#my brain is screaming every awful thing i think abt myself to me right now and i honestly don't know if i can take it

[mlobsters]

supernatural s7e16 out with the old (w. jenny klein, bob singer)

goofy ass way to kill someone (i guess the red shoes reference?), but i'll take actual ballet dancers dancing in media any day :) and tchaikovsky's swan lake is one of my all time favorite pieces of classical music

did you know swan lake has a happy ending in some productions? this abt version has them yeeting themselves off a cliff to die together and reunite in heaven but some they kill off the baddie and everyone is together and happy. anyway i totally cried again watching that finale clip lol

moving on

the pristine unworn pointe shoes to the side of the gore made me laugh. so dumb

why won't they let them wear actual cold winter appropriate clothing?? they must have been freezing in their little light fall jackets.

SAM Yeah, well, every time I close my eyes, Lucifer is yelling into my head. It's like I let him in once, now I can't get rid of him. DEAN You know he's not actually... SAM Yeah. Yeah, no. I know. Uh, try telling that to the volume control inside my brain. DEAN Well, did you try the hand thing? SAM Yeah.

💔 but even i can't resist suggesting that maybe dean could help you with more pain

black vintage firebird yes please and thank you. there was a trans am in 5.13 the song remains the same too, wrote about a boy who had one in my high school lol

oh god the poor girl in the pointe shoes. laughing and cringing. i was thinking she's young but maybe she just looks really young, i started pointe at 11 (which was too early most likely). anyway thankfully they didn't have her visibly doing much of anything. whew

DEAN Getting the strong urge to Prince Siegfried myself into oblivion? Yes. SAM You really did see "Black Swan."

yes swan lake reference!! i finally watched black swan here not long ago, i'll watch anything with ballet but it was a little too scary for what i could tolerate in my headspace there for a good while.

SAM Geez! You okay there, Baryshnikov? DEAN Yeah. Yeah, I'm "pas de done."

(you know male ballet dancers generally don't wear pointe shoes, right) baryshnikov is my fave and i actually got to see him perform - sadly not classical ballet, but with the white oak dance project back in early 2000s.

this has other dances doing the same variation, but baryshnikov is first and this is one of my favorite things (i have this performance on vhs). it is perfect for his acting and obviously his technique and power is jaw dropping. the gasps and cheers from the audience with that first big jump, seriously💯

cursed kitchen object does not give me joy. me: why is sam so impatient, he keeps snapping at everyone. oh right, no sleep, satan-vision screaming

DEAN You know, I wonder how old porn kills you. SAM Pretty sure you don't want to know.

oh, sam. you can't power through sleep deprivation

JOYCE We have a chain of command here, George. You see a Winchester, you don't eat him. You tell me, and I eat him.

again with the awful photoshop job on dick. and i dunno what program he's supposed to be using there with an excel like sum button

sammy saving the day. wonder if he kept the sword

apparently this is the third episode with bad moon rising in it,

via wiki: also played in 1.22 Devil's Trap and 2.01 In My Time of Dying. this sadly did not making the streaming rights so it's some knockoff on netflix (on the radio during the semi crashing into the impala). i already figured it meant bad news this time around, doubly so.

i know a vague plot point for s8 i think but i don't know what happens with sam's head (i don't think, at least) our how we get to what i know from s8. but misery scale is tipping heavier as we approach the end of the season soo. i am so looking forward to the end of the leviathan plotline. i could not care less

it was nice seeing them in an environment with snow. like dirty gray winter weather kind of snow, not just the pretty stuff

#supernatural #spnwatch #spn 7x17 #firebird #ballet #swan lake #mikhail baryshnikov #gore #Youtube #jenny klein #bad moon rising #robert singer

[pa-panda-heroes]

Is it alright to request Bakugo, Todoroki, & Kirishima finding out that their usually well put together s/o secretly smokes (only to cope with stressful stuff like a rough home life) but now that she’s with them she tries to quit but then a bad mission happens & they walk in as she’s shakily holding a cig? Happy ending pls. Sorry if it’s complicated recovery isn’t linear & ive been feeling bad just thinking abt going back to it.

Sweetheart, please don’t apologize! I understand, okay? No judgements whatsoever. I’m really sorry you’ve not been feeling well, but keep fighting, love. You can do it!! You got this!! I’m so proud of you for taking this giant step for your health <3 and so are the boys :> I put it under a cut because it’s long ^^

Katsuki, Shouto, and Eijirou with a s/o who’s trying to quit smoking (Scenarios)

Warning: slight mentions of relapse, smoking

Katsuki:

He knew. He knew you’d had a particularly bad day handling an awful situation - the kind of job any hero (maybe even Katsuki himself) would pass off onto a rookie so as to avoid having to deal with it. He knew you’d been trying your hardest to quit smoking. He knew you only picked it up as a way to cope. He knew it was hard. He knew it all. He was right there with you.

Yet it didn’t break his heart any less when he got home from his own hero shift to see you trembling and holding your head with both hands, an unlit cigarette nestled between your shaky fingers. A lighter lay on the coffee table in front of you, seemingly forgotten but not really. Your sniffling was loud, and it pained Katsuki to hear it, as if with each sniffle the hand around his heart squeezed tighter and tighter.

“Y/n.” He doesn’t say or do much else, and neither do you. It’s quiet, save for your sniffling and occasional hiccups. Katsuki sighs, not out of frustration, not out of pity, and certainly not out of anger. Well, maybe there was a hint of anger, but it was not aimed at you. It was aimed at whosoever pushed the put-together, organized you to this habit which was giving you a run for its money. Quietly, he moves to sit next your trembling form, wrapped in the plush blanket you got him for his birthday last year. It smelled like him. No smoke, no ashes. Him.

“Just take deep breaths,” he says quietly, afraid to spook you, as he slowly brings up his arm to wrap around your shoulders and bring you close. You’re rigid. Stiff. And so unlike yourself. “Don’t feel bad, y/n. Stuff like this... it’s hard. There’s no such thing as perfection when it comes to recovery. No one gets it right on the first try.” It’s hard, rewiring your brain not to crave a certain substance, or anything else, really. Katsuki hasn’t dealt with this firsthand, but as a hero he’s seen enough to know no one gets it right on the first try; sometimes people slip up.

“People slip up. And that’s fine,” he continued softly. “They just need to push themselves back up and fight back even harder. I’m so fucking proud of you, alright? And you - you’re tough as hell, you know that?” He stops, as if to gauge your reaction. And react you do. You bury your head in his chest, dropping your hands to your lap without a word. Saying something is too much right now. The cigarette is still between your fingers, but Katsuki gently takes it from you and tosses it onto the table.

