#my own image still feels so foreign to me

[theorphicangel]

“𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬 𝐜𝐮𝐩𝐢𝐝 𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐝 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬?” | 𝐌𝐢𝐠𝐮𝐞𝐥 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦! 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

synopsis: you have a valentine’s date tomorrow and you’re somewhat excited for it. but there’s just one thing you’re unsure about…thankfully your trusted roommate can help. right?

tags: roommate au! (Here we go again), smut, 18+, oral (m.receiving), blowjob, praise, mutual pining, these mfs are in DENIAL smh

PART ONE.

“You have a valentine’s date?”

“God, O’Hara don’t even try to hide the surprise in your voice, why don’t you.”

You cross your arms, frowning at your roommate who was currently sitting next to you on the couch. The two of you were watching a remake of a new movie that had come out recently. An hour or so had passed, the both of you stuck within a comfortable silence before your words had distracted him.

“How could you blame me?” He begins, his gaze still on the television screen. “I’ve never seen you bring anyone home before.”

“So you keep notice on who I bring home?”

A pause runs between the two of you.

“No.”

“Liar.”

Miguel clears his throat. “It’s none of my business anyways, what you do.”

After a few beats of silence, Miguel speaks again, this time with a teasing tone. “I wouldn’t want to be like you anyways, keeping track of who I sleep with.”

“I do not keep track!” you exclaimed.

“How come you remembered Cindy’s name then?”

You hesitate, stuttering off. “You–you talk about her a lot.”

“Bullshit.” A grin creeps up across his lips.

“You jerk, I was gonna ask you for a favor but since you wanna play that game, nevermind.” You crossed your arms, turning your attention back to the screen. Simultaneously, you had just sparked off Miguel’s own curiosity.

“What’s the favor?”

“I don’t want to ask you anymore, I’ll ask someone else.”

“Like who? Peter?”

“Don’t be mean, mig’.”

The movie continues to play in the background for a minute or two before Miguel starts getting restless.

“So who's the guy then? Someone you paid?” Miguel’s grin doesn’t have the time to stretch across his lips this time as you throw a pillow to his face.

“Hey!”

“Watch your mouth, O’hara.”

The two of you had been roommates for just under a year. You had moved in due to an emergency situation. A few troubles with your finances, student loans and the loss of your job resulted in you desperately responding to a roommate advert posted on the internet. Moving in at the beginning was awkward, the two of you avoiding each other, minimal conversation revolving around the weather and who would take out the trash.

But all it took was one night for the both of you to open up to each other, a shift in your realization that Miguel wasn��t as bad as you thought. A few too many drinks one night led you to learn a lot about each other. Like how he didn’t like the dark yet had a weird obsession with space. You found that he had a brother, a few years younger than him who was almost a spitting image. For him, he learned how you once had wanted to be a painter but soon switched career paths to psychology as well as taking up a foreign language.

Ever since that night, you’ve managed to maintain a good friendship with Miguel, completed with a little teasing here and there. On some nights, when you were left alone in your room, you laid back and stared at the ceiling, thinking about him. Particularly, thinking about him and the girls which he brought home. Your mind wandered to the possibilities of what he would be like with them. Imagining what it would be like to be in their position.

How would he touch you, feel you, look at you? Would he be gentle and take his time or does he rush, his passion taking over his whole body? It was questions like these that plagued your mind. You began to create a fantasy in your head, touching yourself at the thought of him touching you; imagining his movements to be slow and cautious, taking you all for himself.

Speaking of, you’ve recently noticed his lack of…visitors lately. Instead of hiding away with them in his room, he’s recently been spending a lot of late nights in your company.

“What’s your plans for Valentine's Day?” you queried, trying to maintain a casual tone. “Taking Cindy out for a romantic dinner?”

Miguel scoffs, shaking his head a little. “Why don’t you ask her out yourself, since you’re so obsessed with the woman?”

A small wave of ease flows through your mind at his answer. Yet it wasn’t exactly the answer you wanted. You pat Miguel on the chest mockingly.

“I knew she said no to you. If you ever want to talk about it, I’m here you kno—” Unfortunately you weren’t able to finish your sentence as a small scream left your mouth, as Miguel pinched your thigh.

“Watch it, imbécil.” he glared, before changing the topic. “But I’m serious, who's the poor guy then?”

You shoot an offended glare back before repositioning yourself on the couch, turning your body to face him properly.

“Someone asked me from work.”

“And you didn’t have to get on your knees and beg them first?” Playfully, you hit him on the arm and he lets out a fake wince of pain.

“Shut up. And no, for your information, I didn’t.”

Miguel hums, his eyes quickly glancing back to the television screen as he tries his best to ignore the sinking feeling of disappointment in his lower abdomen. Guess he should cancel tomorrow then.

“But I had a favor to ask you.” you turn your body, shifting your position to face him. Miguel merely raises a brow, humming deeply again with his eyes still glued on the screen.

“I was wondering if you’d…show me how to—uhhh how do I put this? Suck someone off.”

Miguel froze. Oh, now you had his attention.

“¿Qué?”

You freeze, clearing your throat as his eyes snap back to you. “I mean it was just a suggestion– I-I’ve watched a few videos but I’m still kinda—I just— I mean, I don’t–”

“You don’t know how to give a blowjob?”

It was a bit more blunt than you had wanted to put it but…yes.

You nodded silently, now choosing to avoid eye contact. “I just wanted some tips, y’know? What do guys generally like? I’ve read that some like it differently than others so…”

“Why are you asking me?”

Ah yes, the million dollar question. Why were you asking your hot ass roommate for blowjob tips? You had the choice to ask anyone: your best friend, or another friend or even a random stranger on the internet. Why him?

“You’re…experienced.” was all that you could come up with. “And not in a bad way!” You quickly correct. “ but I can assume you’ve had your good shares of…that.”

Miguel raises a brow again, swallowing thickly. Anxiety was now bubbling at the base of his stomach. You were asking him how to please a man and immediately his mind jumped at the thought of you with your valentine’s date at the end of the night. Ah, you were asking for your date.

“Well, did you just want tips or did you…” he trails off without finishing the sentence, thinking how weird it would be to finish the sentence that had popped up in his mind.

“ ‘Or did I’ what?” You repeat, tilting your head ever so innocently.

“Or did you want to practice on me?”

/

And that’s how you got here. Kneeling on the floor between the thighs of your very own roommate whom you have only known for less than a year. Was this what you were expecting when asking for advice? Of course not. But there was a sense of excitement that grew in the pit of your stomach and you weren’t going to complain about it.

“So how do I start?” You glance up at Miguel, your eyes wide with innocence and curiosity to learn. Just from the way that you looked at him, he was already beginning to get hard.

“Well, you just start.”

You roll your eyes, “Okay, doofus. So you expect me to just get into it? No foreplay or anything?”

“There’ll probably be some foreplay with your date and stuff but…we don’t have to do that.”

For a split second there’s an aura of hesitation between the two of you; him regretting his last words and you almost wanting to reject his assumption. Mutually, there’s a little voice inside of you that tempts you both to take the chance and do this properly.

But of course, this was a lesson.

A mere, innocent favor from a roommate. With no strings attached. Or feelings for that matter.

Even if it killed you both to suppress them.

You nod silently, taking mental notes. Miguel raised his hips a little to pull down his sweatpants, enough so that you could access him with ease. Now you’re starting to get nervous. Your heart was palpitating so much that you could hear your own heartbeat thump in your ears. “I-”

“If you don’t want to, we can stop.” He quips quickly, noticing your hesitation.

You pause, reflecting for the final time whether or not you wanted to do it. Once you made your decision, you glanced up at Miguel.

“It’s not like I have much time left to practice, right?”

Miguel raises a brow. After all, Valentine's day was tomorrow so you needed all the practice that you could get. “If you’re sure.”

“I’m sure.” you vocalized, trying to sound more confident in this way.

“Okay, lemme just–” Miguel mumbled to himself as tugs down his boxers. You noticed the way the bottom of his shirt hiked up a little, presenting his happy trail; a dark bush of hair leading all the way down to his…

Oh.

It’s big. Bigger than you thought. And he’s not even hard yet.

Miguel seethes a little, his cock only semi-hard. He pumps himself a few times before removing his hand, leaving it up to you. His arms now rest on the back edge of the couch, widening his thighs a little more for accessibility.

‘Holy shit’, you think to yourself, how the fuck were you supposed to deal with this?

Miguel caught onto your expression, panic drawn all over your face. “We can–”

“No.” you interrupt him, reading his apprehension too. His concern for you is more than obvious. “I want to.”

Miguel chuckles a little, “I was going to suggest to take it slow but yeah, if you’re still up for it.”

You swallow thickly, edging nearer before planting your hands on his thighs. This is so alien to you. After many months of tiptoeing around him at a distance, it was scary how fast you found yourself in a position of intimacy with him.

Sure, many times before have you fantasized about what it would be like to get close to him. With the sounds of moans coming from his bedroom late at night, it wasn’t hard for you to figure out how much of a woman pleaser he was.

Slowly, your hand wraps around his cock, feeling him get harder and harder with every second that passes. You think back to the videos that you had watched previous to this, noticing that most of the women decide to give a few strokes before going in with their mouth. You imitate them easily, watching your hand move.

You take in every fine detail: every vein, every twitch, every shade leading from the tip to the base. The crown of his cock is thick, becoming redder with every stroke as juices of pre-cum subtly spilling away.

“Jus’ like that.” Miguel murmurs and you notice how his tone is a little lighter than before. “When you’re ready, you can lick the tip a little, warm yourself up to it.”

You hum in response. You can’t bring yourself to look at him, not yet at least.

Once again, you think back to the porn videos you had watched, imitating the women by tracing little circles across the tip of his dick. Miguel lets out a drawn out groan and little by little you can feel his body relax as you continue on. It tastes salty. The tip of his cock is reddened and soft.

For a minute or two you continue to trace circles, closing your eyes in the moment, allowing yourself to relax and get rid of any nerves or doubt. Miguel says nothing more, his teeth softly biting down on his lower lip, he watches as you hesitate, unsure of how to continue from here.

Miguel’s hand soon reaches for your chin, causing you to pause and tilt your head up towards him. His hand cups right under your lips and your face turns to confusion for a split second before he lets out his command.

“Spit.”

For some reason, your body listens to him without a second thought.

“It’s okay if it gets messy,” he advises, “the messier the better.”

You make a mental note of that.

You make sure to be careful with your teeth as your lips part around his cock. Once again you take it slow, letting your mouth adjust to his size. He’s bigger and thicker than you had expected, barely halfway before he already fills up your mouth. Your eyes water as you attempt to take him whole, a decision which you realize quickly was too hasty as you reach your gag reflex.

“Hey, hey, hey, don’t– mierda!” Miguel sits up a little, trying to pace you. Your eyes water and saliva continues to pool out of your mouth, dripping down to his balls. Your cheeks are full of his cock and as if following his instincts, Miguel almost wants to hold your head there. It takes all of his resilience not to place his hand at the back of your head. He let out a grunt at the warmth of your mouth, coaxing him to stay a little longer. But unfortunately if he does, then he may cum sooner rather than later.

You feel his fingers tap your shoulder, “Hey–” he manages to draw out, “brea–breathe through your nose.” You attempt to do so, just letting off a few inches of his dick, letting your hand stroke whatever you can’t take. With you, you can build up a pace more freely, bobbing your head up and down. You close your eyes, concentrating on keeping your rhythm, a steady pace for now.

Fuck it, Miguel gives into his instincts, letting a hand cup the back of your head ever so lightly.

“Fuck, keep going… you’re doing so well.”

Miguel’s praises boost your confidence, the simple phrase removing past doubts that had cast over you. You pause to allow yourself to breathe, your hand stroking his length in the meanwhile and Miguel seems to cup your chin again.

“Mírame.”

One simple order and he has you hooked and, god, you have a gorgeous view.

His dark brows are deeply furrowed. Chest rising and falling heavily, His hands are now by his side, prominent veins from his other arm lead to the back of his hand which currently grips a pillow on the couch. His eyes are beginning to droop, with his head tilted back slightly. You notice how his Adam apple bobs in his throat with every guttural hum that he makes. His mouth is just about agape enough for you to spot his pink tongue peeking out at you.

And as for him? The sight of you is more wondrous than he could ever imagine. Your eyes are also heavy-lidded. Lips plump and wet with saliva dripping down your chin. This is a side of you that he’s never seen before. Your eyes glow with submission, the innocence and inexperience peeling off of you. If you keep looking at him with that expression, he’s not particularly confident that he’ll be able to hold on for that long.

“Don’t stop looking at me, okay?”

You hum a little before your lips open wide to wrap around his cock again. Yet this time, you manage to keep eye contact. Another unrestrained grunt leaves Miguel’s mouth, his lips parting once more.

You’d say that you’re confident now, relaxed more than ever – confident enough to begin exploring. Keeping his cock in your mouth, you begin to bob your head at a rhythmic pace and at the same time a free hand reaches down to his base, lightly tracing over his balls.

A sharp inhale leaves his mouth. “You’re gonna kill me, you know that, nena?”

You hum in response, the vibration of your mouth causing a helpless moan from your roommate. You focus near the tip of his cock, returning back to tracing circles over the slit. One hand still pumps the rest of him whilst the other gently teases his balls with your fingertips.

He’s closer than you think. And you can tell by the way that his hips begin to shift a little as if he’s trying to get more of your touch. He tilts his head back, chest rising and falling at a more dramatic pace. “Shit–shit–shit-m’gonna, m’gonna cum– if– if you keep going… oh fuck!”

“Wan’ me to swallow it all?”

You’re practically teasing him at this point. Fuck, he’ll do anything, anything. And this time he doesn’t hold back in vocalizing this, the words ‘yes’ falling from his tongue, pleading, begging you to continue. “Yes, yes, don’t fucking stop.”

You decide to grant him his wishes, turning to a faster pace as you stroke his length with your hand. You can feel his cock twitching, thick veins rubbing against your palm.

“You close, mig’?” you taunt, watching as he closes his eyes in pure euphoria. He nods, inchorant words fall from his lips in a babble as his hips jerk upwards and his thighs tense around you.

Fuck, fuck, fuck m’cumming! M’gonna–”

Miguel manages to cut himself off with a deep groan, lifting his hips up as you wrap your lips around him for the last time. His cock twitches, veins pulsating as your mouth is filled with his white seed. You swallow as much as you can, trying to bear the salty taste. His cum is thick, spurting so much out you think you won’t be able to keep up. Some leaks out, dripping down his shaft. As soon as you’ve swallowed, you lap up what you missed.

“Fuck, wait, wait–”

“M’cleaning you up.” you mumble. You can tell how sensitive he is. Just from your tongue lightly licking his length so as to not waste anything, his cock twitches. Once satisfied, you pull away, your tongue licking at your bottom lip.

Apart from the sound of the now forgotten movie playing in the background and the sound of light panting coming from Miguel, there’s a silence between the both of you.

You lean back, resting on your heels as you begin to grow aware of your actions.

You’ve just sucked off your roommate. Correction. Your hot ass roommate.

Neither of you know what to say. You begin to avoid his eye contact, feeling the awkwardness creep in. Yet, it fails to fully entrap you as Miguel chooses to bite the dust and speaks first.

“For someone with a mouth that doesn’t shut up, I’m surprised you know how to use it well.” he mutters, pulling up his boxers and sweatpants.

All tension from your body begins to evaporate, a slight smile appearing on your lips.

“Hey, what’s that supposed to mean?” you frown, wiping off remnants of his cum mixed with your saliva from your lips with the back of your hand.

“Nothing, nothing. You were just…good for someone who hadn’t done anything like this before.”

Unlike when you were sucking him off, his praise causes heat to rise to your cheeks, your face burning up. And like a few moments ago too, you continue to avoid his eyes.

Clearing your throat, you move to stand, gesturing that you’re about to go to your room. The movie is just about over but neither you nor him were worried about that anymore.

“Any other advice that I should take?” you say.

Miguel frowns, taking a few moments to think deeply. If he’s being completely honest with himself, that orgasm has crushed him. Leaving him with nothing but thoughts of you and that sweet mouth of yours. Just thinking about it almost makes him hard again.

A part of him almost dares to tell you to forget your date tomorrow and to go out with him tomorrow. The card and flowers addressed to you, wait patiently in his room, a last-minute gift after weeks of building up the courage to ask you. All that courage is lost now though.

He’s too late.

“No.” He says, finally, going against his instincts. “Just do exactly what you did for me.”

“No complaints?”

“No complaints.” He clarifies. A deep pit of regret and hurt builds up again in his lower stomach, a feeling that he’ll have to start getting used to. He deserves it, he thinks, for not asking you sooner. He has no right to be jealous that someone else beat him to it. Not when he wasn’t dropping enough signs to prove that…

he’s falling in love with you.

Before entering your bedroom, you pause, the door leading to your bedroom slightly ajar. “Hey.”

Miguel glancing up to look at you.

“Thanks.”

Miguel says nothing more and really he should be the one thanking you for the heaven that you’ve just taken him to. He waits until he hears your bedroom door close and lock before letting out a sigh that he didn’t know he was holding in.

After he’s sure that you won’t return, Miguel pulls out his phone, tapping his screen until he reaches a certain page.

‘Are you sure you want to cancel your reservation for a ‘table for two’ on the 14th of February ?’

After a mere moment of hesitation, he confirms. His thumb clicking on ‘yes’.

part 2.

#Angel writes #unless ur a few hours ahead then…yeah #miguel ohara x reader #miguel o'hara x reader #miguel o’hara x reader #miguel o'hara atsv #atsv headcanons #atsv miguel #miguel x reader #spider man: across the spider verse #miguel smut #miguel o'hara #miguel o'hara smut

[oliviajdjarin]

Javier Peña: The Shittiest Goodbye

Pairing: Javier Peña x fem!reader (she/her; afab)

Summary: Javier has no one saying goodbye to him. No one but you.

He smiled; you could tell even from behind your tears. His golden skin crinkled under his eyes, and he pulled you forward by the waist for a short hug. A really short hug – barely four seconds – before he stepped away and leaned down, gathering a bag in each hand.

“I’ll…I guess I’ll see you.”

You kept looking at him. You couldn’t seem to stop. Neither could he.

Warnings: feeeels, crying, kissing, yearning, longing, and all that jazz, one line that can kind of be interpreted as a size kink, but a hopeful ending.

Word Count: 2.2k

A/N: javi. he's always going to fucking do it for me.

A/N 2: I haven't watched narcos in like four years so if the plot is splotchy, I apologize.

If you would like to leave a like, ask, reblog, or comment, it would be much appreciated <3

Pedro Masterlist

He had told you in person, which was better than nothing.

“They’re sending me home. Tomorrow morning,” he said, putzing with the plastic chain hanging from the lamp on your desk. Eyes unable to meet yours. “My flight’s at 6.”

And then he walked away, each sound of his step away from you tipping the globe further and further off its axis.

You had known he was starting to take matters into his own hands. You had known said matters were dirty, bloody, and grey. And you had known said hands were now buried in a while lot of shit because of it.

You had known, and you still knew, walking into the El Dorado International Airport, squinting against the rising sun. You knew perfectly well who Javier Peña had gotten himself involved with and what they both had done on each other’s behalf.

The fact of the matter was – you didn’t give a shit, because what Javi was doing was moving the DEA further towards its goal than ever. It was fucking working.

In your opinion, if agents couldn’t get their hands dirty, then they couldn’t catch Escobar. Luckily for you, Javier felt similarly.

And yet, here he was, being sent home. The one person who gave you any comfort in the shitshow that had become your life. The only friend who had remained so every single day, the only one you could count on. The one man in all of South America that actually made you feel safe.

And, arguably, the only person in the entire DEA who truly wanted things to get better, even if it left a mark on his soul he could never wipe away.

These thoughts haunted you as you searched for Javi. For six in the morning, the gates were surprisingly crowded. Your tired eyes did their best to search for his prominent features – chestnut hair, perfectly highlighted with tips of blonde by the South American sun, broad shoulders, high cheekbones, curved, Roman nose, pouted lips, likely leaning on one leg, popping his hip out, with his hands on his waist. You secretly hoped he was in his Levi’s leather jacket.

Your eyes squinted as you peered around, lost in the sea of bodies, children, staff, and flight attendants. Suddenly, the thought of missing him wrapped its coils around you, sending a strange, foreign heat down to your toes and up your scalp. Your breathing heightened, images of him already on his flight, alone, thinking no one cared, thinking no one came from him, began to flood your brain. Your fingers grabbed at your chest, your teeth clamped around the skin of the inside of your mouth, pulling so hard you began to bleed.

He had said six, right? In the morning? Today? Had I heard him wrong?

Had he lied to me?

That thought was too much to bear, too much to process, too much too much too much –

A warm, callused hand wrapped around your forearm. You gasped, heart pounding so loud in your head that the man attached to the hand had to repeat what he was saying. His voice was muffled, his face was blurry, but everything about him was so handsome, and so familiar.

“What the hell are you doing?” he asked in a kind of whisper-yell.

It was like you had taken a sedative, looking at Javier Peña, standing right in front of you. Not gone, not forgotten. Right here. Your nervous system evened instantly, like a bucket of warm, clean water had been dumped over your body.

You smiled at him, despite yourself. Despite the situation. Despite it all.

The edge of his lip quirked slightly, but it lasted quicker than a second, before returning to his usual scowl.

“Answer my question,” he said, pulling you towards him. He didn’t sound mad, just…shocked, and a little terrified. His touch on you was gentle, but firm.

You swallowed; eyes still locked into his. You placed your hand on his chest to steady yourself and grinned at the feel of the leather.

“Only if you answer mine first – did you really think you would get to leave without saying goodbye?”

He huffed, meeting your stare, unable to prevent the drop of humor that had culminated in his eyes. “I did say goodbye.”

“Oh please,” you said, pushing away from him. “That was the shittiest goodbye ever.”

He stayed silent for a moment, before letting out a quiet chuckle.

“Besides, six o’clock in the morning is an early call time for you,” you said. You were proved correct by the dark circles under his eyes. You wondered if he had slept at all the night before. “Had to make sure you actually made it.”

“Right,” he said, and looked around him, placing his hands on his hips. His tone suddenly became serious. “You shouldn’t be here.”

That shocked you. “Are you kidding me? Why not?”

“What if – someone sees you, from the DEA, thinks you were working with me. Then what?”

“Then I fucking deal with it,” you said. “I wasn’t going to let you leave thinking that no one would care that you were gone.”

That froze him, his eyes widening just so. The fact that he was shocked at all by that statement caused a fresh set of tears to line your eyes. It was faint, but it was noticeable.

He sighed, looking down at his shoes, allowing you to notice his bags placed on either side of his feet– a large leather carrier, and a small backpack. For a moment, he looked like he was about to say something, until a voice over the speaker interrupted him.

“Flight to Austin, Texas, boarding group one may begin boarding. I repeat, boarding group one may begin boarding for flight to Austin, Texas.”

Javier glanced down at his watch before pulling his ticket out of his back pocket, reading it over with furrowed eyebrows. “I’m group two. I should probably…”

You nodded, a wave of emotion suddenly rocking you once more. The tears were streaming now, down your face. You tried to wipe them away, put they just kept coming.

He took a step closer to you. “Why the tears, ángel?”

You sniffled, wiping your nose, doing the best you could to collect yourself. Maybe that was a good thing, as it allowed this newfound pet name to go completely over your head. The voice that came out of your mouth was nasally and cracked. “I am going to have to do so much paperwork.”

He smiled; you could tell even from behind your tears. His golden skin crinkled under his eyes, and he pulled you forward by the waist for a short hug. A really short hug – barely four seconds – before he stepped away and leaned down, gathering a bag in each hand.

“I’ll…I guess I’ll see you.”

You kept looking at him. You couldn’t seem to stop. Neither could he.

He opened his mouth, once again about to say something, when the speaker went off again.

“First call for boarding group 2 for flight to Austin, Texas. I repeat, first call for boarding group 2 for flight to Austin, Texas.”

He didn’t move an inch. There were so many things you were wishing to say in that moment.

Don’t go. Please, don’t leave me here.

I’ll be alone. I’ll be alone, with you away.

I would have done the same thing you did, working with those men.

I understand why you did it, maybe better than anyone else.

I would have done the same thing, in your shoes. A couple times, I almost joined you.

I’ll go with you, and we’ll never go back. Never. Never.

You didn’t say a word, your confidence swirling down and down, deeper and deeper inside of you. Javier licked his lips and turned around, beginning to walk away. Like he did that day at your desk. Like he did however many times you had asked to help him with what he was doing. Like he did whenever the two of you would make eye contact for just a little too long.

At that all too familiar sight, the confidence inverted itself, instead flooding upwards all at once, flooding your brain with a mantra of why the fuck not?

For once, you listened to that voice, and did the same thing Javier had done to you only moments before. You took a long stride forward, grabbed his elbow, and turned him around.

And then, you took his face in your hands, and you kissed him.

Kiss was a stretch – it was more like a quick peck, barely even felt by either party. But it was something, something that got him as close to you as you had always wanted him to be – his breath fanning your face, his chest pressed against yours, a mix of coffee and mint on your lips, which you quickly licked away. Oddly enough, it steadied your heart, calmed you down instantly.

Because you had that now. That memory. Something more than passing glances and quick hugs. A part of you, in that moment, didn’t even care what his reaction was, because that feeling alone was enough for you to live with.

The rest of you, however, short circuited at the fact that he may not have wanted that at all, and you had completely violated him in the middle of a fucking airport.

You looked up into his wide eyes for barely a second before backing away from him, the beginnings of a million sorrys forming on your tongue.

That was until the bags slipped from his hands, landing on the harsh carpeting with a thud. He then rushed forward, using one hand to frame your face, and the other on the nape of your neck to tip your head back.

There was no time for your brain to accept this as fact before he brought your lips to his own, his kiss nothing less than searing, and nothing more than perfect.

You reciprocated as soon as you were able, wrapping your arms around his back to steady yourself. The feeling of his lips upon yours was better than you had ever imagined, better than you had ever fantasized about while he sat in your peripheral vision during meetings. His lips were soft, buttery, and so was his facial hair. It tickled your nose just so, which only heightened when he tilted your head further, licking the inside of your mouth. You moved your fingers to his hair in response, tugging him so harshly into you you stumbled backwards.

It was hot and sweaty, messy and desperate, and neither of you were letting up. Not even to breathe. His hands moving down to your waist felt too good, his chest against yours too real, his hair between your fingers too addictive, his soft groan every time your tongues clashed too vivid, and your lips molding together too perfect.

You were speaking to each other, in a way. Both of your bodies reciprocated every move, grabbing and twisting and pulling, both saying the same thing over and over and over again.

I’m going to miss you so fucking much.

Small eruptions of gold began to spawn behind your eyes, ones of pure pleasure, disbelief, and dizziness. His hands turned greedy now, encompassing the span of your back like it was nothing. The hairs on his face began to burn you, the feel of his warm mouth consuming you.

It was too much, too much too much too much, but it was so fucking good –

“Final call for boarding group two for flight to Austin, Texas. I repeat, final call for boarding group two for flight to Austin, Texas.”

It was like a switch flipped in both of your brains at once, propelling the both of you off of each other instantly. He didn’t make eye contact, not even for a second – just wiped his mouth quickly, fetching both bags, and turning from you, walking towards his gate.

He disappeared within the crowd, and you did the same. Turning back towards the entrance, pushing your way through the half-awake travelers, headed god knew where for god knew what.

Your lips still thumped, and so did your heart, so much so that you didn’t really know if you could feel your feet.

There were so many thoughts you could have been having, so much intricacy to the situation, that your brain did the only thing it could – it shut it all down, completely. If it hadn’t, you worried you wouldn’t have been able to pull from him in the first place.

It wasn’t until you made it back to your apartment and set your keys down on your nightstand that the thoughts started flooding in. There were too many to dissect, too rapid to make sense of, but one outweighed them all.

Had he looked back?

In your still hazy brain, that cemented every other question you had, calmed the steady stabbing that had begun to ache inside your skull. You fell asleep, the sun now high in the sky, illuminating your room into a kind of gold. It was a nice change, after a week of grey weather, but you were too gone to the world to notice.

