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#my memory sucks because of her
bigshotautos · 2 months
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I really like your theory about Spamton basically haunting a mannequin after death. Have you ever touched upon the reaction from Jevil (or anyone, really) upon seeing the new Spamton? Especially considering Spamton isn't even aware he 'died'.
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^ how i think jevil's first sight of Spamton would go. i love this ask. this is referring to some headcanons I made a while back, I'll link it here for the one post and the general ghost spamton theory is linked in that one as well. Going to elaborate on it more under the cut for those interested + more art.
In general I think that people from Spamton's past wouldn't really care if they notice at all, since he wasn't in the business of making close friends with anyone. With the Addisons, in my interpretation he had a "weird co-worker" relationship with them, and while Addisons in general treated each other like potential business competitors that they had to make-nice with, Spamton is especially easy to single out for being visibly and temperamentally different. His altered, current state is something they'd feel at least uncomfortable by, but many wouldn't have been too close with him to begin with for them to talk about it with him directly. Would get whispered about between each other for sure, like we saw with them talking about Spamton after the NEO fight. It moves him from the "disgraced guy I used to know" category to the "actually unpleasant to look at or think about" territory. This goes for Swatch, Queen, and Seam (less so), who seem to buy heavily into the Lightner and Darkner dynamic, with Spamton corrupting the Lightner's dream being a strong taboo against what it means to be a Darkner.
As for what Jevil thinks, Spamton during the NEO fight is both a beautiful and horrifying display. Jevil at this point hasn't seen him in years since his imprisonment, and in their time apart Jevil has grown to find novelty in the cage that everyone else besides him is in since he's created huge emotional distance between him and the reality he lives in. Seeing the fact that Spamton had corrupted an abandoned dream of a Lightner and was causing so much chaos to the established order of the world would be exhilarating, but at the same time seeing that Spamton had accomplished this and still had his strings visible (and changed to a marionette puppet with no symbolic agency), it'd be a painful confirmation of his worldview that even Spamton, who deep down he still cares for, could never have been free.
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Jevil would think at first he'd just gone through some nebulous situation to change what he looks like, since ofc he himself has toy-like traits (arguable if that happened with Gasterfication or not), Seam is a plushie cat, and other Card Castle Darkners are based on toys, but feeling the lack of life combined with the symbolic body of Spamton would mean to him something bigger had went wrong. He wouldn't dare to bring it up in an empathetic way, stuck in his mindset that it doesn't matter, but it'd still hit a part of him he doesn't like to think still exists. It's something he gets over quickly, almost performatively going back to fucking with him and taking advantage of his fear for entertainment, but it didn't sit well at first.
To me, the fact Spamton "died" isn't really a huge deal, kind of like with the ghosts in Undertale where no one really cares they're just ghosts. They're just doing their thing. To me it'd be fine if neither of them find out what happened for certain, but it's something that adds Flavor to his character.
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vorakh · 1 year
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counterculture icon
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talentforlying · 2 months
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john and his niece going for a walk, arm-in-arm, so gemma can confide in him about her ghost problem without worrying her mum......i'm severely unwell about them.
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origamihoshi · 6 months
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Help I played @oneknightstand-if's demo for their game and I can't stop thinking about the MC and how much I love them, so I drew my version of them.
Her name is Maika (but she's now going by Meika because names have power and there's noway she's going to tell an incubus her real name so why not just change one letter). She doesn't trust any of her allies, but to be fair one is a incubus and the other is a guy from her polo club she think is stalking her so she thinks she has some good reasons not to trust them, but it's okay because she has her beloved plant Audrey III and her magic 8 ball and surely they will never betray her.
I also didn't realize you can avoid getting possessed but when I think about it, it fits her very well that not be able to keep demons out of her head.
I love my weirdo amnesiac changeling who needs to stand out and make sure all eyes are on her, and wishes she could be a fairy princess instead of working in fast food.
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lucysweatslove · 11 months
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Finally back home!
So the “testing” was literally a brief 30 min convo where she asked some clarifying questions from my intake form and then I did the WAIS-IV. That’s it, just the WAIS. The psychologist did tell me though that she isn’t interpreting my scores on the typical IQ scale but is looking at how my own scores compare to each other. The psychometrist was taking times I think in between lines and for each problem, so I’m curious if they will be looking at how I fatigue and my error rate as time goes on for some tasks like the processing speed ones.