“Maybe you don’t realize it, but you are.” Katsuki pats your shoulder furthest from him, leaning down to whisper at you. “You’d have to be, to put up with me and my bullshit,” he jokes with a pinch to your cheek, and finally you chuckle with a wee grin. “No, seriously! I always leave the toilet seat up, I scream at the TV, I never put my laundry right into the hamper, and I always forget to wash dishes... I’m kinda hard to live with.”

“You also kick in your sleep,” you quip with a giggle, voice tiny and meek yet full of love and spunk.

“Ah hell, do I? See, the list goes on and on.”

You shake your head wistfully, your grin growing by the second, but then it leaves you for something sweeter, something quieter. “Thank you for helping me quit, Katsuki.” The gentle lilt in your voice is music to his ears, though he wouldn’t outright admit it.

He huffs at you playfully. “Aw, shaddup. With everything you put up with from me, I’d say we’re even.” He almost seems bashful at your thanking him. Maybe he is.

“No, not quite. You also walk around naked at the worst possible times.”

“Oh. Yeah. Sorry.”

You turn to look up at him, eyes gleaming - and not from tears. “My friend really didn’t need to see you walking around in your All Might boxers.”

He shrugs it off. “She should’ve knocked. And you shouldn’t have bought them as a gag gift, babe.” Katsuki flicks your nose gently, leaving you to you wrinkle it and recoil from him.

“Jerk!”

Shouto:

Damn paperwork.

His back hurt, his eyes burned, and his wrist was currently cramping.

Yet it was better than everything you dealt with on patrol earlier. He wasn’t sure how you made it back in one piece like you did.

With a yawn he decided that’s it, a break is most certainly due. So he’d go looking for you, maybe even just five minutes together would make him a new man. But he couldn’t find you. Oh. Shouto wasn’t panicked by any means, but he was in a hurry to find you. He knew if even after one relapse, no matter how short-lived, you would beat yourself up about it better than you do villains. Even if there was no need to. Relapse happens sometimes.

Finally, he found you in the alleyway behind the agency. And he found the cigarette. It was lit, snug between your lips and slowly developing ash. Your hand was so shaky, Shouto was worried something was medically wrong for a second before he realized himself. He called out to you, a hand reached out as he approached. You jumped in your skin, head jerking his way, one lone tear trail on your cheek. “Y/n, please put that out.”

You wipe your nose with the back of your hand unceremoniously, but it didn’t bother him. “I’m sorry,” you breathe. “It’s just- it’s hard. I feel like I’m trying to put myself back together, but I’m missing a piece. Does that make sense?”

Shouto looks at you gently. “It doesn’t matter if it makes sense to me,” he says clearly. “As long as you understand it and talk about what you’re feeling, I’m happy. Why don’t you tell me more about what you’re feeling right now? It helped last time.”

“Overwhelmed. I’m overwhelmed as fuck.” You suck in a breath and bring your fingers to your lips to pick at them rather than take a drag.

“There’s nothing wrong with that. Being a hero is hard work.” He’s being supportive. He understands; he’s a hero, too.

“With everything at home when I started... and being a hero...” your voice breaks, “pushing one down for the sake of the other and trying to hold myself together and quit... it sucks, Shouto.”

Your love’s eyebrows pull upward with worry. “I’m sorry, love. You always do your best, you do so well.”

You glance at him with tears in your eyes before dropping the cigarette to the ground and stomping it out with a drawn out sigh. That... actually felt nice. It hurt, too, but it was nice.

“I know I’ve said this before, but I want you to talk to me when you’re craving, okay?” Shouto’s hands grab yours, thumbs rubbing the back of your hand soothingly and slowly. “It doesn’t matter where I am or what I’m doing. I want you to talk to me. I want to help.”

You nod quickly, unable to form words as tears well up and your lips fight against you to grimace. You wipe at your eyes with your free hand, sniffling all the while. You choke out a quiet “thank you,” and swallow thickly, only for Shouto to lean toward you and plant a kiss to your forehead before pulling you in for a warm hug in the cool alley.

“Dont thank me,” he whispers, squeezing you tight for emphasis. “It’s only natural I want to help you. I love you. All of you. No matter what.”

You nestle your cheek to his shoulder. “Even if I fuck up?”

“Are you kidding? Of course, y/n. I’ll always be so proud of you for fighting on.”

Eijirou:

“Hey, y/n-“

You blink at him, cigarette between your lips and lighter in your shaky hand. Your eyes are puffy and your cheeks are red. The flame of the lighter licked the cigarette but did not light it, and then suddenly died out as you pulled your thumb off the plate below the wheel. You reached up and closed the window of the bathroom before sitting back down on the side of the tub with your hands in your lap. “Please don’t be mad...”

The grin he wore just before he saw the cigarette faded. “Hey, I’m not mad.”

“I had a really bad day and... I dunno.” You looked down at your hands and the lighter and cigarette within them. “I just needed one. Just one. To deal with it.”

“But...” He hesitated, worried he’d come off too chiding. “Remember? ‘Just one’ turns into two, then three...”

You nod. “I know, I know, but...” Your sniffle hits his ears and it’s hard to hear.

“I’m not mad, or trying to be mean... I’m just worried.” Eijirou scratches the back of his head almost awkwardly. “Why don’t we go for a walk, yeah? Get some fresh air, too?”

You didn’t feel like it, but agree anyway. Eijirou doesn’t take you anywhere in particular, just walking and turning here and there when he felt like it, your hand in his all the while. You’re quiet the entire time, but he speaks enough for the both of you, talking about everything he sees or whatever a certain sight seems to remind him of. His hand squeezes yours every so often, as if to remind you that you don’t need to say anything, as long as you let him do this, let him distract you, let him help you - how ever you want to word it.

But suddenly he stops and turns to you, red eyes bright and gleaming. “Can I ask something selfish of you?” It’s sudden and unlike him to ask something like this.

You’re taken aback, but nod anyway.

“Any time you get the urge, any time you catch yourself reaching for a cigarette, will you promise me you’ll get out and take a walk?” Eijirou’s voice is quiet and soothing, yet you pick up concern. “Or just get up and walk around if you’d rather not go out. Please? Even if I’m not around...?”

You smile at him, his expression immediately relaxing upon seeing it. “Promise.”

“Good! I don’t know how well distraction would work, but maybe it’ll help.” He shrugs and continues walking again, pulling you with him. He had a point. Some fresh air did feel nice, and hearing the birds chirping as you walked by a small park was relaxing. That, mixed with the warm and kind hand of your lover, seemed to wash away the awful day you’d experienced. It was so soothing, you wondered why you hadn’t thought of this sooner.

