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orionsangel86 · 4 years

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15x04 Episode Review - What a Meta Rollercoaster THAT was!

Jensen Ackles directed this. Let that sink in before you read on. Because this means EVERYTHING.

Davy Perez said on Twitter that he had a lot of help with this episode from Bobo, Dabb, Meredith, Even from Jensen and Rob. Which seems pretty clear from me as I was blown away by what I consider a meta masterpiece.

There is a lot to unpack here so let me just jump straight in with my favourite part:

THE REDEEMED FANGIRL AND THE BRONLY GOD

In an episode directed by Jensen Ackles it both astonishes me and pleases me immensely that the strongest and most interesting plot didn’t involve the brothers. Every single scene with Becky and Chuck was a galaxy brain of meta and my head is still buzzing about it.

**Meta Essay under the cut**

Becky has changed. She has grown up, has gone to therapy, has channelled previously unhealthy behaviour into a stable and successful Etsy business. She is the model fangirl. No longer the source of this shows mockery. Becky shuddered when remembering what she did to Sam. Showing her regret and guilt over her former actions leading the way for this fanbase to forgive and redeem her. Formerly Becky was portrayed as a mockery of those in the fandom who irritated Kripke, now she has grown beyond that dark and hateful corner, has welcomed Castiel into her home as the character whose form appears most often on her shelves. Clearly Becky is a Cas stan now. I bet she ships Destiel in those domestic AU’s she writes on AO3. Only Cas stans and Destiel shippers proclaim “not enough Cas” when referring to the source material after all.

However even though the positive message of the reformed fangirl from obsessive incest fetishist into healthy Cas fan filled me with joy, it wasn’t my top take away moment from these scenes. The entire message of Chuck and Becky’s conversation makes me want to cry tears of joy. After all, it isn’t often your favourite show includes an avatar of yourself arguing with an avatar for the writers - or at least, the villainous arrogant writer who refuses to acknowledge you.

Becky likes the character drama. Chuck likes the monsters. Becky doesn’t care for the monsters. Chuck brings up the Leviathan (because of course Chuck would enjoy the season that first tried to “go back to the shows roots” and reduce the format back to just “Sam and Dean alone on the road”). Chuck tells her that fanfiction doesn’t count, but our strong willed fangirl avatar tells him “writings writing!” and damn right you are Becky. It counts.

Then Becky goes and blows my mind by speaking aloud in my favourite show the kind of things that I think and talk about every time this show brings out another generic MOTW episode:

“If I had to give one note, the jeopardy Chuck, its feeling a little thin. No stakes. It’s fun to hear the boys voices but a story is only as good as its villain and these villains are just not feeling very dangerous. Not to mention there’s no classic rock, no one even mentions Cas, the climax is a little stale. The boys tied up again while we get the villains monologue which frankly isn’t one of your best. A hint of originality wouldn’t… hurt.”

(x)

At this point I might as well be on the floor because holy shit Becky is me. When did the writers become so very aware of their fanbase? It’s taken them 15 years, but they are finally here. Chuck is fuming of course. How dare a fangirl criticise his work, so instead of taking her advice on board, he plays up. He gets mean.

Chuck’s perfect SPN ending is tragic and in some weird insanely meta way this feels like a message from the writers telling us that they hear us because Becky once again says what we have ALL been screaming on Twitter about a tragic ending:

“It’s awful. Horrible! It’s hopeless! You can’t do this to the fans! What you did to Dean? What you did to Sam?”

I keep thinking that the SPN writers have made Chuck into a parody of the GoT writers. Chuck is arrogant, egotistical, and completely incapable of taking criticism. He went to Becky hoping she would fluff up his ego, but she shot him down and unfortunately, he destroyed her for it.

The message here though is one of hope. Everything about Chuck is framed as negative, as villainous - this includes the tragic ending. Therefore if there is one thing I am practically certain of after this episode it’s that the actual finale will subvert Chuck’s vision. We will not be getting a tragic death ending to the show.

The other thing I can’t quite believe that the writers have done here, in an episode directed by Jensen is the shaaaade. I’m honestly feeling a little sorry for the bibro’s right now. Because the writers have been shading them HARD this season. Chuck has proven himself to be one of them. Imagine having the writers see you and the things you like about the show, and make you into the actual villain? I mean... ouch.

Reasons Chuck is a Bibro

He has tunnel vision on Sam and Dean (ignores Castiel completely)

He is all about the MOTW episodes. Doesn’t pay attention to depth of character

He clearly enjoyed season 7 MOTW brother only season

He believes a tragic brother only ending would be loved by the fans

He wants a dark tragic ending

When Becky recommends he write something else, he moans that he only likes Sam and Dean and only wants to write about them.

He is arrogant, egotistical and doesn’t listen to criticism.

(this is technically a crack intermission to an otherwise serious meta post but ADMIT IT there is truth to this crack!)

SAM AND DEAN - CHUCKS PUPPETS?

Whilst Becky faces Chuck and makes all our meta writer hearts pound with excitement, the other main story was a rather generic MOTW episode. But wasn’t that the whole point? What a genius twist on a MOTW this episode was. We all know the formula, so overdone now in the show that it has grown tiresome. Yet to have that tiresome format called out in the very episode that... includes... that...format... well, that’s gotta be one of the most meta things this show has ever done. I’m in awe.

Sam and Dean investigate the mysterious death of a cheerleader at Beaverdale high school (and even though I don’t watch Riverdale even I can see how this school is a blatant nod to that terrible show #sorrynotsorry). It starts off pretty boring and normal. Sam and Dean do their thing, they wear the suits and pretend to be feds. They suspect Veronica (again Riverdale fans are probably enjoying this) but realise that she can’t be their vamp. The boys seem quite lost as to who is responsible... until Chuck starts writing that is. Then suddenly a random car driving past the crime scene on CCTV is enough for them to enter someones house with a machete. It’s a sloppy MOTW storyline, but this seems intentional IMO. From the moment Sam and Dean are back in their lumberjack chic and storming the family home to accuse the father of being the vamp, something feels off - or it did to me anyway.

In fact, as this was all playing out right at the moment that Becky critiqued Chuck’s writing, it felt as if she was critiquing the very MOTW hunt that we were watching, at least from that point onwards.

Suddenly we are back in Chuck’s world and he’s made it dark and tragic.

The son in this nuclear family is Jack. unwillingly monstrous, innocent and guilty at the same time. The father, so desperate and self sacrificial for his child - heartbreakingly Castiel:

“You don’t have children do you, because if you did you would know that to see your child in pain, rips your heart out, and you’d know that you’d do anything. You’d die for them.”

The mother, wide eyed, armed and dangerous - Clearly Dean:

“Or kill for them.”

The son plays his part perfectly. Chuck be proud:

“I killed someone that I loved”

“I’m a monster”

Compare this to Jack in 14x20 saying to Dean as he stares down the barrel of the gun “You were right. I am the monster.”

But we as the audience know that this situation is wrong. There is no real monster here other than Chuck. The boy is a victim just as Jack was. The parents forced into desperate circumstances out of love. They may be the stereotypical white middle class American family made of privilege and self obsession, but what they do is still purely out of love. It is a situation they are forced into by Chuck, just as he forced the TFW family into the same situation at the end of last season, and we are made to look on in horror as what happened in the season 14 finale happens again, and yet Sam and Dean barely blink or question their actions. This is the strangest part of all.

Sam’s reaction is interesting, because he knows this is wrong. He knows they shouldn’t be killing this kid. He can see the mirror, the repeated story here. He can TELL that something isn’t right... but he doesn’t speak up, doesn’t protest, doesn’t stop it.

Dean doesn’t question a damn thing. He plays his part perfectly. It’s haunting. Chuck almost had his clutches in Dean before, but this time his hold is tight.

Look at how this was framed and tell me this whole thing isn’t Chuck’s doing?

In both scenes Sam looks on in horror knowing that it isn’t right. But this time no one protests, and Chuck get’s his horrific ending.

Chuck banishes Becky and her family, and arrogantly proclaims that he “can do anything, I’m a writer” and the next scene cuts to Sam and Dean in the car ready for the classic Bro Melodrama moment as to be expected of all standard MOTW, but this time, it feels like they are reading from a script - at least at first:

Dean: “Well that was an interesting one.”

Sam: “Yeah. What Henry did. We’d have done the same thing. For Jack, if we’d had the chance.”

Dean: “Yeah. Yeah we would. Look man I get it. I get it we have lost way way too much. And its hard enough to feel like just cashing up. I felt like that. After Chuck back at the crypt. But you know what brought me back, you did. You saying that what we do still matters.

