#moreid edit | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sideblogforcrimpy-plus · 3 months

Text

Rinse; Repeat

Words: 4,478, chapter one of probably two.

Rated: Handle with care, cw suicidal thoughts/discussion, canon typical violence, hints at abuse/bullying

Summary: Spencer and Derek meet before either of them are in the BAU. Spencer is hesitant as a deer to be close and all Derek wants is to be close (so does Spencer). Spencer is clearly Troubled and Derek just wants to love him softly, honestly. Like filtered afternoon sunlight and sepia filters.

but for real I just, I saw a post that made me laugh and go 'ahaha, unless?' and then sat down uncomfortably on the floor for three hours and wrote this.

For my own comfort/entertainment, Derek and Spencer are closer in age than my recent google search would lead me to believe. Thank (●'◡'●)

---- 2003

Derek was having a truly sucky day. The academy was rough, and as good as he was at all the physical stuff, there were some real smart people and he was so scared that he was all brawn and no brain. Not that he’d readily use the word ‘scared’ to describe himself if he could help it, but he was.

But realistically, he did get this far. So he did have some of the brain, but was it enough? Had he set his sights too high on the BAU?

Still, the doubt and insecurity wasn’t going to have him quit early. Partly because he really, really wanted this, but also partly because what would he tell his family if he’d put so much time into this and failed?

They’d comfort him and say they’re proud; he knows it. But would he be proud?

He doesn’t want to find out.

Dead tired despite the lack of physical training that day, he walked through the house and out to the balcony, only part stopping to shed his jacket and backpack.

The sun was long gone by now, and the stars were too hidden in such a built up area, but he braced himself with his arms on the railing and stretched his neck, trying to relax.

God, how many people even got through the academy each year?

“Chances are, if you’re already in the academy, you’ll come out the other side.”

God?

Had he asked that aloud?

Derek just about jumped out of his skin, training be damned. He was on the top floor and roof access was blocked. He must have made some sort of noise, because the sad, quiet voice came again.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“I’m not- I wasn’t… Startled.” Derek rubbed his forehead, hoping his voice didn’t sound it; startled. He wasn’t sure he’d heard that organically in conversation, more something you come across in text, in books and things.

“Oh. Sorry for assuming?” The speaker was hesitant, like they’d started apologising before they really knew why. Curious, and not thrilled someone had roof access and it wasn’t the guy (and his sister) who had the top floor apartment, Derek leaned out over the railing and twisted his neck, trying to see who answered him.

Before he could get a glimpse, he heard them step back.

How close to the edge was he? He watched as a bit of rubble fell past him and to the concrete below.

“I don’t think that’s something you need to apologise for, man. How’d you get up there, anyway? I was told we weren’t allowed because they don’t have railings. Or insurance, I think.”

“Well, that makes sense. Although a fall from a five story building isn’t guaranteed to be fatal; you’re better off on the eighth floor for that. But then again, there have been people that survived from even that height so, you can’t really win, can you? If you’re scared of heights or something.”

Derek’s curiosity took a quick dive into concern that sped right down to worry.

“Now I think you got that the wrong way around, better off on the lower floors if there’s no railing, right?”

There was a long pause, and Derek wondered if he’d be able to get up onto the roof in a reasonable amount of time if he had a sense of urgency pushing him.

“Perhaps. Can you imagine the injuries you’d be left with after surviving the fall?” He heard a foot scuff the ground above him and thought he’d started sweating despite the cool breeze. “It’d really suck to not have insurance then, huh? As the building owner, I mean.”

“Okay man, well, that’s a dark topic. And since there’s no railing, or maybe no seats up there either, why don’t you join me on my balcony instead? I might even be able to find a beer or something for you.”

“It’s not safe to go into a stranger’s house.”

“It’s not safe to think about people surviving and not surviving falls while you’re alone on a rooftop, close to the edge, and there’s no railing.”

“Well… Perhaps that’s a reasonable counterpoint.”

And that’s how Derek started becoming friends with a bundle of limbs and greasy hair that hid an incredible but haunted mind.

–

Spencer didn’t have a phone, so he’d just show up at Derek’s apartment intermittently. Well, his and Sarah’s. His mother had put money towards them renting it for the duration of Derek’s time at the academy and Sarah’s short term study since they lined up almost the same, with him likely finding some place more permanent for himself after.

He didn’t do well in the claustrophobic, shared dorms of the academy so would escape to the apartment when he could, and Sarah was completing her course close enough to make the apartment almost worth it.

It had two shoebox rooms, and they had to share a bathroom, but it still had two rooms so it was a step up from the low bar the academy set. But she was out often with friends, study, and a part time job while he was still largely sleeping at the dorm, so they hardly saw each other.

He’d come back to Spencer hanging out near the block only a couple times; he didn’t seem to like loitering, like he was concerned Derek’s neighbours would get suspicious.

More often, though, Derek would go out onto the balcony and make some sort of noise, and Spencer would respond from above. Over time, Derek was relieved to note that Spencer was usually not so close to the edge as he was the first night.

