

→ read all of his textbooks on the first day bc he was so excited eeeek

→ always wears his germanium ring in class so he can stay hashtag focused

→ him and aiura have to bail toritsuka(didn’t go to college) out of jail once a month

→ speaking of aiura, she somehow has convinced him to go on a date on five different occasions

→ i think after high-school he realised he didn’t mind a kind of casual not-relationship with her

→ lets her hug him to greet him and sometimes he hugs back bc college boys stare a lot and he is just worried for her okay?

→ maybe I’m just projecting bc I kin aiura

→ does not go to parties unless he absolutely has to

→ if he does go to a party he’ll drink something quietly in a corner, just watching the crowd

→ a perv laced Teruhashi’s drink and almost lured her up the stairs so of fucking course Kusuo sprinted to help her, holding her on the way home bc men are drawn to her like bees to honey

→ she didn’t let him live it down ever

→ he rented a studio apartment and keeps it super clean, minimum clutter but enough to look lived in

→ cooks amazing food that Nendo smells from upstairs and next thing you know, they’re all bringing chairs to Kusuo’s apartment and have dinner

→ nothing excuses the fact he makes at least eight servings every time–

→ such a dad to everyone honestly

→ usually studies at a library or teleports back home if there’s a big test

→ mrs. saiki was banned from visiting every two days but she still ends up there somehow

→ not that he minds bc he’s the biggest mama’s boy ever

→ probably graduates a year early

→ doesn’t move away even though he got a job at the aquarium at the other side of the city help–

Kaidou Shun

→ fine arts major you can NOT change my mind

→ doesn’t do good in theoretical subjects but mans can draw some good bowls of fruit

→ wears those stained from the paints t-shirts all the time bc ‘no they’re not dirty it’s art!’

→ him and aren have small designated spaces in their apartment so they can focus on their hobbies/studying

→ his corner at the living room has newspapers on the floor to protect it from the splattering paint, some canvases propped up on the wall and a lot of unfinished projects

→ hides all of them when Nendou comes over

→ can not cook or clean to save his life

→ so he calls his mum to help clean up when Aren is at work

→ got over his 8th grader syndrome at some point

→ still wears red bandages bc he’s edgy

→ volunteers at the neighborhood exhibit centre

→ got asked to showcase his own works for a night and hasn’t shut up about it since

→ goes to yumehara for relationship advice and braids her hair as a thank you

→ couples sleepovers with Yumehara and Teruhashi (yes they’re dating shut up)

→ always makes something for Aren at special occasions (birthdays, anniversaries etc)

→ at first he went back home every saturday bc he missed his family :(

→ Aren helps him get over it though!!!!

Nendou Riki

→ got in on a sports scholarship

→ we already know he couldn’t be accepted in a college otherwise

→ in the chiropractic major bc he wants to be one of those athlete doctors

→ has failed way too many exams and classes

→ Hairo helps him so much though!!!

→ the last one in the group to graduate but somehow gets a job first (excluding Saiki)

→ him and hairo get up at 5 am for jogging or to hit the gym

→ and then he goes and gets noodles bc ‘if noodles aren’t for breakfast why do shops open at 6 am?’

→ hasn’t stepped foot in class in months

→ he gets decent grades after failing the first semester and it’s totally not Saiki’s doing

→ he ends up signing up for way too many clubs

→ attends all of the meetings and has so many friends through them

→ I would be his friend too in college honestly

→ a fraternity wanted to get him bc he’s so good at sports

→ he declined bc he does not understand how fraternities even work

→ is the life of EVERY SINGLE PARTY change my mind you can’t

→ whatever you do don’t imagine nendo surprising his boyfriend with flowers after every practice

→ *dies cutely*

Kuboyasu Aren

→ SOCIOLOGY MAJOR

→ idk I just think he would enjoy Marx’s Capital

→ debate club? hell yeah

→ gets in philosophical conversations at the school yard for HOURS

→ kaidou has to drag him away

→ only shops at thrift stores and makes coffee at home bc “capitalism is not accepted in this household”

→ rides his motorcycle to college even though he lives five minutes away

→ grew his hair out in a mullet again and he looks *chef’s kiss*

→ thought he would be moving too fast if he asked Kaidou to rent an apartment together

→ aiura convinced him it was fine

→ cooks kaidou’s favorite foods every day

→ participates in student rallies, human rights protests etc etc

→ comes home with bruises and kaidou thinks he looks so hot but still yells at him

→ Aren’s favorite place to study is his balcony or at a coffee shop

→ always with kaidou! cute boyfriends who do everything together!!

→ gets so drunk when they go out

→ drunk karaoke with kokomi yes yes yes

Hairo Kineshi

→ did someone say Athletic Training?

→ does every single sport and is amazing at it

→ will cheer for his bf if they have a game at the same time though

→ it was his idea to move in together bc ‘hey we’ve been dating for three years now might as well’

→ volunteers at a nearby elementary as a coach for the kids

→ SO GOOD WITH KIDS

→ wants to be a P.E. Teacher and he’s going to be great at it

→ does everything he can at campus

→ helping random clubs, making posters, cleaning up the hallways, helping the cheer squad with their new routine

→ dances ballet as a hobby even though he’s so good at it that he could be a professional

→ makes everything a competition with Nendo so they never get bored

→ once made everyone get up to jog with them and they ended up sleeping on random benches while Hairo and Nendo were halfway across town

→ will punch someone if he sees them catcalling a girl

→ doesn’t drink at all and eats super healthy

→ designated driver for the group’s outings downtown

Aiura Mikoto

→ THEATER MAJOR

→ is so good at stage acting it’s unreal

→ lands the lead role almost every time

→ is also an amazing singer so she gets great roles in musicals as well

→ doesn’t have to get a job bc she gets all her money from doing readings on campus

→ gets coffees and pastries from all the coffee shops around campus and sits Kusuo down so he can taste them

→ they have a little taste-testing date in his apartment until they decide none of them are as good as the ones at Cafe Mami

→ she totally doesn’t make him teleport there every morning and he totally doesn’t listen to her

→ moved in with chiyo bc they wanted a nice place that they couldn’t afford on their own

→ teruhashi told them to move in with her but they already loved their little place

→ aiura’s bedroom is the most comfortable and cozy room ever

→ their apartment is also the hang out spot for the group bc it’s just so homey

→ hangs out with her theatre group a lot, especially after class

→ they can’t compare to her friends though:(

→ everyone goes to her when they’re worried and she loves it bc she’s the mummy of the group

→ she makes everyone coffee and their comfort food before big exams:)

Yumehara Chiyo

→ psychology major one thousand percent

→ you know how they say that people choose psychology bc they don’t know what major they want?