The last thought you had before you escaped to slumber, and the first that you had the second you returned, was all the same: had Javier Peña looked back?

***

He had. Many, many times.

Tag list: (if you would like to be added or were somehow missed, please feel free to let me know :))

@lovesbiggerthanpride @paintlavillered @xocalliexo @c4psicle @joelsflannel @thesmutslut @untitledarea @daphne-turner @queerponcho @ririi-3

#javier pena smut #javi #javier pena x reader #javier peña x reader #javier peña #javier peña oneshot #javier pena fanfiction #javier pena narcos #javier pena x you #narcos fanfiction #pedro pascal x you #pedrohub #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal #the mandalorian #the last of us fanfiction #happy birthday daddyyyyyyyyyy

[theidiotwhowritesthings]

TAKE CARE OF YOU [8B]

Sugar Daddy!Joel Miller x Female!Reader

Overall Warnings: slow burn, angst/comfort, power imbalance, age gap, possessive tendencies, eventual smut, #daddyissues, independent reader learns to let go and relax, emotionally constipated Joel Miller learns to be vulnerable; (more specific warnings to be added to individual chapters if necessary)

Chapter Word Count: 11,971

Summary: You spent your entire adult life supporting yourself and barely getting by. It’s why a life of ease offered to you by a mysterious stranger sounded so foreign and unbelievable. Joel Miller, dressed in flannels that had seen better days, didn’t look like the kind who could promise you the world on a plate, but he seemed desperate to help out. All he asks is that you let him take care of you. That wouldn’t be so hard. Would it?

[a/n: it's here, holy moly. I'm glad I split it up otherwise this would've been a 23k word chapter 😂 love all of you for reading though and double love the beautiful souls who leave me words of kindness!]

Chapter Specific Warning: masturbation (F), reader is a thirsty bitch (which like is totally fair considering Joel Miller is 🥵), fluff and my usual attempt at humor, angst (but like the 'please trust me as the writer babes' kind)

08: YOU'RE JOEL MILLER'S SUGAR BABY!

"in the mess of feelings, focus on what is important, what brings peace to your soul, and let all the rest go." -all is not lost

The room was sweltering. You were damp with sweat. It’s the first thing you notice when you slowly begin to awaken. The second thing you notice is the strong arm resting around your waist and the firm chest at your back. Your groggy sleep heavy mind reminds you that Joel and you had gone to bed not too long after you iced his hand for him. Granted, being tangled in his limbs was a new thing.

You took a deep breath and settled against him. Everything about this moment screamed comfort. The soft morning sunlight streaming through the window, the warmth radiating from Joel’s embrace, his soft breaths fanning against the back of your neck. You could spend eternity in his arms.

Your squirming hadn’t woken Joel, but his sleeping form shifted to match yours. Any leftover drowsiness you had vanished when you felt something firm press against your ass. It took you a beat to recognize what was pressing into you because there was no way it was what you thought it was. Joel gave off ‘big dick’ energy without a doubt, but this was significant enough that you had to be mistaken. You squirmed once more and Joel’s arm tightened around you, pulling you in closer, and there was no mistaking it now. The hard bulge pushing perfectly against you was his cock. Holy fuck. When Joel had said he was a ‘big man’ yesterday you thought it just meant his broad shoulders.

Joel let out a soft sigh, a content mumble, and in a panic you let your body go limp and closed your eyes once more. Seconds later, you felt Joel stiffen behind you⏤ sucking in a sharp breath through his nose. You kept your own breathing even and smooth as Joel stayed completely still. Finally, he slowly pulled his hips back, trying not to shift the mattress, and untangled his arm from you. You rolled over and continued to feign sleep. 

“Jesus Christ.” Joel mumbled softly. You heard his soft steps padding across the room behind you, and you didn’t move until the bathroom door shut. 

You rolled onto your back then and lifted your hands to cover your face. 

Idiot, idiot, idiot. You chastised yourself. There was an ache in your core that you only had yourself to blame for. All these missed opportunities. You went to bed last night without kissing Joel. You woke up this morning and pretended to still be sleeping when Joel’s dick was literally pressed against your ass. The sound of the shower kicked on and your mind involuntarily conjured an image of Joel under a spray of hot water. The urge to slip your hand under your waistband and touch yourself was growing more and more overwhelming by the second. 

After a glance to the door, your need shoved common sense to the back of your brain, trampling over it to get in control, and your hand slipped into your pants. This had to be fast and the absolute dripping desire you found told you that wouldn’t be tough to manage. You dragged your middle and ring finger up your wet lips to the apex where you let it curl around your clit in circular motions a few times. Your breath hitched and you pushed your fingers back down through your wetness to sink into yourself. With the memory of his cock pressed against you and his hot breath on your neck, you were already dangerously close to snapping. The pace you found with yourself was fast rather than the languid way you usually would pleasure yourself, and you let the heel of your palm grind against your clit. It was startling how quick and hard you came at your own hand with the image of Joel’s broad shoulders and rough hands in the forefront of your mind. The beginnings of a cry accidentally slipped from your lips and you bit down on the inside of your cheek to shut yourself up. Your hand lingered against yourself as you caught your breath and let the waves of pleasure ebb and flow over you. 

The shower squeaked off and you sat up breathless, hand yanked out of your shorts. You could hear Joel moving around the bathroom and you struggled to calm your racing heart. As you shifted in place, trying to piece yourself back together, the feel of your now soaked panties was made more apparent and the back of your neck burned with a new warmth. You sent a silent prayer up to whatever deity may be listening that there wouldn’t be a noticeable damp spot on your sleep shorts when you stood.

  Much sooner than you thought, the bathroom door opened and your spine stiffened to sit straight up with your hands resting in your lap. Joel stepped out, hair damp and slicked back, with a towel wrapped around his waist. His eyes landed on yours and widened, “Hey. Hey.” Joel cleared his throat and his hand fell to readjust the towel on his waist. “You’re awake.”

“Mhmm.” You hummed with a tight lipped smile. Joel stood in the doorway like a deer in the headlights and you felt a weird awkward tension. There was no way Joel heard you. Not over the sound of the shower. Plus, you were mostly quiet. The tension must be coming from somewhere else. You pointed your hand out toward him with a nod, “So, I didn’t kick you last night, right?”

Joel’s face cracked into an amused smile and he chuckled, “Not a bit. I’m impressed.” Joel came further into the room and nodded back toward the bathroom. “You need it? I can change out here.”

“Yes. Yes, please.” You slid out of the bed and tugged the edge of your shirt down a bit⏤ not that it helped in covering your shorts. Joel’s eyes trailed up your legs to meet your gaze and you tried not to feel self conscious in your morning state. Between the bed head and the state of your underwear, you felt like a spotlight was shining down on you. 

Without pausing, you made a beeline to the bathroom. Before you got too far past Joel he caught you by the elbow and pulled you a bit closer. Your face burned warm under Joel’s stare. It was soft and warm, but underneath that was a hunger in his eyes that you were positive would remain burned into your memory forever⏤ haunting every dream you had of him. The corner of Joel’s lips twitched up. “I gotta say it proper.” He pinched your chin between his thumb and forefinger and traced the bottom curve of your lip. “Good mornin', sugar.”

“Uh, yeah.” You mumbled in a daze. Joel raised an eyebrow at you skeptically, and you shook your head with a small laugh. “I mean, good morning, daddy.”

“Good girl.” Joel approved. As if you hadn’t just touched yourself at the thought of him, you felt a new ache between your legs demanding attention. He tapped his fingers under your chin once and pulled away. “Go on. I wanna spend as much time with ya as I can 'fore I’m dragged away for work.”

You smirked and scrounged up every ounce of bold bravery you had in your body to reach out and set a hand on his bare chest. Joel sucked in a sharp breath and the look of hunger burned so hot you could’ve sworn you literally felt the heat on your skin. “You could always play hooky with me.”

“As temptin' as that is,” Joel cleared his throat and rested his hand on top of yours, allowing his thumb to rub against the back of your hand, “Tess'd literally castrate me if I skipped anythin' today.”

“Well, we can’t have that, now can we?” You teased before you even considered the words. Joel raised his eyebrows with a slight tilt of his head and your eyes widened at your own words. “I, uh, I mean,” You used your other hand to point to the suitcase, “I should… I need to get ready so we can… yupp.”

Joel squeezed your hand then lifted it up off your chest to press a soft kiss against the palm of your hand. At the simple touch, your entire body relaxed and you thanked that same deity you prayed to moments before that the hand you settled on his chest hadn't been the one you pleasured yourself with.

A part of you wondered if you were going to melt into a puddle right here and now. He nodded his head toward the bathroom with a small smile and let go of your hand. Your first step away from him was more or less a stumble. Joel chuckled and you scrambled to grab a swimsuit and cover from the suitcase before rushing away to compose yourself behind closed doors and out of view of those tempting, hungry eyes.

When you stepped out of the bathroom twenty or so minutes later, dressed for a casual day by the pool, you were met with quite the sight. Joel was in the process of putting on his watch, but his outfit was what caught your eye. Joel was going golfing apparently. He had on a pair of khaki slacks with an olive collared, short sleeve shirt tucked into it. The shirt was just tight enough to stretch across his broad shoulders and the sleeves clung tightly to his thick arms. A pair of sunglasses were hanging from his open collar.

“Hello, Tiger Woods.” You said appreciatively. 

Joel glanced over briefly before doing a double take. His own eyes traced slowly down your form before confidently meeting your eyes once more. He chuckled, “Tiger Woods?”

“It’s the only golfer I know off the top of my head.” You replied and closed the space so you could reach out and run a hand down his arm. Joel’s eyes followed your hands' movements. “I like this look on you. Very preppy.” Joel’s gaze snapped to yours and he raised an eyebrow in question. You grinned impishly, “Golf Daddy.”

Joel laughed in amusement and shook his head. You looked around him to see his wallet was resting on the dresser by a black baseball cap. You frowned, “Are you gonna wear a hat?”

“Was gonna. Why?”

“I don’t know. I’ve never seen you in a hat before.” You shrugged. It just seemed a damn shame to hide Joel’s fluffy hair. Every time you saw him, you craved to drag your fingers through it. Not even in lust either. You just wanted to play with his wild slightly curled locks that seemed to have a mind of their own regardless of how Joel tried to shape it. Not to say you weren’t thirsty for this man. You also wanted to tug on his hair as he buried his tongue between your legs. The sudden and intrusive thought had a pang of desire cut through you. Jesus, at this rate you’d have to throw yourself into the pool head first just to cool off a bit. “Lemme see.”

Joel appeased your request and picked up the hat with an over exaggerated sigh⏤ as if you were asking him to carry the world. He pulled the cap on and tilted his head at you in question. Still doing whatever they seemed to want, his hair stuck out around the edges of the hat in half curls that you wanted to twist around your finger. “Well, sugar?”

“Okay. I guess I approve.” You grinned.

“Glad to hear it.” Joel reached out and set a hand on your waist to tug you a bit closer. “Ya know, I got a stetson at home. Does that meet your criteria or do I gotta get rid of it?”

You recognized the word and your eyes widened at the thought of Joel wearing an actual cowboy hat, “No, you don’t. You’re joking.”

“I’m from Texas.” He countered.

It was pathetic and sad the lengths you would go to see Joel Miller in a cowboy hat. The thought of Joel Miller in nothing but the cowboy hat flickered through your thoughts and you took in a slow breath. Fuck. Never mind throwing yourself in head first, you’d have to drown yourself in the pool to get these thoughts out of there. You cleared your throat, “I will allow it.”

“Really? Don't even gotta try it on for you or nothin'?” 

“Well,” You shrugged, “I wouldn’t be opposed to a… a viewing.”

Joel chuckled and tapped his hand against your waist a couple times before grabbing his wallet and sticking it in his back pocket. He motioned for you to follow him. “C'mon.” You grabbed your phone and hurried after him. “You’re usin' up all our breakfast time droolin' over me.”

“I am not drooling over you!” You gave him a light push.

“Don’t worry.” Joel paused as you both neared the door and before you knew it his arm was wrapped around your waist to tug you into his side. He leaned down to whisper in your ear, “You got me all hot an' bothered too, sugar.”

Flustered and giddy, Joel whisked you away for breakfast.

The two of you ended up at the same little cafe as yesterday, but this time they were serving breakfast dishes rather than the more broad brunch option. Joel had apologized profusely for taking you to the same place since he didn’t have time to take you out of the resort to eat somewhere else. You found the whole situation hilarious because never in a million years would you have even thought to complain or be bothered by it. Hell, you didn't pay it a single thought until Joel brought it up.

“Can I ask for a favor?” Joel suddenly asked as the two of you left the cafe. Your eyes widened to a degree that you were sure was comical. All the time you spent with him, and he never asked you for a favor of any kind. Joel never requested anything. You were actually happy to hear him ask because you wanted to give him more. 

“Anything, Joel.”

Joel chuckled but quickly cleared his throat. There was a look of anxiety written across his features, but when he spoke his voice still stayed strong and firm. “Stay in the Wynn today.” Despite broaching the topic as ‘asking for a favor’ there was a finality to his word that left no room for argument. “I’ll walk ya to the Wynn pool, I reserved a cabana there for you too, an' when you’re done just stay on campus.”

It wouldn’t be a difficulty. It wasn’t like you were being restricted to Guantanamo Bay⏤ this was the Wynn Resort in Vegas. There would be plenty to keep you occupied. You hesitated to respond to him though simply because you couldn’t puzzle out Joel’s expression. It wasn’t a difficult request, and yet Joel still had that nervous energy burning in his dark eyes. Almost as if he expected you to rebel against his request.

“Can I ask why?” Literally, there was nothing out of this building that interested you exploring as a solo errand, you came for Joel, but you were curious nonetheless.

“I hate the idea of leavin' you all alone.” Joel sighed. He readjusted the baseball cap on his head with a frown. “I really did try an' get outta this golf game, but Tess wouldn’ bite. Even Tommy was bitchin’ 'bout it.” He grumbled the last words with a tinge of annoyance.

You shook your head with a laugh and touched his arm. “Joel, it’s fine. I’m a big girl. I can find something to occupy my time until later today.”

“I know, but I brought you here to show you a good time, sugar.”

“You’re working. This is your job.” You tried to reassure him. Joel didn’t seem appeased, but he squeezed your hand and pulled you through the lobby. You leaned into his side with a smirk. “Besides, if you don’t go to work, how are you going to be able to afford to take care of me?” Joel’s face stretched out into a wide smile. His dimple was ever present and you couldn’t help but lift your free hand to poke him lightly in the cheek right over it making him chuckle. “I’m a needy girl.”

“You’re somethin' alright.”

“Something good?”

Joel rolled his eyes at your teasing smile and brought your hand up to kiss the back of it. “Somethin' absolutely incredible.” 

Your cheeks warmed pleasantly at his words. Joel was so charming and forthcoming with his compliments, yet every single time he spoke your heart would flutter. You never tired of his words of praise, and it was probably because they were always said with so much sincerity and warmth.

Joel was walking you to the pool, you knew that, but you were surprised when he walked out of the building with you and into the pool area. He scooped up a couple towels when you passed the stand and then he led you to a cute, little cabana. It was close to the water so you wouldn’t have to travel far, but it looked like it sat on a more secluded side of the pool.

“Tonight, we have the work dinner, but afterwards we can go out.” Joel reassured in a firm tone. He had already told you about the dinner. It’d be a collection of other heads of companies and Joel warned you it would be dry and boring. “I promise.”

“I’m looking forward to dinner tonight.” You said and it wasn’t even a lie. He gave you a dry look. You shook your head and cupped his hand with both of yours to squeeze his. “I am!” You shrugged a bit in mild embarrassment as you admitted the truth. “I always look forward to spending time with you, Joel. No matter what we end up doing.”

Joel’s gaze softened, and you pressed your lips together and shrugged again not knowing what else to do. He chuckled and leaned forward until his lips found the skin right under your hairline. Joel lingered there and your eyes fluttered close as you took in a deep breath of him. The second he pulled away you were already missing his touch. 

“I got my phone on me. You need anythin' at all, sugar, I’m one call away.”

You nodded and Joel lingered for a moment longer before making his leave. As you sat down on the chair outside the cabana, the towels he grabbed in your lap, you watched him go⏤ eyes raking up and down his frame unabashedly. When Joel reached the doors that would take him out of sight, he surprised you by turning around to give you one more glance. His gaze met yours and you spotted his smirk at the realization that you had been watching him go. You couldn't even find it in yourself to be embarrassed. Joel winked before slipping away and you flopped back onto the chair with a soft sigh.

God, you had it bad for that man.

You had come to Vegas for Joel, but you had to admit it was kind of nice to have some alone time. It had been a long time since you had sat by a pool and just soaked in the sun. Maybe a year ago now? Nathan and you had taken a trip to the beach one weekend. It wasn’t a bad trip. Hell, it was possibly one of the last times you were really happy with him. But, it was a far cry from where you were now. Sitting in one of the lounge chairs in the shallow end of the pool with a book in one hand and a drink in the other⏤ not a care in the world. That was the difference. Unlike the last time you sat by a pool, you weren’t thinking about work or rent or bills. You just enjoyed yourself.

“Hi, is this seat taken?”

You looked up from your book to see a woman pointing to the chair next to you. She was gorgeous with a white one piece that complimented her curves and her light brown skin tone. The woman wore a large sun hat with her black hair tied off in two braids. 

“Oh, no. Go ahead⏤”

“Oh my god!” She chirped suddenly and you jumped in surprise at the squeal. She settled on the lounge chair but sat on the side of it so she could face you. “You’re that woman!”

You nodded blankly, “I am a woman, yes.”

She laughed and waved her hand. “My bad. Guess I should’ve been more clear. You’re Joel Miller’s sugar baby!” Your eyes widened and you just stared at her in shock. She paused in thought then snapped her fingers and said your name. This time your jaw dropped as the shock doubled. “You are her, right?”

“That…is me.” You replied slowly. You set your book and drink down on the side table and turned on the chair with a shake of your head. “I’m sorry. Who are you?”

“I go by Yo-yo.”

You pressed your lips together and glanced back at your drink. You only had the one pina colada so far, but it sure as hell felt you were wasted. What was going on? While you tried to puzzle out if you were having a stroke or not, Yo-yo settled in her chair and pulled a bit of sunscreen out of the bag she had set on her own side table.

“Yo-yo?” You questioned skeptically.

She glanced your way and rolled her eyes, “It’s a ridiculous name, right? I wasn’t about to use my real name. Plus, my sugar daddy liked it. You do what you gotta to get that bank.” She winked at you. “Am I right, or am I right?”

“I have so many questions.” You mumbled.

“Hm?”

“How do you know my name?”

“You're with Joel Miller. It's always a big deal. I mean, handsome bachelor, filthy rich, and that sexy accent and voice? Ugh.” Yo-yo groaned. “I am so jealous. My daddy is CEO of Simmons Construction. Very rich, but he’s 62 and it shows.” She finished rubbing sunscreen on her front and held the bottle out towards you with a sheepish smile. “Can I bother you with getting my back?”

You took the sunscreen and stood to rub it into her back like she asked. While doing so, you asked, “I know there’s this supposed ‘sugar baby’ network, but I’m not seriously this infamous am I? For you to know my name?”

“Normally, no.” You finished her back and she turned back around. You handed her the bottle. “But, not only did you nab the sexiest Texan to ever exist, but you also pissed off Rosalind Turby.” She laughed and you winced. Yo-yo shook her hand at you. “No, no! I’m not criticizing. I’m honestly impressed. Rosalind is such a cunt.”

Your eyes widened. “That woman is becoming a bigger part of my life than I thought she would.”

“Oh, if you stay in this game, baby, she’s your new god.”

“She’s that important?”

“Rosalind is Queen Sugar Baby.” Yo-yo rolled her eyes and pulled on a pair of sunglasses. “She’s been running this game for ages, and she’s very serious about her girls being the perfect ‘baby’. And if you’re not then she makes your life hell.”

You scoffed, “So, I pissed her off by not being a ‘perfect’ sugar baby?”

“No,” Yo-yo held up a finger to you, “You pissed her off because you took what she wanted.”

“Joel?” You cried. The woman had come to your bakery for her shot of him, yes, but you didn’t think she’d hate you enough to make you infamous around the community. “Seriously?”

Yo-yo pulled her glasses down the bridge of your nose to shoot you a wide grin and wink, “Can you blame her? God, Joel Miller has a face that was made to be ridden.” The weather was close to 100 degrees, you were cooking, yet still her words brought a whole new level of heat to your face. She pulled her sunglasses back up and moaned. “Girl, you have to tell me how good he is. There is not way he's anything less than fucking fantastic.”

The memory of his devastatingly large cock pressed firmly against your ass this morning made your breath hitch. Yo-yo continued to stare at you, as if waiting for you to elaborate on the dick you had yet to see, and you steered the conversation away. “So, do I need to worry about Rosalind showing up at my house with a meat cleaver?”

Yo-yo laughed, “Don’t worry about it. You’re not the only one on her shit list. She hates me too, and I’m not dead yet.”

“You too?” You asked. “Did you steal Simmons’ CEO from her?”

“Ugh, nobody wants that man. He’s basically satan. I’m doing the world a favor by keeping him away from other women.” She laughed. “No, no, she hates me because I technically ‘scam’ my daddies. Fucking ridiculous if you ask me.” She put the word in air quotations. “But, why shouldn’t I trick them? You can’t trust these men. They’re all just old pervs looking to wet their dicks.”

“Not all of them.” You said firmly. That wasn’t Joel. Yes, he was technically a sugar daddy, but that wasn’t what your relationship with him was. 

Yo-yo held her hands up in mock surrender. She sat up and threw her legs over the side to face you once more. “Listen, you gotta look out for yourself. It’s easy to get lost in the relationship, especially if you’re actually attracted to the guy, but after a few daddies you realize they’re using you. So, why not use them? For example, Simmons buys me a lot of really nice things, but I don’t keep it all.” She smirked. “I sell it on the side. It’s barely even a scam considering he’s buying the stuff for me to have. That means I can do whatever I want with it. Daddies don’t like the idea of a baby saving up money for themselves though and Rosalind has a stick up her ass about it. But, hey, I got a nice little nest egg saved up for when Simmons decides 25 is too old for him and wants a younger girl.” She shrugged. “You should consider it. Purses and dresses and jewelry are all nice, but they won’t last.”

You twisted your lips at her words. Honestly, you thought what she was doing was smart. The situations between you were different though. Right? Joel cared about you. He wanted to take care of you. A sinking feeling filled your belly. Yo-yo suggested planning for the future, and realistically speaking… Did you even have a future with Joel? You were planning on initiating something, giving into the temptation that was Joel, but where would something like this go? You felt like there was real chemistry between the two of you, but that hardly meant he wanted you around forever.

“How…” You shook your head and hoped the negative thoughts would loosen and fall away. There was another question you had for her. “How were you so sure I was Joel’s sugar baby. He could've brought anyone with him.”

Yo-yo waved over a waitress. “Easy. We’re in Vegas for the same reason. To be shown off.” You furrowed your brow and she shot you a curious look. “You’re coming to the dinner tonight, right? With all the contracting bigwigs?”

“I…am.” You nodded.

“Good. I know the other two sugar babies that’ll be there and they take this ‘getting shown off by their daddy’ thing so seriously. It’ll be nice to have someone normal to talk to.” Yo-yo replied as the waitress reached you. “Yes, I’ll take a mai tai. You want anything? It’s on my daddy.” She smirked and wiggled a gold credit card in her hand. 

“Sure, I’ll… take the same.”

Yo-yo continued speaking to the waitress and you settled back in your lounge chair. You and Joel were different. He didn’t bring you to Vegas to show you off. He brought you here to spend time with you. Granted, there was no reason he couldn’t do both. You shook your head. No, Joel’s intentions were pure. He took care of you, defended you, and he never once pressured you into anything you were uncomfortable with. Joel had given you no reason to doubt him. 

“Joel didn’t bring me to show me off.” You said firmly once the waitress left. You wanted to defend him. Joel wasn’t like the guy she was with right now.

Yo-yo frowned and waved her hand at you. “I’m so sorry. I’m not trying to upset you, I swear. I don’t even know the man and obviously you do. Maybe he is the unicorn of sugar daddies. Caring and kind and genuine. Hell, I hope he is.”

“What we have is…” You almost said the word ‘real’, but you worried Yo-yo really would think you were just some doe-eyed, naive fool. “It’s different. I’ve never done this before, and neither has he, so we’re learning together. Just having fun and… What?” You noticed Yo-yo was giving you a look that could only be described as pity. “What? What is it?”

“Joel Miller has had a sugar baby before.”

You felt a chill run down your spine as you stared at her in dumbstruck shock. One of the things that put you at ease about this relationship was the fact that he was just as new to this as you were. The two of you sat in an awkward silence as the world continued on around you. 

“Did he tell you that you were his first?” Yo-yo asked.

“No. Rosalind did.”

She nodded. “That makes sense. Rumor says the girl with Joel Miller was like us. Rosalind didn’t consider her legit.” You opened your mouth, but Yo-yo seemed to read your mind. “I don’t know much else. The only reason I know she exists is because when I was talking to a friend of mine about Rosalind's temper tantrum over you she mentioned this wasn't the first time Queen B lost her shit over Joel Miller.”

“That’s okay.” You mumbled.

Yo-you gave you a sheepish smile, “Hey, at least it wasn’t him who lied to you. That’s a good sign, right?”

Right. Joel never lied to you. But, it bothered you that he never mentioned it to you. Both of you discussed past relationships and he never brought up the fact that he had a sugar baby before you. In fact, the way he talked about how he was ‘lovingly bullied’ into this, and went on dates with other babies that didn’t go well, almost implied to you that you were his first. Yo-yo changed the subject, trying to cheer you up, and eventually the waitress returned with your drinks. You smiled and nodded when necessary in the conversation, but a part of your focus was still stuck on this news.

A doubt had been planted, and like a weed it’s roots crept deeper and deeper until it was anchored in place.

Yo-yo was fun. You liked her. In fact, you wished she didn’t live in Seattle because you would love to introduce her to Nima. They’d get along well. To a degree that was arguably dangerous to the LA region, but fun nonetheless. 

You spent the entire afternoon with her and even got lunch with her when the sun became much too exhausting to bear for another second. She recommended a place on the strip that was renowned, but you stuck with your promise to Joel and asked if the two of you could stay in the Wynn. She wasn’t condescending or judgemental when you explained why. She actually agreed happily.

Overall, your day had been fun. The only issue being the lingering doubts about Joel. He texted you throughout the day. Little comments here and there either mocking the men he was with or asking how you were doing. Every sweet text reminded you of what Yo-yo said and then you felt sick with guilt over having anxiety about him to begin with. It was why you were dressed in your pajamas lying on your back in bed staring at the ceiling with your phone resting by your head.

“Listen,” Nima spoke through facetime, “You say the word, and I will use all my miles to fly out there right now and kick his ass for you.”

“Joel didn’t do anything wrong. He never lied to me. Rosalind did, technically.”

“He didn’t lie, but he also didn’t tell the truth.”

You shook your head, “He didn’t owe me that truth.” This was oddly working for you. Nima defended you while you defended Joel. Unorthodox, but that was kind of your life right now anyways. “Joel said he’d never lie to me and he hasn’t. That’s what matters.”

“Do you know any more about this other sugar baby? The one before you?”

You frowned at the phrasing and reminded yourself of the same things you were telling Nima now. Joel never owed you anything. There was no need for him to bring up the information, and you had never asked. You just assumed Rosalind was telling the truth and that was your first mistake.

“No.” You said. “Just that there was one, and Roaslind didn’t like her.”

“Okay, but at this point, have we met anyone that Rosalind does like?”

You shrugged, “Joel?” Nima laughed through the phone and your lips curled up at the sound. “Thanks for this, Nima.”

“Don’t thank me yet.” She said. You rolled over and picked up the phone to look at her. She was still in her office at work, but since it was already after five you assumed she’d be going home soon. “You can thank me after I beat the man senseless with a baseball bat.”

You shook your head, “He’s literally the boss of your boss, and you think kicking his ass is a good idea? It’s gonna be hard to keep your job after that, and I’m sure the letter of recommendation they gave you wouldn’t be all that grand.”