With a sweet sigh, the tension in your shoulders dies downs an you relax, finally, for the first time in a while. This was Eijirou’s doing, certainly. This walk would only be half as pleasant without him, but you promised. Push comes to shove, you could go out for a coffee or snack break on your walk to keep yourself occupied.

“Hey, Eijirou.”

His hand squeezes yours before he turns to look at you. “Hm?”

“Thank you.”

He gives you a toothy, closed-eye grin. “O’ course, sweetheart!”

#mha #mha scenarios #mha x reader #bakugou x reader #todoroki x reader #kirishima x reader #bakugou katsuki #todoroki shouto #kirishima eijirou #take care lovely! 🖤🤍🖤 #I hope you enjoy these!!

[cattles-bians]

exes au part 14

post directory

obsetress:

obsetress: viola

em: holy shit

em: i think viola could hold a truly ridiculous number of things in her hands

em: danis like i have a little fanny pack right here- and violas like (turns up nose) absolutely not

obsetress: pre therapy viola during her relationship w dani: buys dani a birkin too, is like "here baby, so you don't have to use that fanny pack"

obsetress: dani's like "oh. i, um. like my fanny pack"

obsetress: viola therapy era after her relationship with dani: buys her a hermes fanny pack instead

obsetress: jamie rolls her eyes but dani is literally

em: i think a lot abt viola offering solutions completely unprompted n then being really offended when ppl dont take her up on it

em: pre therapy obvs

obsetress: SAME

obsetress: oh link is gross

obsetress: cost is grosser

obsetress: but viola lloyd dropping $2550 on a fanny pack for her ex gf? chefs kiss

---

obsetress: ok just remembered viola slouching or leaning or w/e n like

obsetress: brain practically applying that to exes au and imagining when and where she'd slouch n everyone's reactions to htat

obsetress: bc like she has perfect posture but when she chooses to do it it's a power move

obsetress: and i. hm

em: yeah

obsetress: viola sitting up stock straight when they first get to brunch and as soon as she's ordered her bloody mary shes pulling off her sunglasses and dropping them on the table and just sinking back

em: how to phrase this w/o sounding too much like a whore

em: actually no way to say this but like i feel v strongly abt the way we make women take up less space wrt to knees together calves touching type deal and i think maybe

em: maybe viola can manspread a bit as a treat

em: hate that term but i cant think of a better one

obsetress: nah she does n it's hot

obsetress: just had this image pre divorce of viola and arthur at marriage counseling on opp ends of the couch n arthur's sitting v tight close and vi is just

obsetress: leaning and spreading a lil

obsetress: the first time jamie sees her do it she's so taken aback

obsetress: because she's NOT expecting it

em: jamies like ah ok late in life lesbian deal and then jokes on her viola is fluent in dyke slouch

obsetress: jamie immediately trying to suss out just how long viola has been fucking women

obsetress: she says to dani later "i thought she was all proper like" and dani's like "she is" and jamie's like "so wot was that then" and dani's like "well, people are gay, jamie,"

em: ghfjhgljkJFDASJKKJFGA

em: jamies like so wait how long HAS viola been

obsetress: jamie: so you were vi's first serious girlfriend right? dani: dani: jamie: right???????

em: violas been fucking women longer than jamie has lbr

em: i mean shes clearly only 35, jamie,

obsetress: jamie: so... vi... viola: hm? jamie: you're, uh, gay, right? viola: obviously jamie: right. well dani told me you've been dating women since–– viola: since i was 15, yes jamie: but you married a man

em: violas like u went to jail everyone does stupid shit occasionally

em: jamie: so how long have you been dating women viola: since i was 15 jamie: no i meant like. in years viola raises her eyebrows and jamies just like haha nevermind fuck

obsetress: she tried!

obsetress: she tried

em: jamie on her 35th birthday pencilling 'many happy returns' into violas ????th 35th birthday card

em: yknow i think

em: i think something's afoot

obsetress: jamie, giving up on the direct approach

obsetress: slipping in next to rebecca at the wine bar

obsetress: "becca"

obsetress: "hi, jamie" "hi. how old is your girlfriend"

em: am fucking losing it thinking abt jamie like. realising how much gay energy viola has

em: like taken ABACK

obsetress: fksljfLKSDJFLJ

obsetress: just like

obsetress: why are jamies reactions to viola so funny

obsetress: montage of jamie realizing how much gay energy viola has

obsetress: jamie watching viola sitting

obsetress: jamie watching viola pick up a variety of glasses and mugs

obsetress: jamie watching viola compare hand sizes with dani, jamie's girlfriend and viola's ex girlfriend who she dated for literal years and whose hand size she definitely already knows

em: NOT THE HAND SZIES

em: they go for a walk and viola immediately complains about the sun and jamie's like

em: i have a spare hat but ur not gonna like it

em: its a snapback that says daddy or smthn in gold, owen got it for jamie for her bday, jamie Loathes it

obsetress: BYE

obsetress: viola looks better in it than jamie does

em: jamie has that

em: am i attracted to viola? moment

em: it passses

em: she has already compartmentalised the weird psychosexual power play

em: queen of compartmentalising

obsetress: jamie: had another one of those moments today dani: what moments? jamie: where i thought i might be attracted to vi dani: well, you did let her fuck you... what was it, four? times in one night, so

em: jamie; yeah but like that aside

em: jamie 'thats neither here nor there' taylor

obsetress: she is the queen of compartmentalizing tho

em: i was gonna be like. 'jamies like wait i dont remember saying four' but. i think she would tell dani

em: because the flip of that is dani callin up vi n i dont think she would necessarily

obsetress: i think she would and dani would make her anyway

obsetress: well make her is harsh but

obsetress: dani would very curiously ask in very convincing ways

em: lovingly coax it out of her

em: dani: what if i fucked you four times in o

obsetress: dani: let me do five

em: viola probably wears so many rings jamie doesn’t even clock the ever present thumb ring

obsetress: jamie just. writes it all off

em: am laughing abt like. viola v meticulously taking off every single ring and putting it in its proper location before...

obsetress: there is something. so hot about that

obsetress: im gonna scream i think

em: i was just meming and now im thinking abt it and

em: truly played myself

em: actually this is me refusing to unpack whatever the hell theo crain gloves made me feel

obsetress: sdkfmsldjfa

obsetress: fair

em: sublimate it into rings

obsetress: i just like um

obsetress: thinkin about when she and dani are together and like

obsetress: it's intentional and everything has its place but vi also makes a show out of it

obsetress: and like

obsetress: she's SO painstaking about it and definitely makes dani wait a little bit and

em: helps dani outta her big ass earrings

em: i mean dani doesnt even Need the help

em: viola meticulous lloyd

em: i mean she just wears so much goddamn jewellry

obsetress: she can tell when dani's getting impatient and goes even slower

em: viola has like

em: viola is one of thos ppl thats really into expensive watches

obsetress: !!!!!!

