#much ado about baseball

[bookcoversonly]

Title: Much Ado About Baseball | Author: Rajani LaRocca | Publisher: Yellow Jacket (2021)

#books #Much Ado About Baseball #Rajani LaRocca

[ladykailitha]

The Harrington Pattern Part 9

As you guys wanted, here's me doubling up on posting days. It will (hopefully) be twelve hours apart so that each chapter can get some love.

In this chapter we have a lot of flirting between Eddie and Steve. The Party being "meh" *shrugs shoulders* at Steve being bi. And Robin being the most soulmate a guy could ask for.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8

MY TAG LIST FOR THIS STORY IS CLOSED!!!!

@mira-jadeamethyst @rozzieroos @itsall-taken @redfreckledwolf @emly03

****

That night they were all gathered to watch the amateur theatrical society put on Much Ado About Nothing.

Even the ones who had been reluctant to join in were doubled over in laughter at the trick the Prince pulled on Beatrice and Benedict. The way they cried when Hero was accused of cheated on Claudio. And cheered when it was resolved happily ever after.

Mike complained about it all the way to the car. “We were forced to read this play in eighth grade and I hated it. I never knew it was funny.”

Eddie put his arm around his shoulder. “That is the unfortunate side effect of the education system. They suck the joy out of all of everything.”

“Normally I’m rolling my eyes at Eddie’s rants,” Robin said, “but I’m going to have to agree with him on this one. They just want sanitized versions of everything.”

Steve nodded. “Like what’s with the jump in American history when we stop in eighth grade at the Civil War and then all the way to WWII in eleventh grade, with only a brief mention of WWI as it related to WWII. Are they really trying to tell us that nothing happened in those eighty years of note? Like the fuck?”

Mike blinked at him. “Holy shit, I never even realized.”

The kids looked around at each other in shock.

“They push math and science,” Eddie continued, “but shit on everything else, except sports.”

He winced when realized what he had said. He looked over at Steve with an apology on his lips, but Steve was nodding.

“And they have to be the right sports, too,” Steve agreed. “Wrestling, swimming, soccer...anything outside the big three baseball, football, or basketball. Trust me, I got a lot of flack on being on the swim team. It was ‘gay’.”

“What?” Will squawked. “Why?”

Eddie licked his lips. “Little, teeny, tiny uniforms.” He emphasized the point holding his fingers not that far apart.

Dustin snorted. “Can’t be any worse than the basketball shorts.”

Steve looked upwards as he chewed on the bottom of his lip.

Dustin’s eyes bulged out of his head. “How much worse are we talking about here?”

“Speedo.”

Lucas frowned. “What the fuck is a Speedo?”

Eddie was practically vibrating in his skin. “Can I tell them, Stevie? Can I please?”

Steve let out a little sigh. The sigh the Party lovingly called his mom sigh. It was the sound he made when he knew no mater what he did it was going to end badly for him, so he just...let it happen.

He waved at Eddie to go ahead.

“Instead of swim trunks, that have a leg on them,” Eddie crowed, “Speedos are swim underpants. They cover the junk, the ass, and that’s it.”

“And you deliberately wore these things?” Max asked in interest. More interest than Lucas or any of the guys were comfortable with.

“I’m good at it,” Steve said, blush creeping up his ears and down his throat from the stain on his cheeks. “The uniform wasn’t as bad Eddie’s making it out to be.”

Gareth snorted. “Nope, they really are that bad. There was a period of time where–”

Eddie slammed his hand over Gareth’s mouth. “There’s no need to tell them about that, Gare.”

Steve looked over at Brian.

“Your senior year Eddie forced all of Hellfire to watch your meets.”

“Bri!” Eddie protested.

Steve looked over at Eddie and raised an eyebrow. “You like the...what was you it called it,” he said tapping his finger on his lips, “the ‘little, teeny, tiny’ uniform, Eds?”

Eddie threw his arms in the air. “I am but a gay man in a small town, so sue me!”

“I always preferred the lifeguard uniforms at the community pool,” Steve said. “Less wedgies.”

“Babe,” Eddie scoffed, “those shorts and tank left very little to the imagination. At least with the Speedo you knew what you were getting. With the lifeguard uniform it was all fantasy.”

Steve laughed. “I bet you were the kind who faked drowning to get CPR from their favorite lifeguard.”

“I can honestly say, I’ve never done that.”

“Yeah?” Steve asked all smiles. “Can you prove that?”

Eddie got up close to him and whispered, “Yeah, darlin’. I think I would have remembered you rescuing me before the Upside Down.” He winked at him and sauntered off. The rest of the band hastily said their goodbyes and hurried after their ride home.

Steve’s face was as red as his old life guard uniform. “Right. Let’s get home, yeah?”

Dustin eye’s narrowed at him for a moment. “Steve Harrington, are you crushing on my DM?”

The remaining eight looked at Dustin in shock.

“Dude!” Will hissed. “You can’t just ask that in public! What if someone overheard you?”

Dustin looked around and waved his hand around him. “There is literally no one here. I wouldn’t do that if I didn’t think it was a safe time to ask. But I’m going home with my mom as soon as she gets here and I will not be stymied.”

Steve ducked his head. “And if I did like boys, that would be okay with everyone?”

Everyone just looked around at each other and there was this collective shrug.

“Do you still like girls?” Max asked, genuinely curious.

Steve nodded shyly.

Lucas frowned. “You can like both?”

“Like David Bowie!” El said with her serene smile. “He likes both. Freddie Mercury from Queen, too.”

Steve snapped his fingers. “Exactly like that, El!”

Her smile grew.

“It’s okay if you like Eddie that way,” Mike said softly.

All the heads snapped to look at him.

He rolled his eyes. “Yes, okay. I have a lot to work on regarding the whole Lucas thing, but I’m not a complete ass.”

“Thank you,” El said and kissed his cheek. “You just have a lot growing up to do. We all do. We just need to give each other the chances to do so safely. Or at least that’s what Joyce keeps telling me.”

Steve gave her a hug. “Thanks, Supergirl.”

He looked out at all his friends. The people who were more his family then his own parents.

“I might have a small...” he raised his finger and thumb, “crush on a certain metalhead DM who recently joined the Party in March...”

Robin scoffed. “And by little he means huge!” She spread out her arms all the way out.

Dustin’s head snapped around to Steve. “If you two get together, he better treat you right. You deserve it.”

Steve blinked. Considering how Dustin had worded his original question, he had been sure that Dustin was going to him not to break Eddie’s heart.

He gave Dustin a hug and kissed the top of his head.

He really shouldn’t have doubted this kid.

Just then, Claudia pulled up in her station wagon and Dustin, El, Will and Mike all piled in after saying their goodbyes.

“He totally has the hots for you, by the way,” Max said dryly.

Steve blinked at her for a moment. “How do you know that? Does he spend all his days learning alt rock on his guitar or something for me?”

Max just blinked at him. “Huh. You aren’t as stupid as I thought.” And then she just started walking toward the car.

Steve scratched his cheek thoughtfully. “So to make sure I got this right, Max is saying Eddie has the hots for me because he’s been learning my favorite songs for me on his guitar?”

“That’s what it sounded like to me, man,” Lucas said with a half shrug.

“I’m with Lucas on this one,” Robin agreed. “So maybe you should do what I’ve been suggesting for the last three weeks and you know ASK HIM OUT!”

Lucas giggled.

“Shush you,” Steve admonished. “Get to the car.” He pointed at Robin. “You are spending the night with me to help plan out something cool.”

Robin saluted and Lucas just rolled his eyes and they all walked to the car to end another great night at the fair.

****

“Let’s play to your strengths,” Robin said, sitting cross-legged on Steve’s bed.

“Sports, sewing, and history,” Steve said, ticking them off on his fingers. “Fat lot of good that’s going to do me. It’s not as though I can whip out something overnight as a token of my affection.”

She rolled her eyes. “It doesn’t have to be something fancy. You could do something small. Like maybe use that fancy red thread you got at the weavers yesterday.”

He blushed. “I wouldn’t know where to start. Everything I know how to make is either winter stuff or something he’d never use.”

“He uses that handkerchief all the time,” Robin pointed out. “You could do something like that.”

Steve flopped dramatically on his back. “Not if he knew it was made from that fancy thread I got. He’d want to protect it.”

Robin had to give him that one. Because that would be an Eddie thing to do. And while the sentiment was sweet it would make Steve sad that he never used it.

Suddenly Steve sat up. “Oh!”

She blinked at him. “What’s ‘oh’?”

“He was telling me just last week,” he explained, “that the bag he used to hold all his dice for their game got a hole in it and it kept spilling the dice all over the inside of his backpack!”

Robin grinned. “Let’s pick out the best material to match that pretty thread.”

Steve nodded. “I just have to make a quick phone call to find out how big the bag should be and I can have this done in no time at all.”

He called Dustin and told him his idea. Dustin was ecstatic and told him everything he needed to know.

Robin and Steve then dug into his material stores and picked out a nice black felt and a satin red lining to make doubly sure Eddie wouldn’t lose the dice down the gaping maw that was his backpack.

He then showed Robin how to make patterns and cut them. Then he got to work.

Even with how easily Robin got bored, she watched the whole time with fascination. How he embroidered his pattern into what would be the front of the bag. How quickly and evenly Steve stitched the pieces of cloth together. He explained the process every step of the way and her eyes just lit up.

He turned the bag right side out and fitted it with silver draw string. He pulled it taut and held it up to Robin to see.

She reached out and gently took it from him. “That’s so cool. You do a bunch of these at work and send them to Katie as way to gauge reactions to your work, while you make bigger pieces.”

Steve licked his lips. “You really think these would sell?”

“And I think Eddie would be pleased as punch that he got the first official Harrington Pattern design.”

Steve took it back from her and smiled. “That would make it even more special, wouldn’t it?”

Robin grinned. “Yes, yes it would.”

He threw his arms around her. “You’re the best soulmate anyone could possibly ask for.”

She blushed but held him tight. “You too, Stevie.”

When Steve finally pulled back he tapped his finger on his lips. “Now what to make you.”

Robin squealed. “But you already made something awesome. The pirate costume was amazing, you don’t have to do more just because you made Eddie something.”

Steve rolled his eyes. “Yes, but I just tailored the clothes. I didn’t make them. I want to make you something.”

She scoffed. “Like the only thing I need are gloves for marching band. Since I have to have hand-me-downs, they are either too tight or way too big.”

His eyes lit up. “I’ve never made gloves before. That would be fun and interesting to try.”

“How would you even measure something like that?” Robin asked, a small amount of hope creeping into her voice.

Steve grinned. “Do you remember those ugly ass hand turkeys they made us draw in elementary school?”

“Yeah, so?”

“Just. Like. That.”

Her eyes went wide. “Wait are you serious?”

Steve just grinned.

****

Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13

I'm not 100% sure my history experience in school is universal in the US, but in order to bridge the gap you actually had to an elective history class called Twentieth Century. Like it was straight up bullshit. And before you ask, you can bet your ass I took that class. It was taught by my favorite teacher. Of course I took that class.

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#my writing #stranger things #steddie #ladykailtiha writes #steve is a history nerd

[jiminjamms]

sex therapy :: 17. wicked games

chapter tags/warnings: family drama. mentions of masturbation. mentions of sex. infidelity/adultery. nonconsensual acts. manipulative undertones. strong language. classism.

word count: 3.6k

notes: this chapter incorporates the official manga relationships in the zenin household (link that illustrates the family tree). without further ado, i present to you the latest pov added to the fic: toji! likes, comments, and reblogs are deeply appreciated. xoxo

fic masterlist | 01. 02. 03. 04. 05. 06. 07. 08. 09. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18. 19. 20. 21. 22. 23. 24. 25. 26. 27. 28. 29. 30. 31. 32. 33.

Toji Fushiguro could not get his mind off of you.

Was that weird to admit?

When he last saw you two weeks ago in Teyvat’s meeting room, dolled up in that pretty pink dress, he had to wrestle every urge to push you onto his dick. All the times he had to retreat to his room afterward too—all because your one outfit had set off his imagination—forcing Toji to lock and then lean against his door so that he could palm himself through his sweats to dirty thoughts about you.

Gosh, what higher being in the universe allowed you to be such a hot and sexy tease? You sure loved prancing around with basically nothing and stealing looks at his colleagues as though he wouldn’t notice.

At this point, Toji was certain that he wasn’t the only therapist calling dibs on you. That most definitely pissed him off, though, because he explicitly told you that your pussy belonged to him.

Then why hadn’t you made another appointment these past two weeks?

Were you upset, perhaps flushed with utter denial, from the revelation that your husband had been cheating on you? Besides, he recalled how you had reacted so strongly to the information, racing away from the therapists who were just being honest with you.

In hindsight, Toji might have felt a teeny tiny bit bad about crushing your rose-colored glasses without much lead-up, but he was rarely the type to beat around the bush anyway. After all, he was the one to suggest a divorce in your first therapist appointment.

Of all things, echoing laughter was what finally grounded Toji’s wandering mind.

His green eyes fluttered rapidly, realizing that he had been in his office and staring blankly at his desk for... how long has this been? He glanced briefly at his tabletop clock. When he noticed how the time had advanced by thirty minutes, Toji rested his forehead on his left palm. “Damn...”

Given how he had a fully booked schedule today, he could not afford to dawdle in his thoughts. He had not noticed that half an hour had passed so quickly. How was it possible that thinking about one person (you) made him lose all sense of time?

He could do better than this.

‘Maybe you’re the one who needs a therapist,’ Megumi had recently pointed out to him in irony, and boy, do these words from his own eighteen-year-old son sting.

In contrast to himself, though, his co-workers had lately been in higher spirits than usual. That much Toji could ascertain given the hubbub that continued to filter into his suite. He would not have minded the phenomenon much had it not been for this gut feeling, this hunch, that you were the reason behind this change.