But most of the time, unfortunately, was not all of the time.

Spencer wasn’t all that interested in drinking, but he was interested in sharing whatever he’d learned about recently. He absolutely did not share much about himself at all.

Despite how private Derek felt as a person though, he found he was sharing quite a lot about himself with Spencer. It was hard not to, inviting Spencer into a place he and his sister were living in though. She’d met him in passing once or twice, and had commented after he left, thankfully, about how shy he seemed to be.

Spencer was a bit like butter from the fridge; he needed time to soften up every single time he came over to Derek’s.

His most recent obsession, to Derek's suffering, had been body farms. After finding out that Derek was studying at the academy (which he was loath to share on account of those ever-present insecurities), Spencer had told him that he was interested in criminal behaviour, among other related things.

Not in a ‘watch true crime documentaries just for the nightmares, apparently’ kind of way, but more to work out the why, and sometimes guess at the how, of everything. He’d dropped stupid time into geographical profiling, in Derek’s opinion, for someone who wasn’t pursuing a career in a related field.

“And they have one, a body farm that is, in East Tennessee. Did you know that they run ten week courses there? Something they’ve done recently is watching for changes in hair for a body left in a car for two months. That’s so specific, isn’t it? Hair changes in a car? Although it’s safe to assume they’re obviously looking for more at the same time.”

“Obviously,” Derek agreed.

Spencer was way too excited for the topic at hand.

Derek continued before Spencer went back to talking about something like maggot life cycles. “Okay, so if I get through to being an FBI agent and I see a body in a car, you’ll be the first person I call.”

“You mean when. I don’t have a phone.” Spencer’s lips had a little curve, like he was self-conscious of smiling still but couldn’t help it fully.

“Right, right. Can you tell me how to summon you then, or will I just have to come here and call out at the roof until you appear?”

Now that was definitely a smile. Why did that feel just as good as high test scores?

The next time Derek was at the apartment, Spencer didn’t show. But there was a phone number written on a paper plane that had been thrown onto his balcony. Three, actually, and one he picked up on the way to the apartment that was stuck in a sad, over-pruned and under-watered hedge out front. How many had Spencer made that Derek didn’t find?

Eleven, it turns out. Spencer was a horrible shot, but Derek liked watching his long fingers folding the paper in what was ‘the most aerodynamic plane folding method’ the next time he was over. It felt a little silly to challenge him on it, especially since Derek knew fuck all about the aerodynamics of paper planes. And Spencer called him out on it.

“Superior hand-eye coordination doesn’t mean your plane folding method is superior, it just means you’re good with your hands.”

Derek wiggled his eyebrows, but continued speaking after he let the flush of Spencer’s cheeks sit for a moment.

“So you want me to throw one of yours, to see if I can do it better with your method?”

“It’s a reasonable request. You can’t test two theories for quality results if the testing methods are different.”

“You’re a sore loser, you know that?”

“You’re an unfair winner, did you know that?”

“So you admit I’m a winner?”

Spencer felt terrible that his next plane hit Derek in the eye, so Derek only milked it for half the time he would have liked to.

Spencer shoved his shoulder when Derek finally caved and laughed, indignant.

“You were playing it up!”

“It’s paper! It can’t hurt me that bad.”

“It did hit your eye. They might be the fastest healing body part, but they’re not impervious.”

“Pretty boy, if you want to kiss it better, I won’t stop you. But you don’t need to worry that much about it.”

Derek saw that sweet rush of colour on Spencer’s neck and cheeks, and the smile he was trying to hide before now took a shy edge as he tried to look casual.

“Well, if I injured you, I should do what I can to help.”

His voice was so quiet that Derek almost missed what he said. He tilted his head in question, raising a brow while trying to figure out if this was more word-based flirting or if one of them would actually take it further for once.

Spencer’s eyes were focused on his fingers, picking at lint that certainly wasn’t on the leg of his pants but held his gaze anyway. His eyes flickered up to Derek’s face though, and his tongue darted out to wet his lips just after.

“Well, you’re the doctor out of the two of us, what do you think I need?”

“I’m not a medical doctor.” Spencer’s voice seemed to be getting quieter, but Derek liked that his gaze was flicking more to Derek’s lips now.

“Maybe so, but I bet you know more about first aid than I do, especially with that fear of germs you got.”

“Me not shaking your hand is normal. The number of pathogens passed during a handshake is staggering. It's actually safer to kiss.”

Derek almost laughed at how embarrassed Spencer looked at that line, but knew if he did Spencer would think he was laughing at him and might take offense.

“So I should kiss you goodbye when you leave? Doctor Reid, who knew you could be so forward?”

“That’s not what I was saying! I just-”

Derek held up his hands, placating, while Spencer seemed to flap his. “Now now handsome, I didn’t say I was opposed.”

Derek thought he was floating when Spencer, so quickly it was barely a kiss, pressed his lips to Derek’s cheek when he left that night.

