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#my own prison
followfindyou · a day ago
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time to continue my room project ^_^ i'm getting rid of so much and it WILL be great
tl;dr i havent been in or slept in my room for just over a year for a lot of different reasons, and built up over the years. but im finally taking control and im happy:)
bc i kinda feel like oversharing rest is in the rest of the tags LMAO
#tw for abusive situations and stuff#----------------------------------------------------#---------------------------------#------------------------------------------------------------#-------------------------------#when i moved to the US my stepfather had set up the room for me and stuff and it like. over the course of 6 years really became a prison#both bc i stayed in it a lot for my own safety bc the rest of the house felt unsafe and also because i wasnt allowed to leave + what i did-#was regularly controlled. but it was like.... also never MY space#like my room was regularly checked. i kept most of the things i cared about hidden as best as i could but theyd be found anyways#i used to keep stuff in my underwear drawer but itd be searched through too#all by my step father to be clear#and i mean like. writing. journalling. drawings. idk what he thought he'd find like i never left the house bc he didnt let me#the number of times he went through my computer or my phone. he'd check my phone to make sure the texts lined up to what the -#phone plan would say like. Inbox/Outbox. and all the numbers. to make sure i didnt delete texts i guess?#theeee number of friends i lost because of his behavior lmao <3#anyways what im trying to say is that i couldnt have a lock on it if i wanted. i asked. and it was never my space despite it being#the only place i had a semblance of control. and even then it was regularly taken away from me#and then i went to college. so it became more like a storage room when i was away ... and i also have hoarding tendencies#birthed from the fact that i tried to keep everything i owned all the time because i was afraid of losing it all#so its become a mess to the point that it gives me claustrophobia and it was unlivable. so ive been sleeping on the couch#but ive been cleaning and working thru the trauma <3 therapy on my floor. throwing stuff out!! idk. we'll see how it is when i just like#get the floor cleared LOL im sure i should still be throwing out stuff i have in hte 'keep' pile#anyways <3 its a process and im proud of myself#if u read all this thank you i love u#caleb.txt
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ultravioletreyes · 7 days ago
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Why do i keep seeing this horrid little post on my dash, i say just before realizing i was the one who reblogged it there
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lunaflower · 12 days ago
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Hello Tumblr, I am once again having feelings about c!Tommy's 3rd death. (all /rp)
I just- This kid went into the prison to visit Dream one last time, the person who has such an unhealthy obssesion with him that he used the first opportunity available to isolate Tommy, to try to make him dependent on him, to lie to him and his friends. The person who manipulated him and nearly drove him to a breaking point. The one who was going to kill Tommy’s best friend right in front of him. The one who told him straight to his face that he wasn’t done with him, because the two of them had so much fun together. Tommy’s nothing but a toy to Dream, and he was going into the prison to get closure, to be able to move on and start recovering. And instead he gets trapped there, for seven days, in close quarters with Dream. Seven days.
And when that time is finally up? He gets beaten to death by his abuser. And for what? Just because he annoyed Dream? Because he didn’t believe his words? To prove a point? How sickening is that? Only for him to get stuck in the void with Wilbur and then get brought back? Ending up at Dream’s mercy, again.
Tommy died alone, in a brutal way, surrounded by things that reminded him of his trauma. And then he comes back to see people’s mourning of him. Who only seemed to actually do something, after he was already gone. Most of them apparently didn’t care what had happened to him, until he was actually dead. And suddenly they’re building statues and memorials in his honor? As soon as he’s back, Tommy feels alienated from the rest of the server. “I know I’m here, but I still feel dead.” 
As viewers we know Tommy’s train of thought isn’t the most correct when it comes to rest of the server. We saw people mourn, and blame themselves and try to push away the notion of what had happened. But Tommy didn’t. And, like Tommy himself says, even though he’s back now, he feels more like a ghost than he ever did. He may be out of exile but, in his mind, he’s still alone.
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dullahandame · 18 days ago
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if anyone is interested, my friend messaged me a link to a zine about prison abolition and alternatives to crime and justice without prisons.
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achrilock-atmospheric · 21 days ago
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youtube
Creed – My Own Prison
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lidiantwiale · 29 days ago
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I feel tired
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I feel exhausted, heavy and lazy.
I'm not broken. At least not more than everybody else. I'm just always at home.
I'm not alone. The whole world is at home. Or at least over the half.
Others have no home. I'm lucky. We are lucky. But home can become a prison.
I even eat just bread and drink too less water. Yes, the walls of my home has become the borders.
After months this is all what I see from the world. The all same walls. The all same rooms. Like living in a space station. Sometimes I jump into a suit, to float to some other station to get myself some food, just to leave immediatly to catch up with my own station again.
I had moments in which I almost lost pressure in the hull. When ultra fast objects shot holes into the station.
I almost lost it. Everything. But I am still here, fixing the leaks, repressurize without rest.
My survival depends on it.
I feel tired. But I am good. Yes. I am good. I don't feel too sad. I have some energy in me. A damn strong will to live.
I think everybody has it. In the one way or another... I think I just want to say... keep it up. When I'm still here, you can be it too. Much love, your Throkir
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thecanonasexual · a month ago
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why is asking for help the literal fucking worst thing ever
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uwillneverknowwho · a month ago
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I check the beeduo tumblr tag like it's the goddamn news
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o6666666 · a month ago
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the character-building backstory of kim wexler
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fenixdown · a month ago
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my husband just came in and asked what i was reading and then touched my face and went “your face is hot. i know what you’re reading. is it monsters”
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hauntedarbys · a month ago
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okay, this has been on my mind for awhile and i'm gonna do my best to phrase it non-confrontationally, because i'm trying to ask a question, not start an argument.
i've seen a fair bit of discussion about prison abolition and the like, and i agree with most of it. i think that for most crimes, rehabilitation and addressing the material causes of a person's behavior would be a much better idea than just locking them up.
but when somebody brings up more serious crimes, like child abuse or sexual assault... it seems like nobody has a straight answer. at best they'll deflect ("well, our current system doesn't address those problems very well, either!"); at worst they'll say Those Sorts Of Things just wouldn't happen in the society they've imagined.
sometimes i see others say that it's okay to believe in prison abolition without having an answer for those situations, but i'm not satisfied with that. i need to know what would happen in "extreme" cases, where rehabilitation isn't possible, or where somebody needs to be forcibly kept away from the person they're intent on victimizing.
so i guess i'm asking, does anyone have a straight answer? and what is it? again, i don't wanna be argumentative, i just... have been wracking my brains for a solution, and i don't have one.
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