→ that’s exactly what happened except she fell in love with it immediately

→ such a good student!!!

→ always does her assignments on time and still manages to have a social life

→ teruhashi asked her out at the end of their first semester and that’s the first time chiyo missed a deadline

→ practically lives with teruhashi, insisting it’s just to leave aiura alone

→ she’s just IN LOVE OKAY?????

→ would want to be a sorority girl at first

→ changed her mind when she realized how much shit they all talked

→ her and kaidou drink wine and talk about their relationships and studies

→ she’s so sleep deprived it’s unreal

→ she doesn’t need sleep anymore though

→ coffee is her best friend

→ makes asks Aiura for readings twice a week

→ brings all her psychology friends home and they analyze their textbooks

→ once she got the hang of it, she decided to examine Kusuo

→ she told him he needs actual medical evaluation

→ he almost threw her out the window when she offered some Xanax for his nerves

→ chiyo is a neat freak one hundred percent

→ hates when Aiura throws everything on the floor, but she loves cleaning

→ opens her own office after school

Teruhashi Kokomi

→ PRE-MED

→ lesbian doctor :)

→ just wanted to get away from her perv brother at first

→ she always wanted to be a doctor though, preferably a neurosurgeon

→ she’s super duper smart and hates when she gets good grades bc of her good looks:(

→ makes it her goal to show her professors that she’s more than a beautiful girl

→ hasn’t failed a single exam

→ helps everyone with their studies even though she’s drowning in work

→ drops the perfect girl image at college and decides she should try and aim for something normal

→ gets invited to every single party

→ in a knitting club bc it would get disbanded without one more member

→ knits!!!matching!!!sweaters!!!for all of her friends!!!

→ asked Chiyopipi out while drunk

→ never regretted it though

→ her and aren get so drunk when they go out with the group

→ it’s honestly unreal how much they can drink before passing out

→ has to get carried home

→ wakes up after getting drunk and runs to her class before remembering it’s Sunday

→ her penthouse has the perfect view of the sunset and sunrise and is all she could ask for in life

→ does get lonely so she’s practically living with Chiyo and Aiura

→ once she realized she didn’t like boys she made it her goal to get Saiki and Aiura together

→ people wonder how she has so much time to play matchmaker and volunteer while she’s in premed

→ does her internship at a hospital

→ ends up working there as a neurosurgeon after her Doctorate degree

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#saiki kusuo no ψ nan #tdlosk #saiki k no psi nan #saiki kusuo #nendou saiki k #nendou riki #kaidou headcanons #kaidou shun #kaidou x aren #saiki k headcanons #teruhashi #teruhashi kokomi #aiura mikoto #yumehara chiyo #nendou x hairo #hairo kineshi #aren x shun #aren kuboyasu #saiki k #Kusuo #college au #anime headcanons #anime fluff #the disastrous life of saiki k. #tdlosk headcanons

[fanfic-chan]

Okay, so how about this?

Lers! Jirou and Kirishima

Lee! DadMight

So I have it in my head that Toshinori likes to knit (or do some type of crafty thing) bc he’s a generally fidgety guy, and he likes making little gifts for his kiddos. So, it’s a rainy night, and he’s got the TV on for background noise, and he’s trying to learn a new technique, or is knitting a new pattern but keeps messing up. He gets annoyed and gives up. Jirou & Kirishima who are hanging out in the common room with him doing homework, realize this and try to cheer him up. And he finds that after the tickles and hugs, he can focus easier and is able to do the technique! And then he’s like, “Thanks for the help,” xD lol

Do whatever you like with this! Sorry it’s a bit rambly xD I like to be thorough

Oh my God this prompt was so cute! I absolutely love the headcanon that Toshinori knits, and it's something I actually headcanon as well XD. I also really love the fact that you included Jirou. She's not a common pick and I really loved getting the chance to write for her. Having Kirishima, who is one of my comfort characters, was definitely an added bonus. I hope you enjoy this and thanks so much for sending this in! It definitely helped with my stress levels!^^

Close Knit

Lers: Jirou and Kirishima

Lee: DadMight

Toshinori grumbled slightly under his breath, annoyed. Recently, the general studies student, Hitoshi Shinsou, had been spending a lot more time in the 1A dorms. This was because starting next semester, he would become an official hero course student, and would join their class officially. 

To celebrate this accomplishment, the former number one hero had been intending to knit something for the boy, as he did for all his students after hitting a milestone, and after learning how much the mini Aizawa liked cats, he'd had the amazing idea of a knit cat pillow. It would be useful for the boy's insomnia while also cute and comforting. A win win.

What he hadn't anticipated though, was that this particular pattern was difficult. So difficult that he'd already had to pull out the same yarn five times in the last ten minutes and start the section over again. He wasn't typically the type to get frustrated, but this little sucker was truly starting to get on his nerves.

After the seventh time of having to redo it, he finally dropped his project gently into his lap and leaned his head back with a groan.

"Maybe I should just.. find another pattern.." He sighed, feeling slightly disappointed in himself for not being able to complete it, but not feeling as if he had much of a choice at this point.

"Sensei? Are you… Are you ok?"

He jumped slightly, having forgotten that Jirou and Kirishima had been studying on the floor nearby. Between the light sound of rain outside, and the news playing in the background, they'd been completely silent.

"Ah- Young Jirou! Yes, I am fine, thank you. Just a bit frustrated with this pattern, that's all." He responded, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly, similar to how Midoriya did when he was feeling bashful. The comparison was rather adorable considering how close they were, despite their best efforts to hide it. "I was just thinking maybe I should try something else since this one isn't going very well so far."

Both his students made their way over at this point, and settled down on either side of him to get a look at what he was doing. 