That’s why I wanted to drag us out here, to work the case, to save lives. Ya know. Because it is, it’s a crap job. We do the ugly thing so people can live happy.”

Sam: “Lucky them.”

Dean: “Yeah lucky them.”

Sam: “But it doesn’t change a thing. Ya know you still do the job. We don’t do it for us. We do it for Jack, for mom, for Rowena. We owe it to everyone whose ever given a damn about us to keep putting one foot in front of the other. No matter what.

Hey man like you said, now that Chucks gone. We’re finally on our own. We are finally free to… move on. Ya know.”

Sam: “Yeah I dunno I dunno if I can move on. I can’t forget any of them. I still think about Jessica. I can’t just let that go.”

Dean: “No man that’s not what I’m talking about.”

Sam: “I know I know I’m sorry I know. What I’m saying is that I don’t feel free. What we’ve done, what we’ve lost, right now that is what I’m feeling and sometimes its, its like I can’t even breath. Maybe tomorrow, maybe ill feel better in the morning.”

Dean: “And what if you don’t?”

Sam: “I dunno.”

First of all, would they REALLY have done the same thing for Jack? Kidnapped and bled an innocent girl to feed him? Because I don’t think they would have. Then Dean goes into a monologue that we have heard over and over again and it feels like he is reading from a script. It’s like going through the motions. We are back in Chuck’s worlds. There is no freedom here. Even the lack of Cas mention which we can argue is because Dean is burying those feelings and in denial, even so it feels jarring in the episode where the lack of Cas mention was already called out directly by Becky, so it only further adds to how disjointed this whole scene is. Like this scene is pure wank fodder for Bibro Chuck. Quite frankly, it is. But this time it feels like the writers are aware of this and are doing it purposely to MAKE it feel off.

The one time the script seems to trip is when Dean mentions moving on - triggering Cas’s words from last week, which he struggles with, and then Sam protests and actually opens up to how he is really feeling. The brother’s are back in Chuck’s maze, and this time it seems like he has made it impossible to deviate from the path - but I do wonder if Sam is going to be harder to control because of the connection...

The final shot of the episode only seems to further confirm that the Winchesters are once again being manipulated by Chuck. They are his puppets again, and this time it may even be worse:

There is a huge sense of foreboding with this final shot. The shaking funko pops seemingly in fear of what Chuck plans to do. The two feathers behind them indicating their missing guardian angel (as Chuck continues to neglect Cas’s role in classic Bronly form) the tree indicating a garden? Heaven? and the grey paper with the Winchester tattoo potentially the gravestone that Chuck visualised?

Whatever Chuck has planned, it appears to have played out in some form in this episode. Whilst I don’t think that the boys have been completely robbed of their free will, it is safe to say that they are back to playing by Chuck’s script, but this time with the confidence of men who think they are free.

CASTIEL AS THE CATALYST FOR FREE WILL

For years now, I have been one of those annoying people irritating Cas fans by being irrationally happy when Cas isn’t in key episodes because I can see him so clearly in the negative space that his absence basically forms its own overshadowing presence instead.

When I have rambled on about negative space in the past, it is almost always connected to MOTW episodes following some big DeanCas drama, and on the surface level, people have moaned about how the Cas mention wasn’t enough, or Dean hasn’t acknowledged him or something like that.

Well, this episode is no exception. But this episode IS different in that this episode textually calls out the lack of Cas blatantly within it’s script. Which is just some next level self awareness from this show that I am amazed by.

The entire first three episodes of this season spiralled around this DeanCas tension and drama which us Destiel shipping meta writers could barely believe we were watching since it is practically unheard of for this show to set its emotional A plot around Dean and Cas rather than Sam and Dean. But that is what Dabb has done. When that tension came to its climax in 15x03′s final scene, it was well speculated that 15x04 would understate the DeanCas break up due to the episodes being filmed out of order and therefore Jensen not knowing exactly the impact of the break up when he filmed his scenes for this episode.

Well, we were certainly right that it was understated, with Dean basically burying his feelings in denial and work and food and drink. Until Chuck started writing and therefore took control back of the script, Dean was eating or drinking in practically every single scene. As he is well known for using food and alcohol has coping mechanisms when spiralling into a dark mindset. Other than these key clues, Dean doesn’t mention Cas once. So we can speculate that he hasn’t told Sam what happened, and probably made up some excuse about Cas leaving so that Sam wasn’t concerned. Though no doubt we will find out the extent of what Sam knows fairly soon.

On a surface level, DeanCas shippers and Cas fans have a right to be somewhat upset by this lack of acknowledgement of Cas, even though it is perfectly in character for Dean to bury his feelings in denial and distractions. But beneath the surface this meta masterpiece of an episode was so full to bursting with Cas it left me very happy. Lets go through the key Cas positive areas:

1. The AU world vision of Sam’s that opens the episode is dark and depressing and indicates a world in which Sam's demon blood obsession got the better of him, which was a season 4 story arc (which we all remember as Cas’s introductory season), and yet Benny appears as Dean’s right hand man, a season 8 story arc founded in Purgatory (which we all relate heavily to Cas). Castiel is mysteriously absent from this vision though, even though the two key story lines here in the OG world heavily revolved around Cas. The question has to be asked, in fact the entire vision demands we ask it, just as Becky points out later: Where is Cas? This AU world is sure to appear later in the show, and I have a feeling Castiel’s absence will be explained.

2. Becky’s house - The crew clearly had a lot of fun filling this set with fan made merchandise (and what a wonderful way to reward your fanbase by including their creations in the show itself?). As a Cas girl my eagle eyes were mainly looking for any Cas merch and I was not disappointed. In fact there wasn’t a single scene in Becky’s house where a Cas figure of some kind wasn’t in frame. Whether that was Jensen’s decision or not, it makes me very happy. I talk here about the specific arrangement of Cas merch paired up with Dean merch which blatantly proves Becky is a Destiel shipper). In fact, Cas looms in the background in every scene until Cas sits down at the end to write his tragic ending when the camera pans to the Winchester funko pops bobbing like puppets. Cas is jarringly absent from that scene which only further indicates that he has been overlooked and is therefore still free of Chuck’s manipulations.

3. “No one even mentions Cas” - Obviously this was the line that pulls everything else together. For this to be said in an episode in which the very complaint actually occurs is a whole other level of self awareness and by including it the writer is of course reminding the audience to question this very thing. Like with the first scene, like with every moment that Sam and Dean are on screen together stubbornly not mentioning Cas or the extremely dramatic emotional break up scene at the end of the last episode, this line links everything together and forces the audience to keep Cas at the forefront of their mind.

4. The Bro Melodrama scene - As I mentioned above, this whole scene feels like the brothers are reading from a script and going through the motions but particularly Dean, whose stubborn refusal to mention Cas when he says “ We do it for Jack, for mom, for Rowena. We owe it to everyone whose ever given a damn about us to keep putting one foot in front of the other. No matter what.” it feels so intentional that they have left him out here. Thanks to that one line from Becky, the lack of Cas mention is impossible to ignore. He is so present in the negative space that its like a brick to the face. There is no way that there isn’t an agenda here regarding Castiel.

5. Castiel as the self sacrificing father - The second most glaringly obvious mirror in the episode after the son that mirrors Jack, the father of the vampire boy was far too ready to be killed by the Winchesters if it meant saving his sons life. Neither Sam nor Dean ever willingly offered themselves up for Jack, but we as the audience know all too well that Cas did in one of the most heartbreakingly emotional moments of Season 14. In an episode where the Winchesters stubbornly refuse to mention Cas (though Dean’s drinking on the job and overeager consumption of meaty food are a good indicator of his repressed feelings), Cas forces his presence on them anyway. It is a clear indicator of how close and important Cas is to the story that it is impossible for the boys to ever really forget about him, and I suspect that this will start to eat at Dean very soon.

6. Chuck overlooks the most powerful player - What ties in everything I have mentioned above already about Cas in the negative space, is Chuck. Because the whole point of this episode is that whilst he argues with Becky - the avatar for an inclusive healthy fandom that clearly adores Castiel and surrounds themselves in his image - we are left watching a stale and relatively boring MOTW episode where the Winchesters really do act like nothing more than shallow two dimensional bronly versions of themselves - because that’s what Chuck forces them to be. Chuck, who sits down and types with his Sam and Dean puppets metaphorically shaking with fear as they are condemned to live under his pen once again. It isn’t an accident that in a house surrounded with Cas merch no matter where you look, the one time his image isn’t in frame is that all important last shot - an indication that whilst Sam and Dean may now be under Chuck’s control, Castiel is not. Therefore Castiel’s importance in freeing the boys from Chuck’s villainous tragic ending becomes elevated. This episode symbolically makes Castiel the catalyst for true free will - after all, Castiel himself finally took control of his life and his mental health last week when he chose to walk away. In an episode where his presence in the negative space couldn’t be more obvious - he is the metaphorical elephant in the room - I can’t help but wonder just what role he has to play in Chuck’s vision, because right now it seems Chuck has simply forgot about him. A terribly foolish thing to do given everything Castiel has proven to be capable of.

