#my mom is great when she’s not trying to be a mom

[rafeandonlyrafe]

weekend away

words: 3.2k

a/n: of course inspired by these precious pictures of drew <3

warnings: 18+ only, dad!rafe, mom!reader, established relationship, theyre maaaarried <3, VERY FLUFFY, descriptions of breastfeeding, smut, p in v sex, unprotected sex (but reader is on birth control), rafe is like the best dad everrr

“okay…” you look into your trunk, mentally going through your checklist. stroller, check, folder up and ready for daisys car seat to be placed on. diaper bag, check, with extra diapers just in case. pump, check. carrier, baby carrier, check. extra change of clothes, check.

you have everything you could possibly need for daisy, not even realizing that you completely forgot about yourself.

“got your suitcase packed, baby?” rafe asks, daisy in his arms, happy to be cradled there, looking up at her daddy with wide eyes.

“shit!” you squeal, before covering your mouth. daisy may be too young to understand your words, but you still try not to curse in front of her.

“hey, it's okay.” rafe can instantly see your nerves skyrocketing. of course you were too focused on getting everything for your daughter that you completely forgot that it's a weekend trip you'll be going on too.

“okay, i um- ill just throw some clothes in a bag then-”

“baby.” rafe easily switches daisy to one arm, wrapping his now free one around your shoulders. you relax into his hold, reminded how protected you feel by rafe. “we aren't in a rush. we can delay taking off for a bit, okay? it's not that long of a drive.”

“okay.” you nod, arms circling around his waist as you turn to face rafe, pressing your cheek into his side as you smile down at daisy. “hi baby. mama is a bit of a mess right now.”

“don't talk about yourself like that.” rafe says softly, leaning to press a kiss to the top of you're head. “you're doing amazing. you juggle so much, it's a surprise you don't forget things more often.”

you let out a little chuckle, which daisy copies as her little mouth turns into a smile.

“okay, ill go get started.” you sigh. you can't believe your mind has been so scattered and focused on getting daisy ready that you completely forgot about doing anything for yourself.

“we will help.” rafe closes the trunk, heading back inside to follow you up the stairs. “not sure how much help daisy will be, but you got me at least.”

you end up packing pretty quickly, especially since you're bringing a big suitcase, way too big for just a couple days out of town, so you're easily able to throw in more than you need, just in case.

“alright.” rafe hums. “both suitcases loaded, we just need to get daisy in her car seat.”

“great.” you groan. daisy recently developed a hatred for her car seat, after you planned a nice weekend trip a few hours away from the outer banks.

“how about i try?” you know it won't make a difference, but you nod, letting rafe carry daisy towards the car, trying to distract with coos and even snuggling his nose into her tummy, but by the time she's over the seat, she turns straight as a board.

you can barely watch as her sweet face turns to one of sadness, tears falling down her cheeks.

“oh my poor baby.” you coo after rafe gets her all buckled in. “you want mama to ride back here with you?”

you're not sure it will help, but you climb into the backseat to sit next to the car seat while rafe gets in to drive.

“it is almost nap time, maybe she'll fall asleep quickly.” rafe shrugs as he pulls the car out of the driveway, always extra careful when he's bringing you or daisy anywhere.

“maybe.” you hum, petting over her forehead and down her nose until her cries stop, eyes close, and her chest begins to rise and fall slower.

you don't even realize as rafe happily drives you to your destination that as daisy falls asleep, so do you, head resting against her car seat as you catch up on some rest.

rafe smiles when he sees you in the backseat completely knocked out, even snapping a picture when he stops at a toll.

he keeps the radio down low to not wake either of you until he arrives to the airbnb, a delightful cottage right on the beach. it's not too different from home, but the bigger city offers more things to do, and you plan to take advantage of your time away and show daisy all the things she hasn't experienced yet like zoos and museums.

“babes.” rafe calls out. “we're here.”

“oh my gosh.” you let out a yawn, stretching your back out from the awkward hunched position against the car seat. “that went by so fast.”

“thats what happens when you sleep the whole way.” rafe chuckles.

“shut up.” you giggle, leaning between the front seats to press a kiss to his lips. “thanks for driving us. we love you so much.”

you know you can speak for your daughter, it's so evident how much daisy loves rafe, even if she can't find the words yet.

“love you too, baby.” rafe looks back at daisy, the mirror set up on the headrest of the seat to give him a view of her face. “we should get inside quick, she's gonna wake up hungry.”

“ugh, my poor boobs.” you whine. you love getting to breastfeed daisy, and feel so lucky that you have a good milk supply, but it is hard on your body as well.

“you're amazing.” rafe says earnestly. you turned his life around completely when you began dating him, and it only got even better when daisy was born. he made a pact while she was still inside your tummy to get his shit together, mend his life that was broken.

“oh, shush.” you blush, rafe still able to make you feel shy to this day. 

you get out of the car, looking at the airbnb. you swear it looks even better in person, the warm sun beautifully illuminating the white stand as you walk in, punching in the code that you had already memorized.

you know rafe is bringing daisy in, so you take a moment to inspect the house, the two bedrooms and one nursery as well as the open living area, big windows pointing out to the ocean.

you hear daisys cries before rafe enters with her in his arms. “she's ready for you.”

you take her quickly, sitting down in the plush armchair as you adjust your shirt and nursing bra to free your nipple, which she quickly latches onto.

you can hear rafe bringing in your bags and everything you need for daisy as you nurse and stare out at the ocean.

“all done, baby?” you ask her after she pulls away, a blissed out, happy look on her face.

“ill burp her.” rafe picks daisy up from your arms before you even realize it, clearly missing his girl as you close up your bra and pull your shirt down. you follow rafe out onto the back deck, wrapping your arms around his waist as you listen to the familiar sounds of waves hitting the shore.

“are you tired from the drive?” you ask him. “you can nap and ill entertain daisy and make us dinner.”

“im okay.” rafe turns around to tug you into his side. “and let's just order pizza or something, this is vacation, you don't have to cook.”

“okay.” you get on your tiptoes to press a kiss to his cheek before leaning back against his side. you'll order later, after you've started out at the ocean with him, the uninterrupted sea of blue.

--

“ah, ah, ah.” rafe stops you, taking the baby carrier out of your hands. “ill wear her.”

you nod, grabbing the diaper bag and slinging it over your shoulder, which rafe also takes after he puts the carrier on.

“baby, i can carry something.” you laugh as he gets poppy out of her carseat, her cries instantly stopping now that she's free of the car.

“i know you can. but im a good husband, and i got it.”

“okay.” you shrug. “whatever you want baby.”

rafe loads daisy into the carrier, adjusting her to face outward so she can see all of the animals as you walk through the zoo.

“sunscreen.” you remind rafe, putting the cream onto daisys delicate skin. you swipe it across rafes nose as he makes a face.

“you need it too.” you chastise, smearing it across his face, rubbing it all in so he's not embarrassed. you'd already applied sunscreen underneath your makeup at the cottage earlier, so you just refresh your exposed shoulders.

you make quick work of admissions at the zoo, having already bought your tickets online.

“what do you wanna see first, baby?” rafe asks, hand looped together tight with yours. 

“umm, how about the red pandas?” you motion towards the asia section of the zoo.

“sounds perfect.” rafe very willingly follows you throughout, daisy happily watching the animals as well as smiling at anyone who passes by.

“stop, they're so cute!” you coo as you look at the pandas. “i want to pet one.”

“don't tempt me to figure out a way for you to do that, baby.” rafe laughs, your pout quickly disappearing off your face, knowing it's not beyond rafe to bribe a zookeeper to let you feel the red pandas fluffy tail.

“what would you like to see, daisy girl?” you coo, rubbing your fingers over her cheeks.

“let's check out the chimpanzees and then we should probably find a place for you to nurse.” rafe is well aware of daisys feeding schedule, and you had to choose between taking her to the zoo during nap time or having to figure out feeding her during the trip.

“sounds good.” you allow rafe to loop his arm around your waist. 

rafe is just as delighted by the chimps swinging across their play structure as daisy is, her hands clapping together, chubby cheeks pushed up in a happy smile.

she cries when you walk away, but you recognize that the attitude is mostly from her being hungry.

“come on, baby.” you coo, finding a quiet shaded area with a comfortable bench.

you cover your front with a light blanket as rafe sits next to you, gently rubbing your shoulder and stroking over your hair as daisy feeds.

“she's probably gonna take like a 15 minute milk nap after this.” you say to rafe. “we can go check out the natural history museum.”

“good idea.” rafe nods. “i know how much you like to read random ass signs.”

“ugh, not my fault i like to learn information! unlike you, dummy.”

“hey.” rafe tickles his finger into the crook for your neck.

daisy falls asleep when she's done nursing, just as you predicted. you tuck her into the crook of your arm, not wanting to risk transferring her to the baby carrier, she'd most certainly wake up.

rafes hand stays on your back throughout the entire museum. you look through every sign, every taxidermied animal and the prehistoric scenes of the area the zoo has set up.

daisy stirs in your arms as you walk outside, the afternoon sun on her face waking her up. “hey princess.” you tell her, always surprised how quickly she recovers from her naps, now wide awake seconds later.

“wanna go to daddy? yeah?” you hand her over to go back into the baby carrier, heading towards the north america section. you like seeing the moose, and rafe the brown bears, while daisy gets an absolute kick out of the american otters, watching them swish through the water and flip off the glass partition.

you continue through most of the zoo, deciding to rush through the aquarium and skip the africa section as daisys nap time quickly approaches.

you exit the zoo hand in hand with rafe, and for once daisy doesn't fight being put in her carseat as she instantly falls asleep.

--

daisy is sitting in between your legs, giggling as she runs her hands through the sand. you keep a close eye on her to make sure she doesn't try to experiment and eat any, but you're also distracted by rafe sitting shirtless next to you.

“when daisy is older, we should take her to the west coast so we can watch the sunset over the ocean.” he says, moving closer to you to wrap his arm around you.

“id love that. its so fun bringing her places.” you know daisy is too young to remember this trip, but she has loved staying someplace different, getting to see all sorts of new things. 

you head back home tomorrow, back to the reality of the outer banks.

“baby girl is gonna be beyond spoiled.” rafe laughs softly, leaning forward to readjust the bow on the top of her head.

“if you spoil her as much as you spoil me, she sure will.” you lean into rafes side, gently watching the waves until daisy starts to get tired and bored, crawling back towards you.

“nursing then bedtime, alright daisy?” you coo at her, picking her up as you walk with rafe back into the cottage, dusting your sandy feet off before going in. “it's a long drive again tomorrow and daddy needs a good sleep.”

“mmm, i was hoping after you put her down we could…” rafe clears his throat. your eyes widen, understanding what he means.

“yeah.” you nod, sitting down in the armchair that has become your prime feeding place over the weekend trip. “id really love that.”

“perfect.” rafe bends to press a kiss to your forehead. “im gonna go shower. let me know if you need any help getting her down.”

daisy happily latches onto your boob, pulling off when she's about halfway done as she gets fussy.