At his age, Toji has learned to mind his own business, but he still considered joining his colleagues by the reception desk to investigate. He stopped, however, upon noticing an article at his desk.

Right, this was what had derailed Toji from his work.

‘Look at this, boss,’ Geto had said when he first presented the printed webpage to Toji. ‘No wonder Y/N’s been lonely. Naoya literally took his side bitch to Mexico.’

The accompanying photo may be in low resolution, but Toji recognized the two figures hand-in-hand, stepping into a private jet. Their faces were shielded by baseball caps and face masks, their bodies clad in boring and baggy clothes. Consequently, Toji had to scoff, drumming his fingers along his cheekbone. 

Another impeccable snapshot for our collection, huh?

Quite the scandal was brewing in Japan’s high society, not to mention how the illicit relationship involved your husband, and the therapists were merely here for the show. This was what the therapists were trying to advise you about before you promptly shut yourself away from them.

The love affair—especially involving a family as influential as the Zenin’s—should theoretically be all over magazines and newspapers, but any internet search for this image would prove futile. The Zenins were good like that, relying on under-the-table tactics to ensure that this photo would go nowhere.

Only thanks to his colleagues, who had extensive contacts throughout Japan’s many ranks, was Toji able to get his hands on this printed article before the magazine editors had taken them down.

Naoya, that cunning bastard.

If he had been in Cabo prancing around with his paramour, how did he so quickly realize that his images had been circulating among Japanese media? Or, more likely, was it his authoritarian father Naobito who informed his doltish son about the impending rumors?

Either way, Toji could not believe that he was affiliated with both assholes by blood, no less: Naoya, his cousin, and Naobito, his uncle. To think how he was involved again with the relatives who he had sought to avoid, Toji assumed that fate must love toying with him.

Already, growing up in the Zenin family was hell, to put things mildly: how they would obsess over power and prestige as though those two items alone determined one’s value as a human being, how they would scrutinize one’s every action because everything had to conform to their cookie-cutter standards, and then how they would abruptly cast aside those who strayed away from their ideals.

Toji, once an established member of the household, could speak from experience. Thus, blood relation meant nothing if these were the same people who had prayed for his downfall. 

He recalled his relatives’ dirty glances when he announced his engagement twenty years ago, then the even nastier looks when he took his first wife’s surname as his own: Fushiguro. ‘She’s a woman too low for our caliber,’ Toji had been told. 

He remembered the apathy he later received after his wife’s untimely death, followed by belittlement when he chose to marry again—this time, to a single mother. Perhaps he should have heeded his family’s advice for the last bit, but his decisions seemed right at the moment. During a desperate time, he provided his then-gradeschool son with a much-needed maternal figure as well as a stepsister.  

His personal life already made him a deviant among his relatives, so when his family discovered his therapist ventures earlier this year, Toji was not surprised to be severed from the household he once had been considered to lead. Well, Toji was more relieved than bitter, anyway. He could now live life on his terms without worrying about what his father’s uncle’s second cousin twice-removed or some crap like that thought about him and his son.

As he gazed upon the pixelated photo again, he sighed and wondered: was this how low the Zenins have stooped since they had expelled him? A centuries-old bloodline built on relationships with the public and the powerful, now resorting to bribes and threats to sweep scandals under the rug? While watching the Zenin clan burn from afar was entertaining, the situation was also pathetic and sad.

To also think that his moronic cousin Naoya was now not only the household heir but also the current CEO of the family conglomerate. Not to mention that the family’s current patriarch Naobito seemingly turned a blind eye to Naoya’s flings. The older Zenin might have been a brilliant businessman back in the early ‘90s, but his elderly brain had deteriorated too far to see how, at this rate, his son would eventually drive the company and the prideful family to the ground.

Had you realized what you married into?

Probably not, but you didn’t deserve this.

Or, to put things the other way around, the Zenin family didn’t deserve you.

“Yo!”

Toji shot up from his seat just as his door crashed against the wall.

He turned to the sound’s source in surprise. Leaning against the entryway stood a personage with his white lab coat draped over his unsurprisingly shirtless chest. The incomer crossed his thick arms over his half-exposed tattoos, but one such arm frees itself to greet Toji with a mocking wave.

“Sukuna,” the older therapist grumbled, “I’ve told you to knock first.”

“Why?” the pink-haired man challenged, not caring how this must have been the hundredth time he heard the order. For him, this was in one ear and out the other. Rather than mind the complaint, he inspected his newly filed nails. “Worried I would walk into you fingering Mrs. Zenin again?”

“Only because that’ll make you jealous,” Toji retorted with equal spite, to which his colleague chose not to respond anymore.

Besides, as a savvy businessman, Sukuna knew how to pick his battles. He might come off as crude, but only because he understood that, with his financial acumen and incredible connections, he was an indispensable asset.

After some silence, Sukuna’s chest rose and fell with a long sigh. “Well, check your schedule, Fushiguro. You have an appointment coming up now.” Not only was he the most well-organized therapist but also the current receptionist on duty. He then huffed again. “Tsumiki’s mom has been waiting for you. I don’t know how you deal with such an impatient bitch. What the hell am I supposed to do when—"

And a hand shoved his face away before he could finish.

Sukuna, flinching from the unexpected approach, recoiled at a beaming woman that peered in from the door frame. Anyone would immediately notice that the overly excited client was beautiful. The plush of her full lips, the gentle arches to her face, the roundness in her doe-like eyes—her looks were akin to an angel constantly in awe. Most people could hardly believe that, with her youthful looks, she actually had a university-aged daughter (with whom Toji could see a strong resemblance, too).

Meanwhile, her large brown eyes scanned the office—the posters, the couch, the nearby mirror—until her gaze landed on Toji and lit up.

“Honey, I’ve missed you!”

Before someone could stop her, the woman welcomed herself into the premises, her lithe limbs swaying with her graceful figure. She sported a simple navy dress that contrasted with her true self because, as far as Toji knew, this woman was anything but simple.

In fact, as she sashayed into the room uninvited, Toji remembered the paparazzi pictures still sprawled on his desk. He caught Sukuna’s maroon gaze and scowled.

This is why I tell you to knock.

Hurriedly, Toji then pushed the photos under some files just as his client seated herself in the sofa seat closest to him. She then turned to her escort in the hall. “Thank you, Sukuna. You’re such a wonderful man.”

She might be oblivious to Sukuna’s irritation, but Toji did not miss the way his colleague hid a gag and rolled his eyes. “M'kay, whatever,” the pink-haired therapist muttered as he slinked back into the corridor.

Then, when Sukuna shut the door with him, she pressed her rosy lips together. “Aw, Strawberry Boy doesn’t want to join us. Guess he likes to play hard to get.”

“Mari,” Toji started, placing his right ankle over the other knee. He rested his back against his chair and held his hands behind his neck. “I do not think neither Sukuna nor any other therapist here is interested in you. Therefore, if you are seeking a summertime fling, I’d suggest you pursue someone else.”

Shot down, an exasperated Mari tossed her dark locks to one side, a die-hard habit of hers. “Like who?”

Like Naoya.

It was hilarious for Toji to think about how he was entangled with his cousin’s mistress, the very same lover in that paparazzi photo with the young executive. In fact, Toji had this theory that Naoya sent Mari here as a Trojan horse, a seemingly harmless client whose actual intention was to gather intel for the Zenin CEO from afar, a pretty façade to lure others into ruins. He didn’t have much evidence to back up the suspicion (yet), but he knew Naoya for long enough to be familiar with the silly games he’d play. Did Naoya and Mari really think that Toji would be so naïve?

“Well, in Tokyo, there are plenty of ways to meet people your age,” he finally suggested and had to suppress a slight smile before adding, “Unless...you’re into younger guys?”

Mari narrowed her eyes but for a millisecond. Had Toji not been at the top of his field, he would not have noticed. Nothing, however, got past him.

“But,” she responded, “I still like you most because you give me your time, Toji.”

Interesting. Because that would mean Naoya had been too busy for his poor sweetheart, hm?

No wonder Mari had been so frustrated. Life must be tough when one was merely the mistress of the Zenin Corporation’s CEO. Not only was Naoya Zenin a mediocre performer in bed, but the homewrecker role also came with no fancy balls, no formal recognition, and—if the affair was well-hidden—not enough public attention either.

Pity.

Toji leaned forward in one fluid motion, resting his elbows on his desk. “Do not misunderstand my intentions, though,” he clarified while lacing his fingers. “I spend time with you because, as your therapist, I am sadly obligated to do so.”

The woman frowned.

“Now, that’s not nice,” she pointed out, allowing her staccato to afflict him with guilt. "That’s not how to talk to your wife, my dear husband.”

And Toji snapped.

“Ex-husband,” he corrected forcefully. His startled client jerked backward in her seat, but that didn’t matter because he had to sternly remind her, “You were the one who filed for divorce, remember?”

Toji liked to think that he was a patient man. Well, he had to be. As he grew up, the pressure that came with the Zenin spotlight taught him to exert self-discipline and emotional regulation, skills that became even more pertinent in his current role.

As a licensed practitioner now, Toji was obligated to treat all clients equally regardless of background. But under no circumstance could he remove all biases when this was the very woman who split up with him, leaving his son Megumi and his stepdaughter Tsumiki under his care. Therefore, she had quite the audacity to keep visiting him at his office and still call him her husband, especially since she was Naoya’s mistress!

How sinister life could be. For years, no one—not even Toji himself—would have seen this coming: how his second wife would leave him, citing ‘irreconcilable differences’ on the divorce papers, only to become his first cousin’s secret girlfriend.

His sudden confrontation, however, must have caught Mari off-guard, for she began twirling at her strands again. “Just because we aren’t married anymore does not mean that I don’t think about you. It’s been so long since we’ve—"

“Three days,” Toji interjected. He had to hold his breath before his annoyance controlled him completely. “The last time you saw me was three days ago. That isn’t much long ago at all.”

The silence that ensued was admittedly awkward until Mari suddenly stood up.

For a moment, Toji had to hide his relief thinking that the appointment would end earlier than anticipated, but he should have known that Mari wouldn’t leave that easily. Instead, she approached him in slow steps, encircling the seated therapist like a vulture.

When she drew near, her hands skimmed up from his brawny arms to his equally well-built shoulder blades, gliding over his lab coat before her warm palms began to knead at his tired muscles.

“I...think about you more than I’d like to admit,” she whispered, an incantation that could set any lustful man’s heart ablaze. Her fingers continued to massage him in slow and circular motions, the gentle pressure over tight knots melting into a calm and comforting rhythm. “I care about you so...don’t be mean to me, alright? The words you sometimes say, they hurt me a lot.”

Her delicate hands crawled up to his chin next, her left thumb tugging at the plush pillow of his lower lip. The most dangerous thing about Mari wasn't how she embodied a young lady’s exuberance with a mature woman’s elegance. Rather, it was her ability to place spells like these. Back when he had less self-respect, Toji might have forgiven her and caved in, her simple but flirtatious touches like trances that could crumble his resolve.

But you still fuck your ex-wife?

Of all moments, your words from weeks ago decided to haunt him now, your revolted expression a clear image in his memory. His heavy-lidded eyes batted quickly as he came to a realization: Why was he doing this?

In the revelation, Toji stopped Mari’s wandering hands from traveling toward his black slacks.

“Mari,” he said very firmly. As he pulled her away from him, his green eyes held her shimmering brown ones. “No.”

“What?” Given the woman’s visible surprise, Toji could also imagine the smoke that fumed from her nose. After all, this was the same man who once would go weak on his knees for her. Mari stepped back, folding her arms defensively. “Why not?”

“You say that my words hurt you, but I would argue that you’ve hurt me far more,” the therapist explained. As he regained composure, he twirled his chair so that he could face his client squarely. “Have you heard? Your own daughter Tsumiki isn’t even returning to Tokyo for her university’s summer break because she is too ashamed to see you.”

“Good!” she shot, surprising the man with her soured temper. “Would not have cared to hear from her either! Tsumiki had always sided with you and your urchin-headed son. But you know what? You’ve changed, Toji. You, and all the other therapists here, too. I don’t know what has been up with you four, but this clinic was far better back when Naoya worked here.”

Toji had a talent for hiding the whirr behind his thoughts, but he could not conceal his surprise this time. Although he wanted to, he never bothered to mention Naoya in his appointments with Mari before. However, it turned out he didn’t have to be the first one to bring up his cousin since Mari did so herself. Had she not reminded him, Toji would’ve forgotten that Naoya was once a sex therapist too, the family pair once working several doors away from each other. 

Since the opportunity already presented itself, Toji took the chance to inveigle his ex-wife. He stood up from his office chair and closed the little gap between him and his glaring client. 

“Let me tell you something,” Toji started, his voice low but steady. “You genuinely think Naoya is all that great of a person? That man has received countless complaints from his former clients about manipulation and derogatory remarks. He’s disrespectful. He’s deceptive. He's a complete con man. Therefore, I would actually argue that our office is much, much better without that elitist and misogynistic asshole.”

Come on, woman. Take the bait. I’m waiting. Three, two...

“Naoya is not that kind of person,” Mari erupted, likely faster and with more fury than she intended.

Well, that was easy. Toji appeared unruffled from the outside, yet he grinned inwardly.

While he paid no mind to how the woman shook her hands from anger and flung a weak fist into his strong chest, he did—however—find more amusement when she added, “Spreading false rumors about your own relative doesn’t make you the bigger person.”

Unfortunately for her, she tended to act and speak before she thought, not realizing that rushing to Naoya Zenin’s side made her suspicious. 

“What? Do my claims about ‘my own relative’ upset you that much?” Toji challenged, quoting her words. He rolled his shoulders back after pushing the woman’s hands from his pectorals. “He’s my baby cousin, so naturally, I have seen his good and bad sides. Just throwing that out there. Unless,” his voice then dropped into a deep bass, “for some reason, you know something I don’t...?”