–

The next time Derek heard Spencer’s voice from above his balcony, he was almost back to his subdued, distanced self from when they first started speaking. It was over an hour before Spencer let Derek coax him inside. He was shocked when Spencer came to his front door, hair lank and pulled forward to try and cover his eye and cheek that were dark with bruising.

“Spencer, what happened?” He ushered the younger man in, directing him to the couch.

“Nothing. An accident. What were you saying about the fitness test?”

“You’re not interested in fitness tests, what happened?” He tried to bring his hand up to Spencer’s cheek, tilt his head up into the light and assess the damage, but Spencer shied away from him, getting up and heading to the kitchen instead.

“I’m interested in the fitness test.”

“I’m not. Since when are you interested in that?”

“Since you’re the one talking about them.” Derek tried not to feel warm and fuzzy with that comment. Spencer was being genuine, the man was a terrible liar, but he gives away shy truths when he wants to distract.

Derek leaned against the tiny kitchen counter while Spencer turned the kettle on.

“I thought you didn’t have tea at night because of the caffeine.”

“Well, I don’t think I’ll sleep tonight anyway, so I may as well enjoy a tea.”

Derek scrutinised him, wordlessly getting a still sealed pack of decaf tea from the cupboard and putting it down beside Spencer’s hand on the counter.

“You know this isn’t truly decaffeinated? It’s just lower in comparison to other teas.”

Derek stayed quiet and watched as Spencer started to squirm under his gaze. He turned then to face Derek, a frown on his face that softened when he saw whatever emotion Derek’s expression wasn’t hiding. Concern, probably.

“I thought you said you wouldn’t use your behavioural training on me.”

“I thought I wouldn’t feel the need to with you.”

Spencer’s lips pressed into a thin line before he turned back to the kettle, mumbling. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

When Derek put his hand on Spencer’s shoulder, Spencer jumped, then looked guilty.

“Sorry. I don’t-” He looked at Derek’s hand, which he’d pulled back like he'd been burnt when Spencer flinched at his touch. “I don’t mind.” He wrung his hands, nervous or something like it and unable to look at Derek with that soft red on his cheeks again, marred by bruises. “I don’t mind. The contact, if it’s you. But I’d rather not be surprised by it just now.”

“I get it, pretty boy, and I’m sorry.” He held out his hands, palms up, for Spencer to take. Spencer’s hands shook a little, and he’d forgotten to pour water into his mug now.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Okay, I won’t ask how you got- that.” He jutted his chin to try and gesture at Spencer’s purpled skin while his hands were occupied. “But is what I see all you have, or is there more?”

Spencer bit his lip, watching his own thumb as he rubbed it against Derek’s fingers.

“Spencer, please.”

Spencer shrugged, still unwilling to meet Derek’s eyes.

“It’s not just that. My face. It’s-...” He lifted their joined hands, but didn’t let go of Derek’s to gesture any better. Instead, he pressed their hands to Derek’s chest, just beneath the collar of his shirt, then slowly moved them down and around a little to Derek’s sides. The movement was awkward, but Derek appreciated the tight grip on his hands, and the touch Spencer was initiating, and the information being shared all in the way Spencer was capable of.

“It’s all over, isn’t it pretty boy?”

Spencer hesitated, almost nodding before deciding to try and move on. “I don’t know if I qualify for that. Not normally, or especially now.”

The shy smile was back, and too self-deprecating for Derek. But fighting Spencer on that too strong right now would push him away, so he let some of that anger slide away before he spoke.

“You callin’ me a liar, handsome?”

“No, I think I’m calling you a sweet-talker.”

“But a lying sweet talker, hot stuff?” Spencer pursed his lips as he looked up at Derek, finally, to suppress a smile.

“I’m starting to think you have a biased opinion.”

“I’m starting to think you do too, although on the other side of the spectrum. Why are you so hard on yourself?”

Spencer squeezed Derek’s hands before letting them go, turning back to pour hot water in his mug. Derek bit back a sigh when Spencer changed the subject again.

“So only two weeks before you’re done at the academy, huh?”

Throughout the night, as Spencer started melting into his more comfortable self the longer he was there, he was less aware of the bruising on his face. It wasn’t until he caught his reflection, or Derek staring, or felt it twinge when he smiled too wide, that he remembered it and grew self-conscious again. That he pushed his hair back in the way of it like if Derek couldn’t see it then Spencer could forget he was injured.

He’d foregone contact lenses and worn his glasses that night, like he did most nights, and Derek thought it might be so it felt like there was another barrier between his bruises and the rest of the world.

Derek wanted to kiss them better, and then all the other hurts Spencer seemed to have. And Spencer sure seemed to have a lot of hurts.

Hurts like how his expression tightened when Derek asked about his childhood, his parents, his friends, or his time at school. How Derek, in the earlier days, made a comment about Spencer missing social cues, and heard a bitter ‘well I can’t pick up on cues if I don’t have anyone to teach them to me’ in reply before Spencer tried to cover it up.