“Are you kidding?” Nima smirked at you confidently. “When you’re as good as I am at what you do then kicking your boss’ ass is absolutely an option. I get job offers on a weekly basis.”

“You’re such a badass.” You chuckled.

“I know.” Nima beamed. The sound of her office door opening made you pause and Nima glanced up from her phone to answer the question of whoever poked their head in. You sighed and let your head fall forward to rest on the bed. Joel would be back any minute now, and you should be getting ready for dinner. Before coming, back when you had been shopping, you asked Joel what kind of settings you had to dress for and he mentioned the dinner. With his help you had picked out a dress specifically for the dinner. At the time it seemed the usual amount of cute, but now your plaguing thoughts wondered if he helped pick it out because the whole point was to just show you off. “Babe?”

You lifted your head to see Nima was staring at you in concern. You offered her a sad smile, “I just wish I could turn my dumb brain off for like two seconds.”

“Your brain is not dumb.” Nima replied. “It’s smart and beautiful and kind and loving. It’s one of my favorite brains”

Your smile turned sincere, and you shook your head at her, “What would I do without you?”

“Well, for one, you’d have to buy your own baseball bat to beat Joel with.”

“I’m not beating him with a bat.” Nima opened her mouth and you cut her off. “And I’m not letting you do it either.”

The sound of the door chiming and being opened made you say quick goodbyes to Nima who forced you to agree to text her an ‘SOS’ if you needed her skills with a blunt object. She also took the time to assure you that she had a friend in Vegas who could definitely help hide a body.

“Hey, you here?” Joel’s voice called out.

You tossed your phone back onto the bed before making your way out into the main room. Joel had showered and changed out of his golf clothes after the game. You had still been poolside at the time. Then his afternoon was filled with work. He wore a plain dark gray, bordering on black, suit with a white shirt and a pink tie of all things.

“Pink?” You motioned toward him. 

Joel readjusted the tie and gave a sheepish smile, “Fathers day gift from the girls. The color is a⏤ it’s an inside joke between us.” Joel nodded toward you with a furrowed brow. “Not that I’m complainin', 'cause I like the look, but pajamas aren’t really in the dress code tonight. Need some more time?”

“I uh…” You blurted with no prepared excuse in mind. 

Whatever look you wore on your face though was enough to fill Joel’s with concern. Joel closed the few feet between the two of you and cupped your face. “You feelin' alright, sugar?” One of his hands crawled up to feel your forehead. “Sick?”

“No, I’m okay.” You shook your head. “I think I was just in the sun too long today.”

“Did'ya drink 'nough water by the pool?”

“I thought so.” You gave him a tight lipped smile. “Now, I’m wondering if that last pina colada should've been an ice water.” Joel returned the smile, but there was still worry in his dark eyes. “I’m sorry, Joel. I don’t know if I can do the dinner tonight⏤”

Joel shook his head, “Hey, don’ worry yourself 'bout that. Dinner doesn’ matter.” He gently tugged you toward the couch so he could settle you on the cushions. “Do ya need me to take ya to a doctor? I’m sure I can find an urgent care 'round here that’s open, and if not the hospital is⏤”

“Joel, no.” You said firmly. “Seriously. I’m just…tired, I think. I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizin'.”

You twisted your lips in guilt. Joel was paying you to keep him company and you were bailing on the main event. He was paying you. You didn’t often think those words because it left a bitter taste in your mouth. Joel brushed some hair from your face.

“Can I get ya anythin' while I’m out?”

“No. I’m fine.”

“Alright.” Joel leaned down and pressed a kiss to your forehead. “You got your phone?” When you told him it was in the bedroom, Joel fetched it and brought it back to you. “Call me if you start feelin' worse. I’ll be back later.”

You nodded, “Good luck at the dinner.”

Another wave of guilt washed over you as you watched the door shut behind Joel. In this kind of situation most people would probably be angry. Nima was angry. You were so conflicted that you couldn’t even be angry correctly. You flopped back on the couch and lifted your phone. A bullet point list had been made to keep your thoughts straight when you met with Joel for the first time. Maybe a pros and cons list would help you decide if you wanted to be angry, guilty, or just sad.

Pro: Joel made you happier than you’ve been in a long time.

Con: He was paying you which made you more of an employee than a friend or lover.

Pro: Not having to worry about your bills has taken such a weight off your shoulders. One you didn’t even know you were carrying.

Con: That was a lot of power to give him. If you quit your job like he wanted too then you’d really be reliant on him. 

Pro: You were beginning to feel real emotions for this man, emotions you thought your ex had destroyed.

Con: If Joel didn’t share those real emotions you were going to get really hurt.

Pro: You were beginning to believe he did truly care for you.

Con: You had no idea if you were mixing that up with a man just showing interest in his sugar baby.

Pro: A part of you was starting to be okay with the sugar baby status. Relationships sometimes had really weird starts. People had met in weirder ways.

Con: If you really weren’t his first sugar baby, then the question remained. What if you were just one of many? You were young and poor and willing to let him control your life. It could just be what gets him off?

You stared at the list in front of you for another beat before mumbling a string of curses. That had somehow confused you more. This would be easier if you could detangle your feelings from this. View Joel in the same way Yo-yo views her sugar daddy. A means to an end. This even allowed you to jump his bones. You had no qualms with the idea of casual sex. It was like Nima had pointed out though, your last relationship had been serious and monogamous. Despite that, you truly believed you could handle a casual relationship. The issue was you already had feelings for the man, and you were bad at ignoring that.

It was approaching close to an hour since Joel left and you were still agonizing over your pros and cons list while Netflix played in the background, and you were half tempted to call Nima again. You only resisted because you knew if you called her again she’d take that as an invitation to meet you in Vegas ready to go to war. The sound of the door chiming startled you and you were half off the couch in panic when Joel stepped through.

“Hey, how’re you feelin'?” He asked. You stared at him blankly. In one hand he had a large brown bag and in the other a small bouquet of sunflowers in the other. “Sugar?”

“Joel!” You blurted and rose off the couch to greet him. “What’re you… The dinner! It can’t possibly be over yet.”

“Never went.” Joel set the bag on the nearby table and held the flowers out to you. “I asked the lady what flowers meant ‘feel better soon’ 'nd she said tulips, yellow roses, or sunflowers. Choice was obvious 'nough.” You took the bouquet and held them to your chest⏤ still speechless in shock. “Then I went to pick us up some food. It only took me so long 'cause of Vegas traffic an' I had to go off the strip to find a place.”

“But… But dinner?”

Joel grinned boyishly with a glimmer of excitement in his eyes, “My options were go to a stuffy dinner with guys I got no interest in seein', or have a night in with you.” He began to loosen his tie. “C'mon, sugar.”

You blinked at him. “Tess?”

“Will probably kill me.” Joel pulled the tie off with a shrug and gruffly added. “But she wants to kill me most days anyways.” He nodded to the bedroom. “Gimme a minute. I’m dyin' to get out of this damn suit.”

Joel tapped under your jaw with the side of his fist before heading to the bedroom. Even after he disappeared from view you stood frozen for another few seconds. Finally, you snapped out of it and walked over to the table. You set the flowers down and peeked into the bag to see the to-go food he mentioned. Carefully, you unpacked the bag and after the second box you realized it was Korean food. You froze again and felt a lump form in your throat. A while back, during a late night phone call, you had mentioned to him that Nima introduced you to Korean food by taking you home to meet her mother, and it had easily become a comfort food to you too. There was a Korean place a few blocks down from you where you’d pick up food on your way home on particularly bad days.

“I tried to order the soup you were talkin' 'bout, but you used the Korean word for it an' I sure as hell wasn’ gonna pronounce that right.” Joel spoke up from behind you. You spun to see him leaning against the doorway in a plain t-shirt and pajama pants. “So, I just described it to the woman an' she gave me the closest thing. Seaweed soup?” You nodded dumbly. “Good. Just in case I ordered a bunch of other stuff too.”

Suddenly, the pros and cons list you made didn’t matter all that much to you. Because right now, in this moment right here, Joel cared louder than the anxiety yelling in your brain. You dated Nathan for two years and he outwardly told you that he loved you. But before the two of you moved into together, when you had separate apartments, you paid for his rent when he lost his job, yet when you needed help covering your water bill once he claimed he wasn’t comfortable giving you so much money that early in the relationship. So much money being $100. When you asked him about one of his exes not only did he blatantly lie to your face about the last time he had seen her and after you found out he forced the three of you to get dinner together to prove whatever stupid point he was trying to make. And, right before you broke up, when you had caught the flu and begged him to pick you up some food from the place down the road, he refused because he said he didn’t like the smell of kimchi and didn’t want to go into the restaurant.

Your eyes filled with tears and Joel’s face fell. He pushed off the door frame in a hurry and pulled you into his arms. You buried your face into his chest and tried to bite back a sob. Joel soothingly cupped the back of your head, “Hey, you okay? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” You murmured into his chest and shook his head. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be crying.” 

Joel shushed you softly and pulled you back so he could meet your gaze, “None of that. It’s okay. You’re okay.” His hand cupped under your jaw as his thumb traced back and forth on the skin there. “Talk to me, sugar.”

You stared into his eyes and felt nothing by safety and warmth. “I’m just really thankful for this. For you. Just… Thank you so much. You have no idea how much this means to me, Joel.” 

Joel’s lips curled into a soft smile, “What have I said 'bout thankin' me for things I wanna do?”

Rather than answer, you just held his gaze. Joel did the same and the air between the two of you felt charged. There was always an energy bubbling anytime you were with Joel, but this was stronger⏤ more tangible. His eyes darted down to your lips then back up. Joel was going to kiss you. You were so sure of it. When his eyes darted down to your lips again you let them part. Anticipation electric on your skin. Joel sucked in a sharp breath. He leaned in, but his lips didn’t land where you thought they would. Joel set a kiss on your forehead, right above your eyebrows, and lingered there. 

He had kissed your forehead before, did so right before he left an hour ago, but this was more intimate somehow. Your eyes fluttered closed and you took in a slow breath before letting it out. Joel pulled his warm lips away from your skin and let his own forehead rest against yours.

Your eyes stayed closed as you soaked in the feel of his hot breath against your skin and a pang of disappointment shot through you. “Joel…”

“I know.” Joel’s voice was hoarse and rough. “I… I know.”

Slowly, you let your eyes open and found Joel with his eyes already on you. “It’s okay.”

“You are…” Joel locked his jaw and closed his eyes. 

There was something holding him back. You saw it written all over his face. Maybe you should worry that this had something to do with what Yo-yo had tried to tell you. Ten minutes earlier and you would’ve. Your anxiety would have grabbed hold of it, written it in bold on your cons list, and never left it alone. But, right now you felt at peace. That’s what Joel brought with him⏤ a sense of peace and calmness to your very soul. And that’s what you wanted to bring to him. You wanted to take care of him.

Your hands lifted to cup his face and when his eyes opened you gave him a bright smile. “If we don’t eat now the food’s gonna get cold.” His jaw relaxed and he murmured your name. Just as he did to you, you nodded, “I know.” 

Joel cleared his throat and caressed your face once more before nodding, “Come on. Let’s get some food in you, pretty girl.”

While Joel finished pulling out the food, you set the sunflowers in a vase that was probably only meant for decoration and filled it with water. A glance over your shoulder showed Joel setting the food up on the coffee table in front of the couch. 

“I put the wine from last night in the mini fridge if you wanna grab it.” 

“Yeah, sure.” You made your way over and grabbed two glasses while you were doing so. “I gotta see what bribe wine tastes like.”

Joel turned and shot you a skeptical look, “Bribe wine?”

“The Wynn gave you the expensive wine to bribe you into not telling all your rich friends that you and your guest got accosted in the casino.”

He shook his head, “That is not bribe wine.”

“Why are you so sure?” You set the wine glasses down on the table and began to look for the corkscrew. “Do you dabble in bribe wine often, Mr. Miller?”

Joel groaned, “Don’ you start with this Mr. Miller shit.”

“Why not?”

“Because last I checked,” Joel stepped closer as you used the corkscrew you found in a drawer to begin opening the wine, “You’re supposed to be callin' me somethin' else.”

You gave the cork a tug, but it didn’t budge. “Hm, I can’t possibly think of what.”

“Oh, you can’t?” Joel remarked. You shook your head and gave the cork another useless tug. He took the wine bottle from you and, without breaking eye contact, Joel popped the cork out with ease. You went to grab it from him, but he pulled it back with a tilt of his head. “Manners, sugar.”

The worst case scenario would’ve been an awkward air settling in the room around you after coming so close to kissing him only for it not to happen. That being said, Joel slipped right back into the familiar teasing and that made you sigh happily. You held your hands out, “Thank you, daddy.”

“Good girl.” Joel chuckled and let you take the bottle from him. As you poured into the two glasses, Joel scooped up the remote and sat down. You dropped down next to him and handed him his glass. He tapped it against yours. “Any requests?”

“I’m not picky. You can choose.” You took a sip of the wine then hummed. “Mmm, this bribe wine tastes amazing.”

Joel laughed but didn’t take his gaze away from the screen as he flipped through different options, “You’re impossible, ya know that?”

He picked a random Netflix original action movie titled ‘Triple Frontier’ and tossed the remote aside. The movie played in the background, but the two of you ended up talking through a lot of it as you pointed out different foods that Nima had introduced you to originally and he had picked up. When the meal had been finished, you were curled into his side still sipping wine half chatting and half watching the movie.

A moment of silence rose up between the two of you and after a second you filled it, “About the dinner I made you miss⏤”

“First off, you didn’ make me do anythin'.” Joel scoffed. “An' secondly, I swear to God, if you apologize again…”

You chuckled, “Okay, I won’t apologize, but we’re in Las Vegas, the city that never sleeps, and I have us sitting on the couch watching a Netflix movie.”

“This right here is literally my definition of a perfect night.” Joel shook his head at you.

You leaned against his shoulder and decided to mention your afternoon, “I, uh, I met one of the sugar babies that was gonna be at the dinner tonight.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah. She goes by Yo-yo.”

“Doesn’ ring a bell…”

“I think she said her sugar daddy is Simmons? Of Simmons Construction?”

Joel groaned loudly and hung his head backward, “Jesus, Simmons? Girl gotta be a saint to put up with that bastard.”

“She did refer to the man as ‘satan’.”

Joel lifted his head and smirked at you, “See? You saved me from a night with satan.” You chuckled. “Zero reason to be apologizin’. I should be thankin' you.”

“I think it’s a shame I didn’t get to meet him.” You hummed. “It sounds like quite the experience.”

Joel sighed and took a long sip from his wine glass, “Yeah, well, there’s always next year, sugar.”

Your eyes widened at his words, but Joel didn’t even blink. It was like he hadn’t even realized what he just said⏤ what he inferred. That you’d be here next year. With him still. You shifted your gaze back to the TV and smiled to yourself. 

After another few quiet moments, you pointed toward the TV with your glass, “That guy looks like you.”

“Him?” Joel asked skeptically. You nodded in confirmation. “I’m better lookin' though right?”

“Of course, daddy! So much better looking.” You nodded. 

Joel chuckled and reached down to pinch your side making you squeal and nearly spill your wine, “Right answer, wrong tone, ya little brat.”

You settled back against him, and Joel didn’t hesitate to tuck you in under his arm.

When the movie ended, Joel clicked on whatever the first suggested movie was so something was still playing, but neither of you paid enough attention to even know the title. The hand behind your shoulder was drawing circles on your shoulder while telling you about how excited he was that his eldest daughter was coming to visit soon.

“Do you have something fun planned?”

“We gotta tradition where we go to the drive in theater. No matter what’s playin'. Just sit in the bed of the truck an' hang out.”

You grinned, “That sounds fun.”

“It is.” Joel nodded and grew silent in thought. You thought he’d follow his last statement up with something else about the girls, but he caught you off guard with something else. “I wanna kiss you so bad, sugar.”

It was a good thing you had already set down your glass of wine otherwise it would have slipped right out of your hands. You sat up so you could turn in place and face him on the couch. Joel’s eyes traced your features with a sigh. Slowly, you nodded, “Do you… Do you want to talk about why you haven’t?”

“I’m jus',” Joel lifted his hand and caressed your jawline with his thumb, “Tryin' real hard to be good.” You opened your mouth to argue that he didn't have to be, but Joel pressed the pad of his thumb against your bottom lip to stop you before a word even came out. “Nah, I gotta. I gotta be good.” He forcibly dragged his eyes up from your lips to your eyes. “I like what we got. I like this. If I do somethin' to fuck it up, I’ll never forgive myself.”

“And giving me just a little kiss is gonna do that?”

Joel’s lips curled into a melancholic smile, “I think you an' I both know if we start it ain’t gonna be just some little kiss, baby girl.”

It was the first time he had used that pet name towards you and you just melted. If he was trying to steer the both of you away from temptation, calling you ‘baby girl’ was not helping. “How do you know that this won’t just get better?” It kind of stung realizing the reason he stopped earlier was because he thought a physical relationship would ruin this. “Why do you assume that would fuck this up? I⏤”

“No.” Joel said firmly and he squeezed his hold on the side of your face at the same time for even more emphasis. “Not you. What I jus' said? I’m talkin' 'bout me. Me fuckin' it up. It comes from… from personal experience.”

You wanted more information. You wanted him to explain more. You wanted to ask him about the sugar baby that came before you. Was that the personal experience he was talking about? All those thoughts, and you somehow couldn’t get a single one out of your damn mouth. 

“I’m only bringin' this up 'cause I don’ want you confused.”

“Confused about what exactly?”

“'bout how much I want you.” Joel replied. You attempted to swallow the forming lump in your throat, but it didn’t help. “I jus' wanna do right by you, sugar. An' that…that’s just gonna take a little time, okay?” You gave him a small nod. “Can we jus' stay what we are in the meantime? If… If you don’t wanna wait for me to get my shit together, if you wanna walk, I understand.”

“No. I’ll wait.” You blurted. The thought of Joel leaving your life was too painful to even consider. The man had carved a slot in your life, and his absence would be noticed⏤ not just financially speaking either. If you walked away, you would miss him badly. Waiting was hardly a cost you had to think twice about. Especially, since you’d still have him in the meantime. Maybe not in the entire way you wanted him, but beggars couldn’t be choosers. “If it means being with you, then I’ll happily wait.”

Joel pressed a chaste kiss to your temple before pulling you into a tight hug that you returned without hesitation. This wouldn’t be easy, but it was worth the effort. You pulled back and suggested changing the movie from whatever was playing to something the two of you would actually pay attention to, best of your ability at least, and Joel agreed. He grabbed the remote and pulled you into his side. The two of you were only a few options into the discussion when someone knocked on the door⏤ loud enough that it could probably be referred to a ‘banging’ rather than simply knocking.

“Did you order something?” You asked.

“No.” Joel rose cautiously and held a hand out for you to stay on the couch. There was a tension in his shoulders that worried you.

He only took a step forward when a female voice drifted faintly through the shut door, “Miller, I swear to Christ if you don’t open this goddamn door…”

Joel muttered a curse but his entire frame visibly relaxed. He glanced over his shoulder while approaching the door. “Whatever she says, jus' know I’m sorry for it.” You furrowed your brow at his words, but he explained no further. Joel tugged the door open and a brunette haired woman stormed in. Her light shade of hair was pulled back into a low, loose bun. A style thrown together just to keep it out of her face more than likely. She was around Joel’s age, if you had to garner a guess, and she wore a black form fitting dress that looked incredible on her, but you could see she wasn’t entirely comfortable in it. “Tess⏤”

“You son of bitch.” Tess pointed at him threateningly. She was shorter than him by a head, but Joel still reeled back with his hands held in mock surrender. “See? Can’t even fight back because you know you’re in the fucking wrong.”

“I’m sorry⏤”

“You know who I spent my night with?”

“Tess⏤”

“Putting up with Simmons, Crew, Han, and their trio of bimbo sugar babies.” Tess snapped. You frowned. Yo-yo was hardly a bimbo, she confided in you the reason she was saving up all that money was because she wanted to go back to college and then on to Law School, but she also told you she played it dumb around Simmons so you couldn’t fault Tess’ words. “All so you could⏤”

As if suddenly remembering why Joel had bailed, her light hazel eyes snapped to you. You stiffened awkwardly and not knowing what else to do, you lifted a hand in a pathetic wave, “Uh, hi.”

Tess stared at you for another beat before letting her eyes drag back to Joel in a look you could only describe as irritably smug. “Well⏤”

“Tess.” Joel snapped with fire in his voice. You finally looked away from Tess to glance at Joel. He was stiff again and you recognized the look of anger on his features with ease. “Don’t.”

Tess crossed her arms and scoffed, “Go get dressed. You’re getting drinks with the pricks.”

“I’m what?”

“I spent the last three hours pretending like I didn’t want to stab Simmons in the neck with my dinner fork.” Tess warned. “The least you can do is get that pretty little ass in a suit and go get one drink with him so you can discuss the Golden Plains plans.”

Joel locked his jaw and didn’t reply. Tess didn’t say anything further either. The two just glared at one another. She was sharp and cool ice while he felt like a wild and burning fire, yet it felt like an immovable object meeting an unstoppable force. Finally, Joel huffed angrily and shook his head.

“C’mon.” He grunted at you. He held his hand out as he walked toward the bedroom.

You began to stand, despite not loving the rough, grumbled command, but Tess shook her head. “No sugar babies allowed, per Simmons. Just the big boys for cigars and drinks.”

“What makes you think I give two shits what Simmons wants??”

“Play fucking nice, you ass.” Tess snapped. “You owe me.”

“Because you did your job at one dinner? I⏤”

“San Antonio 2019.”

Joel paused and scoffed, “Never let me live that fucking down.”

He waved his hand at her in irritation before disappearing into the bedroom. You heard the bathroom door slam shut and you jumped in place. The sound had been enough to remind you that you were now alone in a room with Tess. Slowly, you turned toward her to see she was already staring at you with the cold look she had pierced Joel with.

“Hi.” You said sheepishly and offered her a nervous smile. You introduced yourself, “Joel has told me a lot about you. I⏤”

“You two fucking?” Tess blurted. Your face burned and you opened your mouth to splutter out the beginnings of the answer, but she shook her head. “Guess not considering I’m finding you both on the couch fully clothed.”

You set your hands on your hips and cleared your throat, “I think we got off on the wrong foot.”

“Don’t care if we did.” Tess replied. She marched closer and you had to resist the urge to scramble back from the incredibly intimidating woman. “Listen to me right now because I’m only giving you this warning once.” Tess crossed her arms. “The Miller brothers get these dumb fucking ideas in their head, but once they pick one they’re like a dog with a bone. Can’t get them to shake it.” She narrowed her eyes at you. “I told him I thought this was a stupid ass idea, but like I said⏤ dog with a fucking bone.”

“Look, I⏤”

“I’ve known Joel for twenty years.” Tess said firmly. “He’s family. Him, the girls, his idiot ass brother. I’ve been taking care of them from the start and I don’t do well with strangers stepping in to take advantage.”

Your eyes widened and you shook your head, “No, no. This is a misunderstanding. I am not taking advantage of Joel.”

“So you paid for half this trip to Vegas?”

“Uh, no, but⏤”

“And he’s not paying all your bills?”

“Well⏤”

“Footing the cost of every single⏤”

“Hey.” You snapped to interrupt her and Tess’ eyes widened marginally in surprise. You swallowed nervously. Nima knew a friend that could help you hide a body, but there was something about Tess that told you she could drag you out to the desert alone and figure it out herself. “Yes, he is taking care of me, but it’s not just… I care about him. A lot. Joel means so much to me. I’m not just here to make ends meet. I really like him.”

Tess hummed, “Right. You’re one of those rare sugar babies who like a guy for their personality and not their wallet?”

“Well,” You cracked the most friendly smile you could muster to try and break the tension, “It helps he’s gorgeous.” Tess continued to glare at you, and you were tempted to throw a chair through the suite window and leap out just to avoid her stare. Granted, she looked close to just throwing you out herself. “Bad joke. Very bad joke. That was⏤ I’m sorry. When I get nervous my mouth just says things without my permission.”

It was painfully silent in the room as she just stared at you. You cleared your throat and just stood there awkwardly. Finally, Tess spoke up, “You step one toe out of line, and you will regret it. Do I make myself clear?”

The sound of the bathroom door opened and you nodded. “Crystal.”

Joel stepped back out wearing the suit he had earlier, but without the tie. The top few buttons of his shirt were messily hanging open and he didn’t bother fixing his tousled hair. Tess rolled her eyes at him, “Finally. Let’s go.”

“Just hang on.” Joel walked toward you.

“Miller⏤”

“Give me two fuckin' seconds, Tess.” Joel snapped.

Tess scoffed and marched out of the room into the hall without a passing goodbye in your direction. Joel finally reached you and his warm hands cupped your arms. You focused back on him and the softness you had grown used to had returned in his gaze. “So, she hates me.”

“No.” Joel shakes his head. “She don't.”

“You weren’t in here with us a minute ago, I think she might try and kill me.”

Joel chuckled and dragged a hand up past your shoulder to cup the side of your neck. “Tess is just… protective. A bull dog.”

You furrowed your brow, “She compared you to a dog too a second ago.”

“Huh?”

“Never mind.”

Joel kissed your forehead, “I don’ know when I’ll be back so don’ wait up for me, 'kay? Same deal as last time. You need anythin' an' you jus' shoot me a text. Do not leave this room or let anyone in while I’m gone.” You nodded, but Joel wanted more than that. “Understood?”

“Yeah, I got it.” You agreed.

Joel brushed his thumb against your cheek in a caress once more before wishing you a good night and leaving. With both of them out of the room, you felt like you were finally catching your breath. 

Vegas had been a whirlwind, but you supposed that was the appeal of the city to so many. Your hand was tangled with Joel’s as the two of you slowly walked through the lobby. Your bags had already been packed and brought down to the car by the staff. Now the two of you were just lingering for the sake of lingering. Joel told you more about the annoying time he had last night⏤ he hadn’t managed to get back until just past midnight.

You focused on the drag of his thumb against the back of your hand as he spoke. As much as you hated to admit it, you only half paid attention to the words he was saying. Your mind was playing through your meeting with Tess line by line. There was something nagging at you.

Joel squeezed your hand suddenly and you snapped your gaze to see him looking beyond you. He nodded, “She’s callin' you.”

“Huh?” You glanced over your shoulder to see Yo-yo waving to you as she hurried over. She wore a white cocktail dress that clung to her skin. Her hair was curled in pretty wave. “Oh, Yo-yo, hey.”

“I am so glad I caught you!” Yo-yo squealed and pulled you in a tight hug despite your hand still being connected to yours. “Ugh, I missed you so much last night. Can’t believe you bailed on me!” 

“Sorry, I wasn’t feeling good.” You motioned to Joel. “Yo-yo, this is Joel Miller. Joel, this is Yo-yo. She’s the one I met by the pool yesterday.”

“It’s super nice to meet you, Mr. Miller.” Yo-yo replied in a musical tone. 

Joel grunted in agreement with a curt nod. You gave him a curious glance, but he met your gaze. He nodded once, “Stay. I’ll get the car.”

“Oh, okay.” You replied. Joel pulled his hand from yours and wandered away. You furrowed your eyebrow in slight confusion.

Yo-yo chuckled and her tone lost the bubbly tone to return to her baseline normal one, “Wow. He is just as stoic and grumpy as everyone says.” You opened your mouth to argue. Technically, neither of those words described the man you spent your days with, but you couldn’t deny they fit him in the few seconds with Yo-yo here. “Also, he seriously is stupid hot. God. His jawline just makes me wanna gnaw on it. Shame he’s kind of a sleaze ball.”

“I don’t even know what that means⏤ wait, what?” You shook your head as the final part of her statement dawned on you. “What did you just say?”

Yo-yo twisted her lips in a frown, “I seriously am glad I caught you. I mean, I was gonna call you regardless, but this is probably better in person.”

“Yo-yo, spit it out.” You snapped. 

“I did some digging last night when Simmons was out. Called a few girls I actually trust.” She sighed. “Best I’ve gathered, the sugar baby he had before you? Her name is Heather. Granted, I have no idea if that’s her real name or not since a good bit of us lie about that.” Yo-yo reached out to hold your elbow. “Anyways, my friend Tammy says the last time Heather bragged about seeing him was around four months ago.”