“oh, girly.” you giggle. “you're just tired!”

you move into the nursery to change her into pajamas as well as make sure she has a fresh diaper before finishing feeding her. by the time you set her down in the crib, she's out like a light.

you grab the baby monitor and bring it into your bedroom, smiling when you see rafe sitting on the edge of the bed, towel wrapped around his hips, hair still slightly wet from the shower.

“she's asleep?” he confirms as you place the baby monitor on the dresser.

“she is.” you move quickly over to rafe, bending to press a kiss to his lips as your hands move quickly to undo his towel, opening the damp fabric to reveal his cock.

you kiss as your hand explores his length, feeling it harden beneath your fingertips before you begin to stroke.

“you're gonna kill me, baby.” rafe groans against your lips. “ive missed your hands so much.”

“missed this too.” you confirm. sex with rafe has been scarce since daisy. your body took a while to recover, and while he was patient throughout that, even once you were ready to have sex, daisy often interrupted you by needing her diaper changed or to be rocked back to sleep.

“come on, i want to see you.” rafe tugs at your shirt.

you stand to lose your tank top, removing your bra next. you still feel a little insecure about your stomach. you lost a bit of the weight you gained throughout pregnancy, but you don't know if you'll ever get back to how you were before.

“hey-” rafe stands, seeming to sense your feelings. “you're beautiful.”

“thank you.” you say, tears welling up in your eyes, but not from your insecurities, but from the sheer love you have for rafe.

“now get on the bed so i can show you how beautiful i find you.”

you take your pants and underwear off as you lay down, placing your head on the pillows as you look up at rafe. you used to be much more adventurous when it came to sex, trying out different positions or even introducing toys, but just like in many other ways, being a parent has made your sex more boring.

rafe drapes himself over your body, his cock rubbing through your folds. until daisy is much older and always sleeps through the night, there's still a chance she will wake up, so speed is of the essence.

rafe lines his cock up, pushing it inside of your tight heat with a low groan, needing to stay pretty quiet to not wake daisy, glad that the ocean out the window is providing her some white noise.

“god, you feel so good.” rafe says, eyelids fluttering closed as he stills, allowing you to adjust to his length.

you let out a moan, reaching up to wrap your arms around rafes shoulders, pulling his body against yours.

your chest rubs together as rafe begins to thrust, thankfully not moving too much as your nipples are so sensitive they sometimes hurt.

“i love you.” you whisper to rafe. “i love you so much.”

“we should have a wedding.” rafe says mid-thrust, making your eyes widen as he continues talking. “we should renew our vows when daisy is old enough to be our flower girl.”

“okay.” you nod. you have no problem with throwing an actual party to celebrate your marriage, considering when you found out you were pregnant and told rafe, you settled for a small and quick courthouse wedding with just a few family members and friends in attendance.

“i just love you so much.” he says, voice slightly strained as he continues thrusting.

“i know.” you lean up again to press your lips against his, his mouth staying slightly ajar as he pants.

“i love daisy too. i love our family.” rafe is moving so fast inside of you, rambling as he fucks you. “i wanna have more kids. after we renew our vows and i give you the wedding you deserve.”

“okay.” you giggle, smiling up at rafe. “we can do all of that, baby. we have all the time in the world.”

rafe nods, eyes closing as he concentrates on moving his hips just how you like it, the same motions that got you pregnant with daisy, now prevented from happening again with your daily pill.

“close.” rafe warns, and you're not far off either, only needing a couple more thrusts before you cum with a muffled shout, having covered your mouth with your hand just in time.

your cunt squeezing around him as your high pushes through your body is all rafe needs to spill inside of you with a soft moan of your name.

his arms give out as he rests on top of you, but you don't mind the weight as you stroke your fingers through his short hair. 

it's comforting, the silence, the way your bodies are pressed together, but it's interrupted by a cry through the baby monitor.

“i got her.” rafe says before you can even react. he pushes himself out of bed and pulls on a pair of sweats before rushing into the nursery.

you take a moment to reach over to the tissues on the nightstand, cleaning yourself off at least good enough for the night as you wrap the blankets around yourself.

you try to stay awake until rafe comes back in, to tell him yet again how much you love him, but by the time he's done changing daisys diaper and gets her back to sleep, you're deep in sleep.

rafe smiles as he reenters the bedroom, seeing you all wrapped up with a slight smile on your face as you dream. rafe lays down next to you, wondering how he ever got so lucky.

#rafe smut #rafe cameron smut #obx smut #outer banks smut #rafe fic #rafe fanfic #rafe fanfiction #rafe cameron fic #rafe cameron fanfic #rafe cameron fanfiction #rafe x you #rafe x y/n #rafe x oc #rafe x reader #rafe cameron x y/n #rafe cameron x oc #rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron x you #rafe imagine #rafe drabble #rafe blurb #rafe one shot #rafe cameron imagine #rafe cameron drabble #rafe cameron one shot #rafe cameron blurb

[luveline]

Missing my zombie!steve husband 🫶🏻

quiet day at the camp… hope something bad isn’t brewing… zombie apocalypse au <3 fem, 2k

Steve loves the sound of the river, but he only allows himself a moment to lay down on the riverbank during laundry hours. 

You stand knee deep in the water with your pants and sleeves rolled up, the corrugated metal of an old shed roof that’s been repurposed into a washing board held to your chest. It was pointless to roll your sleeves up, you’re soaked to the bone, even your hair, but the summer sun keeps you warm. 

“Don’t get too hot!” you call. 

“I’m fine,” he says, unwilling to shout. 

“He’s fine!” Robin shouts from beside him. “Numbskull.” 

Steve stares at you, locking you in, so to speak, the nice shape of your hip and stomach, the mess of your wet hair. Tonight, he’ll help you fix it, but there’s no rush and no hurry to dry off while the sun is out, and the fences are up. He turns onto his stomach. Grass tickles his cheeks. 

“You sure you’re okay?” Robin asks quietly. 

“Fine. Can you tell me if she needs help?” 

“Sure.” He listens to the sounds of her moving, likely pulling the slim lengths of her legs against her chest to hug herself, the tan leaves of a book spread out just in front of her. 

Steve could really go for a cigarette. You swapped the last box you found for toothpaste, isn’t that how it always goes? You and Robin found a cheat code in the apocalypse, nicotine with a capital ‘N’. You swap Arctic chewable for socks without holes and boxes of Marlboro’s for the bathroom essentials. Everybody wants them, and you’re great at finding them. Steve never thought he’d crave a cigarette again considering he wasn’t addicted, having smoked for a couple of months in high school to feel cool with his friends, stopping when his mom asked him to. He doesn’t remember why. She’d asked, and he’d listened, as he used to do. Swim team, cross country, basketball, lifeguard training, mowing the lawn, not upsetting his father, taking out the trash, vacuuming, no drinking and driving; task after task after task. Some of it was easy. He liked doing the dishes, and he loved taking care of his mom even if she didn’t feel the same. 

Not that it matters now. Does it matter now? He’s never gonna see her again. She’s a memory. She’s a bad memory, most of the time. 

The more he reflects on it, he decides. She was a bit shitty, but she’s his mom, and she’s likely gone, so he’ll try to remember the cookies they made together and the way she’d smile at him after she tied his shoelaces before school. And also the mean fucking bitch she’d turn into when she drank two glasses of wine. 

“What are you thinking about?” Robin asks.

“That’s the wrong soap,” you say from the river. Your voice floats over the breeze. 

“Fuck off, soap is soap,” Eddie says, your not-so-new friend, Steve’s sworn enemy. 

“I’m just saying,” you laugh. “Look, I’ll wash, you rinse.” 

“I’m thinking about that time,” Steve begins, holding his hand out toward her, open but not expectant, “when my mom and dad came home early from his business trip in Missouri and found us sleeping together.” 

“I’d never heard your dad laugh before,” Robin says. 

“My mom really didn’t like you after that.” He smiles as she takes his hand. They were a lot more touchy, pre-apocalypse. He misses that sometimes. 

“I don’t even think she thought we were dating.” 

“She was disgusted.” 

“She said we were being weird teenagers.”

“I guess we were. I never had a friend like you before so maybe I can’t blame her,” he says. He has something special with you, you’re a best friend because you’re half of his heart, but Robin was his first proper best friend, and remains it. “I missed you a lot when we were stuck in Indiana. There were a ton of times where shit would go wrong and I would get mad at you because I knew you’d know how to fix it, but you weren’t there.” 

“You’d get mad at me?” Robin asks, squeezing his hand. “You jerk. Be mad at yourself.” 

“Can you wait for me next time?” he asks.

Robin’s quiet, then she laughs, “I’m nodding but you can’t see.” 

He wonders how she’s feeling. He admits to not doing that much in the past. Not that he didn’t think about how he made others feel, he was always worrying about that after Nancy, but he can’t say he thought of it in the moment. Steve forces himself to sit up and offer his arms for a hug, which Robin gladly accepts, her frazzled laugh on his neck as he pats her back. 

“Are you okay?” she asks. 

“You know Y/N says I’m possessive?” 

Robin leans away, fingers curled around his elbow. “You’re fighting?” 

“No, just. She says I’m possessive, that I get mad about, you know, my people.” 

“Right. Isn’t everybody?” 

“I never thought I did. I’m not, like, too proud most of the time.” 

“Steve, this is super introspective,” she says, frowning, smiling, a weird expression somewhere melding in the middle of happy and concerned. “Are you sure you’re okay? It’s fine if you’re not.” She laughs shrilly. “I woke up the other day and cried and then ten minutes later I felt fine. I’m far from okay.” 

Steve glances past Robin’s head to watch you in the river. You’re sitting down amongst the stones. It really isn’t too deep, water to your ribcage washing suds down to Munson, who’s smiling at you kindly, not smarmy or flirting, just smiling. 

“Why did you cry?” he asks quietly. 

“I missed my cousin, I think.” 

Steve curls his arm behind her head and encourages her in for a fiercer hug. 

“Think we should probably go help them,” she mumbles. 

He takes it for the brush off that it is; sincerity is too much to take, sometimes. If she wants to be evasive about it that’s okay, she already took the leap and admitted to getting upset. 

“I cried thinking about Y/N’s hands the other day,” he says. 

“Steve.” Robin rubs her eye with the heel of her hand. “I don’t even know what to tell you.” 

“What? I’m trying to show you I’m pathetic so you don’t feel bad.” 

“I know you’re pathetic, and I don’t feel bad.” She climbs off of the ground and brushes broken grass off of her legs. Steve climbs up next to her, nudging her with his elbow. “You’re mucho pathetic. It’s kind of crazy.” 

“I think I might try and drown him,” he says conversationally. 

“Why now?” 

“Why do you think?” Steve asks, toeing off his shoes and peeling off his socks, nearly pitching forward on the wet bank closer to the river.

You and Eddie look up as they approach from different spots of the water. Your smile at seeing him winds him for the thousandth time, just so happy to see him, so in love with you he doesn’t even know what to do for a few seconds. “Hey, honey,” he says, “can I help?” 

