#more specific it's about hugging said raccoon

[libraryraccoon]

OMG I SAW YOU WERE TAKING REQUESTS!!!! If you don’t mind, could I request Alastor, Vox, (Any other overlord or any character you’d like to add!) with a reader whose just as unhinged and crazy like Floyd from Twst!!! Please and thank you 🙏

Gender : GN

Pronouns : No pronouns really used ('They' one time')

Character(s) : Alastor, Vox, Lucifer

Info : Reader is tall (6'3), Reader like to bite in Lucifer' part, Reader is from the Mafia. I write this thinking of a before/pre relationship.

Message from Raccoon : I try to write a Floyd!reader, but I won't lie, it was hard and I probably failed- sorry.

Alastor

You met him at the time when he was killing overlords.

He went into an alley to find his next victim, when he saw you, in a bad mood, beating the overlord's skull against a wall.

When you noticed him, more specifically noticing his deer ears, you ran towards him, stopping in front of him before starting to stroke his ears…

He asked you to stop 3 times, did you do it ? No.

Although he didn't like it, he didn't do anything because he didn't want to end up like the other Overlord that you have killed.

On the other hand, he really almost killed you when you noticed his deer tail and touched it.

Even you don't know how you survived, not that you care..

He, over time, learned to manage your mood.

And your nickname that you give to everyone, his being Sharky because of his pointy teeth and his smile.

The best thing to get you back in a good mood was for him to let you touch his ears or let you participate in the usual chaos of the underworld.

He quickly learned to hide his deer tail from you. When you found out, you almost ended a third of hell if he hadn't stopped you.

The Overlords are afraid of you. It’s said, it’s a fact.

People always run 20km away when they see you and Alastor, or kill themselves.

It always makes you laugh.

When he left for 7 years, no demon knew how to manage your temper, so they entrusted it to the only person other than Alastor who knows how to manage them.. Husk.

Husk had to stay with you at all times because otherwise you would burn and kill any demon that you see, even the Overlords.

When Husk was teleported to the hotel and saw Alastor, his first reaction was to cry with joy, because yes, finally he can stop being with you everydays.

...Then he saw you weren't there.

"Shit."

“A bit vulgar my friend for a welcome.”

“Y/N isn’t here, they are alone.”

…

“Ah.”

That 'ah' said it all.

When Alastor and Husk saw you, a minute after that, you were at the hotel door, in a bad mood, with the hell behind you burning.

Alastor said nothing when you touched his deer ears and tail, preferring to focus on the well-being and survival of the hotel.

There was something Alastor did NOT miss, it was your 'hugs'.

More like your attempts to break his ribs if he's honest.

As much as he loves you, he prefers to keep his ribs intact. So STOP SQUEEZING HIM IN A WAY THAT BREAKS HIS RIBS-

It happens that you have moments where you are both together and calm, a rare thing.

The most often when this happened was when Alastor was reading while you were in bed, trying to sleep.

Ah, the bed, the only place where you are calm and tired.

Sometimes, when you couldn't sleep, you talked about what your life was like before, how your father was a Mafia boss and how you and your twin were part of it.

And Alastor didn't doubt about it, especially when you talked about your twin and how much you missed them.

These were Alastor's favorite moments.

Although he also liked when you made some sort of potions or poisons.. He never knew what you did exactly, but it kept you in a good mood without having to touch him or destroy hell.

Good thing.

Vox

You have heard a conversation between Husk and Angel Dust about what Valentino did to him.

You didn't like it.

And what do we do when we don't like something ?

We're destroying it !

Vox found you at the same time as Velvette and Valentino.

You were destroying Val's entire studio.

“WHERE IS THE ASSHOLE NAMED VALENTINO ?!”

Valentino has never been so afraid to say it was him.

Vox tried to calm you down, but he failed…

You broke half of his screen.

It started off very badly.

You left only 20 minutes later, when Angel Dust and Charlie put you back in a good mood by promising you that you could play with Alastor's deer tail, before taking you back to the hotel.

I'm not going to let go of Alastor and his fucking deer tail.

Valentino didn't go near Angel Dust for a month after he found out you destroyed everything just because he slapped him.

You didn't see Vox again until three days later, when you were in a good enough mood again to apologize.

You went there, alone, without anyone to accompany you or who knew where you were..

Worrying thing when you are supposed to be monitored 24/7.

You just thought to yourself, “How about I go squeeze electric eel as an apology.” and thought that was a good idea.

When he saw you, he almost gave in.

You didn't say anything, you just squeeze him super tight and called him "electric eel".

You almost broke his ribs in the 'hug' by the way.

And it lasted an hour, you released him because you were starting to get bored.

It was after that, that began a friendship that would soon become more.

Vox didn't have a way to put you in a good mood except squeezing him, letting you beat up Valentino, or letting you create chaos in Hell.

Did he use that to his advantage ? Of course !

Whenever you were in a bad mood, he took you to devils he didn't like/rivals and told you to destroy everything.

Which you were more than happy to do.

People, following this, avoided messing with Vox, afraid of the monster behind him.

The only one he can't do that to is Alastor.

You find him too interesting with his deer characteristics to even think about doing it.

Vox's favorite moment is when he either sees you protecting him,

It's something simple, but something he loves. Seeing you beat the shit out of a demon for touching him or looking the wrong way was always a sight for him.

He always fell more and more when you did it, especially when it was Val-

His other favorite time was when you were in a good mood and you couldn't stop talking about something you liked/something random.

Like this time you told him that you were part of the mafia when you were alive with your twin..

Wait-

"WHAT ?!"

Lucifer

The first time you saw him was during his visit to the hotel.

You ran towards him before jumping on him.

I'll let you imagine a 6'3 person jumping on a 5'3/5'4 person…

He swears he saw death at that moment.

You crushed him in your arms.

Yes, crush. There are no other words.

A minute of silence for his ribs which were almost broken here.

“It’s Y/N, a resident of the hotel. We’re 50% sure he’s not dangerous !” Charlie said, trying to get you to let go of his father.

50% seemed way too generous as you tightened your grip on him.

If it wasn't for Husk who manages, one way or another, to make him let go, Lucifer is convinced that some of his ribs would be broken.

Lucifer has since considered you dangerous. And your mood swings didn't help.

The first time he saw you go from a good mood to a bad mood, just because he refused to let you squeeze him to death, he was quite surprised but also he was a little scared.

"No." "> :(" *go destroy a part of hell.*

How Hell still exists is a mystery-

He finds your size imposing.

It's your personal armrest. You always lean on him, you know how some tall people put their arms on a short person's head and lean on them and act like everything is normal ? It's you and Lucifer.

Apart from how terrifying you are in a bad mood, in a good mood you get along pretty well.

You're both energetic little shits who like to play pranks and build ducks.

Yes, you build ducks with Lucifer when you're in a good mood.

Why ? Because it's one of the only things that keeps you busy and in a good mood without the need to create chaos or squeeze people to death.

One day you made a duck that looked like him and you say "Duck that look like duckling."

He may have cry of joy at that moment.

You call him Duckling and Sea Bunny.

Let me just- *headcanon that he let you bite his wings when you're in a bad mood*

When you told him about your past, it wouldn't surprise him.

He had meet many demons, including some from the mafia.

That you were part of a mafia that was controlled by you're father was therefore not so surprising, but can also explains your violent behavior.

Also, to prevent you from destroying hell, he discovered that taking you flying with him put you directly in a good mood.

It was not uncommon to see Lucifer flying through Hell while carrying you. Flying always puts you in a good mood, even in your worst mood.

How he fell for someone so unstable is a mystery still unsolved.

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin hotel x gn reader #hazbin hotel x male reader #lucifer morningstar #hazbin hotel lucifer #vox #vox hazbin hotel #alastor #hazbin hotel alastor #lucifer x reader #lucifer x gn reader #lucifer x male reader #alastor x gn reader #alastor x male reader #alastor x reader #vox x reader #vox x gn reader #vox x male reader #Raccoon is writing

[spookymystery67]

I Wish I Could Walk In Heels

AN: My procrastination is honestly getting out of hand. Past me really screws present me over. I finished most of this chapter today, so hopefully it's alright and you all enjoy it!

Chapter 16:

“Jill?” You couldn't believe your eyes. Her hair was slightly longer but you recognized her instantly. You hadn't seen or heard anything about her for so long, you had assumed the worst. What are the odds that she would be here?

“Y/n?” Jill was just as shocked to see you as you were her. She looked out into the hall behind her before walking fully into the room and shutting the door behind her. “Oh my god, I thought you were dead.” Jill told you as she lowered the gun in her hand and walked toward you.

“I had thought the same about you. I hadn’t been able to find anything confirming whether or not you made it out of the city. I assumed the worst happened.” You told her as you pulled her in for a quick hug. When you pulled away, you examined her and noticed she was donned in combat gear that was clearly made specifically for her. 

“Oh, it did. A lot happened after we parted ways. But that’s a story for another time. What are you doing here?” She looked over and noticed Ada. “And who’s she?”

You glanced over to Ada and noticed the raised brow and guarded look on her face. She knew of Jill, you having shared all that had happened in Raccoon City before you two met in that jail when she was posing as an FBI agent. How you and Jill helped each other get through and survive those dangers that would have likely killed you had you been alone.

“Ada.” Ada deadpanned, going back to rummaging through the file cabinet. You rolled your eyes, unimpressed with her behavior. But you knew how she could be around strangers. Not to mention that you were both currently on a mission. In her mind, you had no time for pleasantries.

“Pleasure.” Jill snarked. You snorted and turned back to Jill.

“What are you doing here?” You questioned, glancing to the door to confirm it was locked.

“I asked you first.” Jill said as she glanced at Ada from the corner of her eye.

“Uh…” You didn’t know how to tell her you're currently on a mission to steal confidential files from Umbrella. You had no idea how she would take it. You looked to Ada for help as she grabbed a briefcase from the desk, dumped out whatever was in it, and placed the files she found into the case before shutting it. 

She looked up at you and shrugged carelessly. “Don’t look at me. She’s your friend. You explain.” She crossed her arms and leaned against the desk, an evil smirk appeared on her face as she watched you stutter. She’s leaving the decision up to you on whether you tell Jill the truth or not.

“Wow. Thanks, Ada.” You glared slightly, making her smirk widen more.

“It wouldn’t happen to involve confidential files detailing every single one of Umbrella’s secret locations, would it?” Jill asked, staring intently at the briefcase resting on the desk, guarded by Ada.

You hesitated. “...Maybe. Don’t tell me you're here for it too.”

“I am. As helpful as that hard drive you gave me was, it wasn’t enough to take down Umbrella. As you have probably already guessed by now, considering they are still up and running.” Jill paused. “I have to ask. You’re not working for them, are you?”

You shook your head. “No. Of course not.” You firmly stated, sort of offended she would even suggest you would work for those monsters.

Technically, it was true. You weren’t working for Umbrella. While you and Ada did take the occasional job from Umbrella here and there, you tended to only go through with the ones that wouldn't end with world domination. Ada and you always went against the jobs you felt were going to result in a lot of deaths. Especially another Raccoon City incident. 

Ada and you had your fair share of arguments over that in the beginning of this partnership. She insisted on going where the money was best, no questions asked. You had disagreed, claiming that you didn’t want to have a part in so many lost lives. Again. She didn’t believe that the outbreak was your fault. Logically, you knew this. But you still felt that you should have done something different back then. That you could have warned more people before it got worse.

Could have. Should have.

It didn’t really take too much to convince Ada. Deep down you knew she had felt the same way you did. She didn’t want to be a part of another outbreak either.

For this particular mission, it hadn’t been decided on whether the information of the files would result poorly if put back into the hands of Umbrella. Umbrella didn’t want the only physical copy of their secret bases locations in the wrong hands. Or, in your opinion, the right ones. 

Jill noticed your offended expression. “I'm sorry. I had to ask. I didn't think you were. But if you're not here for the files because of Umbrella, then who are you here for?”

You glanced at Ada once again. You didn't really know. All you knew for sure was that you couldn't let the only hard copy of the secret locations be given back to the hand of Umbrella. 

Ada sighed and rolled her eyes. “The next best buyer.” She stated, clearly over this conversation. You wonder what has her so cranky, she's usually much more level headed during missions.

“What? You're a mercenary now, Y/n?” Jill questioned, face neutral. You can’t tell whether she disapproved or not.

You went to answer when Ada interrupted from her spot on the desk. “She is. A pretty damn good one too.” You look at her incredulously, baffled by the false praise.

“Shut up. I am not. You do most of the work.” You told her, arms crossed.

“But you’re a great helper. Amazing really. My job has never been easier.” Ada smirked as your face flushed from her words.

Jill looked between the two of you, confused. “Are you two together or something?” She asked, completely brushing over her previous question and catching you off guard.

You look up at her, startled. “What? No. What gave you that idea?”

She smiled and shook her head, amused. “No reason. Just sensing some tension is all.”

“Jealous?” Ada purred as she stood from her spot on the desk, taking a few short steps toward you with the briefcase in hand. You sputtered, brain malfunctioning from the turn this conversation took, and stepped away slightly as you struggled to maintain composure.

Jill laughed and shook her head. “Maybe a little. You know we still haven’t had that sleepover yet, Y/n.” She joked.

You shook your head in disbelief. “So you're just going to completely brush over the fact that I’m a mercenary now?”

Jill shrugged. “As long as you’re not working with Umbrella or causing a lot of people to lose their lives, I don’t mind. Although, I have to ask that you don’t take those files. They are important to my mission and I can’t let them get into the wrong hands.” She said, glancing between you and Ada.

“Hmm, you have an offer for me, Jill? Otherwise, it can’t happen.” Ada said as she carelessly studied her polished nails for any flaws.

Jill goes to argue when you interrupt. “Sorry, can you excuse us for a moment?” You motioned to Jill to wait a second before grabbing Ada’s arm and lightly dragging her to the opposite side of the small room in a futile attempt to get some privacy.

“Ada, we have to give her the files. “ You started.

“Oh come on. The buyer I have lined up is offering money and isn’t Umbrella. Why not give it to him and get paid for our troubles?” Ada questioned, irritation across her features.

“Because this is a step toward the right direction. For them to get Umbrella shut down once and for all. We don’t even know what this guy is going to do with the files.” 

“Leverage, as far as I’m aware. A way to get Umbrella under his thumb.”

“And that’s better?” You asked, causing Ada to grumble. “He’s just a power hungry asshole, he won’t do anything good with it. Give it to Jill, and she will put an end to it all.”

“Like she did with the hard drive you gave her?” Ada snarked.

“She took the step. And not everything about Umbrella was on that hard drive. She did what she could with what she had.” You defended.

“You would think it still would have made some noticeable impact in the last three years.” 

“Look, we have to give them to her.” Ada goes to argue but you cut her off. “Please.” You begged.

She stared at you, her hardened eyes softened after a long moment before she gave in with a sigh. “Fine. But I’m taking it out of your next paycheck.” Ada said and you nodded with a smile.

“Deal.” 

You and Ada walked back over to Jill, who had clearly been listening to the conversation the whole time. Ada grumpily handed over the briefcase to Jill.

“Thank you. Seriously, thank you.” Jill sighed in relief as she opened the case to go through the files.

“Everything you need in there?” You asked as Ada went back to leaning on the desk.

“Yup. Mission accomplished.” Jill joked.

“You’re welcome. Now we have to go. We’ve been here long enough.” Ada told you, urgency in her tone.

Jill nodded. “Agreed. How did you two get in here?”

“The vent.” You answered.

“Well the way I came has been cleared. I can lead you two out if you want. It will save you two the trouble of having to climb through the vent and get dustier.” Jill offered.

You brushed some of the lingering dust from your clothes as you looked to Ada for her input. “What do you think?”

“Oh, I have a chance to choose now?” Ada mocked, pointing to herself.

You rolled your eyes, a common occurrence around Ada, you realized. “Yes. Vent or hall?” 

“By all means, the hall is fine. You just won’t get to enjoy the view as much.” Ada smirked.