You blinked in shock. Four months? That was even less time considering you and Joel had been hanging out for almost a month and a half now. Worse, if it were true that meant Joel lied to you. He said his last relationship had been a year ago.

“That’s not the worst part…” Yo-yo said slowly.

“That’s not…” You lifted a hand to your face. You didn’t mean to snap at her, but it came out in frustration and confusion. “How exactly does it get worse, Yo-yo!?”

She hesitated a beat before sighing. Yo-yo said the words, you saw her mouth move and the words entered your skull, but they rattled around in a way that left your ears ringing. Yo-yo was saying your name in concern, but you were still trying to register her previous statement.

“He married her. Joel is a married man.”

Yeah. Yo-yo was right.

That was worse.

taglist (closed):

@weddingfairy @bfences @fairntonorth @jasminedragon @biwitchy @huffle-punk @shelbyteller @anoverwhelmingdin @aheadfullofsteverogers @stagerightlauren @basicoccult @rinnfey @boofy1998 @farintonorth @thepascalofus @amatis-gray @casa-boiardi @northernbluess @jettia @sapphicsoie @spidey-3 @camiali25 @hrtsforpascal @gingersince97 @sentients17 @bigboiseason123 @lunxramour @ktheunready @heyheyheygaypay @keepingupwiththeskywalkers @adoringanakin @come-hell-or-eldren-fire @cherriebat @whitewolfstar01 @alyssa121611 @asreadbyaj @painfullyandprettypoetic @cantobightcafe @hellooseulgi @str84pedro

[previous][next]

✨J.M. Masterlist✨

#tlou fanfiction #the last of us fanfiction #joel miller #joel miller x you #joel miller x reader #sugar daddy!joel miller #sugar daddy!joel miller x reader #female reader #reader insert #the last of us #joel miller smut

[wood-white-writer]

"Didn't mean to make your heart Blue" || [8/...]

— OPLA! Buggy x F!Reader

"My love is mine, all mine. I love, my, my, mine. Nothing in the world belongs to me but my love,"

— Mitski, "My Love Mine All Mine"

Pairing: Buggy the Clown (Live Action) x F!Reader

Parts: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7

Summary: You were an apprentice of Gol D. Roger’s crew in your youth, long before his eventual demise. Along with the Red-Haired Shanks and Buggy, you were a formidable trio; the embodiment of a new generation of pirates yet to come. But times changed, and so did you and your friends.  Buggy, desperate for your attention, can't help but think about what led to this situation.

Warnings: fem!reader, LA!Verse, slight canon divergence, morally grey reader, depiction of blood and wounds, DIY suturing, slight alcoholic indulgence, Buggy realizing he's fucked up big time

Buggy recalls the first time he caught your smile.

It had been several months since the Captain introduced you to the crew. Despite the sorry state you were in at the time of your debut, your eyes were so bright even back then, as though illuminated by something internal.

He’s heard about fish glowing in the dark even when in the deep depths of the ocean, thousands of miles out of the light, and they require nothing but themselves to keep the light on.

He wondered if you’re like that. You didn’t look like a fish, nor did you remind him of any fish people he had encountered; too pretty and earthbound but glowing all the same.

Glowing, but dull. A knife that's not been polished for long, but still being used as intended.

Everything about you, how you walked and moved, all the way down to how you blinked, felt placid and stale from his perspective. He himself was an expressive man, never denying himself the capacity to show how he felt, so to witness it from you felt like a foreign sight. 

You didn’t smile, nor show much of anything really. No sadness, anger, or joy. Just a blank canvas without any colors.

He compared you to a doll; a mannequin having come to life from behind a display case, breathing and blinking and moving, yet maintaining its lifeless nature all the same. You were strong, exceedingly so, and you followed orders without question or complaint. Like a machine working on auto.

He wondered whether you had been a slave or some kind of child soldier before Rogers found you. You must have been because no one becomes this … this … cold of their own volition.

He found that your apparent incapacity to live annoyed him, and so he set out to change it. He didn’t know why, but he just had to.

Quite frankly, he didn’t know what he said or did. Maybe he told some silly joke, the kind his crew mates usually smacked him in the back of the head for due to its cheesiness, but you smiled. 

The image of that remains stuck in his head like a stain that won’t wash off. He remembers everything about that moment. The way you wore your hair, with a singular braid on the right side of your face. Asymmetrical and messy, yet you made it look just right.

He remembers the way the gray sky parted just in time for a ray of sunlight to shine across the deck, further illuminating your face. It was like the heavens above decided to put a spotlight on you.

He recalls the way your eyes glistened in the sun.

He remembers it all.

Maybe that’s when it first began? This … thing that’s been gnawing at him for so long? This feeling that won’t leave him in peace, even in his sleep. It tugs at his chest, pinches his stomach, itches his skin, and warms his face. 

This feeling that’s been clawing at him in the twenty years you were parted.

The source of that feeling that’s currently looking at him from across the room.

His eyes light up like fireworks upon seeing you enter the kitchen area. “Hey! Look who it ...—!" The moment he sees the state you're in, whatever words were about to exit subsequently fall dead on his tongue. "— ... is."

You look like shit, mildly put. He's never seen you look as terrible before save for the time you first joined Rogers’ crew, and it feels like he’s back there again.

Back to sitting on the sidelines as the Captain procured you from under his oversized coat; a kid who looked smaller than she really was, now with a fresh bruise in development across your cheek, sunken eyes, and a pale complexion to your skin that wasn't there before. 

You're leaning onto Rubber Boy like he's your only lifeline from falling headfirst into the floor, and upon squinting his eyes, Buggy notices the edge of a bandage peeking out from under your shirt, with a drop of blood staining the material.

In all the time Buggy's known you, he's only seen you bleed maybe once or twice. It was a rare occurrence; no blade could pierce your skin, nor daggers or swords. Your hide was impenetrable, like molten armor in the flesh. Arlong really did a number on you. He couldn't see much during the time he was stuck in that God-awful bag, but by the sounds of it, it was not a fight you were winning. He always held onto the notion that you were unbeatable; unbroken. Nothing could hope to harm you. 

However, this diluted image of you he’s presented with confirms the opposite. You’re not invincible. You’re human. Faster, stronger, indefinitely more dangerous than the rest if your track record is anything to go by, but still bitterly human to the core.

When he led Arlong to Baratie, he thought you'd be able to finish the fucker off without a struggle. He'd watch the spectacle from the front rows, popcorn in his metaphorical hands while cheering you on from the sidelines. 

Now, seeing you like this, like you've just walked through hell and back, he can't help but acknowledge the fact that he did this to you. He led Arlong to you. 

He swallows the lump in his throat and stores the guilt away for another day.

Your eyes finally meet, for the first time since Orange Town, and he can see the confusion in your eyes. The hesitation that gradually morphs into the anger that he's become acquainted with as of late. You promptly yank yourself free from Luffy, stomp over to the table with uneven and unsteady steps that threaten to topple you over, and finally slam both of your hands on each side of Buggy's head.

The table cracks lightly under your grip, sending several splinters flying in every direction. Buggy gulps nervously.

"H-Heya, doll," he tries, but the darkness over your eyes leaves no room for sugarcoated words. They never did.

"Luffy," you say calmly while never taking your eyes away from the clown's, unbridled rage simmering in their depths despite your compromised state. "Why is he here?"

"About that ..." Luffy sheepishly scratches the back of his head. "He's the only one who knows the way to Arlong Park."

"To Arlong P— … " Your nails leave crescent-shaped holes in the soft tablecloth, and you glance at Luffy from over your shoulder, looking far more tired after seeing Buggy for ten seconds than you did beforehand. "And you're sure there'sno other way of getting there?"

"Nope!" Buggy interjects with a prominent pop!, hoping to catch your attention again. "He was real secretive about where his little fish-mancave's located. Lucky for you, I memorized the way back to my body!"

He's disappointed that you won't turn to even acknowledge his contributions to the conversation. You won't look at him again, and he discovers that he can't bear it. 

Please look at me!

But you don't. 

The silence is suffocating until you push yourself from your table, and he notices the way you cradle the side of your stomach while doing so. A silent hiss leaves your lips that he would've been unable to catch onto had he not been so focused on your reactions.

You look at Luffy, your back turned to Buggy, and limp over to the pathetic captain. Buggy predicts you’re about to shout at him, tell him the stupidity of this decision, and maybe even smack him across the face for emphasis. He hopes you will; the kid needs to have his ass kicked a few times to compensate for the humiliation the clown suffered at his hands.

To his bitter disappointment, you don’t commit yourself to any of the aforementioned. Really, not even a smack? Instead, all you do is heave an exhausted sigh before you prepare to exit the kitchens. "It's your decision," you say, and that's all you say before Buggy has to suffer your absence again.

———

It's the bounty hunter's turn to keep watch over him tonight, and Buggy, for one, would rather prefer to get tossed into the ocean than suffer like this.

He finds that this asshole is the worst one among the bunch to be keeping an eye on him. While the waiter and the long-nosed idiot would rather ignore him and leave him be, Moss-hairs over there seems like he has it out for him the most. Maybe it has to do with the fact that he almost killed him, but hey, all is fair in piracy?

"YAH!" Buggy shrieks when the asshole yanks him by the scruff of his hair with an iron grip, pulling out several blue hair strands while doing so. "CAREFUL WITH THE HAIR, SHITHEAD!"

"Shut up."

He can only hang when Zoro takes him inside to the kitchens, where the pretty-boy with the blonde hair is already cooking something up. Even before they entered the threshold to the kitchen, Buggy could hear your voice. You were talking to the blonde, and judging by the lightness in your tone, you were at ease enough not to be spiteful.

Buggy feels himself become annoyed, and not even the smell of food can tame it regardless of how hungry he is.

"Also, you should stitch up that wound soon," says the blonde, his voice growing more audible the closer they get to the kitchen. "Wouldn't want it to get infected."

"I'll handle it," you say in turn. "Wouldn't be the first time I've had to do something like this."

"You know, if you want to, I can lend you my hands. I'm told I have quite dexterous fingers, molded for delicate work."

"I'll pass, thank you."

"As you wish, but my offer is still on the table should you have a change of heart."

Buggy doesn't even know the guy, and he already wants to drown him. Whatever hunger occupied his stomach miles away with the rest of his body gets promptly replaced with something far sharper. Far uglier. It has teeth long enough to bite through flesh, claws that can tear open flesh, and it’s starving.

They finally enter the kitchen area, and whatever conversation previously took place shifts into silence upon their entrance.Buggy grins as he meets your eyes. "What's tonight’s specials?" he asks, hoping you'll actually respond with something this time, regardless of how sardonic it is.

He wouldn’t mind it if it’s something along the lines of “Fuck you” or “Eat shit” or “I hope you die, asshole.” It only has to be something, but it seems that even that is too high of a criterion for you to bother with.

You merely get up to your feet, unsteadiness painting your steps, and try to excuse yourself from the room without as much as a look his way.

For the duration of his uncomfortable stay with these shitty nobodies, Buggy's main priority aside from navigating this useless crew and getting his body back is your attention. 

However, whenever someone — whether it be that shitty cook or the bounty hunter or the slingshot — brings him someplace where you coincidentally happen to be, you excuse yourself from their company and go someplace else. 

He finds it more torturous than the bounty hunter's hold on him. It's been like this for the past two days. You won’t talk to him, won’t look at him, you won’t even acknowledge him even when he’s being the loudest head in the room.

Sure, he can piss off the rest of the bunch without even trying, but no matter how much he tries to catch your ire, you don’t take the bite. 

The string that’s been dangling him above the water is just about ready to snap at this point. 

"Hold up," Zoro says and proceeds to hold up Buggy's head for you, ignoring the string of curses that flow from his lips. "I want to eat my dinner in peace, so you take him."

Your face, while blank, cannot disguise the irritation laced in your words. "Give him to Ussop."

"He's on watch duty tonight,"

"Sanji?"

"My fine lady, as much as I'd desire to ease your woes, I'm currently preoccupied with preparing the meals." The blonde raises his pan for emphasis. "I would have lent you my aid, do not doubt that."

You’re not convinced. "… Right." Your eyes finally settle down to Buggy, and with great reluctance on your part, you slowly raise your hands up to take him. 

Zoro smirks and deposits the clown into your hands. The absence of pressure at the top of his head is a welcomed reprieve. Your hold — while firmer around his cheeks than he'd prefer — is not uncomfortable per se. At least, not in comparison to your other crew mates.

He considers this a win. It's been far too long since he's been granted your touch, the last time being when you bid him a bitter goodbye back in Orange Town. 

"Also," you say to Zoro. "I need a bottle of rum and a rag."

The swordsman tilts his head skeptically to the side. "Haven't you had enough to drink?"

"I need it to sterilize the sewing equipment."

Realization dawns on his face and Zoro relents. He hands you a bottle of rum from the kitchen cabinet, and after thanking him, you make your way to your cabins with the bottle in one hand whereas Buggy rests in the crook of your other elbow.

The walk is excruciatingly quiet, only the sound of your feet making any noise. It's deafening, and he can't stand it. He needs noise, preferably from you, but he doesn’t mind being the instigator.

"... So," he begins. "You know how to stitch yourself?"

You don't answer, and when he peeks up at you, your eyes are solely aimed at the path ahead. 

"You gotta have the right technique," he continues, a little more energized. "Or it'll become an ugly scar. I can help you with it, I'm a pretty good seamster if I do say so myself."

Again, you don't dignify him with a response. He bites his cheek. Fuck, this is getting tiresome.

He looks up at you again, and he notices just how different you've become from when you were younger. Your eyes were bright, but your smile was even brighter. You'd happily chat with him for hours and hours on end without ever growing bored of the conversation. You'd joke, you'd playfully hit him (though your definition of 'playful' usually had him stumbling in his steps), and you'd smile.

Now, your eyes are dark, and sunken, and there are several wrinkles in development; not from age alone, but simple exhaustion. The years have truly changed you, and the itch nagging him at the back of his head reminds him that it's partially his fault.

He decides to shut up until you reach your cabin.

Your place, he discovers, is vaguely minimalistic at best. You have the basics: a hammock in the far corner, a chair with a small table next to it, a barrel serving as both a nightstand as well as what he assumes to be a storage space of sorts, and a lantern on the top that's already been lit.

You close the door behind you and head for the table. He expects you to all but pummel him down on it, like your crew mates, maybe even drop him altogether for the heck of it. He braces himself for impact and shuts his eyes when you raise your hands.

To his surprise, you simply put him down on top of it without any unnecessary pressure or force. He feels the wooden surface under his neck without any discomfort, and he can't help but notice that you've deliberately positioned his face towards the window. 

He tries to plop around, like a fish out of water, but your hands - a little tighter around him this time - retract his movement. "Hey, what gives?!” 

He doesn’t know why he’s even bothering to ask, already knowing that you're probably not going to answer.

To his surprise, you actually do this time.

"Don't look." Despite the sharp enunciation of your voice, the one he's been aching to hear for the past two days, it sounds hushed. 

Not wanting to piss you off in case you decide to completely ignore him again, now that he's regained a smidgen of your notice, Buggy complies and elects to stare out of the window in spite of the desperate need to remain focused on you.

However, Buggy's never been one to completely follow the rules, so he decides to bend them. The window provides him a half-measured view of you in its reflection, with the dark waves serving as an addition to your image. A beautiful addition at that.

How sad is it that this is the only way he can look at you now?

He listens and watches as you put the liquor bottle on the table inches away from him, and then you proceed to retrieve a box of something hidden under the wood. It's not until you put it down next to the bottle and open it that he discovers that it's some kind of sewing kit. 

You take a small mirror and put it on the edge of the window frame at a very specific angle.

Eyes sharp and focused on the task at hand, you withdraw a needle of adequate size from the box, carefully pull a thread through the pinhole, and douse them both with booze. Shortly after taking a generous gulp of the liquor yourself, you put them both to the side to draw up the side of your shirt.

Buggy pales slightly when he sees the bloodied bandages hidden under the fabric. If the semi-transparent reflection of it is enough to make him nauseous, he can't imagine what the real deal is like. 

The three marks that stretch across your ribs look ugly. Scratch that, they look grotesque. Old blood rests dried and cracked along the edges, and the fresh flesh between your severed skin looks even worse. Like an animal maimed you and left you to rot on the ground. He’s seen his fair share of shitty shit in his life as a captain, but this is something he considers almost too much for him. It doesn’t make sense, he’s seen someone amputate on themselves due to a canon blast, but he only considered it a nuisance at best.

Maybe it’s because it’s you this time?

“God,” he whispers more to himself than anyone else. When snap your eyes to him, having heard him speak, he is quick to deflect. “I- Erhm, I never noticed how shitty the weather is tonight.”

He can’t tell if you buy it or not, but if you do, you don’t voice it and continue with your makeshift patchwork. With the rag you procured, you pour some of the alcohol over and press it tightly against your open wound with no delay. Buggy winces at the same time you do. He's had to disinfect wounds similarly before, and it hurts like hell. Fucking hell. He doubts you disagree with the notion. 

You grit your teeth tightly, face contorting and your lips wobbling as a quiet "Fuck" leaves you. One second becomes two, two become four, four become eight until finally, you withdraw the now stained rag. He notices your hand shaking, your breath hitching, and the way you're all but forcing yourself to stay calm. 

Since when did you limit yourself like this? Deny yourself the capacity to feel? Fucking scream, he wants to yell at you. Feel something. Say something! Show him that you still feel anything. Don't pretend like you don’t.

If that pot ain't calling the kettle black, he doesn’t know what is.

He looks at your reflection, watches as you pick up the needle and inching it towards your severed ski— 

“DON’T!”

You abruptly stop and snap your eyes over to him, and he realizes he’s efficiently blown his cover. While still selectively mute, all the anger and irritation you need to convey is done so through your glare alone. Scorching. Sizzling.

He licks his lips. “If you do it like that, it’ll scar real fucking bad and won’t hold the skin together.”

At first, you only stare, and he thinks you’re going to ignore him again. However, like some miracle, you answer. “I know how to patch myself.”

“Sure as shit don’t look like it,” he retorts snidely. “With an angle like that, you’re lucky if—”

“I didn’t ask for your input.”

“Fucking looks like you need it.”

“I don’t need anything from you.”

You all but throw the needle into the nearby wall, which just happens to be the same one he‘s positioned next to. The needle lodges itself right into the wood, sticking out with the thread still dangling from the eye.

Buggy stops breathing, and a drop of sweat trickles down his forehead. He expects you to throw the bottle at him next, just for good measure.

But you don’t. You don’t do anything.

He spends a minute deliberating whether it’s appropriate to continue the flow of conversation. “Look,—” He turns his head around to face you directly. “I’ve been around the block; I know what is best suited for your kind of scratch.”

“I don’t need your help.”

“Between the two of us, who do you reckon has the most experience with having their asses kicked? The walking-talking tank who can launch people twice her size in the opposite direction, or the clown?”

“Thought you couldn’t be cut.”

“Correction; I can’t be sliced. There’s a difference,”

The look you give him is a culmination of everything ranging from indifference, irritation, boredom, and subtle agreement towards the statement. In lieu of an answer, Buggy prevails, "If you move the needle in a wavelength through the skin, it keeps it together better and is easier to remove. I know your name would make crossed stitches better fitted, but it sucks by comparison. Trust me."

You don't. Buggy knows that already, but if only for a second, your eyes shift to something other than the four aforementioned. Maybe it's contemplation, perhaps a softer edge around your crow's feet, but it's indecipherable from where he's perched. If he got closer, he might have a better chance at figuring it out.

To his surprise, you actually follow his word on it ... after retrieving the needle that's been embedded into the wooden wall with at least two-thirds of its length.

He corrects you here and there, and provides you pointers while weighing his words. He's just now got your attention, he's not about to risk losing it. "- Not too deep, remember? God, what are you trying to do, give yourself another scarring? Keep it tight!"

... Well, he weighed his words, but maaaan, is he bad at measurements.

After a few more glares from your side and some non-verbal threats of bodily harm, you finally manage to stitch the skin together. Your hands, while precise and experienced in the art that is self-suturing, didn't get to do it perfectly. He knows it hurts like a bitch, he winces every time he sees the needle protrude through your flesh, and while you show no facial reaction, he knows it hurts you as well.

If he'd had his own hands at disposal, he would've made it perfect. So perfect that you'd not even have a scar at all. That, and he’d finally be able to touch you.

But this is as appropriate a substitute as anything, and all in all, it's not too bad. It's you, of course, so nothing you do can be too bad. He keeps that thought to himself as he watches you wrap up your midsection and put away the equipment.

"So, how did I do as an instructor? Pretty damn flashy, am I right?" He says with a low chuckle, only for it to disappear once he's discovered that you're not talking or looking at him anymore. "What? Back to the silent treatment?"

Evidently, yes.

He chews on the inside of his cheek and comes up with another approach to get your eyes on him again. It’s a risky one; might get him your attention, or it might land him into the opposite wall, but it’s a risk he’s willing to take. "I heard what you said, you know? To Rubber-Boy."

He observes no palpable reaction, so he tries again. "Shanks seriously never told you what happened that day it all went down?"

There it is. The fish on the line. Bull’s eye. He sees you stiffen just slightly, and he gets his wish. A shiver runs down his spine when your eyes fall on him again; he can feel it, even from miles and miles away. 

No distance can hope to expel the feelings your gaze bestows him with.

You speak one word. Just one. So low, yet so clear all the same.

"No."

... Buggy the Clown wants to vomit. 

He's not sure if his current disproportionated state can manage it, not to mention it's been days since he last had a scrap of food, but it does not ease the nausea that threatens to overwhelm him. 

Fuck.

When he first heard you tell Luffy this, he thought you were ... lying, somehow. It was stupid; you're not the kind to lie, always telling things as they are without skipping a beat. But he could not see your face, could not see the face you were making, and so he took it with a grain of salt. Or a bucket-load of it.

There was no way you didn’t know, no way Shanks didn’t tell you… Right? Buggy used to come up with excuses for his own righteousness, telling himself that this thing that happened was never his fault.

Now, he knows for certain. He knows you're telling the truth, he sees it, and he feels a bile rise in his throat.

One conclusion is made in the messy pile that is his brain.

He fucked up. 

He fucked up BIG TIME.

It's a fuck-up that'll go down in history as the biggest fucking fuck-up ever to cross the seven seas in all fucking time. He fucked up so bad, in fact, that it cost him more than he'll ever be able to pay for.

The sound his throat makes is pathetic.

"Oh."

BANG!

A good-sized piece of the wooden table snaps under the pressure of your fist and descends to the floor with a plat. Buggy imagines if that was him instead, getting crushed to the floor like a maggot crawling in the dirty as an unsuspecting hiker walks across..

With the shove of your chair, you get to your feet. "I'm getting Zoro."

"NONONONO! WAIT! PLEASE, ANYONE BUT HIM!"

You don't care. You're already halfway across the room when he, in his desperation, shouts two words he's never said before. 

"WAIT! I'M SORRY!"

… You stop.

He takes the moment right out of fate's hands.

"I didn't know, alright! I didn't know that you didn't know, and I thought you knew." He hopps his head a little closer to the edge of the table, right where the cracked piece currently on the floor once was. "I thought you knew, and then went with that fucking red-haired asshole! How was I supposed to know that you didn't know?!"

Wrong words. Very wrong words. He finds out soon enough just how wrong they were.

You're inches away before he can even blink, hands clenched on the table counter with one at each side of his head. Your noses almost touching, and he can feel the fire in your throat threaten to scorch him alive like a pig above the pyre.

"You could've asked." You say, softly at first, but bit by bit, your voice opens up to the deep-rooted anger that's laid dormant for years. "You could've asked me." 

Craaaaack, and another splinter pops off the table and lands in his hair. 

"You could've talked to me."

The entire table shakes now, and Buggy struggles not to slip from it. He thinks you're about to tear the whole damn thing to shreds with the way you're clenched around it. It's on-brand by now for you, comes with the name and everything.

"Cross-Hairs. Captain of the Cross-Haired Pirates, the Beast of the East, and Breaker of Tables and Faces and Bones and Jaws and Clown Noses."

He expects the additional titles to apply to him any moment now. He'll have to jump around the ship in search of his misplaced jaw next time, and probably the nose too. The crew of nobodies will have something to laugh about in years to come, and he'll never live the shame down.

But like with Orange Town, instead of the hand that will bring about his demise, all he feels is a breeze across his cheek. So light, and so brief, yet there lingers a warmth he wants nothing more than to grasp it. A thirsty man searching for his oasis.

You remove your hands from the table. "I would've traveled across the seas with you if only you'd asked it of me."

... What?

He feels his head freeze for the umpteenth time as your words circle in his head, garnering a storm of long-forgotten memories and feelings and hurt and betrayal.

You would? 

You really would? 

You would have gone with him all those years ago, if only he'd asked it of you?

He looks at your hands; the cracked knuckles and bruised skin, adjusted fights and blood and the impact of bones. The same ones currently threaten his safety as a dislocated head. He looks right into your eyes despite the risks it warrants.

You refuse to look at him, more now than ever, like there’s a rope wrapped around your neck that’s forcing you to face down. Like you're afraid that he might see something you'd prefer to keep in the dark. And yet he sees something wet and salty gathering in the corners of your eyes, and he sees the ways your body scrunches like a child wanting nothing more than to curl up to the floor and cry.

When was the last time he saw you even come close to crying? You never cried, for as long as he’d known you. If there ever was a time, it was the day he left you behind on that dock so long ago, and he had already turned his back before he had a chance to see the waterworks leak.

He finds it strange how some things seem to change whereas others don't. When Rogers first brought you onto the crew, disheveled and thin as you were, you never made a sound or showed any emotions. Being a man who wore his feelings and thoughts on display, he found it fucking weird. You were weird. You are weird, now more than ever.

Now, seeing you like this, knowing he's the one who brought it out, he doesn't know whether he's the detonator or the executioner. Maybe a bit of both?

His general nature is to deny accountability and put the blame on something or someone else to save face. It's always been like that; a habit by now. Call it cowardice, but he calls it a way of life. A bank getting robbed after the employees got knocked out by Muggy Balls? Not him. The white lion having a stomachache after eating old slabs left for too long in the cooler until it developed an ecosystem of its own? Not his fault.

But you crying?

You being hurt.

You hurting.

His fault. All his.

You, the strongest person he knows of; the same person who laughed at his jokes, worried about him, kicked ass seven days 'til Sunday, and shone so brightly in the moonlight by the docks, crying ... 

His fault.

You're the strongest person he knows. Hell, you're probably one of the strongest people in all of East-Blue, yet still, he's the one who managed to make you cry. A beast rendered to a tearful child, still so small even after all this time, all because of him.

What does that make him? The strongest person in the East Blue? Or the worst? He's never minded being the worst at what he does, but he realizes in that moment, perched on the tabletop, that he can stand anyone's tears but yours.

Never yours.

You’re fighting those tears the same way you fight everything else; putting every ounce of strength your body has to offer, clawing at it, gripping it, doing everything in your power to keep the tears from spilling and potentially revealing something more.

Still, it doesn’t matter how strong you are. You could’ve lifted the world and held it in the palm of your hands, and the tears still would’ve proved the biggest challenge you'd face yet.

If he had his hands, he’d cradle your chin, hold you close, and promise to never let go ever again. You’d fight him all the same, kick his ass, claw at him, break all the bones in his body, and he’d let you.

He’d endure your strength, dance across the blazing charcoal that is your wrath, but nothing you’d do would make him let go, even if you were to separate every atom in his body one by one.

He'd hold on, and when he gets his body back, that’s what he’ll do.

“I’m sorry …” he whispers, the apology tasting like bitter peppercorns on the tip of his tongue. “I … Shouldn’t have left. I shouldn’t have” Fuck, he sounds pathetic. “… I’m so … so fucking sorry.” 

For all of it.

He’s never once apologized in his life, not to anyone, but for you, he’d apologize a thousand times over. He’d learn “I’m sorry” in every language known to man, recite every prayer, suffer every penalty in the book.

This could all have been avoided if he’d just fucking talked to you that day instead of running. As if divinity decided to deliver punishments, he was haunted by that thing he ran from for twenty years; torturing him, driving him mad with longing.