“Now you wanna help?” you ask, gesturing to your soaked front. 

You’re messing with him, and he doesn’t care anyways, you can talk to him like crap if you want to. He shuffles down from the mud of the riverbank and into the water, cold and wet like a shock against his ankles, softer as it climbs to his knees. You’re sitting where it’s more shallow, opposed to Eddie on his knees and almost drowning further down. He puts his hand on your wet shoulder and kneels down in the water beside you. “Wanna hug?” you tease. 

Steve hugs you. Doesn’t care that you’re soaking or that the water is freezing against his crown jewels, though he shivers by your ear, prompting your laugh like bubbles in his own. “It’s cold,” he says. 

“Freezing!” 

Not to be a freak, but he can feel your chest pressed to him, and he knows you get achy in the cold. He wraps his arms doubly behind your back and rubs at your sides. “How much laundry’s left?” he asks. “We’re gonna get hypothermia. Again.” 

“You didn’t get hypothermia,” you remind him, folding into his space. “Steve… is everything okay?” 

“Do I look mopey today? Robin just asked me the same thing.” 

“You don’t look mopey, but you’re being touchy. You’re cuddling.” 

“How am I not supposed to cuddle you, dummy? I’m keeping you warm enough to function right now. Without me you’d be an ice cube floating down the river.” He leans back to hold your face in one hand, your cheek under his thumb, water racing down his wrists and your neck. 

You push against his hand gently with your cheek. 

“Sorry,” he says. 

“What for?” 

For lots of things. “I didn’t realise how cold the water was. I would’ve come to help you.” 

“It’s fine. I scrub everything and then Eddie catches it. We’ve only lost one pair of underwear,” you say. “The river’s like a long washing machine.” 

“How much do you have left?” he asks. 

“Nothing. I was just about to get out.” 

“Couldn’t have told me that before I came to get you?” 

“No,” you say, lifting your chin. Not challenging, but close. It’s an offer, Steve decides, kiss me or don’t kiss me. You don’t seem to realise he doesn’t decide, he needs you. If you always wanted to kiss him, you’d always be kissing, all the time, everywhere. 

Steve gives you a quick peck. “Come on, let’s go set up the line.” 

You somehow, together, make your way back to the tents without freezing to death after throwing your clothes on a drying line between trees. It’s warm enough that stripping down to your skivvies is mildly pleasant (away from the eyes of the other campers). You get dressed in the softest clothes you own upon Steve’s insistence, sweatpants and a dark hoodie, three pairs of socks and the tent door left open, before he lays you down on the sleeping bag, and settles between your legs, his full weight bearing down on you, his face nestled in the damp crook of your neck. 

“I couldn’t kiss you the right way,” he confesses. 

“Why?” You pull mildly at the ends of his hair. 

“‘Cos I always want more than one kiss.” 

“That’s a strangely romantic way to say you wanted to make out with me,” you whisper. 

“It’s not like that,” he insists, even though he does want to, and he did in the river, and he does all the time.

“You’re getting kinda heavy, Steve,” you mumble. 

“What?” 

“It’s a good thing.” 

“How dare you.” 

“We got sorta frail for a bit.” You wrap an arm around his head, tip of your nose to his forehead. 

“Yeah. Lucky we’re in camp Eddie now,” Steve says. 

“I never thought I’d hear you say that,” you murmur, so close to sleeping Steve can tell. You just need a feeling of security to nudge you over the edge. 

“Lucky we’re together.” He climbs off of you slowly so as not to rouse you too much, kissing your slack cheek as he settles on your shoulder. “You and me. I don’t care where we are.”

He ends up falling asleep not long after you, lulled by the rhythm of your light snore. 

#steve zombie!au #steve harrington #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x you #steve harrington x y/n #steve harrington x fem!reader #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington fluff #steve harrington fanfic #steve harrington oneshot #steve harrington scenario #steve harrington drabble #steve harrington fic #steve harrington fanfiction #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things #stranger things fic #stranger things x reader

[drvscarlett]

FRESH OUT THE SLAMMER

Esteban Ocon x childhood bestfriend!reader

Summary: Esteban has been pining over his bestfriend for the longest time. How long will it take her to see that what she's looking for is right in front of her?

The Tortured Drivers' Department series

A/N: And the first person that I'll be crossing off the list is Estie bestie. I think he is probably one of the drivers that gives me the wholesome aura. Let me know what you think or if you wanna be added to the taglist.

Taglist. @tea-bobba @boiohboii @c-losur3 @haikyuen @stelena-klayley @stinkyjax @0710khj @jinimon-tr

Now, pretty baby, I'm runnin' back home to you. Fresh out the slammer, I know who my first call will be to.

02-13-2002

Dear Diary,

Today I met my first ami (ami is friend in french) and he is Esteban something long name Okon. He is so nice to me. He said hi and helped me swing on the swing sets. I hope I meet more ami like Esteban but he is my favoriteeeee!!!

-y/n.

6 years old Esteban was actually running away from class when he stumbled upon a girl swinging alone at the park's swing set. He frowns because he noticed that every kid at the park have someone to play with but she has no one. Esteban was in an internal battle to just leave it alone but he can't help but feel bad for her.

He walked to the girl and he sat next to the empty swing next to her.

Y/N looked at the stranger that just joined her. Her interest was piqued because no one wants to be around her. She blamed it in her inability to speak French so she was hesitant to scare off the potential play mate.

"I'm Esteban, you are new?" Esteban started.

Esteban's english was not perfect especially with a strong French accent but he can hold a good conversation. He can see how the excited grin appeared in her face.

"Y/N! You speak good, can we be friends?" she asked.

She extends her hands to the boy and Esteban shakes it.

"Mon ami"Esteban agrees.

There was a visible confusion in her face. Esteban mentally slaps himself as he forgot that she cannot speak french.

"It mean friends"he added.

"Mon ami Esteban" it rolls right in her tongue.

And although there was a great language barrier, they managed to stay there at the swing sets till it was time to go home for dinner. Their antics and their grand hand gestures helped them communicate with each other.

11-28-2002

Dear Diary,

I told Estie that I will be missing thanksgiving a lot because I don't live in US. His mom and dad cooked, we had our own version of thanksgiving. I'm so grateful to my mon ami, Estie.

-y/n

Usually, Esteban's afterschool routine was drop his bags and leave the house to meet up with his bestfriend, Y/N. They would go sit at the swing set for hours or maybe watch the television at Y/N's house. It was a routine that Mrs. Ocon has been familiar with ever since Y/N came into the picture.

"Maman, can I talk to you about something"

Esteban made a beeline to his mother as soon as he gets home this afternoon.

"Did you have any troubles in school?" Mrs. Ocon wondered.

"Not at all Maman" Esteban answers "I just need help with something Maman about Y/N"

Mrs. Ocon tried to hide the smile in her face as he mutters a soft "oh". Meanwhile, Esteban reached out a piece of paper from his bag.

"Maman I drew this at school, this is a tradition that Y/N misses in America"Esteban explains.

The paper was filled with drawings of stick figures sitting in a table. The table was filled with dishes messily drawn in a muddle of green, brown, and orange.

Mrs. Ocon looks at her son with confusion, she still didn't know what he needs help in.

"What are you trying to say Esteban?"she asked

"This 28 is the thanksgiving dinner and Y/N says that her parents will be busy. She told me its just like a normal dinner but you say thank you for everything you are grateful about"Esteban elaborates "Can we do that Maman and can we invite Y/N to join us"

"That's a wonderful gesture to do for your friend Esteban" Mrs Ocon coos.

Esteban breaks out into a grin with the agreement of his mother.

"But you will be helping me prepare the dishes okay?" Mrs. Ocon added

"Of course Maman, I'll do anything"

Esteban gives his Mother a tight hug. He was extremely grateful because he knows how much Y/N has been missing so many american things lately. He was just scared that she'll leave France and then go back to America then he will never see her again.

On the other hand, Mrs. Ocon can call it mother instincts but she called it from this moment that her son is in love with his bestfriend.

05-17-2005

Dear Diary,

I like reading a lot while my bestfriend Estie loves riding the small karts. I like going to school, Estie doesn't like that. It seems like were different with each other. I'm scared of losing my bestfriend, what should i do?

But I'll support him. I want him to be happy. Thats what bestfriends do.

-y/n

"I wanna be a race car driver"Esteban blurts out one time that they were watching those Formula 1 races on the television.

Y/N started laughing because she thought it was a joke but when she looked at him, his eyes were looking at the race cars with so much determination.

"Wait, you are serious?"

"Can't you picture me driving those cars? It's like being wind woosh" Esteban mimicked the movement of the cars.

"But its like dangerous, you could crash" Y/N argues.

They have seen some serious crashes in the times that they watched F1. Y/N couldn't forget that dogpile crash in Monaco just a few weeks ago, her heart nearly stopped when the car hits a marshal cleaning up debris.

"Then I'm going to train to be a good driver so I don't crash" Esteban confidently states.

"But what about school?"Y/N asked "You're not seriously leaving me there"

"Woah, I said I wanna be a race car driver"Esteban clarifies "I didn't say anything about leaving you. You are mon ami"

"But school Estie?"Y/N repeats

Both of them knows that Esteban never found a knack for the academics, his favorite class was physical education. As much as Y/N tries to encourage him to study, he didn't like to do that a lot. Esteban always said that the braincells of Y/N will be enough for them to share and to get through life.

"I really wanna be a race car driver"Esteban insisted.

Y/N knew Esteban very well that if he sets his mind to it then he is bound to do it. There is nothing else she can do but support it.

"Esteban Ocon, a grand prix winner" Y/N shows her encouragement "I could picture it the crowd goes roar and you step onto those podiums holding those big trophies"

Esteban grins at her enthusiasm.

"And then I could take you with me to watch them when you finish school"Esteban added "We could travel the world together when I become a driver"

"Esteban wait so if you do become a race driver then maybe I can meet Kimi"Y/N wondered.

"Wow you only want me to go to F1 for Kimi huh"

"Well its a good opportunity to meet the man, the myth, the legend"

06-16-2006

Dear Diary,

I'm just really really sad today. Estie will be moving far away from here. Maybe I only get to see him on the weekends. I'll miss my bestfriend, mon ami

-y/n

They were at the swing sets when Esteban broke the news that he was accepted to compete for karting competitions. Y/N was immediately ecstatic to hear this but there was a frown gracing Esteban's face.

"You just told me that you are gonna compete for go karting but why do you look so sad" Y/N inquires "Isn't this like the first step in being an F1 driver?"

It is but Esteban hadn't predicted how costly this whole thing will be and how sacrifices have to be made in order to reach his dreams.

"We have to leave the house"Esteban breaks the news.

"Leave?"Y/N was confused "I mean don't you really have to leave the house to go to the go karting place..but you'll come back right?"

He shakes his head and Y/N could feel the reason for the sad looks on his face. Her heart feels like cracking especially when Esteban starts to speak again.