How if he had a particularly bad day, he was so jumpy near Derek that Derek almost wanted to sit on his hands to show he wasn’t going to use them for anything.

How on days when Spencer’s eyes were sunken with a lack of sleep, and the clothes he wore showed how thin he was, and he was so so close to the edge of the ledge on the roof above Derek’s apartment that he thought Spencer just might not care if he fell over the edge.

Like he’d had a lifetime of hurts and still had to face more each day, and Derek only saw little slivers of him and couldn’t learn enough to help him as much as Spencer needed; as much as Derek wanted.

God, he was going to make a terrible profiler.

“Derek?” Spencer looked hesitant, and Derek realised he’d spaced out; probably while staring at Spencer’s bruise again going by how he’d tried to angle his face away awkwardly, unable to fully turn and hide it while looking at Derek at the same time.

Derek couldn’t help it, he just kept on staring. Spencer’s tongue darted out to wet his lips again, and Derek’s eyes tracked the movement. He knew Spencer noticed that, too, by the way his breath seemed to stutter.

Slowly, he shuffled forward on the couch, eyes holding Spencer’s gaze as he did so.

This time, Derek’s name from Spencer’s lips was much quieter, like he was asking for something instead of questioning him.

“Spencer,” The younger man’s eyes dropped down, watching as Derek’s hand came up to his arm; his shoulder. Watched it still as it moved higher, cupping his unbruised cheek. Spencer turned his head, almost pressing a kiss to Derek’s palm as his eyes closed and his bruised cheek was fully on display.

“Spencer, I’ll be gentle. May I?”

Spencer didn’t open his eyes, just hummed in agreement, nosing at Derek’s palm.

Goosebumps broke over Spencer’s neck when Derek’s breath hit his cheek, and Derek felt him shiver. Careful to avoid the worst of it, Derek skated his lips over Spencer’s cheekbone, pressed them just in front of where his earlobe met the back of his jaw, then trailed them down his jawline.

Spencer tipped his head, allowing easier access as Derek watched Spencer’s fingers grip the couch cushion beneath him. Unsure if it was entirely due to sensation or something going on in his mind, Derek didn’t push further. Using his hand on Spencer’s cheek, he turned the man’s head to nudge his nose to Spencer’s.

“This is alright?”

In lieu of an answer, slowly, Spencer lifted his chin and kissed Derek on the lips. Derek’s chest swelled and he smiled into it, his other hand coming up to Spencer’s side.

They shuffled closer to each other, to be able to press themselves into each other more comfortably. Spencer’s mouth opened beneath Derek’s lips, and he could taste that terrible decaf tea and honey, and the cashews Spencer liked to snack on while reading.

He wondered what Spencer would think he tasted like, the cheap vending machine snacks and the god awful protein water he’d bought without realising it was terrible.

Suddenly, he had the urge to brush his teeth. He made to pull away, but Spencer’s fingers curled in his shirt and his resolve weakened.

Their hands were slowly moving over each other, everything was moving so slowly. Sweetly, like they were learning each other and had all the time in the world. Derek’s fingers found the hem of Spencer’s shirt, and he tugged the man’s lower lip between his teeth as his fingers slipped under the fabric and brushed against Spencer’s skin.

God it was soft, but it felt thin, too. He became scared of hurting Spencer, especially when remembering he had some other injuries too. So he kept his touch light, fingers probably tickling as they travelled further up Spencer’s side as Spencer laughed into the kiss.

Spencer tugged at Derek’s collar, then his fingers slipped around to cup the back of Derek’s neck. Caught up in being able to touch, they quickly moved back down, trailing over his shoulder and down his chest, then Spencer’s hands lingered there. They would have moved further down, Derek thinks, with his hands now pushing Spencer’s shirt up, if it weren’t for his sister coming home.

They didn’t realise until they heard her laugh, surprised.

“Oh, Sorry! I didn’t text ahead, my phone died. Go about your business!” She laughed again, more of a giggle, then her bedroom door clicked shut. Spencer was rigid beneath him - when had he pressed Spencer into the couch beneath him?

‘Sorry, Spence, I didn’t-”

Spencer pushed him up and off, the heat flushing his face more than the usual shyness or what Derek might expect from making out on a couch could bring about. More than embarrassment of being caught, even. He scrambled to get up and right his clothes, walking to the door and scooping up his bag on the way.

“Spencer, wait! Where are you going?” He didn’t want to pull Spencer back by catching his arm, knowing the man wouldn’t react well. His eyes seemed watery and Derek was lost.

And he stayed lost, when, after three weeks, Spencer hadn’t come back. His texts went unanswered and when he called the number was disconnected.

And he kept right on being lost when Spencer didn’t come back to visit him before he had to move out.

–--- 2005

Derek scowled at the scene before them.

“You’re saying someone was turning people into books?”

The local officer walking them through the scene nodded, nose wrinkled but face otherwise resigned.

