#my brain be like bc u have depression ur gonna be unable to sleep

[gays4vulo]

Very unfair of my brain to cause me to feel tired all day but here we are ready for bed & now my brain is simply refusing to sleep. Sir u wanted this in the first place, u can’t take that back

#my brain be like bc u have depression ur gonna be unable to sleep #I wonder if other ppl experience that like ur just so depressed u skip over the going to sleep coping mechanism. #straight into u have one night of insomnia

[anti-transphobia]

IF YOU CANT SCROLL DOWN AND TELL THIS POST IS REALLY LONG THE SHORTEET ANR BEST I COULD GET IT WITH MY CURRENT SITUATUATION IS THE HEART BULLETS SO IF YOU WANNA REQD ANYRHINT AT ALL I RECCOMEND THAT UNLESS YOU UAVE A GOOD ATTENTION SPAN AND/OR ARE INTERESTED AND THE AFFECTS OF CERTAIN DRUGS ON PEOPLE OR U IF YOU WNNA KNO W HOE UNBEARABLEBYOULL BE IF YOU DO DUMB SHIT AND TRY TO KILL YOURSELF WITH MEDS

Even if i "sound" (by how im typing) like im fine right now please please keep in mind i am not. I am in physical pain and will be for a while which will disable me for a while. i hope that isnt ableist to say? Its true i will be temporarily unable to walk and when i can not for long and without hurtint myself. It may not be the best choice of words but im not sure. Please correct me if im wront and i hope im not asking for all kinds of special treatmeant but please be kind about it. Being in a bad place doesny make it okay but i do need peoppes kid gloves on right now or else i may make some person who may just be trying to help feel bad abt themselves for possibly making me more depressed and suicidal. I know this is a good posibility if people arent gentle with me but it doesnt mean i can stop how i feel if it happens. Back to the topic which i cant even remember (im gonna reiterate this destroys my memory as well as ability to focus on something which is a dangerous combo) so it may not ah make any fucking sense. It sounds like i was talking abt how much pain im still in with a focus on my physical pain instead of my mental and how it stills affects and limits me. Well. Not sure where i was going with that and while if youre one of those ppl who get concerned over strangers ans stuff uh i forgot what i was writit here! Honestly no exaggeration. I thought abt my fp for a split second and ive already lost my point. I suppose i coulve just deleter the sentence and skipped that or tjought of something else to say but in case youre the one forgettib somethin here, rambling side affect. I am on the verge of making this a 20 page post abt how i cant stop ramblint while im saying im rambling. Sorry so sorry i have little control over every part of me, inside my brain and out under normal circumstances so ywah its 10000× worse now. Attempting to get back on poiny again, i think ppl who get worriee abt others easily shouldbt worrt too much abt whether im gonna die right now bc it all depends on how fast i recover and whether my parents are working today so i have tue chance to harm myself more. God i have no idea whwt rhie post means or was supposed to be abt. Ill try to summarize what i thini is goin on ans what i was truna say BAD SUMMARY POSSIBLY UNLESS I KNOW MYSELF PRETTY WELL WHICH I THINK I DO: ☆im not healed yet im still dealing with a lot of things rn even though i may still appear okay to some. While ppl on the verge of attemptiny suicide or harming themsepves have just as valid feelings as people who actually do, and being close to hurtiny yourself takes definite time to heaol, im going to go out on a hopefully not rude or bad limb and say ppl who actually do it generally need more recovery time and ppl need to understand the healing wont be as fast as it may be if nothit was actually done ☆ i forgot the second thing so ill write this here as a genuine and unnppanned reminder that this is having very clear affects on me. Also the laco of sleep for over a day is gonna fuk w me on its own combinee with drug usage soo yeh ☆ i remember now ppl who get concerner shouldbt be too concerned abt me dying atm or in a too near future ☆ i dont encourage ppl to worry abt me and the fact some ppl aay they do feels like a joke to me but there are definately things to worry abt. Even if you think physical health is less important than mental health which most ppl unfortunately dont see them as equal, my physical health and mental health are connected in many ways right now. If i get too stressed, scared (an im extremely paranoid rn on the verge of a freakout constantly), or even happy/excited my increases heart rate will go nuts and put nearly unbearable pain which may in turn worsen my mental health and create a cycle of pain ☆ once again i keep forgetting andb as the side affects are worsening im becoming less anr less like the person who solemly started to write this post (i think the word fits accurately here but it sounds odd. Dont let this make you think im happy, im in no way happy. I just have a shit ton of energy which if i caree abt my wellbeing would b dangerous bc its easier for ke to kill myself now. Or it woipd be if it werent for the fact im in a lot of paij rn for a variety of reasons) ☆with that last bullet im p sure i was gonna say i love you guys. I didnt so i will say t here!! I love you guts you guys have helped me 'kay? BEAR WITH ME AS I ATTEMPT TO SHORTEN WHWT I SAY FOR EVERYONES BENEFIT EVEN IF IT TAKES 5 TRIES ANE 4 POSTS Buttercup Tries a Summary 2.0 ♡im in a lot of pain right now. Im shaking for a few reasojs and oje of em is bc im in a shitton of pain ♡please be kind to me for a bit. more gentle then you woule usually have to be with me. i dont wnna ask for too much but even joking around without saying youre joking very blatantly could make everythibg a lot worse which i dont wnna happen bc it woulsbbe unfair to a persob meaning no harm ♡i dont think i said i love you guys? I love you guys ♡im probablt missing a shit ton of impprtant thints so im just gojna sau im in a lot o f pain holy fuck if you even have a casual conversatioj im probabky gonna mention how my body is dying and not peacefully ♡Oh JUST REMEMBEREE MY PHONE BATTERY. ITS AT 6%. IT WAS AT 11/12 WHEN I STARTED WRITING THIS POST. IT TAKES ME THAT LONG TO SAY SIMPLE THINGS IN MY CURRWNT STATE (im gonna grt an estimate of how long this post took and put it in the tags and if anyones interested or willijg to humour me and pretend to care i can find tags of a big suicide attempt i did when i was 13/early14 just so you can. Get a grasp of how bad my rambling can REALLY be) ♡puttin this with a new heart cuz the last one is too damned long now fuck you buttercuo and ur dumb ass anyways my phone is at 5% now ans still lowering. I m physically unavle to get toje computer wnd while i can use my phone while chargij t it doesnt work as well and everyhiny i do will taoe even longer. It fucks w the keypad so my spellijy will probabky be worse agian ajd tumblt wouod die every other minute so

#i think o has sometjint else but whatevs #im probabltbgonna post on tpoc a bit #so i dont seem like a huge dickbag whos only doing this ajd drawing itbout for atrwntion #whicu is not wha im doing and i onow i cant control whatsbhappening to me ans whatbom doij #bc of it #bit i still feel guilty abt it esp knowing tjis i s whwtbwoildbhappen ig i lived #typing getting worse shaking increaeing also im rusihing as mu battety is at 4% @ #ans will probably be lower by the timr i finally pos this #suicide #long post #randok