"They sold the house to get me a kart" Esteban's voice was filled with so much sadness "They knew it was my dream and the whole family sees a lot of potential that I can do it. I just feel terrible that they have to make sacrifices to make my dreams come true"

They were merely ten years old but it was a lot of burden to carry and to understand. Y/N is at loss for words but she just grabbed Esteban's hands.

"Then you have to give your all and be the best race driver ever okay?"Y/N reminded him

Esteban looked at Y/N and there were stray tears leaving her eyes but she has a brave face on and an encouraging smile. He was lucky to have a family that believes in him and he was even more luckier because he gets to have another supporter in the form of his bestfriend.

"You make a lot of money so you can buy your home again and you can treat your parents out"Y/N says "You have to do well okay, we all believe in you Estie"

And its these words that kept repeating on Esteban's mind whenever he is on track.

11-23-2012

Dear Diary,

It's my birthday today. Did you believe that Estie waited till it turned midnight here in France just to call me. My bestfriend be setting up the standards for everyone. I got a cake in the morning from my classmates and then we went to have dinner. Sixteen, im getting old now.

-y/n

Esteban and Y/N had a tradition since they were kids that they will wait for each other's birthday because they wanted to be the first person to greet each other.

The minute that the clock strikes 12, Y/N's phone starts vibrating. She had a grin on her face upon seeing the name on the caller ID.

"Well hello there Mr. Lightning McQueen"Y/N greeted.

"Happiest birthday to my sweetest mon ami"Esteban cheered on the other line "You know that I wish you all the best things in life and all of happiness that life has to offer"

"I'm surprised you had time to call, don't you have to wake up early later for your race?" Y/N questioned.

It was true, they don't get to talk as much whenever Esteban was in a competition season. Y/N doesn't mind it that much because Esteban will message whenever he can.

"I wouldn't miss my favorite person's day" Esteban answers.

His remarks made Y/N blush. It was a good thing that this is just a phone call conversation or she had some explaining to do.

"That makes me miss you way way more Estie"Y/N sighs "I hope I can see you again"

"Is that your birthday wish?" Esteban jokes

"My birthday wish is an F1 seat for you" Y/N declares.

"Hey, stop wishing about me. It's your day wish for YOUR day" Esteban argues.

"Then I wish for my bestfriend to get an F1 seat so I can meet Kimi"Y/N rephrases.

They spent a good time talking to each other. Y/N updates Esteban about those girls in her class that she wants to be friends with and how difficult physics assignments are. Esteban mentions about the trainings and the different race drivers that he met on track.

Esteban knows that he might probably regret staying up late but everything always seems worth it when it comes to Y/N.

"Well its really nice catching up to you but school starts at 7 tomorrow"Y/N yawns a bit "You must be pretty tired as well with all the training"

"Don't you worry about me here, I'm doing okay"

"You are the best Estie" Y/N said "Goodnight estie, love you"

Love. That's the word that Esteban has been pondering about a lot lately. It was that stage of life that people are getting girlfriends and boyfriends because they love that person. The only person that Esteban thinks he can love and be in a relationship with is Y/N.

First he thought, maybe its because Y/N's a close friends. Many people get the lines blurred between friendship and relationship. However, Esteban is beginning to realize that he likes Y/N more than a friend.

But, Esteban was scared of scaring her off or losing her so he settles with this.

"Good night Y/N, love you more"

01-01-2017

Dear Diary,

So Esteban and I went to our first party because Esteban finally had a permanent team for the upcoming 2017 season. We had a few drinks to celebrate and I met a boy. His name is Vincent. I think we hit it off pretty well.

-y/n

Esteban has this all night planned with him announcing that he is getting a permanent seat in Formula 1 to inviting her to the races to confessing his feelings and then hopefully get a New Year Eve's kiss.

However, here he is in the bathroom chickening out with his plans.

"C'mon Esteban, you can do this" he preps himself.

In his mind, he had everything written and prepared. He will start talking about the childhood how he was so glad to meet her and to her being the number 1 fan since day 1. Then he will move to his realizations and such when he was moving up to F1.

"Just say what you feel and be true. It's gonna work out"Esteban tells his reflection to the mirror.

With one spray of water to the face, Esteban exits the bathroom to find Y/N in the sea of crowd.

He searches for her and he was glad to see that she was still at the same place where he left her. However, his face scrunches up because there was another guy around her.

"Estieee!"Y/N calls out "I want you to meet Vincent, he is my new friend"

Esteban eyes the man because he didn't even look at him. Vincent's eyes were only looking at Y/N's and Esteban could feel his heart drop. He knows that look all too well because that is how he looks at her.

There goes his chance.

12-25-2017

Dear Diary,

This is my first christmas with Vincent as my boyfriend. Were still getting used with the presents thing and I think I overwhelmed him a bit. But I think that its going well, Mom loves Vincent. Dad and Esteban doesn't seem to think that Vincent is good for me.

-y/n

"Okay, time to open christmas presents!" Y/N excitedly announce.

Everyone gathers at the Christmas tree. It was a yearly tradition in the household that after lunch they go one-by-one in opening the gifts. Y/N always loved presents so she would always go first.

"Merry Christmas darling"Vincent says as he gives his present.

Esteban manages to keep his expression straight but he would have gagged if he could. He was filled with so much jealousy that he could have been in that position right now if he didn't chicken out.

Also, there was something so irritating and wrong about Vincent. He just don't have any proof about it. Mr. Y/L/N has a similar theory which he discussed with Esteban when they were in the garage earlier.

Y/N opens the box and she saw a gold chain with the letter V. It was a very beautiful necklace and it seems expensive as well. She musters up a smile as she thanks her boyfriend.

"This is beautiful Vincent" Y/N admires as she takes it off the box.

"I know."Vincent agrees "When I saw it in the store, I immediately thought of you"

The thoughts were sweet but Esteban couldn't help himself.

"Mate"Esteban calls "Y/N doesn't wear gold"

It was the truth that Y/N never wore any gold jewelry but since it was a gift, she was putting on a smile. Esteban knows that Y/N is just being appreciative to be respectful. Frankly, he was a bit pissed off that Vincent didn't even pay attention to that simple details of Y/N.

"Oh, I didn't know that"Vincent sheepishly grins "I didn't notice that, maybe I should take it b-"

"No, no. I'll wear it, its the thought that counts"Y/N settles.

"Next year, I'll get you a better gift" Vincent assures.

Mr. Y/L/N and Esteban could only share an eye roll, they really hope that they don't get to see Vincent next year around.

06-26-2018

Dear Diary,

Today is emotionally draining and I find it hard to sleep with a lots of thoughts in my head. It feels really different to see Estie in an F1 car. I simply can't believe it that he went to watching race cars to driving one. It sucks about whats about to happen but I am so proud of my bestfriend, mon ami Estie. I will always be proud of him no matter what.

-y/n

One of the worst things that could probably happen is to not finish a race but the feeling intensifies when it happened on your home race. Esteban wanted to kick himself for his misfortune. He didn't even get a lap in when Gasly collided him thus ending their races.

"Stupid" Esteban repeats the video all over again.

The door gently opens and Esteban would have shouted to leave him alone but Y/N peeked out of the door. It was like instant moment of peace for Esteban then its back to feeling like a failure because he suddenly remembered that everyone he loves have watched him DNF live.

"Estie, they told me you were here"Y/N greeted "You wanna talk?"

"I rather not" Esteban quickly answered.

"Hey, its just one bad weekend Estie"Y/N sits next to him.

"This is that one weekend that should have been a good weekend. Everyone is watching me and I didn't even start a lap before getting fucked"

The crack in Esteban's voice signifies that it was extremely heartbreaking for him to have this performance for his home race. Y/N could only tap his shoulder for comfort.

"Estie, you will have a lot of weekends ahead of you and you still have a lot more weekends that we will be watching. Don't be too hard on yourself" Y/N comforts "You can bounce back like you always do"

"You believe in me way too much"

"You already came a long way Estie. From sitting and watching them race every Sunday to actually driving a car. You should be proud of yourself" Y/N reminds.

There was something else painful in Esteban's heart. The recent issues regarding the team doesn't guarantee him for a seat in the coming year. It was another reason why he felt so down with what happened.

"Would you still be proud of me even if I don't have an F1 seat?" Esteban asked.

"What? What happened Estie?" Y/N was shocked.

"I might not have a team to drive for next year. I don't know if anyone is going to pick me with my DNFs and everything, I'm not a good candidate"

Esteban sheds the tears he has been trying to hide. He knew that this was a safe place to talk to Y/N. Everything just felt so heavy.

"Oh my god Estie, I'm sorry"Y/N consoles her bestfriend.

The two bestfriend knew how much this Formula 1 seat meant. It was a lot of struggles and sacrifice to reach this moment. One moment they were just kids going on karting season and now Esteban was getting his F1 seat. Now its being taken away, its like waking up from a good dream.

Y/N brushes away her tears and started to pace as if devising a plan.

"Don't you dare think that just because you are not getting a team next year is that you are a bad driver. You are a great driver okay,remember that." Y/N encourages "Take the year off. Improve your skills, get better then make a comeback"

If Y/N believes that he can make a comeback then Esteban believes that as well.

02-03-2019

Dear Diary,

I had a fight with Vincent. He told me that I am spending too much time with Esteban. He wanted me to stay away from Estie like who is he to tell me what to do.

I told him to be more patient with Estie because he really needs support right now. I hate how stupid and irrational Vincent is.

-y/n

Esteban was just picking up one of his cousin at the club when he saw a familiar figure at the alley. He just wanted to say hi to Vincent but when he noticed that he was holding hands with a girl, who is definitely not Y/N, Esteban started to follow.

He watched as how Vincent pulled the girl into a kiss and all Esteban could see was red.

"OHMYGOD, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"The girl shouts.

Esteban lands a solid punch. He doesn't care if Vincent is drunk or whatever but he should never cheat especially on a woman as amazing as Y/N.

"I tried to give you a chance, you fucking ruined it"Esteban lands another punch at Vincent.

"What the fuck man, get off!"Vincent screams.

The fact that Esteban was willing to let go and watch Y/N be happy with Vincent. He was willing to do that because Vincent makes Y/N happy but seeing this. Its not gonna happen anymore.

Two bouncers of the club broke them off. The girl immediately tended to the beaten up Vincent, Esteban dust himself off as he sets out a threat.

"You better come clean and tell her the truth or else I fucking will" Esteban warns.

"FUCK YOU MAN" Vincent shouts back "I know you like her! I know you are just waiting for an opportunity to ruin us"

"I'm not the one who ruined the fucking relationship Vincent, it was you who fucking cheated on Y/N"

Esteban was seething as he returned to the car. His mind thumbs to call Y/N but he knows that it will break Y/N's heart terribly if he tells her the truth.

09-28-2019

Dear Diary,

I hate this feeling of being ina fight with Esteban. He said some things that aren't true and I said some things that must have hurt him a lot. I don't think we will be okay any time soon. I just wish I could have turned back time to talk about the whole thing more carefully.

-y/n

There are not many things that Esteban and Y/N disagrees with each other. It was quite rare to see them fight each other because they fit perfectly just like that. Usually, their fights are just simple misunderstandings and harmless that they will make up in a day or so.