“Yup. See, we had a couple people go missing here and there. Transients, runaways, you know the type. And we’d thought they went missing by choice. Sure, we looked,” not enough, Derek thought. “But we never thought they’d end up. Well. As books.”

“As books.” Derek’s skin crawled.

Aside from a specific wrinkle in his brow, Hotch didn’t even look perturbed. “These materials, would they be specialised? Potentially unique or traceable?”

“The tanning stuff? Not as far as we can tell. Out here, we got people doing this the normal way, tanning hides and such. A lot of leather workers out here. As far as we can tell, it’s basically all the same stuff.”

Hotch looked back at Gideon who shrugged and looked at Derek. “He’ll take a breather now that we found his workshop; he’ll need time to set himself up again. Derek, you’re going to a library to speak to someone about human skin book binding.”

Derek and Elle looked at each other before Derek held his hands out, gesturing broadly.

“We just have someone who knows about human skin being made into books?”

Elle smirked at him. “And you get to visit them. How nice.”

Derek wasn’t thrilled about it, and the feeling that his skin was crawling and unclean hadn’t left since they found the workshop their unsub was using. It reeked in both usual and unexpected ways, and the forensic investigator on scene and all too happily told him that urine could be used in the tanning process.

Perhaps a clean, quiet, library would help in easing his mind, but the subject matter wouldn’t. Derek flashed his badge at the desk, and the librarian assistant he’d found nodded without him needing to explain.

“Agent Gideon called ahead, I’ll lead you through to the doctor now. The books were already here, we’ve held them for ages, but the doctor only arrived recently. Good timing, too, what with this horribleness happening.” She chattered as she led him through shelves, picking up carelessly placed books as she went and piling them up on her other arm.

“Wait, the doctor showed up for the books after the murders?” Derek frowned; Gideon hadn’t called that far ahead, had he?

“Yes, though it’s not his first time here. He’s such a joy to have.” She looked at Derek, then laughed. “You don’t think he did it, do you?”

Derek shrugged, and she shook her head. Then, they stopped outside a room labelled ‘staff only’, and she knocked before pushing the door open.

Derek patted down his pockets for his notepad and pen, then stopped short when he looked up.

The assistant kept talking.

“So this is the doctor Spencer Reid, the veritable specialist on these books. Our Margaret, who usually cares for these books and who we’d recommend you to normally for this, she’s been unwell. But we’re lucky to have Dr. Reid here,” After that, she looked between the two, and her smile slipped into confusion.

“Do you two know each other?”

Derek swallowed, and Spencer barely moved.

“Well, I’ll just leave you two to it, then.” She cast a hesitant glance at Spencer, who nodded to her, and she seemed to take that as a sign it was safe for her to leave them alone.

“Spencer?”

8 notes · View notes

fortheloveofwonderland · 1 year

Text

The Kids Aren’t Alright | Chapter 3

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Chapter Summary - JJ and Spencer both fight against feelings they wish would go away. Meanwhile, Luke starts to spiral.

Pairing - Spencer Reid x BAU Team / later chapters include Moreid, Temily and Ralvez.

Category - mystery | coming of age | fluff | angst | smut

Content Warnings - pining JJ, more mean kids, slight self deprecating thoughts, smoking, mention of weed.

WC - 3.5k

Chapter 3 - Dreaming With a Broken Heart

When you’re dreaming with a broken heart,

The waking up is the hardest part.

You roll out of bed and down on your knees,

And for a moment, you can hardly breathe.

Once upon a time the BAU’s photography program was one of the shining glories of the camp. They’d had state of the art Canon digital cameras for each camper in a group, even a few analog cameras and an impressive darkroom where they kids were shown the dying art of developing film. Nowadays, the program left a lot to be desired.

The darkrooms had been demolished and analog cameras gotten rid of. Over time they’d been left with fewer and fewer digital ones and now only three remained. Trying to get a group of twenty teenagers excited to share three cameras was a hard task for Jennifer Jareau. She’d been excited her first summer here, two years ago, when they’d at least had enough cameras for half of the group. She’d always enjoyed art and getting to spend her summer roaming the outdoors teaching the teens how to compose photographs was a lot of fun. She used to have them make scrapbooks of their works to take home to their parents but the camp printers went the way of most of the cameras and now their images were destined to be deleted once the kids went home. It was sad really, without anything to show for it the kids didn’t care about the art form anymore. They’d be able to edit their images in Penelope’s computer class later, crowded around one device while the bubbly blonde tried to get excited over menial photoshop tutorials when last summer she’d been teaching the campers all about VPNs and firewalls.

Mostly JJ would spend the day watching the kids argue over the cameras or sit twiddling their thumbs whilst waiting their turn. Today she’d taken them down past the lake to the dirt track tucked away on the other side of the trees where another group or twenty kids fought over two ATV’s to ride. She perched on a large rock just at the edge of the clearing, far enough away that her group weren’t going to get mowed down by the all-terrain vehicles and the boisterous kids riding them. She tried her best to stay away from this particular area of the camp because she didn’t want to be seen as some kind of stalker.