You groaned in exasperation, a blush on your cheeks, as you turned back to Jill.  “Lead the way, Jill.”

Jill smiled and grabbed her gun, holding it just in case. “Alright, let’s go.”

Jill managed to get both you and Ada out without gaining any attention from anyone in the building. Once you were all out, you walked into the forest, where the car you and Ada took on the mission was hiding from the main road.

“So, Y/n. I don’t have to report back on the mission until tomorrow. Do you want to go get a pizza and have that sleepover we talked about. We could catch each other up on what happened over the last three years.” Jill offered with a smile and glanced at Ada. “Ada can join too. I can imagine she has been a big part of your life for a while. I wouldn’t mind getting to know her too.” Jill sounded genuine. Despite how Ada had been acting, she really wanted your friend to come along.

Ada looked taken aback for a second, before putting her neutral face back on. “That’s nice of you to offer, but I think I will head back to my own place.” Ada told Jill before turning back to you. “You can go if you want, Y/n.” 

“Are you sure?” You asked. You wanted to go. But something about the way Ada had been acting tonight had you confused. What was up with her?

“I’m sure. Go catch up with your friend. Just call me later so I know that you’re still alive.” Ada gave you a strained smile, something only you noticed, before walking to the car and leaving you and Jill alone.

“Okay, now that you have approval from the boss, do you want cheese or pepperoni?” Jill asked with a grin.

You grinned back. “Supreme sounds good.”

#ada wong #resident evil #ada wong x reader #resident evil x reader #claire redfield #jill valentine #leon kennedy #raccoon city

[aliasrocket]

I wanted to say something for an anonymous comment about feeling less embarrassed of having feelings for Rocket. I must say I totally understand that.

A month ago, when GOTG VOL 3 was released, I went to see it at the cinema with my mother, I spent the whole movie very excited for Rocket, but right in that scene where he is on the verge of death and he meets Lylla again, SOMETHING INSIDE IT CHANGED ABOUT ME, because when they were hugging I realized I was JEALOUS, and in my mind I thought "OH NO, IT'S HAPPENING TO ME AGAIN", because I always fall for characters that might be unconventional or weird to other people , then I start looking for fics and I realize that there are not many for the same reason, or there are many where it is more platonic and I think "IT IS NOT ENOUGH" And it's more complicated for me because my first language is not English and in my language there is NOTHING. So meeting people who write Rocket the way I imagined really makes me very happy. I'm even thinking about writing some one shots myself but it's hard, I've never written NSFW and I find it kind of funny that I want to start with Rocket.

Oh my god this was absolutely sweet.

Yes!! Everyone IT IS OKAY TO LIKE UNCONVENTIONAL CHARACTERS. LITERALLY, IT IS NOT A BIG DEAL!! JUST BE YOU!!!

And I’m really sorry there isn’t much fics in your language, but on the bright side I’m really happy that you’re at least able to read and write in english even if it isn’t your first language!

Also, yeah, in my experience, besides sighing the whole goddamn movie (except for the first 10 mins, I will give myself that,) I remember leaving the theatre in a sigh and going on ao3 like “ah shit, here we go again” bc this is the 1982838th time I’ve visited ao3 for some really obscure ship or an x reader fic for a very underrated character.

And about that Rocket smut, I understand how can it be daunting and I’d really love to help you!

Ykw, let me make a quick guide for anyone who’s scared of writing Rocket smut!! But for those of you who wouldn’t wanna read some real ugly/stupid stuff, don’t press the ‘keep reading’ line, haha.

a quick (and definitely unhinged) guide to writing Rocket smut XD

OBVIOUS NSFW WARNING!!! It gets ugly guys please THIS IS YOUR WARNING I’M NOT JOKING!!

If you’re uncomfortable with heavy nsfw please turn away now!!

written by aliasrocket (89P13 on ao3 hehe)

Suitable for any smut involving Rocket! (Looking at you guys, roquill shippers. Don’t worry, I welcome all ships on my blog <3)

This is supposed to be a writing smut guide specifically meant for Rocket so I’m not gonna go into the basics of writing smut, but if you’re a total beginner, here’s some pointers to help :

the genitals, legs, muscles, brain : main places that tend to be the most stimulated, exhausted or absolutely wiped. That being said, you can use these as a starting point for describing the feelings the characters or the reader may feel in the moment.

besides the main thing, you could try to set the mood by maybe mentioning how the moans sounded like, (screams, squeals, cries etc.) and other things the characters were doing to ground them in the moment, like gripping the sheets, gripping the other person’s shoulder or hips, etc.

Okay, so, about Rocket in particular …

Yeah, of course writing smut about a fucking Raccoon isn’t going to be fucking easy. But don’t worry, as someone who has studied all 3 gotg films and slowed down quite possibly every single Rocket clip in existence (enough to know Rocket … is genuinely CANONICALLY is very particular/skilled with his fingers, he knows where he’s putting them and knows EXACTLY which buttons to press on any tech, so … definitely good at using his fingers if you catch my drift) I think I might have gotten the hang of it to help some of you guys out.

So first off, when I write Rocket smut I always imagine he’s his comic height instead of his mcu height (don’t search it up, you’re just gonna be depressed about it trust me) so all you have to know is that if he pressed you up against a wall his head would be around your shoulder blade area. For missionary, he’s probably around your collarbone.

Rocket canonically has sharp and absolutely grown out nails. No, they’re not retractible. I’ve done research on this, but if you’d like to write him fingering someone, Rocket can have his nails trimmed.

It would hurt if Rocket bit you. Like, it would fucking bleed. So I’m sorry to say to those biting kink girlies (those are me hi) but Rocket can only afford to give you or someone else some nibbles on the skin unless you guys want some serious bloodplay on your hands. This is because he has protruding fangs on both his upper and lower row of teeth, his lower ones more prominent than the top.

Rocket can, however, eat you out. Don’t wanna get too into depth with this but basically his tongue can stick out his muzzle pretty well and his nose makes for a good clit-stimulator HAHAHAH

!!! : (this is going to be a description of the average raccoon penis so skip this if you don’t wanna know about this because you can DEFINITELY write Rocket smut without having to know this so please be free) I had to research this for a very specific request (pls ily shameless anon/pos) and I almost cried out of the loss of my sanity but anyway, raccoons have a baculum bone which is basically a bone in their penis that helps with copulation, its average length is about 4 inches but can be longer if you catch my drift. The genital itself is a like a rod with a ‘spiky’ end (it’s not actually spiky but it looks that way) compared to human genitalia, kind of like a cat’s but much longer and it is a very dark shade of brown or just plain black. Feel free to use any of these for a possible description if ever you need it, though I never really talk about it in fics, especially the whole ‘spiky’ thing. That being said, Rocket should not have an issue with size, as the the average human male genitalia is about five inches, meaning he can hit anyone’s g-spot just fine.

I might add more points if I have any more but this is all I got right now. I really hope this somehow encouraged you to write that nsfw fic you wanted, and just know everyone’s got interests, it’s fine if not a lot of people irl are into Rocket that way, because that’s literally what the internet is for!

#omg I am so sorry guys please forgive me #but if you are considering writing your own Rocket smut this might be helpful #this is so unhinged omg HAHAHA #guardians of the galaxy #rocket raccoon #rocket raccoon fanfic #rocket raccoon imagine #rocket raccoon x you #rocket raccoon x reader #rocket gotg #ask reply #ask response #ask away! #thanks for the ask! #send dirty asks #.alias.help.

[saaandy]

REUNION

The music sounded for the raccoon, who was sitting on the steps of the Nowhere bar. His favorite place, where he could observe all the residents and everything that was happening around him. He had to be attentive, especially since a reunion would take place that day: Peter had kept a communicator since he left for Earth, several months ago, and said communicator gave way to a distant-galaxy-far conversation. Rocket was the one who did not separate from it since the first days but when he began to accept missions from the Guardians with his new team, he learned to cope with his nostalgia.

But there were moments of weakness, which began with him waking up from a long night and clutching the Zune Quill had given him, with millions of archaic tapes of music bygone but iconic to Peter, and now to Rocket.

Due to the headphones he had on his tiny ears, he did not hear the comlink vibrate that day, but after a mission out, he caught a glimpse of a flickering light.

From there, he tried to communicate with Peter for the first time since he had seen him leave, and upon hearing his voice on the other side of the comlink, Rocket jumped into bed overjoyed.

They caught up, both: the human recounting his reunion with his grandfather and household chores, and the raccoon his adventures and the harshness of being the new leader. The shocked laughter turned nostalgic for Quill, who did not hesitate to remind Rocket that he needed to see him to bring him new music. The technology had advanced too far and the cassettes were outdated, just like Peter and Rocket, though they agreed to catch up on Earth technology.

How? A visit.

Peter would return to Nowhere for a few days and that alerted Rocket, who, at the end of the call, went out to give the news to Nebula and Drax, these being the high commands of the city and, above all, of the education of the children who they rescued months ago. The voices spread, mostly Groot's, and he made Mantis also find out thanks to her other communicator, through which she had contact with her brother.

The day had arrived and Rocket kept looking at the ceiling from time to time while the music changed from one track to another. He was looking for ships coming through the airlock, more specifically, Quill's. The preparations for that day were polished in his mind: from showing Peter how the city had evolved to how his new team worked, of which he was proud.

The infant raccoons they rescued scampered through the streets, distracting everyone who came across them, including Groot, who made a beeline for Rocket after petting them.

"I am Groot." Rocket removed a headphone from his ear, leaving it hanging from his neck.

"I'm chilled. I just wait." Groot stared at him in disbelief and the raccoon only responded with a tail wag. It was a tick.

"I am Groot!" Groot sat next to him, making the raccoon look three times smaller. The tree had grown quite a bit, becoming an adult that accompanied Rocket with pride of being his leader and father.

"I'm not going to cry when I see him. It's not like someone died." His ears twitched in sign of weakness. He was still stubborn and presented a strong and sarcastic character but Groot understood his father's feelings at that moment and his goal: to show Peter that he had left the team's legacy in good hands.

Something that was inevitable to deny.

The music was still playing in his right ear, but hearing thrusters approaching, he paused the player.

Rocket ran on all fours to the hangar as he saw the ship land as crowds gathered in the plaza to welcome Peter.

When the door opened and Peter came out everyone cheered and Rocket went straight for him, this time on two legs. Straight and with the intention of giving him a paw in welcome, but what he didn't expect was for Quill to bend down and hug him with an enormous force that made all his skin crawl.

"My goodness, how much you have grown!" Rocket let the joke about his poor height slide for once, wrapping around Peter's neck following the hug. He wasn't going to cry, but he had missed him.

The reunion was the most anticipated: Peter repeating the height joke again, this time with Groot; Mantis coming in a ship with his three tamed creatures; Nebula and Drax introducing each child to Peter and these, drawings that they made shortly after they were saved. Gamora couldn't come, but Peter was relieved, having gotten over lost.

Rocket did not stop smiling all day, telling jokes, inviting Adam to sit with them and drinking alcohol at the usual bar.

Everything had gone back to the way it was before.

After the celebration, everyone was falling asleep, the laughter went out as well as the lights and soon only Rocket and Peter were left at the bar, the latter looking at the Zune that Rocket kept with himself.

"I'm glad you're still listening to that tape. New music from Earth is quite…” Rocket pulled out the Zune and put it on the table.

"What?" Rocket looked at him curiously.

"You have to hear it for yourself." Peter smiled and pulled out a state-of-the-art cell phone and wireless headset, offering one to Rocket. Once on, Peter hit play and it only took five seconds for Rocket to look at him seriously.

"Quill, what the fuck is this?" Peter roared with excitement.

“They call it K-Pop. Everyone listens to it!" Hesitating was what Rocket hated the most but seeing Peter smile, he played along, enjoying the good old days.

“HA! And what happened to the bongos and the catchy AND understandable lyrics!?” Peter shrugged humorously. "Earthlings... You are crazy." Rocket drank from his cup.

"I'm going to put them all on tape, there's an antiques store near my house, and they give me a discount for saving the galaxy!" Rocket shook his head in amusement.

“Keep your modern music. I prefer the prehistoric tapes a thousand times.” Peter shook his shoulders and looked at him for a moment. Even though he had the Zune in his hands, Rocket made a wiring arrangement all over the city and the tune that Peter had proclaimed as his favorite could be heard very low. A melody that stirred the feelings of longing in everyone, who were silent for a few moments until Quill stretched out in the chair talking to him.

“It feels good to be back and see what a great job you've done.” Rocket looked down. It was what he wanted to hear, with him out of Nowhere, the raccoon had to manage to lead missions while the city was rebuilt from within. Cosmo offered to take care of the baby raccoons that he rescued from the ship but he always found a way to get his attention and teach the little animals of his own species weapons. Moments where he could be alone with the thoughts of him and the souls of Lyla, Teeth and Floor.

"It's not the same without you." He murmured downcast. He said it with a double meaning, since he still thought about his childhood friends but Peter had also been a very important part of his life, just like the Guardians.

“Have you softened up?” The raccoon stretched to prove him wrong, holding back tears of joy that he wished Peter hadn't seen.

"NO WAY! I'm still the most sadistic raccoon in the galaxy." Peter raised his cup melancholic and happy that his friend was still the same as always despite everything that happened.

"That's how I like it. For a protected galaxy!” Rocket raised his also smiling.

"For the Guardians of the Galaxy!"

Taglist: @love-for-faeries-go-burrrr

#rocket raccoon #gotg #gotg vol 3 #guardians of the galaxy #gotg spoilers #peter quill #raccoons

[aromanticannibal]

shinsou gets adopted by aizawa for the reason of your choice and now leaves with a fucking cryptid. this also kinda turned into siblings aizawa and shinsou. here's headcanons

aizawa sleeps, he does. it's just that shinsou has no fucking idea when that happens. he sees him sleep at school, sure, but he never sees him sleep in his actual bed or even on the couch.

I hc aizawa as autistic because did you look at this man so here are a couple autistic things he does :

he stims by meowing, purring (it's more of a weird rumbling he does in the back of his throat that can be slightly scary if it's the first time you see him do it), he makes BISCUITS and shinsou loves to joke about it and aizawa loves the jokes. he also plays with his hair a lot and bites his nails when he's stressed.

he actually masks a lot outside of his house, which is says actually makes him a really cool stealthy man but he's really just masking, which means he often gets the "you're autistic?? but you look so normal?" comment.

his special interests are cats and Yamada's radio show. he has three cats (salt, pepper and sugar) and never misses Put Your Hands Up radio. (when the special interest appeared around when he was 25, like 3 years after mic's show started, he panicked and thought Yamada would find it weird, but the dude obv was so fucking excited because his friend likes his show omg omg)

aizawa has learned a lot of social rules from necessity, because he's an underground hero and a teacher, but that doesn't mean he understands them. he also will not know ever if someone is trying to flirt with him or if someone is mad at him, however he will notice if someone's sad. he doesn't understand it either

back on track. aizawa likes to sing along to whatever music is playing, no matter what kind it is. man will sing along to fucking WAP and peace and love on planet earth in the same breath.

shinsou sings along too sometimes, but it's rare because he doesn't like singing in front of other people.

shinsou and aizawa can communicate telepathically. that's what other people think at least because there's no fucking way they're not.

they're honestly more like weird siblings than parent and child - they tried doing that, they really did, but it was too awkward.

shinsou is, neurodivergency wise, aizawa's opposite. it's almost funny how specific this is. aizawa is always sleepy. shinsou is never fucking capable of sleeping and always hyperactive, no matter how blank faced he looks (im just pushing my adhd shinsou agenda now). aizawa struggles to see how others feel (again apart from sad people) and shinsou is a fucking. empath or some shit. when aizawa wants to annoy shinsou he tells him he's an empath and when shinsou wants to annoy aizawa he tells him he's an empath this is what compatibility is. shinsou needs to be close to people, he loves touching and hugs, aizawa prefers being alone and will refuse any kind of physical contact unless it's to punch him, a kid he's helping needing comfort, or one of his students needing comfort. shinsou is ofc an exception as well and he will hug him if shinsou's noticeably in a bad mood.

it's hilarious how similar they look but how different they actually are.

in good kinda siblings fashion, they insult each other all the time, aizawa calling shinsou variations of trash raccoon child and asshole, and shinsou calling him old man or boomer if he really wants to make him tick. or asshole too.

they wouldnt die for each other but they very much would kill for each other

aizawa would punch a bitch for shinsou. he would also punch shinsou if needed /j

literally no one at school knows what their relationship is. what's wrong with them.

todoroki insists they're related and shinsou calls aizawa dad in class at some point just to see him lose his mind. he then vehemently denies it happens, which wouldn't work if aizawa was also acting like it didn't happen. todoroki is going insane.

remember how I said one of aizawa's special interests is Put Your Hands Up radio? by continuously infodumping on shinsou, he makes him hyperfixate on it too. shinsou hates him so much for it /lh

that's all I wanna write a fic about this but man. am I lazy

#shinsou hitoshi #shinso hitoshi #aizawa shouta #aizawa shota #dadzawa #but not really #mha #bnha #headcanons #bnha headcanons #mha headcanons

[starrysky28]

The Times We Were Together: Chapter 4

Series Title: The Times We Were Together

Chapter Title: "Big, Oblivious Idiot"

Series Summary: After the Raccoon City incident, Claire, Sherry and Leon start living together, where they share many memories and moments with each other.