obsetress: yeah

obsetress: nice lil canon nod too

em: she drags dani to antique auctions n danis like i cant. actually tell the difference between the real and the forgery and violas like (passionately explains it for like 30 minutes) and dani is

em: like shes mentally checked out but also v intensely watching violas hands as she points to the parts of the watch

em: rebecca gets it tho

em: rebecca Gets It

obsetress: dani shoving vi into the bathroom at the auction house and tugging vi's hand between her legs v rebecca grabbing her own auction paddle and bidding against viola for the same watch

obsetress: (rebecca n vi fuck in the car on the ride home)

em: dani grabs a paddle n mimes spanking viola n then the auctioneer is like '$250 to 201' and danis like aw Fcuk

em: violas like i cant take u Anywhere

obsetress: dani gives her the 🥺😌and viola's immediately over it and pulling out $250

obsetress: dani: i didn't even want it, i was just–– vi: i know dani: what am i even gonna do with a–– vi: i'll sell it for $500 at a private auction next week dani: so technically i'm making you money dani, grinning: it's like i'm your employee dani: do you have any more assignments for me, boss? vi: dani get your hand out of my pocket i need to focu––

#dj khaled voice another one #the dani jamie viola rebecca exes au

[firekyoshi]

i can't believe yall havent thought of a sambucky the handmaiden au LIKE GUYS LOOK AT THE POTENTIAL

okay if u haven't seen the handmaiden (2016) PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE CHECK IT OUT OMG ITS ONE OF MY FAV MOVIES AND AS A BISEXUAL WOMAN ITS ONE OF MY FAVORITE MOVIES FEATURING SAPPHIC CHARACTERS

anyways here's a very self-indulgent sambucky the handmaiden! au that i wrote at midnight literally 7 hours before my exam

tw // mentions of suicide

- sam is sook-hee and bucky is hideko obvs

- sam is a criminal working for the power broker aka sharon while bucky or in this case, the winter soldier, was a test experiment for HYDRA / is now an assassin + bodyguard for their leader, alexander pierce

- sharon is conducting business w hydra to obtain some weapons and idk black market stuff which forces her to go to siberia, but obviously the ultimate weapon she wants to take home is the infamous winter soldier

- she asks sam to pretend to be her butler/bodyguard but is actually hiring him to get information on the winter soldier program and obtain the code words needed to control them

- they end up staying in pierce's mansion in like a really remote place in siberia

- sam gets acquainted w the other butlers and housekeepers, they tell him that the area is haunted because they would always hear a man screaming just before daybreak followed by complete silence. they also tell him that the forest is haunted by the spirit of a man who killed himself there

- just like the housekeepers said, sam wakes around 3-4 in the morning to the sound of a man screaming followed by complete silence

- anyways the next morning he accompanies sharon to her first meeting w hydra officials, and that's where he encounters bucky

- after the meeting, sharon is all like, "change of plans. we're going to steal the winter soldier." sam's like "and who's that?", "the person u were standing next to earlier,"

- afterwards, sam starts to spy on bucky. he doesn't talk much, sam notices, actually scratch that this man does not talk period

- they were standing by the door a few feet away from where their bosses were talking. "so uh, what do i call you?" sam asks one day, but bucky is like a statue, his response being a mere blink

- sharon and pierce always have their business meetings in the morning, but they also have spend time at night, usually supper or dinner, that's more casual. sam notices that pierce's bodyguard is less stiff and more human during the later hours of the day

- sam and bucky are again standing by the door. "what do i call you?" bucky asks quietly, almost like a whisper. "uh sam, you can call me sam. and you?"

- he freezes for a while before replying, "james barnes"

- another thing that sam notices is that bucky is NEVER alone. either he's with pierce or he's escorted by other bodyguards (who look like they couldn't even take him down altogether)

- one morning, after the usual distant screams, sam decides to figure out where the screams were actually coming from. he goes to the main house, pretending to bring tea for sharon (there's a small camera hidden in the tray)

- he sees the usual group of bodyguards escorting a half-naked and disheveled bucky from the stairs to the basement. when they see him, the group looks like a pack of deers in headlights, one of them reaches for their gun, "i'm bringing tea for ms. carter," he quickly says.

- "go ahead," the leader, rumlow, says, "but next time use the main hallway will you?"

- "right, she just said it was faster this way, and she's really peculiar about the temperature of her tea."

- he shows the video to sharon and she's like "i need u to find out wtf is going on in that basement."

- one night, sharon and pierce are having dinner tgt "since we're on the topic of legends and fairytales, i have to ask about something," sharon says,

- "go, on," pierce replies

- "the winter soldier program, does it really exist?"

- the hydra leader chuckles, "i was wondering when you would ask that," then points toward bucky, "my dear, you're looking at the winter soldier."

- sam listens in on the conversation. the winter soldier program was a program created by hydra in the 1940s with the first successful test subject being an american ww2 soldier named steve rogers. apparently he was given this serum that made him super strong and for 10 years, while the other test subjects were cryogenically frozen, hydra worked to find ways to control him but failed and they had to keep him restrained most of the time.

- one night, rogers broke out of the facility, stole all the remaining formulas, and threw them away before blowing his brains out in the nearby forest

- after rogers' suicide, hydra brought out its second test subject, bucky barnes, and used the remaining serum on him. afterwards hydra froze him again while they worked on something to keep his mind under control.

- around the 1960s they created the trigger words and since then they've been using bucky to do their dirty work for them. "this, my dear, is our greatest creation." pierce says as he approaches a stand displaying a red book. "his trigger words. say them and he will do anything you want. if you need some errands taken care of, i'd be happy to lend him to you. we can talk about the costs later."

- "i don't have anything i can't take care of myself at the moment, but i'll keep that offer in mind." sharon replies

- now sharon's like "okay we HAVE to steal him and the codes." she figured out that all of the mansion's surveillance turns off for an hour to reboot from 1 AM to 2, and tells sam to basically go to the basement and manipulate bucky when he's not under hydra's control. "make him trust you, that way we won't have much of a fuss taking him to madripoor."

- that night, after the clock strikes 1, sam sneaks into the basement and finds a cell with bucky inside. there's a bed, well, more like a mattress, but bucky's not sleeping on it. instead he's sitting in a corner, head against the wall, knees tucked in his chest, hyperventilating and,,,crying???

- "hey," sam whispers, "you okay?"