OVERALL

As a quick summary, I’ll say I loved this episode and everything about it. Even the puppet bronly Winchesters because they were so clearly framed as being wrong. It’s such a hopeful episode, that indicates a hopeful non tragic inclusive TFW ending at least. Chuck is the villain and he will be beaten in the end. Dean and Cas will reunite and it will be the kind of scene that will rip all our hearts out in its emotional investment. Jensen Ackles directed an episode that threw major shade at the Bronly fandom corners, that celebrated TFW inclusivity through the reformed healthy successful fangirl Becky. That villainised the dark tragic brother only ending. This was a thoroughly validating and satisfying episode for me as a meta writer to watch. It has elevated my hope for the rest of the season, and following the incredibly emotional Destiel break up scene that held the focus of the last episode, I can’t stop myself from feeling joy just knowing that right now, everything that I watch this show for, all the things I adore about it, are the same things the writers of this show enjoy and are making the focal points for the series.

This isn’t a show for people that only care about seasons 1-3. This isn’t a show for people who hate Cas. This isn’t a show for people who fetishise the dark, depressing tragic game of thrones style brother ending. This is a show for people like me. Who actually enjoy it and celebrate it and can’t wait to see what happens next.

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lessthanthreeman · 3 years

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Personal Post

I just wanted to write this because it’s been on my mind and I find it frustrating how few resources there seem to be about it. With Cinco de Mayo coming up, and Latino media being all around, I’m reminded that I’m technically of mixed descent, which to be clear, I’m pretty proud of. I was raised by my mother and her side of the family who are white through and through so for a majority of my life that’s what I identified as and where a lot of my mannerisms and cultural understanding comes from. I imagine it was probably for the best, particularly growing up on Long Island, especially considering I am VERY white passing.

I never met my father (who was Puerto Rican [though later DNA tests on myself reveal that genetically speaking he was predominantly Spanish, so white Hispanic)] and have no desire to. Literally, the extent of my knowledge about him is that he was ethnically Puerto Rican to some capacity. I genuinely believed that women just got immaculately pregnant on their own until I was 7 as I just assumed I didn’t have a father (it’s somewhat embarrassing to admit, even if I was young and how was I supposed to know? I didn’t understand what was so special about the story of Mary for a long time to put it mildly.).

I remember the night I found out so vividly. I was at a sports practice and the kids were talking about their dads. I proclaimed that I didn’t have one. One of the older kids informed me that that was impossible. I was honestly offended and went to our coach, who I assume didn’t know how to respond or why I would even ask (I don’t blame him), so he told me that I definitely have a father. Again, outraged, when I got back home I asked my mother about it who told me that I did have a father.I asked “Well if I have a father, that means I must be half something else” as she had grown up telling me her half and that the other half was “American” because I was born in America (lmao). She told me that I was Puerto Rican, which I didn’t have a problem with. I didn’t even know where that was (and I guess by some technicalities, she wasn’t wrong in saying I was “American”, just “American Territory”) so that was of little impact to me. I was furious that whoever my father was chose to have no part in my life and I felt nothing but bitterness, so when she asked if I wanted to know more about him, I said no. I still like to keep it that way if I’m being honest. I am still bitter and if the little snippets I’ve heard in hushed tones from my other family is any indication, I don’t want to know more about him even if I wasn’t.

So, I continued to consider myself exclusively white because that’s what other people considered me, that’s how I was raised, that’s what I look like and likely subconsciously because I was bitter and it did benefit me on some level. As it turns out though, my mother has a thing for Hispanic guys (a little weird I guess, maybe a bit fetishistic [I don’t know the extent and I don’t want to know so I can’t say for certain], but good for her I suppose) and she soon after got involved with another guy, my now pseudo-step father in all but legality really. He’s of Mexican and Puerto Rican descent, his father lived in Mexico (and has since gone back of his own volition), his mother (IIRC) lived in Puerto Rico, etc. He’s not deeply associated with his roots, he’s definitely “assimilated” having grown up in New York and California. He speaks broken Spanish, perfect English, and really is an American through and through, save for some more traditional cultural vestiges (which isn’t bad to be clear). He loves chihuahuas, sombreros, maracas, Mexican cuisine, Speedy Gonzalez etc. It’s somewhat superficial and a bit stereotypical, but I understand why he feels a connection to it as a very American man. It’s an easy way for him to very clearly connect to his roots, even if they’re not pieces of great cultural significance. Whether or not it’s problematic, I’m glad it gives him some of the connection he wants to his culture and it makes him proud.

Growing up around him and his kids, I felt a bit like an outsider, and I’ll probably admit, initially I was arrogant. I grew up being an only child (which definitely was a big shift to begin with) and couple that with the fact that I was still at that time an academic golden child in traditionally very (BIG quotes here) “polite” (Read: white) environments, I didn’t really jive with my brothers for a long time. As things went on though, I had my golden kid breaking point, crashed out a bit, eventually my mom moved in with him bringing me in tow, and I mellowed out a bit as I got over some teenage angst. During that time, I never fully connected with the heritage because it wasn’t mine, I’m not Mexican, but I understood and appreciated it. I can earnestly say, it is one of the cultures that I am the most fascinated and captivated by. I can go on and on and wax poetic about the historical achievements of Native peoples of Central America, their food, their ability to weather adversity, and their faith that things will get better. The culture is so much deeper than the “illegal immigrants” and cartel ties that we’re constantly shown in media, and I’m glad that to an extent things are slowly shifting to show the humanity of the people. But anyway, tangents aside, I’m still very culturally white and white passing, albeit with a better understanding of Latino cultures.

As more and more time goes on though, I am starting to feel like I’m a bit disconnected from a part of my culture and heritage, but I feel uncomfortable claiming it. Not because I don’t want people to know that I’m Hispanic, I have no issue with that, in fact I love whipping out that I’m sleeper Hispanic with a Hispanic family when people think they’re safe to be a little racist with me before I call them out on it. The reason is just because I don’t feel Hispanic enough and I’m too white, and it’s something I’ve struggled with for a while, but it becomes more and more obvious to me as time goes on. I understand that this is a really common issue for people of mixed races, particularly for those with mixed heritage upbringings. They feel adrift between two worlds and people are always looking for a way to categorize them into their preexisting schemas of how we view race in America. Some of what these people say when I’m looking for it resonates with me, but a lot of it also doesn’t. It’s not because my life is harder or I’m special or anything, but it is a very particularly niche scenario. I grew up almost exclusively white, it’s difficult for me to convince a lot of people that I’m more than white, I grew up with white privilege, and I never really had a Hispanic/Latino experience.

I want to be clear, this isn’t me crying about being white, particularly also being male, cis, and generally het. It’s been a privilege for sure that’s opened up a lot of doors that wouldn’t have otherwise been open to me, I’m sure, and I wish I could extend those same rights, opportunities, and safeties to everybody. That said, I feel like a complete outsider to those roots and feel dirty claiming them. Like I’m taking it away, diluting, or appropriating those cultural celebrations from the people who really deserve them. My experiences with the people and the culture is that they’re ecstatic to share it and have people take an interest in it. It’s generally very inclusive, friendly, and they love to treat you (or at least me as a very small boyish looking man) like family. It’s genuinely awesome. I can’t not think of myself as the generic white dude who works a boring office job and says every Spanish word with the whitest accent possible (to be clear I do work an office job, but I do a pretty solid job of pronunciation with EXCELLENT R rolls, trills, etc.) invading a space not made for me.

It’s a really complex topic, one that’s hard to fully articulate, which is what I’ve seen is a consistent thread in writings from mixed race individuals talking about their experiences. I’m friends with a surprisingly large amount of white passing Puerto Rican mixed race people and you’d think I’d talk about it more with them, but no. I probably should, but it’s a personal and somewhat intimate topic to just suddenly spring on people. For now though, I suppose I’m content to observe and appreciate Latin-X culture and people “from a distance” and amplify their voices as much as I can as a white passer.

