#my mom has a favorite song and she really missed hearing it in person so she asked for me to play at like 9pm

[divineei]

modern!atwow x musician!reader

modern avatar mlist!

desc. headcanons for modern avatar: the way of water teens with a musician significant other who’s in a band. reader plays a different instrument for each character.

a/n. if this flops i’m retiring. real shit.

— neteyam. ( guitarist s/o ♪! )

he sleeps with a t-shirt of your band every. goddamn. night.

gives it back to you once a week so you can spray your perfume on it. you ended up bringing him a bottle of ur fave brand and he sprays the cologne on it every time he washes it (aka ever fucking week)

mans hooked. to both you and your music

listens to your band’s songs at least once a day. either w/ headphones or on full blast it doesn’t matter

his whole family knows all the lyrics

sometimes tuk comes to his room and jumps on his bed while playing air guitar and he absolutely joins

other times tho he closes his eyes to focus and pays special attention to the guitar while having your smile in mind

he once spent like 2 weeks watching youtube tutorials to (kinda) learn one song so he could play for you

was it good? no it was fucking hideous. was it the sweetest fucking thing ever tho? absolutely it was

always tries to pick you up after band practice

my boy would rather miss his basketball competitions than miss one of your concerts

this one time he actually tried to skip a match bc your performance was at the same time and the mf showed up backstage like “hEy🙂”

you had to call his mom for him to leave (u snitch that was kinda foul)

definitely knows abt “the rockstar’s girlfriend” aesthetic and makes it his personality. like he’s so into it

you got him a t-shirt that said “im with the band” as a joke but he actually wears it and its hilarious

— kiri. ( keyboard s/o ♪! )

comes to your house just to hear you play

she brings a book and lays down on your bed while you make new music

ADORES watching you come up with new tunes!!!!!!

you always have that focused look on your face as you move your fingers over the keys at makes her want to take a picture (she actually has a few ngl)

always goes back home humming your new melody

you record covers of her favorite songs on your keyboard and give her a cd that she listens to on her discman (she defo owns old gadgets like that)

sometimes puts her phone down on her window stool, where she has her favorite plants, and leaves it there with your music playing. she likes to think it help her plants grow

lowkey gatekeeps your songs

there was this one time you couldn’t sleep bc she kept appearing on your mind, so you connected your headphones and made your “ode to kiri”

it was 2am when you vídeocalled her to play for her what you just wrote

and kiri being the sensitive person she is, swore she could feel your affection through the music, little tears threatening to fall from her pretty eyes

it was truly a treasured memory in your relationship

until a loud ass knock on your door and an equally loud “FFS ITS 2AM!!!!!” almost made you drop dead

she absolutely laughed at you btw

— lo’ak. ( bassist s/o ♪! )

brings you stickers so you can decorate your bass w/ them

“aye babe i got a new sticker for your guitar” “for the hundredth time lo’ak, its a BASS!!!”

yeah he knows it annoys you and no he’s not gonna stop

his lockscreen is a picture of you on stage with a bunch of lil hearts he drew around you

when he goes to your concerts he tells everyone you two are dating

“you see that one over there bro? pfft yeah, we’re together” “do i know you man????” 💀

when you told him your band didnt have a logo yet he showed up at your door 3 days after, super excited and with a bunch of sketches to show you

i also think lo’ak would be really into graffiti art

so he goes around the neighborhood spray painting your band’s logo on the streets walls

“lo’ak you’re gonna get us in trouble” “oh cmon, its good promo!!”

he messes up with your amplifier when you practice, turning up and down the volume, the treble, etc. until you throw your pick right into his fucking forehead and he’s like:

“ma fault 😨”

the moment he (finally) sits still he actually pays really close attention to how your hands move

“damn, you make it look so easy” “im just good with my fingers ig”

cue the dumbest smirk you’ve ever seen

— ao’nung. ( drummer s/o ♪! )

imma just say it; he is popular. by that i mean ma boy has hella contacts

AND by that i mean he makes sure your band always has a venue to perform at. always first on every list fr

“ao’ stay the fuck away from my drums”

actually a fucking menace. tries to impress you by smashing the drumsticks everywhere.

“nah babe check me out i got it this time srsly”

rhythm left the room the moment he sat down

he even attempts some tricks he seen you pull off during your concerts, like throwing the sticks up or rolling them between his fingers.

they always end up either on the floor or hitting his dumbass head. it’s cool tho, u kiss it better (after a well deserved smack bc what did i tell u)

he’d still insist on learning so you two end up having a chick flick moment where you guide him by putting your hands on his

boy actually blushes. just a smidge

“your ears are red” “stfu no they’re not”

might not know shit abt making music but seeing the look on your face when you play is enough to make him see how passionate you are

loves being alone with you in your band’s backstage lounge

he’s so fucking extra he got his friend outside the door like some whack ass bodyguards. they’re so into it too bro

“aye keep walking man🕴️” “move along bitch aint nothing to see here🕴️”

whenever you’re about to go on stage he stays with you in your band’s room and massages your hands

makes sure you always put some baby powder on your palms before you perform in case you start sweating so you dont drop your drumsticks

— tsireya. ( vocalist s/o ♪! )

she sings along to your songs whenever they play

ao’nung is sick and tired of listening to her and uses ear plugs all the time bc he once told her to stfu and got smacked

you two even make your own carpool karaoke and scream the lyrics together on the parking lot

and she NAILS IT!!!!!

like my girl can sing fr

in fact you’ve asked her to help in a few songs for harmonies and second voices

she helps you out a lot with your vocal practice and your breathing exercises

she sits down with you and counts each second with her fingers when hold your breath and when you try your best to hold a specific note

let’s be honest here. A LOT of your songs are abt her

you really don’t have to tell her, she knows they are. bc when you’re up on stage singing abt the perfect girl, you look right at her. and her heart beats faster every time

sometimes you send her your lyrics like “what do u think of this??” and it’d be a full on poem abt her that makes her smile so goofy. kicking feet and everything

every time you get in the shower and start humming/singing her phone is ready

actually has a video of you freaking tf out bc you had an idea for a new song while showering and you stormed your way out the bathroom, wet and hair full off shampoo

“REYA PASS ME A PEN QUICK” “NAH WHY ARE YOU BOOTY NAKED PLEASEHAhH”

you had to mop the floor after that

— rotxo. ( acoustic guitarist s/o ♪! )

makes sure you are never out of strings to change

but since the strings are heavier from an electric guitar, he knows you sometimes hurt your fingers playing

so he bought you a bunch of finger protectors.

he’s a sweetheart, but those whack ass things he got you looked like this

yeaaah…. no. 💀

actually offensive he’d think you need that shit but you let it go bc he really just wanna be there for you

the actual definition of #1 fan

he’s on every concert

and i mean EVERY. CONCERT. front row, backstage, glowing sticks on one hand, phone on the other and zooming on you and only you

he goes to your house more than you go to his, just bc he always wants you to play smthn. and this way you dont gotta bring your guitar back and forth

when you’re together in your room, you get your guitar and he asks you to play some lofi style tunes

especially loves it when it’s summer and the both of you just lay down with the windows wide open and the breeze goes in and out. has a cool glass of your fave drink with a straw and he holds it up to you while you play

one thing ik for sure is rotxo is lowkey good at making beats/bases

the two of you have definitely made a few tracks purely for your enjoyment (like this)

many many many beach dates where you bring your guitar and he lays his head on your lap while the sun sets

taglist. — @rainbowsocks, @dearstell, @erenjaegerwifee, @neteyamyam, @lvrcpid, @grierpilots, @littlexscarletxwitch, @elegantkidfansoul, @anm3mi, @kachowness, @boilingpots , @lagoonabluebabe, @lethalvenus, @casiia, @liluvtojineteyam, @inluvwithneteyam, @syulangg, @junnniiieee07, @drugs-for-memes, @ilovejakesullysdick, @lovelyygirl8, @neqeyam, @ak-aaa-li, @sakura-onesan, @babyymeme, @gender3nvyy,

© to @divineei on tumblr; do not repost or steal

#avatar x reader #atwow x reader #avatar modern au #atwow modern au #modern!avatar #modern!atwow #modern avatar #modern atwow #rotxo x reader #neteyam x reader #aonung x reader #lo’ak x reader #kiri x reader #tsireya x reader #neteyam headcanons #aonung headcanons #rotxo headcanons #lo’ak headcannons #kiri headcanon #tsireya headcanons

[pentacentric]

I probably think way too much about how very little Sam knew about Mary. How John and Dean gave him almost nothing, to the point that she wasn't even really like a ghost shadowing his life, more like the story of one overheard in bits and pieces over the years. And yet, his whole life from when he can first remember—every bit of motivation or guilt, every point of pride or shame—is built around his mother, this person he isn't allowed to know.

I've written a lot of bits and pieces about it before, but never a standalone. This is actually an excerpt from a longer story, but I modified it some and I think it works on its own, hopefully (he knows about hunting already but that's really the only canon difference).

..........................

When Sam's in fourth grade, and has to write a page about his favorite memory, he asks for Dean's help. All he can seem to dredge up at the moment is just too weird or too farfetched. Things that say far too much about the way they live for a teacher to read.

So he asks Dean what he would write about.

After some teasing about his best memories being of all the times Sam's embarrassed himself (and a well-aimed pink rubber eraser hitting him between the eyes) Dean quiets down and turns thoughtful.

"Well, I dunno what my most favorite memory would be, really. I guess…" He bites his lip, chews on it for a second, gaze directed absently into the distance. "I think it would prob'ly be my first memories? It musta been, like, when I was three and four maybe. They're…of Mom."

"Oh." Sam's chest gets a little tight. He speaks quietly, cautiously. Dean—Dean and Dad both—they don't talk about her much. Sam's seen her picture, the one that Dad keeps in his journal, a few times, but he knows so little about her. Just that she was pretty (beautiful), with a smile that reminds of him of Dean's and wavy blonde hair. "What was she—what are they like?"

Dean smiles, maybe a little sad, but it's more than that. Warm, wistful; gaze still unfocused and distant. "Mostly…happy. Like…bright. She'd sing to me a lot, and, like, I didn't know the songs back then, but, when I hear 'em now, I can hear her voice singing them. Beatles, Beach Boys, Simon and Garfunkel, um…Peter, Paul, and Mary, maybe…" Dean chuffs out a laugh. "I remember Puff the Magic Dragon, at least…I think I even remember Dad teasin' her about how she better sing me some real music, too, not just sissy crap, but, I dunno, maybe I made that up."

Dean pauses, that bittersweet expression on his face, still, and Sam doesn't want him to get lost in it. He also doesn't want to miss this opportunity, if he can help it.

"I dunno. He'd say somethin' like that." Dean spares him half a smile, still somewhere else in his head. "What…what else do you remember? What'd you guys do together?"