"Ah, don't give up Sensei! It looks really good so far. Maybe you just need to look at it from a different perspective. Right Jirou?" Kirishima piped up, as enthusiastic as ever. The young musician nodded slightly in quiet agreement, and Toshinori couldn't help but smile slightly at his student's unwavering faith in him, despite his retirement and shortcomings as a teacher.

Still, he wasn't entirely convinced, and his students seemed to recognize that. Things went quiet for a minute before something surprising happened.

A sudden gentle, but ticklish poke to his side.

Now, this in and of itself wasn't all that surprising. Cheer up tickles were common amongst the class 1A dorms, and were far from unexpected.

What was unexpected though, was for Jirou to start them. The girl was generally pretty reserved and quiet unless amongst people she was comfortable with, and aside from her mostly playful jabs at Kaminari, physical displays of affection were rare for her, especially in front of people.

So all things considered, well, it was a rather touching moment.

Toshinori might have even teared up if not for the fact that that one poke and the small chuckle it caused had also caught Kirishima's attention, and the boy had immediately been inspired, practically pouncing at the chance to make his Sensei happy again, and the retired hero was immediately reduced to a puddle of amused laughter on the spot.

"Cheer up Sensei! We know you can do it!" The redhead cheered with such enthusiasm that you might think that his teacher was about to take down some crazy powerful villain.

Jirou also kept up with her shy, tentative poking, a small blush spread over her cheeks from such silliness.

"Ahahahalright!! Ahahalright!! Ok! I'll try agahahain!!" He bellowed out finally, and both young heroes ceased immediately, Kirishima grinning like a madman, and Jirou with a small smile on her face, twirling one of her earjacks around her fingertips.

Once he'd caught his breath, he pulled each of them into an affectionate hug.

"Thank you. Both of you. I really appreciate it." He said sincerely before releasing them to finish their work, while he went back to his own project with renewed determination. It only took him two more tries before he got it, and both teens cheered in celebration.

He really did have the most amazing students.

Requests are: Open

#ler jirou #ler Kirishima #lee DadMight #yagi toshinori #bnha+tickling #sfw tickles #sfw #dadmight #knitting

[neverdoingmuch]

Wangxian prompt: They see each other constantly. Like, maybe they're neighbors, or is a "my kid's teacher" situation. Maybe they meet at the bus stop, or work in the same company but different offices. So they're aware of each other and they exchange glances, maybe little inside-joke smiles about things they both notice. They see each other being brave, competent, kind, so so handsome. And when they actually talk to each other months later the first thing they say is "Marry me" and "Yes"

ooh!! this sounds like a lot of fun, i love it so much. i think office workers would be the best bc then we can contrast the banality of the rest of their lives to the quirkiness of their relationship so to speak.

okay so it all started when lwj decided that he wanted to eat breakfast on his apartment balcony

he takes his bowl and goes to sit in the chair outside and he’s prepared to just enjoy the cool morning air but when he looks up he sees a man sitting on the balcony exactly opposite his

wwx, by some strange luck, has the apartment across the street, and always goes outside to try and wake up bc he is not a morning person at all and the 9-5 job is killer for someone who likes to go to sleep at like three in the morning

anyway, lwj looks up and sees this kinda cute guy just sitting on the floor miserably blinking at the rising sun and is like oh weird and tries not to stare too much

but after that first time lwj sees him, he starts seeing mystery balcony dude everywhere, like everywhere and no amount of not staring is gonna save him

he goes down to his favourite cafe to get a cup of tea after breakfast and while he’s enjoying his tea and reading the newspaper he hears someone laugh loudly and glances over to the muffin display to see balcony man chatting with one of the staff as he orders his own coffee 

balcony man must have noticed his attention because he looks over and for a moment he looks confused but then he’s smiling brightly at lwj and it’s this absolutely amazing smile and he’s even hotter when he’s not sitting in a ratty t-shirt across the street and lwj panics, chugs the rest of his tea, and immediately leaves

he ends up arriving at the train station fifteen minutes early and is stuck awkwardly waiting while avoiding the grandma who likes showing men pictures of her granddaughter who is very beautiful and very single apparently

the train arrives and lwj gets on, finds a seat and pulls out his phone to respond to emails. then, just as the doors are about to shut, who should rush in but balcony man

he’s kinda sweaty and red but the guy makes it look good and he ends up sitting down a few metres from lwj, not that lwj notices because he’s very busy responding to his emails about how one of the teams in sales is having difficulties with one of their projects, so busy that he spends the next thirty minutes staring at the email unable to get past the second line

lwj and wwx end up getting off at the same stop and to lwj’s absolute horror they end up going to the same building

lwj tries to do the thing where you speedwalk past the person so they don’t think you’re following them but then wwx did the same thing to him so they end up arriving at the same time

they get in the elevator together, lwj near the door off to the left and balcony man in the far corner, leaning against the wall and looking down at his shoes

it’s kind of awkward but thankfully wwx gets off at the fifteenth floor - software design and tech support or something while lwj gets off at the twentieth floor - sales maybe?

he doesn’t see the man again until the end of the work day when they get into the elevator at the same time and go back down. they’re the only two people in there bc they’re working late or the stars aligned or something

and that’s just the first day. after that, every day the same thing happens and they keep seeing each other as they’re going to and from work. 

but also lwj goes to do the grocery shopping and when he’s paying wwx is in the next line across and when he goes to buy new strings for his guqin wwx is already in the store buying a new mouthpiece for his dizi

this goes on for a few weeks and then one morning, while wwx is trying to shock his system into waking up and lwj is just enjoying breakfast, they hear familiar shouting: the couple downstairs is breaking up again

lwj rolls his eyes, aware that come next week they’ll be dating again, and just blocks it out when the boyfriend comes stumbling out of the building with his shirt half on and the girlfriend still yelling

he looks across the street to see what balcony man thinks of it all and sees that he’s mouthing along to the argument (it really is exactly the same speech every time but it’s incredible that he’s memorised it). lwj snorts. it’s unseemly and rude but balcony man is over there acting out the break up as well as mouthing along and it’s the funniest thing lwj’s seen all week.