Usually she had her groups photograph the kids in boats on the lake or Matt’s wall climbing activities, sometimes even sports games. Anything to keep herself away from the object of her desire. But after seeing her so pally with Alvez this morning, JJ couldn’t stay away. She told herself the speed in which the ATV’s flew around the track was a great opportunity to teach the teens about shutter speeds and ISOs, but that wasn’t the full story.

The truth was JJ had been enamoured by Emily Prentiss from the first time she met her two summers ago. Emily was two years JJ’s senior and had shown the younger girl the ropes so to speak. That first summer the two girls had been inseparable, spending every moment of their free time together. JJ had never felt this way about someone before, least of all a girl. But Emily was magnetic, confident and beautiful and she made butterflies form in JJ’s stomach. Over the course of the summer, JJ had fallen head over heels.

But the following summer had been different. Some new counsellors joined the staff, one of whom was Tara Lewis. Tara and Emily were the same age and bonded instantly, leaving JJ out in the cold. Since then things had never been the same between JJ and Emily. They still talked but it wasn’t the way it used to be. They didn’t sit up at night talking and giggling by the lake, they didn’t share lingering glances across the campfire. JJ had spent a whole year building up the relationship in her head, desperate to see Emily again and maybe even confess her feelings but she never had the chance. And this summer Tara was back again and things were just the same as last year. So instead of watching her group or even watching the kids on the ATV’s, she was watching the beautiful instructor.

Emily’s long hair was tied back from her face, her bangs sticking to her forehead slightly due to the heat. The sleeves of her top were rolled up to her elbows and her jeans were tucked into the calf high boots she had to wear for the purposes of demonstrating how the vehicles worked. She held her helmet under her arm, cushioned against her hip and she didn’t take her eyes off of the two kids on the ATV’s skidding around the dirt track. And JJ didn’t take her eyes off of Emily. She was so tunnel visioned on the other girl she didn’t notice one of the teens approaching until a shadow was cast over her face. She glanced up to see the lanky figure of one of the boys hovering over her with a camera.

“Just wanted to know what you thought of these.” Riley Jenkins smiled sweetly at JJ as she pushed herself up off of the rock.

He was only seventeen and already had at least a foot in height on JJ. He was a good kid from what she’d seen, friendly and kind, unlike a lot of other boys his age. She took the camera from him and looked at the digital display. She clicked through a few photos until she found one that captured her attention. It was a shot of one of the ATV’s as it was airborne, only a foot off the ground but he’d clearly listened to what she’d told them about the shutter speeds to be able to take such a shot and have it be so clear. But it was what was in the background that caught JJ’s eye.

Emily Prentiss profile was bathed in sunlight, the slight sheen of sweat on her brow glistening. Her lip was upturned at the corner as she smiled at the two kids on their ATV’s. JJ thought she looked like a goddess, an angel fallen to earth. Her heart clenched in her chest, wanting to look at nothing but this photo for the rest of her life.

“Wow, good job Jenkins. These are really great.” She forced her eyes off of the display and onto the boy next to her.

He smiled brightly, slightly bashfully, as he took the camera back off of her.

“Thank you.” He blushed a little.

“Teachers pet much, Jenkins?” Someone scoffed and JJ turned to them with a frown.

“Firstly Hernandez, I’m not a teacher.” JJ scowled at the trouble maker. “And secondly, I’d like to see you do better.”

JJ motioned for Riley to hand the camera over to Hernandez who rolled his eyes and shoved his hands in his pockets.

“Not interested. Sorry.” He turned his back on JJ and Riley and shuffled over to a group of his cohorts.

Riley hung his head in embarrassment, holding the camera limply. JJ was going to comfort him, she told herself that anyway, but she felt a set of eyes on her. When she looked up, Emily was smiling at her from a distance and JJ forgot her own name, let alone Riley next to her. She awkwardly waved in the older girl's direction, feeling her cheeks flush pink as she did so. Emily waved back before she was turning back to her own group of teens.

JJ chewed on her lip, making sure to catalogue the interaction in her head like she did every interaction with Emily, no matter how small. And just like that, Riley was a long forgotten memory.

***

After showering the lake water off of himself and fishing out a dry uniform, Spencer headed back out of his cabin, hair still slightly damp. He quickly locked the door behind him and when he turned, there was someone waiting for him at the bottom of the steps.

Luke stood sheepishly on the path, hugging Spencer’s chemistry book tightly to his chest.

“You uh…forgot this.” He seemed to give it a squeeze before holding it out in his hand.

Spencer slowly descended the stairs and took the book from him with a small smile.

“Thanks.”

“No problem.” Luke shrugged. “I’m really sorry about earlier. I can swim, I just…I can swim.”

“You sure about that?” Spencer raised an eyebrow at him.

