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ouchthathurts · 10 months

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𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐖𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐈𝐒 𝐆𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐁𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑

𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 (𝐬) ⋮ Rengoku Kyojuro + Gender-Neutral! Reader

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 ⋮ 4.2k

𝐓𝐲𝐩𝐞 ⋮ One-Shot

𝐏𝐥𝐨𝐭 ⋮ You admired your husband’s writing, the inspirational words were ones that helped you overcome many past traumas, now, you read them one by one until you are met with one that comes from the Demon Slayer Corps…

𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬 ⋮ These character ai bots got me feeling some type of way

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 ⋮ Writing contains Major Character Death, Spoilers For Mugen Train, thoughts of hopelessness and mentions of deep depression.

You looked over at the mail left in your cubby, in a box outside your house that left you with the eagerness whenever you heard of the caws of the crow, you began to pump the blood you needed to bring yourself over to the door of your shared home with your husband, Rengoku Kyojuro. You were overjoyed everyday with all the letters sent to you throughout the marriage when the bright haired man was sent off for his job.

In the days following of his summoning to the Hashira position you both were wed, you found yourself very interested in the man you were to spend the rest of your days with as nothing truly combated the feelings you felt once you had gotten to know him. You heard his whispers in your ears at the ceremony, the ones that made you giggle endlessly while you tried to stop his behavior, he told you that the smile that graced his eyes was one that could leave Kyojuro in such admiration and hope for his world.

As Hashira he would be one who was sent to kill the demons that had taken the world to turn into their hunting grounds, the idea of it all was very overbearing as the mere idea of losing someone as loving and caring as Rengoku Kyojuro was one death that left your heart in immense fear. You told this Kyojuro, who looked at you with a hurt in his eyes yet, his smile stayed still as he looked into your eyes with the feeling of hurt and fear.

You felt his hand on your face, cupping it and bringing you close to him as he held you close to him, “I understand, my dear.” Kyojuro then brought his other hand to the other cheek, feeling the warmth on your face, God, even after being married to him there was still a feeling of butterflies whenever you were around the young man before you.

“I’ll write you letters, any second I get I will write as much as I can, and when they are sent off I want you to read them to know that I am okay…” Kyojuro looked into your eyes, the softness in them practically lulled your body into a comfortable tiredness that let your guard down, “Know that I will never want you to feel this fear and will combat it even in spirit.” The way Kyojuro said your name left you speechless, from the way it slipped with such ease that let him press his lips against yours to imprint that feeling of compassion and sentiment that he wanted for you to feel moment in the moments you read his letters.

The way your heart thumped violently against your chest as you looked over the newest letters sent to you, the letters that were sent out by his crow before heading back to him after delivering such words of endearment to you. You found yourself almost tripping over your feet as continued to run towards the door.

You were deeply in love with your husband, this feeling that transcends words and surpasses all insecurities that try to cloud your vision were disintegrated when you found the man you had fallen head over heels for. It's a connection that touches the depths of your soul and fills your heart with the feeling that no one could truly ever replace, the idea of being apart made you wonder about the state of your relationship.

Multiple times you had found yourself longing for Rengoku to stay with you, finding yourself very much cling onto him whenever he had returned to the shared home to envelope you in the smile that warmed your heart like a warm summer day with the cool winds that kept you in this calm and comforting environment. The mere thought of reading your husband's writing brings forth an overwhelming surge of emotions that make your heart practically explode.

The letters that were drowned in the love and affecting that your husband would pour into the pages had left you with so much admiration that you already had for Kyojuro, where every word he writes carries a weight of significance and meaning that bathes you in the beauty of your relationship. You unwrapped one letter, the familiar stamp that left you with the softest eyes and the beat of your heart to skip two as you found your breath hitch.

“My beloved, I look forward to your gaze when I enter through the screen doors of our home. Every day is continuing to draw me more and more hopeful for the future with you, I long for your touch and the warmth that not even I could muster with my breathing. It makes me feel alive. Every moment with you is a blessing I never take for granted, even with years on us, there is nothing truly more wanted in this life than to be by your side for even just a minute. To the sound you grace me with, the features that wipe everything I could ever thought as attractive only belonging to you, and even the feeling of your hand on mine as we admire the birds in the garden. You make me feel as if my soul is finally at peace. You understand? I must finish, I will be summoned for a new task. Know that these letters will never come to an end unless my life is handed to me. Nonetheless, even in death, I will write I love you in the blood of my own to signify my loyalty to you.”

When you read your husband's writing, it's as if you are being drenched in the very essence of his pure and undying thoughts and emotions for the one, he had married. Each word becomes a window into the inner world of Rengoku Kyojuro, offering glimpses of his hopes, dreams, and vulnerabilities. The love you share creates an intense desire to understand the man you had fallen so in love with on such a molecular level, and his writing that grants insight into what strengthens the bond between you.