wwx notices him laugh and decides to wave at him. lwj tentatively waves back and with that the magic of their relationship sets in

now when lwj goes to the cafe in the morning wwx will look around the store until he spots lwj and wave at him, and lwj will lift his mug up in greeting which always make wwx laugh

then when they get on the train, they always get seats opposite each other and while they never actually say anything, sometimes lwj will glance over to see wwx sneaking a look at him. they both blush and look away but moments later they’re doing it again

when they walk to work, lwj crosses the street so they can walk at the same pace and not have to actually be right next to each other and despite having to cross back over, wwx is always still waiting to catch the elevator with him. 

now when they go up, they still don’t talk to each other but wwx always hums and lwj taps along with whatever tune he’s picked. 

same thing when they go back down in the evening and catch the train back

over time it starts to become more than just staring and smiling, now when the couple downstairs breaks up, wwx will hold up like three fingers and lwj understands that balcony man thinks they’ll get back together within three days

(wwx’s always right btw)

when they go to the cafe lwj will send wwx a thumbs down if the sports mum with eight kids gets in queue first and wwx will always make hearts with his hands whenever the baristas start flirting. 

when they get in the train and hear the angry businessmen argue they’re sitting there making funny faces at each other,, well wwx does and lwj just tries to keep his face blank. he usually succeeds but sometimes he smiles and wwx will always do a little victory wiggle which is honestly so cute lwj is dying

the elevator? they don’t even have to say anything. whenever a coworker they don’t like hops in they just find subtle ways to explain why they don’t like them and how

the best time was when lwj saw su she get in and immediately pulled a face like he sucked a lemon and had to try and mime “he always takes really long lunches and is really bad at sales but we can’t get rid of him because he’d whine too much and no one wants to put up with that” but he’s lwj and doesn’t really do miming. in contrast, when wen chao gets in wwx just holds up his thumb and pointer finger like he’s measuring something, and holds them only a few centimetres apart. 

they both get really good at reading each other like that

when they catch the train back home it’s always really late so lwj ends up reading a book while wwx sketches and, just as lwj always holds up his books so wwx can see the cover, wwx will show lwj whatever he’s drawn

at one point in time lwj comes home and sees a stray kitten hiding in a box near the entrance to his building but he can’t take it in bc of his rabbit so instead he goes out onto his balcony and just points straight down and holds up a cardboard box he has in his own apartment

without even hesitating wwx goes downstairs and crosses the street, still dressed in his pyjamas, and takes the kitten home. 

lwj kinda expected wwx to take the kitten to a shelter or something but within a month their morning routine changes to allow a kitten to climb all over wwx as he tries to wake up and it’s ridiculously adorable but also lwj is sitting there in absolute awe of how good balcony man is to just take in a stray like that 

there’s probably a few other scenes, like wwx and lwj going out to a dinner with their teams and they get seated at nearby tables and end up sending each other commiserating smiles whenever the conversation gets particularly dull and the time when lwj gets caught by the well-meaning grandma who always tries to set people up with her granddaughter on the train and he taps out sos in morse code and wwx just replies rip and stares out the window for the rest of the trip 

anyway this is getting a bit long so im going to say jump forward a year (doesn’t have to be a year i guess). they’re still enjoying this whole thing they’ve got going on and they know each other so well that when lwj sees wwx some mornings he knows to go to the cafe early and order an extra strong coffee for wwx and wwx will sometimes sketch pictures of rabbits when lwj seems a bit annoyed after work

(wwx will fold them into paper aeroplanes and throw them across the train to lwj and lwj always takes them home and flattens them back out and then shows them to his rabbit before before putting them up on the fridge)

one day the trains break down and they’re stuck waiting at the station in the morning and for once lwj feels genuinely sad that he might not get to work on time. like work is whatever but he doesn’t want to miss out on the half an hour on the train with balcony man and the way they speedwalk to see who can get to the office first and the awkward waiting outside the elevators where wwx bounces up and down and lwj taps out a rhythm against his thigh until wwx notices and starts humming along

but then he notices wwx walking over to him. he seems kinda nervous, hesitating at first but he puts on a confident smile and saunters over and lwj is panicking because they haven’t done this before and he doesn’t know what to do

wwx opens his mouth - he’s going to make the first move and ask out his mystery man, but then lwj takes one look at wwx, who’s standing right next to him and it feels different to all the other times they’ve been together, and he panics

wwx barely manages to open his mouth to say good morning when lwj blurts out will you marry me?

wwx blinks, blushes bright red, and immediately goes yes! (it’s a bit too loud and people around them turn to stare but neither of them notice)

lwj immediately whips out his phone and sends in an email saying that he’s taking a sick day and after he sends it off, he slips his phone back into his pocket, takes wwx’s hand in his and asks him what’s your name?

it takes wwx like fifteen minutes to stop laughing by which time they’re back at their cafe and this time, they both sit down at a table after ordering their drinks and it’s the baristas making hearts with their hands at them

#Anonymous #wangxian #wei wuxian #lan wangji #mdzs #modao zushi #mo dao zu shi #asks #my aus #cql #the untamed #anon i hope this turned out alright!! #i loved your prompt so much and i wanted to do justice to it #i was thinking it was gonna be short but it ended up being really long too ): #or not a sad face if you like long answers? #who knows!! #but i had a lot of fun! #i didnt get much into the brave & competent thing bc i wanted to create a disconnect between their normal jobs and these moments they share #also?? they'd probably have to talk if they saw each other up close so rip the logistics

[twopoppies]

Firstly No pressure to read any of the below it’s just a lil rant after I ended up on the wrong side of tumblr!! ( + I have ADHD and i forgot my meds lol so its a bit disoriented and all over the place) and no response necessary unless you want to!

Oh god I accidentally ended up on the wrong side of tumblr....never ever ever ever again, I went back so fastttt lol im laughing at myself rn for how quickly i clicked away from disgust

i ended up on a blog that stalks u and some other larries and says absolutely atrocious things abt louis (I can send u their @ if u'd like so u can block them) and fully bought the stunt bs happening rn and it was horrible obvs but like i just do not understand like it was so creepy gina and im just so disgusted bc why? yk?

like u were not joking abt anti's actually being obsessed with larries - like half this person's blog was talking abt you and amy and i was just so shocked cause why??? like mate come on what the actual f? get a life please?? (im quite new so im like just now realising how insanely weird and obsessed these anti's are)

Also it was just an overall eye opener for multiple things:

Starting with that 1. the way 1DHQ and 1D Management managed to alienate larries actually worked and i like knew but truly doing a proper deep dive and seeing multiple blogs hate on larries and like obsessively stalk us was insane?? Like they truly believe everything they’re being fed???