"Well, not a whole lot. I guess mostly just the normal stuff you do with a little kid. Like legos, I remember we'd build castles an' fortresses and stuff. I wanted her to build me a car but we didn't have enough black bricks, so she made me a little boat instead. Dad said it looked like a bathtub." He smiles. "Um, she'd dance with me, sometimes. To the radio. Make lunch—I mostly remember sandwiches and Mac n' Cheese. I'd sit in that little seat in the cart when she went to the grocery store, and she'd ask me what was on the list and I'd pretend I could read it and make up dumb stuff."

The silence is longer this time. Sam breathes out, carefully. "What kinda stuff?"

"I dunno. Just silly things, like 'elephant steaks!' Or 'a unicorn!' Or 'poop n' rhubarb pie!'"

"Gross." Sam wrinkles his nose.

Dean grins at that. "I think you're, like, the only kid ever who never found poop and fart jokes funny."

"'Cause they're not."

When Dean laughs, muttering little weirdo, Sam looks around for something harmless to throw at him, pouts.

"Don't worry, Sammy, if anyone wonders why you're so weird I'll just tell them it's 'cause you still poop your pants, and you're kinda sensitive about it an' all."

"Dean."

Sam decides that his pencil is perfectly fine to throw after all and, as a concession, doesn't aim it at his head. Dean grins, not seeming too annoyed by the assault, so Sam decides to push his luck.

"Did Mom think it was funny? Your lists?"

Dean's melancholy little smile is back. "Yeah…yeah, I think she did. She'd always laugh, anyways. An' she had the best laugh. I'd make up stuff that just got more and more ridiculous just so I could keep watchin' her laugh." He sighs, shrugs. "Anyways, yeah…that's Mom. That's what I remember."

It gets quiet after that, and Sam can see Dean's face starting to shutter over as he withdraws. It's rare for Sam to get to see his brother so open and unguarded any more. Over the last few years, Dean's started to change; Sam can tell. Still fun, still charming, still affectionate, at least with Sam (mostly when there's no one else around to catch him being so uncool). But, even though they're not always alike—Dean doesn't usually brood, rarely explodes, and he never gets that kind of burning cold John does when he's focused on something—sometimes now he kinda reminds Sam of Dad. He's been more closed off, the way Dad can be, his deeper emotions pushed farther away, out of Sam's reach. Doesn't show when things get to him, like he used to.

It's actually kind of lonely, sometimes.

"So, what are you gonna write about, Sammy?"

When Sam shrugs, Dean suggests the time they ran out of gas on a back road in central Florida. They'd only walked two miles before an Oscar Myer Wienermobile came barreling down the road, seemingly out of nowhere, and gave them a lift to and from the closest gas station (still a good eight miles away). Sam counters with the night in Montana that Dad got so drunk he started fighting with the motel owner about yetis (Dad coming down hard on the side of 'hoax'). They ended up getting kicked out at two am after Dad had cut down the guy’s “Bigfoot Crossing” sign with an axe. They toss back and forth increasingly ridiculous ideas until they're both laughing so hard they're in literal tears. When John comes back, they can't even stop long enough to answer what's so funny. Dad just smiles, bemused and fond, and shakes his head before heading off to shower.

Sam thinks maybe he can add this afternoon to his Good Memories pile.

In the end, he waits until that evening, before bed, and easily fills up a page-and-a-half about the time, last summer, when Dad was on a hunt out west and he and Dean had spent all afternoon exploring tidal pools in Yaquina Head, Oregon, marveling at the tiny little aquatic worlds they found. He invents an older teenage cousin that tagged along so the teacher won't question why two young kids spent the day alone in a national park.

He gets an A.

From then on, Sam keeps his eyes out in thrift stores for cassettes from the bands Dean mentioned; pockets them when he can to listen to later on the beat-up Walkman knock-off Dean stole for him for his sixth birthday. He likes a lot of it, but he's careful about what he keeps; only his favorites. He stashes them in the bottom of his school bag, in the hollowed-out book that Bobby showed him how to make last year, on a rainy day when Sam got bored with watching old Westerns.

For some reason, he doesn't want Dean to know about them. Doesn't want him to feel like Sam's trying to take something away from him. So he slips them in when he's sitting in the back of the Impala alone, on long trips, and closes his eyes. Lets the albums pour into his ears over the headphones; shuts the rest of the world out. Sgt Pepper's. Pet Sounds. Bookends. He tries to imagine his mom, Mary, singing the songs to him, in a sunny kitchen.

But he can never really pull together a complete image of her; just bits and pieces, blurred-together impressions: yellow hair, the smiling face from the picture (looking kind of flat, like a mask), a flowered dress he'd seen in a shop window. And he doesn't know what her voice sounded like, so it kind of just ends up being a composite of the voices of some of his favorite teachers (along with the mother of a classmate back in Indiana who drove him home once when she spotted him waiting for the rain to stop under the playground slide).

So he gives up on trying to picture her, and, instead, just tries to sink into the music, sees if he can feel what she was feeling when she listened to it. Imagines the conversations they might have: which songs would be her favorites, why she would have liked them, where she was the first time she heard them playing.

When he hears those songs on the radio now, or over the speakers in a restaurant, it makes him feel kind of happy and sad at the same time.

They remind him of her.

(Except for America—for some reason, that one makes him think of Dean.)

#spn fic #sam winchester #dean winchester #weechesters #mary winchester #john winchester #sam's lonliness #motherless sam #supernatural fanfic #my fic

[yuri-is-online]

I'm the anon 🙋🏻‍♀️https://www.tumblr.com/yuri-is-online/746778432131694592/so-you-just-threw-this-beautiful-idea-of?source=share

The lore is very interesting! Angst my beloved. Thanks for the explanation 🐢♥️ Should've asked you much earlier.

One of the reasons why I like this AU is because it reminds me of my parents a little bit. I used to talk to my dad about anything and everything, he explained a lot of things about the world. I also love yapping to my mom when she comes back from work. She calls me a radio🥰

Just imagine it with Yutu! His most favourite person is right here! Sure, he has to watch what he says sometimes, but other than that now he gets to finally spend some time with the younger version of his parent 🥺 just sitting on some surface, talking about something, having the cleaning supplies shoved in the face, being forced to help with cleaning 🥺

Man, I have SO many questions. I'll ask them bit by bit to slowly make you brainrot as much as I do MUAHAHA😈

Oh your mother calling you radio is so cute (ㅠ﹏ㅠ) I also used to talk to my dad a lot about things, he had a very interesting life and I enjoy learning about different people. When those people are your parents it's especially interesting.

And head up high annon, your ask got a lot of people talking about Fyuuture kid AU, so even if you trickle in your asks I guarantee my brainrot is about to get so much worse (●´ω｀●)ゞ

Yutu was always curious about what Yuu's life was like when they were younger, but he never really expected to actually see it. It's hard sometimes, he has a whole set of shared memories that you don't have, if he wants to get technical they aren't even with you, he remembers a version of you and a life he is actively trying to prevent from existing.

But that doesn't change the familiarity, your habits and organization aren't much different than he remembers, you still make some of the same jokes. And when he accidentally cracks an old inside one of yours you still laugh, like some small part of you has an instinct that this is something that belongs to you too. What I think Yutu treasures most is just the ability to talk to you and get your advice on things again. He's always wanted to know what your opinion on Crewel's teaching was, what was your favorite class? Did it take you time to get used to cooking here, or did you just take all the new brands and prices in stride? Do you understand the rules of magishift? He never really got a handle on them, were you a part of any clubs? He wants the joy of being able to tell you about his day again and listen to you tell him he did a good job. And when he gets told to clean things he can't even bring himself to be mad. You forget all the little things you miss about a person when they're gone, not that Yutu missed chores or getting bossed around, but getting to see you look relived when he doesn't complain like Grim. Getting to hear you say "thank you" for his help, it means the whole world to him.

When he's forced to tell you who he is, when he sees you reach out and hold him, tell him you are proud of him and sorry he's suffered so much. He's going to break down, I don't think it really hits him how much he need to hear you say "I won't let anything happen to you ever again" until he does. It took time but you're together again, you can protect each other now ♡

also take a yutu coded song heheh

#<3 asks #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #future kid au

[frogtossing]

i had such an amazing time in Cologne yesterday… i feel extremely hungover but it’s was so worth it.

it was so so nice to hang out with @echoes-of-mia again, you’re literally the chillest person ever irl and it was so fun to experience the concert with you :D 🫶

i met so many cool people while queueing (like the lovely @mogoce-nocoj who i got to talk with some more after the concert :D (even if i might have been a bit quiet, i was still processing the concert :P)), literally the best queue experience i’ve had compared to the other concerts i’ve been to (which were also nice!!! but i was a bit too shy to engage with people so i missed out a bit on the community aspect of queueing :<). i got so many cute bracelets and in turn got to give out a couple of mine :3. and i got some fucking beautiful stickers!!! the insanely pretty Kris sticker by the talented @autoantonyms and the stunning ASTP + Joker Out Köln stickers by @/vem.da.kris on Instagram!!!! so sad that the Dopamin fan project didn’t work out :( i really hoped they’d played it!!!

the concert itself was so so fun. before the show started, someone handed me those slay pose glasses and they’re so fucking cool??? and i also hastily traded some more bracelets inbetween the openers :D

also, wow, the stage design by @as-artrat-racik was so fucking beautiful in real life. i was genuinely floored by it!!!! and once the concert started, he first thing i noticed was everybody’s hair???? a bit random but Bojan’s hair looked super nice (like the length it’s at atm???) and omg, Nace mullet real????? + it’s impressive how long Kris’ hair has gotten again, compared to the last time i saw him on stage :0.

and i’m so glad i decided to abstain from listening to any recordings of any of the new songs because let me tell you, experiencing Šta Bih Ja live for the first time was a fucking religious experience. that song fucks so hard i need it injected into my veins IMMEDIATELY. and i love how they were peer pressured by the crowd to play Schlager even if it wasn’t planned LMAO. and it was such a pleasant surprise too! such a fun song which really reminded me a lot of some of Arctic Monkey’s calmer songs (like Mad Sounds). showed my recording of it to my mom earlier today and she said it might be her new favorite of theirs and that i should tell her once it’s out haha.

i love the incorporation of a keyboard in their shows now!!! Metulji with Jan on the keyboard was so nice, as was Everybody’s Waiting!! and i gotta say, i’m not a fan of EW but hearing it live was so so nice. i loved the staging of it all so much??? with it starting off by Bojan being all alone on stage, playing the keyboard and then slowly the others join him.. it was so awesome!!! never thought it would hit so differently live :0

the UM karaoke was so much fun and i heard so many lovely voices but i lost complete track of Bojan at some point 😭 he just vanished lmao.. also Sector 5 walked right past me??? i didn’t realize who they were at first and i just went ‘wait a sec those people look familiar’, so that was fun HAHA.

i got some merch after the concert and whew, that was maybe the most stressful part of the concert. poor Vita was the only one working at the merch stand and it was obvious that she was a bit stressed by the masses of people flocking to it :(. i love the shirt i got, even if i wanted to by the black tour shirt at first :D

i wish i could have given Nace the bracelet i made for him all the way back in June/July of last year (when i wasn’t even sure if id ever get to see JO live :’3) but it’s okay, ill be taking it as in excuse to see them live once again if i get the chance to 💪 (ill be earning my own money soon so that means i might be able to attend international gigs as well :D!) who knows what the future holds!

