#moving all my stuff away from home forever still makes me sad . if I had a long term partner I was moving in with I’d feel differently

[roosterforme]

The Younger Kind Part 33 | Rooster x Reader

Summary: You need answers so you can move forward with Bradley. He wants to reassure you that you're everything Meredith is not. And it always feels like everyone else is trying to define your relationship for you, but you want to take control. 

Warnings: Angst, swearing, fluff, mentions of smut, and age gap (18+)

Length: 4900 words

Pairing: Single dad!Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x babysitter!female reader

Check out my masterlist for more! The Younger Kind masterlist.

Bradley felt sick. This must have been why you were clearly so uncomfortable since he got home yesterday. He could tell that something else was wrong outside of the break in at your old rental and the cut on your hand. And it was the fucking dirty video he had made with Meredith years and years ago.

God damn it.

As he rushed out of the kitchen and tried to find you, Bradley called out, "Princess!" But you didn't respond.

How irresponsible and careless of him. He hadn't watched that video since he and Meredith were living together. Sure, he'd uploaded it to his phone and watched it on a few deployments before Noah was born, but that had been it. He had deleted it from his phone, but apparently there was a backup copy. And the fact that you had seen it had him in such a vibrant state of panic, he couldn't get to you fast enough.

"Baby, where are you?" he called out, yanking his fingers through his hair. He looked in Noah's room and then continued to the bedroom that he wanted you to share with him forever. And there you were, standing with your shoulder pressed up against the bedpost that was adorned with your paper crown. You looked impossibly young and so sad, and he wasn't sure what else to say except, "Princess. I'm sorry."

You just shook your head and looked at the floor as you wrapped your arms around your chest like you were trying to protect yourself. God, you never needed to protect yourself from him anymore. He wanted to be the one to protect you from everything else, not make you worry. 

When he took a step closer, you looked up at him with tears shining in your eyes. "You told me I could go through the stuff in the attic," you whispered, rubbing your hands up and down your arms nervously. "I didn't mean to watch your personal video. I wish I hadn't. And now I feel so stupid for moving all my stuff in."

Bradley ran his palms over his face. The bedroom smelled like you. The whole house smelled like you. It was intoxicating, and he was always going to need it. "Baby, I had no idea that was in the attic. I didn't even know it was saved anywhere. It was from years ago, okay?"

"I know," you replied, wiping at your eyes and looking toward the dresser he had encouraged you to finish filling up with your stuff. "I know it's not new or anything. But... I hated it."

"I hate it, too," he replied immediately. "And I hate that it hurt you."

Then you pushed away from the bed and squared your shoulders, and it felt like you were forcing yourself to keep eye contact. "Did you keep it because you still watch it? And am I an idiot for giving you those photos? Because I don't know if I can compete in that way." The words at the end of your sentence started to fade away softly, and Bradley closed the distance between your bodies without touching you.

"I didn't keep the video intentionally, Baby," he swore, ready to drop to his knees and beg. "I don't watch it. I didn't know it still existed. Why would I keep it when I'm with you now?"

You traced his knuckles softly with your index finger and whispered, "Because she's beautiful."

"No," Bradley growled, tucking his fingers under your chin and gently guiding your gaze up to meet his. "She's been a nightmare for me. For us. That's not beautiful. She's nothing like you." Then you melted against his body, and Bradley whispered, "Nobody competes with a Princess."

He rubbed his big hands up and down your back as yours settled around his waist. "I don't even want to have to think about her," you whispered against his shirt. "But she's everywhere, like she wants to make sure she's not forgotten."

Bradley kissed your forehead. You weren't wrong. Meredith had come out of hiding as soon as he got involved with you, and she just wouldn't quit. "She's in custody now. There's no reason for us to have to think about her."

"But the USB-"

Bradley took your chin a little rough in his palm and kissed you hard, eliciting a whimper. He kissed you until both of you were breathless, and you were clinging to the front of him. Until he felt like things could get back to the way they were. "Let's destroy it."

--------------------------------

You let Bradley take you by the hand and lead you to the kitchen where he bent to pick up the USB drive from the floor near the sink. Then he reached into one of the cabinets and grabbed a cutting board.

"What are you doing?" you asked. 

"Something I would have already done if I knew it was still here."

Then both of you walked out the back door into the afternoon sun where he set the USB drive down on the cutting board on the patio. And then you watched him dig around in the shed and return with a hammer. He went right to kneeling on the patio without any hesitation, and you watched him make quick work of it. With three swings of the hammer, bits of blue plastic went flying in every direction. By the third hit, all that was left on the cutting board was some mangled wire and flattened metal. The stupid thing was obliterated, and when Bradley looked up at you, there was a smile on your face.

He tossed the hammer aside. "Come on, Baby," he said, standing and scooping you up in one smooth motion. "I want you forever, Princess. You don't have to doubt that." He kissed you softly as you wrapped your arms around his neck. "Do you believe me?"

"Yes."

He grunted as he kissed your cheek. "She's gone. She doesn't live here. She has no bearing on what we're doing."

"I know," you promised as he carried you back into the kitchen and set you on the counter. "I know, Daddy." You watched his expression soften further at your words and your touch as you pulled him closer by his shoulders. 

"She's not coming back," he whispered, placing soft kisses to your lips and face. "It's just us. And Noah. He's ours."

Ours. You wanted that. You wanted to be as much a part of this home and this family as Bradley was. As Noah was. And you knew they both wanted you here. They were your boys, and you were their Princess. You needed to accept that it could just be that easy. 

"You're making everything seem so simple," you whispered, squeezing his shoulders and biceps as his fingers kneaded into your hips and waist. 

"It is," he promised. "It's just us, and we'll figure out the rest."

"I don't want you to feel like I'm the one making it harder though. Like I'm the one taking advantage of the situation and your house and your money."

Bradley took a deep breath and planted one hand on the counter next to your thigh, his other thumb skimming along your lips. "That was what Meredith was like. Not you. You're too smart to waste money. You're too sweet to take Noah for granted. And you're too perfect to ever intentionally take advantage of someone. And it makes me want to share everything with you."

You kissed the rough pad of his thumb, and he replaced it with his perfect lips. His mouth was everywhere, and his hands were starting to roam, and you thought he mumbled something about a ring. But then your phone started ringing in the pocket of your scrub pants. 

Bradley paused with his hands on your thighs as you held up the phone. San Diego Police.

"You better answer it," he whispered, kissing your cheek and pulling his big, warm body away from yours.

"Hello?" you said a bit breathlessly. 

"It's Detective Summers. We've completed our search of your rental. Just wanted to let you know you can enter the house again and clean it up, and we'll be in touch with your landlord."

"D-Did you find anything?" you sputtered, holding the phone tight to your ear.

"No," he replied, almost monotone. "Nothing. We've got no leads and barely any evidence. I'll email you the report and call back with any updates."

Then the line went dead. "Fuck."

"What's wrong?" Bradley asked cautiously. You barely recounted the brief conversation with him before your phone was ringing again in your hand.

"It's my landlord," you said, tossing your head back. "He's going to start making a big deal about the glass again."

But you answered the call so you could hopefully just get him off your back and move on from this headache once and for all. And he wouldn't shut up about the stupid broken window. "You need to come over today so we can talk about how you're going to get this repaired. And then we can discuss an additional month of rent."

Bradley must have been able to hear your landlord clearly through the phone, he was talking that loudly. And when he took it out of your hand and pressed your phone to his own ear, you didn't stop him. 

"Right," Bradley growled, and you would have loved to see the look on the other man's face. "So what you're saying is you'd like to wrap all of this up today? Sounds great. We're on our way over."

Then he ended the call and helped you slide off the counter. "Uh oh, Daddy. I think you just made things worse for me."

Bradley scowled and said, "He shouldn't have been talking to you like that. Like any of this bullshit was your fault. Let's go. I promised I would fix everything. Let me try to fix this for you so you don't have to deal with it. You live here now."

You watched him grab his checkbook before he took your hand in his and led you outside.

----------------------------

Bradley was pissed off. You and he were finally getting somewhere talking in the kitchen. You were listening to him, he knew you were. He was in way over his head with you, happily. He would do anything to make your day easier, gladly. You always did the same thing for him and Noah. But he didn't appreciate how nobody else seemed to want to get off your back.

He was holding your hand, maybe a little tighter than was comfortable for you, while he drove to your rental house. He loosened his grip a little bit and asked, "Has your landlord always been a prick?"

You just shrugged and ran your thumb along the side of his hand. "Kind of. But definitely worse since I told him about the glass."

"Needs an attitude adjustment," he grunted, passing Penny's house and pulling up to the curb in front of the rental. "Is that him?" he asked, nodding toward the man standing on the porch with his hands on his hips. 

"Yeah, that's Sam," you confirmed, and Bradley leaned over to give you a quick kiss.

"Let's get this sorted out so we can go get Noah."

You climbed out of the Bronco, and Bradley rushed around the front end until he was at your side. He was pleased to note that Sam's eyes went a little wider as Bradley marched up the sidewalk with his arm wrapped around you. He was also pleased that you seemed completely relaxed next to him now. 

Sam planted one hand on his hip and scratched his bald head. "Listen, missy. Let's get this sorted out with a rent payment so I can get my new tenant in here." Bradley had to fight back a smirk, because he sounded nowhere near as aggressive as he had over the phone. 

"I just don't understand why you expect me to pay another month of rent. This was literally a crime scene, Sam," you said. "I didn't break the window myself."

He pursed his lips at you. "That's debatable, since the police said there was no way to know who broke it. And honestly, with the things kids get up to nowadays-"

"I'm sorry," Bradley said, cutting him off, but he wasn't actually sorry at all. "Sam? Is that your name? Sam, she's not a kid. She's an adult. Start treating her like one."

He opened his mouth and snapped it shut again before finally asking, "Who are you, exactly?"

Bradley wrapped his arm a little tighter around you as he said, "My name is Bradley. But you can call me Lieutenant Bradshaw. Just wanted to let you know that I already talked to my lawyer, and she doesn't owe you another month of rent."

Sam's eyes bugged out. "Your lawyer?"

"Yes," Bradley barked. "Pay attention. There will be no additional rent payment. Got it?"

"Y-Yes," he stuttered. "Fine. But she still owes me four hundred dollars for the broken panel of glass."

Bradley pinched the bridge of his nose before he turned to you and kissed you. You looked up at him with surprised eyes as he said, "Do you still need anything else from inside, Princess?"

"No. Nothing."

"Great." Then he left your side and marched over to Sam, glaring at him as he opened the door. Bradley's shoes crunched on the broken glass and he looked around the floor inside the front door. "This looks like about a hundred dollars in damages to me."

Sam looked scandalized. "No way. It's four hundred."

Bradley glanced at you out on the front step before he leaned in closer to Sam. "If you make me get my lawyer on the phone, I'm sure she would be delighted to explain to you why your departing tenant actually owes you no money at all. And we can get the San Diego police department on the phone as well just for some added clarification. Tenants are responsible for damages they cause to the property. That does not apply here. Understand."

When Sam didn't say anything, Bradley pulled his checkbook and pen out of his pocket and asked the man how to spell his name. "Here's one hundred bucks, because I've been in an exceptionally good mood this afternoon with my girlfriend. You really caught me at a moment where I'm feeling generous. Now that's going to be it. Sound good?"

Sam met his eyes, and Bradley really thought he was going to try to disagree with him. "That's fine," came his eventual response, to which Bradley smiled smugly. 

"And why don't you just go ahead and delete her number out of your phone. Go ahead. Do it now, while I watch," Bradley encouraged like he was talking to a very dim person. "No reason to keep calling and bugging her when you have a new tenant moving in, right?"

"Sure," Sam murmured, and Bradley watched as he deleted your name and phone number. 

"Now, one last thing. You stressed my girlfriend out for no good reason. So I'm going to need you to apologize to her."

Sam's gaze was steely, but he turned toward you anyway. "Sorry." It was the saddest excuse for an apology that Bradley had ever heard, but he nodded at the man regardless. 