The anticipation of reading his words ignites the same flame that resembled his hair, staring at it for hours as you looked into those eyes that drew you closer and closer to his face…To feel his lips on yours was nothing more than mere dreams, this yearning of him becoming endless within you, a passionate desire to connect with his mind and soul in order to intertwine the two of you into one being that no love could ever be created even after the mark the both of you left.

The beauty of reading your husband's writing lies not only in the content itself but in the realization that it is an extension of him. Every phrase, every sentence carries his unique voice and perspective, allowing you to witness his creativity and intellect firsthand. The emotions that surge through you as you read his words are a testament to the profound impact he has on your life. It's a love that goes beyond the physical realm, transcending the everyday to create a sense of unity and harmony between your souls.

You looked over the letters Kyojuro sent, some that plead to be in your arms once more, the desire to sleep in the same bed as you to quell your mind of the nightmares you had faced while he was gone, and the way he had just truly wanted to sit next to you for long hours just admiring your existence.

"While, yes, I know you like the back of my hand–Nothing beats the perfection of human radiance quite like the feeling I get when I feel your presence around me.”

In those moments when you immerse yourself in your husband's writing, time seems to pass quickly as you let yourself listen to the letter in your husband’s voice that continued to warm your cheeks at from the beauty of wording. The world around you fades into the background as you delve into the pages, fully engrossed in his thoughts and ideas.

The depth of your lover only allows you to fall deeper into this infatuation with his writing, cooing at the words as you appreciate his talent and appreciate the profound connection you share. Each word becomes a brushstroke on the canvas of your relationship, creating a masterpiece of love and understanding. As you read your husband's writing, you feel an overwhelming sense of pride and admiration.

You are first to witness the beauty of his growth in expression, his passions that he fleshes into all the things that he’s longed for, and the way he had viewed his life to this point that left you in pure admiration. You longed for what Kyojuro had offered to you, the loving feeling after all that has happened as you found yourself lost in the past of everything that you could never escape.

The demons had taken everything from you, your family snatched away from you at such a young age that the memory of them seems so fleeting in the outside look yet so overwhelming when reality comes to wrap their comforting arms around you like a lure into the darkness that you suffered from.

Kyojuro goes over such in the next letter, he mentioned his mission and told you of the demons that he made sure would never hurt you ever again. The demon, of course you remembered, watching them with fear whilst they held a glare. They scoffed at you, the blue lines on their face that curved through each of their eyes from below their ears to over their temples, the only feeling you could truly muster up had only been anguish as they left you there in your home for distant relatives to find you.

Those lines haunted you, the eyes that were laced in nothing but a pure disdain for your existence that let the feeling of self-hatred to bubble in you while they found the joy in making a child feel so angered by their own existence to be one that brought a smile to their face. These traumas, however, never burdened Rengoku Kyojuro.

In the letter he was reminiscent of how you stayed up after the encounter with the demon, staring from the porch of your shared home just looking into the dark of night with the only light being the dimmed moon, there was nothing that stopped Kyojuro from staying up with you every night until you were finally allowing yourself to fall asleep in his presence. Your relatives often sedated you, drugging your tea before sending you off, and while the tea method was one suggested to the Rengoku man he was quick to reject such.

You would stay up for such long hours, Kyojuro there by your side to help try and lull you to sleep as the two of you stared up at the moon together, his fingers slowly inching to intertwine with yours in hopes of bringing a smile to you face. There was more than just a smile, the feeling of his physical touch did more to help you than that tea has ever done for those past 5+ years.

The love you feel for Kyojuro only amplifies your appreciation for his talents and gifts. It's a feeling that leaves you in awe, reminding you of the incredible person he is and the privilege it is to be by his side, sharing in his journey. The feeling of being so in love with your husband that even the mere sound of paper had left you thinking back on those words he had sent you before, reading and re-reading his writing that second his presence in the ranks of your love.

You found your last letter, one that was of the same white color yet, it was one that addressed to you but was from a sender you had become familiar with in the upcoming days leading up to the trip of Kyojuro. You found yourself separating the letter from the others, putting the one sent to you from the Demon Slayer Corps in front of you as you unsealed it with ease. You looked at the beginnings of it, a feeling of immense confliction of opening the letter.

“To the family of Rengoku, We sent this letter as a notification of the status of Rengoku Kyojuro. Unfortunately, Rengoku has succumbed to an Upper Rank Three demon, after battle. All of us at the Demon Slayer Corps mourn with you as one the one who has brought us all with a sense of ambition, positivity, and relentless tribute to the Corps as one who continues to give us inspiration as we fight for the future without Demons. In the letter, we find one item on Rengoku’s person that we believed you should have. In our thoughts and prayers, Demon Slayer Corps.”