Words: 1,803

Warnings: None

2 Days Later...

The early afternoon sun beamed brightly onto Claire's face, making the tears that had welled up in her hazel eyes more prominent. Today was the day that Chris would be leaving home to possibly conduct further investigations into Umbrella-the company responsible for the outbreak in Raccoon City.

After everyone else had went inside after saying their goodbyes, She stood in front of him, forcing a painful smile, "Well, I guess it's time for you to go now. Wouldn't want to miss your flight, would you?"

Chris nodded and pulled his sister into a hug. Claire clung on tightly to the fabric on his jacket, not wanting to let go.

"Stay safe...and thank you...for everything you've done for us", she said, finally letting go.

"I will", Chris replied

"Oh, and one more thing...", he added.

"Hm?"

A semi-teasing smile grew across his face, "You should tell him"

Claire tilted her head in confusion, "Tell who?"

The man looked around, making sure nobody was around to hear, "Leon. That you're in love with him"

"What? I-Chris!", Claire shook her head and laughed anxiously.

"Don't deny it, Claire. You have gotten pretty close with him"

She tried to say something, but the words couldn't come out. He was right, and there was absolutely no denying it either. Besides, it was all she could think about once Chris's car drove off down the road.

...

Claire paced around her bedroom for a solid ten minutes thinking about what Chris said to her. Or, more specifically, how she would finally go about telling Leon how she felt. Many worries and 'what ifs' spun through her head as well: What if he didn't feel the same? Or worse, what if her telling him tainted their friendship somehow?

Then, she got an idea. It was a gorgeous day for mid-October, not exactly a day you would want to spend inside. Though, it was a tad too cold to go to the beach, so she'd try the next best thing. The park.

She excitedly ran downstairs and began to pack a few items in a tote bag, some snacks and drinks, a ball and leash for the dog, a mixtape CD, some bug spray, and an old football that was probably leftover from when Chris briefly played in high school.

As she continued to think of other possible things to bring, she watched as Leon and Sherry sat together on the couch, watching cartoons. How they talked and laughed amongst each other, and how Sherry sat so close to him that they were practically snuggled up to one another. The sight of it made Claire smile. They really were just like a father and daughter.

"Hey, Claire?"

The longer she watched them ever so fondly, the more the two of them began to notice her staring into space while standing in front of a random bag.

"Y-Yeah?", the young woman nearly jumped out of her skin.

Leon raised an eyebrow, "You okay?"

"Oh! Yeah, of course I'm okay", she blinked.

His eyes narrowed downward, "What's in the bag?"

"Uh, well, um...It's just that it's nice out and I was wondering if you guys were up to going to the park this afternoon...", Claire blurted out almost all at once.

"I'm down with that, what about you, Sherry?", Leon turned towards the young girl.

Sherry's eyes lit up, "Ooh! Can we bring Porkchop with us?"

Claire smiled and winked at her, "I did pack his leash and toys for a reason"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

After piling into the car, the three of them and the dog headed to the park.

The voice of a woman, presumably a news reporter sounded from the radio, "It's been nearly two weeks since the destruction of what remained of Raccoon Cit-"

*Bsht*

"You mean there were survivors?! You gotta be about as brain-dead as those zombies to believe that!", a radio talk-show host cried out.

"Heh, like those people weren't brain-dead before the disaster?", his guest spat mockingly.

*Bshhhhrt*

Claire switched off the radio with an angry sigh.

"Hey, Sherry? Could you hand me the CD in the bag please?", she asked, quickly turning her head towards the back seat before averting herself back towards the road.

Sherry rummaged through the bag for a few seconds before pulling out a plastic case with a disc inside, "Yeah, here you go"

"Thanks!"

"Mind sliding this in for me?", she glanced toward Leon, who was staring out the window in the passengers seat.

"Sure", he took the disc from her, opened up the case and carefully pushed the CD into the disc slot below the radio tuner.

A gentle-sounding love song began to play from the stereo system.

Kiss me, out of the bearded barley

Nightly, beside the green, green grass

Swing, swing, swing the spinning step

You wear those shoes and I will wear that dress...

...

Arf!

Porkchop Jr. playfully jumped out of the parked car from the backseat, nearly dragging Sherry as she held him tightly by a royal-blue leash.

"Whoa, careful there, Porkchop!", Leon said to the sound of the car door slamming behind him.

"He seems much more lively now that he's with us, doesn't he?", Claire remarks.

Leon smiles, watching the pup jump up and lick Sherry's face, "Definitely. Not as low-energy anymore"

Claire smiled as well, though not at Sherry. She liked his smile, not only was it like a rare treat to her, but it tended to be contagious. She watched as the wind blew back his dirty-blond bangs, making his soft features more prominent. 

"Hey, I found a football in the bag if you guys wanna throw something around!", Leon called out, holding up the faded-brown colored ball.

"Yeah!", Sherry ran over to him, Porkchop following close behind as expected.

Claire sighed worriedly. Could she really do this? That was kinda the reason she brought everyone here anyway. 

"We're gonna be like one big family!"

She thought back to Sherry's words all those weeks ago when they found out about moving into her and Chris's childhood home. Compared to then, they had absolutely become more of a family than before. They all lived together, they had meals together, they did fun things together, and they had a dog. They also happened to survive a biopharmaceutical disaster together, and while that was behind them now, there were still some missing pieces to their little "family".

"I'm gonna make a picnic for us!", Claire shouted to the other two loud enough for them to hear.

"Okay!", they shouted back in unison.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Claire, Leon and Sherry sat under an old willow tree in the shade on a yellow floral blanket, watching Porkchop chase his tail while enjoying the fruit and sandwiches that Claire had prepared for them.

Leon shyly rubbed the nape of his neck, "Hey, Claire?"

"Yeah?"

"You look really nice today", he blushed.

That's it. She couldn't hold it in anymore.

Claire just sat there staring into space while Leon and Sherry continued eating.

"And you make a very good cook", he added.

There was a brief silence before Claire spoke up.

"Leon?", she began to stand up.

His eyes panned up towards her, "...Uh, yeah?"

"Follow me. There's...something I need to talk to you about"

Leon got a look on his face as if he were in trouble for something, though reluctantly, without a word, he followed her.

...

The two sat in the two front seats of the car in silence, Claire looking down at her slightly shaking knees. It was so quiet in fact, that she could almost hear her own heartbeat.

"So...uh...why did you bring me here", Leon asked.

Silence.

"You didn't plan on leaving already, did you?"

Silence again.

He tried to lighten things a bit, "Y'know, I'm not sure what brought all this on anyway, all I said was that you looked nice and that I liked your coo-"

"I'm in love with you, Leon"

"What?"

"I said I'm in love with you!", she shouted.

This was followed by more of Claire's frustration, "You big, oblivious idiot!"

Leon blinked, feeling his entire body fill with a sudden rush of warmth.

"I..."

"It's okay if you don't know what to say", she croaked, her eyes brimming with tears.

"I love you too"

Claire's head whipped back at him, tears now releasing from her eyes, "You what?!"

he gave her a warm smile, "I said..."

"I love you too"

"You do?", Claire's face retorted into an ugly cry.

"Of course I do!", he replied.

"Come here", he pulled her into a hug as she began to sob into his shoulder.

"Now look who's the big, oblivious idiot", he chuckled, referring to her being unaware of his mutual feelings.

"Y-Yeah", she smiled, wiping away her tears.

As she was doing so, and without even noticing at first, Leon snuck in and kissed her ever so lightly on the cheek. 

At that moment, the two locked eyes, staring at each other as if time had stopped around them. With little hesitation, the two gently pressed their soft lips together for a few seconds that felt like minutes.

As their lips slowly unlocked, however, a small gasp was heard from outside the car. It was also at that moment that they realized that the windows hadn't been rolled up all the way.

"Wait", Claire froze.

"What?"

"Where's Sherry?", she glanced around and over near the blanket, where she was nowhere to be found.

"Teehee!", a soft giggle was heard from behind the car door.

Claire stood up on her knees and peered out of the slightly ajar window, "Wha-Sherry!"

"I knew it!", Sherry stood up from where she had been sitting by the car.

"You guys are boyfriend and girlfriend!", She exclaimed.

"Well, uh, we are now", Leon laughed awkwardly.

"You shouldn't have been spying on us, Sherry", Claire scolded her with a slight playfulness to her tone.

"Oh, C'mon! I couldn't help it!", Sherry laughed once more.

"Well, why don't you pack up the stuff and get in the car before this idiot kisses me again", Claire teased, poking Leon with her elbow.

"Haha! Okay", she replied, running back towards the tree to clean up from the picnic, the dog still following her.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

*Bonus Chapter Epilogue*

As the sun began to set, the trio drove off from the park.

"Oh, by the way...", Sherry piped up.

"Yeah?", Claire acknowledged her.

"There was a lady who kept looking at the car while you guys were in it"

A strange look suddenly plastered across Claire's face, "Oh, really? Who?"

"Hmm...Well, I couldn't see her well from super far away, but she had black hair and a red dress..."

"Doesn't ring a bell for me...", Claire shrugged.

"...Red dress, huh?", Leon muttered to himself.

"Nah...It couldn't be", he shook his head.

To Be Continued...

#resident evil #resident evil 2 #re2 #fanfiction #ao3 #leon kennedy #claire redfield #chris redfield #sherry birkin #fluff #leon x claire #cleon #found family

[jamiegeode]

hello and hi

Incorrect quotes w/ you T and me(I wanted to do this) (under cut)

KK, about T: They're speaking some kind of French.

JG: Let me handle it. I speak Spanish. It's the same thing.

T: What situation is not instantly improved by the addition of fishnets, I ask you.

JG: Being a fish.

T: Well, shit. 

KK: BEHOLD, the field in which I grow my fucks! Lay thine eyes upon it, and thou shalt see that it is barren! 

T: What doesn't kill me better start running, because now I'm fucking pissed.

JG: Something tells me T's going to be a bit more unhinged today...

T, holding a lit match and a bag of cheetos: Leave me be, KK isn't home to stop me, I'm going feral. 

T: Why are you on fire?

KK: This is just how my day is going. 

KK: T, what is the ONE thing I asked you NOT to do tonight?

T: Raise the dead.

KK: And what did you do?

T: Raise the dead.

KK: *walks to cabinet, removes oreo box, takes half a sleeve, throws empty box out* Hi!

T: Hey- what are you doing-?

KK, shoving an oreo into their mouth: I am saving space :D

KK: Would it be discrimination to only hire employees at my doughnut shop who have the same name?

JG: Legally, I don't believe that breaches any discrimination laws. Morally though... I don't know.

KK: I believe god is on my side when it comes to Duncans' Doughnuts. 

T: Do you need help getting up?

KK: Nah, I'm cool down here on the floor.

KK: My aesthetic is "would be suspected of witchcraft by small town citizens."

KK: I will send my army to attack!

KK: *releases a dumpster of raccoons* 

KK, on a random band name generator: Oooo! They Might Be Depressed Horses! That about sums up my friend group.

T: Fight me!

KK, standing behind them and holding a knife: *mouths* Do not. 

KK: Drink your school, stay in drugs, and get 8 hours of drugs.

JG: That’s the key slice of truth we need to complete the entire truth pie.

T: Ooh, can we get some actual pie?

JG: I like the way you think. 

JG: It’s impossible to make a sentence without using the letter a.

KK: Despite your thinking, it is quite possible, yet difficult, to form one without the specific letter. Here’s one more to further disprove your theory.

T: Fuck you. 

JG: I think you're still suffering the effects of your party last night.

T: All I drank was Redbull!

JG: How many?

T: Eighteen.

T, near tears: Please, KK, I don’t speak meme! I don't know what a 'yeet' is!(this actually happened, maybe not word for word, but close enough)

KK: Am I a boy? Am I a girl? It doesn't matter. I'm going to burn your house down.

YES I LOVE THESE

Yes GO FERAL T, you deserve it!!

Okay now. The donuts thing is questionable but at the same time… free chaos. So like

Yes KK, floor is good, floor is friend, even when all else fail the floor will always be there to support you( I’ve said this lying on the floor during tech week so many times)

PIE PIE PIE what kinda pie I vote key lime

Ah, very important information! @stupid-for-simping. Yeet is simply an elongated Yet, elongated to the point where it refers to events in backwards order. ‘Best show yeet’ means that a better show will never happen, but takes no account for prior shows. Cuz math

Gender is an illusion, go do arson

Also. You are being sent hugs

[p-o-t-a-t-owo]

Thinking about Karl and just crying

#yes this is about poe's raccoon #edgar poe #and his raccoon karl #bsd #more specific it's about hugging said raccoon

[blondehairstripe]

So I think that as of S3, Varian is crushing hard on Rapunzel. And in this case, it goes deeper than mere infatuation, given the nature of their relationship and everything that’s transpired between them within the series.

Read on for in-series analysis with screencaps and some bonus post-series fanon speculation!

IN-SERIES ANALYSIS

Before he went villain, I’d say that Varian’s feelings toward Rapunzel were more hero-worship, so he likely thought she was pretty, but undoubtedly out of his league and already taken to boot. No signs of crushing yet—he instead becomes infatuated with the only unattached person who came to visit him: Cassandra.

In my humble opinion, Varian didn’t have a romantic attraction to Rapunzel until it hit him like a bolt of lightning when she told him “It’s your mess, but it’s my kingdom” in Rapunzel’s Return.

Though he was oddly flirty with her while she was in that dungeon cell...

There is also the distinct possibility that the cell was where the first stirrings of a crush began to form during their reconnection. The basis for this theory comes from the absolutely adoring look he gave her when she said “we need him” and how he looked pretty well smitten as she pulled him along.

By the end of the episode Rapunzel frees Quirin, and hoo boy, is that the final nail in Varian’s coffin of feelings. She’d forgiven him his atrocities, kept her word, freed his father—honestly, it’d be weirder if he didn’t fall for her if you ask me.

Then Be Very Afraid rolls along, and we learn that Varian considers Rapunzel “wondrous and magical,” something Rapunzel notes rather slyly and Pascal seems to think is sweet. The look on Varian’s face when she takes his hand and pulls him along again says it all. Boi is smitten.

Additionally...just look at this dork when Rapunzel catches him being a nerd about metals and drinking hot cocoa in Cassandra’s Revenge. This is the reaction of a teenager who just got caught doing something embarrassing by his crush. He zeroes in on Rapunzel specifically and doesn’t seem to care that any of the others caught him.

