okay here’s my long ass letter.. be prepared girl. bUT ALSO I THOUGHT YOU WERE TAKING A BREAK OFF OF TUMBLR 😭😭 i saw notifications from you and was like: is she back??? anyway.
it was international best friend day like A WHILE ago but i wanted to say you are one of my best friends and i love you ❤️❤️ i know we don’t know what each other look like and we live in two different parts of the world but LOVE YOUUU 🤍 you are such an amazing, understanding, beautiful, talented person!! round of applause for aria please everyone <3
oh my gosh you answered so fast lmaoo i get so happy when you answer my asks hdjsgsjsj (for reference this took me two days to write so jdgsj)
ALRIGHT i’m just gonna hop into dance bc i’m really excited about?? THANK YOU FOR ALL THE GOOD LUCK 🥰🥰 it clearly worked bc i killed my recitals! there was one recital on saturday (yesterday) and one today. alsooo i killed my rehearsal on the 5th (which is when i read that response). so that saturday (the 5th) i had my final one on one rehearsal right, and i started with jazz/hip hop (my favorite and the one i’m best at) and i KILLED IT. i got a lot of compliments and it was so 💓 but my actual performances were SO GOOD!!! i did better on saturday than today (sunday) but i still did pretty good. i dance jazz/hip hop and ballet so i had two dances in the show which was fine for me bc some of the girls were killing themselves changing in like 2 or 3 minutes. only my mom, dad & brothers came but ig with the brief things i’ve told you about my family they are pretty terrible lol so i didn’t want them to be there (especially with there already being a dancer in the family!) but they were oddly supportive, but still i was not about to invite them lmao. and i really wanna use these emojis so 🩰💃🏾
now a little about the football games (american football) but i have a question. when you type football in your phone does a football emoji come up? or an american football emoji come up? so football 🏈 vs football ⚽️ cuz if i type soccer ⚽️ that emoji comes up. ANYWAY. yeah LMAO my little brothers (the 7yo, daniel) team won one game (their first one) lost a lot, then they won another and then the championships… THEY WON!!!! girl it was such a good moment. i almost hurt my back again bc i’m so wild when it comes to sports, like i’m the loudest one on the field (i just have a booming voice when i need to use it? and i have a football clap, but it makes me appealing when i get a boyfriend so HAHAGA) but the team they beat are such awful people so i played “we are the champions” loud and proud 😌 also it’s flag football lmao so they all have two flags attached to their waists, then whoever has the ball you have to get their flags. and my other brother, the 12 year old, he also plays flag football but his game was A LOT more intense bc our team is undefeated (spoil alert:) AND STILL IS BC WE TOTALLY RIPPED THE OTHER TEAM APARTTTTT but the team we went against was also undefeated??? but they sucked???? like it was 37-14….. how would they even compare??? (btw i know i talk a lot of shit on my 12yo brother but he is a BEAST at sports like i cannot explain to you how good he is, like today my uncle dropped off an mvp award for him) also for some more laughs my dad is the one who coaches the 7 year olds team 😐 yeah so the reason we lost all those times is bc my dad wouldn’t listen and he shouldn’t coach ever again but ANYWAY STORY FOR ANOTHER TIME
the singing group... yeah uh... hm. so for reference it’s my 7 year old brother, Daniel, Vincent (the 12yo) refuses to sing so. but yeah we didn’t end up going. it was the same saturday as my recital and i wholeheartedly believe i would be so stressed if i did both??? like my anxiety was already high for my recital and mannn if i did that group…. i would wanna cry lol. not to mention, the performance was meant to be outside????? and it’s like 90 degrees (Fahrenheit) here????? OH AND THESE BUG THINGS IDK IF YOUVE SEEN THEM IN GERMANY OR ON THE NEWS but they’re called uhhh fuck umm, okay i googled it: cicadas. they’re nasty bugs and they die quick?? but they fly everywhere and they’re so. loud. like i seriously question how bugs can make that much noise. but bc of that daniel was not having ANYTHING on saturday, between the heat and the bugs- nope. he literally said OUT LOUD “i’m never coming here again” AND IM— JUST KILL ME NOW, i was like daniel u can’t say that out loud and he’s just “what???” OH MY GOODNESS so bc the performance was outside daniel said heck to the no sooo yeah :/ i’m very pleased but i kindaaaa feel bad for the group but not really? i don’t know 😭😭