“I can kinda swim. I’m ok but I’m not going to win any medals if you know what I mean? I can keep my head above water but I’m not so sure I’d be able to keep two heads above water. Strauss never even asked when she offered me the job so I figured it wasn’t that important. The sailing part I’m good at. Not so much the swimming.” His cheeks flushed red and he chewed on his bottom lip in embarrassment.

“Let’s just hope no one else drowns before I get back from speaking to Hotch. Try to keep them all alive until I get back, yeah?” Spencer sent him a playful smirk which Luke couldn’t help but return.

“I’ll try my best.” He nodded with a small chuckle.

Spencer felt his heart soar at the sound coming from Luke’s lips. This boy was doing things to Spencer he’d never experienced. And he wanted more of it, so much more. But that could never happen, Spencer was not allowing himself to succumb to those kinds of thoughts so he quickly shook his head, trying to snap himself out of it. Luke was hot, he just wanted to sleep with him, nothing more. Never anything more.

“I should uh…go find Hotch.” He averted his gaze, not trusting himself to look at Luke for too long.

“Yeah sure. I’ll see you later.”

“Uh huh.” Spencer mumbled and then he was scurrying away, leaving Luke slightly confused.

One minute Spencer had been friendly, even borderline flirtatious and the next he’d turned cold out of nowhere. Luke didn’t understand. Perhaps he was imagining the whole thing. Maybe Spencer wasn’t flirting with him at all and Luke had just built the whole thing up in his head. Maybe Spencer was just trying to be nice, but like everyone else had grown sick of Luke already. He wouldn’t be surprised, wouldn’t even blame him. Luke was sick of himself too. It was his own fault really, he made a rule never to let himself get close to people and he’d almost crossed that line today. He’d let himself crack open his walls if only a little, testing the waters and seeing what it might be like to have a friend.

But Luke didn’t need friends. He didn’t need anyone. He’d been alone long enough now and he was doing just fine. Why upset the balance and try to change things, when it would inevitably end in tragedy anyway? He had briefly let himself fantasise of something more with Spencer, let himself foolishly believe that he might be worth more. But it was nothing more than a flight of fancy and Luke would not allow himself to live in that delusion a moment longer. Getting his hopes up always ended badly for Luke. It was better for him to be alone.

***

Penelope Garcia is: BORED! 😩🦄

Penelope’s pink nails clicked against the screen of her smartphone as she updated her Facebook status with a small sigh as she hit “Post”. Her eyes remained on the group of teens crowded around the lone computer, she had long ago learnt to touch type and rarely needed to look at the device. The group had just come from JJ’s photography outing and were now trying their hand at photoshopping at the images they took. Penelope sat on a table behind them, barely able to see the computer screen with all the bodies surrounding it. But as long as they kept themselves busy it didn’t matter to her what exactly they were doing.

Her phone vibrated in her hand and she opened Facebook again to see the new comment on her post.

Jennifer Jareau: at least we have the campfire party tonight! While Strauss is away, the counsellors will play 😘

Penelope laughed lightly at JJ’s comment, pleased for a smile to be on her face. JJ was the closest thing Penelope had to a best friend at camp, they started working here the same summer and were now in their third year together. They were extremely different people, chalk and cheese really, but that didn’t stop them from growing as close as they had.

Penelope was about to reply to JJ’s comment when another one popped up.

Derek Morgan: if you actually spent more time doing your job and less time on socials you might not be so bored, baby girl 😝

Penelope felt her cheeks instantly burn as she read the comment from Morgan, specifically the use of the pet name baby girl which never failed to make her heart leap into her throat. She wasn’t delusional, she knew she never stood a chance with a guy like Derek Morgan. She’d stood by and watched each summer while he flirted shamelessly with every female camp counsellor who wasn’t her, Emily, Tara, even JJ, and all the others who had come and gone over the years. She wasn’t Morgan’s type and she knew it. Of course it hurt, it filled the outwardly bubbly and confident girl with an innumerable amount of insecurities which she kept bottled up beneath her pink and fluffy exterior. But it never stopped her from imagining what it might be like for Derek Morgan to look at her in that way.

It wasn’t as though she didn’t have interest in her. Back home the neighbourhood dork Kevin Lynch was utterly besotted with her. Admittedly she enjoyed the attention, even if she did find him a little creepy. Then of course there was the ever so lovely Sam who liked to listen to her play her ukulele and whose smile was so magnetic it sometimes took her breath away. But still she couldn’t shake Derek from her mind, even though she knew it would never happen.

She gave each of the comments a thumbs up but decided not to reply to either of them and clicked the button on the side of her phone to lock it. When she tuned back into the room some of the kids around the computer were giggling among themselves.

“What’s so funny, chickadees?” Penelope got to her feet and skittered towards them on her too high heels that Strauss was always telling her were “inappropriate” for camp.

“Look at the way she’s looking at her! Pathetic!” One of the girls nearest the screen giggled.

“Her tongue might as well be hanging out of her mouth.” Another girl scoffed.

“What’s going on here? Scoot over.” Penelope gently pushed her way through the teens to get a look at the computer screen and what the kids were laughing at.