TLDR; I had an extremely fun time, Joker Out are so worth it to see live and there are so many amazing and talented fans out there, it blows me away every time. i’m really happy to be a part of this fandom <3

#had to get this out :3 #sorry if it’s a bit rambly my head is a mess!! #steph rambles #joker out cologne

[mod2amaryllis]

just gonna sliiide into your inbox to be like. got any complicated relationship with motherhood recs?? cause I'm👀

👁️👁️ b i s c i a.

the first rec is always for all time The Broken Earth trilogy by NK Jemisin

talk about books that changed my brain chemistry and boosted my writing, especially the fifth season, which pulls a narrative trick with its 3 main character perspectives that still has me reeling and makes me resent the fact that not every protagonist is an exhausted middle aged mother who's haunted by choices and horrors of her own making!!

The Devourers by Indra Das

a take on werewolves that's at times genuinely sickening to read, esp for my body-horror-scawy ass. lot of upsetting themes fyi, like. all the themes. are upsetting. but i was left feeling like I'd just gotten the world's most dire hug. also trans allegory out the wazoo.

i feel like this one is really obligatory like yeah no shit Beloved by Toni Morrison but still: Beloved by Toni Morrison

I've never felt smart enough for this book but i think about it constantly, not just because the contents are so traumatic but the way it's written..... even now i feel like such a dunce trying to say anything about it but it's like. it broke rules in my brain about how books are supposed to be structured and understood. there's a chapter that ends in a stream of thought that's borderline incomprehensible and it's in my head forever.

ok little different now and largely positive mushy gushy mom stuff, but a lot of Brandi Carlile's songs, especially The Mother:

and her whole In These Silent Days album. particularly it's celebrating lesbian motherhood. Mama Werewolf is awesome and introduces that complication that makes me ravenous, but my favorite is her love song to her wife, You And Me On The Rock

there's a song exploder podcast episode about it. she talks about how it's an homage to her good friend Joni Mitchell, how it's about this very feminine love she shares with her wife and daughter (and now also her son) and how she spent some of her youth grappling with that femininity.

speaking of song exploder!!!!!! the episode for Song For Our Daughter by Laura Marling

Laura Marling and her partner don't have children. this song is a hypothetical about the trauma of being a girl and having your boundaries crossed when you're young. but what absolutely destroys me is that there's a string section, which was written by a violinist to whom she gave creative liberty, and in his strings he says, "i wrote this to be the character of The Daughter, so she's here in the song soaring over everything" and it just. hearing the context and then listening to the song........i show this episode to anyone who's stuck in a car with me 25 minutes.

on the subject of music, of course there's Florence + The Machine's 2022 album Dance Fever, particularly King

like hell yeah let's get primal with it

and ok this is gonna clock my grew up as a theatre kid ass but still, to this day, Next To Normal.

listening to this show as a teenager who was just starting to hate my (wonderful awesome love her) mom was like......hoooooo. it blew open the my-parents-are-human empathy. idc about like whether or not this musical lives up to the insane hype it got in the late 2000s it just meant a lot to me personally.

also there's movies i guess! but if you're not already on the Everything Everywhere All At Once train idk what we're doing

then my oldest mom-centric media of all, so old that I'm not even sure how well it holds up to my current person sensibilities, Fruits Basket

the way her death is the inciting incident for everything that happens after, and how she's a ghost that haunts the rest of the story, at times a protective spirit and at other times a traumatic poltergeist, is like. i thought i was a 13yo reading a magical high school romance what's happening to me.

then of course the current rec, Priestdaddy by Patricia Lockwood

Lockwood is a poet and this is her memoir about growing up with a Catholic priest for a dad, something that in itself seems contradictory. it's phenomenal. i can't believe someone exists who's this good at writing. her relationship with her mother is hilariously, tenderly depicted and it's questioning and resentful and loving and there's a chapter about them called the cum queens of the hyatt palace and it's the funniest thing I've ever read

oops too many words

motherhood in media borders on fixation for me lol i don't always seek it out but when it's there I'm like AAAAAAAAH, AAAAAAAH AAAAAAAAAAAAH AAAAAH IS ANYONE ELSE SEEING THIS GRAAAAAHHHH!!!!

........oh and undertale. how could i forget Undertale.

#m2a #m2answers #not tagging all this shit lol yeah right!!!!! #i get into parent stuff in my writing every chance i freaking get #stream joat ch114 The Mother like comment subscribe for more toriel content

[storytimewriting]

Further Apart; Closer Together

This is a short piece I wrote for my sister. I think growing older and getting closer is a common theme between siblings, so I hope other people can relate to this as well.

I hope you like it!

(work count: 1k)

Enjoy :)

xx gwen <3

________

Further Apart; Closer Together

I never thought that moving away for college would make me feel closer to my family. It’s funny that distance can do that.

Sometimes living in a house with my parents and little sister, Betty, would just start to feel claustrophobic. There would be too many people with the same routine doing the same thing, when I just wanted to do my own thing. I’ve always liked doing my own thing.

It’s hard to be an original when you have a younger sister. I know Betty has always looked up to me, which is sweet, but sometimes I wish she would just be her own person. When I started listening to rap, she listened to rap; when I asked my parents to put me in piano lessons, she took them too; when I said my favorite restaurant was Olive Garden, suddenly it was hers. She was too young to be listening to rap music and she never liked Italian food until she got older, but if I did it, Betty had to do it too.

It was nice to be away at college where she couldn’t see what I was doing every day. She was forced to become her own person. I liked the person she was becoming.

We would text on occasion, and actually spend time together when I came home for breaks. The first summer break I came home, I remember asking if she wanted to come with me to run errands and get coffee. I could tell she was surprised I even asked. She always thought I was too cool to hang out with her, which I was, but she was starting to become pretty cool too.

We didn’t have much to talk about. We didn’t seem to have as much in common anymore. She asked about college and what I liked most about being away from home. I answered a few of her questions but I felt myself growing annoyed at her for asking. I wanted her to stay her own person. She didn’t need to hear about what I was doing and start to mimic me again. I hated myself for getting annoyed with her, but her questions stopped before I said anything rude.

The rest of the ride was silent, aside from my music playing from the speakers. Betty didn’t sing the words to any of the songs. We didn’t listen to the same music anymore.

The next year I was away we didn’t text as much. Sometimes she would tell me if mom or dad did something ridiculous, as they often do, but she stopped asking me questions. It was nice she no longer needed my guidance to live.

The next summer I was home, Betty had her door closed a lot. She would be listening to music I didn’t recognize. I was happy she was able to find music of her own to enjoy. Though, a part of me missed recognizing the words of the songs.

The next summer was pretty much the same. Betty would come with me to run errands or get coffee, and it was nice spending time with her. She didn’t seem surprised when I asked her to come anymore. She knew we could hang out together now.  

My senior year of college I found myself missing her texts. I would get excited when I saw her name pop up on my phone screen. It didn’t happen very often anymore. I found myself missing my shadow. I missed having someone to talk with about music we both loved. I missed having the same favorite restaurant, even if may not have been hers. I even missed the annoying questioning.

Being away from home for so long really made me miss everything I grew up with. I don’t think I care as much about being an original. I’m still happy for Betty for finding her own voice and herself, but I still want to be a part of her. We’re only going to get further apart as time goes on, and I always want to feel close to her.

When I came home that summer after I graduated, I asked Betty if she wanted to get coffee with me, but she said she had plans. I told her she should listen to the new Taylor Swift album I had been listening to, but she said that wasn’t really her taste of music. I think she was too cool for me now.

It was Betty’s turn to leave for college after that summer. We didn’t really hang out at all. She hugged me and told me she would miss me when we dropped her off at the airport. I couldn’t tell if that was true.

I was the one who would send her texts about our parents doing something ridiculous. I found myself asking if she was enjoying college and what her favorite part about being away from home was. She would answer all my questions, but our conversations never went on for too long.

I wonder if she felt closer to us now that she moved so far away.

When Betty came home that summer, she left her door open. I could hear her listening to the Taylor Swift album I suggested. We both knew all the words.

She asked me if I wanted to hang out with her. I asked if she wanted to get coffee.

“Do you think we could go to Olive Garden?”

#writing #poetry #stories #short stories #fiction #author #taylor swift #sister #older sister #younger sister #sisters #sister bonding #poem #original poem #siblings

[marielaa-usher-blog]

The Idol season one

When this show was announced, I´ll have to admit that I was excited about it.

The Weeknd is one of my favorite artists in the world. I love his songs, you can really feel his emotions through his music and he has had a huge growth in the last couple of years.

I can say that he is a musical genius and I was excited to see him in a new phase as an actor and producer.

Today, I can say that I´m extremely disappointed with how the show turned out.

So, just like Fate, I will do the same as I did with Fate. I´m going to write what I liked and didn´t like.

There are some spoilers here.

First, let me tell you what this show is about.

Jocelyn is a pop star trying to go back to the top after having a breakdown after her mother died. While struggling with her mental health, she meets a nightclub owner called Tedros.

She and Tedros start a very toxic relationship and he also starts to help her with her music and career.

What I loved

My absolute favorite character is Leia. She´s the only sane person in the whole show. She´s Jocelyn´s best friend, manager, and business partner.

From the beginning, Leia is very cautious about Tedros. She doesn´t trust him, and when Jocelyn doesn´t listen to her warnings she goes to her management team to ask for help.

Leia fights back, she tries to get her friend away from Tedros and his weird sex cult but ends up failing and leaving her when she realized Jocelyn doesn´t want to be helped.

I really liked her character because her reactions are very genuine. She really feels like a good friend desperate to help Jocelyn. My heart broke every time they pushed her to the side and kept doing toxic crap.

I hated that her ending was just leaving Jocelyn because she realized everyone on her team was insane, especially since we don´t know what ended up happening to her.

She left and that´s the last thing we hear from her.

It´s a shame.

What I liked

Lily- Rose Depp didn´t shine as much as she could. She gave a really good performance as Jocelyn, there were a few moments when I really felt connected with her character.