- the winter soldier stares at him with red rimmed eyes and a tear stricken face. "you're sam, you're her bodyguard."

- "yeah and you're the winter soldier, or do you prefer james?"

- "bucky. it's bucky"

- yeah basically sam visits bucky's cell every night for exactly 45 minutes before he has to sneak back out. he tries to gain bucky's trust and manipulate him but guess what they fall in love surprise surprise

- bucky tells sam his true story. how he and steve used to be ww2 soldiers that were experimented on by hydra. he remembers being frozen and the first thing he sees when they woke him up was steve's dead body. "they told me he shot his head in the forest." the first thing he felt was pain as they injected the serum into his veins then tried to erase his memories. he remembers going into cryo and being woken up over and over again to kill someone or destroy something.

- he also tells sam about the one night he broke out, ran as fast as he could, and jumped off a cliff, only for him to survive. he lost an arm, but hydra replaced it with another weapon. "i thought i would end there, but i just became more of a weapon"

- so sam starts to feel unsure about stealing the winter soldier bc goddamnit bucky's a person and he doesnt deserve any of this.

- also the more time he spends with bucky the more he realises that the actual james bucky barnes is a fucking piece of shit that still uses 40s slang and petnames and makes outdated jokes and is actually a big fucking flirt.

- and sam's heart breaks every time he looks at bucky's crestfallen face when he realises that their 45 minutes are over

- of all the people he could fall in love with, it just had to be a brainwashed assassin

- sharon tells him that in a few days, she and pierce will leave for a week to actually get the business transaction done. basically she tells sam that he should break bucky out of the mansion while they're away, take the trigger word book, and meet with torres so he can take them both to madripoor.

- while sharon and pierce leave, sam continues visiting bucky during the night. also he doesn't see bucky during the day bc they have no reason to bring him out of the cell, and he kinda misses him aw

- one night, he wakes up to noise, lots of it. everyone in the house is running. in the midst of all the chaos, sam hears, "find the soldier!"

- the first place sam goes to is the forest, and there he finds bucky kneeling by a frozen lake, with a gun in his hands. sam tackles him and throws the gun away

- "what the fuck were you thinking huh?!" sam shouts, tightly holding the front of bucky's shirt, and he can't help but cry at the thought of bucky's dead body. and all of a sudden he feels like shit. for manipulating bucky and taking advantage of his trauma for his own gain. so he gathers bucky in his arms and tells him everything. about what he and sharon were actually planning, what his true motivations were when he first went inside the basement, and how he actually grew to care for bucky

- bucky just laughs and says, "i know,” he reveals that sharon's plan all along was to take bucky and the trigger words for herself, and frame sam as the mastermind behind everything. she'll then fake bucky’s death and offer sam as another test subject for the winter soldier program as compensation for stealing (and “killing”) bucky

- "how do you know all this?"

- "she visited me the first night you arrived and we talked. she told me she'll take me away and all i had to do was manipulate you into breaking me out." bucky confesses, "i didn't realise you were a sweetheart, that made everything so complicated."

- anyways sam knocks bucky unconscious and basically helps hydra guards put him back in his cell. "just saying, maybe we shouldn't tell pierce abt this yknow" and the hydra guards r like yeah no totally cause if he knew we're all fucked

- anyways bucky and sam come up with a plan to escape together. sam contacts a friend known as baron helmut zemo, who's basically sharon's biggest enemy, but more importantly, owes sam a big ass debt and asks him to give the two of them safe passage to sokovia

- they plan to escape two nights before sharon and pierce return to siberia. on that night, sam wakes up at exactly 1 AM like he always does, and kills everyone in the house. he puts a bullet in every hydra guard, every housekeeper, everyone. he disables all the techs in the house, steals the trigger word book and breaks bucky out of his cell.

- "wait. there's something i have to show you." bucky says. he takes sam to the facility. the place where they tortured him and experimented on him. the place where every other test subjects were kept frozen.

- (if you've watched the handmaiden, yes this is a reference to the library scene) sam can't contain the anger he feels when he looks at the room. "is this where they tortured you? is this where the screams come from every night?"

- bucky nods. he points at a chair in the centre of the room, surrounded by machines and computers. "every morning they would drag me out of my cell, put me on that chair, and-" he swallows a choked sob, "and read the trigger words,"

- sam can't control it anymore. he grabs a metal rod and starts destroying the place. he breaks every machine, tearing them apart until they are nothing more than wires and buttons. he kills all the frozen test subjects, because they deserve better than this. he rips apart the pages of the winter soldier's mission reports, and gathers them into a pile.

- from afar, bucky watches as sam lights up the pile and everything in front of him starts to burn. when sam turns to look at him, he can't help but think about how magnificent he looks as the fire roars behind him. his hero. his guardian angel. his sam.

- sam approaches bucky and pulls him in for a hungry kiss. something he feels he should've done earlier. "no one will ever control you again." he says, and for once its a promise that bucky believes in.

- sam reaches in his bag and pulls out the red book. bucky starts to cry bc no one, not even before hydra, had ever loved him like this. "i mean it. no one." sam says. bucky throws the book in the fire and watches and both paper and leather melt into ash

- the end they escape using zemo's private jet and live happily ever after haha

#sambucky #sam wilson #bucky barnes

[prettysei-remade]

graphic design is my passion actually the last time i made a graphic of any kind was when i was like 10 and i have sadly Not magically improved since then rip;; also dont worry the comic sans is ironic im not that awful......or am i 

hey there angels (instead of demons bc ur not demons ur all angels get it haha), it’s me, ya maknae! this is a very looooooong post so buckle in, my pals

AHEM 

exactly this time last year, i was probably laughing and/or crying at the thought of ever having mutuals here, much less having too many to do a proper follow forever in a rush the day before i post it (rip) so becAUSE i ran out of time and would probably give up in the middle, i decided to just talk abt how much i love everyone in the Stream Team gc and also make a shitty graphic so i could bless ur guys’ new years with ot13 and make it seem like i know what i’m doing :) 

ok im gonna get sappy for a sec and then u can all get to the part u actually care about (the part that’s also sappy but directed at specific people) 

my friends!! my loves!!! the bestest people on the planet!!!!! i love you <3<3 you guys are the sweetest, kindest, most understanding, most hilarious group of friends in the world and i’m so fucking lucky to know all of you. you make me laugh,,you make me cry (in a good way),,,,,you make me like myself when i dont feel like it,,,,im so?? blessed??? to have people to talk to and scream abt kpop with and be myself around. i’m more comfortable with u guys than probably anyone else?? like. even irl because 1) i’ll probably never come out, 2) none of my friends know anything abt kpop, and 3) none of my friends are rlly.....aware of the things my brain tells me about myself sometimes. which brings me to the last thing before i start yelling abt u all in alphabetical order: 

thank you guys for being the Good Brains to help out when my Mean Brain gets too mean. 