#personal #mixed race

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ghost-chance · 4 years

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Fanfiction Recommendation: “Fat. Beautiful. Tasty. Ravenous” by MoofyKitten

Title: Fat. Beautiful. Tasty. Ravenous Author: MoofyKitten on AO3/FFN/Wattpad Fandom: BNHA/My Hero Academia Rating: M/MA for a reason. (Detailed sex in over half the posted chapters. Perv away only if you’re of age!) Pairing(s): Fat Gum [Toyomitsu Taishirou] / OFC Found on: AO3

Deets Expect some light spoilers and a mini-rant.

I am an unrepentant fanfiction addict; this is no secret. There are fics I read to wind down after a rough day, fics I read to put myself to sleep in hopes of pleasant dreams, and fics I read to tear my hear into teeny tiny fragments then build it back again better than before. THEN there are fics that don’t fit the mold – the kind that I become so invested in that I physically cannot put off reading that update. THIS, my lovelies, is one of THOSE fics, and it’s earned that place from the early chapters. This story has almost everything I need from a fanfiction, and I have a feeling the rest is just around the corner.

Let’s get the basics out of the way.

The Spelling, grammar, and punctuation are all excellent – I have yet to notice a single error, so either the author and her betas are a force to be reckoned with or I’m just getting so sucked into the story an elephant could sit on me and I’d never notice. The formatting is effective and easy to follow, and the chapters have all been of a nice meaty length, perfect for plowing through in a single sitting only to realize you missed a meal and it’s time for bed and your brain is hopelessly lost in ship-land daydreaming about what’s up next. ...wait, that’s just me? My bad.

Syntax – This one requires an entire section of its own. The fact that I’m having to actually think about how well the author’s varying their syntax says they’re effing nailing it. If a story’s syntax is at all static or the sentence even the slightest bit predictable, it’s easy enough for me to recall it because I’m mentally rearranging the bits that irk or don’t impress me as I read. I can’t even get through a bleepin’ news article or an online recipe without itching to push what I’m reading up to the standards my professors held. It sounds harsh, I know, but please take my word for it when I say I’m not criticizing anyone. Suffice it to say, if my classes did anything, they made editing so instinctive I can’t turn it off. Confession: I have never found myself rearranging a single phrase in this masterpiece. Arguing with the characters? Encouraging the characters? Begging, pleading, and berating the characters for breaking my heart time and time again by stopping just short of the sugary fluff I can just smell right around the corner? Oh, Hell yes. I’ve done all of that and more, but I’ve never found myself with the urge to grab my red pen and strike out or scooch even a single word.

Something that strikes me about this story above others I’ve given the same rating (Spoiler: there are VERY FEW!) is the sheer variety of the scenes and environments. Sounds silly? Probably, but romances often develop a certain amount of location stagnation, and I know from personal experience how difficult it can be to bust through those patterns. (I mean, the majority of “A New Lease on Life” takes place in the Lair in some room, most commonly a bedroom, the lab, or the kitchen.) This story takes the couple off of familiar and ‘safe’ turf like homes and offices and drags them through countless other places without regard for their sense of comfort. Each scene feels real and multi-dimensional and directly or indirectly influences the characters’ behavior and reactions. It’s awesome. That’s a sign the author has done her people-watching!

Now, about that OC. I’ll readily admit, in the first chapter, I had my reservations. At first glance she seemed shallow, obsessed with appearances and her own view of the world, and – strange as it may sound – too skinny and too attractive. Yes, there’s some personal bias involved there, but the majority was practical rather than emotional. BUT! Because the writer of this story is the same who unleashed the beautiful Kacchako torment Hot-Headed upon me without a single breath of remorse, I gave Aiko a chance. Sure enough, my first impressions were entirely incorrect. The things that bothered me about Aiko? They all had explanation or purpose, and she’s turned out to be a pretty well-fleshed out character...pun intended. As the story progresses we’re seeing sides of her that I hoped for but didn’t expect and each chapter leaves me wondering what we’ll learn next.

Romantic connection. First word: “OOFTA.” The second word, I’d spell out, but it’s a shrill, wordless, begging whine that I cannot translate into English for the life of me. This pairing starts without any sort of romantic connection; it skips straight to the shenanigans and leaves hope that the snugglebunnies will follow eventually. Friends…if you’ve read any of my writing before, you’ll know that I. LIVE. For. The. FLUFF. The awkward mush, the sweaty palms, the am-I-gonna-barf-or-do-I-have-a-crush, the absolutely tooth-rotting sweetness capable of sending a reader headlong into diabetes with a dopey grin and heart eyes - they’re my crack and I love them. This story started with no fluff but it’s been slowly developing in the background. It’s an entirely new situation for me! I feel like I’ve gotten used to eating my dessert first then digging into an equally sweet dinner without a moment to cleanse my palate. This story? It’s like gorging on smoky, meaty St. Louie barbecue for weeks on end with literally just a smear of something sweet as an afterthought. Mind. Frackin’. BLOWN. It turns out I’m more masochistic as a reader than I ever suspected.

Another relationship I want to cover is the building friendship between Aiko and Fat Gum – because nope, she has not managed to mentally connect the half-starved Taishiro she’s climbing like a tree with the big-and-beautiful Fat Gum who owns the agency. Yep. She thinks she’s boning Fat’s beefy little brother. It’d be funny if my heart wasn’t whining for fluff. While frustrating to fluff-starved readers, Aiko not knowing the beefcake and the brother are one and the same provides an intriguing and natural way for her to build an actual relationship with him. This means none of the fetishistic bullarkey rampant in other stories pairing plus-sized male characters with OCs.

What sort of fetishistic bullarkey am I talking about? To name a handful: I love you so lose weight. I love you because you’re big. I’m fat too so it’s okay if we’re together. Blatant fat-fetish disguised as romance. Fat character’s life absolutely revolves around food and it’s gross/nvm it’s okay. Lastly, OC’s only chance at being loved by fat character is feeding them. Maybe to thin folks those don’t sound negative but to those of us who fit the description? NOPE. These don’t make healthy relationships. Using these can turn a well-meaning pairing toxic and frankly, it tends to piss off those of us who – GASP! - accept ourselves no matter our size. These...tropes, let’s call them, have made me hesitant to even try fiction involving plus sized male characters because I’ve been let down so many times. Finding plus sized female characters is easy, especially OCs, but appreciation for the chonky bois isn’t nearly as common. They need love too, dammit!

Ahem. Rant over.

As mentioned before, I ain’t seen any of that crap in this story. This author is treating Fat Gum like she would any other character instead of focusing on the fat. I wish with all my heart that more authors were capable of (and willing to) do the same with Fat Gum, and with other plus sized male characters. I can’t even put into words how much it means to me that she’s doing such a fantastic job portraying a character type that so many writers bungle without ever realizing it. I’ve needed this story my entire life and never realized it wasn’t there; I shudder to think of how long I might have been waiting for it if this author never found the inspiration to do so.

If I don’t shut up now, I fear I never will. I love this story that much. Moving on.

Warnings

Explicit sexual content – do NOT read this around your family unless you have a stronger will than I and can do so without creeping them out. (According to my husband, when I read smut I “look like a demented vulture staring down at a half-flattened ‘possum waiting for it to take its last breath,” complete with hunched shoulders and heavy breathing. Flattering, I know.) The smut scenes, while not my usual cuppa tea, wreck. My brain? Broke. Chapter four’s budding romance? It’s goin’ on my headstone ‘cuz I’m dead.

There are mentions of human trafficking and the future may include more about it. Slut-shaming comes up a few times because men are assholes and asshole exes are the ultimate assholes. Situational fat-shaming and lack of body confidence come up as Aiko comes to recognize Fat Gum for who he is instead of what he is; on the other end of the tag, Fat is also doing a lot of it to himself even when it isn’t spelled out. You can see it behind some of his reasoning in his POV chapters and since the writer is kickass at portraying thoughts and feelings without ever breaking out of restricted POV, you can also see hints in other chapters. That said, if the shaming was really bad without any redeeming purpose, I’d have noped my way right out’a that fic and never looked back. It has a purpose, and it’s not that bad. Give it a chance.

Recommendation level

This story lacks purple prose and excessive fluff, and I haven’t seen any signs of the pop culture, literary, and music references I love so dearly, but the rating remains the same:

Ten. Out. of. Farking. TEN!

YES! I’ve finally found another 10/10!!! A quick reminder for anyone who’s managed to not see my other reading recc posts, I don’t even need both hands to count off all the 10/10s I’ve read. Congratulations, Ms. MoofyKitten – your story rocks my world and I have an addiction I do not care to shake!