Twenty years of bullshit in your absence … all of it avoidable had he not been the fuck-up he acknowledges he’s been.

He’d dive head-first into the ocean if it meant he could take back what he said that day. He’d take on the Marines too if he had to. He’d find the One Piece and give it to you, forgo his own dreams. He’d do anything, just to take back what he did.

Just to have you look at him with something other than scorn. Just to have you look at him the same way you used to.

A few drops of salt land on the table right in front of him, and save for the occasional sniffs and heavy inhales, you remain stubbornly quiet. This time, he keeps his mouth shut and awaits your judgment. The likelihood of you refusing to forgive him is the most probable one, and he can’t fault you for that as much as he’d hate it. The chance of you forgiving him just like that … is less. 

A minute of silence becomes two minutes, and two become three, and five, and ten.

You raise your head to peer down at him, your eyes reddened and heavy, but you finally do look at him. He holds his breath in anticipation and wonders what’s working behind them.

What are you thinking?

What are you feeling?

Is it rage? Is it vengeance?

Will you wrap your hands around his neck and squeeze until there’s nothing left but an ashy head? He doesn’t know if asphyxiation will have the intended effect given his condition, but there’s only one way to find out.

He closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, and imagines that it will be his last.

The door slams and the room rattles, throwing him off in surprise.

Buggy opens his eyes and sees that you’re not here anymore.

You’re gone, again.

He releases the breath he’s been withholding, not knowing what to make of this. Will you come back, or will you leave him here by himself: put him through the same state as he left you in?

His head burns thinking about it.

Not even a minute later, you return to the room, and the scent of something delicious fills the atmosphere.

You’re holding something in your hand, a plate. It takes him a while to realize what it is, and as he’s about to open his mouth to ask, you wordlessly put the plate down in front of him.

Buggy drools like a dog. It’s food. Actual fucking food. Some kind of dish (fish?) with boiled potatoes and cabbage on the side, with sauce distributed evenly over it. He usually hates cabbage, but as hungry as he is now, he thinks it looks like the most delicious thing of all. Even better, the food is still hot, and it’s been cut so that it’ll be easier for him to take in.

He looks up at you expectantly and watches as you sit down, cross your legs, and put a glass of water with a bendy straw next to the plate. Did you bring him a bendy straw? Holy fuck, you brought him fucking bendy straw! He can’t help but stare at you like you put the sun in the sky because, how could he not? You brought him food, you brought him a drink, YOU BROUGHT HIM A FUCKING BENDY STRAW! 

Bored eyes turn to him as you rest your chin in the palm of your hand. “It’ll get cold,” you state matter-of-factly, which he interprets as Hurry up and eat, asshole.

Buggy doesn’t have to be told twice, and he digs in like an animal. Decorum was never his thing anyway.

Maybe this isn’t forgiveness, and maybe you’re still rightfully pissed, but that’s alright. This gesture implies that, at the very least, there’s a bridge now. It’s made of rusty nails and unsteady planks and runs over a shitty river, but it’s a milestone from his point of view.

He’ll wait for as long as he’ll have to, even if it’s takes another twenty years to make up for it, even if it takes a hundred. He'll wait and he'll work for as fucking long as he have to, just to see your smile again.

He knows your dream.

He knows you care; you protected him, after all. You held him close, put yourself in harm’s way just to keep him safe.

That means, even after all this time, you still consider him yours.

All that remains is for you to finally find our for yourself.

-----

Taglist: @kurinhimenezu, @carpinchootaku, @ay0nha, @teh-vampire-bunny, @lokiscure, @internationalsuper-spy, @detectivesparrow , @yuriwk , @notyuralycat , @angeli-fucking-cat , @machinema7k , @shuujin, @avatar-lover, @gingernut1314, @autumn-slaves. @marvelouskatie, @floristoflillys, @dizzyenby, @redpool, @deliri-yum22, @aemondsb1tch, @ackroxia, @gayandfairycore, @knightsfavoriteprincess, @asterizee, @aamethyst23, @lizzie1107, @cyberwears, @heylookliisten, @f41k47, @beep-beep1, @crimsonflameproxy, @unpopular-sober-thoughts, @rayleeya, @timeladyrikaofgallifrey, (If you want to be tagged for this story, just send me a message or leave a comment :))

#buggy the clown #buggy x reader #one piece live action #buggy the clown x reader #one piece #one piece x reader #buggy one piece #buggy x you #buggy the clown fanfiction #buggy x female reader #DMTMYHB #Didn't mean to make your heart blue #one piece buggy #captain buggy

[ethereallyjade]

Pick a Card: Traits of Your F/S

Choose a photo that calls to you and the cards will tell you a message. As always, this is just for fun. Do not take anything seriously or above legal or medical advice. If your interested in personal tarot readings and want to support me, check out my Paid Readings! Masterlist

1 - 2

3 - 4

Images are not mine

⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻

Pile 1

Your F/S might wear big clothes. I'm seeing dresses, baggy clothes, or just oversized things. I'm getting somewhat emo vibes or they might just like black clothing. They are great at keeping optimism and picking themselves back up after periods of grief. Your F/S might have a hard time connecting with others or has had a bit of a rough past in terms of relationships. They could be a bit of a rebel as well or just crave more freedom in their lives. Back to their looks, their clothes might stand out in some way. Something about them or their personality is bold, but they don't even mean to be. They might have a very simple look, but it's so different from those around them that it comes off as bold, because I'm picking up on a very quiet and even reserved energy from them so I don't think their looks are a very conscious choice on their part. Either way, I'm still seeing that they're confident in themselves and have a leader like potential.

Pile 2

Clumsy, and colorful. Might wear sweaters or hoodies a lot. Could have an affinity towards churches? Or maybe really likes historic buildings or museums. Likes to travel. Likes the ocean. They are independent and trust their own decisions. They might move homes a lot and don't like living in one area for too long. They might live or be from somewhere with a cold climate. They have a humble upbringing. Could have come from a broken home, divorced parents, low income, or even faced homelessness at some point, but I'm seeing that they're ready to move on from that or have already. All in all, they're a very talented person and they're ready to take their opportunities. They might be from a different country than you.

Pile 3

Clean, smooth, "Must be perfect." Maybe their a Virgo lmao. I'm seeing that they can be the type of person to put up a front. They appear as well put together, mature, clean, and may even be seen as a leader of sorts, but on the inside they're definitely struggling with something. They might be a really naive person, and find themselves often being taken advantage of by those around them. This could also be taken as they're a very emotional person and need to learn how to put up this courageous front so that they stop being taken advantage of. As far as physical appearance goes, I'm seeing someone who's blond, medium length hair. Might like wearing blues and greens, dresses or long shirts. They might like to accessorize themselves. They may also be the type to really dress up when they leave the house, but dress very casual or im hearing 'bummy' behind closed doors lol.

Pile 4

They like hanging out with friends or even partying and drinking. They love to travel. I'm seeing a very happy and positive person hear. Maybe they can be randomly contemplative or have big dreams which is something their friends find odd about them because they usually have a kind of careless and partying type of personality. On the flip side, I can also see this as being someone that does not like to party. Maybe they're surrounding friends have a careless, parting attitude towards life and they want to break free of that and work towards something they find important. They might not be very close with their friends or feel like they've never fit in with their friend group, and again, dream of going somewhere else or leaving to find their people. They might contemplate moving overseas, so they might either be a foreigner to you or maybe you both move to a new country together. For physical traits, they might have curly hair. I'm seeing a lot of the color red. That might be their favorite color, or a color they wear a lot. Maybe their hair is red. I'm also seeing that they might get dressed up often.

#tarot #love tarot #tarot reading #tarot cards #pick a picture #pick a card #pac #channeled message #intuitive readings #intuition #valentines day #valentines

[dreamtinblackandwhite]

"I think this is the first time I've hear you moan... it was like a fucking melody." Prompt.

Can you please do battinson x female reader smut. After he takes her virginity the night before, they wake up in his bed & have sweet morning sex. Y/n is still sore from Bruce’s big 🍆 so he goes down on her first and then has sex.

sing for me

battinson x female!reader note: thank you for the request :) I was all blushy writing this one, oops warnings: smut, NSFW, praise, unprotected p in v, oral (f receiving), brief mention of cock warming word count: 1868

“Good morning, beautiful,” Bruce whispers into your ear as he presses a soft kiss against the nap of your neck. His hands gently glide across your unclothed skin; searching their way down your shoulder and across your torso before resting at your hip bone and gripping softly.

You’d barely just started to stir, mumbling an incoherent greeting as your boyfriend continues to press soft, loving kisses along the skin of your neck. “Last night was amazing, love; you are amazing…” he whispered again, gently nipping at your earlobe at the end of his sentence. You let out a small whine as a shiver runs down your spine. “Are you feeling okay? No… regrets?”

You rolled over to face Bruce, gently setting your hand on his cheek with a loving smile. “I’m okay,” you promised, kissing his nose gently. “No regrets. I guess, maybe I thought I’d feel different losing my virginity but I don’t… I just feel—” you paused to bite your lip as you tried to put words to what you were trying to say. “I love you.”

Bruce’s smile grew wider at your words. “I love you,” he whispered before pressing his lips against yours deeply. You spent a few minutes like this, your lips moving together passionately but soft and lovingly. You felt the butterflies in your stomach multiple as Bruce arched his hips towards you, pushing his erect cock against your stomach.

Images of the night before fluttered through your mind at the feeling: his kisses along your thighs, the way you came around his fingers first as he helped to stretch you out, the way he was so slow and kind as he pushed into you, the fullness you felt… God, the absolute fullness. “B-Bruce,” you giggled softly as you pulled away with a bright blush on your face. He had traced his hands down your thighs and was tracing soft circles against the sensitive skin just below your core.

“I think last night was the first time I’ve ever heard you moan, Y/N,” he whispered, looking into your eyes with his lust filled orbs. He voice was shaking and you could hear him swallow his own moan before you spoke again. “It was like a fucking melody. My own, personal, full band orchestra…” He groaned softly, dipping his chin down to kiss your neck more hungrily now.

You squeezed your eyes shut, chest heaving as his sloppy kisses ignited the fire between your thighs. “I would do anything to hear it again, Y/N; whatever you want, it’s yours; I just need to hear your moans from these perfect lips.” He gently reached a hand up to squeeze your chin ever so softly before pressing a hungry kiss into your lips.

You tried to stifle your moans still; it almost embarrassed you even though Bruce was here begging you for it. You and Bruce had only ever made out until last night, so the sounds and movements that accompanied the new pleasures that Bruce sent through your body still felt foreign. “Bruce,” you whispered, pushing against his chest slightly. “I-I want you…”

His eyes darkened slightly at your words and the hand that was tracing your thigh made quick work towards your folds. “W-Wait!” You quickly said, stopping his fingers at your pubic bone, just above your clit.

“What is it, baby?” Bruce whispered, gently brushing his hand through your hair. “I won’t hurt you.”

“I know you won’t, and you didn’t last night, either,” you reassure as a blush crept over your cheeks again. “It’s just that, I’m sore…”

Bruce couldn’t stop the prideful smirk that crossed his face. He moved his fingers slower now, gently pushing the tip of his middle finger through your glistening folds to find your clit first. “I can help with that, love,” he whispered, starting to reposition your bodies carefully. You gulped as you laid fully on your back now and Bruce hovered himself down your body, tossing the covers onto the floor.

He lined a trail of sloppy kisses from your neck, across your breasts, over your stomach before stopping just before your folds. He gulped as he stared at your pussy that was aching for (and because of) him, licking his lips as he looked up at you through his eyelashes and placed a soft kiss over your plump lips.

Your lips parted as a soft gasp escaped and the smallest moan echoed from your throat. Bruce squeezed his eyes shut at the sound as he slowly pushed his tongue to part your folds. “So beautiful,” he whispered, using one hand to kept your lips parted while the other gently raises your thighs over his thighs. He keeps his eyes on you as he laps his tongue against you harder and more direct now, just barely grazing over your entrance as his nose tickles against your clit.

He gently uses one finger to rub circles around your clit while slowly pushing his tongue into you, feeling your gummy walls clench around his intrusion. “Woah,” you moan, raising your hips to the feeling; he smirked against you as he gently fucked his tongue into you.

He worked slowly, switching between gently sucking on your clit and tongue fucking you. He watched you slowly let go, as your chest heaved harder and more moans escaped from your mouth. “I’m going to finger you now, baby,” he mumbled against your clit. “Is that okay?”

You reached your hands down to tangle your fingers in his hair. “Y-yu—” a strangled moan left your lips as he flicked his tongue against your clit. “Y-Yes!” He chuckled softly as he gathered your juices on his middle finger before gently pushing the digit into you.

“Your so tight, my love,” he whispered as he craned his neck slightly to see your face as he started to pump his middle finger in and out of you. “Such a beautiful sight…” he moaned, watching your eyes flutter shut. He reached his free hand up to grope your breast lightly, teasing your nipple between his thumb and forefinger.

After earning another soft moan from you, he gently slipped a second finger into you and continued to pump at the same speed. “You’re doing so good, baby,” he whispered as he took your hand and set it on your breast to replace his. He watched happily as your instinctively started to grope yourself and play with your nipple, moaning at the feeling of your own hands. He moaned softly, pushing his lips against your clit again as slipped a third finger in.

“Want you, Bru—” you cut yourself off with a breathy moan as his three fingers curled inside you. He moaned against your clit, lapping happily as you tightened around him.

“Are you going to cum, beautiful?” He mumbled against you, speeding his fingers up. You felt the coil in your stomach stretch at his words, barely noticing that was what that feeling meant. You nodded your head eagerly, your back arching slightly as it started to wash through you.

“F-Faster, please,” you cried out. Bruce quickly complied, pumping his fingers faster as your tightening walls tried to push him out; he latched his lips around your clit, adding another layer of pleasure as your coil snapped and your legs shook against his shoulders.

Bruce lapped at the extra juices from your orgasm, pulling his fingers out and using the slick to gently pump his very erect and uncomfortable cock a few times. “Think you can take me again?” He whispered as he crawled upwards so his face was hovering over yours.

“Please,” you whispered, still breathing heavily from your orgasm. “I want you inside of me.” He groaned softly at your words and stared into your eyes as he ran his tip through your folds, nudging it against your clit. “B-Bruce,” you voiced somewhere between a whimper and a moan.

He smiled at you as he gently pushed his tip into your entrance, slowly allowing another centimeter in with each of your heavy breaths. “You are – fuck – you are doing so good, love,” he praised, watching you blink rapidly as you attempted to stay relaxed and not clamp down on him. “That’s it, baby,” he reassured, grunting slightly as your walls squeeze around him, already milking his cock. “Hard parts almost over.”

Both of you let out nearly pornographic moans as he bottoms out inside of you, his face buried into your neck as you cling to his shoulders. “I feel like a fucking king inside of you,” he whispers into your ear, kissing your shoulder softly as he rolls his hips against you softly, helping you adjust to his size.

The moan he earns from the action could have sent him into madness, but he remained controlled as he started to gently rock his hips against you. He moved to watch your face as the moans escaped your lips, his dick hitting spots inside of you that re-defined everything you learned durin sex-ed in school. “That’s right, ma, sing for me,” Bruce moaned as he pulled nearly all the way out and slowly rocked back in.

He didn’t need to move fast or get any extra friction to get that feeling of his own high approaching already; the way your walls clamped around him and the heavenly sounds you were making underneath him were enough for that.

“B-Bruce!” You cried out as that familiar coil returned fast and hard. He reached his hand down between your bodies and started to feverishly rub your clit while his hips remained slow and controlled, thrusting deep and hard enough that you were nearly overwhelmed. “I-I think I’m cumming,” you moaned loudly, ignoring your immediate embarrassment from the lewd sounds that left your lips as you felt that pleasure wash across your entire body, making your toes curl.

“Fuck,” Bruce groaned, his hips stuttering. He had fully intended to get at least 3 more orgasms out of you like this but hearing you moan his name was hard to ignore.

“You feel so good stretching me out like this,” you moaned into his ear, not thinking about the consequences your actions would have on Bruce’s composure. He moaned loudly as he buried his face back into your neck and released his warm seed inside you, keeping his hips pressed against yours as he twitched against your walls.

“Holy shit,” he mumbled into your skin. “You are fucking amazing.” You giggled softly, whining as he pulled out of you. “Shh, my love,” he whispered as he rolled onto his side and pulled your back against his chest. He reached down and grunted as he pushed himself back into your cunt. “Feels so good, just want to stay here for a bit…” He reassures as you moan softly at the feeling of fullness again.

“I love you,” you whisper before yawning and nuzzling yourself backwards against him, earning a groan into your ear.

“I love you, so much,” he replies with a lazy kiss to your temple. You both fall back into a peaceful slumber thinking of how many mornings you’ll get to spend with his thick cock buried to the hilt inside of you.

#battinson #robert pattinson #robert pattinson x reader #battinson x reader #bruce wayne #robert pattinson au #robert pattinson x yn #battinson fanfiction #bruce wayne x reader #bruce wayne x y/n #bruce wayne smut #battinson smut #battinson imagine #the batman #the batman 2022 #writing prompt #ask

[thecherrytarot]

𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐦𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭.

how will they heal you?

pile 1 → pile 2 → pile 3

Pick the photo you feel the most drawn to and please remember that this is a general reading so take what resonates!! 

listen to: love me like that by Sam Kim

𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟏:

"you see the world in colours i view it black and white. paint me a picture, out of the lines that i live in all of the time"

They will heal you by letting you shine in your feminine energy, regardless of your gender. With them, you feel in touch with your divine feminine energy and your creative side will shine. They will help you gain strength and for some of you, it could even mean that they give you the strength and confidence to be vulnerable and show emotions. You no longer have to pretend that you are some cold-hearted person that isn't affected by anything. I just saw someone crying alone and then heard a voice say "It is okay, let it out, I am here with you" so take however that resonates. They will help you by showing you the world through a new and better perspective. You will stop looking at life through illusions and negative ways. I feel like in some way or the other they will remind you of your past self, the one that you had to leave behind in order to move forward. They will bring that version of you back and make you believe in a 'magical world' once again.

𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟐:

"sunshine left today, got caught in the rain, all alone. can you come and pick me up from my blues? or am I late to ask you?"

This might be someone who is a foreigner and/or a long distance and for some of you, you might meet them when studying abroad (either you or them also could be both) I keep thinking about the movie "Like Crazy" where an American guy falls in love with a British student but yours is with a much happier ending. They will heal you by being there for you, life will feel less complicated and you will feel like all that you have been through was worth and now no matter what happens you will rise because now you have someone that has your back. You will get out of your bubble with them and be more sociable and childlike (i keep imaging a bunch of friends driving in a car late at night, listening to indie/alt songs and singing out loud, laughing and having the time of their lives) also instead of how will they heal, I'm getting the message of the connection feels like. There will be a strong psychic connection between you and them, the moment your eyes meet you will know and they will know that this is the "warmth" that you both have been searching for. Like when Lana Del Rey said it in her poem called The land of 1,000 fires, "I have never really fallen in love but whatever this feeling is i wish everyone could experience it."

𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟑:

(this pile has a similar message to pile 1, so make sure to check it out in case you felt drawn to it)

"i get defensive and insecure my own worst critic behind a closing door, i'm fragile and fractured, that's for sure, i burned myself down to the ground. oh, can I ask of you to treat me soft and tender, love me hard and true? keep my heart from building walls so high, you can't get through, treat me soft and tender"

They will heal you by helping you love yourself and how you need to give importance to yourself first and that too in a healing manner instead of selfish (your old pattern) You might have thought that you knew how to take care of yourself by prioritizing yourself but still found yourself being stuck in the same old negative cycles, they will help you understand the true and the raw meaning of self-love. They help you by providing the stability that you always desired. I feel like a lot of you were abandoned in the past and after that, you put your guard up and pushed people away from you but then you come across them, and it takes you by surprise because you didn't expect to catch feelings for someone so fast. You found yourself in a dilemma because you have such strong feelings for them and yet, you feel afraid cause you don't want them to abandon you. Don't worry, they will help you get out of your old and no longer-needed mindset of resisting the change that you know will set you free.

#future spouse tarot reading #fs tarot reading #fs tarot #love tarot reading #love tarot #free tarot reading #pac tarot #pac reading #general tarot reading #tarot reading #pick a card reading #free tarot #love pac #fs pac

[tokyogruel]

Tell me more about the idea that muu is lying and not actually rich please. Ive only ever seen one other person consider that before but they never elaborated + changed their mind post INMF so im really curious. Like what do you think supports it?

im so sorry this took me a few days, work tends to drain me a lot more than id like haha

but i would be more than happy to elaborate!

unfortunately a few of my claims are based off of evidence/supportive pieces that are in a discord server i no longer have access to, so please forgive me

to start off, it was pointed out to me at one point that muu goes to a more expensive private school, though there are grants and scholarships that allow those without the proper funding to attend these schools regardless of their financial status (i.e. haruhi in ouran high school host club). i believe muu is a very intelligent young girl who is capable of earning one of these scholarships easily

muu also has a recurring theme of "foreigner in a place that is new and scary to her" her being a blonde-haired light-eyed half-french, lesbian GNC-girl in a private school filled with dark-haired dark-eyed japanese straight feminine girls. muu is the kind of person who likely feels totally outcast by her peers.

as well, taking a peek at this conversation in after pain:

with a very rough translation (i am not proficient in japanese, but this is the gist of the conversation)

it should be noted that muu's friends "A-" and "Sayu" appear to be talking about muu as if she is not present in the conversation, and their tone is almost mocking. muu retorts by claiming she has plenty more, and that her lipstick (which they are likely making fun of her for it being a cheap brand, though im not sure about this detail) is just an extra she had on hand. she gets defensive, and is likely lying to protect her "rich girl who has everything" image.

i would also like to point out that muu seems to have gotten nothing in return for her lipstick- and was likely lending it to her friend with no expectation. muu acts like she isnt a giving person, but genuinely seems to be thoughtful and generous towards those she cares about. this can also be seen with muu giving haruka "hand-me-down" hair clips. its a small gesture, but haruka wears and appreciates them- they keep his uncut hair out of his eyes, and its a small piece of her that he can wear. its a thoughtful gift

and secondly... doesnt anybody else think that its weird that weve seen NOTHING about her home life? with other prisoners, we see at least two aspects of their lives, if not more. haruka with his house v. the forest. yuno in the car, on the stairs, in the brothel-room, on dates. fuuta in the tunnel, the arcade, on the basketball court. shidou in his house, hospital, greenhouse. mahiru in the forest, her house, several pictures of her on outings in TIHTBILWY. kazui in his house and the bar, on the altar. amane in her house, on the street, though MAGIC primarily takes place in her "inner world". mikoto in his home and train station. kotoko in the warehouse, a bar, on the streets etc.

muu's videos take place entirely in her school. even her inner-world with the bright white walls and floors, where herself and her peers are bugs- its still her mental depiction of school. her home life is totally void in her videos. why? sure, it may not be important to her murder- but maybe, its more important than what we see in after pain and inmf

did you know that most bullies use bullying as a way to cope with lack of control in their lives? that bullies most often face harrassment at home, and that school is their only escape from abuse? those who bully their peers often mirror their own parents' actions towards them. school is likely the only place where muu has any sense of control in her life. yes, its bad that she bullied her peers, but she is a child who has no proper outlet for the pain that she faces

(i also believe that her hourglass imagery lends to a cycle of violence- that muu was likely bullied, became the bully, and lost her status only to get bullied once more)

but im going on a tangent

unfortunately at this point i am running out of steam and good examples to lend to why i believe muu is poor (please, if anyone else has any evidence to back this up, please do add on to this post! i love to hear the community's thoughts!)

but for one last, small point. let's take a look at muu's lunch. a simple bento

this bento is very small (a side note: i am also of the opinion that muu struggles with an ED) and it consists of a few simple ingredients.

a leaf of lettuce, cherry tomatoes, rice, a small amount of sauce, a single hot dog cut in the shape of an octopus, and what appears to be a hunk of protein, like chicken

well, thats not a lot of food. certainly nothing high-quality or expensive. lets take a look at some school lunches in japan. lets search up "学校 べんと" "gakkou bento" "school bento" and look at the images

muu's lunch certainly doesnt look all that filling. it most certainly does not look bougie and expensive

edit: i would also like to note that she parallels shidou as a partner prisoner. both feature the concept of lying and upholding a good image of oneself

#milgram #kusunoki mu #kusunoki muu #muu kusunoki #mu kusunoki #ミルグラム #creature speaks #YAY!! yEAH!!! YIPPEE!!! #FREE MY GIRL SHE DID NO WRONG

[redcurrantarot]

Pick-a-Card Reading: Who is your Future Spouse/Life Partner?

Hello everyone, and welcome to my first PAC reading! Use your intuition/call upon your spirit guides or higher self to choose the image/group that you feel called to as it holds the message meant for you.

Decks Used: Caroline Myss Archetype Cards, Tea Leaf Oracle Cards, Radiant Rider-Waite Tarot

PAC Theme: Howl's Moving Castle

Disclaimer: This is a general tarot reading for entertainment purposes meant for a wide audience and isn't targeted towards every specific person, so not every message will resonate with every person reading 100%. Take what information resonates with you and leave what doesn't. All of the info provided in my readings are my own personal interpretations of the cards and messages that come through. Because of the general nature of the reading, it's best not to take it too seriously and keep in mind this is just for fun!

© redcurrantarot 2023 — all rights reserved. Do not steal, copy, change, or redistribute my content.

Group 1

Cards: hills, caterpillar, elephant, hammock, samaritan, student, beggar, saboteur rx, chariot rx, page of pentacles, 8 of swords, 8 of wands, 2 of cups

Hello and welcome to your reading group 1!

Starting off, your future spouse/life partner is someone who is still figuring out their life and seems to be quite young and is just starting out their journey. Specifically I'm seeing they're still in school (higher education so college or university most likely) they're in a period of their life where they're a student and in a position where they're learning new things, as for what they're interested in or majoring in I feel like it's definitely something related to helping or communicating with others or societal issues. The thing is though, your future spouse at this point in time seems to also be kind of struggling with lacking direction and feeling stuck in life. It's giving me the feeling of being in school but also being confused with how their life is going, what they want to do and where they're headed. There's a lot of feeling trapped in their circumstances and not knowing what to do and feeling aimless. They're giving financially struggling college student, the type to barely make ends meet and might eat instant ramen a lot. It seems like they're probably lacking a support system in their life and feeling kind of helpless. I can also see them working a minimum wage type of job most likely and just trying to survive. I think the main reason for this is because of the fact that they seem to be some type of foreign exchange type student as in they're probably from another country and are attending school in another and have only themselves to depend on money wise. They're honestly working super hard to the point where it can be kind of unhealthy and they might not be able to take care of themselves very well because they're just trying to get by. Things won't always be this way for them though as things seem to be looking up and a change is coming their way. I'm seeing specifically that this is how the two of you meet each other, your person eventually decides to go on a trip or a vacation of some sort maybe back to their home country or wherever but it's definitely somewhere far away and then that's how both of you end up meeting!

Group 2

Cards: bear, coins, boat, heart, messiah rx, prince rx, don juan, angel, knight of cups, 4 of wands rx, 10 of wands, king of wands rx, king of pentacles

Hello and welcome to your reading group 2!

Alright this is interesting, your future spouse/life partner is someone who comes off or acts in a way that is arrogant and they're someone who is also very powerful I'm seeing when it comes to their position in life and their social standing. They're someone who has a very large presence and who gives the impression that they know everything and are pretty intimidating too as if everything is in their control, they have a god complex. But I'm also seeing the reason for why they act this way/give this impression and it's because it is an act/a mask or a defensive mechanism in a way, I don't believe they actually truly believe they are better than others or above them but they take advantage of their power, their charm and attractive qualities to protect themselves because there is a lot of burden on them since they are incredibly connected to money and might be at risk a lot because of this. I'm seeing that this facade they have is because of issues and pressures due to their upbringing/family and because it's likely they come from some sort of generational wealth, in a way it's like they have to serve them which gives me the impression on top of this pressure already, they might be the heir to their family as well which comes with expectations. They might feel like everything is on them to succeed and they carry a lot on their shoulders. There are always people flocking to them and around them, sometimes not with the best intentions because not only do they have wealth from their family, they're also very good at making money and doing business and are held to high expectations by others and also themselves. I also think they're someone who's very smooth and knows how to use their seductive qualities to their advantage. Despite all of this though, underneath it all, this act and this performance they are someone who is truly kind and incredibly caring at heart. I'm seeing that they're someone who is probably pretty sensitive and soft hearted which is even more of a reason to put out a strong front, despite having so much wealth, they're also altruistic too and they definitely use their money for the right reasons and give back to others and to the right causes eg. charities, non profit organizations etc.