Those few moments when she showed us a more complex side of Jocelyn were great. Jocelyn was so much more than just a trainwreck or a pop star. We find out that she was abused by her mother for many years while trying to make her a star.

We see her struggling with her feelings for her mother. How she despised her for the abuse but at the same time she loved her and missed her a lot after her death.

There´s one particular scene that really brought me to tears. Jocelyn is filming the music video for her comeback single and she´s struggling a lot to keep up.

Her outfit is cutting her, her feet are bleeding, and she´s on the floor trying to keep it together when she calls out for her mom. She does it without realizing it because after she reconnects with the world, she doesn´t remember doing it.

I cried so much during the scene because it felt so real. It really felt like I was watching a real person mourning the loss of someone she loved.

It´s a shame this show was so badly written because Jocelyn´s character had a lot of potential. The same goes for Lily´s acting.

I hope this opens more doors for her because she is way too good for a show this bad.

I don´t really know how to feel about Chloe. She´s not a bad character.

In fact, I would´ve put her on top of Leia´s character if her ending was different.

Chloe was a drug addict that was "saved" by Tedros because she has a really nice voice. It is mentioned that she might be underage but when don´t really find out.

It´s implied that she has a bad family life, and that´s why she found a new family with Tedros and his cult.

She and Jocelyn have a really nice bond, she becomes Jocelyn´s little sister. They trust each other and Jocelyn is very impressed with Chloe´s voice.

She´s a really nice and sweet girl. She´s like a pure soul trapped in a horrible adult world that she wasn´t ready to live in.

Like I said, her ending is what turned me down from loving her character but I´ll talk about that.

Probably one of the most anticipated roles in this show was Jennie´s.

We all know and love her from Blackpink. Here she plays Dyanne, Jocelyn´s backup dancer.

Dyanne proves to be very talented as a dancer and singer. After Jocelyn´s manager realizes that she might not be able to pull it off, they signed Dyanne to take Jocelyn´s place.

It´s crazy to me that they didn´t use this storyline more.

We see her recording the single and music video, and I really want to point out that we see her doing this but we don´t hear her version of the song.

We also find out that she has a "relationship" with Tedros and he was the one that asked her to bring Jocelyn to his club so they could meet.

She tells Jocelyn that she was going to release her single. After Jocelyn bounces back, her manager basically tells her that now that they have Jocelyn back on top they don´t need her anymore but leave the door open if she writes her own songs.

I don´t even know what to think about Dyanne because we barely know about her. It´s implied that Tedros was pimping her out or something like that but that goes nowhere.

She just goes from backup dancer to the main performer, to reject. That´s it, that´s her whole storyline.

It´s a waste of Jennie´s talent because she did perform very well as a dancer.

What I hated

For those who don´t know, this show was produced and directed by Sam Levinson. If you don´t know him, he´s the guy that did Euphoria...and it really shows.

The amount of sex scenes and nudity on this show is insane.

It´s freaking Wattpad fan fiction.

Most of the time it´s not even necessary. In the majority of scenes, we see Jocelyn she´s topless and they´re not even subtle about it.

There are scenes where her face isn´t even in focus but her nipples are. She´s laying on the bed, her face in the shadows but her breasts are lighted by the sun. She´s in the bathtub with Tedros, we barely see his upper body but one of her boobs is out of the water for the audience to see.

She also masturbates more than once while choking herself.

It´s the same with Chloe. She arrives at Jocelyn´s mansion and gets excited about the pool, she takes off all her clothes to swim. She gets out of the water and, in an incredibly ridiculous scene, starts playing the piano and singing completely naked.

She walks around the house topless and watches Tedros and Jocelyn having sex.

And same thing goes for the sex scenes.

Tedros has sex with Jocelyn all the time. In her room, on the side of her pool, in the car, inside a freaking changing room. He touches her, like fully masturbating her, in front of everyone while she´s recording a song.

I was so creeped out by it that I had to pause the show for a moment. The only person that was freaked out about was Leia, she just witnessed her best friend being assaulted by a creep but Izaak, another member of the sex cult, kept trying to tell her that was just the process Jocelyn needed.

At this point, you probably noticed that I keep calling Tedros´ group a sex cult. Well, that´s exactly what they are.

The show tries to portray it as a group of lost souls that are very talented and being sexy was their way of expressing their art. That´s a bunch of crap.

There´s a part where one executive of the record label points out how similar they are to Marilyn Manson and his cult. He nailed it. Are they talented? Absolutely but that doesn´t take away the fact that they are very disturbed people that need professional help, not a music contract.

Let´s talk about the characters.

Yet another very popular artist with an underwhelming character.

Xander is a useless character. He´s Jocelyn´s creative director and friend but his storyline was very confusing to me.

He supported Jocelyn but didn´t do anything to help her when she was being abused, he was outed by her mother, and for some reason, he stopped singing despite being talented and that was Jocelyn´s fault somehow. He was tortured by Tedros with a shock collar, then part of the cult, then falsely accused Jocelyn´s ex-boyfriend of raping a girl (that storyline was just thrown there BTW, it didn´t go anywhere), he sang again against Jocelyn´s wishes but then she was okay with it and made him part of her tour.

A complete mess. The story would´ve had the same ending without him in it.

Izaak was another character that I didn´t care much for. He had sex with Leia a couple of times but it felt like he was only doing that to manipulate her. He was just a weird sex object.

Most of his time on screen he was dancing half naked, he was also tortured with the shock collar, whenever he got a bit more dimensional it was cut by saying how much of a genius Tedros was.

He and Chloe are very talented singers, it´s understandable that they would´ve wanted them as recording artists but it was clear that they were very disturbed over the things they had to do for Tedros. Yet, their ending was being part of Jocelyn´s tour all happy.

Jocelyn´s team is the most useless team in the world. Even the ones we are supposed to think of as "the good guys" are bad.

Chaim and Destiny are supposed to be her support, they care for her as a person, not an artist but they just let Tedros take advantage of her. They know how bad he is, they know how much he´s damaging her, and they know he has a sex cult, but they do nothing about it until the end. Well, Chaim does.

Despite everything he did to all her new artists, Destiny brings him back to be with Jocelyn. Not like part of her team, as her boyfriend.

Plus, like I said again, they knew how disturbed Tedros´ cult members were and all they could think of was to make them stars.

In the last episode, we see the group presenting their songs to the label executive. They were literally acting like they were in a strip club and Chaim and Destiny were thinking how great they were and how they wanted to sell them as sexy.

Before I talk about The Weeknd´s character I want to talk about another character that I thought was useless.

Talia, a writer for Vanity Fair, was following Jocelyn for an article. I thought this was going to lead to some kind of reflection of Jocelyn as a character or show the public how much she struggled but nope. Talia was just used at the end as a tool for Chaim to reveal information about Tedros and get rid of him temporarily because, like I said, in one of the dumbest moves ever, Destiny brought him back.

Now, let´s talk about the man himself.

Let me start by saying that I don´t really understand what was he thinking. The Weeknd was also a producer for this show.

I don´t understand why he didn´t give himself a singing role.

We do hear some of his music in the background but he doesn´t sing on the show as his character which is weird to me.

He´s probably one of the most popular performers today. In fact, at the end of the show, we see Jocelyn having a concert in a huge and filled arena. When I first saw I wondered how they were able to stage a huge production like that until I saw the stage. That packed arena was one the Weeknd´s shows.

That´s how popular he is.

I also don´t get how he chose to have such a bad character.

Tedros is just a bad character. He has dialogues that tried to be deep and inspiring but he only sounds like an asshole.

His cult and Jocelyn keep trying to paint him as someone that brings creativity out of them but he´s just a drug addict that tortures them.

He literally beats Jocelyn up after she shared her abuse story, like I mentioned before, he assaulted her in front of everyone while she recorded a song, abused her staff, gave her drugs, and tortured Izaak and Xander with a shock collar.

His relationship with Jocelyn was also disturbing.

The best way I can describe it is as Christian Grey and Anastasia.

She was obsessed with him the moment they met, she instantly trusted him over everyone else.

I never understood why he was interested in her.

For a moment I thought he was into her for her money because it´s mentioned that he has money troubles but then we realize that he´s recruiting talented singers for his sex cult and to work in his nightclub but he always manipulated her with sex.

I think the show would´ve worked so much better without him. We had a really interesting story about a pop star struggling with her mental health being replaced by her dancer, attacked by the media, that was a winning formula but they decided to make it a literal adult show. Take out some dialogue and this is just soft porn.

I heard that the original director for this show, Amy Seimetz, was replaced by Sam after some disagreements especially with the vision for the show. Apparently, she wanted to give too much of a female perspective.

How I wished she stayed. The show might have worked better if we kept the female perspective instead.

That´s why this show is called The Idol. We should be focusing on Jocelyn and her struggles, she´s the Idol.

Not a creep with a sex cult.

#lily rose depp #the weeknd #the idol #hbo the idol #troye sivan #jennie

[iguessitsjustme]

Big Dragon Ep 5 Thoughts

-This continues to be the only show I do this for. It greatly increases my enjoyment of the show to post like this and I cannot explain why. I wish y’all could see and hear my reactions in real time though because they’re kind of hilarious. Anyway time for my favorite assholes!

-I cannot lie. I love this opening song. And the visuals. It has no business being this good. 

-Unrelated but the wind is so strong right now I’m pretty sure it just blew through my building. I felt a breeze and a receipt blew across my table and onto my floor. I should probably be concerned but this is one of those situations where I have no control so whatever is gonna happen is gonna happen and there’s no use stressing about it. I’ll probably be fine.

-Oh so Mangkorn was telling her no and she wasn’t listening. I mean he could have removed her at any time but I don’t blame him for wanting her to LISTEN. Considering this show started with a mutual sexual assault there is an insanely good amount of consent. 

-This is no longer the Bad Buddy song. The soundtrack has changed. Love that. 

-Of COURSE it starts raining. Why wouldn’t it? 

-YES. KEEP PUNCHING EACH OTHER. VIOLENCE. 

-Oh look. They’re fucking again. Thought it was weird that it was taking so long for them to fuck again. *eats Cheetos*

-Oh no not the model!

-Can he cook for me? 

-Oh this is so sweet. He made Yai a dish his mother used to make for him when we all know Yai has been particularly missing his mother lately. A mother’s love comes in all forms. 

-Aw they’re treating each other’s wounds. That they caused. They really went from punching each other in the face to fucking with no steps in between. 

-They make each other better and they make each other worse.

-For the love of god, please do not just throw away the sd card with your sex tape on it. If you want it gone, properly destroy it. Who knows who will go digging through yall’s trash. 

-Are they communicating? What’s happening. Or their version of communicating.

-These boys always eat seaweed snacks. What would happen if I fed them a cheeto?