Side Note: Lowkey feeling very lucky to have had the education i have because even before i even joined this fandom i believed partially none of the relationships in the news bc like i knew abt this industry and how it worked yk? i mean its logic? i have so many mates that arent even in the fandom that know i am in the fandom and texted me when the articles started rolling out calling it out for what it was: A PR stunt

Hell someone i know whom i had never even talked abt fandom stuff/stunt stuff fully texted me making a joke out of it!!! like people who aren’t even in our fandom can see it and its just insanely surprising that if they can why cant the antis?? im just a bit shocked rn

both from 1. finding someone who actually believes in this stunt and 2. multiple blogs that fully commit their time to stalking u and other larries and once again i knew but fully seeing it

YK AT FIRST I WAS LIKE IS THIS A JOKE I DIDNT BELIEVE IT GINA I THOUGHT SOMEONE WAS PULLING MY LEG OR THIS PERSON WAS IDK BEING SARCASTIC AND HAD A MESSED UP SENSE OF HUMOUR but ye anyway

It made me realise that 1DHQ knew what the fuck they were doing when they were trying to alienate larries from the rest of the fandom, once again i am feeling extraordinarily grateful to have grown up with an education where i was literally taught to never trust anything and to always think things thru using logic - “does it makes sense to you? if not find out why, there usually a reason behind everything” my yr 9 english teacher used to say smth like that all the time and it just never left me bc she was always teaching us to judge everything and to take every piece of news we read entertainment or otherwise with a grain of salt and to always if we’re gonna give someone else our opinion or spread this information do our research (its what i am when i say i feel lucky to have had the education i have had)

Eye Opener 2: Anti’s are fully standing y’all u were 100% correct this is some next level stan behaviour if i’ve ever seen some, you’re famous gina!!

It is while surprisingly to realise that anti’s fully believe these things, more surprising to see how they treat larries bc why on earth would u treat any other human being this way??? like dont get me wrong they’re horrible ppl and i fully felt like sending them a message telling them exactly that but i would never bc i just dont want to make another person feel bad abt themselves even if they are that shitty of a person and it was very tempting

I just would like to understand why they feel the need to do this? like why hate on a whole other person? for what believing smth diff to u? having a difference of opinion? how tf are they gonna make it when they get a job??? like??? do u know how often i run into a person with a different opinion then me? it shouldn’t be that big of a deal! we should still be able to be friends with antis! but we’re not - not for lack of trying btw!! they’re just so mean and rude??? when i was in other fandoms when someone believed different things there was never this much hatred at someone for it!! hell there was barely any bc it was understood that it was normal to have diff opinions abt things and i just am truly fascinated by these ppl i swear they remind how stupid the human race can sometimes be not for what they believe (altho ngl a lil of that too) but for how they treat other ACTUAL human beings with different opinions to them

Eye Opener 2.5: Some people need lives, man like they proper do need lives and something to do maybe a hobby or smth? just like a life they need to get one of those and actual live it

and Eye Opener 3: I already felt this way but like even god damn stronger now you deserve a formal apology from both 1DHQ and the universe

and until we get that u deserve amazing things coming from the boys on your bdays to make up for it

Lastly Gina I hope you didn't read thru all that bc I couldn’t even read it over and thus sorry for any grammar/spelling mistakes and I would also like to say that I love your blog and everything about you! you’re an absolute angel and one of the kindest ppl I have ever had the pleasure of well not meeting but stumbling across, you truly make this fandom a much much much better place with your presence (I shudder to think of it without u) that said if you ever need to take breaks or leave Im sure you already know but you should 100%

You first!!! Always! :)

Have a good day Gina, I hope its an absolutely amazing one!

Hi darling. LOL! Reading this was like talking with my kids when they don't take their ADHD meds. Lots of excited thoughts!! I loved it.

And yeah, that blog and their 4 followers are really... not well. But you're very right. 1DHQ made this fandom a breeding ground for people to hate larries and to think it's something Harry and Louis would both approve of. It's gross.

The gaslighting here is powerful, so thank goodness for fans like you who know to question what they're told and to look at things with logic and to do their best to see through their own biases.

Thank you for all the sweet words and your offer to kick butt (in your other message). I really appreciate it!

#long post

[wonhaebunny]

I just read your Natasha Bakugou fic and I just realized what it's like from Izuku's POV. and it hurts??? bc on one hand Bakugou really believed that Izuku could have been a quirkles hero, but Izuku's getting all the pressure from that from a kid his age with a quirk, who as also born with everything he needed to be a quirkless hero and some extra from being Natasha, and that must have been so demoralizing. Like everything he could have tried, Bakugou could already do better without trying :(

THANK you for this anon because i have been Waiting to talk about it :) gear up because i have some Long analysis up ahead (on my own fic?? yeah i'm a loser i know)!!

a lot of people have been quick to jump on the "katsuki is right, izuku didn't try hard enough" boat, which is hugely valid considering that i set up the fic in a way that leads into it. with like 50k words of katsuki's POV, in which he's presented as this naturally larger-than-life, impenetrable figure, it's hard to suddenly be presented with such a glaring, obvious manifestation of his flaws. and it becomes easy to take his side, too, because he's not technically wrong. he truly was trying to help and support izuku, he just sucks at viewing things from a perspective other than his own. and we as readers do, too, because we've never been given any other perspective until now.

i've talked about this briefly in my replies to the comments on the latest chapter, but i held most of my thoughts back as i wanted to let people draw their own opinions. that being said, i would like to offer mine here, to give you (and anyone else who may be interested) some insight into izuku's thoughts as i viewed them while writing him.