#fanfiction recommendation #BNHA #My Hero Academia #body postivity #Fat Gum #mature fanfiction #Plus size guys need love too #this story is KILLING ME #and I'm loving every minute of it because I'm weird like that #i stayed up for this

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mermaidsirennikita · 5 years

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Book Roundup April/May 2019

This spring has been exceptionally difficult and busy for me on both a personal and professional level. I really haven’t had the time to read as I’d like--so I’m combining April and May. With that being said, there were some good books within the past couple of months--Wicked Saints by Emily A. Duncan was DEFINITELY a huge highlight.

Call Me Evie by J.P. Pomare. 2/5. Kate is held in a remote cabin by Ben--who holds her captive while claiming to protect her from the fallout of something terrible that she did. The trouble is that Kate can’t remember the night that terrible thing happened. As she struggles to piece together her memories, what Bill tells her isn’t matching up--and she must reconcile who she is with what she did. I’m sure that lots of people would love this book, but the pacing was thrown off for me by all of the flashbacks. It’s not you, it’s me.

Wicked Saints by Emily A. Duncan. 5/5. Nadya is a Kalyazi cleric, and as such she can commune with--and draw supernatural power from--a pantheon of gods. She’s spent her life in a monastery; however, a looming threat finally materializes in the form of Tranavian invaders, heretics that send Nadya on the run. Falling in with Malachiasz, a Tranavian defector, she sets out to end the war she only way she knows how: by killing the Tranavian king. Meanwhile, Serefin, the heir to the throne, is summoned home from the front--only to discover that he’s in more danger at home than abroad. This is a wonderfully atmospheric and delightful novel. Emily never holds back--you get monsters, you get royal politics, you get alcoholic princes and questions of theology. And there is a romance that I’m absolutely obsessed with, which is always major for me. I loved this book to death, and there is one bit at the very end that just got at my soul. I can’t wait for the next installment!

Where the Crawdads Sing by Delia Owens. 3/5. Kya is a young child when her mother walks out on the family; it isn’t long before her brother and father follow suit, leaving Kya as the borderline-feral Marsh Girl. At first, she’s dependent on the kindness of strangers. But gradually--with the help of friends and Tate, a boy who will become her first love--she becomes independent, if never truly accepted by the nearby townspeople. Her way of life is shattered when a young man shows up dead--and she is accused of murder. On the plus side, this book was very engaging, and some the descriptions were at times beautiful. If you’re from the South, some things will indeed ring true. It’s not perfect, but it is engaging, and a fun if predictable read... until the last third or so, when everything kind of collapses and the book’s flaws are emphasized in a big way. I really, really disliked how much Owens went in on the “untouched wild beauty” thing with Kya. It felt very fetishistic. She’s this beautiful poor white girl living feral in the marsh... learning everything she knows from black people, by the way. And all the men love her and want to have sex with her. I’m honestly just torn about this one; I feel like I would have given it a lower rating if not for how much I did enjoy the first chunk.

The Bride Test by Helen Hoang. 4/5. Khai is accomplished and handsome; however, he’s never had a girlfriend. On the autism spectrum, he’s convinced himself that he’s incapable of love. His mother has other ideas--and while visiting her homeland in Vietnam, she meets Esme. She offers the single mother a golden opportunity: visit America for the summer and convince Khai to marry her. If he refuses, she can go home, no strings attached. It’s too much for Esme to possibly turn down--but making Khai fall in love with her is a much more difficult task than she first imagined. This wasn’t quite up to par with Hoang’s debut (the delightful Kiss Quotient) but I did really, really like it. Her trademark humor is there, as is her sensitivity and knack for sweet romance. Khai and Esme’s story is just kind of lovely. (And sexy.) I did feel like the ending was a bit rushed--I wanted more. But I’d recommend it any day, and can’t wait for Hoang’s next book.

Little Darlings by Melanie Golding. 2/5. Following the birth of her twins, Morgan and Riley, young mother Lauren is exhausted. Therefore, few believe her when she says that she saw a woman slip into her hospital room and attempt to replace her babies with strange creatures. A month later, the boys briefly go missing in the park--and when they’re found, Lauren insists that the things that have been returned to her are not her children. This may have been a bad fit for me--I love magical realism and changelings, but the overwhelming depressing darkness of this book was just... not even vaguely enjoyable. And it did help put me off of having children for a looong time, if ever. I couldn’t focus on the writing quality; it was just so dour.

From Scratch by Tembi Locke. 5/5. This memoir tracks the first few years following the death of Tembi’s husband, Saro, following a long battle with cancer. As she visits his Sicilian family each summer with their daughter, she flashes back to the early days of their courtship and marriage--as well as her in-law’s initial struggles over the fact that their Italian chef son married an African-American actress. “From Scratch” is LOVINGLY written and painfully beautiful. It made me want to be more open to falling in love, as cheesy as that sounds--what Tembi and Saro shared was clearly worth all of the pain she’d feel after seeing him slowly deteriorate and ultimately losing him... which is saying something. Locke also has a talent for writing in general, but especially about food. I appreciated her human examination of the prejudice she faced; it’s really obviously on her to decide whether or not to reconcile with people who treated her with clear racism, but... She also clearly loves and is loved by her mother-in-law now. The honest complexity in that relationship is refreshing. I don’t usually love memoirs, but this one was fantastic.

The Unlikely Adventures of the Chergill Sisters by Balli Kaur Jaswal. 4/5. Rajni, Jezmeen, and Shirina aren’t estranged, exactly, but they don’t have much in common either. But after their mother’s death, it’s revealed that she charged them with a journey through their ancestral homeland of India. With each sister carrying secret struggles, they unite in an attempt to fulfill their mother’s wishes--and come to terms with their relationships with not only her, but each other. Balli Kaur Jaswal is so good. And even if I didn’t love this quite as much as Erotic Stories for Punjabi Widows, it’s still quite good. She’s a rare author who can blend genuinely funny moments with high drama (that is often socially aware). There is one subplot that I didn’t super love due to its implications, but otherwise I really enjoyed the book and the sisters.

Pride, Prejudice, and Other Flavors by Sonali Dev. 3/5. Trisha Raje is a successful surgeon--who is nonetheless alienated by her blue-blooded family due to her history. When she meets DJ Caine, a high-profile chef in the running to cook for the prestigious fundraisers supporting her brother’s political campaign, it’s dislike at first sight. He can’t stand her snobbish bossiness; she finds his assumptions about her frustrating and demeaning. But even if DJ didn’t need the job, they can’t avoid each other--because Trisha is the only person who can save DJ’s terminally ill sister. So: Dev says that this is very loosely inspired by Pride and Prejudice, but as the title suggests it’s VERY inspired by Pride and Prejudice. Points for the genders being swapped here--though DJ does stand in part for Darcy, he’s the Lizzie of this story--and Dev does a great job of bringing cultural backgrounds and social issues into the forefront without beating us over the head with it. But for whatever reason, I never really clicked with Trisha and DJ’s romance, and the Wickham side of this was... not great. Still, it’s a fun read and it made me very hungry. Not bad for a day by the pool!

#books #book roundup #book recs

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ladynonsense · 5 years

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A Royal Disgrace: Part 1 (TRR/PM Crossover)

OK guys! Let’s do this! This is part 1 of what I expect to be a pretty short little series about King Liam, Riley, and Damien Nazario. Will be NSFW in future chapters but this one is mainly place-setting tbh. I just want you to know that this is not going to be good clean family fun moving forward 😅

Main pairing (for now): Liam x Riley

Rating: PG-13? Nothing too crazy here, just some flirting with sexy older women

Summary: Damien is hired to keep an eye on a visiting royal whose fidelity is in question, and is stunned to see a familiar face.

Tagging @brightpinkpeppercorn @annekebbphotography @choiceslife aaaand wishing I had sorted out a proper tag list at some point but I HAVEN’T. So if anyone else wants to be tagged moving forward let me know!

The duchess looked remarkably relaxed and at home in Damien’s office, despite the stark contrast of her beautiful, designer clothing and the cheap decor. He watched her anxiously, not sure what to make of her. He had expected someone stuffy and snobby, and thought she must have made a terrible mistake by reaching out to him rather than one of the fancy firms who usually took on this kind of work. But she looked perfectly happy with her selection, lounging in the cheap upholstered chair across from him with a warm grin on her face.

“Everything OK, Mr. Nazario?” She fiddled with her long blond waves, and he fought back a smile. Get it together, Damien. She’s almost old enough to be your mother.