WHEN I READ THE TOM QUOTE 💀💀 whenever i’ve thought about that.. it just doesn’t help? i’m not gonna lie, i did try it during my recital and it helped a little bit, like during ballet i told myself to just enjoy it bc it was a lot of fun and i loved it a lot 🥰 but my nerves were also calmed by one of my friends there who was like “if we mess up who cares?? it’s a dance recital for our families” and that really stuck with me bc it’s true.. who cares?? (bc they weren’t wearing masks in the audience - if ur vaccinated, this woman front row yawned 😐 during our ballet 😐 i was like ok.) but dude i- idk. to be honest i don’t know how it works for him lmao. about the constant state of anxiety, it’s not usually? like i’ve been kinda chill but i hope i’m not like... depressed? idk, i’m getting a new therapist (or at least i’m gonna meet this woman) bc mine was not good lol, idk if i told you that but yeah. so 🤍hope🤍
GIRL THE PARENT THING 😭😭😭 when you said your mom/mum (lol) says “why did i marry your father?” “and she means it too” 😭😭 stopppp i did not mean to laugh that hard 😭and also felt the crying thing :/ cuz it’s saddd (btw whatever you’re comfortable with telling me it’s fine hdgsjsh) my mom and dad.... it’s a long story. that’s a lot of tea and it wouldn’t all fit in this lmao but yes😌 i think it will be for the better absolutely. i am nervous though, idk for my mom AND for my dad?? even though i don’t like him?? but literally i had a dream (i wrote this section like a week ago so it was when i just woke up) that i yelled at him for something and then i felt bad??? girl i cant- but anyway i remember this tiktok of this girl and her brother and he was like: do you not want your kids to be happy??? they’re not gonna get two Christmases??? and i honestly cannot wait for that lmaooo
HDGSJABHAJ it’s true, i’ve been waiting for you to get your license girl. i hope the test happens before exams!!! from what i’ve heard exams are really really stressful :/ when you get your license (i’ve always written license so idk lol) i’m sure you will be an amazing amazing driver <3
LOL i gOT mY dRivErS liCeNsE lASt wEeK… tbh i don’t like the song? i just don’t. i think it’s bc i didn’t understand why her very first song created so much drama? and it’s not even thattttt good? pls no one go and hate on me, but i don’t love it. i 100% get what ur saying about the sad songs 😭 i am in love with traitor but i cry every time i listen to it. i do love good 4 u, brutal, happier i do really like too…. jealously jealousy is a good one as well & deja vu is definitely still a favorite. idk i need to listen to the album again lol but even if i didn’t like her first single or all the hype around it, i love olivia!! she’s a lil sweetheart 🥺 and speaking of liv, i love (like love love love) high school musical: the musical: the series (or hsmtmts) lol i saw some anons talking about it and i truly love the show i can’t even lie i’m sorry
i’m glad you got your covid shot!! i’m getting mine on tuesday, so tomorrow for me, but is your cough still there? i know this is like a very long while after you sent that so i’m hoping it’s gone? idk hgfhsh also jab as in your shot? idk what jab means 😭 but i know at the recital we were sweaty without masks (not the whole time but on stage and stuff and in the back we had to put them back on… though none of us did) and i hugged maybe a couple of people so who knows! if i feel a cough…. 👀 lmao (and how’d your driving lesson go?!!?!?)
yea i guess boring is better than hard? not too much of a workload i guess! and i hope that means less stress as well 💖
okay my last few things, i had notes on what i wanted to tell you/bring up and literally its says: “TOM HANGING OUT WITH STORMZY????” and “i read her blurbs & fics !!!! gorgeous beautiful phenomenal” lol as in your recent work and it is all of the above 🤍 love youuuuu hope you’re having a good start to your week!!!