The inflection in his tone was purposely inquisitive, and he raised an innocent brow with his questions. He could see the emotions that threatened to spill past her walls, from how she furrowed her brows in contemplation to how she pursed her lips in wrath.

But Mari bit her tongue at the very last moment. “No,” she quipped and folded her arms defiantly. “Naoya is not my business.”

Sounded rehearsed, but oh well. The paparazzi photos from their recent Mexico getaway might prove otherwise, though.

“If you say so,” Toji shrugged. 

He was satisfied enough with Mari’s reactions to his cousin’s name, and he liked thinking about how two heartless people had found passion in each other. Just as Toji retreated to his seat, a knock rapped at the door and opened to Geto at the entrance.

“Time is up, boss.”

Even as the appointment ended and was followed by other clients that day, Toji’s mind buzzed into the evening. 

Call him obsessed, but—for himself, for his son, for his stepdaughter, for his colleagues, and for you—he sought revenge. As Toji mulled over his strategy in his home library that night, he could feel himself about to detonate like a time bomb when the apartment buzzer rang unexpectedly.

“Megumi!” Toji’s low timbers boomed, hoping that his son would hear him from his room upstairs. He chased toward the entryway in hurried steps, calling the teenager’s name again because only the boy’s high school friends would be visiting at this hour. Toji swung the door open. “Megumi! Yuuji and Nobara are downst—”

His words vanished when, in the place of two bubbly teenagers, there stood you. 

You raised your gaze from the ground, the overhead lighting leaving a warm glow on your features as you met Toji with reddened and lachrymose eyes.

“Can...we talk?”

last chapter || next chapter

end notes: 1) For me, this was another challenging chapter to write, as I balanced between introducing the many layers behind our main therapist and inundating you—my lovely readers—with too much information without adequate context. 2) Originally, I had named Mari something else. I changed it because her name eventually reminded me of a different anime character and I didn’t want the association. Haha. 

taglist: @dissociatingdiva @httpsplanetmarsdotcom @nemoyr @huangfairy @shadowarchon @203steph @agentdedf1sh @cloudybabes @hinativity @lynn-writes-things @illicitwriter @7oji @kikuchimi @piqer @nobody289x @chaoticjojofan​ @musicisme333 @vvestwoodrose @kumocchin @s-guru @mwahilovemylife @hey-gurls69 @cloudsinthecosmos @moon-mumu-moon @kazscara @obitohno @skilerfrostfairy @funicidals @nico707 @proteovaldez @tsukiyohanayome @marimoares @qirbys @moodpi @tokyometronetwork​ @downtown-roponggi​ @the-cosmos-network

#jujutsu kaisen #jjk #jjk fluff #jjk angst #jjk smut #toji x reader #toji x y/n #toji x you #naoya x reader #naoya x y/n #naoya x you #choso x reader #choso x y/n #sukuna x reader #geto x reader #toji #naoya #sukuna #geto #choso #anime #anime fanfic #fanfic #fanfiction #n/sfw #tokyometronetwork #downtownroppongi #jiminjamms #jamms.sextherapy

[wen-kexing-apologist]

10 BL Boys I Would Throw Hands For

Okay so everyone is doing retrospectives and what not and I should just kinda quit while I'm ahead, but I just rewatched My Ride and decided that I needed to highlight some of the boys that I would 100% throw hands for should they be wronged by any man. So without further ado here are the people who would inspire me to seek justice and retribution against those that have hurt them with the same feral energy of cocaine bear.

Tawan- My Ride

First if all, Por better watch his fucking back cause if he does anything to fuck with Tawan again you better believe I'm jumping on the back of Mork's pillon and we're turning a man into a pin cushion. Tawan has literally done nothing wrong ever in his life. He cares for everyone so deeply. He is so soft and kind and gentle in the most beautiful way and there is not a malicious bone in his body. Tawan is just a genuinely, naturally, and fundamentally good person and I am so glad that he is a sunshine for sunshine kinda guy because Tawan deserves a man like Mork in his life (and Mork- who would also be on my list but he throws hands just fine on his own -deserves a man like Tawan).

Uea- Bed Friend

Uea is so incredibly lucky to have King in his life, because if it were me, and Uea told me what his parents did to him, the next thing anyone knew I'd be at Uea's parents' house ripping his step-father's throat out with my bare fucking teeth and locking his mother in the bathroom with like a pack of hungry wolves or some shit. Uea's family got off far far too fucking easy because King is capable of some level of self-restraint. I, however...if there is one person on this list who I would turn the most feral/attack dog for, it is this beautiful angel right here. Sleep with one eye open Uea's Mother, I'm coming for you.

Tian- Khun Chai (aka To Sir, With Love)

He's beauty, he's grace, his mother will murder you in an instant if she thinks you know he's gay. I honestly probably don't need to do anything to the people who have wronged him cause between his mother, his brother, and his boyfriend he's got that shit covered, but...I love him so much. He just wants to be himself. But himself is a gay man in occupied Thailand, in a family that disowned their last outed queer member and drove him to suicide so, he's having the time of his motherfucking life. I am not saying I condone the swift delivery of a death to anyone his mother thought might threaten him, but...I get it.

Sakuko- Koisenu Futari

Hello to one of my new-found greatest loves. Sakuko is yet another human embodiment of sunshine who has had too many people do her wrong in her life. She has built herself a little family, and she's found a life she loves, and if anyone ever threatened that you better believe I would be there swinging a baseball bat in an instant. Sakuko, my aroace queen, just know that I care about your happiness above all other things. Enjoy your bike ride!

Patts- La Pluie

gif from @ueasking

Now listen, I know Patts is capable of holding his own against those who have wronged him, but he should not have to do everything himself. Patts, save your energy for your veterinary practice, I'll return Tai to you after he has been smacked around a little bit. Patts is one of the rare characters here that I would throw hands for both in fiction and on this website. You have a problem with Patts, you can kindly meet me in the Waffle House parking lot at 3am.

Mrs. L- Laws of Attraction

If there is anyone on this list that I would have to bet has killed someone before, it's Mrs. L. I have no doubt that even now if someone tried to fuck with her in any way she'd have them on their ass in an instant, but bad bitches gotta stick together ya know? Call up Maya, Rose, and Nawin and I will meet them out front to take care of that problem for you. You've got your hands full with those boys of yours.

Daisy- Secret Crush on You

Oh Daisy, oh my darling, darling girl I got your back from now until the end of the earth. Daisy is just the absolute sweetest, and I want all the best for her, and if anyone was to ever fuck with her in any way, they are getting Cask of Amontillado'd by me, personally. Look at that smile, keep your brightness, babes.

Han Ba Ram- Sing My Crush

gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

Okay so. Honestly I understand why Im Han Tae was immediately cute, cuddly, and flirtatious with this boy. He is an extremely huggable lad. I can also understand how that need to hold this Sad Gay(tm) could have impacted the length of time it took you to realize you had feelings for him. This sad boy right here doesn't know it but he has accidentally summoned a small gang of people who are ready and willing to go all Ides of March on his music teacher's ass. So heads up to Sangin, @bengiyo, @ginnymoonbeam, @lurkingshan, @kyr-kun-chan, @shortpplfedup, and I are outside your front door and we just want to talk.

Boston- Only Friends

Now, I will not deny my boy is a bit of an asshole, a shit-stirrer if you will, and there are times and places where I will let Boston deal with the consequences of his own actions and get smacked around. HOWEVER, you slut shame my boy? Death. You pull an Atom on my boy? Death. You abandon my boy? Death. According to the end of Only Friends Boston's is absolutely lacking in people in his corner, so I will be there with bells on. Boston, cruise as much as you want baby, and if any of those boys give you trouble, give me a call.

Amane- If It's With You

gif by @dramascene

In case you haven't picked up on it, sad!happy boys are my kryptonite and Amane is just the saddest boy with the best bundle of joy mask I have ever seen. He deserves the world, this boy, and if anyone ever tried to steal his joy again, I would steal their soul right out of their bodies.

Wasn't gonna make this a tag game or anything but if anyone wants to answer it, go right ahead!

I will, however, tag @negrowhat, @respectthepetty, and @sorry-bonebag since they are the ones that supported my vision so they see the post

#only friends the series #if it's with you the series #khun chai #sing my crush the series #secret crush on you #scoy #laws of attraction #koisenu futari #la pluie the series #my ride the series #bed friend the series

[daiohficblog]

MSB/WK Post-Canon AU thingie:

Me: *sees all of the Wild Kratts AUs*

Also me: well, I like Wild Kratts and Magic School Bus… I MUST JOIN THE BANDWAGON!

So with my recent look at both MSB and Wild Kratts, I think it’s time for me to make an AU for both shows. Now this is post-canon, so the kids are in high school and that allows for some darker moments. So without further ado… some details:

-the gang and Janet are in the 10th grade. Evan and Mikey are in the 9th grade

-Ms. Frizzle and Liz are still around and are still in Walkerville Elementary.

-The Wild Kratts team are still together

-The villains’ latest and grandest scheme is to turn Walkerville Elementary into their own mall where they used the animals captured for their own evil purposes.

-While the gang are all still together and have relatively successful lives in high school, it has been 5 years since 4th grade ended, and as such, the field trips are seen more as just regular field trips. Even Mikey and Janet (who did go on some of the field trips) have the foggy memories of what happened in 4th grade. All of this is because of Zach has rewritten their memories with his invention

-The truth is revealed when the gang realized the demolishment of Walkerville Elementary, and re-unite with Ms. Frizzle and the Wild Kratts Team.

-Of course the memories of the gang are restored (Janet and Mikey got theirs back first since they have been in less field trips than the gang), but they have to overcome some character flaw within them to get back the memories. Here they are for the gang:

Ralphie: Due to the stresses of being the best player of the baseball team, it lead to him almost giving up the sport after having to get better grades.

Phoebe: While she has overcome her new girl shyness, the villains have caused her to go berserk, and as such, she has to control that anger.

Keesha: Her perfectionist due to being president of the drama club has lead her into expecting things to go her way (include all of her dates with Ralphie)

Carlos: He starts to have doubts of his big brother protectiveness, and is worried about Mikey and Phoebe all the time (and he doesn’t say his signature puns)

Tim: Likely having a creative slump and even facing the fact that his art (while pretty good) might not be appreciated by his fellow art club members

Wanda: Pretty much became a porcelain doll due to her mom, and as such has to abandon her own identity as a tomboy (even giving up her hobby of scuba diving and her dreams of becoming a pilot).

DA: Her status as president of the astronomy club, and class president of the 10th grade has started to stress her out, and she’s feeling the cracks of it.

Arnold: He has to deal with all of the anxiety he has, and even Janet starts to notice he’s having more panic attacks than in 4th grade.

Of course, the gang overcomes those hurdles, and are able to remember the good times again. And that allows them to use their Creature Power Suits one last time to save their school. And after that event, the gang have returned to who they were when they were kids… but with more maturity.

-Janet actually becomes nicer to the gang (le gasp! Character development?!)

-Ships involved: Keesha/Ralphie, Arnold/Phoebe, Carlos/DA, Carlos/Tim, DA/Wanda.

#magic school bus #rambles #wild kratts #wild kratts au #me just rambling about a fic idea that might happen? #not complete angst. there is still Carlos’ puns

[portlandwithyou]

My Favorite Releases of the Year

I've been thinking a lot about my favorite albums of the year. This is a collection of the releases that infected my brain this year. Now, there are very good, even great, albums that didn't make the list, but I wanted to bring only what truly touched me this year.

Without further ado, the list in no particular order:

GUTS- Olivia Rodrigo: In a year of many good pop albums, this one stands above the rest. The edgy lyrics manage to embody so much of what it means to be a woman in an honest way that feels authentic. It doesn't hurt that the music is catchy as hell. On "bad idea right?" the guitar, in particular, gets a moment to shine in a solo reminiscent of the Guess Who. Another track, the stripped-down "Lacy", allows a simple acoustic guitar to accompany the harmony-soaked track. Sophomore albums are never easy, but this one exceeds all expectations, and Rodrigo has carved a special place for herself.

Check Out Track: Lacy

10,000 gecs- 100 gecs: Another sophomore album that shows the band's talent was not a fluke. When the album was announced, we were treated with the song titles-- "Frog on the Floor"? "Doritos & Fritos"? What could these things possibly be? And when the album arrived, it did not disappoint with the answers to our questions. The songs range from nu-metal-inspired ("Dumbest Girl Alive") to ska-influenced ("Frog on the Floor") and beyond while continuing to push the pop boundaries with every track. Their growth is immense, and their pop sensibilities have only increased in the intervening years since their last album. At a scant 27 minutes, though, the album does leave you wanting more.

Check Out Track: Doritos & Fritos

So Much (For) Stardust- Fall Out Boy: If you've been following me for any appreciable amount of time, you'll know I have Fall Out Boy brain rot of the highest degree. But I am happy to tell you that this album is good even without the rose-tinted glasses. Stepping back into a more guitar-focused sound, the band returns to what they do best. The rocking opening track "Love From the Other Side" sets the tone for the album, with driving drums that constantly push the song forward and a taste of the grand orchestral sound they were so famous for in their first post-hiatus album, Save Rock & Roll. "The Pink Seashell", which features an Ethan Hawke speech from Reality Bites, serves as a thesis statement for the album, preaching the beauty of the everyday. This album was well worth the years-long wait, and their obvious joy when I saw them perform some of the album live this year filled me with the same jubilation.

Check Out Track: What a Time to be Alive

Freak of Nature- Heart Attack Man: This is the album on the list I have the most mixed feelings about. Initially, I must say I was disappointed in the shift into solidly pop-punk territory. I was a huge fan of their sound on Fake Blood which, while pop-punk at times, did show more of their emo influence. But Freak of Nature retains so much of what makes Hammy special- the unabashed anger of the human soul, laid bare for all to see. It took time for me to warm up to it, but songs like "C4" and "Like a Kennedy" have wormed their way into my brain. Having seen them live several times now, I can say they are refining themselves with every release and growing into a confidence that I'm sure will continue.