I also hate the general knowledge questions because how tf am I supposed to know the circumference of the earth around the equator in this setting if I have never not once heard it? I tried doing the fermi problem way of rationalizing it but I couldn’t quite scale what I know to be ~300 mi to the equator in my head. Whatever. And like. I give 0 shits about any European historical monarchy (or history in general- why bother remembering specifics when the internet exists) so my brain has pruned any of that information I may have gotten 15 years ago and thus I couldn’t tell you that stuff. I always hate how it’s administered because I have a VAST knowledge of anything sciency (you know, things I’m interested in) but nah if you cant remember who one monarch was and then can’t remember a geography question then who cares how much science info you’ve retained.
Anyway I was expecting that computer based attention test but nope just intelligence testing. And I won’t find out concrete results for 3 more weeks so I’ll see the NP before then. I was hoping to get some answers and be on a first trial medicine before I go to my rural site (one month from today) but I guess probably not. And I guess that’s also if they see patterns of ADHD in me. Which they might as I tend to do poorly on processing speed and working memory tests, I just don’t know if the effect size will be large enough for them to agree that yes I have adhd.
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zephyr-draws · 4 months
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musings on insects, isolation, and how much can change when you're not looking
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thedreadvampy · 1 year
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hey fun thing. fun thing I'm experiencing lately. is that the case which every terf journo in the fucking UK is freaking themselves about FINALLY being able to put on the front page - trans woman convicted of rape sent to women's prison - is uhhhhhhhh. really close to home? emotionally? for me? and it's on every fucking newsstand????
(obviously transparent as fuck every time that everyone's suddenly so concerned about the wellbeing of women in prison when all the same publications are usually in the CRIMINAL SCUM PRISONS ARE TOO SOFT TRAIN but OKAY. OKAY. since you suddenly care so much about female prisoners shall we uhhhhh idk address the rate of sexual assaults by guards? police? other cisgender prisoners? maybe rethink the whole 'prison' thing as a whole? oh this is just about how you think trans women are scary again? cool. cool cool cool.)
#red said#the commonality. not to overshare. is that i was raped in 2013 by someone who then went to court in 2015-16 following another incident#and that was a wake-up call for her about her increasingly bad drug and alcohol use and blackouts (which was what happened in both cases)#and so she started self examining on that and partway through the case she realised she was trans#and the thing is i know this bc despite what she did we were still friends by the time it went to court#i was a supporting witness because my experience was used as evidence that it was a pattern of out of control behaviour#anyway it dragged on for a while. even longer bc she was a us national in the us military so the civil case was dropped but#there was also a military investigation#which i didn't have to provide evidence for in the end but i was on the hook not knowing if i would need to for like. another 2 years.#anyway the transition aside there's a lot else about this case which resonates with my experience during that time???#and it sucked a lot going through that case and i would prefer not to have to think about it every time i pop to the fucking supermarket???#(also this is gonna sound bad but the thing i resent most about that whole affair was that during the case and her early transition#she leant on me for support a LOT? so i was doing all this trauma reliving and giving witness statements but also before and after that#she called me almost every day to talk about the toll it was taking on her. and i was like. i think you're right to talk about this#and i think you need support right now#but i also think. it's fucking wild that you think I'm the person to offer that when i just told you you assaulted me in a drunken blackout#like. my big Sick Trauma Feeling memories from that time are a) court and b) Oh No My Phone Is Ringing Again#anyway. this is a big trauma dump that may be misinterpreted which is why i don't talk about the case that much?#but this is part of why i hate terfs so much. the insistence on treating an individual's shit behaviour as condemnation of All Trans People#makes it Really Fucking Hard for those of us who've experienced individual shitty behaviour from a trans person#but recognise that that's just a statistical probability based on how many people do shitty things in the population at large#to talk about harm we've experienced without being coopted to a genocidal narrative
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kohakhearts · 4 months
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well folks its been a good two months of denial but i am finally ready to admit that the reason everything sucks is because of major depression relapse. if i werent so depressed id make this everyone elses problem by projecting it on to blorbo but alas
