#my head is awful today

[dinerfries]

who up twoing they nine

#twonine #tpot #xfohv #radicalcheesecake #brainfog winning im not tagging #i feel awful today sorrryyyy lol #daisy cup from jovial my friend jovail ^_^ #lyrics from girlfriend is better by talking heads

[cloudyvulpine]

i hate it here how tf am i supposed to violently hate valentino to the point of watching episode 4 will raise my blood pressure but then ship him and vox like there's no tomorrow 😭 h e l p i can't be the only one

#i literally hear the voice of angel in my brain and if he finds out i enjoy vox/val i don't know if he'll forgive me 😭😭😭 #like seriously i want to rip valentino to shreds but put vox in the room and i start chaning my mind lik eNO #GRRRRRR I WANT TO KILL VALENTINO STOP MAKING HIM CUTE WITH VOX #fighting for my life ong #HELP I PUT THIS IN DRAFTS BC IT WAS LATE AND I DIDN'T KNOW IF I WABTED TO POST IT OR NOY #BUT THEN ANGEL CAUGHT ME LOOKING AT VOXVAL SHDSDBDJSBDVF #my to-do list for today is literally draw; write why i think i need therapy; and write an apology to the angel dust that lives in my head #voxval #help their so cute together but their so awful #hazbin vox #hazbin valentino #cw valentino #doing this for angel's sake bc he doesn't like seeing any positive valentino content 😭 love him for that #hazbin hotel vox #hazbin hotel valentino #voxval is my guilty pleasure and by god do i feel guilty #staticmoth #STOP CAUSE THEIR SHIP NAME IS CUTE #I ALMOST SAID SHIT NAME SJHDBDVSBXHDN

[sunbloomdew]

i've been watching a 2h long video essay about mystic messenger as a,,,, "break" from writing (i am so distracted rn) and that got me thinking about my first experiences with games that have romance in them

i find it pretty funny that i picked sam and yoosung when i was playing stardew and mysme for the first time, and then NEVER played their routes again

#dude i started hating sam so badly after that first playthrough #i divorced him #made up a narrative in my head about how he was an awful husband to justify me divorcing him skjhfsjkfs #i ERASED HIS MEMORIES #ahhhhh good times good times #still trying to delete our kids on my first file #and yoosung was the first whose route i got #i liked him enough but then i played 707 route and lost my fucking mind #i was such a 707 person lmao #today i'm more or less neutral about them! i still dislike sam but yoosung is cute just wouldn't date him #mystic messenger #mysme #mysme yoosung #yoosung kim #stardew valley #sdv sam #stardew valley sam #sunbloom talks #gamer hours

[hella1975]

realising something bad about someone that means the world to you should be illegal. id like to live blindly actually

#ive been tiptoeing around this realisation for a WHILE now but today was the first time i actually verbatim in my head #went 'i dont like living with my mum'. and the moment i thought it was like no nooononono lets NOT do that #like objectively my mum is my favourite person in the world and i love her more than every other person in my life combined #but LIVING with her in HER HOUSE is just not... it. and it makes me feel awful for even thinking it bc that's her biggest fear #that we're gonna grow up to have the same relationship that she had with her mum and that ISNT what's happening like i could never #be distant from my mum in fact the reason she has such a chokehold on me is BECAUSE there's so much love there #but it would still break her heart to know i felt this way and i just feel so shitty for it. but like? i CANT relax here #like the thing that made me think it this morning wasn't even an explosive thing like it usually is with her #like every shouting screaming argument we've had ive just taken it. but then this morning when nothing exceptional happened #i was just. done. so basically i told u guys she wanted me to hoover today and already yelled about it YESTERDAY which. whatever #and she goes out every thurdsay until lunchtime and i think ive said on here before that the days we're home alone are HUGE flashpoints #bc if she comes home and perceives that not enough chores have been done/one thing has been done wrong she just hits the ROOF #like her temper is entirely disproportional she gives the same energy for the washing up not being put away that another mum would #give for finding drugs in their kids room. ive truly never seen someone maintain a temper like that woman can it's actually impressive #so yeah she was gone this morning and it just always leaves me On Edge it's never a huge thing bc im not SCARED of her but im not relaxed #and i hoovered for an hour and washed up and then also dusted the stairs and did some other tiny irrelevant jobs #and my sister did fuck all. she pulled a sickie off work and stayed in bed while i fussed about what to do with the dogs and shit #and so when my mum came home ig i was expecting some sort of acknowledgement? like not a round of applause #bc obvs it's just chores and the hoovering she literally told me to do but when my sister had been SO unhelpful and it had been #SO on my mind for hours now i was just. waiting for something? and even i didnt know what so it's not even fair #but my mum came home and decided she was in a bad mood and she had a go at my sister for being lazy and not doing the chores she said #she'd do today and she DIDNT yell at me which she sometimes does just do if she's pissed at my sister. but she just got mardy with me? #like she got up and left to go watch TV in her room and i was like 'oh i can watch it with you?' bc sometimes when they row my mum #hints at me and her going somewhere else to bitch about my sister. but she just shook her head and snapped at me for some dumb shit #like TINY shit id missed and then wouldn't even spend time with me and i was just like. are you serious #and THAT was when i had the thought bc i was like there is actually no winning with her temper #and i can never fully relax around her because of it. even when we're getting on she is at any point seconds away from ripping my head off #and it's not nice being around someone like that ALL THE TIME. and i dont mind it when im at uni bc im at my own house in my own life #but when it's HER house and she makes it very clear that it's HER house and we need her and the car if we want to so much as LEAVE #then that's just not a fucking pleasant environment to be in? right? even if it is just me being a baby? ugh idk and i hate this