You let yourself find the will to reach for the photo inside the envelope, your face fallen as you find yourself staring down at the image before you, leaving it on the table for you to stare at as your hands reach to grip and scratched at your thighs in attempts to cause pain to your body. You looked down at the image in anguish, you let yourself try to find the feelings that you bottled within you.

Honestly, what feelings did you truly have at this moment when you looked down at that image? You could cry, and what would it solve? You let the cynicism that drained your color of your childhood began to drag you into their arms once more, almost like they were waiting for you all this time. You could be angry? Throw the table over, join the Demon Slayer Corps, and avenge your husband…

Why bother?

You let yourself establish the feelings you had for the image, you and Kyojuro on your wedding day with him holding you tight in his arms with the look that could bring joy in a thunderstorm. That smile that you would never see up close again. You admired his eyes, the colors similar to the ones that brought you more and more joy as they began to brighten with enthusiasm and great compassion.

Where would you find such again?

You felt the waves of such feelings. You coddled the young Senjuro and every time when he had come over after being told about the incident. It continued to burden you as you looked into the boy’s eyes with the same drained of feeling you were dealt with the day you were reborn. Of course, you hugged the young boy, the way he rushed into your arms only brought him the comfort that he so rightfully deserved.

Losing the one you loved continued to eat you alive as you let this feeling continue to feed on you like a parasite with no fight for your body and reclaim it as your own, this hopelessness and miserable feeling that continued to swallow you only let you leave your bedroom to feed on the food you had stocked up on. Those days, the people in the village looked at you in despair as they noticed the appearance that reeked of grief and a never-ending feeling for something to bring you to the end of such a miserable life.

Rengoku Kyojuro was the only one who you loved, words that came from such a phrasing could never amount to how you felt for the young man at this moment, the spouse who had brought you immense joy. It was such a devastating experience that left you unfeeling to the world around you. You longed for something at nights, the bags under your eyes are heavy as well as the look of decay on your face that was commented on when Tanjiro came to visit you.

It was an act of kindness, one that some of the Demon Slayer Corps had held off in fear of the sight of your now painful existence that hurt the young demon slayer as he winced in horror at the view he was met with when you couldn’t even open the door for him. Tanjiro had never seen you, although Kyojuro called out for you in battle and talked of you often to the ones who accompanied him as he wanted to bring up the people who pushed him to do what he did.

You were brighter in the way Kyojuro described you, the looks that left him still bashful to be around you and caused his face to flush in seconds when you said his first name, "The song of angels…One I could never let myself tune out even in my busiest of days.” You cooed in response to such a compliment, the small smile begging to flourish on the lips that cracked from uncaring that could reveal the teeth that were damaged from lack of care.

Tanjiro told you how thankful he was to have had Kyojuro there, the impact he left and the way he will help the boy even in his darkest moments, you applauded him as you felt the same way he did. You liked him, it was as touching as when Senjuro came over to visit you and tell you stories that Kyojuro was too scared to tell you in hoped of fleeing from embarrassment as even your approval was one, he held in high regard.

When your husband, who was the soul source of your ambition, was now taken away by the same creatures that left you in disarray and depression. You would still be trying to kick and scream out of that hole of hopeless that let the feelings of lost continuing to pursue your psyche. You explained this to Tanjiro, trying your hardest to say anything to the young boy that wasn’t a hum or nod in response to what he said.

“Rengoku Kyojuro is irreplaceable in my heart, no one could ever ruin the mold or try to shove themselves into the young man who has taken me to the new sights of my future that were brighter than the sun.” You found this smile on your face, it was weak as the rare times you were left to remember Kyojuro in his brightest light had only left you falling into deep despair that seems to have no end.

You found your smile slowly falling, looking out the window with the smallest glimpse of hope to sprinkle into your eyes in result of the rustling of the foliage that would reveal your husband, you sighed to yourself before letting your eyes wander over to the brunette boy in front of you. “Knowing that the future of mine is now fleeting…” You tried to find the words for what you felt, your eyebrows furrowing in confliction with the words banging against your lips.

“I am not long for this world.” You stated, Tanjiro felt his face fall with a look of feeling hurt and disappointment, “What would Rengoku think of your hopelessness?” You found your heart was falling into the void left by the absence of your husband that is magnified by the haunting presence of the demon that took him away. The pain and sorrow you feel are intensified by the constant reminders of what you endured from that letter that still sat in the room where you used to read all of Kyojuro’s letters.