#taylor.txt#incapable of making this not a joke but i do have to say it kinda sucks#like obviously ive never been 100% free of my depression probably on account of it developing when i was a Child and then not getting any#treatment or even really any sympathy for until i was in my late teens but. BUT. even my historic mental breakdown 2 years ago didnt really#feel like depression. like yeah i was sad and hopeless but this is very different. sad and lethargic more so. simply too tired to be lost i#despair. which is i guess a good thing because it means its easier for me to fix. its just that right now im kinda stuck in it#i dont know if id say ive experienced major depression since my first year of uni#thats why ive been denying it all this time despite it being pretty…glaringly obvious#anyway. good news is im meeting with the prof of one of the classes im currently failing this week#and now i guess i kind of have an idea of what to tell her because all this time ive been struggling and i havent understood why#the content makes sense. i understand whats going on. but my memory has gotten so bad recently and the energy required to do my assignments#has been way too much. and im past my limit on that at this point unfortunately. like yeah shes probably gonna tell me well that sucks but#theres nothing i can do to save your grade and thats fine but at least i know even if it was a Me Problem that i let myself get depressed#again in the first place being actively depressed is a major barrier that i at least know isnt 100% me being an idiot with a bad attitude#i will struggle to the finish line but i will make it there. even if i fail a class or two in the process#and regardless of if it gets better i will finally go see my therapist again in the new year </3 something obviously led to this so whos to#say it wouldnt happen again if i just let that fester. whatever it is#also writing has been tough for the same reason school has been tough but its still happening and i will do more of it when school is over#i PROMMY
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running-in-the-dark · 15 days
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a super fun thing that my brain is really good at is hearing a random fact and remembering it forever. but only if it's bad :)
#the reason I'm thinking about that right now: I wish I had never read that having a crease on your earlobe means you're more likely to have#heart disease.#scared me so much that I read a whole paper about it#but it's been years now so I don't remember the details#just that that's a thing apparently#and guess what my brain does with that information? oh yeah of course I have to obsessively look at the ears of everyone now! does that#do anything helpful? nope! just makes me very very anxious :)#it's just like when I was a kid and I got nightmares about scurvy every time I didn't eat a potato for a week.#like. wow I could be so smart and everything if my brain wasn't constantly focused on random bullshit that is completely irrelevant 😭#also this thing specifically: I've always been weirdly fascinated by ears and this made that a million times worse and also very scary.#like ooh that's a nice ear :) oh no death exists and this person is going to die and#yeah it sucks.#specifically choosing not to mention any names in this context because my god this shit is on my mind all the time already I really don't#need to say it where anyone can see#it's embarrassing enough#though anyone who has looked at my blog in the past month already knows who I'm talking about.#like. I really shouldn't allow myself to like anyone over the age of like. idk 45.#it's so unbelievably exhausting.#but annnyway I'm totally normal and fine :)#oh yeah I also have creases on my earlobes lol so that definitely added to the scariness (and THEN my mother randomly mentioned recently#that EVERYONE on her side of the family had/has heart disease. bitch WHAT the fuck. anyway so yeah guess we know what's gonna kill me#haha isn't that fun :) )#ALSO the fact that my memory is very very bad means that I remember absolutely none of the details about shit like this. so it could very#well be completely irrelevant and harmless but i wouldn't remember that part.#and I think even if I found out more it wouldn't help. it's been an obsession for so long. I've never had one go away that I've had for#this long. so. guess I'm just fucked.#personal
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caffeinatedopossum · 1 year
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I feel like I have an unacceptably low level of control over my body. Like obviously there are some things that no one can control but I have like actual big problems because of it. I'm not really sure how to describe it but it's not just me being really clumsy (although that is an effect of it) or even the tics I have.
It's like I can feel my body moving wrong constantly but I can't correct it and it hurts and it sucks and I'm tired. I'm tired of hurting myself, making mistakes, breaking things, acting like it's fine when in reality I'm constantly afraid of how much any movement I make next could hurt me. I need to move to stay sane, I want to workout and get stronger and go on walks with my friends. I wanna get better. I can't even roll over in bed without pain and I'm just so tired.