[perigelion]

😭😭 feeling so fucking awful for the second day in a row now WHEN will this end...

#ive been nauseous and my head is spinning and i cant keep any food in my stomach #drank a cup of tea today and havent thrown up yet so thats... something #and i am in this reality for now... woke up being like who & when & where am i for a solid hour #trying to beat all the really bad thoughts away from my head but urgh #im also like... cold #even tho im wearing a sweater and it should Not be cold here ive been just feeling like that p consistently #i do Not want to google wtf is wrong with me bc that will freak me out even further but also... the fuck is wrong with me #is mixing alcohol w antidepressants really that fucking bad. #been fine on different meds before #this is just fucking awful im never drinking again #shouldve stayed home at least i could cry there lmao

[bluehoodedmousebane]

I love disappearing for a year only to carry on with the same shit as usual. Anyways omg hi J'onn. and others.

#martian manhunter #j’onn j’onzz #dc #dcau #??? idk #m'gann m'orzz #ma'alefa'ak #M'yri'ah #aw does she not actually have a tag. Figures bc she's fridged but damn #anyway don't look at any of my old art. #don't worry about it. It totally represents the skill level I'm at today and my thoughts on the characters 100% accurately so no worry #my art #and if you're wondering where i've been #uhhhhhhhhhh #speculative biology #< I've been trapped in there #but worldbuilding wise. #question of the hour is- why are white martians white #answer in my head-lore is mix of leucism albinism and cultural aesthetic differences #cause if you're able to produce pigment you can always go lighter -but if you don't have pigment you can't get anymore colorful

[unmotivatedartistry]

I love it when I'm dealing with sensory issues and I hate any physical touch and my friends keep trying to touch me because they think it's funny how I'm telling them to stop and the way I flinch away from them because its overwhelming

#sarcasm. #they were really bad today and I wanted to cry #and one of my friends kept trying to hug me and pat my head #and I wanted to cry so bad because they wouldn't stop when I told them to stop #and then my other friends were making jokes about it and i just #hgnhn #i hate it so much i have no reason to be like this why do I have to be like this #cw vent #vent #simon says #delete later #i dont even get it #i dont normally have sensory issues. at least not this bad #like literally #i couldnt touch half of the shit im fine with touching normally #because all of it was overwhelming #like I couldn't do my work type of bad #because the keys on my keyboard have a texture and my fucking hands wouldn't. it was awful #i feel so weird for it. i dont get it #it was so loud today too. i hated it #i hate everything i really do #Too Many Thoughts TM #maybe thats why #so much going on in my head that i physically cannot handle anything else normally

[running-in-the-dark]

so I took my meds again last night, and then slept for about 15 hours. it's midnight now, I haven't been awake that long yet. I'm super tired still but mostly I just feel so empty. I wish there was something I wanted to do right now.