Check Out Track: C4

always cloudy- saturdays at your place: This EP was one of my highly anticipated releases of the year, and it lived up to all of the hype. The opening track, "Future", draws in the listener with a rough voice accompanied by strong harmonies before the song drops all vocals in favor of showing their ability to produce an amazing groove. The well-med "Tarot Cards" is a highlight, an emo track easily rivaling the greats of Modern Baseball. Every track is killer, showing the full potential of the band while furthering their sound. I do not think I am out of line saying I believe this will easily go down as a classic. You cannot look me in the eye and say that "Hospital Bed" is anything other than a classic of the genre. The band is finally heading out west early next year, and I am eager to see the EP live.

Check Out Track: future

Frame & Canvas (25th Anniversary Edition)- Braid: Is it cheating to include an album that is already a classic? Perhaps. But few remasters manage to do what the Frame & Canvas 25th Anniversary Edition has done. By now, the story of how this album came to be is well-worn, so I will not spill ink to repeat it, only to comment that we are all the better for it. This version of the album allows more space to breathe; no longer is everything muddled together in a jumble of sound. I want to highlight how well you are now able to enjoy the individual parts, such as the drums. If you haven't revisited this emo classic in a minute, this release is a sign to delve back into Braid and appreciate their sound.

Check Out Track: First Day Back

Medium Gnarly- Swiss Army Wife: Coming out just a few days into the year, this album set the tone for all emo coming out this year. The guitar work is phenomenal, the lyrics come hard and fast, and the two together simply demand your attention. Like others in this wave, the band deploys the use of screaming throughout the album to great effect, elevating the emotional level at select moments. Throughout the album, I was impressed by the restraint in the twinkle. You and I both know how vital The Twinkle is for emo music, but Swiss Army Wife earns every riff. I was recommended this album by @t---w, who shared a music video of their track "Halloween" and I was instantly taken. They're a delight who I expect to see end up on many year-end lists.

Check Out Track: CBS at 7:00

Southeast of Somewhere- Kerosene Heights: This is the most recent addition to my list. In the heat of FOMO, I decided to try Spotify in December despite my better judgment. The AI DJ dished up their track "Kathryn" for me, and instantly I was in love. When I listen to the album, I can't help but bob my head along as I yearn to hear the songs live. The songs demand to be heard loud in a sweaty bar as everyone screams along to the lyrics.

Check Out Track: Kathryn

Why Would I Watch- Hot Mulligan: Any follow-up to the much beloved you'll be fine was going to find itself under a spotlight, but the band managed to deliver another album of heartbreaking bangers. Much as before, their guitar work is sublime, and the lyrics demand to be memorized and poured over again and again. I had the pleasure of seeing the full album performed live, and I can confidently say they've grown so much from even when I saw them last year. Why Would I Watch is proof they were not a flash in the pan and easily cements the band as a leader in the much discussed fifth wave scene. I do wonder what comes next for the band. Is this the set sound? Will they branch out on the next release? Only time will tell, and I will be first in line to hear what they have in store.

Check Out Track: Gans Media Retro Games

Miracle- Equipment: Now, why am I putting an EP on this list when the same band released a full-length LP this year? Great question. To begin with, this EP is perfect to me. Not a single note or lyric was misplaced. Four perfect tunes that I listened to on repeat for months. I think I might actually have the opening of "Talk to Strangers" tattooed on my brain by this point. Meanwhile, I am still digesting the album, carefully picking it apart. I guess this makes it over its younger brother simply because it's tight. Not that the album is bad, but the EP is just that good.

Check Out Track: Talk to Strangers

#I've spent months putting this together #olivia rodrigo #100 gecs #fall out boy #heart attack man #saturdays at your place #braid #swiss army wife #kerosene heights #hot mulligan #equipment

[erisismywaifu25]

Free

Before we start, a few bullet point facts to get out of the way:

•Jake and Bella are the same age (Bella is still older) and Seth and A.J. are a year younger than them

•In this Twilight fanfic universe, vamps and wolves who were changed before they turned 18 continue to age until they reach 18 cause I said so

•Jasper served in the Union

•My idioms or comparisons may suck but sometimes the only way for me to get a point across is to be extremely descriptive.

•The Baseball teams are done up by my choice because I’m too baseball-dumb to decipher who’s on what team😀

•Proofread but not perfect

Also, this story is Seth Clearwater x OC (?) Cullen is based on my friend who requested this slow-burn fic, cause there are almost no Seth fanfics (the disrespect😤✊🏻). All chapters are named after Florence+the Machine songs cause me and my bestie love her stuff

Word Count: 4802

Without further ado…Chapter 3 of Shake It Out

______________

“Geez, guys, will you hurry up!” A.J. hollered while balancing her weight on a sturdy tree limb.

Two Hale’s and a Cullen were currently on their way back from a brief hunt to ensure the two newest ‘vegetarians’ wouldn’t come to harm the human that entranced Edward. This was all a precautionary, of course, as Jasper already spends on average five days a week surrounded by humans. For A.J., however, this would be her first interaction with a human since before her transformation, minus the few trips to grocery stores late at night or near closing time shopping trips.

A.J. threw her head back dramatically, “Come on, I wanna see if she’s really as hot as Edward goes on about, or if she’s ‘quite plain which isn’t a shock for a human’ like Rose says.” she morphed her voice into the best Rosalie impression she could muster.

While the youngest of the Cullens was occupied with herself, Jasper and Alice flashed past the tree she was waiting on.

“Crap,” she muttered once her light copper eyes caught sight of the ruffles on Alice’s shin-length dress.

With a leap, the ten-month-old vampire landed harshly on her feet before bolting down the path to home. Alice had seemingly disappeared among the brush of the forest but the black backpack hanging on Jasper’s shoulders stayed directly in A.J.’s line of sight. Her brows furrowed at the realization of how much Jasper stood out in the forest. Usually, he’s easy to lose sight of; it’s child’s play for him. The only time Jasper is conspicuous is when he allows you to see him.

Though, despite her better knowledge, A.J. threw caution to the wind and rushed after Jasper. Hurdling over fallen debris and trunks, she gradually began to catch up with Jasper. Hearing her bounding steps from behind him, the oldest of the Hales smirked slyly and peered over to four large trees to his left. He curved towards the trees once he sensed A.J. drawing nearer, fully intending for her to follow him.

An adrenaline-filled laugh escaped A.J.’s thick lips as she followed close behind Jasper. A warm feeling immediately enveloped said pathokinetic; Happiness, excitement, and adrenaline, all at once washed over him and manifested as warm in feeling his chest. A smile graced his lips, though whether it was mischievous or the happiness he felt, was ambiguous.

Once Jasper was close to the tree line with the Cullen house in sight. A.J. approached closer by the second, and Jasper’s eyes glimpsed quite a few trees ahead where a certain pixie-like lover of his was climbing up. A.J. completely oblivious to this chased her elder brother, ready to pounce once she caught up to him. Though she was nearing the end of her first year of vampirism and was running out of what remained of her blood, she could still catch up to the fastest of the Cullens; though Edward was gradually becoming more elusive.

Pumping his legs faster, Jasper pushed his speed to reach the tree Alice preyed upon; clearly having an unseen advantage on her side. Now within arms length of him, A.J. laughed out in victory, assuming she was about to cross in front of him as she slipped to his right away and away from the tree line. Just as fast as she had disappeared, Alice let herself be known as she swan-dived from the top of the fir tree. The newborn’s head shot up from teasingly flipping Jasper off to see Alice right as the shorter woman landed on A.J.’s back.

A.J. staggered as her legs stumbled from the sudden weight; no matter how heavy, someone landing on you from that high up felt ten times heavier. Deciding against tumbling over with her sister, Alice placed her hands on A.J.’s shoulders and leaped over her. As Alice landed a few feet away from home, Jasper caught A.J.’s left arm just in time to save the girl from a complete wipe out. He used his strength to swoop her up into his jacket-covered arms and carried her like an infant until they reached Alice below the balcony that led into the kitchen.

Alice giggled at the sight of a disheveled A.J. in Jasper’s arms. Said girl immediately hopped out of her brother’s hold, and dusted herself off. The couple before her watched her in amusement, proud of themselves for taking part in one of the few moments anyone is able to catch A.J. off-guard.

“Ya know, when I said ‘hurry up’, I don’t recall suggestin’ for y’all to ambush me!” A.J. exasperated with an expression to match it.

Jasper nudged her shoulder, “Aw, come on. We had a vision to fulfill, and I can’t let my darlin’ down.” his familiar drawl emphasized towards the end of his sentence.

Alice smirked and skipped in front of A.J. who was currently adjusting her black and white track shorts that had ridden up in an uncomfortable manner.

“Remind me to get new shorts.” the young girl spoke aloud.

Soft fingers suddenly caressed the olive-toned forehead of A.J.’s as Alice tenderly pushed back dirty-blonde strands that had fallen out of the braid Rosalie crafted. The gentle scratch of Alice’s manicured nails sent a tingle down A.J.’s spine. Even after all these months, the youngest of the Cullen coven hadn’t grown accustomed to the physical affection they provided her with, having only been used to a scarce hug or playful shoving from her past teammates.

Upon the first ‘hair playing’ she received from Rosalie, A.J. nearly jumped out of her skin. It was two weeks after A.J. had arrived at the Cullen home, and she had been sitting at the kitchen table. Her arms rested on the tabletop as she flicked her pencil rapidly between her middle and index finger, all the while trying her best to listen to Esme teaching her what she missed in tenth-grade English. The rest of the Cullen children were out hunting and Carlisle was working, leaving only Esme and A.J. at home.

While long fingers trailed through the end of her wavy locks as another hand came to rest on the back of the wooden chair she sat in. Her body tensed as it nearly leaped out of the chair, which sat diagonal from Esme. Thankfully, it was one of the few times in her earlier months that she was able to prevent herself from body-slamming someone for simply breathing next to her.

Rosalie instantly retracted her hand and offered her a thorough apology, guilt riddling her features at the thought of touching someone against their will. With a guilty look of her own, A.J. insisted it was all right, she just wasn’t expecting it. Strangely enough, for those involved and those spectating, namely Esme, it was a bonding moment that proved to be detrimental for the pair.

Alice cupped A.J.’s face before jumping back, bringing A.J. back to the present. The pixie-like woman admired her work of tidying up her sister’s hair, a proud smile evident on her face.

“There,” Alice chirped, “Now you’re ready to meet Bella! Don’t you think, Jaz?” her fingers interlocked as she snaked her arms around Jasper’s arm.

“You look very nice, A.J.” Jasper answered while giving a closed-lipped smile.

A.J. scoffed and pretended to flip her braided pigtails, “Obvi, but you two could use some work.” Her accent morphed to a valley-girl type.

Jasper chuckled as Alice feigned offense, her jaw dropping to form an ‘o’.

“Well, if that’s the way you’re going to repay me, see if I ever help you again.” Alice tipped forward on the balls of her silver flats.

“Yeah, Ange,” Jasper’s face fell into a serious expression, “I’d be careful if I were you, Alice is one of the few that’ll protect ya from Emmett and I.”

With an exclamation, A.J.’s knees fell inwards with closed fists cradling her face that held a frightened expression.

“Oh, I’m quaking in me boots!” The girl expressed with a fake quiver.

Jasper opened his mouth before snapping it shut. The scent of warm blood filled the three vampires’ nostrils. Their senses were overwhelmed with the enticing aroma which wafted from the open balcony doors above them. The Hale’s were particularly burdened by this scent, as it took everything in them to not go speeding into the house and cause quite of bit of harm to everyone there.

Alice, unsurprisingly, was the first to snap out of it with a cheerful smile spreading across her face as her body wiggled in excitement.

“She’s here!” She squealed while leaning up to Jasper’s face.

—————————

A.J. was the first of the three to climb up onto the balcony. A bounding thud rumbled the suspended floor, which attracted the attention of the Cullens and Bella.

“Angel Jade, what did I tell you about being more careful?” Esme scolded as A.J. gave a sheepish smile while waltzing to join the rest.

“Sorry.” the girl replied while sliding her backpack off her right shoulder.

A.J. continued forward towards Bella after sliding the backpack onto the edge of the blue countertop. She continued past the other Cullens; Rosalie, with a scowl, stood next to Emmett who had his hands placed in his jean pockets, and Carlisle stood behind Esme with his arms wrapped around her in an embrace. Once the newborn was within a few feet of Bella, she automatically outstretched her hand, eager to introduce herself.

“Hey, I’m-oh gosh!” A.J. exclaimed.

The scent of Bella’s blood hit her like a truck. Her palm audibly smacked against her nose and mouth with tight-shut eyes. All self-control she had learned was immediately forgotten. The only thing occupying her mind was tearing Bella’s throat out. She’s the most agile out of anyone here. She could easily snatch Bella up without getting caught. If only Edward-

“It’s blood, A.J.” Edward gave a stern reminder, his hand leaving his pocket and placing it on Bella’s lower back.

With a frown, Rosalie took hold of A.J.’s free arm and led her to stand by her side.

A.J. cleared her throat, “I know. I’m good.” The hand which had just been pressed against her mouth shot up in an innocent manner

Edward stared at her for a brief moment. A.J. knew what he was doing; reading every single thought that crossed her mind. She couldn’t blame him, after all, hearing your newly transformed sister contemplate using your girlfriend as a Capri-Sun was definitely off-putting.

“Forgive A.J.,” Carlisle spoke up after sending his daughter a soft smile, “She’s towards the end of her first year as a newborn.”

Bella shook her head, “N-newborn?”

A creaking branch from just outside the balcony doors grabbed everyone’s attention and prevented Bella from getting an answer. Edward’s eyes lingered a second on A.J. before setting them upon Alice. With bright eyes and a warm smile on her oval face, Alice stepped along the sturdy branch as a stiff Jasper trailed behind her. Even without possessing an ability like Edward’s or Jasper, A.J. recognized the struggle he was facing.