"Great. Won't be talking to you," Bradley told him, and then he reached out for your hand. "We should go get Noah before we're late," he said.

"Yes, Daddy," you gasped, and Bradley's eyes snapped up to meet yours. He paused halfway to the Bronco and slid his hand around your hip. Your eyes were filled with need as you very slowly pressed your body tight against his. 

"Princess," he grunted. 

"That was so hot," you moaned softly, and Bradley's eyebrows shot up. "I don't even know if what you said about rent and Tracy and the police is actually true or not, but my god, Bradley... so.... hot." You pressed up on your toes to kiss him.

"I'm not sure if it's true either, but I was prepared to call Tracy," he told you, gently guiding you along to the Bronco.

"Well Sam certainly believed you."

"Yeah, well I was feeling a little aggressive. I don't understand where he gets off talking to you like that. Probably talks to all women that way. You think my mom would have let me talk like that when I was younger? You think Nat would let me know? Jesus, he's lucky I didn't kick his ass."

Bradley had the door open and you were halfway inside when you leaned in and kissed him, tugging him closer by his hair. "I'm really turned on."

"Fuck," he grunted as he heard Sam start his own car and pull away. It was probably the combination of clearing the air about the video and making sure he reiterated that he was in this thing with you forever. And it probably didn't hurt that he took care of your landlord, too. Because Bradley was turned on as well. 

Your kisses felt like the heated ones he knew by heart. The ones he thought about while he was looking at his collection of polaroids. But when you moaned his name against his lips and stroked him through his jeans, he pulled away. "Baby. Later, okay? Later."

"Okay," you said breathlessly, still reaching for him. 

--------------------------

You sat in the Bronco on the way to get Noah with your hands tucked under your thighs. Bradley was stealing glances at you at every stoplight, and you were doing the same. 

"Princess," he grunted, turning to face forward as a light turned green. 

But you couldn't help it. You felt a million times better than you had this morning. If the video with Meredith was never kept intentionally, then you could get past it. And if Bradley was willing to shield you and Noah with his life, then you could stop questioning him about everything else. It was like the floodgates of your apprehension finally opened up, and you wanted everything with him again. His time, attention, love and care. The fun and the physical intimacy. 

When he parked at the daycare, you crawled across the seat in your ridiculously wrinkly scrubs, and he welcomed you onto his lap. You wrapped your arms around his neck and said, "Thank you for today."

He kissed your cheek and asked, "What did I do?"

"Everything," you told him right away. "You made me feel comfortable with you paying Tracy. And you didn't get mad that I was upset about that video. And then you had a real conversation with me about us. And you never let anyone treat me like a child. I love you."

"I love you, too," he promised, and you kissed him before you reached for his door handle.

You still weren't sure what he had been expecting last night, but he didn't seem annoyed with you one bit. He never did. But you wanted to make it clear anyway. "And later, after Noah goes to bed, I want to have sex with you."

He stopped you from climbing out of his door with his big hands at your waist. "Only if that's what you want. The last few weeks were rough for you. For both of us. We don't have to rush getting back into that, even if you and I are turned on right now, okay?"

You met his eyes and shook your head slowly as the image of Greyson popped into your mind. "You're perfect," you told him, and then the two of you walked inside to get Noah. Casey was still there, just like earlier this morning, and you felt smug as Bradley kept his left arm draped over your shoulders while he signed Noah out for the day. 

Then he bundled you up in his arms with his lips and mustache pressed to your temple for all the world to see while Casey turned away with an eye roll and went to get Noah. 

"Daddy! Princess!" he called, carrying some new artwork in his hand as he bounded toward you both. You didn't think you'd ever get tired of watching the way Bradley effortlessly scooped his son up into his arms and held him so you could get a hug and a kiss from Noah. 

"Did you have a good day?" you asked brushing your thumb along his cheek while he handed you a painting of a dinosaur. 

"Yeah. I'm hungry."

"Oh," you said, looking at the two of them. "Today was a little crazy, and I didn't plan dinner."

"Let's get pizza," Bradley replied easily, barely saying goodbye to Casey as she hovered near the desk and called out to him.

You were smiling as you buckled Noah in while Bradley called in the order, and then the three of you went to pick it up. He ordered from the pizzeria on the same block as his preferred coffee place, and when you moaned, "I love when you bring me coffee from that shop," he chuckled as he parked.

"That's why I ordered the pizza from this location. Figured nobody was bringing you French vanilla coffee on a regular basis while I was away." Then he paused and raised one eyebrow. "Nobody else was spoiling you with overpriced luxury coffee drinks, right?" he asked playfully.

"Nobody," you confirmed. "They might write my actual name on the cup if they tried. And I would hate that."

Bradley carried Noah inside and you hooked your fingers through his belt loop as you waited in line. "No," Bradley mused. "That would be absolutely unfit for a Princess." 

When the drinks were ready, the barista slid them toward Bradley along with a marker, and he handed Noah to you. Then you watched him write Princess on your cup. 

"Am I still allowed to be the Knight?" he rasped softly, looking up at you for permission. When you nodded, he jotted that down on his own coffee cup. But before he could hand the marker back, the barista slid another cup across the counter.

"Something sweet for the little guy. He's so cute!" she said with a smile at Noah. Bradley shoved five dollars into the tip container before writing Prince Noah on the small cup filled with whipped cream and a plastic spoon. 

He had it all over his face as you held him while Bradley opened the door to the pizza shop, and then you watched your boyfriend juggle a pizza box, a container of salad and two coffees on the way back to the Bronco. 

"You're very coordinated for someone so old," you told him softly, and Bradley carried you around to the other door while you squealed with delight.

"The slander," he growled playfully. "I won't tolerate it."

"What do you plan to do about it?" you asked, cupping his handsome face in both hands as you kissed him. 

"I'll kiss you until you learn to respect your elders."

You laughed with your head tossed back as he kissed your neck. "I think it's great that you don't know the difference between a punishment and a reward. You must have forgotten in your old age."

He groaned and said, "You're just making it worse for yourself for later, Baby."

"Excellent."

---------------------------------

Bradley watched you cut up a slice of pizza for Noah while he liberally dumped the dressing onto the salad and mixed it up. You seemed more relaxed now. He did too. The destroyed USB drive and the open conversation and all the little touches and kisses made today almost perfect. Sure, there had been the details about Meredith and your landlord to contend with, but Bradley would do that shit any day as long as you were here. 

"It's still pretty hot, Noah," you said, putting the plate in front of him. 

Yes, you should absolutely stay here forever. The desire to have another child with you was always strong for Bradley, but it got so much more intense when you took care of Noah. He wanted to talk to you about it, but today already felt overloaded with feelings. So he would wait.

"This is good," you said in between bites of salad. "I like this dressing," you told him with a grin. 

Bradley looked back and forth between you and Noah. Your palm was still covered in a bandage, and he knew you were tired based on the way you'd slept so soundly on him last night. The deployment had been a lot for you, but of course you did everything just right. Of course Noah was happier than ever and asking if he could call you his mom.

"We should take a vacation," Bradley said absentmindedly. 

"We should?" you asked as your eyes met his. "Where?"

He smiled as Noah asked for more pizza. "I have some ideas. We can talk about it later."

You pressed your lips together. "I thought we were going to do other things later?"

Bradley laughed. "With age comes experience, Princess. And I'm pretty good at multitasking as long as nobody asks me to cook anything."

"Multitasking?" you asked, eyes wide as Bradley got more pizza ready for Noah.

"Yeah," he replied. "You want me to show you later?"

You hid your smile behind a slice of pizza. "Sure do."

Bradley let you and Noah off the hook after dinner, and he cleaned up the kitchen, not that there was much to do. Then he joined you outside on the driveway where you'd drawn a gigantic crown with purple sidewalk chalk in front of your car. While you helped Noah color a rainbow dinosaur, Bradley took the time to write Daddy loves Princess in huge lettering, and when he was done, you rewarded him with a kiss. 

"You boys play while I take a shower?" you asked, wiping orange chalk on your scrubs. 

"Of course. Or take a bath if you want to. Go relax."

He wasn't sure what you ended up doing, but you were in the shower or bath for a long time. Bradley got Noah ready for bed after he put the chalk away, and when you walked into the bedroom wrapped up in a towel, he was getting himself undressed. 

You took a deep breath and blurted out, "Just one more thing from our conversation earlier? About that video?"

"Of course," he said, his hands frozen at the hem of his undershirt, not sure what to expect.

You ran your fingers along the bedpost and said, "I know I'm here now and she's not. And I know there's nothing I can do with you that you haven't already done before... but is there any way we can buy a new bed? That's only ever going to be ours?"

Bradley's heart was pounding. "That sounds like a commitment? You planning on staying forever?"

"Yes, Daddy," you whispered with a smile.

He tugged his shirt off and told you, "Pick out a new bed. Whatever you want."

Your fingers grazed your purple crown as you smirked and asked, "Now why don't you show me some of your multitasking?"

He smirked. "Sure you can handle it?" he asked, tossing his undershirt into the hamper. Did anything feel as good as the way you joked around with him? You were grinning nonstop when he wrapped his arms around you, holding you and the damp towel against him. 

"Yeah, I can handle it."

"You say that now..." he replied softly, unwrapping the towel and letting his hands skim along your soft skin. "God, I missed you when I was gone." He watched you preen for him, and it was like night and day how much better you obviously felt since this morning. He pressed his lips to your ear and whispered, "When something's bothering you, I want you to tell me right away from now on."

The soft nod of your head had him tossing the towel aside and holding you against him as you shivered in the cool air. "Yes, Daddy."

He grunted and said, "You know I'll always take care of you."

Your eyes were so needy as they met his, and he watched your head tip slowly back as his thumb stroked your nipple to a hard peak. He worked you up slowly, always coaxing your gaze back to his as he spoke in a very matter of fact voice. 

"Now, let's talk about this little family vacation. I think we could all use a break, yeah?"

"Yeah," you moaned.

"Eyes on me, Princess. There's a lake house that Mav and Penny mentioned wanting to take a trip up to, and there are a lot of extra bedrooms. Do you want me to get more information about that?" His hand was sliding down toward your pussy now, and he chuckled as you tried to rub yourself against his fingers. "Well? Do you?"

"Yes!" you gasped, grabbing at his shoulders. "Whatever you want."

"Whatever I want?" he murmured, grinning as he slid one finger along your wet slit.

"Mmhmm," you hummed, eyes half lidded as he teased you. 

While he figured he could get you to agree to almost anything, he knew exactly what he wanted. And tonight was too perfect to waste on anything except the sweetest words and just the right touches. "I want to take my family away for a few days. I want to spoil the hell out of you."

You wrapped your arms around his neck and moaned, "Yes," while you pulled him toward the bed. You were perfect, easing yourself back on the pillows, naked and needy as he took his jeans off. 

When he eased his body on top of yours, he let you reach for him first and pull him closer where you wanted him. "Let me spoil you every day? Show you how good I can be? Make you never want to leave?"

You combed your fingers back through his hair as you looked up at him. "I'm not going anywhere."

-------------------------------

Daddy is fixing it. And Daddy is going to spoil his family. Hope you enjoy your babysitter story @beyondthesefourwalls and thank you @mak-32

PART 34

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[ask-funnybunnydoll]

Hi!

I think I have to move on.

You may have noticed that all of a sudden my posts have become less and less frequent. That's not on purpose I simply don't have the motivation to keep this ask blog going. I made this blog at the peak of my TADC hyperfixation because I knew it would give me the boost to work. At the start I made like, what? 2 a day, wowzas! Then it became like every other day posts. It's not that I don't enjoy the blog, the ship, the asks. Hell, the asks were the best part of this, I love just seeing what you guys come up with for these three and I get to do the even more fun part of drawing the answer.

But I still have no motivation to keep this going. And I have fixated on something else if you follow my main.

So, thank you for being here and still liking my posts even if I hadn't posted often. This was the most fun I've had and being my first ask blog I ever created just makes it more important to me.