Group 3

Cards: torch, july, tree, apple, mediator, king, priest, monk/nun rx, king of swords, king of cups, 5 of pentacles rx, ace of cups, 4 of pentacles

Hello and welcome to your reading group 3!

I'm seeing that for your future spouse/life partner, they're someone who has a talent for connecting with people and has great communication skills which can bring people together. They're someone who can combine their intelligence and perception as well as their emotional sensitivity and compassion to move people and persuade them. I'm seeing that they're also someone who commands a level or respect and they also have some type of authority and are a leader in some way, they're someone people look up to. One thing that comes out very clearly about them is that they're also someone who is incredibly devoted to their spiritual/religious beliefs, they're very pious to the extent where it's something that they're known for and they might dedicate themselves to their religious beliefs to the point that they take priority over material matters at times or become overly concerned with them. They strongly give me the impression that they use their skills to help others in some way and offer them care and compassion. For some people their person might be a counselor of some sort or a therapist but I also can't help but feel like they do in some way use their spiritual/religious beliefs to tie into their work somehow or that it is in some way related. I honestly wouldn't even be surprised if they were some kind of religious/spiritual advisor or even a priest or just someone important in their religious/spiritual community that people turn to for help or guidance. They kind of give me the impression of someone who is good at preaching or might even want to "save" others. Another thing that is coming through is that they have a lot of self control or discipline towards themselves because of their beliefs and seem to be conservative in some way and for some of you, your person might be the type to want to "wait until marriage" or at least further in into the relationship if you get what I mean. One last message that is coming through is that for some of you, you guys might be part of the same religious/spiritual community and your families might know each other and it's possible you'll meet because you're introduced to each other through them and that this could be an arranged marriage/pairing.

Group 4

Cards: mice, broom, camel, tree, healer, child: wounded rx, vampire, mentor, 8 of cups, 10 of pentacles rx, the hermit, 6 of cups 8 of pentacles, the sun

Hello and welcome to your reading group 4!

Your future spouse/life partner is someone who is on a healing journey. They're someone who has experienced a lot of pain and trauma in their past, specifically their childhood and growing up from their family and is finally leaving it all behind in the past and recovering from this. I'm seeing that they've finally walked away from this and probably have cut them out from their life and moved away into a new home and life and have made a lot of effort and spent a lot of time alone to self reflect and introspect on the issues their trauma has caused them. This caused them to become aware and more protective of themselves and to not let others take advantage of them anymore, but I'm also seeing that through this self healing journey they found a new purpose in life that is part of healing their inner child and past wounds. It's really beautiful honestly, not only are they healing from this but they've decided to use their experiences and pain to guide others, specifically other children so that they can give them what they never had. I'm seeing that this person is very likely a teacher of some kind or at least for sure works with children, they could work in a school teaching them or could even be a daycare/kindergarten teacher or a child therapist of some kind or they could work with families, maybe even child protection services, something along those lines. But whatever they do they truly put in a lot of work to be a good mentor to other kids and to help and guide them. It's something that they're truly passionate about and it brings them a lot of joy not only towards themselves and their inner child but to other kids as well, they're someone who is constantly and consistently putting in effort to learn more and heal by working with other children and just spending time with them.

Thank you for enjoying and supporting my PAC readings! I'd love to know your thoughts, please feel free to let me know through my asks. Any feedback is appreciated ♡

© redcurrantarot 2023 — all rights reserved. Do not steal, copy, change, or redistribute my content.

#tarot deck #tarotdaily #astro community #astro notes #astrology #crystals #pick a card #pick a card reading #pick a deck #tarot #pick a pile #tarot reading #tarotblr #tarot community #tarot cards #tarot collection #tarot commissions #horoscope #divination #psychic #intuition #pick an image #witchblr

[mybeautifuldelirium]

Hi there ♥️ could U do a aemond x dothraki slave fanfic in where she works as a Maiden and aemond Takes and Interest in her because He has never Seen a dothraki before💕 thankyou love

The Wildflower From The East || Aemond Targaryen x Dothraki!reader part 1

A/N this is my first Aemond fanfic so please go easy on me lol

but I hope you like it. It turned out longer than I had expected, but I really wanted to include some backstory and character build up, so lmk if you’d like a Part 2 xx

Summary: Aemond is so captivated by his sister’s new maid that he makes her help him bathe, just so he can hear the fascinating tales from her foreign lands, will he be able to take her out of his mind?

Part 1/?

Warnings: none

Y/N couldn’t remember how long it had been since she last saw her homelands of the Dothraki sea, oh how she missed riding through the mazes of tall thick grass while having the burning Essosi sun gently glaze her skin, she even missed all those ruthless conditions that no lady from the west would ever imagine surviving.

Alas here she was, miles away across the narrow sea in a foreign land. What a cruel fate she had, being sold by her own kin to the slavers of Yunkai only to be brought to King’s Landing as an exotic gift for the Targaryen princess Helaena.

Queen Alicent wasn’t keen on the newly arrived maiden, a filthy savage, she thought of her, unfit to serve her royal daughter. However much to her disapproval, the princess quickly grew close to her new companion indulging in her stories from the foreign lands.

The sun had just risen moments ago and the refreshing scent of the morning dew still lingering in the air. It was hauntingly quiet during this time of day, the only noticeable sound coming from the clashing swords in the courtyard, per usual the Targaryen princes were training with ser Criston. That was when Aemond first saw the foreign maiden.

Y/N was following closely behind his dear sister, who perhaps was once again looking for one of her dreadful creatures in the courtyard. Unlike his brother, the one eyed prince, never paid attention to the maids, however he couldn’t take his eyes off Y/N, she looked nothing like any Westerosi maiden he had seen, there was something striking about her, something so intriguing.

“Ahh the savage girl, a pretty thing she is” smirked Aegon making him turn with a puzzled look.

“Haven’t you heard? They say she’s a Dothraki, sold as a slave at that. Can’t imagine how mother allowed her to serve our beloved sister” he laughed.

‘A Dothraki?’ Aemond thought to himself, he had only heard vague stories about them, from the old septas, but she looked nothing like the images of the ruthless barbarians that these stories had portrayed.

Over the following days the younger prince would secretly throw glances at her every chance he got and although he wouldn’t admit it to himself he just couldn’t take her out of his mind.

The sun was beginning to set, painting the sky with bright colors. Y/N was wandering through the long corridors as princess Helaena had granted her the permission to go bathe herself. Y/N however had decided to use some of the time to explore the castle, indulging in the silence. She has never liked the feeling of being constrained by walls, even the lavish house of her master in Yunkai repulsed her, oh how she missed roaming free on the back of her horse. Consumed by memories of the past, she bumped into something, or rather someone.

As she slowly lifted her head, her eyes were met with a glistening violet gaze that was piercing right through her. The man had long flowing silver hair much like the one of her princess, he had a patch covering one of his eyes but it was unable to overshadow his handsome face .

“Ah so you are the Dothraki maiden” a cunning smirk was lingering on his lips. “Do you speak the common tongue?”

“Yes” she confidently replied, trying not to stare.

“Yes, your grace” he corrected her with a stern expression. “Well then, you are a maid, aren’t you? Go, draw me a bath” he pointed to his chambers with his smirk reappearing.

“I can’t do that, your grace” she answered, mocking his use of the title.

“You do realize, you’re speaking to the prince, how dare you disobey me” he said, now annoyed, but his smirk still apparent.

This nevertheless did not intimidate Y/N “I only serve the princess Helaena my prince”

This response however, only further angered Aemond, he grabbed her by the arm, now his eye staring directly into hers “You’ve heard of dragons, I suppose” he slyly grinned “I happen to be the rider of the largest one there is, all it takes is one of my commands” he twirled a lock of her hair without looking away from her eyes.

Y/N sighed, slowly entering his chambers, as she heard the heavy wooden doors closing behind them.

Quickly she went to fill in the tub, feeling the prince’s gaze never leaving her. Once the tub was filled with warm water and the alluring aroma from the herbs she had placed filled the room, Y/N finally stood up and faced the prince, no longer trying to hide the irritation in her voice.

“May I go now, your grace?”

Aemond locked eye with her, devilish grin playing on his lips “do you expect me to tend to this myself?” He motioned to his attire, covered with filth and dirt, or was it blood.

This time Y/N didn’t even try to object, she knew there was no point in doing so. She mumbled something In Dothraki to herself and cautiously began helping him rid himself of the dirty clothes. Despite her pride and stubbornness Y/N couldn’t deny the otherworldly beauty of the Targaryen prince. He resembled no other man she had ever seen, be it in Yunkai or in the Dothraki hordes. Targaryens were closer to gods than to men, she had heard.

Only when Aemond was left in his breeches did Y/N finally revert her eyes, waiting until she heard the splash from the water. She then kneeled by the tub and started scrubbing his pale skin, desperately trying to escape his gaze. Aemond however kept his eye on her, closely examining her features. Something about this Dothraki girl was drawing him in, he wondered what her story was, how did a savage girl find herself all the way across the narrow sea as a maid to the princess. Aemond could tell she had been taught basic manners and some etiquette along with the common tongue, but even those could not fully conceal her wild upbringing. Her untamed hair was cascading like a waterfall down her back, with several complex braids on top of her head as per Dothraki traditions. She looked rather uncomfortable in her dainty silk gown, he wondered what she was used to wearing.

“What happened to your eye?” Y/N suddenly broke the silence, now examining the leather patch that covered his eye. For a moment, the bluntness of her question caught the prince off guard.

“Curious, are we?” His smirk once again reappeared. “One day I might tell you, but first you owe me a story Wildflower”

“A story?”

“You think I’m unaware of the captivating tales you’ve seemed to tell my beloved sister?” “Don’t you think me worthy of hearing them as well” he gave her a challenging look, their faces now only inches apart.

“Ok then, my prince, as you wish” it was now Y/N’s turn to smirk. She loved telling stories of her lands, they made her feel close to her home, evoking memories of the time when she was free.

Aemond became so enamored with the way the young maiden was narrating her stories, he didn’t notice the water getting cold.

Suddenly Y/N dropped the rag and got up “I must go! The princess!” She rushed to the wooden doors, all manners long forgotten. The prince wanted to stop her, but his pride didn’t let him.

About to get out of the tub, he then saw something glistening under the murky water, it was a gold pendant shaped like a delicate flower, a simple, yet striking piece of jewelry. ‘She must have dropped it’ he thought.

That night Aemond couldn’t get her image out of his head, why was he - a dragon prince so preoccupied with the thoughts of a simple maid from the far eastern lands, he couldn’t explain it to himself, but even if he wouldn’t admit it, he knew that he had to see her again.

#aemond targaryen #aemond targaryen x reader #aemond x reader #aemond one eye #house of the dragon #aemond targaryen x oc #hotd x reader #hotd fanfic #house targaryen #house of the dragon imagine

[lampthehealthminister]

The sun's light reaches even the darkest depths

Synopsis : Aventurine has a vicious snake in his head, but your voice always chases it away.

Warnings : Spoilers for Aventurine's backstory! It's just references, but maybe some people haven't played the quest yet, you never know lol ; Also intrusive thoughts?? Perhaps?? I'm not sure tbh

Genre : Hurt/Comfort??? Sorta??? ; x reader fic

Word count : 1.2k yoohoo

Notes : I haven't written a fic in more than a year... Forgive me if I'm rusty, but I just love this man so much ugh. Might make a part two from reader's pov this time because I've got lots of ideas!! Do give me advice if you think I should improve some stuff!! You can also request something if you like my writing <3

Even when he steps foot in the comfort of his home, the knot settled in his throat does not go away. Worse, when he inhales the smell of spices, it chokes him even more. (He wonders if you thought about him when cooking, and the idea of him lingering on your mind for longer than he should makes him want to cry.) He removes his coat, trying his best to think about something else as he hears your footsteps approaching. (Are you finally going to yell at him and push him away today?)

“Welcome back, ‘rine.”

Luckily, you greet him when he’s still removing his shoes, giving him enough time to build his composure back up. (How could he face you otherwise?) When he stands back up and meets your eyes, he is once again reminded of exactly why he is so drawn to you. (He knows it’s wrong, but he is helpless against it. Like a moth attracted to a flame, he can’t help but want to stay in your light for a little longer still.)

“It’s good to be back home.” (“I missed you.” he wants to say, but he can’t afford getting too attached to you, just like it’s not good for you to get too close to him.)

He wants to take a step forward, wants to fall into your arms and hide away from everyone and everything else ; but his feet are glued in place, and the weight in his chest is heavier than ever. His throat feels dry, his palms are sweaty, and for a split second he worries that you’ll start asking questions, that you’ll worry, that you’ll take his face in your hands and envelop him in your embrace, wrap him in a soft cocoon of gentleness and care and everything else that he doesn’t deserve. (Has the air always been so suffocating?)

He jumps as the sound of an alarm resonates through the air. He watches you scurry off to the kitchen and exhales a sigh of relief. (Did you notice how he almost lost himself just now? Did you see him bare, his soul completely exposed as his own body failed to obey him? Or did he successfully manage to trick you once more, just as he does with everyone else? He doesn’t know what he prefers.) He steps forward, inhaling once more. The scent of a foreign spice tickles his senses, and the name of it sits on the tip of his tongue, present but not fully here, an image and a distant memory.

It’s only at dinner, when he takes a bite of the food you’ve made, (The voice in the back of his head tells him he doesn’t deserve it, but he would hate to see you upset.) that he recognises it, the name shining bright like a lightbulb in his mind, a single piece of thread that he’s managed to get a hold of. He opens his mouth to tell you, but the silence in the room shuts him up. No words fill up the space, and he finds the quiet unsettling, cold, a shiver running down his spine at the thought. But most of all, he is worried about you. Why aren’t you saying anything? You usually tell him all about your day, about the things you’ve seen, about the plans you’ve made with other people, so why is today different? (Can you no longer bear to entertain him now that you’ve seen how ugly he is on the inside? Have you had enough of his theatrics, of his games, of him? He tells himself that he won’t stop you if you leave, but he knows he will always wake up in the morning thinking you’re still by his side.)

He finally dares looking up at you, worried that he’ll find your seat empty. Maybe you were never there to begin with, maybe you’ve already left long ago? Maybe he’s grown so attached to your love that he imagines you greeting him every day, feeding him every day, holding him every day. Maybe the house is so cold because you’re simply no longer there, because he can’t bask in your light anymore. (It’s just what he deserves, so he shouldn’t complain. He’s always been too selfish with you, after all. Always about taking, never about giving, because he can’t afford to show all of his cards, even with you.)

“What are you thinking about, ‘rine?”

Your voice snaps him out of his daze. The first thing that invades his mind is the fact that you’re here. He suddenly feels warm all over, like his heart is being cradled by gentle arms, like his soul is being taken care of by a kind gaze. (Did Kakavasha feel like that, too? Was it when his sister held his hand, when his mother kissed him on the forehead for the first time?) This time, he can’t prevent his real thoughts from tumbling out of his lips.

“You.”

The expression that graces your face rivals even the Mother Goddess’ blessings, he thinks. As if his word was a prayer, you light up even more than before, gently coating him in your warmth. (How did he even manage to find someone like you?) You smile at him so openly, so genuinely, like you’re not afraid to show him what you feel ; and every time, he falls for it, for you, even harder than he should. You reach for his left hand, and he hopes you don’t feel how his pulse is fluttering under his skin, how his heart is racing just by being in your presence. He loves you. Even if it’s dangerous, even if you leave him, even if he hurts you. Right now, he loves you, and it’s as sickening as it’s sweet, sticking to his lungs like golden honey. 

That night, he watches as the moon traces a serpentine path of light on your skin. You’re talking to him, keeping him company as he ties all the strings of sleep together slowly. You still hold his hand in yours, and despite having long since removed his gloves, he can’t get enough of your touch. Even now, you look at him in that special way, with that gaze only reserved for him, and yet he doesn’t recognise the emotion that lingers in it. He doesn’t have time to think too much about it either, because exhaustion is dragging him down. Like an anchor, it pulls at his feet, forces him down in the dark even if he hates it. He squeezes your hand tighter, a desperate attempt to stay afloat, but he’s already too far gone in the depths, your image only a distorted reflection above the water. If he doesn’t come back from there, he’ll at least imprint all of the details of your face in his mind one last time.

Even while he sleeps, you don’t let him go. You hold him close, look at the way his features relax. You gaze at him with an adoration he never notices, doesn’t want to see. Words scratch at his walls, make him feel vulnerable, tear him apart from the inside out, so you never use them. You only hold his hand and lead him somewhere else, so that even if he is lost, he doesn’t have to look far to find his way home again.

#aventurine honkai star rail #aventurine x reader #hsr aventurine #honkai star rail x reader #honkai star rail #star rail aventurine

[carionto]

See, we got this... inclination

The Galactic Coalition is no stranger to war. Every sapient race has a history filled with external conflict, and most with some internal strife as well. Even now, the Coalition is in a stalemate with the United Federation on the North-Western arm of the Galaxy, a recently cooled hot war over what the Federation call foreign meddling in internal affairs, while the Coalition claim is an abusive contractual effective enslavement of a pre-stellar civilization, which goes against the Coalition's Ethics Directorate For All Sapient Encounters.

The Humans, who managed to learn of this on their own, sparking a hushed debate about their espionage capabilities, wanted to send their own delegation to the established Neutral Zone to speak with the Federation. As a party to the Coalition governing body, they have free reign to make contact with anyone on their own terms, with the understanding such individual activity will not represent the Coalition itself.

It did not take long for the Humans to reach back to us with an inquiry:

"So like, this might just be us, but these fellas are giving us some nasty fascist vibes, ya feel me? Maybe we're wrong (though we do got a lot of experience with that), but have a look at this data we've gathered so far."

What we saw were shockingly detailed and up-close images of clearly Federation design medical and emergency disaster relief encampments. A baffling number in fact, but technically nothing that would indicate wrongful action or intent. But there were a lot of them all across the planet.

"Yeah, we only got data from right now, so do you got info on this planet and it's folk from earlier? My gut, and all these shuttles full of some kinda cargo we can't scan hyperin' away, is telling me that it's not gonna match well."

The Human, or his... gut?... (we'll have to ask them to elaborate, we thought they only had one mind?) is correct, startlingly so. We informed the Human the atmosphere was far thinner than it was merely 40 years ago, containing a third less Nitrogen and almost no trace gasses at all, save for CO2, which was at nominal levels, but the planet used to have an abundance of Helium, now almost entirely gone. If further investigation corroborates this, and perhaps other inconsistencies, this will be cause for a full open investigation and possible sanctions!

"So... can we fight them?"

The Human's question startled us from our anger, now replaced with confusion and worry. Humanity boasted the most powerful fleet in Coalition space, there was no question about it, but they are still only a singular planet with some specialist stations dotted around local space, while the Federation was composed of dozens of races across thousands of planets in a very efficient hierarchical structure, plus the true strength of their military was unknown.

This is a delicate matter and we need them to not act rashly. We have learned, however, that outright denying Humans anything leads them to desire it more, so we must adopt a new approach to each situation we wish the Humans to... not take the initiative on.

Offering the delegation leader command of our own covert investigation units, and requesting he withdraw his ships to act as emergency response and intervention forces in the area seemed to please him. He had an important task to do, and his crew busied themselves preparing for a variety of possibilities, thus making the Humans feel both needed and engaged in productive activity, preventing them from escalating the situation. For now.

We really hope this "gut" will not cause rash action.

#humans are deathworlders #humans are space oddities #humans are space australians #humanity fuck yeah #humans are space orcs #carionto #humans are crazy

[astrojulia]

Navigation:   Masterlist✦Dividers✦Feedback Tips

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DISCLAIMER. These general free readings are made in good faith for entertainment purpose. I may have missed a he/she instead of them in the translation.

How to pick a pile

The pick a pile order is Pile 1 - Pile 2 - Pile 3. When you have different cards to choose from in pile 1,2,3… look at each of those cards. Wait until someone reminds you of a memory. Perhaps a character’s outfit resembles one of your own. It is this pile that has its message. What if they all remind me of something? Go for the one with the strongest memory, one might look like her earring but another might be the favorite candy you got from your grandma when you vacationed at her house. But what if none reminds me of something? Take a deep breath and wait a little longer, without charging yourself or creating worries. Relax, some will awaken some memory in you, I promise!

Pile 1 - Kuromi

(Three of Wands - The Fool - The Dream - Terra - Uranus - Taurus)

Great news! You're traveling abroad! However, there's a slight catch: your future spouse is a foreigner. But don't worry; you still haven't met your future spouse (FS) since you're currently in the same place. Once you embark on your journey to explore other cultures, you'll get the chance to meet them. I say "other cultures" because it might not necessarily involve traveling to a different continent; sometimes, even within the same country (like Brazil, which is vast and has distinct regions like the North and South), you can encounter diverse cultures.

So, during this trip abroad, whether it's for work or vacation, you might cross paths with your Future Spouse.When you meet them, you will be in a moment of happiness and expansion and it will be difficult for you to have to stay in one place to maintain a relationship and this feeling will cause you distress. It will be a time of many things to be done at the same time if you want to have it all.

Some potential signs to look out for are: Sun, Ascendant, or Venus in Aquarius or Taurus; a dominant Earth influence (Capricorn, Taurus, Virgo); or a strong 11th house stellium.

Safe travels, and may you find happiness and love on your journey!

Pile 2 - Pompompurin

(Four of Cups - Judgement - The Shield - Saturn - Mars - 2nd house)

You have not yet met your future spouse, and until you find that person, it requires a long journey of self-development and meditation to ponder, "Who do I really want as my partner? Am I asking for too much or too little?" Defining a path regarding the kind of people you want to involve yourself with and identifying the values you cannot compromise on is crucial. Consider this because you may encounter individuals who do not share the same values, resulting in a problematic relationship.

What are your dreams and goals, and how far are you willing to go to achieve them? Would your future spouse need to be someone who accompanies you on your journey, or would they be someone who knows how to lead their own life independently? Reflect on how complex it is to envision the type of person we desire to have in our life; taking the time to think about it is necessary.

Give some thought to the specific traits you truly seek in a life partner. As you continue your search, be aware that some possible signs of your future spouse could include: Sun, Ascendant, or Venus in Aries, Capricorn, or Aquarius; Mars aspecting Saturn; or a stellium in the 2nd, 6th, or 10th house.

Keep in mind that finding the right person may take time, but it's a journey worth investing in to build a fulfilling and harmonious relationship.

Pile 3 - Sweet Piano

(The Lovers - Seven of Swords - The Windy - Libra - 6th house - 1st house)

I'm not sure if you're currently in this situation or if you might encounter it in the future, but it seems that your future spouse could be someone you have feelings for, yet they are currently in a relationship with someone else. It can be disheartening to find yourself attracted to someone who is already committed, as it may feel like they are constantly taking away your chance at love. It's frustrating to think that just when you find the right person, they are already involved with someone else.

However, it's essential to handle this situation with integrity and respect for their current relationship. I advise against attempting to make them cheat on their partner or making inappropriate advances. It's crucial to honor their commitment and not disrupt their existing relationship.

Instead, be helpful and supportive when they ask for assistance, but refrain from being overly flirtatious. Provide your help sincerely and discreetly, then focus on your own life. To make a strong connection with this person in the future, you need to work on self-improvement. This includes how you present yourself to the world, such as taking care of your appearance and pursuing personal growth and accomplishments, such as education and career development.

Potential signs of your future spouse may include: Sun, Ascendant, or Venus in Libra; a stellium in the 1st or 6th house; or having a dominant Air influence (Gemini, Aquarius, Libra).

Remember, focusing on self-improvement and respecting others' relationships will create a positive foundation for your future and potential connections. Love and relationships take time and effort, so continue working on becoming the best version of yourself.

(CC) AstroJulia Some Rights Reserved

#i only made this pick a pile because i made one for soul mate and i wasn't talking about love and everybody reads just for love #LOL #astrojulia #astrology #witchblr #astroblr #astro community #witch community #pick a pile #pick a card #divination #tarot reading #tarot readers of tumblr #free reading

[genyawritesshizz]

Zuko x Reader part 2

Warning: depression, anxiety attacks, disassociation, identity crisis, brief sexual content, gore, mentions of death.

Mostly character bonding

Low key rushed this because I had so many ideas. Part 3?

Part 1: https://caitbuggie.tumblr.com/post/681902856754921472/zuko-x-reader

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“Zuko! Come on! Hurry up!” The two lovers ran recklessly through the palace corridor. Unfazed by the questionable stares they received from the guards.

Zuko was the Firelord, who would dare defy him and his lady!

“Hold your ostrichhorses (y/n)!” He made a mad dash to try and keep up with you.

He inevitably failed.

With heaving breath he had finally caught you.

You sat cris cross infront of Zukos favorite spot in the entire palace grounds, the turtleduck pond.

The beautiful first morning lightly cascaded over your form. Your long hair was down and loosely flowed over the red robes your wore, a Fire Nation insignia branded the back.

“Aren’t they cute!” You looked over your shoulder with the most beautiful face.

A face he could never forget.

A face Zuko had etched into his memory.

Your eyes scrunched up around the corners from the magnitude of your toothy smile, and a light dusting of blush over your cheeks made the Firelords heart thump wildly.

The spitting image beauty to him.

He couldn’t help but mirror your happiness.

Zuko took a seat on the grass next to you. An arm instinctively wrapped around your waist bringing you in close to his body. You took the hint and laid on your dear husbands lap. Head resting gently on the royal robes.

The golden details of the elegant fabrics shimmered.

Zuko sighed happily.

This was perfect.

It was all he could ever ask for. He had his throne, his nation, his honor, and you.

His hand began mindlessly twirling around a few pieces of you hair until..

something poked his finger within your locks.

Grabbing the tiny foreign object, he brought it up to his face for inspection.

He felt goosebumps race up his arms.

It was a green crystal fragment. It’s alluring green hues dazzled carelessly within his fingers.

So tiny yet to sharp.

“Lord Zuko.” He turned his gaze away from the small object and back to you. Your face still gazed out to the pound and hidden under your hair.

Though, no turtleducks where to be found.

“Why?”

“Why what my love?“ Zuko, still hopelessly devoted to making this moment last, refused to acknowledge the tremor in his own voice. 

Wet.

Something was wet in his lap.

He felt the drops of unknown substance drip and trickle across his thighs.

It was hot and sticky.

His body went rigid.

“Why did you do this to me?” Your body jumped forward a bit as you coughed out the words.

The wetness in his lap grew tenfold. Enough for him to finally see it.

It leached out and around your bodies.

Blood.

It was everywhere.

A storm began brewing on the horizon.

The peaceful morning air now bitter.

“(Y/n)! What happened? What’s going on?” He tried to push himself up but, his body was frozen in place.

Not even his hands would cooperate.

Your body rolled over against him.

You looked up.

Immediately the nauseating sickness he felt back in Ba Sing Sa returned the moment he dared look down to you.

“Why did..you… d.o… th..is. To… me?” Blood splattered against his face as you hacked the words out.

It was everywhere. His clothes. His hands. His face.

Everywhere.

No matter where he looked your blood seemed to encase him.

“I didn’t mean to!” He once again tried to move but still to no avail.

“I never mean to hurt you (y/n)!”

Zuko broke down. Sobs and pleads for you to stop wailed out from his pathetic form.

“Th.ou..g.h..t… you. Lo..v.ed… me”

Your body slipped out his lap. Making a deep thunk as it sank into the pond.

Zuko was quick to try and follow having regained control of his limbs.

He reached for you.

Diving head first into the pond for you.

Reaching around endlessly for you his hands grasped nothing.

Swimming deeper and deeper into the now endless pool he desperately needed to find you.

“Just let go Zuko.”

“Just let me go.”