Despite the moral issues of their thoughts, Jasper’s shared internal conflict comforted A.J. The pained look on his face outshone the one on hers. She assumed because he had tasted human blood numerous times before that the temptation he faced was far greater. At that moment, A.J. silently thanked her parents for never letting her taste it, though she also was grateful for the natural disgust she had for it, even if it caused her to get an ‘F’ in 9th grade science class.

“Hi, Bella!” Alice greeted while hopping down from the tree branch.

A.J.’s darkened eyes followed Alice as she practically skipped to Bella and threw her shrug-covered arms around the human. Bella’s arms stiffly returned the gesture as she muttered a ‘hi’.

Alice pulled away from Bella, her bracelets jingling, with Jasper standing neatly behind his wife.

“Oh! You do smell good.” she exasperated.

“Mm!” A.J. agreed with a stiff smile, “Like daisies.” she joked, slowly gaining her control back, though still cradled by Rosalie.

Edward’s eyes flickered as a bewildered look spread across his face, “Alice-what are you-,”

“It’s okay,” Alice cut him off, “Bella and I are gonna be great friends!”

A brief silence fell over the group as Jasper kept his dark eyes trained on Bella’s form. Edward visibly stiffened next to his girlfriend and subtly pushed himself in front of her. With his arms still wrapped around Esme, Carlisle glanced at the new couple before switching his focus to Jasper, who had yet to fully gain his self-control back.

“Sorry,” Carlisle broke the silence, “Jasper’s our newest vegetarian. It’s a little difficult for him.”

Jasper’s neck twitched ever so slightly as the constipated look on his face transitioned to a small pained smile. A.J. subtly peered over to Emmett, who was already looking at her with a smirk, sharing an unspoken agreement to bring this up later. Seeming to forget that she was standing between them, Rosalie reminded them by glaring at the mischievous pair, not understanding how either of them could be laughing in this situation.

“It’s a-pleasure to meet you.” he forced out, his unblinking eyes staring a hole into Bella.

A normal person watching from the outside might assume that, beneath the love-struck gaze Alice was giving her husband, she may be holding a gun to his spine. Thankfully, that wasn’t the case, and it was simply because he was staving off his bloodthirsty instincts.

“It’s okay, Jasper.” Alice assured him when she noticed his intense stare not dissipating, “You won’t hurt her.”

A snicker escaped Emmett, “Yeah, contrary to Edward’s previous statements about himself.” Carlisle and Esme both eyed their son.

A.J.’s perkiness returned, “Yeah, heard it was quite a doozy when Edwardo told ya about us-or I guess what he was.” A.J. grinned at Edward while leaning away from Rosalie.

Edward’s face immediately dropped, “Emmett, please-,”

“As if you could outrun me!” Emmett mimicked, “As if you could fight me off!” he threw a few light punches.

Edward shifted, “A.J., don’t-,”

A.J. wiggled her body as she brushed her hair behind her ear, “You wouldn’t hurt me.” she morphed her accent to match Bella’s.

“Seriously, please-,”

Emmett stifled a laugh, “S-say it-w-what am I?” he snickered out.

A.J. bit her bottom lip aggressively while brushing her hair behind her ear yet again, “V-vampire.”

“Alright, enough, you two.” Esme chastised, “No more embarrassing us in front of our guest.” her smile returned as soon she met Bella’s eyes again.

The pair snickered together like two children who just successfully completed a prank, much to the dismay of their brother. Rosalie smirked at their nonsense, the bitterness she possessed for this situation being sweetened by their mimicry, if only for a moment.

Bella nodded awkwardly with a straight mouth, “Wow, you did a really good impression of me, I thought we hadn’t met yet.” she pointed her hands with her palms down at the group in front of her as she joked.

A.J. took a break from her tomfoolery and turned her attention back to Bella.

“Thank you, I learned from the best.” the youngest Hale bowed dramatically while directing her outstretched arm to Edward.

“He never shuts up about you,” Rosalie stated, her arms crossed.

This only started Emmett and A.J. again as their faces contorted waggish looks.

“Yes, well, apparently Alice never keeps things to herself.” Edward sent her a pointed look as she was leading Jasper to join the others.

Alice stopped an arms-lengths away from A.J. and placed her hands on her hips, “Oh, come on, you know I have to tell someone.” she defended herself.

“And you chose A.J.” Edward replied.

Alice shrugged before placing her hands on said girl’s shoulders, “What can I say? She’s an Angel!” she gave her a squeeze to emphasize when she said ‘Angel’.

“Born and raised.” A.J. beamed despite Edward’s eye roll.

Emmett opened his mouth again, “Oh no, but you should hear the way Edison talks about you,” the vampire lifted his arms into the position one would use while gazing out of a window, “Oh, Bella’s hair looked breathtaking today.” he spoke in a brooding voice.

A.J. inhaled Alice’s hair obnoxiously loud through her nose, which caused her sister to pull away, “Oh, and it smelled like strawberries-my favorite vegetable when I was human.”

Emmett reached around Rosalie and smacked A.J.’s arm, “Vegetable?” he laughed out.

“Angel, Emmett, come on,” Carlisle warned.

Bella swung her head to peer at Edward, a smirk laced on her face despite his clear embarrassment.

“And this is paraphrasing here?” Bella inquired.

A.J. teetered her head, “More or less.”

Carlisle perked up, “Edward, why don’t you show Bella the rest of our home?” he suggested, clearly attempting to aid his son and prevent him from further teasing.

Edward paused as he glanced at his adoptive father. His face contorted into a bewildered look as his topaz eyes fell back onto Bella.

“Alright, yeah,” Edward agreed without hesitation, “I’m gonna take you on a tour of the rest of the house.”

Edward sent one more look toward his family before turning and beginning to lead Bella away.

“Well, I’ll see you soon,” Alice stated, her golden eyes still twinkling.

Bella staggered, “Okay.” she nodded before following Edward behind her.

As the new couple departed from the room, particularly sassy on Edward’s part, giddy and relieved sighs or laughs fell from the more enthused of the Cullen’s.

“I think that went well,” Carlisle stated as he separated himself from his wife.

Esme was the first to step away from the group and into the large kitchen, stopping briefly in front of the shattered glass and scattered vegetables on the floor.

“Pick this up. Now.” the matriarch demanded Rosalie, who was still in a temperamental state.

The blonde simply rolled her eyes before stepping around Emmett and crouching down to pick up the larger pieces of broken glass. As she picked up the glass, the other Cullens migrated into the kitchen to ensue a family gossip about what happened. Carlisle and Esme walked to the other side of the island to finish the food as Alice trailed over to stand to the side of the fridge nearest the wall Bella and Edward had been at, with Jasper following closely. Emmett stayed stationary, practically hovering over his wife, who looked ready to snap at a moment’s notice.

She glared up at her husband, “If you’re going to gawk, you might as well help me.” she snapped.

Emmett’s hands shot up innocently, “Woah, I was about to offer, babe, but if you don’t want to ask nicely…then I think I’ll stay put.”

Rosalie huffed as her eyes evaded him, “Emmett, will you please help me pick up the broken glass and lettuce?”

“See? Now, was that so hard?” Emmett teased as he walked down the hall to presumably grab a broom.

Rosalie stood and strutted towards the trash can, “Don’t make me regret it.”

“Alright, so, moving on…let’s look compare and contrast.” A.J. teetered her hands as if imitating a scale.

Carlisle and Esme watched as their daughter slithered past them before plopping herself on the vacant island countertop.

Carlisle and Esme shared a knowing glance as they gathered the chopped up meat into a bowl.

“How so?” Carlisle inquired with the same gentle smile he always gave A.J.

“Well, for starters, Bella lived. Pro. Jasper and I,” A.J. flip-flopped her right hand as her legs kicked in and out, “Seem like psychos. Con.”

Esme let a gasp fall from her rosy lips, “Don’t call yourself that!” she urged as she tossed

Jasper’s mouth twitched as Alice gently swung his left arm, “What about what she said ‘bout me?”

“Well, you were no ‘Rock Hudson’.” Rosalie snorted while stepping out of Carlisle’s way as he opened a cupboard door.

“At least I wasn’t the one who lost her temper.” Jasper sassed at his adoptive sister, which earned him a scowl.

Emmett popped out from behind the corner with a broom in hand, “Hey! Better watch your mouth, old man. Ain’t anything wrong with being a little feisty. I like her that way.” he shot a wink towards Rosalie, who was now standing next to A.J.

“Ew.” Alice and A.J. exclaimed in tandem.

“Old man?” Jasper laughed incredulously while Alice played with his cold fingers.

The pixy-like woman stood on the balls of her feet, “Oh, don’t listen to them, Jazz, you did wonderfully. Besides, you’re my old man.” she pressed her heart-shaped lips to his pale cheek.

Jasper smiled down at her gleaming face, “Though I appreciate your kind words, ma’am, why am I being called ‘old man’? Shouldn’t we be reserving that term for Carlisle?” his gaze turned outwards at the busy vampires.

Carlisle glanced at Jasper, “I may the ‘old man’ here, but I prefer to be left out of this discussion.” he smiled while handing Esme a clear plastic container.

“Yes!” A.J. threw her strong arms up in frustration, “Lemme’ finish my compare and contrasting before baseball.” she felt Rosalie’s finger push a few loose strands of her braided hair behind her left ear.

Emmett’s head shot up, pausing his sweeping. A wide smile was spread across his narrow jaw and a glint shone in his golden eyes; it was clear he was about to say either the most heartwarming sentence over or something moderately offensive to someone in the room.

“Oo! I got one,” he exclaimed while turning his attention to A.J., “Bella can’t be Italian. Pro. Because a true Italian can’t resist Italian cuisine. Con.”

Esme furrowed her arched brows, “Why is her not being Italian a ‘pro’?” she inquired as the last of the prepared food was placed in a clear, plastic container.

“Yeah,” A.J. laughed, “What do you have against Italians?”

Emmett ceased his sweeping once again, “Mario Kart, Aje. That and their disgusting pizza.” he bent down and set the dustpan in front of the pile he gathered together.

Rosalie scoffed as Emmett swept the glass and vegetables into the pan, “Not this again. Emmett, when you tried authentic Italian pizza, it was after you were turned. Therefore, you do not know what true Italian pizza tastes like.” her face had the look of a mother whose child wouldn’t stop repeating an explicit word.

“If the Italians made pizza as good as everyone goes on about, then it should have been able to overpower my nonexistent tastebuds,” he emphasized his point by dumping the debris into the trash can that was attached to the inside of a bottom cabinet near the kitchen sink.

A.J. shrugged with pursed lips, “Although I can agree with that point; Mario Kart is made by Nintendo, which is a Japanese company.”

Emmett swerved past Esme to avoid knocking into her, “Gotta’ read between the lines, Shortie-,”

“I’m 5’7.”

“Not the point.” Emmett retaliated, causing a chuckle from a few around them, “I don’t trust Mario from Mario Kart, and he just so happens to be Italian.”

Alice giggled, “Is that because Carlisle happens to beat you each time with Mario?”

Esme shared a smirking glance with her husband as she placed a bowl in the sink. Carlisle currently had his back turned to the rest as he washed the dishes and cutlery used to make the food they were sending Bella home with. A flashback from the most recent game night in the Cullen household came to his, and most likely the others, mind of Emmett sliding off the map ‘Rainbow Road’ as Bowser ten different times by the banana peels Carlisle threw out. Game night ended with a very irate Emmett nearly breaking an N64 controller.

“That is one of the few video games I am decent at.” Carlisle spoke as he handed a dish to Esme for her to dry, “I refuse to feel guilty for beating you.”

Jasper and Rosalie smirked at each other from across the room.

“A little more than decent.” Rosalie exhaled forcefully through her nose in amusement.

Emmett’s lips twitched as he uses his foot to close the cupboard door, “Ten times, you knocked me off of that damn road-,”

“Emmett,” Esme warned him of his choice of language.

Emmett stepped past Alice and Jasper, “Sorry. Ten times I was knocked off that damn map-,”

An eyebrow of Esme’s shot up as she glared at Emmett, “Really?”

“Oh, come on, I-,”

“Your sister doesn’t need to hear that.” Esme cut him off as she nodded towards A.J. and dried the last dish.

Emmett disappeared with the broom for a split second before coming to a halt in front of the outside of the island.

A.J. nodded before zipping next to Alice, “Yeah, Emmett, Alice is sensitive.” her hands were slapped by the woman she teased when she tried to cover her ears.

Emmett hissed, “Actually, A Jaybird, I think she was addressing the child in the room.”

“Child!” A.J. exclaimed with a slight crack of her voice and immediately dropped her previously thrown-up hand to her throat.

Emmett laughed loudly, “I think that proves her point, besides I’ve heard you say much worse than ‘damn’.”

A.J. thrusted her pointer finger at her brother, “Liar!” she exclaimed dramatically.

“You called him a bitch last Tuesday,” Rosalie stated from her spot by where A.J. previously was sitting.

An obnoxiously loud gasp left A.J. as her jaw dropped. As Carlisle turned with crossed arms and leaned his weight against the counter, Esme’s eyes matched his and immediately snapped towards A.J.’s equally wide ones. Within a few steps, Esme was next to A.J. and wrapped her bare arms around her daughter. Her gentle hands cradle both A.J. head and her back, mimicking a mother consoling a crying child.

“Do you the example you’re setting for your baby sister?” Esme questioned with a mischievous glint in her topaz eyes.

All but Emmett chuckled at the situation as A.J. pouted her wide lips and hugged Esme back.

“Yeah, Eminem.” the newborn played along, “I’m just an innocent child, and you’ve corrupted my mind in just a few short months.”

Emmett had an incredulous look on his face as his family all gradually turned on him.

“Listen here. I-,”

The burly man was cut off by Carlisle, saying, “Why don’t we all get dressed for baseball. We don’t want to waste this perfect day.” he stood to his full height and clasped his hands together.