“Of course, Duchess Krona. Just gathering my thoughts before we begin.”

She leaned in conspiratorily. “Please, call me Adelaide. We’re friends now, right?”

He resisted the urge to loosen his collar under her gaze. “Of course, Adelaide. Do you mind if I ask who referred you to me?”

“A friend,” she answered cryptically. “I’m told you’re both gifted and discreet. Is that correct, Mr. Nazario?”

“Of course,” he answered confidently. “I’m very discreet.” Why did that sound like an innuendo all of the sudden? Seriously, pull it together.

Adelaide let out a small, sharp laugh. “If only my daughter’s fiancé could say the same! This should be an easy task for you, I’m afraid. The poor dear never expected fidelity from him, but his boldness and complete lack of discretion is proving to be quite embarrassing.”

Damien tapped his pen against his teeth, nodding. Royal intrigue had never been his thing, but at its core this was just one more infidelity case. “What do you hope to accomplish from hiring me, Adelaide?”

She sighed, looking down at her hands in her lap. “I haven’t entirely figured that out yet. What I know for sure is that this must be handled quietly, out of the eyes of the press and the court, so as to spare my own family from embarrassment.”

“Is it your intention to blackmail the king?” Damien asked plainly, trying to keep his tone neutral.

“Oh, heavens no! Despite everything, he’s a fine man and I wouldn’t want to undermine him as a ruler or make an enemy of him. But perhaps if I’m the one to present him with evidence of his inappropriate relationship, he’ll see how easily he could be put in a compromising position and end it.”

Damien nodded, satisfied. “OK. I’ll take your case. But I’d like to keep this arrangement private, and I have some papers for you to sign to that effect.” Making enemies of a powerful royal family was not something he was comfortable with.

“Of course.”

“Did you bring the photographs I requested?”

“Yes, of course.” She pulled a small stack of photos out of her handbag. “This is King Liam,” she said, placing a photograph of a handsome man in regal attire on his desk. Damien was surprised at his appearance; he wasn’t expecting an actual king to be younger than himself. Adelaide laid another photograph down on top of it, showing a beautiful young blond. “This is my daughter, Madeleine. And this...” she added one more photograph to the small pile, “...is Lady Riley, whose company the king is rather...fond of.”

Damien’s breath caught in the back of his throat. Riley. No fucking way. “I’m sorry...Lady Riley?” He tried to cover his own disbelief. “That’s an unusual name for a Cordonian noble, isn’t it?”

Adelaide rolled her eyes and nodded. “Yes, it would be. Lady Riley is an American commoner, but she was sponsored by a prominent noble family to win the king’s hand. It seems she was...partially successful.” Adelaide frowned, her face marked by worry. “She was expected to be chosen before a scandal arose. I was thrilled when Madeleine was chosen in her place, but I suspect there is much more to this story.”

Damien gave her a sad smile. “There usually is.”

----------------------------------

Once he’d seen the duchess back to her car, Damien sank into his worn office chair with a sigh, lifting a photograph off his desk. Fucking Riley.

He supposed he shouldn’t even be surprised. She had always been destined to woo her way into fame and fortune. He figured he’d been a practice run for her.

He’d been obsessed with her when he met her. As much as he tried to be a gentleman and not a creep, there was no denying the nature of his feelings: pure obsession. She’d been the only person to take his mind off of Kai in years, and while they were together, he’d practically forgotten Kai’s name. From the night she flirted with him as she waited his table, he was hopelessly hooked.

He’d tried to fight his own feelings. But she was dogged and persistent in a way that made him think she could’ve been a great cop. She’d attached herself to him and refused to listen to his doubts and objections. When Riley declared you as hers, there was nothing to do but try your best to please her.

The doubts only got worse during the time they spent together. He wasn’t stupid; he knew he was attractive and could keep her satisfied in bed. She was so young, though. 22-year-old Riley might be OK with a low-rent P.I. who made her laugh and made her scream when it counted, but he knew that eventually she’d realize she was slumming it.

And so he left her before it could come to that.

Her fury was a force of nature. They’d screamed at each other until they were both hoarse. He’d had to change his phone number to stop her from sending him bitter tirades and, worse, heartbroken pleas for him to reconsider. He resisted the urge to look her up for the next year and a half, but he thought about doing it at least once a week, still.

Now, it was time to do it.

Almost. After exercising restraint for so long, it felt wrong to dive in. So he started with the king. Never hurts detective work when your subject has a Wikipedia page...

He wanted to hate King Liam, but it was hard not to root for him as he read about his life. His face didn’t match Damien’s idea of a European royal, for starters. He wanted him to be a doughy balding middle-aged white guy, not a younger Daniel Henney. He didn’t want to get sucked in to the tale of his mother’s tragic and mysterious death, or his older brother’s surprise abdication that led to him unexpectedly being handed the crown only a couple of years later. Or the fact that his people adored and respected him. He just wanted him to be another rich prick, but in reality he was either perfect or extraordinarily skilled at PR. Or both.

Except for this one thing.

Riley Brooks.

He hadn’t expected her to have her own entry. But she did, although the translation into English was spotty in places. Clearly she’d made an impact on Cordonia, becoming a popular public figure with her Cinderella love story, until she’d been publicly exposed and humiliated for an affair with a lesser nobleman.

Damien winced as he pulled up the news story from just six weeks prior. The photos were intrusive and cruel. Riley may have been a bit wild, and it was entirely possible that she did indeed get involved with two men at once, but she didn’t deserve this, regardless. His heart ached for her with an unexpected intensity.

He had to dig deeper for the conspiracy theories. And there were plenty of them.

For instance, that Madeleine, Adelaide’s daughter, had orchestrated the whole thing in order to claim the king for herself.

Or that the King Father had set it up, in order to control his son’s choice of queen.

And an overwhelming number of sources were certain that the king and the mysterious American were still romantically entangled. There were dozens of dark, blurry cell phone photos, not clear or convincing enough to hit major publications, claiming to show King Liam and Riley together in compromising situations. If they were genuine, then the king was shockingly indiscreet and borderline fetishistic about hooking up outdoors, in public.

Damien glanced at his camera. This might be too easy. But he would never forgive himself if he was the photographer behind the next round of humiliating photos to damage Riley’s reputation.

He picked up the phone and dialed the number of the hotel that Adelaide had told him about. She hadn’t even bothered to give the front desk a fake name.

“Hello?” Her voice was chipper but somewhat confused when she answered the call. His mouth suddenly went dry when he heard her voice on the other end of the line.

“Riley,” he croaked awkwardly, “It’s uh...it’s Damien...Nazario. Can we meet?”

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Riley kept to the sidelines at the UN ball, praying for the night to end already. Her friends were off dancing...well, except for Drake, who was just off drinking. But Liam was still busy circulating the room, charming everyone he came across in that easy manner he had. She tried not to be too obvious about staring at him, but he just kept drawing her eye. He was irresistible.

She pulled herself away with a sigh, realizing she was staring again, and snuck up to the roof to pull out her phone. Damien had texted her his new number -- I can’t believe that son of a bitch actually changed his number to escape me in the first place -- and she was itching to find out what was so important that he had tracked her down after all this time. She wanted so badly to say something, anything, but couldn’t come up with any words that didn’t seem desperate and depressing.

“Ah, I’d hoped I would find you out here.” She jumped at the voice behind her, but grinned as she turned to see Liam, suddenly right behind her with a huge grin on his face.

“You snuck up on me,” she scolded, turning around and wrapping her arms loosely over his shoulders. “I thought you were busy.”

“Never too busy for you,” he said softly, kissing her forehead. She pulled away and shot him a glare that made him wince. “OK, sometimes too busy for you, but I always make time eventually. Right?”

“That’s true,” she sighed, rising to her toes to kiss him properly on the lips.

“You said earlier that we needed to talk...is everything OK?”

“I’m not sure,” she answered, frowning and biting her lip. “An old boyfriend reached out to me today.”

“Oh? Should I be worried?” Liam smirked, a little bit of genuine nervousness showing through his confident facade.

“Well...maybe? He said he had to talk to me...about you.”

Liam frowned. “Why would a stranger know anything about me that you don’t already know?”

She hugged him then, resting her head on his shoulder. “I’m sure it’s not like that, OK? But he’s a detective, and a pretty good one. He might have important information. Or it might be something he thinks is important that we already know...I have no idea. But he wants to meet me later tonight.”

“OK,” Liam said, pulling away and nodding thoughtfully. “OK, that’s good. I’m coming with you.”