my main thought while writing this fic, was centered around how ridiculously difficult it would be to grow up with someone like katsuki. he's just--amazing. even canonically, he's this larger-than-life, awe-inspiring figure. i think we all have experience with someone like that in our lives, someone who's just perfect in every aspect, and does it all so easily that we can't help but feel a little bitter. the person who has everything you want, who can do everything and achieve all you've dreamed of without even realising it, while you're left in their dust. if you don't know that person, then maybe you are that person. but nonetheless, it's a very human thing, to constantly try to measure yourself up to other people and dwell on your own inadequacies heavily. it's very human to feel like less than them, as ugly and embarrassing as it is.

to combine katsuki's natural charisma and untouchable brilliance with all the skill and abilities that his past as natasha brings, and the fact that izuku is at a natural disadvantage being quirkless... it's a lot.

a fundamental gap in power that's that large... it would leave even the kindest, most selfless person resentful.

but as we know, izuku isn't really... capable of resenting katsuki the way anyone else in his position would. so instead of being angry at katsuki, he instead lets that feeling of inadequacy fester in the way he views himself, until he's left feeling like he doesn't deserve to stand with katsuki at all. he beats himself down, convinces himself that he and katsuki are Different and that he will never be allowed to have or do the things katsuki does.

so all this time, katsuki has been upset that izuku won't believe in himself, without realising that it's katsuki's own brilliance (and subconsciously, his unwavering support) that pressured izuku into shutting him out entirely, because he's convinced himself that no matter what happens, he'll never be able to match up to everything that katsuki is.

at the crux of it, izuku a teenage boy who's been beaten down relentlessly by everyone around him. his classmates, his teachers, his mother, even (although her dismissal was unintentional, it clearly hurt just as badly) and, eventually, all might himself.

the one person who did believe in him was katsuki.

and katsuki, in izuku's eyes, is unreachable. it's easy for katsuki to say these things, because he's Bakugou Katsuki and izuku is just izuku. it's like being a novice who's set to play chess with a genius grandmaster. no matter how much the grandmaster can encourage him, tell him he's "got potential" and "can do more if he just tries", it will feel like a mockery. because the grandmaster is a grandmaster and the novice is nothing. the grandmaster is perfect and was always destined to win the game. he, a genius, a winner, knows nothing of the struggles of a novice. katsuki was born to be the grandmaster, and izuku was made to be beneath him.

that's the way the world has told izuku's story, and it's reinforced in every aspect of his life. katsuki himself, despite his efforts to be a good friend to izuku, can't change this by himself--especially if he doesn't know izuku feels that way. he's been afforded too many privileges and luxuries to ever understand izuku's pain, which is of a flavour entirely different to his own.

so, in a way, izuku really is quite pitiful.

(at least, that's the way i see it.)

#you are welcome to add your thoughts #i'm aware this is lengthy but i wanted to share my personal opinion somewhere #again!! this is just izuku's POV #bunny's asks #blackugou widow

[ackerfics]

hi! i don’t know if you’re taking requests but if you are would you be interested in a soulmate au with mikasa. i adore soulmates au a lot! mikasa x fem!reader (aot cast reincarnated into the modern world and they get to have a happy and not stressful life)

she is half of my soul, as the poets say  — mikasa ackerman

— mikasa ackerman x female reader (soulmate au)

— warnings: none, just fluff

— summary: you finally found each other.

— word count: 3.2k

— author’s notes: thank you so much for the request !! i hope you enjoy reading this because i had a blast putting this all together. plus, i couldn't help but place a quote from 'the song of achilles' bc that was a masterpiece.

Underwater.

Your surroundings were submerged in the depths of the ocean to you.

The professor in front of the lecture hall continued his lesson in a cacophony of white noise. The occasional flipping of textbooks and the clacking of the keyboard droned, a majority of the students tried taking down what the middle-aged man was reciting. You should be doing those, too, but there was something about your day that made you want to skip class and bury yourself in a mound of blankets. The air-conditioning wasn’t helping at all, it just made you drift away, even more, images of flying people and humanoid giants flickering through your mind. Even your vision was becoming blurry as you stared at the seat in front of you, not noticing how your Ethics professor dismissed your class with a reminder of the paper that was due the following week. You were still seated as most of the students stood up, eager to spend the rest of their day inside their dormitories and apartments.

“[Name].” Somebody called out to you but the raw feeling of swinging in midair acted like a bubble, keeping you from going back to reality. The voice groaned in frustration at your lack of response. “Earth to [Name]! Hey, wake up!”

You shook out of your stupor with a blink, turning your head slowly at the person waiting for you. You took in her casual attire, so different from the daydream you were in. At first, you didn’t know about your whereabouts, making you look around the lecture hall — empty except for the two of you and the professor at front. The feeling of confusion once again dominated your sound mind as you breathed out, “Where am I? I thought I was just outside in this desert and I was surrounded by people who were crying like they were a hopeless case. Then there was someone screaming my name, saying they wouldn’t let me go.”

The person pursed their lips, concerned and slightly creeped out at the nonsense coming out of your mouth. There weren’t any deserts near you right now because you two were in the middle of the city, inside a university. The way you phrased those words sounded like a plot from an apocalyptic movie you were bound to binge during academic breaks. There were accounts scattered around the internet about reincarnation that the person drank in the early hours of dawn when they couldn’t go to sleep but witnessing it in front of them, was another whole level of conspiracy theories. A hand was planted on your shoulder, your friend smiling sympathetically at you, knowing that you sometimes have these episodes inside your shared apartment. The look you gave them was enough to erase the wariness bubbling in your friend’s stomach, which spurred them to gather your things and placing them inside your backpack. Your friend worked in silence, however, they were aware of the stare you never took off from the side of their head.

“In case you don’t remember me,” your friend looked up at you with a twinkle of mischief in their irises, “I’m Hitch and I’m your roommate.” She was speaking to you as if you were a toddler, something that made annoyance tickle your chest.

“Hitch?” You mumbled, looking down on your lap for a solid minute until you gasped out loud, the sound echoing inside the lecture hall without any warning. The professor looked up from his seat, glare already in place at the disruption you caused. You buried your face in your hands, face erupting in hues of red because of the embarrassment creeping in your throat. “Oh, my God, don’t tell me I did it again.”

Hitch nodded with a shrug. “I mean, I’m used to your episodes but it always amazed me how you wake up from them all disoriented.” Finishing with her task of tidying your bag, she pulled on your arm. “I think I should record whatever you say next time, this could be my viral moment.” When you gave her a dry glare, she laughed. “Oh, come on, think of the possibilities! But pushing that aside, let’s have dinner first.”