A.J. cheered as she ripped herself from Esme with an excitable grin.

“Be careful.” Esme chuckled as her daughter zipped past Jasper and Alice.

A brief pounding up the stairs, closing of a door, and Outrageous by Britney Spears hitting the vampire’s ears indicating A.J. was already getting dressed.

Emmett stepped away from the group, “I call A.J. on my team!” he announced as the others migrated away from the kitchen and to their rooms.

“I agree!” A.J. called from her room over the loud music.

“Rose,” Alice sang while detaching herself from Jasper at the bottom of the stairs, “Teammates?” she held Rosalie’s wrists.

Rosalie smirked as Emmett and Jasper took a head start on trash-taking on their way up the stairs.

“Yeah, let’s show the men whose boss.” She agreed.

#seth clearwater #twilight #twilight fandom #bella swan #carlise cullen #edward cullen #emmett cullen #jacob black #esme cullen #Jasper hale #jasper whitlock #rosalie hale #twilight imagine #twilight x reader #twilight fanfiction #fanfic #seth clearwater x reader #seth clearwater imagine #edward cullen imagine #alice cullen #alice cullen imagine #jasper hale imagine #jacob black imagine #quileute imagine #wolfpack #the volturi #florence + the machine #Spotify

[notsanguineatall]

Writing Patterns

Snurched from @elismor

Rules: list the first line of your last 10 (posted) fics and see if there’s a pattern!

The temple is a ruin, its labyrinthine corridors made impassible in sections due to walls crumbled by blaster fire. (Star Wars, The Mummy fusion, Leia/Han)

2. Where is he? How long has he been here? (XMFC, Erik/Charles)

3. Phil wanted to be a baseball player when he grew up. (MCU, Clint/Phil)

4. Sam Winchester hates Christmas. (Supernatural, Gabriel/Sam)

5. Every house is haunted. (SurrealEstate)

6. "Where the hell's my stake?" (Supernatural, Gabriel/Sam)

7. Rusty's playing the slots, which is to say that he's feeding dollars into a machine, pushing buttons, and trying not to look too bored. (Ocean's 11, Bullet Train)

8. McCoy is filing paperwork, an antiquated term for putting his case notes in order. (ST:AOS, Kirk/McCoy)

9. Thera was a good worker. (Stargate SG-1, Sam/Daniel)

10. The sun rises nobly, the promise of day on its rosy fingertips. (Much Ado About Nothing, Beatrice/Benedick/Don Pedro)

Diagnosis: fannish butterfly, a tendency toward declarative and/or descriptive statements. I'm amazed that 8 of the 10 were gift fics. There's a 2+ year gap between posting #9 and #10 - exchanges were a good way to dip my toe back into writing again.

Tagging: anyone who feels like it. @cacchieressa? @out-there-tmblr?

#fanfic #ao3 #mine #memes

[e-louise-bates]

Wind and Wonder

Finished! I completed my story for the @inklings-challenge about five minutes ago. I really wasn't sure I was going to make it this year, but just like last year I managed to squeak in just before the deadline.

I was going to do a lot of explanation about the story, and why and how I chose the imagery I did, and the style, but I think instead I shall let the story stand for itself, and perhaps do a later post with more background detail.

So, without further ado ...

Wind and Wonder

The breeze didn’t come off the ocean, or down from the mountains, or ... well, no one could quite guess where it came from. It brushed past people’s ankles, tickled their noses, kissed their cheeks and hands. It whisked through downtown, and for a few moments the everyday bustle and bother stopped, people stood a little straighter, their eyes shone a little more brightly, and they breathed a little more freely.

Elderly people felt its caress and recaptured a glimpse of their lost youth. Young people felt it and lost their anxiety for a few, precious breaths. Babies laughed and clapped their hands as it playfully tugged their blankets in their strollers, and even ruthless businessmen, long hardened to anything that didn’t promise them more power and wealth, wished that they had spent their days pursuing the things that really mattered, after it brushed by them.

The breeze didn’t stay downtown. It wasn’t there for the businessmen, the babies, the youth, or the elderly, however delightful it was to wake them all up. It had a destination—or rather, two.

Amy and Jake Gardiner were about as ordinary a couple as anyone could hope to meet. They’d married when Amy was twenty-three and Jake twenty-five, started a family a few years after that, and had three children each two years apart. Jake was diligent at work, but rarely rose above what was asked of him. Amy served on the PTA and volunteered at church and ran the kids to all their various activities. Now their youngest—the only boy—had started college, and Amy and Jake were gradually becoming aware that maybe, just maybe, they were missing something crucial in life. But what?

Jake was proud of his years at his job, even if he hadn’t changed the world the way he thought he would when he first graduated college. He was proud of his kids, too, and had made them a priority from the start. He’d been to all of their dance recitals, baseball games, track meets, art shows, and piano recitals over the years, having vowed when they were young never to be one of those fathers who spent so much time working to give his family a good life that he was never there to enjoy it with them. He loved Amy too, of course, and was looking forward to spending more time with her once he was retired. Doing what together, he wasn’t exactly sure, but they’d figure it out when they got there.

It was only natural to feel a little flat with all of the kids out of the house, he told himself. It didn’t mean anything, not really. He certainly wasn’t going through any kind of a midlife crisis. He had no urge to go buy a sports car or climb Mt. Everest, for one thing. For another, he didn’t feel any particular loss over his youth. He just felt ... stale. That was all. No big deal.

Amy had no regrets over having given up her career at the start to be able to stay home with their kids. Sure, life had gotten a bit monotonous at times, only spending time with other moms and not having much of any life outside the kids, but it had been worth it. She’d thought about getting a part-time job once they were all in school, but then there were so many after-school activities and help with homework and keeping the house running—always so much laundry!—that it had never seemed like the right time. She was glad to have spent so much time with her family over the last twenty-five years. She had a great relationship with all her children, and she loved Jake and knew she was loved and valued by him.

So why was she so restless these days? Of course she’d known it was going to be hard to adjust from being a full-time mom to ... this, but she thought she had enough other things in life—volunteering at church, all those hobbies she’d never had time before to pursue—to keep from feeling quite so on edge. Only, the hobbies didn’t seem that interesting anymore, and she kept feeling that perhaps she ought to step back from some of her volunteer work to make room for others to serve, and overall, she simply couldn’t figure out what she wanted to be doing, much less what she should be doing.

They were out for a walk together on the trail that ran through the woods bordering their property. The kids had spent hours of their childhood playing in those woods, and Amy and Jake walked back there every Saturday morning the weather was good and they didn’t have a game or practice or birthday party to attend.

This morning the air was chill and damp, a sure sign that autumn was on its last legs and winter was almost here. Amy shivered. She hated this time of year, when the glory of color on the trees had passed but no snow had yet fallen, and everything was dreary and bleak. She thought about suggesting they return to the house for another cup of coffee, but she worried about Jake not getting enough exercise, sitting in his office all week, and she knew he needed these weekend strolls, so she kept her sigh to herself and determined to endure.

For his part, Jake would much rather have been inside with his coffee and the paper, but if he didn’t gently nudge Amy into walking now she would never get any exercise and then complain that her back and neck ached and she couldn’t figure out why. He knew what she was like!

Thus they were both outside when the breeze, fresh from its excursion downtown, found them at last.

It swirled around their feet first, sending up a shower of dead leaves from the cold, hard ground, and causing Amy to gasp in sudden delight as the leaves flashed with the color they had had three weeks ago, before rain and wind carried them from their trees.

Then it grew into a mighty gust, as though pleased with its efforts so far and wanting to stretch out even more, whooshing Amy’s hair back from her face and pulling Jake’s knitted hat right off his head and sending it soaring down the path just ahead of Jake’s grasping hand. The look of astonishment on Jake’s face as it flew past his fingers was so comical that Amy surprised both of them by bursting into a merry peal of laughter.

Jake might have been inclined to take offense, but instead he looked at his wife, with her hair all loose around her face, her cheeks flushed and her eyes sparkling, her mouth and cheeks curved into a whole-hearted smile. When was the last time he had seen her like that?

He couldn’t remember, but he couldn’t find it in him to be anything but pleased that he could make her laugh, even if it was at his expense.

The breeze, perhaps satisfied with its work, seemingly relented and swooshed back toward them, dropping the hat back at Jake’s feet and kissing the tip of Amy’s nose before it whisked back to the mysterious place from which it had first come.

“Well,” said Jake, bending down to collect his hat and holding it awkwardly in his hands without replacing it on his head, “That was a bit of an adventure.”

“A small one, but an adventure all the same,” Amy acknowledged. She gazed off across the trees, seeing in her mind’s eye again that splendid sudden flash of gold, crimson, vivid red, and orange as the leaves swirled around her knees—and then dear Jake, lunging for his hat only to have it whisk past his fingertips, and the utter shock on his face over the minor mishap. How funny that something so small could bring such a deep surge of delight.

Without speaking any further to each other, they began their walk once more, only this time, instead of each secretly wishing they could be back home, cozy and comfortable, only out here for the sake of the other, they each found themselves looking for things they could point out to and share with the other—Amy, to try to give Jake that same moment of exquisite delight she had felt over the color-splashed leaves, and Jake, to try to bring that same delight back to Amy’s face.

Amy was the first to spot something—a flash of color up in the trees, followed by a familiar hammering sound.

“Look!” she said, hand grasping at Jake’s sleeve. “Look at that woodpecker, up there in the oak.”

It took Jake a few moments to follow the sound, but once he spotted it, they stood side-by-side, heads tilted upward, watching in silence until the woodpecker had gathered its fill from the top of the old tree and flown off in another burst of red, black, and white.

“Funny things,” Jake said. “All that hammering. As though, as though ...” he racked his brains to think of a comparison. “As though they were the dwarves of the bird world, only they mine in trees instead of underground.”

Amy laughed again, as he had hoped, and they walked on.

They meandered further than usual that day, more focused on looking and sharing than on their tired feet or cold ears. As they walked, they found they had begun talking about more than their usual chats.

Generally, during these walks, Amy would ask Jake about his week at work, and he would give her a vaguely pleasant report. Then he would ask her about her week, and she would respond in kind—mostly talking about the kids, when they had still been at home, these days focusing more on her volunteer work. Conversations over the dinner table or before bed tended to be similar.

Today, though, after the woodpecker, Jake found himself remembering how much he’d enjoyed bird watching with his grandpa when he was a young boy, and to his own surprise, he started telling Amy about those times, and how much they’d meant to him.

“It made me feel special, you know, like there was this secret only Grandpa and I shared that none of my cousins had. I’m sure he had other special things with them, but bird watching was just for us. Funny, I haven’t thought about that in years.”

Instead of responding with an immediate reference to their own kids (“Maybe one day you’ll be able to take your own grandchild bird-watching!”), Amy simply let this sink in, somewhat taken aback that there was still, after all these years, something about her husband she didn’t know.

“I wasn’t the oldest grandkid, or the youngest, or the smart one or the athletic one or anything like that. I just ... was. Most of the time I felt totally overshadowed by my cousins, but when Grandpa and I went out together to watch birds, it didn’t matter so much.” Jake stopped, looking startled at his own words, and laughed uncertainly. “Well now, who would have thought I’d remember that after all these years! Maybe I ought to get a pair of binoculars and take it up again. It seems like the right sort of thing for a guy getting to be an old man.”

Amy frowned. Something in that didn’t sit right with her, but she couldn’t put her finger on why. Surely it was good that Jake wanted to take up a new hobby, especially one that reminded him of his grandfather? Why should she think that it in was the wrong spirit?

Oh—of course.

“Don’t do it because you think it’s an appropriate hobby for an old man,” she said. “Do it because you think it would be fun, or because you’re interested in it.”

“Fair enough,” Jake said with a nod, conceding the point. “In truth, much as I loved my grandpa, I’m not sure I’m all that eager to become him. I like birds, but mostly ...” He stopped, because this wasn’t something he was accustomed to saying out loud. Something compelled him onward, though. “Mostly,” he said, swallowing, “I enjoyed watching you watch them this morning.”

Amy blushed, something she hadn’t done for years. “Although it wouldn’t be a bad idea for us to start developing some hobbies,” she said hurriedly. “We don’t want to spend our winter sitting around moping.”

Jake scratched at his beard. “I dunno, I honestly never saw much point in hobbies. Why dabble at something just to keep from being bored? Aren’t there better ways to stave off boredom? Something profitable?”

“Oh, don’t tell me you’re going to become one of those social media influencers, always trying to persuade people to ‘hustle’ and monetize their hobbies,” Amy said, rolling her eyes at the notion.

“No, I don’t mean that,” Jake said. “Good grief. No, I mean ... I’m not sure what I mean. Just, you don’t want me to start doing something just because I feel like I’m getting old. Well, maybe I don’t want you to do something just because you’re afraid you’ll be bored without it. If we do something this winter, it should—it should be something we love. Something that makes our lives better.”

They were on the verge of town now, approaching the small coffee shop that stood at the perfect spot to serve those getting off work, finishing shopping, or coming off the walking trail. Jake and Amy didn’t usually come this far, but since they were here, their feet automatically turned toward the shop, Amy still thinking over Jake’s words. What was it that she loved, besides her family, really? Was there anything she could do that would make life better?

She wasn’t sure. Was that really all she was anymore, “wife” and “mom” for so long that she didn’t have any other way of living? Jake had his work, but even so, he wasn’t much better off in terms of being someone outside his usual roles. Could they even break free after all these years? And if they did, what would it look like?

Jake opened the door to the coffee shop, and the smell of fresh-baked bread rushed out to them, causing them both to inhale with delight.

“Some fresh bread to go with our coffee, I think,” Jake said as they slipped inside and began to thaw.

Amy usually preferred some sort of fancy pastry on the rare occasions she came out for coffee, but this time, she was in full agreement with her husband: something about this occasion called for the simple goodness of bread.