“You can’t do that. You’re busy with the court. Plus Bastien would never let you go out alone, and I don’t know if I trust him yet.”

“I’m sorry Riley but I have to insist. I can lose Bastien. How can we be sure this man doesn’t pose a threat to you?”

“I trust him,” she insisted. “Things got bad between us, but he’s a good person.”

“I trusted my father,” Liam stated simply, a slight edge of bitterness to his voice. “I trusted Bastien. You trusted Penelope. Even good people can be turned against you.”

Riley pondered that for a moment, unable to give a good response. He was right. Damien was a good person, but that didn’t mean he was on her side. Especially after everything they’d been through.

“OK. He’s going to be pissed when I don’t show up alone, though.”

Liam smiled, giving her one last quick kiss before heading back inside. “Let him be.”

#choices fan fic #king liam #liam x mc #damien x mc #damien nazario #perfect match #trr

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migleefulmoments · 5 years

Note

"Why do you think it is OK to be so vile and vicious?" (1) LOLOLOL, you have got to be kidding me. Pot, meet big fucking kettle. (2) Most (not all) of those comments are neither vile nor vicious; they're simply hard to hear, as the truth often is. We believe you believe your theories are true, AJW. Unfortunately, you believing (and wishing and hoping) something is true doesn't make it true. For EVERY argument you make, I could make an equally strong counter that C hates D. Doesn't make it true!

2nd Anonymous said: Is this supposed to be her feel sorry for me post because she literally hates on strangers all day every day. “ajw720*tumblr*com/post/182606038445/in-my-time-here-i-have-been-called it’s very hard to feel sympathy for her when she bullies a woman she doesn’t know because she interferes with her fantasy.

3rd Anonymous said: AJW's on her poor widdle victim's martyr cross again. Anyone got any violins? She's the victimiest victim to ever victim, you know! All I'm imagining is a giant middle-aged baby in a diaper spitting her paci out and throwing a tantrum that big meanies are calling her names. You're right, sounds a lot like Trump.

She can’t even see how vile and vicious she is to Mia or to anons...or to Darren. She hates his beloved bar-which is by itself very disturbing. Add her attacks on his fiancee, his friends -Starkid in particular but others as well. Also his team Ricky, and Michael, his brother- Chuck and even Darren himself when he Isn’t acting gay enough. She can’t see that she doesn’t like real Darren-that so much of what he does she bitches about and blames on his team as a way to excuse the behavior she doesn’t like as “not his fault”. She hates the bar that he loves. The bar that is so quintessentially Darren.

It is impossible for her to hear the truth. She has refused many times- today we just got a complication, the greatest hits of the last 3 years. She never sees herself in anyone’s critique .

Since she has no self-reflection, Let’s do it for her:

1.homophobic-funny, because she replied to my ask and called me homophobic once.

2. misogynistic; I have discussed this many times and she is absolutely a misogynist. If you hate a woman you don’t know at all-a complete stranger- and you hate her because you attribute negative stereotypical female behaviors to her, that is misogyny.

3. xenophobic; she probably had an anon who speaks English as a Second Language and she attacked her for grammar or word mistakes. She probably deserved this label.

4. a fucking cunt; I hate the word cunt. But more importantly, I have realized that it NEVER helps to attack her with anything even close to a vicious attack because she gets very self-righteous in her anger. She lashes out in anger. Not only will she will just attack back, it feeds that self-righteous anger. So kill her with kindness and intellectual arguments.

5. an alcoholic cunt; Again I hate that word. If the only photos you post are of your wine glasses AND you call Mia an alcoholic every chance you get, you are probably going to get some pushback with this label.

6. I have been told to go fuck myself; I hope people aren’t telling her to go fuck herself. It just feeds her self-righteousness. Attack her with smart, intelligent facts and be nice.

7. gay fetishist; If you obsess about the genitals of two men who are NOT in a relationship, you believe Darren acts “Daisy” and you believe all kinds of outdated stereotypes about gay men- like they are scared of boobies- you are fetishizing gay men.

8. slut; This seems uncalled for. It’s rude and she never talks about sex so don’t call her a slut.

9. told to see a therapist; Well....when you believe a richly-detailed fantasy that 1. isn’t any of your business 2. there is literally NO evidence the men are a couple or ever have been aka you have and continue to make it all up 3. both men have denied your fantasy 5. one of the men is straight 6. both men are in long-term relationships with other people 7. you believe you love one of the men 8. you believe you are a better fan than anyone else and 9. you think that you are “collecting receipts” for Darren because you don’t have an NDA- and by “receipts” you mean social media posts -seeing a therapist is a good idea.

10. been questioned on having friends as no one would ever want to be friends with someone like me; that’s mean. But when you never present as a very angry, cruel person in every post you make, someone is going to say this.

11. old hag; This is just mean... but to a 20 year old, I suppose 44 seems old.

12. essentially told that I brainwash people; you do. If you create a “fact” that is entirely made up in your head (for example “Darren and Chris are married”) and you keep repeating it until your fandom believes and repeats it, that is brainwashing.

13. a liar; When you make up stories (see #12) and portray them as facts, you are a liar.

14. a fraud (apparently I am not a lawyer, English is my second language, and I did not go to an ivy league school); Maybe you should analyze what you DO that makes other people believe you aren’t a lawyer, English speaking or went to an Ivy League school? I’ll give you some hints: proofread your posts, don’t posts something like this “ajw720 Why do frspetate to read put blogs?” and then leave it on your blog. As for not being a lawyer: stop misrepresenting POAs, contracts, NDAs, “facts”, contracts, the rights and responsibilities of a manager, contracts, breaching, morality clauses...those are good places to start.

15. ignorant; about?

16. delusional, delusional fuck, and delusional idiot; When you fabricate stories about 4 complete strangers, proclaim to know more than their friends and families and write posts about exactly what they are thinking, you're delusional.

17. Devoid of knowledge on how contracts and morality clauses work; All this is 100% true...or maybe you understand them, but you lie about Darren’s contracts and morality clause to fit your trope.

18. middle age frau; Again, to a 20 year old, 44 seems ancient.

19. Creepy; If you believe you know everything about a complete stranger, you're creepy. If you don’t understand boundaries between a celebrity and a fan who is a complete stranger, you're creepy. Systematically claiming that EVERY SINGLE THING that Darren says about himself is a lie and YOU know the truth is creepy.

20. Living in a Fictional World; Yep, 100%. CC is NOT real- it is FICTION- and you are the head writer.

21. A Truther; Let’s define truther “a person who doubts the generally accepted account of an event, believing that an official conspiracy exists to conceal the true explanation; a conspiracy theorist” Literally exactly what CCers do and are proud of. They constantly proclaim that they are too smart to fall for the PR narrative and THEY have alternative facts. How can she deny this? A little self awareness is always a good thing.

22. I’ve been disparaged for calling D a victim of abuse; You should be- Darren has never so much as hinted that he is abused. It’s all made up in YOUR head. When you claim someone is abused ONLY because it fits YOUR narrative, you are belittling real the experiences of real victims. You are belittling the horror they go through and doing so simply because you think it adds to your fantasy.

23. A cult leader; As the leader of the CC truthers, I’d say you are a cult leader but let’s again look at the definition. The 3rd definition of Cult on Google “is a misplaced or excessive admiration for a particular person or thing."a cult of personality surrounding the leaders" synonyms:obsession with, fixation on, mania for, passion for” That describes the CC fandom and you are the self-appointed leader.

24. I have been told that I hate D; When you criticize real Darren for everything he does that doesn’t fit your vision of who he is, when you label him a jerk, college frat bro, and no-homo dude AND blame those behaviors on “his team”, that means you don’t actually like Darren. You LOVE CC Darren, a man who doesn’t exist outside of your head but the real Darren is problematic.

25. I have been told that D&C would be embarrassed by me; Both men have asked you to stop, both men have told and continue to tell their truth and you continue to discount everything they say because it doesn’t prove CC is real. The “truth” that you fabricate about both men’s lives does not look anything like the lives they are leading-the lives everyone can see-except you. Embarrassed by the CCers stalking their friends’ accounts and then telling them they are wrong about Mia, or Chris & Darren, or just writing CrissColfer a million times. Embarrassed that you guys go in to their comment sections and attack fans who tell you to stop- even if YOU specifically don’t do it- and I know at least ONE of the main CCers does-the words that are used are literally the words that you use- it’s your fantasy. I think they would be more angry than embarrassed.