#opossums chronic illness rants#seriously though this sucks so much and idk if theres anything i can do about it but i wanna try#its probably a combination of a lot of different things#like muscle weakness and instability from ehlers danlos syndrome both making each other worse#along with the poor proprioception from autism the dizzyness and weakness from the dysautonomia#the fact that i cant really see and even possibly inner ear damage (thats a new one that ive been suspecting more and more recently)#im not sure if the ear damage would be just from built up ear wax or maybe or something else#but im really not having a good time because it brings back bad memories#when i was a kid (8 i think) my mom was convinced i had compacted ear wax but given that she refused to ever#take me to doctors she decided she had to fix it herself#which led to a lot of excruciating trials where she stuck wires and que tips stripped of their cotton into my ears#and tried to scrape out whatever she could. even though i wanted her to stop because it hurt so bad i would start crying everytime#im also mildly suspicious that might be what damaged my ears in the first place... but i really have no way to know that at the moment#all i know is i dont want anyone looking in or putting things in my ears ever again#it doesnt even matter how much i trust them because now anything put in my ears hurt#like even when im just regularly cleaning them with que tips it hurts and im reminded that might not be normal#idk if you read these tags let me know if cleaning your ears is supposed to hurt i guess?#im honestly not sure. like i just always assumed i wasnt being gentle enough or something but it doesnt matter what i do#its not super painful either just a little bit so i ignored it because i assumed it was normal#since a lot of 'normal' things hurt for me. which i now know to my surprise isnt normal at all but i didnt figure that out#until i actually got people to believe that these things were hurting me#apparently its very hard to find anyom#who believes that opening bag clips or trying to lift a jug of milk are actually quite painful for me#they usually just say im way overreacting and when i was a kid i just believed them i guess
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yewstronaut · 11 months
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PSA: if you're over the age of eighteen make sure you have a will, make sure it stays updated.
and if you have internet friends/groups that are important to you make sure there is something in said will about (how to) contacting them and what exactly to tell them.
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my-thoughts-and-junk · 4 months
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Anyway I think the twist being the main character was what they despised all along fucks actually
#random thoughts#specifically in sci fi#what does 'robots don't deserve rights because they aren't human' become when you discover you yourself are a robot#not specifically this trope but i was thinking about the 'the little girl was a robot this whole time' twist in dbh and how it sucked#which is mainly because the whole relationship between the girl and her robot guardian was so heartfelt#was BECAUSE the girl was human and the robot was a robot#a child choosing her wires and bolts nanny over her flesh and blood dad because only one of them was family to her#also the twist tries to justify her dad's abuse of her like 'well obviously she's not REALLY his kid'#'you have to think about what he's going through' yeah shut up#also the twist doesn't really work when robots are already basically identical to humans#you could take any character in that game and go 'they were secretly a robot' and yeah sure ig#there's nothing DISPROVING it#now fallout 4. is also bad but let me think about the fallout 4 in my brain 4 a sec#i love the idea of a synth main character who doesn't know she's a synth#especially if she's bffs with valentine like. the contrast#between flesh and blood and nuts and bolts#also the idea of ss being nick's main advocate for his personhood BEFORE realizing she's also a synth#nick 🤝 nora: is this trauma mine or does it belong to me version 1.0#nora replaying that memory of when her husband got shot like 'was that when i was me or did that memory belong to the original nora'#'or was it even a memory at all??? was it planted by the institute???'#and like there is no way of confirming you're a synth except post mortem#so she just has to like connect all the dots herself with no actual physical confirmation of what she believes is true#the institute was destroyed. any paperwork documenting who she actually is is lost to time immemorial.#and shaun isn't above making synths of. i almost said dead people#god shaun is really dead isn't he. that little boy is a ghost.#anyway back to the original topic#best twist is when there's a visible distinction between humans and robots AND it's known in the narrative#that more sophisticated forms of bots are being tested but not yet produced on a global scale#also if the main character either lacks empathy for robots or whose relationship with a robot character isn't built on the idea of#'look at us transcending social norms by being a human and a robot and being friends'
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Ok but can we talk about how out of all the major male characters that Ryunosuke interacts with throughout the story, van Zieks is the ONLY one that isn't hiding something from/lying to him at one point or another?? Sholmes lies about Kazuma being alive, Kazuma hides the fact that he's going to Britain as a hired assassin, Yujin hides details about the Professor killings from him in 2-2, Stronghart lies about... Well, everything really. Like there's so much I could say about him lol. Gregson hides the fact that he helped frame Genshin for the Professor killings, McGilded lies about having been the culprit in the omnibus case, Jigoku lies about having been the one to kill Gregson... Etc etc. I personally can't remember a single point where van Zieks was hiding things from Ryuu or just straight up lying about important things to his face. He's an ass to him at first, sure, but he's ultimately on the side of justice and finding out the truth, even if it means hurting his cases or having his worldview challenged (except maybe in the case of Klint, which I'll get into).