-Y’all literally just had an intense fucking session and y’all are shocked by the kiss while eating the seaweed? 

-Caught in the ACT.

-I may or may not be in love with Mangkorn’s mother. Her facial expressions are sending me. I’ve been launched into orbit. I want to go get drinks with this woman. 

-At least they weren’t having sex when she walked in. Can you IMAGINE?

-Y’all really broke everything while fucking. His mom was probably concerned. Probably thought he’d been robbed or was hurt. And she comes home to find y’all kissing over some seaweed.

-BODYGUARDS. They don’t video call from the void like Yai’s father. Seriously. Why did he call from the void?

-The amount I love Park and Pong is absurd.

-None of these three know how to clean. 

-Boy was thinking about dick while eating that corn dog. Horny jail. 

-Oh here comes the drama. It’s payback for making me watch you thinking about dick while eating that corn dog with my own two eye holes . It’s KARMA. 

-Please for the love of god, let Hong be a lesbian. It’s all I want. 

-Mangkorn, let me help you with your words “I do not like Hong. We grew up together and are close. There is some family stuff I need to sort out before I can tell you more, but I don’t like her and she doesn’t like me.” There done. You don’t gotta tell him everything but geez you gotta give him something. He’s an insecure little baby. 

-Is this…communication? 

-This scene is too long. It’s too long of just people standing on talking. 

-They're just hurting each other. But this time with words instead of fists. 

-Oh no. No no no no no no no. You stop that. You put that microphone down. Don’t make me go over there. If you start singing I swear to god

-Yai is such a little drama queen. 

-DO NOT SING. WHY. WHAT DID I DO TO DEAERVE THIS. 

-Fast forwarding is the best thing that’s ever happened.

-You see. This is why you shouldn’t give a drunk person a microphone.

-That caterpillar is so random. 

-Nine is cute. He’s too nice for Yai though. Only Mangkorn for Yai. Only assholes for assholes. 

-This scene is so precious though. Of course Mangkorn is gonna catch them kissing. Are they kissing? Where else would the drama come from? His arranged marriage? No that would be too obvious. 

-End of episode. Next week looks promising. Love that for us. 

#big dragon #big dragon the series #big dragon bl #i really didn't expect to love this show so much but here i am

[kairithemang0]

Kai's Really Inaccurate Ranking of All the Dearly Beloved Versions

Days - So uh yeah this is my favorite. I don't hear this one talked about enough, and it makes me sad. I kinda associate the main instruments of it (flute, piano, and song string instrument I can't put my finger on the name of) as Roxas, Axel, and Xion. All doing their own parts and intertwining their paths before being pulled away once more. I'm certainly looking too deep into this song but yknow what it's a song that deserves to be looked into because it's just that good. I could listen to the Days DB for literal hours and never be sick of it, and likely cry a lot during it too but whatever.

2. MoM - I've got a story for this one. MoM was my first KH game, and I truly didn't know this song even existed because I never stuck around the title screen. I had 100 hours in MoM before I realized this song existed, and I CRIED. My cousin was there, she can confirm. I feel safe listening to this song, it's the song I listen to when I'm about to lose it and just need something to pick me up and idk make me feel better. I've never gotten so emotional listening to such a happy song before.

3. KH1 - The waves are such a great touch, it's so cozy. It's a great way to start the series, you instantly feel at home.

4. DDD - This one started this whole ranking thing. I love this one, I love it so much. I don't like DDD, I kinda despise it, but this is just so special. It's a damn WALTZ. And the way it grows on itself, it's stunning. I want this played at my damn wedding day.

5. CoM - It's a personal favorite of mine, I might not like the game but this is special for me. I wouldn't be able to tell you why, it's just comforting, like a big giant hug while it watches you suffer through the cards.

6. ML - THE CHOIR GUYS. THE FCKN CHOIR. It's just so GAHHHH I'm so hyped for this game MISSING LINK WHEN???? Like oh my gosh they went off with this song I hope this is actually the song that plays in the opening I kinda doubt it because of how absolutely extra it is but I just adore it. The claps and stomping is such a good touch

7. KH3 - This one is just so sweet, it's gorgeous. Bringing back the waves, ugh the WAVES. I'm a sucker for the waves. I wish I just had more emotional ties to KH3 because this could easily make top 5.

8. Unchained Key - I forgot how much I loved this one I started it at number 11 and then it started to get fast and I got so into listening to it. It's just such a vibe, it fits the mobile games very well.

9. BBS - I've never gotten the hype around this one? Like it's alright, it's certainly good! But it's just kinda, idk there. It sounds nice but at the same time they all sound nice so it just makes this one average. I like it when the parts start changing, I think that's the highlight of the song for me.

10. KH2 - As of writing this I've deleted kh2s accidentally TWICE. Let me explain my controversial pick AGAIN. KH2 is my favorite video game of all time, the DB has just never done much for me. Sure it's special, but it's for some reason not held up by nostalgia.

11. UX - I don't know why this one doesn't work for me. It's gorgeous, it's so pretty, but also I dunno... it just kinda exists? Why don't I like this it's stunning??? I truly can't tell you why this isn't doing much for me, this one may just change with my mood.

12. Back Cover - Uh yeah I dunno it's fine. It's pretty, it builds on itself nice enough.

13. Re:Coded - I think this was one of my first times actually listening to the recoded DB. And like, I dunno it's fine. It sounds a bit like the kh2 one, only everything feels a little off. It doesn't have the charm of other DBs. Like it's got charm, but it's nothing really too special. It's like Re:Coded as a game. It's fine, forgettable, but fine.

#kingdom hearts #i'm so worried i missed one lmaooo #tell me if i did pls #ik forest memory isnt on here i decided not to count it #i feel like im dead for putting kh2 so low #kh #tell me how wrong i am <3 #i'm not tagging all the games im lazy #dearly beloved

[keenregine]

That's why they call it the blues

Look who's on fire tonight. It's Ryan the temp who started the fire (The Office reference). 

So yeah, Bath was just marvelous, I would definitely go back in there at any given time, or in summer perhaps. In August, I went to visit Spain, it's like my 2nd home now tbh and I feel like it. The weather is just perfect, no sort of unpredictability going on. The vibe is very European if-I-don't-you-I-don't-greet-you kind of way, and it's just what I’m looking for. I miss the transport most of all, the clean train stations, cheap fare and neat chairs. For the longest time I've been traveling back and fort, it didn't really come to my senses that I have the privilege to use the tax-free scheme whenever I shop for things. Why?! All those things I bought from long time ago could have been discounted ,although it only reduces like 4 to 6 euros (depending on the item really) but still, a bargain is a bargain. Bought my Mom a Longchamp bag, although she wouldn't notice the difference between a real one or fake, it's nice to feel that I've given her something a bit up her price range. I don't even have a Longchamp for myself, but just because I don't fancy the design that's all. 

Do You Remember? 21st night of September? is lyrics to the song September by Earth, Wind and Fire. This time of the year is still summer. I went to Bournemouth, located within the southernmost part of the UK, so beaches. By far, I have gone to two other sea side places in the UK, and this is the most decent one I have ever seen. With it’s fine beige colored sand and less established rocks that you might step on, I came to realize maybe this is how Boracay looks like. Plenty of tourists scattered, half naked bodies soaking in the sun. I was not in the swimming mood at this point and nowhere my body is ready for that kind of activity. I used to be confident with my physique but since I stopped being physically active, my confident has also plummeted in such an alarming rate. I used to take tons of filtered selfies all the time, trying my best to look good, putting on so much makeup but all that’s gone now. I feel like it’s taking too much of my time instead of me doing. .well nothing. Lol. I’m more into reading books and watching shows, going to bookshops and museums, my life pretty much revolves on those things now. What I maintained through those years was my eating habit, it’s painful to talk about this and hella long so I’m not gonna dwell on that for now.

Going back to museums, my favorite kind of museums are those old houses converted to be exhibited. And in Bournemouth, it was my ultimate goal to visit this home museum called Russell-Cotes, situated on a cliff overlooking the beach. I could just imagine how it must’ve felt like living in this house many decades ago, hearing the soft waves, feeling the soft breeze upon your skin, ignore the fishy smell but I imagine otherwise it’s a peaceful quality kind of life up there. Loads of artworks are still hanging on the walls, statues of many kinds standing untouched, and furnitures in its original places like a person or a soul is just waiting for people to leave the house so he/she can finally lay down to rest for the night. Or maybe the characters in those paintings are those souls living in that same house somehow thankful that they’re not completely abandoned in such an extended time. I’d say I regret that it was already closing when I arrive in the museum, but the good things about this is there is less people, almost none actually. I took my sweet time as of there’s no time pressure although I can feel eyes towards me by the staff so that they could close the place early and have a good time in the pub. But too bad there’s this lady who showed up late. Sorry mates. Another museum very similar to this is the Sir John Soane’s in London but in a much city life sense as it its located in the center of London. And I appreciate that you can visit this for free, which you can’t expect from countryside museums but I don’t have a complain on this. The house of Sir John Soane stretches 3 house blocks, it looks all separate houses on the outside but open plan open the inside. I could also smell the moulds and oldness of the place which is a complete 3D experience, my favorite part in all this is the basements. Although there is no story to be told, I would create my own tales of secret mysteries hidden beneath those walls, unknown murders, abusive relatives, entrapped children seeking revenge. I don’t understand why it excites me thinking about these potential dark stories but when it comes to watching supernatural movies or tv shows I get hella scared. I guess my fear comes from what is being shown rather than my own imaginations.

The time has finally come when Alex got his citizenship from Spain. He would really much prefer go to where I am, than me going to him. But honestly, I really don’t mind which of the two, traveling soothes me and so does him. Hehe. Getting his most awaited Spanish passport was not the easiest and smoothest process he’d ever gone through. Although as a Filipino, Spain was generous enough to grant us the fastest pathway on attaining citizenship. For only two short years of being a lawful resident, a Filipino can be eligible to apply to be a Spaniard, fastest than any other countries not only in EU but in the world (333 years of gratitude?lol) and to think Spain is always in the top 5 most powerful passports, like do you still have the right to complain. After passing his interview and language test, he waited over a year that almost feels like a decade. Literally after getting his passport from the office, he packed his bags to go here in London for us to celebrate his birthday. We would still wish our predicament can be more of a permanent setting, of us living together but we’ll get there soon enough.