This time its different.

Everything started when Y/N explained that she'll be moving to Vincent's apartment, something that triggered Esteban greatly. It was apparent that Y/N had no idea of what happened at the club so Esteban told the whole truth.

Y/N is in complete denial and called Esteban a liar. So here they are with their raised tones.

"If you are my fucking friend then you would have told me the minute you saw it" Y/N explained "Why didn't you fucking call"

"I was protecting you. I know it would hurt you to know the truth and I told Vincent that he has to be the one to come clean" Esteban fights back.

"Protecting me with a grand lie?"

"I thought you don't fucking believe me that Vincent is cheating" Esteban frustrated with the argument.

"I don't know who to fucking believe because you would have told me right away if its real" Y/N cried.

The emotions were all too high, they were a ticking time bomb ready to explode. Esteban could not hide the disappointment in his face that Y/N didn't believe him.

"You don't trust me" Esteban realized.

"No Esteban, its not like-"

"Then what is it like?" Esteban asked "It seems as if you totally forgot that it was me who you could always trust no matter what. You forgot that I was your bestfriend since the beginning that was always there."

Y/N didn't want to get all the blame so she strikes back again even though tears were threatening to fall.

"You know its very fucking ironic that you say that" Y/N's words were like bullets "You didn't fucking trust me to believe you either that's why you didn't call"

Esteban was speechless and then he shakes his head.

"Where are you going?"Y/N chases after.

"I'm going home, away from you"

"Fine. Don't fucking come back" Y/N slams the door.

There were a lot of things said and done. They both don't know how they regretted everything.

03-29-2020

Dear Diary,

This whole lockdown is a little bit fucked. I was cleaning up some files in my computer and I saw a photo of me and Estie. I wonder if he is still mad at me and I wonder how he is doing with lockdowns. I wanted to reach out to him but I can't help but think back how much I must have hurt him before.

Vincent is a bit stressed with the whole lockdown situation. He gets frustrated easily especially with the new work set-up. I'm sure he will get better at handling his emotions, I just have to understand this for the moment.

-y/n

Esteban was scrolling through his instagram feed. He had nothing much to do since the lockdown kept everyone inside their homes. There was this feeling of uncertainty when can they race again but Esteban could only hope that they can race again even by May or June.

His hands stopped when he saw the newest instagram post of Y/N. It was a photo of her cooking a dish and the next set of photos showcases more of her lockdown diaries.

There was a bitter smile gracing on Esteban's face when he saw the photo of Vincent. It seems as if Vincent hasn't told the truth yet or maybe he lied to Y/N that's why they are still together. Esteban feels like he could punch the guy if he ever sees him again.

Not a day goes by that he regrets that fight he had with Y/N. It was just utterly pointless that it happened and he misses her. He hopes that she is okay and maybe after this whole lockdown is over then he'll go and find her again.

With heavy sighs, he scrolls past the post without liking it.

08-01-2021

Dear Diary,

Esteban is a grand prix winner. I'm really so proud of him, I shed some tears when he reach the final lap. I don't know if its the emotions or the adrenaline but I also messaged him and I was surprised that he answered. It seems like this is a start of a good thing.

-y/n

There were no words to describe how amazing the feeling was to be on top of the podium. Esteban could only imagine that feeling before but now he is living it. Everything felt like a wild dream because when he started the race he didn't even know that he will end up being a race winner after.

Collapsing to his bed, he finally opens his phone and it was immediately buzzing with so many messages. There was one message conversation that catches his attention

Y/N: Hi Esteban! I hope this is still your number. I watched the race today and I'm really so proud of you. I want to waive a white flag because this is everything that you have dreamed of all these years. There are no words to describe how proud I am of you. You have come a long way from that kid by the swing set. You will always have my support (even if we have a cold war). Y/N: I'm also sorry. I said some things that was really not good for me to say. I'm sorry I'm doing this over a text and I'm sorry that it took me this long. Y/N: I hope you are okay. You better drink up some champagne, you deserve it Grand Prix Winner.

There was this warmth that seems to envelope him as he reads the messages. It feels nice to know that she stills supports him even though they are not talking.

Esteban catches himself smiling through his phone screen confirming that his feelings for her still exist.

"Oh fuck it, this feeling never goes away doesn't it"

01-02-2022

Dear Diary,

Vincent proposed to me today in front of a crowd today. Mentally I wanted to say no because I don't think that I am ready for it or maybe its just the fact that I'm not sure that Vincent is ready for it. I just said yes because there was a large group of people. I felt like I was put on the spot and I didn't like it.

Maybe, its just the nerves.

-y/n

Mrs. Ocon had been keeping tabs with Mrs. Y/L/N even when the two had stopped talking to each other. They often update with each others lives when they get their nails done. Today, Mrs. Ocon couldn't believe the news shared to her so she hurried downstairs to find Esteban.

"Is it true Esteban?" Mrs. Ocon asked

"What's true maman?"

Esteban has just finished doing simulations so he have not been with his phone for quite some time. His mother immediately shoved her phone to his hand. Esteban squints as she watched the video of someone getting proposed at the Eiffel Tower.

"Maman, I'm not getting married anytime soon"Esteban jokes.

He has been pestered multiple times about getting married or getting a girlfriend but Esteban didn't want any of those. Nothing could compare to Y/N so he would rather not date anyone else.

"Just look more closely"Mrs Ocon insisted.

Scrunching up his nose, Esteban finally noticed the familiar faces of the couple. And it feels like a deja vu from his experience so many years ago when he almost confessed for New Years Eve.

Only this time, the pain has been magnified.

"That's good for Y/N, I'm.."Esteban holds his breath "happy for her"

"Honey...It's okay to not feel happy.."

Mrs Ocon has been one of the witness of everything and she knows how much her son loves Y/N. She extended a hug and soon the tall French man just let all his tears fall.

01-09-2023

Dear Diary,

I called it off, Vincent cheated on me and there was another girl on the side. He got her pregnant. I felt so stupid because I have been ignoring so many red flags all these years, I should have known better. I don't know what to fucking do, I hate him so much.

"What the fuck is wrong with me"

Y/N was a mess and anyone else who have been confronted with the reality that they have been in a fucked up relationship for so long will be a complete mess.

"There is nothing wrong with you Y/N" Esteban repeated "It was not your fault that he cheated"

"I was so stupid Estie, I wasted so many years for him"

This has been an ongoing process for a while now. Its been a good two weeks since they broke up but Y/N was still stuck in a period of asking questions and crying.

"I want my fucking life back and I can't get it back"Y/N laments.

Esteban doesn't know what he could do to help but he just became the shoulder that she can lean on. It was a good thing that there weren't much to do yet, he can still be with Y/N for a while.

"You know on the brighter side of life, you are still lucky that you didn't marry him" Esteban suggested "Like imagine all the divorce and process you have to go through if you did marry him"

"I might have ugly children if I married Vincent" Y/N scoffs.

"He is not your problem anymore Y/N, just ignore him"Esteban encourages.

Y/N lets out a frustrated cry as she messes up her hair again.

"I can't just fucking ignore him. He have been with me for a good period of my life and people just expect me to move on and go on with my life. I lost so many things about myself that I don't even trust myself after him"

Tears started falling from her eyes. She wipes them up as Esteban guided her to a chair.

"I'm sorry Y/N, here lets take a seat and I'll get you water" Esteban said before leaving to go to the kitchen.

There was something so nice to have Esteban around. Even if she shouts or screams like that, Esteban is still patient and kind with her. He was not rushing her to move past what she feels, he allows her to speak.

"You know, I can survive on my own" Y/N mutters.

"I know"Esteban agrees as he handed her the water "But I wanted to be here for you. You have always been there for me when I'm at my lowest of lows, I wanna be there for you now"

It was rare to see Y/N's smiles nowadays but with Esteban saying stuffs like that, she can't help but smile. She was very grateful to have Esteban around. She didn't know how she could survive without Esteban's help.

"Thanks estie

02-18-2023

Dear Diary,

Is it too soon to open up my heart again? I really want to try but I am scared. Maybe this is what happens when you've been in a shitty relationship for so long.

I also know that I dont wanna mess up things. If I do mess up things, I'm not going to just miss someone but I'll miss that boy I met at the swingset.

Maybe this year can do me good.

-y/n

"Esteban for a driver, you are pretty slow driving normal cars"Y/N teased.

"I have to be careful, accidents always happen and I don't wanna injure you before a flight" Esteban argues.

Esteban unloads all their bags. The two of them are going abroad however they are going to different countries. Y/N is going back to her old American home and she might be there for a while. On the other hand, Esteban is going to Bahrain for the pre-testing.

"You sure you have everything?" Esteban asked "Passports? Tickets? chargers?"

"Hey Mr. I forgot my passport, dont lecture me about forgetting things"Y/N smirked.

"Just double check and don't be like me then"

For onlookers they look like a couple about to travel together. How Esteban wishes that was the case but they are just a couple of bestfriends.

"Gonna miss you mon ami"Y/N hugs Esteban "I think I see my gate over there, call me okay"

"Of course I will"Esteban assures.

Y/N was already walking a decent few meters away when Esteban started to debate if he should tell her now. It seems spontaneous but this is a now or never situation.

"Wait up Y/N!"

"Did you forget something?"she teased

She turned her head and found Esteban catching up to her. There were beads of sweat on his forehead and Y/N could tell that Esteban was a bit nervous about something.

"Actually there is something I wanna tell you" Esteban starts.

"Oh what about it?"

She tilts her head in curiosity as Esteban takes in a large deep breath.

"I never forgot my passport. I was just using it as an excuse so I can spend more time with you. I didn't wanna go away from you because I miss you and I love you"Esteban declares.

"Aww Estie, you know I love you too-"

"No, Y/N its not that kind of love"Esteban clarifies "I love you as in I love you in a non-platonic way. I love you in a way that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I love you in a way that I'll do everything so that I'm always coming home to you"

There was silence between the two of them. Esteban was looking for any signs of disgust or rejection in Y/N's eyes but so far those emotions doesn't seem to appear. He feels brave enough to continue further.

"Look, I'm not asking you to be my girlfriend. I know you need time to heal from whatever happened to you. I won't rush you. I have waited since were little kids, this is nothing compared to that. Allow yourself to heal and be yourself. Explore the world. Then if you want me, I'm just here waiting for you"

Esteban's word was filled with so much love and adoration. It was the respect that Y/N needed for having suffer a bad relationship. How could she be so blind not to see what's in front of her all along.

Y/N leans to hug him.

"I won't answer this for now, wait for me to be healed okay?"she whispers.

"Of course Y/N, always waiting for you."

05-01-2024

Dear Diary,

Almost a year and so since my last entry.

I have visited a lot of places to find myself and to heal myself. It was a beautiful journey going to foreign places and trying new things. Actually gave me a new perspective in life that makes me confidently say that I am healed. Some things take a lot of time before we tend to appreciate it.

I have someone waiting for me for almost 22 years already. I'm finally going home to him.