But through all of these new feelings for Rapunzel, Varian loves Eugene too (90% platonically in this case), so my take is that he’s resolved to not interfere in their relationship. And after everything that’s happened, he likely feels that Eugene is a better match for her and that they truly deserve each other. Though after his stint as a villain where Varian completely lost his respect for the ruling class, the whole “she’s a princess I’m a peasant” thing would likely not be a factor for him anymore. Also, he’s clearly never given a crap about age gaps, and the 4 year gap between him and Rapunzel is even smaller than his canonical S1 crush on Cassandra with an 8 year gap.

Now that we’ve covered the analysis of canonical events, we can delve into pure fanon speculation territory.

POST SERIES SPECULATION

While Varian has indeed resolved to not do a single stupid thing to mess up Rapunzel and Eugene’s relationship, he can’t keep himself from wanting to be close to Rapunzel and craving her affection. Luckily (or unluckily, depending on how you look at it) Rapunzel is a very affectionate person, so she’ll hug Varian, hold his hand, even cuddle him because he’s her precious friend. Also, she’s a pro at giving him the verbal validation that seems to fuel him (aka his love language: words of affirmation).

This results in Varian coming up with excuses and ways to stay close to Rapunzel, and at times when he ends up being sandwich-snuggled between Eugene and Rapunzel (because let’s face it, we’ve seen that Eugene is huggy) he sometimes catches himself trying to pretend Eugene isn’t there, which he instantly feels super guilty about.

Side note: Ruddiger is completely aware of how he feels because Varian is an open book when he’s alone with his little raccoon buddy, and the devious little critter sometimes manipulates situations to try to get Varian alone with Rapunzel or to set them up for what he believes is a romantic encounter (what do you mean being trapped inside a dumpster together isn’t romantic? Intimate dark setting, and all the garbage you can eat!). These setups only work about half the time, and so while Varian appreciates the sentiment, he’d prefer Ruddiger to stay out of it because the failures tend to end with Varian being horribly embarrassed.

And if Rapunzel ever gives him what she views as chaste kisses on the cheek or forehead, Varian’s over the freaking moon and always blushes so hard he almost passes out. Rapunzel finds it cute while Eugene thinks it’s the funniest thing ever and teases Varian he’s gonna have to get over that habit if he ever wants a girlfriend/boyfriend of his own. Whether he’s aware of Varian’s crush or not is up for debate, but he for sure has no idea how deep it runs and thus considers it harmless if he’s aware of it.

Varian probably also frequently gives Rapunzel gifts in order to get her attention and favor in the form of inventions/discoveries he thinks she’ll like. He might even bake her things since we’ve seen he has a knack for it. His favorite thing is if he can get Rapunzel to come work on a project with him, giving him the one-on-one time he craves while doing something he loves.

Also, I think that if anyone were to insult Rapunzel in Varian’s presence, they might find their shoes sticky bombed to the floor. Looking at you, Uncle Monty. Varian might become the second person in Corona to not like him.

Of course, he’s not so obsessed with Rapunzel that he has no life outside of her, since he very much enjoys one-on-one time with both his dad and Eugene (Lance is kind of a 50/50 shot for him, and the girls are like little sisters to him). And of course he spends most of his time in his lab doing alchemy. But he lights up every time Rapunzel enters the room and gravitates towards her, and would do pretty much anything for her.

And for a while, Varian convinces himself that this is fine, and that he doesn’t need Rapunzel to love him back the same way he loves her. Though he feels small flares of jealousy whenever she and Eugene kiss or indulge in other romantic gestures that Varian would never hope or dare to try, but he stomps the jealousy down for the greater good of everyone involved.

The wedding would be super bittersweet for him, since he’d be so happy that his friends have found happiness together, even while knowing that Rapunzel is unquestionably out of his reach now. But that doesn't stop him from continuing to love her. His dad says he’ll get over her one day (his only human confidant, the dude is legendary at keeping secrets), but Varian isn’t so sure.

And from this point, the fanon possibilities are pretty much endless, some of them running the gambit from Varian continuing to respectfully pine for Rapunzel in secret, to him getting over her and finding his own happiness with someone else, to him gradually descending into madness and going just a touch yandere. Depends on what flavor of Varian you’re in the mood for: pining Varian, happy Varian, or villainous Varian. And of course, you can get real fancy and combine different Varian flavors to make something unique!

@varipunzel​

#Varipunzel Appreciation Week #varipunzel #varian #rapunzel #tangled the series #rapunzel's tangled adventure #tts #rta #tangled #analysis

[ashiemochi]

aphrotitty - xxvi (i)

✠ Aphrotitty ↳ Don’t do anything stupid ↳↳ does something stupid

~~ pairing: OC x Leon S(exy) Kennedy. ~~ genre: fluff, a slice of life, angst, gore at some point, smut/suggestive themes ~~ word count: no

NOTE: ✠ = time skip ✠✠ = switching povs/characters

prev -> next

The twenty-sixth time Leon saw her, it was a Tuesday morning. The weather was getting colder, but the afternoons were more on the pleasant side, ending with chilly evenings. The sky was almost constantly filled with scattered clouds, never once sticking together or raining, but anyone knew that by the end of November, it’d be raining non-stop.

Leon was just throwing his trash that day, yawning for the millionth time due to not sleeping well. He never slept well, but hey, what can he do. He can have as many vacations and days off as he wants, but it’s not like he can actually escape the nightmares of Raccoon City.

“The hooker is out!” A singsong voice exclaimed from his side, followed by an ouch!

Leon looked over with a confused face, seeing Minji standing there with Jiwoo in her arms whilst the same driver from yesterday was putting the entire luggage into the trunk and So Ah was giving her a glare but then waved shyly at Leon, who immediately smiled.

“A hooker?” Leon asked and Minji nodded.

“Yeah, I mean, look at you.” She gestured with her hand and his eyes peered down.

A plain white shirt hugged his form completely, having taken off his sweater when he woke up in cold sweat, and his usual black sweatpants, “Doesn’t he look like a hooker?” She asked So Ah who only rolled her eyes.

“What, So Ah? Don’t think I could make a good hooker?” Leon teased and So Ah’s eyes widened at him, surprised at the sudden attention and began stammering for a reply, causing Minji to burst into laughter.

Then she muttered in Korean to Minji and Minji feigned a disappointed look, shaking her head and So Ah giggled at that.

Leon was now more than curious to know just what So Ah had said.

“Leaving so soon?” Leon asked just as the driver in a suit and tie had closed the trunk, now making his way to the two girls.

“Yeah.” Minji pouted, moving aside for the man to open the door for her son.

“Going back to New York, you should come by visit, both of you should!” She grinned at Leon then at So Ah who smiled at her. She handed the driver Jiwoo to safely put him in his own seat in the back, switching to her mother tongue to gently remind the driver on how to use the infant car seat without Jiwoo throwing a tantrum.

“What’s so special about New York?” Leon asked, tilting his head slightly at her, though his eyes were on So Ah.

“She has a few more photoshoots, I guess.” So Ah shrugged and Minji popped up from the side.

“And my husband’s there so that’s a plus for me.” She beamed, half getting into her passenger seat, “It was nice meeting you, Leon!” She waved at him and he returned it with a; you too.

She got in, both her and her sister talking in a low voice. He could see Minji’s giddy smile turn into a reassuring one, her hand coming out to gently grab and rub her little sister’s forearm, and So Ah was only nodding, her lips turning into a small pout as she murmured; she hadn’t called me yet.

Minji frowned before her eyes widened, “Wait, I got you something!” She disappeared into the car, and then poked her head out while holding onto a small pink sized plastic bag with Minx’s Body written in a bold red wine font; “This one isn’t specifically my taste so you can have it.”

“What is it?” So Ah took it, peering into it then her eyes snapped wide open, cheeks blazing as she looked back at Minji, “What am I supposed to do with this?!” She whisper-yelled but he heard her anyway. Minji waved her off, rolling her eyes before grinning, giving a glance to Leon then winked at So Ah.

Her eyes met Leon’s, red reaching up to her ears before snapping her eyes back to Minji who put on her seat belt, the car beginning to move.

“Take care, Leon!” Minji exclaimed, waving her hand as the car drove by and away, and he waved back, though slightly.

Leon returned his attention to So Ah, who was peering into her new gift and opened his trashcan to throw the garbage bag.

“Didn’t know you’d be the type for those kinds of things!” He called out, catching her attention just as he tossed in his garbage. Her face was still red, but she didn’t want to be the only one embarrassed so she tried to smile coyly.

“Didn’t you say you’d be a hooker? Black’s your colour anyway.” She shrugged, taking steps closer to his fence with a smile.

His eyebrows rose slightly at this, eyes widening a bit at her comment but loving her attempt at teasing him.

Leon chuckled and shook his head, “I never said that. I asked whether or not you think I’d be a good hooker.” He tilted his head at her with a smirk, “But from the colourful outfits I’ve seen on you, black would be a nice change, don’t you think?”

It was her turn again to burst into red and she stammered – he laughed at her reaction. Before she could retort back, a red wine Rolls-Royce Phantom rolled to a stop in front of Leon. It went silent and a man got out of the fancy car with a thin smile directed towards Leon.

“Been a while, Agent Kennedy.” He said with his forced smile.

Leon was confused at why a DSO agent was right in front of him; especially since this was kind of a rookie one, but then he remembered; he had forgotten about the report. Leon groaned at that, rubbing the space between his eyes and the man nodded, walking up to him.

“Yes, ugh, am I right?” He asked pointedly.

Leon let out a sigh, “Did they have to send you here?” He slammed the lid of the trashcan shut, indirectly making the girl next door jump slightly which caught the attention of the new man.

“What’s wrong with me?” The man frowned, though he was joking and Leon shook his head, making his way back inside his home and the man followed halfway before stopping, looking over at the girl whose eyes were set on Leon.

He raised an eyebrow at her when she looked at him and she froze. Narrowing his eyes slightly at her, automatically scanning her for any suspicions, he was brought back to reality by a rough smack against his shoulder.

He rubbed the spot, glaring at Leon who only glared back.

“Stop scaring the girl.” He warned and the man’s eyes widened a bit at that before looking back at her then at Leon.

“You two know each other?” He asked and noticed the agent hesitating a bit.

“Kind of – hey!”

“Hey, I don’t believe we’ve met before.” The man walked closer to the fence, ignoring Leon’s could you not do that. He plastered his charming smile as he towered over the girl whose cheeks turned a bit red at the attractive man.

He was around Leon’s height with a buff but lean built, probably leaner than Leon’s. His chocolate wavy hair was parted from the side, the waviness intensifying into curls from the back of his head to his nape. He had stubble, though cleaner shaped, but defined his features perfectly. He was in a formal business dark grey suit with a square light grey pattern.

She blinked up at him, giving him a small smile.

“Uhm, no, I don’t believe so either.” She said and he chuckled, putting his hand out for her to shake.

“I’m Patrick, what’s your name?” His voice was smooth, already knowing Leon was groaning inwardly in the back.

Her hand met his with a gentle shake and his smile widened, “So Ah.”

“So Ah,” Patrick repeated to make sure of the pronunciation and she nodded.

“Pretty name for a pretty girl.” He grinned at her blush then Leon stood next to him, setting his hand onto his shoulder with a thin smile. Patrick let out a breathily chuckle, letting go of her hand as he recognized that glint in the agent’s eyes; the jealousy one.

“You two know each other long?” Patrick asked, glancing between them but then settling his green eyes on So Ah.

“Oh, uhm, I guess so.” So Ah nervously said, “I’ve moved here a few months ago, in mid-august was it?” She ended with a question, looking over at Leon and he nodded.

Patrick gave Leon a knowing look, being sure that she had arrived a few days after he did, but Leon raised an eyebrow a bit.

“Well...” Patrick smiled back at So Ah, eyes glancing down at the hot pink bag in hand and his eyebrows shot up at it.

“Great choice.” Patrick pointed at it, his smile going a bit sultry with a wink and her face blazed up, recalling the bag in hand and she looked down before hiding it behind her back with an awkward smile.

“Patrick.” Leon’s voice dropped an octave, his hand on his shoulder tightening its grip as a warning as he pushed him towards the house.

“Okay, okay, I’m going.” Patrick laughed, beginning to walk towards the front door.

Leon looked back at So Ah with an apologetic smile, “Sorry about him.”

She shook her head, waving her hand slightly.

“It’s okay. Lots of men somehow know this brand for some reason.” So Ah said with reddened cheeks and rolled her eyes.

Leon chuckled at that before nodding, “Guilty as charged.” He raised both his hands up and she giggled. His arms went down, settling onto the fence separating them and he moved a bit closer to drop his voice into a whisper.

“You know,” He murmured, glancing back down at her hand behind her back, gesturing to the bag then connected his eyes with hers.

“He wasn’t lying.” He smirked with a wink, watching her face get deeper shades of red if possible.

She stuttered and stammered for a reply for the third time that morning but Patrick saved her from a distance.

“Leon, you done flirting yet?” He called out, causing Leon’s ears to turn red and him to groan at the interruption. He began walking backwards, pointing at her bag then giving her an okay hand sign with an impressed cheeky grin and she glared at him with narrowed eyes, though a faint smile danced on her lips.

Leon skipped up the stairs, now a grin lingering on his face as he walked past Patrick who glanced over at So Ah who had a slight dance on her feet as she walked back into her house.

✠

“How’s your vacation so far?” Patrick asked, accepting the bottle of beer from Leon and then sat down on the couch. Leon popped his open and sat on a chair near the window, humming.

“Minus the constant emails asking for a report, not bad,” Leon said before taking a gulp of his beer.

“Yeah, I bet. The DSO sure has a thing for those reports.” Patrick took a sip before talking again, “I mean, what do they want me to say on a Sunday morning? Yeah, I woke up at eleven o’clock and I’m just starting out my day by sleeping some more.” He joked and Leon shook his head with an incredulous chuckle.

“Speaking of reports, why haven’t you submitted in yours?” Patrick asked curiously, “You know they send over agents to look after a non-submitted report.”

Leon sighed out tiredly and kind of nervously, recalling yesterday.

Another reason as to why he thinks he doesn’t deserve a relationship is because he’d get easily distracted. Sure his work is his top priority, but with a simple soft smile and an innocent sparkle in certain cinnamon eyes, how could he stay focused.

Though he inwardly bashed himself in, reminding him that she gave him a reason to fight; least thing he could’ve done was submit that damn report.

“I was busy.” Leon only said.

Patrick blinked at that, his curiosity still peaking. “Doing what?”

Leon gave him a stare and Patrick raised both hands a little, “Hey, the DSO won’t accept ‘I was busy’ as a good excuse for a late report.” He reminded the agent.

Leon stayed silent for a bit, contemplating what to say exactly. He can’t just flatly admit that he forgot about the report because she invited him over to babysit but then stayed over the rest of the day.

“I was... At So Ah’s place.” Leon said, a bit hesitant with his words but said it nonetheless.

Patrick’s eyes widened, now interested, “That So Ah?” He asked, just to be sure and Leon grumbled out a yeah.

“It’s not what you think.” Leon said pointedly, giving him a small glare, “Her sister went out so she needed a hand with babysitting her nephew.”

“And she chose you?”

“What’s wrong with me?”

“Nothing,” Patrick said immediately, chuckling at the offended Leon, “It’s just you don’t seem like a baby’s person.”

“Oh, you’d be very surprised.” Leon nodded sarcastically, “I had to constantly pull away anything that kid would put into his mouth.”

He recalled So Ah trying to calm down a crying Jiwoo because he wasn’t allowed to shove the remote control into his mouth while Leon stood there with the said control.

Patrick let out an amused chuckle, “Must’ve been a nightmare, how old was he?”

“A year-old.”

“Man...” Patrick leaned against the couch with a faint smile, “I would love to have ones of my own but you know how it is for us agents...” He trailed away, that happy smile turning sad and Leon nodded silently.

The operations are always dangerous, only worsening after each one, becoming extremely fatal to anyone who’s a bit untrained. Going into those operations was practically setting your life on the line.

You never know if you’d go back home or die. It was a gamble; a gamble Leon’s willing to take. He was professionally trained anyway, having saved the president’s daughter and successfully handled dozens of operations.