“I believe he would find you wanting to do your best in the event his death had happened,” You sighed, it was true, constantly mentioned by the hashira as it was his sworn duty to protect those who were unable to fight for themselves and to use the power he had for the selflessness he held close to his heart. You found yourself looking into the boy’s eyes, acknowledging him as one who carried a familiar aura to the man you loved.

“Rengoku wants your life to be one that lives on with the memory of him being one that sparks inspiration in him–” Tanjiro felt tears began to flood his eyes, he looked into yours with hurt and anger at the suggestion of you life even being close to over, “There is nothing that you can’t do! Rengoku believed you were one who could do everything even with just his writings!” You let yourself think back on those words, the ones that you read each night you two were apart that had held you liked a newly born child.

You being one to exist in this world, while Kyojuro existed alongside you for as long as he did, it was a blessing from those above in his eyes. You were one who he believed the world of, those letters that sung your praises as he worshiped the ground you walked and the touch that he was graced to be enveloped in when you were so detached from the world.

Tanjiro looked you in the eyes, the eyes that reeked of determination and hope that you had so longed to have when you found yourself staring the mirror to count your insecurities, you looked back with a feeling of melancholy you now found at this moment before letting yourself speak to the boy.

You smiled at him weakly, while the trauma in you becomes an unwelcome companion, replaying in your mind, and adding layers of complexity to your grief. It feels as though you are unlatched from the deep depression that left you as a lifeless doll, unable to escape the overwhelming darkness that engulfs you. Yet, there you looked into that boys eyes, with tears rolling down your cheeks.

The boy was quick to ask you if you were okay, you nodded eagerly in response as you let the tears fall into your clothes and began to soak the top part of your clothes, you couldn’t help but feel the tears that were rushing out your eyes finally release all the feeling you had felt before. You almost broke down in front of the boy, these days left you drained of any emotions and yet, you found yourself so overwhelmed at the mere mention of Kyojuro was on that held a vice on the pools of emotions that flooded you.

“In the depths of your despair, it may seem impossible to find any glimmer of hope or light.” Tanjiro stated, you listened closely as you found the tears in comfort of your face, similar to hands of Kyojuro. “However, I advise you to look forward to what the future holds for you…” In those words, they cradled you with the sound of Kyojuro’s voice, those words spoken to you that were laid onto Tanjiro.

“Go ahead and live with your head held high! No matter how devastated you may be by your own weakness or uselessness… set your heart ablaze. Grit your teeth and look straight ahead.”

The loss of your husband and the lingering trauma had made you question your own sense of purpose and meaning. The heaviness of grief had consumed every conscious thought you had, making it challenging to see a future without him. “Those were his last words to me.” You hummed listlessly, “Of course.” Swooning at your husband's ohrasing that shared the similarity to those of compliments and praise he fed to you lovingly.

“Remember, even in the darkest moments, there is always the possibility of finding strength and passion in the love and memories you shared with pass loved ones.”

You and Tanjiro shared a knowing look with one another when he was about to leave, you gave the young man a tight hug that left you feeling even more emotional than you were before. You let go of the young man, a smile on your face lit up the world around and in aways brought Tranjiro with joy as he looked at you. “Rengoku was right.” Tanjiro closed his eyes, encasing the moment in his mind with a smile, “Your smile can give hope for the world.”

"Your face is imprinted in my mind when I am struck with harsh blows. The act of staring at you makes me feel as if I’m being touched by the one above with such a nurturing hand. Your eyes, filled with kindness, gentleness, as if a ray of sunshine was reflected in them. Your smile, gentle and graceful, like a warm spring breeze. Your voice, calm and soothing, making me feel safe and comfortable. Your touch, loving and delicate, like a rose blooming. This love pumps my blood, and I yearn to give all the love and care you deserve. I love you."

You smiled at the boy, thanking him for his presence before watching him walk away. You made your way back inside of your home once Tanjiro was a safe distance awayn from your home. You let yourself run to where your letters were stored, you read them over and over with never ending joy that continue to push the type of feeling that left you with the emotions that were called for the situation. Even late into the night, you looked at the letters from the porch you and Kyojuro would sit at when your nightmares were frequent.

©️ Please don't translate or claim as yours or plagiarize in any way! Like, Comment, and Reblogs are greatly appreciated!

The words were poured into your ears by the man you thought of in admiration, longingly you look into the night sky in hopes that Kyojuro is looking back at you with a softness in his eyes that reeled you into his embrace, you tilt your head in admiration just looking up into the stars above. In a way, you feel your head on Kyojuro’s shoulder once more, the feel of comfort coming to vanquish the deep depression you were dealt with.

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