We went home to the Philippines in November, he met my parents and my older sister who also spend a holiday from the U.S. It was the most amazing time, the best birthday ever. Growing up, it was always me and my Mom, elementary to high school. My mom is not the most therapeutic/touchy/kissy/huggy type being that she is a teacher of elementary students. She would not inquire about my personal issues or my emotions. She would not ask how school was, or is there any hot gossip I want to share. Although I always wish back then that we could be more open towards each other, but we never were. I spend my childhood finding out things for myself by reading from books, hearing from my friends or watching from tv. I would never dare ask her anything because I know I will never get an answer, ironic if you think about it knowing she’s a teacher, all the more you would expect her to more explorative and seeking of her daughter’s affection, but then again it was never like that. I never hate her for how she took care of me, it was just her mere personality. But a lot of memories imprints on my mind, some of them good and some of them bad. And I still love her for that regardless. When it comes to boys showing me interest, she will never be welcoming about the idea. She would not tell me why, but will just be avoidant or hateful about it. Like a parasite needs to be terminated, I know it’s for a good a reason, but I believe a child deserves all the explanations growing up especially at this age and especially given that I’m a girl. I guess it was such a relief for her that I didn’t get pregnant and started drinking at a very young age. I learned much of this from my friends, even the simple manners that I see from them whenever I visit their home, how I guessed a parent should be towards their child, I sometimes get jealous. I’m getting off track. I will dedicate an entire entry on this lengthy mother-daughter (including my dad) relationship narrative in the future, I think I might cry when that time comes. Sooo, coming home was such a great time. We were together the entire stay, we planned every place we went to. Baguio for the hundredth time for my parents and Cebu for the first time for all of us. I wish those time didn’t have to end. Because Alex’s main family is already in Madrid, they still manage to maintain their house neighboring my home town in Laguna, so we visited that. We we’re not really too close back in high school, we would only hang out few times if I remember, I never seen that house where he grew up and it felt like I’m reliving my own childhood/teenage years back then. He also have extended family in Pangasinan where all her aunt and uncles live. We get to ride a scooter around town, now this is the ultimate throwback experience. Back in high school, scooters are quite the ‘thing’, I know the idea is shallow, but if you have this as a guy it’s same like having a car so 'chick magnet'. Lol. I remember going with Alex in few occasions but as I said nothing special going on, just two plain friends hanging out. Riding the scooter in present time with him felt like were back as teenagers, but now a complete item. Laughing like children, rolling like thunder under the covers. Thank you Elton John. Our vacation was only 3 weeks short, but it was the best time everrr. I don’t know how to emphasize more in this.

But do you also believe that in series of happiness there's also sadness waiting to emerge?

[mirrorballtales]

“I look to you when I see nothing.”

So I played “Playlist Roulette” and I got “Tell me your romantic, cheesy, lovey dovey, in-love playlist.”

And my playlist has been in the making since Spring of 2011, which is actually the title of the playlist. Well earlier if we’re being technical but we’re not and Spring sounds nice. Some songs I’d heard well before then. Others seemed to capture that indescribable feeling. Others captured that sickening feeling of realizing your feelings and others are not specifically tied to anything. They’re just sweet songs. They’re in no particular order but I’ll share my favorite lyrics.

1. Just A Kiss by Lady A

“I'm caught up in this moment

Caught up in your smile

I've never opened up to anyone

So hard to hold back when I'm holdin' you in my arms”

2. Don’t You by Taylor Swift (this is my favorite song of hers. Yes my #1!)

“Don’t you, don’t you smile at me and ask me how I’ve been.

Don’t you say you’ve missed me if you don’t want me again.”

3. Enchanted by Taylor Swift

Can I quote the entire song?

“This night is sparkling, don't you let it go

I'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home

I'll spend forever wondering if you knew”

I’m going to brag right now - I went on a date on October 2011 to THE Speak Now World Tour. My oh my, have times changed. He bought the tickets like two weeks before. I talked his ear off about Taylor and sure enough he surprised me. It is the best date I’ve ever been on. And to hear Enchanted for the first time live? With the guy I really liked but barely knew? It is something I’ll always remember. One of the kindest things anyone has ever done for me. So this song will always be really special to me.

4. Need You Now by Lady A

“And I wonder if I ever cross your mind

For me it happens all the time”

My friends and I would do karaoke to this song. Choreographed it. There is video of this, unfortunately. Best song to scream the lyrics to and have a shot of whiskey with.

5. State of Grace (Acoustic Version) by Taylor Swift

“And I never saw you coming

and I’ll never be the same

You come around and the armor falls”

6. Sparks by Coldplay

“I’ll always look out for you.”

I heard this song in Wedding Crashers and for some reason I always related to the scene it plays in.

7. About You by The 1975

“Do you think I have forgotten

About you?

There was something 'bout you that now I can't remember

It's the same damn thing that made my heart surrender

And I miss you on a train, I miss you in the morning”

Oh how much do I love this song, apparently so much it was my #1 song this year. Oops. It’s specifically when she starts singing.

8. Stay With You by The Goo Goo Dolls

“And I'll stay with you

The walls will fall before we do

So take my hand now

We'll run forever

I can feel the storm inside you

I'll stay with you”

AND

“Take what you need from me.”

I just think for me, this is the ultimate act of love, in any form. Giving yourself whole to someone in the name of saving them, seeing their pain and choosing to stay and never letting go of that hand.

9. willow by Taylor Swift

“Show me the places where the others left you scars.”

10. Call Your Mom by Noah Kahan

Before I get into it I just have to say it’s a heavy song. It’s painful, almost. I break down each time I listen to it. It’s from the perspective of someone who is trying to help this person stay. Telling them to please find a reason to not go. To fight. To keep going. It’s gut-wrenching. It’s someone begging you to stay. It hits me hard because quite frankly, if I’m being absolutely gun-to-my-head-honest, I don’t know that anyone would beg me to stay. Which you know I won’t get into but it’s why this song hits me so profoundly and why it chokes me up. The idea that someone would beg me to stay. Oooof. I think it paints the portrait of saying I’m with you in the darkness but you are not alone.

“Medicate, meditate, swear your soul to Jesus

Throw a punch, fall in love, give yourself a reason

Don't wanna drive another mile wonderin' if you're breathin'

So, won't you stay, won't you stay, won't you stay with me?”

11. Ours (Taylor’s Version) by Taylor Swift

Admittedly, the original(stolen) version is my favorite. It’s sweet and innocent and always reminds me of the beginning of things. I always think of December 2011. I listen to the first chords and am transported to a time of innocence and uncertainty and this invincibility I felt then.

“And it’s not theirs to speculate if it’s wrong and your

hands are tough but they are where mine belong in

I’ll fight their doubt and give you faith with this

song for you”

12. Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls

I’d like to quote the entire damn song. I don’t need to explain this song. It is one of the greatest songs ever made.

“And I'd give up forever to touch you

'Cause I know that you feel me somehow

You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be

And I don't want to go home right now

'Cause all I can taste is this moment

And all I can breathe is your life

So and sooner or later, it's over

I just don't wanna miss you tonight”

13. Snow On The Beach (feat Lana Del Rey) by Taylor Swift

“You wanting me. Tonight feels impossible”

“I can’t speak, afraid to jinx it. I don’t even dare to

wish it.”

It’s ethereal. It’s magical. It’s like snow on the beach. There isn’t a song quite like this. And I can’t put into words what I feel when I hear

14. hoax by Taylor Swift

15. You Are In Love by Taylor Swift

[junecast-moonfast]

hi!! this is your santa!

talking about loud concerts with people screaming and filming all the time, it reminds me of my godfather who once told me it was unnecessary to get tickets to see paul mccartney live cause he was boring on stage and except for very pricey seats close to the stage, the audience could just stare at the big screens to see him. and then he offered me a paul mccartney live dvd and told me : "it's cheaper, quieter and it's basically all you missed" hahaha. i don't think he's totally wrong, especially if you compare him to the rolling stones where mick jagger really is dancing and jumping all around so yeah i don't blame him for this, remembering this makes me laugh :^)

not every classical/jazz music concert i've been to was this awesome as the ones i talked to you about! but usually yeah it's pretty cool!! well that is a very interesting question... i don't really know, maybe john sebastian because he's one of the few musicians whose live albums i have listened to which i really liked. oh and of course if i could have seen the count basie orchestra live, it sure would have been something :^) what about you?

same!! i have a marshall headset and once, i was in car with my parents for a long trip and we sometimes switched our seats. so i was in the passenger seat and my mother was driving, my father was in the back seat and he borrowed my headset to listen to his music. we talked with my mom for a moment and then i turned to see him and he was silently crying :') after a while i asked him if he was ok and he said the music he was listening was very beautiful and he was glad i let him use my headphones :^) that was a sweet moment

i don't think i've asked you: where are you from? how is the weather/temperature at your place?

it's always a pleasure to talk, see you later!!

Hi! Sorry that I’m responding this to you so late, the last two days have been pretty hectic for me ^^’

That’s pretty funny! I can definitely relate to your grandfather’s sentiment lol. I’m not a huge fan of crowds, and I’m very stingy, so a lot of time when I see that a band I like is touring I go, “Well, I could just watch concert footage instead.” Realistically, I know that live music/performance is a whole different experience from watching videos, but I can’t stop the frugal part of my brain from going into panic mode when I see ticket prices nowadays haha

John Sebastian is a really good pick! I’ve only heard She’s a Lady before this, but I checked out his live album and really enjoyed it! Also, just based on what I’ve heard about him, he seems like a really sweet person, so I imagine he’d be amazing to see live :]

I would have loved to see Eno when he was touring earlier this year, but unfortunately the timing didn’t work out for me. I also would’ve loved to see The Dresden Dolls perform in the 2000’s. Based on concert footage from that time, they mostly played smaller venues. Amanda Palmer is great at crowd work, and I imagine that it probably would’ve been a very intimate experience. The Dresden Dolls are still touring, but the venues are a lot larger by the sounds of it, so I don’t know if I’d enjoy it as much.

That is so sweet! I’m glad I’m not the only one who’s been brought to tears by hearing a song in such clarity. I think that good headphones can really change the music listening experience

I’m from the North Eastern coast of the United States, so right now the weather is just very cold and rainy. The temperature has been ranging anywhere from 10°C to -1°C. Last week it snowed a little for a couple minutes. What’s the weather been like for you?

Also, what is your favorite instrument? It could be an instrument that you play, or just an instrument that you like listening to! :D

Sorry again for responding so late ^^’ I hope you have a great day/night! I always love chatting with you :D

#srs23

[tswizzle1989-33]

@taylorswift

I’m so excited to hear Clean TV, because right now I’m going through so much in my life. My home life isn’t simple at all, my mother is emotionally abusive towards me. She tell me I make her life miserable, that I make her wanna unalive herself, that I ruined her life, that I am a burden towards her and others, etc. I won’t go into detail with what she said, but it’s bad like really bad.

But listening to your songs helps me feel happiness, because I don’t have a safe place to be without your music. Because all that happens is I get yelled at, told that I’m worthless and useless. And I have no way of leaving because I have no money, and my dad doesn’t want me so I’m kinda screwed.