💙 

@byungjoo 

laura!! idk if u think abt this as often as i do (probably not) but like,, remember before we were friends and we had that ““discussion”” for abt .2 seconds regarding toppdogg going on the unit and then i thought u hated me for a couple weeks and then we became like the most amazing friends?? well reminding you of that is basically my long roundabout way of saying that our friendship is kind of a miracle to me, and i’m so so thankful that you’ve become someone i can trust with anything and not be judged for it :’) you always know what to say and you always make me feel special when we talk and just?? wow...don’t forget me when you become the biggest bts blog in the world......i saw one of your gifsets that had like 5k+ notes and almost shed a tear i was so proud of u.. i love you and thank u for being amazing all the time!! and for introducing me to twice and gfriend aka the most amazing girls!!! and of course....#laurjoo5ever <3

@gipsydangger 

yo jo (that was lame im sry you deserve better) you havent been in the chat for super long but you’re One Of Us and also 1/2 of the Official Ruby-Got-Me-Into-IZ Squad so lots of love for you!! thank you for singing all star with me in an attempt to cleanse our chat of ******** (im just (all)starring out his name so he doesnt find this post and try to eat my heart again), thank you for being so nice and thoughtful and sweet and all the other amazing things youve been already, thank you for giving iz a shot and somehow becoming a fan in like 5 minutes (???amazing) you!! are a rock star!!! wow!!!!!!

@hjjxxn​

ok alex i know you’re not tec h ni c a l ly in the chat but lets be real;;you’re still my Toppklass Queen ;; ur adorable! ur so kind! u work so hard! ur such a sweetheart! forget toppklass queen, u r the queen of my heart 💖 i cant believe we’re both hojoon stans AND yoongi stans it’s like we were meant to be friends or smth idk?? and you got me into winner and sent me the bEST videos of them holy shit im still laughing abt the one where theyre dancing to ‘hello bitches’ jshdkahds and mino’s duck song,,i cri :’( you have the best taste so i’m vv grateful to know you in the first place and! talking to you is super fun even tho we dont do it often <3<3 ilu <3

@itsachocolatecake 

jess <3 our leader,,mother,,,resident Cutie Pie <3<3 i am so fond of you?? you’re loads and loads of fun to talk with and the chat would be so different without u, i’m not even gonna imagine it!! instead im gonna remember how you always cheer me up right away and help me remember whats good about myself and tell me that i’m not alone and give me great ideas for metaphors involving brains (like mental brains not physical brains)!!! our mutualness (mutualism? mutuality?? idk) goes waaay back, like, relatively, so thank you for following me in the first place bc it means we’re friends now !! love you <3 

@kimsanggyum 

kaliiiiiii!! my wonderful fellow scorpio (AHEM i mean what im not a scorpio who said that i’ll fight them) ur super fun and cute and as soon as you joined u fit right in even tho we’re all kind of weird and now you are One Of Us and it’s kind of hard to believe that you havent been since the beginning?? you’re such a cutie and i love love love talking to you and stuff <3 jdkjsldf dog pics are one of the many ways to my heart and your dog is amazing!!! thank you for sharing!!! you are amazing!!! tell canyon monroe i love him (again) and tell him from me to be nice to laura too,,anyway!! love u lots <3 

@lapillity 

melia. you. are. the. best. my text posts never go noteless bc of you :’) you’re honestly truly just the greatest?? not just bc you like my text posts tho, youre genuinely sweet and suuuuper nice like,,i cant say anything bad about any of the Stream Team tbh but MELIA!!1! you would have to murder a man for a not-justifiable reason for me to say anything bad about you :/ i think you are an Angel and you’re so cute??how are u so cute i dont get it :(( thanks for being my friend and also helping me reject that guy that one time,,without you i definitely would’ve screwed things up tbh so seriously!! thank you and i love you <3<3 

@minty-sugar-kpop 

minty i think i should tell u now that whenever i type “rip” on my phone the next suggested word is always “minty” :’) we’re always screaming abt kpop groups together like!! when clap was released u screamed about seventeen with me!!! when i told u i was getting into twice u screamed about twice with me!! when nothing else is happening u scream about toppdogg with me (and the rest of us)!!!! i love that youre as excited about your fave groups as i am about my fave groups because it helps remind me that it’s NOT weird to be really super extremely dedicated to things that make u happy and i still struggle with that sometimes so.... thanks for being you i guess?? also for getting rid of ******** from our chat with the power of ot13 :’)) love you <3<3<3 

@reallyabananya

kat!! my Superhero!!! the lifegiver for minsung stans everywhere;; i am so grateful for literally everything you’ve ever done in your life but specifically 1) translating every. single. one. of minsung’s often long and very complex posts, 2) being my role model for running an update-esque blog! like!! if kat can do everything she does for her blogs and translate stuff and be so efficient at everything, i can do it for my one tiny little blog!!, 3) working so hard but always being so so sweet to everyone and being so amazingly humble all the time and being somebody i admire not only as a blogger but as a person too <3 (wow that was che e s y lol) im love you!! <3 

@saltygot7 

hi kendall! another scorpio wowie!!! of course i say “another” bc i already mentioned how kali is a scorpio,,it’s not because i’m a scorpio. because i’m not haha. anyway. im sorry i let ******** come between us, i know you didn’t mean to create a demon that would eventually possess both you and your phone and try to eat all of our hearts. i know and i’m sorry and i love you!!! i also know that you still think those asks u sent were hilarious but i forgive you bc i know you love me too <3<3 i can’t believe my Ultimate Bias and the true visual of our group loves me!! wow!!! thanks for all your amazing selfies, they always make me smile :’) you rlly know how to cheer everyone up and get us in a happy mood and just,,,thanks for always being your lovely self! love u lots <3 

@sunshinesanggyun 

bella 💕 i love you, i love you, i love you 💕 idk if you know this or not, but you were actually my first tk mutual <3 i remember when i got the notif that you followed me back and i was so excited because this person!! this person with an amazing blog and who i already thought was super cool!! wanted to follow me!!! i still think it’s amazing that you wanted to be my friend but i can’t really say that i “can’t believe it” anymore because i can;;; you’re my friend and i’m your friend and i love you!! i’ll remind you of that every day if i have to. you’re the other 1/2 of the Official Ruby-Got-Me-Into-IZ Squad (along with jovano) and it makes me so happy that you’re a fan now too!!!! you’re just awesone tbh?? you help me with my shitty stuff and i try my best to help you with your shitty stuff and!! you’re one of my best friends!! i’m so so happy and lucky and blessed and thankful to know you! never forget how much i love you forever 💕💕💕 

@toppdoggzz 

jacqueline;; the awesome aunt that’s super nice and who helps people when they’re sad;;(i can’t remember jess’s exact wording but it was True);;;; you’re so cool and amazing and honestly i find it incredible how you’ve been with bts from the beginning!! is that a weird thing to say as a compliment?? shdfsdhkd sorry but sticking with a group from debut is really admirable, especially because bts didnt start out super big but you stayed with em anyway :’) you’re such a star and you reblog my selfies when i ask you to (btw ur tags on my latest selfies had me cryin;;find someone who will compliment you every day like jacqueline complimented my decent-ish selfies;;) and you’re so great to talk with and yeah!! i love u!!!! 