- lovely anon (ps this is not proofread😮💨 & i love this emoji hahah)
I got a single hour of sleep last night but I really hope this still makes sense 💀💘
I did take a break off Tumblr ksdhjjk I think I was gone for like... 3 or 4 days ahsjssk
oh my god girllll I love you too 🥺 happy (late) best fren dayyyyy no pleaseee we need a round of applause for YOU amazing, funny, LOVELY human being (which I hope you got after your show too 😌)
ahhhh I'm so proud of you I wish I could have been there 😭 but I still know your performance was
okay so jsdhgfjsk I used to do ballet for two years, jazz dance for like.. 2 years too? and hip hop for a year when I was younger sojhsjk oh my god twins (but I was like a CHILD so, but still I loveeeeee (watching) ballet so much and hip hop too gurllllllll I knew you were a bad bitch but *insert lady gaga gif AGAIN*
and people who yAwN during ballet just can't appreciate art 🙄 it's their loss honestly
yes @ these emojis 🩰💃>>>>>>>
okay so on my phone I have both a German and a UK keyboard and when I type football on the German one I get this: 🏈 but for football on the uk one it's ⚽️
So I see talent runs in the family 😌 with your brother winning his game !!!! and sajkdhghuji I like football (soccer) and I've also thought about how it could be something that a future bf finds attractive lmaoooo (I mean even more attractive than he already thinks I am 🙄) or maybe I'll get myself an athlete girlfriend ;)
Maybe it was for the better that you didn't go to the singing group because like you said that sounded STRESSFULLLLLLL, and I don't think we have cicadas in Germany(??? or at least I don't hear them here) but I know them from summer holidays in Croatia/bosnia and you're right they're. the. worst. 😭 and the heat as well-- nope. it's been realllyyyyy hot here too and I'm KNOT a fan. I prefer winter and I've never liked summer but I really wanted to give the warm weather a chance this year but all it's done is give me a thin layer of sweat on my body 24/7 and a headache and made me tired 😐 so yeah cicadas, heat, and stress and the singing group? nah, I'm glad you didn't go and were able to avoid all that <333
same same same the tom quote is the worst asiskdaishd but I've heard some people say it helps them so? I think it depends on why you're anxious and if it's a normal anxiety or like... an anxiety disorder pffjd. I don't think he meant it as a cure for an anxiety disorder but it has the same vibes as telling a depressed person "don't worry be happy" no matter what type of anxiety it's directed at hvdsjkfs
like i’ve been kinda chill but i hope i’m not like... depressed? oh my god same? well kinda???? okay 1 I hope the new therapist is better!!! I had a really bad experience with my first therapist ever when I was 14 and she .... told me to drink alcohol???? I was like yea so I throw up every day before school because I'm so anxious. and she said I should relax a bit maybe go out for a cocktail or wine from time to time. and yea you can buy wine when you're 16 in Germany (I was 14 but ok) but surely a therapist should not be telling anyone to drink regardless of their age........ then I used to see another therapist but he was this guy and he was like shy? idk he was weird and then I realised that my anxiety is all subconscious anyway so there’s not really anything to talk about but I have physical symptoms mostly so my mom has this kinesiologist (don't ask me what that is because I don't understand even tho it's helped me in the past) and she gave me the number of a psychiatrist so I might try going there?
okay quick tw for very very very very lowkey... not wanting to be alive for the next paragraph
I feel like my anxiety is a rollercoaster and as soon as my anxiety decreases I always get depressed? I had this time last month where I kept saying "I wanna die" and like I would NEVER unalive myself but I wouldn't have minded if I died you know? it's better now but it wasn't the first time I felt like that so??? although I think that was when uni hadn't started yet and I had had (?) nothing to do for the last year and it's def better now but I'm scared that I might feel like that again one day so I'd rather make sure I have someone (I think a therapist/psychologist is better for depression but I need a psychiatrist for anxiety but idk) okay I think we've talked about triggering topics and i dont remember if you said anything but idk I still added it at the beginning just in case <3
but you know I'm always here to talk and let me know how it goes <3 (if you wanna :)
So driving lessons ummmm.... I don't remember if I told you this already? but last Friday I had a lesson and my driving instructor did a test simulation so she didn't do anything except tell me where to go and I was aware that I probably wouldn't have passed but she criticised everything I did and I was really sad cause I thought I was a good driver but apparently I'm not after all <///3
HOWEVER since then I've had three more hours (two lessons) and she said I've really improved (within...one week) and that my test will probably be mid/late July which is exactly when I have my exams PLUS my second vaccine (after my exams) so.... we'll have to wait and see. It really depends on the day because I only have three exams and the rest is just assignments that I will have done by then so?
but I also realised I've become better at driving within just this one week which sounds weird but maybe last week was a wake up call and also I wrote down the things that I could improve and I feel like that really helped.
just fell asleep. but only for like 20 minutes.