-y/n

#f1 x reader #the tortured drivers department #esteban ocon x reader #esteban ocon x you #esteban ocon x y/n #f1 imagines #f1 fanfic

[bad268]

I love your writing so much!!

Can you kaybe do a Ralf Aron one where him and the readers parents go way back and they always thought that Ralf and the reader were going to marry each other?

Skip To That Part (Ralf Aron X Reader)

Fandom: RPF/WEC

Requested: Clearly (THANK YOU SO MUCH LOVE)

Warnings: None (no physical descriptions of reader)

POV: Second Person (You/you)

W.C. 1270

Summary: Let's just skip to the best part of the wedding (save me from embarrassment). + Song Rec

Join my 1K Celly

As always, my requests are OPEN

MASTERLIST // HITLIST

~~(^Pinterest)

Today was the day. Your wedding day. As cliche as it sounded, you were excited to start the new chapter. Sure, not much of a new chapter when you grew up with your future husband, but a step forward nonetheless. Ralf and you had been friends since primary school and together since you were teens. You were interested in engineering, so it was easy to follow him around everywhere. You were able to help with his karts, and it was only a matter of time before he put a ring on your finger.

The only thoughts that ran through your head as you stood at the altar were that you could not believe it. All that planning was finally coming to fruition, and so far, it was perfect. The skies were clear, the weather was nice and the wedding itself was small. You only wanted your closest family and friends since you were both pretty reserved. Plus, this was your day. Neither of you needed to justify your want to have a small ceremony or reception. 

There was one very important part of the ceremony, though. It was something you were looking forward to, and when you first told Ralf about it, he thought it was a great idea. You had heard about people having their parents or married family members give you advice or tell a story during the ceremony, and every video you saw of it made you want to include it in your day. 

Your concentration (or lack thereof) when your mom and Ralf’s mom stood before you. You chuckled nervously before they took the place of the officiant and faced the rest of your families.

“Before we get started with the advice,” Your mom started as a few of your families looked at your mothers.

“We thought now would be a good time for a story,” His mom finished off. Everyone laughed, but you looked at Ralf nervously, knowing this was probably going to be an embarrassing story. His mom waited for everything to calm down before gesturing to your mom and saying, “For some background, I have known her for years.”

“That’s right! At least 30 years!” Your mom laughed, playing along. “And we said that when we had kids, we would force them to be friends.”

“Well, lucky for us, our kids didn’t need to be forced!” The entire group erupted in laughter as you leaned to try and hide your face in Ralf’s shoulder. “These two were always attached. I don’t even think I ever saw you apart!”

“I can think of one time where I walked in on you two-” Your mom started, but by the glint in her eyes, you knew this was not a story you wanted to air out.

“Mom, please don’t embarrass me too much on my wedding day,” You cut her off immediately. No one needed to know that story. Some things just needed to stay between you and her, and this was one of them. 

“Ok, we won’t say that story,” Your mom conceded as she brought her hand up to fix a hair that had fallen in front of your eyes. “But I will say this. One day, we took them to the local karting track. This was back when they both wanted to be F1 drivers.”

“Oh right! To say Ralf got beaten to a pulp was an understatement,” His mom chuckled, poking fun at her son.  

“We were like 7!” Ralf defended himself with a laugh.

“Anyways,” Your mom dragged out before gesturing to you, “You climbed out of that kart so quickly and ran to Ralf. I don’t even think I’ve seen Lightning McQueen go faster than that!”

“You hit him with such momentum that it knocked him over! Good thing you both were wearing helmets,” His mom joked. The rest of the guests also laughed as both of your cheeks flushed from embarrassment. “I said right then and there you two would get married, so thank you for making me 100 euros richer.”

“You bet money on my love life?” Ralf gasped as his mom added the last part. “I should get at least half! I mean, it is my life!”

“And I get the significant other’s tax of 50%,” You joked with everyone, but once everyone calmed down, you turned to your mom and mother-in-law, “Did you really make a bet based on that one interaction?”

“Oh no!” They both said quickly, almost offended at the accusation.

“There’s plenty of instances that led to the bet,” His mom said.

“Like when you first met, and you grabbed his hand and said, ‘mine’ before dragging him into your room.”

“Or when you both raced against each other, swapped cars and immediately said each other’s cars sucked.”

“Or when you joined Prema just to travel with him during his F4 and F3 champaigns.”

“Or when you said you couldn’t stand each other after every other time you hung out.”

“Or when you both admitted to not wanting to ruin your friendships because of your feelings,” Your mom exasperated. “I had to listen to it for three years! We had to do something!”

“What do you mean you had to do something?” You and Ralf asked skeptically. You did not like the sound of that. Neither of you did.

“Let’s just say someone had to give you a little push but don’t shoot the messenger,” His mom replied quickly as she raised her hands in surrender. That’s when you realized what they were talking about.

You were 15 when you became official with Ralf. He slipped a note in your post box, and you knew it was him because it was his handwriting. You knew his handwriting like the back of your hand. It was a love letter that you still had to this day. As soon as you read his confession, you went to his house and admitted your feelings. The rest was history. 

However, the way his mom said, “Don't shoot the messenger” got you thinking. You never mentioned the letter to Ralf, thinking he delivered it, but the way she said it seemed suspicious.

“Did you give me that letter?” You decided to just bite the bullet and ask.

“What letter?” Ralf asked as he glanced between you and his mom confused. “What am I missing here?”

“Ralf, did you or did you not confess to me through a letter?”

“No…” He trailed off but picked it back up in a second. “I wrote a letter once, but I threw it away. I was going to give it to you, but the day after I wrote it, you came over and confessed. I didn’t need to give it to you.”

“Would it happen to have started with, ‘How about we shift our gears and drive into the sunset together? Because with you, every road feels like a scenic route’?” His face said it all as his eye snapped to his mom. “So the bet is invalid because the messenger interfered. I petition to just move on and never speak of it again.”

With a laugh, they sat back down, and the officiant stood between us again. Just as the officiant was about to call up the first couple to give us advice, Ralf stopped them.

“Can we just skip to the part where we kiss? We can do the advice during the reception, but that story took forever,” Ralf pressed as he tried to pull you closer. The officiant looked at you for approval, to which you nodded with a sigh.