“Well, you got the information the DSO wants. I’ll walk you out.” Leon straightened up before standing.

Patrick’s eyes followed him, “What?”

“Isn’t that why you’re here?” Leon asked, now getting confused.

Patrick nodded, “That’s one of the tasks, yeah.”

“What are the other tasks?” Leon asked, eyes hardening a bit at that, not expecting this.

Patrick shuffled slightly on his seat to fix his position, “You know, take a look around, check any suspicious behaviour, make sure you’re still training, which by the way,” He tilted his head, eyes scanning Leon from head to toe then back to head.

“Did you gain weight or is it just me?”

“What?” Leon blinked at that, looking down at his body.

He hadn’t skipped a single training session, doing it twice a day, each day, only doing one on Fridays and Sundays. His meals were within the list of food he should eat as long as he’s sticking to schedule. If anything, he thought his body was still as fit, if not, even fitter.

“Maybe my eyes are playing tricks on me, but your thighs are a bit... Thinner.” Patrick observed, narrowing his eyes a little.

“My thighs?” Leon repeated in disbelief, crossing his arms at his friend.

“Yeah, have you been skipping leg day?” Patrick looked up at Leon and that’s when he knew.

He was mocking him.

Leon rolled his eyes, “You should get your eyes checked out. I haven’t skipped anything.” Leon said as he made his way to the stairs, planning to leave a chuckling Patrick behind.

“Oh, come on, Leon! You know I’m just joking around!”

“Yeah, yeah, just get out once you’re done with your investigation. Close the door on the way out, will ya?” Patrick heard Leon call out, already halfway up the stairs.

“Wait, what are we having for lunch?!”

“We?”

#leon kennedy x reader smut #resident evil infinite darkness #ocs #leon kennedy x reader #leon scott kennedy #leon kennedy #leon s kennedy #resident evil #leon s kennedy x reader

[rosemarycupcake42]

Hello hello everyone how are you?

My friends could tell this was coming a mile away-

So I got bored, I was angsty, so we have this beautiful piece of hurt comfort I believe?

Word count: 10k (otherwise known as 8k over the discord character limit)

Warnings: bad grammar, spelling errors, capitalization? Don’t know her, SADNESS, anxiety, talks of Rapunzel being a bitch to Varian

And no, we don’t like Rapunzel on this blog, not one bit

(Before we start, (Y/N) is your name, (N/N) is your nickname, and bold is memory Varian, italics are memory you

Coping Techniques

Varian 🧪 x reader

“Varian can’t calm his anxiety after getting back from getting kicked out of the castle, until he remembers something (Y/N) taught him, so he lets that memory guide him through calming himself.”

He was in pain. No, not physically, although it certainly felt like it, but emotionally. He felt like someone was tearing at his heart from the inside out, and he could do nothing to stop it. It hurt so bad, but he didn’t want to burden anyone else, so he just sat there, hugging himself, digging his nails into his arm, waiting for the pain he knew would never go away to leave him.

Deep down, under all of his blaming and hate towards Rapunzel, he thought it was his fault.

If he had just stopped messing with the rocks like his dad said…

He pulled his head up from between his knees and looked at his father, encased in honey colored amber, lifting his letter to the sky as if some other worldly being would reach down and take it from him.

His eyes tear up again, and he quickly hides his eyes behind his knees.

He doesn't want his father to see him crying, even if he is encased in amber.

He would be ashamed, And Varian can’t handle that thought.

He digs his nails further into his arms, and hisses when he feels them break skin and the blood seeps under his nails.

He vaguely remembers some calming techniques (Y/N) taught him for moments like these, and he struggles to remember one.

There was one that seemed to work well for him before, and so he decided to try that one.

He remembers your voice clearly, guiding him through the steps.

It’s okay Varian, just calm down, and take some deep breaths.

He takes a few calming breaths, following his memory of you.

Now Varian, tell me 5 things you can see in this room.

Don’t worry about what they are, just five things.

Do you want me to go first?

He subconsciously nods, just like he did back then.

He hears you giggle, and for a second, he’s already calm, before he glances at his father.

Well let me see..

I see a.. Current Varian starts counting. 1. Dust bunny in the corner over there.

2. Your spare set of goggles.

3. The book stack on the table.

4. Those vials with that green stuff in them. It's called Chromium (Y/N).. Yeah whatever nerd, let's just keep going!

5. And that plate with a half eaten ham sandwich on it.

Varian can hear the memory of you laugh again.

Wow Varian, i thought you were supposed to love ham sandwiches, you always just gobble them up!

(Y/N) stop it! I just wasn’t hungry.. Okay Grumpy pants, I was just joking with you!

Well.. what comes next? Huh? Oh yeah!

Varian slowly comes back to the real world, wishing you were with him right now to help him again.

He thinks about the other things you told him, and starts from the beginning

“F-five things i can see..” he stammers.

“One, my lamp. Two, that puddle by my table. Three, That beaker of silver. Four, my apron hanging off the hook over the door. Five, the spill of Orthovanadate that I never cleaned up.”

Good job Varian! The next one is four things you can feel around you.

Remind me again what we are doing this for again (Y/N)?

Well it's just in case i’m not there for you and you need to calm down!

You-

You are going to be there for me all the time right?

I’ll do my best darling.

P-Promise?

I can’t promise that Var, but i’ll do my absolute best!

Something really bad would have to happen for me to ever not be with you okay V?

Please don’t say that (N/N), that’s scary…

Sorry Var, but i'll do my best to be there whenever i can for you.

Thanks.

Anything for my little Alchemy boy.

Varian snaps back, flinching.

He chuckled, thinking about how ironic it was that he made you make so many promises back then, and yet the very reason he was remembering this was because of a promise.

Her promise.

His nails dig further into the already bleeding wounds, and he hisses.

He shakes his head rapidly, and begins counting things he can feel.

“O-one, My goggles on my head. Two, the wind blowing through the cracks in the house. Three, The melting snow in my boots and Four…”

He looks around, and hisses when the bruises on his wrists from the castle guards rubbing against the wall next to him.

“And four, these goddamn bruises from Rapunzel’s guards.”

(Y/N)?

Yeah Var?

Uhm..

Can I guess what comes next?

Hey that’s a good idea!

Okay.. so we did 5 things you can see..

4 things you can feel..

So I'm going to guess next is 3 things you can hear?

Haha! You got it right Var!

I knew you were smart, dummy.

HEY-

Where’s your sense of humor darling?

I- i uh-

Under the bed.

Oh really then?

WAIT NO I DIDN’T-

HAHAH!!

Okay okay let's get on with it.

Three things you can hear. It will probably help if you shut your eyes to focus on sounds.

Okay.

Varian laughs, and then takes a deep breath, and closes his eyes.

“One… Chemicals bubbling, Two.. The wind rattling the doors hinges, trying to get in.

Three, Ruddiger pacing the floor.”

At the mention of his name, the raccoon bounds over to Varian, right as he opens his eyes, just in time to see a gray and white furball come tumbling into his arms.

Varian looks down at him, and gently cradles him to his chest.

“Oh Ruddiger, What do I do?” Varian sighs, and then laughs when he thinks about you calling him a “crazy raccoon boy”.

Varian? Are you-

Are you talking to Ruddiger?!

I KNEW IT!

Knew what?

I knew that you locking yourself alone in the basement with only Ruddiger and alchemy to keep you company would drive you crazy, but not THIS crazy!

Oh but (N/N), werent you talking to Ruddiger last night?~

Who- who told you that?

Ruddiger did~

RUDDIGER I THOUGHT WE PROMISED TO KEEP THAT TO OURSELVES-

I’m kidding!

but were you really talking to Ruddiger??

You're more crazy than I am!

Whatever, my Crazy raccoon boy.

(Y/N)!-

Ruddiger looks up at Varian, who has a sad smile, and chitters.

Varian shakes his head, and continues the calming method.

Can the smart boy guess what comes next?

Two things I can taste?

BZZZRT- WRONG!

Two things you can smell, then..

One thing I can taste?

Correct!

He takes a deep breath, and sniffs the air.

“One, I can smell chemicals, specifically sulfur, and Two, I can smell the- the blood from my nail marks.” Varian can feel himself getting dizzy at the smell of the last one, but he smacks himself and tries to avoid looking at his arms.

One more Var, okay? Try to remember all these, you never know when you might need them!

Can we go outside after this?

(He can remember you gasping at his comment) Why Varian? Did YOU just suggest going OUTSIDE?

Who are you, and what did you do to Varian?

I-ITS NOTHING!

I just figured you'd like to go outside instead of stay cooped up in here with me all the time…

Aww, how sweet Varian, but if you aren't comfortable going outside with me, I'll gladly stay here with you!

He smiles at your past consideration, and concentrates.

“One thing i can taste..” His eyes fly open.

“Ham Sandwiches!”

He takes a deep breath, and it's finally done.

He silently thanks you for the method, and thanks the gods that it worked.

Now that he thinks about it, he hadn't heard from you since the blizzard..

He really hoped you were okay..

He knows the blizzard is really bad, he did come back from asking Rapunzel for help…

Rapunzel…

She refused to help..

It’s her fault!

He shakes his head, knowing (Y/N) would hate to hear him thinking like that.

Speaking of (Y/N)..

His head jerks up when he hears the door upstairs open and wind blowing heavily.

He listens closely, and he can hear you calling his name while you struggle to get the door closed.

He jumps up and runs up the stairs, practically dropping Ruddiger and face planting.

He looks up from the floor, and gasps.

There you are, decked out in heavy insulated fur coats, there was snow all over you, he could barely even see the beautiful color of your hair.

Your lips were turning blue-

He shakes his head, banging it on the floor a couple times, why was he even looking at your lips?!

You looked down, and gasped as well.

“Varian? Why are you on the floor dear?” He sighs happily when he hears your voice, and opens his mouth to answer.

“You know what, don't answer that, come on, i'll help you up.” You walk over to him, gently grabbing his arms, and he hisses when you grab right where the nail marks are, and your hands brush the bruises on his wrist.

You set him gently in front of the fireplace, and grab his arms.

“Did you cut yourself with your nails again? I told you that you need to cut them..” you sigh, going to grab the things you need to clean his wounds and help with the bruising.

“How did you get these bruises?!” you ask, gently holding his wrists.

He responds, “Well I tried to get help from Rapunzel about my dad, but she wouldn't listen, and the guards dragged me away. By the way, (Y/N), thank you for that 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 method.” He weakly smiles, hoping that would calm you down, being able to see you get visibly angry the more he said about Rapunzel and her guards.

You sigh heavily, telling yourself Varian needed you more than you needed to beat up those guards. “I'm glad it helped dear.”

You bandaged his little crescent shaped wounds, and gently grabbed his wrist.

He looks at you in confusion, and you falter, before going along with your plan, and pull his wrists to your lips, and give them a gentle kiss.

You give him a closed eyes smile and respond to his surprised look, “Doesn't everyone say a kiss makes things better?”

He blushes, and pulls you into him, both of you tumbling to the floor before stopping.

You snuggle into his chest, mumbling something.

He looks down, still blushing. “What was that (N/N)?”

You back your head enough to speak cleary, and repeat yourself. “I need to beat up those gaurds later.”

He snickers, nodding, and wraps his arms tighter around you, ignoring his embarrassment, and more importantly, ignoring his pain.

You also wrap your arms around Varian, and after a couple minutes, he’s snoring.

You look at him, and run your fingers through his hair.

“Ill always be there for you Varian, Rapunzel be damned.” you nod off, both of you calmly sleeping, and dreaming of ways to save his father, his dreams much more sinister than yours, but both never once leaving each other sides.

#Varian x reader #Varian #fanfiction #tangled x reader

[thatgoblin]

Whumptober 2021

Yes! I am doing Whumptober! So this is a blanket warning or sorts. There will be dark themes and actions, I'll have more specific warnings with each post as well, but these may not have the most happy of endings. Just lots of WHUMP.

Entries:

Day 1 - All Trussed up and Still Nowhere to Go - Bound - Leon/Reader

Reader discovers a DSO dirty secret and tries to tell Leon before being nabbed and taken to a basement after being stripped and tortured to find out who they told.

Day 2 - Talking is Overrated - Gagged - Carlos/Reader

Reader is techie for the BSAA and is held hostage by a spy trying to steal info.

Day 3 - Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones, But. . . - “Who did this to you?” - Piers/Reader

Piers discovers that Reader is in a bad relationship.

Day 4 - Trust Fall - Pushed - Jeff/Reader

Reader has an abusive relationship with their older brother. When Brother is visiting and has a particularly nasty argument with Reader, Jeff catches Reader’s brother shoving them hard.

Day 5 - I’ve Got Red in my Ledger - Betrayal - Chris/Reader

Chris uses Reader to get information from them about their dad who works for Umbrella by pretending to like them and flirt with them.

Day 6 - Touch and Go - Touch Starved - Carlos/Leon

Leon hasn’t had a proper connection with anyone in years, so when he joins Chris’ Wolfhound unit and meets Carlos. Carlos tries to get Leon to let him hug him, at first it’s cute, but then Carlos realizes just how much Leon needs it.

Day 7 - My Spidey-Sense is Tingling - Numbness - Nikolai/Carlos

Nikolai’s got a pinched nerve, but stays quiet about it till Carlos’ motormouth forces him to reveal his weakness.

Day 8 - Coughing Up a Lung - Pneumothorax - Chris/Leon

Leon is outside in a storm to shut the windows on his and Chris’ house when a tree branch breaks and falls on him, puncturing his lung.

Day 9 - Rumors of My Death Have Been Greatly Exaggerated - Tears - Chris/Piers

Chris keeps seeing Piers, just days after his death. He doesn’t know if he’ll ever be over losing the last of his team.

Day 10 - Oops I Did It Again - Flair Up - Jeff/Reader

At a movie set, you’re on break with Jeff when you have an asthma attack

Day 11 - Just Keep Swimming - Dehydration - Nick/Trans!Male!Reader

Working with Nick on the volume for a new game, you don’t realize how much your binder is making you sweat till you’re passing out mid-scene.

Day 12 - It’ll Be Fun They Said - Made To Watch - Reader/Chris/Carlos

To get information out of Chris and Carlos, their captors torture Reader, a fellow BSAA agent, in front of them to get the information.

Day 13 - That’s Gonna Leave a Mark - Cauterization - Nikolai/Carlos

In Raccoon City, Nikolai is injured and needs to stop the bleeding. Fortunately and unfortunately, Carlos has a knife and a lighter.

Day 14 - Under Pressure - Crush Injuries - Neil/Reader

Reader gets pinned when the roof of the studio Neil and they are working in caves in.

Day 15 - Feed a Cold, Starve a Fever - Delirium - Leon/Piers

Piers doesn’t get sick. He just pushes through it. This time it pushes him back, right onto his ass.

Day 16 - On a Need to Know Basis - Scars - Jeff/Reader

Reader has scars they don’t talk about, ones that litter their back, ones that Jeff sees accidentally.

Day 17 - Field Care 101 - Hemorrhage - Nick/Reader

Reader has an accident with a grinder disc exploding and getting injured on a job with The Fixers, but Nick’s the only one around to help.

Day 18 - The Doctor’s In - Doctor’s Visit - Jeff/Reader

Jeff goes with Reader to a doctor’s appointment.

Day 19 - Just a Scratch - Stabbing - Neil/Reader

Neil is stabbed while defending Reader from a mugger.

Day 20 - Lost and Found - Trapped Underwater - Reader/Chris

In the Village at Moreau’s lake, the fish man breaks the house you and Chris are stationed at, throwing you two into the icey, cold water. You come up, but Chris doesn’t.

Day 21 - That’s Where the Blood’s Supposed to Be - Blood Matted Hair - Carlos/Reader

Carlos comes to the medbay with a concussion and lots of blood in his precious hair. Lots of it.

Day 22 - They Made Me Do It - Demon - Nick/Reader

Reader and Nick are cleaning out Reader’s parents’ attic when Nick finds an old hand mirror. Reader jokes the family story is that it’s possessed by a demon. Nick takes one look in the mirror and knows that Reader isn’t wrong.