@zombietwink 

isaiah. i hope u believe me when i say, from the very bottom of my heart: you are the Meme to my Internet Connection, the Cherry to my Bomb, the Chanyeol to my.....You. idk. you take my worst text posts that i make at like 3am and add the best things to them and make them Good and i love our convos in the replies of my posts alsjdsfjjs also can i just say?? i’m still not 100% sure what the whole thing is with like the “kin” meme (i get what it is but i dont rlly Get It u know) but literally any mention of it ever reminds me of you :’) it’s actually astounding how many memes make me think of you tbh..anyway, ur very very cute and soft and nice and youve been mutuals with me for a Long Time so thanks for thinking im cool enough to follow!!! and for still following me!!! love you <3 

wow that took a long time but it was worth it!! tho i honestly wouldn’t blame you if you just skipped everything and only read the little section abt you lmao 

well, happy new year! i hope lots of really good, and happy, and lovely, and wonderful things are waiting for you in 2018 ✨✨✨

#it took me abt 4 hours to make this post #thats how much i love all of you <3 #also i typed out a million little ''<3''s sldjflkdfsd #i never want to type one again except i do because they sometimes help me say i love you so it's all worth it! #u guys are worth everything!!! #✨💖💞✨💛💓✨❤️💗✨💓✨❣️💓✨💕💗💛✨❤️💖✨✨ #ruby says things #mutuals <3 #<3 #DISCLAIMER: there were abt 2 people i didnt include bc i dont know their urls and we're not mutuals and we never talk so..........

[bbyboyycal]

i wrote a thing based on the song ‘heather’

It began and ended with Sully.

 It was always going to be him. 

And I realised this when I was lying upside down off the edge of his bed, the room basked in the golden hue of his desk light, the Xbox throwing out a continuous stream of various noises as he played on it, unaware of the ache in my heart. It filled the room with a purple melancholy that only I could see and that thought hurt more than anything, I think. 

“Wilf mate, its no use you coming round to play Xbox if you don’t actually play it - I need backup.” 

I sighed and picked up the controller, it looked smaller in his hands than mine, but he was a couple of inches taller than me so it would make sense. His eyes were focused on the screen and I couldn’t help but stare at them, the green flickering between sections of the digital map, his brain visibly working hard, I wondered if he knew I was looking at him - I doubt it, he didn’t notice anything. 

Maybe that was what made it so easy to love him and to cope with him never loving me back, he just didn’t notice, he was so innocent to it all. 

His knee brushed mine and he leant against me as he tried to veer his soldier to the right, I laughed gently at him, but the slight touch send shivers running up my back, his hands so close to mine that I could reach out and grab one, interlace our fingers and never let go - twined in an endless grip. 

“You alright?” He questioned, pulling me out of my daydream. 

I nodded, “Just a bit cold that’s all.” 

Liar. 

I was anything but cold, flustered with a rapid pulse was probably the best way to describe it. 

“Oh I was meant to give you this ages ago, I never wear it n’ thought you might like it.” He explains as he passes me a navy blue jumper with red stitching on - it looked like a vintage-style college sweater, it was nice. 

I thanked him, taking it and trying not to focus on the quick brush of our hands as he passed it to me. Pulling it over my head I inhaled deeply (and not too obviously), taking in his familiar smell, the comfort of him washing over me. 

“It looks better on you than it does me mate, keep it.” He said, patting my shoulder and turning back to the screen. 

My heart swelled, sitting swollen in the middle of my chest, my ears burning with a bright blush and my fingers tingled as I attempted to focus on the game at hand, rather than him.

Sleeping on the floor that night, surrounded by the scent of mint and Tom Ford, I snuggled deeper into the sweater, taking long breaths, swamped in thoughts of unrequited love and Sully. 

--

School dragged itself into Monday, the halls filled with muffled laughter and distant chattering as I could only focus on one person. But it all changed that day. 

“Well, she texted me that and then I had to reply-” I tuned out Sully’s response to some dumb question one of the other boys asked, I should of been listening to because whatever he said awarded him with a round of clap on the backs and daps, I frowned feeling out of the loop. 

“Wait, bro, here she comes,” Arthur said, and I followed their eyes to where a caramel haired girl walked with her friends - she held her books to her chest, eyes bright and angelic, as she seemed to float over everyone else, unaware of the eyes on her while she spoke to her friends. The four of them deep in a conversation that wasn’t privy to the surrounding eyes. Her eyes, however, darted up to meet Sullys, dark chocolate meeting sea glass. She smiled coyly, almost shyly, her blush a peachy pink colour enveloping the freckles on her nose. 

Sully elbowed me, “Back off Wilf, Heather’s mine.” He winked and took off in a jog down the hall to her, stopping outside her locker where she now stood, wide-eyed and staring up at him as he smiled down at her. 

All I could do was stand on numb legs and watch it unfold. 

--

At lunch he gave me his orange juice, I don’t know why he bought it when we all know he hates it, I thanked him but didn’t touch it, hoping with unfaithfulness that he would understand I was in a mood - he didn’t. 

The conversations surrounding me were hollow, and I couldn’t focus my attention on one long enough to understand any of them. The room felt a mossy green, jealousy clinging to my very being, when Heather cut through it with her short skirt and glossy hair. The sun shining behind her, lighting her up in a halo of pure gold, the earth bending around her, fitting around her. 

Sully’s face lit up and my heart dimmed as he pushed Dan out of the seat beside him, pulling her by the wrist to sit there, she giggled a melodic sound and I hated that it felt so naturally calming - her voice matching. She spoke about something Mr Nancy had said in her English Lit class and everyone listened, well, Sully listened, the rest of the boys nudged each other and spoke in low voices, rumblings across the table about how whipped Sullivan was over this girl, and defences of how she was peng so he had the right to be. 

“She’s kinda got an angel vibe though, don’t you think. Like you could tell me she was an angel and I’d be like, yeah, adds up.” 