yeaaa same about drivers license and I'm in love with brutal but I realised I've never listened past the first chorus? so I'll have to do that
it's so weird hearing people talk about hsm the series because I feel like it's such an extreme divide? I feel like not a single person who watches the series has watched the films and not a single person who has watched the films watches the series? if that makes sense. lmk if you've seen the films because maybe I'm wrong jhsagdfzujk I don't think hsm was/is super popular in Germany so maybe I just think that because it's not popular in my country but it's different everywhere else !! edit: I just remembered that you said something about the Troy meme I posted the other day which means you know Troy? I'm guessing. so I probably am wrong about hsm/hsm the series and who watches it)
yesss I got my vaccine, it was fine but my arm hurt for like 3 days but otherwise I had no symptoms (okay I still have a bruise on my arm from it and it was 8 days ago but ✋🏼) I hope yours went well!!!! and yeah my cough is gone gshddfk and honestly the word jab confuses me too so let's forget about it maybe it's just (British?) old people slang lmaoooo
okay okay okay okay stormzy and tom oh my godddd I wanna hang out with them 😭😭😭 I rarely ever have that thought about celebrities but tom and stormzy? the duo we didn't know we needed (is that English? like I said, one hour of sleep I'll get to that in a second) (& obviously I have no idea if they're even proper friends irl or what (tbh I can't imagine it for some reason but like I said IDK THEM SO hgessjnh) or do I? 👀 I'll ask Michael if he's friends with Tom next time I see him 😌 btw Michael is such a perfect name, just like Chris imo)
i read her blurbs & fics !!!! gorgeous beautiful phenomenal 🥰🥺 thanks you're the cutest <3333 that made my day 🥰 omg 🥺 i got this request for a pride related fic which i‘ll try to write this weekend but i have some uni stuff to do so idk?
nowwww today was a mess ghvhsjkwlaskdj (my keyboard smashes might look weird because I just switched to my laptop)
so i was on Tik Tok until 2 am last night, as always, but suddenly I started hearing something against my window but on the inside? and I immediately knew that it was an insect and IM SO FUCKING SCARED OF INSECTS AND ALSO SPIDERS LIKE I KNOW THEYRE NOT GONNA HURT ME BUT KASUGDFHBAK my heart starts racing and omg. so I quickly turned on my flashlight on my phone to see if it was just a fly or something worse. and it was way worse. it was really big and loud and fast and it was like flying so I ran to the bathroom. btw my window is open at night but I have a net in front of it so that insects can't come inside but it also means insects can't fly OUT if they somehow got inside. so I think the insect flew in through the balcony door from the living room and flew all the way into my room (which is not far but it's far for a bug lmao). so it was too big and quick for me to like kill it or anything? and also it was 3 am and I was tired so I was like where can I go? Cause I can't go back to my room. So I was like should I go and sleep on the sofa in the living room? No because the balcony door is open so there's probably some insects in there already and they won't be able to fly out if I shut the door and then they'll bug me (pun intended). or more like terrify me because like I said I HATE insects.
and if I closed the balcony door and the insect (from my room) came in there it wouldn't be able to fly out either. so I can't go to my room, and I can't sleep on the sofa. I was literally considering sleeping in the bathtub sjagdhhuaj but it's too small and like... hard obviously so I didn't do that 💀
so then my only option was to go into my parents' bedroom looooooooool. But first I quickly turned the light in my room on to see if I could see the insect or if maybe it had gone? Because i really wanted to sleep in my comfortable bed but as soon as I switched on the light I saw the insect on the wall right above my bed AND IT WAS SO LIKE THICC and scary so I threw my phone on my bed and went to my parent's room vgefhuwiajk. they didn't even wake up but there wasn't really any room for me to lie down comfortably but I was more comfortable between my parents THAN IN A ROOM FULL OF BUGS. it was kinda cute too cause our dog jumped on the bed too at some point so it was like the gang's all here.
but it felt so weird like I'm technically an ~adult~ (by law, not by common sense or how independent i am lol) so why am I sleeping in my parents' bed?😭 the answer (insect in my room) is not really valid either lol
Idk if you‘re classified as an adult if you‘re over 18 or 21 in the US? But i‘m talking about being 18
this is getting so long I'm so sorry------------------
so i was in my parents' bed but it was really uncomfortable and it was 4 am already and then I had to go to the toilet and on my way back I went to check if the insect was still there and as soon as I switched on the light I saw it by my window again so I RAN (back to my parents) and they still didn't wake up????? but then they started snoring and it was SO LOUD 😭🥴 and then it was 5 am and my dad went to work (he woke up and I could tell he was confused and he patted my back like? tf who is this lmaooo) but when he left for work I scooted over to his side of the bed so I was at least more comfortable. then it was 5:30 am when I finally fell asleep.