Penelope inhaled deeply as she took in the picture on the display that one of the campers had snapped. It was taken down by the ATV track but it didn’t show any of the campers. Just two counsellors.

Emily was in the distance, chewing mindfully on her bottom lip, whilst decked out in her ATV gear. In the foreground was JJ, the look on her face similar to that Penelope imagined her own to look like whenever she saw Morgan. JJ was the literal depiction of the heart eye emoji. There was no way to misinterpret the way she looked at Emily like she hung the damn moon.

So that was why JJ had been so concerned about Luke and Emily this morning. She didn’t have a crush on Luke, she had one on Emily. But why wouldn’t JJ tell her that? Penelope told JJ everything and she thought the other girl did the same. Did she not think Penelope would understand? Was she ashamed? Had Penelope done something to make JJ think she wouldn’t accept her? Penelope suddenly felt terrible, like the world's worst friend. JJ felt as though she had no one to talk to about this when she should have been able to turn to Penelope.

The giggling continued around her and she pushed the teens out the way, snatching the mouse out of one of the girls hands and quickly closing the window so the photograph vanished.

“That’s enough.” She snapped at the group. “You should all be ashamed of yourselves. Computer time is over, now you all get to sit in silence for the next twenty minutes and think about the way you acted.”

Penelope scurried back to where she’d been sitting while the kids started muttering under their breath. She plopped down on the table before giving them all her sternest look.

“I said silence.” She spat, in a tone she’d never used before. It seemed to work though as the muttering died out and the room fell quiet.

She pulled out her phone again, opened her messages and tapped out a quick text.

📱 Jennifer Jareau: meet me behind the sports building at lunch time. We need to talk xoxo

***

Spencer might have proven his aptitude at swimming, but when it came to boats, it was quickly clear that was best left to Luke. To say the young genius was uncoordinated would be an understatement and Luke lost count of the amount of times in the space of one session, the boy nearly capsized. He’d spoken to Hotch who had been far too busy with other things to care much about what Spencer was saying and shooed him away like a fly with a “yeah, sure whatever.” He’d run it by Strauss when she was back but for today at least he was assisting Luke at the lake.

Eventually Spencer had stopped trying to be a champion canoer and observed from the dock with Luke. Conversation didn’t flow as it had earlier, Spencer read his text book while Luke sat awkwardly at his side. It was the last session before lunch when Luke would be able to finally have a smoke without the campers around - that was strictly against the rules - and boy did he need one.

As soon as his watch read twelve thirty, he called the kids out of the lake and sent them on their way to the canteen at the top of the hill. Spencer hung back to help Luke get the boats back to the shed. As soon as everything was away, Luke fished in his jacket pocket for his smokes and quickly lit one. He noticed Spencer watching him as he inhaled and then exhaled the smoke.

“Want one?”

“Uh, no thanks. I don’t smoke.” Spencer shook his head, only just refraining from telling Luke all the grizzly facts relating to smoking deaths. “Are you going up for lunch?”

Luke took a deep drag, holding the smoke down in his lungs for a few seconds before puffing it back out of his mouth.

“In a minute. You can go on ahead if you want, don’t feel like you have to wait for me.” Luke sighed as he spoke, leaning back against the boat shack.

“No it’s ok I’ll…” Spencer trailed off as his eyes wandered a little way up the hill where Morgan was standing, waving him over.

Luke saw it too and it wasn’t lost on him the dopey smile that sprung to Spencer’s lips.

“Go, it’s fine. I’ll be up when I’m done.” Luke spat a little harsher than he meant to.

Spencer looked towards Luke and then back at Morgan, then to Luke again who would not make eye contact with him. It was simpler if he just focused his attention on Morgan. His attraction to Morgan was animalistic, no chance of feelings developing there. He knew the same could not be said for his feelings towards Luke. Morgan was the safer option, he was less likely to get his heart broken that way. So with a sigh, he turned his back on Luke and started away.

“See you.” He called back but he didn’t turn around.

Luke swallowed a lump in his throat and watched Spencer go. When he reached Morgan, the older man pulled him into a large bear hug, and Spencer nuzzled against his strong chest while Morgan messed up his hair. That could be him. If he wasn’t so fucked up that he could be honest about his feelings, that could be him holding Spencer in that way. It should be him. But of course, who would be stupid enough to choose Luke Alvez over Derek Morgan?

He took another pull of the cigarette but it wasn’t hitting the spot so he tossed it on the dock and stamped it out with his boot. He needed something stronger to take the edge off, nicotine wasn’t going to cut it. He fished into his inside pocket and pulled out the little tin he kept inside. Opening the lid he was met by that delectable scent usually reserved for after his shift.

One blunt couldn’t hurt. Just one hit to get him through the rest of the day was all he needed. No one ever had to know.

Taglist

@andiebeaword @dreatine @measure-in-pain @takeyourleap-of-faith @dirtytissuebox @smurphyse @ssa-uglywhore27 @reidselle @reidsbookclub