Now one might say, "Oh but didn't he hide the fact that he had a brother from Ryunosuke at first?". And to that I say... So what? From van Zieks' point of view, details about his personal life (and ESPECIALLY about Klint) are hard to talk about and, frankly, Ryuu really had no reason to need that info about him, other than just to be nosy. That's why he's so cagey about the topic in 2-3, and why he's (somewhat) more willing to talk about it with him in 2-4/5, because at that point Ryunosuke absolutely DOES need to know more about Klint (and the Professor killings in general). And as for Ryuu's point of view, he really has no reason to be asking about van Zieks' personal life at first, other than the fact that he's just curious about it.
Anyways. I really do believe that, despite how rocky these two's dynamic is at first, it's been built on honesty and straightforward-ness from the start, and I really appreciate how we have an Ace Attorney prosecutor who's more than willing to not hide the truth from his lawyer rival (even if he's making dunks on Ryunosuke half the time, lol)
#GOD im so glad i finally wrote. something. about these two's dynamic#like their dynamic is so underrated and it sucks because it's so good like!!#as early as 1-3 these two are working towards finding the truth no matter what it may be. even if it means they might lose#ryuu in 1-3 openly admits that the omnibus was tampered with even though that may implicate his client#van zieks in as early as 1-4 not only gives evidence to the defense that he 100% didn't have to give#(and that would potentially cause him to lose the trial)#but he also calls out the actual culprit and makes it very clear that he won't tolerate her hiding things from the court#he does this in 1-5 as well with graydon.. and in 2-2 with ms green#i'm currently doing my second dgs playthrough and i'm at 2-3 so my memory there is a lil hazy lol#but i do remember that in 2-3 he had an absolutely insane premise for his case and probably sounded like an IDIOT to everyone there#and it 100% feels like it was a way to subtly tell ryuu 'hey mr naruhodo you're smart you should have 0 issue ripping my case apart'#(to be fair 2-3 saw his one friend as the defendant so that's probably why he went through all the effort. but still)#anyways im obsessed with their dynamic and y'all SLEEP on it goodbye#va4 rambles in the tags#vu's posts#tgaa#tgaa 2 spoilers#barok van zieks#ryunosuke naruhodo#also to y'all who ship them you can absolutely ship tag this lol. like im not a fan of the pairing i just like their dynamic platonically#but tbh if you wanna use this as ship fuel then honestly just go for it lmao#o shit i almost forgor... their dynamic tag omg#reaper/resolve
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aeide-thea · 2 years
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the thing about 9/11 is that it got used post facto to justify all sorts of hideous jingoistic shit but also it was a genuine devastating human tragedy and i really pretty deeply resent people's deciding that the—absolutely gross, don't get me wrong—way it's been culturally positioned justifies their making jokes about the event itself.