I probably won't ever revive this blog but I'll keep it open for you. And if you want to see what the story I originally planned out was gonna be then check below the cut! Or if you wanna stay curious and theorize then just scroll by. Thank you again, hope ya have a great day and year. I hope my shit was at least okay to you.

I'm not gonna lie. Most of the stuff was just created along the way of drawing. I was like, huh this would be cool let's add that in. And ofc I didn't get to any juicy lore in this but it would've been rushed because I didn't plan beforehand... which you probably could tell xd

For Pomni, here's the plot twist: she's dead and her conscience was updated into the game to keep her somewhat alive. She worked in the place that created the game, she even took part in putting people in there. The entire game was just an expirement to test if immortality was possible, but of course.. everyone goes insane in there so they have to keep on and keep on trying with more and more people to get anywhere. They wait until someone goes to edge of absolute insanity and that's when they take them out of the game, their bodies are still kept alive and they go back to normal. They forget everything that happened while in the game. For Pomni she died just after her conscience was converted to the game, for others they were forced to go while alive. Who killed Pomni? Well, her boss, the head of the experimentation. Why? Idk 😭

For Jax, I gave him a dark story. He was isolated in his home and kept away from the outside world, which is why he lacks empathy, because he simply doesn't know how to feel that way when he never really had knowledge of emotions outside or even inside his home. His father was emotionally and physically ab4sive so.. that didn't help. He latched onto his mother the most but they never saw eachother often. That's all I had for him in mind.

For Ragatha, she lived in the country on her own land with her husband. Yup! She had a husband and a daughter too. Husband was a total jerk and she couldn't leave because she didn't want their kid to experience separated parents. She's a doll in the game because it resembles the doll she made for her daughter.

I also had some plot that I made up in my mind. Like.... Pomni at the end would be the last one alone in the digital circus. That being since she's dead she would just be yknow. Dead if she left the game. Jax and Ragatha leave but only because Pomni forces them. Again don't know how, I probably would have made it up while I went along with the story. So, Pomni is just there alone, with Caine. And she lives like that for eternity. She doesn't go insane anymore and it isn't as lonely as it used to feel like. It would feel like home kind of. But she would be there, longing for her partners forever unless she decides one day to just. Yknow, die..

Also since Jax and Ragatha would forget everything after they leave the game, they just don't remember they were in a relationship and would live their lives like before. Sad and lonely.

Goodness, I forget I make the most sad stories ever sometimes 😭

#thank you #anyway who wants to go get angel food cake 😍😍

[ssaaaronmontgomery]

HIII i was scrolling through ig and i came across this video and i immediately thought of aaron when he's away from a case and then reader and their kids facetime him AAAAAAA IT'S SO CUTE I LOVE DAD!AARON SM🥰🥰💗💗 (also im new to the fandom and this is my first time requesting and i love your stories sm anyways have a nice day/evening ahead!) https://www.instagram.com/reel/Cv-QhCIAx7R/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

Missing You

Warnings: Mentions of cases, a little sad stuff because he can't be home :(, much fluff and happy stuff 🥰, not proofread, let me know if I missed anything<3

Word count: 943

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x fem!reader

A/n: Hi darling! Thank you so much for coming to me with your first request 🥹🫶. I hope you like it 🥰. That video was so adorable by the way and Aaron would definitely do that 😭 I love our man 🥹.

Forever tags: @greg-montgomery @boredelle @hotchsdoormat @ssahotchnerr @cr1minalskies @beardedhotchh @hotchnerbau @ssamorganhotchner @mrs-ssa-hotch @canuck-eh @luvehotch @callm3c0nfus3d

Hotch: @14buddy22 @pastanoodles11 @htchnr

Let me know if you want to be added to my tags 🫶

Whenever Aaron is away on a case you all miss him dearly just as he misses you. He does his best to keep in contact with you throughout his day and then before the kiddos go to bed he tries to make sure he can facetime you all before they go to sleep.

The little Hotchner bugs are always excited when they get to see their dad even if it's only over a video call. He still manages to make it fun for all of you even if he can't actually be there. It's always a nice way to end his day. It's more than just missing you all but he also needs to make sure his little family is okay. Especially if it's a case involving kids. He always calls more when children are involved.

"Daddy's calling! Answer it answer it!" Your little girl is yelling excitedly when Aaron's contact pops up and you immediately press the answer button. When his face shows on the screen you smile and wave at him before the little Hotchner bugs steal the device from you, not that you mind.

"Daddy! Look look! I made this for you for when you come back home!" Little girl Hotchner holds up a drawing she had made earlier that day. It's the four of you, or at least it's supposed to be. It's really just four colourful blobs. One is you, another is Aaron, and the other two are her and Jack.

"And I made this for you in school!" Jack shows Aaron his own art piece which is definitely easier to make out but both are equally loved by you and Aaron.

"Those are both beautiful! They should be in an art museum." Aaron smiles big and it warms your heart.

You all tell Aaron about how your day went and he listens with that same grin as his little bugs ramble on and on happily. Jack's sister tends to go off topic more often than not but Aaron doesn't mind. Neither of you do. He's just happy to hear their voices and see their faces.

"Daddy what happened! You look like a kitty!" Your little girl exclaims when the face of an animated cat covers Aaron's and moves when he turns his head or talks. You're giggling as he talks to them and pretends not to know what they're talking about. Then it turns to a dog and Jack laughs as your little girl gets a confused, but joyful expression on her face.

"Daddy, can you do a T-rex? Please?" Jack asked as he looks at the screen in front of you all.

"Oh no. What's that sound?" You can hear what you think is Aaron imitating a dinosaur and then the dog face goes away and is replaced by Jack's request.

"Rawr!" All three of you giggle when you see it and you hear Aaron's big laugh come through the speaker and your heart flutters at the sound. You miss him but you understand he can't be there as much as you all wish he could and that's why you always make as much time for things like this as you all can when he's away. It's important to all of you that you spend time together even if it's just a video call. It's still special to all of you.

Eventually you have to end the call because the little loves need to go to sleep, everyone is disappointed and they both bed for five more minutes. Of course you give in. They miss Aaron and you won't deny them that time with him as long as it's not insanely late and as long as he doesn't need to leave so he can work.

After the five minutes is up, Aaron tells them it's time for bed and they both frown but nod in understanding.

"I miss you all and I love you. I want you both to be good for your mother, okay? I should be home in a couple of days and then we can do whatever you want. How does that sound?" He smiles at the end and they both cheer up and nod eagerly.

After you all say goodbye and hang up you don't get them ready to go to sleep right away. Instead you all make a little video telling Aaron you love him and saying good night then send it to him. You know he feels a little down when you have to end the call and you want him to have something to bring his spirits up a little bit.

That's when you finally get the Hotchner babes ready and give them their nightly forehead kiss good night. You always give them both two kisses each when Aaron is away. One from you and one from him. Which they both return to you. One for you and one for their dad.

It's hard to be away from Aaron but you know it's even harder for him. When he's away you still have the little ones. It always makes you sad so you're constantly sending him photos and videos of you and your sweethearts so he still has some of the feeling of being home. It helps him get through those rough cases and he saves every single memory you send him.

When he finally gets home he's been so kept up with everything from the calls and messages that it almost feels like he wasn't even away. You make sure to keep him well informed on all three of you so he doesn't feel like he's missing out as much and he's incredibly grateful to you for it.

#anon🩶 #aaron hotchner #hotch #aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner x fem!reader #aaron hotchner x female reader #aaron hotchner x you #hotch x reader #hotch x fem!reader #hotch x female reader #hotch x you #aaron hotchner blurb #hotch blurb #aaron hotchner drabble #hotch drabble #dad!hotch #mon answers🩷 #hotch🌜

[justabigassnerd]

Deployments Suck

Pairing - Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw x daughter!reader

Word count - 3,391

Warnings - injuries, hospitals, mentions of death, mentions of Goose, panic attack

Summary - while on a deployment, your dad gets injured in an eerily similar way to your grandfather

A/N - whaddup it's another fic from yours truly! This was another request sent in by an anon so I hope you like it and I did your idea justice! I have a fair number of fics to write but I know y'all also like my 'Hangman junior' fics so I think I might alternate between fics for that and my requests just to keep things balanced. Anyways I'll stop rambling, as per y'all please send in requests, feedback and enjoy!!

Being raised in a military household, deployments were no stranger to you. It didn’t mean you liked them. You hated them with every fibre of your being. It meant that for however long the Navy saw fit, your dad would be risking his life out there and you never knew if he was alive or not until you got his occasional messages or if you were lucky a phone call.

This deployment was no different. Your dad had come home one day with a glum look on his face, telling you he was going to be deployed for a couple of months. On the day he was deployed, you, like most families, went with your dad and Maverick to the dock to see him off where he gave you a large bear hug and told you to be good for Maverick as since the two made up, any deployment Rooster went on, he made sure you stayed with Maverick. You had watched as your dad disappeared into the sea of Navy personnel and boarded the carrier that would take him to god knows where. You had cried as the carrier left the dock while Maverick gave you a tight hug before he gently took you away and back to his house.

The days that passed while your dad was away felt like they were years long. School dragged on forever and you’d have little energy to do anything when you made it back to Maverick and Penny’s house. Maverick would always keep you up to date with what he was told about Bradley’s mission, making sure you knew your dad was safe. He’d always let you know when your dad contacted him, letting Maverick know when he was free so he could call you. Maverick saw how you hid your sadness from your dad, promising him that you were doing okay and that you were getting on well at school. After every phone call, Maverick would sit with you and tell you it’s okay to tell your dad you miss him, but you’d always shake your head and tell him you didn’t want him to worry about you.

“Sweetheart. He misses you too. It’s never easy being apart from family.” Maverick would always say as he held you while you fought back tears. He’d then usually do something to try to take your mind off what was upsetting you by taking you out on his motorbike despite Penny’s objections and he’d buy the both of you ice cream and you’d eat it as you watched the waves crashing against the shore. It helped to ease your mind for a little and you always appreciated Maverick’s efforts. As time went on you started to feel a little better. You still missed your dad like crazy, but Maverick, Penny, and Amelia made life a little easier and you knew that each passing day was one day closer to your dad coming home. One day, you were at school, tapping your pen against your notebook mindlessly as you thought about the question you were reading on the board when one of the office staff opened the door to your classroom and stepped in while apologising to the teacher for the disruption.

“I need y/n Bradshaw to come with me, please.” All eyes fell on you as a crescendo of ‘ooh’ erupted from your classmates as your teacher silenced them quickly.

“y/n, bring all your stuff with you.” The receptionist says as you go to stand up, making you move to scoop all of your books into your bag as you follow her out of the classroom, ignoring the whispers of your classmates as you go. You follow the receptionist to the school office where Maverick is standing, a worried expression on his face.

“Mav, is everything okay?” The innocence of your question and the worry on your face made his eyes instantly grow misty, fighting the tears back even more as he glances over at the receptionist, silently asking for some privacy. The second the receptionist is out of sight; Maverick turns back to you taking a deep breath before he talks.

“y/n, it’s your dad.” Your heart plummeted into your stomach at his words and all Maverick could see at that moment was the same expression he saw from Carole when he had to tell her about Goose.

“What happened?” You asked instantly, worry clawing at your stomach as Maverick gestured for you to follow him. He doesn’t miss you glancing back at the school and then back at him.

“I’ve got you excused for a few days so don’t worry about that. We’ll head to the hospital and explain everything on the way.” Maverick says quickly as he leads you out to Penny’s car that she let him take the moment he told her what was going on. As you get in the car, Maverick explains that not even half an hour ago he got a call from Cyclone informing him that Bradley had been in an accident. He told you how your dad got caught in a jet wash and went into a spin where he was forced to eject but the canopy hadn’t quite cleared because of the spin. The second Maverick got the call he was sprinting out of Top Gun, going to tell Penny what was happening before coming straight to your school after Penny told him to take her car. Maverick continued to explain that while he didn’t know the severity of Bradley’s injuries, he knew he was being brought to the hospital on base. Maverick glanced over at you occasionally as he spoke, and he saw your eyes shining with tears as you processed everything that he was telling you. Maverick was also trying his hardest to fight back the memories of Goose as he drove. What Cyclone had described to Maverick was way too close to what happened with Goose and Maverick was terrified that Bradley was going to meet a similar fate. Despite the surging memories of his best friend and worry for his godson, Maverick was trying to stay strong for your sake because he knew you needed someone to lean on right now and like he did for Carole and Bradley all those years ago, he would do the same for you. When you make it to the hospital, Maverick finds a place to park and the two of you climb out of the car.