“Our chef is teaching a class on making bread, if you’re interested,” said the teenage girl behind the counter when they placed their order. “It starts next week. In the evenings, so anyone can come even if they have to work during the day.”

Amy shook her head. “Not for me.” After so many years of cooking for her family, she knew her limitations. Bread-making was a mystery to her, and so long as she could get good bread at the bakery or this coffee shop, it could stay that way.

Jake stroked his beard. “Hmm.”

Amy glanced up at him as she took the plates with the still-steaming slices of buttered bread and followed him, carrying their coffees, to a small table in the corner. “What’s ‘hmm?’” she asked.

“What? Oh no, just thinking,” he said.

She knew that response. That meant that he needed to wrestle through something on his own before he could share it with her or anyone. She let it go, knowing he would tell her about it in his own good time, and instead set herself to enjoying the simple treat before her.

The bread was perfect: crisp on the outside, soft and light on the inside. Amy closed her eyes to better enjoy that first bite, followed by a swallow of coffee.

“If I weren’t so tired of always being in the kitchen, I’d think twice about that class,” she said when her mouth was empty again. “What a gift, to be able to make something so nourishing to the soul as well as the body.”

“I agree,” Jake said. “That’s why, if you don’t mind, I’m going to take that class.”

Amy nearly choked on her coffee. “You?”

Jake burned scrambled eggs and thought heating up a can of soup constituted making a decent meal. He was now going to try his hand at bread-making?

He grinned at her. “It’s ok, you don’t have to spare my feelings. I’m a rotten cook and I’ve never tried baking. But, well, I dunno. I see you in the kitchen, day in and day out, year after year, making meals that taste delicious and are good for us, bringing the family together around the table to talk and share about our day, and it’s like you said about bread, there’s something special about it, even more than other foods, and well, I guess I’d just like to try to learn something about it myself.”

Amy found herself with nothing to say.

“Only thing is, that means you’ve got to find something you can do one night a week, too,” he continued, leaning back in his chair. “It doesn’t have to be the same night, but I’m not going out and doing things and leaving you stuck at home. You’ve spent too long letting all the rest of us do our own thing while you kept the house going, and now it’s your turn to spread your wings a bit too.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard you talk like this before,” Amy said frankly. “What’s gotten into you?”

He shrugged, drank some more coffee. “I liked seeing you light up, earlier,” he said at last. “Want to see more of it.”

She tried to gather her thoughts. A class or activity that got her out of the house and gave her chance to do something for herself, but not necessarily a hobby that was just there to keep her from being bored, or because she felt like she was getting old. Well, that let out a lot of options.

The bell over the door jingled as another customer entered, and the air was stirred up from them opening and closing the door, causing the papers and flyers pinned to the bulletin board to flap. This was where the community tended to stick information about upcoming events. One flyer in particular caught Amy’s eye as it settled back into position.

“Huh,” she said.

It was Jake’s turn to settle back and wait. Amy got up from her chair, looked more closely at the flyer, snapped a photo of it with her phone, and sat back down.

“Ok, done,” she said.

“What, already?”

Amy angled her phone across the table so Jake could see the photo.

“Pottery class?”

She kept seeing those brilliant colors flashing up from the ground, twisting their way around her legs before floating into the sky. Pottery wasn’t brilliant, necessarily, but in a way, it was similar. Beauty coming from the earth—or clay, as the case may be.

“You make the bread, I’ll make a bowl to put it in,” she said.

Jake drained the last of his coffee and finished his final bite of bread. “Deal,” he said, collecting Amy’s dishes as well as his own.

As they began the walk back home, he paused and looked back at the bright blue door of the coffee shop.

“Kind of funny,” he said, “The way we both found something we want to do right off the bat like that, just as we started thinking about it. Almost like they were waiting for us.”

“Who knows?” Amy said. “Maybe they were.”

***

After Jake’s first class, he came home cradling a small jar of sourdough starter and full of enthusiasm about wild yeast. His first few experiments were less than successful, but by the time Christmas came around, he was able to surprise the family with a delicious loaf of sourdough bread as the centerpiece of dinner.

More valuable even than the tangible result was the new gentleness with which he spoke and moved, the thoughtfulness in his eyes, the way he noticed and appreciated ordinary beauties, his small acts of kindness toward others. Nobody had ever been able to accuse Jake of thoughtlessness or unkindness, but it was as though his good qualities, always there, were more evident now.

Amy had yet to create a bowl she considered worthy of holding a loaf of her husband’s bread, but she was surprised to find herself enjoying the very slowness of the process. She was building friendships with many of the other members of her pottery class, regardless of age, parental status, or gender. She had begun learning more about the history of pottery, and regaled her startled children over Christmas break with information about kintsugi, the Japanese practice of repairing broken pottery with gold to make it even more beautiful and precious than it was when it was whole. Like Jake, she too was quicker to see beauty in ordinary things than she had been before, and to delight in life and the people around her more than she ever had.

When their bewildered children asked their parents what had brought about the change in their lives, at first neither Jake nor Amy were quite sure how to answer. The process of change had happened so gradually for them that by now it was difficult to pinpoint where and how it all started. At last Jake remembered the day they had decided to sign up for their respective classes, and told his children that was the start of it.

“Yes, but what made you sign up for them?” their oldest asked. “What made you think of it in the first place?”

Jake looked at Amy, and Amy looked at Jake.

“It all began with a wild breeze on a dreary day,” Amy said.

***

Far, far off, the wind from no-one knew where twisted itself into a dance of pure, glorious joy before whisking along its way in pursuit of yet more souls in need of stirring up into new life.

***

“The world will never starve for want of wonders; but only for want of wonder” –G.K. Chesterton

#inklingschallenge #inklingschallenge2022 #team chesterton #genre: intrusive fantasy #imagery: wind #also sort of imagery: bread #story: complete

[manycoloureddays]

i was asked for my top 5 [insert character from stranger things here] scenes and obviously i chose the love of my life, nancy wheeler, so without further ado and in no particular order:

1. “i want to kill it” the scene in the hall of hawkins’ middle school where nancy decides that it’s not enough to just have hopper & joyce go to the upside down & retrieve will, she wants to kill the monster that took him & more importantly to her at this point, she wants to kill the monster that took barb. jonathan would have been happy to hang up the monster fighting equipment once he had will back. he wants to help draw the monster away from joyce & will, but the real reason we get the showdown with the demogorgon at the byers’ house is because nancy wasn’t okay letting barb’s death go unpunished. not only does that tell you an awful lot about who she is, it sets up her s2 arc beautifully. nancy isn’t someone who leaves things unfinished. if she can’t protect the people she loves, you can be damn sure she’ll avenge them

2. when she faces down flayed!billy with nothing but a gun and her bravado. she will not move, she barely flinches, even though she doesn’t know steve and robin are coming, because he’ll have to go through her before he gets to lucas, will, and jonathan. she is so brave!!

3. the entirety of her scene with wayne is so dear to me! i mean, so much of her trailer park investigation is a delight! she wants to interview the dog! but also the way she and wayne relate to each other is just so wonderful. her kindness is so obvious in this scene, it just bleeds out of her. she’s so warm that he has no choice but to believe her sincerity. she’s just a kid from the high school paper and he trusts her to help save his boy

4. “so does that make us friends now? officially?” NANCY WHEELER THE WOMAN YOU ARE!! she has so much friend related trauma. she lost barb and she has been holding people at arms length ever since. she burned her relationship with steve to the ground (and i have Thoughts about the why that go beyond her grief), jonathan is being distant & lives miles away, and fred has just died too, but still she opens herself up to the possibility of robin rejecting her overture of friendship. and after she was so standoffish in the library too (still trying to protect herself, always trying to protect her heart). it’s so fucking brave!! i love her so much!!

honourable mentions to: “monster hunting” [what a fucking line!!] the snow ball scene with dustin [big sister nancy my beloved], the scene in the library with robin [there are two lesbians in that library], “actually i’m pretty sure it’s a felony” [hot!!! and also protect max at any cost is an excellent priority], any scene she has with mike where they’re actually siblings [BIG SISTER NANCY MY BELOVED] & when she shoots vecna with that sawn off [she is no mother, she is no bride, SHE IS KING]

5. nancy with the baseball bat in the wheeler’s garage!! it’s her origin story baby!! she can barely swing that bat, it doesn’t look natural at all, she has no idea what she’s facing, the kinds of monsters that live in the world, but her best friend is missing, her best friend has been taken, and no one is doing anything about it. so she will. that is nancy wheeler in a nutshell. she sees an insurmountable problem that no one else is dealing with and she rolls up her sleeves, picks up a weapon, and makes a plan

#she is everything to me!!!! #nancy wheeler #stranger things #favourite characters

[sayheykid]

🍓 i love a finn let's hear more about finn please

finn has gone through. so much. he's a pain in the ass sometimes but i do love him.

without further ado. here are some fun (and less fun) facts

his full name is harrison finley but he just goes by finn

his dad was don finley, who was an excellent pitcher and a piece of shit human

he's a catcher!!! he was originally a pitcher (trying to live up to his dad) but then switched to catching out of spite

his mom died when he was young and it really messed him up

he got pretty self destructive in high school (tied to his mom's passing), got into drinking and vandalism and riding a motorcycle

it was at this point he stopped playing baseball and it wasn't clear whether he'd ever play again. it's not like he had college coaches or scouts kicking down his door (though he would have had he not gone off the rails)

took a gap year, during which he was working some terrible retail job and trying not to kill customers

(he always got really good feedback from his managers though which, while hilarious, did not make him enjoy his job any more)

eventually finds his way back to baseball and is rehabilitated to the point of being a college world series winning DI catcher! (probably goes pro eventually)

in college, is part of a catcher tandem with tyler hadley, my babiest boy

man of very very few words. he just doesn't talk. this makes all the players younger than him (nearly the whole team at some point, given his gap year) think that he hates them

from bainbridge island, wa

is jewish

decent artist

better lockpick

poli sci major

#finn just has the general visage and vibe of that one kid from meet the robinsons #who has dark circles all the time and was like 'they all hated me' even though everyone tried to be his friend #don't hold it against him he's working on it #he's working on working on it #finn #baseball story #as always it's so hard to distill pages and pages into a few bulletpoints but i can expand if you want:)

[penname-artist]

The Wall of Quotes, by members of Volo Pro Veritas (2021-2022)

This pile of sayings is the culmination of many people's typos, mispronunciations, and just damn funny memorable moments. There is absolutely ZERO CONTEXT to these but rest assured that stories exist, or used to exist, and have grown to become inside jokes over the long year at VPV.

Without further ado...madness.

"Now I remember why I don't remember!"

"Dusty was a child all throughout his childhood"

"like how Pen and I are the same popcorn."

"Death is inedible"

"Lozard"

"I didn't think you could traumatize trauma!"

"Syphilis McWing"

"Groundcar Gay"

"Homasodial"

"Garlic phone? Generic phone?"

"I'm questioning my entire wife."

"tomato tomato"

"Caffie (Coffee + Cabbie)"

"Almoan"

"Dinosoure; Dinosore; Dinosure"

"Buzz, buzz, motherfucker"

"The gallbladder - the organ that helps you pee!"

"Amberham Lincon"

"Trowing a tratrum!"

"Trowing a tramtrum!"

"Valow pro versetas"

"It ain't my fault they decided not to live."

[Several odd variations of spelling of the word "Flysenhower"]

"Bljue"

"Apollo Valetenas"

"Discod"

"You're a bed boy!"

"A monopoly zoo lion"

"What do that vag do?"

"Donkley!"

"Fucktion"

"ONYOB (onion)"

"There is a very obvious difference between a butt and an ass"

"Your horse is dying of thirst!" "Then drink him!"

"Sir, go play with your own balls."

"I have drawn a baseball bat on my wine glass so I can drink my wine and hit my haters."

"What's your favorite thing?" "Wh- poker? Wait-"

"Certified holy asshole"

"BJBLE"

*Mineral and citrus body wash* "I wanna smell like ROCKS!"

"Are we DEAD?...or is this Ohio?"

"Screw prosthetic arms, I wanna be on fire!"

*to a realistic diecast* "He lost his eyes in the ear...war..."

*me playing Papa's Donuteria* "you gotta fill before you frost" "you gotta come before you cream"

"Just tell us about orgasms"

"What Loki meant to say: Coffee is not breakfast I'm still hungry" "What Loki said: Soffeee is not breast, I'm still Hindu"

"Well adoption is one option, but then there's also, um...well, that's all I can think of actually."

"Because you're the youngest child, you're automatically the older child"

"I thought only the appendix can throw up!"

"Socorro"

"The pasta doesn't define the further" [note: this is the one that started it all]

"Vicuña"

"Firefighters by night, assassins...also by night!"

"Elevators have gills"

Contributions by: @ask-dusty-boy ; @ask-shu-todoroki ; @yaboymacaroni ; @jackalsprey ; @askmiguelcamino ; & yours truly

Adding to this hellish book every other day! Dusty finally convinced me to post it here. Much thanks to contributors and more contributors are welcome to make their marks in the book of quotes XD

#disney planes #volo pro veritas

[tulipthealtsblog]

BNA tickling headcanons

So this post is going to consist of every major character besides Alan, Boris, and Mayor Rose. Even a few minor characters, too!

(Please, PLEASE don't confuse this for BNHA, I have not watched it, and only found out what it meant a few days ago.)

Without further ado,

Michiru:

The biggest Ler of the crew.

Especially helped by her claws.

She *loves* dragging them slowly around to tease her Lees.

Coincidentally, she's the most ticklish of the crew, too.

Nazuna used to be the most ticklish, but once they became beastmen, Michiru just became that much more sensitive.

Her most ticklish spot is her ribs. Gently tickling her from her sides all the way up just demolishes her.

Shirou:

He tends to not get involved in the "ticklish shenanigans" Michiru and Nazuna get caught up in.

But when he does, he's not that bad a Ler.

Usually it's just giving Michiru some soft tickles.