Day 23 - You Break It, You Buy It - Auction - Leon/Reader

Reader has been kidnapped and put up for auction. Leon just happened to be there at the right time.

Day 24 - One Down, Two to Go - Self-Induced Injuries to Escape - Nick/Reader

Nick and Reader are trapped in the basement of some monster that believes they’re the perfect match for each other. To escape they have to find a way out of their handcuffs first.

Day 25 - Hide and Seek - Hiding - Nick/Reader

Nick had always been nice, until he wasn’t.

Day 26 - You Will Go Down With This Ship - Fallen - Neil/Reader

Working with wires, you and Neil are comfortable as there’s so many safety precautions taken to make sure no one gets hurt. But what if someone made sure those precautions failed?

Day 27 - I’m Fine, I Prom. . . - Collapse - Jeff/Reader

Reader pushes themself to the limit with work, not realizing how bad it had gotten till their vision was swimming as Jeff sounded so far away.

Day 28 - It’s Not Just In Your Head - Nightmares - Piers/Reader

Covered in sweat, Piers wakes from his nightmare of being dead. He had been, though. It felt so real. He’d mutated and. . . Where was his arm?

Day 29 - All Work and No Play - “You’re Still Not Dead?” - Nikolai/Reader

Reader is trying to survive Raccoon City, but it’s not Nemesis or Mr. X that’s hunting them.

Day 30- Digging Your Grave - Left For Dead - Nikolai/Reader

Sequel to Day 29

Day 31 - Hurt and Comfort - Disaster Zone - Neil/Reader

Reader goes through their first earthquake since moving to LA, but it’s so much worse than any Neil has gone through before.

#whumptober master list #thatgoblin

[cloverhighfivewritestoo]

Mulled Wine Cider 

Part 4 of 4 of Winter and Warmth

👉 Read it on Ao3 

Domestic destiel - 2.7k - angst, fluff, smut Cas is still a bit shaken by his jealousy but Dean makes it all right.

Castiel and Dean were finally alone.

Dean was scrolling on his phone in the kitchen, Castiel stood wondering why he was always so angry when Benny was around. He knew why, but… he didn’t know why. Dean didn’t do anything specific. Benny is just so annoying.

 Dean pocketed his phone. “OK. We should go to the mall to get the tie and necklace back, and get other gifts for Sam and Eileen. You ready?”

Dean knew the owner of the games/anime/figurines/D&D/comic books shop. With a wink, he took Castiel by the hand to follow him in the backstore for “special” items. Dean found a nice book for Sam about lesser gods and their servants. “Maybe next time elves mess with us Rowena won’t have to make the trip from Hell, and we can deal with it ourselves,” he’d said. Eileen’s gift was a necklace again – but the pendant hid a small blade and a locket for salt or anything she’d like. “Parsley, sage, rosemary or thyme,” Dean said, smiling. Castiel tilted his head, squinting in thought. Dean kissed him.

“I love the kiss, but I don’t understand.”

“You’re too cute when you’re confused.”

Castiel smiled. “You must find me very… cute. I’m often confused by you.”

“The absolute cutest, babe.” Dean took Castiel by the waist and pressed himself against him. He kissed him again. “So cute.”

Castiel said, “I did understand the reference, Dean. But is it because Eileen loves this song?”

“No, it’s because she cooks a lot, now.”

“Oh.”

“You’ll get there, buddy.”

“Where?”

Dean smiled again. “To the place where you’re less confused by me and my jokes.”

“But I’ll get less kisses.”

Dean kissed him again. “Impossible.”

 They stopped by the liquor store to get something to bring to dinner. Dean called to Castiel, “Hey, found a really good red wine. We could bring that home for ourselves after dinner. I could make mulled wine for us.”

Castiel was looking at the bottle, his expression unreadable.

“What? You said you liked mulled wine when we first tasted it. I can make some, it’s easy.”

“Benny gave you the recipe I suppose.”

“Um, kind of, yes. It’s mostly to taste. Speaking of, we’ll need oranges, star anise, and cinnamon sticks, and cloves. I think.” Dean checked something on his phone. “Hmmm… I might pick up more stuff than I thought.”

 They were the last to arrive at Sam’s and Eileen’s. Big hugs were exchanged – a polite one between Castiel and Benny.

Christmas dinner was really good. Eileen had made the best turkey anyone had ever had. And Sam had found a way to mix animal blood in a way that felt special to Benny.

Benny thanked him. “It’s really appreciated, man.” Sam had nodded.

Dean said, “This turkey sure beats the electrocuted ham we had that one time on a case.”

Everybody laughed – even Sam – and Charlie insisted on knowing the whole story.

When Dean was done, leaving everyone laughing again, Benny piped up, with a smile, “And does it beat the rabid raccoons of Purgatory?”

Dean exploded. “Man! Those were vile! How dare you compare?”

Eileen said, “Raccoons?”

Dean and Benny went on about the menu in Purgatory, which was cut short because it was too gross.

Much to Castiel’s relief.

 Between the main course and dessert, everyone helped clean up and put away leftovers in containers. Everybody was taking some turkey and fixings back home. Even Benny, who had family – all humans – coming over tomorrow for a week.

 Dessert was had, cards were played, and Charlie and Benny left not too late. Castiel and Dean stayed a little longer so Dean would be sober enough to drive home. They gave Sam and Eileen their gifts, which they loved.

 Back home, Dean decided he wanted to make the mulled wine. Castiel cut the oranges in silence.

“What’s wrong, buddy?”

Castiel kept cutting the oranges. “Nothing. Why would anything be wrong?”

“You’ve been very quiet tonight, especially when Benny and I were talking about Purgatory. You didn’t even have a hand on my thigh like you usually do.”

Castiel still wouldn’t meet Dean’s eyes. “Oh. You noticed.”

Dean dumped the spices in the pot where the wine was already warming up. “Babe. I see you.”

One slice, two slices. “What do you mean?”

Dean turned and leaned back on the counter, his hands by his sides. He spoke softly. “Cas. Look at me.”

Castiel stopped slicing. He looked up.

“Babe, you’re my love. I notice when you’re… not yourself.”

Castiel looked at the oranges again. “You didn’t seem to notice this morning. Or at the carnival.”

Dean sighed. “Benny. Again.”

Castiel kept his eyes on the oranges.

 “Babe, you know, I did notice that sometimes you seemed crossed. I asked you if everything was fine, and you said you were fine. I respect that.”

Castiel moved the orange slices around. “Are you saying it’s my fault?”

Dean sat facing Castiel. “No. But it’s a two-way thing. Sometimes you say you’re fine, and I respect that, but I want you to know you can say it when you’re not fine.”

Castiel finished a pile of slices. “OK.”

“Babe. Cas.”

“Yes, Dean?”

“What is going on? What’s this thing with Benny? You don’t like him?”

Castiel finished a second pile of orange slices. He sat back. He looked at Dean. “It’s just… While I was trying to keep the leviathans from you, you were running around with him.”

“It’s more me dragging him around until we found you.”

“How do you say it… same but different?”

Dean chuckled. “Same difference.”

“Hm.”

 “Babe. It was always about you. Don’t you see?”

“But you seem so happy when you talk about Purgatory with him.”

Dean crossed his arms. “It’s not… It’s not because of him. He’s my friend, sure. I really like the guy. He saved my ass, I saved his… but Purgatory… it’s special.”

“I found it stressful.”

“Yeah, it is. But there was something pure about it.”

“Pure?”

“You can kill without consequence. They’re all monsters! There’s no ‘oh but what about the human inside’ or ‘this was a mother, what about her kids now’, or ‘how am I gonna explain this’, or escaping the cops, or-“

“I get it, Dean. Freedom.”

Dean uncrossed his arms and leaned on the table. “Yeah.”

Castiel nodded.

“And you have to know, I need you to understand, if I’d found you five minutes after getting there, we’d have gone out on the spot. I didn’t stay for the thrill of it. It was always you.”

 “But Benny followed you for the whole year.”

“He needed me to get out. Remember?”

“He seems to like you. A lot.”

“And I like him. As a friend. And I married you. Isn’t that what’s important?”

Castiel reached for the tablecloth and wiped his hands.

Dean added, “Do you remember what movie we watched the other night?”

“Um… the one where the chef and the air conditioned repairman fall in love?”

Dean laughed. “Yes. – man I love you – but remember why I chose it?”

“Um…”

“It was about two dumbasses who were in love since forever, and they were too stupid to realize, and it took them ages to get together.”

“Ah, yes.”

“Reminds you of anyone?”

Castiel smiled. “Yes. You and me.”

“Yes, you and me, pal.” He leaned over the table and kissed him. “You and me. Dumbasses in love.” He smiled and booped Castiel’s nose.

 Dean took the oranges, dumped them in the wine, and adjusted the heat to simmer. “I’m surprised, because it’s not like you to get jealous.”

“Jealous?”

Dean stirred the wine. “Yeah. Being afraid to lose me to someone else although there is literally no indication of me wanting to be with anybody else.”

Castiel spoke as to himself. “Jealous…”

Dean turned around. “You didn’t know that’s what it is?”

“I hadn’t realized.”

 “You never did that. It was always us. Together. Even when you did something stupid behind my back,” Castiel gave him a look, “OK, yes, and when I did too. Doesn’t matter. I wanted to protect you.”

“And I wanted to be worthy of you.”

Dean smirked. “Oh, because getting me out of Hell wasn’t enough?”

“Things kept happening, Dean.”

“Yeah, I know…” Dean fiddled on his phone, and put it on the table. It played a soft song. He dimmed the light. He went to Castiel, took his hands so he’d get up. He wrapped his arms around him and rested his cheek against Castiel’s. They started swaying slowly to the song. “I know…”

 Castiel held him tight. “I don’t want to be jealous.”

“Then just trust me. Trust us.”

Castiel stiffed ever so slightly.

“Babe. What’s wrong?”

Castiel pursed his lips. “Nothing.”

Dean squeezed Castiel a bit. “Now’s a good time to not say ‘Nothing’, babe. What’s wrong?”

Castiel looked tentatively into Dean’s eyes. “The mulled wine reminds me of Benny.” Castiel got a hint of panic in his eyes. “But I don’t want to be jealous!”

Dean smiled. “Then we’ll make mulled cider.”

Castiel’s eyes brightened. “Oh?”

“It’s apple-flavored, and it’s sweeter. I think you might like it more, actually.”

Castiel smiled a little. “Oh?”

 Dean put the wine pot on the back burner and started a pot of mulled cider.

They cleaned up again, Castiel having cut fresh oranges – and apples too.

Dean came back to Castiel and wrapped his arms around him again. “How about that?”

“I can’t wait to taste it.”

“What about this in the meantime?” Dean kissed Castiel slowly.

 Eyes closed, they slow danced to a few songs. They also kissed a whole song, very slowly, like time had stopped. Mostly, they just danced, their hands changing places to cup a butt cheek or to feel a shoulder. A few neck kisses were given, too.

 Dean whispered, “How long you think we’ve been dancing?”

Castiel whispered, “I don’t know. I like it.”

Dean chuckled. “I like it too, but I think the cider might be ready. Or close enough. What do you say we go cuddle on the couch with a glass of warm, spiced cider, and I give you your gift?”

“I have a gift?”

“Of course. I just need to get it from my super secret hiding spot.”

Castiel smiled and kissed Dean. “OK.”

 Castiel cleaned up the kitchen while Dean was gone getting his gift – it took a minute – and he poured two glasses of mulled cider, and brought them to the living room. He turned off all the lights but the Christmas tree and decorations. The ambiance was warm and soft.

 Dean showed up with a gift and a headband with antlers. He put it on Castiel’s head. “Here, it’s more festive.”

“Are you sure, Dean?”, Castiel said, as he adjusted them and tried to catch his reflection in a window.

Dean kissed him. “You’re my reindeer. My little helper.”

Castiel’s eyes narrowed. “Little?”

Dean’s eyes trailed to Castiel’s crotch. “Hmmm… not really little, no.”

Castiel pursed his lips. “Hmm.”

 Dean gave Castiel his gift. It was clearly a book. As Castiel unwrapped it, he saw that it was a cookbook for simple recipes from around the world. Castiel beamed. “Thank you, Dean. I can’t wait to try the recipes. Can we look at it now?”

“Of course.”

They flipped through the pages while drinking their cider and choosing what they should try first. Castiel said the cider was really good and refilled their glasses.

After being done with the cookbook, Castiel produced a gift from under the couch.

“You got me a gift?”

“Of course, Dean.”

Dean opened his gift. It was green tuque with a pompom. He put it on. “How do I look?”

Castiel took in how Dean’s eyes were so green. “Like my husband.”

Dean laughed. “You’re silly…”

Castiel smiled. “But accurate.”

Dean kissed him as thanks.

 Dean took the last sip of his cider. “Hey, what to do you think we do your kinky thing from the other day?”

“What kinky thing?”

Dean’s eye twinkled. “The cold hands on your warm body…”

Castiel took Dean’s hands in his. “Your hands are very warm.”

Dean stood up. “That can be arranged. Be right back.”

 Dean stepped out quickly and made a snowball, packed tight.

He came back in to a sight he didn’t expect: Castiel was lying naked on the couch, with the antlers still on his head.

Dean froze.

“I’m ready, Dean.” Indeed, Castiel was already hard.

Dean was breathless. He’d seen him naked plenty of times, but he was still stunned.

Castiel looked concerned. “Are you OK?”

Dean walked towards the couch, snowball still in his hands, leaving a trail of waterdrops. “Yeah. It’s just you’re… wow.”

Castiel smiled. In the dim light, Dean couldn’t see that he also blushed.

“Here, hold this.” Dean gave the snowball to Castiel and quickly got out of his clothes.

Castiel’s eyes went to the windows. They were, after all, facing the street. “What about the neighbours?”

Dean’s eyes were dark and his cock hard. His voice was almost an octave lower than usual when he answered, “Oh, they’re not invited.”

Castiel shook his head. “That’s not what I-“

Dean took the snowball back. “Oh, I know. They’re still not invited.”

 Dean straddled Castiel and gave him the snowball to hold – over his head, as to get the water dripping over the side of the couch. “Stay like this.”

“Yes, Dean.”

Dean started playing with Castiel’s nipples with his cold fingers.

Castiel closed his eyes.

“Do you like it?”

“Yes, it’s… yes, I do.”

Dean nibbled on them and sucked a little, and then rubbed them with the parts of his hands that were still cold.

Low, rumbling sounds came from Castiel.

Dean sucked on his nipples again. “Hmm… This is fun…”

“Yes…” Castiel opened his eyes. “My turn. Hold this.”

Dean took the snowball – now half melted – and, still sitting on Castiel, held it just above Castiel’s crotch, so that freezing droplets would hit his cock when he didn’t expect it.

Castiel took his cold hands to Dean’s nipples, which was welcomed with hitched breath. Castiel trailed his hands down to Dean’s thighs. A water drop landed on Castiel’s cock, which made him grip Dean’s thighs in surprise.

Dean held the snowball tighter, to make it melt faster. “This is better than I expected.”

A hitched breath from Castiel informed him another drop had landed in the right place.

Castiel took Dean’s cock in his hand. It was cool, but not very cold. It took Dean by surprise, but it was pleasant.

 Every time a drop landed on Castiel, he squeezed Dean’s cock a little tighter in response to the surprise. Dean was climbing fast. “This is real good, Cas. Turns out to be a good idea.”

“It tickles, Dean.”

“Good tickle or bad tickle?”

“Hmmm… Good.”

“Too bad, I’m out of snow.”

“Oh. OK.”

“I can get another one.”

“No, don’t go.”

Dean trailed his cold fingers on Castiel’s chest, and took his cock in his hand.

Castiel sucked the air in between his teeth. “That is… surprising.”

“Good or bad?”

“Not sure.”

Dean let go. “Then let’s just do what we’re good at.”

 Dean layed on the couch alongside Castiel. His back was half turned to him, and he’d passed a leg behind Castiel, exposing himself fully.