“Hitch, it’s only four in the afternoon.”

She scoffed lightheartedly. “We can always have a midnight snack later. Right now, I’m craving something savory.” The two of you went outside the lecture hall’s door, not missing the look of relief from your Ethics professor as you linked your arm with Hitch’s. She turned to you expectantly. “Any ideas for dinner, bub?”

There was a churning feeling inside your stomach, very much like those life-and-death situations during exams where you rely on your gut for the correct answer if the test includes multiple-choice questions. This time, instead of the nagging voice telling you to encircle the first choice, your gut was telling you to head to the café near your university. Aside from their famous coffee blends and teas (the latter being one of their specialties), the café houses a variety of dishes in its menu, which doesn’t make them a café anymore but the owner still insisted that they’ll be known as that establishment. It was more of a restaurant than your regular coffee shop, making it a hit among the students in the University of Eldia, where a majority of the student body was either caffeine-dependent or reliant on fast food take-outs. The quaint café owned by Levi Ackerman was the perfect solution to yours and Hitch’s grumbling stomachs. 

“How about the café just outside of uni?” You suggested, hoping that Hitch will consider the idea.

The said girl hummed, a finger placed on her chin. “The one owned by that grumpy short-stack?” 

“Hey, that’s rude.”

Hitch shrugged without care, hoisting her tote bag up to her shoulder. “Even his cousin calls him that, you know?” At your raised eyebrow, all Hitch could do was laugh at your adorable, clueless expression. Between the two of you, the light-haired girl was the social butterfly in your friendship and you wouldn’t be surprised if she even had an inkling of the gossips happening around your year level. 

“Relax, his cousin is a good person (that is if she doesn’t kill you with her blank stare), along with their little friendship circle. I must say, all of them look so adorable. You remember Annie, right?” She continued when she saw you nod, the mention of the blonde made you remember your time when the three of you shared your apartment. It was a good kind of chaotic, the three of you balancing out each other’s personalities. Annie was always the indifferent one, Hitch the most sociable, and you being the mediator of the two. “She’s dating one of Mikasa’s friends, Armin. Mikasa is the cousin, by the way, and I can clearly see the resemblance between her and the café’s owner. With the permanent scowl and all.”

“Uh-huh.”

You didn’t know what to do with the information so you only hummed and nodded your head every time Hitch spewed out a couple of trivia involving people you have heard down the hallways or being called during roll-calls. She even told you how one of Mikasa’s friends, Sasha Braus, was reprimanded for eating inside the class of an infamous terror teacher, which landed the girl on that professor’s blacklist. The girl, Sasha, was actually in one of your classes but you never really talked to her, all of your attention poured out into absorbing what the teacher relayed in the class. All of Hitch's ramblings spanned the entirety of your walk to the café — a talent your roommate has that amazed you every time it happened. 

The smell of cinnamon greeted you once you stepped inside the café, the homey decorations making your heart warm in an instant. There were a couple of college students in separate tables, all of them draping their textbooks and readings in front of them, headphones plugged in despite the soothing background music brought by the café’s speakers. Now that you mention it in your head, midterms were coming up in a month and you hadn’t started organizing your revisions. As your mind was filled with the scent of flowers and coffee, Hitch tugged on the sleeves of your blouse, your light-haired friend wordlessly gesturing her head towards one of the empty tables overlooking the window showing the small garden beside the café. You nodded and flashed a thumbs-up, already knowing what Hitch’s order is the number of times she went home with take-outs from this establishment.

Thinking that you should order something for a change, you looked up at the menu board above the counter. With your order listed in your mind, you faced the person manning the counter, ready to relay your order to her. What greeted you, though, wasn’t a smiling cashier, instead, wide gray eyes stared at you with a slacked jaw — irises flecked with an emotion that sent your heart lurching inside your chest. She was a tall girl with muscles in the right places, black hair styled in a pixie cut that made you appreciate her features more. You faintly recalled that she was in one of your majors, which should explain the air of familiarity surrounding her. Her hands on the small notepad hovered over the current lilac paper, her posture rod straight as her breath hitched while staring into you. You weren’t sure what made her react like that so you slightly tilted your head back to look at the booths behind you. Hitch caught your eyes, raising her eyebrow in a silent question. Facing the counter attendant again, you were shocked to see that star-like tears were decorating her eyelashes, chapped lips wobbly. 

It felt like you’ve seen that expression too many times but you were sure this was the first time you saw her face to face.

“Oi, Mikasa, why are you stalling?” A short black-haired man entered the space behind the counter, arms crossed and gaze questioning as he took in the breaking form of his employee. “It’s been a full minute and you still didn’t take the customer’s order.” 

“Can I stay in the breakroom for a while?”

Your breath was taken away at the sound of her voice. It sounded like all four seasons were present in the soft-spoken tone she carried, very different from her tough physical appearance. You were left staring at her back, chest nearly bursting open because of how fast your heart pounded just from that sentence. Images of late-night trysts played in your head; of secret kisses that created an ocean of emotions inside you; of eyes looking at each other with tendrils of hope before the gates open, death beckoning you in its arms; of desperate promises, neither person could ever keep. All of them were so familiar and nostalgic that a swarm of butterflies was starting to infest your ribs and chest, sprouting flowers that clogged your throat from speaking. 

Levi glanced at you, eyes analyzing your form with a hint of concern for his relative and wondering what made Mikasa act like that. “Sure, go ahead, brat, your friends are at the back. Hello, ma’am, I’ll be taking your order.”

“Oh, sure,” you murmured before beginning to list down the food you and Hitch will be indulging in, eyes curiously staring at the girl going inside the breakroom. “Uhm, is she going to be alright?” You tried asking Levi, who only looked at you with a raised eyebrow. “It looks like she had a fright here.”

“It’s the first time I saw her in that state, to be honest,” Levi simply answered, with no room for other discussions. “Your drinks will be served shortly.” He gave you a small gadget, his pointer finger pushing a button on the device, making it light up in a blinding red. “Once your drinks are ready, this will light up and you can get it here on the counter. Thank you for your patronage.”