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Zuko shot up from his bed. Thick beads of sweat trickled down his forehead. His breaths labored and heavy.

It was a dream.

None of that was real. He almost sighed out in relief before reality set in. Yes, it was a dream but it didn’t change the facts. The fact was he had inadvertently killed you during the battle of Ba Sing Sa.

And that was that. He had to move on. Yet his subconscious constantly reminded himself of you. Everywhere he looked he found things that reminded him of you. Even when he was with Mai he often found himself wondering how you would react. Would you say you hated orange too? What was you opinion on the color?

‘why does it matter?!’ He constantly thought to himself. He can’t change what happened so he should just be happy! He should just accept Mai! He should just… just forget you..

But how could he? How could he after everything you two did together. After he confessed he loved you…

“The fall of Ba Sing Sa will go in history as one of the Fire Nations greatest achievements! It must be memorialize!” Zuko, Azula, and their father all sat within the throne room. Hearing the rather boring words of the advisor. Zuko would rather be literally be anywhere but here. Azula on the other hand smiled.

“I agree.” Ozia declared that his children deserved a painting of their great achievement to be hung in the palace.

He arranged for only the finest artists from around the nations to serve this order. Leaving it up to them to pick a painter of course. He had other things to do then browse art.

“This is literally the most boring thing. Isn’t there better things we could be doing with our time?” Zuko complained as the siblings where palanquined to the artists meeting point.

“Oh ZuZu Mai really has rubbed off on you already hasn’t she?” The comment should have made him happy at the mention of his girlfriends name but the memory of the dream he has a few night back reared it’s ugly head again. “Relax, it’s just a painting. I for one love having my portrait taken. It’s rather empowering. But I suppose you wouldn’t know that would you? You haven’t had a painting since we where kids!” Azula laughed. Zuko didn’t respond instead he sneered and grumbled angrily at her rude comment.

He just wanted to hurry up and pick someone just to get this over with.

“Welcome Princess Azula and Prince Zuko to the art gallery. We have gathered the finest artists to capture this momentous occasion! Please feel free to browse the works and choose which stand out to you the most!” The hostess of the gallery announced their arrival. Zuko tried to not roll his eyes. He had missed his home and the royal treatment but had forgotten how utterly annoying it could be at times.

“Let’s just get this over with” he huffed under his breath.

The two descended down the rows of various art works. Zukos eyes flitted from picture to picture.

“What is that supposed to be?”

“Your highness it is abstract art. It does not have a definitive meaning.” Nope.

Zuko had detached from Azula to browse at his own speed.

To colorful, to dull, to boring, to loud. Not a single artists work stood out to him until his eyes landed on a single piece of paper on a table. Walking to the pitifully small booth Zuko took a closer look at it.

He felt his heart fall through his stomach.

The feeling he had of recognition back in the tea shop when he finally saw you again flashed through his eyes.

Depicted in harsh charcoals was the face of a women. She wore a hood over he head which shaded the entirety of the back ground black but her face about leapt off the paper at him. One side of her face was pristine, only a few hairs where drawn over on her face, the skin smooth and texture free. But the other had a bandage over her eye that wrapped around her head. From under the bandage a rigged cut dragged from her forehead to her chin. Another larger bandage wrapped around her neck, covering it in its entirety. The same place he had…

The face struck a cord deep within Zuko.

Maybe it was just his wild imagination again, but it kind of looked like you…

From the eyes to the nose to the way your hair used to fall around your face it matched…

Except this woman’s hair looked ragged. Her one visible eyebrow was slightly downturned causing small wrinkles on her forehead. The most striking detail that differentiated you two was the lack of emotion on her face. She looked cold and empty.

Of course this could all be something the artist added! Yes, that’s it. This whole piece just happened to look like you. It’s just his mind playing tricks on him!… but maybe it-

“Who is this supposed to be?” He thought out loud before his brain could even register that he had said it. A small old man quickly grabbed the paper from the table.

“Oh, apologies my Prince! I did not mean to leave that out. Forgive me for the misplacement.” The man bowed before quickly tucking away the drawing. This greatly angered Zuko, his conscious demanded to see it again.

“Answer the question. Who is that?” Zukos temper started to flare at the lack of an answer. The artist was very confused and scared as to why the prince was so interested in this mere sketch.

“I’m not sure my Prince… I simply saw the lady at a market when I visited the colonies. Her striking appearance perplexed me so I just quickly sketched that. It’s not at all on par with some of my others work I-”

“I’ve heard enough. Give it to me.” The man’s eyes widened and mouth dropped in shock. The Fire nation prince wanted his drawing?

“Of course” reluctantly he took the drawing back out and gave it to Zuko. Truth be told the man loved that drawing. The women was truly beautiful to him even with the horrible injuries she had. He suspected she was a victim of the war. Those terrible earth benders where such brutes! But a diamond in the rough like you still could show through! He was disheartened to see it go but at least it went to the royal family.

“Zuko, I’ve already picked an artist let’s go!”

He stuffed the drawing in his robe before his sister could spy it.

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“Prince Zuko, the palanquin is here to escort you.” Perhaps this forced trip to ember island could help him forget. Yes, he’s unbelievable annoyed at his father forcibly subjecting them to a ‘vacation’ but Zuko was sure this would help.

Besides if it got him out of standing still with Azula by his side for hours while someone painted him he’d do anything.

The boat docked. Lo and Li awaited their arrival. Both dressed for the warm weather in comparison to the groups heavily layered robes.

“Welcome to ember island kids.”

Unfortunately for the group and Zukos mural they where forced to stay in a rather small beach house decorated in the tackiest of floral decor and recked of stale perfume.

Would you like the decor? Probably not it was hideous and- he was doing it again.

“We know that you are all upset that you where forced to come here this weekend. But ember island is a magical place. Keep an open mind. Give it a chance. And it can help you understand yourself and eachother. The beach had a special way of smoothing even the most ragged edges.” Li and Lo trailed off with each sentence.

As a child Zuko remembered this place always calmed his nerves. So maybe this would be fine. His calm train of though came barreling down the tracks and smacking into a brick wall the second the to old ladies removed their robes. Show casing the saggiest of sag.

He tried not to gag.

“Time to hit the beach!”

Zuko stuck to Mai like a leach. Absolutely needing to be in her space at all times. Something inside him demanded he do it.

Though unfortunately for the Prince he wasn’t used to being around Mai’s drab and uncaring personality. He was used to how curious and happy go lucky you had been.

He was internally screaming at himself to try harder. Zuko needed things with Mai to work if he ever had hopes of moving on.

But, when he tried to do nice things for Mai he ultimately failed. Mai wasn’t into sea shells or ice cream, in fact she scoffed at them.

Those where all things he figured you would like.

A game of volleyball finally got him out of his head. To the dismay of his opponents. Azulas team to put it lightly whipped the floor with them. The game ended once the net caught fire. It was a good stress reliever but nothing compared to the things you did together… and yep, he’s thinking about you yet again.

Great now he’s acting like some horny teenager who saw boobs for the first and now has a boner at the beach.

Fucking hell.

“We’ve been invited to a party!” Azula announced triumphantly.

Even better.

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“(Y/n) are you there? (Y/n)!” Your eyes ever so slightly creaked open to searched for the voice which called out to you. Only finding an endless sea of darkness. Something covered your eyes. What’s going on? Did someone kidnap you? Are you being held hostage by the fire nation?

Though you couldn’t see them, you could sense that they where right in front of you. Their shaky hands clasped tightly onto yours. You opened your mouth to speak but nothing came out. You tried again but felt an unimaginable pain in your throat.

You tried to thrash around to escape their hold but… your body didn’t listen.

You began to panic.

Somethings terribly wrong. You can’t see who has taken you. You can’t yell for help. Even your own body wasn’t cooperating.

What is going on??

Your breathing began to quicken at an alarming rate as a panic attack began to sink in.

“Don’t try to talk, you could open your stitches! Please calm down (y/n)!” Their grip on your hands tightened.

‘Let go!’ You wanted to scream but still nothing.

‘Where am I?’

‘Who are you?’

‘What do you want from me!’

‘wh-‘

“It’s just me (y/n), it’s Katara, please calm down.”

Katara? Katara of the water tribe? What is she doing here? Why has she blindfolded you?

A warm hand smoothed itself over your right cheek. Immediately you began calming down. Her thumb gently brushed over you cheek.

“It’s going to be okay.”

The road to recovery was long and strenuous. Katara had to help you do even the most basic of tasks. You couldn’t even feed yourself,dress yourself, hell even the first two days you where awake she had to feed you. If you could even call what she gave you food. It was puréed mush that somehow still managed to burn swallowing.

Your body was simply to weak to move much.

Confined to a bed for a week with nothing but an head full of questions that you could never ask, sucked.

“What would you like to wear today (y/n)? Theres this dress or this shirt with these pants?” Katara the mothering soul held up the two options for you to choose from. Though you didn’t care.

Since finally coming back to reality you found it hard to properly express yourself or express yourself at all really. The once overjoyed and enthusiastic young lady you once where seemed to vanish. Even after Katara removed most of your facial bandaging you still couldn’t find it in you to try and smile. You pointed haphazardly at the dress.

“Do you want to try and put it on or would you like me to?” You shook your head no. It’s a simple dress all you have to do it slip it on over your shoulders…. Easier said than done. You found yourself entangled in the fabric, laying on the ground sobbing with sore arms and a reopened cut on your face.

Weak. You’re so unbelievably weak.

Even through constant physical therapy, hours of water bending healing and pep talks with Sokka you still weren’t better. The worst part of it all was you had no idea why.

It felt like there was a blockage in your mind.

Like the last few prices of the puzzle where missing yet no matter where you searched within yourself, you still couldn’t find them.

What happened to you?

All you remember was traveling to Ba Sing Se with the gAang to speak with the earth king, find appa, and find Aang and earth bending master.

It’s been a week and a half since you awoken. Progress was minimal.

“You’re making great progress (y/n)! Here try and lift this.” Katara sat a small bag of fruit on the table before you. It couldn’t have weighed more than a pound or two. Dropping the single orange she’d originally gave you, you tried to pick up the bag. Forcing every ounce of will power you had into your appendages you tried desperately, but the bag didn’t budge. Your arms started shacking uncontrollably. Electric pain shot through them and you immediately let go.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry that was to much! Here”

More water bending healing…

“Hey Katara, is it just me or is (y/n) uhh… not all there?” Katara slapped the back of Sokkas thick skull. But quickly calmed down upon realize that the question was not meant as a joke but one of genuine concern. “Ouch! Hey all im saying is she just ya know… acting strange. I was just wondering if shes okay.”

“I’m not really sure… but I’m also not sure if this is just normal considering she…" The young water tribe women trailed off her sentence with words unsaid her her brother could hear the loud and clear. Bringing her in for a hug he reassured her she was doing the best she could and that

“I’m sure she’ll snap out of it! Just give it time.”

Though your cuts and gashes have healed (except the humongous one on your neck) she still tried.

What is wrong with you is not your physical body. It’s your mind.

Instead of a cut on your body , there’s a cut inside the fabric of your mind. It’s something only you can heal. Until you do, you’ll never regain your strength.

“Okay (y/n)! That’s enough for today! Let’s take a quick shower and head to bed!” Katara helped you up and allowed you to walk by yourself to the bathroom. “Do you want to try bathing yourself or would you like for me to help you?” That’s a strong no thank you. She’d been doing it all week and it made you insanely uncomfortable. “Okay, well if you need me I’ll be right out here. Oh and try not to get your bandages wet! I’ll change those later!”

Something that always irked you about this bathroom was the fact that the sinks mirror was covered. Draped over the large reflective piece was a black blanket. You always thought it rather strange. Well since Kataras not in here you might as well take a peek. Couldn’t hurt to just take a little look.

You hadn’t seen yourself in… well you can’t actually remember. But, you desperately needed to. Something deep within your subconscious called out to you to look.

Placing both hands on the fabric you pulled with all your might. Straining to your fullest extent you managed to slip the blanket off….

Who…

Who is that?

Who is that supposed to be?

Staring back at you was a women you didn’t recognize.

The person in the reflection copied your movements.. Even their breathing was in sync with you own.

Your mind refused to acknowledge that this was in fact, you.

‘Who are you!?’

‘What are you doing here?’…

Slowly the wheels began to turn within your consciousness.

‘This can’t be me. This women is… scary.’

In an instant your clothes became to hot to bare any longer. Ripping them off in a heap on the floor you kept an unwavering stare at the person in the mirror. Watching in horror as she copied.

Soon you stood bare before her. Bandages forgotten, having fallen off with the haste to remove your clothing.

She looked even scarier without them.

The women was bone thin. Ribs protruded under her breast. Her hipbones jetted out in a sickly manner.

Her face…

She had two large cuts on her otherwise pristine skin. Though, one stuck out to you the most. The crisp line on her left side spanned from her forehead to her chin. Split through her eyebrow, eye and lips but stopped just under her chin. It still glowed vibrant red, signaling the scar was still fresh. The eye under the scar was white and cloudy. It reminded you of Tophs eyes. Blinded.

With a shaky hand you found the way to your own face. A broken gasp spilled out at the feeling of a deep ridge on your forehead. Following it down past your eye, past the lips and stopped at your chin… the women in the mirror copied.

‘This can’t be…’ once your hand reached your chin you felt down your neck but immediately halted. Lifting your chin slightly you saw the women had a horrendous looking wound on her neck. Deep red and purple skin lined all around her throat. Deep bruising. Skin still trying to reconnect together in a scab.

You once again brought a hand up to touch your own body. Electric danced across your fingers at the rugged feeling the skin left. She again copied, touching her own neck. When you pulled your fingers back so did she. Though when you finally tore your gaze away from her to your hand your heart sunk. On the tips of your figured where both dried and fresh specks of blood. Turning back to the mirror you turned your palm to her.

Both of you had blood on your fingers. You both have the same neck wound, the same cut face the same movements the same breathing pattern… she is you.

You’re a monster.

Why did this happen to me? What happened to me? Why-

“I love you too!” A voice flashed through your head. It was of a man you knew all to well. Zuko. Oh your lovely Zuko! You missed him so m- “You don’t understand! You never have!” Images flashed through your mind at an alarming rate. No single moment lasted as it blurred with another. You’re in his arms he’s holding you tight.. you’re in a a cave? There’s fighting.. you’re fighting him? And he… he..

In Ba Sing Se you had found Zuko again and he… he did this to you.

“He.. did this to me?” You had finally found the missing pieces. You felt in complete control again. You’re strength returned yet all you could feel was pure unadulterated…

Rage.

Your body began to shake. Tears pooled around your eyes.

“How could he!” You screamed in an instant the mirror was shattered under your fist. The door do the bathroom busted open Katara quickly pushed her way in and to your seething form.

“(Y/n)? What happened?” She tried to grab your hands but you took a feed steps back until you felt the corner of the room. “What’s going on?”

“He did this to me… HE DID THIS TO ME!” You sobbed out not caring about the pain in your throat. The pain in your heart was ten times greater. Kataras eyebrows furrowed. She herself felt tears wailing in her eyes.

Not even the voice that you called out with sounded like you.

“I’m sorry (y/n)” she tried to bring you in for a hug, instinctually you stumbled further into the corner. Falling down in a scrambled heap on the floor.

“No! Don’t touch me!” at this point you could taste the metallic sting of blood on your tongue. Shocked but understanding Katara sat down infront of you broken body.

Tears created a landslide down your face. There where so many emotions running through your poor mind.

Anger, fear, disgust, panic, heartbreak, betrayal, but most of all..

You felt disgusting. Absolutely vial in your own skin.

“I’m so sorry (y/n)”

.

.

.

The night after your break down Aang had finally woken up. He immediately rushed to your side asking a borage of questions to which he got no response. The young avatar is very confused as to what was wrong.

“Aang can we talk for a second.” Sokka pulled him away from your side and took Aang a few feet away.

“What’s wrong with her Sokka? She won’t answer any of my questions! I just wanted to ask if she-” Sokka silenced him with a shushing motions.

“Look I’m not exactly sure what’s going on but she’s in a very fragile place right now. I think it’s best we just leave her alone.”

Leave her alone? Why? It seems like you need Aangs help right now more than ever! It was his job as the Avatar to help people and you certainly needed help! Already seeing the defiance in Aangs eyes Sokka sighed in defeat.

“Just be careful with her.”

Toph had been over the moon to teach you metal bending. Though it had to be through supervised training. Katara nagging her that she’s being to harsh on you.

“Look princess you need to lay off and let me do my thing! (Y/n) is getting it! She’s doing just fine with my teaching!”

“You’re going to re-open her wounds! She’s going to pass out! She isn’t strong enough to do this yet! She needs bed rest!” With a neutral expression you turned to Katara who still spouted excuses as to why this was a horrible idea. You simply shook your head ‘no’. This shut her up. You haven’t been communicating very much with anyone so the few thing you did to meant a lot.

You refused to speak even after regaining your voice. It was simply to painful. When the crystal slashed your throat it also sliced through you vocal cords. Leaving a gruffer and deeper voice left.

You despised it.

‘Just another thing he’s taken from me’

Your once overjoyed and friendly demeanor vaporized under a stone cold disguise.

“Are you sure you’re ready for this?” You nodded ‘yes’. “Okay… just please be careful.”

Careful? That was the last thing on your mind right now.

A few days after your self realization you began your journey of long and treacherous training.

Aside from the metal bending you trained in secret. Which Katara only allowed you to bend the basic of the basics. One sheet of metal, learning to sense the movements of everything around you, and just generally improving the skills you already had.

You where on a mission. You needed to become stronger.

Something in your brain flipped that night. While you where curled in on yourself on that cold bathroom floor falling apart, you made the decision to never let anyone hurt you like that. Never again.

It didn’t matter how much it ached or hurt or how long it was going to take you where going to get stronger.

.

One night while secretly training you failed to notice a certain young air bender slip in.

Sweat beaded down your body. Harsh breaths shuttered with each sit up.

‘More more more, must get stronger’ you thought pushing yourself further.

Aang watched from the doorway amazed. During the day you seemed as fragile as a flower. Incapable of hurting even a fly but now… you looked unrecognizable to your friend. Layers of muscle flexed with each movement you made. You looked like you could punch through steal. He honestly didn’t know if he should be awed or terrified. The last time he saw you in action you where a semi decent earth bender and struggled to even do a set of push-ups…

“Definitely wouldn’t wanna challenge you to an arm wrestling match.” He joked you immediately hauled your set. You began to panic a bit. What if he rats you out to Katara? She would he furious!

“Mind if I join? I could use some exercise.” You said nothing. Watching as Aang laid on the floor beside you and began his own set of crunches. The two of you worked in silence for a good five minutes before Aangs broke the silence again.

“So back in Ba Sing Sa…” you felt a chill run down your spine at the meer mention of the place.

Everyone around you where walking on eggshells to avoid saying anything of about it. Afraid you’d have another metal break down but Aang… he needed to know.

You looked at him. Starring deep into his eyes.

“I thought… I thought Zuko killed you.” It was one thing to hear yourself say it but a completely different beast hearing it from your dear friend. The tears in his eyes, the scrunched up eyes brows, the tremor in his hands…

Though emotionless you wept. Tears flowed through a blank face. Inside you where hurting but the outside would never change. You refused to be physically weak but your mental state was in shambles. You cried together.

Aang hugged you. You didn’t return it but he understood.

“I’m so thankful you’re alive.”

.

.

.

“He thinks he’s so great.” Zuko huffed walking through the main room at the supposed ‘party’ Azula had dragged them to. “Well, what do you think of him?” Once again getting his hopes up that he’d get an emotional response of Mai doting over him he was greatly disappointed when all she said was No. That’s not an answer the praise centric Prince needed to rest his mind.

The rest of the party sucked. Horribly.

Tylee ended up crying because Azula hurt her feelings. Azula ended up upset because she didn’t have basic human interaction skills. Zuko ended up pissed because Mai wasn’t affectionate enough. And Mai was upset because Zuko was pouting.

Yeah, welcome to Ember Island. Have a great vacation.

Gathered around a campfire that Zuko made to burn away his troubles they all confess their traumas. Though Zuko keeps his biggest grief to himself.

Yes this was a bonding experience and yes it meant a lot to him, to all of them. Finally letting some of his pent up rage out filled him with relief, but he could never let them know. What you two had died with you on that cold cave floor in Ba Sing Sa.

“Go to bed.” Everyone else slept peacefully except Zuko and now Mai. Turning from the balcony he let Mai lead him to their shared room.

When Mai kissed him he closed his eyes and drowned in it. When their clothes met the floor he tried to ignore it. When she made her way down his body he hated it. When she finally reached his cock he realized it.

“Is something wrong?” Finally opening his eyes again he looked down to Mai who held his soft cock in her hand.

He’s not hard…. Why isn’t he hard? He just made out with his girlfriend! He should be solid!

“Uh… I” he focused on it, concentrated on how amazing it would feel to lay with Mai but… all he can think about is…

You.

Oh god he’s not getting hard. No…he doesn’t feel horny he feels like he’s…

about to cry.

“Whatever.” Mai quickly got up and threw her clothing back on. He didn’t even make an effort to stop her from leaving. Feeling hot water run down his face he realizes he’s balling.

He hasn’t cried since that night on the mountain when lightning wouldn’t strike him. Now he’s naked and crying in his families beach house after cockblocking his girlfriend.

Standing up not caring about his nude he made his way to his bag. Inside he had stuffed the drawing. On impulse he had brought it. He never thought he’d actually take it out but he felt as if he had to.

Shaking finger lightly traced traced around the lines of her face. Carful not to smidge the charcoal. His mind remembered to the times he did this to you. How soft your skin was, how giggly it made you, how you melted under his touch.

The longer he thought of it the harder he cried. He missed you.

He regrets his decision.

He regrets hurting you.

He regrets taking you away.

Tears hit the paper as it began to crinkle under his tightening hand.

If you could see him now you’d think he was pathetic.

He’d give anything to go back. To touch you one last time. To see you smile one last time. To hold you one last time. To never let go.

.

A quick supply pick up before the invasion in a small fire nation colony couldn’t hurt right. Get some fresh air, stretch your legs a bit, set food on solid ground, it’ll be fine!

Oh how wrong they all where.

Katara still had you wearing bandages over your eye and neck to ensure they healed properly. I’m doing so it made you stick out even more. It’s bad enough to have such horrible scarring but with the added fixtures you where quiet the spectacle.

“Hey (y/n) do you mind staying here for a bit while I grab some more food? I want to make sure we have enough for when we go!” Katara held a small basket in her hands happily walking around the small market. You on the other hand felt angry and scared. You could feel the shop keepers eyes studying you.

“Pour thing, probably attacked by those horrible earth benders!” one whispered the other shook their head.

“No! Look at the way their dress! Probably a thug! Watch your shit they might steal!” He side eyed you. You had tried to hide under a thick cloak and hood but it obviously didn’t work out well.

A few children ran by laughing and playing, until one accidentally bumped into you. Landing flat on their butt on the dirt beside your leg he looked up at you. His eyes immediately widened and he screamed.

“Monster!” He fled along with the other children all terrified.

Well that fucking hurt. Back home all the children thought you where pretty. Always complimenting you on your hair and looks but now…

While you where starring aimlessly at the various fruits and vegetables on sale trying to forget the horrible interaction you felt a new pair of eyes on you. At first you ignored it until you could practically feel them burning at into the side of you face. Turning slightly you saw a small, frail, old man with a sketch book in hand. He stared in awe at you.

‘He thinks I’m some kind of monster too.’

Quickly walking away from the disaster of a market you found yourself back on the ship. Not caring is Katara was worried you’d gotten lost.

.

“The ships have been destroyed! There’s no escape! We’re trapped!”

The invasion hadn’t gone as planned. The eclipse was over and Aang hadn’t found the FireLord. Nothing had gone as planned.

Throughout the whole process you had staying in Appas saddle watching from a distance, or that’s what you where supposed to do. You obviously had other plans. When Aang realized the capital city was abandoned he left you and Aapa to wait for him in a secluded area, and to stay out of sight.

Instead you found yourself roaming the streets of the lonely streets. Taking in the serene scenery. It was such a beautiful city. To bad it’s inhabitants where the bane of your existence. Wondering a bit to far you found what appeared to be an airship docking base. A lone war balloon was all that remained.

Maybe it was fate pulling you to approach. Maybe it was morbid curiosity. But something drew you in to it.

Cautiously approaching the balloon you almost didn’t notice the man prepping it for take off. The second you saw him, he saw you. He quickly threw whatever he was carrying to it on the ground and prepared to fight. you fled.

Yes you wanted to help defeat the fire nation but this wasn’t the time. Something within your soul begged you to turn around. So you did. Being trapped inside your own mind for so long makes you really listen to yourself.

You didn’t even bother to pay attention to who was manning the balloon but he…

He was sure paying attention to you.

With the hood to your cloak up your face was obscure until you turned to ran.

Zuko could have ascended into the heavens above with shock. The tiny glimpse he got of the women’s face when she turned and the fabric of her hood shifted…shook him to his very core…

The same scars that he saw on the drawing matched hers. He originally thought it was a trick of his grieving mind but with just that little glimpse.

he knew…

As much as his bleeding heart begged for him to chase after you had no time. He was about to face his father. He is leaving the fire nation for good this time.

He’ll find you again. He needed to.

He has to.

.

.

The air temple was the only place left for everyone to hide at this point. Defeated and beaten the you all made do with it. You found yourself wondering off soon after the group landed though the Duke and the other kids where quick to follow. Trying to find some peace and quiet began weaving through the moss covered hallways. Finding a secluded room away from the others. This would be yours. Before you could even set your bag down Katara came running in after you. Her eyebrows where knitted together in a scowl.

“(Y/n), we need to talk.” You looked at her with your usual neutral face. “I think you should sit down before I tell you this.” Doing as she said you set on the stone floor and wait. She took a deep breath in, clothing her eyes in an attempt to calm herself. You sensed a deep rage threatening to boil over inside her.

“Zukos back.” You blinked slowly. Replaying each syllable she had just said on repeat. Over and over again just to make sure that you where understanding what she had just said. “He came here. He was trying to joint the group as if we’d ever let him!” She was fuming all previous attempts to calm herself blew out the window. “Who does he think he is! He almost killed you and Aang!” She began ranting on and on about how horrible he is. But it all fell on deaf ears.

Your brain was still trying to wrap itself around the fact that Zuko was here. You felt your own rage boil inside you. Though unlike the water bender you kept it inside. Manifesting it. Letting it mold to all the other emotions you held in.

“Don’t worry (y/n), I won’t let him hurt you!” She brought you in to a hug. You did not return it. Starring straight up at the ceiling you felt yourself almost laugh at Katara.

‘But who’s going to save me from hurting him?’ You thought.

A plan was brewing in your mind. You’re going to find him…

And you’re going to make it hurt.

That night while everyone slept you leapt into action.

Taking a few pieces of scrap metal Teo you bent them around your wrists like bracelets.

Sliding your cloak on you borrowed a matching facial covering from Kataras bag.

It will be washed and ready to use by morning. This won’t take long.

Quietly making your way through the woods you closed your eyes and sensed the vibrations of the ground.

‘There you are.’ Finally finding his small camp you began to feel your emotions from the night in the bathroom return. Rage. Anger. Betrayal.

In your emotional state you made a simple mistake by stepping on a rather large twig. Instantly Zukos once sleeping form jumped up.

“Who’s there?” Hiding away in the dense greenery you watched and waited. He walked around his camp for a few minutes, looking for any signs or life around. When he found none he sat bad down. His camp fire flickered and popped.

He let his guard down.

Time to strike.

In an instant the metal around your wrist went flying to him. He barely had any time to react allowing two pieces to wrap around his own wrists. The ones aimed at his legs where kicked away.

“Come out! Whoever you are!” He yelled threateningly. Silly man. Taking his swords out he tried to ready himself but his hands seemed to have a hand of their own. He felt his wrists jerk up before he was sent flying back by them. Controlling the metal in his swords you threw them out to the forest. “Who are you! And what do you want from me!” he tried to get up again but you slammed him back down.

Stepping out from your place behind a tree you walked into his campsite. His eyes widened and his heart began beating a thousand bears per minute.

It’s you.