Castiel, who was a bit lower, had his cock between Dean’s legs, resting on his thigh.

Dean asked Castiel, “Warm up my hands, babe.”

Castiel held his hands, looking him in the eyes. “I’m silly.”

“Why?”

“To think you’d leave me for someone else. For Benny.”

“Shhhhhhh Cas. Shhhhh.”

“What?”

“I told you, nobody’s invited. Don’t talk about him. It’s just us.”

Castiel smiled. “Yes, Dean.”

Dean shook his hips a little, making his cock bounce. “This, dude, it’s just for you.”

Castiel’s eyes darkened. “Yes, Dean.”

Dean kissed Castiel. “Now, take your warm hands to my warm body and let’s do what we do best.”

Castiel lost an octave. “Oh yes, Dean.”

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[insane-control-room]

Poison

[check out the gif vers on twitter :)]

Ao3 Link

The moment after Spy put his cigarette to his lips, Engineer stepped forward and wrapped him into a hug, holding onto him as though his life depended on it.

"Never do that again."

tws: temp death, minor violence, broken bone

Scout’s hearing was a little messed up as he was trying to wake up. That was relatively normal for him. What was not normal was the fact that he could hear other voices that he did not recognize in the slightest. The first few weeks at Teufort had a similar effect, and negatively impacted his performance more than he would have liked, but that made for a colossal swingback once he was able to get some proper sleep.

So hearing new voices that he was certain should not be there set off alarm bells in his head.

“Kid’s still asleep, I guess.”

Part of Scout was indignant at being called a kid, but the other part agreed with that gruff, low voice. Pretending to be asleep in a hostile situation could be pretty beneficial to him.

“Well, it doesn’t matter too much,” another voice hissed. “Grab him and go. We’ve already got his y factor, and that’s what does matter. The brat doesn’t matter at all, really, but we need him to get to what we want.”

Scout stiffened, but tried not to let it show, as he had been picked up by someone who might have been just a little smaller than Heavy. They carried him out of the hall, and he squinted at his desk to catch a glimpse of the time from his golden baseball themed alarm clock. He had received it anonymously on his birthday, and while none of his teammates admitted it, Engineer did inform him that the compound was actual gold, and not just painted. He felt a warm glow every time he saw the time on it, and this time, though stressful, was no different as he beheld the yellowish 3:41.

Too damn early for this, in other words.

Scout knew he was taken outside when he felt the cool air on his face. He immediately recognized the buzzing, spaztic sounds of sapped sentries. That in turn made him wonder where Engineer was, questioning why he had not fixed the problem, and decided firmly that he did not want to think about that too much.

“Good, you brought him,” a high pitched voice that Scout very much disliked giggled. “Now the real fun can start.”

Scout was unceremoniously dropped onto the floor, and he popped right back up, folding his arms and giving a dissatisfied scowl.

“Ey, careful with the merchandise, Mann,” he snapped at Olivia. She only smiled wider, contrasted by the green uniforms of her miniature militia. “I don’t need any of this crap right now. What the hell do you want with me?”

“Oh, I don’t want anything with you,” she clarified, unnerving Scout all the more. Something was dead wrong with that kid. She did not act like a child in the slightest. “I want something from him, and he’s being very stubborn and not talking!”

As she spoke, Scout’s blue eyes followed the general motion of her hands and felt horror bubbling up in him at the sight of Spy. His suit was torn and bloodied, one of his eyes certainly swollen, and his arms were bound behind his back, his ankles added by another length of material that Scout did not recognize at all.

Olivia followed his gaze and smiled again.

“That’s a special type of rope I had made just for him,” she giggled again. “Frank was such a sweetheart to create it to my specifications. The more he struggles, the tighter it gets. He learned his lesson, now, didn’t you Mr. Spy?”

Spy spat some blood in her general direction instead of answering, but Scout winced nonetheless, knowing the truth behind the silent reply. Olivia snapped her fingers, and one of her grunts kicked Spy in the stomach.

“No, no,” Olivia shook her head. “Enough of torturing poor Mr. Spy. We’ve got a new playmate!”

Scout, who had been backing away to run for help, spun on his heel and booked it. A grapple grabbed his back, and at least five Gs of pressure exerted on his spine as he was snapped back. It made him scream out. Spy stared down at the ground in front of himself, not trusting himself to keep his resolve if he watched. They both were aware that Scout yelled about every minor injury, but neither wanted to see him hurt any more than that.

“Now, we all know that your precious respawn is down,” Olivia booped Scout on the nose. “And I really don’t want to kill you. Neither of you. But you, running man, have a lot less keeping your string going.”

“Merde, he’s just a child!” Spy struggled to speak with his cut lips. “He has a whole life ahead of him!”

“Will you talk, then?” Olivia challenged, stepping over towards Spy. Scout was firmly held between two of her cronies. “I would really appreciate knowing where that Austrailium is.”

Scout’s eyes went wide. Spy’s functional one met his, and Scout shook his head slightly, agreeing with the older man. If Olivia got access to any of that rare mineral, then they might as well kiss their lives goodbye regardless of killer robots or not.

Spy went quiet again.

“Break his wrist.” Olivia casually tossed the instructions over her shoulder, and Scout barely had a moment to think before the men grabbed his arm and hand, then twisted. He screamed the whole way through and peaked at the snap, yet could not even press his injured hand to his stomach as he had been grabbed again. Sure, he had broken his wrist before, what the hell did you think the guards were for, just punching? but this was deliberately slow and painful. “Talk, please. Tell me where the Australium is, and then I’ll leave you both alone. If you don’t… well, I wonder what kind of running career a man with broken femurs and spine could have.”

Spy howled in frustration, the tears that had been in his eyes from pain rising up with the torrent.

“This is not-” he struggled to compose himself, accidentally tightening the ropes on him as he tried to get into a more honorable position. “Leave him out of this.”

“Well, you, no matter how hard you hurt, aren’t talking!” Olivia barked, making both lanky men wince with the sheer adultness in her voice, yet at least the words she said were a little childish. “And I need my answers! So I’ll hurt the ones you love most! I know how much money and effort you spend and struggle with this one. A few DNA tests helped a bit too, but you practically admitted it yourself a couple of times.”

Scout tried his best not to listen to the treacherous words coming from the mouth of a child. He and Spy were… complicated. Spy did care about him, in his awkward way, and did dote on him compared to the other members of the team (well, they all doted on him in their own ways), but Scout, he knew that there was an iceberg between them that neither wanted to address, especially not in this way.

“Just leave him alone,” Spy begged. “His mother would kill me.”

Olivia shrugged.

“Then you’d both be dead.”

Spy swore under his breath, shifting uncomfortably. Scout gave him a look, telling him through a puffed chest and slight smirk that he could handle this, no matter what. If Spy could handle getting his ass handed to him on the dirt, then Scout could too. Hell, he even died before. This would be an easy game in comparison.

“I will not tell you where the Australium is.”

“That’s a pity,” Olivia sighed, pouting. “Well, then break the little runner’s leg.”

“Whoa, whoa, settle down there, little Miss Mann,” Spy and Scout almost cried out of relief, Engineer, coming in without a single weapon aside a fancy looking wrench. His overalls had been hastily pulled over his t-shirt pajamas, and the bit of grease on his face told of a man who had repaired his machines before going on out. “Let’s talk this out like civilized folk.”

“Hmph, hello Dr. Conagher,” Olivia nodded as politely as she could. “I guess I could try doing that.”

“Well, if you ask me, none of us would be in any of this mess had people just opened their hearts and mouths a bit more,” Engineer smiled, though it was impossible to see where he was looking. Olivia sat down at a solid looking table, and pointed to the chair beside her. Engineer cautiously made his way to sit down, running on a wish and a prayer. “Don’t you agree, ma’am?”

She blushed, clearly not used to southern charm nor being spoken to so sweetly, and she tampered down her confused emotions by drawing the knife from under the table and swiftly stabbing Engineer’s hand right through onto the table, and a sapper went just as neatly onto his Gunslinger.

“Engie!” Scout shouted at the same time Spy gasped, “Ingénieur!”

Said man had no reaction to their concern. Instead, he stared at the wound for a moment, then at his no longer functional prosthetic.

“Well, shucks.” he commented, as if the situation was as mundane as finding out your trashcan had been toppled in the night by Soldier’s raccoon. “I walked right into that, didn’t I?”

“Yes, you did,” she sniffed arrogantly. “And now, I can get back to the point.”

She punctuated the last word with a spin and slap to Spy’s already tender face.

“Hey, hey, don’t hurt ‘im,” Engineer protested. A bit of his blood started dripping down the table from his elbow. “He gave you his answer, he doesn’t want to talk. I dunno what you want, but it’s not worth killing two defenseless men.”

“Oh, you’d disagree if you knew what I was looking for,” Olivia sneered. “It’s only the most important thing in the world.”

“Love?” Engineer asked with absolute befuddlement. Spy, Scout, and Olivia all laughed at his bewilderment, making him flush with a touch of embarrassment. “Well, it was worth a shot….”

“It was cute,” Olivia smiled. “But no cigar. Just like that one’s wishes that you were his father.”

Spy’s eyes flicked to Scout and then down to the ground in shame. He knew that Engineer was a better father figure towards Scout than he ever had been; though with said man’s encouragement, he was doing a little better.

“Come now, it’s actually really funny!” Olivia insisted through giggles. “Scout doesn’t look anything like Dr. Conagher, and he’s not even a quarter as smart!”

“Miss, that’s just plain rude,” Dell scolded. “Scout’s brilliant in his own ways. If I was in a situation that needed quick thinkin’, I’d ask Scoot for help.”

Scout glowed at the praise. Spy smiled at the sight.

“Well, he’s also a quarter as ugly as you,” Olivia sputtered, confused by his parental nature. Engineer’s eyebrows shot up, and Spy felt a little bad for him as he noticed the slight tinge growing on his cheeks. “It’s a wonder that he’s got a fancy for you at all! After all, his tastes are much more… fabulous and expensive than you.”

It took a moment for all three of them to process what she was saying. The little blush that was on Engineer’s cheeks grew tenfold. Scout stared at Spy, who seemed so shocked that he lost the ability to close his mouth at all.

Then he closed it with a resolve so strong they heard it crack.

Or rather, his new cyanide tooth.

“Spah, no!” Engineer yelped, panic audible in his voice for the first time that night. “No, spit that out right now!”

Spy gave him a smile that struggled to hold in the froth that built in his mouth, and swallowed. Scout heard screaming that he did not know was his own until Engineer snapped him out of it with a hoarse shout of his own.

“Damnit Spy!”

Olivia was just as miffed, with all due honesty. With a viciously sharp scowl, she pressed hard onto Spy’s throat with the bottom of her dainty shoe, and when she was sure he was dead, spat on his body. Engineer muttered a curse, pale and with water building up on the inside of his goggles.

“He’s useless now. Let the others go, we’re leaving,” she huffed, getting into her limousine. She threw at Engineer his wrench, no longer caring.

“Damnit, damn, goddamnit,” he whispered, shaking. The two men holding Scout let him go on Olivia’s signal, and he ran over to Engineer, his own vision blurring from sheer emotion that he tuned right out of. Before he or Engineer even realized, the group of their assailants had left. “Pull out the knife, Scout, swift and smooth.”

Scout, not trusting his voice, nodded and did as he was asked. Engineer let out a shaky sigh as he flexed his sore blue fingers, wrapping them around his wrench.

“Grab onto me.”

Again, Scout listened. Engineer gave a last glance to Spy’s corpse and there was a bright flash of light, whisking them to home respawn. No one else was there to greet them.

“He’s dead, isn't he?” Scout asked quietly. The tears he had been holding in slowly started to drip down his face.

“He ain’t dead ‘til three coroners say he is,” Engineer tried his best not to snap, but those words scared him more than he ever wanted to admit. Respawn was a quick little trick to immortality, but only as long as it was working, and as long as the body was able to handle it. “I’m going ta try an overwrite. I need ya to spit on this.”

“Wh- spit? On that panel?” Scout’s sadness shifted suddenly to confusion. “Why?”

“Just do it, boy,” Engineer pleaded. “Do it and hope with all your might that I can get this ta work.”

Scout did.

Heaven help him, he hoped.

Engineer pressed buttons, shifted knobs, and slid the panel back into place.

A minute passed.

Then another.

Engineer slammed his fist onto the mainframe, yanking off his goggles, the tears that had accumulated splashing onto the floor.

“Damnit!” he sobbed. “No!”

Scout hesitantly patted his shoulder, and Engineer swooped around to hug him, crying into the young man’s chest.

“‘M so sorry, Jeremy,” he whispered. “I’m sorry.”

A warm glow hit them, and Spy groaned, rushing to rinse his mouth.

“Disgusting,” he huffed, and then Scout punched him, hugging him immediately after. Spy hugged him back gently. “Thank you for the warm reception.”

He stepped away to light a cigarette, and looked up to see Engineer’s stare.

The moment after Spy put his cigarette to his lips, Engineer stepped forward and wrapped him into a hug, holding onto him as though his life depended on it.

"Never do that again." Engineer whispered against his neck and shoulder. He was trembling badly, hands gripping tightly onto Spy’s suit.

Spy slowly hugged him back, ignoring the smoldering cigarette.

“I won’t.”

#engiespy #i suck at this game but i love it #team fortress 2 #tf2 #engineer #spy #scout #hurt/comfort #respawn #temporary death #minor violence #broken bone

[hinatas-sunshine]

Synopsis: Hello!I hope you’re having a good day, if it’s ok can I request a Bnha head cannon for Kiri,Bakugo and Shoto for a s/o that bakes and one day makes cookies that resemble them in their hero costume - @lazyfiresuitcasehero

Genre: Fluff

A/N for Requester: HEY this is so cute I was so excited to write abt this when I saw it and I’m so glad you give me some wordeful headcanons 🥺❤️ you’re the kindest hehe

A/N: I hope you guys enjoy this request! I hope you’re having a good day! KITHES! Requests are open! ❤️

Bakugo:

• Baking was usually a thing you did was Bakugo

• So when he got back to the dorms after training and the smell of sweets hit his nose, he stormed to the kitchen

• You smiled sweetly at him hands behind your back, this struck his curiosity

“What are you hiding?”

• You smiled and bounced excitedly

“Ta-Da!”

• He saw a small cartoon replica of him in your hands, in the shape of a cookie

“That’s not the only one!”

• Behind you there was a Denki chomping on a mini Bakugo

“Tastes sweet, something Bakugo isn’t.”

“OI! Shut up dunce face!”

• You giggled as Bakugo angrily bit into his look alike cookie you had handed him, his angry features being taken over by a soft one

“This is so good..”

“Thank you!”

• You smiled and tightened your cute apron before continuing to roll more cookie dough to make cut outs

“Ba-ku-go!”

• You placed the letters in order on the tray, and Bakugo turned away blushing

“Go shower you stink I can smell you all the way from over here!”

“Shut up woman!”

• With that he sprinted up the stairs to get shower like you said

• Denki walked over to the tray to grab another cookie while you were taking the ones you just baked out from the oven

“No!” *slap*

• Denki rubbed his stinging hand frowning as you sighed and handed him two messed up cookies

• With that he ran off

“Look! Y/n gave me cookies!”

“Huh? Y/n?! What about me?!”

• Mina ran in as you smiled at her

“Go take one of Denki’s I gave him two.”

• Bakugo was confused on why the two were fighting each other on the couch and you were placing the letter cookies in the oven and going back to icing the cookies

• But the confusion turned into a surprised one when he saw you frosting little blasty cookies 🥺

“Why are you making so many cookies about me?”

• You turned to look at him, setting the frosting down

“Why? Do you not like them? Is it creepy? It is isn’t it. Oh my gosh.”

• You turned and smashed a Bakugo cookie with your fist causing him to jump back

“What the hell woman?! I was just asking what spiked your interest to want to make me into a cookie Damn it!”

• Denki came in to swoop up that cookie your crushed

“Oh... well, I was bored and I saw someone on Pinterest do it.”