The smell of disinfectant was pungent when you walked through the automatic doors of the hospital, making your nose wrinkle instinctively. You stuck to Maverick’s side as he approached the front desk, fear chewing on your stomach as you glance around the hospital seeing doctors and nurses rushing around.

“We’re here for Lieutenant Bradshaw.” Maverick says the second you reach the desk. The receptionist glances up at him and then at you before turning his attention back to his computer.

“Family?” The receptionist asks, looking back up at you and Maverick.

“Yes. I’m his godfather and this is his daughter.” Maverick explains, fighting to keep his cool as the receptionist types away on his computer once more.

“He’s only just been brought in so you guys may have to wait a bit while the doctors assess and treat him.” The receptionist states calmly before gesturing in the direction of the waiting room. You and Maverick head into the waiting room and take seats in the corner of the room, glancing at the other people in the waiting room as you sit down. As you took your seat next to Maverick you couldn’t stop your leg from bouncing anxiously as you waited. You tried flicking through the old magazines to take your mind off being in the hospital, but nothing could soothe your rapidly beating heart and racing thoughts. Out of nowhere, your breaths became short and rapid, and you felt like you couldn’t breathe. It felt like there was an iron fist closing around your lungs and squeezing them so tight that no air could get in or out of them no matter how hard you tried. You were so frozen with fear and panic that you couldn’t move to get Maverick’s attention until he looked up from his phone. His eyes immediately widened when he realised what was going on. Your wide eyes and shortness of breath were tell-tale signs that you were having a panic attack.

“Hey y/n/n. Look at me.” Maverick says softly, managing to get your attention on him, your teary eyes locking with his. Maverick could see the rapid rising and fall of your chest and his brain started to formulate ideas of how to help you out.

“y/n, sweetheart, can I touch you?” Maverick asks gently, waiting for you to respond and it takes you a moment, but you manage to force a nod. Maverick carefully takes your hand in his and places it on his chest so you could feel his heartbeat and the slow rise and fall of his chest.

“You feel that? Focus on that, okay?” Maverick continues, taking slow, deep breaths for you to follow. Your focus wanders and you start to look around at the people in the waiting room, worried they’re looking at you.

“Hey, hey, eyes on me kid. Just keep focusing on my breathing and try to follow along, okay?” Maverick carefully navigates getting your attention back on him as he squeezes your hand to keep your focus on his breaths. He continues taking slow breaths and quietly counting how long to inhale, hold and release the breaths and he watches as your chest stops rising and falling as rapidly as it was initially. He keeps going until he’s sure the panic attack has passed. He waits for you to speak on your own terms as you take your hand away from him, fiddling with your fingers in your lap as your eyes fall to the floor in front of you.

“Thank you, Mav.” You managed to say, your voice thick with tears as you used the sleeves of your hoodie to wipe the tears off your cheeks.

“Are you okay?” Maverick asks softly, his gaze not once leaving you as you sniffle before giving him a weak nod.

“I’m better than I was. That was really scary.” You admit, scuffing your shoe against the linoleum floor of the waiting room.

“Yeah, panic attacks can be scary. I say that from experience.” Maverick says, thinking back to all the panic attacks he had after Goose died and how Iceman helped him without hesitation. He thought back to the ones he had when he’d have nightmares of Bradley getting shot down after the uranium mission and how Penny would coach him through getting through them.

“I’m just so scared. What if dad dies? I’ll be alone.” You whisper, tears pooling in your eyes once more and rolling down your cheeks as Maverick pulls you into his arms, gently squeezing you as you bury your face in his jacket.

“Your dad is tough. He’ll make it. But you’d never be alone if something happened. You have me, Penny, Amelia, and all of Dagger Squad.” Maverick says gently as he runs a hand up and down your back soothingly as you hide further in his jacket. Maverick continues to reassure you that your dad was going to be okay. He knew it was most likely a bad idea since he could be giving you false hope, but he had faith that Bradley would pull through. Once you’ve been calmed down, you and Maverick chat quietly to each other for a couple of hours, seeing people leave the waiting room and new people entering until a nurse comes in.

“Family of Lieutenant Bradshaw?” At the nurse’s voice, you and Maverick got out of your seats crossing to the nurse who smiles gently at the two of you.

“Is he okay?” You ask when you reach her.

“Yes. He’s going to make a full recovery. I can take you up to him if you’d like?” You and Maverick immediately nod at her words and follow the nurse up to your dad’s hospital room as you feel relief setting in that he’s going to be okay. When you enter the room, you see your dad lying in his hospital bed, fast asleep as the heart monitor beeps steadily.

“He’s been given a fair amount of pain medication to make sure he’s not feeling any pain, but it’ll also help him rest which is what his body needs to recover.” The nurse explains as you cross to his bedside, pulling up a chair alongside the bed and taking your dad's hand in yours. You hear Maverick thanking the nurse before she leaves and then crosses to you.

“I’m gonna grab us something to eat and drink and call Penny. Will you be okay up here for a bit?” Maverick asks, placing a gentle hand on your shoulder to draw your attention to him.

“I’ll be okay, Mav.” You reply quietly, smiling at Maverick who returns with a smile of his own.

“Call or text if you need anything.” Maverick says, ducking down to press a kiss to the top of your head before exiting the room in search of food. You don’t move from your spot, turning your attention back to your dad as you start to talk about what has happened between now and the last time you got to call him. You knew he probably couldn’t hear you, but it brought some form of comfort to just talk to him. You told him about how Maverick took you out on his motorbike and you smiled to yourself, imagining how your dad would react to that. After a while, Maverick reappears in the room with some food and drink which he hands to you, sitting in a seat of his own before pointing at the food with his fork.

“You haven’t eaten in ages, eat up kiddo.” He says, digging into his own food which you follow, not realising how hungry you were until you started eating. You finished your food pretty quickly and thanked Maverick. You and Maverick continue to chat as you hope for your dad to wake up soon. As the sun begins to set, Maverick excuses himself briefly to grab some water and when he returns, he finds that you had fallen asleep. Your head was resting on the bed, and you were still holding onto Bradley’s hand. Just as Maverick crosses to you, a nurse enters the room and smiles at Maverick.

“Visiting hours are over now, sir.” He says with a gentle smile as he looks from Maverick to your sleeping form.

“Can she stay?” Maverick asks, looking at the nurse who nods lightly.

“She can stay. Do you want me to set up a bed for her?” The nurse asks kindly.

“No. No point in disturbing her.” Maverick replies, finding a piece of paper and a pen before scribbling a note for you in case you wake up while he’s gone. After placing the note on the bedside table, he takes his jacket off and drapes it across your shoulders before pressing a kiss to the top of your head.

“If it’s possible, I’d appreciate it if someone could call me if he wakes up while I’m not here.” Maverick says before finally leaving the room and making his way home to Penny and Amelia.

The next morning when Maverick entered Bradley’s hospital room, you were still asleep, but Bradley was awake, smiling tiredly over at Maverick as he ran a thumb over the back of your hand.

“Hey, Mav.” Bradley mumbles. Maverick lets out a sigh of relief before crossing to his godson.

“Hey, kid. It’s good to see you awake. You scared the shit out of us.” Maverick says as he pulls up the other chair to Bradley’s bedside.

“I scared the shit out of myself too.” Bradley admits with a weak chuckle, wincing when a spark of pain flashes through him.

“Do I need to get a nurse?” Maverick asks, noticing the wince and preparing to stand up and go in search of a nurse.

“No, I’m okay.” Bradley says quickly, his words making Maverick stop his movement and settle back into his seat.

“How’s y/n been?” Bradley then asks, gazing down at you softly as you continued to sleep.

“She’s been okay. She had a panic attack in the waiting room yesterday and she was terrified she was going to lose you. But after getting to come in here with you, I think it helped calm her down.” Maverick explains, adjusting the jacket that had half slipped off during the night.

“Thank you for being there for her Mav.” Bradley says quietly, guilt beginning to gnaw at his stomach for this situation. When he first held you in his arms after you were born, he swore to himself that he’d always be there for you. After losing his dad so young he didn’t want to put you through the same pain that he went through. On every deployment, he would do his absolute best to come home to you. When his jet went into that spin all he could think about was you and if he was going to make it home. Bradley gently wiggles his hand free from your grip and begins to run his hand through your hair, smiling lightly to himself when you begin to stir. When your eyes blink open Bradley gently ruffles your hair.

“There she is.” He says with a grin as you focus on your surroundings, sitting up suddenly when you realise your dad is awake.

“Dad, you’re okay!” You exclaim happily, tears welling in your eyes at seeing your dad awake and smiling.

“I’m okay.” He repeats, accepting the hug you embrace him in. You tried to be mindful of his injuries, but Bradley didn’t care, he just wanted to give you a hug.

“I missed you. Deployments suck.” You mumble into his shoulder.

“I missed you more. And yes, deployments do suck.” Bradley replies with a chuckle as you pull away from the embrace, sitting back in your chair and handing Maverick his jacket which had slipped off in your excitement. You quickly wipe at your eyes to rid them of any tears.

“You doing okay, sweetheart?” Bradley asks softly, regarding you with his gentle gaze.

“I’m doing better now I know you’re okay.” You admit with a small smile. Before anything else could be said, a nurse enters the room with a bright smile on her face.

“It’s good to see you awake Lieutenant Bradshaw. How’s the pain for you?” The nurse asks kindly as she picks up his chart.

“It’s not too bad. I’m sure I’m meant to be in a lot more pain given what happened to me so whatever meds you’re giving me are doing their job.” Your dad says with a grin as the nurse scribbles things down before checking his iv and monitors.

“That’s good. I’m glad you’re not in pain. I’ll leave you be for a bit, but I’ll have to come back to check you over.” The nurse says, writing some more things down before returning the chart and leaving the room.

“Do you want to head home and get some rest, y/n/n? I can’t imagine the sleep you had last night wasn’t great given that you were hunched over.” Bradley asks when he notices your attempt to hide a yawn behind your hand.

“No, I’m okay. I just want to be with you.” You say quickly, shaking your head adamantly as Bradley smiles knowingly. He knew you were scared of him being out of your sight and something happening while you were not there. He knew he’d be exactly the same if it were you in the hospital bed. He wanted you to rest comfortably but he knew any debate with you was a losing one, you’ve had him wrapped around your little finger since the day you were born.

“Alright then.” Bradley chuckles, looking over at Maverick who shrugs jokingly.

“I think she’s sticking by your side until you’re out of hospital.” Maverick says with a smile as he pats you on the back.

“I guess this is what I should expect when I raise a daddy’s girl, huh?”

#justabigassnerd #justabigassnerd writes #top gun #top gun maverick #top gun fic #top gun maverick fic #bradley bradshaw #bradley rooster bradshaw #bradley 'rooster' bradshaw #bradley bradshaw x reader #rooster #rooster top gun #rooster x reader #rooster x daughter!reader #bradley bradshaw x daughter!reader #bradley 'rooster' bradshaw x daughter!reader #x daughter!reader

[vera-deville]

Just Like the Moon and the Tide

09/05/2023 - 10/02/2023

Pairing: Azul Ashengrotto x Reader

Word Count: 535

Warnings: Nothing here!

Gender: AFAB

Tags: @rose-the-witch1

"When I asked you to tell me about the moon and the tide, I didn't mean give me a full detailed scientific explanation," Y/N stated, heaving a sigh.

Lying next to her, a man of light-grey colored hair frowned at her words. "Perhaps you should have specified what sort of explanation you wished for." Feeling the sand in the part of his hand that didn't lay on the beach towel, he continued, "Besides, what other kind of explanation did you want? A fairy tail?"