but then I woke up again some time between 6:30 and 7 and I had to get up at 7:3o for a doctor's appointment and I couldn't fall back asleep so yeah rip me </3
okay now tw blood? (having a blood sample taken so needles as well)
so I'm going to this new doctor and I have a few (non serious) health... concerns? complaints? idk lol so she said we should do a blood test. now I don't think I've ever gotten blood drawn or at least I don't remember it. I'm not scared of needles or blood or anything but since I didn't know what I should expect I googled..... and found a video of someone taking this hugeee ass needle and like sucking the blood out of a person's arm with a reverse syringe (idk if that's what they're called) so it looked like a vaccine for example but instead of putting something into the person they were pulling it out. and idk if I just wasn't paying attention to the video or if it's normal to do it like that in some places but I got so fucking scared hskjdhbsjs
so with one hour of sleep, really hot weather and warm disgusting air, and me being dehydrated as fuck because I was so anxious I had to throw up the water I drank before the appointment (?), I got to the doctor's and suddenly I started crying 💀 my eyes were really swollen already from not having slept and it was early and I was at the doctor's for like half an hour and I think I cried eight times in total just because I was so physically drained I guess. like by the time I got there I really wasn't even scared of getting blood drawn anymore but I was just so exhausted that I started crying. and it was so embarrassing cause the doctor treated me like I was a five year old hsguiao and I kept wanting to say that I'm not even scared of the needle or anything and that I'm just super tired but as soon as I opened my mouth I would start crying so I just sat there and let them baby me sdgvazuhi (obviously they were just trying to be nice but still I WASNT SCARED JUST TIRED).
so anyway she tried my left arm and it didn't work cause my veins are shit or whatever and then she pricked my right arm and literally it barely hurt. and then as soon as my blood started running from the needle through the tube thing and into the like bottle? (I googled and it said it's called like ampoule or vial? the word vial sounds familiar but idk if it's the right context). so I was fine by then because I thought she was gonna suck my blood out but turns out idk shit about anatomy and turns out blood doesn't need to be SUCKED out but it just like... gushes when you stick a needle into your vein (OKAY WHEN I SAY IT LIKE THAT IT SOUND SO OBVIOUS IM SO DUMV BUT THAT VIDEO REALLY SCARED ME OKAY). (idk if this is funny to you) so yeah as soon as the blood started gushing out of me and into the vial (?) she said "o zapft is" which is Bavarian slang for when you open a barrel of beer and the beer like shoots out and i thought it was funny but she probably makes that joke sixteen times a day.
anyway they filled up so many vials ghdjslkdj but it wasn't painful at all. and they put plasters on my "wound" afterwards and ripping the plaster off hurt 10x more than them actually taking my blood lol. also I have bruises on both my arms I was gonna insert a picture but that feels weird shdgva. also my arms kinda hurt? but idk if that's really the case or if my brain is tricking me because I THINK they could hurt because I have the bruises yk?
okay the last thing I was gonna say. so there's the European Championship (⚽️ ) going on right now and like I said I like football anyway but it's also soooo cool to see everyone wearing their country's jerseys/football shirts. and in my street there's like five restaurants and they all have football playing on huge tvs every night so even if I'm not watching I can always hear people cheering (or booing lol) whenever there's a goal and I just love that everyone kinda comes together to watch a few men kick balls <3 (no lsdjhbgsjbk like I said I like football too and yea it really is nice that e v e r y o n e is so invested and even if your team loses you had a fun time (unless you're too much of a hardcore stan lol)
and I got a reallyyyy cute Munich kit jersey that looks really hot on me 😌 cause the Germany ones are ugly this season and I support FC Bayern München/Munich so I got the Munich shirt. I also have an England jersey from a few years ago but it doesn't look as good on me so I'll be supporting Germany in my hot shirt dsijhsj (it looks amazing on me but it's also kinda thick material so it's hot like that too 😭)
so yeah that's all from me lmaoaoao that was SO LONG I AM SO SORRY if you even made it this far pls do not feel obligated to reply/respond vbdsghjioidkj I feel like maybe I shouldn't have written so much on one hour of sleep in the last 40 hours but... here we are. sorry if it makes no sense
I love you, I hope you have a nice weekend (or whenever you read this)💓
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