“I think it’s time we skip to that part.”

~~~~~

© BAD268 2024. DO NOT REPOST WITHOUT PERMISSION.

#ralf aron x reader #ralf aron x you #ralf x reader #ralf x you #ralf aron #paul aron #formula 1 #formula 2 #formula 3 #world endurance championship #wec #f1 #f2 #f3 #wec x reader #bad268 #ship268 #thing268

[snowywolf1005]

LUFFY AND HIS WIFE, IF THET HAVE A DAUGHTER

Okay, okay, you gave birth to a baby girl. She looks like luffy, and acts like luffy. But not stupid. She has the same ability as you. She can shapeshift any animal with their ability, and she learns how to use haki.

Her name is Monkey D. (D/N). Luffy loves her so much that he will be the best pirate king dad forever. As much he put his daughter to a dangerous place cause you will be mad at him.

You all know that luffy is a Sun God, and you are a moon goddess. And in my mind, I was thinking, why not make their daughter to the goddess of monsters.

(D/N) can control the monsters who live different land. Yeah, it got worse when you were pregnant, and all the monsters went nuts. Cause you and luffy started hearing voices.

Saying that, there be a new queen to rule of monsters, that kinda made you and luffy shocked.

Oh, yeah, here is your daughter zoan type transform(I don't know what to pick, but I decided to find an eclipse pokemon. And this is I found):

Or this?:

I don't know, you pick. When luffy first meets his daughter, he can't stop laughing. When (D/N) cries, luffy will make a funny silly face, and for some point, you thought she would cry.

But no, she laughed. Luffy will try to make say her first word, "Come on, (D/N), Say da-da... please..." Luffy begged.

"Da..." That the one word your daughter say, if garp want to see his great-granddaughter. He can, but try to make sure cause you don't trust garp like not really trust him.

Because you think he'll kidnap your daughter and try to force her to become a marine. (D/N) will ask questions, "dad, why did you marry mom?" She ask.

"Cause, she my nakama, and we made a promise to stick together when we're young!" Said luffy, and (D/N) will ask you the same thing.

"Mom, why did you marry dad?" She asks, you turnaround and said this, "I married him because I don't him to get caught by the marine, eaten alive, or get killed. "

That made (D/N) jump out of one's skin. She never thought you married him. The marine will be scared of (D/N) if they mess with her. They'll be messing with her parents and the family crews.

Oh yeah, (D/N) is friends with zoro daughter mitsuri.

Hey guys, can I ask you a favor? Would you comment on what Luffy Daughter name will be?

If you want luffy daughter headcanons. Ask me! Cause I don't know what to write. So please ask me, please?

#one piece x reader #joyboy luffy x god reader #luffy x reader #father luffy x mother reader #father luffy #one piece luffy x reader #luffy x reader daughter #one piece x daughter #monkey d luffy x reader

[quitealotofsodapop]

How does the Wukongverse gang feel about the stone matriarch au updates? Do they still keep in touch with each other?

-💜(@fruit-fight)

The Wukongverse isn't a linear au/story, so they just hang out whenever.

That being said, if Dawn/LMK!SWK experiences the Stone Matriarch au and all that it implies...

Dasheng: "Oh hey, you've been busy-" Dawn, thousand-yard stare: "There used to be more of us. There used to be a troupe of Stone Monkeys on Mount Huaguo, and their last Matriarch was out mother." Rest of the monkeys: "...wut" ( 0_0) Dawn: "They were wiped out in the Great Flood when the Heavenly Pillar broke. When my mother thought that she had lost her mate, she deliberately buried herself to form the Stone Egg that would become me." Cherry: "The boulder is our mom!?" Other Monkeys: "Shush!" Ace: "While these plot twists are so very entertaining, can we see some evidence?" Dawn: *quietly reveals Luzhen, fast asleep in a papoose* The Other Monkeys: "!!!" Dawn: "My mother's mate didn't die in the flood, but had become trapped beneath the mountain. He too made a Stone Egg." Starfruit, confused: "He looks exactly like you, man!" Smokey, calculating "Well since mates naturally share dao.. then that would make him our-" Shihou, bounces up excited: "WE HAVE A LITTLE BROTHER!" Sugar, worried: "But what if *ours* is still stuck under the mountain?" All the SWKs: "..." All the SWKs:

They leave the meeting room deserted within seconds.

Some of their respective LEMs come running too while others are super confused/worried.

Dusk/LMK!LEM just wanders in, checks on Luzhen to make sure the baby wasn't scared by all the noise, and comments:

Dusk: "Wow. You didn't even touch the fact that Guanyin is your mother's reincarnation." The LEMs, all-hearing: "SHE'S/THEY'RE WHAT?!

Lots of chaos ensues across the multiverse as the differnt monkeys try to figure out what parts of the Stone Matriarch story fits their worlds.

The ones who manage to unearth their version of Luzhen clutch the newborn Stone Monkey tight, sobbing at the joy of finding another of their kind.

#stone matriarch au #stone monkeys #wukongverse #lmk #lmk aus #lego monkie kid #sun wukong #crossovers #monkey king hero is back #monkey king reborn #new gods nezha reborn #meihouwang #journey to the west legends of the monkey king #the monkey king netflix #the monkey king 2023 #smash legends

[greenerteacups]

Would LOVE to hear more re: Lily Evans as the bolter of you want to share more about that idea

Ogh god I have So Many thoughts about Lily and the Marauders in general because I had to basically do a full outline of the Backstory in order to have context for the living Marauders' backstories, but here is my official Harry's Mom Was A Player dissertation:

I like the idea that Lily grows up with relatively few people around (we only see her with Petunia and Snape, which you could read as a function of Snape's perspective, but I prefer to read it as Lily and Snape being "those weirdos in the corner of the playground making Potion in the dirt" buddies). From that, she becomes pretty closed-off emotionally, and despite having general charisma and kindness, she's pretty hard to connect with. Nice, but a little brusque. She's glad to help you with your homework, but when you invite her to Hogsmeade, she'll smile and make a vague excuse, and you'll never hang out again.

This would also explain why she and Snape remain friends for five years, despite being in different houses and having a lot of political differences: he's one of the few people she's vulnerable with. So we're picturing this Lily who's beautiful, charismatic, clever, but also very closed-off and hard to find. I.e. 100% the kind of person who attracts a lot of admirers, but doesn't actually get close to any of them.

My headcanon for her is a long series of two-month relationships running from around fifth year through sixth, none of them very intense, and petering out around the time that the other person starts asking for labels or commitment. Because (a) she's Busy, but (b) she's not really comfortable with any of them. And so she gets a bit of a (slightly mistaken) reputation as an ice queen.

We know Lily and James started dating in seventh year, after he "stopped being an asshole." ACCORDING TO SIRIUS. This is his account of his best friend's love story. A lot of the read here turns on (1) how much you think James told Sirius about him and Lily, and (2) how much of that Sirius wants Harry to know, as someone trying to protect James's memory.

"He was a cad" is obvious big James energy, especially since we know (1) he's an unserious arrogant jock for most of his Hogwarts career, and (2) she would have absolutely no reason to take him seriously if he expressed interest in her, because — he's a dumb kid! And a bully, from her point of view.

Because they're not close, verging on antagonistic, I tend to think that his interest in her actually was superficial to start with — based on her looks or her reputation (or both). Which, of course, plays right into her issues with intimacy and not being really Seen by anyone. And the ritualized game of his pursuit only contributes to her disbelief in its sincerity.

So basically, by seventh year, you have these two incredibly desirable, successful, popular people who are both in fact really locked-up and struggle with sincerity, but have the beginning of real feelings for each other, and are freaking out about that.

And then you get a great Player4Player love story about intimacy and the mortifying ordeal of being known.

#this is much different from the lily in the climb whom i sketched to suit the contours of that universe #but that's the beauty of the multiverse baby! #the bolter => the alchemy pipeline. you get it. you see my vision #jily #lily evans

[inconspicious-random-thoughts]

You what I think would be funny for Lilith's plot in S2 in regard to Lute threatening to boot her out of Heaven if she doesn't stop Charlie? Is if Lilith willingly moves back to Hell and joins Charlie's mission at the start of the season. Assuming she isn't staying up there as part of some long-term plan and really is just a political prisoner of sorts, she'd actually be relieved to be told she could actually leave Heaven and be with her family. All the drama around her being on Heaven's side as a threat to the Hotel and the first episode just has her pack all her stuff up, flips Lute off with both middle fingers, and just shows up at the Hotel screaming "momma's home!"

I don't know if that's actually the direction they'll go with Lilith given the overarching mystery surrounding her character, but I just think it would be hilarious if that's how S2 starts.

That would be hilarious. I been headcanon that Lilith had to stay in Heaven as some political plot. Not quite a prisoner...yet still is one. Like a lesser version of prison...like a house arrest but not in your own house.

But with Lute going to Lilith and basically telling her to go home and discipline that kid! I never thought of it like that before. But its funny. Lilith probably..oh go to the place I been wanting to return to for 7 years? Don't have to tell me twice. Picking up a "home sweet home" decoration on her way back.

Lilith being this whole mystery who set up to be fiercely independent then season two she be the stereotypical basic white girl and/or tv mom. "Who wants fresh baked cookies!". Live laugh love sign hung somewhere in the parlor of the hotel when she return. Being overly motherly and wifey to overcompensate when she was gone.

I don't think that will happen either but it be amusing.

The thing I think with about Lilith deal with Adam is Lute obviously knows about the deal...because of how season one ended. But lute doesn't exactly know what's the deal is exactly. Lute knows about the deal and the light gist of it. But not the finer details or the why. So Lute ordering Lilith around could very well be a great undoing (against heaven?) unbeknownst to Lute.

I do hope when she appear, she has a similar entrance to the hotel as Alastor in the pilot. I think it be a fun callback/parallel

*knock knock knock. Charlies open the door.*

Lilith: Hel-!

*Charlie slams the door shut in complete disbelief on what she seen. There's no way her mom standing on the other side of the door. Its some hopeful hallucination. Charlie opens the door again and Lilith is still standing on the other side.*

Lilith: -Lo!

*Charlie slams the door again.* "My mom here!" She said stunned.

"Oh my gosh...my mom actually here!!!" Charlie said gleefully in her rapid growing excitement. *Vaggie in the background in disbelief. "Wait...what...seriously?"

Charlie slaps her hands over her cheeks and drag her cheeks roughly down in horror and panics.* "I slammed the door in her face. Vaggie! what do I do?!!?"

Vaggie: "You let her in!"

*Charlie opens the door after trying to compose herself a little. After all, shes a grown woman now wanting to appease her mother by her behavior despite slamming the door in her face*

Lilith: "May I come home now?"

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel theory #hazbin hotel headcanon #hazbin thoughts #hazbin theory #lilith #hazbin hotel lilith #hazbin lilith #lilith morningstar #char #charlie hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel characters #hazbin hotel charlie #charlie morningstar #Lute #hazbin lute #lute #hazbin hotel lute #vagg #hazbin vaggie #hazbin hotel vaggie

[doodlboy]

Hey question 4 autistic/adhd/ppl who didn't socialize much as a child, do y'all have ppl say shit like "can't you talk about anything besides yourself?"/"you're really selfish/self centered" to you??

#the last couple times I've been trying 2 talk 2 mom she keeps saying shit like that and its bugging me #bc 2 me im just having a conversation abt my day or whatever #or im saying smthn i wanted to tell her b4 i forget which occasionally interrupts her #and she keeps saying it like im being this narcissistic person or smthn. as if me talking abt the MH dolls i saw @ work last week is like- #idk man. like im boasting abt how great i am. also she asked when i was gonna grow up after i talked abt the dolls so. #anyway #ive noticed that idk how 2 rlly hold conversations with other ppl so i just- default to talking abt somethin i did or whatever #when idk how 2 respond 2 smthn. is that rlly me being self centered? #i just- all i had 2 talk 2 for the last like- 8 or 9 years was myself and now i have 2 socialize again & i feel like im being rude #or only talking abt myself bc i have no experience with talking 2 other ppl #idk #anyway lmk #autism #adhd #elliot rambles

[restinthewest]

My mom is categorically not a dog person (or a pet person at all) and whenever she spends time with Hallow (usually just at my parents house) she always mentions to me that she thinks that Hallow is “mentally ill” (a conclusion she has arrived at due to the fact that Hallow ignores my family and always watches/follows me and doesn’t care to be pet). I always tell her that Hallow is fine she’s just acting like a GSD but my mom cannot be convinced that it’s normal behavior. So I usually just have to meet her halfway and say “okay maybe it’s mental illness but it’s an intentionally coded feature”

#my mom is a great lady she just doesn’t get pets #and she actually does like hallow she just thinks she’s weird #also I try to tell her that hallow is way less Velcro and stare-y when we’re somewhere fun or with human and dog friends #but Hallow has to abide by a TON of rules at my parents house and it’s not particularly fun for her so she defaults to quiet staring at me #because there’s nothing else to do #to be clear hallow doesn’t have sep anxiety and can be removed from me without a fuss #honestly most dog breeds if you boil them down are ‘we intentionally selected for weird ass behavior’

[lightblueminecraftorchid]

I love learning ASL it’s so good. Makes me happy to learn it. I’m so glad my university has classes for it with professors actually steeped in Deaf culture.