• Pinterest... you and Pinterest man you always did things right away when you saw a cool idea

“Y/n will you make Denki cookies next?!”

“Sur-“

“In your dreams dumbass!”

Kirishima:

• He loved your baking

• If he was having a bad day, it’s like you somehow knew and he’d come back to the dorms to see you baking something for him

• Today was a specifically bad day, sparring didn’t do as planned, his quirk was out of control and Bakugo was in a pissy mood too worsening things for him

• All he wanted to do was go back to the dorms and sleep

• Upon entering the dorms he was tackled in a hug

“You’re back! I missed you!”

• Kirishima slowly took you off, automatically happy with your presence

• His pure happiness, you. You always knew how to change his mood any time he was upset

• You bounced on your feet before showing him a tiny baggie wrapped nicely

“What’d you bake this time y/n?”

“Open itttt!”

• He laughed at your excitement and opened the bag to pull out an cool looking R and a cartoon cookie version of him in his hero costume

“This is so badass!”

“Yeah!?”

“Hell yeah!”

• He placed a kiss on your forehead and looked at the cookies walking into the kitchen with you following behind him

“You baked more?!”

“I had too much dough.”

• He looked at you shoving something behind your back

“What was that?”

“Huh? Nothing..”

“Y/n.”

• He took the tray behind you and saw a bunch of messed up cookies

“Why is my head smaller than the rest of my body?!”

“That’s the reject pile babe.”

• He laughed picking one up

“My chest doesn’t look like this!”

“I went off a picture of you and I got distracted by your abs Shut Up!”

• Now he was full on cackling making you smile as he bit into it, his smile fell

“This is so good.”

• He shoveled cookies into his mouth

“Slow down! They’re not going anywhere!”

• He stopped and turned to look at you, as you frantically gave him some water

• He took it and placed it on the counter leaning down to wrap his arms around your waist

• The change of behavior threw you off but you weren’t complianing as you wrapped your arms around him too

• Nuzzling his face into your neck placing small innocent kisses he whispered

“Thank you.”

• You smiled stroking his hair

“Don’t worry about it, I had fun.”

• He lifted his head

“No, thank you. I was having the worst day and... everything you do and everything about you just knows how to make those problems seem like nothing.”

• Placing a kiss on his lips that he gladly returned you smiled warmly whispering to him

“You’re welcome my love.”

• The moment was ruined by Sero pushing past you two and taking the tray of cookies

“Sorry I’ll be taking these...”

“No they’re mine”

“They don’t have your name on them.”

“They LITERALLY are of me.”

Todoroki:

• He knows you love baking, especially for everyone in the dorms

• But with the sports festival coming up, he knows you are a tad bit more on edge than usual

• And he knows how you are when on edge

“Y/n? Why are you up? It’s 3 AM.”

• You stopped anxiously folding the dough before you looked at him

• You looked sleep deprived... like a raccoon

“Let me just finish baking this and then I’ll go to bed.”

• He sighed and nodded, he knew there was no arguing with you because you would only ignore him and continue

• You went back to cutting the shape carefully while he looked at you worriedly

“Don’t people usually train rather than bake of a sports festival is coming up...”

• He whispered to himself before seeing you smile to yourself, and that smile was all he needed to know you’ll be just fine

• The next morning you, completely sleep deprived charged into his room seeing him just waking up

“Good morning!”

• He sat up as you closed his door and jumped onto his bed, a small container in your hands

“I would say good morning to you but it doesn’t look like you slept.”

• You giggled scratching the back of your head sheepishly before handing him the small container

• He took it and opened it, seeing small cartoon replicas of him frosted perfectly, of him smiling, him using his quirk and him just looking serious

• He smiled and looked at the other ones of just fire and ice that he gladly but into and tried

“Do you like them?”

“I love them, and I’d love for you to get some sleep.”

• You nodded and took the container placing it on his nightstand

• Even with the light shining in from his room you still laid down closing your eyes, about ready to knock out cold for awhile

“What made you want to bake cookies of me?”

“I just love you, and with the sports festival coming up I know you’re really strong. I’m excited to see you fight and I wanted to do something for you.”

• He looked at your closed eyes, without knowing it you were smiling as you went on about how much you admired him

• He leaned down and kissed you, catching you off guard but regardless you kissed him back

“And you’ll do amazing as well.”

“Psh, yeah okay.”

• With that you nuzzled your head into his chest hugging him while he placed an arm around you

“Hey y/n can I have some of these Todoroki cookies?”

“Shhh Deku she’s asleep-“

“OI! WHERE DID ALL THE EGGS GO!? IT WAS YOU WASN’T IT DEKU?!”

“K-Kacchan!? No! I just woke up!”

“Wake her up! She has to go buy eggs!”

“Wake me up Bakugo. Do it. Wake me up.”

• He left you alone after that 😃

Tags:

#my hero academia #my hero academia x you #my hero academia x y/n #my hero academia x reader #my hero academia headcanons #bakugo katsuki #Bakugo fluff #bakugo mha #bakugo bnha #bakugo headcanons #bakugo x reader #bakugo x you #bakugo x y/n #kirishima eijirou #Kirishima MHA #Kirishima BNHA #Kirishima fluff #kirishima headcanon #Kirishima x reader #kirishima x y/n #Kirishima x you #todoroki shouto #todoroki fluff #Todoroki MHA #Todoroki BNHA #todoroki headcanons #todoroki x reader #todoroki x y/n #todoroki x you

[advena87]

Keira and Lambert's love story because we need one!

.

Here is Part 2

.

Keira: You must be Lambert. I've heard so much about you.

Lambert: All bad, I’m assuming.

Keira: Uh, yes.

Triss: And all true.

***

Keira: I love this whole "good witcher/bad witcher" thing you two have going.

Eskel: It's not really a thing. It's more like I'm nice, Lambert is not.

***

Lambert: I would never say this to Keira's face, but she is a wonderful person and really smart.

Geralt: Why wouldn’t you say that to her face?!

***

Lambert: So, did it hurt?

Keira: What?

Lambert: When you fell down from heaven.

Keira: No, I'm fine.

***

Keira: What can I say? I'm seductive and irresponsible.

Lambert: You mean irresistible?

Geralt, sighing in the background: No, you heard that right.

Lambert: Wow, she is perfect.

***

Keira: This guy has been bothering me. And he always disagrees with me.

Lambert: Kill him!

Keira: No.

Lambert, softer: I kill him for you?

Keira: Lambert no. Just listen up, there are three ways to argue: words, proof and-

Lambert: Murder!

Keira, sighing: See? This is why your brothers hate you.

***

Lambert: I don't understand women.

Geralt: Nor do I. But they understand us. Well, maybe not you.

***

Lambert: Yeah, I've been doing a lot of thinking. And, I've come to realize that Keira is the only woman I want to be with.

Geralt: You mean today?

***

Keira: I’m not gonna say it was love at first sight with Lambert. No, it was more like oh, hell-yes-please, I’ll have that. With a helping of right-the-fuck-now on the side.

Triss: Oh my god! I'm not judging you or anything - but, oh my god!

***

Keira: When I was six years old I sprinkled sugar on my head, convinced myself it was pixie dust, wished myself invisible, and walked into the boys' bathroom at school.

Lambert: I fucking love her so much.

Geralt: It starts to make sense now.

***

Keira: It is nice to see you again.

Lambert: Are you talking to my butt?

Keira: Yes.

***

Keira: Lambert is a good man, if you ignore all the things he does on purpose and concentrate on all of the things he does by accident.

Triss: Okay. I’m going to picture Lambert without his personality.

Triss: ...

Triss: OMG, Lambert might be hot.

Keira: I know, right!

***

Triss, speaking of Lambert: Ok, he is king of jerks but he does have a terrific ass.

Keira: Perhaps that's why you're always making him leave.

***

*Lambert and Keira just had sex for the first time*

Lambert: Promise you won't tell Geralt?

Keira: I gonna tell everybody!

 ***

Triss: Is everything alright? It sounds like you're having sex in here; which I know can't be true due to the fact that you have a homosexual boyfriend.

Keira: Bisexual, Triss, Lambert is BISEXUAL!

Triss, dramatic, without even listening: Lord tells us to love everyone, even the whores and the homosexuals. But it's so hard, it's so hard because they keep doing it, over and over again.

Keita: Did you just call me a whore?

Lambert: Aw, don't be jealous Merigold, someone may one day fuck you too.

***

Lambert, with an arm around Keira: I was lost... but then I met the love of my life.

Everyone: *collectively awes*

Lambert: But he died, and now I'm with Keira.

*a few hours later*

Lambert: Are you STILL ignoring me? Babe I was kidding-

***

Keira, texting Triss: I’m begging Lambert not to do stupid shit and guess what’s doing?

Triss: Are you surprised?

Keira: No.

Keira: Update: He’s doing more stupid shit.

Keira: And somehow it makes me more attracted to him.

Triss: You say that like that’s not the number one thing you’re attracted to.

***

Keira: What was the most inspiring thing I’ve ever said to you?

Lambert: “Don’t be an idiot.” Changed my life.

***

Lambert: Keira isn’t just some bitch, she’s the bitch I love!

Lambert: And don’t tell her I called her a bitch, or she’ll kill me!

***

Lambert: Babe, do the thing.

Keira: *Glares*

Lambert, breathless: Oh my god.

***

Lambert: Keira, there's something else I've been wanting to say, but before I do, I just. I want you to know you don't have to say it back. I know you're not ready and I don't want you to say it just because social convention dictates-

Keira: I love you, too.

Lambert: You said it.

Keira: Oh please, social convention? Not ready? I'm Keira fucking Metz, and I do what I want!

Lambert: I'm so fucking in love with you.

***

Eskel: Lambert, how do I ask someone out?

Lambert: Well, first, you-

Keira: No, don’t ask him. He asked me out in a Kaer Morhen bathroom.

Eskel: 

Eskel: And you said yes?

***

Eskel: So, Lambert, what'd you get her? Earrings? A little bracelet?

Lambert: No, I got her way more than a piece of jewelry. I got her a gift that really says something - a diamond engagement ring.

Geralt: As a joke?

Lambert: No, you guys, I'm gonna ask Keira to marry me.

Eskel:

Geralt:

Geralt: As a joke?

***

Eskel: Did you guys hear about Lambert's and Keira's engagement?

Ciri: Yeah, isn't it great!

Geralt: For him. She could do better.

***

Keira: Did you tell anybody we’re engaged?

Lambert: Yes, Keira, I have no self-control and I told all of our friends we’re engaged.

Keira: Okay, no need to be sarcastic.

Lambert: No, seriously, I have no self-control and I told all of our friends we’re engaged.

***

*Lambert and Keira’s wedding, during the marriage vows*

Priest: Now, I’m gonna need you to swear--

Lambert: FUCK.

Priest:

Keira:

Keira: Swear as in promise, you idiot!

Lambert: But I’m your idiot *pointing at wedding ring* FOREVER.

***

*At Lambert and Keira’s wedding*

Vesemir, raising a glass: To my new daughter-in-law, I say this:

Vesemir: You have released me. This monster is yours now.

***

Geralt: How was the honeymoon?

Keira: Lambert got drunk and tried to set our marriage certificate on fire while screaming "good luck trying to return me without the receipt".

***

Lambert: I love her.

Lambert: Do you think she knows I exist?

Eskel: Well, you’re married so I’d hope so.

***

Lambert, at 3 AM: I think cheese is better than cake, because you can have cheesecake, but you can't have cakecheese.

Keira:

Keira: I can’t believe I fucking married you.

***

Lambert: What are you doing?

Keira, standing on the chair: I live here, you know. I can stand wherever I want, thank you very much.

Lambert:

Keira:

Lambert: Where's the rat?

Keira: Under the table.

***

Keira, trying to get Lambert into yoga: It's a symbol for rebirth-

Lambert: I'm not interested in being rebirthed, thank you. I'm still recovering from being birthed the first time.

***

Lambert: WHO THE FUCK ATE MY POPTARTS I’M GOING TO KI-

Keira: I did.

Lambert: -kiss you and tell you how much I love you.

*later*

Keira, hugging Lambert and whispering in his ear: Drink my coffee again and we’re fucking done.

***

Keira: Why is your back all scratched up?

Lambert: *flashes back to chasing a raccoon around the house after Keira specifically said to leave it alone*

Lambert: I'm having an affair.

***

Geralt: When Keira’s mad at you, how do you make her not mad?

Lambert: First, I apologize. Then I get her whatever she wants.

Geralt: Even when she’s wrong?

Lambert: She’s never wrong.

***

Keira: Be safe.

Lambert: DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!

Lambert: … But okay.

***

Keira: I bet I can fit the whole world in my hands!

Lambert: Keira, that's physically impossible.

Keira: *cups his face* Are you sure?

Lambert: * blushing *

Lambert: Stop it  woman, I have a reputation.

*later*

Lambert: 911 I'd like to report a robbery.

Lambert: It's my wife, she stole my heart.

911: Sir, I told you to stop calling this number.

***

Vesemir: No Lambert.

Lambert: Yes Lambert.

Eskel: Lambert no.

Lambert: Lambert yes.

Geralt: Prick NO!

Lambert: Prick YES!

Keira *quietly*: Lambert...

Lambert: Lambert no :<

***

Lambert: Keira is finally coming home from her week long Brotherhood of Sorcerers meeting, so you know what I’m getting tonight,

Lambert: Yelled at. I’m gonna get yelled at.

***

Geralt: My goal for tonight is to get Keira drunk enough to tell us embarrassing stories about Lambert.

Keira: Why would I have to be drunk to do that?

***

Lambert: *returns home in the morning, from the contract, after a long absence.*

Keira, grumpy and half sleepy: Either get out of bed or else take your clothes off. I'm not in the mood to compromise.

***

Lambert: Send dudes.

Keira: You mean nudes?

Lambert: That's later. Now I’m in a fight. I need more men.

***

Lambert, holding a big box: If i came home with a child of surprise what would you do?

Keira: What? Why?

Lambert: ...

Keira: Whats in the box?

Lambert:

Keira: Lambert, what is in the fucking box?!

Lambert: I think you know...

Keira: For the fuck’s sake, you moron, do you keep a child in a box? Take it out before it suffocates!

***

Keira: Our daughter keeps getting letters from boys.

Lambert: What? Why?

Keira: Because she’s charming and beautiful.

Lambert: Trace the sender, end his lineage, salt the earth.

Keira: I’m pretty sure he’s 7.

Lambert: Then it should be easy.

***

Keira, teaching their daughter to dance: So remember, the guy always leads.

Lambert: And if his hand slips any lower than your back, call me. I’ll brake it.

***

Lambert: Well, I want it on the record that if the kid was running a gwent game for money under the bleachers, she didn't necessarily get the idea from me.

***

Kid: Dad if I ask you a boy question, will you promise not to be weird?

Lambert: I promise.

Kid: So, there’s this boy-

Lambert: You can do better.

***

Keira: Remember, kid: the only difference between screwing around and science is writing it down.

***

Keira, about their daughter: She can't go in the water this weekend, she's got an ear infection. So no swimming.

Kid: Awwwww, Mom...

Lambert: No, it's OK, princess, we'll have a great weekend. We can go to Disneyland, we can play gwent, go sword fighting, horse riding, whatever you want.

Keira: Lambert, relax. You're starting to sound like a tampon commercial.

***

Lambert: We can't go out tonight. We're getting up early to go to Disneyland.

Keira: "We"?

Lambert: Yeah. I thought maybe you'd want to come with us.

Keira: Lambert, I'm terrified about having one small rodent in my house. Why would I drive 50 miles to see their kingdom?

Here is Part 2

#witcher #witcher 3 #witcher 3 wild hunt #tw3 #wild hunt #lambert #witcher lambert #keira metz #keira x lambert #geralt of rivia #eskel #witcher eskel #vesemir #witcher vesemir #triss merigold #incorrect witcher quotes #incorrect quotes #incorrect witcher #kaer morhen shenaningans