26. Cancer of the Fandom I got nothing for this one.

I have talked about her lack of self awareness before but this is a textbook example of how she can’t take any criticism- it is all immediate rejected. Yesterday’s YOU WILL RESPECT ME rant is another example of the lack of awareness. I mean, the ”truther” accusation is absolutely SPOT ON and yet she can’t see it.

I don’t write this blog to belittle or make fun of her or the CCers. I certainly don’t to change her believes because she won’t change- she is in too far, she thrives on the attention she get....but mostly, she can’t see what she is doing. She can’t see that she is so deep into a fantasy that has been entirely fabricated and since Glee ended, fabricated mostly by her. She can’t see that her lies are getting all caught up in one another now that she has to explain why Chris and Darren have no connection and Mia and Darren are everywhere together as a couple. She has to keep fabricating excuses for why Darren continues to say he is straight and that he loves Mia. She can’t see that it’s very obvious to the rest of us to see that Chris and Darren have no relationship and Darren and Mia are building a life together. This post proves how much she can’t see outside of her own fantasy.

I write this blog because I couldn’t stand that CC lies were being pumped out every day and they existed unchecked. They started claiming their fantasies were facts...period. I couldn’t stand anons asking-begging CCers for proof and they were told “it’s a fact” trust me, don’t question it. The only info anyone could find -if they did go looking- were CC lies. I needed there to be a place where the truth sits.

If I was interested in simply making fun of them, I wouldn’t spend so much time finding facts- photos, videos, old posts to prove they are misconstruing the truth.

Sometimes my anons get a little snarky- maybe we can tone that down a little so we don’t give her ammunition for her pity party.

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professorllayton · 3 years

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Iiiiim ngl to you from the excerpts and art I’ve seen it sounds like a lot of people obsessing over Hot Mlm Guys about red white and royal blue

oh yeah definitely . there is just literally nothing else i can possibly think of that would be appealing to YA readers besides that gjklfdkjgd

#my little brother read it and he said it was like very . fetishistic #asks #anonymous

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iestynnicely · 4 years

Text

How Were You Told the Facts of Life?

Listening at the window during my Metrodeco Brighton show was a superfluity of nuns.

One glided up at curtain down and asked if I would sing at a convent charity evening.

I said, of course, sister.

The nun nodded. "Bless you. But just to correct you: not sister - but Mother Superior."

She wondered about the spoken material in my show, in case we might include some of it on the night?

I said I had been asking people how they had been told the facts of life...

Bernard, 72

My sister read about Dutch caps. We looked at Old Masters paintings and wondered how having those funny big white hats on their heads would stop women getting pregnant.

Susan, 46

At school we were told, "Your body is a temple of the Holy Ghost" before being shown a public information film which made us all scream "Yuk". Our biology teacher threatened to put on again Root Canal: The Musical.

Raymond, 51

With the individual sperms themselves being so microscopic, I thought you wouldn't feel then being ejaculated and wouldn't know when to break off with the intercourse. My physics teacher explained the emission process was pump-action and virtually impossible to ignore.

Which has very much proved to be the case, I've found.

Cassie, 19

My eleven-year-old twin sisters' head of year asked if they could be told at home about periods - definitely - and the facts of life, if possible. Mum talked to them separately. Milly had hysterics at the whole idea of periods and when mum tried to tell her the facts of life, stuck her fingers in her ears and sang One Direction. Carolina said periods sounded a bit drastic. She listened in silence to the facts of life, then said that she hadn't quite got it, so maybe when mummy and daddy next had a go at that she could watch?

Marion, 62

My mother said the sexual act was something I should use. I should flaunt the potential of a man getting it from me. I should manipulate. I should cajole. I should go so far and no further. I could be voluptuous. Flagrant; bestial.

I said, "Yes, thank you, but what about the act itself?"

She said, "What do I think I am, a bloody biology teacher?"

Mikey, 29

At fourteen, my dad warned me off booze and drugs and told me where the condoms were. He later asked me to stop traumatising my autistic younger brother by inflating the condoms into limbless Godzillas.

Trudy, 71

I was told not to worry when I started periods because even the Queen and Princess Margaret had the same. When we had whooping cough, we were taken down the livestock market for the benefit of the cows' sweat. If ever a bull mounted a cow, we were told to look away and remember that we had to keep ourselves pure.

When local girls got pregnant, it was all "she doesn't know how it happened". It made me terrified that even if I stood next to my boyfriend to kiss him goodnight by some mysterious happening I could have a baby. I never sat next to my male cousins at tea, either - always at least place one away or diagonally opposite. And I moved seats when a man sat next to me on the tram. This was when trams were just plain trams. Not like today going from East Croydon to Elmers End by enhanced tram.

Gareth, 42

My uncle pointed to a bull and said, "Bull has cow, cow has calf."

Larissa, 82

Oh, you've been talking to me lovely friend in the John Lewis Food Hall, haven't you? Has he put you onto me? Oh. That's...well, I did think he was my friend. It's always been a bit up and down with him. The other ladies in the Mansions said I was wrong to talk to him so much. Kalia said I didn't even know his name. I did - it was on his badge. Eric. But I'd noticed he did seem to just be staring at me the most recent times I've been shopping. I got so worried and asked him if the ladies - Kalia and the rest of them - were right and I shouldn't have been talking to him all those times? About my health scares. That particular time I was speaking to him I'd just had a particularly serious scare. My breast implants. My fourth husband paid for my breast implants; and he's kept the receipt. Oh, I was anxious. The next time I saw Eric was after I'd been for my consultation regarding my breast implants. I decided not to bother him. He was where he usually is, opposite the tea. I just kept my eyes on the display. And he - oh, I was so happy - he said hello and asked how I was. I gushed. I couldn't help it. Gushed about how relieved I was that he was talking to me, as I'd been so afraid that he had never wanted to, really. He explained that at his age, nineteen, he just felt that he had so little experience in such matters as mine and could offer no advice. I said that he should never have worried himself, the scare about my breast implants was over. I wouldn't need to have them taken out after all - I just needed to have my nipples shifted.

What? So, you weren't speaking to my lovely friend Eric? What was the question again? Ah...well, I was a debutante and lived in the town rather than the country, so knew nothing. If I'd known what my second husband in particular had in store for me, I'd have taken the veil.

Thomas, 76

We used to go to Leicestershire every summer for six weeks and there were chickens.

Sonia, 46

My mother drew a picture of an erect penis and then of something that in no way resembled a vagina and said, "That, goes in there. But only when the people concerned truly love each other." I later found out that she had been asked to give me this talk by Miss Cavendish, my house mistress. I also found out that my mother had told Miss Cavendish how when I watched cartoons I masturbated.

"Except," Miss Cavendish said, "your mother being such the scholar didn't say that you masturbated, but talked of your fetishistic auto-erotic tendencies!"

Sian, 62

My mother caught me masturbating when I was nine and a bit. She dragged me in front of a mirror, made me open my mouth and pointed at my uvula.

"See that thing dangling there at the back of your throat?" she said. "Every time you touch yourself like you were just doing down there, it grows a bit. And a bit more. Until eventually it chokes you."

Sarah, 53

When I was about nine, I started asking mummy. When I was fifteen, she said, "You know when we let Saltash off her lead in Stanley Park that time and that boy dog came ever so close to her and did that funny dance with her? Well, mummies and daddies do that. It's natural and nothing to be ashamed of and might be lovely."

Peter, 72

My mum refused to tell me and told me to ask my nan. I asked nan. She said, "No, sorry, Peter. I never even told your mother or your uncles any of that. If push came to shove we might maybe have taken them to the aquarium."

Fiona, 68

I was told that as soon as the ring went on my finger in the church a baby would begin to grow in my belly.

Francis, 73

When I was fifteen my father said he had something to tell me, took me into the bathroom, went bright red and locked the door. I thought, oh god, he's going to tell me that he's gone bankrupt or that mummy's died. Such a relief when he started squirming his way through telling me the facts of life! I already knew them - we had a gypsy family in the village and I was at school with one of the sons - but I wanted my father to be uncomfortable. I only remember certain details of what he told me, such as him calling the penis your person and describing the inside of the vagina as like the nasal passages when one is suffering from a very bad cold. Oh, and he used the full spermatozoa and said it was like live, bleached tapioca, could I imagine? No, frankly, I couldn't. He ended his talk by saying that if I caught anything it would break my mother's heart. "And homosexuality is just silly."

I didn't get to tell the Mother Superior any of the above. I mentioned the subject of my spoken material, and she interrupted: "How lovely that you will sing for us. But about you going around and asking what you have, can I just say this: God does not want us to overreach ourselves."

#factsoflife life philosophy biology humanbiology

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