#all I really want to do is close my eyes and continue my Dan story #but if I do that I'll fall asleep and it'll be a whole day wasted #I felt so awful yesterday. it's better today but. not that much. it's more emptiness instead of desperation but still not great #would like to paint or something but I don't have the energy #I'm trying to listen to my audiobook but I keep getting distracted (Dan thoughts) #well at least my cat just came to me and lay down right next to my head. so I've got to cuddle him for a while now #he's the sweetest little baby boy #personal

[sunlightera]

i feel. sick and terrible today tbh. might call outta work and just rest

#robits. help me. help me robits #i was burning up w fever last night but i was thinking abt starscream and [sigh] knock out #and i still feel cold and chilly and fucked up . today also #if you wanted to send me nice asks today i would really appreciate it <3 distraction from . awful in my head #not like thoughts its just so congested HELP #neon.txt

[taylorswiftdebut]

hhhhmmm

i’m gonna say it: i hated the eras tour

the actual physical show/performance itself was amazing the visuals and time and effort put in was astounding, taylor swift is genuinely superhuman and there will never be another like her

but being at the actual show and watching it around others sucked fucking ass. which is so strange to say and come to the realization because getting tickets was so mentally draining and she’s my favorite artist and it was such a privilege to be able to go and be on the floor but i genuinely don’t think it as a concert was worth the time and money i put into it. no one was dancing, people were barely singing, it was so hard to see because everyone had their phone held up so high recording every little bit, if taylor came near you people started screaming and making grabbing motions at her like she is subhuman and it just flat out wasn’t fun and that’s only half of it coming online after was even worse.

people will make comments such as “what did this city ever do to deserve this” and “you literally won” and “if you got this surprise song i hate you” and so on and so forth just such vile comments that sure are “all in good fun” but are they? and everyone being like she should have done this at MY show it’s just exhausting. concerts shouldn’t have to be a competition, live music is an art it’s supposed to be fun but i don’t believe anyone but those in the nose bleeds are actually having fun! and even still on this online aspect in the most picky way possible but i hate the quality of gifs this go round because they are so smooth and high quality which no fault to gif makers but what happened to overexposed shaky videos because people were jumping too hard.

it all feels so much a symbol of status and so fake like who’s a better fan who had the better surprise songs who had prettier costumes did taylor give a good speech tonight was there a deviation in the dance moves

i know more about this show than i ever wanted to know about anything in my entire life nothing was ever truly a surprise even when avoiding spoilers it was everywhere it just idk people keep asking me if it was everything i ever dreamed and honestly? no and all i have to show for it is 70 cents in my bank account from buying friendship bracelet supplies (and i didn’t even make enough apparently even though i thought it was a lot!) and outfit supplies and whatever else i needed to “prove” i was a good fan and i deserved to be there and calves that won’t stop cramping from standing and dancing for 6 hours. the best part of the night was hearing about it from my sister who was in the parking lot because she wasn’t preforming for anyone she was just enjoying an artist that she loves

#i’ve been thinking a lot about this and #idk this doesn’t make sense #i loved singing my head off but i felt so silly all night! even looking at videos from today #all i see are people standing still with their phones up #and i loved seeing ash and mack and karina pre show was great #but it’s so emotionally exhausting to watch a show surrounded by people who don’t give a fuck #and then to come on here and everyone is like ‘fuck kansas city!’ and over analyzing everything she did and who she brought out #when that used to be a tumblr and show specifically immortalization now it’s everywhere it feels like i’m stuck in a bad dream #and none of any of it feels real or that it happened to me but around me idk #and this feels so awful and selfish to say but it’s true! and that sucks #eris: text

[disneyprincessdxminatrix]

when a straight cis man says he’s kinda grossed out when he sees two men kissing while admitting that he thinks it’s hot when two women kiss that should justify straight up killing him

#this in addition to the earlier post about something I had to witness at work today #i felt so uncomfortable all day and I still do tbh #I feel awful and I want to cry and scream and throw up #can’t wait to spend the evening with my friends so I can get some other thoughts into my head

[dreamcast-official]

huh.