#like. my mother worked basically next door and watched people fall to horrific deaths and had to make her way home thru the horror#and was quite frankly never the same again#and like. the idea that people can look at that and dehumanize all those who died enough to be comfortable making jokes—#i personally think is deeply fucked up and not in fact any kind of ~social justice~#like roll yr eyes at the overblown commemorative pomp and circumstance all you want but like. real people died absolutely horrific deaths#and being flippant about it—sucks‚ actually‚ even if they WERE ~complacent americans who supported capitalism~ or whatever#(not to mention like. it was a really wide slice of humanity actually. but god forbid we consider the actual people as people)#anyway i deeply resent that i feel the need to make this post at all#bc quite frankly i would be more than glad to let the event fade out of active memory and think that's probably the best way to move forward#but unfortunately fucking br*nd*nicus is apparently out here making posts abt how the ~anniversary is worthy of derision~#and it's like. what if we just. let it go without either the weird performative jingoistic bullshit OR being fucking dicks.#anyway whatever i guess i'm not like. appropriately leftist or something#but personally i don't think real people's horrifying deaths are cool to make cracks about. sorry if that makes me a conservative buzzkill.#like i get that it was different outside of new york or washington but like. some of us were IN new york actually.#and yeah to be clear people in the middle east subsequently died similarly horrific deaths because of the way 9/11 got leveraged#and we ought to respect and remember those too#doing THAT on 9/11 would imo be a lot more meaningful than sneering at dead americans but also it would actually take work and sincerity#neither of which most tumblr users are up for
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tigergendermoved · 6 months
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I'm ngl the longer it's been since I've played TOTK the less I like it I think
#do not get me wrong i think the game is fun to play and that was like 80% of where my concern lied#but godddd the story sucks so bad. i love the draconification bit with zelda but the rest. augh#why do we need Another ancient civilization literally appearing out of nowhere and infesting hyrule with its ruins#they got rid of all the sheikah stuff with literally no explanation to shove the zonai into the region#but why are we even focusing on the ancient civilizations again????#it would have made so much more sense to focus on hyrule in the present day. work with the npcs to make hyrule greater than it was#move on from the calamity and turn hyrule into a strong bustling country#the zonai were hinted at in botw but they feel so shoehorned in because they have nothing to do with anything in botw#i dont care about the secret stones we had champion abilities#i dont care about the sages the champion descendants had the champions to look up to#i dont care about rauru and sonia because sonia got fridged hard and rauru's character is flat. pleasant but flat#and i dont care at all about ganondorf because the most interesting thing he ever does is do the gmod face#its so frustrating watching the same 'woah secret stones! sages??' cutscene 4 times with Da New Sages and its so frustrating#watching the other characters speculate what happened to zelda and chase down her ghostly paper trail#when like. i can see her in the sky. she's over there guys#the memories were one of my favorite things in botw bc they all subtly stitched together the story of what happened#in totk they are incredibly plot dense and very linear and very confusing to watch out of order. which is easy to do#the one where sonia gets murked is like. the third memory i found#id at least be more interested in all the zonai stuff if link was the one to get teleported to the past while zelda has to try and save him#giving zelda agency. craziest thing they could have done#ok sorry this is a Lot of salt but just. raaaaagh#maybe my expectations were astronomical but outside of gameplay totk brings nothing good to the table imo#i'd significantly rather they made botw2 more gameplay focused where you can do something like make meaningful changes to the map#tarrey town style#than try to shove a whole different zelda game's plot into a carefully constructed preexisting world#i think the zonai story would be cool in its own game but not botw
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pepprs · 1 year
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crying again lol ok
#purrs#and posting online abt it so i get immediate validation / support instead of asking for help from anyone im close to i know. but god fucking#damn it to hell. ok im going to be candid about this because it hurts so fucking bad. five years ago i met someone so important to me. and I#miss her so so so so much. and every space here i have a memory with her in. and she left in July and she’s gone. and im sobbing my eyes out#FOR WHY because it was over 6 months ago and im happier and she’s happier and we’re all happier. but i think im getting some aftershocks#being here for the first time without her exactly 5 years to the week we met: when she was so important to me. she was the whole reason i#even saw myself as something. and she’s fucking gone. she left. but she’s not dead like LMAO idk why im crying so hard when i could just#text her any time and tell her that i miss her. but idk. it’s just everything is stirring memories and they’re painful to think about now or#at least today because she’s gone and it all changed. i was just saying that i feel like im not having any emotions and tonight the grief ju#just rammed into me like a train and my fucking counselor sucks ass and won’t even help me work through it and everyone is busy and tired an#and im a staff coach so im not supposed to be having a fuckjng mental breakdown over **** pacing around in my bathroom at 1:23am but ive be#been thinking about her so much and remembering all the formative interactions i had with her here and missing her so much i want to explode#and die and p*ke and whatever. so stupid to cry about it but i fucking miss her. and i hate that she’s not here. and i’m trying so hard to b#be her but i have to be me but i can’t not have what she brought here and im just crashi ng and burning and can’t be honest and im having a#breakdown and crying so hard and i don’t know what to do. i ithink i’ll be fine after some sleep and reflection but my heart is like seizing#on itself right now and nothing takes my mind off it and i just keep crying LMFAOOOOOO. i hate it here#delete later#like how can you look at me like that and then fuck off to ****** 4.5 years later. you know? im about to punch a hole into the hallway#and i have to be quiet bc ppl are trying to sleep but it’s making me fucking crazy.#retreat tag
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