Usually only happens when Rose says she needs to be "punished somehow".

He is... not ticklish.

Well, maybe a little bit behind the ears when he's in his beastman form.

Michiru likes to scratch him there like the good boy he is.

Nazuna:

The most teasey Ler of the bunch.

She loves watching her Lees squirm, then tease them for how squirmy they are.

Usually the winner of most of her and Michiru's tickle fights.

But by a very small margin.

She used to be the most ticklish of the duo when they were humans.

The beastman transformation effected Michiru's sensitivity more than Nazuna's.

Not to say she's not still ticklish. She's still as ticklish as ever.

Her worst spot is her feet. It's the reason she wears such thick socks.

She made the mistake of getting toeless ones though. She pays the price for it severely, though, during tickle fights.

She doesn't like to tell anyone, but she actually likes being tickled.

Marie:

She used to rarely tickle anyone. She didn't even know what the word meant until Michiru told her.

Now she does it relentlessly, especially after she found out Nazuna likes it.

But she doesn't prolong it. She's quick with her tickling. Some heavy pokes/drags in or near your death spot, over in about 30 seconds.

She's rarely the Lee, but she's most ticklish on her neck.

(I don't have anymore Lee!Marie headcanons lol)

Nina:

Extremely playful Ler.

When she finds out you're ticklish, she occasionally does some light tickling.

Nothing too much. Maybe some light side taps.

She's pretty ticklish though.

Her worst spot is her belly. She can't handle it there, but she still tries to get some tickles there occasionally.

Also, in her beastman form, her fins are actually pretty ticklish.

Jackie:

Tickling is actually a pretty big thing within the Bears Baseball team.

(That's something Michiru learned the hard way)

They do it all the time, after training, during victory celebrations, or just in general hangouts.

And of course, the most proficient Ler is Jackie.

She's extremely small, so she can just climb on you and go ham.

She's just about a walking tickle spot, everywhere on her is extremely ticklish.

And that's all for BNA! I'm gonna do Deltarune next, since that was the second place at the time of making this list.

#sfw tickling community #sfw tk blog #sfw tk community #tickle headcanons #tickle thoughts #bna tickles

[nickgerlich]

Fizz In Your Ketchup

The 4th of July is right around the corner. Of all the holidays, this is the one we celebrate as a nation, and it’s a big deal. It’s truly all about the Americana, the baseball, hotdogs, apple pie…and Colachup.

Say whaaaat?

I realize this sounds like it may have been published by The Onion, or maybe is a display at Ripley’s Believe It Or Not, but no. And—fasten your safety belt—it is made by Pepsi. Yup. Say hello to Pepsi Colachup.

But you better do it fast, because while the idea of a wild ketchup sounds pretty hot dog-worthy, it’s only going to be available on the 4th of July, and only at four baseball stadiums scattered around the country.

In other words, much ado about almost nothing, because the vast majority of us—read all USAmericans except for maybe about 125,000—will even have a shot at trying it. But boy, their PR team sure must have burned the midnight oil setting up photoshoots and writing press releases.

The verbiage is exquisite, reflecting this condiment was created with the Culinary Institute of America. It starts with a Pepsi reduction. See. I told you so. How many run of the mill products start with a reduction of anything other than highly pulverized and processed vegetables? Be sure to use the word “infused,” and you’ve got a gourmet product here, from the smoked tomatoes to the four spices, onions, and—of course—ketchup. The result is a “sweet, citrusy taste.”

While I understand the urge to introduce summer promotional products, as we have discussed before, I don’t understand why such a great effort was put into something that may never see the light of day again. I visualize men and women in lab coats juggling beakers and other equipment as they seek to find the right blend.

And it also reminds me of the Breaking Bad episode (S5E2) in which food scientists in the German laboratory are concocting new sauces, and came up with Franch. You guessed it. French, meet Ranch. I suspect the writers were taking a polite jab at food manufacturers who always seem to be drifting off into the weeds in pursuit of something new.

Pepsi views this as just another of its concerted efforts to try to whittle away at Coca-Cola’s dominance in beverages. For the life of me, though, this is an expensive stunt that will get its 15 minutes of fame, and then be forgotten. Besides, I can’t see Pepsi ever marketing a condiment in the first place, because that category is already filled. On the other hand, if they wanted to do a collab with Heinz, that might work, because Heinz already owns the majority of the condiment aisle.

Meanwhile as you are enjoying your 4th of July cookout, you can dream of what this product tastes like, and that’s about it. You can relish—pun intended—that you heard about it in your MBA Marketing class, but that’s it. Sometimes truth really is stranger than fiction.

And for all of us not going to one of those baseball games on the 4th, ketchup is ketchup, mustard is mustard. Shut up and eat your hot dog.

Dr “I’m Disappointed” Gerlich

Audio Blog

#marketing #Pepsi #ketchup #Colachup #July4th

[lindsaywesker]

Good morning! I hope you slept well and feel rested? Currently sitting at my desk, in my study, attired only in my blue towelling robe, enjoying my first cuppa of the day. Welcome to Too Much Information Tuesday!

In 1950, the population of Cancún, Mexico was five.

Coca-Cola never patented their secret formula because doing so would require them to publicly disclose the ingredients.

The average three-hour baseball game only has about 18 minutes of game action.

To replace energy after a workout, most sports supplements are no more effective than a burger.

Your lips touch when you say the word "separate" but don't touch when you say the word "together".

Netflix picked up 'Stranger Things' after it was rejected by 15 networks.

There are more bacteria in your armpit than there are people in the world.

There is one divorce in the US every 36 seconds.

The Hawaiian Pizza was invented by a Greek in Canada.

Newspapers correct fewer than 2% of their mistakes.

When Czechoslovakia split, the Czech Republic and Slovakia split their national anthem as well. Each country got one verse.

Uncle Phil's law firm on ‘The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air’ is called Firth, Wynn and Meyer, inspired by the band Earth, Wind & Fire.

At its peak, Pablo Escobar's cartel earned about $420 million a week and controlled 80% of the worldwide cocaine market.

In the Marvel Universe, Wakanda is the most advanced civilization on Earth.

Pakistan is an acronym that stands for Punjab, Afghania, Kashmir, and Indus-Sind. The ‘stan’ suffix means ‘land’.

There's one character owned by both Marvel and DC Comics named Access. His sole purpose is to keep their universes separate.

You're more likely to catch a cold by holding hands with someone than by kissing them.

French pubic lice are known as ‘papillons d'amour’, butterflies of love.

The most borrowed book from the Houses of Parliament library is called 'How Parliament Works'.

The word ‘nothing’ was Elizabethan slang for ‘vagina’. The title of Shakespeare's play ‘Much Ado About Nothing’ is actually a double entendre.

Sandwiches "taste better" when they're made by someone else. When you make your own, you anticipate its taste and become less hungry for it.

In 1939, the New York Times predicted that the television would fail because the average American family would not have enough time to sit around and watch it.

Some American jails now dress inmates in black and white jumpsuits because the TV show ‘Orange Is The New Black’ has made orange ones too cool.

‘Il y a une couille dans le potage’ (there is a testicle in the soup) is French slang for 'there is a major problem'.

Stanford researchers estimate that if you haven’t tried sushi by the time you’re 39 years old, there’s a 95% chance you never will.

In ‘Raiders of the Lost Ark’, there is a wall carving of R2D2 and C3P0 behind the ark.

Almost half of American adults think dinosaurs and humans co-existed.

“Eton, a sort of Hogwarts for wankers.” (Jonathan Pie, September 19, 2022)

In New York City, women can legally go topless wherever men can legally go topless.

John Lennon and George Harrison once took a multi-bus trip across Liverpool to visit a stranger who could teach them the chord B7.

A 2019 survey found that 30% of millennials feel they have a better shot at landing a date with an A-list celebrity than ever owning a home.

When a male llama tries to make a move on a female llama, she'll spit on him if she's not feeling it.

Before electricity, theatres would use heated calcium oxide (commonly known as ‘quicklime’) to illuminate their stages. This is where the phrase "in the limelight" comes from.

In 1800, the average age of an American was 16, today it is 38.

60% of millennials earning more than $100,000 say they're living “paycheck to paycheck”.

The Ryungyong Hotel in Pyongyang, North Korea is 105 floors tall; making it the tallest unoccupied building in the world.

The average American spends about $70,000 on takeout and delivery in their lifetime.

Pixar accidentally deleted ‘Toy Story 2’ halfway through making it.

In Texas, it's illegal for a person to own or use more than six dildos.

During an orgasm, the brain releases so much dopamine that a brain scan resembles that of someone on heroin.

In a survey of 68,000 women from 180 countries, 88.9% said that kindness is the most important trait when it comes to choosing a partner.

Want to feel old? Ethan Nwaneri was born in ‘the queue’.

Okay, that’s enough information for one day. Have a tremendous and tumultuous Tuesday! I love you all.

#mixcloud #mi soul #dj #music #lockdown #new blog #coronavirus #books #democracy #brexit #cronyism #election #tuesdaymotivation #autumm

[eri-lessthan3]

okay so, I once found this on r/amogus, and I think you too should witness the horror

“Hey,” Red mumbled, standing behind Cyan as he tried to tap two differently coloured wires together.

Cyan didn’t turn, but nodded in acknowledgement. “Hey yourself.”

He was engrossed enough in his task to not feel Red’s arms slip around his body and press his hands onto his ribs, and he didn’t notice, not until Red gently took the zipper at his collarbone and started pulling it down.

And as well as that, Red’s helmet was similar to a gas mask, so Cyan could feel his warm breath against his neck, and it made him shiver.

“… Ok, what are you doing.”

“Mmh. Nothing.”

As he started to register what was happening, Cyan thought about fighting back, but then he realised how badly he actually wanted- no, needed this.

I mean, come on, they’d all been on the same ship for seven weeks, and Cyan wasn’t desperate enough to wanna touch them (except sometimes he’d come in his pants like some sort of teenager reading Demetri comments on Reddit whenever he thought too much about Red).

Besides, Cyan did find Red kind of hot, and he was pretty touch-starved-

“If you wanna fuck me,” Cyan huffed almost impatiently, closing the wire panel as he finished the task just then and turned around to face Red, “then just say it.”

“Fine,” Red grunted, pinning Cyan to the wall. “I wanna fuck you. Hard.”

Cyan yelped in surprise when Red’s tendrils grabbed his wrists and yanked them above his helmet.

“And I want you screaming for me.”

“So. Leeches-” Green began, but then Yellow cut him off.

“We are NOT having this discussion again.”

White glanced across the table and at the pair, amused. “Aw come on, let the man speak - he has a point.”

“Shut up, you rip-off Hitler.”

“Fight me, suka—”

He grunted as Blue gently swatted his head, frowning in annoyance.

“Don’t be mean,” he mumbled. “besides, where’s Red and Cyan? It’s spaghetti today, and they both love it.”

“Maybe we can find them on the cameras?” Green suggested.

Then, as if in a silent agreement, everybody stood up, left their plates, and started towards the camera room.

Blue went ahead of them, entering the room first and turning them on-

And then surprised everybody by letting out some sort of noise of exclamation.

“Er. What is it, comrade-”

The other three froze as they stared up into the screen - and watched in surprise as Red fucked Cyan into the wall.

They all let out a collective ‘oh’ as Green fell backwards and passed out.

“O-oh fucking h e l l —” Blue covered his eyes over his helmet, while Yellow continued staring, reaching down to poke Green awake.

“We- we should probably t-turn the monitor off and-”

“No.”

Blue stared at White, sputtering and steaming madly. “What do you m e a n, no?”

“I mean, ‘no’. This could be… Good research.”

Green finally woke up, and was blushing so hard that you could actually see the blush pass his helmet. “I- so we’re just gonna watch while they-”

“Fuck, that’s- kind of hot.” Yellow whispered, shaking a bit.

So without further ado, they all proceeded to watch the cameras without hesitation.

Cyan whined shamelessly, body quaking with excitement as Red’s stupidly long and slimy tongue wrapped around his length.

The scientist almost felt ashamed that he was enjoying this so much - he used to be one hell of a Dom before, and now he was nothing short of a writhing bitch under Red’s control.

Control.

The word stood out in his mind, hands clenching into fists as he THOUGHT he felt teeth, a heated grunt bubbling from his throat when his ears were filled with the sweet sounds of Red’s own moans around his member.

“Oh, Red,” Cyan gasped out. “please Red, please-“

He already felt his climax coming to hit him like a bat agains a baseball, his cherry ready to pop any second now, and he braced himself to cry out passionately-

When Red just.

Stopped.

His tongue removed itself from his member, and he got up, now level with Cyan, who was quivering with both utter rage and pure bliss.

“Not yet,” He heard Red whisper huskily as he reached down for his own zipper. “I wanna feel good too.”

Cyan was helpless - all he was able to do was whimper as the alien in front of him grab his own cock and start to circle the tip with his thumb.

He pressed his left elbow into the wall, right next to his head, panting softly as he jacked himself off.

Cyan struggled against the tentacles now, desperate to come, he was s o fucking close, but they were too strong; Red moaned a bit louder now, setting a quicker pace as he felt a feeling similar to having warm honey poured into his veins.

And then he came, the cum spurting in thick ropes over Cyan’s own member, aggravating him even further.

“Fuck’s s a k e, Red, lemme come already—”

And he yelled in absolute blinding pleasure as Red grabbed his dick and squeezed it, fisting and milking him for all it was worth, as Cyan practically choked on his own sobs, body wracking with them.

When Red’s tentacles finally let go of his now achingly sore wrists, he collapsed onto his big body, gasping for breath.

“Mm…” Red hummed, embracing Cyan lovingly. “You did so well, love…”

“L-love?” Cyan chuckled shakily, hugging back. “Well, if… You insist.”

Almost instantly did he drift to sleep.

#I just... #don't even know at this point #very questionable smut #smut #among us #amogus #tentacles #I really don't want to add more specific tags