I rolled my eyes and stood up from the table, leaving the orange juice and curious eyes behind. 

--

Sully: r u good

Me: yh fine why 

Sully: u just left @ lunch?? 

Me: I had to go talk to Miss Clain abt some dumb hw

Sully: aight, as long as ur good 

Me: yh i’m good :) 

Sully: sick one

Sully: do u like heather

Me: wdym 

Sully: r u pissed im moving her

Me: no 

Me: why would i be

Sully: dw

--

My heart jumped. 

Did he know? Had he finally realised? 

With pins and needles in my lips and a clenched feeling in my stomach I looked up when I heard footsteps on the pavement. 

“I was worried you liked her and was annoyed I was chatting to her.” He panted. 

I laughed, relief flooding my veins, only for a second though as I considered how much he appeared to like this girl. 

He wasn’t usually like this with them, he usually just talked to them over a weekend and then aired them in school, she seemed different - this seemed different. 

“No not at all, I told you I just had to talk about homework.” 

He nodded, “I really like her, you know? She properly is so cool, I’m whipped.” He laughed at himself and I became numb to everything he said on the way back to his house, his constant stream of talk about her sticking into my heart, one shard at a time.

--

Friday night called for a party at Danny’s - allegedly head told his parents it was just meant to be the boys, but as soon as they left on their weekend away the house became a bustling mass of people. 

She was here, wrapped up in his arms, hands around his neck, his own hands on her tiny waist, her pretty face close to his as they whispered to each other secrets that I would never know. That I couldn’t be trusted with. 

My gnawing heart took a hold of me as I downed my second cup of - something - and moved out onto the patio to play beer pong with Jude and Thea’s group of friends. 

The room span in a technicolour but all I could focus on was Sully and Heather. 

All I could see was fingers intertwined, the ring on his index clashing with the rings on her fingers, her dainty little hands, that fit so perfectly into his. 

I followed her fingers to her hand and then her wrist, everything about her small, everything about her longing to be folded up into the perfect space within Sully.

I frowned as her hand was covered by the long sleeve of the sweater she was wearing - that wasn’t hers. That belonged to the boy currently looking at me with his head resting on top of her head. 

He smiled dopily at me, but not in a drunk way, not in the way I longed for him to - if he was drunk then it would be fine, he wouldn’t know what he was doing, he would be smiling freely and dopily like that and being drunk would explain it. 

But he was driving tonight - he wasn’t drunk. 

He smiled like he was in love. 

The room span when I moved, but I continued towards them, willing my feet to move like a sober person’s would. 

“Wilf,” Heather greeted me, pulling me into a hug and I willed every part of myself to like her, to be happy for Sully that he had found someone this kind and lovely, that he had found a girl who mirrored his dopey love smile, that was calming in a stormy hallway - but a bigger part of me hated her because she wasn’t me. 

I wasn’t her. 

“Hey, nice sweater, it looks familiar?” I asked as though I hadn’t seen the crimson coloured fabric on Sully most days of the week - it was his favourite, he rarely let me wear it, and on the occasions, he did he was so protective of it. 

“Yeah you have mate, it’s mine, you know that, don’t be a dipshit.” He smirked at me and I punched his shoulder in a jokey manner, wanting to keep my hand there, wanting to just touch him in any way I could. 

“Oh shit yeah! I thought I was your ‘hand-me-down collector’ though?” Hoping my voice wasn’t tinged with the jealousy that shrouded my every cell at that moment. 

“But Heather just looks so pretty in it, don’t you think?” He asked, pulling her closer to him, making her little nose scrunch up as she curled into the specific place for her in his chest. 

They fit so well together. 

I shook my head while forcing a smile and excused myself to go to the garden, finding Nate (a boy I had gotten with before) and pulling him into the space between the shed and the back fence. 

His kiss didn’t fuel anything within me, I just needed a place to put my emotions for the night, someone else to cling to before I was consumed by this neverending ache within me. 

--

Hours later on the way home Sully wouldn’t shut up about her. Everything he said was about her and I started to wonder if this is what I sounded like talking about him to other people. 

He was in awe of the celestial being that was Heather McGraw and I couldn’t escape the bombarding emotions wrecking my body and soul. 

“Just stop!” I screamed, Sully’s head whipped round the smile on his face dropping and it shattered my heart to know I had had that effect on him. 

“What? Are you okay?” 

No response 

“Wilf, mate, what’s wrong?” 

We had stopped on the side of a road and I took it as an opportunity to escape his stare - swinging open the door I bolted from the car, feet slapping the pavement, a light summer drizzle beginning to set in. 

“Wilf! Stop!” 

I heard him running behind me but didn’t stop until I was halfway out of breath trying to figure out what I had to say to him. 

All I could think of was, “You gave her your sweater.” 

I said it bluntly and through my heavy breathing I heard the tinged pain that had been so evident for weeks now - a build up of negative energy and heartache and everything that made me jealous of her. 

Sully looked at me, hand reached out to touch my shoulder, to tell me to stop, to calm down, to slow my breathing - but I shrugged him off, knowing if he touched me he would hug me. Hoping it would make him stop. 

But he didn’t, he strode forward a step and wrapped his arms around me. I hit his chest, crying, pleading with him to just let me go. 

 “Not until you let me what’s wrong.” 

My voice broken apart by my crying, “You gave her your sweater, Sully. Your sweater.” 

“I-My sweater?” 

I nodded against his shoulder, waiting for his response. 

“My sweater?” He asked again, it not connecting in his head, “It’s just a sweater, just simple polyester?” 

I yanked myself out of his arms, hating that he wasn’t getting it, hating myself more. 

“You like her though, right?” I shouted, rage covering up the pain, if I could channel anger, I wouldn’t have to think about the hurt. 

If I could hate him, I could stop loving him. 

“Of course I like her? Why are you being like this? What’s going on?” 

“You like her more than me.” I said matter-of-factly, “You like her better.” 

He shook his head, confusion written deep within his green eyes and sharp features. 

“Wilf-” 

He still wasn’t getting it. He still didn’t understand who I was. He still didn’t get how much I loved him. 

Cutting him off I grabbed his face in my hands, pulling him into a kiss. 

Trying to tell him everything. 

He didn’t kiss me back. 

I pulled away, face red with embarrassment. 

Hanging my head, I whispered, “I’m sorry I’m not her. I wish I was her.” 

Then leaving him there, in the dark, the rain turning to showers, streetlights basking the world in a tungsten glow, I sprinted - willing my legs to carry me away, willing them to make me forget how much I wish I were Heather.”

#my british ass really jumped out with some of the slang words tbf #'moving' just means chatting to