"Actually, yes. I wanted to know if this world had some sort of fantastical tale about the moon and the tide. Something romantic and magical. Not scientific." Y/N replied. Turning her head towards Azul, she cuddled closer to him. The night wind at the beach was cold, but not enough to warrant a pile of blankets (unlike other places they'd been to).

Azul moved slightly, making sure that Y/N was comfortable, and even lifted her head to rest on top of his arm. "Why don't you tell me a tale of your world then?"

"Gladly."

And so Y/N began her tale. A tale of other-wordly beings. One with skin as pale and grey as the moon and the other with skin of seaweed green. The two were not as different as night and day. No, that was a different story for a different time. But the two were in sync with one another. The cold grey one would push and pull with all his might while the warm green one would simply succumb to his will.

There was no remarkable tragedy. No travesty. Just love.

And it was from this love that life thrived. Without the tides of their devotion, no living thing would have sustained on the planet they called home. Life would not be able to go on. And that was why the passion of the Moon and the Tide was worshipped by many.

The only sad thing was, they grew further and further apart with each coming year. It was said from the ancient days that there would come a time where the two lovers would no longer be caught in each other's embrace. And that day would be what finally extinguished life in the otherwise lively planet. There would be no great monsoon to vanquish life. No tremendous fire. No perilous evil.

Simply two lovers growing apart until one day they are lovers no more.

"That's it?" Azul asked.

"Uhhh, yeah? Why, was it bad?" Y/N asked.

"There's no lesson to be learnt, no tragedy that forcefully pulls away the two so-called lovers, no nothing!" lamented Azul. "Tales like that are supposed to have some sort of meaning to them! Not whatever this is supposed to be."

"Firstly, you're the one who asked a story from my world." Azul pouted a bit at that. "Secondly, I made up that entire story." Azul's face contorted to that of a flabbergasted one. "And thirdly," Y/N gently held Azul's face in her hands, "the moral of the story is that we'll never let us grow apart like the Moon and the Tide."

Azul's breath hitched.

"You and I? We're meant to be together forever."

Author's Note: This was VERY rushed, and admittedly not one of my best works. I've been super busy trying to get all my fics for my event for October ready (yes I started writing the October fics starting the previous month), as well as a bunch of other stuff that I unfortunately didn't put enough time for my @briarvalleyarchives fic. Hopefully it still gets added into the fic list for this month's prompt!

Thank you for reading and I'll see you in the next fic!

Masterlist

#twisted wonderland #twst wonderland #twst #twisted wonderland oneshots #twst wonderland oneshots #twst oneshots #oneshots #romance #fairy tail #fluff #cute #love #azul ashengrotto #azul ashengrotto x reader #azul x reader #reader #y/n #vera deville #the marchioness #briarvalleyarchives #god i'm late #please forgive me

[requincouche]

personal post from coucherequin

About a week ago, I had a night-time dream where I was on holiday together with my mom. We were exploring some kind of natural reserve, climbing stairs that seemed to be going to another part of the park. I checked my phone, and I noticed that it was getting late… However, I also checked my map app, and noticed that we were in another place far away, and had to take a ferry back home. In fact, we didn’t just have to take a ferry; we had to walk to the ferry, take the ferry trip, and then still take transportation back home. Meanwhile, my mom was struggling to walk just a few steps of the aforementioned stairs…

I dunno if this dream symbolizes something deeper, or whether it’s just another random brainwave. You could interpret it like helplessness, or having to face a much greater challenge than what you’re capable of. I’ll explain a little bit more. My mom quit working about five years ago because her back and hips were worn down and she experienced pain whenever she moved. Since taking her early retirement, she has been able to regain some mobility, and was able to get surgery to repair some of the arthritis in her back. Though, no amount of treatment is going to help her regain full mobility, as worn-down tissues aren’t coming back. Two years ago, she was diagnosed with breast cancer, though was successfully treated through surgery and radiotherapy. So far, she seems to be in remission. Notwithstanding, that additional ordeal has taken away another part of her health and fitness, though she is making the best of it. My dad had a heart attack around ten years ago, for which he underwent surgery. Again, the lost tissue isn’t coming back. He continued to work for another year, with different tasks that were less reliant on fitness. Though, eventually he decided to also take his early retirement. The newfound free time and rest made him regain a lot of fitness to the point where he could again go for walks and ride a bicycle. Years later, he was diagnosed with cirrhosis. My parents are both enjoying their retirement, trying to make the best of it. I try to visit them at least once per month. Though, sometimes there can be more time in between due to my work or other stuff. No matter what I do, one day the illusion of foreverness will be broken, and with it the harmony will be lost.

Hm. Kinda sad post, right? Well, life isn’t all flowers and sunshine. But it’s up to us to place everything in a positive light, or to try and learn from it so that we can move on. Please don’t take pity on me, that is not the point of this post. The reason that I’m sharing this is simply to share a little part of my life, and to show you once more that I’m a real person with real joys, fears, and worries. We’re all real people, though some choose to not show it as much. Why do you think that it is, that some choose to shut down part of their emotions instead of facing reality?

#me #self #text post #text

[wrenwrights]

Konig Headcanons Part 7- Spicy October Texting

Oh my god! It's been forever since I've written anything, and this week has been nothing but terrible. Things at home got really bad for me, and my mother had to drive across several states and back just to pick me up and make sure I was safe.

I'm so far away from all of my friends now... I feel sad and just kinda burnt out, done. But that's okay, because I'm going to make things better and I'm going to make a better life for myself however I can.

First step: getting back into my writing.

Second step: unpack or commit a felony. I haven't decided yet, but looking at all my stuff, I'm leaning more toward felony.

Alright, enough said about that; I wanted to do something a little spicier for this headcanon since it's currently kinktober. I don't really write smut or naughty things, so this is good practice... and it feeds my addiction to this fictional man.

*Pssst! More HeadCanons Here!*

Now! To the headcanon!

***

Konig hated it when you were sent away on long missions. During the day he was fine; work around base kept Konig's mind occupied and off of how much he missed your smile. At night, when everything was still and quiet, was when Konig missed you most. In his bed, the empty space you had begun to occupy more and more only felt cold without you in it.

This mission had you away for a solid week, communication minimal and it left Konig feeling... heavy? Yeah, that was the best way he could put it. His heart felt heavy, his responsibilities felt heavy- even now, just laying in his cot, Konig felt as if gravity were slowly pressing down on him.

And then his phone lit up, casting his dorm with harsh blue light as your name appeared on the screen. At the sight, Konig's heart slammed into his chest. He fumbled for a moment; the sheets tangled around his calves as his large fingers slipped on the slick surface of his phone. Your message was simple:

Finally got a break. I miss you &lt;3

Konig's heart was racing as he stared at your message. He wasn't much of a texter, preferring to ignore his phone entirely most of the time, but this was a message from you. A little note from you to him that he held it close to his heart.

I miss you too, Liebling. Are you safe?

That was always on the back of Konig's mind whenever the two of you were separated. Like a mantra whenever a quiet moment arose his thoughts swarmed of you, "Are you safe?" "Who are you with?" "What if you needed something?"

The ping of Konig's phone brought him back to reality. His jaw dropped open at your reply:

Perfectly safe handsome. Finished up early and got a hotel for the night.

An image was attached to your reply: one of you on your knees atop a hotel bed, your hair wet from a shower, and an overly large button-up shirt (which Konig suspected was his) hanging over your shoulders.

God, you were so beautiful.

There was heat pooling in Konig's stomach as he let his imagination run wild for a moment. With his eyes closed, he could see that dingey hotel room behind you; he could smell the sweetness of your shampoo. He could feel your soft skin under his fingers, feel the way you shivered at his touch. Konig could hear your giggle in his ears as he imagined kissing that one sensitive spot on your neck. Your smile lighting up the room between kisses.

It didn't take long for Konig's sweats to feel tight, for his shirt to feel suffocating and hot. It was frustrating, you being so far away and out of reach. It was a tease.

Going to bed now. I'll see you tomorrow morning &lt;3

Oh, you were certainly going to see him, Konig would make sure of that. The moment your toes touched KorTac soil, you were his.

Come to my office for a debrief when you get home. That's an order.

He frowned at his message for a moment, thinking over his next move before replying:

Also, is that my shirt?

#konig call of duty #creative writing #fanfic #reblog #call of duty #konig cod #konig mw2 #konig x you #konig x reader #konig x y/n #writeblr #wrenwrights #spicy content #texting

[kurumeki]

When u get this u have to put 5 songs u actually listen to, publish. then, send this ask/tag 10 of your favourite followers✨️🎶

I was tagged by @phant0m-l0rd, thank you! ☜(ﾟヮﾟ☜)

I will list five songs that are stuck in my head lately, and that I simply cannot get enough of.

Black Sabbath / The Sign Of The Southern Cross From Sabbath's album Mob Rules (1981). This song is haunting me lately. Despite the title, it's not about religion really, it's not a reference to Christianity. Southern Cross, also known as Crux, is a constellation of the southern sky that is centred on four bright stars in a cross-shaped asterism. It's about realising how small we are compared to the night sky, and that life itself is much bigger than our what we experience here on Earth. Love Tony Iommi's heavy guitar riff and Geezer's complimentary bass. My favourite line from lyrics: Don't live for pleasure / Make life your treasure / Fade away.

Aerosmith / Draw The Line Title song from their 1977 album. I'm still not very familiar with their discography, but it should be no surprise one of their early releases got me with the groove. The bass line is permanently stuck in my brain, I'm afraid. Classic Aerosmith song that never fails to rail me up to get some very much needed kick of energy.

Judas Priest / Victim Of Changes From their 1976 album Sad Wings Of Destiny. Another album that got me in when I kind of accidentally listened to other two tracks from this album, Dreamer Deceiver and Deceiver (youtube is amazing sometimes with suggesting you stuff). I've been enjoying my journey to the roots of metal, so Judas Priest is a must. Love their heaviness and of course Rob Halford's vocals, my queer icon!

Rainbow / Stargazer Listen. Liiisten. When I first heard this song last year, I seriously wondered under which rock I've been living so far, not knowing this monumental masterpiece. I heard it at the movie premiere "Dio. Dreamers Never Die" (2022) in the cinema and my mind was literally blown. It wasn't even the full song played in the movie, and I was already hooked, obsessed, my brain rewired. I came back home very late, and instead of getting ready to sleep because of work on the next day, I put the song on and... yeah. It's love for life. Ronnie James Dio is a vocal genius there, his emotional performance will always give me chills. Cozy Powell's drum solo intro will never not be iconic. Ritchie Blackmore's guitar solo will never not be a work of art. The song is from their second album Rising from 1976. And in terms of favourite lyrics... hard to pick just one part. Stargazer will forever be in my top ten favourite songs of all time, and I know it will be the same at the day I die, no exaggeration.

MORRIE / あとは野となれ山となれ Speaking of songs that have forever rewired my brain - MORRIE's ultimate masterpiece and "healing song" from his 1992 solo album ロマンティックな、余りにロマンティックな (Romantic, All Too Romantic). It wasn't a love at first listen, but it sure has this unique quality that touches your heart and sends shivers down your spine. This song had to grow on me, but I was completely gone for it, when I was able to hear it live in 2019 at Solitude show in Yokohama O-SITE. He performed it alone on stage, with just the electric guitar, and the arrangement was just slightly different and he used a lot of loop, but it made so much sense to me that version will forever live in my heart. The song is about being eternal, about seasons passing and us being part of the nature's cycle, from the day we're born till we die, and then when we're born again, in human form or not, only to die again and one day just become cosmos nothingness and everything at the same time. I had the pleasure to try translating the lyrics of this song and this part always moves me almost to tears: You can become the star    You can become the sea You can become the wind   You can become the sand And still find the way           To that place Of infinite dream within your heart

If you made it there and read through all of this wall of text - congratulations! Now, my tagged beloved mutuals are:

@mystical-glider, @crash-to-create, @vinidra, @thedevilinbloodminor, @quartzfrost, @ranuunculus, @rayinpixels, @angels-holocaust, @hattoririma, @yridenergyridenergy.