“(Y/n)?” He spoke out. It outraged you to hear him speak your name. How dare he! Without hesitation you charged at him. Your fist covered in a layer of metal made contact with his jaw, knocking him back a few feet. “(Y/n)! I’m sorry!” Another punch. “I-It was an accident, I never meant to-” this time you kicked him hard in the gut. Knocking the air out of him. “Please just let me explain.”

‘Explain? Explain what! That you tried to kill me? That you betrayed me! That you lied to me’ you where stomping towards him. Yet he made no effort to get up. He wasn’t putting up a fight…

“I’m so sorry for what I did.” You where standing above him looking down at his pitiful and now bleeding face. His nose looked broken and his jaw had a large bruise already forming. But by the end of the night that will be the least of his worries. Rearing back you hit him again. Feeling the crunch beneath your fury. “I…” he coughed up a small chunk of blood. “I never wanted to… hurt you.”

Hearing this something inside you felt like it was pleading… begging you to stop. That nagging feeling in the back of your brain seemed to familiar yet so exotic.

Enough games, it’s time to do what you came here to do.

Bringing your leg over your sat on your knees above him. One peice of metal from around his hands floated before you. Clenching your fist tightly the edges of the metal folded inward until it came to a fine point. With baited breath and half lidded eyes Zuko watch as you prepared to end his life.

‘Stop...’ Something yelled inside you. Bringing your hand up with the shank Zuko closed his eyes, accepting his fate. Letting the air in his lungs deflate out in a sigh.

If he was going to die at least it was by you.

‘STOP’

In one swift motion the shank landed with a devastating slice into…

the dirt.

less than a centimeter away from his neck. Close enough to almost touch the pale skin.

He opened his eyes wide and stared up at you.

Tears flowed down your face and rained down on him. Sliding careless down his bruised jaw.

‘I can’t do it.’

You started into each others eyes for what felt like a few seconds but was well over five minutes.

All you could think about now was all the good time you had together. How he had made you feel like the most beautiful girl on the world. How he would hold you. How he kissed you. How he…

He loved you.

Flashbacks to that night in the cave flooded into your mind. Until now you hadn’t been able to recall most details other than dying because Zuko struck you… but what you saw was different.

A wide eyed Zuko kneeled on the cave before you. A bewildered expression on his face of pure terror. Tears held in his eyes as he stared at you. He was muttering something.

“…mean to.” Hm? “That’s…not what I meant to do…”

‘It was an accident.’ ‘I didn’t mean to.’

What he said tonight aligned with what he said when he…

He’s telling the truth.

The world began to blur around you. Your head felt like it was going to split in half. Your mind battled with your heart. The logical side said he could not be trusted while the emotional desperately needed him.

Standing up you took serval jelly legged steps back and away from him. The jar of emotions you kept sealed right for weeks now teetered on the edge, threatening to shatter.

Your hands found purchase in your hair. Pushing aside the fabric of your hood. You strangled the locks under your fingers, threatening to rip it out. The pounding in your head threatened to shatter your skull.

Zuko cautiously stood up, keeping low as to not spook you. With every step he took you tried to back away but soon you couldn’t escape him. He stood right in front of you. You couldn’t even look at him.

“(Y/n)” Zuko voice was shaking, trembling, begging. “I’m so sorry.” He hung his head, eyes closed and flowing with a river or tears.

Your tried to block him out.

“I never wanted to hurt you.” Ignore it. “I regret what I did… I will regret it for the rest of my life.” He doesn’t mean that. “you’re all I could think about…” No.

“I…I love you (y/n)” Zukos voice cracked. He began sobbing. Loud and pained cries. All he wanted was to hold you.

Snap.

You shattered into a million tiny pieces.

Every emotion you had felt since waking up came flooding in all at once.

It was to much.

Weeks and weeks worth of emotions.

Anger, Greif, Regret, Betrayal, Heart Break… Yearning.

His words ricocheted in your brain.

Your body shook, threatening to collapse. Taking in a deep inhale you did the only thing you could think of to release the energy inside you.

Scream.

Loud and abrasive. Earth shattering. It was excruciatingly painful but it was nothing compared to the whirlwind of emotions held inside you.

Zuko acted on instinct, caution thrown out or the window, quickly closing the distance between your two bodies and bringing you in to a deep hug. He hands clung to the fabric of your hood as if you would melt away at any second. His face buried into your neck. He was shacking with the force of his own cries.

He was so happy. So unbelievably happy. You’re alive and you’re here in his arms again. He didn’t care about his broken nose which still dripped blood, or how sore his jaw was. All that mattered was that you where right here with him.

“I know you may never forgive me but please, please know I never meant to hurt you. Ever.”

He was right. It was going to take a lot more than a hug and some words to make up for what he did but… for now you felt content with him.

Maybe over time…

Just maybe.

Taking your hands out of your hair you hugged him back. Your blood soaked hands clung to his shirt like your life depended on it. Because in that moment it did. Your head fell to his shoulder allowing him to absorb your cries.

The two of you cried together until the wee hours of the night. Your eyes had no more tears left to cry. The sun began peeking over the tallest trees of the forest. The two to of you held each other’s now crumbled and exhausted forms on the dirt. He held you in his lap, arms wrapped tightly around your form. Your own held him as close as possible. You needed a shoulder to lean on.

He peeled himself away from your form and looked down to you. He brought a hand down to hook around the edges of the face covering you still wore. You’re body stiffened.

“Can I see?” He was asking permission to see you… you simply closed your eyes and allowed him to slowly slide it down.

With every inch of skin Zuko saw his heart ached. Just like the drawing you had two large cuts across your face. But that didn’t deter him.

“You’re as beautiful as the day I lost you.” Your eyes shop open; staring deep into his. He had no more tears left to cry but if he did they would be falling. “ I am so sorry I did this to you.” His hand carefully caressed the afflicted side of your face. His thumb gently massages the scarred skin.

Scars of no scars Zuko still considered you the most beautiful women in the world.

It wasn’t going to be this easy to fully forgive him and you will never forget what he did but this was a step in the right direction.

“Zuko.” It’s the first word you’ve spoken in over a month and it’s his name. Yes you’re voice is cracked and rough but that didn’t change the electric feeling it sent into the man. He heard you scream and that killed him but that one works brought him back.

“Yes?” You simply stood up and out of his hold. “You’re going back?” You shook your head ‘no.’

“I don’t understand..” truth be told Zuko wanted you to stay. His brows furrowed, if you weren’t going back then where were will you go?

“Will I see you again?” You shrugged.

You wanted to see him again but honestly you needed time to heal. To rebuild yourself. With all the painful emotions out of the way you needed to refill with prosperity and happiness.

It was time to go out on your own path.

You’ve finish this chapter of your life. Time to start a new. You’ve gotten the closure you so desperately needed but now… it’s time to go.

“Goodbye” in one swift movement you quickly gave him a kiss on the cheek. Before he could react and ask you to wait you earth bent into the ground. Vanishing right before his eyes.

You where gone.

Back in the Air temple you left a note.

‘I forgive him.’

.

.

“Lotus flower is that you? I thought my nephew…”

#avatar the last airbender #avatar zuko #zuko angst #zuko atla #zuko #zuko fanfic #zuko x you #zuko x reader #fire lord zuko #zuko x y/n #zuko and iroh #angst #depressing shit #tw depressing stuff

[mariaxxxxx]

Chapter 5 - The pleasure and pain you offer me ( +18)

Summary: To save your nation You are given as a bride to a sea god.

Warnings: 18+ ONLY/ Minors DNI, Angust, Hurt comfort, Sex, Apologies, Crying, Creampie, Passionate sex, virgin!reader, size difference, smut, soft!dom!, HEA, somnophille, slight degradation, duvious consent, pregnancy, arranged marriage, inexperienced reader, abortion commented, unprotected sex (don't do that wrap this thing), kidnapping, aftercare, curse words.

A/N: English is not my mother tongue. I apologize for any errors.

A/N: Reader is heavily implied to be Mexican but i tried to keep it as free to the imagination as possible

A/N: Hi people! I hope you haven't abandoned me. I apologize for taking so long to post the new chapter. I underwent a medical procedure and am still in the recovery process.

Work count: 2.958

Serie materialist

🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

You were taken to the hut where you first saw K'uk'ulkan. The man left her on the ground and walked away with impressive speed. You were still out of orbit when your maids surrounded you and began to take off your dress, jewelry and ornaments. Her hairstyle was undone leaving her hair loose. Her magnificent wedding dress was replaced by one in a light, semi-transparent fabric. With the work completed, your maids left with mischievous smiles on their lips, leaving you alone in the room.

You needed all your strength. Not physically, at least at that moment. But you had to gather all your courage and self-control during that time when you were alone in the cabin. After all, when K'uk'ulkan entered that environment, her current husband, would enjoy what was rightfully his; You. Your mother and priestesses had prepared you for this moment. They instructed him that the marriage bed could be good for both of them; You must please and be pleased too.

However, even with the instructions received, you still felt nervous, you had never even kissed a man and now you had to consummate the marriage. You knew that you would be naked in front of each other, you knew that it would touch you that he should enter You to plant his seed, and you still knew, from listening to one of the priestesses, that during the first time pain might arise. One of them told him, just before the procession, that a woman's first time hurt as much as burning her skin on a hot metal plate. Her mother scolded the priestess for uttering such foolish words, turned to You and said: “It is just a nuisance, my daughter, it will pass. How to thread a ball of yarn through the eye of a needle. It's a question of space.”

Your mother's words echoed through your mind making things even more confusing and frightening for You. To try to distract yourself, You observed for the first time, truly, the private environment that was your husband's and now hers. There were richly designed paintings on the walls, some still incomplete. You ran your fingertips between the images, admiring the lines and details. You found it in your own mind to ask what those drawings meant to the culture you now belonged to.

You were startled when you heard the sound of footsteps approaching. You turned around, watching your husband near the entrance. She was not as well dressed as before; his serpent-shaped ornament was taken off, as were his golden shoulder pads and bracelets and his cape. All that remained on her body were green shorts with white details.

“I apologize for this, my queen. Talokan may have harsh traditions for foreigners.”

"Everything is fine." You said as you clasped your hands in front of your body. “I don't know exactly what happened so I haven't had time to form any opinions about what it was all about.”

He found your answer funny and was ready to laugh, a lot.

“In Talokan, after the wedding, the bride and groom are undressed and taken to the wedding bed by their guests.”

“Oh!” the sound escaped his mouth. “Remind me to thank the man who brought me here safely. I wouldn’t feel comfortable being undressed in front of everyone.”

“I’ll thank him myself for not allowing anyone to undress her.”

“So...” You said, trying not to show your nervousness. “What do these paintings mean?”

“I made them myself.” He said looking at them with great pride. “They tell the story of my birth. It’s not complete yet.”

“I didn’t know my husband was such a talented artist.”

He let out a cute giggle and seemed to blush at his words. You thought his reaction to such a flippant compliment was funny.

“I appreciate the compliment.”

“I hope our children have your talent.” You blurted out.

“I hope they are as beautiful as their mother.” He is approaching You, like a serpent about to pounce on its prey, a hungry serpent before the most succulent bird. “You, my queen, are the most beautiful woman there is.”

“My husband didn’t pay close attention to the other women.” You said as you flinched slightly at his touch on your cheek.

“I never argue with myself, I know what I’m saying, I say that my wife is the most beautiful woman there is.” He whispered with the rest close to his, eliciting a smile from You.

“I appreciate the compliment, my husband.”

“It wasn’t a compliment.” He replied. “It's an observation” He starts a trail of kisses down your neck. “Come with me, my queen.”

K'uk'ulkan guided you to a part of the hut where there was a circular reed large enough to take up the entire space. You were surprised that the piece of furniture fit in a seemingly tight space. You could, one day, ask him how the architectural system of that place worked, but his thoughts were more interested in what he would do with You on the padded furniture.

"What should I do now?" You asked looking at him. His eyebrows arched into an expression of disbelief. You felt like an idiot in that moment for asking something so stupid.

“Anything my wife wants.” He said as he approached You. “Tell me what your heart desires.” He brought his face close to his, their lips almost touching.

You didn't know what your heart wanted, but your body demanded that man, needed him. You advanced on him, truly kissing him for the first time, it was awkward and awkward at first, but your husband was willing to guide you. When You finally got the hang of it, the kiss became pure desire and passion, much more than You could have expected.

K'uk'ulkan took you in his arms, without stopping to kiss you for a single moment on the way to the reeds, he put you on your feet and took off, or rather, tore off your dress, leaving you completely naked for the delight of his eyes. .

"So beautiful." He whispered as he ran his black eyes over her uncovered body.

His chin was pulled forward and your lips crashed against his once again. You returned the kiss in a few seconds. His tongue pushed her lips and they parted welcoming him very willingly. The hand that held his jaw snaked towards his and pulled you closer, deepening the kiss making your mind spin and your heart flutter. His hand grabbed his chest, searching for something to hold on to while the other was around his neck.

You gently pushed him away, panting; your eyes met his which sent goosebumps across your skin. His chest heaved, his eyelids trembled and his legs were as soft as leaves. K'uk'ulkan held You by the waist, preventing You from moving away from him. His lips didn't stay away from yours for long, they brushed against yours once again, causing waves of electricity to course through your body.

"Sweet." He murmured against your lips, opening his eyes. K'uk'ulkan seemed very happy to see his current state. He hovered over You with a beautiful smile pulled on his lips while yours could barely be felt. He slid his hand down her shoulders, his fingers caressing the soft skin.

You let out a startled cry as you fell backwards into the reeds with your husband hovering over you. He seemed happy with your reaction as the beaming smile never left him. Her husband bent down and ran his fingers over the space between her breasts, leaving a hot trail wherever he went.

“I will take good care of you, my love.” He spoke while leaning on his shins, placing himself between her legs. He kept his eyes fixed on hers as he held her foot with one hand and brushed his fingers against her belly. He was slow in his actions wanting You to feel all the pleasure he could provide. When K'uk'ulkan's fingers brushed against your intimacy You let out a sigh and a loud moan.

"My husband." You whispered, as your heart pounded in your chest. He laughed at the situation, he seemed to enjoy the way you looked miserable under his touches. He began to plant delicate kisses on your inner thigh, You shivered, and dug his fingers into the sheets beneath You.

“K’uk’ulkan… oh Gods!” You screamed when you felt tongue and lips on your pussy. You struggled as you felt the mix of strange but pleasurable reactions. K'uk'ulkan opened her legs even further and began to devour her pussy. You could feel the cool jade of his nose ornament brushing against your sensitive, wet flesh. In one quick movement he used his tongue to play with your entrance, the sudden action made your hips contract and you moved away. But before You could get anywhere he pulled You closer by your legs.

“Don’t walk away from me.” He said with a slight hint of irritation in his voice as he held your hips firmly.

“I’m sorry…” You spoke in a pathetic whisper. “I’m not going to walk away.”

“You are being sweet to me, my love. I appreciate that." He purred, his eyes fixed on yours. He dragged his lips along her skin and dove back into her pussy, which was getting wetter and wetter. You moaned and writhed at the explosion of pleasure that filled every cell in your body.

With his fingers digging into her hips, her husband dragged his tongue over and around her wet flesh. He ate You, caressing your sensitive pussy with his tongue tasting your sweetness. His hands slid into his black hair and his knees knocked against his body. A strange feeling slowly filled his body; first on the toes and went up with each stimulus.

“K'uk'ulkan...” You said urgently as the strange feeling seemed to grow more and more. “I...I...I think...” He ignored you and held your pussy even closer to his face. Licking, sucking with more desire.

One of his hands left her hips and pressed one of her breasts, squeezing and playing with the erect nipples. His tongue snaked around your pussy making you see stars. Her nails raked his scalp and her thighs squeezed her husband's broad shoulders. While his legs trembled, his heart jumped, his toes twitched and his fingers tightened on the sheets, K'uk'ulkan pulled with his lips a specific spot on her pussy, causing a violent result.

A scream of pleasure escaped your throat, heat coursed through your body trapping You in a world of wonder, your toes curled unable to hold steady and a wave of pure satisfaction filled every inch of your body. When the feeling went away, you were nothing more than a messy little thing staring at the cave ceiling. You were stuck in a trance of pleasure that you didn't feel your husband pulling out of your pussy. With the back of his hand he wiped the traces of pleasure from your mouth and beard, but he didn't do a good job: You got so wet that the remnants of your excitement remained in your beard.

With his eyes focused on her face, he ran his hand down her waist and across her ribs. The calloused palms felt his breasts and then the hands wandered to his neck. He held her jaw and gazed into her eyes, still clouded with pleasure.

“Ah my queen. My sweet and beautiful queen.” He said teasingly, a wicked smile stretched across her lips. You blushed at the words said and wondered how that man had so much power over you.

K'uk'ulkan stood back on his heels and removed the shorts he was wearing. You blushed violently and looked away when his waiting member became hard and rigid. He pushed his body until he was on top of you with his arms placed on either side of your head. He leaned in and pressed his lips against yours once more. He forced your lips apart and his tongue met his. He kissed you gently but intensely, teasing every corner of your lips until he kissed you more deeply.

His hips pressed against his as he began to rub his cock against her sensitive pussy. You sighed, separating your lips from his as his dick was pushed against his pussy. You moaned, your legs opening to have more of that contact, when you felt the head of his dick brush against a sensitive spot. Electricity shot up her spine at that action, but her mind was distracted by yet another voracious kiss from her husband. He bit your jaw, licked your chin with his tongue. You shivered in his arms from the excess stimulation on his body. You moaned his name more than once as he ground his hips into yours repeatedly.

You squirmed against his body, until your cheek was pressed against his, feeling his beard. He pressed his mouth once again against his as his hand roamed his body in gentle touches. He gently squeezed her breasts, passed her belly and guided it to the small space between her hips. Grasping the base of his cock, her husband ran the head up and down, and back again, up and down her pussy. His body shuddered against his and a huge gasp escaped You as he began to press against You.

His legs twitched trying to close before the intrusion. Sue's husband kept his knees open as he slowly entered You. When he was halfway in, You began to let out pained moans and whimpers at the opening his penis forced into his body. K'uk'ulkan muffled her sounds with gentle kisses to her lips.

“It’s okay, my love.” He murmured to You, gently. But You were convinced that he was too big for You. Your heart clenched in your chest and your belly twisted in pain when he was finally inside You. You felt his hips pressed against his. You can feel his member inside him, your breath caught in your throat. He risked a slow movement. You let out a loud moan, struggled, closing your eyes tightly and digging your nails into your husband's back. He let out a moan when he felt all of her heat envelop him.

“It hurts.” You said, trying to get rid of him on you and inside you.

“It will pass soon.” He warned as he gave another slow thrust. Even with all the lubrication present, the pain was unbearable; he was big and thick.

“Please...” You exclaimed, struggling beneath him. “It hurts.”

Without you noticing, a stubborn tear came out of your pupil and slid down your cheek. The discomfort was too much. The pain was too much. You had never felt such a sensation in your entire life. K'uk'ulkan guided his left hand over his face and wiped away the stubborn tear.

“I’ll stay put until you get used to it.” He whispered between moans and sighs.

You could feel your husband's hard cock inside you, still. It was a mixture of pressure and laceration. His lower abdomen burned with heat and heat. You looked at him bent over You, with his face pressed against your right shoulder letting out low moans. The pain didn't go away, it was as if the sensation was going to tear him in half. Her eyes closed, her fingers rubbed her nails hard across the entire length of his back.

His attention was diverted when he felt a hot liquid drip from his entrance. The curse had broken, as a trickle of blood ran down his thigh and dripped onto the sheets, a moan left his lips and echoed around you. It made you dizzy as the pain was replaced by a small tickle of something more welcoming that blossomed in your core as he remained in your torn canal.

“K'uk'ulkan...” He fixed his gaze with a sullen expression. “It doesn’t hurt anymore.”

His grimace was replaced by a wide smile. He brought his chest closer and removed his dick from her pussy. His lips exhaled a loud moan at the movement. A strange sensation surrounded his body that oscillated between pain, pleasure and fear.

He lowered his head and kissed you once again. He guided his cock into her pussy again, this time with one powerful thrust. He dragged his cock against her tight walls, pulling back only a fraction before repeating the thrusting motion. His face contorted with each thrust. His dick made sure you were full, feeling him touch your most sensitive spots. His eyes began to roll back, his eyelashes fluttering, as his legs began to shake with each hard thrust.

Her nails scratched his muscular back as a violent explosion of pleasure made it impossible to control her body hissing. You tightened your thighs around him as your walls clenched and rippled in that feeling of pleasure. K'uk'ulkan continued his thrusts, this time, chasing his own release.

Pleasure clouded your feelings as You felt the heat of your husband's seed being spilled deep inside You. His throat closed and You choked on the violent waves of electricity that coursed through his body. He left You filled with his hot seed, with eyes closed and limbs numb. At that moment it was as if the sun rose in the west and set in the east, the seas dried up and the mountains were blown by the wind like leaves.

#namor x reader #namor of talokan #black panther #namor x y/n #talokan #wakanda forever #namor #namor x you #namor smut #namor the sub mariner #mcu fanfiction #fic

[oceanstide]

people's memories of their loved ones who passed on would gradually blur as time goes by. without a refresher, the mind slowly forgets the details of their loved one's face; their eyes start to blur, their nose shape begins to deform, everything felt wrong but you have no way of telling which one is right.

the worst part is, the changes won't be noticeable until there's an active attempt to recall. and all of a sudden you're left with a blurry image of one's face you believe you knew. leaving you with a sense of horror and guilt.

lo'ak dives in under the water, the glow emanating from the spirit tree guides his path, the water pressure no longer foreign as it caresses his azure skin. dread and guilt still fills him as he reaches out to touch, the back of his eyelids slightly burn as he thinks of the multiple times he's heard:

"go visit him. it's been years, son."

well.

lo'ak never was the one that listened.

that was him.

his eyes stung once more as he hesitantly reaches back to grab his queue. his lanky and awkward built now long gone, replaced with a more defined and sturdy form; shaped from the years adapting into the reef's different ways than he's used to.

lo'ak, queue in hand, takes a brief second to gather himself before reaching forward, closing his eyes as the tendrils connect.

------

the tingling cold sensation and sharp texture of the grass beneath his bare feet was surprising but not unwelcomed. lo'ak eyes blink several times to adjust as they look around, finding more green and towering trees than he ever has in the last few years of his life after arriving in awa'atlu. with slow steps, his ears twitch with every sound his steps left, his chest tight from the intense wave of melancholy, his tail hung low as he goes deeper into the forest.

and all of a sudden he felt small again, just like he was six years ago.

and it was raining. why was it raining?

it never rained.

at least, that's what his mom told him. or his dad. or kiri. or tuk.

lo'ak's chest twinges from the thought. why was it raining?

as he walks further and further into the forest, his eyes then catch the small back of familiar na'vi, the braids not lost from his memories, the always present cummerbund wrapped around the na'vi's waist.

the na'vi's a warrior.

the mighty warrior.

lo'ak eyes burn as he takes in the sight, his steps faltering slightly when he tried to walk closer. he felt small again. the way he used to with him. with his brother.

"neteyam," he callled out, the sound of his own voice sounding foreign to him, the name he refused to mention after he passed. saying it again after a long time feels strange, almost similar to the way his stomach lurches as he reconnects with his ikran after being so used to his skimwing.

neteyam's shoulders shook and lo'ak's eyebrows furrow at that. was he laughing? why couldn't he hear a thing? maybe he was too far? deciding that was the cause, his steps brought him closer and closer to the now taller than him neteyam.

"what took you so long, baby bro?"

dread began to fill lo'ak's chest. neteyam was right in front of him but why did his voice sound so far away?

"i- i was preoccupied," lo'ak answered, blinking several times to lose the tears as neteyam's back was blurred on the edges.

"i waited, you know. i wondered, where's my baby bro?" lo'ak ignored how neteyam's voice sounded so far away. as if it was from a far distance. maybe that's how it was. maybe. "but mother said you needed time, so.." neteyam shrugged, his head slightly tilted down.

lo'ak felt droplets of water rolling down his cheeks, whether it were raindrops or his tears, no one will know. he opened his mouth to speak, but there was too much that he wanted to say;

'i can't. i dont deserve to see you. it was my fault. it was my fault you're here. it was my fault you're not with us anymore. it should've been me. why did you do it? why didn't you refuse? why didn't you leave with tuk and tsireya instead? why did you listen to me? nobody did, so why did you?'

lo'ak looked up, neteyam still with his back facing him, he ignored the thought of neteyam feeling repulsed to look at him as he says, "bro i'm so-"

"-stop. it's not your fault."

"yes it was-"

"no. i had every choice to say no." lo'ak started to feel anger bubble inside him, why is neteyam refusing to look at him?

"then why didn't you?!"

"because you're my brother! i want to protect you."

"fucking- say it to my face!"

"i can't."

"why the fuck not?!" lo'ak's voice began to crack, desperation choking his throat as he reaches out to grab neteyam's shoulder and forcefully turn him around and-

lo'ak's heart drops.

the rain grew stronger, the droplets rained over him mercilessly and the last thing he remembered was running away as fast as he can.

running away from the brother he thought he remembered.

------

lo'ak ran again, immediately after he detached from his ilu, his steps rushed and erratic, passing by a concerned tsireya, her voice overpowered by the loud ringing in his ears. he needed- he needed to find his dad. he should be in their marui now. please be there.

he slows down his steps as his dad stepped out from their marui, noticing lo'ak immediately. his ears flatten and his tail flick up in alert before he moves to inspect him.

"what's wrong, boy? are you okay?" his dad asked, still not enough to defeat the insistent ringing in his ears, "what happened-"

"did you bring the family portraits?" he blurted out, the pounding of his heart was loud and fast. his tail hung low between his legs as it swishes rapidly. "with you- dad, is it in the marui?"

his dad's eyes widen slightly in confusion before realization dawned in, his gaze changed from concern to understanding. lo'ak hated it. he doesn't

"did you- yeah i did. come on." lo'ak barely registered the way his dad changed his sentence mid-speaking. he just needed to see the picture. his mind was spinning and bile rose from his throat as he watches his dad rummage through their belongings, cold washes over him once again, the necklace suddenly heavy and suffocating around his neck. the necklace neteyam last wore.

"here."

lo'ak's heart lurched as he hesitantly grabs the portrait, his eyes wide and gaze zeroing in on the figure on farthest left, to the figure right next to him.

"and here's a clearer picture of just you and him." his dad says, placing another portrait on his other hand. lo'ak's eyes move from their family portrait to the other portrait. his breath shaky as he brings it closer to look at it properly.

lo'ak huffed wetly, a droplet or two falling to the ground beneath him as the familiar face once again fresh in his memory. he lets his hands fall as he croaks out, "dad, i- i almost forgot how he looked like."

his dad smiled at him, the sad look etched on his face. he reaches out and places a comforting hand on the side of his head, "visit your brother more often, son. i know it hurts, and i know you refuse to believe it happened, because for a while it was that way for me too." the comforting weight of his hand dissapears briefly before he pulls him gently into a hug, "i know it feels like having a part of you ripped away and you don't want to face it. but you have to. you have to move on. he wouldn't have wanted you to live in constant sorrow and grief," his dad continues, his hand gently stroking his hair, "it doesn't immediately lose the pain but it does make it feel less difficult to heal."

"it was my fault." lo'ak muttered once again, face nestled comfortably against the shoulder of the man he calls his dad after years of mending their slightly fragmented relationship, the sudden loss finally opening their eyes and bringing them together.

the fear of losing another son, the fear of almost losing his father. the shared guilt of believing they have an indirect role in their family's loss brought them closer. mending their father-son relationship.

"it's not. it never was." his dad said, voice slightly cracking too, "none of us think it's your fault. and i'm sure neither does your brother."

they stayed that way for a long time, one seeking comfort as the other provides. lo'ak's arms tighten around his dad as he feels tears still fall from his eyes. "i miss him, dad."

"i know, son. i miss him too."

#sorry for any grammatical errors lol english isnt my main language #not proofread #wrote this in one sitting lmfao bye i love angst #lo'ak #lo'ak sully #lo'ak te suli tsyeyk'itan #neteyam #neteyam te suli tsyeyk'itan #neteyam sully #jake sully #avatar the way of water