#eli.txt #idk i think ive been slowly forgiving my sister for how deeply hurt i felt when she moved out bc now I Get It. like I Get It #when she moved out i was. 9. and in my head i thought she had left because of me. because i wasnt the easiest kid in the world and i know- #-she had a hard time dealing with me when we were alone. we're so far apart in age we couldnt connect for most of my life. and in my head #that was the reason she left home. bc of me. bc she was tired of *me.* #i know now thats not true. and i understand now why she had to leave because if she felt the way im feeling then goddamn im glad she got ou #this feeling SUCKS. nd like #yeah this probably has to do with my father's daughter and the fact that she refused to even meet me until our dad died. #it took my dad dying for my sister to even be in the same room as me. that really messed with me as a kid. like it REALLY did. #so when my sister left home i just kinda went. oh okay neither of my sisters want anything to do with me! i will be alone forever! got it! #AND I KNOW NOW THATS NOT TRUE ON EITHER OF THEIR ENDS. I DONT HAVE A GOOD RELATIONSHIP W MY DADS DAUGHTER AND I PROBABLY NEVER WILL #BUT I DONT HOLD ANYTHING AGAINST HER ANYMORE BC GOD HER MOTHER WAS AWFUL AND I GET WHY SHE DIDNT WANT TO MEET ME BC OF EVERYTHING #BUT LIKE. THAT MESSED ME UP AND I JUST STRAIGHT UP ASSUMED BOTH MY SISTERS HATED ME FOR SO LONG. #AND NOW THAT I ALSO FEEL LIKE I NEED TO LEAVE I CAN SEE SO CLEARLY. MY SISTER NEVER HATED ME I WAS NEVER THE REASON SHE LEFT. #I CAN LET GO OF HOW HURT I FELT BECAUSE I ALSO NEED TO LEAVE #god i dont wanna hurt my mom though. #dont think i could leave her completely alone in this apartment. i dont think i can do that. #anyway. hi tumblr did you like todays oversharing episode

[orcelito]

Having lost my cat, my uncle, my great grandmother, my grandma's best friend (& one of the people who helped raise me), AND my dad all within the span of 9 months,

I have little sympathy for people who use deaths as an excuse to be an asshole. I get it, it sucks. Get the fuck over it. Your grief is not an excuse to treat others like shit. What the fuck.

#speculation nation #this isnt anything personal. im just reacting to a post that kind of pissed me off. #to be fair i was never close with my great grandmother so im not particularly broken up about that one #but it's still yet another death in the family within such a short period of time. #my cat is on this list bc he was the first one and it majorly fucked me up. so yeah it deserves to be here. #the others. well. my grandma's best friend makes me sad but at least she was getting up in years #my uncle and dad though. especially my dad. yea those have fucked me up the most. #im never gonna be the same after experiencing all of this in such short succession. #it sucks in a major way. and things are still continuously tumultuous. #but you dont see me lording it over people and using it as an excuse to be an asshole. #maybe i make people uncomfortable with how casually i mention it. but like whatever. it's simply my truth. #that's still just like. me just talking about what ive been up to. that kind of thing. #idk acting like someone needs to be treated with the most tender of touches after experiencing a major death #to the point where you cant even tell them when theyre being a manipulative little asshole? #i dont fucking think so! #yeah okay all grief hits different but ive pulled myself up by the bootstraps and kept my head on straight #even after i experienced death after death after death after death after Fucking Death #whats your excuse? youre Sad? we all fucking are. thats just life. #it's horrible and awful and it sucks that we have to live with this but you CANT let that affect how you treat other people!!!!! #and here i am making my own post venting about it instead of replying to the aita post that sparked this #bc the person the post was about just made me so angry to hear about. #but i am... a reasonable adult who separates themselves from situations before reacting in anger... #and so im making a tumblr post to get the emotions out instead of getting emotional at random strangers lol #anyways i actually had a pretty good day today. but in the way of grief. the smallest things can trigger moods sometimes. #but i am letting the emotions flow... here they are... i have expressed them... and i shall now release them... amen... #negative/ #i guess lol. i sure did rant enough for it.

[mirawhat]

am i dead? no. do i kinda wish i was? sure.

idk if its because of playing ffxiv(*), or because of adhd(***) or because of poor time management or because i live alone and have to do all the chores all the time all alone, but i do not understand what should i do ti have time for everything i want to do. i have so little obligations outside of 9hr work day but i just dont have time!!! for basic things!!!!!! and i hate this

#the problem is capitalism #sure ofc it always is #but i can rarely do more than 2 things a day #like groceries and drawing #or cooking and playing #or reading fic and reading smth else #and i hate that i have to decide every fking day what to do #i also hate planning these basic things it should be all vibes!!! #yeah i decided id cook today but the vibes ain't right so we are going to go listen to a podcast for 2 hrs in a park and apparently starve #re: ffxiv its not its fault it's just too comforting and relaxing so i opt for it instead of many things including diff games #sorry for the rant but also not sorry at all #this week is just awful already and i just need to get through it #and maybe go get diagnosed and medicated but not in this country 🙄 #my stuff #delete later #and the coursge to leave my shitty office job and try something anything diff like retail or mushroom grower or dying #no-job-summer sounds so good but would it be worth it or is this some kind of spring psychosis speaking #we just dont know dot gif #it also feels incredibly irrelevant bc i have so many good things abd dont appreciate them when thousands of people literally die and suffer #and im just a little bad in the head 👍