#thingy

[realmackross]

Time: Christmas Eve. Content Warnings: Child death tw (Mack is talking about herself), Murder mention tw, heavy mentions of family being together at the holidays.

"Ooh, there'll be no more sorrow, no grief and pain. And I'll be happy, Christmas once again." - The Eagles

Christmas. A time of joy and happiness. At least that's what it used to be for Mackenzie Ross. Celebrating during childhood had been peak enjoyment, and as the years passed, and she grew older, that happiness began to fade. At least until Brody had come into her life. But this year was sitting at a different record - a drop. The lowest the zombie had felt for the entirety of her existence and a big part of it was because of Brody Stevens. But the zombie also missed her family. She had longed to be near her parents celebrating family traditions and despite how hard it would be, confessing to the two people she knew would love her no matter what. But first, she had some business to take care of.

It had been a daunting task. Delivering presents to people's doorsteps. It had been a late night adventure with her new friend, and fellow zombie, Caleb in tow. Thanks was not what she had wanted. She just wanted people to come out and find something nice. It wasn't big, but no matter how sad she had been or lonely, she had made it a point to try and make the holidays a little brighter for those around her (except Jade. Okay, even Jade, too. It wasn't much, but a lump of coal and a box of the grossest Jelly Bellys known to man was still something. She hoped the woman enjoyed her Old Bandage flavored candy.)

And once the task was done, Mackenzie, under a guise of sunglasses, a scarf, and a hoodie, made her way to a small airport outside of Wicked's Rest. Luckily, her zombie chic look provided her with some change of appearance. The faint scarring of claw marks across the face and nearly skin and bones from not eating as much as she was used to, now turned off on the craving of human flesh and organs, had made the actress look different enough that she could pass with the excuse of “Don’t I know you from somewhere?”

The plane ride was an emotional one. Her mind had jumped from Brody to Elora to all the events that had happened this year. Tears silently streamed down her pale cheeks as she stared out the window at the ground below. Luckily, the flight she was on was nearly empty. And after nearly 6 hours of airtime, she found the Hollywood sign peeking through the clouds sending a wave of emotion over her thin frame. She was home.

---

Standing on the doorstep of her family’s home, Mackenzie sucked in a deep breath and slowly released it as she knocked on the door with her gloved hand. “The Coldest Night of the Year” by She & Him could be heard coming through the door and the merry sounds of her mom moving around and calling back to her dad, who was probably in the kitchen cooking, could be seen in the frosted glass as the woman made her way to the door.

“Hi, can I…Oh my…Mackenzie!?”

“Hey mom…” Watching the spoon that was in her mom’s hand fall to the floor, Mack smiled softly before feeling the tight embrace around her.

It wasn’t long until she was being ushered in and being held tightly by her parents, who would have smothered her, if she wasn’t already dead. But it felt good. More than good. Great. It was great and something she wanted to last forever. And as they pulled away to look at the twenty-five year old, Mack had almost felt her heart drop a little lower knowing the hug was over.

“Mackenzie, where have you been? What’s happened? You…” The questions came flooding towards her, which had been expected. She knew she was going to have so much explaining to do. But after nearly a year of dwelling in her own sorrow and shock and heartbreak, she knew it was time. The phone call to her mom only a few months earlier had been just the tip of the iceberg.

“Can I..Let me just…Let me put my stuff in my room and get settled in, and I swear to you both, I will tell you everything.” As she took off her sunglasses, Mackenzie revealed tired eyes and the scarring on her face that left her parents’ slack-jawed and quiet. She couldn’t be bothered to explain herself just yet as she needed a moment, and with that, she found her way upstairs looking at all the pictures and mementos of her career throughout the house. Some memories great and some not so great – but her parents didn’t know that.

Her room was like a time capsule left just the way it was after moving into her first condo in downtown Los Angeles. And, oddly enough, Mackenzie couldn’t wait to get to reminisce with all her old things, including the stuffed llama that sat untouched on her bed. And with her stuff, including an overpacked Yeti cooler full of brains and other zombie food (she was not making the same mistake she made with Brody), now on the floor, the young actress collapsed on the bed falling into a deep need of sleep after days of being awake.

---

“Mackenzie…” The voice faded in and out as she started to come out of the slumber she had been in, “Mackenzie, wake up…” “Brody?”

His voice was as clear as day, until it wasn’t anymore; fading into something higher pitched. “Mackenzie, wake up!”

Slightly startled, the zombie jumped and with heavy, cloudy eyes looked around to find Taylor standing at the side of her bed, “Taylor? What are you…what are you doing here? I thought you were still pissed at me.”

“Your mom called. And at first, I didn’t want to believe her, but then I thought you’d probably do something stupid like this, and…I figured you’d want somebody here with you, who knows.” Mack watched as she sat down on the edge of the bed.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for going off. For all of it. I’ve really missed you. And I know you were only trying to help. It’s been really shitty without you. Please forgive me?” She looked to her friend with pleading eyes watching as Taylor finally nodded with a small smile slipping across her face.

It felt like a weight was being lifted off of the zombie’s shoulders as she sat up and reached out to hug her friend, “And you’re right. I’m so glad you’re here.” Pulling back, she looked down, “I think I’m gonna tell them. Tonight. I know Christmas Eve isn’t the best time, but they need to know, Taylor. I can’t keep this from them. They’re my parents.”

---

As Mackenzie and Taylor came down the stairs slowly, Mack could almost smell her parents' home cooking, mostly the hints of cinnamon and other spices, filling the air. It was a vague memory of what her Christmases used to be like as a child, and it had almost brought tears to her eyes, if it hadn’t been for the hard realization of telling her parents she was dead, and that she was the reason Brody had been murdered. But as her mom and dad’s voice rang out in happiness, despite their daughter’s frail appearance, Mack couldn’t help but let a smile, the first real smile in a while, slip across her face.

It had almost been the thing that deterred her from telling them, and instead letting them go on living oblivious to what their daughter had become. But her heart was broken and lying to her parents had continued to weigh so heavily on her, that she knew what she had to do, “Hey, Mom…Dad…I think it’s time you hear why I just disappeared.” She looked to Taylor for reassurance; her heart already sinking with the dread of what was to come.

“Okay, Lizzie, but first we eat. You’re home – which is a Christmas miracle. And we’ve been cooking this food all day out of obligation to tradition, and with the hopes that something like this would happen…And it did! So we’re enjoying a nice family meal together, before any serious talk.” Her mom pulled out a chair at the table in the kitchen and urged her daughter to sit down. “Besides, I don’t think the squirrels or moose you’ve been eating in Maine are doing you any good. You’re all skin and bones. And if this natural lifestyle or whatever kick this is you’re on, is how you got those scars on your beautiful face, then I’m gonna have to put my foot down and bring you back home. I’m sure we can get in to see Dr. Cat on Tuesday to see what we can do about those…are those bear claw marks? Mackenzie what on Earth have you been doing in Maine!?”

She bit down hard on her lip trying to hold in any response that would come off as hostile. It was Christmas Eve and as much as she loved her parents, she hadn’t missed their nagging or them trying to dictate her life, like they had done for much of her career, “They’re not…It’s fine okay? I’m fine.” Not really. “And I don’t need to see Dr. Cat. Besides, I’m pretty sure when you hear what I have to say, you’ll probably want me to go back to Maine.” She looked to her dad and then to Taylor and sighed, before turning her attention back on her mom. “And like you said, it’s the holidays. Lets just enjoy our meal and time together, because life is short, and I just wanted to see my family okay? Just for a little bit, before I have to go back.”

With that, her mom quieted down and nodded. It had taken a few minutes for everyone to warm back up, but once they had, the conversation that filled the air between the four of them had been nice. It was as if nothing was different, even though everything was. And it had become even more apparent when Mack’s dad had let Bixby inside from out back after dinner.

“Hey, Buddy! Hey Bix!” The dog had immediately run over to Mackenzie before getting a good whiff of her, and when he did – the scent of death filling his nose, he began to bark and growl at her, finally lashing out and snipping her on the hand, when she reached out to pet him.

“Bixby! Bad dog! Lizzie, sweetie, are you okay?” The zombie watched as her dad took Bixby back outside and her mom ran to see if she was okay, but as soon as her mom gripped Mack’s hand, she could see a change in the woman’s face. Quickly pulling her hand away, she rubbed it gently and shoved it along with her other hand into the pockets of her hoodie.

“Do you guys need me to help clean up? Or is there something I can do…” She looked between the two wanting to be helpful and useful while she was here, while Taylor had gone to the living room and sat down. Mackenzie had just wanted things to be as calm and less chaotic as they could before breaking the news, not knowing how her parents would react or if this would be the last time she would ever get to see them.

“No, Kiddo. Go relax. We’ve got this.” Mack’s dad looked at her with a reassuring grin as his daughter smiled and let out another soft sigh. Taking her place in the living room, she moved to the Christmas tree and started to look over it. The ornaments, she had come to take for granted each year after seeing them so much, held a completely different meaning for her this year. Each handmade from a moment in her life when she was still alive. As she carefully lifted each one up, she caught herself smiling and laughing at the memories that went along with them, “Never thought an ornament on a Christmas tree that I made when I was five would mean so much now.” She glanced back at Taylor. “It doesn’t even feel like any of this is real anymore.”

Slowly lowering the small handmade bobble, she moved to the couch and sat down next to Taylor, “Shouldn’t you be at home with Jake? Instead of sitting next to your dead friend who is about to ruin her parents’ lives.” Mackenzie looked over at Taylor. The pair had been through a lot together. Mackenzie had even been there for Taylor and Jake’s wedding as a bridesmaid, so for her to be here at Mack’s parents’ house on Christmas Eve had been a surprise.

“We’re kind of separated right now. I found out something that he didn’t want me to know, so I figured being here with you – who should still be in Wicked’s Rest by the way – was probably for the better.”

“Taylor, I’m - I’m so sorry. Is there anything I can do?” She watched as the woman shook her head no. And without hesitating, Mackenzie put a cold hand onto her friend’s and gave it a reassuring squeeze. “If there’s anything I can do, please let me know, okay?” She had wanted to make a zombie joke, but refrained instead, because of the situation she was currently sitting in.

“Okay, Lizzie. The kitchen is clean. Bixby is outside. You have our full attention.” Mackenzie looked up, letting go of Taylor’s hand, as she watched her parents come into the room and sit down across from them.

---

“Mommy!!! Daddy!!! Wake up!!! Santa came!!!” Ringlets of blonde hair bounced up and down along with the little girl who sprang up and down at the end of her parents’ bed. Mackenzie was just eight years old, but filled with so much enthusiasm that the entire bed rumbled as her parents rolled over and groaned at the sound of the little girl’s high pitched voice. And as she continued to bounce, the reluctance to get up, considering the clock flashed 6:38 am, soon turned to joy at how happy their only child seemed to be at the thought of Santa Claus dropping down the chimney to leave presents for a little girl who already had a 9 to 5 job at such a young age.

Climbing off of the bed, her little feet pitter pattered down the stairs as Meryl Streep (the cat) came into the living room and rubbed excitedly against Mack’s leg, “Meryl!!! Santa came! Look at all the presents he brought! There’s some for me, Mommy, Daddy, and even…Even you, Meryl! He even brought you something!” As she waited in anticipation for her parents to come downstairs, Mack couldn’t help but go from present to present with narrowed eyes as if x-ray vision was a real thing, trying to figure out what was inside. And when they both finally made their way to the living room, camera and coffee in hand, the festivities began!

What had taken what felt like forever to come true was over in less than an hour, but for the rest of the day, Mackenzie played with every new toy she had received. It was like the fun had never ceased to stop, until she had laid her head down that night and was tucked in by her mom and dad who had made such a magical Christmas possible with the help of Mackenzie’s latest paycheck and would keep using it to help fund the holidays, until the young woman had turned eighteen and was a legal adult.