It’s like nobody wants me here anymore, nobody likes me whatsoever. I struggle to keep doing daily tasks like; hygiene stuff, and making breakfast or lunch. I struggle to get out of bed each morning, all I want is to leave home but I can’t. She openly admits that I was a mistake from two drunk people, I don’t have that person in my life anymore. My ex friend Bella was my only safe space, she was my only place I felt safe to talk to about my feelings.

But I’m not sure what to do anymore, I just miss Bella because she loved me unconditionally no matter what. Bella is the only person who has told me “ I have unconditional love for you”, like she is the only person to do so. My mom told me after Bella told me, I know my mom hates me because she acts like it.

Everyone hates me for some odd reason, like I don’t try to be a screw up. Maybe I am a burden towards others like I’m so serious because I can’t even get one person to yell at me, my mom yells at me for things I make mistakes on. She acts like it’s wrong to feel a certain way over something, all she does is yells at me.

@taylorswift your songs are the only things that are keeping me here, because it brings me joy in my life. And like I LOVE your songs, there are so many songs that are awesome that I love too much. I will list my favorite songs that have gotten me through my life, like they are my only form of comfort.

- OOTW

- Style

- Timeless

- Safe and Sound

- Shake it off

-YBWM

- Love Story

- ATWTTMVTV

- TTWAS ( this is for obvious reasons )

- Clean

- WTNY

- Never grow up

- Long live

- BTD

- mine

- wildest dreams

- fifteen

- 22

- F&A

- IKYWT

- BB

And so many more songs that I can’t list fully, because that will take too long. I will probably add my Spotify link so everyone can listen to those songs or something, but Taylor you helped me more than ever. I learned my worth because of your interviews and songs, I just know you will always be there for me. Because nobody else is but YOU!!!!

And I am seeing the Eras Tour Movie on Saturday I’m so excited to see it, I’m gonna be singing and dancing. I will definitely post pictures and some videos, like it’s gonna be fun.

I AM OKAY EVERYONE I WILL NOT HURT MYSELF

#taylor swift #taylor nation #1989 tv #spotify #taylornation #1989 album #tswizzle #cornelia street #sad beautiful tragic #taylor swift 1989 #taylor swift lover

[obscurewritings]

#10

I feel sick, but that's given me time to think about random shit. It felt like dissociation, but I can honestly never tell. Maybe I just zone out for a bit, I stop talking for a bit and then everything pushes through me like a wave. Some of it is the realization of something, and some of it just is a specific memory that comes out of nowhere. It's one or the other, but it lingers in my mind for a few days or so. Sometimes I appreciate it, I can remember stuff randomly. But most of the time I don't, most of it isn't that pleasant and it leaves me thinking: 'How the fuck do I let myself get that bad? What the hell is wrong with me?'

I'll question my entire being, question why I had to turn out this way. I can give an example, maybe a few.

I can start off with the most light-hearted...sorta. Since we've moved, I've been sleeping on a singular mattress. No bed frame, no other mattress, just a single twin-sized mattress. Every time I notice that, I think of The Front Bottoms song, that song has implemented some sort of alteration in my brain. Maybe I was cursed to sleep on a twin-size mattress, maybe I'm repaying some sort of karma for something I did.

Another thing was the fact I may never see my grandpa again. On my mom's side, we don't see my grandparents or my tio that much anymore. She's cut contact, but that comes at a price. She told me that I can keep contact, but some part of me thinks it's disrespectful (I almost forgot how to spell that). I would think it was because my mom cut them off for a reason, if there's a reason then that means that I should probably respect it. But, the fact I might never see my grandpa again makes me dread and upset. I'm close to him and I miss him so much. It's like he's dead, but he's not. He's still with us and it makes me upset because knowing that he doesn't have long left is too much. His smile flashes in my mind and it makes me tear up. I realized it in a stupid way as well. I had been watching Sons of Anarchy and one of the characters reminded me of him that it brought me to tears and left me crying for 20 minutes. I've had so many long and deep talks with my grandpa that it just hurts. It hurts too much, I miss him so much I can't even begin to realize it. It bothers me so much, it's like a random jumpscare.

I'm not pushing on that subject anymore.

Back in middle school, I had the biggest urge to change something about myself all the time. Whether it be in hair, clothing, or personality, I just felt so out of place and out of control with myself. Any minor inconvenience leads me to want to chop my hair off all the time. The longest it got was to the top of my shoulders before I hacked it off with kitchen scissors. The only time I didn't regret it was when I gave myself bangs. But, I was happy in some way. I found happiness in my best friend, in writing, in the middle of the storm. I was suicidal, yes, but I made myself happy- even if circumstances weren't the best at home. Everything fell apart in a snap and at the end of the day, I had no one to turn to at all. All of my thoughts and memories are left in a journal that my best friend gave me. I stopped writing in it, yes, but I was too afraid to run out of pages. I never felt so afraid to talk to someone as I did then. I spent most of my nights alone, desperate to at least talk to my best friend before he fell asleep. I just..loved hearing him talk in a time of desperation. The only thing that really kept me company was the sound of the air conditioning running and the smell of weed. I spent most of my nights cradling myself to sleep and hugging a red couch pillow. It was small, but it did the job. for the longest time, the only pillow I had was a Ninja Turtle Pillow and I loved that thing dearly. It was my favorite thing. I kept the Post-it notes my best friend gave me hung on my wall, but I couldn't get those back after we moved out of the house. They're gone...I want them back. I would look at them, and I would think to myself; 'I have one thing to live for, one thing keeping me sane in that godforsaken school.' I have two plushies that keep those memories alive too, and I hold them close. I was bullied and messed with in school, and for him to look past that and still be there, I appreciated the shit out of it.

I love him, I'm not sure what kind of love it is, but it's genuine. It's something I've never felt before.

In the time that happened, it was all in a span of one school year. Not even a full year. When it was done and the dust had settled, everything felt worse, nothing felt...real. Like I had just been woken up from a nightmare or been splashed with cold water. That part of my life was over and it terrified me. I no longer had to explain to my teachers why I was so tired from the nights my parents would fight. I no longer sat in an empty house alone, watching Invader Zim or Ninja Turtles. I no longer had to worry about someone coming in to check on me at random times of the night. I no longer needed to have music blasting in the showers to kill the silence. Everything I had scheduled and set in my mind was deemed useless. Comforts of mine were just memories. I was..out. After 8 whole years, that was it. I lost a lot, my sister, my independence, my ability to be vulnerable. Being in a house full of people is something I feel like I've lost the ability to tolerate. I isolate myself in my room as a goddamn habit because I was so used to being alone. I still feel trapped in that time and place. Some part of me is still waiting for my mom to say she wants to go back. Some part of me is waiting for her to say that she's given in a gave it another chance. It was a loop I want out of because I never want it to happen again. Why am I stuck in a place that brings me more harm than good? Why am I still stuck in the past? I want to let go, it's a leech that feeds off my blood and it's only getting larger and larger.

Another realization I had wasn't even the outcome of me zoning out or dissociating or whatever happens when my mind goes to another place. It wasn't even me who made me realize it.

My mom had said the fact that my step siblings have had her around longer than me and my brother have in the span of a few months rather than the years I've been alive. When it first registered in my mind, I was in denial about it. I know my mom always had to work, but I thought that didn't count because she was still there, she didn't leave or give our rights away to someone else. I've always had my mom, just not in the way I thought. When it finally hit me, it sucked. Realizing how much she had to miss out on or how many times she couldn't make it to events or certain things, I had most of those memories lost, but looking back at it, it kinda makes me feel sad. The absence of her just sucks in general. She wasn't gone..but in a way, it felt like it. I've never really had a solid father figure in my life. One of the ones that was still in my life doesn't really give a shit. People can say he tries or that he wants to, but I know he doesn't. He doesn't care and won't attempt to care. I've been living off of bread crumbs to make him even want to care. It's only now that he's barely trying, but in the end, he's a lost cause. He lost that ability to make me give a shit. It makes me sad because he's been the one I called 'dad' first, but now it just feels like an empty shell. He took me out to dinner by myself a few times, but one of them was to remind me that he was the first person I'd ever called Dad. Only because I was meeting my biological dad. He only tried because he knew that, after that whole thing, he kept asking about it. Even when I met my biological dad, it didn't take him too long before he realize he no longer wanted to reach out because of his wife. I never gave him the chance again.

I had been a bastard child for 11 years. I'm fucking unplanned with a huge case of daddy issues.

One day, I just want to stop thinking, kill off my brain, and feel it slip out of my mind. I have so much on my mind all the time and I hate it sometimes. Most of the time, I wonder if there'll be a time when these thoughts go away. The only time it really does is when I pull an all-nighter and then pass out after because my mind is turning off and my body is recharging. It's also the same thing when I fall asleep after taking medicine for my period cramps. Inevitably, after I take a pill for it, I pass out and nap. My brain is so quiet during it too. Waking up after is like heaven, the sheets are always soft, my mind feels like it's floating in the best way, and in general, I don't feel so uptight. The reason this happens is because my body and mind are so strained and tired after cramping up my body. If I could be drowsy and sedated when I don't have to do anything, it would be nice.

Writing is like de-compressing and cutting pieces of my thoughts, I used to speak my mind by myself and put them in my notes by using text-to-speech. I usually did it when I was tipsy because it helps me speak more fluently and helps me say what I want to say better. Drunk words are sober thoughts type of things. When I would be sober and reread some of them, I would have to take half an hour to read everything. I would put them in different notes depending on the topic. Writing is my biggest coping mechanism. I might capitalize on it in the future. My biggest goal in life is to publish a novel of some sort. I don't really hope for that dream, I want to let it come to me naturally, if fate has that in store for me, then so be it. I feel like emphasizing dreams gives them less of a chance to happen. This is why I haven't told anyone about this blog, it's a safe space I go to whenever I need to speak my mind. If someone stumbles upon this blog, I hope I'm gone by that time or I'm ready for someone close to read my thoughts.

I just wish this blog falls under the right eyes, some things can be concerning, but if I speak them, I am less likely to act upon them, to get them out of my system. Writing is just throwing up my thoughts; (I don't have a good closer for this sentence)

-Dxll Face

#blog #writing #obscure writing

[visualtaehyun]

Wa & Rine

Let's talk about my favorite girls:

I've been excited for this show ever since it was first announced and we found out it would have both BL and GL. Then at some point I happened to catch Aya and Kate live on MMY's IG and fell right in love with these two! Even though we only caught a glimpse of them in the trailer, the amount of outfits they were wearing in the Fitting Day video had me assured that we'd be seeing more of them in the actual series so now here we are. Let's get into it!