“Thank you, too.”

It was only when you seated yourself in front of Hitch that you realized Mikasa’s voice sounded like the one always shouting your name in your daydreams, failing to keep the promise of never letting you go.

-

Mikasa was a mess.

First, before waking up for her 7 A.M. class one autumn day, she was haunted by the memories of her previous life (or this is what Armin told her, with him also remembering being born again from a different timeline, another universe altogether rather). In that more outdated version of this world, they were on the constant grapple with these beings called Titans. Her dreams became more complex the more time passed by as these Titans disappeared, replacing with it a looming war between two countries. Her daydreams always resulted in tear-stained cheeks, eyes then finding her best friend who started a mass genocide in their previous lives, Eren. When Mikasa remembered that part of her last life, she would often find herself staring deeply at the side of Eren’s head, resulting in the brown-haired man complaining about her soulless eyes. It looked like Eren didn’t remember it, which nearly drove Mikasa mad. 

Until that day Eren came up to her after a three-hour lecture, all haggard with his man-bun in disarray, and shouting, “I’m so sorry for laughing at you, Mikasa! I had a dream during a lecture of those titan things you and Armin are talking about. I believe you!”

Second, the warmth of somebody was a constant in balancing out the horrors of her daydreams. Among the carnage, a body fitting against hers with the morning rays passing through the slit of the windows was a sight she didn’t want to wake up from. Threads of soft hair tickled her cheek, making way for an unforgettable shade of irises that she compared to the crystals they found underneath the Reiss estate. A smile so vibrant that it paled in comparison to the blue expanse of unknown waters they saw after killing all the Titans in Paradis. The smell of freshly picked flowers lingered in the air, acting like the comforting blanket Mikasa had when she was young. At first, she couldn’t see the face of the person but as the episodes became more vivid, Mikasa finally saw the woman of her dreams. 

Pulchritudinous — that’s what you are.

After that encounter with you in the café, Mikasa immediately talked everything out with her two friends.

“So you’re saying that you kind of knew her but you don’t?” Eren pointed out after a spoonful of ice cream. “This is some conspiracy theory shit right here.”

“Eren,” Armin sighed. “This is not one of those videos you watch at 3 A.M., okay?” The blonde glanced at the last member of their little trio, who was pacing in front of them with a queasy expression on her face. “Mikasa, I know you feel like you’re in a pinch but please calm down.”

Eren leaned forward and took a spoonful of ice cream from the tub on the low table. “It’s no use, Armin. You know Mikasa.” He nodded his head towards the said girl. “Once she enters that state, we can’t do anything about it.”

“I know,” Armin trailed off, dejected.

Mikasa buried her hands through her hair. “This was so unexpected.”

“Clearly,” Eren dryly stated.

The blue-eyed boy beside him instantly hit the back of his head. “Eren!”

Mikasa stopped pacing, not hearing how Eren exclaimed ‘finally’, her face and neck erupting in a warm shade of red that made her two friends exchange a concerned glance. Placing a hand on her pounding chest, she murmured with half-lidded eyes, “She’s much more beautiful than my dreams depicted her to be.”

Armin breathed out a silent ‘oh’ while Eren snickered, “Great, she turned into a simp,” to which the former slapped another hand at the back of the green-eyed boy’s head.

“That explains it,” the black-haired girl exclaimed. “There were times where a voice inside my head tells me to be at this specific place at a specific time.” (“I’m concerned,” Eren stage-whispered to Armin.) “While applying for this university, I had a feeling that I should take up medical sciences. Every time I’m at the campus, I will always find myself in the library after five o’clock and there are instances that I would search the tables. And you guys know how I hate helping Levi in the café.” Eren and Armin nodded as if they were children. “I just realized that she was always there, I can see her now. Why did I miss her when all this time, I was meant to find her? And now that she’s finally in the café right when I told Levi that I felt like helping the shop, I ran away! I’m such an idiot!” Mikasa then sunk on one of the plush chairs, her groans mingling with the gloomy atmosphere she created.

“You’re not an idiot, Mikasa,” Armin told her, to which she replied with an aggravated groan.

“Yeah, you’re not an idiot, you’re just having a gay panic moment,” Eren casually announced. Both of his friends slowly turned their heads toward him. He stared right back, blinking as he shrugged. “You have to admit, I’m not wrong.”

“You’re not helping right now.”

“I’m just stating a fact, Armin!”

The blonde boy rolled his eyes. “So what are you going to do about this, Mikasa?”

“About Eren?”

“No,” Armin shook his head. “Eren will be fine with his two brain cells.”

“Hey, I’m right here.”

Armin rolled his eyes and fixed his gaze on his gray-eyed best friend. “So are you going to tell [Name] that you two are star-crossed lovers pre-destined since your previous lives?”

The confidence she gained the day before during that conversation with her childhood friends dissipated as Mikasa awkwardly stood in the middle of the university’s library, eyes widely staring at you, who was browsing the shelves for the reference material for your papers. She didn’t expect to meet you this suddenly. All she was supposed to do was borrow a reference material and there she realized that the two of you share the same major so most of your schedule line up with one another — the both of you share a free period. Almost as if you were surrounded by a magnetic field, Mikasa went in your direction, her heart matching her footsteps. Meters became feet as she looked at your captivating figure. Even with a shirt tucked inside a pair of jeans, you are still the most beautiful girl inside the library. 

And as you lifted your gaze, your glinting irises meeting her gray ones, Mikasa swore her orbit was waiting for this moment to be tilted to you.

Tears were immediately present in your eyes when she stood in front of you, it was as if you remembered her.

“Hey,” Mikasa breathed shakily, hands gripping the strap of her backpack.

“Hey, starlight.”

That nickname. The one you blurted out when Mikasa invited you stargazing in the meadow beside the Survey Corps Headquarters. You said it suited her because her eyes reminded you of the glow of the stars forming a canopy above you. But for her, you were brighter than any star in the sky, you were an entire cosmos altogether. “You became a part of me the moment I laid my eyes on you in our town. Right then and there — wherever you go, I’ll go. Because I know, I’m a part of you as well.”

“You finally found me.”

You are half of her soul, as the poets say, and the Fates will do everything in their power that it stays like that for eternity. 

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