---

“So that’s why I moved to Maine, because I murdered my fiance, and I’m…as hard as it is to believe…technically dead.”

Susan and Jason Ross sat quietly as Mackenzie had finished explaining everything to them. The look on their faces throughout the entire confession had gone from disbelief and shock to anger to sadness to heartbreak and back to shock again. For once in her life, Mackenzie’s mother seemed speechless. And both would have been prone not to believe her if it hadn’t been for Mackenzie showing them all the scars she had accumulated over the past several months along with some other evidence and the Yeti cooler full of human organs that now sat at her side on the floor.

“I can’t expect you to still love me or to want me in your life after this, but I needed to tell you. I needed you to know that I didn’t just give up on our family or on you guys. You’re my parents and despite everything we’ve ever been through together, I still love you both very much. I just didn’t know how to tell you or if I even could tell you. Please…say something.” Mack looked at them both with sad eyes knowing she had just ruined what used to be one of the best days for her and her family.

Even Taylor seemed to be quiet at the revelation of all Mackenzie had been through, and with the silence and awkwardness hanging in the air, the twenty-five year old couldn’t take it anymore. Climbing to her feet slowly, she leaned over to pick up the cooler, but when she was standing again, she noticed her mom in front of her.

The lump that had formed in her throat was choked down as she watched her mom’s actions closely, not sure of what was about to happen. And before she could say anything, she felt the woman reach out and latch onto her squeezing her tighter than she ever had before. With the cooler slipping out of Mack’s fingers and dropping to the ground with a thud, the zombie could feel herself breathing a little easier. It had felt that the shadows that had been looming over her were slowly disappearing and a lightness was shining down on her. She knew what she had done. Knew of all the people she had hurt, including the man she had loved with all of her heart, but the way her mom – and soon her dad – had held her, had reassured Mackenzie that she was still loved in this world. She didn’t know quite how to atone for having to survive off of human flesh, and it wasn’t an answer she would have overnight, but to at least know that her parents were in her corner meant more than she could possibly ever admit.

Feeling them pull away, she wiped the tears that had run down her cheeks as her mom spoke, “This is a shock and never what we expected to hear, Mackenzie, but we’re your parents, and we love you no matter what. And to hear that our only child is dead, but is still right here with us…in it’s own really fucked up way, yes, I said it, it is a Christmas miracle. We still have you. And we are here for you, Darling, no matter what.” Susan had wiped away her own tears, “And you’re staying for as long as you need to. We’ll spend Christmas together and ring in the New Year together. Taylor, you’re staying too. We’ll make this work, even if our daughter is going to be having a different kind of Christmas dinner this year.” She laughed softly. “Okay?” The middle aged woman nodded and wiped the remainder of Mackenzie's tears away, “So get settled in and comfortable. We even have Christmas presents for you, because we figured our baby girl would be coming home at some point. Hot coco, Christmas movies, the whole thing. We’re still doing it. And if Bixby can’t enjoy your company too, well then he can spend Christmas in his dog house.” A teary laugh escaped her lips as she pulled her daughter back into another tight hug.

---

It hadn’t been what Mackenzie had expected. And she knew that life for her parents would never be the same, but knowing they still loved her and cared for her had been the best gift she could have received. Hopping a last minute flight to Los Angeles had been intimidating to say the least, and the young zombie had expected to be shunned by her family only to come back to Wicked’s Rest to spend Christmas alone, but here she sat next to her mom, dad, and Taylor watching How The Grinch Stole Christmas feeling her own heart grow three sizes knowing that night when she woke up the next morning, Santa would have come leaving her the best gift of all…a family that still cared.

#child death tw #murder mention tw #solo: please come home for christmas #{a new beginning; plot} #wickedswriting

[myjunkisyuzuruhanyu]

Same anon as before and thank you so much for your fast and super detailed reply! It explains a lot, especially the bit about scoring. I had no idea shoma’s technique was so controversial ( I just think he’s beautiful on ice and I love the way he moves, and that’s enough for me ^^;)

Can’t believe ppl think his family buy his scores though, is his family *that* wealthy? ( I mean they’re obviously well off, but).

I’m also well aware of the controversy around his words and I personally think it’s a steaming pile of bullshit. I hate current internet culture where you just need to say something stupid ( if it was him at all) once and you’re cancelled forever. smh. I can’t believe people still bring that up. Especially given that it happened in a very dark period of his life, I can only imagine how Shoma was feeling in that period :/ anyways, I’m really happy to see him in a much better place now 🥰

I’m so grateful for his YouTube channel too, it really gave me so much insight into his personality and I find him super endearing. I want to sit his haters in front of those videos and make them watch all of them u.u

Anyways, I guess I will just stay away from the toxic fan communities from now on ^^; do you have any recommendations for places (beyond tumblr) that are good for Shoma fans?

Thank you again <3

No need to thank, glad I could help. I'd rather answer such things quickly if I see them as I don't like to have them in my inbox. Better tick off the uncomfortable questions...

___

Yes Shoma's technique is controversial, but Shoma is far from the only skater with technique issues on the contrary many skaters have technical issues. Shoma only gets more hate because he wins and because skaters with the "right" technique don't "benefit in scoring" from their technique being better.

___

Anyone in this sport is from rather wealthy families. I don't know any skater who isn't "well off" however I do think that Shoma's family can be called rich. (there are fans who look for the prices of the stuff they have at home as what you can see on the puppy YT channel and they own loads of exclusive and expensive stuff)

Shoma buying his scores is big fat bs. There is no proof or any words of any official that ever pointed to this direction. It was just made up and spread by haters. Ppl who believe such bs are ppl who don't know how scoring works and can't properly evaluate Shoma's skills in this sport. I don't say that money can't have influence in scoring but any money cannot help Shoma land quads and develop the skill that he has. He was praised for his skating skills back in juniors when he wasn't even able to land 3A or quads and experts found it rather sad that such a talented guy would probably never win titles without the high scoring elements but as we know things turned out differently. In scoring consistency and reputation is key. Shoma may not always be clean but he can still deliver better than most other competitors and his results are pretty consistent. Shoma managed to stay one of the top skaters throughout his complete senior career, that's something that doesn't happen this often.

___

The only advice I have is to curate your own social media spaces. Hate can be anywhere. Block ppl on platforms who hate on Shoma, there is no use to argue with them. Then any social media platform can be a nice space.

I only use Tumblr and Twitter, but I know that Reddit for example is also quite nice for Shoma fans. Goldenskate forum has a Shoma fan fest section and there will only be talk about Shoma and hate isn't tolerated and will be deleted. (I know there can be drama in other general threads on other skating topics but as I don't use it I can't tell for sure)

Tumblr is mostly a safe space for Shoma fans, but as Twitter could crash at any day I see many Twitter users get back here and I can only hope they're not bringing the toxicity with them. But tbf I think it's easier to avoid hate on Tumblr as you need to tag words to make them show up in the search. You can also just stay with those you follow and you won't see any hate at all. (and thank goodness the confession block is gone) (and also because you can't see the number of followers you won't know who is "popular" around here and how blogs are connected and you can like whatever you want and it won't show up in recommendations)

There is one space for Shoma fans I can wholeheartedly recommend and use quite frequently but you should send me a PM that I can invite you to it as it's a little group of Shoma fans who created their own space.

#shoma #replies

[psofimi]

Moved into a (temporary?) apartment today. Alone again. I'm really missing my boyfriend and I wish he was here.

It feels like I am making some tiny steps towards the life I wish for... but they are very tiny. And confusing. And scary. I'm sad most of the time, as always. Is this adulthood? Whatever, I really do not want much to do with it. I'm fine living in my own bubble, my own world. As long as it does not interfere with others and I'm not hurting the ones I love, of course.

Last night I had dreams of travelling far again. They come to me a lot, especially in anxious periods. There is a longing for me to give everything up and run away. To Japan, Canada, the US, New Zealand, the Pacific, Siberia. I wonder if I will ever get to travel to these places. I also wonder if honey will come with me. I also wonder what will our forever home be.

To me, this is freedom. Driving is also freedom. I am getting more comfortable with it. I am doing the things I should have done at 18, at 25. But who says anything is linear? I feel 18. I still have not finished university. I am starting things all over again and making dumb decisions and hurting people and I'm unsure about everything.

But it is okay to simply exist. I need to stop stressing so much and be a ray of hope for those around me. I need to stop being bitter about stuff, as well. It eats me from inside. It's all in the way to becoming a good person.

Crazy how when I make a decision, I instantly begin to doubt it and want to give up everything and run away. That is the most strange, freeing feeling for some reason. I wonder...

What matters is that I always try my best. Changing mindsets is not easy. Sometimes I need to persuade myself to simply act differently.

#entry

[takoichigo]

Haven't written in a while. Honestly it's hard to string thoughts together now without getting distracted halfway through or rambling on forever.

I watched an entire season of RuPaul's Drag Race today. I'd never seen an episode but since watching Dungeons and Drag Queens I have had my curiosity piqued. I don't typically watch reality competition shows (unless they're on Food Network) but I really liked it a lot. It also made me have some thoughts about my wardrobe, and about making things, and generally I feel a little inspired. It's much more creative than I expected and I love that. Also, I love shiny things and colors and I'm trying to learn a bit more grace and femininity.

Pain has been pretty bad lately if I'm honest. The last week or so have been very rough. I turned down company yesterday because I had a fairly traumatic releasing of the contents of my colon in the morning, and it took me all day to not hurt anymore. Hurting constantly is one of the worst things about this. Like the pain when I go to the bathroom is worse, but it goes away. When it just aches all day and I don't get relief from it, it's hard to even just watch something. It's exhausting. I'm pretty sure yesterday I was nearly totally blocked up. It hurt in weird places and I felt really nauseous beforehand. Nothing has really made me nauseous up til this point. I was a little this morning too, but overall it's been a little better today. I think I need to be really careful about eating when I take my meds, and I definitely don't think jumping in the tub is an option in the morning anymore, the heat made everything way worse.

Home health is coming tomorrow afternoon to get me started on physical therapy, which I am looking forward to a little bit. Anything to get me feeling normal again, please. Everything is so empty right now and I feel lonelier than I think I ever have. The endless shaking my legs do is really getting bothersome. It's like they don't want to hold me up anymore. Even when I'm laying down they shake. And my left knee needs to stop locking up. I've had some really bad scares this week from it doing that. It's also really fucking painful.

I'm still always tired and I really can't do much of anything for myself. It's a challenge to even walk through my apartment to get from my bed to the bathroom. I don't regret moving my bed to my living room; the bedroom in my apartment is too small to fit a queen mattress with anything else, but the extra walking distance is not great when your body is screaming at you and you can't walk very well.

I think I want to take up crocheting again, I could probably do that while laying down. I kinda want a new laptop too, or a tablet so I can maybe draw while lying on my stomach or something. Something not messy that doesn't require too much effort to set up or set aside.

Things are going to get better. I have to believe that they will. It's hard when I'm all alone. And I do have good friends that have been helping as much as they can. But not the ones I expected. I'm pretty sad about that. Haven't seen either of the people who volunteered to be my medical POA in at least a month. Not in person anyway. And one of them maybe hates me now. And that's making me really upset. I can't think about it or I cry. It's easy to make me cry anyway (shit I did it like 5 times watching Drag Race and twice in the bathroom today at least just from feeling bad and being afraid) but I don't really want to cry. I don't want to have these stupid hot flashes either but that's what we get for cooking my ovaries with a big radioactive beam I guess.

I was tired a little while ago and I thought if I wrote out my thoughts it'd help me relax a bit more so I could sleep, but now I'm just overly warm and sad. And my neighbor across the hall is being really loud. And I didn't get any of the stuff done today that I wanted to get done, except for taking a shower. And then I had a hot flash anyway and was drenched in sweat again a couple hours later.

I hate this all so much. I just want to feel normal again. I want to drive and see my friends and go do things and enjoy my life. Because this isn't life. It's just waiting, either for good news or for death. And while I have a lot of patience with humans, I don't have the most for feeling bad and being alone all the time.