#blue chatter #am I good at ASL? hahahahahahaha. no. #ASL and English grammar are incredibly different and even when I remember my vocab I am easily clockable as hearing #but I do have some language capacity now. enough to communicate the basics. #and I just. genuinely really enjoy it. it’s fun to learn and engaging in a way most of my classes just aren’t. #and I can. yanno. communicate respectfully w Deaf ppl. and learn about their culture #which is incredibly important given that I want to go into a field where there is a higher incidence than typical of Deaf people #autistic? you’re more likely to be Deaf! #not to mention the fact that sign language can sometimes be a useful alternative to speech for nonspeaking/nonverbal people #depending on the person obvi; some nonspeaking/nonverbal autistics cannot use sign language and that’s okay #but surely at some point I will encounter either a Deaf client or a nonspeaking/nonverbal client who uses ASL #and when that time comes I should have some idea of how to communicate with them #I also rly like the Deaf church by my parents’ house #their community is really welcoming and their services are really interesting #I think it’s rly cool how they take intentions directly from the congregation #they’ll raise their hands and then sign what their intention is from their pew to the ambo #which is rly neat #it is funny bc every time I go the Deaf ppl I talk to will tell each other ‘go slow she’s hearing’ #which is ENTIRELY fair bc. I am hearing. and I do need them to go slower. #but it also makes me laugh bc truly everyone knows within a few minutes. #oh hey the new person? they’re hearing. yeah they’re learning ASL at college. sign slowly for her. #which again makes sense bc a big Deaf culture thing is keeping ppl informed. it’s not gossip it’s getting everyone on the same page. #Deaf ppl do NOT beat around the bush that is like the height of rudeness to them. u say what u mean goshdangit. do not waste their time. #which I appreciate the heck out of bc i don’t have to try and phrase things delicately or w/e #it was also funny bc my mom came w me while I was home for Christmas and they asked her if I was her kid #and she said yes. and the lady running the kid’s craft corner thing was like ‘great you’re doing a craft now’ #and I’m sitting there. visibly over 18 years old. amongst several seven year olds. trying desperately to figure out how to say hot glue gun #I made a v pretty pinecone tree it was a lot of fun ^-^

[apathyfairy]

you are either a girl who is miserable and sad on her birthday or a girl who loves her birthday and there is no in beetween and neither group will ever understand the other

#obviously i am part of the first group and like it just makes me sad. like with every passing year i’m just like ok. well i super have #nothing to show for this past year or my age and i just hate everyone acting like i’m worth something or worth still being alive #so when the 3 family members i have are like yaaay happy birthdayyyy i’m like ok thanks but i should have died a long time ago #like there’s just nothing to celebrate like i’m not proud of who i am or that i exist u know what i mean? like i think i cracked it i think #that’s why i hate my birthday and so i like to just be alone and do alone things and cry if i want to or usually i just drive around and #sing along to sad music in the car and just wait it out u know #like i fully just let myself be as miserable as i want like that’s my gift to myself #but this year it’s on a saturday and so my mom is like what do u wanna do let’s do something fun and every year it’s always the same bc i’m #miserable beyond belief and she’s trying to hype me and it ends up with her getting mad at me bc i’m such a miserable downer fuck up and #it’s like great i can’t wait. it’s so pathetic to complain about birthdays we all have them we all get old whatever but it’s just like #genuinely u should be able to just skip it if u arent feeling it and everyone should respect that

[todayisafridaynight]

ik a mention rgg nerfing ttm's features when modelin sawashiro every five minutes but they really had to cause aint no way in hell would a been intimated by this bruv if they didnt

#snap chats #oh im fucked i really put 'a' instead of 'i'. whatever thats how i pronounce it we goin phonetic baby #did ou know i remember abolutely nothing about the ending of drive. i watched it while drinking two soju #DO NOT RECOMMEND by responsible #to totally contradict myself im drinkin nigori i bought . i didnt know alcohol cold frreeze and i accidentally froze it ☠️☠️☠️ #iiii ALOMST knocked my cup over ohmy gd #moving on. legality to say soem BULLSHIT noowt ho #anyway n o lsien to me ttm's 38 in this movie and sawashiro's 38 in 2000. probably. i cant do math rn Or Ever point is About Same Age #this IS from drive. great movie. and this is one of his cuter/sillier roles imo so awkward comp but ill still speak #main text got me lying i was out of pocket seeing bro frame 1 anyways but it woulda been a diff vibe this route lsten to me #hes just too cute bro . bye. fymhes an antagonist hes too cte for that <- his filmography prves otherwise #gon try to start an argument with me what you gon do mate kiss me ??? enough. #i like how ttm just has A Vibe to him. Apparently. he always playin awkward mates.... back then anyway.. #postman blues did him so dirty bein all 'slender-framed mates are more prone to socipathy' LKE LEAVE HIM ALONNNE #wehhh i wish they mocapped his facial expressions more accuraltey in rgg. and his teeth. his smle still cute to me.. #i sound lke my mom when she talks bout lee joongi whenever i talk bout ttm ew lke bye. stop #ok im going bak to playing mincraft now bye #oh my gd when did it become 2AM literally suck my ween

[slutdge]

I dont really think ive processed just how badly my dads behavior has effected me this year its really the worst it has ever been and i think im avoiding thinking too hard about it cause i know im a danger to myself if i do lol

#multiple times this year he told me that my disability is “killing mother'' on my moms behalf when she never #asked him to say that and never expressed that #like yeah my moms not great but she never said me being disabled was ''killing her'' #he physically assaulted me the night before my grandmothers funeral and i had to show up and face him the next day like nothing happened #every time i was unable to do something because of my disability after my grandmothers diagnosis #he would really lean in to telling me i wasnt ''that bad'' and basically just say i wasnt allowed to suffer because my grandma was dying #like i was supposed to suddenly stop being disabled because of that #and on multiple occassions he implied that i didnt cate she was dying despite me going to see her a hundred times more #than he did after she was diagnosed #he lied to a judge and got a court order to have me arrested and institutionalized #during which i was slammed face down into concrete by police while they were ''apprehending'' me #and then i had to spend 6 hours talking to psychoatrists trying to make them understand that he is doing this maliciously #for them to just tell me to ''calm down 🙄'' like it was unreasonable to be upset #and also be mocked by the cops who arrested me the entire time i was in police custody #i hate him i hate him he deserves to kill himself not me

[milkweedman]

Terrible rushed picture on the way to work this morning but look at this bag i crocheted for my not-really-boss-but-she-is-in-charge-of-many-things-but-not-me-specifically-as-far-as-i-can-tell. She was super excited by all my bags i kept bringing and always complimented them and said she wished we had time for me to teach her to crochet, and i am just so unused to the relentlessly nice compliments that i ended up crocheting her a bag. You cant really see it but it has a white base as well. And its the closest i could get to rainbow colors (she is, as far as i can tell, the type of Ally TM who puts rainbows on everything), so it seemed a safe color scheme. Anyway when i gave it to her today she was speechless for a few seconds and then started punching the air

So, seems like a successful gift

#shes great #i feel like if id known her when i was a teenager i would have decided she was my mom lol #as it is im just generally delighted by her #crochet #grocery bag #rest of my day was unbelievably bad and tomorrow will probably be worse but this was a high point #also got to paint a little plate ! i did strawberries on it #dont know how itll turn out until its fired and it might be a while till i get it back sadly #but it was really nice #im trying to focus on the nice parts of my day bc if i dont manage to unclench my jaw soon i think i might break a tooth #couldnt sleep last night either bc i could not get any of my muscles to relax. to an insane degree #anyway. strawberry plate. and it has little hearts on it and i painted the rim to kind of look like rays of sun in the sky #i havent really done any non textile or musical art in years but the stuff ive tossed together for kids in arts and crafts #has been surprisingly good and fun and made me want to pick up painting or drawing again #havent yet bc horribly busy but my last day is tomorrow. so

[bonefall]

Questions

Does Squirrelflight have another mate or kits (Juniper and Dandelion) or is she chillin?

Does Russetfur have kits? She’s a clean slate if you don’t have her and Raggedstar share a father. I’ve seen some say Redwillow could work as her son but who knows.

What’s Bramblestar and Jessy’s relationship like? Same with their kits

Hope your day going great bones and remember to hydrate

Does Squilf have another mate or kits?

Not currently! I don't think she really needs one, honestly. I know a lot of people write her as finding happiness with someone else after breaking away from Bramble, but in my mind, I want to give her satisfaction in her family, in power over her clan, in doing the right thing, in all of the other things in her life more important than romantic love.

I wouldn't be against letting her get with someone though! But only if it shakes up that way as I get into the specifics of the story. Imo it's more important to give her a satisfying arc with finding a new mate as a possible nice bonus, if that makes sense.

(I will mention that Daisy is the only current candidate, as they are both having arcs about moving on from bad mates and they might end up having a lot in common. But also this is just a scintilla of an idea at the moment.)

She will also not be having any bio-kits; Squilf is infertile! Weird that they just sorta obliterated the only fertility issues in the whole series...

Does Russetfur get kits?

Not impossible! But unlikely. Something about Russetfur to me feels child-free.

If she has kits, she will probably be a surrogate and the litter will be raised by another couple, ergo be counted as that couple's children for all intents and purposes.

I do want to casually drop, though, that Hal will be getting some major rewrites. He is now a leader of BloodClan, and, I am tentatively planning large changes to how Chelford Township cats view fatherhood. Depending on how those changes go, it might not even be relevant if Hal is their sire or not.

Bramblestar and Jessy

I think the biggest thing to remember with abusive partners is that there's no perfect partner that could 'fix' them. Though growth is possible and I very strongly believe that anyone can change, I feel equally as strongly that most abusers don't. So, I'm actually reaaaally trying to be careful with them.

I don't want to frame Bramble as someone incapable of improvement... but at the same time, I'm not sure if he's the sort of person who actually would. Especially with him being the Clan Leader, an unaccountably high social position. That said, I'm also not interested in just turning Bramblestar into a demon that I just beat with the narrative for catharsis, if that makes sense...

I am leaning towards having them together for a few books, before Jessy breaks it off with him after Bramblestar, inevitably, starts up the cycle anew with her.

I even actually considered her taking Alder in the divorce, returning to her twolegs, with Alder eventually being drawn back to the Clans. To make for a more 'clear' reason why Bramble is so often dismissive of him and his concerns-- clan xenophobia. I'm not very fond of how AVOS glossed over Squilf and Bramble as parents, it ended up sort of implying both of them were toned down personality-wise.

But I'm still unsure if she even leaves ThunderClan, because she does end up with a very respectable position as an excellent builder and general problem-solver. I'm not sure if she should want to give that up.

So TL;DR I've been waffling a lot with my drafts and don't have hard answers yet.

The Bramble/Jessy litter

I mentioned Alderheart earlier, but Sparkpelt is kind of an inverse situation. No matter what happens with Jessy, Spark absolutely excels at her tasks and has a huge interest in clan history. She does a lot to impress her dad and live up to his legacy, hoping to continue the family tradition of becoming leaders of their clans.

Tigerstar is an inevitable part of that history, but Bramblestar named her after his mentor, Firestar. She holds him in high regard, a sort of familial respect towards the cat who saved their legacy by opposing Tigerstar. Because of this, she is apprenticed to Squirrelflight, and they become extremely close.

In contrast to canon that sort of implies Bramblestar was a better father to his first litter than to his second one, I think Bramble was more present for Sparkpaw. Not neccesarily as a nurturing father, but as a quite assertive one. Like a paternal teacher of sorts, keeping her informed on the family stories, social expectations, doing a lot of personal training. Not in a strict way, more... authoritative, is probably the best word for it. Still somewhat emotionally distant, however, though he is trying.

He is also proooobably prone to jealousy, when Sparkpaw is closer to her mentor than to him. I think this eventually causes fights to break out between father and daughter, as Bramble suddenly gets colder and Sparkpelt realizes that she can't just over-achieve her way out of his emotional problems.

I have a huge fondness for complex family dynamics, in case it isn't obvious.

ANYWAY I'm running out of room for Dandelionkit and Juniperkit to fit into the narrative, honestly. I've considered their deaths to be the start of "The Fight" that lead to Jessy and Bramble's kitty divorce, but I don't think Bramblestar is THAT KIND of bad. If anything, it would temporarily cause him to treat Jessy less badly, if they had brewing issues, as these situations make him do in-canon.

I may end up just eliminating them both entirely... giving them to Squilf as a rough pregnancy and stillborn litter seems cruel, unless I shuffle them back earlier to be 'born' at the same time as Holly/Lion/Jay.

#Thanks for the Rewrite asks btw #Makes a good break between me violently shaking main series characters in my mouth #Bonefall Rewrite #I did have a good day btw! #We had like 7 graves to visit and managed to tag 5 before the rain chased us out #Found out apparently I have an ancestor who drove tanks in WW2 so that's cool! #When we visited my Great Great Grandpa we started googling the division he served in and the sun came out as my mom read it out loud #Like right before the clouds rolled back in and it started raining #It was both awe-inspiring and funny because it was right around the moment she says #`Apparently (division) served /w British infantry and got jam and tea as rations causing them to descend on France in search of real food` #Like GGGrandpa was out here trying to REALLY DRIVE IT HOME that British rations sucked LMAOOO #Used his magic ghost powers to make the sun shine down upon dunking on the British #Absolute legend thank you GG Grandpa #Bramblestar #Russetfur #Sparkpelt #Squirrelflight #Alderheart #Jessy #Jesse