Disclaimer: I'm still learning Thai so feel free to correct me on anything 🙏

The matching necklaces

Ever since spotting Yiwa's necklace in episode 1, I was sure that Marine had to have a matching one - I just wasn't sure if Yiwa's was supposed to be a W for Wa (which is what Lom, her mom, and she herself call her) or a sneaky upside down M for Marine. So when Marine showed up on screen wearing a matching R for Rine and we hear how they talk to each other- 🥹 Here's the breakdown:

Yiwa calls her Rine and refers to herself as Phi (พี่)

Imagine my delight at finding out she's the older one (Phi is a polite pronoun for someone older) when she's this adorable, just look at her pouty little face up there! I totally didn't screenshot it because of that or anything... solely for the necklaces...

Marine calls her Ter (เธอ) and refers to herself as Rine

The fact that she doesn't refer to Yiwa as Phi Wa/Phi but as Ter (a friendly but not really respectful/formal 2nd pers. pronoun that you hear in Thai songs all the time) could indicate that they are on equal footing and disregard seniority, to a point, or that Ter might just be more personal and romantic to them. They have probably talked about how they want to talk to each other at some point (if you've seen a few Thai QLs, you've probably seen these 'pronoun negotiations/ changes' before).

The matching slippers

The domesticity of it all, be still my beating heart! I also love their shared color palette of beige, soft pink, and neutrals.

The height difference

This is right on the heels of Marine calling Yiwa คุณหนูยี่หวา (Khun Noo Yiwa, = young miss, can imply Rich kid/Spoiled kid, as is the case here, hence it being subbed as "Princess Yiwa"), which is interesting to me. In the Makeover VLOG P'May described the look she envisioned for Kate/Marine as Khun Noo but from what we've seen so far Yiwa seems to be the one to come from a rich family. A family that she-

is not out to

has been faking a relationship with Sailom for

doesn't seem close to (compare her meddling mother snagging her phone to talk to Namnuea vs. Yiwa telling Marine that she's the one who understands her the best)

The cheek™ or: weaponized cuteness

Before I get into this, let me just point out how easily Yiwa shares Sailom's well-guarded secret with Marine - loud and clear, no secrets between these two.

So! Throughout this episode Yiwa is called:

คนขี้โกง (by Marine) = trickster, tricky person, subbed as "Sneaky"

นิสัยไม่ดี (by Marine) = bad behavior/habit, subbed as "Meanie"

เอาแต่ใจ (by Marine) = selfish/self-centered, subbed as "Stubborn"

...all of these in one breath, mind you, hence Yiwa's cute pouting (you may want to scroll back up, just to see that adorable expression again~) and subsequent flip of who ngon's (งอน = sulk) and who ngaw's (ง้อ = coax, make up with)!

นิสัยเจ้าเล่ห์ (by Marine) = cunning/sly/wily behavior, subbed as "Your Slyness"

ตัวแสบ (by Sailom) = troublemaker, akin to You Little Devil, subbed as "This cheeky girl"

ติงต๊อง/ติ๊งต๊อง (by Marine who lightly knocks her on the head) = silly, crazy, subbed as "Don't be silly"

...which is directly followed by:

Affection :)

Just look at Marine's fond smile and Yiwa cutely touching her forehead!

...That's it for my aimless ramble about these characters and their dynamic. There's so much to love about this show, it's such a fun romp. But these two make me want to bang pots and pans together for everyone to go and look at how cute they are! Hopefully, we'll find out more about Marine as well in the next episodes. And fingers crossed that Marine's wish of seeing Yiwa in a wedding dress ("But not like this") is gonna come true in the end. 💕

#wedding plan the series #wedding plan #yiwamarine #marineyiwa #aya orapan #kate sasisarun #me mind y #i hope i'm not the only one who's like #heavy breathing cat meme #at these two and this show in general #local woman harps on about linguistics

[rainydawgradioblog]

I want your M I D N I G H T S ✨ 

Dawg with a Blawg: Ed. 1

Taylor Alison Swift (she/her) was born in West Reading, Pennsylvania on December 13, 1989. But that’s a different story.

At midnight EST Oct 21, 2022, the 13-track album Midnights was released to fans worldwide. At 3am EST, Taylor swiftly dropped the 20-track LP Midnights (3am Edition) as a surprise. It gives insight to the sleepless nights of her life with that post-"reputation era” confidence. The weight of the anticipation for TS10 grew exponentially since its official name was released– during her acceptance speech for MTV's Best Longform Video "All Too Well: the Short Film". Do I think there’s an equally high amount of pressure for this album? Absolutely not. This year, she’s released the most personal music of her career with the support of fans (known as Swifties, despite being verbally referred to as such ~1.5 times). Having such a strong fanbase allows her to successfully re-record her masters, finish old song concepts, and release new music she’s made in the meantime. I’m definitely here for Taylor’s newfound confidence in releasing music for Swifties’ sake. 

* Disclaimer: this review is intended for all that listened to the album, not just die-hard stans *

To celebrate new releases, normal fans throw album listening parties. I have to read the lyrics during and have ample time alone to contemplate after. I texted my mom the setup, projected the lyrics onto my living room wall, and made fruity “funny drinks” as we call them. A part of me did wish my Mahogany Edition vinyl record came in to complete the sacredness of waiting to flip it over and reading the lyrics. But listening to the album made me extremely grateful. Wearing my folklore cardigan, I thought back to room 515 in McCarty Hall where I listened to the lyrics “this dorm was once a madhouse” for the first time. Today, I’ll be sharing my thoughts on notable moments of select tracks. So let’s get into the tracklist. <3

Lavender Haze

I’m sorry but Track 1 is made for the girls, gays, and theys. 

Zoë Kravitz writing credits.

Yes, I’ll take the lavender oat milk latte to go pls.

Maroon

The breakdown in the last chorus/outro really makes the song.

Lots of unique lines in this one.

Clever description of different shades of red felt in different circumstances.

Anti-hero

Playful, simple production from the bassline established in the beginning to the little chimes at the end.

The first part of the intro is a cry for help, then she sings in a more recognizable lower register.

At the end, it sounds like she’s singing to me, just as she did when I first heard “White Horse”. It sucks that she felt alone growing up. Whenever I did, I would listen to her records.

Fun fact: the lyrics “it’s me, hi” and “did you hear my covert narcissism I disguise as altruism like some kind of congressman?” both exist on this song.

You’re On Your Own, Kid

Has simple phrases and can be read as a poem telling the story of her life.

Places me in a time where she suffered from disordered eating, as detailed in the documentary Miss Americana.

Taylor is known for her turns of phrase, she often switches things up by repurposing common phrases and circling back to them through the song. The song ends with the nice thought that growing up means facing moments of aloneness but how independence can become a healthy state. It’s much like how leaving for college is a learning curve for many.

My case for Midnight Rain:

When asked after my first few listens, I thought Midnight Rain was my favorite. I love how she sings songs about the pain of a good relationship turning ugly. Each time I listen to this song, I get that familiarity and hear something new. “He wanted a bride, I was making my own name” relates to this album’s themes of others trying to get her to settle down before reaching her aspirations.

Question…?

Casually samples her own track.

I’m a fan of her experimentation with vocal effects, especially the reverb distortion in the line “do you wish you could still touch her?”.

My case for Vigilante Shit:

The first line of the song hits. In fact, hooks in essays or speeches rarely have to be elaborate. “Sharp enough to kill a man” is repeated right before the pre-chorus in “they say looks can kill and I might try” establishing a clear theme of fighting and metaphorical death. Her saying “the lady simply had enough” in that posh, poised voice is juxtaposed with arguably her first mention of Schedule I substance use. This leaves me with all sorts of questions. What were the “white-collar crimes” told to the FBI? Was it a true story? Do the Haim sisters know about it given their “No Body, No Crime feat. HAIM” collaboration? Will there be a Billie Eilish version of this song that is longer than 2:45? I’m hooked.

Bejeweled

To me, it’s about underestimation: how someone mistook her kindness for weakness and now she's over it.

Personally, I’d rather listen to Beyoncé’s Lemonade or Renaissance when I’m in that headspace, but I’m sure it’s all part of Her Plan.

In truth, I wish “Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve” had a permanent spot on the tracklist and made this song a fun bonus track.

My case for Labyrinth:

This is the wild card. It’s also the golden song: track 10, album 10, released in the 10th month of 2022. This is exactly what I thought Midnights to be like. Sets up Karma and Sweet Nothing in a great way. The beginning is very hesitant and the second verse starts with “it only feels this raw right now” showing the growing pains of vulnerability following a traumatic time. It’s heartbreaking because, much like “Sweet Nothing”, it reveals the difficulty in moving forward again.

Sweet Nothing

I love how he kept the pseudonym William Bowery because it keeps the focus on her album, not the relationship she’s in. This is also important given how she used a pseudonym when she wrote the lyrics in her ex’s song “This is What You Came For feat. Rihanna”, detracting from her influence in the project. 

It made me cry at the first listen. It was none other than the bridge that got me. After hearing about all the pressures she has, she says she’s “too soft for all of it” but that all he ever wanted from her was sweet nothing! Wedding reception DJs rejoice. Too cute.

Paris

My little sister was born in 2003 which makes the “2003, unbearable” line amusing.

I love her songs about escapism (“I’m Right Where You Left Me”) and keeping her relationship private.

Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve

Such an important song on the topic of unknowingly flying too close to the sun with manipulative abusers.

Given it’s sensitive content and how much I love the 10 min. version of All Too Well, you know why I don’t feel like defending my case for this song being my favorite on the album.

LIVING FOR THE THRILL OF HITTING YOU WHERE IT HURTS. GIVE ME BACK MY GIRLHOOD, IT WAS MINE FIRST! 

My stepsister listening in Tennessee said she expected slow songs that one would write at midnight, rather than the “pop-y” songs she previewed. I, too had anticipated some sleepless night, staying up alone storytelling from this album. Not including this year’s re-recordings, we’ve heard heavy midnight in candlelight influences in recent sister albums folklore and evermore. Yet, the album’s lyrics insinuate Taylor’s lighter on the cover art is being used for recreational late-night activities rather than just lighting candles. Her saturated eye makeup also makes me think of midnights under a disco ball or the aftermath of an eventful night.

Honorable mentions:

Her middle part in the music video for “Bejeweled” 

The voice crack when she said I really thought I lost you in “The Great War” and No one wanted to play with me as a little kid in “Mastermind”

No deal , the 1950s shit they want from me

Now that I’m grown , I’m scared of ghosts , memories feel like weapons

I searched ‘aurora borealis green’ , I’ve never seen someone lit from within

He stayed the same , all of me changed like midnight rain

Salt streams out of my eyes and into my ears

You said I was freeloading, I didn’t know you were keeping count

No one sees you lose when you’re playing solitaire

Karma takes all my friends to the summit

Xoxo, Millie

Musical notes from a budding musician

#no its becky #taylor nation #taylor swift #midnights #rainy dawg radio