Anyway. I'm gonna mindlessly scroll for a bit now and hope something bores me enough that I get at least a couple hours of sleep.

#long post #cancer #ramble

[iamthekarmapolice]

oh yeah it's really sinking in now

like on the one hand im now terrified and sad about moving away from my family. i'm going to miss muffy and unni so much especially. and after my time in the US, i know exactly what this homesickness is going to feel like. it was DEBILITATING. i was crying all the damn time initially. im crying rn honestly.

but on the other hand, i really cant stay here forever, nor do i want to. when i think about what would have happened if i got rejected, or if the company suddenly rescinded the offer, i'd be devastated. this is still definitely something i want though, im sure of that. and the unfortunate fact is that it's actually going to be a lot easier to live independently in another country than any city here.

and i feel like i'm overstaying my welcome here. i feel like i'm letting the days pass by me. since about april 2020, i've lived basically the same day over and over again. back in 2020, i was deeply grateful to be back home because 2019 had been a really tough year for me in the States, so to be in a supportive loving environment again was really good for me, even though technically it was kind of a regression. but since mid-2022, i've really felt like i've been stagnating. last year was the first year i've ever felt like Not Much happened, and not in a good way. in 2022, i changed jobs and that was a good life experience and between going to Lollapalooza and making short trips within the country, it's not like Nothing happened, but also i don't feel like i've been doing stuff at the pace i really want.

i'm terrified of how difficult this move is going to be. at least in the US, i didn't have to worry about the language barrier, and more than half my parents' cousins plus my aunt live there so there was a reliable support system. not that i actually asked them for help, but it gave me a lot of peace of mind just knowing they were there. now i won't have that at all and it's so scary. i think my time in the US is both a positive and negative here, because i have some idea of what to expect, especially in terms of my own emotional state. but also i have confidence in myself that i'll eventually be able to figure out the logistical stuff

i think the best thing to do is to just see this as an adventure. the point i was trying to make earlier is that i have been living the same day since 2020, and now very soon im going to have a bunch of days where everything is very different and i get to slowly establish a new daily routine. it's terrifying but i think im also embracing it. i just need to find a way to deal with the homesickness, i'm too close to my family and i think that's going to be the biggest thing for me to get past

#new job 2024 #specifically tagging all my posts related to this because i know im going to want to look through this stuff in the future #this is such a mess lol but i just need to get it all out

[sarahmolley]

miss you more every day. I didn't understand all the psychology back then but now I think I do. Was I ever your home like you are mine? I can behave. I have been and I will even more. I am, starting today. Please come back. Please give me one more shot with you. I love you. I was resentful and hurtful and mean. Please come home to me. I'll wait forever. It seems like I will be. I want my old colorado number back. All I really want in life is to do this, really do it but mainly just to be, with you. I'm not trying to love bomb you or wax poetic even if that's what this really is. All I want is you. Please don't move on again. Please try to understand my position and where this all came from with me. Please.

I think we were both insecure. But if we love each other there isn't any reason to be. I know now that I love you. I don't care what anyone thinks. I'll wait for you my whole life, probably in vain.

I'm about to check your stuff and it's gonna hurt either way. I feel so stupid.

I'm sorry I was confused about religion. I'm so sorry for hurting you, you mean everything to me and you always, always will. Life is so short and I just want to spend the rest of mine with you. I'm not saying I deserve it. You're just what I want more than anyone or anything.

I'm still angry and sad and hurt. Like why do you get a free phone and I don't. Why is it so easy for you to throw me away, still. But that's conceit isn't it? I don't know. I hate them and I want them dead but I can't hate ignorance forever. Accepting this is killing me. I can't take it. Why would you not come here with me and do what needs to be done? Because you get a pass I guess. I can't understand. I guess I lost everything again when I lost you and I really did lose you again didn't I? My soul will not stop bleeding. Sometimes lately I can't take it all. It doesn't feel fair. I don't want to accept that you really are gone. It hurts so much. It's all too much to bear and I have to and it makes me a monster just for loving you

I'm still waiting to file my tax return from last year

I'm still waiting to feel happy. So what order do I do these things in? How do I properly lose my mind?

All I can think about right now (tonight) is you. And the nightmare I had last night and how it's probably mostly true.

You refuse to appreciate that there's so much here I need to do.

What should I do? Even if I sell my car to have the money to try to win you back I still have to get a copy of the title. I'd do anything to be with you and that's toxic when I have to do everything to be with my children. I don't blame you for anything I still need you. I can't understand. I don't miss the bad times I just miss seeing your face. Even when you rejected me I wish I had kissed you more. I wish I could go back to the fourth of july and never leave your side again no matter what felt right and wasn't and regardless of anything. Life really is a sick joke. Or maybe just mine. I don't want to fight over you. I don't know why you say there's no one else when you know there is at least one. Why do you settle for lack of a better word with women like Morgan? To you are we all just the same? I feel worthless but that's my own fault. I don't know what to say anymore. If only I could be of the true opinion of you that I am of these others but I love you with my whole heart and always will, and I can't be.

I hope you're happy. I really love you and I guess goodbye.

ps I'm sorry my shit is broken really. I hope you found what I couldn't give you in other people. You are the love of my life and you will never not be that. Mine would be you. Maybe too. Maybe you feel that way about me somewhere deep down even if it doesn't count.

I just want to go back to the fourth of july. I just want to see you again.

Baby I can't even get my hood open right now. They slammed it and it's broken. I am trying to accept that this is what you want. It's 11:30 and I'm going to have to get back into the book I'm reading in order to sleep. Right now it feels like I never will tonight. It's certainly a sleepless task loving you. I can't find the humor in any of this right now anymore. It's the epitome of unfair that Gainesville is the last time I got to sleep with you. I hate all people except my children on this planet. Especially all of them but I will tell you this: you are the last person I ever slept next to and you are the last one I ever want to sleep next to. I miss you so much. I can't accept this goodbye. I can't accept the bizarre circumstances upon me. This has been inhumane.

I don't want to sleep again because I don't want to dream of you loving someone else again like Morgan the way you did instead of me. I hate all people. I hate them more than I can appreciate life and sometimes that scares me.

I just want to sleep next to you again. More than anything. My doubt that you will ever want that too.. I don't know.

Between you and I you are the best friend in my life I ever have had. I know I lost you when you went to her on that awful fucking access road and I know I lost you again when you went to stephenville. My heart refuses to accept. your behavior or theirs. I don't know to whom this is supposed to matter. I guess only me. I'm not trying to sound morbid but physiologically, like as a human computer, I can only take this shit for as long as I can take it for. I don't know what happens next. I'm way too pathetic to take my life best and worst case I just waste away. To the ones I love, I'm so sorry. Maybe this is it now. Maybe I'll never get out of bed again. If I'm honest I still have my ups and my downs. But I haven't burshed my tangles in days. Since the last time I posted about it probably. Right now I .. may need to check into a hospital. Sounds kind of fucking pathetic to me. Though. Right now I just want to go back. I want for none of this to be real and it's sad because I probably didn't have to go through anything near what anyone else went through right. I just can't take society anymore. And that's too bad so sad for me.

According to all this I was sad last night. But I still wake up every day and keep going. With them is where I need to be. Clearly you are passing up this opportunity. I don't understand. I'm sorry. I love you.

Honestly I guess I'm evil and fucked up. In every way but specifically in the sense that as long as I'm not the only woman on your mind then you can't be the only man on mine. But I'm thankful that I didn't dream last night unless it was about kanye west. And anyway I don't think I dreamt, I can't remember one. I will just keep missing you. All I can think of is that diddy/faith evans song. But it's all on me.

My stomach is full (still from yesterday). When I grab it through my skin I can feel my heartbeat radiating down into it. I planned on fasting all day today but after plasma I'll need to eat something right. I don't know. I'm paying attention to my body. I feel plain goofy for wanting to rejoin the gym. It'll get me off the cigarettes though that I as good as had an allergic reaction to last night. (Bronchitis-like symptoms.) While I was typing most of this into my phone. I just hope you know that we love and miss you. I can't make you care.

On a lighter note I had $5 in my pocket last night and was sad so I bought two jalapeño beef jerky + cheese snacks and ate them while I was reading and laying down. This was after chain smoking and I woke up with a stomach ache but I massaged my stomach and I feel physically a lot better. It probably was just gas (like all day yesterday). I hope today they don't charge me too much to rejoin the gym. I'm depressed. I'll pay for a jungle gym to let out endorphins.

I have never applied for unemployment. Random thought, scrolling offline twitter. Even though today is my second donation of the week I guess all I'll have money for is to rejoin the gym and do laundry since I missed my day yesterday by running everyone mostly for free. Maybe something else. Maybe I already forgot. Nothing besides working out that's too rewarding. I definitely have to put gas. I miss you babe. At least I don't see myself running anyone else besides my children around ever again. I hope you found you a boy mom. I hope they do my physical today, like don't turn me away cause it's Saturday. That'd suck. Oh. Maybe a $5 water cup from the dollar store or less until I can afford a camelbak. I miss my nike sports bra and I miss you. All I can think of is you. It's cruel.

Title would be please tell Ben I love him. If I could post a title from mobile.

[venusdeluxe]

Sentimental Summertime Mullings

Every summer, me and my family travel west to my great grandma and great grandpa's old house which my grandma and her siblings still own. It's out in the mountains, by the sea in a real small town. There isn't really any dedicated internet set up there either since no one really lives there anymore. It might be the time of year I look forward to the most. It's a nice place to spend time with my parents, siblings, grandma, my uncles, aunts, cousins, etc without worrying about work or whatever. Even some more distant family that I only really see when we're there. We go fishing, we go on hikes, we play cards, it's just the lovliest place I can think of. But one of my favorite things about being there is the opportunity to reconnect with some hobbies that I've fallen away from a bit at home.

Since there isn't really any dedicated internet there, I'm forced to unplug a bit and do something other than watch YouTube videos. At home that kinda became the default for me, even if I wanted to do something else. So being there, in that house is where I think my love of video games really formed. When we weren't on the trampoline or going out on hikes, me and the other kids would be on our DSes playing games day and night. Pokemon, Mario Kart, Mario Party, the frickin minigames in New Super Mario Bros and Mario 64 DS (lots of Mario), even making and downloading Flipnotes while it was still alive. Life truly couldn't get any better than that for little me. Those times are some of my most cherished childhood memories, yearly traditions that I always looked forward to so much. But of course, none of us stopped aging (as much as I would've liked that), and as everyone got older, people had other things they wanted to do, other places they wanted to visit, or just generally less interest in spending so much time playing on our old little DSes.

I wasn't hanging out with my second-cousins every year anymore, and for the last few years I haven't really been able to play video games on my own at home. I couldn't just sit down and play a Pokemon game anymore when it was so connected to that place and those memories I couldn't relive again. It just made me sad. It still makes me sad. But this year… I dunno. I feel like more than ever I've found it within myself to accept those times as just memories. Memories that I still hold very dear, but memories nonetheless. I'm standing in this house and I don't feel depressed that things changed. I'm playing some Pikmin, I'm reading a whole bunch of comics, I'm going on hikes and going fishing with the family members who are still visiting. Doing all this stuff that I liked to do and not feeling chained to the fact that I'm not following all our yearly traditions exactly as they were. Part of me just feels more at peace finally.

It's not the same as when I was a kid, the house isn't as stuffed with family as it was back then and I still miss it being that way, but maybe I'm finally moving on a bit. Accepting that it's ok for this place and my new memories there to change, and that I can still enjoy those hobbies that I loved so much as a kid. I can still enjoy Pokemon even if my second-cousin who knew everything about it and lended me some of his isn't here as much anymore. I can just enjoy the stuff I like because I like it and I wanna keep doing it as I move into new and scary phases of my life. My love of these things definitely stemmed from this house and the family I spent time with there, but it doesn't have to end there, stuck in this house forever. Still, if they do come visit again while I'm here and feel like playing some Mario Party, I'll be more than happy to bring that dusty old cartridge out. I always bring it with me.

#not even sure how you tag this